1
00:03:36,883 --> 00:03:38,091
RlCCO:
Colonel Sandurz?

2
00:03:38,091 --> 00:03:40,302
What is it,
Sergeant Ricco?

3
00:03:42,305 --> 00:03:46,183
You told me to let you know the moment
Planet Druidia was in sight, sir.

4
00:03:46,183 --> 00:03:47,309
So?

5
00:03:47,309 --> 00:03:49,561
Planet Druidia
is in sight, sir.

6
00:03:49,854 --> 00:03:51,647
You're really
a Spaceball.

7
00:03:51,647 --> 00:03:53,106
You know that,
don't you?

8
00:03:53,106 --> 00:03:54,399
Thanks, sir.

9
00:03:54,399 --> 00:03:55,901
Have you notified
Lord Helmet?

10
00:03:55,901 --> 00:03:58,237
Yes, sir. l took the
liberty. He's on his way.

11
00:03:58,237 --> 00:04:00,489
CORPORAL: Make way
for Dark Helmet!

12
00:04:00,489 --> 00:04:03,450
All rise in the presence
of Dark Helmet.

13
00:04:14,712 --> 00:04:16,505
(BREATHlNG HEAVlLY)

14
00:04:43,533 --> 00:04:44,783
(CHOKlNG)

15
00:04:52,375 --> 00:04:54,584
l can't breathe
in this thing.

16
00:04:55,628 --> 00:04:57,671
We're approaching
Planet Druidia, sir.

17
00:04:57,671 --> 00:04:58,922
Good.

18
00:04:58,922 --> 00:05:02,009
l'll call Spaceball City and
notify President Skroob immediately.

19
00:05:02,009 --> 00:05:04,845
l already called him, sir.
He knows everything.

20
00:05:07,223 --> 00:05:10,434
What? You went
over my helmet?

21
00:05:11,060 --> 00:05:14,146
Well, not exactly over,
sir. More to the side.

22
00:05:14,146 --> 00:05:17,774
l'll always call you first. lt'll
never happen again. Never ever!

23
00:05:19,694 --> 00:05:21,486
Oh, shit!

24
00:05:21,486 --> 00:05:24,448
No! Please!

25
00:05:24,448 --> 00:05:26,783
Please, no, not that!

26
00:05:28,578 --> 00:05:30,412
Yes, that.

27
00:05:32,248 --> 00:05:33,665
(GROANlNG)

28
00:05:40,423 --> 00:05:41,757
(SOBBlNG)

29
00:05:49,265 --> 00:05:51,141
Sandurz!
Sir.

30
00:05:51,141 --> 00:05:53,101
l don't see Planet
Druidia. Where is it?

31
00:05:53,101 --> 00:05:56,438
We don't have visual contact yet,
but we have it on the radar screen.

32
00:05:56,438 --> 00:05:57,814
Shall l punch it
up for you?

33
00:05:57,814 --> 00:05:59,316
Never mind.
l'll do it myself.

34
00:05:59,316 --> 00:06:00,692
Very good, sir.

35
00:06:04,113 --> 00:06:06,490
What's the matter? What's
that churning and bubbling?

36
00:06:06,490 --> 00:06:08,116
You call that
a radar screen?

37
00:06:08,116 --> 00:06:10,827
No, sir, we call it
Mr. Coffee.

38
00:06:11,245 --> 00:06:12,746
(MACHlNE BEEPS)
Care for some?

39
00:06:13,623 --> 00:06:17,542
Yes. l always have coffee when
l watch radar. You know that.

40
00:06:17,542 --> 00:06:19,419
Of course l do.
Everybody knows that!

41
00:06:19,419 --> 00:06:21,296
Of course we do, sir.

42
00:06:22,840 --> 00:06:26,134
Now that l have my coffee,
l'm ready to watch radar.

43
00:06:26,469 --> 00:06:28,095
Where is it?

44
00:06:28,429 --> 00:06:29,930
Right here, sir.

45
00:06:29,930 --> 00:06:31,515
Switch to teleview.

46
00:06:32,809 --> 00:06:34,684
There it is.
Planet Druidia.

47
00:06:34,684 --> 00:06:38,188
And underneath the air shield,
1 0,000 years of fresh air.

48
00:06:38,523 --> 00:06:39,981
We must get through
that air shield.

49
00:06:39,981 --> 00:06:41,108
We will, sir.

50
00:06:41,108 --> 00:06:44,569
Once we kidnap the Princess, we
can force her father, King Roland,

51
00:06:44,569 --> 00:06:46,738
to give us the combination
to the air shield,

52
00:06:46,738 --> 00:06:50,659
thereby destroying Planet Druidia
and saving Planet Spaceball.

53
00:06:51,202 --> 00:06:52,953
Everybody got that?

54
00:06:53,663 --> 00:06:55,747
Good. When will the
Princess be married?

55
00:06:55,747 --> 00:06:57,332
Within the hour, sir.

56
00:06:57,332 --> 00:06:59,709
Well, l hope
it's a long ceremony,

57
00:06:59,709 --> 00:07:02,003
'cause it's gonna be
a short honeymoon.

58
00:07:05,508 --> 00:07:06,925
(GROANlNG)

59
00:07:09,762 --> 00:07:12,055
Hot! Too hot.

60
00:07:29,031 --> 00:07:32,409
lf only your mother were
alive to see this day.

61
00:07:32,409 --> 00:07:34,411
ls everyone ready?
Yes, Your Majesty.

62
00:07:34,411 --> 00:07:36,246
No! Where's my
droid of honor?

63
00:07:36,246 --> 00:07:39,374
Oh, dear, yes.
Where's Dot? Dot?

64
00:07:40,042 --> 00:07:41,668
Dot Matrix!

65
00:07:42,044 --> 00:07:43,837
Oh, thank God,
dear!

66
00:07:44,881 --> 00:07:46,131
Where've you been?

67
00:07:46,131 --> 00:07:49,050
Here l am. l'm sorry. l
had to make a pit stop.

68
00:07:49,050 --> 00:07:51,845
l'm so excited, l
couldn't hold my oil.

69
00:07:51,845 --> 00:07:54,806
All right, people.
lt's magic time!

70
00:07:54,806 --> 00:07:57,559
All right, everyone,
starting on the left foot.

71
00:07:57,559 --> 00:07:59,144
Daddy, that's
the right foot.

72
00:07:59,144 --> 00:08:00,896
lt's too late.
Keep going.

73
00:08:05,151 --> 00:08:07,068
(WEDDlNG MARCH PLAYlNG)

74
00:08:14,577 --> 00:08:15,660
Daddy.

75
00:08:16,370 --> 00:08:17,370
(STOPS PLAYlNG ORGAN)

76
00:08:17,370 --> 00:08:18,872
Must l go through
with this?

77
00:08:18,872 --> 00:08:21,333
l'm sorry, my dear.
You have to.

78
00:08:22,835 --> 00:08:24,753
(ORGAN RESUMES PLAYlNG)

79
00:08:31,427 --> 00:08:32,427
But, Daddy,

80
00:08:32,427 --> 00:08:33,512
(GROANlNG)

81
00:08:33,512 --> 00:08:34,596
(STOPS PLAYlNG)

82
00:08:34,596 --> 00:08:36,014
l don't love him.

83
00:08:36,014 --> 00:08:39,601
l'm sorry, Vespa. He's the
last prince left in the galaxy.

84
00:08:42,563 --> 00:08:44,356
(SCATTERED MURMURlNG)

85
00:08:44,356 --> 00:08:46,316
(ORGAN RESUMES PLAYlNG)

86
00:08:50,571 --> 00:08:55,325
Dearly beloved, we are gathered
here on this most joyous occasion

87
00:08:55,325 --> 00:08:59,204
to witness Princess Vespa,
daughter of King Roland,

88
00:08:59,204 --> 00:09:02,791
going right past the altar,
heading down the ramp

89
00:09:02,791 --> 00:09:04,668
and out the door!

90
00:09:04,668 --> 00:09:07,379
Stop her! Someone
stop her! Stop her!

91
00:09:08,089 --> 00:09:10,799
Hey, wait! You forgot
to get married !

92
00:09:10,799 --> 00:09:12,467
Will you stop?

93
00:09:12,969 --> 00:09:14,594
What are you doing?

94
00:09:14,594 --> 00:09:16,763
No questions, Dot.
Get in.

95
00:09:17,682 --> 00:09:19,307
(ENGlNE STARTlNG)

96
00:09:27,275 --> 00:09:29,985
What is she doing?
Where is she going?

97
00:09:34,115 --> 00:09:37,117
Come back!

98
00:09:38,077 --> 00:09:40,620
(RAlSE YOUR HANDS
PLAYlNG ON STEREO)

99
00:09:57,972 --> 00:10:00,181
MAN: (SlNGlNG)
Ooh, yeah

100
00:10:06,022 --> 00:10:06,772
You

101
00:10:07,982 --> 00:10:11,276
You got
a nasty reputation

102
00:10:11,694 --> 00:10:14,946
We're in
a sticky situation

103
00:10:15,156 --> 00:10:18,199
lt's down to
me and you

104
00:10:18,618 --> 00:10:21,369
So tell me,
is it true?

105
00:10:22,288 --> 00:10:25,248
They say there ain't
nobody better

106
00:10:26,083 --> 00:10:28,001
Well, now
that we're together

107
00:10:28,001 --> 00:10:29,628
(PHONE RlNGlNG)

108
00:10:29,628 --> 00:10:32,047
Show me
what you can do

109
00:10:35,051 --> 00:10:36,259
Barf.

110
00:10:37,136 --> 00:10:38,887
(RlNGlNG CONTlNUES)

111
00:10:39,805 --> 00:10:40,889
Barf.

112
00:10:41,265 --> 00:10:42,849
(MUSlC BLARlNG)

113
00:10:43,059 --> 00:10:44,184
Barf.

114
00:10:44,560 --> 00:10:46,144
And playin'
to win

115
00:10:46,144 --> 00:10:47,520
Huh?

116
00:10:47,520 --> 00:10:49,522
Raise your hands...

117
00:10:49,774 --> 00:10:51,149
(REDUCES VOLUME)

118
00:10:51,149 --> 00:10:52,317
LONE STARR: Barf?

119
00:10:52,693 --> 00:10:54,569
Always when l'm eating.

120
00:10:59,784 --> 00:11:00,909
Barf!

121
00:11:01,160 --> 00:11:02,911
(RlNGlNG CONTlNUES)

122
00:11:03,621 --> 00:11:04,663
What can l
do you for, boss?

123
00:11:04,663 --> 00:11:05,789
Where you been?

124
00:11:05,789 --> 00:11:06,873
Grabbing myself a snack.

125
00:11:06,873 --> 00:11:08,083
You want some?
No!

126
00:11:08,083 --> 00:11:09,417
A little hair
of the dog?

127
00:11:09,417 --> 00:11:11,628
No! Listen, answer
that thing for me.

128
00:11:11,628 --> 00:11:12,671
Will you
watch that?

129
00:11:12,671 --> 00:11:13,755
Sorry.

130
00:11:13,755 --> 00:11:16,883
l'll just throw on our audio
here. That way they won't see you.

131
00:11:18,052 --> 00:11:19,260
Yello!

132
00:11:19,260 --> 00:11:21,596
Hello, Lone Starr.

133
00:11:21,596 --> 00:11:23,223
Sorry, wrong switch.

134
00:11:23,223 --> 00:11:25,642
Hello, Vinnie.
What do you want?

135
00:11:25,642 --> 00:11:28,937
No, it's not what l want.

136
00:11:29,522 --> 00:11:31,940
lt's what he wants.

137
00:11:33,109 --> 00:11:34,442
(LAUGHlNG)

138
00:11:35,277 --> 00:11:36,695
BARF AND LONE STARR:
Pizza the Hutt.

139
00:11:36,695 --> 00:11:37,821
(BURPlNG)

140
00:11:37,821 --> 00:11:40,990
Well, if it isn't
Lone Starr

141
00:11:40,990 --> 00:11:43,618
and his sidekick, Puke.

142
00:11:44,453 --> 00:11:45,578
That's Barf.

143
00:11:45,578 --> 00:11:48,081
Barf, Puke, whatever.

144
00:11:48,999 --> 00:11:50,458
Where's my money?

145
00:11:50,458 --> 00:11:53,086
Don't worry, Pizza. You'll
have it by next week.

146
00:11:53,086 --> 00:11:56,131
No. l gotta have it
by tomorrow.

147
00:11:56,465 --> 00:11:59,509
1 00,000 space bucks?
By tomorrow?

148
00:11:59,719 --> 00:12:03,304
1 00,000? No way!

149
00:12:03,764 --> 00:12:05,390
You forgot late charges

150
00:12:05,390 --> 00:12:09,644
which brings it up to
1 million space bucks!

151
00:12:09,644 --> 00:12:12,647
A million?
That's unfair!

152
00:12:13,149 --> 00:12:15,150
Unfair to the payer,

153
00:12:15,609 --> 00:12:17,694
but not to the payee.

154
00:12:17,694 --> 00:12:19,195
(LAUGHlNG)

155
00:12:20,364 --> 00:12:23,950
But you're gonna
pay it or else. . .

156
00:12:24,285 --> 00:12:25,285
(PlZZA LAUGHlNG)

157
00:12:25,285 --> 00:12:26,870
Or else what?

158
00:12:26,870 --> 00:12:28,621
Tell him, Vinnie.

159
00:12:31,041 --> 00:12:35,962
Or else Pizza
is gonna send out for you.

160
00:12:36,630 --> 00:12:38,757
(PlZZA AND VlNNlE LAUGHlNG)

161
00:12:42,970 --> 00:12:44,596
You're delicious.

162
00:12:44,596 --> 00:12:45,764
Ciao, boys.

163
00:12:46,098 --> 00:12:47,682
(PlZZA COUGHlNG)

164
00:12:51,187 --> 00:12:53,229
(HEARTSTRlNGS
PLAYlNG ON STEREO)

165
00:12:53,229 --> 00:12:55,398
WOMAN: (SlNGlNG)
l slept in your arms

166
00:12:55,398 --> 00:12:59,986
Content to go on dreaming

167
00:13:01,197 --> 00:13:04,866
A nightmare
too real to imagine

168
00:13:05,367 --> 00:13:08,328
Losing you

169
00:13:10,956 --> 00:13:12,332
Can we talk?

170
00:13:13,000 --> 00:13:15,835
Okay. We all know
Prince Valium is a pill,

171
00:13:15,835 --> 00:13:18,338
but you could've married
him for your father's sake

172
00:13:18,338 --> 00:13:21,382
and then had a headache
for the next 25 years.

173
00:13:21,382 --> 00:13:23,468
l love you more each day

174
00:13:23,468 --> 00:13:25,804
Will you turn
that thing off?

175
00:13:25,804 --> 00:13:28,848
Play on my heartstrings...

176
00:13:28,848 --> 00:13:30,058
What?

177
00:13:31,018 --> 00:13:32,393
What is it?

178
00:13:32,686 --> 00:13:36,314
l was saying, do you
realize what you've done?

179
00:13:36,314 --> 00:13:38,691
Yes! And l'm glad.

180
00:13:38,901 --> 00:13:40,151
Glad.

181
00:13:43,739 --> 00:13:45,323
l wonder
if she's glad.

182
00:13:53,749 --> 00:13:55,166
Don't be ridiculous.

183
00:13:55,166 --> 00:13:57,752
As president
of Planet Spaceball,

184
00:13:57,752 --> 00:13:59,838
l can assure
both you and your viewers

185
00:14:00,089 --> 00:14:03,633
that there's absolutely
no air shortage whatsoever.

186
00:14:03,843 --> 00:14:07,053
Yes, of course. l've heard
the same rumor myself.

187
00:14:07,346 --> 00:14:10,139
Yes, thanks for calling
and not reversing the charges.

188
00:14:10,139 --> 00:14:11,474
Yes, bye.

189
00:14:12,560 --> 00:14:13,810
Shithead.

190
00:14:20,442 --> 00:14:21,860
(AlR HlSSlNG)

191
00:14:21,860 --> 00:14:23,278
(lNHALlNG)

192
00:14:30,035 --> 00:14:31,661
President Skroob.

193
00:14:32,621 --> 00:14:33,746
Yes?

194
00:14:33,746 --> 00:14:35,164
This is Central Control.

195
00:14:35,164 --> 00:14:37,542
Spaceball Commanderette
Zircon speaking, sir.

196
00:14:37,542 --> 00:14:39,043
Yes, what is it,
Commanderette?

197
00:14:39,043 --> 00:14:42,672
Lord Helmet has just notified us
that Princess Vespa is in sight

198
00:14:42,672 --> 00:14:44,757
and Spaceball One
is closing in on her.

199
00:14:44,757 --> 00:14:46,092
Good.

200
00:14:46,092 --> 00:14:50,263
We have both ships coming up on the
teledar, sir, if you wish to observe.

201
00:14:50,263 --> 00:14:51,723
l'll be down immediately.

202
00:14:51,723 --> 00:14:54,517
Should l have Snotty
beam you down, sir?

203
00:14:55,019 --> 00:14:57,812
l don't know about that
beaming stuff. ls it safe?

204
00:14:58,063 --> 00:15:01,149
Oh, yes, sir. Snotty
beamed me twice last night.

205
00:15:01,817 --> 00:15:03,443
lt was wonderful.

206
00:15:04,320 --> 00:15:05,904
All right.
l'll take a shot at it.

207
00:15:05,904 --> 00:15:08,281
What the hell,
it works on Star Trek.

208
00:15:12,745 --> 00:15:13,995
Snotty,

209
00:15:14,538 --> 00:15:15,580
beam him down.

210
00:15:15,580 --> 00:15:16,789
SNOTTY: Yes, sir.
lmmediately, sir.

211
00:15:26,008 --> 00:15:27,842
(ALL MURMURlNG)

212
00:15:30,930 --> 00:15:33,556
SNOTTY: Great beasties!
What's happened to his head?

213
00:15:33,556 --> 00:15:35,308
lt's on backwards!

214
00:15:35,308 --> 00:15:37,769
This is terrible!
Do something !

215
00:15:37,769 --> 00:15:42,023
l'm sorry, sir. There must have
been a micro-converter malfunction.

216
00:15:43,692 --> 00:15:46,444
Why didn't somebody tell me
my ass was so big?

217
00:15:46,444 --> 00:15:48,321
(SCATTERED LAUGHTER)

218
00:15:49,198 --> 00:15:51,866
Hold on, sir. We'll try
to reverse the beam.

219
00:15:52,409 --> 00:15:54,953
SNOTTY: lt could be
the interlocking system.

220
00:15:58,624 --> 00:16:02,251
Lock one. Lock two.
Lock three. Loch Lomond !

221
00:16:10,177 --> 00:16:11,386
(SlGHS)

222
00:16:13,347 --> 00:16:15,640
Are you all right,
Mr. President?

223
00:16:15,640 --> 00:16:17,809
Fine.
No thanks to you !

224
00:16:17,809 --> 00:16:19,394
We'll beam you back, sir.

225
00:16:19,394 --> 00:16:21,896
Forget it.
No more beaming.

226
00:16:21,896 --> 00:16:23,731
This time l'm gonna walk.

227
00:16:27,569 --> 00:16:29,487
President Skroob!
Salute!

228
00:16:30,030 --> 00:16:31,489
Hail, Skroob!

229
00:16:33,367 --> 00:16:36,077
Hello, President Skroob.

230
00:16:37,413 --> 00:16:38,621
Hello, Charlene.

231
00:16:38,621 --> 00:16:39,831
l'm Marlene.

232
00:16:39,831 --> 00:16:40,999
Hello, Marlene.

233
00:16:40,999 --> 00:16:42,375
l'm Charlene.

234
00:16:42,835 --> 00:16:44,335
Chew your gum.

235
00:16:44,962 --> 00:16:46,004
Where's the Princess?

236
00:16:46,004 --> 00:16:48,631
Right there, sir, on the
left side of the screen

237
00:16:48,631 --> 00:16:52,427
approaching SpacebaII One at 1
,500 light leagues per minute.

238
00:16:52,678 --> 00:16:55,096
Good. She's almost
in our grasp.

239
00:16:55,431 --> 00:16:58,266
Tell Dark Helmet he must
take the Princess alive.

240
00:17:05,941 --> 00:17:08,443
Princess Vespa's spaceship
within range, sir.

241
00:17:08,443 --> 00:17:09,610
Good.

242
00:17:09,862 --> 00:17:13,114
Fire a warning shot
across her nose.

243
00:17:13,323 --> 00:17:15,074
(LASER SHOTS FlRlNG)

244
00:17:15,784 --> 00:17:16,993
What's going on?

245
00:17:16,993 --> 00:17:18,786
lt's either
the Fourth of July,

246
00:17:18,786 --> 00:17:20,705
or someone's
trying to kill us!

247
00:17:24,168 --> 00:17:25,209
Hey!

248
00:17:25,209 --> 00:17:28,129
l don't have to put up
with this. l'm rich.

249
00:17:29,673 --> 00:17:31,049
What are you doing?

250
00:17:31,049 --> 00:17:32,467
l'm calling my father.

251
00:17:33,052 --> 00:17:35,928
1 -800-Druidia.

252
00:17:38,724 --> 00:17:41,768
Careful, you idiot! l said
across her nose, not up it!

253
00:17:43,228 --> 00:17:45,229
Sorry, sir.
l'm doing my best.

254
00:17:46,231 --> 00:17:47,565
Who made
that man a gunner?

255
00:17:47,565 --> 00:17:49,067
l did, sir.

256
00:17:49,067 --> 00:17:50,651
He's my cousin.

257
00:17:51,111 --> 00:17:52,987
Who is he?
He's an Asshole, sir.

258
00:17:53,322 --> 00:17:55,114
l know that.
What's his name?

259
00:17:55,114 --> 00:17:56,199
That is his name, sir.

260
00:17:56,199 --> 00:17:57,950
Asshole.
Major Asshole.

261
00:17:57,950 --> 00:17:59,994
And his cousin?
He's an Asshole, too, sir.

262
00:17:59,994 --> 00:18:02,330
Gunner's Mate, First
Class, Phillip Asshole.

263
00:18:02,330 --> 00:18:04,874
How many Assholes we
got on this ship anyhow?

264
00:18:04,874 --> 00:18:05,958
ALL: Yo!

265
00:18:09,338 --> 00:18:12,006
l knew it. l'm
surrounded by assholes.

266
00:18:13,675 --> 00:18:15,593
Keep firing, assholes!

267
00:18:17,554 --> 00:18:19,097
Hurry, Daddy. Hurry!

268
00:18:19,640 --> 00:18:23,559
There are laser blasts
all around us! l'm scared.

269
00:18:25,187 --> 00:18:28,648
ON RADlO:
King Roland to Lone Starr.

270
00:18:28,648 --> 00:18:29,982
Are you there?

271
00:18:30,442 --> 00:18:33,486
Lone Starr, you've got to help
me. Please save my daughter.

272
00:18:33,486 --> 00:18:35,738
She's being attacked
by Spaceballs!

273
00:18:35,738 --> 00:18:38,074
Spaceballs? Forget
it. Too dangerous.

274
00:18:38,074 --> 00:18:41,828
Besides, l'm already numero
uno on Dark Helmet's hit list.

275
00:18:41,828 --> 00:18:45,123
Look, Your Highness, it's not
that we're afraid. Far from it.

276
00:18:45,123 --> 00:18:48,459
lt's just that we got this
thing about death. lt's not us.

277
00:18:48,459 --> 00:18:49,502
Please, you must!

278
00:18:49,502 --> 00:18:52,547
You're the only ones that can
save her! l'll give you anything !

279
00:18:52,547 --> 00:18:54,674
Did you hear me?
Anything.

280
00:18:55,300 --> 00:18:56,300
Anything?

281
00:18:56,300 --> 00:18:57,510
Yes, anything.

282
00:18:59,012 --> 00:19:02,348
Okay. We'll do it
for a million.

283
00:19:02,348 --> 00:19:03,474
A million?

284
00:19:03,474 --> 00:19:06,477
You're starting to fade here. We're
losing picture, Your Highness.

285
00:19:06,477 --> 00:19:09,647
All right, l'll pay it.
Only find her, save her.

286
00:19:09,647 --> 00:19:11,816
All right, King.
You just made a deal.

287
00:19:11,816 --> 00:19:14,318
One princess for
1 million space bucks.

288
00:19:14,318 --> 00:19:15,486
What's she driving?

289
00:19:15,486 --> 00:19:17,321
A brand-new white Mercedes

290
00:19:17,321 --> 00:19:19,615
2001 SEL limited edition.

291
00:19:19,615 --> 00:19:21,492
Moon roof,
all-leather interior.

292
00:19:21,492 --> 00:19:24,036
l got it at a very
good price. l paid cash.

293
00:19:24,036 --> 00:19:26,664
My cousin, Prince Murray, has
a dealership in the valley.

294
00:19:26,664 --> 00:19:27,874
He was very nice to me.

295
00:19:27,874 --> 00:19:29,000
We get the idea.

296
00:19:29,000 --> 00:19:30,334
Where was
she last seen?

297
00:19:30,334 --> 00:19:32,336
She was just passing
Jupiter Two.

298
00:19:32,336 --> 00:19:33,504
We'll find her.

299
00:19:33,504 --> 00:19:35,840
Please bring her back safely.

300
00:19:36,842 --> 00:19:39,969
And if it's at all possible,
try to save the car.

301
00:19:42,014 --> 00:19:45,349
1 million space bucks! We'll be
able to pay off Pizza the Hutt!

302
00:19:45,349 --> 00:19:46,601
Give me paw!

303
00:19:46,601 --> 00:19:48,186
(BOTH HOWLlNG)

304
00:19:53,609 --> 00:19:55,026
What's happening?

305
00:19:56,862 --> 00:19:58,487
What's that glow?

306
00:19:58,906 --> 00:20:00,198
We're not moving.

307
00:20:00,198 --> 00:20:02,200
We're moving,
all right.

308
00:20:02,451 --> 00:20:03,784
Backwards.

309
00:20:08,874 --> 00:20:11,042
Look, there's our princess.
She's got company.

310
00:20:11,042 --> 00:20:13,044
Oh, no.
Spaceballs!

311
00:20:13,044 --> 00:20:15,421
And they've already got
her in their magnetic beam.

312
00:20:15,421 --> 00:20:17,048
We're too late.
What a shame.

313
00:20:17,048 --> 00:20:19,342
l'll throw her in reverse.
We'll get out of here.

314
00:20:19,342 --> 00:20:20,760
No! Bad.

315
00:20:20,760 --> 00:20:23,763
What are we doing risking our
lives for a runaway princess?

316
00:20:23,763 --> 00:20:25,723
l know we need the
money, but. . . Listen,

317
00:20:25,723 --> 00:20:28,309
we're not just
doing this for money.

318
00:20:30,479 --> 00:20:33,147
We're doing it
for a shitload of money.

319
00:20:33,482 --> 00:20:34,774
You're right.

320
00:20:34,774 --> 00:20:38,069
And when you're right, you're
right. And you, you're always right.

321
00:20:38,069 --> 00:20:39,946
Okay, we save her.
But how?

322
00:20:39,946 --> 00:20:42,740
The minute we move in there, they're
gonna spot us on their radar.

323
00:20:42,740 --> 00:20:45,034
Uh-uh.
Uh-huh.

324
00:20:45,034 --> 00:20:46,744
Not if we jam it.

325
00:20:46,744 --> 00:20:47,870
Aha!

326
00:20:47,870 --> 00:20:48,996
You're right.

327
00:20:48,996 --> 00:20:50,915
Down scope.
Down scope.

328
00:20:57,297 --> 00:21:01,509
Radar about to be jammed.

329
00:21:09,059 --> 00:21:10,309
(BEEPS)

330
00:21:11,895 --> 00:21:13,396
(BUZZlNG)

331
00:21:25,867 --> 00:21:26,993
Shit.

332
00:21:28,370 --> 00:21:29,704
(CLANKlNG)

333
00:21:33,375 --> 00:21:35,293
ON PA: Sir.
What is it?

334
00:21:35,293 --> 00:21:38,337
Can l talk to you for
a minute, please, sir?

335
00:21:41,883 --> 00:21:42,967
Well?

336
00:21:42,967 --> 00:21:44,051
l'm having trouble
with the radar, sir.

337
00:21:44,051 --> 00:21:46,971
You don't need that, Private.
We're right here. What is it?

338
00:21:46,971 --> 00:21:49,265
l'm having trouble
with the radar, sir.

339
00:21:49,265 --> 00:21:50,349
Now what is it?

340
00:21:50,349 --> 00:21:51,809
l'm having trouble
with the radar.

341
00:21:51,809 --> 00:21:52,852
What's wrong?

342
00:21:52,852 --> 00:21:54,979
l've lost the bleeps, the
sweeps, and the creeps.

343
00:21:54,979 --> 00:21:56,272
The what?
And the what?

344
00:21:56,272 --> 00:21:57,732
You know. The bleeps.

345
00:21:57,732 --> 00:21:59,317
(BLEEPlNG)

346
00:22:00,819 --> 00:22:01,986
The sweeps.

347
00:22:01,986 --> 00:22:03,446
(GURGLlNG)

348
00:22:04,448 --> 00:22:05,823
And the creeps.

349
00:22:05,823 --> 00:22:07,283
(SQUEAKlNG)

350
00:22:07,701 --> 00:22:09,410
That's not
all he's lost.

351
00:22:09,786 --> 00:22:11,787
Sir.
The radar, sir.

352
00:22:11,787 --> 00:22:13,622
lt appears to be

353
00:22:14,416 --> 00:22:15,624
jammed.

354
00:22:17,252 --> 00:22:18,419
Jammed.

355
00:22:22,382 --> 00:22:23,716
Raspberry.

356
00:22:25,552 --> 00:22:30,139
Well, there's only one man who
would dare give me the raspberry.

357
00:22:31,141 --> 00:22:33,267
Lone Starr!

358
00:22:33,643 --> 00:22:35,102
(CLATTERlNG)

359
00:23:01,004 --> 00:23:02,046
What was that?

360
00:23:02,046 --> 00:23:03,130
(KNOCK AT DOOR)

361
00:23:03,130 --> 00:23:05,216
Never mind that.
What was that?

362
00:23:06,134 --> 00:23:07,134
(GASPS)

363
00:23:07,344 --> 00:23:08,344
Hi.

364
00:23:08,804 --> 00:23:10,513
Who are you?
Barf.

365
00:23:11,098 --> 00:23:13,474
Not in here, mister.
This is a Mercedes.

366
00:23:13,474 --> 00:23:15,726
No, that's
my name. Barf.

367
00:23:15,726 --> 00:23:16,894
Barf?

368
00:23:16,894 --> 00:23:18,312
What are you?

369
00:23:18,522 --> 00:23:20,856
l'm a Mawg:
half man, half dog.

370
00:23:21,316 --> 00:23:23,192
l'm my own best friend.

371
00:23:23,192 --> 00:23:24,568
What do you want?

372
00:23:24,568 --> 00:23:27,071
Your father hired Captain
Lone Starr and me to save you.

373
00:23:27,071 --> 00:23:29,031
We got to hop up
this ladder and get out.

374
00:23:29,031 --> 00:23:31,242
Good. Quick. Hurry,
darling. Follow the dog.

375
00:23:31,242 --> 00:23:32,827
Mawg. l'm a Mawg.

376
00:23:33,120 --> 00:23:35,663
Wait. What about
my matched luggage?

377
00:23:35,663 --> 00:23:37,164
(WHlMPERlNG)

378
00:23:41,670 --> 00:23:43,295
DOT: Stop looking
up my can.

379
00:23:43,295 --> 00:23:44,547
Sorry.

380
00:23:53,640 --> 00:23:57,476
Checking in? What
the hell is all that?

381
00:23:59,688 --> 00:24:02,231
lt's Her Royal Highness's
matched luggage!

382
00:24:02,231 --> 00:24:03,357
LONE STARR: What?

383
00:24:03,984 --> 00:24:06,569
Her Royal Highness's
matched luggage.

384
00:24:07,487 --> 00:24:08,946
Matched luggage, huh?

385
00:24:08,946 --> 00:24:11,615
What's she think this is,
a Princess Cruise?

386
00:24:12,242 --> 00:24:13,993
Well, she wouldn't
go without it.

387
00:24:13,993 --> 00:24:15,369
Oh, yeah?

388
00:24:15,954 --> 00:24:17,204
(GRUNTS)

389
00:24:19,458 --> 00:24:20,583
Now hear this.

390
00:24:20,583 --> 00:24:23,461
The minute we get out of
here, the first thing we do is

391
00:24:23,461 --> 00:24:25,546
dump the matched luggage.

392
00:24:26,256 --> 00:24:27,715
Who is that?

393
00:24:28,884 --> 00:24:31,594
Now you hear this,
whoever you are.

394
00:24:32,053 --> 00:24:34,346
You will not touch
that luggage.

395
00:24:34,346 --> 00:24:37,308
And furthermore, l want
this pigsty cleaned up.

396
00:24:37,308 --> 00:24:40,019
l will not be rescued
in such filth.

397
00:24:40,645 --> 00:24:44,356
Listen. On this ship, l don't
take orders, l give them.

398
00:24:44,356 --> 00:24:46,859
This is my dreamboat,
sweetheart.

399
00:24:47,152 --> 00:24:48,527
Sweetheart?

400
00:24:48,527 --> 00:24:49,778
Oh-oh.

401
00:24:50,906 --> 00:24:53,157
How dare you
speak to me that way?

402
00:24:53,157 --> 00:24:56,577
You will address me in the proper
manner as Your Royal Highness.

403
00:24:56,577 --> 00:24:58,537
l am Princess Vespa,

404
00:24:58,747 --> 00:25:01,957
daughter of Roland,
King of the Druids.

405
00:25:04,669 --> 00:25:06,462
That's all we needed.

406
00:25:06,462 --> 00:25:09,215
A Druish princess.

407
00:25:11,801 --> 00:25:14,136
Funny.
She doesn't look Druish.

408
00:25:50,882 --> 00:25:54,301
Now we will show her who
is in charge of this galaxy.

409
00:25:55,554 --> 00:25:59,098
Hold it. l'll handle
this personally.

410
00:26:00,600 --> 00:26:02,351
Jawohl,
Lord Helmet!

411
00:26:05,772 --> 00:26:08,065
So, Princess Vespa,

412
00:26:08,065 --> 00:26:11,986
you thought you could outwit the
imperious forces of Planet Spaceball.

413
00:26:12,362 --> 00:26:14,029
Well, you were wrong.

414
00:26:14,447 --> 00:26:16,282
You are now our prisoner.

415
00:26:16,282 --> 00:26:19,285
And you will be held
hostage until such time

416
00:26:19,285 --> 00:26:22,871
as all of the air is
transferred from your planet

417
00:26:23,164 --> 00:26:24,915
to ours.

418
00:26:33,633 --> 00:26:35,092
She's not in there.

419
00:26:36,553 --> 00:26:37,761
CORPORAL ON PA:
Radar repaired, sir.

420
00:26:37,761 --> 00:26:40,931
We're picking up the outline
of a Winnebago.

421
00:26:41,600 --> 00:26:42,933
Winnebago?

422
00:26:43,518 --> 00:26:44,977
Lone Starr.

423
00:26:54,154 --> 00:26:56,030
Here comes
the Badyear blimp.

424
00:26:56,865 --> 00:26:58,407
We'd better get out
of here in a hurry.

425
00:26:58,407 --> 00:27:00,200
Switch to
secret hyper-jets.

426
00:27:00,200 --> 00:27:02,036
Switching to
secret hyper-jets.

427
00:27:02,036 --> 00:27:05,539
Buckle up back there, we're
going into hyperactive.

428
00:27:13,173 --> 00:27:14,506
We're closing in
on them, sir.

429
00:27:14,506 --> 00:27:16,884
ln less than a minute,
Lone Starr will be ours.

430
00:27:16,884 --> 00:27:19,637
Good.
Prepare to attack.

431
00:27:19,637 --> 00:27:21,055
Prepare to attack.

432
00:27:21,055 --> 00:27:23,098
On the count of three.

433
00:27:23,475 --> 00:27:24,600
One,

434
00:27:25,226 --> 00:27:26,393
two,

435
00:27:27,395 --> 00:27:28,479
late!

436
00:27:28,479 --> 00:27:29,730
What happened?
Where are they?

437
00:27:29,730 --> 00:27:31,023
l don't know, sir.

438
00:27:31,023 --> 00:27:32,691
They must have
hyper-jets on that thing.

439
00:27:32,691 --> 00:27:34,902
And what have we got on
this thing, a Cuisinart?

440
00:27:34,902 --> 00:27:35,986
No, sir.

441
00:27:35,986 --> 00:27:37,196
Well, find them,
catch them !

442
00:27:37,196 --> 00:27:38,280
Yes, sir.

443
00:27:38,280 --> 00:27:40,074
ON PA: Prepare ship
for light speed.

444
00:27:40,074 --> 00:27:41,659
No, light speed
is too slow.

445
00:27:41,659 --> 00:27:42,826
Light speed too slow?

446
00:27:42,826 --> 00:27:45,746
Yes. We're gonna have to
go right to ludicrous speed.

447
00:27:45,746 --> 00:27:46,997
(ALL GASPlNG)

448
00:27:46,997 --> 00:27:48,207
Ludicrous speed?

449
00:27:48,207 --> 00:27:51,377
We've never gone that fast. l don't
know if this ship can take it.

450
00:27:51,377 --> 00:27:53,337
What's the matter,
Colonel Sandurz?

451
00:27:53,337 --> 00:27:54,630
Chicken?

452
00:27:56,299 --> 00:27:57,758
Prepare ship.

453
00:27:58,468 --> 00:28:00,928
Prepare ship for
ludicrous speed.

454
00:28:01,262 --> 00:28:02,846
Fasten all seat belts.

455
00:28:02,846 --> 00:28:04,723
Seal all entrances
and exits.

456
00:28:04,723 --> 00:28:06,517
Close all shops
in the mall.

457
00:28:06,517 --> 00:28:08,519
Cancel the
three-ring circus.

458
00:28:08,519 --> 00:28:10,020
Secure all animals
in the zoo...

459
00:28:10,020 --> 00:28:12,815
Give me that, you petty
excuse for an officer.

460
00:28:12,815 --> 00:28:13,899
(ALARM BUZZlNG)

461
00:28:13,899 --> 00:28:15,484
DARK HELMET:
Now hear this.

462
00:28:15,902 --> 00:28:17,361
Ludicrous speed!

463
00:28:17,361 --> 00:28:18,696
Sir, hadn't you
better buckle up?

464
00:28:18,696 --> 00:28:20,364
Buckle this.

465
00:28:20,364 --> 00:28:23,075
Ludicrous speed! Go!

466
00:28:26,871 --> 00:28:28,288
(EXCLAlMlNG)

467
00:28:29,582 --> 00:28:30,958
(SCREAMlNG)

468
00:28:43,471 --> 00:28:45,389
(DARK HELMET SCREAMlNG)

469
00:28:46,015 --> 00:28:47,808
DARK HELMET:
What have l done?

470
00:28:50,019 --> 00:28:54,064
My brains are going
into my feet.

471
00:29:05,702 --> 00:29:07,786
What the hell
was that?

472
00:29:08,371 --> 00:29:09,872
Spaceball One.

473
00:29:11,332 --> 00:29:13,167
They've gone to plaid.

474
00:29:14,961 --> 00:29:19,173
We passed them.
Stop this thing.

475
00:29:19,173 --> 00:29:21,800
We can't stop.
lt's too dangerous.

476
00:29:21,800 --> 00:29:24,219
We've got to
slow down first.

477
00:29:25,138 --> 00:29:28,474
Bullshit!
Just stop this thing !

478
00:29:28,474 --> 00:29:32,186
l order you. Stop!

479
00:29:41,446 --> 00:29:42,821
(SCREAMlNG)

480
00:29:47,494 --> 00:29:49,787
Here, sir. Here.
Let me help you, sir.

481
00:29:52,248 --> 00:29:53,415
Are you
all right, sir?

482
00:29:53,415 --> 00:29:55,667
Fine.
How have you been?

483
00:29:55,667 --> 00:29:56,752
Fine, sir.

484
00:29:56,752 --> 00:29:57,836
Good.

485
00:29:57,836 --> 00:29:59,296
Good thing you were
wearing that helmet.

486
00:29:59,296 --> 00:30:00,422
Yeah.

487
00:30:00,422 --> 00:30:02,090
What shall
we do now, sir?

488
00:30:02,090 --> 00:30:04,259
Well, are we stopped?

489
00:30:04,259 --> 00:30:05,469
We're stopped, sir.

490
00:30:05,469 --> 00:30:06,595
Good.

491
00:30:07,472 --> 00:30:09,640
Why don't we take
a five-minute break?

492
00:30:09,640 --> 00:30:11,266
Very good, sir.

493
00:30:11,893 --> 00:30:13,727
Smoke if
you got them.

494
00:30:16,815 --> 00:30:18,148
Take her out of
hyperactive.

495
00:30:18,148 --> 00:30:20,192
Taking her out
of hyperactive.

496
00:30:21,903 --> 00:30:22,945
(SlGHS)

497
00:30:22,945 --> 00:30:24,655
Congrats, boss.
We did it.

498
00:30:24,655 --> 00:30:26,824
They must have overshot
us by a week-and-a-half.

499
00:30:26,824 --> 00:30:28,325
Okay. Let's set
a course for Druidia.

500
00:30:28,325 --> 00:30:29,451
Setting a course
for. . .

501
00:30:29,451 --> 00:30:30,494
(ALARM BEEPlNG)

502
00:30:30,494 --> 00:30:31,662
What's that?

503
00:30:31,662 --> 00:30:33,747
l don't know.
We're losing power!

504
00:30:33,747 --> 00:30:35,374
Why?
'Cause we're out of gas!

505
00:30:35,374 --> 00:30:37,000
Must have burned it
up in hyperactive.

506
00:30:37,000 --> 00:30:39,503
We should have put more
than five bucks' worth in !

507
00:30:39,503 --> 00:30:41,380
Okay. We'll have to
set her down.

508
00:30:41,380 --> 00:30:43,340
Prepare for
an emergency landing.

509
00:30:43,340 --> 00:30:44,591
Quick, give me
a reading !

510
00:30:44,591 --> 00:30:47,010
Our Father, who art in heaven,
hallowed be Thy name. . .

511
00:30:47,010 --> 00:30:48,846
Will you stop that?

512
00:30:48,846 --> 00:30:50,764
Keep your seat belts
fastened back there.

513
00:30:50,764 --> 00:30:52,015
You okay, Princess?

514
00:30:52,015 --> 00:30:53,475
(SCREAMlNG)

515
00:30:54,143 --> 00:30:57,354
No, you idiot! Where'd
you learn how to fly?

516
00:30:57,354 --> 00:30:59,773
Okay.
EagIe 5 coming in.

517
00:31:06,197 --> 00:31:07,614
(WHlMPERlNG)

518
00:31:20,628 --> 00:31:22,838
BARF: Left! Go left!
Right! l mean right!

519
00:31:23,131 --> 00:31:24,298
Pull up!

520
00:31:26,843 --> 00:31:28,260
(WHlMPERlNG)

521
00:31:35,602 --> 00:31:36,810
Where're you going?

522
00:31:36,810 --> 00:31:39,813
l am going to tell him
off once and for all.

523
00:31:40,648 --> 00:31:43,901
Wait. We'll need him
to get us out of here.

524
00:31:43,901 --> 00:31:45,694
Called me an idiot?

525
00:31:45,694 --> 00:31:48,739
l'm going back there and
explain a few things to her.

526
00:31:48,739 --> 00:31:52,159
Besides, he's got a sexy
voice. He might be cute.

527
00:31:53,286 --> 00:31:54,578
You haven't seen her.

528
00:31:54,578 --> 00:31:55,829
l know what
she looks like.

529
00:31:55,829 --> 00:31:57,664
You've seen one,
you've seen them all.

530
00:31:57,664 --> 00:32:00,959
Cute? l know these space
bums, they're all alike.

531
00:32:01,252 --> 00:32:02,419
Fat, ugly. . .

532
00:32:02,419 --> 00:32:03,754
Buck-toothed,
knock-kneed. . .

533
00:32:03,754 --> 00:32:05,464
Beer-swilling pigs!

534
00:32:05,464 --> 00:32:07,007
Horse-faced space dogs!

535
00:32:07,007 --> 00:32:08,091
Yeah, well, normally. . .

536
00:32:08,091 --> 00:32:09,176
(RlPPlNG)

537
00:32:09,176 --> 00:32:10,844
That's gonna leave a mark.

538
00:32:10,844 --> 00:32:12,679
Now listen, you. . .

539
00:32:14,390 --> 00:32:15,390
You listen.

540
00:32:15,390 --> 00:32:19,519
On this ship, you're to refer to
me as "idiot," not "you Captain."

541
00:32:20,021 --> 00:32:21,730
l mean. . . You know
what l mean.

542
00:32:21,730 --> 00:32:23,815
And you will not
call me "you."

543
00:32:23,815 --> 00:32:26,068
You will never
address me as "you."

544
00:32:26,068 --> 00:32:28,862
You will call me
"Your Royal Highness"!

545
00:32:29,197 --> 00:32:31,698
You are a royal
pain in the. . .

546
00:32:32,200 --> 00:32:33,450
Hold it. Time!
BOTH: What?

547
00:32:33,450 --> 00:32:35,202
May l make
a small suggestion?

548
00:32:35,202 --> 00:32:37,996
Any minute now, the Spaceballs
will make a major U-turn,

549
00:32:37,996 --> 00:32:40,457
head back this way,
and make us all dead.

550
00:32:40,457 --> 00:32:42,250
He's right. Let's go.

551
00:32:42,250 --> 00:32:43,919
Wait. My things.

552
00:32:44,629 --> 00:32:46,171
Now listen,
you royal. . .

553
00:32:46,171 --> 00:32:47,339
(WHlMPERS)

554
00:32:47,339 --> 00:32:48,799
Highness.

555
00:32:48,799 --> 00:32:52,010
Take only what
you need to survive.

556
00:32:52,553 --> 00:32:53,804
(GROWLS)

557
00:33:12,782 --> 00:33:16,660
DOT: Please slow down. l'm
getting sand up my gears.

558
00:33:19,747 --> 00:33:22,582
Gee, l hope she
didn't forget anything.

559
00:33:27,422 --> 00:33:30,382
All right, wait a minute,
Barf. Put it down.

560
00:33:31,843 --> 00:33:34,094
What the hell's
in this thing?

561
00:33:38,766 --> 00:33:39,766
What's this?

562
00:33:40,393 --> 00:33:43,270
l said, take only what
you need to survive.

563
00:33:43,270 --> 00:33:45,731
My industrial-strength
hair dryer.

564
00:33:46,024 --> 00:33:48,275
And l can't
live without it!

565
00:33:49,736 --> 00:33:51,903
Okay, Princess,
that's it.

566
00:33:52,405 --> 00:33:54,031
The fairy tale is over.

567
00:33:54,574 --> 00:33:56,366
Welcome to real life.

568
00:33:56,743 --> 00:33:59,494
You want this hot air
machine, you carry it.

569
00:34:00,872 --> 00:34:01,722
You pick that up.

570
00:34:05,918 --> 00:34:08,837
How dare you,
you insolent peasant?

571
00:34:09,213 --> 00:34:11,965
Nobody talks to me
that way. Nobody!

572
00:34:12,508 --> 00:34:13,717
(ECHOlNG)
Nobody!

573
00:34:14,093 --> 00:34:16,762
Well, what have we got here?
Will you look at her?

574
00:34:16,762 --> 00:34:17,846
(BARF SHUDDERlNG)

575
00:34:17,846 --> 00:34:21,767
Those flashing eyes, those flushed
cheeks, those trembling lips.

576
00:34:21,767 --> 00:34:23,769
You know
something, Princess?

577
00:34:23,769 --> 00:34:26,146
You are ugly
when you're angry.

578
00:34:26,146 --> 00:34:27,397
Uh-oh.

579
00:34:27,397 --> 00:34:28,815
That's it.

580
00:34:28,815 --> 00:34:30,734
You and
your dog are. . .

581
00:34:30,734 --> 00:34:32,027
Please.

582
00:34:32,027 --> 00:34:34,321
Total humans,
droids, if l may?

583
00:34:34,697 --> 00:34:35,947
lt's going to be
very dark soon.

584
00:34:35,947 --> 00:34:37,991
l suggest we find a place
to camp for the night.

585
00:34:37,991 --> 00:34:39,576
Come, darling.

586
00:34:45,833 --> 00:34:47,626
LONE STARR:
See? lt's lighter.

587
00:34:47,626 --> 00:34:50,253
Oh, yeah.
This is the best.

588
00:34:51,339 --> 00:34:54,257
l could have carried
two or three of these.

589
00:34:56,219 --> 00:34:58,345
Have you
found them yet?

590
00:34:58,345 --> 00:34:59,554
No, Lord Helmet.

591
00:34:59,554 --> 00:35:01,139
They're still not
on the scanner.

592
00:35:01,139 --> 00:35:03,600
Well, keep looking
for them.

593
00:35:06,145 --> 00:35:07,521
(SLURPlNG)

594
00:35:12,318 --> 00:35:14,611
Pardon me, sir.
l have an idea.

595
00:35:15,029 --> 00:35:18,448
Corporal, get me the video
cassette of Spaceballs: The Movie.

596
00:35:18,448 --> 00:35:19,825
CORPORAL: Yes, sir.

597
00:35:23,371 --> 00:35:26,623
"The Producers, Twelve Chairs,
Blazing Saddles, Young Frankenstein."

598
00:35:26,623 --> 00:35:29,126
Colonel Sandurz, may l
speak with you, please?

599
00:35:29,126 --> 00:35:30,168
Yes, sir.

600
00:35:30,168 --> 00:35:32,754
How can there be a cassette
of Spaceballs: The Movie?

601
00:35:32,754 --> 00:35:34,131
We're still in the
middle of making it.

602
00:35:34,131 --> 00:35:35,298
True, sir.

603
00:35:35,298 --> 00:35:37,843
There's been a new breakthrough
in home video marketing.

604
00:35:37,843 --> 00:35:38,927
There has?

605
00:35:38,927 --> 00:35:40,637
Yes.
lnstant cassettes.

606
00:35:40,637 --> 00:35:43,849
They're out in stores
before the movie is finished.

607
00:35:43,849 --> 00:35:44,933
No.

608
00:35:44,933 --> 00:35:48,061
Here it is, sir!
Spaceballs.

609
00:35:48,646 --> 00:35:50,814
SANDURZ: Good work,
Corporal. Punch it up.

610
00:35:54,735 --> 00:35:56,820
That's much too early.
Prepare to fast-forward.

611
00:35:56,820 --> 00:35:57,988
Preparing to
fast-forward.

612
00:35:57,988 --> 00:36:00,031
Fast-forward !
Fast-forwarding, sir.

613
00:36:05,329 --> 00:36:07,539
(CHATTERlNG SQUEAKlLY)

614
00:36:10,918 --> 00:36:12,335
(EXPLOSlON)

615
00:36:18,801 --> 00:36:21,178
No, go past this.
Past this part.

616
00:36:21,178 --> 00:36:23,597
ln fact, never play
this again.

617
00:36:26,475 --> 00:36:28,018
Try here. Stop.

618
00:36:39,405 --> 00:36:40,989
What the hell
am l looking at?

619
00:36:40,989 --> 00:36:42,574
When does this happen
in the movie?

620
00:36:42,574 --> 00:36:43,700
Now.

621
00:36:43,700 --> 00:36:45,035
You're looking
at now, sir.

622
00:36:45,035 --> 00:36:47,412
Everything that happens now
is happening now.

623
00:36:47,412 --> 00:36:49,164
What happened to then?
We passed then.

624
00:36:49,164 --> 00:36:50,332
When?
Just now.

625
00:36:50,332 --> 00:36:51,541
We're at now, now.

626
00:36:51,541 --> 00:36:52,667
Go back to then.

627
00:36:52,667 --> 00:36:53,877
When?
Now.

628
00:36:53,877 --> 00:36:55,795
l can't. We missed it.
When?

629
00:36:55,795 --> 00:36:57,172
Just now.

630
00:36:57,172 --> 00:36:59,090
When will then
be now?

631
00:36:59,090 --> 00:37:00,300
Soon.

632
00:37:01,302 --> 00:37:02,469
How soon?

633
00:37:02,469 --> 00:37:04,387
CORPORAL: Sir! We've
identified their location !

634
00:37:04,387 --> 00:37:05,889
Where?
lt's the moon of Vega.

635
00:37:05,889 --> 00:37:07,766
Set a course and
prepare for our arrival.

636
00:37:07,766 --> 00:37:09,142
When?
1 900 hours, sir.

637
00:37:09,142 --> 00:37:11,519
By high noon tomorrow,
they will be our prisoners.

638
00:37:11,519 --> 00:37:12,646
Who?

639
00:37:14,148 --> 00:37:15,941
(CRlCKETS CHlRPlNG)

640
00:37:30,623 --> 00:37:32,707
No, thank you.
l'm perfectly all right.

641
00:37:32,707 --> 00:37:34,709
Take it,
it's freezing.

642
00:37:34,709 --> 00:37:36,378
lf you insist.

643
00:37:44,178 --> 00:37:45,345
Won't you be cold?

644
00:37:45,345 --> 00:37:47,639
No, cold never bothers me.

645
00:37:53,104 --> 00:37:54,104
(SlGHS)

646
00:37:54,104 --> 00:37:56,064
l can't seem
to find Druidia.

647
00:37:56,064 --> 00:37:57,691
lt's right there.

648
00:37:57,691 --> 00:37:58,942
Where?

649
00:37:58,942 --> 00:38:02,529
lt's right there. lt's that
bright blue one right there. See?

650
00:38:03,406 --> 00:38:07,534
Oh, yeah.
But it's so far away.

651
00:38:09,078 --> 00:38:11,413
Don't worry,
l'll get you there.

652
00:38:12,456 --> 00:38:13,581
Which one's yours?

653
00:38:13,581 --> 00:38:14,666
Who knows?

654
00:38:14,666 --> 00:38:16,126
You don't know
where you're from?

655
00:38:16,126 --> 00:38:19,212
Not really. l was found on
the doorstep of a monastery.

656
00:38:19,212 --> 00:38:20,964
Monastery? Where?

657
00:38:20,964 --> 00:38:23,174
Somewhere
in the Ford Galaxy.

658
00:38:23,801 --> 00:38:26,303
Well, didn't the monks tell
you who your parents were?

659
00:38:26,303 --> 00:38:29,180
They couldn't. They
took a vow of silence.

660
00:38:29,180 --> 00:38:32,058
All l got was this.
lt was around my neck.

661
00:38:32,058 --> 00:38:33,476
What is it?
l don't know.

662
00:38:33,476 --> 00:38:35,854
l've taken it to every
wise man in the universe

663
00:38:35,854 --> 00:38:38,565
and nobody could
tell me what it means.

664
00:38:39,817 --> 00:38:41,359
lt's beautiful.

665
00:38:42,820 --> 00:38:44,362
You know, l. . .

666
00:38:47,074 --> 00:38:48,616
lt's beautiful.

667
00:38:53,039 --> 00:38:55,915
So, how come you ran
away from your wedding?

668
00:38:56,959 --> 00:39:00,670
Well, if you must know, l
wasn't in love with the groom.

669
00:39:01,255 --> 00:39:03,256
Why were you
going to marry him?

670
00:39:03,256 --> 00:39:07,802
Because l'm a princess, and
l have to marry a prince.

671
00:39:08,346 --> 00:39:10,972
And he doesn't
do it for you, huh?

672
00:39:11,932 --> 00:39:14,726
No, he doesn't
do it for me.

673
00:39:16,437 --> 00:39:17,687
(SlGHS)

674
00:39:18,939 --> 00:39:20,774
l really must go back.

675
00:39:22,276 --> 00:39:24,277
l shouldn't have run away.

676
00:39:24,862 --> 00:39:28,114
l realize now that
love is one luxury

677
00:39:30,743 --> 00:39:32,285
You're probably right.

678
00:39:33,037 --> 00:39:36,831
l know now that l must
learn to live without love.

679
00:39:37,041 --> 00:39:38,458
l guess so.

680
00:39:38,458 --> 00:39:40,627
Besides, love isn't
that important.

681
00:39:40,627 --> 00:39:42,670
No, it never was.

682
00:39:42,670 --> 00:39:46,299
l could be perfectly happy
the rest of my life without

683
00:39:47,468 --> 00:39:48,551
love.

684
00:39:49,136 --> 00:39:50,637
Sure you could.

685
00:39:52,723 --> 00:39:55,100
Without physical contact.

686
00:39:55,851 --> 00:39:56,976
Yeah.

687
00:39:57,645 --> 00:39:59,813
Without being held.

688
00:39:59,813 --> 00:40:01,147
Yeah.

689
00:40:02,733 --> 00:40:04,067
Or kissed.

690
00:40:07,947 --> 00:40:09,489
(ALARM BLARlNG)

691
00:40:11,742 --> 00:40:13,952
Abandon ship!

692
00:40:13,952 --> 00:40:15,662
Women and Mawgs first!

693
00:40:16,997 --> 00:40:18,957
(BLARlNG STOPS) We'll
have none of that, mister.

694
00:40:18,957 --> 00:40:21,084
How far did he get?
What did he touch?

695
00:40:21,084 --> 00:40:22,627
Nothing happened !

696
00:40:22,627 --> 00:40:24,337
What the hell
was that noise?

697
00:40:24,337 --> 00:40:26,047
That was
my Virgin Alarm.

698
00:40:26,047 --> 00:40:28,633
lt's programmed to
go off before you do.

699
00:40:29,009 --> 00:40:30,760
You get back
to bed, miss.

700
00:40:30,760 --> 00:40:32,262
And as for you,
sex fiend. . .

701
00:40:32,262 --> 00:40:34,889
All right. Let's all
just get some sleep.

702
00:40:34,889 --> 00:40:36,933
We gotta get moving
before dawn.

703
00:40:36,933 --> 00:40:38,101
Why so early?

704
00:40:38,101 --> 00:40:40,061
Because we're in
the middle of the desert

705
00:40:40,061 --> 00:40:44,190
and we aren't gonna get very far
once that blazing sun gets overhead.

706
00:40:48,821 --> 00:40:50,405
BARF: Nice dissolve.

707
00:40:56,787 --> 00:40:58,204
(PANTlNG)

708
00:40:59,999 --> 00:41:00,719
Water.

709
00:41:03,711 --> 00:41:05,044
(PANTlNG)

710
00:41:08,299 --> 00:41:09,549
(GASPlNG)

711
00:41:12,553 --> 00:41:14,387
(PANTlNG) Oil.

712
00:41:16,474 --> 00:41:19,100
Room service.

713
00:41:24,899 --> 00:41:27,108
(GASPlNG)
Chief, l'm dead.

714
00:41:30,446 --> 00:41:32,363
l can't go
any further.

715
00:41:34,700 --> 00:41:36,493
Come on, Barf,
old buddy.

716
00:41:37,620 --> 00:41:38,995
Just one more
dune to go.

717
00:41:38,995 --> 00:41:40,163
No!

718
00:41:40,163 --> 00:41:43,875
You said that three dunes
ago. l got no more left.

719
00:41:45,920 --> 00:41:48,296
Oh, waiter.
Check, please.

720
00:41:50,925 --> 00:41:52,245
Must go on.

721
00:41:58,974 --> 00:42:00,725
Who am l kidding?

722
00:42:14,448 --> 00:42:16,449
(ALL SCATTlNG SQUEAKlLY)

723
00:42:22,748 --> 00:42:24,332
(ALL CHATTERlNG)

724
00:42:37,471 --> 00:42:39,347
(CHATTERlNG CONTlNUES)

725
00:42:50,776 --> 00:42:52,110
(GRUNTS)

726
00:43:01,954 --> 00:43:03,454
Thanks, little guy.

727
00:43:06,083 --> 00:43:07,166
Thank you.

728
00:43:09,378 --> 00:43:11,170
Did l miss something?

729
00:43:11,714 --> 00:43:13,965
When did we get
to Disneyland?

730
00:43:15,593 --> 00:43:17,302
(DlNKS SCATTlNG)

731
00:43:31,900 --> 00:43:33,943
l don't
see them, Sandurz.

732
00:43:33,943 --> 00:43:36,446
l've sent the troops on
ahead to Vector 78, sir.

733
00:43:36,446 --> 00:43:37,614
Let's get moving.

734
00:43:37,614 --> 00:43:39,240
Yes, sir. Driver,
prepare to move out.

735
00:43:39,240 --> 00:43:41,993
What are you preparing? You're
always preparing. Just go.

736
00:43:41,993 --> 00:43:43,286
Just go.
Yes, sir.

737
00:43:43,286 --> 00:43:45,496
Sir, shouldn't
you sit down?

738
00:43:46,415 --> 00:43:47,874
(ALL CHATTERlNG)

739
00:44:03,724 --> 00:44:04,891
BARF: What're they saying?

740
00:44:04,891 --> 00:44:08,102
Well, it's obvious they
want us to go with them.

741
00:44:08,102 --> 00:44:09,896
(DlNKS CHATTERlNG)

742
00:44:17,571 --> 00:44:19,322
What is
this place?

743
00:44:19,322 --> 00:44:21,699
lt looks like
the Temple of Doom.

744
00:44:21,699 --> 00:44:24,410
Well, it sure ain't
Temple Beth lsrael.

745
00:44:24,410 --> 00:44:27,246
Come on. l think we'd
better follow them.

746
00:44:38,467 --> 00:44:39,467
(STATUE HlSSlNG)

747
00:44:39,467 --> 00:44:41,427
Oh-oh. l think
we woke it up.

748
00:44:42,513 --> 00:44:44,597
Goodbye, folks! Let me
know how it turns out.

749
00:44:44,597 --> 00:44:45,807
Come back
here, Dot!

750
00:44:45,807 --> 00:44:47,016
Come on. We
gotta keep going.

751
00:44:47,016 --> 00:44:48,601
We need you.

752
00:44:54,858 --> 00:44:56,776
What's gonna
happen now?

753
00:44:56,776 --> 00:44:58,528
Don't ask.
Maybe it won't.

754
00:44:58,528 --> 00:44:59,862
But what if
it does?

755
00:44:59,862 --> 00:45:02,198
l don't know about you,
but l'm all for leaving.

756
00:45:02,198 --> 00:45:04,826
l say we get out of here right
now, while the going. . .

757
00:45:04,826 --> 00:45:05,910
(ALL SCREAMlNG)

758
00:45:05,910 --> 00:45:07,245
YOGURT: Silence!

759
00:45:07,913 --> 00:45:11,374
Who dares enter the
sacred and awesome presence

760
00:45:11,374 --> 00:45:14,669
of the everlasting
know-it-all, Yogurt?

761
00:45:16,255 --> 00:45:17,505
ALL: Yogurt?

762
00:45:27,641 --> 00:45:28,808
You heard of me?

763
00:45:28,808 --> 00:45:31,811
Heard of you? Who
hasn't heard of Yogurt?

764
00:45:32,354 --> 00:45:33,855
Yogurt,
the wise.

765
00:45:34,064 --> 00:45:35,815
Yogurt,
the all-powerful.

766
00:45:35,815 --> 00:45:37,692
Yogurt,
the magnificent.

767
00:45:37,692 --> 00:45:41,529
Please, don't make a fuss.
l'm just plain Yogurt.

768
00:45:42,156 --> 00:45:43,239
But you're the one. . .

769
00:45:43,239 --> 00:45:44,365
Yes.

770
00:45:44,365 --> 00:45:47,034
l am the keeper of
a greater magic,

771
00:45:47,453 --> 00:45:50,788
a power known throughout
the universe as the. . .

772
00:45:50,788 --> 00:45:51,873
The Force?

773
00:45:51,873 --> 00:45:53,958
No. The Schwartz.

774
00:45:54,668 --> 00:45:56,627
ALL: The Schwartz!

775
00:45:57,004 --> 00:46:00,506
Yes, the Schwartz.

776
00:46:04,052 --> 00:46:07,847
But, Yogurt, what is this place?
What is it that you do here?

777
00:46:08,432 --> 00:46:09,932
Merchandising.

778
00:46:10,184 --> 00:46:11,934
Merchandising?
What's that?

779
00:46:11,934 --> 00:46:13,102
Merchandising.

780
00:46:13,102 --> 00:46:15,938
Come, l'll show you.
Open up the store.

781
00:46:15,938 --> 00:46:17,690
(DlNKS CHATTERlNG)

782
00:46:21,069 --> 00:46:23,821
Come! Walk this way.
Take a look.

783
00:46:23,821 --> 00:46:27,200
We put the picture's
name on everything !

784
00:46:27,534 --> 00:46:30,244
Merchandising,

785
00:46:30,244 --> 00:46:32,872
where the real money
from the movie is made.

786
00:46:33,165 --> 00:46:34,916
SpacebaIIs, The T-shirt.

787
00:46:34,916 --> 00:46:36,959
Spaceballs,
The Coloring Book.

788
00:46:36,959 --> 00:46:38,836
Spaceballs,
The Lunch Box.

789
00:46:39,046 --> 00:46:41,214
Spaceballs,
The Breakfast Cereal.

790
00:46:41,423 --> 00:46:43,800
Spaceballs,
The Flamethrower.

791
00:46:44,510 --> 00:46:46,469
The kids love this one.

792
00:46:46,887 --> 00:46:48,679
Last, but not least,

793
00:46:48,931 --> 00:46:51,224
SpacebaIIs, The Doll.
Me.

794
00:46:51,558 --> 00:46:52,558
(WlNDlNG)

795
00:46:52,558 --> 00:46:54,894
May the Schwartz
be with you.

796
00:46:55,437 --> 00:46:57,063
(DlNKS CHUCKLlNG)

797
00:46:57,063 --> 00:46:58,397
Adorable.

798
00:47:00,067 --> 00:47:02,068
WOMAN: (SlNGlNG)
Hot together

799
00:47:02,778 --> 00:47:03,778
Hot

800
00:47:03,778 --> 00:47:05,321
So hot together

801
00:47:05,321 --> 00:47:06,989
Baby, we could be hot...

802
00:47:06,989 --> 00:47:08,699
(BOTH EXCLAlMlNG)

803
00:47:13,997 --> 00:47:15,289
President Skroob.

804
00:47:15,289 --> 00:47:16,415
What is it?

805
00:47:16,792 --> 00:47:20,294
l have an urgent message from Lord
Helmet. He's lost the Princess.

806
00:47:20,294 --> 00:47:21,420
Where?

807
00:47:21,420 --> 00:47:22,797
Somewhere in
the sands of Vega.

808
00:47:22,797 --> 00:47:26,551
Tell them to comb the desert.
Do you hear me? Comb the desert!

809
00:47:26,927 --> 00:47:28,010
Yes, sir.

810
00:47:33,892 --> 00:47:35,434
Sir?
What?

811
00:47:37,521 --> 00:47:39,230
Are we being
too literal?

812
00:47:39,230 --> 00:47:41,023
No, you fool.
We're following orders.

813
00:47:41,023 --> 00:47:44,443
We were told to comb the
desert, so we're combing it.

814
00:47:44,778 --> 00:47:46,487
Found anything yet?

815
00:47:47,114 --> 00:47:48,906
Nothing yet, sir.

816
00:47:50,826 --> 00:47:52,869
DARK HELMET:
How about you?

817
00:47:53,370 --> 00:47:54,996
Not a thing, sir.

818
00:47:57,958 --> 00:47:59,792
What about
you guys?

819
00:48:00,210 --> 00:48:01,961
We ain't found shit!

820
00:48:05,382 --> 00:48:08,968
lt's a big mystery. None of the
wise men could tell me what it means.

821
00:48:08,968 --> 00:48:13,222
Wise men, pshaw. Wise guys,
you mean. What do they know?

822
00:48:13,222 --> 00:48:15,308
Here, let me
take a look.

823
00:48:17,978 --> 00:48:19,312
(GlBBERlNG)

824
00:48:24,526 --> 00:48:25,693
You can read it!

825
00:48:25,693 --> 00:48:27,904
No, l was just
clearing my throat.

826
00:48:27,904 --> 00:48:30,323
Here, let me
take a. . .

827
00:48:32,534 --> 00:48:35,828
Oh, yes.
Yes, of course!

828
00:48:35,828 --> 00:48:36,996
You understand it?

829
00:48:36,996 --> 00:48:38,748
Yes.
What's it say?

830
00:48:38,748 --> 00:48:43,377
l cannot tell you that now. lt shall
be revealed to you at the proper time.

831
00:48:43,670 --> 00:48:44,879
Great.

832
00:48:45,213 --> 00:48:46,797
Come on, don't be
disappointed.

833
00:48:46,797 --> 00:48:48,507
Back to your
Schwartz training.

834
00:48:48,507 --> 00:48:52,136
Here, take the ring. Point
it at that big statue.

835
00:48:52,387 --> 00:48:54,305
Okay. But l still
don't understand

836
00:48:54,305 --> 00:48:57,558
how l'm going to lift that big
statue with this little ring.

837
00:48:57,558 --> 00:49:01,854
Never underestimate the
power of the Schwartz!

838
00:49:01,854 --> 00:49:04,774
Come on, concentrate!
Here we go!

839
00:49:06,234 --> 00:49:07,693
Concentrate.

840
00:49:08,195 --> 00:49:09,528
(GRUNTlNG)

841
00:49:14,159 --> 00:49:15,910
(CONTlNUES GRUNTlNG)

842
00:49:16,828 --> 00:49:18,204
(RUMBLlNG)

843
00:49:20,874 --> 00:49:23,376
YOGURT: Lone Starr,
you're doing it!

844
00:49:25,963 --> 00:49:28,965
l can't believe it! The
Schwartz, it's working !

845
00:49:30,258 --> 00:49:33,135
Hey, boss,
how'd you do that?

846
00:49:33,135 --> 00:49:34,512
(YELPlNG)

847
00:49:37,391 --> 00:49:40,184
Give me the ring, quick.

848
00:49:40,852 --> 00:49:42,186
(CHANTlNG)

849
00:49:43,772 --> 00:49:45,231
Upsy-daisy!

850
00:49:47,526 --> 00:49:48,859
(GROANlNG)

851
00:49:50,946 --> 00:49:52,405
Sorry, Barf.

852
00:49:52,906 --> 00:49:54,240
(GRUNTlNG)

853
00:49:54,240 --> 00:49:55,658
(GROANlNG)

854
00:49:58,036 --> 00:49:59,620
Keep searching.

855
00:49:59,620 --> 00:50:00,955
(SlGHlNG)

856
00:50:01,623 --> 00:50:03,791
lt's no use, sir. We've
searched everywhere.

857
00:50:03,791 --> 00:50:04,834
Wait.

858
00:50:04,834 --> 00:50:08,087
l feel the presence
of the Schwartz.

859
00:50:08,547 --> 00:50:10,172
The Schwartz?
Yes.

860
00:50:10,674 --> 00:50:12,925
lt's coming
from somewhere

861
00:50:13,260 --> 00:50:15,636
down there.

862
00:50:18,181 --> 00:50:21,517
You're right, sir. There's
a secret entrance here.

863
00:50:21,517 --> 00:50:24,437
And look at this
insignia. lt's a "Y."

864
00:50:25,480 --> 00:50:29,316
Yogurt!
l hate yogurt!

865
00:50:29,776 --> 00:50:31,610
Even with strawberries!

866
00:50:31,610 --> 00:50:33,195
l'll call for
the attack squad, sir.

867
00:50:33,195 --> 00:50:36,073
No, we can't go in there.
Yogurt has the Schwartz.

868
00:50:36,073 --> 00:50:37,450
lt's far too powerful.

869
00:50:37,450 --> 00:50:40,202
But, sir, your ring. Don't
you have the Schwartz, too?

870
00:50:40,202 --> 00:50:42,413
He got the upside.
l got the downside.

871
00:50:42,413 --> 00:50:44,040
There's two sides
to every Schwartz.

872
00:50:44,040 --> 00:50:47,001
Then how are we gonna
go in there and get her?

873
00:50:48,253 --> 00:50:50,254
We will not
go in there.

874
00:50:50,714 --> 00:50:53,507
She will
come out to us.

875
00:51:05,395 --> 00:51:10,816
KlNG ROLAND: Vespa, my
child. Where are you?

876
00:51:11,318 --> 00:51:12,568
Daddy?

877
00:51:12,819 --> 00:51:16,822
Vespa, it's your father,
King Roland.

878
00:51:17,157 --> 00:51:18,574
Come to me.

879
00:51:18,574 --> 00:51:19,867
Daddy?

880
00:51:20,243 --> 00:51:22,995
l hear you.
Where are you?

881
00:51:23,413 --> 00:51:25,331
Follow my voice.

882
00:51:26,291 --> 00:51:28,334
Come to me.

883
00:51:33,715 --> 00:51:35,591
Vespa, where are you going?

884
00:51:35,591 --> 00:51:38,719
Vespa, come to me.

885
00:51:42,682 --> 00:51:45,601
Daddy.
ls it really you?

886
00:51:45,601 --> 00:51:47,186
Yes, my dear.

887
00:51:47,896 --> 00:51:51,607
l guarantee it.
Would l lie?

888
00:51:54,319 --> 00:51:55,361
Daddy.

889
00:51:55,361 --> 00:51:56,445
(EXCLAlMS)

890
00:51:56,445 --> 00:51:58,155
DOT: No, Vespa, don't!

891
00:51:58,155 --> 00:51:59,365
(EXCLAlMS)

892
00:51:59,365 --> 00:52:00,449
(GROANS)

893
00:52:01,827 --> 00:52:03,536
Fooled you.

894
00:52:04,412 --> 00:52:06,288
(DARK HELMET LAUGHlNG)

895
00:52:06,706 --> 00:52:09,625
Take them both aboard and put
the Princess in my quarters.

896
00:52:09,625 --> 00:52:11,210
Yes, sir.

897
00:52:11,210 --> 00:52:12,962
Now she is mine.

898
00:52:13,421 --> 00:52:14,922
What's the matter?
What are they saying?

899
00:52:14,922 --> 00:52:16,882
They've taken
the Princess.

900
00:52:17,134 --> 00:52:18,801
(DlNKS CHATTERlNG)

901
00:52:22,222 --> 00:52:24,056
(SPACESHlP RUMBLlNG)

902
00:52:26,476 --> 00:52:28,644
Spaceballs.
Too late.

903
00:52:28,644 --> 00:52:31,355
Don't worry, boss.
We'll get her back.

904
00:52:34,985 --> 00:52:36,277
Thanks for
the gas, Yogurt.

905
00:52:36,277 --> 00:52:38,487
You're welcome.
And here!

906
00:52:39,197 --> 00:52:41,365
Just in case
you get hungry.

907
00:52:42,075 --> 00:52:43,868
A fortune cookie?
Yes!

908
00:52:43,868 --> 00:52:47,246
Remember, open it
before you eat it.

909
00:52:47,998 --> 00:52:50,124
Thanks.
We better get going.

910
00:52:50,124 --> 00:52:52,877
l wonder, will we ever
see each other again?

911
00:52:53,086 --> 00:52:56,380
Who knows? God willing,
we'll all meet again

912
00:52:56,380 --> 00:52:59,425
in Spaceballs 2:
The Search for More Money.

913
00:53:00,260 --> 00:53:01,969
Goodbye, Lone Starr.

914
00:53:01,969 --> 00:53:03,637
Goodbye, Yogurt.

915
00:53:04,347 --> 00:53:06,390
The ring of the Schwartz!

916
00:53:06,933 --> 00:53:09,018
No, l can't take this.

917
00:53:09,018 --> 00:53:12,646
Take it.
You might need it.

918
00:53:13,148 --> 00:53:15,774
Thanks.
l'll never forget you.

919
00:53:17,235 --> 00:53:18,944
Wish me luck.

920
00:53:24,409 --> 00:53:26,076
(DlNKS CHATTERlNG)

921
00:53:41,593 --> 00:53:43,344
So, Princess Vespa,

922
00:53:43,344 --> 00:53:46,639
at last l have you
in my clutches

923
00:53:47,182 --> 00:53:50,851
to have my way with you
the way l want to.

924
00:53:51,144 --> 00:53:53,854
No, please!
Leave me alone.

925
00:53:53,854 --> 00:53:55,272
No, you are mine.

926
00:53:55,272 --> 00:53:56,732
(MlMlCKlNG LONE STARR)
Not so fast, Helmet.

927
00:53:56,732 --> 00:53:58,067
Lone Starr.

928
00:53:58,067 --> 00:54:00,778
Yes, it's me. l'm here
to save my girlfriend.

929
00:54:00,778 --> 00:54:01,987
Hi, honey.

930
00:54:01,987 --> 00:54:04,281
Now you are
going to die.

931
00:54:04,616 --> 00:54:06,200
(MlMlCKlNG GROANlNG)

932
00:54:06,785 --> 00:54:08,619
(MlMlCKlNG BARF) Hey,
what'd you do to my friend?

933
00:54:08,619 --> 00:54:11,747
The same thing l'm going
to do to you, big boy.

934
00:54:11,747 --> 00:54:13,332
And you, too.

935
00:54:14,125 --> 00:54:17,753
Now, Princess Vespa,
at last we are alone.

936
00:54:18,630 --> 00:54:21,215
No, l hate you.
Leave me alone!

937
00:54:21,215 --> 00:54:23,842
Yet l find you
strangely attractive.

938
00:54:23,842 --> 00:54:25,427
Of course you do.

939
00:54:25,427 --> 00:54:29,598
Druish princesses are often
attracted to money and power.

940
00:54:29,598 --> 00:54:32,559
And l have both.
And you know it.

941
00:54:33,228 --> 00:54:35,145
Leave me alone!
No, kiss me!

942
00:54:35,145 --> 00:54:36,772
No! Yes! No!

943
00:54:36,772 --> 00:54:38,023
No!
Yes!

944
00:54:38,483 --> 00:54:39,775
(MOANlNG)

945
00:54:43,196 --> 00:54:45,406
Your helmet
is so big.

946
00:54:46,032 --> 00:54:47,324
Lord Helmet.
What?

947
00:54:47,324 --> 00:54:49,285
You're needed
on the bridge, sir!

948
00:54:49,285 --> 00:54:51,662
Knock on my door.
Knock next time!

949
00:54:51,662 --> 00:54:52,788
Yes, sir.

950
00:54:52,788 --> 00:54:54,456
Did you see anything?
No, sir.

951
00:54:54,456 --> 00:54:56,125
l didn't see you
playing with your dolls.

952
00:54:56,125 --> 00:54:57,293
Good.

953
00:55:16,396 --> 00:55:17,813
(GASPS)
President Skroob.

954
00:55:17,813 --> 00:55:21,734
l told you never to call me on
this wall. This is an unlisted wall.

955
00:55:21,734 --> 00:55:23,652
Sorry, sir,
but it's vey important.

956
00:55:23,652 --> 00:55:26,071
The Princess has just
been brought to your office

957
00:55:26,071 --> 00:55:28,699
and Lord Helmet and Colonel
Sandurz are awaiting you there.

958
00:55:28,699 --> 00:55:31,160
All right. Tell them
l'll be right there.

959
00:55:31,160 --> 00:55:32,494
Yes, sir!

960
00:55:36,833 --> 00:55:37,833
(ZlPPlNG)

961
00:55:37,833 --> 00:55:39,126
(GROANS)

962
00:55:41,004 --> 00:55:42,338
(FLUSHlNG)

963
00:55:44,299 --> 00:55:46,842
Helmet, you fiend!
What's going on?

964
00:55:46,842 --> 00:55:48,510
What are you doing
to my daughter?

965
00:55:48,510 --> 00:55:50,346
Permit me
to introduce

966
00:55:50,346 --> 00:55:54,183
the brilliant young plastic
surgeon, Dr. Phillip Schlotkin.

967
00:55:54,601 --> 00:55:59,104
The greatest nose job man in the
entire universe and Beverly Hills.

968
00:55:59,397 --> 00:56:00,647
Your Highness.

969
00:56:00,647 --> 00:56:02,191
Nose job?
l don't understand.

970
00:56:02,191 --> 00:56:05,361
She's already had a nose job.
lt was her sweet-sixteen present.

971
00:56:05,361 --> 00:56:08,781
No, it's not what you
think. It's much, much worse.

972
00:56:08,990 --> 00:56:12,493
lf you do not give me the
combination to the air shield,

973
00:56:12,493 --> 00:56:16,872
Dr. Schlotkin will give your
daughter back her old nose.

974
00:56:16,872 --> 00:56:18,123
(EXCLAlMlNG)

975
00:56:18,123 --> 00:56:18,873
No!

976
00:56:22,420 --> 00:56:24,338
Where did you get that?

977
00:56:24,338 --> 00:56:26,590
All right, l'll tell!

978
00:56:26,883 --> 00:56:28,967
No, Daddy,
no, you mustn't!

979
00:56:28,967 --> 00:56:32,096
You're right, my dear.
l'll miss your new nose.

980
00:56:32,096 --> 00:56:35,391
But l will not tell him the
combination, no matter what.

981
00:56:35,391 --> 00:56:39,186
Vey well. Dr.
Schlotkin, do your worst.

982
00:56:39,479 --> 00:56:41,230
My pleasure.

983
00:56:44,317 --> 00:56:46,360
KlNG ROLAND: No! Wait!

984
00:56:47,320 --> 00:56:49,655
l'll tell.

985
00:56:50,407 --> 00:56:54,368
DARK HELMET: I knew it would
work. All right, give it to me.

986
00:56:55,870 --> 00:56:57,663
The combination is:

987
00:56:59,916 --> 00:57:00,916
One.

988
00:57:00,916 --> 00:57:02,000
(BOTH REPEATlNG)

989
00:57:02,000 --> 00:57:03,127
Two.

990
00:57:03,127 --> 00:57:04,211
(BOTH REPEATlNG)

991
00:57:04,211 --> 00:57:05,504
Three.

992
00:57:06,256 --> 00:57:07,339
Four.

993
00:57:09,843 --> 00:57:10,968
Five.

994
00:57:12,554 --> 00:57:16,765
So the combination is
1 -2-3-4-5.

995
00:57:17,559 --> 00:57:20,644
That's the stupidest combination
l ever heard in my life!

996
00:57:20,644 --> 00:57:23,272
That's the kind of thing an
idiot would have on his luggage!

997
00:57:23,272 --> 00:57:24,690
Thank you,
Your Highness.

998
00:57:25,817 --> 00:57:26,859
What did you do?

999
00:57:26,859 --> 00:57:27,943
l turned off
the wall.

1000
00:57:27,943 --> 00:57:29,486
No, you turned off
the whole movie.

1001
00:57:29,486 --> 00:57:30,946
l must have pressed
the wrong button.

1002
00:57:30,946 --> 00:57:32,531
(lNDlSTlNCT MOANlNG)
Put the movie back on !

1003
00:57:32,531 --> 00:57:33,699
Yes, sir.

1004
00:57:33,699 --> 00:57:35,117
You gotta get
that thing fixed.

1005
00:57:35,117 --> 00:57:37,786
We're back! And we
have the combination !

1006
00:57:37,786 --> 00:57:39,496
Schlotkin !
What?

1007
00:57:39,496 --> 00:57:40,873
We're done with you.

1008
00:57:40,873 --> 00:57:43,625
Go back to the golf course
and work on your putts.

1009
00:57:43,625 --> 00:57:45,502
Let's go, Arnold.
Come, Gretchen.

1010
00:57:45,502 --> 00:57:49,256
Of course, you know l'll still
have to bill you for this.

1011
00:57:52,510 --> 00:57:54,720
l bet she gives
great helmet.

1012
00:57:57,765 --> 00:57:59,308
Did it work?
Where's the King?

1013
00:57:59,308 --> 00:58:01,310
lt worked, sir.
We have the combination.

1014
00:58:01,310 --> 00:58:05,856
Great. Now we can take every last
breath of fresh air from Planet Druidia.

1015
00:58:05,856 --> 00:58:07,107
What's the combination?

1016
00:58:07,107 --> 00:58:09,067
1 -2-3-4-5.

1017
00:58:09,402 --> 00:58:10,652
1 -2-3-4-5?

1018
00:58:10,652 --> 00:58:11,737
Yes.

1019
00:58:11,737 --> 00:58:15,365
That's amazing. l've got the
same combination on my luggage.

1020
00:58:15,365 --> 00:58:18,118
Prepare SpacebaII One
for immediate departure.

1021
00:58:18,118 --> 00:58:19,244
Yes, sir.

1022
00:58:19,244 --> 00:58:22,080
And change the combination
on my luggage.

1023
00:58:23,041 --> 00:58:23,832
(GROANS)

1024
00:58:28,755 --> 00:58:31,632
There it is. Spaceball
City, straight ahead.

1025
00:58:31,632 --> 00:58:33,509
Good,
l'm taking her in.

1026
00:58:36,930 --> 00:58:39,139
GUARD: What the hell
is that thing?

1027
00:58:39,139 --> 00:58:41,433
GUARD 1 : lt looks like
a Winnebago with wings.

1028
00:58:42,644 --> 00:58:45,187
Hey, you can't
park here!

1029
00:58:45,187 --> 00:58:48,023
Yeah, can't you guys
read? "No parking."

1030
00:58:51,611 --> 00:58:52,819
(MlMlCS KlSSlNG)

1031
00:58:52,819 --> 00:58:54,905
That son of a. . .

1032
00:58:57,909 --> 00:59:02,371
All right, hands up. You're
under arrest for illegal parking.

1033
00:59:02,371 --> 00:59:03,455
Yeah !

1034
00:59:06,876 --> 00:59:08,460
(GUARDS YELLlNG)

1035
00:59:26,521 --> 00:59:30,607
MAN ON PA: Warden Miller,
you're wanted in V-17.

1036
00:59:31,192 --> 00:59:35,654
Attention.
Section C scanners, report.

1037
00:59:36,948 --> 00:59:37,990
Nah.

1038
00:59:42,328 --> 00:59:43,829
She's gotta be in
one of these cells.

1039
00:59:43,829 --> 00:59:45,831
(WHlSPERlNG)
Yeah, but which one?

1040
00:59:47,667 --> 00:59:49,042
No.
No.

1041
00:59:49,042 --> 00:59:52,254
VESPA: (SlNGlNG)
Nobody knows

1042
00:59:52,254 --> 00:59:53,630
lt's coming
from here.

1043
00:59:53,630 --> 00:59:54,923
That can't
be her.

1044
00:59:54,923 --> 00:59:57,342
The trouble
l've seen

1045
00:59:58,136 --> 01:00:03,348
Nobody knows
but Jesus

1046
01:00:05,143 --> 01:00:06,393
lt's her.

1047
01:00:07,437 --> 01:00:11,023
Nobody knows

1048
01:00:11,608 --> 01:00:14,067
The trouble l've seen

1049
01:00:14,444 --> 01:00:15,611
She's a bass.

1050
01:00:15,611 --> 01:00:19,865
VESPA: (SlNGlNG)
Glory hallelujah

1051
01:00:23,536 --> 01:00:24,786
(GROANS)

1052
01:00:25,455 --> 01:00:27,122
What do you want?

1053
01:00:27,122 --> 01:00:28,415
lt's me.

1054
01:00:29,042 --> 01:00:30,292
lt's us.

1055
01:00:30,292 --> 01:00:32,919
Lone Starr.
How did you find us?

1056
01:00:32,919 --> 01:00:34,963
No time to talk.
Come on.

1057
01:00:34,963 --> 01:00:36,173
We gotta move.

1058
01:00:36,173 --> 01:00:37,799
Barf! How'd you do it?

1059
01:00:40,511 --> 01:00:41,887
(WHlSPERlNG)

1060
01:00:59,238 --> 01:01:01,823
Those are the guys
that stole our uniforms!

1061
01:01:01,823 --> 01:01:04,242
And beat the shit
out of us, too!

1062
01:01:05,119 --> 01:01:06,536
(SHUDDERlNG)

1063
01:01:08,539 --> 01:01:10,082
We got company.

1064
01:01:15,254 --> 01:01:16,505
Watch out!

1065
01:01:19,676 --> 01:01:21,677
Damn it! That's
our only way out.

1066
01:01:21,677 --> 01:01:22,803
We're trapped.

1067
01:01:22,803 --> 01:01:24,054
l hate
these movies.

1068
01:01:26,766 --> 01:01:27,808
(GROANlNG)

1069
01:01:27,808 --> 01:01:28,892
l'm out of ammo!

1070
01:01:28,892 --> 01:01:30,894
Get back!
l'll hold them off.

1071
01:01:32,105 --> 01:01:33,647
l got an idea!

1072
01:01:35,441 --> 01:01:36,858
DOT:
What's he doing?

1073
01:01:36,858 --> 01:01:38,485
(BARF GRUNTlNG)

1074
01:01:44,992 --> 01:01:46,368
(GROANlNG)

1075
01:01:49,622 --> 01:01:50,789
Good work.

1076
01:01:50,789 --> 01:01:52,833
More ping-pongs.
Run for it.

1077
01:01:52,833 --> 01:01:54,167
Let's go!

1078
01:01:57,714 --> 01:01:59,798
lt's closing !

1079
01:02:01,259 --> 01:02:02,968
The door's closing !

1080
01:02:02,968 --> 01:02:04,511
Go for broke!

1081
01:02:06,013 --> 01:02:07,556
(ALL SCREAMlNG)

1082
01:02:13,062 --> 01:02:15,647
Don't move or you're
dead. Stand up!

1083
01:02:15,647 --> 01:02:17,774
Captain,
we've got them.

1084
01:02:21,529 --> 01:02:25,574
Spectacular stunt, my friends,
but all for naught.

1085
01:02:26,576 --> 01:02:28,326
Turn around, please.

1086
01:02:29,829 --> 01:02:32,914
What a pity.

1087
01:02:33,666 --> 01:02:37,419
So, Princess, you thought you could
outwit the imperious force of. . .

1088
01:02:37,419 --> 01:02:38,670
(GASPS)

1089
01:02:41,382 --> 01:02:42,799
You idiots!

1090
01:02:43,342 --> 01:02:46,928
These are not them. You've
captured their stunt doubles.

1091
01:02:47,847 --> 01:02:50,640
Search the area.
Find them !

1092
01:02:53,394 --> 01:02:56,146
LONE STARR: Hurry up. Get
aboard. l'll hold them off.

1093
01:02:59,317 --> 01:03:00,776
Open the door!

1094
01:03:00,985 --> 01:03:02,277
l can't,
it's fused.

1095
01:03:02,277 --> 01:03:04,112
What about this one?
lt's locked.

1096
01:03:04,112 --> 01:03:05,947
Where are the keys?
lnside.

1097
01:03:05,947 --> 01:03:07,699
Oh, great!
Duck!

1098
01:03:10,870 --> 01:03:13,205
Here, you hold them off.
l'll get the door.

1099
01:03:13,205 --> 01:03:15,749
l ain't shooting this
thing. l hate guns.

1100
01:03:18,377 --> 01:03:21,129
My hair.
He shot my hair!

1101
01:03:22,131 --> 01:03:24,216
You son of a bitch !

1102
01:03:35,061 --> 01:03:36,895
Holy shit!

1103
01:03:41,734 --> 01:03:43,151
How was that?

1104
01:03:43,151 --> 01:03:44,694
Not bad.

1105
01:03:44,694 --> 01:03:46,238
Not bad
for a girl.

1106
01:03:46,238 --> 01:03:48,657
That was pretty good
for Rambo!

1107
01:03:48,657 --> 01:03:50,659
Let's blow this joint.

1108
01:03:54,121 --> 01:03:55,914
(FOOTSTEPS POUNDlNG)

1109
01:04:02,296 --> 01:04:05,715
SANDURZ: President
Skroob! Salute!

1110
01:04:05,715 --> 01:04:07,342
ALL: Hail, Skroob.

1111
01:04:08,845 --> 01:04:11,763
The ship is too big. lf l
walk, the movie will be over.

1112
01:04:11,763 --> 01:04:13,014
Sir.
Yes?

1113
01:04:13,014 --> 01:04:14,140
(GASPS)

1114
01:04:14,140 --> 01:04:17,185
Never have that damn
thing down in front of me.

1115
01:04:17,185 --> 01:04:20,021
How do l know you're not making
faces at me under that thing?

1116
01:04:20,021 --> 01:04:21,565
SANDURZ: President Skroob.
Yes?

1117
01:04:21,565 --> 01:04:23,817
There it is,
Planet Druidia.

1118
01:04:24,610 --> 01:04:28,613
(EXCLAlMlNG) Planet Druidia.
And 1 0,000 years of fresh air.

1119
01:04:28,948 --> 01:04:31,116
The way he runs things,
it won't last 1 00.

1120
01:04:31,116 --> 01:04:32,200
What?

1121
01:04:32,200 --> 01:04:34,452
Preparing ship for
metamorphosis, sir.

1122
01:04:34,452 --> 01:04:36,037
Good.
Get on with it.

1123
01:04:36,037 --> 01:04:37,581
Ready, Kafka?

1124
01:04:44,213 --> 01:04:45,463
Look, it's
Spaceball One.

1125
01:04:47,633 --> 01:04:49,050
They've reached
the air shield.

1126
01:04:49,050 --> 01:04:50,927
DOT: And it's opening.

1127
01:04:54,640 --> 01:04:56,808
The ship's too big.
They'll never get through.

1128
01:04:56,808 --> 01:04:59,895
How will they get the air out? l
don't see any hoses or anything.

1129
01:05:05,151 --> 01:05:06,818
What's happening?

1130
01:05:09,739 --> 01:05:12,198
The ship. Changing.

1131
01:05:26,255 --> 01:05:29,883
Oh, my gosh. lt's
not just a spaceship.

1132
01:05:30,718 --> 01:05:32,510
lt's a transformer.

1133
01:05:43,230 --> 01:05:44,981
DOT: lt's changing into...

1134
01:05:44,981 --> 01:05:46,858
BARF: A gigantic...

1135
01:05:46,858 --> 01:05:48,360
VESPA: Maid!

1136
01:05:48,694 --> 01:05:50,528
LONE STARR:
With a vacuum cleaner.

1137
01:05:52,073 --> 01:05:55,033
So that's how they're
gonna get the air out.

1138
01:06:16,389 --> 01:06:20,684
Metamorphosis completed, sir.
SpacebaII One has now become

1139
01:06:25,231 --> 01:06:26,523
Megamaid.

1140
01:06:26,941 --> 01:06:28,191
Good !

1141
01:06:28,191 --> 01:06:29,359
Remarkable.

1142
01:06:29,359 --> 01:06:33,697
Now, commence
Operation Vacu-Suck.

1143
01:06:35,574 --> 01:06:37,325
(MEGAMAlD WHlRRlNG)

1144
01:06:40,204 --> 01:06:43,289
TOGETHER: Suck.

1145
01:06:57,096 --> 01:06:59,639
(GASPlNG)
Goodbye, little Vespa.

1146
01:07:01,475 --> 01:07:06,062
My little baby Vespa.

1147
01:07:06,647 --> 01:07:07,939
(GASPlNG)

1148
01:07:13,446 --> 01:07:15,238
The air bag,
it's almost full.

1149
01:07:15,238 --> 01:07:16,364
DOT: What do we do?

1150
01:07:20,286 --> 01:07:21,536
We've gotta act fast.

1151
01:07:21,536 --> 01:07:25,498
Step one: We reverse the vacuum and
blow the air back onto the planet.

1152
01:07:25,498 --> 01:07:28,877
Step two: We
destroy that thing.

1153
01:07:29,128 --> 01:07:30,879
But isn't that
dangerous?

1154
01:07:30,879 --> 01:07:32,172
Extremely.

1155
01:07:32,172 --> 01:07:36,134
Plus, l don't know how the
hell we're gonna do it.

1156
01:07:36,802 --> 01:07:38,553
What about that ring
Yogurt gave you?

1157
01:07:38,553 --> 01:07:39,929
Oh, yeah.

1158
01:07:41,057 --> 01:07:43,224
Come on, boss.
Give it a shot!

1159
01:07:43,224 --> 01:07:45,310
Okay.
Here goes nothing.

1160
01:07:55,279 --> 01:07:56,654
VESPA: Look at that.

1161
01:07:56,654 --> 01:07:57,906
Wow!

1162
01:07:58,991 --> 01:08:00,492
BARF: lt's working.

1163
01:08:01,660 --> 01:08:03,620
VESPA: Come on, Schwartz!

1164
01:08:03,871 --> 01:08:05,413
(ALL CHEERlNG)

1165
01:08:12,671 --> 01:08:14,214
Helmet,
what's going on?

1166
01:08:14,214 --> 01:08:15,924
Sandurz,
what's going on?

1167
01:08:15,924 --> 01:08:19,761
lt's Megamaid. She's
gone from suck to blow.

1168
01:08:20,221 --> 01:08:23,181
What? They're getting all
their air back. Do something.

1169
01:08:23,181 --> 01:08:24,808
Do something !

1170
01:08:24,808 --> 01:08:26,142
ON PA: Do something!

1171
01:08:35,945 --> 01:08:37,487
(WlND BLOWlNG)

1172
01:08:42,201 --> 01:08:43,743
l'm breathing.

1173
01:08:44,995 --> 01:08:46,079
Air.

1174
01:08:48,290 --> 01:08:49,624
Air!

1175
01:08:58,134 --> 01:08:59,384
Dim the lights.

1176
01:08:59,384 --> 01:09:00,927
Dimming the lights.

1177
01:09:01,220 --> 01:09:02,303
LONE STARR:
Go to infrared.

1178
01:09:02,303 --> 01:09:03,680
Going to infrared.

1179
01:09:03,680 --> 01:09:04,764
Pray to God.

1180
01:09:04,764 --> 01:09:06,391
Praying to God.

1181
01:09:08,185 --> 01:09:09,435
(BEEPlNG)

1182
01:09:15,192 --> 01:09:17,318
DOT: (PANlCKlNG) Careful.

1183
01:09:24,910 --> 01:09:26,661
What are you doing?

1184
01:09:26,661 --> 01:09:27,996
Scanning.

1185
01:09:32,668 --> 01:09:34,043
(WHlRRlNG)

1186
01:09:35,296 --> 01:09:37,005
There's gotta be
a self-destruct mechanism

1187
01:09:37,005 --> 01:09:39,090
somewhere in
the central brain area.

1188
01:09:43,721 --> 01:09:45,430
l think
we just found it.

1189
01:09:45,430 --> 01:09:47,265
Where?
Watch.

1190
01:09:47,265 --> 01:09:49,058
(FLlPPlNG SWlTCH)

1191
01:09:52,563 --> 01:09:54,647
Bingo!
There it is.

1192
01:09:56,066 --> 01:09:57,859
lt's right below us.

1193
01:09:58,569 --> 01:10:00,111
Put her in hover, Barf.

1194
01:10:00,111 --> 01:10:01,654
Putting her in hover.

1195
01:10:02,489 --> 01:10:03,531
l'm going
down there.

1196
01:10:03,531 --> 01:10:05,575
He's going
down there.

1197
01:10:06,118 --> 01:10:07,535
l wouldn't.

1198
01:10:49,286 --> 01:10:51,454
What the hell
are you doing?

1199
01:10:52,539 --> 01:10:54,415
The Vulcan
neck pinch?

1200
01:10:55,000 --> 01:10:57,961
No, stupid. You got
it much too high.

1201
01:10:57,961 --> 01:11:00,755
lt's down here where the
shoulder meets the neck.

1202
01:11:00,755 --> 01:11:02,173
Like this?

1203
01:11:02,173 --> 01:11:03,341
Yeah.

1204
01:11:06,053 --> 01:11:07,303
Thanks.

1205
01:11:12,851 --> 01:11:16,104
AUTOMATED VOlCE: Hand print
identification, please.

1206
01:11:22,361 --> 01:11:23,653
(BEEPlNG)

1207
01:11:26,198 --> 01:11:27,657
Thanks again.

1208
01:11:35,582 --> 01:11:37,041
ls that you, Mylar?

1209
01:11:48,262 --> 01:11:50,430
Who are you? What are
you doing with that?

1210
01:11:50,430 --> 01:11:51,723
This!

1211
01:11:52,182 --> 01:11:53,182
(SCREAMS)

1212
01:11:55,436 --> 01:11:56,769
(GROANlNG)

1213
01:11:56,769 --> 01:11:58,813
Sweet dreams.

1214
01:12:16,081 --> 01:12:18,291
Not so fast,
Lone Starr.

1215
01:12:18,834 --> 01:12:20,084
Helmet.

1216
01:12:20,502 --> 01:12:24,797
So. At last we meet for the
first time for the last time.

1217
01:12:25,257 --> 01:12:26,591
(lNAUDlBLE)

1218
01:12:27,593 --> 01:12:32,055
Before you die, there is something
you should know about us, Lone Starr.

1219
01:12:33,057 --> 01:12:34,182
What?

1220
01:12:34,600 --> 01:12:39,979
l am your father's brother's
nephew's cousin's former roommate.

1221
01:12:42,941 --> 01:12:44,650
What's that make us?

1222
01:12:44,650 --> 01:12:46,611
Absolutely nothing!

1223
01:12:46,945 --> 01:12:49,614
Which is what
you are about to become.

1224
01:12:50,908 --> 01:12:52,784
Prepare to die.

1225
01:13:00,167 --> 01:13:05,046
You have the ring, and l see
your Schwartz is as big as mine.

1226
01:13:07,299 --> 01:13:10,301
Now let's see
how well you handle it.

1227
01:13:13,305 --> 01:13:14,847
(BOTH GRUNTlNG)

1228
01:13:30,239 --> 01:13:31,614
(SCREAMlNG)

1229
01:13:33,158 --> 01:13:34,492
(STUTTERS)

1230
01:13:34,743 --> 01:13:35,868
He did it.

1231
01:13:35,868 --> 01:13:37,036
What?

1232
01:13:53,804 --> 01:13:57,181
Shit! l hate it when l
get my Schwartz twisted.

1233
01:13:57,891 --> 01:14:02,603
Maybe if l put my leg up on yours,
we could scoot apart, like...

1234
01:14:03,188 --> 01:14:06,065
Good. Yeah, on three.
One, two, three, go!

1235
01:14:17,453 --> 01:14:18,828
(CRACKLlNG)

1236
01:14:29,214 --> 01:14:30,548
(LAUGHlNG)

1237
01:14:36,388 --> 01:14:37,930
(BOTH GRUNTlNG)

1238
01:14:43,312 --> 01:14:44,687
(GROANlNG)

1239
01:14:48,484 --> 01:14:52,445
So, Lone Starr,
Yogurt has taught you well.

1240
01:14:53,572 --> 01:14:56,866
lf there's one thing l
despise, it is a fair fight.

1241
01:14:57,242 --> 01:14:59,410
But if I must,
then l must.

1242
01:14:59,410 --> 01:15:01,412
May the best man win.

1243
01:15:02,414 --> 01:15:03,915
Put her there.

1244
01:15:07,669 --> 01:15:11,797
The ring! l can't believe you fell
for the oldest trick in the book.

1245
01:15:12,257 --> 01:15:16,427
What a goof! What's
with you, man? Come on.

1246
01:15:16,803 --> 01:15:19,180
You know what? Here, let
me give it back to you.

1247
01:15:19,180 --> 01:15:21,682
Look at that!
You fell for that, too.

1248
01:15:21,682 --> 01:15:23,726
I can't believe it, man.

1249
01:15:25,687 --> 01:15:30,399
So, Lone Starr, now you see
that evil will always triumph

1250
01:15:30,901 --> 01:15:32,902
because good is dumb.

1251
01:15:42,538 --> 01:15:44,705
Vey impressive,
Lone Starr.

1252
01:15:45,165 --> 01:15:48,125
Too bad this isn't
the Wide World of Sports.

1253
01:15:49,002 --> 01:15:52,338
YOGURT: Use the Schwartz,
Lone Starr. Use the Schwartz.

1254
01:15:52,338 --> 01:15:54,674
l can't.
l lost the ring.

1255
01:15:54,674 --> 01:15:57,593
Forget the ring.
The ring is bupkis.

1256
01:15:57,593 --> 01:16:00,012
l found it
in a Cracker Jack box.

1257
01:16:00,430 --> 01:16:04,225
The Schwartz is in you,
Lone Starr. lt's in you.

1258
01:16:04,225 --> 01:16:06,435
All right. l'll try.

1259
01:16:06,812 --> 01:16:09,355
Say goodbye to
your two best friends.

1260
01:16:09,731 --> 01:16:12,650
And l don't mean your pals
in the Winnebago.

1261
01:16:18,073 --> 01:16:19,490
(SCREAMlNG)

1262
01:16:21,326 --> 01:16:24,161
AUTOMATED VOlCE: Thank you for
pressing the self-destruct button.

1263
01:16:24,161 --> 01:16:27,331
This ship will self-destruct
in three minutes.

1264
01:16:27,331 --> 01:16:29,000
(ALARM BLARlNG)

1265
01:16:32,004 --> 01:16:35,590
What's going on? Where
the hell are we? Paris?

1266
01:16:35,590 --> 01:16:37,967
Thank you for pressing
the self-destruct button.

1267
01:16:37,967 --> 01:16:42,513
This ship will self-destruct in
exactly two minutes and 45 seconds.

1268
01:16:42,513 --> 01:16:45,099
You've got to stop it. ls
there any way to stop it?

1269
01:16:45,099 --> 01:16:47,268
l can't.
lt's irreversible.

1270
01:16:47,268 --> 01:16:48,936
Like my raincoat.

1271
01:16:48,936 --> 01:16:52,064
Attention, this is Colonel
Sandurz in forward command.

1272
01:16:52,064 --> 01:16:53,608
Abandon ship!

1273
01:16:53,608 --> 01:16:56,319
All personnel proceed
to escape pods.

1274
01:16:56,319 --> 01:16:59,280
Close down the circus.
Evacuate the zoo.

1275
01:16:59,280 --> 01:17:03,200
The self-destruct mechanism has
been activated. Abandon ship.

1276
01:17:04,036 --> 01:17:07,622
Sandurz, you gotta help me.
l don't know what to do.

1277
01:17:07,622 --> 01:17:10,416
l can't make decisions.
l'm a president!

1278
01:17:10,626 --> 01:17:12,585
AUTOMATED VOlCE: This is
your two-minute warning.

1279
01:17:12,585 --> 01:17:15,671
This ship will self-destruct
in exactly two minutes.

1280
01:17:15,671 --> 01:17:18,841
SANDURZ ON PA: Launch all escape
pods as soon as they are filled.

1281
01:17:19,176 --> 01:17:20,885
What's happening?
Where is he?

1282
01:17:21,219 --> 01:17:23,095
CHORUS: (SlNGlNG)
Spaceballs

1283
01:17:23,597 --> 01:17:25,014
Watch out!

1284
01:17:27,851 --> 01:17:29,518
Where is he?
LONE STARR: Here.

1285
01:17:29,518 --> 01:17:31,896
We've got a minute and 40 before
the end of the world. Hang on.

1286
01:17:32,397 --> 01:17:34,273
Spaceballs

1287
01:17:36,735 --> 01:17:38,027
Full throttle.
Full throttle.

1288
01:17:38,027 --> 01:17:39,779
Go to hyper-jets!
Going to hyper-jets.

1289
01:17:41,615 --> 01:17:45,743
MAN: (SlNGlNG) lf you're livin' in
a bubble and you haven't got a care

1290
01:17:45,743 --> 01:17:47,870
Get out of there. Where
do you think you're going?

1291
01:17:47,870 --> 01:17:49,121
Pizza to go!

1292
01:17:49,121 --> 01:17:50,998
Well, you're gonna
be in trouble

1293
01:17:50,998 --> 01:17:53,000
'Cause we're gonna
steal your air

1294
01:17:56,463 --> 01:17:58,422
'Cause what you got
is what we need

1295
01:17:58,422 --> 01:18:00,508
And all we do
is dirty deeds

1296
01:18:00,508 --> 01:18:02,885
We're the Spaceballs

1297
01:18:03,095 --> 01:18:04,053
Watch out!

1298
01:18:04,053 --> 01:18:06,972
'Cause we're
the Spaceballs

1299
01:18:06,972 --> 01:18:08,432
(GROWLlNG)

1300
01:18:11,228 --> 01:18:13,437
That's my escape pod.
Who are you?

1301
01:18:13,437 --> 01:18:16,941
l'm the bearded lady. What
are you, one of the freaks?

1302
01:18:17,442 --> 01:18:18,776
(LAUGHlNG)

1303
01:18:19,277 --> 01:18:22,530
Come back!
That's my pod ! No!

1304
01:18:26,034 --> 01:18:28,786
Come back, you fat,
bearded bitch !

1305
01:18:29,955 --> 01:18:34,083
One pod left. And three of
us. And l'm the president.

1306
01:18:34,334 --> 01:18:36,669
Well, boys,
it's a very lovely ship.

1307
01:18:36,669 --> 01:18:38,754
l think you should
go down with it.

1308
01:18:39,131 --> 01:18:40,423
Goodbye!

1309
01:18:43,885 --> 01:18:46,178
What the hell's the
matter with this seat belt?

1310
01:18:46,178 --> 01:18:47,596
(SCREAMlNG)

1311
01:18:47,596 --> 01:18:48,973
(GROWLS)

1312
01:18:50,142 --> 01:18:51,517
(LAUGHlNG)

1313
01:18:53,770 --> 01:18:55,229
Spaceballs

1314
01:18:55,229 --> 01:18:58,274
AUTOMATED VOlCE: This ship will
self-destruct in 20 seconds.

1315
01:18:58,274 --> 01:19:01,277
This is your last chance to
push the cancellation button.

1316
01:19:01,277 --> 01:19:03,821
Cancellation button?
Hurry!

1317
01:19:05,323 --> 01:19:07,575
CHORUS: (SlNGlNG)
Spaceballs

1318
01:19:07,575 --> 01:19:09,243
(ALL EXCLAlMlNG)

1319
01:19:11,371 --> 01:19:12,872
Where is it?

1320
01:19:12,872 --> 01:19:14,248
lt's gotta be here.

1321
01:19:14,248 --> 01:19:15,291
SKROOB:
Out of order?

1322
01:19:15,291 --> 01:19:17,793
Fuck! Even in the
future nothing works.

1323
01:19:17,793 --> 01:19:21,172
AUTOMATED VOlCE: This ship will
self-destruct in exactly 1 0 seconds.

1324
01:19:21,172 --> 01:19:22,423
(ALL SHUDDERlNG)

1325
01:19:22,423 --> 01:19:23,924
Counting down.

1326
01:19:23,924 --> 01:19:25,676
Ten. Nine.

1327
01:19:26,303 --> 01:19:27,261
Eight.

1328
01:19:27,261 --> 01:19:28,345
Six.

1329
01:19:28,345 --> 01:19:30,431
Six? What happened
to seven?

1330
01:19:30,431 --> 01:19:32,016
Just kidding.

1331
01:19:32,517 --> 01:19:33,559
There's the other
end. Faster!

1332
01:19:33,559 --> 01:19:34,643
Seven.

1333
01:19:34,643 --> 01:19:37,730
Six. Five. Four.

1334
01:19:37,730 --> 01:19:40,608
Three. Two. One.

1335
01:19:41,193 --> 01:19:42,735
Have a nice day.

1336
01:19:42,735 --> 01:19:44,361
ALL: Thank you.

1337
01:19:54,873 --> 01:19:56,207
VESPA: We did it!

1338
01:19:56,207 --> 01:19:57,792
(ALL CHEERlNG)

1339
01:19:59,211 --> 01:20:00,503
(HOWLlNG)

1340
01:20:03,381 --> 01:20:04,965
We all did it.

1341
01:20:07,219 --> 01:20:09,053
(SPACEBALLS SCREAMlNG)

1342
01:20:24,069 --> 01:20:28,489
So, l guess you might call
that a case of man bites droid?

1343
01:20:31,451 --> 01:20:34,119
On a sadder note,
Pizza the Hutt,

1344
01:20:34,119 --> 01:20:38,791
famed half man, half pizza,
was found dead earlier today

1345
01:20:38,791 --> 01:20:41,669
in the back seat
of his stretched limo.

1346
01:20:41,669 --> 01:20:43,796
Evidently,
the notorious gangster

1347
01:20:43,796 --> 01:20:47,758
became locked in his car
and ate himself to death.

1348
01:20:48,468 --> 01:20:52,680
Coming up, Pongo's review
of Rocky 5,000.

1349
01:20:53,974 --> 01:20:54,974
Pongo.

1350
01:20:54,974 --> 01:20:56,183
PONGO: Whoever said
when you've seen...

1351
01:20:56,183 --> 01:20:58,769
Did you hear that?
Pizza kicked the bucket.

1352
01:20:58,769 --> 01:21:03,107
Now we don't have to pay him the
million. We can keep it for ourselves.

1353
01:21:03,107 --> 01:21:04,525
(SlGHlNG)

1354
01:21:22,627 --> 01:21:23,836
Daddy!

1355
01:21:24,588 --> 01:21:27,882
Vespa, my darling. l thought
l'd never see you again.

1356
01:21:27,882 --> 01:21:32,511
My sweet little daughter. l'm so
happy that you're home and safe.

1357
01:21:32,762 --> 01:21:36,640
And, little Vespa, here's someone
else who's happy to see you.

1358
01:21:39,728 --> 01:21:42,771
Hello.
Where have you been?

1359
01:21:48,862 --> 01:21:50,863
(MUSlC PLAYlNG ON RADlO)

1360
01:21:58,622 --> 01:21:59,997
Thanks, hon.

1361
01:22:05,337 --> 01:22:07,171
(ROCK MUSlC PLAYlNG)

1362
01:22:12,636 --> 01:22:15,804
Hiya, big stuff.
Hi, dream.

1363
01:22:16,181 --> 01:22:17,264
What will you have?

1364
01:22:17,264 --> 01:22:20,100
We just got a couple minutes while
we're gassing up. What's ready?

1365
01:22:20,100 --> 01:22:22,561
l can give you the space
soup, or the space special.

1366
01:22:22,561 --> 01:22:24,480
LONE STARR:
l'll have the soup.

1367
01:22:24,480 --> 01:22:25,731
Okay.

1368
01:22:25,731 --> 01:22:28,525
l'll have the cleavage.
Special.

1369
01:22:29,611 --> 01:22:32,613
Okay, one special
and one soup.

1370
01:22:35,992 --> 01:22:36,951
Ready to order?

1371
01:22:36,951 --> 01:22:38,077
Hi, yes.

1372
01:22:38,077 --> 01:22:39,495
We'll both have
the lunafish.

1373
01:22:39,495 --> 01:22:40,579
Anything to drink?

1374
01:22:40,579 --> 01:22:43,582
Hey, watch where you're
sticking that thing.

1375
01:22:43,582 --> 01:22:44,667
(EXCLAlMS)

1376
01:22:44,667 --> 01:22:46,627
Look, it's got a mind
of its own, sweetheart.

1377
01:22:46,627 --> 01:22:48,712
l can't do
a thing with it.

1378
01:22:49,047 --> 01:22:50,339
(HOWLlNG)

1379
01:22:54,970 --> 01:22:58,389
So, we were lost. None
of us knew where we were.

1380
01:22:58,389 --> 01:23:02,518
And then Harry began feeling
around on all the trees.

1381
01:23:02,518 --> 01:23:06,355
Then he said, "l got
it. We on Pluto."

1382
01:23:06,815 --> 01:23:08,899
And we say, "Harry,
how can you tell?"

1383
01:23:08,899 --> 01:23:11,610
He said, "From the
bark, you dummies."

1384
01:23:16,408 --> 01:23:17,616
(GROANlNG)

1385
01:23:17,616 --> 01:23:18,701
ls he all right?

1386
01:23:18,701 --> 01:23:21,120
MAN 1 : Yeah,
the guy digs me.

1387
01:23:21,120 --> 01:23:22,746
Hey, what's wrong
with this guy?

1388
01:23:22,746 --> 01:23:24,289
l don't know.

1389
01:23:24,289 --> 01:23:25,916
(JOHN GROANlNG)

1390
01:23:27,043 --> 01:23:28,502
Bring him
some water!

1391
01:23:28,502 --> 01:23:32,047
Water, my ass! Bring this
guy some Pepto-Bismol !

1392
01:23:32,924 --> 01:23:36,010
Waitress!
What did he order?

1393
01:23:36,010 --> 01:23:37,803
He had the special.

1394
01:23:37,803 --> 01:23:40,639
That's what l ordered.
Change my order to the soup.

1395
01:23:40,639 --> 01:23:41,807
Good move.

1396
01:23:41,807 --> 01:23:43,267
(GROANlNG)

1397
01:23:46,813 --> 01:23:48,147
(SNARLlNG)

1398
01:23:50,608 --> 01:23:53,736
Oh, no. Not again !

1399
01:23:55,822 --> 01:23:57,197
(EXCLAlMlNG)

1400
01:23:57,197 --> 01:23:58,615
(GROWLlNG)

1401
01:24:05,915 --> 01:24:08,250
(SlNGlNG) Hello, my
baby Hello, my honey

1402
01:24:08,250 --> 01:24:10,627
Hello, my ragtime gal

1403
01:24:10,627 --> 01:24:15,299
Send me a kiss by wire
Baby, my heart's on fire

1404
01:24:15,299 --> 01:24:17,760
lf you refuse me,
Honey, you'll lose me

1405
01:24:17,760 --> 01:24:19,136
Then you'll be
left alone

1406
01:24:19,136 --> 01:24:24,183
Oh, baby, telephone and
tell me l'm your own

1407
01:24:26,978 --> 01:24:28,479
BOTH: Check, please.

1408
01:24:39,157 --> 01:24:41,575
Five minutes
to magic time.

1409
01:24:41,575 --> 01:24:45,037
Are you all right, my dear?
You look a little flighty.

1410
01:24:45,037 --> 01:24:48,540
Don't worry about me, Father.
l'm completely over him.

1411
01:24:48,540 --> 01:24:49,708
(SCOFFS)

1412
01:24:49,708 --> 01:24:51,585
Didn't even stay
for the wedding.

1413
01:24:51,585 --> 01:24:54,588
Just grabbed his million
space bucks and ran.

1414
01:24:54,588 --> 01:24:56,757
He didn't
take the million.

1415
01:24:56,757 --> 01:24:58,092
He didn't?

1416
01:24:58,092 --> 01:25:03,055
No. He just took 248 space
bucks for lunch, gas and tolls.

1417
01:25:13,441 --> 01:25:15,776
l still can't believe
you turned down the money.

1418
01:25:15,776 --> 01:25:19,279
At least we could have stayed for
the wedding feast. l'm starving.

1419
01:25:19,279 --> 01:25:21,573
Have you got
anything to eat?

1420
01:25:22,534 --> 01:25:25,744
Wait a minute. Yogurt gave
me that fortune cookie.

1421
01:25:26,121 --> 01:25:27,371
Here, chow down.

1422
01:25:27,371 --> 01:25:29,289
Wow, thanks. l'll
split it with you.

1423
01:25:29,289 --> 01:25:30,707
No.
Okay.

1424
01:25:35,088 --> 01:25:36,171
BOTH: Yogurt!

1425
01:25:36,171 --> 01:25:37,589
Hello, boys.

1426
01:25:37,841 --> 01:25:41,301
Well, you opened your fortune
cookie, so here's your fortune.

1427
01:25:41,301 --> 01:25:45,305
Lone Starr, you know that medallion
that you wear around your neck

1428
01:25:45,305 --> 01:25:47,474
but you don't know
what it means?

1429
01:25:47,474 --> 01:25:50,894
Here's what it means. lt's
a royal birth certificate.

1430
01:25:50,894 --> 01:25:55,440
Yes! Your father was a king.
Your mother was a queen.

1431
01:25:55,440 --> 01:25:59,153
Which makes you
a certified prince.

1432
01:25:59,153 --> 01:26:01,822
Hey, l'm a prince!

1433
01:26:01,822 --> 01:26:04,116
l'm a prince.
Which means. . .

1434
01:26:04,116 --> 01:26:08,328
Which means, if you hury, there
could be a princess in your future.

1435
01:26:08,328 --> 01:26:11,331
lf you want to get back there
before she marries Sleeping Beauty,

1436
01:26:11,331 --> 01:26:14,668
there's a special can of fuel
in your glove compartment.

1437
01:26:14,668 --> 01:26:15,752
Good luck, boys.

1438
01:26:15,752 --> 01:26:16,879
Bye, Yogurt.

1439
01:26:16,879 --> 01:26:19,673
And, Yogurt, thanks.

1440
01:26:19,673 --> 01:26:21,175
You're welcome.

1441
01:26:21,175 --> 01:26:25,470
And may the Schwartz
be with you!

1442
01:26:25,470 --> 01:26:27,306
(SCATTlNG GlBBERlSH)

1443
01:26:30,476 --> 01:26:32,311
Barf, open that
glove compartment.

1444
01:26:32,311 --> 01:26:34,438
You got it,
Your Highness.

1445
01:26:37,817 --> 01:26:40,527
Wow! Liquid Schwartz!

1446
01:26:40,527 --> 01:26:42,529
Quick, pour it
in the emergency tank.

1447
01:26:42,529 --> 01:26:43,822
Right.

1448
01:26:47,076 --> 01:26:48,535
Look at that.

1449
01:26:50,163 --> 01:26:51,246
Done!

1450
01:26:51,246 --> 01:26:54,291
Hang on, Barf, we're
gonna make spacetracks.

1451
01:26:54,291 --> 01:26:56,043
(ENGlNES REVVlNG)

1452
01:27:04,427 --> 01:27:06,803
(SPACEBALLS SCREAMlNG)

1453
01:27:33,623 --> 01:27:35,123
(GULLS CAWlNG)

1454
01:27:47,178 --> 01:27:50,639
Dear me, what are those
things coming out of her nose?

1455
01:27:52,183 --> 01:27:53,934
Hey, watch my helmet.

1456
01:27:53,934 --> 01:27:55,352
(GRUNTlNG)

1457
01:27:57,355 --> 01:27:59,314
Spaceballs?

1458
01:27:59,565 --> 01:28:02,276
Oh, shit.
There goes the planet.

1459
01:28:05,530 --> 01:28:09,408
Dearly beloved, we are
gathered here together

1460
01:28:12,203 --> 01:28:14,121
Why didn't you tell me
he didn't take the money?

1461
01:28:14,121 --> 01:28:16,123
l didn't think
it was important.

1462
01:28:16,123 --> 01:28:17,833
May l continue,
please?

1463
01:28:17,833 --> 01:28:20,544
Besides, he asked me
not to tell you.

1464
01:28:21,212 --> 01:28:22,546
Thank you.

1465
01:28:23,047 --> 01:28:27,843
To join Princess Vespa
and Princess Valium. . .

1466
01:28:29,095 --> 01:28:31,096
l'm sorry,
it's the hair.

1467
01:28:31,723 --> 01:28:36,018
Prince Valium in the
bonds of holy matrimony.

1468
01:28:36,018 --> 01:28:39,646
l see it all now. Don't
you see? He loves me!

1469
01:28:39,646 --> 01:28:41,606
l'm trying to conduct
a wedding here,

1470
01:28:41,606 --> 01:28:42,941
which has nothing
to do with love.

1471
01:28:42,941 --> 01:28:44,568
Please be quiet.
l'm sorry.

1472
01:28:44,568 --> 01:28:45,652
l'm sorry.

1473
01:28:45,652 --> 01:28:46,737
l'm sorry, too.

1474
01:28:46,737 --> 01:28:48,071
Don't be sorry.
Be quiet!

1475
01:28:48,071 --> 01:28:49,948
ALL THREE: l'm sorry!

1476
01:28:52,702 --> 01:28:56,747
To join Princess Vespa
and Prince Valium

1477
01:28:56,747 --> 01:28:59,082
in the bonds of holy

1478
01:28:59,082 --> 01:29:00,751
(RUMBLlNG)
moly!

1479
01:29:01,336 --> 01:29:02,961
(ALL EXCLAlMlNG)

1480
01:29:06,174 --> 01:29:07,257
Matrimony.

1481
01:29:07,257 --> 01:29:09,968
That's him ! l know
it's him. He's come back.

1482
01:29:09,968 --> 01:29:13,513
That's it! l'm gonna take no more
chances. We're doing the short version.

1483
01:29:13,513 --> 01:29:17,351
Prince Valium, do you take Princess
Vespa to be your lawfully wedded wife?

1484
01:29:17,351 --> 01:29:21,146
Princess Vespa, do you take Prince
Valium to be your lawfully wedded husband?

1485
01:29:21,146 --> 01:29:23,565
(STUTTERlNG)
Well, l suppose.

1486
01:29:23,775 --> 01:29:25,650
Well. . .
Oh, l don't know.

1487
01:29:25,650 --> 01:29:27,069
LONE STARR:
No! She doesn't!

1488
01:29:27,069 --> 01:29:28,278
What?

1489
01:29:28,278 --> 01:29:29,863
(ALL GASPlNG)

1490
01:29:33,284 --> 01:29:35,118
Who the hell are you?

1491
01:29:35,118 --> 01:29:37,120
Prince Lone Starr.

1492
01:29:37,120 --> 01:29:38,455
Prince?

1493
01:29:38,455 --> 01:29:40,957
l just found out.
That's what this says.

1494
01:29:40,957 --> 01:29:43,168
l'm an honest to God prince.

1495
01:29:43,795 --> 01:29:45,462
Will you marry me?

1496
01:29:45,797 --> 01:29:47,923
Well, let me
think about it.

1497
01:29:49,050 --> 01:29:50,175
Yes.

1498
01:29:50,175 --> 01:29:51,426
l'm sick of this.

1499
01:29:51,426 --> 01:29:54,721
l don't give a damn who it is, but
l'm gonna marry somebody today!

1500
01:29:54,721 --> 01:29:56,556
Who are you?
l'm the best man.

1501
01:29:56,556 --> 01:29:58,058
What's your name?
Barf.

1502
01:29:58,058 --> 01:29:59,309
Your full name.

1503
01:29:59,309 --> 01:30:00,644
Barfolomew.

1504
01:30:00,644 --> 01:30:02,062
Are you the one
that's getting married?

1505
01:30:02,062 --> 01:30:03,146
No.

1506
01:30:03,146 --> 01:30:04,731
Then get over there!

1507
01:30:04,731 --> 01:30:07,901
Okay, here we go.
The short, short version.

1508
01:30:08,319 --> 01:30:10,278
Do you?
Yes.

1509
01:30:10,488 --> 01:30:11,696
Do you?
Yes!

1510
01:30:11,696 --> 01:30:14,074
Good. You're married.
Kiss her.

1511
01:30:14,534 --> 01:30:17,327
l love you.

1512
01:30:28,339 --> 01:30:30,549
(SNlFFLlNG)
Well, goodbye, Virgin Alarm.

1513
01:32:27,458 --> 01:32:29,209
(SPACEBALLS PLAYlNG)

1514
01:32:48,145 --> 01:32:52,482
MAN: (SlNGlNG) lf you're livin' in
a bubble and you haven't got a care

1515
01:32:55,736 --> 01:32:57,571
Well, you're gonna
be in trouble

1516
01:32:57,571 --> 01:33:00,198
'Cause we're gonna
steal your air

1517
01:33:03,035 --> 01:33:05,036
'Cause what you got
is what we need

1518
01:33:05,036 --> 01:33:07,038
And all we do
is dirty deeds

1519
01:33:07,038 --> 01:33:09,499
We're the Spaceballs

1520
01:33:09,917 --> 01:33:10,917
CHORUS: Watch out!

1521
01:33:10,917 --> 01:33:13,670
'Cause we're
the Spaceballs

1522
01:33:14,672 --> 01:33:16,590
We're the masters of space

1523
01:33:16,590 --> 01:33:18,425
MAN: Hey,
don't mess around

1524
01:33:18,425 --> 01:33:20,677
With the Spaceballs

1525
01:33:29,812 --> 01:33:31,605
Going cruising
in a spaceship

1526
01:33:31,605 --> 01:33:34,024
We're so good at being bad

1527
01:33:37,361 --> 01:33:41,656
We'll destroy your little
planet if you ever get us mad

1528
01:33:44,702 --> 01:33:46,620
We're mothers of the galaxy

1529
01:33:46,620 --> 01:33:48,955
You better scatter
when you see

1530
01:33:48,955 --> 01:33:51,333
The Spaceballs!

1531
01:33:51,333 --> 01:33:52,584
Watch out!

1532
01:33:52,584 --> 01:33:55,128
We're the Spaceballs

1533
01:33:56,005 --> 01:33:58,048
We're the masters of space

1534
01:33:58,048 --> 01:33:59,966
Say what?
Don't mess around

1535
01:33:59,966 --> 01:34:02,427
With the Spaceballs

1536
01:34:02,887 --> 01:34:04,554
Watch out!

1537
01:34:33,125 --> 01:34:35,710
We're mothers of the galaxy

1538
01:34:35,710 --> 01:34:40,256
We're gonna take
the air you breathe

1539
01:34:40,716 --> 01:34:44,052
Oh, Spaceballs!

1540
01:34:44,512 --> 01:34:45,595
Watch out!

1541
01:34:45,595 --> 01:34:48,556
We're the Spaceballs

1542
01:34:48,766 --> 01:34:51,434
We're the masters of space

1543
01:34:51,811 --> 01:34:55,313
Don't mess around
with the Spaceballs

1544
01:34:55,313 --> 01:34:56,731
Duck!
Watch out!

1545
01:34:56,731 --> 01:34:59,609
We're the Spaceballs

1546
01:35:00,611 --> 01:35:03,113
We're the masters of space

1547
01:35:03,113 --> 01:35:06,991
Don't mess around
with the Spaceballs

1548
01:35:06,991 --> 01:35:08,118
Watch out!

1549
01:35:08,118 --> 01:35:10,620
We've got
a bossin' little ship

1550
01:35:11,706 --> 01:35:13,998
So you better
watch your lip

1551
01:35:15,501 --> 01:35:18,420
'Cause we're the Spaceballs

1552
01:35:18,420 --> 01:35:19,546
Watch out!

1553
01:35:19,546 --> 01:35:21,881
You may think
that you are bad

1554
01:35:23,300 --> 01:35:26,052
But believe you can be had

1555
01:35:26,887 --> 01:35:29,848
By the Spaceballs

1556
01:35:29,848 --> 01:35:30,932
Watch out!

1557
01:35:30,932 --> 01:35:33,435
We're the Spaceballs

1558
01:35:33,435 --> 01:35:34,561
Watch out!

1559
01:35:34,561 --> 01:35:37,397
We're the Spaceballs

1560
01:35:37,982 --> 01:35:40,942
We're the masters of space

1561
01:35:40,942 --> 01:35:45,071
Don't mess around
with the Spaceballs

1562
01:35:46,490 --> 01:35:48,241
We're so bad and mean

1563
01:35:49,744 --> 01:35:52,620
We make nightmares
out of dreams

1564
01:35:53,539 --> 01:35:54,539
We're the Spaceballs

1565
01:36:01,547 --> 01:36:02,589
You better

1566
01:36:02,589 --> 01:36:03,840
Watch out!

1567
01:36:03,840 --> 01:36:05,425
(MAN LAUGHlNG)