1 00:00:08,376 --> 00:00:14,076 ** (tense music) 2 00:01:11,372 --> 00:01:17,252 ** (suspenseful music) 3 00:01:22,850 --> 00:01:23,550 >> Hey, y'all, hey-- 4 00:01:23,551 --> 00:01:24,291 hey, yo, what's up? 5 00:01:24,285 --> 00:01:25,685 Y'all like hip-hop, man? 6 00:01:25,686 --> 00:01:26,846 Young Maurice The God, man. 7 00:01:26,854 --> 00:01:28,124 Buy my album, man. 8 00:01:28,122 --> 00:01:29,292 It's a mission without a genre. 9 00:01:29,290 --> 00:01:31,530 It's trap music, bluegrass. 10 00:01:31,525 --> 00:01:32,955 Support a artist, baby. 11 00:01:32,993 --> 00:01:38,833 ** 12 00:01:52,413 --> 00:01:56,453 ** 13 00:02:13,901 --> 00:02:14,741 >> (whispering) I'm not wearing 14 00:02:14,735 --> 00:02:16,535 any underwear. 15 00:02:23,110 --> 00:02:24,010 >> Then how do you block 16 00:02:24,011 --> 00:02:27,081 the dookies? 17 00:02:27,080 --> 00:02:28,150 They just fall out? 18 00:02:30,251 --> 00:02:32,421 ** 19 00:02:32,420 --> 00:02:34,090 >> Okay, this "Free Whaley" 20 00:02:34,087 --> 00:02:35,817 script is near perfect. 21 00:02:35,856 --> 00:02:37,186 >> I tear up every time 22 00:02:37,191 --> 00:02:38,291 I read it, I really do. 23 00:02:38,292 --> 00:02:39,292 >> Thank you-- you know, 24 00:02:39,293 --> 00:02:40,793 I grew up loving whales, 25 00:02:40,794 --> 00:02:42,304 and I just hope this film 26 00:02:42,296 --> 00:02:43,696 inspires people. 27 00:02:43,697 --> 00:02:44,697 >> Now, we do have some, uh-- 28 00:02:44,698 --> 00:02:46,298 some minor notes, but-- 29 00:02:46,300 --> 00:02:47,740 but I say let's get production 30 00:02:47,735 --> 00:02:48,465 underway. 31 00:02:48,469 --> 00:02:49,439 >> That's fantastic. 32 00:02:49,437 --> 00:02:50,097 >> Okay, great. 33 00:02:50,103 --> 00:02:52,143 Well, first things first, 34 00:02:52,139 --> 00:02:53,969 uh, in order to make a movie 35 00:02:53,974 --> 00:02:55,744 about freeing a whale, 36 00:02:55,743 --> 00:02:57,883 we have to steal a whale 37 00:02:57,878 --> 00:03:00,548 from its family and keep it 38 00:03:00,548 --> 00:03:02,718 as a whale actor/slave. 39 00:03:02,716 --> 00:03:03,446 Betty, can you call the whale 40 00:03:03,451 --> 00:03:05,551 slaver? 41 00:03:05,553 --> 00:03:07,053 >> Hello? Whale slaver. 42 00:03:07,054 --> 00:03:08,294 Yeah, I just wanna order one 43 00:03:08,289 --> 00:03:09,089 whale slave. 44 00:03:09,089 --> 00:03:11,829 >> You got it, one whale. 45 00:03:11,825 --> 00:03:14,395 (whales bellowing) 46 00:03:14,395 --> 00:03:16,725 Say your prayers, 47 00:03:16,730 --> 00:03:18,400 you greasy whale! 48 00:03:18,399 --> 00:03:20,929 (laughs) 49 00:03:20,934 --> 00:03:23,604 I hate whales. 50 00:03:23,604 --> 00:03:25,074 >> Hey, pal, great rewrites. 51 00:03:25,072 --> 00:03:26,572 I mean, really, just awesome. 52 00:03:26,574 --> 00:03:27,244 You know, just one little 53 00:03:27,241 --> 00:03:27,911 hiccup, though. 54 00:03:27,908 --> 00:03:29,608 Uh, the whale slave died. 55 00:03:29,610 --> 00:03:30,240 >> What? 56 00:03:30,244 --> 00:03:31,584 >> Apparently, sink water 57 00:03:31,579 --> 00:03:32,409 doesn't cut it. 58 00:03:32,413 --> 00:03:33,013 >> Yeah, and pizza has 59 00:03:33,013 --> 00:03:34,083 no whale nutrients. 60 00:03:34,081 --> 00:03:35,151 >> Fed him pizza? 61 00:03:35,148 --> 00:03:36,248 Man, that's horrible. 62 00:03:36,250 --> 00:03:37,350 >> No, it's fine, the studio 63 00:03:37,351 --> 00:03:38,121 thinks this movie 64 00:03:38,118 --> 00:03:40,448 is so inspiring 65 00:03:40,454 --> 00:03:41,764 and heartwarming that they're 66 00:03:41,755 --> 00:03:43,585 willing to pay for extra 67 00:03:43,591 --> 00:03:47,461 abducting and enslaving. 68 00:03:47,461 --> 00:03:48,601 >> Hi, whale slaver. 69 00:03:48,596 --> 00:03:49,526 Yeah, could you go ahead 70 00:03:49,530 --> 00:03:50,800 and kidnap another whale 71 00:03:50,798 --> 00:03:51,668 from its whale mother 72 00:03:51,665 --> 00:03:52,365 so we can act like 73 00:03:52,366 --> 00:03:53,426 we're freeing it in a movie? 74 00:03:53,434 --> 00:03:55,844 >> You got it. 75 00:03:55,836 --> 00:03:57,336 (whale bellows) 76 00:03:57,338 --> 00:03:58,438 Whale! 77 00:03:58,439 --> 00:04:01,609 (whales bellowing) 78 00:04:01,609 --> 00:04:04,009 I'd like to ug your blowhole 79 00:04:04,011 --> 00:04:06,381 with cement after I've had 80 00:04:06,380 --> 00:04:07,720 my way with ya! 81 00:04:07,715 --> 00:04:10,375 Har! Yarr! 82 00:04:10,384 --> 00:04:12,724 >> Now, we are in great shape. 83 00:04:12,720 --> 00:04:13,720 >> We are. 84 00:04:13,721 --> 00:04:15,521 (whale crying) 85 00:04:15,523 --> 00:04:16,323 Jesus Christ. 86 00:04:16,324 --> 00:04:17,124 Can you give me the stapler? 87 00:04:17,124 --> 00:04:19,634 >> Yeah. 88 00:04:19,627 --> 00:04:21,457 >> Shut up! 89 00:04:21,462 --> 00:04:22,832 Jesus Christ, these whale 90 00:04:22,830 --> 00:04:25,400 slaves wine a (bleep)-load. 91 00:04:25,399 --> 00:04:26,569 >> Now-- now, we love how 92 00:04:26,567 --> 00:04:28,737 Whaley, in the script, has a sad 93 00:04:28,736 --> 00:04:30,296 dorsal fin, but the fin 94 00:04:30,304 --> 00:04:31,714 on our whale slave is very 95 00:04:31,705 --> 00:04:33,365 strong and mighty, so we're-- 96 00:04:33,374 --> 00:04:34,584 we're thinking of melting it. 97 00:04:34,575 --> 00:04:36,205 >> That's enough, all right? 98 00:04:36,209 --> 00:04:37,979 I wrote this film to help 99 00:04:37,978 --> 00:04:40,148 whales, not hurt them. 100 00:04:40,147 --> 00:04:41,177 >> Hey, let's take it down 101 00:04:41,181 --> 00:04:42,551 a notch, it's okay. 102 00:04:42,550 --> 00:04:43,920 >> It's gonna be okay. 103 00:04:43,917 --> 00:04:45,317 >> I'm not gonna relax. 104 00:04:45,319 --> 00:04:46,989 You know what I'm gonna do? 105 00:04:46,987 --> 00:04:50,657 I'm gonna free "Free Whaley." 106 00:04:50,658 --> 00:04:53,428 (whale crying) 107 00:04:53,427 --> 00:04:56,997 Whaley... I'm gonna free you. 108 00:04:56,997 --> 00:04:59,827 Just don't forget me, okay? 109 00:04:59,833 --> 00:05:01,173 I won't forget you. 110 00:05:04,037 --> 00:05:06,167 (screams) 111 00:05:06,173 --> 00:05:09,513 Help! Somebody! 112 00:05:09,510 --> 00:05:11,210 >> Nothing stops this movie. 113 00:05:11,211 --> 00:05:12,451 >> Stop! 114 00:05:12,446 --> 00:05:13,706 >> (announcer) It's official. 115 00:05:13,714 --> 00:05:15,354 Everyone loves the movie 116 00:05:15,349 --> 00:05:16,619 "Free Whaley." 117 00:05:16,617 --> 00:05:17,747 >> Whaley is my favorite 118 00:05:17,751 --> 00:05:19,251 whale slave! 119 00:05:19,252 --> 00:05:21,292 >> I wanna be a whale slaver 120 00:05:21,288 --> 00:05:24,258 so I can harpoon whale flesh. 121 00:05:24,257 --> 00:05:25,857 >> My dad has a pool, and we're 122 00:05:25,859 --> 00:05:27,699 gonna try to fit a whale in it. 123 00:05:27,695 --> 00:05:29,995 >> Yeah, it's a pretty big pool. 124 00:05:30,030 --> 00:05:31,700 >> Support an upcoming artist? 125 00:05:31,699 --> 00:05:33,269 Just trying to feed my hamsters. 126 00:05:33,266 --> 00:05:34,896 >> Please don't stare, okay. 127 00:05:34,902 --> 00:05:36,872 I'm just-- I'm just a guy. 128 00:05:36,870 --> 00:05:38,870 My eyes are up here, okay? 129 00:05:38,872 --> 00:05:40,912 >> Anybody have a bathtub? 130 00:05:40,908 --> 00:05:42,978 Like, a-- like, a big bathtub? 131 00:05:42,976 --> 00:05:44,376 >> Anybody wanna buy a plastic 132 00:05:44,378 --> 00:05:45,208 jewel case? 133 00:05:45,212 --> 00:05:46,112 Plastic jewel cases, 134 00:05:46,113 --> 00:05:46,883 plastic jewel cases, 135 00:05:46,880 --> 00:05:47,720 plastic jewel cases. 136 00:05:47,715 --> 00:05:48,715 >> I'm not sure how much longer 137 00:05:48,716 --> 00:05:50,046 he's gonna last. 138 00:05:50,050 --> 00:05:51,250 >> Does anyone want a free-- 139 00:05:51,251 --> 00:05:52,891 I'm doing free tickling. 140 00:05:52,886 --> 00:05:54,786 Do you want a free tickle? 141 00:06:01,061 --> 00:06:02,561 >> That's cool. 142 00:06:02,563 --> 00:06:03,303 >> The bike? 143 00:06:03,296 --> 00:06:04,156 >> Sure, is that what 144 00:06:04,164 --> 00:06:05,934 they call it? 145 00:06:05,933 --> 00:06:07,603 >> What do you mean? 146 00:06:07,601 --> 00:06:08,271 >> What do you do? 147 00:06:08,268 --> 00:06:09,298 You just, uh-- you get it 148 00:06:09,302 --> 00:06:12,312 on its foot, or... 149 00:06:12,305 --> 00:06:13,635 >> No, no, no, no, no, no. 150 00:06:13,641 --> 00:06:14,311 Okay, all right, 151 00:06:14,307 --> 00:06:15,237 no, no, no, no, no. 152 00:06:15,242 --> 00:06:17,242 You put this leg over the seat 153 00:06:17,244 --> 00:06:18,254 and on this pedal. 154 00:06:18,245 --> 00:06:19,605 >> Okay. 155 00:06:19,613 --> 00:06:20,513 >> Yeah, there you go, there you 156 00:06:20,514 --> 00:06:23,784 go, keep going, keep going. 157 00:06:23,784 --> 00:06:24,454 >> And then, the other leg? 158 00:06:24,452 --> 00:06:27,122 >> Yeah, then you gotta... 159 00:06:27,120 --> 00:06:30,260 Put your leg over. 160 00:06:30,257 --> 00:06:31,317 >> Put it there? 161 00:06:31,324 --> 00:06:32,764 >> Yeah, yeah, there you go. 162 00:06:32,760 --> 00:06:34,700 Yeah, and one foot there. 163 00:06:34,695 --> 00:06:35,595 >> And then, you just-- 164 00:06:35,596 --> 00:06:36,856 and then-- okay. 165 00:06:36,864 --> 00:06:37,934 >> Okay, so now, you're gonna 166 00:06:37,931 --> 00:06:39,931 start pedaling. 167 00:06:39,933 --> 00:06:42,103 (laughs) 168 00:06:42,102 --> 00:06:43,202 Come on, go, go, go. 169 00:06:43,203 --> 00:06:44,273 Start pedaling. 170 00:06:44,271 --> 00:06:46,241 >> (screams) 171 00:06:48,976 --> 00:06:50,176 >> So, look, the trick is to put 172 00:06:50,177 --> 00:06:51,377 your fingers on the laces, 173 00:06:51,378 --> 00:06:52,008 all right? 174 00:06:52,012 --> 00:06:53,152 But, when you throw, 175 00:06:53,146 --> 00:06:54,716 just follow through. 176 00:06:54,715 --> 00:06:55,375 Good job, man. 177 00:06:55,382 --> 00:06:57,382 >> Oh, wow, that's so easy. 178 00:06:57,384 --> 00:06:58,524 You're such a great big brother. 179 00:06:58,519 --> 00:06:59,449 >> Ah, get outta here, Ches. 180 00:06:59,453 --> 00:07:00,123 You know what? 181 00:07:00,120 --> 00:07:01,150 After you finish your homework, 182 00:07:01,154 --> 00:07:02,194 we can go outside and toss it 183 00:07:02,189 --> 00:07:03,019 around a few times, all right? 184 00:07:03,023 --> 00:07:03,823 >> Sounds like a plan. 185 00:07:03,824 --> 00:07:04,834 >> All right, cool. 186 00:07:04,825 --> 00:07:05,525 You know, with my help, 187 00:07:05,526 --> 00:07:06,856 you might be the next Tom Brady. 188 00:07:06,860 --> 00:07:08,030 >> I wanna be like Eli Manning. 189 00:07:08,028 --> 00:07:09,298 >> Ah, get outta here, man. 190 00:07:09,296 --> 00:07:10,626 >> Chester, guess who's got 191 00:07:10,631 --> 00:07:11,301 peanut brittle. 192 00:07:11,298 --> 00:07:14,128 It's gonna be a wild... 193 00:07:14,134 --> 00:07:16,204 night. 194 00:07:16,203 --> 00:07:17,573 Chester, who-- 195 00:07:17,571 --> 00:07:18,511 who's this? 196 00:07:18,506 --> 00:07:20,136 >> Thomas, this is, uh-- 197 00:07:20,140 --> 00:07:21,540 this is my big brother. 198 00:07:21,542 --> 00:07:22,312 >> Well, Chester, what are you-- 199 00:07:22,309 --> 00:07:23,179 what are you talking about? 200 00:07:23,176 --> 00:07:24,476 I'm your big brother. 201 00:07:24,478 --> 00:07:25,378 >> I-- I know. 202 00:07:25,378 --> 00:07:26,248 >> I'll take it from here, 203 00:07:26,246 --> 00:07:27,716 little Chester. 204 00:07:27,715 --> 00:07:30,315 Thomas, dude, listen. 205 00:07:30,317 --> 00:07:32,087 Your little brother just joined 206 00:07:32,085 --> 00:07:33,485 the Big Brother program. 207 00:07:33,487 --> 00:07:34,657 >> Big Brother program? 208 00:07:34,655 --> 00:07:36,215 I-- I'm his big brother. 209 00:07:36,223 --> 00:07:37,423 We-- we have the same parents. 210 00:07:37,424 --> 00:07:39,494 >> Yeah, I know. 211 00:07:39,493 --> 00:07:42,003 The thing is... 212 00:07:41,995 --> 00:07:43,725 you're a (bleep) dork, dude. 213 00:07:43,731 --> 00:07:44,531 >> What? 214 00:07:44,532 --> 00:07:45,672 >> I mean, help me out, Chester. 215 00:07:45,666 --> 00:07:46,596 Am I wrong? 216 00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:47,540 >> I just started to think about 217 00:07:47,535 --> 00:07:50,065 it, and I really just didn't 218 00:07:50,070 --> 00:07:52,010 want you influencing me. 219 00:07:52,005 --> 00:07:53,905 >> I-- I'm a great influence. 220 00:07:53,907 --> 00:07:54,677 >> Dude, you're wearing a yellow 221 00:07:54,675 --> 00:07:57,035 shirt with a dragon on it. 222 00:07:57,044 --> 00:07:58,854 >> Well, I'm-- I'm good at math. 223 00:07:58,846 --> 00:07:59,506 >> Okay. 224 00:07:59,513 --> 00:08:00,183 >> Chester, how many times 225 00:08:00,180 --> 00:08:00,850 have I helped you with 226 00:08:00,848 --> 00:08:01,918 your math homework? 227 00:08:01,915 --> 00:08:03,445 >> Thomas, I didn't understand 228 00:08:03,450 --> 00:08:05,190 any of it because it was coming 229 00:08:05,185 --> 00:08:07,045 out of your dork lips. 230 00:08:07,054 --> 00:08:10,194 >> Okay, well, maybe I can hang 231 00:08:10,190 --> 00:08:11,360 out with the two of you. 232 00:08:11,358 --> 00:08:12,528 You know, pick some things up? 233 00:08:12,526 --> 00:08:13,186 >> You know what? 234 00:08:13,193 --> 00:08:14,533 That-- you're-- you're right. 235 00:08:14,528 --> 00:08:15,528 Yeah, that could happen, yes. 236 00:08:15,529 --> 00:08:16,129 >> Really? 237 00:08:16,129 --> 00:08:16,759 >> No. 238 00:08:16,764 --> 00:08:17,434 >> Okay. 239 00:08:17,430 --> 00:08:19,270 >> Thomas, the Big Brother 240 00:08:19,266 --> 00:08:21,796 program, it's all about love, 241 00:08:21,802 --> 00:08:22,572 you know? 242 00:08:22,570 --> 00:08:24,370 Love above all. 243 00:08:24,371 --> 00:08:27,441 Now, do you love 244 00:08:27,440 --> 00:08:28,540 your little brother, Chester? 245 00:08:28,542 --> 00:08:31,142 >> Yeah, of-- of course I do. 246 00:08:31,144 --> 00:08:32,054 >> Then you have to take 247 00:08:32,045 --> 00:08:33,475 your dork (bleep) 248 00:08:33,480 --> 00:08:36,250 and get the (bleep) outta here. 249 00:08:36,249 --> 00:08:38,789 >> All right. 250 00:08:38,786 --> 00:08:41,216 >> Wait... Thomas. 251 00:08:41,221 --> 00:08:42,791 >> Yeah? 252 00:08:42,790 --> 00:08:47,330 (groaning) 253 00:08:47,327 --> 00:08:48,727 >> Perfect spiral. 254 00:08:48,729 --> 00:08:50,029 (chuckles) 255 00:08:55,102 --> 00:08:56,302 >> I don't usually do this, 256 00:08:56,303 --> 00:08:58,273 but I thought you looked 257 00:08:58,271 --> 00:08:59,771 like a nice guy, so I just, 258 00:08:59,773 --> 00:09:00,413 you know, wanted to know 259 00:09:00,407 --> 00:09:02,077 if I could get your number. 260 00:09:06,013 --> 00:09:07,883 >> (screaming) For what? 261 00:09:20,327 --> 00:09:21,287 >> Optimus Prime, 262 00:09:21,294 --> 00:09:22,764 Decepticons are attacking. 263 00:09:22,763 --> 00:09:23,503 We have to stop them before 264 00:09:23,496 --> 00:09:24,766 they steal the Allspark 265 00:09:24,765 --> 00:09:26,265 and destroy the whole universe. 266 00:09:26,266 --> 00:09:27,496 >> All right, stand back, dude. 267 00:09:27,500 --> 00:09:28,870 Let me transform. 268 00:09:28,869 --> 00:09:31,939 >> For sure. 269 00:09:31,939 --> 00:09:32,769 What up? 270 00:09:32,773 --> 00:09:33,443 >> What it do? 271 00:09:33,440 --> 00:09:34,040 >> How you doing? 272 00:09:34,041 --> 00:09:34,841 >> I'm chilling. 273 00:09:34,842 --> 00:09:36,342 >> I'm a-- I'm a giant, kick-ass 274 00:09:36,343 --> 00:09:38,683 robot from the planet Cybertron. 275 00:09:38,679 --> 00:09:40,049 Uh, I come from a proud line 276 00:09:40,047 --> 00:09:42,277 of other giant, kick-ass robots 277 00:09:42,282 --> 00:09:43,652 called "Autobots." 278 00:09:43,651 --> 00:09:45,351 You can call me Optimus Prime. 279 00:09:45,352 --> 00:09:46,322 >> Hi, Optimus Prime, we gotta 280 00:09:46,319 --> 00:09:47,959 go do it-- great, let's go! 281 00:09:47,955 --> 00:09:49,215 >> All right. 282 00:09:49,222 --> 00:09:51,962 Dude, you're going too fast. 283 00:09:51,959 --> 00:09:54,259 Yo, Keith, help me! 284 00:09:54,294 --> 00:09:55,804 >> This has been... 285 00:10:05,172 --> 00:10:07,472 >> Hey, how're you guys doing? 286 00:10:07,474 --> 00:10:08,214 >> This is Kevin. 287 00:10:08,208 --> 00:10:08,978 >> I'm Kevin. 288 00:10:08,976 --> 00:10:10,236 This is-- this is Jermaine. 289 00:10:10,243 --> 00:10:10,883 We were just wondering 290 00:10:10,878 --> 00:10:14,918 if you guys would dance with us. 291 00:10:14,915 --> 00:10:16,315 >> Where's the music? 292 00:10:16,316 --> 00:10:17,476 >> Oh, the music is the rhythm 293 00:10:17,484 --> 00:10:18,494 of the heart, baby. 294 00:10:18,485 --> 00:10:19,815 It's the rhyhythm of the heart. 295 00:10:19,820 --> 00:10:20,690 >> Kevin. 296 00:10:20,688 --> 00:10:21,388 They really look like they're 297 00:10:21,388 --> 00:10:21,988 having a good time. 298 00:10:21,989 --> 00:10:22,689 >> Yeah, they do. 299 00:10:22,690 --> 00:10:23,560 I guess they're not gonna-- 300 00:10:23,556 --> 00:10:24,356 >> Oh, we gonna be together. 301 00:10:24,357 --> 00:10:25,987 >> (laughs) 302 00:10:25,993 --> 00:10:29,963 ** (country western music) 303 00:10:32,833 --> 00:10:34,173 >> Now, pageants are just what 304 00:10:34,167 --> 00:10:35,367 Drew and I do. 305 00:10:35,368 --> 00:10:36,068 You know, it's what 306 00:10:36,069 --> 00:10:37,539 our family does. 307 00:10:37,537 --> 00:10:39,407 I've always wanted a girl. 308 00:10:39,406 --> 00:10:41,066 I still do. 309 00:10:41,074 --> 00:10:42,344 But having Drew in these 310 00:10:42,342 --> 00:10:43,442 pageants, it just makes me 311 00:10:43,443 --> 00:10:46,183 feel whole. 312 00:10:46,213 --> 00:10:46,883 Give me that. 313 00:10:46,880 --> 00:10:48,050 What in God's Jesus name 314 00:10:48,048 --> 00:10:48,678 was that? 315 00:10:48,682 --> 00:10:50,852 I wanted a little girl so bad. 316 00:10:50,851 --> 00:10:52,291 Now, I'm about to beat the boy 317 00:10:52,285 --> 00:10:54,685 outta you. 318 00:10:54,688 --> 00:10:56,518 >> (screams nervously) 319 00:10:56,523 --> 00:10:58,293 >> There's your show! 320 00:10:58,291 --> 00:11:02,031 ** 321 00:11:12,272 --> 00:11:13,642 >> Oh, girl, bogus as hell, 322 00:11:13,640 --> 00:11:14,710 okay, for putting her son out 323 00:11:14,708 --> 00:11:15,708 there like that, okay? 324 00:11:15,709 --> 00:11:16,639 Having that little boy act 325 00:11:16,643 --> 00:11:17,953 like a little girl? 326 00:11:17,945 --> 00:11:18,945 She need to be like me. 327 00:11:18,946 --> 00:11:20,346 My son, he a real man. 328 00:11:20,380 --> 00:11:21,380 Look at his little chest. 329 00:11:21,381 --> 00:11:23,421 Ooh-whee, shut 'em down. 330 00:11:23,416 --> 00:11:25,216 Little baby six-pack. 331 00:11:25,218 --> 00:11:25,988 Yeah, we gonna get in there, 332 00:11:25,986 --> 00:11:27,286 we gonna get that money, 333 00:11:27,287 --> 00:11:28,557 and we gonna shut this pageant 334 00:11:28,555 --> 00:11:30,185 down, right, Lil Larry? 335 00:11:30,223 --> 00:11:31,663 >> Mama brought a knife. 336 00:11:31,658 --> 00:11:34,388 ** 337 00:11:34,394 --> 00:11:35,504 >> Oh, look at you, Lil Larry. 338 00:11:35,495 --> 00:11:36,425 I see you, boo. 339 00:11:36,429 --> 00:11:37,499 Shut 'em down! 340 00:11:37,497 --> 00:11:38,227 Look at you! 341 00:11:38,231 --> 00:11:40,071 Look at his baby six-pack. 342 00:11:40,067 --> 00:11:41,297 If you're horny-- 343 00:11:41,301 --> 00:11:42,771 do it, rub your chest, boo! 344 00:11:42,770 --> 00:11:44,470 Look at my baby shut it down. 345 00:11:44,471 --> 00:11:45,511 What that do, boo-boo? 346 00:11:45,505 --> 00:11:46,665 Shut it down! 347 00:11:46,673 --> 00:11:48,443 * We 'bout to get it 348 00:11:48,441 --> 00:11:50,241 * (chants indistinctly) 349 00:11:50,243 --> 00:11:52,013 * Uh, what, shut it down 350 00:11:52,012 --> 00:11:54,082 * That's my son, leather pants 351 00:11:54,081 --> 00:11:54,921 * That I wear too 352 00:11:54,915 --> 00:11:56,915 Shut 'em down, boo! 353 00:11:59,352 --> 00:12:00,692 >> Daddy? 354 00:12:00,687 --> 00:12:02,357 >> I kill people, man! 355 00:12:02,355 --> 00:12:03,815 (groans) 356 00:12:06,593 --> 00:12:09,763 >> This is my favorite dress! 357 00:12:09,763 --> 00:12:12,803 * Good-bye, good-bye 358 00:12:12,800 --> 00:12:14,330 * I'll see you in-- 359 00:12:14,334 --> 00:12:16,344 >> (groans) 360 00:12:16,336 --> 00:12:17,936 Who the hell are you? 361 00:12:17,938 --> 00:12:19,308 Judging me? 362 00:12:19,306 --> 00:12:20,166 Man, I could've played for 363 00:12:20,173 --> 00:12:21,983 the Clippers, man. 364 00:12:21,975 --> 00:12:23,635 Alcohol is only a disability. 365 00:12:23,643 --> 00:12:25,883 She'll get a scholarship. 366 00:12:25,879 --> 00:12:28,649 >> Wow, the competition has been 367 00:12:28,648 --> 00:12:30,048 so great this year. 368 00:12:30,050 --> 00:12:31,790 >> Indeed it has, Jazzmenta. 369 00:12:31,785 --> 00:12:33,015 I'm certain that Trish 370 00:12:33,020 --> 00:12:34,350 has scarred Drew for life 371 00:12:34,354 --> 00:12:35,664 with sexuality issues, 372 00:12:35,655 --> 00:12:37,485 and I love that. 373 00:12:37,490 --> 00:12:39,660 >> And I love alcoholic daddies, 374 00:12:39,659 --> 00:12:41,289 and I've had a few in my life. 375 00:12:41,294 --> 00:12:43,304 >> But, Mimi, your view is so 376 00:12:43,296 --> 00:12:44,866 entirely selfish. 377 00:12:44,865 --> 00:12:46,495 I think you parent the same way 378 00:12:46,499 --> 00:12:47,669 a rapper would parent, 379 00:12:47,667 --> 00:12:49,137 kind of like that Nicki Minaj. 380 00:12:49,136 --> 00:12:50,396 >> Yeah, it's like the baby was 381 00:12:50,403 --> 00:12:52,173 a piece of jewelry. 382 00:12:52,172 --> 00:12:53,512 >> But I have to say, after all 383 00:12:53,506 --> 00:12:56,136 of this, the winner is-- 384 00:12:56,143 --> 00:12:58,653 >> Wait a minute, y'all. 385 00:12:58,645 --> 00:12:59,305 Don't you see 386 00:12:59,312 --> 00:13:00,382 that this is wrong? 387 00:13:00,380 --> 00:13:01,150 >> He's ruining this 388 00:13:01,148 --> 00:13:02,518 competition. 389 00:13:02,515 --> 00:13:03,475 >> Don't you see that shows like 390 00:13:03,483 --> 00:13:05,553 this just exploit little kids 391 00:13:05,552 --> 00:13:07,652 like myself? 392 00:13:07,654 --> 00:13:09,194 I mean, why? 393 00:13:09,189 --> 00:13:10,989 Just for higher ratings? 394 00:13:10,991 --> 00:13:13,491 Better TV shows? 395 00:13:13,493 --> 00:13:15,363 Is nothing sacred? 396 00:13:15,362 --> 00:13:17,662 >> Yo, watch this! 397 00:13:17,664 --> 00:13:19,304 >> (screams) 398 00:13:21,568 --> 00:13:24,268 (applause) 399 00:13:24,271 --> 00:13:26,341 >> Now, that is television. 400 00:13:26,339 --> 00:13:29,439 (laughter) 401 00:13:29,442 --> 00:13:30,112 >> (male announcer) Humanity 402 00:13:30,110 --> 00:13:31,480 be damned. 403 00:13:47,027 --> 00:13:51,457 >> So, did it, uh... hurt? 404 00:13:51,464 --> 00:13:53,404 >> Did what hurt? 405 00:13:53,400 --> 00:13:56,870 >> When you... fell from heaven. 406 00:13:56,870 --> 00:13:58,240 >> Oh, no, I was actually in a 407 00:13:58,238 --> 00:13:59,738 near-fatal car accident. 408 00:13:59,739 --> 00:14:03,379 They come fast, the cars. 409 00:14:03,376 --> 00:14:04,776 >> (coughs) 410 00:14:04,777 --> 00:14:06,947 >> I'm actor and scientist 411 00:14:06,947 --> 00:14:08,477 Morgan Freeman. 412 00:14:08,481 --> 00:14:10,381 While experimenting with Tracy 413 00:14:10,383 --> 00:14:13,323 Morgan's DNA, something horrible 414 00:14:13,320 --> 00:14:13,990 happened. 415 00:14:13,987 --> 00:14:17,017 (screams) 416 00:14:20,460 --> 00:14:21,430 What's funny is my real name 417 00:14:21,428 --> 00:14:22,398 is Delante. 418 00:14:22,395 --> 00:14:23,155 No one knows, but it's 419 00:14:23,163 --> 00:14:24,973 hilarious. 420 00:14:24,965 --> 00:14:26,825 Oh, President Obama. 421 00:14:26,833 --> 00:14:28,073 It's so nice to see you again. 422 00:14:28,068 --> 00:14:28,838 >> Well, it's an honor to have 423 00:14:28,835 --> 00:14:30,435 you speaking tonight, Morgan. 424 00:14:30,437 --> 00:14:31,737 And like I tell you every time, 425 00:14:31,738 --> 00:14:32,408 call me Barry. 426 00:14:32,405 --> 00:14:33,965 >> Oh, well, much obliged. 427 00:14:33,974 --> 00:14:34,744 Barry it is. 428 00:14:34,741 --> 00:14:35,641 (laughs) 429 00:14:35,642 --> 00:14:38,082 >> Remember me, Mr. President? 430 00:14:38,078 --> 00:14:40,678 >> Oh, my doorman, Clifford. 431 00:14:40,680 --> 00:14:41,610 >> Of course. 432 00:14:41,614 --> 00:14:42,924 So good to see you. 433 00:14:42,916 --> 00:14:44,246 >> Oh, well, look, I was just 434 00:14:44,251 --> 00:14:46,251 thinking-- you open doors, 435 00:14:46,253 --> 00:14:47,423 and I open doors, 436 00:14:47,420 --> 00:14:49,120 but the doors I open 437 00:14:49,122 --> 00:14:50,322 are actually doors. 438 00:14:50,323 --> 00:14:52,033 >> Ah, that's a good one, 439 00:14:52,025 --> 00:14:52,825 Clifford. 440 00:14:52,825 --> 00:14:53,585 >> Well, I hope you didn't write 441 00:14:53,593 --> 00:14:54,263 Morgan's speech. 442 00:14:54,261 --> 00:14:55,131 >> Oh, damn. 443 00:14:55,128 --> 00:14:55,998 >> We'll see you out there. 444 00:14:55,996 --> 00:14:57,756 >> You too, Barry. 445 00:14:57,764 --> 00:14:59,004 >> Man, (bleep) you! 446 00:14:58,999 --> 00:15:00,269 >> Don't be vulgar, Clifford. 447 00:15:00,267 --> 00:15:01,127 That's the President. 448 00:15:01,134 --> 00:15:02,604 >> I don't give a damn who it 449 00:15:02,602 --> 00:15:04,342 is, we all from the South Side. 450 00:15:04,337 --> 00:15:05,367 Any one of us could've been 451 00:15:05,372 --> 00:15:07,112 President, Mr. Obama! 452 00:15:07,107 --> 00:15:11,607 ** 453 00:15:11,611 --> 00:15:13,381 >> Nancy Reagan. 454 00:15:13,380 --> 00:15:15,450 Damn, those cheekbones. 455 00:15:15,448 --> 00:15:16,148 Mm. 456 00:15:16,149 --> 00:15:17,719 Oh, oh. 457 00:15:17,717 --> 00:15:19,117 Chemicals surging. 458 00:15:19,119 --> 00:15:20,949 >> Oh, no, Mr. Freeman, please. 459 00:15:20,954 --> 00:15:22,124 This is not the time. 460 00:15:22,122 --> 00:15:22,792 You got a speech 461 00:15:22,789 --> 00:15:23,719 in five minutes. 462 00:15:23,723 --> 00:15:24,793 >> Oh, Lady Bird Johnson, 463 00:15:24,791 --> 00:15:25,791 Clifford, look at her. 464 00:15:25,792 --> 00:15:27,492 >> Come on. 465 00:15:27,494 --> 00:15:29,804 God, I just can't do this again. 466 00:15:29,796 --> 00:15:31,296 I can't! 467 00:15:31,298 --> 00:15:32,368 >> Help me, Clifford! 468 00:15:34,467 --> 00:15:35,937 Oh. 469 00:15:39,206 --> 00:15:40,136 Ooh. 470 00:15:40,140 --> 00:15:42,210 First Lady Michelle Obama. 471 00:15:42,209 --> 00:15:43,839 >> Here we go again! 472 00:15:43,843 --> 00:15:45,353 I'm out! 473 00:15:45,345 --> 00:15:48,975 >> (groaning) 474 00:15:48,982 --> 00:15:54,322 ** 475 00:15:54,321 --> 00:15:56,121 (screams) 476 00:16:04,231 --> 00:16:05,101 >> Where the hell am I at 477 00:16:05,098 --> 00:16:06,498 right now, man? 478 00:16:06,499 --> 00:16:07,669 Oh, White House 479 00:16:07,667 --> 00:16:08,997 Correspondents' Dinner. 480 00:16:09,002 --> 00:16:10,342 This is crazy! 481 00:16:10,337 --> 00:16:12,107 Oh, Barack Obama! 482 00:16:12,105 --> 00:16:13,505 That's how you found Osama. 483 00:16:13,506 --> 00:16:14,336 He was hiding in them 484 00:16:14,341 --> 00:16:15,711 big-ass ears. 485 00:16:15,708 --> 00:16:17,278 (chuckles) 486 00:16:17,277 --> 00:16:20,177 Ooh, Hillary, what it do? 487 00:16:20,180 --> 00:16:21,180 You look good. 488 00:16:21,181 --> 00:16:21,851 Why don't you get over here 489 00:16:21,848 --> 00:16:23,348 and take a seat on Tracy? 490 00:16:23,350 --> 00:16:24,520 Bill can watch. 491 00:16:24,517 --> 00:16:25,847 Yeah, as long as you play that 492 00:16:25,852 --> 00:16:27,552 dumb-ass sax all night. 493 00:16:27,554 --> 00:16:28,364 >> Why don't you play this 494 00:16:28,355 --> 00:16:29,185 right here? 495 00:16:29,189 --> 00:16:30,189 >> That was just very rude 496 00:16:30,190 --> 00:16:30,860 right there. 497 00:16:30,857 --> 00:16:32,127 Man, I hope Obamacare covers 498 00:16:32,125 --> 00:16:33,385 this ass-whooping. 499 00:16:33,393 --> 00:16:34,463 >> It will not. 500 00:16:34,461 --> 00:16:36,061 All right, Secret Service, 501 00:16:36,063 --> 00:16:37,563 can you keep a secret? 502 00:16:37,564 --> 00:16:39,404 I never brush my teeth. 503 00:16:39,399 --> 00:16:40,569 (laughs) 504 00:16:46,206 --> 00:16:48,136 Oh, thank God. 505 00:16:48,141 --> 00:16:51,711 It was only a drea-- 506 00:16:51,711 --> 00:16:54,481 Yeah-- oh, Barack. 507 00:16:54,481 --> 00:16:55,581 The Clintons? 508 00:16:55,582 --> 00:16:57,882 Oh, no, sweet heavens. 509 00:16:57,884 --> 00:16:59,054 What have I done? 510 00:16:59,052 --> 00:17:00,492 >> Y'all were so loud 511 00:17:00,487 --> 00:17:01,547 last night. 512 00:17:05,058 --> 00:17:05,728 >> This is gonna be 513 00:17:05,725 --> 00:17:07,425 out of sight. 514 00:17:07,560 --> 00:17:08,160 I'm about to become King 515 00:17:08,161 --> 00:17:09,101 of New York-- here we go. 516 00:17:09,096 --> 00:17:12,066 (groaning) 517 00:17:14,734 --> 00:17:15,574 Look who else fits 518 00:17:15,568 --> 00:17:18,668 in this suit, Lucas Brothers... 519 00:17:18,671 --> 00:17:19,871 Josh. 520 00:17:28,581 --> 00:17:32,121 (mimics car noises) 521 00:17:32,119 --> 00:17:34,249 It's hard to transform back. 522 00:17:34,254 --> 00:17:35,724 And I'm in. 523 00:17:42,862 --> 00:17:43,502 >> H, I'm sorry, do-- 524 00:17:43,496 --> 00:17:44,156 do you have a minute, 525 00:17:44,164 --> 00:17:45,104 by any chance? 526 00:17:45,098 --> 00:17:46,568 Okay, great. 527 00:18:14,727 --> 00:18:15,497 Okay, that was close 528 00:18:15,495 --> 00:18:16,155 to a minute. 529 00:18:16,163 --> 00:18:17,203 That was close. 530 00:18:19,332 --> 00:18:20,472 >> Man, I'm tired of going out 531 00:18:20,467 --> 00:18:21,667 and failing, you know? 532 00:18:21,668 --> 00:18:22,998 >> But we gotta do it, man. 533 00:18:23,002 --> 00:18:24,402 If we're not chasing women, 534 00:18:24,404 --> 00:18:25,374 why exist? 535 00:18:25,372 --> 00:18:26,072 >> You're probably right, 536 00:18:26,072 --> 00:18:27,072 but every time we go out, 537 00:18:27,073 --> 00:18:28,143 there's a bunch of dudes. 538 00:18:28,141 --> 00:18:29,881 >> Way too many dudes, man. 539 00:18:29,876 --> 00:18:31,636 Thursday, dudes. 540 00:18:31,644 --> 00:18:33,354 Last Friday, dudes. 541 00:18:33,346 --> 00:18:34,846 Tuesday, dudes. 542 00:18:34,847 --> 00:18:35,547 How the hell does this keep 543 00:18:35,548 --> 00:18:36,178 happening? 544 00:18:36,183 --> 00:18:37,083 >> And if you think about it 545 00:18:37,083 --> 00:18:38,223 in terms of the population 546 00:18:38,218 --> 00:18:39,488 of the world, consistently 547 00:18:39,486 --> 00:18:40,816 terrible ratio, it should be 548 00:18:40,820 --> 00:18:41,750 statistically impossible. 549 00:18:41,754 --> 00:18:42,824 >> That's what I'm saying, dude. 550 00:18:42,822 --> 00:18:44,322 There's a system in place. 551 00:18:44,324 --> 00:18:45,334 There's gotta be something out 552 00:18:45,325 --> 00:18:46,085 in the universe 553 00:18:46,092 --> 00:18:46,992 that makes it so. 554 00:18:46,993 --> 00:18:48,563 Every bar has way too many 555 00:18:48,561 --> 00:18:50,831 dudes. 556 00:18:50,830 --> 00:18:55,970 ** 557 00:19:11,718 --> 00:19:14,088 >> Oh, my God! Crazy! 558 00:19:14,086 --> 00:19:15,016 >> We did it, Kenny! 559 00:19:15,021 --> 00:19:16,061 We did it! 560 00:19:16,055 --> 00:19:17,515 Not a dude in sight. 561 00:19:17,524 --> 00:19:18,364 >> You're not a dude. 562 00:19:18,358 --> 00:19:19,188 >> (both) You're not a dude. 563 00:19:19,192 --> 00:19:20,192 You're not a dude. 564 00:19:22,195 --> 00:19:25,425 >> Yes, yes, Mr. Squiggles. 565 00:19:25,432 --> 00:19:27,202 What? 566 00:19:27,200 --> 00:19:28,200 A bar full of girls? 567 00:19:28,201 --> 00:19:28,941 No, no, no. 568 00:19:28,935 --> 00:19:30,395 This cannot happen. 569 00:19:30,403 --> 00:19:31,743 Send in the dudes! 570 00:19:47,720 --> 00:19:51,490 (chatter and cheering) 571 00:19:51,491 --> 00:19:52,121 >> I'm staying here 572 00:19:52,124 --> 00:19:52,794 till I die. 573 00:19:52,792 --> 00:19:53,492 >> Oh, yeah, absolutely. 574 00:19:53,493 --> 00:19:54,093 >> Till I die. 575 00:19:54,093 --> 00:19:54,763 >> Never leave. 576 00:19:54,761 --> 00:19:57,831 (ground rumbling) 577 00:19:57,830 --> 00:19:59,100 Yo, what's that? 578 00:19:59,098 --> 00:20:00,098 (chatter) 579 00:20:00,099 --> 00:20:02,069 >> No, no, no! 580 00:20:02,068 --> 00:20:03,168 No, please. 581 00:20:03,169 --> 00:20:04,469 Please... 582 00:20:04,471 --> 00:20:07,071 >> (laughs evilly) 583 00:20:09,309 --> 00:20:11,009 >> Several episodes ago, Kevin 584 00:20:11,010 --> 00:20:13,280 suffered a, uh, really horrible 585 00:20:13,280 --> 00:20:14,610 footrace loss. 586 00:20:17,517 --> 00:20:18,447 >> How does it feel to lose 587 00:20:18,451 --> 00:20:19,121 so badly? 588 00:20:19,118 --> 00:20:20,318 >> I didn't lose because that-- 589 00:20:20,320 --> 00:20:21,790 that should've been discounted, 590 00:20:21,788 --> 00:20:22,418 man. 591 00:20:22,422 --> 00:20:23,192 It was one of the darkest 592 00:20:23,189 --> 00:20:24,519 moments of my life... 593 00:20:24,524 --> 00:20:26,264 until today, when I realized 594 00:20:26,259 --> 00:20:27,389 I had to do this again. 595 00:20:29,696 --> 00:20:31,126 >> We've got a huge crowd that 596 00:20:31,130 --> 00:20:32,870 has gathered here to see Kevin. 597 00:20:32,865 --> 00:20:33,825 >> It's, like, there's so much 598 00:20:33,833 --> 00:20:34,533 pressure. 599 00:20:34,534 --> 00:20:35,274 >> Well, we'll do the National 600 00:20:35,268 --> 00:20:35,838 Anthem. 601 00:20:35,835 --> 00:20:37,235 >> No, I won't do that, John. 602 00:20:37,270 --> 00:20:38,970 Stop asking me to do that, bro. 603 00:20:38,971 --> 00:20:41,541 >> One, two, three, go! 604 00:20:41,541 --> 00:20:43,681 >> Go, go, go, go, go, go, go! 605 00:20:43,676 --> 00:20:47,706 (laughter) 606 00:20:47,714 --> 00:20:48,724 >> The winner! 607 00:20:48,715 --> 00:20:51,615 (overlapping chatter) 608 00:20:51,618 --> 00:20:52,288 So close. 609 00:20:52,285 --> 00:20:52,985 >> Why did you lose? 610 00:20:52,985 --> 00:20:53,615 >> Why did you lose? 611 00:20:53,620 --> 00:20:55,360 >> 'Cause he's, uh, built better 612 00:20:55,355 --> 00:20:56,615 than... 613 00:20:56,623 --> 00:20:58,023 >> 0 for 2, 0 for 2.