1 00:00:03,046 --> 00:00:04,047 Hey, babe. 2 00:00:04,091 --> 00:00:05,788 Hmm?Coming to bed soon? 3 00:00:05,831 --> 00:00:08,008 As soon as I'm done making Shannon's lunch for tomorrow. 4 00:00:08,051 --> 00:00:09,835 It's kind of like we're parents, huh? 5 00:00:09,879 --> 00:00:12,621 Sending our kid off to school for the first time.Mm. 6 00:00:12,664 --> 00:00:15,058 Yeah, but instead of a cute little kid with pigtails, 7 00:00:15,102 --> 00:00:16,712 it's your 16-year-old terrifying sister 8 00:00:16,755 --> 00:00:18,061 with a Hello Kitty bong. 9 00:00:19,454 --> 00:00:21,325 Which I threw away. 10 00:00:21,369 --> 00:00:23,980 Look at us. Making lunches, 11 00:00:24,024 --> 00:00:25,982 confiscating drug paraphernalia. 12 00:00:26,026 --> 00:00:27,723 We are nailing parenting. 13 00:00:27,766 --> 00:00:29,029 Yeah, we are. 14 00:00:30,073 --> 00:00:32,032 All right, catch you fools later. 15 00:00:32,075 --> 00:00:33,424 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 16 00:00:33,468 --> 00:00:34,947 Where are you going? 17 00:00:34,991 --> 00:00:36,079 Meeting some friends at a club. 18 00:00:36,123 --> 00:00:37,472 And before you get all concerned, 19 00:00:37,515 --> 00:00:39,039 yes, I have my fake ID. 20 00:00:40,083 --> 00:00:41,824 Shannon, it's 10:30, 21 00:00:41,867 --> 00:00:44,566 and tomorrow is your first day at a new school. 22 00:00:44,609 --> 00:00:46,176 10:30? Good point. Club'll be empty. 23 00:00:46,220 --> 00:00:47,830 I'll leave in an hour. [clicks tongue] 24 00:00:48,874 --> 00:00:50,833 You're not going anywhere. 25 00:00:50,876 --> 00:00:52,965 School starts earlier than you're used to getting up. 26 00:00:53,009 --> 00:00:54,880 Yes. It's a time called... 27 00:00:54,924 --> 00:00:56,317 morning. 28 00:00:57,579 --> 00:00:59,320 The sun is out. The air is crisp. 29 00:00:59,363 --> 00:01:00,625 Birds are tweeting. 30 00:01:00,669 --> 00:01:03,846 [scoffs] Birds can't tweet. 31 00:01:03,889 --> 00:01:05,978 Sorry, you're staying in. 32 00:01:06,022 --> 00:01:07,763 But I don't even want to go to this stupid school. 33 00:01:07,806 --> 00:01:09,069 Okay, first of all, 34 00:01:09,112 --> 00:01:10,548 Theodore Roosevelt High School is not stupid. 35 00:01:10,592 --> 00:01:13,116 They have some of the finest teachers in the city. 36 00:01:13,160 --> 00:01:14,900 [laughs] You know what they say about teachers, right? 37 00:01:14,944 --> 00:01:16,641 Okay. Those who can't... 38 00:01:16,685 --> 00:01:18,121 I'm a teacher. 39 00:01:18,165 --> 00:01:21,255 Let me finish my sentence. 40 00:01:21,298 --> 00:01:23,953 Those who can't do anything else... 41 00:01:23,996 --> 00:01:25,302 teach. 42 00:01:26,695 --> 00:01:28,088 Uh, Shannon, 43 00:01:28,131 --> 00:01:29,828 you may not be into the ancient Greeks 44 00:01:29,872 --> 00:01:31,134 or anything pre-Snapchat... 45 00:01:31,178 --> 00:01:32,788 [laughs] 46 00:01:32,831 --> 00:01:34,964 ...but Aristotle said, "The roots of education 47 00:01:35,007 --> 00:01:36,531 are bitter, but the..." 48 00:01:36,574 --> 00:01:38,228 Shannon, what are you doing? 49 00:01:38,272 --> 00:01:40,752 [laughs]: I'm sending a snap of this to Janelle. 50 00:01:40,796 --> 00:01:42,754 She's been having trouble falling asleep recently. 51 00:01:42,798 --> 00:01:44,278 I thought this might help. 52 00:01:44,321 --> 00:01:46,149 Why do I even try? 53 00:01:46,193 --> 00:01:48,325 I don't know. 54 00:01:48,369 --> 00:01:49,892 All right, I'm going in my room. 55 00:01:49,935 --> 00:01:52,982 Oh, has anybody seen a little Hello Kitty, uh... 56 00:01:53,025 --> 00:01:54,940 statue that I left out? 57 00:01:54,984 --> 00:01:56,290 A statue, huh? 58 00:01:56,333 --> 00:01:57,987 Hmm. Didn't know you were into those. 59 00:01:58,030 --> 00:01:59,293 What does it look like? 60 00:01:59,336 --> 00:02:02,992 Well, it's got a couple, um, statue holes and... 61 00:02:03,035 --> 00:02:05,255 it's got some weed in it. 62 00:02:05,299 --> 00:02:07,692 I threw your bong away, Shannon. 63 00:02:07,736 --> 00:02:09,477 And you let him, Clem? You used to smoke 64 00:02:09,520 --> 00:02:11,043 all the time when you were my age. 65 00:02:11,087 --> 00:02:13,002 Yes, but I'm older now, 66 00:02:13,045 --> 00:02:15,265 and I'm telling you to do the opposite. 67 00:02:15,309 --> 00:02:18,573 Which is the funnest part of growing up. 68 00:02:20,270 --> 00:02:22,620 [groans softly] 69 00:02:22,664 --> 00:02:26,798 Right about now, I could use that Hello Kitty statue. 70 00:02:26,842 --> 00:02:29,714 ♪ 71 00:02:33,849 --> 00:02:35,894 Hey, Nick, do you think Shannon's gonna be okay 72 00:02:35,938 --> 00:02:38,070 at her new school?I'll tell you what I think. 73 00:02:38,114 --> 00:02:40,203 I think all we ever talk about now isShannon. 74 00:02:40,247 --> 00:02:42,074 Oh, God, you're right. 75 00:02:42,118 --> 00:02:43,641 We're like those annoying parents 76 00:02:43,685 --> 00:02:46,383 who can't stop talking about how great their kids are. 77 00:02:46,427 --> 00:02:50,170 Except we're not parents and our kid sucks. 78 00:02:50,213 --> 00:02:52,998 You know what makes us different than those parents? We're young, 79 00:02:53,042 --> 00:02:54,304 we're hot, 80 00:02:54,348 --> 00:02:56,611 and we do it all the time. 81 00:02:56,654 --> 00:02:58,395 Mmm... 82 00:02:58,439 --> 00:03:01,181 Dowe do it all the time? 83 00:03:01,224 --> 00:03:03,139 We diddo it all the time... 84 00:03:03,183 --> 00:03:06,055 till Shannon moved in. 85 00:03:06,098 --> 00:03:09,145 Maybe that's why we've been at each other's throats lately. 86 00:03:09,189 --> 00:03:10,451 Have we? 87 00:03:10,494 --> 00:03:12,017 Yeah, like the other day, you got mad at me 88 00:03:12,061 --> 00:03:13,367 when I accidentally broke the blender. 89 00:03:13,410 --> 00:03:15,586 Who puts frozen mango in a blender with no water? 90 00:03:15,630 --> 00:03:17,893 That's how you make a mango shake! 91 00:03:19,068 --> 00:03:21,201 Look at us. We're doing it again. 92 00:03:21,244 --> 00:03:23,594 Yeah, 'cause, again, we're not doing it. 93 00:03:23,638 --> 00:03:24,987 [sighs] 94 00:03:25,030 --> 00:03:27,163 It's hard having Shannon in our space. 95 00:03:27,207 --> 00:03:28,773 But tomorrow, once school starts, 96 00:03:28,817 --> 00:03:31,341 we're gonna get a lot of structure back into our lives, 97 00:03:31,385 --> 00:03:33,213 and maybe we can... 98 00:03:33,256 --> 00:03:35,258 get back into our routine. 99 00:03:35,302 --> 00:03:37,086 Wait, you think our sex is routine? 100 00:03:37,129 --> 00:03:39,175 I mean, maybe steps one through four, 101 00:03:39,219 --> 00:03:41,133 but, I mean, come on, five through 11? 102 00:03:41,177 --> 00:03:45,050 How about we cut to step nine right now? 103 00:03:45,094 --> 00:03:47,357 Ooh. It is on. 104 00:03:47,401 --> 00:03:50,012 And it's gonna be the opposite of routine. 105 00:03:50,055 --> 00:03:53,233 But don't worry, Daddy's still gonna throw in the greatest hits 106 00:03:53,276 --> 00:03:55,409 and give Mama what she wants. [laughs] 107 00:03:56,453 --> 00:03:57,498 Hey, guys. 108 00:03:57,541 --> 00:03:58,586 Oh! Uh... Oh. 109 00:03:58,629 --> 00:04:00,283 Get a room. 110 00:04:00,327 --> 00:04:01,502 We're in our room. 111 00:04:01,545 --> 00:04:02,894 Don't you knock? 112 00:04:02,938 --> 00:04:04,113 I try not to. 113 00:04:04,156 --> 00:04:05,854 My knuckles are a little sensy. 114 00:04:07,290 --> 00:04:08,726 Anyway, we got any apples? 115 00:04:08,770 --> 00:04:11,163 Do you need an apple so that you can make a pipe out of it? 116 00:04:11,207 --> 00:04:13,296 [scoffs] No! 117 00:04:13,340 --> 00:04:16,081 I need an apple 'cause you threw away my bong. 118 00:04:16,125 --> 00:04:17,953 Hey, Shannon... 119 00:04:17,996 --> 00:04:19,302 get out. 120 00:04:19,346 --> 00:04:21,086 Oh, I'll just use a potato. 121 00:04:21,130 --> 00:04:23,132 Shannon... 122 00:04:23,175 --> 00:04:24,873 Why haven't we put a lock on this door? 123 00:04:24,916 --> 00:04:27,397 'Cause we've never had a Shannon before. 124 00:04:27,441 --> 00:04:29,051 You know what? 125 00:04:29,094 --> 00:04:31,619 Tomorrow morning Shannon has to leave at 7:30. 126 00:04:31,662 --> 00:04:33,882 We don't have to leave until 8:00. 127 00:04:33,925 --> 00:04:37,189 That gives us a full 30-minute window of opportunity. 128 00:04:37,233 --> 00:04:38,103 Mmm... 129 00:04:38,147 --> 00:04:40,105 I like what you're suggesting. 130 00:04:40,149 --> 00:04:41,890 A good old-fashioned... 131 00:04:41,933 --> 00:04:43,718 smash-and-dash. 132 00:04:48,810 --> 00:04:50,551 Okay, I just saw Shannon. 133 00:04:50,594 --> 00:04:52,335 She's dressed for school and ready to go. 134 00:04:52,379 --> 00:04:55,164 Any second now, she'll be walking out of that room, 135 00:04:55,207 --> 00:04:57,514 and we will be walking into ours. 136 00:04:57,558 --> 00:04:59,908 Great. I got her lunch, packed her bag, 137 00:04:59,951 --> 00:05:02,476 and manscaped all my business. 138 00:05:02,519 --> 00:05:04,478 Okay, let's separate those thoughts, 139 00:05:04,521 --> 00:05:07,002 but you know what I'm saying. Mm-hmm. 140 00:05:07,045 --> 00:05:09,004 [takes deep breath] 141 00:05:09,047 --> 00:05:10,353 Shannon? 142 00:05:13,661 --> 00:05:15,053 Shannon! 143 00:05:16,054 --> 00:05:17,317 [groans] 144 00:05:23,279 --> 00:05:24,628 She fell back asleep. 145 00:05:24,672 --> 00:05:26,369 Brushing her teeth. Standing up. 146 00:05:26,413 --> 00:05:27,936 You've got to see this. 147 00:05:30,765 --> 00:05:33,202 Shannon, what is going on? 148 00:05:33,245 --> 00:05:37,206 I'll tell you what's going on-- she's eating up half our time. 149 00:05:37,249 --> 00:05:38,381 You know what that means. 150 00:05:38,425 --> 00:05:39,469 No back tickles? 151 00:05:39,513 --> 00:05:41,906 Noback tickles. 152 00:05:41,950 --> 00:05:43,691 Oh, Shannon, I swear to God... 153 00:05:43,734 --> 00:05:45,083 Should I wear the flannel? 154 00:05:45,127 --> 00:05:46,911 I'm not so sure about the flannel. 155 00:05:46,955 --> 00:05:48,913 You're wearing the flannel. Yes, yes. 156 00:05:48,957 --> 00:05:50,524 Okay, what about breakfast? 157 00:05:50,567 --> 00:05:53,004 What about it?You told me not to leave without eating it. 158 00:05:53,048 --> 00:05:55,267 Since when do you listen to us? Don't listen to us. 159 00:05:59,141 --> 00:06:01,491 Oh, man, I got OJ on my shirt. 160 00:06:01,535 --> 00:06:03,101 Orange goes with gray.Mm-hmm. 161 00:06:03,145 --> 00:06:04,189 It's like tie-dye. 162 00:06:04,233 --> 00:06:06,061 It brings the whole outfit together. 163 00:06:06,104 --> 00:06:07,367 The whole thing together. 164 00:06:07,410 --> 00:06:09,238 [groans] 165 00:06:11,806 --> 00:06:14,417 If she leaves in 30 seconds, one of us 166 00:06:14,461 --> 00:06:16,376 can still have a positive experience. 167 00:06:17,768 --> 00:06:20,162 What? I'm just trying to salvage something here. 168 00:06:20,205 --> 00:06:21,206 Shannon! 169 00:06:21,250 --> 00:06:23,992 All right, I am good to go. 170 00:06:24,035 --> 00:06:25,602 Now I just need shoes. 171 00:06:25,646 --> 00:06:27,996 Oh, now she needs shoes. Okay, well, other people 172 00:06:28,039 --> 00:06:29,563 in this house have needs, too. 173 00:06:29,606 --> 00:06:31,956 Now I'm late for work! Just... "I need shoes." 174 00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:33,567 You know, there's plenty of shoes around this house. 175 00:06:33,610 --> 00:06:36,526 I've bought many shoes. There's just pairs all in the closet. 176 00:06:36,570 --> 00:06:38,963 Now you can't find a pair. This is crazy! 177 00:06:39,007 --> 00:06:41,879 That dude needs to get laid. 178 00:06:50,714 --> 00:06:54,326 Hey, hey, now, this is what I like to see. 179 00:06:54,370 --> 00:06:56,851 First day of school and already digging into the homework. 180 00:06:56,894 --> 00:06:59,331 You bet I am! 181 00:06:59,375 --> 00:07:01,812 See, I thought that I wasn't gonna like school, 182 00:07:01,856 --> 00:07:04,554 but it turns out I really hate it. 183 00:07:04,598 --> 00:07:06,469 What you got there? 184 00:07:06,513 --> 00:07:08,297 Ooh, The Great Gatsby. 185 00:07:08,340 --> 00:07:11,474 You know, I discover something new every time I read this book. 186 00:07:11,518 --> 00:07:13,302 Yeah, our homework assignment was to read the first chapter, 187 00:07:13,345 --> 00:07:15,478 and I just have, like, one question about it. 188 00:07:15,522 --> 00:07:19,221 Yeah, hit me.What exactly happens in the first chapter? 189 00:07:21,397 --> 00:07:23,573 So, Rose, you're picturing our whole wedding on the beach? 190 00:07:23,617 --> 00:07:25,053 She's not only picturing it, 191 00:07:25,096 --> 00:07:27,185 she's been going up and down Long Island 192 00:07:27,229 --> 00:07:29,231 looking at sand samples. 193 00:07:30,275 --> 00:07:31,973 And the best part is, 194 00:07:32,016 --> 00:07:33,931 when the string quartet starts to play, 195 00:07:33,975 --> 00:07:35,759 Nick and his groomsmen 196 00:07:35,803 --> 00:07:39,067 will come galloping in on horses. 197 00:07:41,330 --> 00:07:43,811 Whoa, Ma, don't you think you're getting a little carried away? 198 00:07:43,854 --> 00:07:45,116 I mean, horses? 199 00:07:45,160 --> 00:07:47,510 Oh, you don't know what "carried away" is. 200 00:07:47,554 --> 00:07:51,645 My mother took over every detail of my wedding. 201 00:07:51,688 --> 00:07:54,082 I didn't have a say in anything. 202 00:07:54,125 --> 00:07:56,476 Hmm. I wonder what that's like. 203 00:07:58,129 --> 00:08:00,044 Oh, God, I'm sorry. That was rude. 204 00:08:00,088 --> 00:08:02,656 I've just been a little on edge lately. 205 00:08:02,699 --> 00:08:04,875 Gentlemen, would you let us ladies 206 00:08:04,919 --> 00:08:06,747 have a moment alone, please? 207 00:08:06,790 --> 00:08:09,663 Of course, sweetheart. Come on, Nick. 208 00:08:09,706 --> 00:08:11,055 Hey, Dad, uh... 209 00:08:11,099 --> 00:08:14,058 you can talk her out of the horses, right? 210 00:08:14,102 --> 00:08:16,147 That's cute, son. 211 00:08:18,149 --> 00:08:20,021 So, what's going on, baby? 212 00:08:20,064 --> 00:08:23,024 Tell Mama Rose all about it. 213 00:08:23,067 --> 00:08:24,765 Look, it's hard. 214 00:08:27,071 --> 00:08:28,812 The day after we got engaged, Shannon moved in, 215 00:08:28,856 --> 00:08:30,988 and it's put a little bit of stress on our relationship. 216 00:08:31,032 --> 00:08:32,207 I get it. 217 00:08:32,250 --> 00:08:34,601 Not long after Walt and I were married, 218 00:08:34,644 --> 00:08:37,212 I found the cutest little stray cat 219 00:08:37,255 --> 00:08:39,519 and brought her home. 220 00:08:39,562 --> 00:08:41,564 Well, let me tell you, 221 00:08:41,608 --> 00:08:44,262 that cat got a lot of "D." 222 00:08:44,306 --> 00:08:46,047 You know what I mean. 223 00:08:46,090 --> 00:08:48,353 I really hope I don't. 224 00:08:48,397 --> 00:08:50,442 Diarrhea. 225 00:08:50,486 --> 00:08:52,444 Oh, thank God. 226 00:08:52,488 --> 00:08:55,143 But we got through it, together, 227 00:08:55,186 --> 00:08:58,102 and our relationship was stronger for it. 228 00:08:58,146 --> 00:09:00,496 So, what are you trying to say? 229 00:09:00,540 --> 00:09:03,455 Shannon is your diarrhea cat. 230 00:09:04,500 --> 00:09:06,284 Ah... 231 00:09:12,769 --> 00:09:16,120 Look, I know having anyone new living in your house is a challenge. 232 00:09:16,164 --> 00:09:17,557 Shannon's a great kid, but she... 233 00:09:17,600 --> 00:09:20,037 Dresses like a homeless pirate? 234 00:09:20,081 --> 00:09:23,998 No. I mean, well, yes, yes, she does, but... 235 00:09:24,041 --> 00:09:26,827 It's just she... she's always around. 236 00:09:26,870 --> 00:09:28,263 I understand, son. 237 00:09:28,306 --> 00:09:29,220 Figured you would, Dad. 238 00:09:29,264 --> 00:09:31,527 You're not getting any.Oh! 239 00:09:32,789 --> 00:09:35,183 I... don't really want to have that conversation. 240 00:09:35,226 --> 00:09:37,141 I mean, you got a teenager living there, 241 00:09:37,185 --> 00:09:38,752 and you got some thin walls. 242 00:09:38,795 --> 00:09:40,057 Please, can we stop? 243 00:09:40,101 --> 00:09:41,755 I mean, it's fine when they're babies-- 244 00:09:41,798 --> 00:09:44,322 they don't know what the hell's going on in the other room. 245 00:09:44,366 --> 00:09:47,282 They probably think you're fighting a bear or something. 246 00:09:47,325 --> 00:09:49,284 Please make it stop. 247 00:09:49,327 --> 00:09:52,504 You know, when you were 16, I was starring on Broadway 248 00:09:52,548 --> 00:09:54,332 as the Wizard in Wicked. 249 00:09:54,376 --> 00:09:55,551 Remember? 250 00:09:55,595 --> 00:09:56,857 The Timescalled my performance 251 00:09:56,900 --> 00:09:58,641 "a haunting tour de force." 252 00:09:58,685 --> 00:10:00,861 I don't think they said that, Dad. 253 00:10:00,904 --> 00:10:03,515 It was in the subtext. Anyway... 254 00:10:03,559 --> 00:10:06,170 your mother used to sneak away from work at lunch 255 00:10:06,214 --> 00:10:07,737 and meet me in my dressing room. 256 00:10:07,781 --> 00:10:10,261 You want to know why?No, I don't. 257 00:10:11,741 --> 00:10:13,525 For a nooner.Oh! Okay. 258 00:10:13,569 --> 00:10:14,831 All right, all right. 259 00:10:14,875 --> 00:10:16,441 Conversation over. The subtext is... 260 00:10:16,485 --> 00:10:18,618 [shudders loudly] 261 00:10:20,054 --> 00:10:21,185 [grunts] 262 00:10:25,581 --> 00:10:26,974 [grunts] 263 00:10:27,017 --> 00:10:28,192 [sighs] 264 00:10:28,236 --> 00:10:31,108 Hey, Clem. 265 00:10:31,152 --> 00:10:35,025 Am I about to be murdered? 266 00:10:35,069 --> 00:10:38,550 Nope. Just trying to keep out the diarrhea cat. 267 00:10:38,594 --> 00:10:40,248 Excuse me?We can't just let 268 00:10:40,291 --> 00:10:42,163 some teenager ruin our sex life. 269 00:10:42,206 --> 00:10:45,470 I say we do it right now and just get it over with. 270 00:10:47,081 --> 00:10:48,256 Get it over with? 271 00:10:48,299 --> 00:10:49,692 Yep. 272 00:10:49,736 --> 00:10:52,086 Just plow right through. 273 00:10:52,129 --> 00:10:53,304 Okay. 274 00:10:53,348 --> 00:10:54,392 I mean, it's been a while. 275 00:10:54,436 --> 00:10:55,350 I was hoping for a little more romance, 276 00:10:55,393 --> 00:10:57,178 but, you know, beggars. 277 00:10:57,221 --> 00:10:59,528 [knocking on door] 278 00:10:59,571 --> 00:11:02,270 Do you hear that?Not if you didn't. 279 00:11:02,313 --> 00:11:04,576 SHANNON: Guys! I'm knocking like you said, 280 00:11:04,620 --> 00:11:08,363 even though it's hurting my sensy knuckles. 281 00:11:08,406 --> 00:11:10,408 [Nick sighs] 282 00:11:14,543 --> 00:11:16,937 May we help you? Yep. 283 00:11:16,980 --> 00:11:18,721 The school gave me this form that needs your signature. 284 00:11:18,765 --> 00:11:22,333 Don't read it, just sign, and I'll be on my merry way. 285 00:11:22,377 --> 00:11:24,205 "Disciplinary notice. 286 00:11:24,248 --> 00:11:26,163 Shannon Barnes fell asleep in history..." 287 00:11:26,207 --> 00:11:27,730 You fell asleep in history? 288 00:11:27,774 --> 00:11:31,299 "...English and math." 289 00:11:31,342 --> 00:11:33,431 You fell asleep in three classes?Hey. 290 00:11:33,475 --> 00:11:35,695 It doesn't mention that I stayed awake in bio. 291 00:11:35,738 --> 00:11:37,348 That's the real triumph here. 292 00:11:39,829 --> 00:11:41,526 Yes, congratulations for staying awake 293 00:11:41,570 --> 00:11:44,312 in one out of the five hours that you were in class today. 294 00:11:44,355 --> 00:11:46,662 Hey, that's like 50%. 295 00:11:46,706 --> 00:11:48,316 No, it's not, and you would know that 296 00:11:48,359 --> 00:11:50,361 if you stayed awake in math. 297 00:11:51,275 --> 00:11:54,322 Well, great day on your first day, Shannon. 298 00:11:54,365 --> 00:11:55,802 What do you have planned for day two? 299 00:11:55,845 --> 00:11:57,368 Vape in the girls' bathroom? 300 00:11:57,412 --> 00:11:59,066 Trash the teachers' lounge? 301 00:11:59,109 --> 00:12:01,242 Why the hell am I giving you ideas? 302 00:12:01,285 --> 00:12:03,723 It wasn't that bad. 303 00:12:03,766 --> 00:12:06,290 Dude, I stayed in school all day. I'm trying, okay? 304 00:12:06,334 --> 00:12:09,163 For once in your life, would it kill you to be on my side? 305 00:12:09,206 --> 00:12:10,512 [sighs] 306 00:12:15,473 --> 00:12:20,304 So... I guess we're putting away the plow? 307 00:12:21,697 --> 00:12:24,787 I can't believe she got in trouble on the first day. 308 00:12:24,831 --> 00:12:26,876 I'm sorry, sweetie. 309 00:12:26,920 --> 00:12:29,096 If you want, we can fight about the blender. 310 00:12:29,139 --> 00:12:31,576 Babe, there's no fight there. 311 00:12:31,620 --> 00:12:35,102 That's how you make a mango shake. 312 00:12:37,147 --> 00:12:39,671 Look, I got an idea. 313 00:12:39,715 --> 00:12:41,891 Tomorrow, while Shannon's at school, 314 00:12:41,935 --> 00:12:43,545 we'll skip out of work at lunchtime, 315 00:12:43,588 --> 00:12:46,461 come home, we'll have a nooner. 316 00:12:46,504 --> 00:12:48,724 A nooner? 317 00:12:48,768 --> 00:12:50,334 That's kinda hot. 318 00:12:50,378 --> 00:12:52,162 It was my dad's idea. 319 00:12:53,207 --> 00:12:55,513 That detail's not helping. 320 00:12:55,557 --> 00:12:57,167 But I'm down. 321 00:12:57,211 --> 00:12:59,169 It's just, I've been trying to get a raise at work, 322 00:12:59,213 --> 00:13:01,606 and I'd hate for my boss to see me taking a long lunch. 323 00:13:01,650 --> 00:13:03,217 Trust me, it won't take long. 324 00:13:03,260 --> 00:13:04,653 Nick. 325 00:13:04,696 --> 00:13:06,220 I'm just saying... 326 00:13:06,263 --> 00:13:07,961 it's been a while. 327 00:13:12,182 --> 00:13:13,531 Hey, John. 328 00:13:13,575 --> 00:13:14,837 Here are the invitations 329 00:13:14,881 --> 00:13:17,144 to the opening night of the Rembrandt Exhibit. 330 00:13:17,187 --> 00:13:18,710 Oh, wow! These look great. 331 00:13:18,754 --> 00:13:19,929 Thank you, Clem. 332 00:13:19,973 --> 00:13:21,191 You got it. 333 00:13:21,235 --> 00:13:22,976 Oh, is it okay 334 00:13:23,019 --> 00:13:24,847 if I'm a little late coming back from lunch? 335 00:13:24,891 --> 00:13:26,066 I've got a doctor's appointment. 336 00:13:26,109 --> 00:13:27,241 Of course. 337 00:13:27,284 --> 00:13:29,069 Nothing serious, I hope. 338 00:13:29,112 --> 00:13:32,115 Nah. Just a little, um... 339 00:13:32,159 --> 00:13:34,204 ear infection. 340 00:13:34,248 --> 00:13:36,554 Oh! There's nothing little about an ear infection. 341 00:13:36,598 --> 00:13:38,818 My aunt was in London, she went to cross the street, 342 00:13:38,861 --> 00:13:40,558 somebody yelled, "Look out, trolley!" 343 00:13:40,602 --> 00:13:42,038 But she couldn't hear it. 344 00:13:42,082 --> 00:13:43,518 And then, bam! 345 00:13:44,911 --> 00:13:47,391 Killed by an ear infection. 346 00:13:47,435 --> 00:13:50,264 Look, John, the truth is, my ear's fine. 347 00:13:50,307 --> 00:13:53,484 I've just got a personal thing. 348 00:13:53,528 --> 00:13:55,182 You've got an interview with another museum, don't you? 349 00:13:55,225 --> 00:13:57,097 What? [laughs] No. 350 00:13:57,140 --> 00:13:59,316 I...I cannot lose you, Clem. 351 00:13:59,360 --> 00:14:00,578 You're the best event planner I've got. 352 00:14:00,622 --> 00:14:02,711 Who is it? The Whitney? 353 00:14:02,754 --> 00:14:03,886 The Guggenheim? 354 00:14:03,930 --> 00:14:06,454 The Frick?John... 355 00:14:06,497 --> 00:14:08,978 It is the Frick, isn't it? 356 00:14:09,022 --> 00:14:11,981 Yes, John. It's the Frick. 357 00:14:12,025 --> 00:14:13,374 You don't want to work there. 358 00:14:13,417 --> 00:14:16,072 Let me call Katherine, see if we can get you a raise. 359 00:14:16,116 --> 00:14:20,250 What? [laughs]: Wow. Thank you. 360 00:14:20,294 --> 00:14:24,602 I... still think I need to take the interview. 361 00:14:24,646 --> 00:14:26,300 Ah, playing hardball. 362 00:14:26,343 --> 00:14:27,954 I respect that, 363 00:14:27,997 --> 00:14:30,695 but I think you're gonna be very happy when you get back. 364 00:14:30,739 --> 00:14:33,829 Oh, you can't even imagine. 365 00:14:37,572 --> 00:14:40,270 [exhales] 366 00:14:40,314 --> 00:14:44,274 All right, how you feeling, boys? 367 00:14:44,318 --> 00:14:47,451 You ready for some back tickling? 368 00:14:49,279 --> 00:14:52,065 Oh, dope. 369 00:14:52,108 --> 00:14:53,457 Hey, baby. 370 00:14:53,501 --> 00:14:54,719 Hey, baby. 371 00:14:54,763 --> 00:14:56,330 Oh! 372 00:14:56,373 --> 00:14:57,809 Shannon, what are you doing here? 373 00:14:57,853 --> 00:14:59,115 It is the middle of the day. 374 00:14:59,159 --> 00:15:00,595 I could ask you the same question, 375 00:15:00,638 --> 00:15:02,466 but I think it's pretty obvious what you're doing here, 376 00:15:02,510 --> 00:15:04,425 you dirty dog. 377 00:15:04,468 --> 00:15:06,122 [door opens] 378 00:15:06,166 --> 00:15:07,471 All right. 379 00:15:07,515 --> 00:15:11,127 Who's ready to rip and dip? 380 00:15:11,171 --> 00:15:12,607 Shannon. 381 00:15:12,650 --> 00:15:13,651 Shannon? 382 00:15:13,695 --> 00:15:14,826 Shannon. 383 00:15:14,870 --> 00:15:16,524 Sh-- [screams] 384 00:15:16,567 --> 00:15:18,178 So this is why you're so obsessed 385 00:15:18,221 --> 00:15:19,527 with me going to school, so you can come home 386 00:15:19,570 --> 00:15:21,137 and smash during the day, huh? 387 00:15:24,053 --> 00:15:25,533 Why aren't you in school? 388 00:15:25,576 --> 00:15:27,448 I got sent to the principal's office for no reason, 389 00:15:27,491 --> 00:15:30,842 so I stood up for myself and I got a five-day suspension. 390 00:15:30,886 --> 00:15:33,236 Five days? Yeah. 391 00:15:33,280 --> 00:15:38,067 She's gonna be in this house for five days. 392 00:15:39,939 --> 00:15:41,331 You got suspended already? 393 00:15:41,375 --> 00:15:42,898 What is wrong with you? 394 00:15:42,942 --> 00:15:44,204 Oh, sure. Take the school's side. 395 00:15:44,247 --> 00:15:45,814 Dude, you don't even know what happened. 396 00:15:45,857 --> 00:15:47,294 Yes, that's exactly what I'm gonna do, 397 00:15:47,337 --> 00:15:50,514 because they're the school, and you're the... 398 00:15:50,558 --> 00:15:53,648 reason we're not allowed in Walgreens anymore. 399 00:15:53,691 --> 00:15:56,607 Whatevs. 400 00:15:56,651 --> 00:15:58,392 Five days? 401 00:15:58,435 --> 00:16:00,394 Five days, that's 120 hou-- 402 00:16:00,437 --> 00:16:02,135 You know, I might as well get a part-time job. 403 00:16:02,178 --> 00:16:04,224 You know what? I could watch every episode of Shameless, 404 00:16:04,267 --> 00:16:06,313 still have time, she'd still be here. 405 00:16:12,232 --> 00:16:14,364 Come in, come in. I'm Principal Kersey. 406 00:16:14,408 --> 00:16:15,844 Have a seat. 407 00:16:15,887 --> 00:16:17,933 I'd offer you coffee, but we don't have any coffee, 408 00:16:17,977 --> 00:16:21,893 because somebody forgot to buy coffee. 409 00:16:21,937 --> 00:16:23,373 Principal Kersey, before we begin, 410 00:16:23,417 --> 00:16:25,027 I'd like to apologize 411 00:16:25,071 --> 00:16:27,203 for whatever my sister said to get her suspended. 412 00:16:27,247 --> 00:16:29,162 She called me an ass. 413 00:16:29,205 --> 00:16:31,164 No, I didn't. 414 00:16:31,207 --> 00:16:32,730 I called him a dumbass. 415 00:16:32,774 --> 00:16:35,342 I'm so sorry. 416 00:16:35,385 --> 00:16:36,430 And so is my sister. 417 00:16:36,473 --> 00:16:38,171 Look, I know some students 418 00:16:38,214 --> 00:16:39,650 may not agree with the dress code, 419 00:16:39,694 --> 00:16:42,218 but they cannot react disrespectfully 420 00:16:42,262 --> 00:16:44,133 when they're called out for a violation. 421 00:16:44,177 --> 00:16:45,613 We totally agree. 422 00:16:45,656 --> 00:16:48,137 I didn't realize this was over a dress code violation. 423 00:16:48,181 --> 00:16:51,053 Oh, yes. The code clearly states that undergarments, 424 00:16:51,097 --> 00:16:55,101 such as bra straps, must not be visible at any time. 425 00:16:55,144 --> 00:16:56,363 Wait. Really? 426 00:16:56,406 --> 00:16:58,234 However, since Shannon is new 427 00:16:58,278 --> 00:17:00,323 and you all have come here to apologize, 428 00:17:00,367 --> 00:17:02,369 I would be willing to waive the suspension. 429 00:17:02,412 --> 00:17:04,240 That means Shannon's gonna be in school during lunchtime. 430 00:17:04,284 --> 00:17:06,155 Thank you, Principal Kersey. It's been a pleasure. 431 00:17:06,199 --> 00:17:08,201 Come on. Let's go. Let's go. 432 00:17:10,246 --> 00:17:11,987 Um, quick question.Question? What kind of question? 433 00:17:12,031 --> 00:17:14,076 I thought we were done with the questions. 434 00:17:14,120 --> 00:17:16,165 What harm does a bra strap do? 435 00:17:16,209 --> 00:17:18,167 Well, it's important that girls not wear clothes 436 00:17:18,211 --> 00:17:19,429 that distract the boys from learning. 437 00:17:19,473 --> 00:17:20,691 You understand. 438 00:17:20,735 --> 00:17:23,172 Yes, we sure do understand. See ya. 439 00:17:23,216 --> 00:17:26,175 How is it a girl's problem that a boy is distracted? 440 00:17:26,219 --> 00:17:27,350 Doesn't that seem a little sexist? 441 00:17:27,394 --> 00:17:30,353 Dude, it is on. 442 00:17:30,397 --> 00:17:32,834 I didn't write the dress code, Ms. Barnes. 443 00:17:32,877 --> 00:17:34,183 I just enforce it. 444 00:17:34,227 --> 00:17:35,663 Let me see this. 445 00:17:35,706 --> 00:17:38,927 Oh, one, two, three pages for girls, 446 00:17:38,970 --> 00:17:40,929 and only one paragraph for boys? 447 00:17:40,972 --> 00:17:42,365 Why is no one worried that maybe 448 00:17:42,409 --> 00:17:44,237 the girls might be distracted by the boys? 449 00:17:44,280 --> 00:17:47,283 If you saw the dudes here, you'd understand. 450 00:17:47,327 --> 00:17:50,939 Ms. Barnes, male students are very distractible. 451 00:17:50,982 --> 00:17:52,245 Yeah, well, so are girls. 452 00:17:52,288 --> 00:17:53,463 We think about sex, too. 453 00:17:53,507 --> 00:17:55,291 Yeah, we do. A lot. 454 00:17:55,335 --> 00:17:57,467 Especially when we're not getting any. 455 00:17:58,903 --> 00:18:02,472 There's been a lot of distractions at home. 456 00:18:02,516 --> 00:18:05,301 We live in a different time, Mr. Kersey. 457 00:18:05,345 --> 00:18:06,781 I don't care what your code says. 458 00:18:06,824 --> 00:18:09,131 You can't treat boys and girls differently anymore. 459 00:18:09,175 --> 00:18:11,438 Except for ladies' night, when we drink for free. 460 00:18:11,481 --> 00:18:12,700 That's cool. 461 00:18:12,743 --> 00:18:15,529 I think the way my sister dresses is fine. 462 00:18:15,572 --> 00:18:18,097 And with all the problems you've got going on in schools, 463 00:18:18,140 --> 00:18:19,402 you're gonna focus on whether or not 464 00:18:19,446 --> 00:18:21,752 someone's bra strap is showing? 465 00:18:21,796 --> 00:18:25,060 That, sir, is the definition of dumbass-ery. 466 00:18:26,670 --> 00:18:29,369 I'm sure you realize the suspension is back on. 467 00:18:29,412 --> 00:18:30,805 Yes, I do. 468 00:18:32,328 --> 00:18:34,417 Boom! [laughs] 469 00:18:37,507 --> 00:18:39,030 Whoa. Shannon. 470 00:18:39,074 --> 00:18:41,424 What I'm about to tell you might confuse 471 00:18:41,468 --> 00:18:43,383 or maybe even scare you. 472 00:18:44,993 --> 00:18:46,473 But that thing in your hand, 473 00:18:46,516 --> 00:18:48,083 it's not a phone. 474 00:18:50,477 --> 00:18:52,348 It's a book. 475 00:18:52,392 --> 00:18:54,829 I know. Every time I swipe left, 476 00:18:54,872 --> 00:18:56,787 it just takes you to another page. 477 00:18:58,398 --> 00:19:00,182 I'm proud of you, Shannon. 478 00:19:00,226 --> 00:19:01,749 Really, I'm impressed. 479 00:19:01,792 --> 00:19:04,273 Well, I really appreciate it that you had my back today, 480 00:19:04,317 --> 00:19:06,275 so I decided, what the hell? 481 00:19:06,319 --> 00:19:07,668 Why not give this whole tedious, 482 00:19:07,711 --> 00:19:10,061 soul-crushing school thing a shot? 483 00:19:10,105 --> 00:19:12,151 That's the spirit. 484 00:19:12,194 --> 00:19:13,674 [phone chimes] 485 00:19:13,717 --> 00:19:16,111 Oh, cool. Janelle's having people over. 486 00:19:16,155 --> 00:19:17,721 Tonight? 487 00:19:19,332 --> 00:19:21,116 That's, uh, that-that's great, right, Nick? 488 00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:23,031 Uh, yeah. Yeah. 489 00:19:23,074 --> 00:19:24,815 Yes. Definitely. 490 00:19:24,859 --> 00:19:26,904 You should go out. 491 00:19:26,948 --> 00:19:29,342 No. 492 00:19:29,385 --> 00:19:31,648 I'm staying in and reading my book. 493 00:19:31,692 --> 00:19:33,433 Well, don't feel like you have to. 494 00:19:33,476 --> 00:19:35,609 I mean, y-you got five days. 495 00:19:35,652 --> 00:19:38,177 Yeah, I mean, look, I mean, you're already on page six. 496 00:19:38,220 --> 00:19:39,221 Six!I mean, you are flying! 497 00:19:39,265 --> 00:19:40,570 That's a lot.That's-- six! 498 00:19:43,965 --> 00:19:47,055 Okay, uh... 499 00:19:47,098 --> 00:19:49,318 I just realized I'm, like, really hungry, 500 00:19:49,362 --> 00:19:52,539 so I'm gonna go get a burger, finish my book. 501 00:19:52,582 --> 00:19:53,801 Thank God. 502 00:19:53,844 --> 00:19:56,543 I mean, thank you. I mean, good for you. 503 00:19:56,586 --> 00:19:58,980 I'm gonna need 50 bucks. 504 00:19:59,023 --> 00:20:00,242 50 dollars for a burger? 505 00:20:00,286 --> 00:20:02,375 Just give it to her.All right. Okay. 506 00:20:02,418 --> 00:20:04,028 No pr-- Just take the whole wallet. 507 00:20:04,072 --> 00:20:05,726 That's fine, don't worry about it. 508 00:20:05,769 --> 00:20:08,337 Bye. 509 00:20:08,381 --> 00:20:10,383 [moaning] 510 00:20:16,737 --> 00:20:18,042 More wine? 511 00:20:18,086 --> 00:20:20,219 Baby, what's gotten into you? 512 00:20:20,262 --> 00:20:21,655 I don't know. 513 00:20:21,698 --> 00:20:23,178 I was just thinking about 514 00:20:23,222 --> 00:20:27,313 when I was starring in Wicked, 515 00:20:27,356 --> 00:20:29,315 and you used to come visit me. 516 00:20:29,358 --> 00:20:32,535 Oh, I'll never forget. 517 00:20:32,579 --> 00:20:35,886 It may be 10:00 p.m. here. 518 00:20:35,930 --> 00:20:37,845 Mm-hmm. 519 00:20:37,888 --> 00:20:39,716 But it's noon somewhere. 520 00:20:39,760 --> 00:20:41,936 Oh. 521 00:20:41,979 --> 00:20:44,634 Ah, great, you guys are home. 522 00:20:46,375 --> 00:20:47,420 Clem and Nick kicked me out. 523 00:20:47,463 --> 00:20:50,161 What you guys doing? 524 00:20:50,205 --> 00:20:54,514 Remember that cat we used to have? 525 00:20:54,557 --> 00:20:57,212 Indeed, I do. 526 00:20:57,256 --> 00:20:59,258 Captioning sponsored by CBS 527 00:21:02,826 --> 00:21:06,265 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org