1
00:00:08,375 --> 00:00:10,166
<i>We the People.</i>

2
00:00:10,833 --> 00:00:12,416
<i>We the People.</i>

3
00:00:12,500 --> 00:00:13,625
<i>We the People.</i>

4
00:00:13,708 --> 00:00:16,083
- <i>We the People.
- We the People.</i>

5
00:00:16,166 --> 00:00:18,708
- <i>We the People!
- We the People!</i>

6
00:00:18,791 --> 00:00:21,500
- <i>We the People!
- We the People!</i>

7
00:00:22,541 --> 00:00:25,166
Wait...

8
00:00:25,250 --> 00:00:26,708
We the People...

9
00:00:29,166 --> 00:00:30,375
Yeah!

10
00:00:30,458 --> 00:00:33,583
- We the People!
- We the People!

11
00:00:33,666 --> 00:00:35,916
Sorry, Tom, "We the People" it is.

12
00:00:36,000 --> 00:00:38,791
You can use "Us rich white guys"
on your Christmas card.

13
00:00:38,875 --> 00:00:41,791
Mmm, at Dartmouth,
we play with actual paddles.

14
00:00:41,875 --> 00:00:44,708
Nobody fucking cares
how you do it at Dartmouth, Tom.

15
00:00:45,750 --> 00:00:48,500
Franklin, these bucktooth
fun police can suck it

16
00:00:48,583 --> 00:00:50,583
because we've done it, boys!

17
00:00:50,666 --> 00:00:54,250
- We have declared our independence!
- Huzzah!

18
00:00:54,333 --> 00:00:58,250
Lincoln and his idiot lackey, Washington,
are gonna be pissed they missed this.

19
00:00:58,333 --> 00:01:00,458
Ooh! We should take a picture!

20
00:01:00,541 --> 00:01:02,083
Say "cheese."

21
00:01:02,166 --> 00:01:03,250
Benedict Arnold?

22
00:01:03,916 --> 00:01:06,750
It's the Redcoats! Run!

23
00:01:12,708 --> 00:01:13,833
What is happ...

24
00:01:18,041 --> 00:01:21,416
- No, no, no!
- Declarate this!

25
00:01:42,041 --> 00:01:45,250
Now I just have to catch a show
with my old chum,

26
00:01:45,333 --> 00:01:47,875
Abraham Lincoln.

27
00:01:50,500 --> 00:01:53,416
Four score and seven years ago,

28
00:01:53,500 --> 00:01:56,875
I swore an oath to never tell a lie.

29
00:01:56,958 --> 00:02:02,125
To be true to my family, my friends,
and the Republic for which they stand,

30
00:02:02,208 --> 00:02:07,708
which is why I am compelled,
by divine duty, to tell you

31
00:02:07,791 --> 00:02:10,583
your prices are fucking insane!

32
00:02:10,666 --> 00:02:13,125
Wow, easy. Take it up with the King.

33
00:02:13,208 --> 00:02:15,625
- Something about taxation!
- Yeah, that's right!

34
00:02:15,708 --> 00:02:17,750
Dude, I just work here.

35
00:02:17,833 --> 00:02:20,208
But... Uh...
Something about representation!

36
00:02:20,291 --> 00:02:21,958
- Yeah!
- You tell 'em, Abe!

37
00:02:22,041 --> 00:02:24,833
- Abe!
- This isn't over, pal!

38
00:02:24,916 --> 00:02:25,791
Yeah!

39
00:02:25,875 --> 00:02:28,541
You don't gotta be
such a damn tyrant about it.

40
00:02:28,625 --> 00:02:31,250
Abe! Look at me!

41
00:02:31,333 --> 00:02:33,916
- This guy dared me to climb up here.
- No, I didn't.

42
00:02:34,000 --> 00:02:36,208
Well, you should've! Whoo!

43
00:02:36,875 --> 00:02:38,017
Yeah!

44
00:02:38,041 --> 00:02:40,875
George, you are a wild man.

45
00:02:40,958 --> 00:02:42,500
What can I say?

46
00:02:42,583 --> 00:02:45,250
Somebody's gotta
balance out all your boring politics.

47
00:02:45,333 --> 00:02:48,666
George, I guess
that's what makes us such a good team.

48
00:02:48,750 --> 00:02:53,250
A team that will last until we both die
of natural causes and old age,

49
00:02:53,333 --> 00:02:54,333
in our forties.

50
00:02:54,416 --> 00:02:57,541
But I do wish ya cared
about more than just partying.

51
00:02:57,625 --> 00:03:00,625
Abe! I care
about more than that, all right?

52
00:03:00,708 --> 00:03:04,000
I also care about... how good we look!

53
00:03:04,083 --> 00:03:07,958
Oh, George.
You paid 35 bucks for a T-blouse?

54
00:03:08,041 --> 00:03:12,416
No, I paid 70 bucks for two T-blouses.

55
00:03:12,500 --> 00:03:13,333
Twinsies!

56
00:03:13,416 --> 00:03:17,083
George, I wish I had
a million friends like you.

57
00:03:17,166 --> 00:03:19,916
- Should I put it on my body?
- Yeah, put it on your body.

58
00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:23,208
Oh, it feels so soft on my body.

59
00:03:23,291 --> 00:03:25,958
- It's like a blend. Is it a blend?
- It's a tri-blend.

60
00:03:26,041 --> 00:03:28,791
Oh, it's so soft,
I'd swear it's a quad blend.

61
00:03:28,875 --> 00:03:31,125
- I know.
- Oh, shit, oh!

62
00:03:31,208 --> 00:03:32,208
Oh, here comes Ben.

63
00:03:32,250 --> 00:03:35,000
- Ooh! Uh, hey, Ben.
- Benedict.

64
00:03:35,083 --> 00:03:38,333
Oh, sorry. Last two.

65
00:03:51,333 --> 00:03:53,333
I'm so glad you came.

66
00:03:53,416 --> 00:03:56,833
Mmm, I was worried
that you might have caught wind

67
00:03:56,916 --> 00:03:58,250
of my little surprise.

68
00:03:58,333 --> 00:03:59,416
No, not at all, man.

69
00:03:59,500 --> 00:04:02,500
These are boffo seats!
We didn't even see this coming at all.

70
00:04:02,583 --> 00:04:03,958
What are you up to?

71
00:04:04,041 --> 00:04:06,541
You hate surprises and general whimsy.

72
00:04:06,625 --> 00:04:08,583
I've always told you, Abraham,

73
00:04:08,666 --> 00:04:10,958
that your revolution
would be the end of you.

74
00:04:11,041 --> 00:04:14,500
And I've always told you, Ben,
that I was willing to take that chance.

75
00:04:14,583 --> 00:04:17,333
That we should all
be willing to take that chance.

76
00:04:19,708 --> 00:04:21,708
Yes, you have.

77
00:04:21,791 --> 00:04:24,541
The only problem is
you assumed, all this time,

78
00:04:24,625 --> 00:04:27,958
that I'm part of your "we," when, in fact,

79
00:04:28,041 --> 00:04:31,416
I'm with a different "we," now.

80
00:04:32,916 --> 00:04:35,125
Uh, I didn't... I don't get it.

81
00:04:35,208 --> 00:04:38,041
I changed teams, assholes.

82
00:04:38,125 --> 00:04:40,208
Oh, Ben, good for you!

83
00:04:40,291 --> 00:04:43,125
I'm so glad
that you're embracing your true self.

84
00:04:43,208 --> 00:04:45,666
No! I'm gonna be fuckin' rich.

85
00:04:45,750 --> 00:04:49,541
Oh, Rich sounds like a great guy,
would love to meet him.

86
00:04:49,625 --> 00:04:52,125
- We could do a double date?
- You're misunderstanding.

87
00:04:52,208 --> 00:04:54,125
- I'll be doing the Redcoat Shuffle.
- Hey.

88
00:04:54,208 --> 00:04:57,000
Whatever you guys do
in private is your business.

89
00:04:57,083 --> 00:04:58,916
That's one of the things
we're fighting for!

90
00:04:59,000 --> 00:05:01,125
Stop being so damn accepting for a minute!

91
00:05:01,208 --> 00:05:04,541
I have aligned myself with the Brits.

92
00:05:04,625 --> 00:05:06,291
Oh. Ohh!

93
00:05:06,375 --> 00:05:08,083
George, are you hearing this?

94
00:05:08,166 --> 00:05:09,583
Are you seeing this?

95
00:05:09,666 --> 00:05:12,916
Abe, they're using things as instruments
that you're not supposed to use.

96
00:05:13,000 --> 00:05:15,208
- It's crazy!
- George, fuck!

97
00:05:15,291 --> 00:05:17,791
You've sided
with the fun police?

98
00:05:17,875 --> 00:05:20,833
Something about taxation.
Don't you remember?

99
00:05:20,916 --> 00:05:24,458
Hot take, Abe. Fun sucks.

100
00:05:24,541 --> 00:05:27,333
The Declaration was signed tonight, Ben.

101
00:05:27,416 --> 00:05:30,416
You're too late
to stop the revolution. Ha-ha!

102
00:05:30,500 --> 00:05:32,416
Oh, am I?

103
00:05:32,500 --> 00:05:35,791
- Your friends in revolution are all dead.
- What?

104
00:05:35,875 --> 00:05:38,791
And as for your precious
Declaration of Independence...

105
00:05:38,875 --> 00:05:41,833
- Oh, it's beautiful!
- A-Kelly Ripa!

106
00:05:41,916 --> 00:05:43,333
No!

107
00:05:43,416 --> 00:05:45,500
But you're Benedict "Cosby" Arnold!

108
00:05:45,583 --> 00:05:47,916
- You're better than this!
- You're right.

109
00:05:48,000 --> 00:05:49,541
I am.

110
00:05:56,875 --> 00:06:00,041
Abe, what the... Oh, my God.
Your neck's... Oh, my God!

111
00:06:00,125 --> 00:06:02,916
Your neck is bleeding!
Is this part of the show?

112
00:06:03,000 --> 00:06:05,125
Look, I don't do well
with interactive theater, okay?

113
00:06:05,208 --> 00:06:06,500
It kinda freaks me out.

114
00:06:06,583 --> 00:06:08,750
I know. That's great.
We're number one, I get that.

115
00:06:08,833 --> 00:06:10,875
But I don't see what that has to do with...

116
00:06:10,958 --> 00:06:12,583
Arnold, behind you.

117
00:06:12,666 --> 00:06:14,500
No, Abe, I'm George.

118
00:06:14,583 --> 00:06:16,125
It's George!

119
00:06:16,208 --> 00:06:18,291
George, turn around.

120
00:06:18,375 --> 00:06:20,083
Ben! Ben, what the fuck, man?

121
00:06:21,958 --> 00:06:25,000
Someday, Georgie,
you'll have to draft a document

122
00:06:25,083 --> 00:06:28,708
that specifically outlines
the punishment for what I just did.

123
00:06:28,791 --> 00:06:32,000
But for now, I bid you <i>adieu.</i>

124
00:06:32,541 --> 00:06:33,750
Nyah!

125
00:06:36,333 --> 00:06:39,333
<i>Sic semper</i> my dick, bitches!

126
00:06:41,166 --> 00:06:42,625
This is the weirdest show.

127
00:06:42,708 --> 00:06:44,000
Abe.

128
00:06:44,125 --> 00:06:45,375
Abe, are you okay?

129
00:06:45,458 --> 00:06:48,875
- No, my throat has been roadhoused.
- Ah, it's in my mouth.

130
00:06:48,958 --> 00:06:50,583
I'm dying, George.

131
00:06:50,666 --> 00:06:53,458
No, you will not die!
You shut your mouth!

132
00:06:53,541 --> 00:06:56,166
I will shut my mouth.

133
00:06:56,250 --> 00:06:58,416
- Forever.
- Stop it!

134
00:06:58,500 --> 00:07:02,416
- Abe, you're gonna make it.
- Yes, to the other side.

135
00:07:02,500 --> 00:07:05,125
No! Back to this side! Where you belong!

136
00:07:05,208 --> 00:07:08,958
George, you must free the colonies.

137
00:07:09,041 --> 00:07:13,041
No! That's your thing, Abe.
It's not mine.

138
00:07:13,125 --> 00:07:16,666
It's yours now, George.
I believe in you.

139
00:07:16,750 --> 00:07:19,208
Free the colonies.

140
00:07:19,291 --> 00:07:21,375
Found a new country.

141
00:07:21,458 --> 00:07:22,958
Name her...

142
00:07:23,041 --> 00:07:26,541
Name her what, babe?
You tell me what you want me to name her.

143
00:07:26,625 --> 00:07:28,875
God damn it! You son of a bitch!

144
00:07:28,958 --> 00:07:33,625
Whatever you tell me to name her,
that's what I'm gonna name her, Abie!

145
00:07:33,708 --> 00:07:37,541
Name her America.

146
00:07:40,250 --> 00:07:41,666
Is that your top choice?

147
00:07:41,750 --> 00:07:43,875
We can spitball some options,
see if we can beat it.

148
00:07:43,958 --> 00:07:45,875
There is no time, George.

149
00:07:45,958 --> 00:07:48,000
My death-shit is imminent.

150
00:07:48,083 --> 00:07:50,541
America, okay? Just remember...

151
00:07:50,625 --> 00:07:54,166
America.

152
00:07:58,250 --> 00:07:59,375
A...

153
00:07:59,458 --> 00:08:00,833
Nope.

154
00:08:00,916 --> 00:08:03,000
A...

155
00:08:03,083 --> 00:08:04,291
Okay, hold it.

156
00:08:04,375 --> 00:08:06,958
Abe!

157
00:08:07,916 --> 00:08:09,083
Stand ready.

158
00:08:09,166 --> 00:08:12,791
A vengeful Washington
will be here in three, two...

159
00:08:14,000 --> 00:08:15,375
Hey, dickhole!

160
00:08:15,458 --> 00:08:17,208
It's time to... Oh, fuck me.

161
00:08:17,291 --> 00:08:19,375
Yes. Fuck you, indeed.

162
00:08:23,375 --> 00:08:24,250
Subdue him.

163
00:08:24,333 --> 00:08:26,916
I wish to shame him
with a cutting dialogue.

164
00:08:27,666 --> 00:08:29,541
Hello, guv.

165
00:08:31,541 --> 00:08:34,250
I know betrayal hurts, Georgie,

166
00:08:34,333 --> 00:08:39,583
and it can often rile in a man
motivation he didn't even know he had.

167
00:08:39,666 --> 00:08:40,708
But face facts.

168
00:08:40,791 --> 00:08:43,541
With Abe and the rest of your
revolutionaries gone,

169
00:08:43,625 --> 00:08:46,083
on account of me having
killed them all just now,

170
00:08:46,166 --> 00:08:50,208
your tired, party-boy antics
are bound to fail.

171
00:08:50,291 --> 00:08:52,666
You'll never be the leader Abe was.

172
00:08:53,750 --> 00:08:57,250
Because you lack Abe's brains, his heart,

173
00:08:57,333 --> 00:09:02,041
and, most importantly, his soul.

174
00:09:02,125 --> 00:09:05,416
Without him, the revolution is dead.

175
00:09:06,125 --> 00:09:09,083
Rah!

176
00:09:11,000 --> 00:09:12,083
Whoo!

177
00:09:12,166 --> 00:09:15,375
That cherry tree
didn't chop its fucking self down!

178
00:09:15,458 --> 00:09:16,458
Let's go!

179
00:09:21,125 --> 00:09:24,500
Ah, are you a miniboss, or what?
Do something!

180
00:09:47,208 --> 00:09:48,500
Jesus Christ!

181
00:09:48,583 --> 00:09:50,750
Transporter, go!

182
00:09:50,833 --> 00:09:52,458
Let's get you transported.

183
00:10:00,708 --> 00:10:04,333
I can't believe we ever let you
into the Three Fuckateers!

184
00:10:04,416 --> 00:10:07,125
I'm changing our Netflix password!

185
00:10:07,208 --> 00:10:08,625
Transporter, the bridge!

186
00:10:16,583 --> 00:10:19,125
Ah!

187
00:10:19,791 --> 00:10:21,208
Fuckin' bridges.

188
00:10:21,291 --> 00:10:22,666
Ah, Christ.

189
00:10:23,750 --> 00:10:24,750
What now?

190
00:10:25,333 --> 00:10:28,750
Oh, Georgie, I almost forgot.

191
00:10:28,833 --> 00:10:30,625
I have something from your king.

192
00:10:31,208 --> 00:10:33,625
This is for you.

193
00:10:39,125 --> 00:10:40,916
"This is for you."

194
00:10:41,000 --> 00:10:42,333
I'm so clever!

195
00:10:45,125 --> 00:10:46,291
No.

196
00:10:47,083 --> 00:10:49,250
This is for...

197
00:10:50,083 --> 00:10:53,750
America!

198
00:10:57,916 --> 00:11:00,541
Shut the fuck up!

199
00:11:00,625 --> 00:11:03,458
Yep.

200
00:11:03,541 --> 00:11:04,541
All right.

201
00:11:16,458 --> 00:11:18,000
<i>♪ Close your eyes ♪</i>

202
00:11:19,250 --> 00:11:22,750
<i>♪ Give me your hand, darling ♪</i>

203
00:11:23,333 --> 00:11:26,583
<i>♪ Do you feel my heart beating? ♪</i>

204
00:11:27,250 --> 00:11:29,833
<i>♪ Do you understand? ♪</i>

205
00:11:29,916 --> 00:11:33,250
<i>♪ Do you feel the same? ♪</i>

206
00:11:34,083 --> 00:11:38,708
<i>♪ Am I only dreaming? ♪</i>

207
00:11:39,458 --> 00:11:42,333
<i>♪ Is this burnin' ♪</i>

208
00:11:43,958 --> 00:11:46,958
<i>♪ An eternal flame? ♪</i>

209
00:11:57,000 --> 00:11:58,000
He sewed it by hand

210
00:11:58,041 --> 00:12:00,875
when Trishelle came down
with dengue fever last May Day.

211
00:12:00,958 --> 00:12:03,791
He laid it upon her and she healed.

212
00:12:03,875 --> 00:12:05,708
And now, she lays it upon him,

213
00:12:06,291 --> 00:12:07,791
but he will never heal.

214
00:12:08,500 --> 00:12:09,500
John 3:16.

215
00:12:12,333 --> 00:12:14,916
A gift from Mozart himself.

216
00:12:16,666 --> 00:12:21,666
Silenced now, like its owner, forever.

217
00:12:25,958 --> 00:12:28,333
You're, uh...
Martha Dandridge.

218
00:12:28,416 --> 00:12:30,125
You were there that night, on stage.

219
00:12:30,208 --> 00:12:33,916
And you are George Washington,
inventor of peanut butter.

220
00:12:34,000 --> 00:12:35,000
The same.

221
00:12:35,083 --> 00:12:37,291
Abraham Lincoln's best friend.

222
00:12:37,375 --> 00:12:38,250
Forever.

223
00:12:38,333 --> 00:12:40,833
You've suffered a tremendous loss.

224
00:12:41,541 --> 00:12:43,583
You should not be alone tonight.

225
00:12:43,666 --> 00:12:44,666
- Oh!
- Ahh!

226
00:12:44,750 --> 00:12:46,500
- Yes! Yes!
- Ah!

227
00:12:53,583 --> 00:12:56,666
- Uh...
- What is it? You can tell me, Martha.

228
00:12:56,750 --> 00:12:59,041
- You can tell me anything.
- Well...

229
00:13:00,125 --> 00:13:02,333
- I'm pregnant.
- What? Just now?

230
00:13:02,416 --> 00:13:03,625
- Yeah.
- You're sure?

231
00:13:03,708 --> 00:13:05,958
A woman knows.

232
00:13:06,041 --> 00:13:07,833
A miracle has befallen us!

233
00:13:07,916 --> 00:13:10,083
- Has it?
- It has! Yes.

234
00:13:10,166 --> 00:13:11,666
Oh, but has it?

235
00:13:11,750 --> 00:13:13,041
All I've ever wanted, Martha,

236
00:13:13,125 --> 00:13:15,708
was the one thing
I never had, a loving family.

237
00:13:15,791 --> 00:13:17,583
- Gross, you were an orphan?
- What?

238
00:13:17,666 --> 00:13:19,750
- Of course not! God, no. Ew.
- Ugh! Phew!

239
00:13:19,833 --> 00:13:22,375
No, but look,
my father was a real man's man,

240
00:13:22,458 --> 00:13:24,291
which is to say, like all men's men,

241
00:13:24,375 --> 00:13:27,625
he disrespected my mother
and punished me for his insecurities.

242
00:13:27,708 --> 00:13:31,708
And see, this will be a great opportunity
to break that cycle, if you will.

243
00:13:32,250 --> 00:13:35,375
You know, there can be
no spring without winter. John 3:16.

244
00:13:35,458 --> 00:13:37,166
That's beautiful, George.

245
00:13:37,250 --> 00:13:38,250
Oh, hey, what's this?

246
00:13:38,333 --> 00:13:40,125
Oh.

247
00:13:40,208 --> 00:13:43,833
Just a box
of misty water-colored memories.

248
00:13:43,916 --> 00:13:47,208
Oh, look, the day we first met.

249
00:13:47,291 --> 00:13:49,375
I was hiding from my father in the woods,

250
00:13:49,458 --> 00:13:51,791
and he had been drinking
and listening to Kid Rock again.

251
00:13:51,875 --> 00:13:54,916
And then, I encountered a boy,
no older than me,

252
00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:58,375
and he smelled of possums and night soil.

253
00:13:58,458 --> 00:14:02,250
We couldn't have been any more different.
And yet, he opened up his arms to me

254
00:14:02,333 --> 00:14:04,333
and he took me up into his tree home.

255
00:14:04,416 --> 00:14:07,708
It was the first time
that I understood what family was.

256
00:14:07,791 --> 00:14:10,166
Aw...

257
00:14:10,250 --> 00:14:13,000
This is his seventh birthday.

258
00:14:13,083 --> 00:14:16,125
I had to get him a hat to cover
that hideous, malformed head of his.

259
00:14:16,208 --> 00:14:19,166
Who could have known
that it would come to be his trademark?

260
00:14:19,250 --> 00:14:21,250
Oh, prom! Wow!

261
00:14:21,333 --> 00:14:23,375
We lost our virginities
that night.

262
00:14:24,000 --> 00:14:25,375
- Together.
- Oh, I get it.

263
00:14:25,458 --> 00:14:26,458
I've been to Paris.

264
00:14:26,541 --> 00:14:28,500
Oh, man, we had so many plans.

265
00:14:28,583 --> 00:14:31,333
Oh, Sky Camp! Junior Templar Scouts.

266
00:14:31,416 --> 00:14:33,791
Our semi-pro
rolling-circle-with-a-stick team.

267
00:14:34,375 --> 00:14:35,833
What is this even...

268
00:14:35,916 --> 00:14:36,916
Oh!

269
00:14:37,000 --> 00:14:37,875
Oh!

270
00:14:37,958 --> 00:14:41,208
- The famed "Lincoln Log!"
- Yes!

271
00:14:41,291 --> 00:14:43,416
Abe, you rapscallion.

272
00:14:43,500 --> 00:14:45,875
Oh.

273
00:14:45,958 --> 00:14:47,333
You rapscallion.

274
00:14:47,416 --> 00:14:48,416
Oh...

275
00:14:49,625 --> 00:14:50,875
George.

276
00:14:50,958 --> 00:14:53,166
- Oh, George. George!
- What?

277
00:14:53,250 --> 00:14:54,916
- What?
- You know what you must do.

278
00:14:55,000 --> 00:14:58,166
Have a bunch more sex with you
until I start feeling better?

279
00:14:58,250 --> 00:15:01,333
- That'll work in the short term.
- Okay, that's a great idea.

280
00:15:01,416 --> 00:15:04,166
No, no... No! George.

281
00:15:04,250 --> 00:15:06,125
You must avenge Abe.

282
00:15:06,208 --> 00:15:07,958
See his dream through.

283
00:15:08,041 --> 00:15:11,041
I can't!
King James is more powerful than ever.

284
00:15:11,125 --> 00:15:14,250
- I can't fight him alone.
- No, you need partners.

285
00:15:14,333 --> 00:15:15,583
- Partners?
- Yes!

286
00:15:15,666 --> 00:15:17,750
- Partners in the revolution?
- Yes!

287
00:15:17,833 --> 00:15:20,000
Partners whose spirit, like mine,

288
00:15:20,083 --> 00:15:22,625
outweigh their sense
of self-preservation and sanity, even?

289
00:15:22,708 --> 00:15:25,791
Yes! You know, Samuel Adams
plays in my adult kickball league.

290
00:15:25,875 --> 00:15:28,083
- I totally know him.
- Hold the phone!

291
00:15:28,166 --> 00:15:30,375
Samuel Adems is the race car driver.
You know him?

292
00:15:30,458 --> 00:15:32,791
What's a phone?
And no, no, no, no.

293
00:15:32,875 --> 00:15:35,208
That's Samuel Adems, with an "E."

294
00:15:35,291 --> 00:15:37,666
This is Samuel Adams, with an "A."

295
00:15:37,750 --> 00:15:39,250
The rabble rouser.

296
00:15:47,625 --> 00:15:50,125
Chug! Chug! Chug!

297
00:15:58,583 --> 00:16:01,166
Chug! Chug! Chug!

298
00:16:02,458 --> 00:16:04,791
Whoo!

299
00:16:04,875 --> 00:16:09,291
Sammy Addy from way downtown!

300
00:16:10,208 --> 00:16:11,208
Fuck, yeah!

301
00:16:21,583 --> 00:16:23,875
Boffo fireworks, Mr. Adams.

302
00:16:23,958 --> 00:16:27,625
Very, very boffo. I'm George Washington.

303
00:16:28,208 --> 00:16:30,458
George Washington, the dinosaur rancher?

304
00:16:30,541 --> 00:16:33,000
Ah, no, no,
that's George Washingten, with an "E."

305
00:16:33,083 --> 00:16:37,375
I'm George Washington, with an "O,"
the future king of America.

306
00:16:37,458 --> 00:16:40,833
America? What the fuck is America, bro?

307
00:16:40,916 --> 00:16:42,333
Yeah, what is it?

308
00:16:42,416 --> 00:16:43,458
Fucking tell us!

309
00:16:43,541 --> 00:16:46,875
Today, but the final
whispered word of a dying man.

310
00:16:46,958 --> 00:16:51,458
But a year from now, with your help,
the most powerful country in the world.

311
00:16:51,541 --> 00:16:54,125
A country free of British rule.

312
00:16:54,208 --> 00:16:57,416
Oh, fuck, man! I hate the British.

313
00:16:57,500 --> 00:17:00,916
They're always breaking up
our peaceable free assemblies.

314
00:17:02,333 --> 00:17:04,791
Bro! Bro! Bro!

315
00:17:04,875 --> 00:17:05,708
Our parties.

316
00:17:05,791 --> 00:17:08,625
I call them "the fun police."

317
00:17:08,708 --> 00:17:10,791
- Who would do that?
- "The fun police."

318
00:17:10,875 --> 00:17:12,666
That is exactly
what Abe used to call them!

319
00:17:12,750 --> 00:17:15,500
They hassle us
because we like to blow shit up

320
00:17:15,583 --> 00:17:20,000
and get into fights
with anybody who looks different than us.

321
00:17:20,083 --> 00:17:21,000
Yeah!

322
00:17:21,083 --> 00:17:23,625
- Yeah, we're being oppressed!
- Well, I mean...

323
00:17:23,708 --> 00:17:28,333
Hell, we'd still be partying right now
if they hadn't shut us down last night.

324
00:17:28,416 --> 00:17:29,916
It's 'cause of my beer.

325
00:17:30,000 --> 00:17:32,708
- The British, they just can't handle it.
- Yeah.

326
00:17:32,791 --> 00:17:35,208
- Beer?
- Beer!

327
00:17:37,666 --> 00:17:39,833
It's made from rotten grass.
Try this shit.

328
00:17:39,916 --> 00:17:41,791
You're gonna love it.

329
00:17:41,875 --> 00:17:44,416
You don't even have
to put cow dick milk in it.

330
00:17:44,500 --> 00:17:47,250
- Cow dick milk. Right.
- This guy gets it.

331
00:17:53,125 --> 00:17:55,291
<i>E Pluribus Unum,</i> that's good!

332
00:17:55,375 --> 00:17:58,041
Right? Brits know,
when this shit hits the market,

333
00:17:58,125 --> 00:18:01,208
their whole tea economy's
gonna fucking implode.

334
00:18:01,291 --> 00:18:04,416
They're shitting in their pantaloons
and it's diarrhea.

335
00:18:04,500 --> 00:18:06,708
So, we share an enemy. A cause.

336
00:18:06,791 --> 00:18:10,541
And I can see plainly
that you share my testicular fortitude.

337
00:18:10,625 --> 00:18:12,875
I'll be honest with you, dude.
I eat whatever I want.

338
00:18:12,958 --> 00:18:17,083
I never work out.
I'm basically jacked from fucking.

339
00:18:17,166 --> 00:18:20,000
No shit! Your arms are bigger
than your fuckin' thighs.

340
00:18:20,083 --> 00:18:22,291
- Look at those things.
- That is a birth defect.

341
00:18:22,375 --> 00:18:24,416
Look, I have to ask.
Do you have any skills?

342
00:18:24,500 --> 00:18:26,583
Skills that would, maybe, help win a war?

343
00:18:27,958 --> 00:18:31,500
Whoo! Pow! Pow! Pow! Pow! Bingo!

344
00:18:34,375 --> 00:18:35,375
Whoo!

345
00:18:43,333 --> 00:18:46,500
Those the kind of skills
you might be interested in, bruh?

346
00:18:46,583 --> 00:18:48,791
Indubitably, my friend.

347
00:18:48,875 --> 00:18:52,625
You pack quite the punch,
Samuel Adams with an "A."

348
00:18:52,708 --> 00:18:54,375
You're damn right, I do.

349
00:18:54,458 --> 00:18:57,000
And I hope you got room for everybody.

350
00:18:57,083 --> 00:18:59,666
'Cause whatever I do, wherever I go,

351
00:18:59,750 --> 00:19:05,625
I do and go with every single one
of my fraternity brothers.

352
00:19:05,708 --> 00:19:07,041
Where we at, boys?

353
00:19:07,125 --> 00:19:10,750
All right, pledges,
circle up and grab some thumb lube.

354
00:19:10,833 --> 00:19:12,583
Yeah!

355
00:19:12,666 --> 00:19:14,333
Thumbs up their ass!

356
00:19:14,416 --> 00:19:15,750
You know what? You know what?

357
00:19:15,833 --> 00:19:18,166
It's just occurring to me now,
it is hell week.

358
00:19:18,250 --> 00:19:20,166
These guys are gonna be so busy.

359
00:19:20,250 --> 00:19:22,208
- Uh, okay.
- And covered in cum.

360
00:19:22,291 --> 00:19:23,125
I'm sorry, what?

361
00:19:23,208 --> 00:19:26,083
I'm gonna tell them to catch up later.
Where to? What's the plan?

362
00:19:26,166 --> 00:19:28,208
Well, our team is not yet complete.

363
00:19:28,291 --> 00:19:30,750
To travel this great country,
we're gonna need a horseman.

364
00:19:30,833 --> 00:19:32,208
The best in the colonies.

365
00:19:32,291 --> 00:19:34,000
But where to find such a man?

366
00:19:34,875 --> 00:19:37,583
Oh, I know a place.

367
00:20:15,666 --> 00:20:19,041
So, I don't know, how do we even know
which one's the best horseman?

368
00:20:19,125 --> 00:20:20,791
Oh, you'll know, bro.

369
00:20:20,875 --> 00:20:24,916
These guys live their lives
one quarter mule at a time.

370
00:21:06,625 --> 00:21:08,750
Who is that?

371
00:21:08,833 --> 00:21:11,166
Paul Revere!

372
00:21:11,250 --> 00:21:13,750
Sorry about the horse, Paul.

373
00:21:13,833 --> 00:21:15,666
Mr. Revere? Sir?

374
00:21:15,750 --> 00:21:18,833
Sir Revere, your country needs you.

375
00:21:20,583 --> 00:21:21,875
Hi! I won the race!

376
00:21:21,958 --> 00:21:23,666
Did you see me? I'm good at horses.

377
00:21:23,750 --> 00:21:26,125
Who are you guys?
Will you be my new human friends?

378
00:21:26,208 --> 00:21:28,083
I mean, new just friends,

379
00:21:28,166 --> 00:21:30,208
because I have tons
of human friends already,

380
00:21:30,291 --> 00:21:32,208
and not just horse friends.

381
00:21:32,291 --> 00:21:34,625
Ooh, I see what I did here.
Now, this is my bad.

382
00:21:34,708 --> 00:21:37,875
Cheese it! It's the fun police!

383
00:21:39,083 --> 00:21:41,166
Go, man! Redcoat!

384
00:21:41,250 --> 00:21:44,208
Go! Let's get outta here!
Come on, come on!

385
00:21:48,625 --> 00:21:51,041
Ah, the British are such a drag.

386
00:21:51,125 --> 00:21:53,500
They're like
the world's shittiest stepdad.

387
00:21:54,666 --> 00:21:57,666
That's what my dad sounds like.
If I was raised by horses.

388
00:21:57,750 --> 00:21:59,208
But I definitely wasn't.

389
00:21:59,291 --> 00:22:01,875
I have a human dad,
just like you guys.

390
00:22:01,958 --> 00:22:03,041
Yeah, great.

391
00:22:03,125 --> 00:22:05,333
And that's why we're best friends, right?

392
00:22:05,416 --> 00:22:06,708
Yeah. Sure, bud.

393
00:22:06,791 --> 00:22:09,291
Listen, if we're gonna have
any shot at this at all,

394
00:22:09,375 --> 00:22:12,458
we need more pledges.
I'm talking real heavy hitters.

395
00:22:12,541 --> 00:22:13,416
Oh, you know what?

396
00:22:13,500 --> 00:22:16,291
I heard they got a sorcerer
in the square, lighting it up tonight.

397
00:22:17,291 --> 00:22:18,541
Wanted in all...

398
00:22:18,625 --> 00:22:21,208
Oh, "lighting it up."
Okay.

399
00:22:21,291 --> 00:22:26,291
Having committed heresy in the eyes
of our Lord and Savior, King James,

400
00:22:26,375 --> 00:22:29,916
the condemned
is found guilty of the crimes of...

401
00:22:30,000 --> 00:22:33,666
creating a hypothesis,
testing that hypothesis,

402
00:22:33,750 --> 00:22:37,250
and drawing conclusions
that refine that hypothesis.

403
00:22:37,333 --> 00:22:42,208
Thomas Edison, for these crimes
of practicing science-craft,

404
00:22:42,291 --> 00:22:47,000
you are hereby sentenced to death by fire.

405
00:22:53,708 --> 00:22:56,500
Well, shit. What are we gonna do now?

406
00:22:56,583 --> 00:22:57,625
Uh... oh!

407
00:22:57,708 --> 00:23:00,750
How do you feel about endurance magicians?

408
00:23:01,958 --> 00:23:03,041
Oh, my God!

409
00:23:03,125 --> 00:23:05,583
The demon is resistant to fire... Oh!

410
00:23:20,291 --> 00:23:22,333
Wow! This guy, am I right?

411
00:23:22,416 --> 00:23:24,875
- I vote we never piss him off.
- Agreed.

412
00:23:24,958 --> 00:23:25,958
Vote passed.

413
00:23:26,041 --> 00:23:27,916
Fuckin' democracy!

414
00:23:28,000 --> 00:23:29,000
We're doin' it!

415
00:23:30,833 --> 00:23:33,166
Thomas Edison, you are said to be

416
00:23:33,250 --> 00:23:35,875
the preeminent sorcerer
in all the colonies,

417
00:23:35,958 --> 00:23:38,166
eons ahead of all your contemporaries.

418
00:23:38,250 --> 00:23:40,333
We seek to recruit you for a mission.

419
00:23:40,416 --> 00:23:43,291
We literally cannot succeed without you!

420
00:23:43,375 --> 00:23:44,416
What the...

421
00:23:44,500 --> 00:23:46,833
Oh, I'm sorry.
Were you expecting someone else?

422
00:23:46,916 --> 00:23:49,958
Oh, shit. Oh, shit. It's a chick.
It's a chick!

423
00:23:50,041 --> 00:23:52,958
I'm sorry. There's been
a bit of a mix-up, I think?

424
00:23:53,041 --> 00:23:54,416
Yeah, no such luck, dorks.

425
00:23:54,500 --> 00:23:56,833
You're looking for Thomas Edison,
ya got her.

426
00:23:56,916 --> 00:23:58,750
But Thomas is a man's name.

427
00:23:58,833 --> 00:24:02,333
I mean, my name is Thomas, so...

428
00:24:02,416 --> 00:24:05,750
Impossible! I have to say the obvious.

429
00:24:05,833 --> 00:24:08,750
- What is wrong with your skin?
- What's wrong with my skin?

430
00:24:08,833 --> 00:24:10,291
What is wrong... I'm sorry.

431
00:24:10,375 --> 00:24:13,708
What is wrong with your skin?

432
00:24:13,791 --> 00:24:15,875
Whoa! Bro, take it easy.

433
00:24:15,958 --> 00:24:17,416
Don't worry, I can handle this.

434
00:24:17,500 --> 00:24:21,458
There is nothing wrong with my skin.
I'm Chinese.

435
00:24:21,541 --> 00:24:23,125
- Huh?
- I'm from China.

436
00:24:23,208 --> 00:24:24,958
- Huh?
- I'm an immigrant.

437
00:24:25,041 --> 00:24:27,416
I came here from another country.
Like you.

438
00:24:27,500 --> 00:24:29,791
Oh, no! No, no, no.

439
00:24:29,875 --> 00:24:31,958
My people have always been here.

440
00:24:32,041 --> 00:24:35,000
That's why we make the rules, baby!

441
00:24:35,083 --> 00:24:36,833
Except you don't, dumbass.

442
00:24:36,916 --> 00:24:38,666
Ooh, you got burned!

443
00:24:38,750 --> 00:24:40,416
Isn't that why you've come to me?

444
00:24:40,500 --> 00:24:42,333
Because you need help
toppling the British?

445
00:24:42,416 --> 00:24:45,583
Yes! Exactly! That is...
Wait, how did you know that?

446
00:24:45,666 --> 00:24:48,458
Word travels fast in these parts,
George Washington with an "O."

447
00:24:48,541 --> 00:24:50,833
I... I don't know.
Now that I'm thinking about it,

448
00:24:50,916 --> 00:24:54,125
sorcerers are so 1775, am I right?

449
00:24:54,208 --> 00:24:56,291
Cool, because I'm not a sorcerer.

450
00:24:56,375 --> 00:24:57,791
I'm a scientist.

451
00:25:00,416 --> 00:25:02,583
There's no such thing as science.

452
00:25:02,666 --> 00:25:05,875
Oh, my God, did you guys hear that?

453
00:25:05,958 --> 00:25:08,333
- Really? No such thing as science, huh?
- Yeah.

454
00:25:08,416 --> 00:25:09,791
Then what do you call this?

455
00:25:09,875 --> 00:25:12,000
Science!

456
00:25:12,666 --> 00:25:14,041
Oh! Wow!

457
00:25:14,125 --> 00:25:16,958
- Yay!
- Yeah, I call them conduction gloves.

458
00:25:17,041 --> 00:25:20,208
The science is simple, really.
They harness the subatomic...

459
00:25:20,291 --> 00:25:23,250
Oh, wait, no, don't tell us, dude.
That's gonna ruin the trick.

460
00:25:23,333 --> 00:25:25,041
Yeah, it's more fun not to know!

461
00:25:25,125 --> 00:25:27,750
Okay, guys, let's put our heads
together here on this one.

462
00:25:27,833 --> 00:25:30,208
There's gotta be
another Thomas Edison, right?

463
00:25:30,291 --> 00:25:31,708
Like a man Thomas Edison.

464
00:25:31,791 --> 00:25:34,375
Oh, yeah, there is.
There's Thomas Edisen with an "E,"

465
00:25:34,458 --> 00:25:36,000
the professional wrestler.

466
00:25:36,083 --> 00:25:37,666
Ah, that's him. Let's go get him.

467
00:25:37,750 --> 00:25:40,125
He's cool. Big dude.
Wears spandex, if you're into that.

468
00:25:40,208 --> 00:25:43,625
But he can't help you
defeat an entire army. I can.

469
00:25:43,708 --> 00:25:45,625
You would stand with us
against the British?

470
00:25:45,708 --> 00:25:48,833
Bet your ass. Those guys suck.

471
00:25:48,916 --> 00:25:50,416
I'm just doing science.

472
00:25:50,500 --> 00:25:53,125
And because they don't understand it,
they want to kill me?

473
00:25:53,208 --> 00:25:54,708
Man, fuck those dicks.

474
00:25:54,791 --> 00:25:57,000
Science is supposed to be fun
and they're ruining it.

475
00:25:57,083 --> 00:25:59,458
Yeah, right?
We even call 'em the fun police.

476
00:25:59,541 --> 00:26:02,041
Oh, man, that's good.
Can I use that?

477
00:26:02,125 --> 00:26:03,291
Uh, no.

478
00:26:03,375 --> 00:26:05,166
Problem. No problem.

479
00:26:05,250 --> 00:26:07,625
So, Edison,
you're obviously a great thinker.

480
00:26:07,708 --> 00:26:08,908
What would you have us do now?

481
00:26:08,958 --> 00:26:11,125
James has got eyes
and ears everywhere.

482
00:26:11,208 --> 00:26:12,875
If we're gonna blow up his spot,

483
00:26:12,958 --> 00:26:15,250
we need someone
who knows this land better than James.

484
00:26:15,333 --> 00:26:16,416
Whoa, whoa, whoa.

485
00:26:16,500 --> 00:26:19,375
You can't possibly be suggesting...

486
00:26:19,916 --> 00:26:22,541
<i>He was a tracker,
best in the world,</i>

487
00:26:22,625 --> 00:26:26,500
<i>until he was sent to a British prison
for a crime he didn't commit.</i>

488
00:26:26,583 --> 00:26:28,541
<i>Now, he prowls the badlands,</i>

489
00:26:28,625 --> 00:26:31,250
<i>tracking for those
who can't track for themselves.</i>

490
00:26:31,333 --> 00:26:33,708
<i>If you have a problem
and you can find him,</i>

491
00:26:33,791 --> 00:26:36,416
<i>maybe you can hire Geronimo.</i>

492
00:27:04,250 --> 00:27:06,375
All right, what do you chuds want?

493
00:27:06,458 --> 00:27:08,125
Hey, you play lax, bro?

494
00:27:08,208 --> 00:27:09,500
<i>Seth-chee.</i>

495
00:27:09,583 --> 00:27:12,208
My people invented lacrosse,
all right, bro?

496
00:27:12,291 --> 00:27:14,500
Sure, man. Sure.

497
00:27:14,583 --> 00:27:17,750
We come as friends, mighty Geronimo...

498
00:27:17,833 --> 00:27:19,458
Nay, nay, we come as brothers.

499
00:27:19,541 --> 00:27:22,958
Mmm, Just doesn't feel right.
Feels like you're gonna try to fuck me.

500
00:27:23,041 --> 00:27:24,583
What? We wouldn't, never!

501
00:27:24,666 --> 00:27:27,625
Yeah, no, I think you might.

502
00:27:27,708 --> 00:27:31,000
Like, epically,
all the way down to my descendants.

503
00:27:31,083 --> 00:27:33,083
I got a sixth sense for this shit.

504
00:27:33,166 --> 00:27:34,833
No, our word is strong,

505
00:27:34,916 --> 00:27:38,291
like your mighty Indian tribe,
the, um... the...

506
00:27:38,875 --> 00:27:40,000
Ch...

507
00:27:40,083 --> 00:27:41,083
No.

508
00:27:41,166 --> 00:27:43,125
The Chicory?

509
00:27:43,208 --> 00:27:44,625
<i>Kay yay.</i>

510
00:27:44,708 --> 00:27:45,708
Squa...

511
00:27:45,750 --> 00:27:48,541
Sha... Sass... Sasquatch! Sasquatch.

512
00:27:48,625 --> 00:27:50,333
- Gotta be Sasquatch. There we go.
- Yes.

513
00:27:50,416 --> 00:27:53,750
Our word is strong,
like your mighty tribe, the Sasquatch.

514
00:27:53,833 --> 00:27:56,458
Fine. What do you want?

515
00:27:56,541 --> 00:27:59,000
- We seek to topple the British.
- I'm in.

516
00:27:59,083 --> 00:28:00,958
- Now, hear us out...
- Again, I'm in.

517
00:28:01,041 --> 00:28:03,666
- Not sure how much you know about them.
- Uh, quite a bit.

518
00:28:03,750 --> 00:28:06,416
They are really, really shitty buzzkills.

519
00:28:06,500 --> 00:28:08,958
- Really?
- Yeah, we call them, get this, here...

520
00:28:09,041 --> 00:28:11,416
- Ready? The fun police.
- "The fun police"?

521
00:28:11,500 --> 00:28:13,750
Yeah. They all have all these rules.

522
00:28:13,833 --> 00:28:16,416
No one's allowed to have
a single independent thought,

523
00:28:16,500 --> 00:28:18,541
and they're always taxing
the shit out of everybody!

524
00:28:18,625 --> 00:28:20,208
Yeah, that sounds rough.

525
00:28:20,291 --> 00:28:22,583
My issue
is just that they took my land,

526
00:28:22,666 --> 00:28:24,500
poisoned my people
to the brink of extinction,

527
00:28:24,583 --> 00:28:26,583
and murdered everyone I've ever cared for.

528
00:28:26,666 --> 00:28:28,750
So... real buzzkill.

529
00:28:28,833 --> 00:28:31,833
That is classic fun police.
Those guys have no chill.

530
00:28:31,916 --> 00:28:33,083
- Right?
- Chief Geronimo...

531
00:28:33,166 --> 00:28:34,875
- Just Geronimo is fine.
- Just Geronimo...

532
00:28:34,958 --> 00:28:35,791
Oh, God.

533
00:28:35,875 --> 00:28:38,083
We can't give you back your family.

534
00:28:38,166 --> 00:28:42,916
But join us and I promise you
justice will finally be served.

535
00:28:43,000 --> 00:28:45,291
So, you're telling me that if I help you,

536
00:28:45,375 --> 00:28:47,375
when you win this land
back from King James,

537
00:28:47,458 --> 00:28:49,125
you'll give it back to me and my family?

538
00:28:49,208 --> 00:28:51,333
- Absolutely.
- Totally.

539
00:28:53,208 --> 00:28:55,750
- All of it? The whole enchilada?
- Well, I mean...

540
00:28:55,833 --> 00:28:57,166
Yeah, you bet we will.

541
00:28:57,250 --> 00:28:59,583
Sam, man, can I get
a quick sidebar with you?

542
00:28:59,666 --> 00:29:02,166
You know what?
I'm probably just being paranoid.

543
00:29:02,250 --> 00:29:05,500
So, what's the plan now,
and does it involve Doritos?

544
00:29:05,583 --> 00:29:06,875
Nope, better.

545
00:29:07,500 --> 00:29:08,583
A handkerchief.

546
00:29:34,125 --> 00:29:35,625
Greetings, Your Highness.

547
00:29:35,708 --> 00:29:38,541
May I be the first to welcome you
to your New World?

548
00:29:38,625 --> 00:29:42,500
You may dispense
with the pleasantries, Arnold.

549
00:29:42,583 --> 00:29:44,291
Such as they are.

550
00:29:44,375 --> 00:29:47,541
Yes, and this is,
like, the nice part of town.

551
00:29:47,625 --> 00:29:51,125
Well, it smells like shit,
which reminds me,

552
00:29:51,208 --> 00:29:53,541
I need to make room for second breakfast.

553
00:29:53,625 --> 00:29:56,833
I've had my fill
of mushy peas and blood sausage.

554
00:29:56,916 --> 00:29:59,458
Yes, accommodations
at the top of your obelisk

555
00:29:59,541 --> 00:30:01,000
are more well-suited, my king.

556
00:30:01,083 --> 00:30:05,833
Then, I can assume everything
is proceeding as I have foreseen.

557
00:30:05,916 --> 00:30:07,875
Yes, your plan is proceeding.

558
00:30:07,958 --> 00:30:09,333
But we have had trouble

559
00:30:09,416 --> 00:30:12,166
with a certain colonist
not falling in line.

560
00:30:12,250 --> 00:30:14,416
Well, has he read the rules?

561
00:30:15,125 --> 00:30:19,416
The rules should always
be posted clearly in a public place

562
00:30:19,500 --> 00:30:21,875
where everyone can read them.

563
00:30:21,958 --> 00:30:24,500
Oh, can he... can he not read?

564
00:30:24,583 --> 00:30:27,583
Well, no, he has read them, Your Highness.

565
00:30:27,666 --> 00:30:30,666
However, he has chosen not to follow them.

566
00:30:30,750 --> 00:30:34,041
- But they are the rules!
- I know!

567
00:30:34,125 --> 00:30:38,875
What is the point of being a ruler
if people are not following your rules?

568
00:30:38,958 --> 00:30:41,083
This is, like, King Shit 101!

569
00:30:41,166 --> 00:30:43,041
I understand, my king.

570
00:30:43,125 --> 00:30:44,291
Not following the...

571
00:30:44,375 --> 00:30:47,625
Arnold,
why, do you know what this is?

572
00:30:47,708 --> 00:30:50,666
- I do.
- It's rebellion!

573
00:30:50,750 --> 00:30:51,750
By definition.

574
00:30:51,791 --> 00:30:55,500
We cannot allow anything
to stop my plan, Arnold!

575
00:30:55,583 --> 00:30:58,250
Crush this illiterate rebel scum!

576
00:30:58,333 --> 00:31:00,416
It will be my pleasure.

577
00:31:01,125 --> 00:31:02,625
Excellent.

578
00:31:04,583 --> 00:31:07,416
Dudes, are we close yet?
I'm getting hangry.

579
00:31:07,500 --> 00:31:08,583
I could definitely eat.

580
00:31:08,666 --> 00:31:11,375
Oh, I saw a Boston Wild Wings
about a mile back.

581
00:31:11,458 --> 00:31:12,583
What's a mile?

582
00:31:12,666 --> 00:31:15,083
And I could totally
crush some B-dubs right now.

583
00:31:15,166 --> 00:31:17,416
Hey, hey! Knock it off, guys.

584
00:31:17,500 --> 00:31:19,583
First, we start a revolution.

585
00:31:19,666 --> 00:31:21,750
Then we can have
all the Boston Wild Wings

586
00:31:21,833 --> 00:31:23,041
that we've ever dreamed of,

587
00:31:23,125 --> 00:31:25,750
just like our forefathers
prophesized, okay?

588
00:31:25,833 --> 00:31:27,791
Now, Geronimo, what do you got?

589
00:31:27,875 --> 00:31:30,708
Uh, tracking isn't an exact science.

590
00:31:30,791 --> 00:31:33,458
This is a handkerchief.
What do you think I am? A dog?

591
00:31:33,541 --> 00:31:36,750
Okay,
I know this is a trick question,

592
00:31:36,833 --> 00:31:40,083
so I'm gonna go
with my immediate impulse. Yes.

593
00:31:40,166 --> 00:31:41,583
Fuck you, dude.

594
00:31:41,666 --> 00:31:43,750
- Yeah, he's in there.
- Ello, guv'ner.

595
00:31:43,833 --> 00:31:46,208
- Ello, guv'ner.
- Ello, guv!

596
00:31:46,291 --> 00:31:48,166
Ello, guv'ner.

597
00:31:48,250 --> 00:31:49,833
All right, that's a lot of men.

598
00:31:49,916 --> 00:31:52,166
And it's a sure bet
that there's even more inside.

599
00:31:52,250 --> 00:31:54,916
Wait, are we seriously
thinkin' about goin' in there?

600
00:31:55,000 --> 00:31:58,125
- Look at this place! It's a quagmire!
- Guv'ner!

601
00:31:58,208 --> 00:32:00,958
Guys, we could be here for years
and accomplish nothing.

602
00:32:01,041 --> 00:32:04,125
You're right.
But we'd be accomplishing nothing...

603
00:32:04,750 --> 00:32:05,916
for America.

604
00:32:06,541 --> 00:32:08,458
Guys, I can't ask you
to go in there with me.

605
00:32:08,541 --> 00:32:09,375
Phew!

606
00:32:09,458 --> 00:32:11,666
- Yeah, good, because no.
- Great. Good luck.

607
00:32:11,750 --> 00:32:13,250
Whoa, whoa, wait, hold on.

608
00:32:13,333 --> 00:32:16,250
I thought I'd be all like,
"No, don't. I can do it."

609
00:32:16,333 --> 00:32:19,708
And then you guys would be like,
"No, I'll come, don't worry."

610
00:32:19,791 --> 00:32:23,291
I never know the right thing to say
when I'm tryin' to lead. This sucks!

611
00:32:23,375 --> 00:32:27,708
So, yeah, I guess I am.
I'm asking you to go in there with me.

612
00:32:29,500 --> 00:32:31,041
Will you please go in there with me?

613
00:32:31,625 --> 00:32:34,333
Huh, well, with a pep talk like that,
how could I say no?

614
00:32:34,416 --> 00:32:37,875
Pfft, whatever.
Let's just go kick some Redcoat ass!

615
00:32:37,958 --> 00:32:41,125
Wait, wait, wait! At least...
Just let me do an entrance thing.

616
00:32:41,208 --> 00:32:43,250
Guv'ner?

617
00:32:43,333 --> 00:32:46,291
Ding dong! It's America, motherfucker!

618
00:32:46,375 --> 00:32:48,875
Oh, Georgie! Well, color me surprised.

619
00:32:48,958 --> 00:32:51,000
Oh, I'll color you fuckin' dead, Ben!

620
00:32:51,083 --> 00:32:52,875
Bravo!

621
00:32:52,958 --> 00:32:55,833
Did you practice that line
in the car on your way here?

622
00:32:55,916 --> 00:32:57,250
What the fuck is a car?

623
00:32:57,333 --> 00:33:00,333
And, no, it was a rebuttal
to something that you just said!

624
00:33:00,416 --> 00:33:02,056
How could I have thought of it in advance

625
00:33:02,125 --> 00:33:04,750
if you said it just now
and I came up with the perfect rebuttal?

626
00:33:04,833 --> 00:33:06,416
Oh, pardon me.

627
00:33:06,500 --> 00:33:09,458
I forgot you aren't versed
in the gentlemanly art of debate,

628
00:33:09,541 --> 00:33:11,250
like your best friend, Abe Lincoln.

629
00:33:11,333 --> 00:33:15,916
Oh, or should I say ex-best friend?

630
00:33:17,208 --> 00:33:18,875
- Because he's dead.
- Damn, he's good.

631
00:33:18,958 --> 00:33:20,598
All right, fuck this.

632
00:33:22,875 --> 00:33:26,416
For Abe!

633
00:33:28,041 --> 00:33:30,833
Yippie-kay-yay, motherfu... Whoa!

634
00:33:30,916 --> 00:33:33,197
- Watch it, witch!
- You watch it, dick!

635
00:33:36,291 --> 00:33:38,333
Yeah.
Well, that could've gone better.

636
00:33:38,416 --> 00:33:41,291
Ya think?
Edison almost got everybody killed!

637
00:33:41,375 --> 00:33:44,333
- Everybody almost got everybody killed!
- Where's Arnold?

638
00:33:44,416 --> 00:33:47,500
And where's Geronimo?
He smells like campfire.

639
00:33:52,541 --> 00:33:54,583
You carry an unusual scent for a man.

640
00:33:55,125 --> 00:33:57,083
Almost like you're
not a man at all, but a...

641
00:33:59,458 --> 00:34:01,166
Stay and fight, you dick!

642
00:34:01,250 --> 00:34:03,166
Damn it! Oh, my God! Geronimo!

643
00:34:03,250 --> 00:34:04,541
That bastard bit me!

644
00:34:04,625 --> 00:34:06,916
It can't be.
I thought they were just a myth.

645
00:34:07,000 --> 00:34:10,333
The Navajo have
a name for their kind. Skinwalker.

646
00:34:10,416 --> 00:34:12,125
I won't live with this curse.

647
00:34:12,208 --> 00:34:14,041
- Hand me my ax.
- Are you sure?

648
00:34:14,125 --> 00:34:15,666
Does my grandfather shit in the woods?

649
00:34:15,750 --> 00:34:18,375
Um, I... Does he? I didn't know him.

650
00:34:18,458 --> 00:34:20,125
It's what we call bears.

651
00:34:21,000 --> 00:34:23,000
We call bears "grandfather."

652
00:34:23,083 --> 00:34:25,125
Fuck it, just give me my ax!

653
00:34:31,500 --> 00:34:33,916
Whoa, whoa, Geronimo!
What happened? Are you okay?

654
00:34:34,000 --> 00:34:35,333
Go! I'll take care of him.

655
00:34:35,416 --> 00:34:38,208
She's right, he's not important.
Arnold's getting away!

656
00:34:39,625 --> 00:34:42,625
No! No. We never leave a man behind.

657
00:34:42,708 --> 00:34:45,500
Edison, dress that wound.
Paul, call your horse.

658
00:34:45,583 --> 00:34:47,666
Hey, Clyde!

659
00:34:52,083 --> 00:34:54,375
- That way!
- Run, Clyde, run!

660
00:35:47,541 --> 00:35:49,750
Whoa, whoa, whoa!

661
00:36:00,041 --> 00:36:03,166
Welcome to hell... acopter?

662
00:36:03,250 --> 00:36:06,291
I'm still working on it.
I don't love it, but I don't hate it.

663
00:36:09,833 --> 00:36:13,541
- Paul, you were amazing.
- Aw, thank you, human lady friend.

664
00:36:13,625 --> 00:36:16,875
And, Sam, your propensity
for murder is extraordinary.

665
00:36:16,958 --> 00:36:20,375
Thank you.
I took murder lessons from John Wick.

666
00:36:20,458 --> 00:36:22,458
- The candle maker?
- Yeah!

667
00:36:22,541 --> 00:36:25,875
That dude is a fuckin' psycho!

668
00:36:25,958 --> 00:36:27,583
Yo, check it. The carriage stopped.

669
00:36:27,666 --> 00:36:29,416
But why would he stop here?

670
00:36:29,500 --> 00:36:30,833
The road to Delaware!

671
00:36:33,333 --> 00:36:35,583
Sea-Doo, bitches!

672
00:36:36,625 --> 00:36:39,416
Paul, can your sizable steed
clear that river?

673
00:36:39,500 --> 00:36:42,208
Only one way to find out.

674
00:36:43,791 --> 00:36:45,416
In God I trust.

675
00:36:49,041 --> 00:36:51,416
Whoa!

676
00:36:51,500 --> 00:36:52,625
Oh, shit.

677
00:36:55,083 --> 00:36:57,833
He shorted it, Paul.
Hey, Paul, he shorted it.

678
00:36:57,916 --> 00:37:01,083
Clyde! His natural buoyancy
can support us all!

679
00:37:01,166 --> 00:37:03,083
Jesus Christ!

680
00:37:03,166 --> 00:37:06,041
Did you know that your horse
could swim that fast?

681
00:37:06,125 --> 00:37:08,500
Oh, yeah, Clyde's a great swimmer.

682
00:37:08,583 --> 00:37:12,166
He's great at so many things.
So proud!

683
00:37:15,958 --> 00:37:19,208
Thank you, Geronimo.
Your hair looks even better wet.

684
00:37:19,291 --> 00:37:21,625
Y'all a bunch of idiots.

685
00:37:21,708 --> 00:37:24,166
This feels like the end...

686
00:37:24,250 --> 00:37:26,750
of the first act... of my life.

687
00:37:27,416 --> 00:37:28,791
All hope is lost.

688
00:37:29,500 --> 00:37:32,791
What do we even do now?
Where do we go from here?

689
00:37:32,875 --> 00:37:35,041
Where we go isn't the question.

690
00:37:35,125 --> 00:37:37,208
The question is,

691
00:37:37,291 --> 00:37:40,500
do we bring an entree
or a fucking dessert?

692
00:37:43,125 --> 00:37:47,000
Oh, guys,
Gettysburg is impossibly vast.

693
00:37:47,083 --> 00:37:50,541
Finding this address
is like finding a needle in a haystack.

694
00:37:50,625 --> 00:37:52,375
Yeah, Edison's right. Let's just give up.

695
00:37:52,458 --> 00:37:55,666
- That is not what I said.
- What? Dudes, look, we tried.

696
00:37:55,750 --> 00:37:58,916
One thing. We literally tried one thing.

697
00:37:59,000 --> 00:38:00,958
Yeah, and it didn't work.

698
00:38:01,041 --> 00:38:03,041
We all got wet, Edison. God!

699
00:38:03,125 --> 00:38:04,666
Look, this isn't fun anymore.

700
00:38:04,750 --> 00:38:06,958
Uh, I can fix that.

701
00:38:07,041 --> 00:38:09,083
Let's get hammered!

702
00:38:09,166 --> 00:38:13,500
Then, fuck it,
we hit the streets mob-rules style.

703
00:38:13,583 --> 00:38:16,458
Anyone we see who doesn't look like us,

704
00:38:16,541 --> 00:38:19,583
they see the bottom of our boots!

705
00:38:19,666 --> 00:38:20,916
Oh, my God.

706
00:38:21,000 --> 00:38:24,041
Okay, fine, no Indians this time.
Ooh, geez.

707
00:38:24,125 --> 00:38:27,333
Oh, my God. I don't know
how many times I have to tell you, Sam.

708
00:38:27,416 --> 00:38:30,500
- This is not India.
- Also, you're a fucking racist.

709
00:38:30,583 --> 00:38:33,166
Uh, no, Paul's the racist.

710
00:38:33,250 --> 00:38:35,416
He's the best horse racist
in the colonies.

711
00:38:35,500 --> 00:38:37,333
Yeah, I'm a great racist.

712
00:38:37,416 --> 00:38:38,791
Holy shit.

713
00:38:40,750 --> 00:38:44,333
A... A... A... A... A...

714
00:38:44,416 --> 00:38:47,291
Who wants pizza rolls and purple stuff?

715
00:38:47,375 --> 00:38:51,000
- Oh, wow, Chief Geronimo!
- Just Geronimo is fine.

716
00:38:51,083 --> 00:38:53,500
- You're the famous renegade tracker.
- Sure.

717
00:38:53,583 --> 00:38:57,166
And you're Thomas Edison,
the world-renowned scientist!

718
00:38:57,250 --> 00:38:58,541
The same.

719
00:38:58,625 --> 00:39:01,250
Wow, George, the team
is really shaping up nicely.

720
00:39:01,333 --> 00:39:04,208
Oh, no. No, we're not
a team anymore, Martha. We quit.

721
00:39:04,291 --> 00:39:06,458
- What?
- Besides, the revolution was Abe's thing.

722
00:39:06,541 --> 00:39:08,666
I tried to avenge him, but we blew it.

723
00:39:08,750 --> 00:39:11,208
Now, we're just gonna jam a bit
and slam some beers.

724
00:39:11,291 --> 00:39:12,875
This is a basic blues riff, guys.

725
00:39:12,958 --> 00:39:16,208
Just watch me for the changes.
All right, losers, let's party.

726
00:39:16,291 --> 00:39:20,333
No! George Bon Jovi Washington,
you do not get to party.

727
00:39:20,416 --> 00:39:22,833
- What?
- Would Abe want to party right now?

728
00:39:22,916 --> 00:39:24,375
Abe never wanted to party.

729
00:39:24,458 --> 00:39:28,583
Because he had goals, unrealized dreams.

730
00:39:28,666 --> 00:39:31,791
But you bet your ass
once those dreams were realized,

731
00:39:31,875 --> 00:39:34,791
he would've snorted a line
as long as the Magna Carta.

732
00:39:34,875 --> 00:39:37,375
Really? No. Abe? My Abe?

733
00:39:37,458 --> 00:39:39,208
Are you kidding? With that head?

734
00:39:39,291 --> 00:39:44,208
Dude was all sinus.
He was made for the marching powder.

735
00:39:44,291 --> 00:39:45,500
Not how cocaine works.

736
00:39:45,583 --> 00:39:48,708
Now, those goals are your goals.

737
00:39:48,791 --> 00:39:52,666
Those unrealized dreams
are your unrealized dreams.

738
00:39:52,750 --> 00:39:55,125
That's the promise that you made, right?

739
00:39:55,208 --> 00:39:57,541
So, achieve those goals.

740
00:39:57,625 --> 00:39:59,458
Realize those dreams.

741
00:39:59,541 --> 00:40:03,333
And then, you can party
like a rich white man

742
00:40:03,416 --> 00:40:08,291
who will never face adversity
for the rest of his glorious life!

743
00:40:08,958 --> 00:40:11,416
You're right. I have to earn it.

744
00:40:11,500 --> 00:40:13,625
That is what Abe would want,

745
00:40:13,708 --> 00:40:16,291
that insane coke-hound!

746
00:40:16,375 --> 00:40:18,041
Guys, I've thought about it.

747
00:40:18,125 --> 00:40:20,166
I'm willing to give it another shot
if you are.

748
00:40:20,250 --> 00:40:21,541
- What do you say?
- Sure, man.

749
00:40:21,625 --> 00:40:22,750
Um, you're the one who quit.

750
00:40:22,833 --> 00:40:26,458
If we can find Arnold, we can force
the Gettysburg Address out of him.

751
00:40:26,541 --> 00:40:29,750
Oh, I'm sorry,
did none of you notice my fucking arm?

752
00:40:29,833 --> 00:40:32,000
Benedict Arnold is a werewolf!

753
00:40:32,625 --> 00:40:34,416
In some cultures, known as a skinwalker.

754
00:40:34,500 --> 00:40:37,833
He ain't givin' up shit unless
he thinks we're an actual threat to him.

755
00:40:37,916 --> 00:40:39,676
The only way to be
an actual threat to him...

756
00:40:39,750 --> 00:40:42,041
Is if we have a silver bullet.

757
00:40:42,125 --> 00:40:44,333
- Exactly.
- Wait, what are we doing again?

758
00:40:44,416 --> 00:40:47,125
A silver bullet?
Who could ever even make such a thing?

759
00:40:47,208 --> 00:40:48,458
I know a blacksmith.

760
00:40:48,541 --> 00:40:51,458
He made this armor
and I've never taken it off.

761
00:40:51,541 --> 00:40:54,291
Okay. Okay! We'll visit this blacksmith

762
00:40:54,375 --> 00:40:58,208
and he will discover the secret
of the impossible weapon we require.

763
00:40:58,291 --> 00:41:00,083
Because our cause is just!

764
00:41:00,166 --> 00:41:01,416
It is righteous!

765
00:41:01,500 --> 00:41:03,916
It is His will! His and Abe's!

766
00:41:04,000 --> 00:41:05,583
- And the Earth Mother's.
- Nope.

767
00:41:05,666 --> 00:41:07,625
- And Isaac Newton's.
- Nope. Just God's.

768
00:41:07,708 --> 00:41:10,041
I hold these truths to be self-evident.

769
00:41:10,125 --> 00:41:12,208
All for one and one for all!

770
00:41:12,291 --> 00:41:14,500
We will find the Gettysburg Address.

771
00:41:14,583 --> 00:41:15,708
Huzzah!

772
00:41:15,791 --> 00:41:17,708
Huzzah! Nope, too late.

773
00:41:32,083 --> 00:41:35,041
Smittay!

774
00:41:37,083 --> 00:41:39,166
Damn! Fuck my life.

775
00:41:39,250 --> 00:41:40,708
We're friends.

776
00:41:43,875 --> 00:41:46,166
Do I even wanna know
why you need a silver bullet?

777
00:41:46,250 --> 00:41:48,041
Best that you not know, Mr. Smith.

778
00:41:48,125 --> 00:41:49,666
Why do you keep calling me Mr. Smith?

779
00:41:49,750 --> 00:41:52,041
Well, Revere called you Black Smith.

780
00:41:52,125 --> 00:41:55,125
- Right, because I'm a blacksmith.
- Right. A Black Smith.

781
00:41:55,208 --> 00:41:56,750
- A blacksmith.
- Black Smith.

782
00:41:56,833 --> 00:41:58,750
I'm a smith who works with metal,

783
00:41:58,833 --> 00:42:02,833
which oxidizes during
the heating process and turns black.

784
00:42:02,916 --> 00:42:05,500
- So, you're a Smith.
- Exactly.

785
00:42:05,583 --> 00:42:07,083
Of the Baltimore Smiths?

786
00:42:07,166 --> 00:42:08,750
Just tell me what you need it for.

787
00:42:08,833 --> 00:42:11,500
It'll be used to free the colonies.
Let's just leave it at that.

788
00:42:11,583 --> 00:42:14,250
Oh, you're talking about the Brits.

789
00:42:14,333 --> 00:42:17,416
Shit, why didn't you say so?
I'm definitely down for that.

790
00:42:17,500 --> 00:42:19,208
- You are?
- Fuck, yeah!

791
00:42:19,291 --> 00:42:20,833
I mean, don't get it twisted.

792
00:42:20,916 --> 00:42:23,291
I definitely do not trust
you motherfuckers.

793
00:42:23,875 --> 00:42:25,125
You three, especially.

794
00:42:25,208 --> 00:42:27,375
But fuck, man, I hate the British.

795
00:42:27,458 --> 00:42:29,250
Why, what have the fun police done to you?

796
00:42:29,333 --> 00:42:31,416
Look around. I'm a small business owner.

797
00:42:31,500 --> 00:42:34,208
What's a small business owner's
greatest enemy?

798
00:42:34,291 --> 00:42:36,041
- Large businesses?
- Thin profit margins?

799
00:42:36,125 --> 00:42:38,708
- Rising lube costs?
- White people stealing everything you own.

800
00:42:38,958 --> 00:42:40,666
- Having a squirrel for a friend?
- No.

801
00:42:40,750 --> 00:42:42,458
- Staff turnover?
- Tesla being a bitch?

802
00:42:42,541 --> 00:42:46,125
- Not getting drunk at lunch?
- White people stealing everything you own.

803
00:42:46,208 --> 00:42:47,708
Constant instinct to second-guess

804
00:42:47,791 --> 00:42:50,250
having risked your savings
on unproven business acumen?

805
00:42:50,333 --> 00:42:53,041
- No, it's taxes.
- Taxes. Correct.

806
00:42:53,125 --> 00:42:56,791
Small business taxes. And what's
the big knock against the British?

807
00:42:56,875 --> 00:42:59,125
- Something about taxation!
- Exactly.

808
00:42:59,208 --> 00:43:01,875
You'll help us? You'll craft
the silver bullet free of charge?

809
00:43:01,958 --> 00:43:04,250
What? Are you white motherfuckers crazy?

810
00:43:04,333 --> 00:43:07,000
I just told you
I'm a small business owner.

811
00:43:07,083 --> 00:43:09,625
You think I'm gonna
give you silver for free?

812
00:43:09,708 --> 00:43:11,291
Well, we don't have silver.

813
00:43:11,375 --> 00:43:13,333
The British seized it all
when they got here...

814
00:43:13,416 --> 00:43:16,625
Spoons. Teaspoons. I remember.

815
00:43:16,708 --> 00:43:18,750
Why do you think that shit's so expensive?

816
00:43:18,833 --> 00:43:21,875
Okay. Well, how much
do we need for, like, one bullet?

817
00:43:21,958 --> 00:43:24,333
- A metric shit-ton.
- For one bullet?

818
00:43:24,416 --> 00:43:28,000
Oh, I'm sorry.
Are you a fucking metallurgist like me?

819
00:43:28,083 --> 00:43:30,458
- That's, like, a thousand spoons!
- Three thousand.

820
00:43:30,541 --> 00:43:32,500
It's a <i>metric</i> shit-ton.

821
00:43:32,583 --> 00:43:35,541
Where are we gonna get
3,000 spoons overnight, bro?

822
00:43:35,625 --> 00:43:36,458
Well...

823
00:43:39,250 --> 00:43:42,083
May I present,
the year's biggest tea party.

824
00:43:42,166 --> 00:43:45,041
You need silver spoons,
you need to get aboard that ship.

825
00:43:45,125 --> 00:43:47,458
Wait a minute.
How did you know about this?

826
00:43:48,500 --> 00:43:50,916
What's up with
these assholes and flyers?

827
00:43:51,000 --> 00:43:54,458
Well, it's a great way to communicate
with a widespread audience,

828
00:43:54,541 --> 00:43:58,208
much like direct mail or the Pony Express,
where my brother does not work.

829
00:43:58,291 --> 00:44:01,625
- All right. Shall we?
- Wait, wait, wait. Wait!

830
00:44:04,166 --> 00:44:05,625
- We need a plan.
- Why?

831
00:44:05,708 --> 00:44:08,583
Well, last time we didn't have one
and things got shitty.

832
00:44:08,666 --> 00:44:10,333
- Huh?
- Yeah, Geronimo lost his arm.

833
00:44:10,416 --> 00:44:13,916
- No, he lost like three-fifths of an arm.
- Seriously?

834
00:44:14,000 --> 00:44:15,958
Oh, thoughts and prayers.

835
00:44:16,041 --> 00:44:19,250
Look, good leaders like Abe
have a plan for everything.

836
00:44:19,333 --> 00:44:21,875
- All right, His Leadership, let's hear it.
- Okay.

837
00:44:21,958 --> 00:44:24,583
So, Mr. Smith, you'll be the lookout.

838
00:44:24,666 --> 00:44:26,791
- Nope.
- What?

839
00:44:26,875 --> 00:44:31,083
You want me, a Black dude,
to sit here in the dark, alone,

840
00:44:31,166 --> 00:44:33,458
to play lookout for you
while you break the law?

841
00:44:33,541 --> 00:44:37,500
Oh, hell no! I hate the British
but I ain't lookin' to get killed.

842
00:44:37,583 --> 00:44:40,458
So, y'all are on your own
to get that silver.

843
00:44:40,541 --> 00:44:42,875
But if you do get it,
I'll make your little bullet.

844
00:44:42,958 --> 00:44:45,041
All right. Then...

845
00:44:45,125 --> 00:44:46,375
here's the plan.

846
00:44:46,458 --> 00:44:50,416
Geronimo, you'll be the lookout.
Are you cool with being the lookout?

847
00:44:50,500 --> 00:44:52,958
I mean, if my choice is to be the lookout

848
00:44:53,041 --> 00:44:56,666
or have one of you looking out for me,
yeah, I'll be the lookout.

849
00:44:56,750 --> 00:45:00,708
Great. Okay. Edison, you'll pose as
the wife of an officer already on board.

850
00:45:00,791 --> 00:45:04,833
This is taking too long.
Let's just dress as those guys.

851
00:45:04,916 --> 00:45:07,375
Ello, guv.

852
00:45:07,458 --> 00:45:09,833
Well, technically, that is a plan.

853
00:45:11,875 --> 00:45:14,000
Just technically, a very bad plan.

854
00:45:14,083 --> 00:45:18,916
Ha! I told you a jail would be
a better use of space than lifeboats.

855
00:45:19,000 --> 00:45:21,208
Hey, at least we got on board,
right, guys?

856
00:45:21,291 --> 00:45:24,250
I consider this mission accomplished.
Ooh, we should get a banner.

857
00:45:24,333 --> 00:45:28,375
Ugh, shockingly, Sam's not wrong.
We can still make this work.

858
00:45:28,458 --> 00:45:30,666
I've taken note
of how often the guards go on rounds.

859
00:45:30,750 --> 00:45:32,666
- If we lay low for a few hours...
- No!

860
00:45:32,750 --> 00:45:34,875
Enough with all of the planning!

861
00:45:34,958 --> 00:45:38,125
Did Magellan have a plan
when he circumnavigated the globe?

862
00:45:38,208 --> 00:45:39,333
- No!
- Yes.

863
00:45:39,416 --> 00:45:40,750
That took a lot of preparation.

864
00:45:40,833 --> 00:45:46,000
We'll set our course for freedom
using only our wits as our guide.

865
00:45:46,083 --> 00:45:48,916
Mr. Revere, tear down that wall.

866
00:45:49,000 --> 00:45:50,458
Whee!

867
00:45:53,958 --> 00:45:55,333
What is this place?

868
00:45:55,416 --> 00:45:57,666
I don't know, but don't touch any...

869
00:45:57,750 --> 00:45:58,958
Ooh, oops.

870
00:46:10,750 --> 00:46:14,416
They're steeping the colonists in tea!

871
00:46:14,500 --> 00:46:18,041
Turning them British.
James, you sick bastard!

872
00:46:18,125 --> 00:46:20,541
Look, as far as I can tell,
this is a test run.

873
00:46:20,625 --> 00:46:23,375
James is up to something bigger
than crushing the revolution.

874
00:46:23,458 --> 00:46:25,916
Maybe even...
Oh, fuck! I don't even want to say it!

875
00:46:26,000 --> 00:46:27,750
- Just say it.
- Something global.

876
00:46:28,791 --> 00:46:31,750
- That means...
- There are global stakes now.

877
00:46:31,833 --> 00:46:34,416
Good God!
Can you figure out what he's planning?

878
00:46:34,500 --> 00:46:37,291
Yeah, I think I can.
If I can just hack the mainframe.

879
00:46:37,375 --> 00:46:40,125
Great. Guys, gather as many
silver spoons as you can.

880
00:46:40,208 --> 00:46:44,291
In the meantime, I'll get these
hardworking Americans out of these tubes!

881
00:46:44,375 --> 00:46:45,625
George! No!

882
00:46:46,541 --> 00:46:50,708
No! I had almost downloaded the plan.

883
00:46:50,791 --> 00:46:53,333
- Uh, guys, we gotta go.
- Yep.

884
00:46:53,416 --> 00:46:56,000
Totally right.
Grab spoons, guys. Quick, let's go.

885
00:47:09,958 --> 00:47:12,708
- Oh, no.
- Oh, my God, the humanity.

886
00:47:12,791 --> 00:47:15,083
This is bad. This is so bad.

887
00:47:15,166 --> 00:47:16,916
Those poor boat people.

888
00:47:17,000 --> 00:47:20,708
Look, if anybody asks,
the Titanic hit an iceberg.

889
00:47:20,791 --> 00:47:23,250
We were never here, baby.

890
00:47:28,750 --> 00:47:31,791
It's hopeless, Martha.
At this rate, I'll never avenge Abe.

891
00:47:31,875 --> 00:47:33,708
And see his dream through, don't forget.

892
00:47:33,791 --> 00:47:36,458
- That's the whole second part.
- I tried.

893
00:47:36,541 --> 00:47:40,375
I tried to be a leader like him, Martha.
It's just not working.

894
00:47:40,458 --> 00:47:43,666
Oh, George. Abe was a great leader,
but you can't copy him.

895
00:47:43,750 --> 00:47:46,458
You must find
your own style of leadership.

896
00:47:46,541 --> 00:47:50,583
Maybe something with less planning.
Something more free-spirited, like you.

897
00:47:50,666 --> 00:47:53,333
I know. I just wish
I realized that before we...

898
00:47:53,416 --> 00:47:56,458
Before the Titanic hit that iceberg.

899
00:47:56,541 --> 00:47:58,333
Yes. What a tragedy.

900
00:47:58,416 --> 00:48:00,416
Right? Such a tragedy!

901
00:48:00,500 --> 00:48:05,333
It feels like, for every step forward,
we just take two steps back. John 3:16.

902
00:48:05,416 --> 00:48:09,041
Then, let's focus on the positive, huh?
What was tonight's step forward?

903
00:48:09,125 --> 00:48:10,875
I got these spoons.

904
00:48:10,958 --> 00:48:14,291
Oh, that's great, George.
And are they, like, for something?

905
00:48:14,375 --> 00:48:17,875
Yeah, but they're still useless
without the Gettysburg Address.

906
00:48:17,958 --> 00:48:21,041
The tirelessness
with which you've pursued your quest

907
00:48:21,125 --> 00:48:23,000
has betrayed your confidence in it.

908
00:48:23,083 --> 00:48:25,333
Perhaps a quick HJ to help you sleep.

909
00:48:25,416 --> 00:48:27,583
Generous, but I need to earn it.

910
00:48:27,666 --> 00:48:29,250
Then, for now, rest, my love.

911
00:48:29,333 --> 00:48:32,083
Clear your head.
It's always darkest before the dawn.

912
00:48:32,166 --> 00:48:35,083
- John 3:16?
- I don't think so, champ.

913
00:48:35,958 --> 00:48:38,250
<i>For now, rest, my love. Clear your head.</i>

914
00:48:38,333 --> 00:48:40,250
<i>It's always darkest before the dawn.</i>

915
00:48:42,291 --> 00:48:43,750
Where am I?

916
00:48:43,833 --> 00:48:45,875
Don't worry, George. You're safe.

917
00:48:45,958 --> 00:48:49,708
Abe? Abe, is that you?
I can't see. Everything's so bright.

918
00:48:49,791 --> 00:48:53,333
Oh, that's me. Sorry, I was trying
to make this seem more impressive.

919
00:48:53,833 --> 00:48:56,708
It's great to see you, Abe.
But what is this place?

920
00:48:56,791 --> 00:48:59,833
It's your dream world, George.

921
00:48:59,916 --> 00:49:00,958
Is it?

922
00:49:01,041 --> 00:49:04,583
Can I ask a question, real quick?
Why is my dream world so shitty?

923
00:49:04,666 --> 00:49:07,041
Well, we ran out of money.

924
00:49:07,125 --> 00:49:08,666
- My dream ran out of money?
- Sure.

925
00:49:08,750 --> 00:49:12,500
Yeah. Look, I've been told by the,
you know, "dream producers,"

926
00:49:12,583 --> 00:49:15,291
that we could use this money
more effectively elsewhere.

927
00:49:15,375 --> 00:49:19,875
Like in an epic ending battle happening
sometime in the next 30 minutes or so.

928
00:49:19,958 --> 00:49:21,583
Okay, well, what were you gonna do?

929
00:49:21,666 --> 00:49:23,708
Oh, I had this whole idea worked out.

930
00:49:23,791 --> 00:49:26,500
- You were gonna fight a dream-hydra.
- Whoa, that's cool.

931
00:49:26,583 --> 00:49:29,875
I know. And it was made up
of all of King James' rules.

932
00:49:29,958 --> 00:49:32,375
And for every rule you cut down,
another appeared.

933
00:49:32,458 --> 00:49:33,708
- Rah!
- Ooh!

934
00:49:33,791 --> 00:49:35,958
- That's a nice metaphor, dude!
- Thanks, bro.

935
00:49:36,041 --> 00:49:37,958
And it was all about how the revolution

936
00:49:38,041 --> 00:49:40,958
is about more
than just breaking the king's rules.

937
00:49:41,041 --> 00:49:43,000
It's also about your son.

938
00:49:43,083 --> 00:49:46,083
- What? I'm havin' a boy?
- Yeah!

939
00:49:46,166 --> 00:49:49,208
Boom! Sex, bitch! Oh, shit! Yeah!

940
00:49:49,291 --> 00:49:51,083
Either way would be cool. Girls are cool.

941
00:49:51,166 --> 00:49:54,500
Yeah. Yeah, it's a son, though.
He's the future.

942
00:49:54,583 --> 00:49:57,875
Him and all the sons
and daughters of this great nation,

943
00:49:57,958 --> 00:50:01,041
no matter what they look like
or where they come from.

944
00:50:01,125 --> 00:50:03,250
Be a leader for them, George.

945
00:50:03,333 --> 00:50:05,291
A leader for all people!

946
00:50:05,375 --> 00:50:07,666
I get it. I get it, Abe.

947
00:50:07,750 --> 00:50:09,416
But I would've got it a lot better

948
00:50:09,500 --> 00:50:11,666
if I was kicking an ass
of a giant dream-hydra,

949
00:50:11,750 --> 00:50:13,666
but I'm just saying, I get it. I got it.

950
00:50:13,750 --> 00:50:15,458
Agreed. But don't worry, George.

951
00:50:15,541 --> 00:50:17,333
There's plenty of fighting left to do.

952
00:50:17,416 --> 00:50:18,750
Oh, and one more thing.

953
00:50:18,833 --> 00:50:21,125
What is it, old chum?
You can tell me anything.

954
00:50:21,208 --> 00:50:24,166
When your wife
offers you a hand job, you take it.

955
00:50:24,250 --> 00:50:25,750
- George!
- Martha!

956
00:50:25,833 --> 00:50:28,333
- George!
- Martha!

957
00:50:28,416 --> 00:50:31,000
Oh, don't worry about her, Georgie.

958
00:50:31,083 --> 00:50:35,583
She'll be quite not well taken care of,
if you catch my drift.

959
00:50:35,666 --> 00:50:39,291
I don't. But you were on the Titanic.
You should be dead.

960
00:50:39,375 --> 00:50:41,916
I mean, I heard you were on the Titanic.

961
00:50:42,000 --> 00:50:44,416
That's what I heard
from someone who was there,

962
00:50:44,500 --> 00:50:47,666
while I was here... reading... this book.

963
00:50:47,750 --> 00:50:48,875
<i>The Graps of Wreath.</i>

964
00:50:48,958 --> 00:50:51,250
Yes, well,
I'm an excellent swimmer, dickhead.

965
00:50:51,333 --> 00:50:53,000
You should've done your research.

966
00:50:53,083 --> 00:50:54,166
Thanks for the tip.

967
00:50:54,250 --> 00:50:56,333
When Edison invents
the Internet next year,

968
00:50:56,416 --> 00:50:59,708
I'll make sure
to edit your Wikipedia page myself.

969
00:50:59,791 --> 00:51:05,500
"Benedict Arnold, great swimmer
and a total fucking asswipe."

970
00:51:05,583 --> 00:51:07,458
Well, I'll just change it back.

971
00:51:07,541 --> 00:51:10,083
No, you won't, because you'll be dead!

972
00:51:10,166 --> 00:51:12,000
Huh?

973
00:51:12,125 --> 00:51:13,041
What?

974
00:51:13,125 --> 00:51:15,458
Well, maybe
after she invents the Internet,

975
00:51:15,541 --> 00:51:20,125
your friend Edison can invent chainsaws
that don't require gasoline.

976
00:51:20,208 --> 00:51:25,458
You sucked the gas out
of my arm chainsaws while I was sleeping?

977
00:51:25,541 --> 00:51:28,958
Jesus Christ,
what kind of psychopath are you?

978
00:51:29,041 --> 00:51:31,375
The worst kind.

979
00:51:31,875 --> 00:51:33,208
Whatever you take that to mean.

980
00:51:33,291 --> 00:51:35,208
Take her to the Gettysburg Address.

981
00:51:35,291 --> 00:51:36,958
- George, no!
- Martha!

982
00:51:37,041 --> 00:51:40,583
Oh, my, Georgie,
I just realized we woke you up.

983
00:51:41,166 --> 00:51:44,458
Please allow us to recompense.

984
00:51:46,416 --> 00:51:49,458
Last night was bad news,
human friends.

985
00:51:49,541 --> 00:51:53,750
Yeah, bad news for the fun police.
Eat a dick, Titanic!

986
00:51:53,833 --> 00:51:56,875
Right! Yes! Cool, cool, cool.

987
00:51:56,958 --> 00:52:01,125
And I guess the entire harbor ecosystem
can just eat a dick, too, right?

988
00:52:01,208 --> 00:52:04,583
I mean... Yes, 100%.

989
00:52:04,666 --> 00:52:08,958
Alarm! Alarm! Alarm! Alarm! Alarm!

990
00:52:09,041 --> 00:52:10,500
- Are you okay?
- George! What is it?

991
00:52:10,583 --> 00:52:12,000
Arnold kidnapped Martha!

992
00:52:12,083 --> 00:52:14,083
- Oh, no!
- It sucks when they steal your wife!

993
00:52:14,166 --> 00:52:15,250
And she's pregnant!

994
00:52:15,333 --> 00:52:17,333
- What?
- Congratulations, that's a beautiful gift!

995
00:52:17,416 --> 00:52:19,791
Thanks! I'm sorry
this is how I'm telling you,

996
00:52:19,875 --> 00:52:21,458
but we appreciate your support!

997
00:52:21,541 --> 00:52:23,458
We're already
on waiting lists for preschool.

998
00:52:23,541 --> 00:52:26,875
Hey, man. Maybe you need
to take some time for yourself.

999
00:52:26,958 --> 00:52:28,916
It's a lot, emotionally. I would know.

1000
00:52:29,000 --> 00:52:31,583
No, that's exactly what I don't need.

1001
00:52:31,666 --> 00:52:34,375
The old George
would just party these woes away.

1002
00:52:34,458 --> 00:52:37,833
But not me.
This just adds fuel to my fuckin' fire.

1003
00:52:37,916 --> 00:52:39,291
Hell yeah, man!

1004
00:52:39,375 --> 00:52:41,541
Ben said he's keeping her
at the Gettysburg Address.

1005
00:52:41,625 --> 00:52:44,791
Which we still don't have.
George, I'm sorry to say,

1006
00:52:44,875 --> 00:52:46,958
but we've tried
everything to crack this code.

1007
00:52:47,041 --> 00:52:49,208
- Code...
- I don't know what else we can do.

1008
00:52:50,208 --> 00:52:52,958
- Code... Oh! Holy shit!
- What?

1009
00:52:53,041 --> 00:52:54,441
Not many people know this,

1010
00:52:54,500 --> 00:52:57,666
but Abe wasn't
just America's premier celebrity chef.

1011
00:52:57,750 --> 00:53:00,250
He was also
its most capable cryptographer.

1012
00:53:00,333 --> 00:53:01,458
Plip-plopipher?

1013
00:53:01,541 --> 00:53:05,250
Cryptographer. You know, someone
who crafts and solves codes and ciphers.

1014
00:53:05,333 --> 00:53:06,875
Yeah, a plip-plopipher.

1015
00:53:06,958 --> 00:53:09,958
That's what I said.
We're saying the same thing.

1016
00:53:10,041 --> 00:53:13,125
Exactly. Which means
that Abe's final edict,

1017
00:53:13,208 --> 00:53:18,291
that I name our freed country America,
was itself likely a cipher.

1018
00:53:18,375 --> 00:53:21,791
Hidden within the words
of America, my friends,

1019
00:53:21,875 --> 00:53:24,500
is the Gettysburg Address.

1020
00:53:24,583 --> 00:53:26,625
I don't know, seems like kind of a leap.

1021
00:53:26,708 --> 00:53:28,875
But I'll need some time to crack the code.

1022
00:53:28,958 --> 00:53:31,583
In the meantime, someone must
run the spoons to Black Smith.

1023
00:53:31,666 --> 00:53:33,375
Not it!

1024
00:53:33,458 --> 00:53:36,500
- All right, Chief, that's you.
- What the fuck just happened?

1025
00:53:36,583 --> 00:53:39,833
Did I just lose a game that
white people didn't explain the rules to?

1026
00:53:39,916 --> 00:53:41,666
I can't carry all the silver.

1027
00:53:41,750 --> 00:53:44,958
- I only got the one arm.
- And whose fault is that?

1028
00:53:45,041 --> 00:53:47,625
That would be yours.
For screwing up Vietnam.

1029
00:53:47,708 --> 00:53:51,250
What are you talking about?
We won Vietnam.

1030
00:53:51,333 --> 00:53:55,958
Actually, if it gives me some time
away from you, yeah, I'll do it.

1031
00:53:56,041 --> 00:53:59,666
- You are a good man, Chief Geronimo.
- Just Geronimo.

1032
00:53:59,750 --> 00:54:01,125
The rest of you, come with me.

1033
00:54:01,208 --> 00:54:03,916
I know the perfect place
to work on Abe's cipher.

1034
00:54:08,583 --> 00:54:10,333
Ugh, come on.

1035
00:54:15,166 --> 00:54:17,083
You left Washington alive.

1036
00:54:17,166 --> 00:54:20,458
Uh, yes,
a calculated risk, my liege.

1037
00:54:20,541 --> 00:54:22,291
Instead of trimming one thorn,

1038
00:54:22,375 --> 00:54:25,916
we may soon be in position
to wipe out the whole damn bush.

1039
00:54:27,666 --> 00:54:29,666
And kidnapping his wife?

1040
00:54:29,750 --> 00:54:32,250
You're not worried that will motivate him?

1041
00:54:32,333 --> 00:54:34,375
Oh, I'm counting on it.

1042
00:54:34,458 --> 00:54:38,250
Still, we should expedite my... Your plan.

1043
00:54:38,333 --> 00:54:41,500
Very well. Send me the head engineer.

1044
00:54:43,708 --> 00:54:45,458
You wanted to see me, Your Majesty?

1045
00:54:45,541 --> 00:54:48,250
There's been a slight change of plan.

1046
00:54:48,333 --> 00:54:51,791
We'll need my weapon operational
sooner than anticipated.

1047
00:54:51,875 --> 00:54:53,500
How much sooner, Your Majesty?

1048
00:54:53,583 --> 00:54:55,166
You tell me.

1049
00:54:55,250 --> 00:54:56,916
If we work around the clock,

1050
00:54:57,000 --> 00:54:59,041
we could probably
have it ready in three weeks?

1051
00:55:05,500 --> 00:55:08,958
Please, Your Majesty, Your Highness.
I can do it faster.

1052
00:55:12,166 --> 00:55:14,291
Ah, thank God.

1053
00:55:19,958 --> 00:55:21,125
My foot!

1054
00:55:21,208 --> 00:55:22,625
Most impressive.

1055
00:55:25,000 --> 00:55:27,666
Manchester, come to Daddy.

1056
00:55:27,750 --> 00:55:29,541
Oh, look at the good boy.

1057
00:55:29,666 --> 00:55:32,416
Oh, look, you have
a little engineer on your face.

1058
00:55:32,500 --> 00:55:34,250
Well, I guess I do, too, now.

1059
00:55:34,333 --> 00:55:37,291
Don't I? Don't I? Yes!

1060
00:55:37,375 --> 00:55:39,208
Uh, okay.

1061
00:55:39,291 --> 00:55:42,083
I'll have Engineering
redouble their efforts.

1062
00:55:42,166 --> 00:55:44,125
See that you do, Arnold.

1063
00:55:44,208 --> 00:55:46,541
Whether or not you succeed with your plan,

1064
00:55:46,625 --> 00:55:48,875
and in case it wasn't clear,
I'm not holding my breath,

1065
00:55:48,958 --> 00:55:51,041
Washington is now marching inexorably

1066
00:55:51,125 --> 00:55:54,083
into the gnashing maw
of the most diabolical war machine

1067
00:55:54,166 --> 00:55:55,666
the world has ever known.

1068
00:55:55,750 --> 00:55:58,458
And he doesn't even see it coming.

1069
00:55:58,541 --> 00:56:02,125
Yes. They never do.

1070
00:56:04,166 --> 00:56:08,208
Uh, George? I thought you said
you had a safe place to work.

1071
00:56:08,291 --> 00:56:10,833
- What? This looks good to me.
- Thank you, Paul.

1072
00:56:10,916 --> 00:56:14,291
But this isn't the place I had in mind.
That is.

1073
00:56:14,375 --> 00:56:16,541
It got even better!

1074
00:56:18,583 --> 00:56:20,625
Abe, I'm home.

1075
00:56:21,416 --> 00:56:24,291
Pardon me, ma'am.

1076
00:56:27,958 --> 00:56:31,375
Oh, my gord, horse toys! Whee!

1077
00:56:41,250 --> 00:56:42,541
George?

1078
00:56:42,625 --> 00:56:44,416
George, are you okay, buddy?

1079
00:56:44,500 --> 00:56:45,833
Yes, I am.

1080
00:56:45,916 --> 00:56:48,666
But I need to be one with Abe now.

1081
00:56:48,750 --> 00:56:52,541
I have to get inside of his head
if I hope to crack this code.

1082
00:56:53,833 --> 00:56:55,000
Okay.

1083
00:56:56,958 --> 00:56:57,958
Come on, come on!

1084
00:56:59,625 --> 00:57:01,166
Confirm! Please confirm!

1085
00:57:01,750 --> 00:57:03,000
We are cruisin'!

1086
00:57:03,833 --> 00:57:05,625
Oh, yeah!

1087
00:57:08,125 --> 00:57:10,750
Next and next. Next. Too easy.

1088
00:57:10,833 --> 00:57:14,333
No, no, don't. No, no. Yes!
Reset 30%, please!

1089
00:57:14,416 --> 00:57:16,000
Fuck no! I'm fucked.

1090
00:57:16,333 --> 00:57:17,333
No, fuck!

1091
00:57:19,083 --> 00:57:21,375
I am rusty, rusty.

1092
00:57:21,458 --> 00:57:24,333
Okay, at the hands of this guy is you.

1093
00:57:25,125 --> 00:57:26,250
Eternal destruction.

1094
00:57:27,541 --> 00:57:29,041
Quick, quick, quick! Thank you.

1095
00:57:29,125 --> 00:57:30,958
Return. Return. Yes!

1096
00:57:31,041 --> 00:57:33,208
Three, two, one. Go!

1097
00:57:33,291 --> 00:57:34,500
Come on. Yeah!

1098
00:57:35,291 --> 00:57:37,000
Whoo! Yeah!

1099
00:57:37,083 --> 00:57:38,458
You've been hacked, bro!

1100
00:57:42,083 --> 00:57:45,000
So, what are you going to do
when this is all over, huh?

1101
00:57:45,083 --> 00:57:46,458
You got family somewhere?

1102
00:57:46,541 --> 00:57:47,750
Clyde is my family.

1103
00:57:47,833 --> 00:57:51,416
No, I know, but like,
you know, people family, friends?

1104
00:57:51,500 --> 00:57:53,000
That's why I'm doing this.

1105
00:57:53,083 --> 00:57:57,541
You started a war against the most
powerful country on Earth to make friends?

1106
00:57:57,625 --> 00:58:00,541
Yes. Yes, I did.
I never had people friends.

1107
00:58:00,625 --> 00:58:02,541
Oh, Paul. You have one now.

1108
00:58:02,625 --> 00:58:04,666
Thank you. Why do you wanna make war?

1109
00:58:04,750 --> 00:58:07,916
They're mean to you
and they disrespect you, like a mule.

1110
00:58:08,000 --> 00:58:09,916
Well, George means well.

1111
00:58:10,000 --> 00:58:12,083
Sam disrespects me, but he's an idiot.

1112
00:58:12,166 --> 00:58:15,666
Listen, lions don't concern themselves
with the opinions of sheep.

1113
00:58:15,750 --> 00:58:20,000
Well, I'm friends with a lot of sheep
and, boy, are they opinionated.

1114
00:58:20,083 --> 00:58:22,500
Oh, I just meant...

1115
00:58:22,583 --> 00:58:23,625
That's how sheep talk.

1116
00:58:23,708 --> 00:58:27,125
Look, I'm doing this
because I want science for everyone.

1117
00:58:27,208 --> 00:58:30,791
Without fear of punishment
or persecution or even judgment.

1118
00:58:30,875 --> 00:58:33,375
Problem is,
the rich white assholes that run the joint

1119
00:58:33,458 --> 00:58:36,000
keep telling everyone
that science isn't real.

1120
00:58:36,083 --> 00:58:38,375
So, I'm gonna show 'em.

1121
00:58:38,458 --> 00:58:41,708
I'm gonna show the whole
damn world that science is real.

1122
00:58:41,791 --> 00:58:43,208
How are you gonna do that?

1123
00:58:43,291 --> 00:58:45,666
By using it to do something
that no one can ignore.

1124
00:58:45,750 --> 00:58:50,083
- I'm going to use science to win a war.
- Oh!

1125
00:58:50,166 --> 00:58:51,750
I don't know how I'm gonna do it yet.

1126
00:58:51,833 --> 00:58:56,125
But all it takes is one great invention
deployed at the perfect time,

1127
00:58:56,208 --> 00:58:59,083
and then,
the whole world will yell at once...

1128
00:58:59,166 --> 00:59:01,958
Eur-goddamn-reka!

1129
00:59:02,500 --> 00:59:05,916
...at which point, I was reminded
of one of Abe's favorite exploits.

1130
00:59:06,000 --> 00:59:08,958
After a reverse hash,
I backdoored the root password.

1131
00:59:09,041 --> 00:59:11,250
A base checksum
against the main data store

1132
00:59:11,333 --> 00:59:13,208
allowed me to retrieve the salted hash,

1133
00:59:13,291 --> 00:59:16,291
and then, from there,
I was gleaming the cube.

1134
00:59:16,375 --> 00:59:18,125
George, this is amazing!

1135
00:59:18,208 --> 00:59:19,666
You haven't even heard the kicker.

1136
00:59:19,750 --> 00:59:22,458
When I extrapolated through
a dual node minimum spanning tree,

1137
00:59:22,541 --> 00:59:25,125
the cipher's definition revealed itself.

1138
00:59:25,208 --> 00:59:27,791
"A" is the first letter of the alphabet,

1139
00:59:27,875 --> 00:59:31,541
which means it is letter number one.

1140
00:59:31,625 --> 00:59:33,791
Therefore, "A" equals one.

1141
00:59:33,875 --> 00:59:36,125
- Yeah, I understand all of this.
- Oh!

1142
00:59:36,208 --> 00:59:38,958
And if "A" equals one, then...

1143
00:59:39,041 --> 00:59:41,375
- You've got to be kidding me!
- Both of us.

1144
00:59:41,458 --> 00:59:45,083
I am not. America equals "1 Merica."

1145
00:59:45,166 --> 00:59:48,125
Now, does that word "Merica"
ring a bell to any of you?

1146
00:59:48,208 --> 00:59:50,500
Oh! Oh! I know! Fuck, I lost it.

1147
00:59:50,583 --> 00:59:52,208
Ooh, no. Does it start with a one?

1148
00:59:52,291 --> 00:59:54,000
Maybe this will jog your memory.

1149
00:59:54,083 --> 00:59:57,083
This is ten times magnification.

1150
00:59:57,166 --> 00:59:59,083
Oh, my God.

1151
00:59:59,166 --> 01:00:04,208
Gentlemen, lady,
I give you the Gettysburg Address.

1152
01:00:04,791 --> 01:00:05,666
Oof!

1153
01:00:05,750 --> 01:00:10,333
Oh. I guess we... I guess we
should've scouted the area, right, guys?

1154
01:00:10,416 --> 01:00:14,041
But then we wouldn't have had George's
awesome code-cracking scene, right?

1155
01:00:14,125 --> 01:00:16,083
Really? You thought that was awesome?

1156
01:00:16,166 --> 01:00:18,250
It wasn't, you know, too indulgent?

1157
01:00:18,333 --> 01:00:21,083
No way, dude. Totally realistic.

1158
01:00:21,166 --> 01:00:22,541
And entirely too short.

1159
01:00:22,625 --> 01:00:25,375
Guys, you have got to see this. Look.

1160
01:00:25,458 --> 01:00:26,750
Whoa!

1161
01:00:26,833 --> 01:00:27,875
What do you see?

1162
01:00:27,958 --> 01:00:30,208
Redcoats standing around a table.

1163
01:00:30,291 --> 01:00:33,583
And there's only one reason
grown men would stand around a table.

1164
01:00:33,666 --> 01:00:35,208
- To jerk off.
- To plot... What?

1165
01:00:35,291 --> 01:00:39,041
- To plot.
- Exactly. The meeting's already underway.

1166
01:00:39,125 --> 01:00:40,833
Then we haven't a moment to lose.

1167
01:00:40,916 --> 01:00:43,958
George, wait.
We don't have the silver bullet yet.

1168
01:00:44,041 --> 01:00:46,458
- We need it to kill Arnold.
- Damn it! That's right.

1169
01:00:46,541 --> 01:00:48,708
Where the hell are those guys
with our silver bullet?

1170
01:00:54,250 --> 01:00:56,958
...and then the big dumb one says,
"We won Vietnam."

1171
01:00:58,708 --> 01:01:04,916
Can you imagine being so used to winning
at everything for your whole life,

1172
01:01:05,000 --> 01:01:07,166
that even when you lose,
your brain's just like,

1173
01:01:07,250 --> 01:01:10,541
"Yo, we must've won that shit, right?"

1174
01:01:10,625 --> 01:01:13,083
That's the definition of privilege,
right there.

1175
01:01:13,166 --> 01:01:16,666
Oh, I've tried to
tell them that so many times,

1176
01:01:16,750 --> 01:01:18,583
but they don't even hear me.

1177
01:01:18,666 --> 01:01:20,250
You wanna get through to them,

1178
01:01:20,333 --> 01:01:23,166
you'd have to put
your message in like, I don't know,

1179
01:01:23,250 --> 01:01:26,583
the dumbest thing possible,
like a cartoon or something.

1180
01:01:27,833 --> 01:01:30,708
Hey, so how much longer
on this silver bullet?

1181
01:01:30,791 --> 01:01:33,041
- Man, that shit been done for hours.
- What?

1182
01:01:36,250 --> 01:01:37,375
Oh, yeah.

1183
01:01:38,083 --> 01:01:39,750
I can't wait any longer.

1184
01:01:39,833 --> 01:01:42,000
I have to rescue my wife and unborn child.

1185
01:01:42,083 --> 01:01:44,041
If that baby-eating bastard is in there...

1186
01:01:44,125 --> 01:01:47,041
Oh, my God! He threatened
to eat your unborn baby?

1187
01:01:47,125 --> 01:01:50,666
No, no, no. I mean, not literally.
But, look, he's very evil, Edison.

1188
01:01:50,750 --> 01:01:52,958
I mean, come on.
Are we splittin' hairs here?

1189
01:01:53,041 --> 01:01:55,458
George, without that silver bullet,
we'll all be dinner.

1190
01:01:55,541 --> 01:01:59,416
I know, okay? Look, guys,
I don't expect you to go in there.

1191
01:01:59,500 --> 01:02:01,583
It's suicide, but I have to.

1192
01:02:01,666 --> 01:02:03,625
George, we're a team.

1193
01:02:03,708 --> 01:02:06,125
If there's even a chance
we can save your family,

1194
01:02:06,208 --> 01:02:07,833
we have to take it. Right, guys?

1195
01:02:07,916 --> 01:02:11,333
- Plus, I just heard he eats babies!
- Oh, no!

1196
01:02:11,416 --> 01:02:13,166
- Sam, no!
- I knew it!

1197
01:02:13,250 --> 01:02:16,333
There's no time to lose.
Come on. Let's get our sneak on.

1198
01:02:29,875 --> 01:02:31,291
Science.

1199
01:02:33,166 --> 01:02:36,125
Uh-huh. The door's not locked.

1200
01:02:36,208 --> 01:02:39,250
It didn't need to be. Laser beams.

1201
01:02:39,333 --> 01:02:41,541
Hope you boys are limbered up.

1202
01:02:42,125 --> 01:02:46,833
Easy. Easy, does it. Easy, Daddy.
Oh, easy.

1203
01:02:48,833 --> 01:02:51,916
Uh, guys, this is just yarn.

1204
01:02:53,750 --> 01:02:55,708
I'm creeping very quietly.

1205
01:02:59,625 --> 01:03:01,125
Don't you move, bad guy!

1206
01:03:04,416 --> 01:03:07,041
Look at him go! That's great!

1207
01:03:11,958 --> 01:03:14,250
Ha-ha! What the shit?

1208
01:03:14,333 --> 01:03:17,750
Who fucking drew this?
This is completely unrealistic.

1209
01:03:17,833 --> 01:03:20,513
<i>- Pip-Pip, cheerio.
- Bob's your uncle.</i>

1210
01:03:20,541 --> 01:03:22,421
<i>- Ello, guv!
- Bangers and mash.</i>

1211
01:03:24,958 --> 01:03:26,958
<i>Enslave the Irish!</i>

1212
01:03:27,666 --> 01:03:29,250
That bastard set us up.

1213
01:03:29,916 --> 01:03:31,250
Martha!

1214
01:03:32,875 --> 01:03:35,083
- Martha!
- George, wait! It's a... trap.

1215
01:03:35,166 --> 01:03:36,458
Yep, shit.

1216
01:03:37,250 --> 01:03:40,166
- What did they do to your wife?
- Paul, that's not Martha.

1217
01:03:40,250 --> 01:03:42,125
It's a hyper-thermobaric bomb.

1218
01:03:42,208 --> 01:03:45,625
My hand blasters should interrupt
the current to the triggering mechanism.

1219
01:03:45,708 --> 01:03:46,958
Science.

1220
01:03:47,041 --> 01:03:49,000
Oh, what?

1221
01:03:49,083 --> 01:03:51,125
Witch, that was your one chance

1222
01:03:51,208 --> 01:03:53,958
and your beloved science
totally fucked us!

1223
01:03:54,041 --> 01:03:56,375
I don't understand. I used science.

1224
01:03:56,458 --> 01:03:59,541
We're outta time. I have to
get this as far away as possible.

1225
01:03:59,625 --> 01:04:01,000
It's up to you guys now.

1226
01:04:01,083 --> 01:04:03,666
Save Martha! Save America!

1227
01:04:03,750 --> 01:04:06,041
No, you save her yourself, George.

1228
01:04:06,125 --> 01:04:08,208
This is a job for a racist.

1229
01:04:08,291 --> 01:04:10,958
The fastest racist in the colonies.

1230
01:04:11,583 --> 01:04:12,958
Goodbye, people friends!

1231
01:04:14,791 --> 01:04:15,875
Yah!

1232
01:04:15,958 --> 01:04:18,375
Go, Clyde! Fast as the wind!

1233
01:04:22,458 --> 01:04:24,541
Hey, <i>compadre, vamanos!</i>

1234
01:04:24,625 --> 01:04:26,166
Clyde, what are you talking about?

1235
01:04:26,250 --> 01:04:29,458
Clyde can get a lot further away
without Pablo's added weight.

1236
01:04:29,541 --> 01:04:31,458
No! But Clyde is Paul's only friend!

1237
01:04:31,541 --> 01:04:35,333
- No, Pablo has human friends now.
- But, Clyde...

1238
01:04:35,416 --> 01:04:37,833
Go! Git!

1239
01:04:38,666 --> 01:04:39,750
Don't you see?

1240
01:04:40,333 --> 01:04:43,375
- Clyde doesn't want Pablo around anymore.
- What?

1241
01:04:43,458 --> 01:04:46,083
- Git! Damn it, Pablo, git!
- Clyde, no!

1242
01:04:46,166 --> 01:04:49,333
- Get away!
- Clyde, why would you say that? No!

1243
01:04:49,416 --> 01:04:51,291
Clyde, please!

1244
01:04:51,875 --> 01:04:54,708
Clyde!

1245
01:04:57,583 --> 01:05:00,708
Oh, I guess that big idiot
really cared about us.

1246
01:05:00,791 --> 01:05:02,416
Yeah, he really did.

1247
01:05:05,625 --> 01:05:08,250
King James, we meet at last.

1248
01:05:08,333 --> 01:05:11,500
<i>Yes, yes. Kudos, Washington.</i>

1249
01:05:11,583 --> 01:05:16,166
<i>I see that you managed to evade the trap
your old friend Benedict laid for you.</i>

1250
01:05:16,250 --> 01:05:17,541
Evade this, butter teeth!

1251
01:05:18,125 --> 01:05:19,333
Sam, you're not gonna...

1252
01:05:19,416 --> 01:05:21,166
It's a hologram.

1253
01:05:21,250 --> 01:05:22,916
Where's my wife, you bastard?

1254
01:05:23,000 --> 01:05:27,166
<i>I believe you mean...
Where is your future queen?</i>

1255
01:05:27,250 --> 01:05:28,250
<i>Never!</i>

1256
01:05:28,333 --> 01:05:29,875
<i>Oh, you'll come round.</i>

1257
01:05:29,958 --> 01:05:30,958
Martha!

1258
01:05:31,500 --> 01:05:35,000
If you lay even one
of your sausage fingers on her,

1259
01:05:35,083 --> 01:05:36,750
I'll rip your fucking dick off!

1260
01:05:36,833 --> 01:05:38,750
<i>You better make it quick, George,</i>

1261
01:05:38,833 --> 01:05:42,041
<i>because we're about
to become very well acquainted.</i>

1262
01:05:42,125 --> 01:05:44,416
No more repartee, James.

1263
01:05:44,500 --> 01:05:45,750
No more games!

1264
01:05:45,833 --> 01:05:48,541
I want you face-to-face.

1265
01:05:48,625 --> 01:05:51,250
<i>Hmm. What did you have in mind?</i>

1266
01:05:51,333 --> 01:05:52,458
Tomorrow.

1267
01:05:52,541 --> 01:05:54,708
For all the fucking marbles.

1268
01:05:54,791 --> 01:05:56,708
My squad. Your squad!

1269
01:05:56,791 --> 01:06:01,166
<i>You mean, your squad
and my giant fuck-off army!</i>

1270
01:06:01,250 --> 01:06:04,166
Bring me every Redcoat alive
for all I care.

1271
01:06:04,250 --> 01:06:06,458
I'll bring extra gas for my chainsaws.

1272
01:06:06,541 --> 01:06:09,583
<i>I accept.
Tomorrow morning. Attrition Field.</i>

1273
01:06:09,666 --> 01:06:11,916
<i>Eight o'clock, sharp. Don't be late.</i>

1274
01:06:12,666 --> 01:06:14,875
Clyde!

1275
01:06:17,708 --> 01:06:19,541
Hmm. He gonna be okay?

1276
01:06:19,625 --> 01:06:23,083
You sacrificed Clyde... to save us?

1277
01:06:23,166 --> 01:06:25,000
Clyde sacrificed himself.

1278
01:06:25,083 --> 01:06:27,208
I love my new people friends,

1279
01:06:27,291 --> 01:06:29,500
but I loved Clyde, too!

1280
01:06:30,750 --> 01:06:32,791
He was my brother!

1281
01:06:34,291 --> 01:06:36,583
There's gotta be something we can do.

1282
01:06:36,666 --> 01:06:39,125
Well, I'm in a book club
with Clara Barton.

1283
01:06:40,458 --> 01:06:43,333
The groundbreaking
medical practitioner?

1284
01:06:44,833 --> 01:06:46,625
His name's Clara?

1285
01:06:47,208 --> 01:06:48,958
I think I can save him.

1286
01:06:49,041 --> 01:06:52,791
But it will require the full breadth
of my cybernetic research to do so.

1287
01:06:52,875 --> 01:06:54,666
- Meaning?
- Meaning when I'm done...

1288
01:06:54,750 --> 01:06:57,000
He'll be more machine than animal.

1289
01:06:57,083 --> 01:06:58,333
And there's also a chance

1290
01:06:58,416 --> 01:07:01,958
that at some point in the distant future,
he'll rise up against us and...

1291
01:07:02,041 --> 01:07:04,708
The horse owes me three bucks,
so do what you gotta do, Doc.

1292
01:07:04,791 --> 01:07:08,083
It's a long shot.
My nanotechnology is advanced,

1293
01:07:08,166 --> 01:07:10,916
but there's really just
no substitute for living tissue.

1294
01:07:11,000 --> 01:07:13,750
Go. I need to be alone with Clyde.

1295
01:07:13,833 --> 01:07:15,375
Okay, Paul. Okay.

1296
01:07:28,000 --> 01:07:30,416
Say what you will about these colonists,

1297
01:07:30,500 --> 01:07:33,333
but frying a chicken
and putting it in a bucket,

1298
01:07:33,416 --> 01:07:35,041
that's a solid idea.

1299
01:07:36,833 --> 01:07:38,500
Aren't you thirsty, my queen?

1300
01:07:38,583 --> 01:07:41,333
I'll never drink
your over-taxed tea, James.

1301
01:07:41,416 --> 01:07:44,875
You'll feel much more agreeable
after a relaxing soak.

1302
01:07:44,958 --> 01:07:47,708
Arnold, has milady's bath been drawn?

1303
01:07:47,791 --> 01:07:50,625
Yes, my liege. Earl Grey, hot.

1304
01:07:50,708 --> 01:07:52,083
Excellent!

1305
01:07:52,166 --> 01:07:55,916
Oh! Look at this,
it's a double-stuffed pizza crust.

1306
01:07:56,000 --> 01:07:59,208
Just... I mean,
do the maths, Arnold. It's impossible.

1307
01:08:04,916 --> 01:08:05,833
Did you want some?

1308
01:08:05,916 --> 01:08:07,666
Enjoy it while you can, James.

1309
01:08:07,750 --> 01:08:10,333
Before my husband
rips your fucking dick off!

1310
01:08:10,416 --> 01:08:14,916
My dear, now that my
Ultimate Doomsday Machine is complete,

1311
01:08:15,000 --> 01:08:18,958
your husband and his
band of traitorous ne'er-do-wells

1312
01:08:19,041 --> 01:08:21,500
will soon be ripping their own dicks off.

1313
01:08:23,416 --> 01:08:26,666
- Why would they do that?
- Do what?

1314
01:08:26,750 --> 01:08:28,416
Rip their own dicks off?

1315
01:08:28,500 --> 01:08:31,375
Because! That's why!

1316
01:08:32,083 --> 01:08:33,958
Is he a cookie or is he a puss?

1317
01:08:34,041 --> 01:08:37,625
You know what? I don't care.
He's my new best friend, that's who he is.

1318
01:08:38,791 --> 01:08:43,125
Yes, my king, there is so much
this bountiful new land has to offer.

1319
01:08:43,208 --> 01:08:46,791
Yes. And which corner
of my new kingdom

1320
01:08:46,875 --> 01:08:48,833
will you choose to rule, I wonder?

1321
01:08:48,916 --> 01:08:49,750
Oh!

1322
01:08:49,833 --> 01:08:53,666
Why don't you take a Dakota?
Hell, take both.

1323
01:08:53,750 --> 01:08:58,041
Why don't I take the whole thing?

1324
01:08:59,125 --> 01:09:00,416
But why?

1325
01:09:00,500 --> 01:09:04,083
Because, you double-stuffed buffoon,
why would I want to eat a slice...

1326
01:09:04,166 --> 01:09:05,375
Oh, my God!

1327
01:09:05,458 --> 01:09:08,666
...when I can eat the whole a-pizza pie?

1328
01:09:13,916 --> 01:09:17,708
Finally, freedom has a birthday. Tomorrow.

1329
01:09:19,083 --> 01:09:20,500
<i>So, go home.</i>

1330
01:09:20,583 --> 01:09:22,208
<i>Go home to your friends,</i>

1331
01:09:22,791 --> 01:09:25,500
<i>to your families, to your loved ones.</i>

1332
01:09:26,416 --> 01:09:28,833
<i>And then, ready your arsenals.</i>

1333
01:09:28,916 --> 01:09:31,250
<i>Bring not the weapons
you would use to topple men,</i>

1334
01:09:31,958 --> 01:09:36,041
<i>but the weapons
that you would use to topple armies.</i>

1335
01:09:36,875 --> 01:09:39,458
<i>The weapons
you would use to topple nations.</i>

1336
01:09:40,041 --> 01:09:43,458
<i>For tomorrow, our revolution dies</i>

1337
01:09:43,541 --> 01:09:46,125
<i>and America is born.</i>

1338
01:09:48,666 --> 01:09:50,250
Guide me, old friend.

1339
01:09:50,750 --> 01:09:52,166
Show me the way.

1340
01:09:53,833 --> 01:09:57,250
<i>George, I wish I had
a million friends like you!</i>

1341
01:09:57,333 --> 01:09:58,791
<i>...a million friends...</i>

1342
01:09:58,875 --> 01:10:01,625
Abe, you forward-thinking son of bitch!

1343
01:10:01,708 --> 01:10:05,083
But we're still
gonna need a lot of firepower.

1344
01:10:08,541 --> 01:10:12,291
Well, hey, welcome to Y'all Mart.
How can I help you?

1345
01:10:12,375 --> 01:10:14,041
Oh, hey, how's it goin'? I need guns.

1346
01:10:14,125 --> 01:10:15,875
Well, bless your heart.

1347
01:10:15,958 --> 01:10:18,875
And did you have
any particular type in mind?

1348
01:10:18,958 --> 01:10:22,791
Um, whatever the firearm equivalent
of a massive overreaction would be.

1349
01:10:22,875 --> 01:10:24,666
Like, for every bullet fired at me,

1350
01:10:24,750 --> 01:10:26,958
I'd want to be able
to fire several hundred in return.

1351
01:10:27,041 --> 01:10:31,166
Oh, I see.
And what do you plan on using them for?

1352
01:10:32,875 --> 01:10:34,208
- Hunting?
- Perfect!

1353
01:10:34,291 --> 01:10:36,208
I can definitely help you with that.

1354
01:10:36,291 --> 01:10:38,250
Now, we do have a waiting period.

1355
01:10:38,958 --> 01:10:42,041
And it's over.
Let's get you heavily armed, big fella.

1356
01:10:42,125 --> 01:10:45,416
Fantastic!
Say, aren't you Mr. Kinko's boy?

1357
01:10:45,500 --> 01:10:49,583
Yes, sir. Frederick Xavier Kinko.
Nice to meet ya.

1358
01:10:49,666 --> 01:10:52,333
Well, Fred X. Kinko, that's convenient.

1359
01:10:52,416 --> 01:10:54,166
I'm also looking for a photocopier.

1360
01:10:54,250 --> 01:10:56,041
The best in the colonies.

1361
01:11:04,458 --> 01:11:05,541
Were you able to sleep?

1362
01:11:05,625 --> 01:11:06,791
- Yeah.
- Slept like a log.

1363
01:11:06,875 --> 01:11:10,500
Neither was I. No matter,
we'll all sleep soon enough...

1364
01:11:10,583 --> 01:11:12,916
in the beds of vanquished kings.

1365
01:11:13,000 --> 01:11:16,375
Wow, that was beautiful phrasing.
You're gettin' pretty good at this.

1366
01:11:16,458 --> 01:11:18,375
You like that? Really? Check this out.

1367
01:11:18,458 --> 01:11:21,166
Teamwork, it makes the dream work.

1368
01:11:21,250 --> 01:11:23,625
Whoa! He's right. It does.

1369
01:11:23,708 --> 01:11:26,375
Okay, that, right there,
that's leadership.

1370
01:11:26,458 --> 01:11:30,416
Thanks, guys. Look, man,
I gotta say, I'm feeling pretty confident.

1371
01:11:30,500 --> 01:11:32,916
Maybe things
are going to work out after all.

1372
01:11:33,000 --> 01:11:36,875
- Holy shit.
- Fuck me.

1373
01:12:13,500 --> 01:12:16,958
All right. I'm not gonna sugarcoat this.

1374
01:12:17,583 --> 01:12:20,833
Three against ten thousand?
That's pretty bad odds.

1375
01:12:21,416 --> 01:12:23,791
- For us.
- Well, we have the high ground.

1376
01:12:23,875 --> 01:12:25,916
You have more than the high ground.

1377
01:12:26,000 --> 01:12:28,625
Geronimo! Blacksmith!
We thought you deserted.

1378
01:12:28,708 --> 01:12:33,000
Thought about it, like, really hard,
then started going in the other direction.

1379
01:12:33,083 --> 01:12:35,958
Even booked an Air TandP
on the opposite side of town.

1380
01:12:36,041 --> 01:12:38,375
But despite my better judgment,

1381
01:12:38,458 --> 01:12:40,791
I ate the deposit and decided to come.

1382
01:12:41,333 --> 01:12:43,166
Because this is my land

1383
01:12:43,250 --> 01:12:46,333
and I don't need
anybody's permission to defend it.

1384
01:12:46,416 --> 01:12:49,000
And Mr. Smith,
you'll join the fight as well?

1385
01:12:49,083 --> 01:12:51,708
I figured, if we're gonna end up
with an old white dude in charge,

1386
01:12:51,791 --> 01:12:54,291
we could do a hell of
a lot worse than you, George Washington.

1387
01:12:54,375 --> 01:12:56,125
You're one of the good-ish ones.

1388
01:12:57,125 --> 01:12:59,500
All that silver... for one bullet.

1389
01:12:59,583 --> 01:13:01,708
Yeah, so you better make it count.

1390
01:13:01,791 --> 01:13:04,291
We will, and we'll do it in style.

1391
01:13:04,375 --> 01:13:05,250
Yeah.

1392
01:13:05,333 --> 01:13:08,166
I commissioned Betsy Ross
and Tim Gunn to make these last night.

1393
01:13:08,250 --> 01:13:10,291
Tim Gunn? Sounds like a badass.

1394
01:13:10,375 --> 01:13:14,750
My dream, as silly as it seems now,
was that after our victory today,

1395
01:13:14,833 --> 01:13:17,250
this design
would become a national symbol.

1396
01:13:17,333 --> 01:13:19,583
The first ever American flag.

1397
01:13:19,666 --> 01:13:23,666
- A symbol of our indomitable spirit.
- Of our thirst for knowledge!

1398
01:13:23,750 --> 01:13:26,250
Of our tireless quest to kick ass!

1399
01:13:26,333 --> 01:13:28,583
And, and! I'm just spitballing here,

1400
01:13:28,666 --> 01:13:31,333
but maybe this style of blouse
will become the uniform

1401
01:13:31,416 --> 01:13:34,291
of the first ever
American national pastime.

1402
01:13:34,375 --> 01:13:37,375
It'll be like cricket,
but with actual rules.

1403
01:13:37,458 --> 01:13:40,208
And you won't even
have to be athletic to participate.

1404
01:13:40,291 --> 01:13:43,000
- Or have two arms.
- And women can play, too.

1405
01:13:43,083 --> 01:13:45,166
You know, don't...
Let's not get sidetracked.

1406
01:13:45,250 --> 01:13:46,500
Hark, the national bird!

1407
01:13:46,583 --> 01:13:48,416
You took everything else.

1408
01:13:48,500 --> 01:13:51,333
You know what we need now?
A national song.

1409
01:13:51,416 --> 01:13:52,958
I believe you mean...

1410
01:13:56,333 --> 01:13:58,291
a national anthem.

1411
01:14:08,541 --> 01:14:14,958
<i>♪ If I leave here tomorrow ♪</i>

1412
01:14:16,750 --> 01:14:21,166
<i>♪ Would you still remember me? ♪</i>

1413
01:14:24,416 --> 01:14:31,250
<i>♪ For I must be traveling on now ♪</i>

1414
01:14:32,750 --> 01:14:36,916
<i>♪ 'Cause there's too many places
I've got to see ♪</i>

1415
01:14:41,125 --> 01:14:47,125
<i>♪ 'Cause I'm as free as a bird now ♪</i>

1416
01:14:49,208 --> 01:14:54,166
<i>♪ And this bird you cannot change ♪</i>

1417
01:14:57,125 --> 01:15:03,458
<i>♪ Lord help me, I can't change ♪</i>

1418
01:15:14,833 --> 01:15:17,291
This is so beautiful, George!

1419
01:15:18,458 --> 01:15:20,958
I know, it rocks, right?
I wrote it last night.

1420
01:15:21,041 --> 01:15:22,708
I'm gonna request that song

1421
01:15:22,791 --> 01:15:26,666
at every party
from now until the end of time.

1422
01:15:26,750 --> 01:15:28,500
No. No, not the song.

1423
01:15:29,125 --> 01:15:30,875
The Americans!

1424
01:15:30,958 --> 01:15:33,458
They came. It worked!

1425
01:15:33,541 --> 01:15:34,625
What worked, G-Dub?

1426
01:15:34,708 --> 01:15:36,750
I found an old note from Abe last night.

1427
01:15:36,833 --> 01:15:39,875
And he said he wished
he had a million friends like me.

1428
01:15:39,958 --> 01:15:43,916
And that's when I realized,
I can have a million friends.

1429
01:15:45,083 --> 01:15:51,166
Oh! Why settle for 20 bros
when you could have a million,

1430
01:15:51,250 --> 01:15:52,666
no matter how different they look.

1431
01:15:52,750 --> 01:15:55,791
Exactly! Sam, that's the American way!

1432
01:15:55,875 --> 01:15:57,791
Hey, guys. Did ya hear?

1433
01:15:57,875 --> 01:16:01,250
I'm not racist anymore! I'm doin' it!

1434
01:16:01,333 --> 01:16:02,250
Super.

1435
01:16:02,333 --> 01:16:04,333
George, how did you do this?

1436
01:16:04,416 --> 01:16:06,500
How did you reach
this many people overnight?

1437
01:16:06,583 --> 01:16:10,916
I remembered something
one of my friends told me about flyers.

1438
01:16:11,583 --> 01:16:14,666
<i>They're a great way to communicate
with a widespread audience.</i>

1439
01:16:16,458 --> 01:16:20,166
<i>I spent all night distributing these
all over this great land,</i>

1440
01:16:21,000 --> 01:16:23,125
<i>from sea to shining sea.</i>

1441
01:16:23,208 --> 01:16:25,708
<i>That's thousands of miles!
How did you...</i>

1442
01:16:25,791 --> 01:16:29,666
Oh, I had a little help
from the fastest racist in the colonies!

1443
01:16:29,750 --> 01:16:30,958
Whoa!

1444
01:16:31,041 --> 01:16:33,875
- What have they done to you?
- Does that hurt?

1445
01:16:33,958 --> 01:16:37,375
The British are coming...
to get their asses kicked!

1446
01:16:37,458 --> 01:16:41,666
Heh. Well, I am just glad
that we got the band back together.

1447
01:16:41,750 --> 01:16:45,125
All right, everybody, come on!
Grab an AR-15.

1448
01:16:45,208 --> 01:16:48,416
These little death machines here
are gonna even the odds for us.

1449
01:16:48,500 --> 01:16:51,541
But once the war is over though,
okay, I definitely need them back.

1450
01:16:51,625 --> 01:16:53,041
Yeah, man. No problem.

1451
01:16:53,875 --> 01:16:57,958
Yeah, they're just way too dangerous
for civilians to keep. Am I right?

1452
01:16:58,041 --> 01:16:59,875
That is completely reasonable.

1453
01:17:01,708 --> 01:17:04,375
What in God's name are we waiting for?

1454
01:17:04,458 --> 01:17:06,250
Why are we not attacking?

1455
01:17:06,333 --> 01:17:08,208
Beggin' your pardon, me lord,

1456
01:17:08,291 --> 01:17:12,625
the Americans was just changing their kits
into the stars and stripes, see?

1457
01:17:12,708 --> 01:17:14,916
Then they sang a song for a bit, yeah.

1458
01:17:15,000 --> 01:17:18,333
Now it looks like they're settlin'
some personal differences.

1459
01:17:18,416 --> 01:17:19,583
Shan't be long.

1460
01:17:19,666 --> 01:17:22,291
We don't have to wait
for them to get dressed.

1461
01:17:22,375 --> 01:17:23,791
Attack, you idiots!

1462
01:17:23,875 --> 01:17:26,458
Copy that, Command.
Commencing bombardment.

1463
01:17:29,916 --> 01:17:33,500
Now, let's go start a fucking revolution!

1464
01:17:33,583 --> 01:17:34,583
Kick it!

1465
01:17:36,666 --> 01:17:40,458
Tread on them!
Tread the fuck all over them!

1466
01:18:35,375 --> 01:18:36,375
Oh, no.

1467
01:18:58,291 --> 01:18:59,708
Me-ronimo!

1468
01:19:04,708 --> 01:19:06,458
Edison, give me that juice!

1469
01:19:10,916 --> 01:19:14,666
For America! Charge!

1470
01:19:15,375 --> 01:19:17,666
Artillery.
Open fire on the front.

1471
01:19:17,750 --> 01:19:20,059
<i>But, my lord,
we'll hit our own men.</i>

1472
01:19:20,083 --> 01:19:21,750
Fuck's sake. I'm evil!

1473
01:19:21,833 --> 01:19:24,541
We're the bad guys! Jesus, pay attention!

1474
01:19:24,625 --> 01:19:28,375
Now, open fire or I'll eat your bones!

1475
01:19:28,916 --> 01:19:30,166
Commander.

1476
01:19:30,250 --> 01:19:34,000
<i>Roger, roger.
All cannon, open fire. Danger close.</i>

1477
01:19:49,291 --> 01:19:51,458
We've gotta do something
about those cannons!

1478
01:19:52,166 --> 01:19:53,875
Wait a minute. Is that Martha?

1479
01:19:54,625 --> 01:19:57,041
Oh, my God! Edison, on me!

1480
01:20:01,708 --> 01:20:04,041
Paul, take out those walkers
or we're sunk!

1481
01:20:04,125 --> 01:20:06,666
- Affirmative. Commencing attack run.
- Edison, give me a lift.

1482
01:20:06,750 --> 01:20:09,291
I'm on it! Science, don't fail me now.

1483
01:20:12,083 --> 01:20:15,250
- Edison, fly straight!
- My thrusters took some damage!

1484
01:20:15,333 --> 01:20:17,500
Just get me to that elephant!

1485
01:20:23,958 --> 01:20:27,666
- Ello, guv'ner!
- Oh, Martha! Thank God!

1486
01:20:27,750 --> 01:20:30,625
I'm just so happy that you're... safe?

1487
01:20:35,041 --> 01:20:36,250
Stay on target.

1488
01:20:38,125 --> 01:20:40,291
Stay on target.

1489
01:20:50,458 --> 01:20:54,041
Well, Manchester,
if you want something done right...

1490
01:20:56,708 --> 01:20:59,666
Get some! Get some! Get some!

1491
01:21:01,458 --> 01:21:03,416
What the... What are you?

1492
01:21:18,375 --> 01:21:20,916
Oi! Handball! That's a foul, ya wanker!

1493
01:21:21,000 --> 01:21:22,833
Maybe that's true in Britain.

1494
01:21:24,666 --> 01:21:27,250
But this is America, asshole!

1495
01:21:29,250 --> 01:21:30,666
Touchdown!

1496
01:21:30,750 --> 01:21:33,333
What is the deal
with these chaps?

1497
01:21:33,416 --> 01:21:35,458
It's like they have no quit in them.

1498
01:21:35,541 --> 01:21:39,208
No matter,
I guess I'll just skip to the end, then.

1499
01:21:39,291 --> 01:21:41,916
Game over, old friend.

1500
01:21:59,750 --> 01:22:02,208
We're surrounded.
Why aren't they advancing?

1501
01:22:02,291 --> 01:22:05,541
Because that's not part
of the plan, ya dumb twat!

1502
01:22:05,625 --> 01:22:07,875
Oh, fuck!

1503
01:22:12,291 --> 01:22:14,625
Holy! What is that thing?

1504
01:22:14,708 --> 01:22:17,375
It's a weather control device.
Look at the tea bags.

1505
01:22:17,458 --> 01:22:20,791
It's designed to seed the clouds...
with tea!

1506
01:22:20,875 --> 01:22:23,541
Teabagging them? Literally? But why?

1507
01:22:23,625 --> 01:22:26,083
To make them rain tea.

1508
01:22:26,166 --> 01:22:29,208
Every man, woman and child
beneath these spacious skies

1509
01:22:29,291 --> 01:22:31,250
will be turned British instantly.

1510
01:22:31,333 --> 01:22:33,083
The revolution will not only be over,

1511
01:22:33,166 --> 01:22:35,250
it will effectively
have never even occurred.

1512
01:22:35,333 --> 01:22:38,666
Aw, fuck! These are those global stakes
you were talking about, aren't they?

1513
01:22:38,750 --> 01:22:42,916
Yep. If he successfully British-izes
every colonist in the New World,

1514
01:22:43,000 --> 01:22:46,666
he won't stop there.
He'll British-ize the entire world.

1515
01:22:46,750 --> 01:22:49,291
Okay. You know what? Fuck it.

1516
01:22:50,041 --> 01:22:53,416
- It was fun while it lasted, boys.
- Keep it.

1517
01:22:53,500 --> 01:22:56,958
This is your last moment as a colonist.
You may as well enjoy it.

1518
01:22:57,041 --> 01:22:58,875
Besides, it's sorta perfect.

1519
01:22:58,958 --> 01:23:01,041
I mean, beer's the exact opposite of tea.

1520
01:23:01,125 --> 01:23:03,750
So, one last "fuck you"
to the Brits. Am I right?

1521
01:23:04,625 --> 01:23:08,250
The exact opposite. That's it!
Sam, hold this keg steady.

1522
01:23:08,333 --> 01:23:10,208
- But it's full of beer!
- It better be.

1523
01:23:10,291 --> 01:23:12,791
- Blacksmith, hammer this valve into place.
- On it!

1524
01:23:12,875 --> 01:23:15,000
Geronimo, keep track
of where that thing is headed.

1525
01:23:15,083 --> 01:23:16,458
That won't be too hard.

1526
01:23:20,666 --> 01:23:23,458
And, Paul, I'm gonna need a lot of juice!

1527
01:23:27,500 --> 01:23:30,291
- Yo, Edison! What is that shit?
- It is science.

1528
01:23:30,375 --> 01:23:32,625
The science that's going to win this war.

1529
01:23:32,708 --> 01:23:35,166
Last time you tried "science,"

1530
01:23:35,250 --> 01:23:37,708
you set off a bomb that almost killed us.

1531
01:23:37,791 --> 01:23:39,708
How can you be so sure
that this will work?

1532
01:23:39,791 --> 01:23:43,333
Well, I'm not sure, Sammy,
but I have a hypothesis.

1533
01:23:43,916 --> 01:23:48,083
So, let's go test that hypothesis
and draw some fucking conclusions!

1534
01:23:48,750 --> 01:23:53,583
This is for science!

1535
01:24:20,000 --> 01:24:24,500
No! No! Not like this!
Not like this, Martha!

1536
01:24:24,583 --> 01:24:28,375
- Drink it, George! Drink it in.
- No! I won't do it! Ah!

1537
01:24:28,458 --> 01:24:34,250
Fine, resist. And I'll gain full custody
of our son the moment he is born.

1538
01:24:34,333 --> 01:24:36,750
And you'll be helpless to stop it.

1539
01:24:36,833 --> 01:24:42,375
You'll have failed as a leader,
as a husband and as a father,

1540
01:24:42,458 --> 01:24:46,833
just like your father before you.

1541
01:24:48,916 --> 01:24:51,208
Hey, hey, it's okay.

1542
01:24:51,291 --> 01:24:53,541
Even though you totally blew it

1543
01:24:53,625 --> 01:24:58,291
and let everyone on the team down,
you tried your best, witch.

1544
01:24:58,375 --> 01:25:01,750
I'm not a witch, Sam. I am a scientist.

1545
01:25:01,833 --> 01:25:03,625
And no, I did not.

1546
01:25:03,708 --> 01:25:07,791
The beam. It wasn't meant to blow
the Teabagger out of the sky.

1547
01:25:07,875 --> 01:25:09,333
- Nope.
- Horse sound.

1548
01:25:09,416 --> 01:25:11,250
What did you do, human lady friend?

1549
01:25:11,333 --> 01:25:13,791
I reversed the polarity of the tea.

1550
01:25:22,083 --> 01:25:24,833
So, if it ain't tea no more,
what the fuck is it?

1551
01:25:24,916 --> 01:25:26,750
The exact opposite of tea.

1552
01:25:28,458 --> 01:25:31,916
It's beer! Beer won the war!

1553
01:25:32,000 --> 01:25:34,500
What? No, beer didn't win... No, science!

1554
01:25:34,583 --> 01:25:36,375
Bro!

1555
01:25:38,125 --> 01:25:42,166
I'd just like to say something,
you know, as the leader of the group.

1556
01:25:42,250 --> 01:25:45,500
Thirty minutes ago,
I dreamed of a bigger fraternity.

1557
01:25:45,583 --> 01:25:49,375
And now, I look around and I have it.

1558
01:25:50,166 --> 01:25:52,625
That's the power
of positive thinking, guys.

1559
01:25:52,708 --> 01:25:55,583
- Believe in yourselves!
- Are you kidding me?

1560
01:25:55,666 --> 01:25:57,916
Mmm, delicious, isn't it?

1561
01:26:17,791 --> 01:26:19,041
Ah!

1562
01:26:21,708 --> 01:26:24,500
Oh! George? What happened?

1563
01:26:24,583 --> 01:26:27,333
Science, Martha. Science happened.

1564
01:26:27,416 --> 01:26:29,708
Oh, my God! I could have... I almost...

1565
01:26:29,791 --> 01:26:32,666
No, don't you worry about that.

1566
01:26:32,750 --> 01:26:36,833
You're back now
and we've just got one thing left to do.

1567
01:26:36,916 --> 01:26:38,750
- Have awesome sex!
- Final boss battle. What?

1568
01:26:38,833 --> 01:26:41,250
Uh, yep. Yep. Final boss battle.

1569
01:26:41,333 --> 01:26:42,750
- Bro!
- No!

1570
01:26:42,833 --> 01:26:45,666
Bros. Bros everywhere!

1571
01:26:45,750 --> 01:26:48,750
It reeks of Ye Olde Axe body spray!

1572
01:26:48,833 --> 01:26:50,083
Excuse me, sir.

1573
01:26:53,750 --> 01:26:56,083
Do you have a moment
to talk about freedom?

1574
01:26:56,166 --> 01:27:00,750
Aren't you surprised to see me
leading the British and not King James?

1575
01:27:00,833 --> 01:27:03,583
What? No. You obviously
pulled a Benedict Arnold.

1576
01:27:03,666 --> 01:27:04,666
A what?

1577
01:27:04,750 --> 01:27:07,041
A Benedict Arnold.
You're a thing now, bro.

1578
01:27:07,125 --> 01:27:09,666
Whenever you get fucked over
by a trusted friend,

1579
01:27:09,750 --> 01:27:12,333
it's called getting Benedict Arnolded.
Right, everybody?

1580
01:27:12,416 --> 01:27:14,458
- Yeah.
- It's totally a thing.

1581
01:27:14,541 --> 01:27:16,791
No. You... You can't just do that.

1582
01:27:16,875 --> 01:27:19,875
Oh, yeah, we can.
Because we all voted on it.

1583
01:27:19,958 --> 01:27:21,333
And that's called...

1584
01:27:21,416 --> 01:27:23,125
Fucking Democracy!

1585
01:27:23,208 --> 01:27:24,416
We're doin' it!

1586
01:27:24,500 --> 01:27:26,833
Oh, Georgie.

1587
01:27:26,916 --> 01:27:29,000
You think you've won.

1588
01:27:32,416 --> 01:27:35,041
Mega Wolf!

1589
01:27:35,125 --> 01:27:36,125
Geronimo, now!

1590
01:27:37,458 --> 01:27:38,500
Launch winch-chain.

1591
01:27:43,208 --> 01:27:44,583
Sammy, take the shot!

1592
01:27:45,541 --> 01:27:47,500
Here comes the boom, bitch.

1593
01:28:03,166 --> 01:28:05,333
Guys, I don't know
how much more he can take!

1594
01:28:05,416 --> 01:28:07,458
- Where's the stupid bullet?
- We're looking!

1595
01:28:07,541 --> 01:28:10,458
Any last regrets, old chum?

1596
01:28:10,541 --> 01:28:15,208
Yeah, I only regret that I have
but one life to give for my country.

1597
01:28:15,291 --> 01:28:20,208
Yes. Well, I suppose
the one will have to do.

1598
01:28:20,291 --> 01:28:23,416
Oh, shit! It's right here.
Guys! I found it!

1599
01:28:24,541 --> 01:28:27,625
What are you smiling about, you idiot?
You can't possibly kill me.

1600
01:28:27,708 --> 01:28:29,791
I'm not trying to kill you, Ben.

1601
01:28:29,875 --> 01:28:34,083
They are. With America's favorite pastime.

1602
01:28:34,166 --> 01:28:35,166
No!

1603
01:28:39,791 --> 01:28:41,166
Tax this, motherfucker!

1604
01:28:46,500 --> 01:28:48,583
<i>It's going way back to right field.</i>

1605
01:28:48,666 --> 01:28:50,916
<i>The bullet is still going!
High up in there!</i>

1606
01:28:51,000 --> 01:28:53,041
- Bugger!
<i>- He did it!</i>

1607
01:28:53,833 --> 01:28:56,166
<i>John Henry Smith did it!</i>

1608
01:29:01,583 --> 01:29:05,875
Welcome to America!

1609
01:29:36,208 --> 01:29:38,125
I wanna make a monument
for Abe, too.

1610
01:29:38,208 --> 01:29:40,583
But of course, Mr. President.
Same as yours?

1611
01:29:40,666 --> 01:29:41,750
No, I.M. Pei.

1612
01:29:41,833 --> 01:29:47,500
His should be a statue of him
sitting there, staring at my monument.

1613
01:29:47,583 --> 01:29:49,500
Who are you, Demi Moore?

1614
01:29:49,583 --> 01:29:51,625
Why you gotta screw
a ghost like that, George?

1615
01:29:51,708 --> 01:29:54,916
Abe! Ah, bro!
God, it's good to see you again, man.

1616
01:29:55,000 --> 01:29:58,958
Well, you're gonna feel like a real turd
after you see what I brought you. Hah!

1617
01:29:59,041 --> 01:30:00,916
The Declaration! You saved it!

1618
01:30:01,000 --> 01:30:01,916
I did.

1619
01:30:02,000 --> 01:30:05,041
A little of Mr. Scotch's invisible tape
and it's as good as new.

1620
01:30:05,125 --> 01:30:06,166
It's beautiful, Abe.

1621
01:30:06,250 --> 01:30:09,916
It is, but you're the real
national treasure here, George.

1622
01:30:10,000 --> 01:30:11,458
I'm proud of you, bud.

1623
01:30:13,541 --> 01:30:16,708
And no, there's no treasure map
drawn on the back of it.

1624
01:30:16,791 --> 01:30:18,833
- Oh, man.
- George, what are you doin', bro?

1625
01:30:18,916 --> 01:30:20,756
- They're lookin' for you out there.
- Oh, Sam!

1626
01:30:20,791 --> 01:30:23,125
I'm glad you're here.
I have something for you.

1627
01:30:23,208 --> 01:30:26,375
- What is it?
- A gift for my son's godfather.

1628
01:30:26,458 --> 01:30:27,708
- Who, me?
- Yep.

1629
01:30:27,791 --> 01:30:31,083
I need someone
I can trust with my son's life.

1630
01:30:31,166 --> 01:30:33,250
And I always thought it would be Abe.

1631
01:30:33,333 --> 01:30:37,041
But with him as a gho... a goner,
I need to find someone else.

1632
01:30:37,125 --> 01:30:39,166
George, I'm honored!

1633
01:30:39,250 --> 01:30:40,666
Hey, is that my hat? Oh, it is.

1634
01:30:40,750 --> 01:30:43,916
But... Ugh. I don't know
how to be a caretaker.

1635
01:30:44,000 --> 01:30:45,458
I don't have those instincts.

1636
01:30:45,541 --> 01:30:47,916
No, don't think of it
as being the caretaker.

1637
01:30:48,000 --> 01:30:49,333
Think of it as being family.

1638
01:30:49,416 --> 01:30:50,750
Like the fun, drunk,

1639
01:30:50,833 --> 01:30:55,833
now definitely no-longer-racist uncle
that America has always needed.

1640
01:30:55,916 --> 01:30:58,875
Uncle Sam. I like It.

1641
01:30:58,958 --> 01:31:00,875
Uncle fucking Sam!

1642
01:31:00,958 --> 01:31:04,250
Come on, Uncle Sam, our countrymen await.

1643
01:31:14,625 --> 01:31:15,708
Hey, Denzel.

1644
01:31:26,458 --> 01:31:28,000
My fellow Americans,

1645
01:31:28,083 --> 01:31:32,750
on this day, July 4th, 1776,

1646
01:31:32,833 --> 01:31:36,916
we are all finally free!

1647
01:31:48,000 --> 01:31:49,666
What about your slaves?

1648
01:31:49,750 --> 01:31:52,416
Oh! Um...

1649
01:31:52,500 --> 01:31:56,916
- I said, what about your slaves?
- Well, see...

1650
01:31:57,000 --> 01:31:58,375
And what about women?

1651
01:31:58,458 --> 01:32:01,291
Will we be granted equality
in your America?

1652
01:32:01,375 --> 01:32:04,250
- Yes, but...
- Sure, right after the Indians.

1653
01:32:04,333 --> 01:32:07,750
Wait a second. I was under the impression
we were getting our land back.

1654
01:32:07,833 --> 01:32:08,833
Good point. Um...

1655
01:32:08,916 --> 01:32:10,791
Oh, hey, can I keep this here machine gun?

1656
01:32:10,875 --> 01:32:13,541
Like, if a Mexican
tries to take my property or something?

1657
01:32:13,625 --> 01:32:15,833
What? You just took this land
from the Indians...

1658
01:32:15,916 --> 01:32:17,583
He was coming for you. I saw it!

1659
01:32:17,666 --> 01:32:20,958
- He just shot him! In the back!
- He was making a move, man. I swear it!

1660
01:32:21,041 --> 01:32:24,583
We're gonna have a fair
and unbiased judicial process, right?

1661
01:32:24,666 --> 01:32:27,041
- Everyone, just calm down!
- Fuck you!

1662
01:32:27,125 --> 01:32:28,541
No, fuck you!

1663
01:32:28,625 --> 01:32:30,791
Hey, I just wanna marry my boyfriend.

1664
01:32:31,458 --> 01:32:32,500
Sinner!

1665
01:32:32,583 --> 01:32:34,875
There's gonna be
comprehensive health care, right?

1666
01:32:36,083 --> 01:32:38,958
Seriously, dude.
What about your slaves?

1667
01:32:39,041 --> 01:32:42,541
Oh, God.
We're gonna fuck this up, aren't we?

1668
01:33:35,541 --> 01:33:38,291
Dagnabbit! I think we missed it, E's.