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00:00:21,233 --> 00:00:24,600
Hello! Hello and welcome!
Thank you very much.

2
00:00:25,533 --> 00:00:27,300
Now, as you know,

3
00:00:27,333 --> 00:00:30,433
the producers on this show
like to give us challenges.

4
00:00:30,467 --> 00:00:33,000
Specifically when they give us
a very small amount of money,

5
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and tell us to buy a used car,

6
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then they set unbelievably
hard tasks to do,

7
00:00:37,533 --> 00:00:40,433
to see which one of us got
the best deal.

8
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Yeah, this week,
for a Top Gear special,

9
00:00:42,367 --> 00:00:44,200
they came up with
a real humdinger.

10
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They gave each
of us 1,500 quid,

11
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and told us to go to Africa...

12
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-...and buy a car.

13
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Yeah, and there were just
two conditions,

14
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it mustn't be
four-wheel drive,

15
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and it mustn't be built
in any way to go off road.

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MAY: The meeting point
was the border post between
Zimbabwe and Botswana,

17
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and, for once,
I was the first to arrive.

18
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Now, as you'd expect,
I've done this properly.

19
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What I've got is a
1985 Mercedes Benz 230E,

20
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a car that Africa
absolutely adores,

21
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because it's comfortable,
it's rugged, it's dependable,

22
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and, frankly, if the other two
have brought anything other

23
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than one of these along,
they're idiots.

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MAY: The first idiot arrived.

25
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Can you open the door?
The handle's broken.

26
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It's a Lancia Beta.

27
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Coupe, 1981!

28
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The only Lancia of any sort
in the whole of Botswana.

29
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It's done 29,000 miles.

30
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MAY: Hmm, one owner, is it?

31
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A little old lady!

32
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And boy, had she ragged it.

33
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MAY:
Yeah, that's normal, isn't it?

34
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That fizzing.

35
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That's, uh...

36
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Yeah...

37
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What's the piece
of cardboard for?
Mopping up moisture?

38
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No, that's because
of the battery...

39
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-Are you sure
it's on the bonnet?
-Sure, it's on the bonnet.

40
00:02:10,900 --> 00:02:13,433
Right, you've done well.

41
00:02:13,467 --> 00:02:15,667
So now what?
Do you want a lift?

42
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We left the Lancia
to cool down, because
Hammond was arriving.

43
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-What the hell is that?
-I don't know.

44
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Could it be Moskovich?

45
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-Opel?
-It's an Opel.

46
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And on the front
it says "Kadett."

47
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Ah!

48
00:02:31,967 --> 00:02:33,167
Yeah!

49
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CLARKSON: What the hell
have you done, man?

50
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It's an Opel Kadett from 1963.

51
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-So that's the same
age as you!
-Same age as me.

52
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Yes, but it's much better
nick than you are.

53
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It was £1200,
I had much changed
with which to buy many beads.

54
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How much more simple
can you get?

55
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It's got two moving parts

56
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and it's been here
for 44 years.

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CLARKSON: I love the speedo.

58
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HAMMOND: I do like
a horizontal speedo.

59
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-I really do!

60
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-CLARKSON: Where's the engine?
-It's there.

61
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MAY: Hang on, where's it?

62
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It's tiny!

63
00:03:02,233 --> 00:03:03,533
Do you want to
know about the power?

64
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Yes, I do.

65
00:03:04,933 --> 00:03:06,200
-Forty.
-Forty?

66
00:03:06,233 --> 00:03:07,467
Forty horsepower.

67
00:03:07,500 --> 00:03:09,167
Yeah, but they did do
a sport version of 48,

68
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but I didn't want
anything too lairy.

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MAY: You've both been idiots.

70
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No!

71
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Brilliantly interesting,
brilliantly stylish,
but stupid!

72
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-Why's mine stupid?
-Because, well...

73
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Where is yours?

74
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A Lancia?

75
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You have been a bit thick.

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CLARKSON: With the cars
at the start line,
it was time for our challenge.

77
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"The people of Surrey
think they need
four-wheel-drive cars,

78
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"because they live up a lane
which sometimes
has leaves on it."

79
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"You will now tend to prove
them wrong by driving
your two-wheel-drive cars,

80
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"from here on
Botswana's eastern
border with Zimbabwe..."

81
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Just there.

82
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"One thousand miles

83
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"to its western border
with Namibia."

84
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That's right across
the spine of Africa.

85
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I'm confident.

86
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CLARKSON: I wasn't.

87
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We hadn't even started,
and the Lancia was playing up.

88
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James chose not to wait.

89
00:04:25,833 --> 00:04:29,500
CLARKSON: He may be
mechanically confident,
but he has just turned right.

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-Which is Zimbabwe.
-Zimbabwe.

91
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Which is where,
I should point out
the BBC is not allowed.

92
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Sorry, sorry, I'm going now.

93
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The Lancia wheezed into life
and Hammond and I,
set off in pursuit.

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HAMMOND:
If you think of the cars
that this inspired,

95
00:04:59,300 --> 00:05:01,267
it was latterly
built in Russia,

96
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where it became the Moskovich,
which was rubbish.

97
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And, of course, indirectly,
the Vauxhall Astra.

98
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Quite a lot of reasonably
average cars

99
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owe themselves to this.

100
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I don't know if you know,
but Africa is quite large,

101
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and when you're out
in a remote part,

102
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you need a car like this,

103
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that can be mended
with a brick
and a piece of string.

104
00:05:25,067 --> 00:05:27,400
CLARKSON:
What you have to remember is
three of the most rugged

105
00:05:27,433 --> 00:05:31,700
and successful rally cars
ever made were Lancias,

106
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the Stratos, the 037
and the Delta Integrale.

107
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Lancia know
how to make a rally car.

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CLARKSON:
Unfortunately, on the day
my Beta Coupe was made,

109
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they obviously
forgot everything.

110
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The gear box is broken,
the steering is broken,

111
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the window's broken.

112
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In fact, we all had problems.

113
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Everything works
except this knob,
which controls the blower.

114
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I've cut all the windows out
because there's quite
a strong smell of petrol.

115
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And that mirror
which is actually
slightly stuck.

116
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Hazard warning lights,
the clock, the fan,
the handbrake,

117
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all of the dials.

118
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The brakes are terrible
cos they only work
on that wheel.

119
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They work very well
on that wheel,
but only on that wheel.

120
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And that instrument
is a bit wobbly,

121
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but apart from that everything
that's actually important
to the car works perfectly,

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apart from the handbrake
which I can pull like this
as we go along.

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HAMMOND: This is just
the happiest car in the world.

124
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I should call it Oliver,
not that we'd ever
name a car on Top Gear.

125
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I wish I hadn't said that.

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CLARKSON: It's now 10:05
in the morning

127
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and it's starting
to get quite hot.

128
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I've got an idea.

129
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Oh, yeah, that's better.

130
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Don't know what that is.

131
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A horn!

132
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Oh, Oliver!
You've got a cold, listen.

133
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HAMMOND: We were having fun,

134
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but then we discovered
we were travelling
with Bill Oddie.

135
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-Why have you got a pen?
-CLARKSON: You tick them off
when you've seen them.

136
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Hornbill,
Southern Yellow-billed.

137
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I'm gonna look at your car.
It's massive!

138
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Don't knock, Oliver.
Don't knock my car.

139
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That's a fine,
he's a fine...

140
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MAY: What did you
call it then?

141
00:07:25,533 --> 00:07:27,067
HAMMOND:
Oliver's a friend of mine

142
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and I thought you were
talking about him.

143
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-He's given it a name.
-He's given his car a name.

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CLARKSON: So far the journey
had been a doddle.

145
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But then the tarmac
just sort of stopped.

146
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Oh, this is bad.

147
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MAY: I can see from here
just how hard the suspension

148
00:07:53,300 --> 00:07:55,200
on Jeremy's Lancia
is having to work.

149
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It's just a blur.

150
00:07:59,233 --> 00:08:01,300
Come on, Oliver. Please!

151
00:08:01,333 --> 00:08:04,800
The later you book a lift
in the Mercedes
the more expensive it gets.

152
00:08:04,833 --> 00:08:06,067
It's a bit like an airline.

153
00:08:06,067 --> 00:08:07,800
Oh, God! Oh!

154
00:08:09,067 --> 00:08:10,300
I've broken it.

155
00:08:10,333 --> 00:08:12,433
Engine isn't working.
It's cut out.

156
00:08:12,467 --> 00:08:13,467
Oh, dear.

157
00:08:13,500 --> 00:08:15,867
He's done literally
one kilometre of this.

158
00:08:15,900 --> 00:08:18,300
-I know what's wrong with it.
-The bonnet won't open.

159
00:08:18,333 --> 00:08:19,567
It's the bonnet catch, it's...

160
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Shut up!

161
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CLARKSON:
Hammond was tetchy because
he knew the price of failure.

162
00:08:23,933 --> 00:08:29,267
Anyone who's car broke down
would have to complete
the journey in a Beetle.

163
00:08:33,667 --> 00:08:36,400
CLARKSON: It is collectively
our least favourite car
in the world.

164
00:08:36,433 --> 00:08:38,300
-Ooh, yes.
-It is the punishment.

165
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Please!

166
00:08:40,500 --> 00:08:41,767
Oh! Hang on! Hang on!

167
00:08:42,733 --> 00:08:43,767
Ooh!

168
00:08:45,767 --> 00:08:47,067
Well done, Oliver!

169
00:08:47,100 --> 00:08:48,267
What did you say?

170
00:08:48,300 --> 00:08:51,067
I said,
"Let's... La, la, I love ya!"

171
00:08:51,067 --> 00:08:53,133
-Oh, my God.
-HAMMOND: What now?

172
00:08:53,167 --> 00:08:56,233
My car's on fire
but in a very specific place.

173
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-MAY: Wow! Look at that.
-It was a magnifying glass?

174
00:08:58,933 --> 00:09:00,633
There's a laser beam
coming through it.

175
00:09:00,667 --> 00:09:01,600
Like you dropped acid on it.

176
00:09:01,633 --> 00:09:03,900
MAY: Oh, his piece
of cardboard's gone.

177
00:09:03,933 --> 00:09:05,633
HAMMOND:
So it sets itself on fire.

178
00:09:05,667 --> 00:09:07,733
MAY: If you don't have
a piece of cardboard.

179
00:09:10,667 --> 00:09:14,267
CLARKSON: We drove
deeper and deeper
into the bush.

180
00:09:16,500 --> 00:09:18,567
-Lancia! Yeah!

181
00:09:21,067 --> 00:09:22,267
What is that?

182
00:09:24,900 --> 00:09:26,300
Looks like the sea.

183
00:09:28,167 --> 00:09:31,200
Eventually the road
disappeared altogether.

184
00:09:36,067 --> 00:09:38,533
People of Surrey,
I hope you're watching this.

185
00:09:39,100 --> 00:09:41,733
We are...

186
00:09:41,767 --> 00:09:44,367
Driving a Lancia Beta Coupe

187
00:09:44,400 --> 00:09:47,067
while just in the middle of...

188
00:09:47,067 --> 00:09:48,633
Whatever you call this.

189
00:09:53,300 --> 00:09:57,533
CLARKSON: The good news was
we'd successfully reached
our campsite for the night.

190
00:09:57,567 --> 00:10:01,300
The bad news came in the shape
of another challenge.

191
00:10:01,333 --> 00:10:04,167
"Stretching before you
is the Makgadikgadi.

192
00:10:06,900 --> 00:10:09,333
"These are the biggest
salt flats in the world,

193
00:10:09,367 --> 00:10:13,700
"almost completely lifeless
and as wide as Portugal.

194
00:10:13,733 --> 00:10:16,600
"No car has ever driven
across them.

195
00:10:16,633 --> 00:10:19,133
"If you run out of water
you will die,

196
00:10:19,167 --> 00:10:23,100
"if your car breaks down
and you can't be rescued
you will die,

197
00:10:23,133 --> 00:10:25,833
"if you run out of food
you will die.

198
00:10:25,867 --> 00:10:27,933
"It's like driving
on a creme brulee.

199
00:10:27,967 --> 00:10:31,833
"There's a primeval ooze
covered with a thin layer
of salty crust.

200
00:10:31,867 --> 00:10:35,133
"If you have thin tyres
you will break through
that crust,

201
00:10:35,167 --> 00:10:37,567
"get stuck and you will die.

202
00:10:37,600 --> 00:10:39,667
"So it advises
to fit fat tyres,

203
00:10:39,700 --> 00:10:43,333
"and remove as much
weight as possible
before setting off."

204
00:10:44,400 --> 00:10:45,867
Well, how hard can it be?

205
00:10:45,900 --> 00:10:47,200
Don't say that!

206
00:10:48,633 --> 00:10:51,433
CLARKSON: In camp,
the weight-shedding began.

207
00:10:51,467 --> 00:10:53,233
-CLARKSON: Ready?

208
00:10:55,133 --> 00:10:56,600
That doesn't work.

209
00:11:01,067 --> 00:11:02,367
Thanks awfully.

210
00:11:02,400 --> 00:11:05,067
Wow, feel how much
this seat weighs.

211
00:11:05,700 --> 00:11:07,100
Like your work.

212
00:11:15,733 --> 00:11:17,133
Argh!

213
00:11:17,167 --> 00:11:20,767
Fuel filler,
I'll need that, maybe.

214
00:11:20,800 --> 00:11:25,533
I don't want to take
the hub caps off really
cause they protect the hubs.

215
00:11:27,967 --> 00:11:29,533
-Can I point something out?
-What?

216
00:11:29,567 --> 00:11:33,800
Hammond's walking round
his car, muttering about
how he needs all of it.

217
00:11:33,833 --> 00:11:35,367
I know exactly
what he's doing.

218
00:11:35,400 --> 00:11:37,500
He's formed
an emotional attachment,
hasn't he?

219
00:11:37,533 --> 00:11:40,633
It'd be like saying to him,
"Could you cut
bits off your wife?"

220
00:11:46,533 --> 00:11:49,200
HAMMOND: The next morning,
on the edge of the salt pans,

221
00:11:49,233 --> 00:11:51,833
we thought we'd come
under attack from
a Bond villain.

222
00:11:51,867 --> 00:11:55,333
But it turned out to be
the vice president
of Botswana.

223
00:11:57,933 --> 00:12:00,633
HAMMOND:
That is a  cool ride.
CLARKSON: Yeah, it is.

224
00:12:00,667 --> 00:12:05,067
Better than an official
Rover 75 and a couple
of policemen on motorbikes.

225
00:12:05,067 --> 00:12:07,867
He was amazed to hear
what was being planned.

226
00:12:07,900 --> 00:12:12,333
I've just never known anybody
to go across in a car.

227
00:12:12,367 --> 00:12:14,900
This'll be the first time,
I think.

228
00:12:14,933 --> 00:12:16,133
There they are.

229
00:12:16,167 --> 00:12:18,067
Oh, really?

230
00:12:18,067 --> 00:12:19,933
-Oh, really?
-Yes.

231
00:12:19,967 --> 00:12:21,433
That should be interesting.

232
00:12:21,467 --> 00:12:23,333
You were smiling.
You've just stopped.

233
00:12:24,833 --> 00:12:28,767
Buoyed by the vice president's
optimism, we set off.

234
00:12:35,900 --> 00:12:39,267
Nothing really prepares you
for the sheer size of these.

235
00:12:43,667 --> 00:12:47,300
MAY: I think, in a way,
that it's more frightening
than the Pole.

236
00:12:47,333 --> 00:12:50,300
There's absolutely nothing.
You can see the curvature
of the Earth.

237
00:12:52,667 --> 00:12:56,667
As we ploughed on,
the little Opel
was going well.

238
00:12:56,700 --> 00:12:59,067
Oliver is just skipping. Boo!

239
00:12:59,733 --> 00:13:02,400
This car was born to do this!

240
00:13:02,433 --> 00:13:04,400
CLARKSON: Sadly though,
despite the weight-shedding,

241
00:13:04,433 --> 00:13:07,833
my Lancia was not doing
so well.

242
00:13:07,867 --> 00:13:12,467
CLARKSON: Judging by the way
the tyres are kind of digging
in as I'm driving along,

243
00:13:12,500 --> 00:13:14,900
I think a little bit more
has to come out.

244
00:13:14,933 --> 00:13:17,200
Still, as you can see
from the tyres' grooves,

245
00:13:17,233 --> 00:13:19,533
I was doing better
than the Merc.

246
00:13:22,067 --> 00:13:23,333
I'm looking at James'
rear wheel

247
00:13:23,367 --> 00:13:25,633
and he is digging in
a long way.

248
00:13:25,667 --> 00:13:27,233
I tried to help him along.

249
00:13:29,967 --> 00:13:31,467
Really helpful.

250
00:13:31,500 --> 00:13:33,867
Well, there's always
the Beetle, James.

251
00:13:33,900 --> 00:13:35,233
It's waiting for you.

252
00:13:38,533 --> 00:13:40,200
HAMMOND:
What are you gonna do?
It's sinking.

253
00:13:40,233 --> 00:13:42,367
We've done... How far is that?
A mile?

254
00:13:44,067 --> 00:13:46,467
CLARKSON: My Lancia
waded in again.

255
00:13:46,500 --> 00:13:48,967
HAMMOND: Just a nudge.
That's a crash.

256
00:13:49,067 --> 00:13:50,533
MAY: There's a thing.

257
00:13:50,567 --> 00:13:54,133
Unfortunately, because it was
an automatic, it was useless.

258
00:13:54,167 --> 00:13:56,600
So, we told Richard to try.

259
00:13:56,633 --> 00:13:59,300
But he didn't want
to hurt Oliver.

260
00:13:59,333 --> 00:14:00,533
HAMMOND: Argh!

261
00:14:03,400 --> 00:14:07,800
This was hopeless, so we had
to rope in the camera crew.

262
00:14:07,833 --> 00:14:09,900
ALL: Three, two, one!

263
00:14:11,900 --> 00:14:13,533
Because the ooze was so bad,

264
00:14:13,567 --> 00:14:17,167
we had to get even
more drastic with
the weight-shedding.

265
00:14:19,967 --> 00:14:21,500
We toiled away for hours.

266
00:14:22,533 --> 00:14:24,100
Da-da! Oh God!

267
00:14:24,867 --> 00:14:26,800
Well, two of us did.

268
00:14:26,833 --> 00:14:29,500
And then, finally,
we were ready.

269
00:14:32,700 --> 00:14:33,933
CLARKSON: Now, this is light.

270
00:14:33,967 --> 00:14:36,633
Lancia Beta Coupe
Superleggera!

271
00:14:42,733 --> 00:14:45,067
Another modification!

272
00:14:46,233 --> 00:14:47,433
This is excellent.

273
00:14:47,467 --> 00:14:49,333
Why don't all cars
have no doors?

274
00:14:51,333 --> 00:14:55,533
When I come to power,
I'm gonna make it a rule,
cos this is just better.

275
00:15:01,133 --> 00:15:04,967
CLARKSON: However,
the Makgadikgadi was not going
to let us off that lightly

276
00:15:05,067 --> 00:15:09,800
and soon even
our super-lightweight cars
started to struggle again.

277
00:15:12,933 --> 00:15:14,733
MAY: Come on, just.

278
00:15:15,233 --> 00:15:16,600
Oh!

279
00:15:16,633 --> 00:15:17,700
Oh, yes.

280
00:15:18,767 --> 00:15:20,567
No, this isn't good.

281
00:15:23,500 --> 00:15:25,667
Oh, no.

282
00:15:25,700 --> 00:15:28,333
HAMMOND: Only the Opel
remained trouble-free,

283
00:15:28,367 --> 00:15:30,600
which was bad news for me.

284
00:15:32,267 --> 00:15:34,333
CLARKSON: Yes! Come on, man!

285
00:15:35,767 --> 00:15:38,167
I'll go forward, Hammond,
then we'll do it again.
Hang on.

286
00:15:38,967 --> 00:15:40,300
How far is it?

287
00:15:40,333 --> 00:15:42,800
Oh, yeah,
another five or six yards
and we might be Bobby.

288
00:15:42,833 --> 00:15:44,600
Oh, this is just horrible!

289
00:15:47,900 --> 00:15:50,333
Keep going, keep going,
keep going!

290
00:15:50,367 --> 00:15:51,533
Yes! Yes!

291
00:15:54,133 --> 00:15:55,500
CLARKSON: No!

292
00:15:55,533 --> 00:15:57,900
James, don't go there.
You'll get stuck.

293
00:15:57,933 --> 00:15:59,167
That's close.

294
00:16:01,933 --> 00:16:03,233
Come on!

295
00:16:04,400 --> 00:16:06,200
MAY: Oh,
permission to say cock.

296
00:16:06,233 --> 00:16:07,967
Can we have everybody?
We'll push it off.

297
00:16:08,067 --> 00:16:10,067
HAMMOND:
We need 100 men or more.

298
00:16:10,067 --> 00:16:11,233
CLARKSON: No.

299
00:16:12,100 --> 00:16:13,700
MAY: This is hopeless.

300
00:16:15,733 --> 00:16:20,800
People of Surrey,
you need four-wheel drive
for this bit.

301
00:16:20,833 --> 00:16:25,633
The gunk was so sticky
it had completely jammed
the Lancia's rear wheels.

302
00:16:27,300 --> 00:16:29,100
I can't describe...

303
00:16:29,133 --> 00:16:30,900
You just think
it's just mud...

304
00:16:30,933 --> 00:16:32,333
Do you know what it is?

305
00:16:32,367 --> 00:16:33,333
CLARKSON: Fish!

306
00:16:33,367 --> 00:16:37,100
It's just rotted,
prehistoric fish.

307
00:16:37,133 --> 00:16:38,567
One, two, three.

308
00:16:41,867 --> 00:16:46,367
Mercifully the ground
eventually hardened
and we made good progress.

309
00:16:46,400 --> 00:16:50,700
But then suddenly the horizon
was no longer flat.

310
00:16:54,800 --> 00:16:56,067
This is interesting.

311
00:16:56,067 --> 00:16:58,533
We're now coming between
what look like islands.

312
00:16:58,567 --> 00:16:59,800
And I suppose they are.

313
00:16:59,833 --> 00:17:02,167
This was a lake,
so they would
have been islands.

314
00:17:02,200 --> 00:17:04,600
Amazing. Absolutely amazing.

315
00:17:16,767 --> 00:17:18,867
HAMMOND: Where are we?

316
00:17:18,900 --> 00:17:20,667
CLARKSON:
It's called Kubu Island.

317
00:17:22,800 --> 00:17:24,367
We're about...

318
00:17:25,233 --> 00:17:27,400
A third of the way across.

319
00:17:27,433 --> 00:17:29,900
And you've been stuck
about a thousand times.

320
00:17:29,933 --> 00:17:31,733
CLARKSON: That is smug.

321
00:17:31,767 --> 00:17:33,200
A Baobab tree.

322
00:17:33,233 --> 00:17:35,300
I've always wanted to see
one of those.

323
00:17:35,333 --> 00:17:37,800
-Hammond, look at this.
-Whoa!

324
00:17:46,567 --> 00:17:50,167
It is just about the most
astonishing place,
I've ever been.

325
00:17:50,200 --> 00:17:52,067
HAMMOND: I'm with you there.

326
00:17:59,433 --> 00:18:03,067
CLARKSON: As the sun set,
we headed for the campsite.

327
00:18:21,067 --> 00:18:22,833
Day two on the salt pans

328
00:18:22,867 --> 00:18:27,400
and we'd been told
that today our problem
would not be mud but dust.

329
00:18:27,433 --> 00:18:31,367
That meant James and I
had to rethink
our wardrobe solutions.

330
00:18:36,933 --> 00:18:39,733
I've teamed up
with a bin liner,

331
00:18:40,533 --> 00:18:41,733
V-necked!

332
00:18:41,767 --> 00:18:45,400
The last time
I wore one of these,
I went to The Clash.

333
00:18:45,433 --> 00:18:47,167
Frankly, I thought it was
all a bit much.

334
00:18:47,200 --> 00:18:49,667
I mean, how bad could
this dust be?

335
00:18:50,867 --> 00:18:53,200
CLARKSON: Ahhh! My eyes!

336
00:18:53,233 --> 00:18:55,533
MAY: Crikey,
I can't even see
Jezzer, already.

337
00:18:57,200 --> 00:19:00,067
Oh, no, no, no, no!

338
00:19:04,600 --> 00:19:07,567
HAMMOND: Meanwhile,
in my unmodified Kadett...

339
00:19:07,600 --> 00:19:09,800
I'm gonna adjust
my quarter light a bit.

340
00:19:09,833 --> 00:19:12,067
Just an inch. That's better.

341
00:19:14,900 --> 00:19:16,100
Oh!

342
00:19:18,067 --> 00:19:20,067
HAMMOND:
I can feel the hate now.

343
00:19:20,067 --> 00:19:21,400
It's nice.

344
00:19:22,233 --> 00:19:24,467
Me khaki's come off.

345
00:19:26,733 --> 00:19:28,267
MAY: Hello?

346
00:19:28,300 --> 00:19:30,167
CLARKSON: James and I
made it through the dust

347
00:19:30,200 --> 00:19:33,067
with our lives
considerably shortened.

348
00:19:34,833 --> 00:19:37,067
I've got consumption and TB.

349
00:19:38,100 --> 00:19:40,600
I've got every single
1920s disease.

350
00:19:42,233 --> 00:19:44,533
And then Lord Smug piped up.

351
00:19:44,567 --> 00:19:47,067
I had to close this,
at one point, back that much,

352
00:19:47,067 --> 00:19:50,333
and then it pulls the air out
and you get fresh air through,
it's nice.

353
00:19:52,100 --> 00:19:54,600
You know what it's like
when someone punches you
really hard in the face?

354
00:19:54,633 --> 00:19:56,567
I do, actually.

355
00:19:56,600 --> 00:19:59,133
CLARKSON: Then the surface
got even worse.

356
00:20:01,267 --> 00:20:03,533
Argh!

357
00:20:03,567 --> 00:20:07,433
It was like we were
descending through
the seven circles of hell.

358
00:20:08,767 --> 00:20:10,100
Oh, no!

359
00:20:19,800 --> 00:20:21,333
I'd assumed it'd be the salts

360
00:20:21,367 --> 00:20:24,300
that would kill
the notoriously
rust-prone Lancia,

361
00:20:24,333 --> 00:20:26,133
but it was the rough going.

362
00:20:26,167 --> 00:20:30,467
Even though it had
now smoothed out again,
the Beta was in a bad way.

363
00:20:30,500 --> 00:20:33,267
-CLARKSON ON RADIO:
I've gone. I've gone.
-Are you conking out?

364
00:20:33,300 --> 00:20:35,367
I've got no power, no drive.

365
00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:37,567
HAMMOND: Do you remember
what the man said, Jeremy?

366
00:20:37,600 --> 00:20:39,833
"Break down and you will..."
What is it? Have a nice time?

367
00:20:39,867 --> 00:20:41,033
No, die.

368
00:20:48,467 --> 00:20:51,533
Well, that's loose,
that's hot.

369
00:20:54,600 --> 00:20:58,433
It is a good job they canted
this engine over by 20 degrees
because that means

370
00:20:58,467 --> 00:21:00,833
it's more inaccessible than
it would otherwise have...

371
00:21:00,867 --> 00:21:02,833
Oh, my God, look at this.

372
00:21:05,067 --> 00:21:06,367
For God's sake.

373
00:21:13,233 --> 00:21:15,933
I gotta say, it has been nice,
the peace,

374
00:21:15,967 --> 00:21:18,067
you know,
not having him around.

375
00:21:20,100 --> 00:21:22,700
I've checked the alternator,
the spark plugs,

376
00:21:22,733 --> 00:21:26,200
the HT leads
and the distributor cap.

377
00:21:26,233 --> 00:21:27,967
Poked around with
the starter solenoid.

378
00:21:28,067 --> 00:21:31,400
There's been faults
with all of them,
but it still isn't going.

379
00:21:31,433 --> 00:21:33,367
I'm not sure which
I favour most here,

380
00:21:33,400 --> 00:21:35,800
certain death or that Beetle.

381
00:21:47,867 --> 00:21:49,433
Argh, come off!

382
00:21:51,767 --> 00:21:53,133
Oh, for God's sake.

383
00:21:56,200 --> 00:21:58,200
I honestly believe
it's had it.

384
00:22:02,667 --> 00:22:04,300
Is my car on the crab?

385
00:22:04,333 --> 00:22:07,133
No, it's tracking true, mate.

386
00:22:07,167 --> 00:22:10,067
He's worried about tracking
and look at it.

387
00:22:10,067 --> 00:22:13,667
HAMMOND: We knew that Jeremy
would eventually catch us up,

388
00:22:13,700 --> 00:22:15,767
but what would he be driving?

389
00:22:18,233 --> 00:22:20,100
I can see something
in the mirrors.

390
00:22:22,067 --> 00:22:23,933
Please let it be a Beetle.

391
00:22:23,967 --> 00:22:25,500
I do hope it's a Beetle.

392
00:22:26,467 --> 00:22:28,333
HAMMOND:
Please let it be a Beetle!

393
00:22:28,367 --> 00:22:30,400
MAY:
Please let it be a Beetle.

394
00:22:35,400 --> 00:22:36,767
I'm back!

395
00:22:36,800 --> 00:22:39,767
Oh, Jeremy, well done.
I'm disa...
Sorry, delighted.

396
00:22:39,800 --> 00:22:41,533
HAMMOND:
You're not in a Beetle!

397
00:22:41,567 --> 00:22:42,633
CLARKSON: Not a Beetle!

398
00:22:42,667 --> 00:22:45,833
A fully-functioning
Lancia Beta Coupe!

399
00:22:45,867 --> 00:22:50,400
HAMMOND: I just wanted
the Beetle to pounce on you
when you were straying behind.

400
00:22:50,433 --> 00:22:52,067
I'm gutted.

401
00:22:52,100 --> 00:22:53,800
Shall we just sandwich him,
James?

402
00:22:53,833 --> 00:22:55,133
No!

403
00:23:08,467 --> 00:23:12,067
HAMMOND: With our convoy
back up to strength,
we pressed on.

404
00:23:12,067 --> 00:23:14,633
Apart from Jeremy being
Bill Oddie occasionally.

405
00:23:14,667 --> 00:23:16,833
CLARKSON: This is where
flamingos breed out here.

406
00:23:16,867 --> 00:23:19,133
HAMMOND:
So that's breeding, is it?

407
00:23:19,167 --> 00:23:20,267
MAY: It's a fossil.

408
00:23:20,300 --> 00:23:22,767
It's not, it only died
about two years ago.

409
00:23:22,800 --> 00:23:25,133
MAY: I was talking about you.
HAMMOND: It's an ex-flamingo.

410
00:23:25,167 --> 00:23:27,600
-Hey, look!
-HAMMOND: What now?

411
00:23:27,633 --> 00:23:30,067
I know what created this.

412
00:23:30,067 --> 00:23:31,633
-Ostrich.
-Yes!

413
00:23:31,667 --> 00:23:33,367
CLARKSON:
Its legs are miles apart.

414
00:23:33,400 --> 00:23:35,533
HAMMOND: That's exactly
how it was walking.

415
00:23:35,567 --> 00:23:39,067
You know David Attenborough's
about to retire?

416
00:23:39,100 --> 00:23:40,833
-Can I just say...
-What?

417
00:23:40,867 --> 00:23:42,600
You look like a gay cowboy,

418
00:23:42,633 --> 00:23:44,433
and you look like
a gay terrorist.

419
00:23:44,467 --> 00:23:47,067
CLARKSON: No,
you look like a terrorist with
a broken windscreen wiper

420
00:23:47,067 --> 00:23:48,733
and your face is ridiculous.

421
00:23:48,767 --> 00:23:51,367
CLARKSON: Then Hammond
started to pick on my car.

422
00:23:51,400 --> 00:23:53,900
-Why haven't you
turned it off?
-It's gathering electricity.

423
00:23:53,933 --> 00:23:56,767
So, if you turn it off
the battery's not going
to start it again.

424
00:23:56,800 --> 00:23:58,100
Turn it off and start it then.

425
00:23:58,133 --> 00:24:00,967
-Yeah, go on.
-Turn it off and start it.

426
00:24:01,067 --> 00:24:03,333
Let's have some
beautiful silence.

427
00:24:03,367 --> 00:24:04,833
-Are you ready?
-Yes.

428
00:24:04,867 --> 00:24:06,400
-Are you ready?
-Yes.

429
00:24:09,367 --> 00:24:10,633
Behold.

430
00:24:14,200 --> 00:24:17,533
-Why did you turn it off?
-Because he said it would...

431
00:24:17,567 --> 00:24:19,400
HAMMOND: Good luck.
Somebody will give
you a jump start.

432
00:24:19,433 --> 00:24:21,767
-It'll be fi... Don't go away.
-Goodbye!

433
00:24:24,967 --> 00:24:28,667
MAY: Annoyingly, Clarkson
got the Lancia going again,

434
00:24:28,700 --> 00:24:31,600
and then we came across
some big birds.

435
00:24:39,600 --> 00:24:40,800
Wow!

436
00:24:42,267 --> 00:24:45,333
And then we saw
even more wildlife.

437
00:24:45,367 --> 00:24:46,400
There's a cow.

438
00:24:47,900 --> 00:24:49,200
Two cows, three cows.

439
00:24:49,967 --> 00:24:51,167
Yes!

440
00:24:51,767 --> 00:24:53,133
We've done it!

441
00:24:53,167 --> 00:24:55,567
CLARKSON: We had crossed
the Makgadikgadi.

442
00:24:56,500 --> 00:24:57,633
Trees!

443
00:24:57,933 --> 00:24:59,367
Life!

444
00:24:59,400 --> 00:25:02,200
HAMMOND: Mate,
did you ever think
that you'd do that?

445
00:25:02,233 --> 00:25:05,333
I'm genuinely proud of him.
I am!

446
00:25:05,367 --> 00:25:07,700
Really, I'm startled
that this,

447
00:25:08,967 --> 00:25:10,267
it isn't a car any more.

448
00:25:10,300 --> 00:25:12,067
Whatever it is, has done it,

449
00:25:12,100 --> 00:25:16,500
with its low-profile tyres
and its low suspension
that's broken.

450
00:25:16,533 --> 00:25:18,800
Personally, I'm absolutely
delighted because I think

451
00:25:18,833 --> 00:25:22,200
the Makgadikgadi is one
of the most unpleasant places
I've ever been.

452
00:25:22,233 --> 00:25:25,133
It's just a big bowl of dust.
Hello, mate.

453
00:25:27,833 --> 00:25:30,933
CLARKSON: Widow Twankey
may have been glad to see
the back of the salt pans,

454
00:25:30,967 --> 00:25:35,233
but despite this they gave us
a startling parting gift.

455
00:25:39,067 --> 00:25:40,800
MAY: That is amazing.

456
00:25:40,833 --> 00:25:42,233
HAMMOND: That's the moon?

457
00:25:42,267 --> 00:25:43,600
CLARKSON:
Yeah, that's the moon.

458
00:25:43,633 --> 00:25:47,067
Because of the dust
from the pans, you get...

459
00:25:47,067 --> 00:25:49,467
HAMMOND: A moonrise.
MAY: And in orange.

460
00:25:49,500 --> 00:25:51,367
I've got goose bumps.

461
00:25:52,300 --> 00:25:54,400
I know a Philip Larkin poem
about the moon.

462
00:25:54,433 --> 00:25:56,600
-Would you like to hear it?
-HAMMOND: No.

463
00:26:00,667 --> 00:26:05,233
CLARKSON: As a new day dawned,
our cars looked like wrecks.

464
00:26:05,267 --> 00:26:08,067
But their ordeal
was far from over.

465
00:26:10,133 --> 00:26:12,300
Yes, we had crossed
the salt pans

466
00:26:12,333 --> 00:26:15,767
but we were still only
a third of the way
across Botswana

467
00:26:15,800 --> 00:26:19,267
and now we were about
to enter the Kalahari.

468
00:26:27,533 --> 00:26:28,667
The Kalahari.

469
00:26:30,300 --> 00:26:31,967
Everyone who comes
to the Kalahari

470
00:26:32,067 --> 00:26:33,967
takes away
a different memory of it.

471
00:26:34,067 --> 00:26:36,467
The savagery, the simplicity,

472
00:26:36,500 --> 00:26:37,867
the vast heat.

473
00:26:37,900 --> 00:26:39,700
Me? I think, bumpiness.

474
00:26:41,200 --> 00:26:42,767
It was as rough as hell

475
00:26:42,800 --> 00:26:45,933
so we were glad
when news came through
that we were to stop

476
00:26:45,967 --> 00:26:47,267
at the next village.

477
00:27:00,100 --> 00:27:02,600
Obviously they recognise
a truly classy car.

478
00:27:06,267 --> 00:27:09,733
What could they possibly
have in mind for us here?

479
00:27:14,733 --> 00:27:16,767
CLARKSON:
It was another challenge.

480
00:27:16,800 --> 00:27:18,700
-Eh, hello?
-Here it is.

481
00:27:20,600 --> 00:27:23,067
"Your cars have travelled far
and suffered much..."

482
00:27:23,067 --> 00:27:24,667
HAMMOND: Yes, they have.

483
00:27:24,700 --> 00:27:27,567
"So we will now discover
how much performance
they've lost

484
00:27:27,600 --> 00:27:32,067
"in a competition
against the clock
on a rally-special stage."

485
00:27:32,067 --> 00:27:33,500
My car never lost
any performance.

486
00:27:33,533 --> 00:27:35,167
-It never had any.
-That's true.

487
00:27:35,200 --> 00:27:38,467
Well, I'm not going to ruin
my Mercedes
just for a few points.

488
00:27:38,500 --> 00:27:41,500
You're right. You're not,
because you're not driving it.

489
00:27:41,533 --> 00:27:42,767
Well, who is?

490
00:27:42,800 --> 00:27:47,167
Some say he's seen
The Lion King 1,780 times

491
00:27:48,733 --> 00:27:53,133
and that his second-best
friend is a Cape buffalo.

492
00:27:53,167 --> 00:27:56,100
All we know
is he's not The Stig

493
00:27:56,133 --> 00:27:59,100
but he is The Stig's
African cousin!

494
00:28:03,567 --> 00:28:04,667
Wow!

495
00:28:11,500 --> 00:28:13,733
CLARKSON: He's protected
the important bits.

496
00:28:15,933 --> 00:28:20,233
HAMMOND: Keen to get going,
the three of us
fired up our engines.

497
00:28:22,500 --> 00:28:24,833
And we drove
to African Stig's rally stage

498
00:28:24,867 --> 00:28:28,633
which was in a dried up
river bed a few miles away

499
00:28:28,667 --> 00:28:30,533
with packed
spectator's stands.

500
00:28:31,833 --> 00:28:33,067
Oliver went first.

501
00:28:33,100 --> 00:28:35,600
-Three, two, one!

502
00:28:36,067 --> 00:28:37,867
-Go!
-Start!

503
00:28:37,900 --> 00:28:39,400
CLARKSON: Three miles an hour.

504
00:28:39,433 --> 00:28:41,433
HAMMOND: Do you know,
when it was new it had 40 hp?

505
00:28:41,467 --> 00:28:44,267
Yeah. If it's lost one a year,
it's at minus four by now.

506
00:28:44,300 --> 00:28:45,633
Minus four by now. Yeah.

507
00:28:45,667 --> 00:28:48,667
CLARKSON: He's going round
the first corner. Hold on.

508
00:28:50,200 --> 00:28:51,667
That was a power slide.

509
00:28:53,067 --> 00:28:54,633
Look at that! It does look...

510
00:28:54,667 --> 00:28:58,933
CLARKSON:
Ridiculous is the word
you're looking for.

511
00:28:58,967 --> 00:29:02,167
CLARKSON: As the Kadett
struggled to get up the hill,
the spectators left.

512
00:29:04,100 --> 00:29:05,667
HAMMOND: Come on,
joggle it, The Stig's cousin.

513
00:29:06,667 --> 00:29:07,933
He's enjoying that.

514
00:29:07,967 --> 00:29:10,733
And one minute, 12 seconds.

515
00:29:10,767 --> 00:29:14,133
That's a good benchmark
for you to try and beat.

516
00:29:14,167 --> 00:29:16,500
MAY: Next up
was the Panzer tank.

517
00:29:16,533 --> 00:29:19,533
-Most powerful,
longest, best tyres.
-HAMMOND: Heaviest. Slowest.

518
00:29:19,567 --> 00:29:20,633
What? Longest?

519
00:29:20,667 --> 00:29:22,567
Longest is good for rallying,
is it?

520
00:29:22,600 --> 00:29:23,733
It is on this, yeah.

521
00:29:23,767 --> 00:29:25,400
So why on loose-surface
rallies,

522
00:29:25,433 --> 00:29:27,467
don't they turn up
with Intercity trains?

523
00:29:27,500 --> 00:29:29,100
-Go!
-Yeah.

524
00:29:30,733 --> 00:29:32,233
CLARKSON: That's the most
ridiculous spectacle

525
00:29:32,267 --> 00:29:33,667
I've ever seen
in my entire life.

526
00:29:33,700 --> 00:29:37,267
A Mercedes with no bonnet,
no front wings, no doors!

527
00:29:37,300 --> 00:29:40,933
MAY: In the hands
of African Stig though,
it was flying!

528
00:29:40,967 --> 00:29:45,367
MAY: That is the latest
in a long line of pedigree
Mercedes-Benz sports cars.

529
00:29:45,400 --> 00:29:49,200
CLARKSON: There's never been
a Mercedes rally car.

530
00:29:49,233 --> 00:29:53,467
HAMMOND: Ah, yours is flying
up the hill, mate.
Look at it go!

531
00:29:53,500 --> 00:29:55,800
You wait till you see,
the Lancia will dance
through there.

532
00:29:57,533 --> 00:30:01,600
MAY: Oh, yes. Lovely.
HAMMOND: Oh!
It's out of control, man!

533
00:30:01,633 --> 00:30:03,633
CLARKSON: That's a big slide!

534
00:30:08,067 --> 00:30:10,733
-One minute, six.
-I'll just do my ancient...

535
00:30:10,767 --> 00:30:12,900
HAMMOND: I hate you gloating.
CLARKSON: Let him do it.

536
00:30:12,933 --> 00:30:15,167
It's like winning
a semi final.

537
00:30:15,200 --> 00:30:17,267
CLARKSON:
Time now to put James
in his place

538
00:30:17,300 --> 00:30:20,000
because the Lancia
was on home turf

539
00:30:20,033 --> 00:30:22,067
with its rally pedigree.

540
00:30:22,100 --> 00:30:24,933
Stratos 037... What?

541
00:30:28,333 --> 00:30:30,467
HAMMOND: That's not dust,
it's on fire!

542
00:30:30,500 --> 00:30:32,500
Shut it down.
Can you turn it off?

543
00:30:35,500 --> 00:30:39,200
-HAMMOND: Look at it all!

544
00:30:39,233 --> 00:30:42,300
MAY: Stopwatch still running.
45 seconds.

545
00:30:43,200 --> 00:30:45,600
-We'll replace the seal.
-Yeah.

546
00:30:45,633 --> 00:30:49,300
And then,
when it's cooled down a bit,
he'll be able to do the lap.

547
00:30:49,333 --> 00:30:51,100
You'll have difficulty,
though. He's off.

548
00:30:53,400 --> 00:30:55,800
And maybe he's started.
Maybe... Start the stopwatch.

549
00:30:55,833 --> 00:30:59,033
I think he was in a hurry
so he decided
not to take your car.

550
00:30:59,067 --> 00:31:00,467
-Hey, Jeremy.
-What?

551
00:31:00,500 --> 00:31:02,333
You're right, though.
Your engine. It's canted.

552
00:31:04,300 --> 00:31:07,933
MAY: The next day
in the centre of Maun,
we got our next challenge.

553
00:31:07,967 --> 00:31:09,200
-Ah.
-This is it.

554
00:31:09,233 --> 00:31:10,833
The glittering
golden envelope.

555
00:31:10,867 --> 00:31:13,167
"You will drive your cars
to Namibia

556
00:31:13,200 --> 00:31:15,333
"through the Okavango Delta."

557
00:31:15,367 --> 00:31:18,233
That's... That's the really
big wildlife place.

558
00:31:18,267 --> 00:31:20,667
"In the Okavango,
you will encounter
many deadly animals,

559
00:31:20,700 --> 00:31:24,100
"including lions, leopards,
cheetahs, hyenas,

560
00:31:24,133 --> 00:31:28,067
"wild dogs, hippos,
black rhino and crocodile.

561
00:31:28,067 --> 00:31:31,533
"Bird, snakes,
shield-nose snakes,
puff adders,

562
00:31:31,567 --> 00:31:34,700
"boomslang, cape cobras,
banded cobras,

563
00:31:34,733 --> 00:31:38,333
"black mambas, black widows
and thick-tailed scorpions."

564
00:31:39,400 --> 00:31:40,767
What about the honey badger?

565
00:31:40,800 --> 00:31:42,333
-The what?
-Honey badger.

566
00:31:42,367 --> 00:31:44,467
That's the least scary
sounding animal in the world.

567
00:31:44,500 --> 00:31:46,600
A honey badger does not
kill you to eat you,

568
00:31:46,633 --> 00:31:48,867
it tears off your testicles.

569
00:31:48,900 --> 00:31:50,067
It does not!

570
00:31:50,067 --> 00:31:51,567
MAY: Why's it called
a honey badger?

571
00:31:51,600 --> 00:31:53,333
Maybe because that's what's
made it angry.

572
00:31:53,367 --> 00:31:55,467
HAMMOND: Why isn't it called
the badger of death?

573
00:31:55,500 --> 00:31:57,233
MAY: In order
to protect ourselves

574
00:31:57,267 --> 00:31:59,167
from the lions
and the honey badgers,

575
00:31:59,200 --> 00:32:02,467
Jeremy and I would have
to rebuild our cars.

576
00:32:02,500 --> 00:32:05,533
But because we'd left
all the bits on the other side
of the salt pans,

577
00:32:05,567 --> 00:32:08,467
we had to use
whatever we could find.

578
00:32:08,500 --> 00:32:09,967
Could a lion eat this?

579
00:32:11,333 --> 00:32:15,067
Who do I see about the, erm,
corrugated metal?

580
00:32:15,067 --> 00:32:17,767
-Suppose I better practise,
at least, my lion drill.

581
00:32:17,800 --> 00:32:20,800
Oh, no! There's a lion coming!
Ah! What shall I...

582
00:32:20,833 --> 00:32:23,167
That. Oliver will protect me.

583
00:32:28,867 --> 00:32:31,733
CLARKSON: Because Mercedes
were very popular in Africa,

584
00:32:31,767 --> 00:32:36,400
James soon found a spare door
and boot lid for his car.

585
00:32:40,333 --> 00:32:42,567
And while
he was looking for more bits,

586
00:32:42,600 --> 00:32:45,200
-I hatched a plan.

587
00:32:45,233 --> 00:32:47,400
Look what I've got.

588
00:32:47,433 --> 00:32:50,300
HAMMOND: That's a cow's head.
CLARKSON: Yeah.

589
00:32:50,333 --> 00:32:51,833
CLARKSON: Now,
this will attract flies

590
00:32:51,867 --> 00:32:54,167
-which will make
his life unpleasant.
-Yes. Yes.

591
00:32:54,200 --> 00:32:56,933
It will also attract
lions, tigers.

592
00:32:56,967 --> 00:33:01,067
-He effectively becomes
a burger van driving through.

593
00:33:01,100 --> 00:33:03,267
HAMMOND: And to make sure
the lions didn't miss...

594
00:33:03,300 --> 00:33:06,100
-HAMMOND: Oh, yeah!
That's a whopper!
-That's a good piece.

595
00:33:09,233 --> 00:33:11,067
Oh, yeah, under the seat.

596
00:33:11,100 --> 00:33:14,767
-And the smell...
-Ooh! The smell will really...
That will be beautiful.

597
00:33:14,800 --> 00:33:18,200
We also attached a cowbell
to the underside of his car.

598
00:33:18,233 --> 00:33:22,133
But while we were doing this,
he was making merry
with the paint.

599
00:33:26,100 --> 00:33:30,700
That afternoon, we left Maun
and headed north
to the Okavango Delta.

600
00:33:33,500 --> 00:33:36,467
CLARKSON: Right.
My car now has been readied.

601
00:33:36,500 --> 00:33:38,100
As you can see,
I have a wooden door here.

602
00:33:38,133 --> 00:33:41,767
It's a gull-wing,
so I can get in and out,
obviously.

603
00:33:43,567 --> 00:33:46,067
God, this is like being
in an allotment shed.

604
00:33:47,800 --> 00:33:49,367
On a very windy day.

605
00:33:49,400 --> 00:33:51,500
On the left,
I have all the cans

606
00:33:51,533 --> 00:33:53,233
that were in the car
for the last few days,

607
00:33:53,267 --> 00:33:54,833
they've been arranged.

608
00:33:54,867 --> 00:33:56,667
And the piece de resistance.

609
00:33:56,700 --> 00:33:58,133
Badgers go away.

610
00:34:05,667 --> 00:34:06,900
I am the road warrior.

611
00:34:08,933 --> 00:34:10,167
Mad Jeremy.

612
00:34:12,600 --> 00:34:14,067
It's a police car.

613
00:34:21,600 --> 00:34:24,900
Can anybody else
smell burning,
or is it my car?

614
00:34:24,933 --> 00:34:26,833
Is it like a barbecue smell?

615
00:34:29,067 --> 00:34:30,400
MAY: As we went
through the gates

616
00:34:30,433 --> 00:34:33,100
and into the game reserve,
the road changed again.

617
00:34:33,633 --> 00:34:35,067
For the worse.

618
00:34:35,767 --> 00:34:37,200
This is new. Very soft sand.

619
00:34:39,933 --> 00:34:41,467
MAY: To stop our cars
bogging down,

620
00:34:41,500 --> 00:34:44,567
we had to drive
as fast as possible.

621
00:34:44,600 --> 00:34:47,400
We had ourselves
another rally stage.

622
00:34:52,567 --> 00:34:55,067
MAY: Amazingly, even Jeremy
had his work cut out

623
00:34:55,100 --> 00:34:57,300
keeping up with the Opel.

624
00:34:59,067 --> 00:35:00,767
Hammond's car
just looks so composed.

625
00:35:00,800 --> 00:35:06,067
I'm developing
this irrational hatred
of him and it.

626
00:35:06,067 --> 00:35:09,067
This is such a good game!

627
00:35:09,100 --> 00:35:10,633
CLARKSON: Eventually
he was slowed down

628
00:35:10,667 --> 00:35:13,467
by a bridge
over the river Khwai.

629
00:35:17,833 --> 00:35:21,500
CLARKSON: The rally stage
had taken its toll
on one of the cars,

630
00:35:21,533 --> 00:35:22,767
take a guess which one.

631
00:35:22,800 --> 00:35:25,067
CLARKSON: I'm in a car
which as you can
probably hear,

632
00:35:25,100 --> 00:35:27,333
has got a throttle
that's jammed wide open

633
00:35:27,367 --> 00:35:29,067
and I can't hold it
on the brakes.

634
00:35:29,100 --> 00:35:30,300
Hammond, move!

635
00:35:30,333 --> 00:35:32,633
You're gonna have to go faster
or I'll hit you.

636
00:35:32,667 --> 00:35:34,067
-What?

637
00:35:34,800 --> 00:35:35,967
Oh, God!

638
00:35:36,067 --> 00:35:38,600
Thanks! Well, help yourself
to my brakes, why not?

639
00:35:38,633 --> 00:35:40,667
-I've lost a skull.
-Monkeys.

640
00:35:40,700 --> 00:35:42,567
-CLARKSON:
I'm sorry, I can't...

641
00:35:44,467 --> 00:35:45,800
CLARKSON: Whoa!

642
00:35:47,733 --> 00:35:49,200
Just hear the throttle.
That's tick-over.

643
00:35:49,233 --> 00:35:50,667
Look, my leg's not on it.

644
00:35:53,467 --> 00:35:55,300
CLARKSON:
Having bodged my throttle,

645
00:35:55,333 --> 00:35:58,067
we headed deeper
into the Okavango.

646
00:36:00,867 --> 00:36:03,867
MAY: Front, 12:00, 1:00. One.

647
00:36:03,900 --> 00:36:05,800
CLARKSON: This is where
wildlife cameramen

648
00:36:05,833 --> 00:36:08,767
come to make a name
for themselves
with David Attenborough.

649
00:36:08,800 --> 00:36:13,167
But unfortunately,
our film crew
are best, really, with cars.

650
00:36:13,200 --> 00:36:15,233
MAY: A giraffe on the right.

651
00:36:15,267 --> 00:36:17,167
There, the big thing.

652
00:36:19,833 --> 00:36:22,533
If we ever do
a programme called
The Back End of an Animal...

653
00:36:22,567 --> 00:36:24,667
CLARKSON ON RADIO:
These are the boys to hire.

654
00:36:24,700 --> 00:36:26,833
This week on Too Late To Look.

655
00:36:26,867 --> 00:36:30,233
HAMMOND: Baboon
on the left with animals,
with a baby on its back.

656
00:36:30,267 --> 00:36:32,800
CLARKSON:
To give our crew a chance,
we stopped,

657
00:36:32,833 --> 00:36:36,333
and discovered that
we weren't much good
at animals either.

658
00:36:37,133 --> 00:36:39,200
-Wow, look! Look!
-MAY: Where?

659
00:36:39,233 --> 00:36:41,167
-A hippo's head.
-Oh, it is.

660
00:36:41,200 --> 00:36:42,567
MAY: It's probably
a whole hippo.

661
00:36:42,600 --> 00:36:44,133
The rest of him's
under the water.

662
00:36:45,867 --> 00:36:48,267
What does a hippo do
just before
it's about to attack?

663
00:36:48,300 --> 00:36:50,067
-Opens its mouth.
-Opens its mouth.

664
00:36:50,067 --> 00:36:53,533
It can open its jaw.
There's a thing it can do.

665
00:36:53,567 --> 00:36:57,067
MAY: Ah, look!
Ah, look at that.

666
00:36:57,067 --> 00:36:58,833
CLARKSON:
They've stopped for a drink,

667
00:36:58,867 --> 00:37:03,133
using their noses
to shovel water
into their mouths.

668
00:37:03,167 --> 00:37:05,400
HAMMOND: Jeremy,
that's a rubbish commentary.

669
00:37:05,433 --> 00:37:07,100
HAMMOND: James took over.

670
00:37:07,133 --> 00:37:09,467
MAY: That one's lifting
its paw up a bit like
a dog does.

671
00:37:09,500 --> 00:37:10,533
CLARKSON: Paw!

672
00:37:10,567 --> 00:37:13,067
-Hoof, foot,
whatever you call it.
-HAMMOND: Hoof?

673
00:37:14,167 --> 00:37:15,933
What is it on an elephant?
It's amazing.

674
00:37:15,967 --> 00:37:20,533
There's a man over there
with the best comb-over
I have ever seen in my life.

675
00:37:22,500 --> 00:37:23,733
MAY: That is...

676
00:37:25,667 --> 00:37:28,633
MAY: He's got four partings
as a result of that,
can you see?

677
00:37:29,800 --> 00:37:32,300
Why don't...
You're bald, live with it.

678
00:37:32,333 --> 00:37:36,200
CLARKSON: Oops, he caught me
looking at him.

679
00:37:36,233 --> 00:37:38,533
I was looking
through binoculars.

680
00:37:38,567 --> 00:37:41,300
I was looking at the
elephants really, I was.

681
00:37:41,333 --> 00:37:43,933
MAY:
Look at that sun now, boys.

682
00:37:43,967 --> 00:37:46,067
CLARKSON: Elephants, rally
special stage.

683
00:37:46,067 --> 00:37:47,600
Best comb-over
I've ever seen.

684
00:37:47,633 --> 00:37:48,800
Everything's here.

685
00:38:02,300 --> 00:38:03,933
HAMMOND:
We camped by the river,

686
00:38:03,967 --> 00:38:07,500
and while James
serviced his car,
I hatched a plan.

687
00:38:07,533 --> 00:38:10,300
Jeremy! Jeremy!

688
00:38:10,333 --> 00:38:13,633
Jeremy!
Quick, come here. Come here.

689
00:38:13,667 --> 00:38:15,133
CLARKSON: It's the cow's head.

690
00:38:15,167 --> 00:38:17,733
Yeah. It wasn't
working in the boot
but I've had a better idea.

691
00:38:17,767 --> 00:38:18,900
-What?
-Tent.

692
00:38:18,933 --> 00:38:20,700
-His tent?
-Yeah.

693
00:38:20,733 --> 00:38:22,700
CLARKSON: Love your thinking.
HAMMOND: It's the second one
from the right.

694
00:38:22,733 --> 00:38:24,767
You find it. That's his.

695
00:38:24,800 --> 00:38:26,467
CLARKSON: In, in, in!

696
00:38:26,500 --> 00:38:28,967
-Put it under his bed.

697
00:38:29,067 --> 00:38:31,067
-Shh.
-What?

698
00:38:31,067 --> 00:38:33,067
-HAMMOND: What's that?

699
00:38:33,067 --> 00:38:35,467
-CLARKSON: It was a hippo.

700
00:38:35,500 --> 00:38:37,100
-What?
-Close?

701
00:38:38,633 --> 00:38:40,167
There's a very big hippo.

702
00:38:41,467 --> 00:38:43,600
HAMMOND: Oh, my God,
look at that.

703
00:38:43,633 --> 00:38:45,700
CLARKSON: Hippos spend
all day in the water,

704
00:38:45,733 --> 00:38:48,200
and then they come out
at night because...

705
00:38:48,233 --> 00:38:50,133
I can't remember why.

706
00:38:50,167 --> 00:38:51,867
HAMMOND: Well, thank you.
That's useful.

707
00:38:51,900 --> 00:38:54,400
What's that?

708
00:38:54,433 --> 00:38:56,267
HAMMOND: Oh, brilliant! Look!

709
00:38:56,300 --> 00:39:01,200
CLARKSON: Do you wanna go
out there with a hippopotamus?

710
00:39:01,233 --> 00:39:03,533
Or do you want to stay
in here with a horse's head?

711
00:39:03,567 --> 00:39:05,467
HAMMOND: That's not a question
that's ever been asked.

712
00:39:05,500 --> 00:39:07,533
CLARKSON:
It's not a horse either,
it's a cow!

713
00:39:07,567 --> 00:39:09,400
HAMMOND: Um, hang on.

714
00:39:09,433 --> 00:39:11,800
That's my bag in James's...

715
00:39:11,833 --> 00:39:13,233
This is my tent!

716
00:39:13,267 --> 00:39:16,067
-HAMMOND: Oh, man! Get it out!

717
00:39:18,733 --> 00:39:21,100
CLARKSON: Our starting point
at the Zimbabwe border

718
00:39:21,133 --> 00:39:23,400
felt like it was
in another time zone.

719
00:39:23,433 --> 00:39:26,567
But still there were
many miles of delta to cover,

720
00:39:26,600 --> 00:39:30,067
and our cars
were in a really bad way.

721
00:39:31,567 --> 00:39:33,767
CLARKSON: The bush mechanic
we have on the team

722
00:39:33,800 --> 00:39:37,967
took two cubic feet of sand
out of my carburettor
last night

723
00:39:38,067 --> 00:39:41,833
and asked if I wouldn't mind
driving a little bit
more slowly today.

724
00:39:43,733 --> 00:39:45,400
James's cowbell!

725
00:39:47,567 --> 00:39:49,600
CLARKSON: Our ordinary
second-hand road cars

726
00:39:49,633 --> 00:39:52,633
were getting more and more
out of their depth.

727
00:39:52,667 --> 00:39:55,900
CLARKSON: This is proper
off-roading now.

728
00:39:55,933 --> 00:39:58,500
Men in camouflage trousers
in Wales

729
00:39:58,533 --> 00:40:00,867
who like murdering people
at weekends

730
00:40:00,900 --> 00:40:02,700
would say
this was tough-going.

731
00:40:02,733 --> 00:40:05,533
It was a whole...
Oh!

732
00:40:05,567 --> 00:40:08,367
-What is it? It's like iron.
-CLARKSON: It's a tree root.

733
00:40:08,400 --> 00:40:10,800
I think I've bent
my steering rack a bit.

734
00:40:12,933 --> 00:40:14,133
Wow!

735
00:40:16,067 --> 00:40:18,500
MAY: Wow, there is an elephant
right there.

736
00:40:19,367 --> 00:40:20,767
A door down.

737
00:40:22,067 --> 00:40:24,633
'Cause that would
stop an elephant.

738
00:40:26,067 --> 00:40:28,000
MAY: Soon our route
was blocked by a river,

739
00:40:28,033 --> 00:40:31,667
and what you're supposed to do
is wade in to check the depth.

740
00:40:33,267 --> 00:40:34,900
Right.

741
00:40:34,933 --> 00:40:38,367
CLARKSON:
James went first and I said
I'd watch for crocodiles.

742
00:40:39,933 --> 00:40:42,600
Oh, I say!
There's a ground hornbill
over there.

743
00:40:42,633 --> 00:40:44,200
It's getting deeper!

744
00:40:44,233 --> 00:40:45,833
CLARKSON:
Oh, hang on a minute!

745
00:40:45,867 --> 00:40:47,033
Permission to say cock.

746
00:40:48,467 --> 00:40:49,633
It's coming in!

747
00:40:50,633 --> 00:40:52,933
CLARKSON:
Thunderbird One to the rescue!

748
00:40:52,967 --> 00:40:55,233
MAY ON RADIO: Come on,
I'm sinking by the boughs.

749
00:40:55,600 --> 00:40:56,733
Coming.

750
00:40:59,533 --> 00:41:01,733
Oh, no!

751
00:41:01,767 --> 00:41:03,067
I can't help you!

752
00:41:03,067 --> 00:41:04,267
Come on!

753
00:41:04,300 --> 00:41:07,200
CLARKSON: James,
I'm in a low-slung sports car!

754
00:41:07,233 --> 00:41:09,067
MAY: I'm going down!

755
00:41:10,900 --> 00:41:12,533
That's good. Yes!

756
00:41:12,567 --> 00:41:15,067
CLARKSON: I've got water
coming into my car!

757
00:41:16,967 --> 00:41:19,400
Oh, God!
I've got a wet bottom!

758
00:41:20,100 --> 00:41:21,733
We're through!

759
00:41:23,400 --> 00:41:25,167
CLARKSON:
Both our cars were flooded

760
00:41:25,200 --> 00:41:28,200
but our guides
weren't bothered at all.

761
00:41:28,233 --> 00:41:32,100
People of Surrey,
if this happens to you,
you get water in the footwell

762
00:41:32,133 --> 00:41:34,133
and you need to drain it out,
you need a hole,

763
00:41:34,167 --> 00:41:36,900
well, the people of Botswana
have a tip for you.

764
00:41:49,533 --> 00:41:51,567
HAMMOND:
Meanwhile, using patience,

765
00:41:51,600 --> 00:41:53,167
I'd found
a proper crossing point.

766
00:41:55,567 --> 00:41:58,233
There is a technique
to fording rivers.

767
00:41:58,267 --> 00:42:00,733
Even on a proper ford
like this.

768
00:42:00,767 --> 00:42:02,067
You've gotta keep
enough speed up

769
00:42:02,100 --> 00:42:04,067
to you push a bow wave
like that.

770
00:42:04,100 --> 00:42:05,967
Then you use whatever
power you've got
in the engine.

771
00:42:06,067 --> 00:42:07,767
Come on, come on, come on.

772
00:42:07,800 --> 00:42:09,500
Oh, my... No!

773
00:42:11,767 --> 00:42:13,167
Oh, God!

774
00:42:15,200 --> 00:42:18,233
He stalled! He's going down!

775
00:42:18,267 --> 00:42:20,500
I can't open the door! Oh!

776
00:42:22,600 --> 00:42:24,167
Oh, God!

777
00:42:34,133 --> 00:42:36,367
Please! Come out!

778
00:42:36,400 --> 00:42:39,700
Come on! Float! Float! Float!

779
00:42:40,767 --> 00:42:42,267
Oliver!

780
00:42:44,600 --> 00:42:46,833
Hammond, how's it going?

781
00:42:46,867 --> 00:42:49,133
Well, I got a bit of water
in him.

782
00:42:49,167 --> 00:42:51,067
CLARKSON ON RADIO:
We did as well,
but it doesn't matter.

783
00:42:51,100 --> 00:42:52,600
Using rifles,
we shot the cars

784
00:42:52,633 --> 00:42:55,700
and the water's all
drained out. It's brilliant.

785
00:42:55,733 --> 00:42:56,867
Good.

786
00:42:58,267 --> 00:43:00,400
I might need the rifle.

787
00:43:01,800 --> 00:43:04,333
HAMMOND:
As a local tourist truck
pulled me out,

788
00:43:04,367 --> 00:43:07,267
the laughing hyenas arrived.

789
00:43:10,867 --> 00:43:12,600
May gave his diagnosis.

790
00:43:12,633 --> 00:43:14,133
MAY: Oh, mate.

791
00:43:14,167 --> 00:43:16,767
Starting from the top,
the battery's probably
pretty knackered,

792
00:43:16,800 --> 00:43:18,700
and then the carburettor
will be flooded.

793
00:43:18,733 --> 00:43:20,067
Mmm, very.

794
00:43:20,067 --> 00:43:23,233
And then working down,
the distributor cap
will be full of water.

795
00:43:23,267 --> 00:43:26,067
The engine itself,
I mean, if a bit of water
went into the cylinders,

796
00:43:26,100 --> 00:43:27,800
you might've compressed it
and broken something.

797
00:43:27,833 --> 00:43:30,900
-The oil will be ruined.
-I know all this.
I can fix him.

798
00:43:30,933 --> 00:43:32,633
You are going
to try and mend this?

799
00:43:32,667 --> 00:43:34,500
If you'd leave me to it, yeah.

800
00:43:34,533 --> 00:43:36,067
CLARKSON: So we did.

801
00:43:47,800 --> 00:43:49,933
Oh, that's harsh.

802
00:43:49,967 --> 00:43:51,533
That is quite harsh but go on.

803
00:43:51,567 --> 00:43:54,567

you've had enough...

804
00:43:58,767 --> 00:44:00,367
Oh, he'll like this one.

805
00:44:00,400 --> 00:44:02,567


806
00:44:03,833 --> 00:44:07,500


807
00:44:09,800 --> 00:44:13,500
CLARKSON: Unfortunately,
you can only give a man
so much sympathy.

808
00:44:13,533 --> 00:44:16,233
So James and I
went ahead to make camp.

809
00:44:20,533 --> 00:44:22,300
Hammond knew
that in the morning,

810
00:44:22,333 --> 00:44:24,867
if his beloved Oliver
wasn't fixed,

811
00:44:24,900 --> 00:44:26,700
he'd have to leave him behind.

812
00:44:26,733 --> 00:44:30,300
So he got our bush mechanic
to bring the generator down.

813
00:44:32,267 --> 00:44:34,267
And worked on
through the night.

814
00:44:46,100 --> 00:44:47,700
Morning came.

815
00:44:47,733 --> 00:44:49,233
And still no Hammond.

816
00:44:49,267 --> 00:44:52,067
I'm knackered today.

817
00:44:52,067 --> 00:44:54,200
I mean, I'm feeling quite
like an explorer.

818
00:44:57,267 --> 00:44:58,533
Is that Hammond?

819
00:44:58,567 --> 00:45:01,067
Is it a Beetle,
more to the point?

820
00:45:09,433 --> 00:45:10,567
No way.

821
00:45:14,500 --> 00:45:16,267
-No way.

822
00:45:16,300 --> 00:45:18,533
Oh, yeah! Yeah, he's back.

823
00:45:19,733 --> 00:45:21,100
Ah!

824
00:45:23,067 --> 00:45:26,267
And here's the best thing.
Do you remember the horn
which was rubbish?

825
00:45:28,700 --> 00:45:30,067
It's excellent.

826
00:45:31,967 --> 00:45:35,133
-Is that technically possible?
-Probably not.

827
00:45:35,167 --> 00:45:38,167
In 47 years,
I've never been speechless.

828
00:45:41,067 --> 00:45:43,400
CLARKSON: With all the cars
defying all the odds,

829
00:45:43,433 --> 00:45:46,267
we began our final push
to the border.

830
00:45:48,700 --> 00:45:52,400
MAY: My car is working
perfectly, as usual.

831
00:45:52,433 --> 00:45:55,067
I've got no brakes,
the pedal goes straight
to the floor

832
00:45:55,100 --> 00:45:56,400
and I have
to de-clutch to stop,

833
00:45:56,433 --> 00:45:58,167
so I just tread
on my own foot.

834
00:45:58,200 --> 00:46:00,133
So I'm using
the handbrake. Ha!

835
00:46:00,167 --> 00:46:01,800
CLARKSON:
The Lancia could beat that.

836
00:46:01,833 --> 00:46:04,533
Every time I brake,
it spears off to the right

837
00:46:04,567 --> 00:46:07,400
and I'm unable to steer left
to correct that.

838
00:46:07,433 --> 00:46:09,633
This has now gone
from being a nuisance

839
00:46:09,667 --> 00:46:11,667
to being downright dangerous.

840
00:46:13,200 --> 00:46:15,333
MAY: We soon reached the end
of the Okavango,

841
00:46:15,367 --> 00:46:18,600
so we pulled over to remove
the animal protection.

842
00:46:18,633 --> 00:46:20,367
And then, guess what?

843
00:46:20,400 --> 00:46:23,967
The Lancia simply
would not get going again.

844
00:46:24,067 --> 00:46:25,967
It now won't start
because the starter solenoid

845
00:46:26,067 --> 00:46:27,533
has chosen
this moment to pack up.

846
00:46:27,567 --> 00:46:31,800
But when it was running,
it wouldn't move off
in any of the gears.

847
00:46:31,833 --> 00:46:34,133
It was just that last 60k.

848
00:46:34,167 --> 00:46:36,900
It had that feel of a car
that was dying.

849
00:46:36,933 --> 00:46:40,467
CLARKSON:
Richard actually sympathised
because he'd been there.

850
00:46:40,500 --> 00:46:41,600
As for James?

851
00:46:42,333 --> 00:46:43,533
Beetle.

852
00:46:46,133 --> 00:46:48,200
I'm not gonna give up.
I'll push it.

853
00:46:50,467 --> 00:46:51,867
Is this a good time
to acknowledge

854
00:46:51,900 --> 00:46:54,067
that mine is the only one
that has worked consistently?

855
00:46:54,067 --> 00:46:55,267
No.

856
00:46:57,733 --> 00:47:00,467
This is worrying.
I need to be home by Saturday.

857
00:47:00,500 --> 00:47:02,933
I've been invited
to a Beetle drive.

858
00:47:02,967 --> 00:47:06,300
CLARKSON:
The entire crew was working
on the stricken Beta.

859
00:47:06,333 --> 00:47:10,100
Until we were rewarded
with the most glorious sound
in the world.

860
00:47:11,600 --> 00:47:12,833
Life.

861
00:47:12,867 --> 00:47:14,467
It lives!

862
00:47:14,500 --> 00:47:16,067
It lives!

863
00:47:16,833 --> 00:47:19,500
I got a whole 100 yards.

864
00:47:19,533 --> 00:47:22,233
-Oh, I'm not stuck.

865
00:47:22,267 --> 00:47:24,733
My idle speed's not good.

866
00:47:24,767 --> 00:47:28,067
-Bye, everybody! I can't stop!

867
00:47:28,067 --> 00:47:30,233
Please! Please!

868
00:47:31,800 --> 00:47:33,533
HAMMOND:
Soon we hit the tarmac

869
00:47:33,567 --> 00:47:36,233
and we started
to taste the hope.

870
00:47:41,700 --> 00:47:42,733
Just 20 miles,

871
00:47:42,767 --> 00:47:45,067
you can do that,
you've crossed Botswana.

872
00:47:45,067 --> 00:47:48,467
Now I'm stuck in second
but second will do.

873
00:47:48,500 --> 00:47:52,067
Obviously, mine would keep
going to the other side
of the whole continent

874
00:47:52,100 --> 00:47:53,567
but, you know.

875
00:47:53,600 --> 00:47:55,333
Come on, 10 miles, please!

876
00:47:56,933 --> 00:48:00,833
HAMMOND: Then something really
surprising happened.

877
00:48:00,867 --> 00:48:02,167
Oh, no. Not now.

878
00:48:03,533 --> 00:48:05,333
Please!

879
00:48:05,367 --> 00:48:10,267
CLARKSON: Because the Lancia
had been such a problem child,
everyone was fed up with it.

880
00:48:10,300 --> 00:48:13,767
Only two of the crew
stayed behind to help.

881
00:48:13,800 --> 00:48:15,900
Carburettor's gone.

882
00:48:15,933 --> 00:48:18,633
Even if we can get that fixed,
the starter motor is gone.

883
00:48:18,667 --> 00:48:20,567
We've put it into gear,
it goes into third

884
00:48:20,600 --> 00:48:22,067
and then that just
stalls the engine.

885
00:48:22,067 --> 00:48:23,500
And then you're back
to square one again.

886
00:48:24,900 --> 00:48:27,533
MAY: The border was just
five miles away.

887
00:48:27,567 --> 00:48:29,233
MAY: Well, there you go,
this is an object lesson

888
00:48:29,267 --> 00:48:31,100
for the owners
of old cars everywhere.

889
00:48:31,133 --> 00:48:32,400
You can drive'em
round the world.

890
00:48:32,433 --> 00:48:34,067
Yeah, it's really relaxing.

891
00:48:34,067 --> 00:48:35,767
-Come on.

892
00:48:37,667 --> 00:48:39,667
HAMMOND: Border!

893
00:48:39,700 --> 00:48:42,300
1,596 kilometres.

894
00:48:42,333 --> 00:48:44,400
That's near as damn it
1000 miles,

895
00:48:44,433 --> 00:48:48,067
I've still got half a car left
and very bad hair.

896
00:48:52,100 --> 00:48:53,433
I don't believe that!

897
00:48:56,967 --> 00:48:59,533
Sorry! I've got no brakes.

898
00:49:01,600 --> 00:49:02,700
Um... Yeah.

899
00:49:05,733 --> 00:49:06,800
It's there.

900
00:49:07,700 --> 00:49:09,167
HAMMOND: We've done it!

901
00:49:11,400 --> 00:49:13,467
HAMMOND: All we had to do now
was wait.

902
00:49:13,500 --> 00:49:16,500
Wait to see which car
Jeremy arrived in.

903
00:49:19,067 --> 00:49:20,433
-Is that an engine?
-That's a car.

904
00:49:23,833 --> 00:49:26,400
HAMMOND: Unmistakable clatter
of an air-cooled engine.

905
00:49:26,433 --> 00:49:28,067
It's gonna be the Beetle.

906
00:49:28,800 --> 00:49:30,133
CLARKSON: And it was.

907
00:49:34,833 --> 00:49:36,467
But I wasn't driving it.

908
00:49:36,500 --> 00:49:38,933
Yeah!

909
00:49:38,967 --> 00:49:41,433
HAMMOND: Yeah,
I'm almost pleased.
MAY: Yes!

910
00:49:43,600 --> 00:49:45,200
MAY: Oh, that's excellent.

911
00:49:46,400 --> 00:49:48,333
Watch it! Brakes don't work!

912
00:49:48,367 --> 00:49:49,933
Sorry, there's no brakes.

913
00:49:49,967 --> 00:49:51,200
MAY: Congratulations.

914
00:49:51,233 --> 00:49:52,767
HAMMOND: That's astonishing!

915
00:49:55,400 --> 00:49:58,067
CLARKSON:
I think realistically
we have to say

916
00:49:58,100 --> 00:49:59,367
the Lancia's won it.

917
00:49:59,400 --> 00:50:02,633
Why?
By what possible measure?

918
00:50:02,667 --> 00:50:05,133
-It's the most surprising.
-It's the worst.

919
00:50:05,167 --> 00:50:06,500
Well, you don't buy
a second-hand car

920
00:50:06,533 --> 00:50:08,367
to be surprised
that it still works.

921
00:50:08,400 --> 00:50:10,367
It had to be rebuilt
once a day.

922
00:50:10,400 --> 00:50:12,633
Yeah, you're right.
It's rubbish.

923
00:50:12,667 --> 00:50:14,500
MAY: The Mercedes
is the best car.

924
00:50:14,533 --> 00:50:15,733
BOTH: What?

925
00:50:15,767 --> 00:50:17,100
What have I had to do?
I've had to...

926
00:50:17,133 --> 00:50:18,667
Take the entire body off!

927
00:50:18,700 --> 00:50:20,133
It's a showroom model, James.

928
00:50:20,167 --> 00:50:22,567
All right, I admit
it's not entirely original

929
00:50:22,600 --> 00:50:24,933
but in mechanical terms
it was perfect.

930
00:50:24,967 --> 00:50:26,167
You cannot break that.

931
00:50:26,200 --> 00:50:28,600
I think, honestly,
we have to be magnanimous here

932
00:50:28,633 --> 00:50:32,267
because only
one of the cars has actually
made it unmodified.

933
00:50:32,300 --> 00:50:35,600
So that brings us
on to a Top Gear top tip.

934
00:50:35,633 --> 00:50:37,100
If, people of Surrey,

935
00:50:37,133 --> 00:50:39,133
you want to replace
your BMW X5

936
00:50:39,167 --> 00:50:42,067
with something
that's brilliant off-road...

937
00:50:42,100 --> 00:50:43,733
-Simple.
-Simple.

938
00:50:43,767 --> 00:50:46,400
-Inexpensive.
-Easy to maintain,
surprisingly comfortable.

939
00:50:46,433 --> 00:50:47,633
Absolutely.

940
00:50:47,667 --> 00:50:50,533
Then you've got to
get yourself
a Volkswagen Beetle.

941
00:50:51,367 --> 00:50:52,400
A what?

942
00:50:52,433 --> 00:50:54,000
-It's true.
-Jeremy's right.

943
00:50:54,033 --> 00:50:55,167
-It's true!
-He's right.

944
00:50:55,200 --> 00:50:58,067
You've replaced
all the electrics in that...