1 00:00:12,012 --> 00:00:18,309 MONSTERS: THE STORY OF LYLE AND ERIC MENENDEZ 2 00:00:19,333 --> 00:01:19,333 EXYUSUBS.COM 3 00:00:30,697 --> 00:00:33,033 Hi Erik. Sorry. 4 00:00:34,784 --> 00:00:37,829 It's okay. I have nothing else to do. 5 00:00:37,912 --> 00:00:42,584 Is that right? It's terrible that you're locked up here. 6 00:00:42,667 --> 00:00:45,378 But that's why I'm here, right? 7 00:00:46,671 --> 00:00:48,548 You don't smoke? 8 00:00:48,631 --> 00:00:49,883 No, I never did. 9 00:00:49,966 --> 00:00:50,925 Fine. 10 00:00:51,634 --> 00:00:55,513 Disgusting habit. I will never get rid of her. I know that. 11 00:00:55,597 --> 00:00:57,015 At least I didn't even start. 12 00:00:57,098 --> 00:00:59,309 Dad smoked. 13 00:00:59,934 --> 00:01:01,853 - It always disgusted me. -Fine. 14 00:01:01,936 --> 00:01:04,022 That smell in his mouth. 15 00:01:04,105 --> 00:01:06,941 I always try to take some gum afterwards. 16 00:01:07,025 --> 00:01:09,027 I don't mind with you. 17 00:01:09,110 --> 00:01:10,195 Good. 18 00:01:11,029 --> 00:01:12,906 Never start, okay? 19 00:01:25,335 --> 00:01:26,753 So... 20 00:01:26,836 --> 00:01:28,338 Yes... 21 00:01:29,422 --> 00:01:30,799 How are you here? 22 00:01:32,425 --> 00:01:34,219 It's not fantastic. 23 00:01:34,969 --> 00:01:37,514 Of course. But you're eating now, aren't you? 24 00:01:37,597 --> 00:01:42,477 That. My bigger problem is that I'm here I've been more or less alone since they found the letter 25 00:01:42,560 --> 00:01:47,065 and transferred Lyle. Let's say. 26 00:01:47,148 --> 00:01:50,276 I found a friend which makes it easier for me to stay here, 27 00:01:50,360 --> 00:01:52,654 but on Saturday he was not there. 28 00:01:52,737 --> 00:01:53,655 Oh, no. 29 00:01:53,738 --> 00:01:58,368 Yeah, it's just... I don't know if they moved it or where he went, but… 30 00:01:58,451 --> 00:01:59,536 I'm sorry. 31 00:01:59,619 --> 00:02:02,914 Out of the blue. So I'm a bit… 32 00:02:03,915 --> 00:02:05,625 - Lonely. -That. 33 00:02:07,377 --> 00:02:09,045 I'm sorry about that. 34 00:02:11,714 --> 00:02:14,551 And because of that what we have to talk about now. 35 00:02:14,634 --> 00:02:15,468 Good. 36 00:02:15,552 --> 00:02:19,139 - I talked to Lyle... - I know. 37 00:02:19,222 --> 00:02:20,932 There was also Lyle's lawyer, Jill. 38 00:02:21,015 --> 00:02:24,102 I asked her to talk to you in private. 39 00:02:24,185 --> 00:02:25,186 Good. 40 00:02:25,687 --> 00:02:27,355 She agreed. 41 00:02:28,106 --> 00:02:30,191 - I prefer it this way. -Fine. 42 00:02:30,275 --> 00:02:34,863 Because I talked to Lyle about what you said to Dr. Vicary. 43 00:02:34,946 --> 00:02:35,780 That. 44 00:02:35,864 --> 00:02:40,743 And, you know, about being rude to Lyle, 45 00:02:40,827 --> 00:02:45,331 but also with your dad and objects, 46 00:02:45,415 --> 00:02:48,501 and what Lyle did to you, 47 00:02:48,585 --> 00:02:52,255 but also about the fact that he knew what's going on with you and dad 48 00:02:52,338 --> 00:02:56,718 and how he thought it stopped. When he found out that he wasn't… 49 00:02:56,801 --> 00:02:58,094 Yes, all of that. 50 00:02:58,178 --> 00:03:02,599 That. Lyle told you about his experience 51 00:03:02,682 --> 00:03:04,851 with dad, for abuse, right? 52 00:03:04,934 --> 00:03:07,312 That. That's what we're about... 53 00:03:08,396 --> 00:03:11,482 We talked about it a few days before that evening. 54 00:03:11,566 --> 00:03:15,862 The first time. It can be said that we were comparing notes. 55 00:03:15,945 --> 00:03:17,197 Of course. 56 00:03:17,280 --> 00:03:19,157 But not in a happy sense. 57 00:03:19,240 --> 00:03:22,827 It was nice to finally talk about it, 58 00:03:22,911 --> 00:03:24,746 get it out of the way. 59 00:03:26,080 --> 00:03:29,334 Good. And just to ask, just to say it out loud… 60 00:03:29,417 --> 00:03:31,002 Do you believe him? 61 00:03:34,881 --> 00:03:38,009 -That. I know he's telling the truth. -That. 62 00:03:38,092 --> 00:03:40,470 -What? Do I need to… - Me too. 63 00:03:40,553 --> 00:03:44,849 I just want to make that clear to everyone. 64 00:03:45,808 --> 00:03:49,896 As much as you loved that man, he was a monster. 65 00:03:49,979 --> 00:03:51,522 If he really did that. 66 00:03:51,606 --> 00:03:56,527 I think Lyle's point of view, 67 00:03:56,611 --> 00:03:59,280 no matter how bad he was, 68 00:03:59,364 --> 00:04:01,991 and it really gives me that impression... 69 00:04:02,951 --> 00:04:05,119 He thinks you had it worse. 70 00:04:09,374 --> 00:04:10,375 That. 71 00:04:13,169 --> 00:04:15,255 That. It was much worse. 72 00:04:16,923 --> 00:04:18,007 - Can you... -Of course. 73 00:04:18,091 --> 00:04:22,136 If you can, you must tell me everything. 74 00:04:22,220 --> 00:04:23,930 -Good. - Can you? 75 00:04:24,013 --> 00:04:25,014 That. I can. 76 00:04:25,098 --> 00:04:26,099 Good. 77 00:04:31,145 --> 00:04:33,773 Where should I start? 78 00:04:33,856 --> 00:04:35,108 I know. It's terrible. 79 00:04:37,610 --> 00:04:41,531 Well, I just wanted to ask… 80 00:04:42,865 --> 00:04:44,784 Do you remember when it started? 81 00:04:47,870 --> 00:04:48,871 That. 82 00:04:51,874 --> 00:04:56,379 As if it always happened because I was always afraid of him. 83 00:04:56,462 --> 00:04:59,841 - Dad or Lyle? - Dad. I was never afraid of Lyle. 84 00:05:00,550 --> 00:05:04,387 I've always considered Lyle his protector. 85 00:05:04,470 --> 00:05:06,222 Even when he abused you? 86 00:05:06,306 --> 00:05:08,099 That. It's not... 87 00:05:10,560 --> 00:05:12,103 I mean to say… 88 00:05:13,062 --> 00:05:16,274 The earliest I can remember are attempts to escape. 89 00:05:16,899 --> 00:05:19,485 I was five years old and I wouldn't get far. 90 00:05:19,569 --> 00:05:23,239 I would go down to my aunt's house a few streets away. 91 00:05:23,323 --> 00:05:24,490 It was… 92 00:05:26,367 --> 00:05:29,954 That's what Lyle told me when he found out that I still... 93 00:05:30,496 --> 00:05:33,624 He was angry. 94 00:05:34,334 --> 00:05:38,296 He said, "Erik, how did you let that happen? 95 00:05:38,379 --> 00:05:41,257 Do you like it? You could just run away.” 96 00:05:41,341 --> 00:05:44,093 I would say, "Because they always find me." 97 00:05:44,177 --> 00:05:47,597 Whenever I tried, they would find me and it would get worse. 98 00:05:47,680 --> 00:05:49,932 - Running away didn't help? -Not. 99 00:05:50,016 --> 00:05:52,810 Mom, Dad and my whole family 100 00:05:52,894 --> 00:05:55,438 they were octopus from which you cannot escape. 101 00:05:55,521 --> 00:05:58,775 Because their arms would catch you? 102 00:06:00,610 --> 00:06:03,071 - Or... - Yes. Kind of like that. 103 00:06:06,157 --> 00:06:10,119 Lyle thought that I was six years old when it started. 104 00:06:10,203 --> 00:06:12,955 It seems right. 105 00:06:13,039 --> 00:06:15,541 - Then your father started with him. -That. 106 00:06:15,625 --> 00:06:18,461 - Makes sense. -That. And I didn't… 107 00:06:21,923 --> 00:06:24,092 -What? - Back then I had coach Wadlington. 108 00:06:24,175 --> 00:06:26,177 I was six when it started with him. 109 00:06:26,260 --> 00:06:31,432 I remember that it started then or... 110 00:06:32,350 --> 00:06:33,893 Massage bar. 111 00:06:36,229 --> 00:06:37,230 What is it? 112 00:06:38,731 --> 00:06:41,943 - It didn't start out bad, you know? -That. 113 00:06:42,026 --> 00:06:45,613 After tennis or after swimming and… 114 00:06:50,952 --> 00:06:51,953 Continue. 115 00:06:53,287 --> 00:06:56,666 I knew that my father didn't like me. 116 00:06:57,458 --> 00:06:58,668 What do you mean? 117 00:06:58,751 --> 00:07:01,796 He was always mean. 118 00:07:02,630 --> 00:07:06,217 He loved Lyle, but not me. 119 00:07:06,300 --> 00:07:09,345 I saw that, but that's what he would say. 120 00:07:09,429 --> 00:07:11,681 - He would insult me... - How? 121 00:07:11,764 --> 00:07:14,559 Vocabulary inappropriate for children. For example… 122 00:07:16,727 --> 00:07:19,105 "fool" or "fag". 123 00:07:19,188 --> 00:07:20,106 Good. 124 00:07:20,189 --> 00:07:23,943 I tried to impress him, or not to anger. 125 00:07:24,026 --> 00:07:27,196 My mother would also insult me. They would turn on me. 126 00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:29,824 If I said I was afraid of closets, 127 00:07:29,907 --> 00:07:32,535 they would lock me in it until I stopped screaming. 128 00:07:32,618 --> 00:07:36,122 They laughed, so I knew I wasn't going to die. 129 00:07:36,205 --> 00:07:37,874 But anyway, I thought… 130 00:07:39,208 --> 00:07:40,626 "Why would you do that?" 131 00:07:40,710 --> 00:07:42,545 Or to the basement. 132 00:07:42,628 --> 00:07:45,756 - They would lock you in the basement? -That. Because I was afraid of him. 133 00:07:45,840 --> 00:07:48,050 To harden. And… 134 00:07:48,801 --> 00:07:52,305 - How long? - In the afternoon or until I stop crying. 135 00:07:52,388 --> 00:07:56,392 My mom would do that to me too, but mostly my dad. 136 00:07:57,143 --> 00:07:58,436 Passionately. 137 00:07:58,519 --> 00:08:03,774 Basically, when you know that your dad thinks you're weak 138 00:08:03,858 --> 00:08:08,070 or, I don't know, too scared, 139 00:08:08,154 --> 00:08:12,366 or not strong enough... 140 00:08:12,450 --> 00:08:16,704 then you start thinking: "I don't seem to be tough enough." 141 00:08:16,787 --> 00:08:18,873 And he's always mad at you. 142 00:08:19,916 --> 00:08:22,793 And sometimes it isn't. 143 00:08:23,503 --> 00:08:29,258 Sometimes he takes you upstairs and says: "Let's take a shower." 144 00:08:29,342 --> 00:08:31,552 He was… 145 00:08:32,470 --> 00:08:33,888 At first he was… 146 00:08:34,639 --> 00:08:37,433 He was finally nice. You know? 147 00:08:37,517 --> 00:08:40,019 I saw that side of him... 148 00:08:42,563 --> 00:08:43,981 - Gentle. -That. 149 00:08:44,065 --> 00:08:48,861 Then he could stop getting angry because no one was there. 150 00:08:49,487 --> 00:08:52,114 But in front of others, even in front of family, 151 00:08:52,198 --> 00:08:55,660 he would insult me or beat me 152 00:08:55,743 --> 00:08:58,996 and everyone would see it. 153 00:08:59,080 --> 00:09:02,708 But when it was just him and me, then we would… 154 00:09:06,879 --> 00:09:09,507 -What? - Then he would tell me that he loves me. 155 00:09:10,758 --> 00:09:12,718 - When did he abuse you? -That. 156 00:09:13,219 --> 00:09:14,303 It wasn't... 157 00:09:15,680 --> 00:09:18,766 At first there were only massages. 158 00:09:18,849 --> 00:09:23,604 With oil. Or he would take off his shirt, and I would be in shorts and it was... 159 00:09:25,648 --> 00:09:28,067 -What? - The rest hasn't started yet. 160 00:09:28,150 --> 00:09:31,988 It was about time 161 00:09:33,281 --> 00:09:39,203 that I spent with my dad when it seemed to me that he cared about me. 162 00:09:40,621 --> 00:09:43,749 It was just him and me. 163 00:09:44,709 --> 00:09:45,835 And that was good. 164 00:09:46,544 --> 00:09:49,505 Those are my favorite memories. 165 00:09:54,427 --> 00:09:56,345 And then the massages changed? 166 00:10:00,975 --> 00:10:01,976 That. 167 00:10:02,852 --> 00:10:06,731 He would tell me to turn around so he would massage me from the front. 168 00:10:06,814 --> 00:10:07,857 From the front? 169 00:10:07,940 --> 00:10:09,400 He would massage my penis. 170 00:10:10,234 --> 00:10:12,695 -Good. - We would cuddle. 171 00:10:12,778 --> 00:10:16,741 - But it wasn't yet... -What? 172 00:10:16,824 --> 00:10:20,286 What we were doing wasn't terrible yet. 173 00:10:20,369 --> 00:10:24,040 But I don't think I wanted to, I would avoid it. 174 00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:26,959 The one in the front? 175 00:10:27,501 --> 00:10:31,380 That. He would lie on his back, and I would try to skip that part. 176 00:10:31,464 --> 00:10:34,634 He would say, "No, you have to do it." 177 00:10:35,593 --> 00:10:39,639 When I was older, the mouth massages began. 178 00:10:39,722 --> 00:10:42,475 As Lyle said, with items and a toothbrush… 179 00:10:42,558 --> 00:10:43,559 How much did you have? 180 00:10:44,435 --> 00:10:48,189 I went to the second grade for sure because the toothbrush... 181 00:10:48,773 --> 00:10:50,941 I remember he was at school the next day 182 00:10:51,025 --> 00:10:55,321 on the bulletin board was a picture of a toothbrush 183 00:10:55,404 --> 00:10:57,406 and a message that you should go to the dentist. 184 00:10:57,490 --> 00:10:59,950 I remember thinking 185 00:11:00,034 --> 00:11:03,663 like the toothbrush in the picture it wouldn't hurt so much. 186 00:11:07,416 --> 00:11:12,880 They existed four different types of sex with dad. 187 00:11:12,963 --> 00:11:16,008 The beautiful one, when... 188 00:11:17,510 --> 00:11:19,637 The massages started earlier, but… 189 00:11:21,555 --> 00:11:24,934 When he started pushing me to use my mouth, he was… 190 00:11:26,852 --> 00:11:29,605 It was too big and I didn't like that. 191 00:11:29,689 --> 00:11:30,564 That. 192 00:11:30,648 --> 00:11:33,401 - It seemed strange to me to do that to him. -That. 193 00:11:34,860 --> 00:11:36,696 When he did that to me... 194 00:11:40,074 --> 00:11:43,953 But to him, naked... He called them "naked mouth massages". 195 00:11:44,036 --> 00:11:46,831 - That was strange to me. -That. 196 00:11:46,914 --> 00:11:49,291 And I didn't like it. 197 00:11:49,375 --> 00:11:53,504 But he would say, "You were good. Good boy." 198 00:11:53,587 --> 00:11:55,506 And it was… 199 00:11:56,882 --> 00:12:02,430 I only felt it then to have a real relationship with my dad, 200 00:12:02,513 --> 00:12:06,100 when I felt he loved me. 201 00:12:07,810 --> 00:12:12,189 It would last a long time, that beautiful sex. 202 00:12:13,274 --> 00:12:16,152 Sometimes I wonder where everyone else is 203 00:12:16,235 --> 00:12:18,487 just because it would take so long. 204 00:12:18,571 --> 00:12:23,367 In many ways, although it seemed strange, it was also… 205 00:12:25,035 --> 00:12:28,456 as if I were once the center of the world, you know? 206 00:12:28,539 --> 00:12:31,041 And it was… 207 00:12:33,085 --> 00:12:34,086 Nice? 208 00:12:40,885 --> 00:12:43,763 - Go on. - The subjects should have prepared me. 209 00:12:44,263 --> 00:12:46,682 Lyle and I realized this when we finally… 210 00:12:47,224 --> 00:12:48,768 - When you talked. -That. 211 00:12:48,851 --> 00:12:52,563 He was preparing our bodies 212 00:12:52,646 --> 00:12:55,191 for something bigger. 213 00:12:56,525 --> 00:12:59,320 First he made me do it to him. 214 00:12:59,987 --> 00:13:00,988 What? 215 00:13:02,239 --> 00:13:03,157 Sex. 216 00:13:03,949 --> 00:13:06,660 To penetrate him. 217 00:13:08,412 --> 00:13:11,874 He said he wanted to teach me how to use my penis. 218 00:13:12,583 --> 00:13:15,669 - That was strange to me every time. -That. 219 00:13:15,753 --> 00:13:17,087 And I didn't like it. 220 00:13:18,088 --> 00:13:19,089 And… 221 00:13:21,133 --> 00:13:24,053 -What? - To be able to do that, you have to be... 222 00:13:25,095 --> 00:13:26,096 In erection. 223 00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:31,060 That's why it was very strange. 224 00:13:31,602 --> 00:13:33,229 And that I could ever... 225 00:13:35,064 --> 00:13:36,065 What? 226 00:13:42,613 --> 00:13:44,323 - It's okay. -Orgasm. 227 00:13:47,743 --> 00:13:51,205 It was very confusing to me at that age. 228 00:13:51,831 --> 00:13:53,165 Of course it is. 229 00:13:56,252 --> 00:13:57,503 And then I... 230 00:13:59,338 --> 00:14:02,216 Then he started raping me and... 231 00:14:03,717 --> 00:14:07,054 He would take the skirting board and put it under the doorknob... 232 00:14:07,137 --> 00:14:08,097 God. 233 00:14:08,180 --> 00:14:11,809 I would cry and it hurt. 234 00:14:11,892 --> 00:14:16,272 He would say, “Why can't you be like Lyle? 235 00:14:16,939 --> 00:14:19,316 Be Menendez and get used to it." 236 00:14:20,985 --> 00:14:22,027 I just… 237 00:14:25,239 --> 00:14:29,118 I remember being very disappointed 238 00:14:29,201 --> 00:14:34,164 because he was comparing us again, 239 00:14:34,248 --> 00:14:38,377 Lyle and me, like I'm not good enough again. 240 00:14:38,460 --> 00:14:42,631 And all that he told me, that he loved me, 241 00:14:42,715 --> 00:14:45,759 it just disappeared. 242 00:14:45,843 --> 00:14:48,596 Or as if it never happened. 243 00:14:52,099 --> 00:14:53,934 How often did this happen? 244 00:14:54,018 --> 00:14:55,019 Just sex? 245 00:14:57,146 --> 00:15:00,274 Two or three times a month. 246 00:15:01,358 --> 00:15:02,526 Since? 247 00:15:04,153 --> 00:15:05,779 Since sixth grade, I think. 248 00:15:05,863 --> 00:15:06,989 So, at 11 years old. 249 00:15:08,073 --> 00:15:09,158 Until… 250 00:15:09,241 --> 00:15:11,619 -Just before... - Before their death? 251 00:15:11,702 --> 00:15:14,830 -That. Just a few months before. - Last time? 252 00:15:14,914 --> 00:15:15,915 That. 253 00:15:18,167 --> 00:15:19,209 Eric... 254 00:15:21,003 --> 00:15:25,174 Your father raped you hundreds of times? 255 00:15:26,967 --> 00:15:27,927 That. 256 00:15:29,470 --> 00:15:31,889 That was my life. 257 00:15:33,724 --> 00:15:35,309 I'm so sorry, Erik. 258 00:15:35,392 --> 00:15:36,936 It's okay. Just… 259 00:15:37,019 --> 00:15:38,103 Somehow… 260 00:15:39,104 --> 00:15:40,230 You can stand it. 261 00:15:40,314 --> 00:15:43,150 Yes, and you just survive, I guess. 262 00:15:43,859 --> 00:15:47,488 You live in a time when that doesn't happen. 263 00:15:48,280 --> 00:15:49,490 And you think... 264 00:15:50,616 --> 00:15:53,369 Well, you hold on. It's like… 265 00:15:55,871 --> 00:15:59,416 Like Christmas morning, you know? 266 00:15:59,500 --> 00:16:01,627 And you think: "I survived. 267 00:16:01,710 --> 00:16:05,255 I won't have to do that for a while now." 268 00:16:05,339 --> 00:16:07,549 Or: "This time it was the knees. 269 00:16:07,633 --> 00:16:10,344 Next time it might be nice sex or…” 270 00:16:10,427 --> 00:16:11,512 Sorry. Knees? 271 00:16:12,137 --> 00:16:14,390 It was another one of the… 272 00:16:15,140 --> 00:16:18,394 I had different names. Knees... It wasn't my favorite. 273 00:16:18,477 --> 00:16:22,523 I would give him a mouth massage and he would… 274 00:16:24,024 --> 00:16:25,025 What? 275 00:16:26,068 --> 00:16:30,280 He would cum in my mouth. I hated that taste. 276 00:16:30,364 --> 00:16:32,950 So I started putting cinnamon in his coffee, 277 00:16:33,033 --> 00:16:35,202 and lemon juice for food. 278 00:16:35,285 --> 00:16:38,872 - The cinnamon was for taste. - To make it tastier. 279 00:16:38,956 --> 00:16:42,167 If I would do it or if I would endure it, 280 00:16:42,251 --> 00:16:45,754 I would think, “Maybe next time he massages me with his mouth 281 00:16:45,838 --> 00:16:48,048 or there will be no rough sex.” 282 00:16:48,132 --> 00:16:50,968 I never wanted rough sex. 283 00:16:54,179 --> 00:16:56,056 How was the rough sex? 284 00:17:00,394 --> 00:17:01,437 Just… 285 00:17:03,647 --> 00:17:04,523 Just… 286 00:17:06,400 --> 00:17:07,234 striking. 287 00:17:08,068 --> 00:17:11,196 And it was very painful. 288 00:17:12,114 --> 00:17:16,702 He would get mean and hit me. He was very strong. 289 00:17:18,746 --> 00:17:20,122 I couldn't… 290 00:17:21,582 --> 00:17:25,002 I don't know why, but for some reason I couldn't pay him back. 291 00:17:25,085 --> 00:17:27,546 Like when I was little, when I ran away. 292 00:17:27,629 --> 00:17:29,548 It just doesn't work. 293 00:17:30,174 --> 00:17:32,634 You can't get away with it. 294 00:17:32,718 --> 00:17:35,262 It won't stop. You have to do it. 295 00:17:35,345 --> 00:17:39,308 You have to try to hold on. 296 00:17:40,184 --> 00:17:42,561 But rough sex was… 297 00:17:45,564 --> 00:17:46,565 What? 298 00:17:49,610 --> 00:17:52,571 I would have to kneel on the headboard. 299 00:17:52,654 --> 00:17:55,365 But at the end of the bed, at the bottom. 300 00:17:55,866 --> 00:17:58,035 It would cut into my shins. 301 00:17:58,118 --> 00:18:00,913 It had to hurt. 302 00:18:00,996 --> 00:18:03,332 He would always say: "That's what the Greeks did." 303 00:18:03,415 --> 00:18:05,959 This is how they became stronger." 304 00:18:06,043 --> 00:18:08,837 If it hurt, you had to grit your teeth. 305 00:18:08,921 --> 00:18:11,632 I would insert items into… 306 00:18:12,674 --> 00:18:16,261 Or with a penis, needles or... 307 00:18:17,679 --> 00:18:20,265 He cut my leg. I have a scar. 308 00:18:20,349 --> 00:18:24,311 He would do such a thing while I gave him oral massages. 309 00:18:24,394 --> 00:18:28,649 And he would... He was trying to harden me. 310 00:18:28,732 --> 00:18:31,777 But when... 311 00:18:32,861 --> 00:18:37,241 When you need something around the penis, for example, a rope or... 312 00:18:37,866 --> 00:18:41,411 I doubt it would harden anyone. 313 00:18:41,495 --> 00:18:42,496 It wouldn't. 314 00:18:43,413 --> 00:18:46,917 Does that sound more like torture? 315 00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:48,210 Yes, Eric. 316 00:18:48,293 --> 00:18:52,464 I don't think a father should do that... 317 00:18:53,590 --> 00:18:54,550 It wouldn't. 318 00:18:54,633 --> 00:18:56,927 You don't do that to someone who… 319 00:18:58,220 --> 00:19:00,180 You do that to someone you hate. 320 00:19:00,264 --> 00:19:03,142 - You didn't deserve it. - He would tell me that I... 321 00:19:04,852 --> 00:19:08,564 Sometimes what he said would it hurt even more... 322 00:19:08,647 --> 00:19:09,523 For example? 323 00:19:09,606 --> 00:19:12,901 I wanted to tell him, "If I'm such a fag, 324 00:19:13,652 --> 00:19:16,238 then why do you want me to fuck you in the ass?" 325 00:19:16,321 --> 00:19:17,990 You know? That is… 326 00:19:18,073 --> 00:19:20,117 - Yes. - You know? And… 327 00:19:21,285 --> 00:19:22,494 -What? - I don't know. 328 00:19:22,578 --> 00:19:26,206 - What did you want to say? - I don't know. 329 00:19:29,960 --> 00:19:32,296 And you should... I mean... 330 00:19:33,172 --> 00:19:36,133 That man did mighty deeds. 331 00:19:36,216 --> 00:19:38,135 My dad was a great man. 332 00:19:38,218 --> 00:19:41,805 I loved him very much. And I still love him very much. 333 00:19:41,889 --> 00:19:45,017 That's why I don't want to be here for the rest of my life. 334 00:19:45,100 --> 00:19:48,520 Because having that thought... 335 00:19:50,480 --> 00:19:52,065 Having that thought, 336 00:19:52,816 --> 00:19:55,402 as you lie alone in your cell, locked up here, 337 00:19:55,485 --> 00:19:57,404 and if you only have that thought... 338 00:19:57,487 --> 00:19:58,363 What thought? 339 00:19:58,447 --> 00:20:00,741 To love my dad. 340 00:20:01,450 --> 00:20:02,534 That is… 341 00:20:04,995 --> 00:20:09,082 Rough sex, needles and rope were not torture. 342 00:20:10,209 --> 00:20:12,461 That would be torture. More... 343 00:20:13,212 --> 00:20:15,631 Still love him. 344 00:20:17,049 --> 00:20:22,346 That's why Lyle used to say: "Erik, you would be proud of us." 345 00:20:22,429 --> 00:20:25,182 I would always agree with him. 346 00:20:25,265 --> 00:20:29,394 But then I would think: "They are not proud that we killed them." 347 00:20:29,895 --> 00:20:32,314 But the last few days here, 348 00:20:33,357 --> 00:20:36,193 and since Saturday I've been thinking a lot, 349 00:20:36,276 --> 00:20:38,111 it occurred to me that… 350 00:20:38,195 --> 00:20:39,071 What? 351 00:20:39,154 --> 00:20:41,365 Probably would. You know? 352 00:20:42,449 --> 00:20:44,993 Right now he would look down from heaven and say: 353 00:20:45,077 --> 00:20:46,411 “Thank you, Erik and Lyle. 354 00:20:46,495 --> 00:20:48,789 You did what you had to do to me 355 00:20:48,872 --> 00:20:52,042 because what I did to you was really wrong. 356 00:20:52,125 --> 00:20:53,126 And I love you. 357 00:20:53,210 --> 00:20:55,629 You took that burden off my back.” 358 00:20:55,712 --> 00:20:59,549 or: "You removed that stone from my heart", if that makes sense. 359 00:20:59,633 --> 00:21:01,093 - I don't know. - There is. 360 00:21:01,176 --> 00:21:03,720 "You converted me into someone who doesn't do it anymore." 361 00:21:03,804 --> 00:21:05,639 Both Lyle and I think so. 362 00:21:05,722 --> 00:21:09,184 If I could now... Now we can love him again. 363 00:21:10,102 --> 00:21:12,980 Really, for the first time, because it doesn't work anymore. 364 00:21:14,064 --> 00:21:17,818 That's why I don't want to be here, all alone, 365 00:21:18,318 --> 00:21:20,279 while that thought rings in my head. 366 00:21:20,362 --> 00:21:23,323 Not without Lyle, and now my friend is gone too. 367 00:21:34,001 --> 00:21:34,835 What is it? 368 00:21:36,670 --> 00:21:40,590 I'm just in awe of you, Erik Menendez. 369 00:21:40,674 --> 00:21:44,052 - Don't say that. - No, I mean it. Really. 370 00:21:45,053 --> 00:21:46,138 Really. 371 00:21:46,221 --> 00:21:48,432 I know a lot of people. 372 00:21:48,932 --> 00:21:51,268 I know many impressive people, 373 00:21:51,935 --> 00:21:54,146 and you are on top. 374 00:21:55,022 --> 00:21:59,067 Because of everything you've been through and what you had to do, 375 00:21:59,735 --> 00:22:03,322 and because you told me all this... 376 00:22:04,323 --> 00:22:07,075 For courage, Erik. 377 00:22:08,618 --> 00:22:13,040 You are an amazing person. I just have to say it. 378 00:22:14,082 --> 00:22:15,042 -And... - Thank you. 379 00:22:15,125 --> 00:22:19,963 I wouldn't draw attention to myself, but my father was a fucking bastard. 380 00:22:22,049 --> 00:22:23,800 -Really? -That. 381 00:22:23,884 --> 00:22:25,635 He left me and my brother. 382 00:22:25,719 --> 00:22:29,765 The man I loved, who is mine said I was his princess, 383 00:22:29,848 --> 00:22:33,560 he left without saying a word. 384 00:22:33,643 --> 00:22:38,607 He ran away with another family and he didn't contact me for 34 years. 385 00:22:38,690 --> 00:22:40,192 -And... - I'm very sorry. 386 00:22:40,275 --> 00:22:42,986 Thanks. It's incomparable with you. 387 00:22:43,070 --> 00:22:46,406 I just want to say, after hearing all this, 388 00:22:46,490 --> 00:22:48,367 which is unimaginable... 389 00:22:48,450 --> 00:22:51,078 Hearing that… Thank you. 390 00:22:51,745 --> 00:22:53,497 It's just, you know… 391 00:22:54,790 --> 00:22:56,583 You don't have to forgive him. 392 00:22:57,876 --> 00:23:00,212 To my father. Good? 393 00:23:00,295 --> 00:23:03,632 My father wasn't even close 394 00:23:03,715 --> 00:23:05,634 as bad as yours. 395 00:23:05,717 --> 00:23:07,552 I can't measure up. 396 00:23:08,261 --> 00:23:10,555 My brother forgave him. 397 00:23:10,639 --> 00:23:12,265 Talk to him. 398 00:23:13,350 --> 00:23:14,309 But Eric, 399 00:23:15,644 --> 00:23:21,108 there is no fucking theory that I will forgive him because of what he did. 400 00:23:21,191 --> 00:23:23,276 Not now or ever. 401 00:23:24,152 --> 00:23:27,906 I'm saying this because you also have that possibility. 402 00:23:29,574 --> 00:23:30,826 -Good? -Good. 403 00:23:30,909 --> 00:23:33,036 Now that I've heard all this, 404 00:23:33,120 --> 00:23:36,373 I have to wonder, and I ask you too, 405 00:23:37,416 --> 00:23:40,419 where was your mother in all this? 406 00:23:40,502 --> 00:23:43,588 - But she is... - Let's not justify her. 407 00:23:43,672 --> 00:23:44,965 He cheated on her. 408 00:23:45,048 --> 00:23:48,051 Lyle found her dad raping her. 409 00:23:48,135 --> 00:23:49,719 Okay, that's more… 410 00:23:49,803 --> 00:23:51,972 Her dad ruined her life. 411 00:23:52,055 --> 00:23:55,392 Sometimes she would say, which was not the case... 412 00:23:55,892 --> 00:23:56,935 She would… 413 00:23:58,687 --> 00:23:59,563 What? 414 00:24:00,605 --> 00:24:05,235 She would get naked with Lyle. 415 00:24:05,318 --> 00:24:06,862 - Your mother? -That. 416 00:24:06,945 --> 00:24:10,282 But it wasn't like with dad. 417 00:24:10,365 --> 00:24:11,283 She was… 418 00:24:11,867 --> 00:24:14,911 She wanted us to like her body and she loved ours. 419 00:24:14,995 --> 00:24:16,496 But I was just watching. Or… 420 00:24:17,372 --> 00:24:20,333 Yeah, I was just watching. 421 00:24:20,417 --> 00:24:21,334 She would… 422 00:24:23,462 --> 00:24:26,006 When I was 16 years old, she started… 423 00:24:26,089 --> 00:24:28,758 By then, things with dad had become intense. 424 00:24:28,842 --> 00:24:29,718 And she... 425 00:24:31,303 --> 00:24:35,265 Mom would check my… 426 00:24:36,516 --> 00:24:37,726 - Penis? -That. 427 00:24:37,809 --> 00:24:41,688 She would ask: "Why do you shave everything?" I would think, "Dad shaved." 428 00:24:41,771 --> 00:24:44,983 But I couldn't say that because… 429 00:24:46,026 --> 00:24:49,321 It was strange because we were close. Dad also had girls. 430 00:24:49,404 --> 00:24:51,990 She thought I was doing it too. 431 00:24:52,073 --> 00:24:54,534 -What? - To sleep with dad. 432 00:24:54,618 --> 00:24:55,911 So I… 433 00:24:57,162 --> 00:25:00,081 She was… I stepped between them. 434 00:25:00,624 --> 00:25:02,876 We didn't talk about it. 435 00:25:02,959 --> 00:25:04,878 She would never say anything. 436 00:25:04,961 --> 00:25:07,589 It was known, but it was not talked about. 437 00:25:07,672 --> 00:25:10,926 That was our family. But I knew how he felt. 438 00:25:11,551 --> 00:25:15,805 I think that's why she made me to find a girlfriend 439 00:25:15,889 --> 00:25:17,724 but she would do those examinations. 440 00:25:17,807 --> 00:25:19,935 - Your... - She would examine me... Yes. 441 00:25:20,018 --> 00:25:22,062 Because she was afraid of AIDS. 442 00:25:22,145 --> 00:25:25,815 She would always check that I don't have blisters on my penis. 443 00:25:25,899 --> 00:25:28,902 I think that's how she wanted to see… 444 00:25:29,611 --> 00:25:34,115 I think she knew about me and dad, so if daddy's girl has something... 445 00:25:34,199 --> 00:25:36,493 - Wait. -...I have it too, so she will get it too. 446 00:25:36,576 --> 00:25:38,036 Let's go back a bit. 447 00:25:38,119 --> 00:25:39,871 Actually, it doesn't matter. 448 00:25:39,955 --> 00:25:42,165 -Forget it. - Why did she think you had AIDS? 449 00:25:42,249 --> 00:25:45,085 - It doesn't matter. Forget it. - Why would you think that? 450 00:25:45,168 --> 00:25:48,004 - I said it doesn't matter. Forget it! - I want to say... 451 00:25:48,088 --> 00:25:51,383 She just wanted to make sure. That's why she was examining me. 452 00:25:51,466 --> 00:25:57,013 But why would she think he would get AIDS? 453 00:25:57,847 --> 00:26:01,101 Before you answer, know that I am not your mother. 454 00:26:01,184 --> 00:26:03,478 Good? Honestly, I don't like it either. 455 00:26:03,562 --> 00:26:06,481 - But she was... - I'm sorry. That's not the mother. 456 00:26:06,565 --> 00:26:08,024 Good? I am a mother. 457 00:26:08,817 --> 00:26:10,485 I certainly wasn't perfect. 458 00:26:10,569 --> 00:26:13,488 Maybe that's why I want another chance. 459 00:26:13,572 --> 00:26:16,324 But if you... I know you loved her. 460 00:26:16,408 --> 00:26:20,203 That. We were close. Lyle and she weren't, but she and I were. 461 00:26:20,287 --> 00:26:23,415 - Everyone loves their mother. - And I love her. 462 00:26:23,498 --> 00:26:27,877 But the fact that she knew and did not react... 463 00:26:27,961 --> 00:26:29,170 Yes. Because she was... 464 00:26:29,254 --> 00:26:32,048 Let me... Excuse me. Let me say. 465 00:26:32,132 --> 00:26:36,219 She could have chosen several majors. 466 00:26:36,303 --> 00:26:38,388 She could turn to the authorities, 467 00:26:38,471 --> 00:26:42,058 she could say: "You don't want my sons. 468 00:26:42,142 --> 00:26:44,519 You will not abuse my sons!” Isn't it? 469 00:26:45,895 --> 00:26:47,856 -That. - That's basic. 470 00:26:47,939 --> 00:26:49,357 And she didn't do that either. 471 00:26:49,983 --> 00:26:51,526 She didn't do anything. 472 00:26:52,902 --> 00:26:54,821 It doesn't work for you. Look at me. 473 00:26:55,322 --> 00:26:58,366 Not for you, but for yourself. 474 00:27:00,327 --> 00:27:01,161 Good? 475 00:27:01,703 --> 00:27:03,330 In order to be able to… 476 00:27:03,413 --> 00:27:06,374 Yes, you can love her, you can sympathize with her, 477 00:27:06,458 --> 00:27:08,293 but let me ask you something. 478 00:27:08,376 --> 00:27:11,171 I want to tell you this, and I would tell Lyle… 479 00:27:11,254 --> 00:27:14,049 You deserve better than her. 480 00:27:15,258 --> 00:27:17,886 Not to mention the father. That goes without saying. 481 00:27:17,969 --> 00:27:21,556 I'll just say that not everything is on his mind. 482 00:27:22,182 --> 00:27:23,308 But not your mom either. 483 00:27:23,933 --> 00:27:28,438 If what you say is true, and if Lyle is telling the truth, 484 00:27:28,521 --> 00:27:30,732 you deserve better. 485 00:27:31,733 --> 00:27:34,319 Good? There, you know what I mean. 486 00:27:36,112 --> 00:27:37,030 But Eric, 487 00:27:38,365 --> 00:27:41,201 can you tell me why did she think you had AIDS? 488 00:27:41,284 --> 00:27:42,577 Can you tell me? 489 00:27:47,624 --> 00:27:48,875 see, 490 00:27:50,335 --> 00:27:51,961 that's why it's so hard. 491 00:27:52,045 --> 00:27:52,962 What? 492 00:27:53,046 --> 00:27:54,005 Oh… 493 00:27:54,089 --> 00:27:56,216 Because I don't know. 494 00:27:59,969 --> 00:28:03,139 I don't know what kind of man you are and what it should be 495 00:28:03,223 --> 00:28:04,891 when it's your childhood. 496 00:28:05,433 --> 00:28:07,852 When your dad does that. 497 00:28:12,816 --> 00:28:16,027 Once my mom called me and Lyle, 498 00:28:16,111 --> 00:28:19,989 and I don't think she meant it, she shouted, "You are sociopaths!" 499 00:28:20,073 --> 00:28:25,495 Part of me thought: "Maybe we are sociopaths, 500 00:28:25,578 --> 00:28:28,456 but can you blame us if we are 501 00:28:28,540 --> 00:28:30,709 when do you know what's happening to us?" 502 00:28:31,209 --> 00:28:33,795 The feelings I have for… 503 00:28:35,672 --> 00:28:38,591 sex or... 504 00:28:38,675 --> 00:28:39,884 - Orientation. - Yes. 505 00:28:39,968 --> 00:28:44,139 Or dad's, or whatever feelings I have… 506 00:28:45,014 --> 00:28:46,057 Simply… 507 00:28:47,016 --> 00:28:51,771 I don't know if it's me or was I supposed to be like that. 508 00:28:53,732 --> 00:28:56,192 And that's why she... 509 00:28:57,902 --> 00:29:00,530 She was examining me when I was 16 because... 510 00:29:03,992 --> 00:29:04,868 It's okay. 511 00:29:05,452 --> 00:29:07,579 I don't want to say who it was, but… 512 00:29:10,373 --> 00:29:11,374 I was… 513 00:29:12,959 --> 00:29:16,671 I was in love with a boy. 514 00:29:18,173 --> 00:29:20,258 A teenager like me, a boy. 515 00:29:20,341 --> 00:29:21,217 Good. 516 00:29:21,301 --> 00:29:23,470 But because I had sex with my dad… 517 00:29:23,553 --> 00:29:24,971 That's not normal. 518 00:29:25,555 --> 00:29:29,517 Because of that I was not normal. And he didn't... 519 00:29:30,643 --> 00:29:33,354 His dad didn't do that to him. 520 00:29:33,438 --> 00:29:36,983 He was always like that. but I'm not sure I was. 521 00:29:37,066 --> 00:29:41,112 I'm not sure I am, but i have such feelings. Like… 522 00:29:43,448 --> 00:29:45,617 I was in love with someone and… 523 00:29:47,243 --> 00:29:51,623 That boy... We made a deal that we will not give away our names. 524 00:29:52,499 --> 00:29:56,753 But when we had sex, it wasn't like with my dad. 525 00:29:56,836 --> 00:29:57,670 It was… 526 00:29:58,546 --> 00:29:59,547 Nice. 527 00:30:01,049 --> 00:30:05,053 It was very nice. 528 00:30:08,431 --> 00:30:11,100 It was also very nice here, but now it is... 529 00:30:12,435 --> 00:30:14,395 Anyway. It doesn't matter. But... 530 00:30:16,815 --> 00:30:17,690 Good. 531 00:30:19,651 --> 00:30:22,487 -Good. -Actually, I don't think so... 532 00:30:24,280 --> 00:30:25,281 No, I understand. 533 00:30:25,365 --> 00:30:29,077 You think I'm talking the opposite of what I am. 534 00:30:29,160 --> 00:30:30,870 Yes, I did all kinds of things. 535 00:30:30,954 --> 00:30:33,081 You will say that I am some kind of 536 00:30:33,164 --> 00:30:35,708 and you will tell everyone that I'm some kind of person, but I'm not. 537 00:30:35,792 --> 00:30:38,545 - I'm actually... No. - I won't tell anyone. 538 00:30:38,628 --> 00:30:40,463 Good. But I want to say… 539 00:30:40,547 --> 00:30:42,382 I'm just saying I don't know. 540 00:30:43,174 --> 00:30:45,218 Good? I don't know what I am. 541 00:30:45,301 --> 00:30:49,138 I can't figure out who I am and I'll never be able to figure it out. 542 00:30:49,222 --> 00:30:51,349 And yes, I may be a sociopath. 543 00:30:51,432 --> 00:30:54,477 Maybe I should have gotten AIDS. Maybe that's just the way I like it. 544 00:30:54,561 --> 00:30:59,107 I didn't know about girls because he did it to me. 545 00:30:59,816 --> 00:31:03,111 It's been happening for so long that I don't remember when it started. 546 00:31:03,194 --> 00:31:06,656 I don't remember the time when my dad wasn't fucking me. 547 00:31:06,739 --> 00:31:09,576 - Broke me. I'm broken. - You didn't. 548 00:31:09,659 --> 00:31:13,079 I am. He cut me in half. 549 00:31:13,162 --> 00:31:15,290 - I'm not real. - You are. 550 00:31:15,373 --> 00:31:19,377 When you the only man you want to love it does, you stop being real. 551 00:31:19,460 --> 00:31:21,629 - You're real. - Stop saying that. 552 00:31:24,966 --> 00:31:26,801 Stop it. 553 00:31:31,431 --> 00:31:33,099 I am a hurt man. 554 00:31:37,103 --> 00:31:38,813 What is the Wounded Man? 555 00:31:43,860 --> 00:31:44,694 It's me. 556 00:31:48,489 --> 00:31:51,284 - Is that what you call yourself? - Yes, since... 557 00:31:51,784 --> 00:31:54,871 - Since you were little. - Ever since I can remember. 558 00:31:56,414 --> 00:31:57,957 That's what I call myself. 559 00:31:59,042 --> 00:31:59,918 Ever since. 560 00:32:01,502 --> 00:32:03,129 That's always been my name. 561 00:32:06,215 --> 00:32:07,759 And it will never end. 562 00:32:09,135 --> 00:32:10,929 And it will never stop hurting. 563 00:32:13,806 --> 00:32:15,391 I shot my mom in the face. 564 00:32:16,726 --> 00:32:17,936 And dad, I think. 565 00:32:19,812 --> 00:32:23,441 A normal person doesn't do that. 566 00:32:24,609 --> 00:32:27,362 Well, I don't know what I am. 567 00:32:28,237 --> 00:32:29,948 I realized on Saturday 568 00:32:30,031 --> 00:32:32,784 that I will never know who I am if I don't leave here. 569 00:32:32,867 --> 00:32:35,870 - I'll get you out of here. -Not. Stop saying that. 570 00:32:40,541 --> 00:32:44,545 I will never really know who I am if I don't leave here. 571 00:32:47,006 --> 00:32:48,007 I'll never know. 572 00:33:09,821 --> 00:33:15,493 MONSTERS: THE STORY OF LYLE AND ERIC MENENDEZ 573 00:33:19,247 --> 00:33:22,542 If you or someone you know experienced sexual abuse, 574 00:33:22,625 --> 00:33:26,170 information and resources are available at www.wannatalkaboutit.com. 575 00:31:59,649 --> 00:32:59,649 EXYUSUBS.COM