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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
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Subs by kinglouisxx
for www.MY-SUBS.com
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[shivers]
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Oh, you figure out why
your truck won't start?
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The gas gauge is frozen on
full, but the tank is empty.
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Why gas?
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Why couldn't it have been
something less expensive,
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like a new engine?
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It's bad, guys.
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It's bad.
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I just got off the phone with
my mom's credit card company.
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They know she didn't make the charges.
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Well, they don't know it's us, right?
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No, not yet, but they're digging.
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I tried to throw them
off the scent by telling them
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she's got dementia,
but they talked to her.
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And they said, to them,
she didn't sound so... so bad.
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She sounded fine. Fine.
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The woman thinks you're
Davy Jones from The Monkees.
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If they find out, what's the worst
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that could happen to you guys?
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It's a felony punishable by
up to three years in prison.
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Huh. Three years of somebody
making all my meals and nobody
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wanting anything from me?
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Can I think about it?
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Well, it's too late
to return my big-screen TV
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that becomes a French painting
when you turn it off.
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She already has a tracking number.
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[sniffles] My little XV435/22-Uh.
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None of us want to return
anything because we all know
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that once Bev is playing the harp...
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and that is a very
generous prediction...
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that the card company
will just eat the loss.
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The dead don't pay no interest.
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But the living can go to jail.
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All right, well, there's
only one thing to do.
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Dad, you have to
go over to Grandma Bev's
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with Aunt Jackie.
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Why is it always me?
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Because she likes you now.
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You're the only one
that can gaslight her
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and make her believe
that she bought all that stuff.
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Ahh!
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Gaslighting an old woman is so cold.
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Can I get it on that?
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Darlene's right, Dan.
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You have to help me.
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You guys suck for making me do this.
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I just hope she's having a foggy day
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so I can convince her that it
was her that made the charges.
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I'm going to hell for even saying that.
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Well, if you can't convince her maybe
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she'll listen to Davy Jones.
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Why she doesn't think you're Peter Tork
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I don't understand.
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Aren't you going to be late for work?
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I told you, I try to go
in late on All-Meat Mondays,
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having that weirdo Howard carve
it all up before I get there.
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He brings his own knives,
which bothers me,
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'cause he's not a chef, so...
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But on the upside, when they
find the bodies in his trunk,
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you get to be in the documentary.
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The whole thing is just gross.
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I hate these days.
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You know what might
make you feel better?
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Nothing.
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You're a cynical, negative,
glass-half-empty crank.
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Hey, when you become a therapist,
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charge less than the others.
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Hey, where are you going
with my frying pan?
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Oh, it's still warm
from heating up my glove,
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so I'm going to use it to
thaw out Becky's gas gauge.
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Then I'm going to sit on it on
my way to the hardware store.
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You can keep that
as my parting gift to you.
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[screams]
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Are you okay? What happened?
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- There was a rat in your sink!
- What?
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No, no, no!
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You know what?
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The neighbors are doing
a bunch of construction,
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and they probably disturbed a rat mound.
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Well, what are you going to do?
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Because they can have up to
12 babies every three weeks.
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I mean, that's what... what is that?
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Like, 750,000 a year?
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Yeah, something like that.
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Uh, okay, you know what?
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I'm going to catch it
when I get home from work.
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- Oh, my God.
- Listen, do not tell Ben.
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He's going to want to kill it, okay?
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- Oh, God, oh.
- All right.
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The only thing that dies in this house
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are our hopes and dreams.
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[bluesy rock music]
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3x06 - Moms and Rats
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♪ ♪
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- "The Conners" is filmed...
- [knock at door]
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in front of a live studio audience.
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Beverly, look who's here.
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It's Jackie and your son-in-law.
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And they have flowers.
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Hey, Mom, how you doing?
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If you're having a bad day,
we can go over a few things,
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record the conversation on Dan's phone,
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get out of your hair lickety-split.
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No. Come in, Jackie.
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I'm having a very good day.
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Then we'll work with that.
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Guess what September 14th is.
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That is my birthday.
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Or, as you like to remind me,
the first of many days
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I caused you pain.
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Yes, it is your birthday,
and I remembered it.
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It just popped into
my noggin just like that.
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And I've been having
so much trouble with dates.
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Isn't this amazing?
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Yes, it is.
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Sometimes certain things stick.
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Sometimes they don't.
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Like finances.
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They come, and they go.
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So you seem like you're
in a really good mood.
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You have a lot of energy.
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Did my mom have a Gilligan cure,
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or, like, she got hit in the head
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with a coconut or something?
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Is it okay to tell them?
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You might as well.
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They seem so shocked that I remembered
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my daughter's birthday.
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Your mother was offered to take part
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in an experimental drug trial.
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It's been two months now, and
it really seems to be slowing
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down the cognitive decline.
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Oh, my gosh.
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Mom, why didn't you tell us?
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There are a lot of scary
side effects in the waiver,
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and I was worried you'd try to stop me.
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Oh, I don't think she'd
be worried about scary side
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effects for you, Bev.
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She's happier.
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She's eating better, and there are way
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more good days than bad days.
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Did the doctor say
if this was permanent?
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They don't know for sure.
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It might last forever,
or it could go away
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in a day, a week, or a month.
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And it couldn't have
happened at a better time.
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I just found out that someone
has been using my credit card.
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What kind of morally bankrupt lowlife
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would take advantage of
an old woman with dementia?
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Well, there's two sides to every story.
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And people could have
a lapse of judgment
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in a moment of desperation.
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Like it says in the Bible, judge he
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not those who we knoweth
not of their desperation,
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for they may be scared
and about to bolt.
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I believe that's the
book of... of Roger 6:13.
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So like I said,
just stopped by to say hi,
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which we'll probably do every morning
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to check in on you,
see if you're confused.
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Because if you are,
we want to jump on that.
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You know, to be here for you.
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You're not getting away
that easy, young lady.
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We have to talk.
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I'd stay, but this sounds
like it's going to be awful.
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I guess I have this coming.
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You certainly do.
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You know, when a person
gets to a certain age,
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they look back on their life,
and they take inventory
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of what they've done wrong.
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Well, you're about 30 years too late,
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but I'm enjoying the hug, so keep going.
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I so regret how poorly I've treated you.
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I want to make everything right.
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You do?
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Tomorrow, I want us to go out and have
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a fantastic day in Chicago.
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We'll go to the Art Institute
and the Historical Society.
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They have the first
piece of Wrigley's gum.
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Can you imagine it?
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And we'll go to the
Grand Hall and Union Station.
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It'll be just like
when you were a child.
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00:07:48,218 --> 00:07:50,553
But you never took me
anywhere when I was a child.
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You said it reflected badly on you.
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[laughs]
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[laughs]
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What a monster I was.
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Then this will be
the mother-daughter day
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we never had.
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00:08:01,856 --> 00:08:04,567
Oh, are you really saying that that's
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what you want to do?
192
00:08:05,610 --> 00:08:07,570
You... you want to be with me,
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even though you're not sure
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how many good days you have left?
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More than anything else in the world.
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All right.
Well, then that's what we'll do.
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We will... we'll talk
and love and forgive.
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Lots of forgiveness.
199
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Lots of wonderful, unconditional,
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00:08:28,967 --> 00:08:30,760
unretractable,
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00:08:30,885 --> 00:08:34,639
legally binding forgiveness.
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♪ ♪
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- Hey.
- Hey.
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00:08:40,061 --> 00:08:41,521
How was your day?
205
00:08:41,646 --> 00:08:44,399
Those plungers finally
come to the store?
206
00:08:44,524 --> 00:08:46,359
I know they were stuck
in Minnesota for a while.
207
00:08:46,484 --> 00:08:47,527
Yes.
208
00:08:47,652 --> 00:08:49,112
They came, thank God.
209
00:08:49,237 --> 00:08:51,197
You know, St. Patty's Day coming up.
210
00:08:51,322 --> 00:08:52,365
Corned beef and cabbage.
211
00:08:52,490 --> 00:08:53,825
You do the math.
212
00:08:54,909 --> 00:08:55,785
Oh.
213
00:08:55,910 --> 00:08:57,912
Hey, did you see this?
214
00:08:58,037 --> 00:09:00,290
All the corners chewed off?
215
00:09:00,415 --> 00:09:02,625
I think we have a rat.
216
00:09:02,751 --> 00:09:05,712
What? Wait, let me see that.
217
00:09:06,838 --> 00:09:07,797
Oh.
218
00:09:07,922 --> 00:09:09,883
Uh-huh. No, it's not a rat.
219
00:09:10,008 --> 00:09:12,510
These are Beverly Rose's bite marks.
220
00:09:12,635 --> 00:09:15,764
She's uh... she's pretending
to be a dog again.
221
00:09:15,889 --> 00:09:17,599
And it looks like
Becky changed her food,
222
00:09:17,724 --> 00:09:19,809
and she got stressed out.
223
00:09:19,934 --> 00:09:22,562
All right, well, just to be safe,
224
00:09:22,687 --> 00:09:24,564
I'm going to run to my store,
grab some rat traps.
225
00:09:24,689 --> 00:09:25,648
We've got rats?
226
00:09:25,774 --> 00:09:26,608
Oh.
227
00:09:26,733 --> 00:09:28,151
No, don't overreact.
228
00:09:28,276 --> 00:09:32,489
We maybe have one rat, or,
like, 750,000, if you trust
229
00:09:32,614 --> 00:09:34,783
Jackie's math.
230
00:09:34,908 --> 00:09:38,661
Look, just get the kind
of traps that don't kill.
231
00:09:41,623 --> 00:09:43,625
You do know that it's
only in Disney movies
232
00:09:43,750 --> 00:09:45,835
that they help you get
dressed for the ball.
233
00:09:47,337 --> 00:09:50,256
Darlene, there is
a long-standing arrangement
234
00:09:50,381 --> 00:09:52,175
between rats and humans.
235
00:09:52,300 --> 00:09:55,136
We gave them New York City,
and in the rest of the country,
236
00:09:55,261 --> 00:09:56,638
they're fair game.
237
00:09:56,763 --> 00:09:59,182
Hey, hey, hey, I am not playing around.
238
00:09:59,307 --> 00:10:00,725
Use a humane trap.
239
00:10:00,850 --> 00:10:01,851
Really?
240
00:10:01,976 --> 00:10:05,647
Being a vegan includes rats now?
241
00:10:05,772 --> 00:10:07,273
Oh... Okay, okay.
242
00:10:07,398 --> 00:10:09,734
Yes, I will try a humane trap.
243
00:10:09,859 --> 00:10:10,902
Thank you.
244
00:10:11,027 --> 00:10:12,695
[gasps] Oh, no.
245
00:10:12,821 --> 00:10:15,698
Beverly Rose ate some raisins
off of the kitchen floor
246
00:10:15,824 --> 00:10:17,116
this morning.
247
00:10:19,953 --> 00:10:20,954
You don't think...
248
00:10:21,079 --> 00:10:23,373
No, no.
249
00:10:23,497 --> 00:10:24,984
No. Okay?
250
00:10:25,109 --> 00:10:26,709
I was eating some raisins this morning.
251
00:10:26,835 --> 00:10:27,836
I dropped a few.
252
00:10:27,961 --> 00:10:30,255
Oh. Thank God.
253
00:10:38,429 --> 00:10:40,890
- First time in Chicago?
- Huh? Oh, no.
254
00:10:41,015 --> 00:10:42,077
God, no.
255
00:10:42,186 --> 00:10:44,310
No, my mom lost her mind,
but she's better now.
256
00:10:44,435 --> 00:10:47,755
So we're reliving
the childhood that I never had.
257
00:10:47,887 --> 00:10:49,591
So Union Station is our last stop.
258
00:10:49,685 --> 00:10:52,068
- You?
- Oh, my wife loves the old-world
259
00:10:52,193 --> 00:10:54,571
glamour of train travel,
and she's taking a leak.
260
00:10:54,696 --> 00:10:56,906
Yeah. No, my mom loves trains, too.
261
00:10:57,031 --> 00:10:58,908
She's been looking
forward to this all day.
262
00:10:59,033 --> 00:11:01,077
You know, it's funny when
she wasn't all there,
263
00:11:01,202 --> 00:11:04,664
I never thought that I
would get closure on all
264
00:11:04,789 --> 00:11:07,125
the crap she left me holding.
265
00:11:07,250 --> 00:11:11,588
You know, feeling insecure,
not good enough, unloved.
266
00:11:11,713 --> 00:11:14,048
And then today
at the Hancock building, I...
267
00:11:14,173 --> 00:11:15,174
I yelled at her.
268
00:11:15,300 --> 00:11:16,551
She cried. She yelled at me.
269
00:11:16,676 --> 00:11:17,719
I cried.
270
00:11:17,844 --> 00:11:19,721
Then the Swedish tour group
in the elevator with us,
271
00:11:19,846 --> 00:11:20,722
they cried.
272
00:11:20,847 --> 00:11:22,140
Those people never cry.
273
00:11:22,265 --> 00:11:26,686
So I... I just feel like
I've had 60 years of poison
274
00:11:26,811 --> 00:11:28,396
drain out of my body.
275
00:11:28,521 --> 00:11:30,607
I've never felt this good.
276
00:11:30,732 --> 00:11:33,776
So happy for you, person
I don't know or care about.
277
00:11:33,902 --> 00:11:34,903
I'm ready.
278
00:11:35,028 --> 00:11:36,112
Let's go.
279
00:11:36,237 --> 00:11:38,781
Oh, excuse me,
but the older woman in there
280
00:11:38,907 --> 00:11:40,116
with the little crocheted hat,
281
00:11:40,241 --> 00:11:41,826
does she seemed ready to come out?
282
00:11:41,951 --> 00:11:42,994
There's no one else in there.
283
00:11:43,119 --> 00:11:43,953
Oh.
284
00:11:44,078 --> 00:11:45,246
Maybe in one of the stalls.
285
00:11:45,371 --> 00:11:47,081
They're all open.
There's no one in there.
286
00:11:47,206 --> 00:11:48,166
Okay.
287
00:11:48,291 --> 00:11:49,751
'Cause I saw her.
288
00:11:52,337 --> 00:11:53,838
Mom!
289
00:11:53,963 --> 00:11:56,507
[bluesy harmonica music]
290
00:11:59,427 --> 00:12:01,554
Um. Anything in the traps?
291
00:12:01,679 --> 00:12:04,682
Nope, but the cheese keeps disappearing.
292
00:12:04,807 --> 00:12:07,268
You ate the cheese, didn't you?
293
00:12:07,393 --> 00:12:09,687
I don't know why you'd
waste something as delicious
294
00:12:09,812 --> 00:12:12,106
as pepper jack on catching a rat.
295
00:12:13,816 --> 00:12:16,194
Hey, what you doing home so early?
296
00:12:16,319 --> 00:12:18,196
You know Howard the knife guy?
297
00:12:18,321 --> 00:12:19,989
He's a person of interest in something,
298
00:12:20,114 --> 00:12:22,784
and they shut the cafeteria down.
299
00:12:28,164 --> 00:12:29,707
Why is there a kill trap on the counter?
300
00:12:29,832 --> 00:12:32,210
Because the humane ones don't work.
301
00:12:32,335 --> 00:12:34,253
The rats are too smart.
302
00:12:37,048 --> 00:12:38,716
Dad, I can't believe you're actually
303
00:12:38,841 --> 00:12:40,093
over here helping him.
304
00:12:40,218 --> 00:12:42,553
You've known how I felt about
this since I was a teenager.
305
00:12:42,679 --> 00:12:44,555
Do you remember when I made
you catch that field mouse
306
00:12:44,681 --> 00:12:45,890
and take it out to the country?
307
00:12:46,015 --> 00:12:48,893
Did you not notice it only
took me 10 minutes to get out
308
00:12:49,018 --> 00:12:51,020
to the country and come back?
309
00:12:52,730 --> 00:12:56,192
Look, sometimes we have
to make a choice, okay?
310
00:12:56,325 --> 00:12:58,348
We can't always humor
your feelings about animals
311
00:12:58,442 --> 00:12:59,529
in these situations.
312
00:12:59,654 --> 00:13:01,531
Humor my feelings? Are you kidding me?
313
00:13:01,656 --> 00:13:02,740
Oh, I know where this is going.
314
00:13:02,865 --> 00:13:04,492
Bye.
315
00:13:06,411 --> 00:13:07,578
Come on, Darlene.
316
00:13:07,704 --> 00:13:10,498
Beverly Rose is so terrified
she won't come out of her room.
317
00:13:10,623 --> 00:13:13,376
You haven't even tried
to use a humane trap.
318
00:13:13,501 --> 00:13:15,253
Why are your feelings so much more
319
00:13:15,378 --> 00:13:16,629
important than mine in this?
320
00:13:16,754 --> 00:13:17,755
Fine.
321
00:13:17,880 --> 00:13:18,798
Okay, we'll do it your way.
322
00:13:18,923 --> 00:13:21,634
We'll let him grow up,
send him to college,
323
00:13:21,759 --> 00:13:24,637
and as soon as he goes to
Myrtle Beach for spring break,
324
00:13:24,762 --> 00:13:26,889
we'll change the locks.
325
00:13:27,015 --> 00:13:28,224
Don't make fun of me.
326
00:13:28,349 --> 00:13:30,435
You know what? You're being a jerk.
327
00:13:30,560 --> 00:13:32,061
You really want to drive the rat out?
328
00:13:32,186 --> 00:13:33,688
Marry it.
329
00:13:37,608 --> 00:13:40,862
[bluesy harmonica music]
330
00:13:40,987 --> 00:13:42,780
♪ ♪
331
00:13:42,905 --> 00:13:45,616
Oh, my God. Thank you very much.
332
00:13:45,742 --> 00:13:47,577
God, I've been looking
everywhere for you.
333
00:13:47,702 --> 00:13:48,786
What are you doing?
334
00:13:48,911 --> 00:13:49,912
Don't get excited.
335
00:13:50,038 --> 00:13:51,414
I'm just getting on the train.
336
00:13:51,539 --> 00:13:52,790
I was going to text you.
337
00:13:52,915 --> 00:13:54,959
[scoffs] You can't let
this woman on the train.
338
00:13:55,084 --> 00:13:56,586
She has dementia.
339
00:13:56,711 --> 00:13:58,337
I'm fine. Ask me anything.
340
00:13:58,463 --> 00:14:01,132
The president of the United
States is that kid Joe Biden.
341
00:14:01,257 --> 00:14:03,801
The vice president is Kamala Harris.
342
00:14:03,926 --> 00:14:05,928
This is my lovely daughter,
Jackie Harris.
343
00:14:06,054 --> 00:14:07,805
No relation.
344
00:14:07,930 --> 00:14:10,808
That doesn't prove anything.
345
00:14:10,933 --> 00:14:13,227
Name one senator from our state.
346
00:14:13,352 --> 00:14:15,688
You name one senator.
347
00:14:18,232 --> 00:14:20,943
I'm not the one trying
to get on a train.
348
00:14:21,069 --> 00:14:23,863
Look, I'm no doctor,
but she seems okay to me.
349
00:14:23,988 --> 00:14:25,031
Mom, what are you doing?
350
00:14:25,156 --> 00:14:27,241
Mom, this is a train.
351
00:14:27,366 --> 00:14:28,618
It's going to take you away.
352
00:14:28,743 --> 00:14:31,162
- Do you even know where it's going?
- It's going east.
353
00:14:31,287 --> 00:14:34,540
I haven't decided where to get off yet.
Isn't that wonderful?
354
00:14:34,665 --> 00:14:37,168
But we had an amazing day together.
355
00:14:37,293 --> 00:14:38,920
What, did I do something wrong?
356
00:14:39,045 --> 00:14:41,130
No, dear. Of course not.
357
00:14:41,255 --> 00:14:42,965
You've never done anything wrong
358
00:14:43,091 --> 00:14:47,136
but try to please
an unreasonable old woman.
359
00:14:47,261 --> 00:14:50,223
Today was the best day we've ever had.
360
00:14:50,348 --> 00:14:52,517
Well, then why would
you want to leave, huh?
361
00:14:52,642 --> 00:14:53,851
What about your clothes?
362
00:14:53,976 --> 00:14:55,228
And what about your medication?
363
00:14:55,353 --> 00:14:57,118
It's all right here in my tote bag.
364
00:14:57,235 --> 00:14:58,648
I've got a lot of Lululemon.
365
00:14:58,773 --> 00:15:01,818
It rolls up very small.
366
00:15:01,943 --> 00:15:04,153
Wait, so you were planning this?
367
00:15:04,278 --> 00:15:07,865
So was this day
all just to get me to drive
368
00:15:07,990 --> 00:15:09,784
you to the train station?
369
00:15:09,909 --> 00:15:10,827
No, dear.
370
00:15:10,952 --> 00:15:12,578
I could have taken a cab, but I wanted
371
00:15:12,703 --> 00:15:14,747
to have this day with you.
372
00:15:14,872 --> 00:15:18,501
I wanted your face to be
the last one I saw before I
373
00:15:18,626 --> 00:15:20,670
went on my grand adventure.
374
00:15:22,463 --> 00:15:23,923
Please don't do this.
375
00:15:24,048 --> 00:15:25,007
I have to.
376
00:15:25,133 --> 00:15:26,843
I'm not going to sit around my apartment
377
00:15:26,968 --> 00:15:28,886
until I don't know where I am.
378
00:15:29,011 --> 00:15:30,680
I want to die living.
379
00:15:30,805 --> 00:15:32,056
But it isn't fair.
380
00:15:32,181 --> 00:15:34,350
We finally have a day
where I want you to stay,
381
00:15:34,475 --> 00:15:35,768
but now you're leaving me?
382
00:15:35,893 --> 00:15:38,813
That's why I gave you this day.
383
00:15:38,938 --> 00:15:40,523
If I knew for sure I could remember
384
00:15:40,648 --> 00:15:44,110
to love you every day,
I would never leave you.
385
00:15:44,235 --> 00:15:45,862
Give my nurse a good tip.
386
00:15:45,987 --> 00:15:47,822
I have a reputation.
387
00:15:47,947 --> 00:15:49,073
Mom.
388
00:15:49,198 --> 00:15:50,867
All aboard!
389
00:15:50,992 --> 00:15:52,869
And don't worry about the credit card.
390
00:15:52,994 --> 00:15:55,371
I called and said there were my charges.
391
00:15:55,496 --> 00:15:58,207
I hope you and the family
enjoy everything you scammed
392
00:15:58,332 --> 00:16:00,209
from the credit card people.
393
00:16:00,334 --> 00:16:02,211
I know that I am.
394
00:16:03,504 --> 00:16:06,048
You know, I could grab you
right now and keep you here.
395
00:16:06,174 --> 00:16:07,884
But you won't.
396
00:16:09,010 --> 00:16:10,720
Now wave goodbye.
397
00:16:16,893 --> 00:16:18,352
Don't get murdered.
398
00:16:22,273 --> 00:16:25,943
[bluesy harmonica music]
399
00:16:29,906 --> 00:16:31,866
There you are.
400
00:16:31,991 --> 00:16:34,744
God, I've been looking
all over town for you.
401
00:16:34,869 --> 00:16:36,495
Even went to Costco
to see if you were trying
402
00:16:36,621 --> 00:16:39,248
flannels on in the boys' section.
403
00:16:41,834 --> 00:16:43,294
I was worried.
404
00:16:43,419 --> 00:16:45,504
You know, I didn't mean
to make you that upset.
405
00:16:45,630 --> 00:16:47,256
Well, I didn't think you noticed.
406
00:16:47,381 --> 00:16:50,635
Look, I know how much
you care about animals.
407
00:16:50,760 --> 00:16:53,387
Probably more than you care about me.
408
00:16:56,515 --> 00:17:00,353
That's... that's where you
jump in and say no, but okay.
409
00:17:00,478 --> 00:17:03,147
And I tried to catch
the rat in a humane way,
410
00:17:03,272 --> 00:17:05,566
but it just wasn't going to happen.
411
00:17:05,691 --> 00:17:07,151
No, you're not getting it.
412
00:17:07,276 --> 00:17:09,237
This isn't just about the rat.
413
00:17:09,362 --> 00:17:11,364
You're not really listening to me.
414
00:17:11,489 --> 00:17:13,157
It's like when I talk about my job
415
00:17:13,282 --> 00:17:15,243
and I tell you how hard it is for me
416
00:17:15,368 --> 00:17:17,995
to go in and serve meat
every day, you just dismiss it,
417
00:17:18,120 --> 00:17:19,247
or you make a joke.
418
00:17:19,372 --> 00:17:21,499
Well, I make a joke,
because you make a joke.
419
00:17:21,624 --> 00:17:25,544
I mean, that's the foundation
of our whole marriage, right?
420
00:17:25,670 --> 00:17:29,507
We both have horrible lives,
but we can laugh about it.
421
00:17:29,632 --> 00:17:32,635
Yeah, but sometimes jokes aren't jokes.
422
00:17:32,760 --> 00:17:35,471
I need you to check in
on me and see how I'm feeling
423
00:17:35,596 --> 00:17:37,723
every once in a while,
just like I asked you
424
00:17:37,848 --> 00:17:40,142
about your stupid plungers,
for God's sakes,
425
00:17:40,268 --> 00:17:43,980
because I know that's
a stress in your job.
426
00:17:44,105 --> 00:17:46,482
I... I guess I'm still learning
427
00:17:46,607 --> 00:17:48,359
to figure out which ones are jokes
428
00:17:48,484 --> 00:17:51,946
and which are a cry for help.
429
00:17:52,071 --> 00:17:54,323
Look, I get that
there's a learning curve.
430
00:17:54,448 --> 00:17:57,243
But let's say I make
a joke about the same thing
431
00:17:57,368 --> 00:17:59,078
3,000 times.
432
00:17:59,203 --> 00:18:01,580
That is your clue
that something is bugging me
433
00:18:01,706 --> 00:18:03,249
and to take it seriously.
434
00:18:03,374 --> 00:18:04,792
You got it.
435
00:18:04,917 --> 00:18:07,253
Okay, so what happens
if I check in on you
436
00:18:07,378 --> 00:18:11,340
and you were making a joke
and didn't need me to check in?
437
00:18:11,465 --> 00:18:13,050
Well, then you're being too clingy,
438
00:18:13,175 --> 00:18:15,678
and that's, like, a huge turnoff.
439
00:18:17,930 --> 00:18:18,973
So I can't win?
440
00:18:19,098 --> 00:18:21,726
- Yeah, now you're getting it.
- [laughs]
441
00:18:21,851 --> 00:18:24,520
[bluesy harmonica music]
442
00:18:24,645 --> 00:18:27,690
[piano notes plunking]
443
00:18:30,651 --> 00:18:34,989
Uh, what's up with the chickens?
444
00:18:35,114 --> 00:18:37,992
We wanted to show you that
we care about animals, too,
445
00:18:38,117 --> 00:18:40,286
so tonight, we're not serving chicken.
446
00:18:40,411 --> 00:18:41,787
We're serving chickens.
447
00:18:43,622 --> 00:18:45,458
Wait, you're not just fattening them up
448
00:18:45,583 --> 00:18:47,626
to eat them later, right?
449
00:18:47,752 --> 00:18:49,837
No, no.
450
00:18:49,962 --> 00:18:52,340
That would be wrong.
451
00:18:52,465 --> 00:18:54,300
Right?
452
00:18:57,553 --> 00:18:58,637
Jackie's here.
453
00:18:58,763 --> 00:19:00,431
I gotta hear about her day with Bev.
454
00:19:01,682 --> 00:19:03,476
So how was it?
455
00:19:03,601 --> 00:19:05,394
Is Bev going to press charges?
456
00:19:05,519 --> 00:19:06,354
No.
457
00:19:06,479 --> 00:19:08,606
She's covering for us.
458
00:19:08,731 --> 00:19:11,067
Oh, thank God.
459
00:19:11,192 --> 00:19:13,903
I finally got the mother
I've always wanted today.
460
00:19:14,028 --> 00:19:16,280
And the day ended at Union Station,
461
00:19:16,405 --> 00:19:21,494
where my mom got on a train
and went God knows where.
462
00:19:23,662 --> 00:19:25,498
What are you talking about?
463
00:19:25,623 --> 00:19:26,999
Bev didn't want to live the rest
464
00:19:27,124 --> 00:19:29,001
of her life confined to her home,
465
00:19:29,126 --> 00:19:31,337
so she set off on a glorious journey.
466
00:19:31,462 --> 00:19:34,256
And she'll just see where it takes her.
467
00:19:34,382 --> 00:19:36,467
What a day.
468
00:19:37,259 --> 00:19:39,804
Are you out of your damn mind?
469
00:19:39,929 --> 00:19:42,306
You let a 96-year-old woman who thought
470
00:19:42,431 --> 00:19:45,851
her granddaughter
was Davy Jones a few weeks ago
471
00:19:45,976 --> 00:19:48,187
get on a train alone?
472
00:19:48,312 --> 00:19:49,814
And you don't even
know where she's going?
473
00:19:49,939 --> 00:19:51,232
I didn't need to.
474
00:19:51,357 --> 00:19:53,192
She's doing what she wants,
and she's thinking
475
00:19:53,317 --> 00:19:54,360
pretty clearly now, too.
476
00:19:54,485 --> 00:19:55,236
Ask Dan.
477
00:19:55,361 --> 00:19:56,404
Yeah, she is...
478
00:19:56,529 --> 00:19:57,613
for now.
479
00:19:57,738 --> 00:19:59,907
Wow, I really thought the chicken
480
00:20:00,032 --> 00:20:02,576
playing piano was going to be
the highlight of the night.
481
00:20:04,412 --> 00:20:07,289
You're not really being
serious, are you, Aunt Jackie?
482
00:20:07,415 --> 00:20:09,125
You stopped her, right? Come on.
483
00:20:09,250 --> 00:20:10,334
God, you guys just don't get it.
484
00:20:10,459 --> 00:20:12,294
You guys don't understand how beautiful
485
00:20:12,420 --> 00:20:17,383
it is to see an old, frail
woman get on a train alone
486
00:20:17,508 --> 00:20:19,718
and not know where she's going.
487
00:20:19,844 --> 00:20:24,223
I mean, I don't think
I've ever seen her happier.
488
00:20:24,348 --> 00:20:26,642
Sure, because she thinks
she's on a train to Marrakesh
489
00:20:26,767 --> 00:20:29,061
with Crosby, Stills, and Nash.
490
00:20:29,186 --> 00:20:30,855
She wasn't just leaving.
491
00:20:30,980 --> 00:20:34,900
She was giving me the gift
of closure and release
492
00:20:35,025 --> 00:20:36,569
from responsibility.
493
00:20:36,694 --> 00:20:37,820
I'm tracking her phone.
494
00:20:37,945 --> 00:20:39,822
If she gets into trouble,
I can go get her.
495
00:20:39,947 --> 00:20:43,284
I swear, you people,
you couldn't appreciate
496
00:20:43,409 --> 00:20:45,703
something profound and moving if it
497
00:20:45,828 --> 00:20:47,371
was right in front of you.
498
00:20:47,496 --> 00:20:48,581
[scoffs] Oh, yeah?
499
00:20:48,706 --> 00:20:49,957
You might feel differently
when you see what's
500
00:20:50,082 --> 00:20:51,167
going on in the kitchen.
501
00:20:51,292 --> 00:20:53,210
[piano notes plunking]
502
00:20:53,335 --> 00:20:55,212
Well, that's the most ridicul...
503
00:20:55,337 --> 00:20:58,591
It takes two chickens
to peck out "Heart and Soul."
504
00:20:58,716 --> 00:21:00,551
[piano notes plunking]
505
00:21:01,760 --> 00:21:03,762
[piano notes plunking]
506
00:21:03,888 --> 00:21:06,765
[bluesy rock music]
507
00:21:06,891 --> 00:21:13,981
♪ ♪
508
00:21:27,119 --> 00:21:28,454
[child giggles]