1 00:00:29,279 --> 00:00:33,074 SO CLOSE TO LIFE 2 00:01:12,906 --> 00:01:18,452 CASUALTY ADMISSION AND ISOLATION WARD 3 00:02:13,383 --> 00:02:15,468 You may come in now. 4 00:02:35,656 --> 00:02:40,826 I'm Schoolmaster Ellius. I spoke to Dr Karlsson on the phone. 5 00:02:40,952 --> 00:02:43,829 He told me to phone for an ambulance and come here. 6 00:02:43,955 --> 00:02:47,625 - Was it your wife who was bleeding? - Yes. 7 00:02:49,920 --> 00:02:53,130 - Nurse Mari. - Mrs Ellius. 8 00:02:53,256 --> 00:02:56,092 - How are you feeling? - I'm in pain. 9 00:02:56,218 --> 00:03:01,263 - Does it feel like contractions? - It hurts, then it stops, 10 00:03:01,390 --> 00:03:06,185 - then it hurts again and bleeds. - The doctor will see you soon. 11 00:03:06,311 --> 00:03:09,105 - You may sit down and wait. - Thank you. 12 00:03:09,231 --> 00:03:12,149 Be a brave girl, now, and everything will be fine. 13 00:03:12,984 --> 00:03:15,695 I'll stay for now, so I'm here if you need me. 14 00:03:15,821 --> 00:03:17,905 Just remember, Cissi... 15 00:03:22,244 --> 00:03:26,747 Do you really want this baby, Anders? I need to know. 16 00:03:26,873 --> 00:03:31,752 Finally, I need to know. I didn't want to before, but now I need to. 17 00:03:31,878 --> 00:03:38,426 There is nothing you and I can do. The doctors will do all they can. 18 00:03:38,552 --> 00:03:43,055 If it's humanly possible to save the baby, it will be saved. 19 00:03:43,181 --> 00:03:46,308 Just hand yourself over to the doctors. 20 00:03:46,435 --> 00:03:49,729 A large parcel with a small one inside. 21 00:04:06,913 --> 00:04:10,875 Stay calm, Cissi. Stay calm, and everything will be fine. 22 00:04:27,934 --> 00:04:31,437 I just need to know your date of birth. 23 00:04:31,563 --> 00:04:34,190 March 20th, 1930. 24 00:04:34,316 --> 00:04:36,942 Your full name and maiden name. 25 00:04:37,068 --> 00:04:41,155 Kristina Cecilia Ellius, maiden name - Lindgren. 26 00:04:41,281 --> 00:04:45,201 - Address and telephone number? - 23 Cederdalsgatan. 27 00:04:45,327 --> 00:04:47,620 201879. 28 00:04:47,746 --> 00:04:52,541 - And what is your occupation? - I work at the Agency for Education. 29 00:04:52,667 --> 00:04:54,919 Just write "secretary". 30 00:04:55,587 --> 00:04:59,006 When was the first day of your last period? 31 00:05:00,592 --> 00:05:05,095 I can't remember, Nurse. When the doctor said we had to hurry... 32 00:05:05,222 --> 00:05:09,683 The doctor will see you as soon as he can. We have to admit you first. 33 00:05:23,281 --> 00:05:25,616 June 27. 34 00:05:25,742 --> 00:05:29,829 - So you are two months pregnant? - Yes. 35 00:05:37,212 --> 00:05:40,631 The doctor is on his way. Call for me if you need me. 36 00:06:16,960 --> 00:06:20,546 Nurse! Nurse... 37 00:06:20,672 --> 00:06:22,631 Nurse! 38 00:06:22,757 --> 00:06:24,466 It's leaving me! 39 00:06:40,483 --> 00:06:44,194 - How is it, Doctor? - We will give you an injection now. 40 00:06:44,321 --> 00:06:48,407 I mean... how is the baby? 41 00:06:52,746 --> 00:06:54,872 I want to know exactly. 42 00:06:58,126 --> 00:07:01,128 But I already know. 43 00:07:01,254 --> 00:07:02,755 It has left me. 44 00:07:04,591 --> 00:07:07,676 Yes. Unfortunately. 45 00:07:07,802 --> 00:07:11,180 But it would have gone wrong even if you had come in earlier. 46 00:07:12,307 --> 00:07:15,476 Something failed from the start. 47 00:07:18,980 --> 00:07:20,606 I see. 48 00:07:23,193 --> 00:07:25,569 Could you see what it would have been? 49 00:07:26,947 --> 00:07:30,074 No, you can't tell. 50 00:07:31,284 --> 00:07:35,871 Now you'll sleep, Mrs Ellius, while we perform a curettage. 51 00:07:36,289 --> 00:07:39,041 To clean everything up for the next time. 52 00:07:39,167 --> 00:07:42,461 I don't think there will be a next... 53 00:08:26,172 --> 00:08:28,924 The poor thing is in pain. 54 00:08:29,050 --> 00:08:31,260 I wonder if she knows yet. 55 00:08:31,386 --> 00:08:34,221 Don't feel sorry for her. She has it made. 56 00:08:56,036 --> 00:08:59,038 Oh, dear. What are we going to do with her? 57 00:09:12,052 --> 00:09:13,677 Let's move down a little. 58 00:09:30,779 --> 00:09:33,155 She's still affected by the anaesthetics. 59 00:09:37,410 --> 00:09:41,330 Good morning, Mrs Ellius. I am Nurse Brita. 60 00:09:41,456 --> 00:09:46,085 We've performed the curettage. You might feel nauseous for a while. 61 00:09:47,545 --> 00:09:49,963 It was wrong from the start. 62 00:09:50,090 --> 00:09:53,634 There should never have been a baby. 63 00:09:53,760 --> 00:09:56,220 Don't say anything. I already know. 64 00:09:56,638 --> 00:09:59,973 Don't try to comfort me, I don't need it right now. 65 00:10:01,392 --> 00:10:05,395 But I have to say it. I have to say it, now that I see it clearly. 66 00:10:06,940 --> 00:10:10,275 I have never seen anything so clearly in my life. 67 00:10:10,819 --> 00:10:14,404 This baby was not wanted. 68 00:10:14,531 --> 00:10:16,240 Its father did not want it. 69 00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:20,744 Its mother was not strong enough to love it on her own. 70 00:10:20,870 --> 00:10:25,999 That's why it could not be born, and was just flushed away down the drain. 71 00:10:27,794 --> 00:10:32,256 Or put in a jar for scientific purposes. 72 00:10:35,051 --> 00:10:36,677 I have heard how it's done. 73 00:10:36,803 --> 00:10:41,265 You have flushed away what would have been my child. 74 00:10:42,267 --> 00:10:45,060 I deserved it, because I wasn't strong enough. 75 00:10:46,437 --> 00:10:48,063 I didn't love it enough. 76 00:10:50,900 --> 00:10:54,027 You can't leave, Nurse. You must listen to me. 77 00:10:54,654 --> 00:10:57,781 I never usually speak, but now I have to speak. 78 00:10:58,533 --> 00:11:03,620 I don't feel any nausea, only a tremendous clarity. 79 00:11:07,292 --> 00:11:11,545 I have always known it... 80 00:11:11,671 --> 00:11:15,299 known that I wouldn't be good enough... 81 00:11:15,425 --> 00:11:18,719 neither as a wife nor a mother. 82 00:11:19,429 --> 00:11:22,681 Some people are predestined never to be good enough. 83 00:11:25,476 --> 00:11:27,519 Don't you think so, Nurse? 84 00:11:28,438 --> 00:11:30,480 And they know it from the start. 85 00:11:34,736 --> 00:11:37,529 I didn't see it as clearly then as I do now. 86 00:11:39,574 --> 00:11:42,117 Now it feels as if I have always known. 87 00:11:43,244 --> 00:11:48,332 When I found out I was pregnant I could not be happy. 88 00:11:49,125 --> 00:11:55,339 Deep inside, something said, "This baby will never be born." 89 00:11:57,675 --> 00:12:00,344 I knew Anders didn't love me. 90 00:12:00,803 --> 00:12:05,515 He never told me, of course. He would never say such a thing. 91 00:12:06,267 --> 00:12:08,769 But I saw it in his eyes. 92 00:12:09,312 --> 00:12:14,441 I saw it in his eyes when I told him we were having a baby. 93 00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:24,117 It was nothing. It can't be anything. 94 00:12:24,911 --> 00:12:29,998 This is over now. And the grief won't kill me either. 95 00:12:30,124 --> 00:12:36,129 I will eat, laugh and sleep again. I have slept and laughed already. 96 00:12:37,215 --> 00:12:41,593 Everyone will be so nice to me now. Flowers and books. 97 00:12:41,719 --> 00:12:44,221 I am just that type, you see. 98 00:12:44,347 --> 00:12:50,227 I have my friends and my work, and all the beautiful things. 99 00:12:50,353 --> 00:12:53,397 I make such beautiful embroideries. 100 00:12:53,523 --> 00:12:57,276 All of that will come back to me once I get out of here. 101 00:12:57,402 --> 00:13:01,905 In here, everything is different. I can feel it. 102 00:13:02,031 --> 00:13:07,119 You act differently in here. 103 00:13:08,663 --> 00:13:13,667 Even I do, poor little scared Cecilia Ellius. 104 00:13:14,168 --> 00:13:18,297 Maybe not only wombs are forced open here... 105 00:13:18,423 --> 00:13:20,799 but the entire person. 106 00:13:23,678 --> 00:13:26,263 I will never forget this moment. 107 00:13:26,931 --> 00:13:32,769 This close, you see... I will never be this close to life again. 108 00:13:32,895 --> 00:13:38,984 At least it has gone through my hands, through my womb. 109 00:13:39,110 --> 00:13:41,611 But like water. 110 00:13:41,738 --> 00:13:43,655 Like water. 111 00:13:43,781 --> 00:13:47,951 Not leaving any trace behind. 112 00:15:10,827 --> 00:15:16,289 My mum used to do this to me. It may not help, but it feels good. 113 00:15:18,167 --> 00:15:22,504 My mother did the same. It does feel good. 114 00:15:22,630 --> 00:15:25,799 - Is that better? - Much better. 115 00:15:26,008 --> 00:15:29,761 I suppose it's the effect of the anaesthetics. 116 00:15:30,721 --> 00:15:32,848 I talked a lot. 117 00:15:32,974 --> 00:15:35,892 How did I end up in this bed? 118 00:15:36,018 --> 00:15:41,148 - You were like a lifeless doll. - Lifeless doll? 119 00:15:41,649 --> 00:15:46,653 - I shouldn't be so forward. - Why not? 120 00:15:46,779 --> 00:15:50,365 - My name is Cecilia. - I'm Stina. 121 00:15:50,491 --> 00:15:52,367 And that's Hj�rdis over there. 122 00:15:52,493 --> 00:15:55,328 Your husband will visit you soon. 123 00:15:55,455 --> 00:16:01,042 Visitors aren't allowed at daytime, but Nurse Brita made an exception. 124 00:16:01,169 --> 00:16:06,423 Hj�rdis and I can leave the room if you like. We can go for a walk. 125 00:16:06,549 --> 00:16:08,967 That won't be necessary. 126 00:16:14,807 --> 00:16:17,350 If only I could cry. 127 00:16:18,269 --> 00:16:21,980 You have already been crying, but while you were sleeping. 128 00:16:22,106 --> 00:16:26,610 You sat up in bed and cried your eyes out. I felt so sorry for you. 129 00:16:27,403 --> 00:16:30,989 A lot of things have happened without me knowing. 130 00:16:31,115 --> 00:16:35,076 But still I feel as if I have always known it. 131 00:16:36,078 --> 00:16:39,456 - Known what? - That the baby wouldn't make it. 132 00:16:41,834 --> 00:16:45,045 It may not be that unusual when it's your first. 133 00:16:45,171 --> 00:16:50,675 My mum had it like that the first time, but then it was all fine. 134 00:16:51,344 --> 00:16:54,804 She practically danced them out. She had seven in nine years. 135 00:16:54,931 --> 00:16:57,265 I won't have another one. 136 00:17:05,399 --> 00:17:08,735 - How are you feeling, Mrs Ellius? - Much better, thanks. 137 00:17:08,861 --> 00:17:11,321 Schoolmaster Ellius will be here any moment. 138 00:17:11,447 --> 00:17:17,160 - How long will I have to stay here? - Three, four days, I suppose. 139 00:17:17,286 --> 00:17:21,289 Nurse Brita? The nappies are done now. 140 00:17:21,415 --> 00:17:25,919 We should postpone your delivery so that you can do all our linen. 141 00:17:26,045 --> 00:17:29,422 But it's against the rules. The patients cannot work. 142 00:17:29,549 --> 00:17:35,720 I must keep busy. This boy who won't come out is getting on my nerves. 143 00:17:35,846 --> 00:17:39,808 - Let's call it therapy, then. - That sounds grand. 144 00:17:39,934 --> 00:17:43,520 It's to make sure you don't start climbing the curtains. 145 00:17:43,646 --> 00:17:48,525 - They would never hold my weight. - That's what I was afraid of. 146 00:17:52,154 --> 00:17:55,574 - What can we get for Mrs Ellius? - Nothing, thank you. 147 00:17:55,700 --> 00:17:59,160 - Oh yes, some tea or soup. - Thank you. 148 00:17:59,287 --> 00:18:01,830 - He's here. - Your husband is already here. 149 00:18:01,956 --> 00:18:04,499 Please put the screen up, Nurse Maud. 150 00:18:08,004 --> 00:18:10,547 - Good afternoon. - Good afternoon. 151 00:18:22,226 --> 00:18:24,311 Thank you. 152 00:18:27,189 --> 00:18:30,650 - How kind of you. - Not kind, Cissi. 153 00:18:31,027 --> 00:18:35,155 - Is it not kind? - You talk as if to a stranger. 154 00:18:35,281 --> 00:18:39,159 Is that not what you are? You've always been kind to me. 155 00:18:39,285 --> 00:18:41,870 Like a stranger. Someone at a distance. 156 00:18:41,996 --> 00:18:45,040 Don't argue. Let me say what I want. 157 00:18:45,166 --> 00:18:48,376 I can only say it here, in this moment. 158 00:18:51,339 --> 00:18:53,673 Thank you, Nurse. 159 00:18:53,799 --> 00:18:57,844 - Won't you have some tea? - I'll try. 160 00:18:59,930 --> 00:19:03,725 I won't argue with you. Say what you have to say. 161 00:19:04,226 --> 00:19:07,395 - But don't strain yourself. - I wanted to say 162 00:19:08,064 --> 00:19:12,150 - that I know you don't love me. - Shouldn't this wait... 163 00:19:12,276 --> 00:19:16,946 - You weren't happy about the baby. - You are tired and upset. 164 00:19:17,073 --> 00:19:23,286 - Let's be sensible now. - I've always done the sensible thing. 165 00:19:23,412 --> 00:19:27,540 - If we had screamed just once... - Cecilia, I beg you... 166 00:19:32,755 --> 00:19:36,091 You may have believed that you loved me once. 167 00:19:36,967 --> 00:19:42,931 Then we got married, and you were too kind to admit that it was a mistake. 168 00:19:43,891 --> 00:19:47,727 When did you realise that it was a mistake, if I may ask? 169 00:19:48,396 --> 00:19:49,896 Yesterday. 170 00:19:50,022 --> 00:19:54,359 I walked up the stairs, and blood was pouring out of me. 171 00:19:54,485 --> 00:19:58,530 I was afraid. I turned around to look at you. 172 00:19:59,365 --> 00:20:02,742 - I saw the truth in your eyes. - Well... 173 00:20:03,744 --> 00:20:05,787 what did the truth tell you? 174 00:20:06,372 --> 00:20:11,000 It said, "I don't love you. Our marriage was a mistake. 175 00:20:11,127 --> 00:20:16,798 - "This baby should not be born." - I have never suggested that. 176 00:20:19,552 --> 00:20:23,555 You don't love me. That's all. 177 00:20:23,681 --> 00:20:30,353 I'm a disappointment and a pain. Not what you had hoped for. 178 00:20:30,479 --> 00:20:34,232 I couldn't even bear you a child. 179 00:20:35,443 --> 00:20:40,113 Can't you see what a terrible confirmation of my uselessness it is? 180 00:20:40,239 --> 00:20:43,783 I must set you free. I want you to be happy. 181 00:20:43,909 --> 00:20:47,245 You want me to be happy, but what about yourself? 182 00:20:49,248 --> 00:20:53,626 I will be happy if I know that you are happy. 183 00:20:53,753 --> 00:20:55,879 I want to go away, Anders. 184 00:20:58,716 --> 00:21:04,304 It's what I've always wanted. I am not a strong person. 185 00:21:04,430 --> 00:21:06,014 I'm not suited to life. 186 00:21:09,018 --> 00:21:11,102 At least, I'm not suited to marriage. 187 00:21:14,815 --> 00:21:18,276 Do you mean to tell me that you wish for our marriage to be dissolved? 188 00:21:23,991 --> 00:21:25,950 I want to set you free, Anders. 189 00:21:27,620 --> 00:21:29,788 I think I've known it for a long time. 190 00:21:29,914 --> 00:21:33,374 But I can see it more clearly after what happened last night. 191 00:21:34,543 --> 00:21:37,587 And it's easier to do this. 192 00:21:40,466 --> 00:21:44,636 But all we've built together... Everything at home. 193 00:21:44,762 --> 00:21:49,432 - Our furniture and books... - Leave the worldly goods be. 194 00:21:49,558 --> 00:21:51,893 Leave them for later. 195 00:21:52,019 --> 00:21:54,521 And later? What happens later? 196 00:21:54,647 --> 00:21:57,524 You have to give me time. 197 00:21:57,650 --> 00:22:01,402 - Should I not come here again? - It's better that way. 198 00:22:01,529 --> 00:22:06,991 - Maybe I should take these back too. - Let me keep them. Please. 199 00:22:07,117 --> 00:22:11,287 - Cissi... - Go now, Anders. Go. 200 00:22:15,543 --> 00:22:20,505 I will take the liberty to call the nurse and enquire about your health. 201 00:22:20,631 --> 00:22:25,593 - That's very kind of you. - You know very well that I don't... 202 00:22:43,112 --> 00:22:47,949 - Should I leave your tea here? - No, thank you. 203 00:23:07,052 --> 00:23:10,138 I'm Dr Thylenius. I'd like to ask some questions. 204 00:23:11,891 --> 00:23:16,561 Have you been healthy until now, or have you ever been hospitalised? 205 00:23:16,687 --> 00:23:21,441 I have never been to hospital before. But as a young girl I had a heart problem. 206 00:23:22,568 --> 00:23:24,819 Then we'd better listen to it. 207 00:23:26,155 --> 00:23:28,031 That's good, thank you. 208 00:23:33,287 --> 00:23:35,204 No, nothing. 209 00:23:39,168 --> 00:23:41,544 When did you have your first period? 210 00:23:41,670 --> 00:23:43,630 Not until I was sixteen. 211 00:23:45,049 --> 00:23:48,051 - Do you have any other children? - No. 212 00:23:48,177 --> 00:23:51,179 - Have you had a miscarriage before? - No. 213 00:23:53,057 --> 00:23:56,643 Have you ever had a venereal disease? Gonorrhoea or syphilis? 214 00:23:58,020 --> 00:24:00,021 No, I never had anything like that. 215 00:24:05,653 --> 00:24:08,363 Have you done anything to instigate this abortion? 216 00:24:10,074 --> 00:24:12,241 I'm sorry, could you repeat that? 217 00:24:12,368 --> 00:24:16,037 I asked if you have done anything to instigate this abortion. 218 00:24:16,163 --> 00:24:19,874 No, I have not done anything. I wanted the baby. 219 00:24:22,628 --> 00:24:25,797 That would be all. Thank you. 220 00:26:17,326 --> 00:26:20,703 - Andersson's sport shop. - May I speak to Tage? 221 00:26:20,829 --> 00:26:23,539 - Tage who? - Tage Lindin. 222 00:26:25,626 --> 00:26:30,088 - Hello? - Hello, Tage, it's Hj�rdis. 223 00:26:30,214 --> 00:26:34,550 - Hi, how are you? - Not great, Tage. 224 00:26:34,676 --> 00:26:38,930 It'll be better once you get out. Just wait and see. 225 00:26:40,015 --> 00:26:43,226 Why don't you come and see me tonight? 226 00:26:43,352 --> 00:26:46,354 I'm allowed visitors in the evenings. 227 00:26:46,480 --> 00:26:52,443 - I need to talk to you. - You're crazy. In a place like that? 228 00:26:52,569 --> 00:26:58,116 Lots of people come here. Husbands, fianc�s and others. 229 00:26:58,242 --> 00:27:00,326 I'm not a goddamn fianc�. 230 00:27:01,370 --> 00:27:06,374 - But your the child's father. - I'll fix it when you get out. 231 00:27:06,500 --> 00:27:12,964 - Not like last time. I won't do it. - Not like last time. I promise. 232 00:27:13,090 --> 00:27:17,760 What should I do? What should I tell them here? 233 00:27:17,886 --> 00:27:23,850 They keep asking questions. About what I have done and what I will do. 234 00:27:23,976 --> 00:27:26,269 Their questions drive me crazy. 235 00:27:26,395 --> 00:27:30,439 Just stay silent. Stay silent as the grave. 236 00:27:30,566 --> 00:27:34,527 They're not putting the screws on you, are they? 237 00:27:34,653 --> 00:27:39,740 Cheer up now. I can't stand here all day talking. 238 00:27:39,867 --> 00:27:41,492 Bye. 239 00:28:01,722 --> 00:28:04,182 Aren't they wonderful? 240 00:28:04,308 --> 00:28:07,852 We should talk some more. I have a minute. 241 00:28:10,439 --> 00:28:13,399 - We have nothing more to talk about. - Come on. 242 00:28:30,292 --> 00:28:34,086 Things are going well now, Nurse Brita said. 243 00:28:34,213 --> 00:28:39,300 There hasn't been any more bleeding, and there are no worrying signs. 244 00:28:39,426 --> 00:28:41,344 Please sit. 245 00:28:45,140 --> 00:28:46,432 But... 246 00:28:49,269 --> 00:28:53,606 Maybe you're not happy about it. Maybe you would have preferred... 247 00:28:56,318 --> 00:29:02,156 Well... you don't think marrying the father of the baby is an option, 248 00:29:02,282 --> 00:29:05,201 and you don't want to go to your parents' house. 249 00:29:05,327 --> 00:29:08,079 Your parents still don't know anything. 250 00:29:12,125 --> 00:29:16,754 I would like to remind you once more of what I said before. 251 00:29:16,880 --> 00:29:20,508 The situation for an unmarried mother in Sweden today 252 00:29:20,634 --> 00:29:24,345 is completely different to what it was 30, 40 years ago. 253 00:29:26,348 --> 00:29:30,476 The state is there to help and protect the mother 254 00:29:30,602 --> 00:29:32,520 as she fights for her child. 255 00:29:34,481 --> 00:29:38,109 There's maternity allowance and child benefit, 256 00:29:38,235 --> 00:29:41,696 there's free maternity care and social security. 257 00:29:44,408 --> 00:29:47,159 The rights of the child are protected by law 258 00:29:47,286 --> 00:29:50,288 and a child ombudsman will support you. 259 00:29:50,414 --> 00:29:55,793 He will make sure you receive maintenance from the father. 260 00:29:57,879 --> 00:30:03,592 There are care homes where you are welcome before and after the birth. 261 00:30:03,719 --> 00:30:07,972 It would of course be better if you contacted your parents. 262 00:30:09,516 --> 00:30:14,061 You are... You are afraid of your mother, aren't you? 263 00:30:14,187 --> 00:30:17,106 - I could call... - I'm not afraid of my mother. 264 00:30:18,317 --> 00:30:23,070 Don't worry. We won't do anything that you don't agree to. 265 00:30:23,196 --> 00:30:27,575 Please understand that the views on this have changed enormously. 266 00:30:27,701 --> 00:30:31,620 It is neither shameful nor unfortunate for a girl to give birth. 267 00:30:31,747 --> 00:30:35,374 You can call yourself "Mrs" and get yourself a house. 268 00:30:35,959 --> 00:30:38,961 Where would I get the money? The bank? 269 00:30:39,087 --> 00:30:43,632 You'll get a home loan and priority on the housing list. 270 00:30:43,759 --> 00:30:48,262 - How will I pay the rent? - You would have to work, of course. 271 00:30:48,388 --> 00:30:52,475 - Then who would look after... - There are excellent nurseries, 272 00:30:52,601 --> 00:30:55,186 with low fees for low-income workers. 273 00:30:55,312 --> 00:30:59,690 - And at night? When you get sick? - Well... 274 00:30:59,816 --> 00:31:02,568 some things you have to do yourself. 275 00:31:02,694 --> 00:31:06,572 The joy of having a child, something to live for... 276 00:31:08,492 --> 00:31:12,703 Tell me... won't you try to see it that way? 277 00:31:12,829 --> 00:31:14,789 As a gift. 278 00:31:14,915 --> 00:31:16,707 Something precious. 279 00:31:18,335 --> 00:31:23,506 Something not everyone gets, no matter how much they want it. 280 00:31:25,217 --> 00:31:28,427 There are women who can never have children, because... 281 00:31:29,513 --> 00:31:32,056 You are trying to scare me into crying. 282 00:31:32,933 --> 00:31:36,352 No, my dear. I don't want to scare you. 283 00:31:36,770 --> 00:31:38,854 I am not your dear. 284 00:31:39,398 --> 00:31:42,817 And you do want me to cry, because then I am soft. 285 00:31:42,943 --> 00:31:48,489 Once I'm soft you will question me and force me to talk. 286 00:31:48,615 --> 00:31:52,743 - We won't force you. - You'll force me to give birth. 287 00:31:52,869 --> 00:31:57,498 Money this and money that. Homes here and homes there. 288 00:31:57,624 --> 00:32:01,377 "Aren't they wonderful?" 289 00:32:01,503 --> 00:32:06,549 I find them disgusting. Disgusting and repulsive. 290 00:32:06,675 --> 00:32:11,846 What do you know about such things? You've just read books at a desk. 291 00:32:11,972 --> 00:32:17,184 You've never left the rubber at home or seen tattooed arms digging in you. 292 00:32:25,777 --> 00:32:29,405 Whoops! That was a close call. 293 00:32:31,783 --> 00:32:34,702 Do you think that children are adorable too, Nurse Britta? 294 00:32:37,789 --> 00:32:43,210 - Was that the argument? - Do you think so? 295 00:32:46,214 --> 00:32:49,175 I see them every day, year after year. 296 00:32:49,301 --> 00:32:51,844 I suppose I'm biased. 297 00:32:51,970 --> 00:32:56,140 They're not exactly adorable. But there is something about them. 298 00:32:56,266 --> 00:33:00,269 They have everything from the start. 299 00:33:00,395 --> 00:33:03,230 Lungs breathing, hearts beating, 300 00:33:03,356 --> 00:33:06,942 arms flailing and hands gripping. 301 00:33:07,068 --> 00:33:11,739 - I think they are little miracles. - I think they are disgusting. 302 00:33:11,865 --> 00:33:14,116 Really? Nothing else? 303 00:33:14,242 --> 00:33:19,413 I feel sorry for them too, for having been born. 304 00:33:19,539 --> 00:33:23,417 What's the use of kicking, screaming and flailing your toes? 305 00:33:23,543 --> 00:33:28,047 It's all crap anyway. It's all crap. 306 00:33:28,173 --> 00:33:32,384 - It's not all crap. - I think it is. 307 00:33:32,511 --> 00:33:36,222 I wish I had never been born. 308 00:33:40,602 --> 00:33:45,272 I wish I had never been born. 309 00:33:45,398 --> 00:33:49,360 Not just now, it was the same when I was little. 310 00:33:49,486 --> 00:33:53,447 And that's why you are afraid to give birth on your own. 311 00:33:53,573 --> 00:33:56,659 Should I really have to when I feel that way? 312 00:33:56,785 --> 00:34:00,329 Sometimes you have to do things without asking. 313 00:34:00,455 --> 00:34:04,208 I can't. I can't. 314 00:34:04,334 --> 00:34:09,088 Why is she torturing me with her "Aren't they wonderful?" 315 00:34:09,214 --> 00:34:13,175 She longs for a child herself, but she can't have one. 316 00:34:14,886 --> 00:34:17,054 She's had several miscarriages. 317 00:34:17,180 --> 00:34:20,349 After the last one, the doctor told her to give up hope. 318 00:34:20,475 --> 00:34:24,603 That doesn't mean she has to give me an earful. 319 00:34:25,647 --> 00:34:30,484 Let's see if there's any coffee left. I haven't had any myself. 320 00:34:55,594 --> 00:34:58,304 You've been gone a long time. 321 00:34:58,430 --> 00:35:01,223 They said they would get you started now. 322 00:35:01,349 --> 00:35:05,185 No? Who said that? 323 00:35:05,312 --> 00:35:09,940 - I bet it was only Thylenius. - The other one too. The woman. 324 00:35:11,234 --> 00:35:15,404 Did you hear that? Did you hear, you little one lying in there? 325 00:35:15,530 --> 00:35:18,699 Only sleeping and eating. 326 00:35:18,825 --> 00:35:22,453 Come out, lazybones, so that mummy can get slim again. 327 00:35:22,579 --> 00:35:27,583 Come out to your shirts, your umbilical bandages and trousers. 328 00:35:27,709 --> 00:35:32,296 Come out to your father, who can't sleep at night because of you. 329 00:35:37,177 --> 00:35:41,472 Come out, you little rascal. You little scamp and mischief-maker. 330 00:35:41,598 --> 00:35:44,600 Come out and see your mother. 331 00:35:46,478 --> 00:35:50,064 You haven't pinched anything from the medicine cabinet, have you? 332 00:35:50,190 --> 00:35:53,192 No, Nurse. This is all faith, hope and love. 333 00:35:53,318 --> 00:35:57,071 Sometimes a little push is still needed. 334 00:35:57,197 --> 00:36:02,743 - Is that lager? That'll be my first. - You'll need it to swallow this. 335 00:36:02,869 --> 00:36:07,790 Castor oil? In that case it will be my last lager too. 336 00:36:07,916 --> 00:36:10,250 But in it goes. 337 00:36:10,377 --> 00:36:12,544 I'm going to take swigs. Like this. 338 00:36:12,671 --> 00:36:14,004 Come here. 339 00:36:18,009 --> 00:36:21,053 One for father. One for mother. 340 00:36:21,179 --> 00:36:25,265 And one for our Father and no one other. 341 00:36:25,392 --> 00:36:28,394 One for grandma who's never down. 342 00:36:28,520 --> 00:36:31,480 And one for grandpa... 343 00:36:31,606 --> 00:36:33,941 who lives in a town. 344 00:36:35,652 --> 00:36:40,072 One for me, as happy as can be. 345 00:36:41,157 --> 00:36:43,742 And one for the little boy, 346 00:36:43,868 --> 00:36:48,122 who is his mother's pride and joy. 347 00:36:56,297 --> 00:36:59,675 Have you ever seen such a mad mother-to-be before? 348 00:36:59,801 --> 00:37:03,470 No, Mrs Andersson is the worst I have ever seen. 349 00:37:03,596 --> 00:37:08,767 I long for him so much. I'll go insane if he doesn't come out soon. 350 00:37:13,148 --> 00:37:14,815 What's the matter, Mrs Andersson? 351 00:37:16,818 --> 00:37:20,654 Nothing, Nurse. Nothing at all. 352 00:37:27,036 --> 00:37:30,748 What does the Bible say again? 353 00:37:31,791 --> 00:37:38,338 "A sword pierced her soul." 354 00:37:38,465 --> 00:37:40,716 That's it. 355 00:37:43,511 --> 00:37:45,804 I don't know where it came from. 356 00:37:45,930 --> 00:37:47,931 But suddenly I thought... 357 00:37:50,810 --> 00:37:53,645 what if he doesn't come out like he should? 358 00:37:55,899 --> 00:37:59,985 I felt a pain pass through me. 359 00:38:01,529 --> 00:38:04,948 Why did I joke and laugh so much? 360 00:38:05,074 --> 00:38:06,575 It's dangerous. 361 00:38:08,119 --> 00:38:13,290 - Sing before... - But this is not before breakfast. 362 00:38:13,416 --> 00:38:15,375 It's before supper. 363 00:38:17,754 --> 00:38:20,756 Then it doesn't count. Then it doesn't count. 364 00:38:24,511 --> 00:38:29,181 Good heavens! Visiting hours are only half an hour away. 365 00:38:33,853 --> 00:38:36,355 Hj�rdis, will you comb my hair, please? 366 00:38:36,940 --> 00:38:39,775 Holding my arms up makes me so tired. 367 00:38:40,902 --> 00:38:42,319 Here. 368 00:39:04,259 --> 00:39:06,969 You should have been a hairdresser. 369 00:39:07,554 --> 00:39:09,847 You have the right touch. 370 00:39:11,891 --> 00:39:15,894 It's not too late, you're still only a child. 371 00:39:19,023 --> 00:39:22,359 Then you could take care of your child on your own. 372 00:39:22,485 --> 00:39:25,279 My hairdresser provides for two little boys. 373 00:39:25,405 --> 00:39:29,116 They are the handsomest boys in the whole borough. 374 00:39:47,844 --> 00:39:49,595 No! 375 00:39:51,014 --> 00:39:54,975 How did you do this? I look fit for a ball. 376 00:39:56,019 --> 00:39:58,979 Mark my words, you have a golden touch. 377 00:40:01,482 --> 00:40:02,900 Good heavens! 378 00:40:05,069 --> 00:40:08,906 - Should I put on some powder? - Yes, let me see what you've got. 379 00:40:10,825 --> 00:40:13,076 Let me! 380 00:40:30,011 --> 00:40:33,138 - Now it's your turn. - I don't get any visitors. 381 00:40:33,264 --> 00:40:36,516 Sit down. Come on. 382 00:40:37,644 --> 00:40:41,605 You won't look as nice as me, but I can do a thing or two, too. 383 00:40:41,731 --> 00:40:44,900 Let's see now. 384 00:40:46,027 --> 00:40:50,989 You could do with some grooming, even if you don't have visitors. 385 00:40:51,115 --> 00:40:55,202 And anyway... you can't be certain. 386 00:40:57,622 --> 00:41:01,208 No. No, no. 387 00:41:01,334 --> 00:41:04,002 Keep your hopes up for as long as you can. 388 00:41:06,297 --> 00:41:07,881 Let's see now. 389 00:41:09,550 --> 00:41:12,761 That's better. And now this side. 390 00:41:12,887 --> 00:41:17,599 Stina is not as stupid as you might think. 391 00:41:17,725 --> 00:41:21,520 And this way. That's it, my child. 392 00:41:30,071 --> 00:41:32,614 I certainly won't get visitors. 393 00:41:32,740 --> 00:41:34,950 My husband was here this morning. 394 00:41:35,827 --> 00:41:39,830 - It's still nice to be looked after. - Of course it is. 395 00:41:44,335 --> 00:41:46,753 What a wonderful mother you will be. 396 00:41:47,922 --> 00:41:50,132 So will you. 397 00:41:50,258 --> 00:41:56,471 Look at that. Liver casserole. No more anaemia! 398 00:41:59,976 --> 00:42:05,272 Thyme. They've actually used thyme. 399 00:42:05,398 --> 00:42:07,941 Yummy! 400 00:42:14,657 --> 00:42:17,909 Do you want your food here at the table? 401 00:42:18,036 --> 00:42:20,120 Yes, please. 402 00:42:41,476 --> 00:42:44,853 The father reports his arrival. 403 00:42:52,361 --> 00:42:57,741 Have you been to the cottage to pick some flowers? 404 00:42:57,867 --> 00:43:01,620 Yes. I managed to find the time. 405 00:43:02,747 --> 00:43:06,208 I thought you and the boy deserved a greeting from there. 406 00:43:08,336 --> 00:43:12,964 No shop-bought flowers, since he comes when ours are in bloom. 407 00:43:13,091 --> 00:43:17,094 And he will come soon. They've sped him up. 408 00:43:17,220 --> 00:43:22,099 I've had castor oil and lager. Imagine me drinking lager. 409 00:43:22,225 --> 00:43:26,269 I never managed to teach you that. Trust him to do it. 410 00:43:26,395 --> 00:43:31,316 I still haven't learnt it. The taste of it... 411 00:43:31,442 --> 00:43:35,195 This is not bad at all. Liver, eh? 412 00:43:39,534 --> 00:43:44,079 - Do you get any food, you poor thing? - Don't pity me. 413 00:43:44,205 --> 00:43:48,125 You should have seen the bacon I fried for supper. It was so crispy. 414 00:43:51,963 --> 00:43:54,506 Are you here to see Hj�rdis? 415 00:43:59,554 --> 00:44:02,347 - And for dessert... - Hi there, Hj�rdis. 416 00:44:05,226 --> 00:44:07,686 Hi. 417 00:44:09,230 --> 00:44:13,608 I didn't recognise you in that dress. 418 00:44:16,362 --> 00:44:19,698 - Please take this chair. - Thank you. 419 00:44:26,747 --> 00:44:30,333 Everyone at the ward sends their regards. 420 00:44:30,459 --> 00:44:32,544 The flowers are from all of us. 421 00:44:33,629 --> 00:44:39,593 I bought them at lunchtime and had nowhere to put them, 422 00:44:39,719 --> 00:44:41,761 so they need some water. 423 00:44:41,888 --> 00:44:46,933 - I will tell one of the nurses. - Can you do that? Just tell them? 424 00:44:47,059 --> 00:44:50,353 That's what they're here for. They're paid for it. 425 00:44:56,319 --> 00:44:59,905 And I brought you this. 426 00:45:00,031 --> 00:45:02,949 Thanks. I don't have this one. 427 00:45:05,161 --> 00:45:09,623 - Are you allowed up? - When it's not bleeding anymore. 428 00:45:09,749 --> 00:45:13,293 Isn't it? That means... 429 00:45:14,879 --> 00:45:17,297 You were bleeding terribly at work. 430 00:45:17,423 --> 00:45:22,469 - Nurse Signe said it wouldn't live. - But it did. 431 00:45:22,595 --> 00:45:28,433 I'm too dutiful. If I hadn't gone to work I wouldn't have come here. 432 00:45:28,559 --> 00:45:31,561 - Would it have gone wrong then? - It would have worked. 433 00:45:31,687 --> 00:45:35,982 Here, they gave me injections and made me lie down. 434 00:45:37,193 --> 00:45:38,944 What had you done? 435 00:45:40,821 --> 00:45:44,783 The usual. I ate quinine and drank brandy. 436 00:45:44,909 --> 00:45:49,663 - I skipped rope. I skipped so much. - I see. 437 00:45:49,789 --> 00:45:53,625 And now? What are you doing now? 438 00:45:58,005 --> 00:46:04,386 - Hey, Benke said that Tage knew... - And if I don't agree? 439 00:46:08,683 --> 00:46:13,144 If you put up a rubber canvas like this... 440 00:46:13,271 --> 00:46:15,981 over a frame such as this one... 441 00:46:16,107 --> 00:46:21,403 and then you put the whole thing on top of the bath like this, 442 00:46:21,529 --> 00:46:25,573 then you won't have to bend over so much when you bathe him. 443 00:46:25,700 --> 00:46:30,704 They sell rubber canvas in the paint shop, and it's not expensive. 444 00:46:30,830 --> 00:46:34,207 Then you can order a sheet of plywood 445 00:46:34,333 --> 00:46:36,876 that you put on top of the bath, 446 00:46:37,003 --> 00:46:39,796 where you can keep your bottles. 447 00:46:41,382 --> 00:46:45,218 Umbilical powder, bottom powder, hair powder... 448 00:46:45,344 --> 00:46:50,056 No, not hair powder, you silly. 449 00:46:51,809 --> 00:46:56,771 But what if the sheet will bulge from the steam? 450 00:46:56,897 --> 00:47:04,321 Not plywood. That's hard as hell. It won't bulge. 451 00:47:06,615 --> 00:47:10,577 Did you figure all this out when you lay awake? 452 00:47:10,703 --> 00:47:13,747 Yes, and then I had to get up to draw. 453 00:47:13,873 --> 00:47:18,418 I stood there smelling your bathrobe for a while. 454 00:47:18,544 --> 00:47:26,217 I had to open the cupboard and look at the boy's shirts and trousers. 455 00:47:26,344 --> 00:47:30,221 Then I went back and slept like a log. 456 00:47:30,348 --> 00:47:34,976 Do you know what? You are as crazy as I am. 457 00:47:38,689 --> 00:47:41,066 Visiting hours are over. 458 00:47:42,693 --> 00:47:44,277 Goodbye, then. 459 00:47:44,403 --> 00:47:46,237 Bye, Mummy. 460 00:47:46,364 --> 00:47:49,699 Don't take it so hard. 461 00:47:50,493 --> 00:47:52,327 Don't be silly now. 462 00:48:01,754 --> 00:48:02,796 Bye. 463 00:48:06,801 --> 00:48:08,426 Say hello to the boy. 464 00:48:14,350 --> 00:48:20,897 Well, it's time to take off one's beauty again. Short but sweet. 465 00:49:11,031 --> 00:49:14,576 - Do you need some help sleeping? - I don't take pills. 466 00:49:14,702 --> 00:49:19,622 For the first night it might be helpful. Are you no longer in pain? 467 00:49:19,748 --> 00:49:22,792 - It's throbbing down there. - That's expected. 468 00:49:22,918 --> 00:49:26,254 I'll put the pills here for you. 469 00:49:27,923 --> 00:49:30,633 - I suppose you have had enough. - Yes. 470 00:49:30,759 --> 00:49:34,637 I could taste the castor oil all through dinner, however good it was. 471 00:49:34,763 --> 00:49:37,932 The end justifies the means, Mrs Andersson. 472 00:49:38,058 --> 00:49:43,354 - How beautiful. - They're from our own allotment. 473 00:49:43,481 --> 00:49:48,568 - Now they're a greeting to your son. - That's right, Nurse. 474 00:49:49,570 --> 00:49:51,863 - May I turn out the lights? - Yes. 475 00:49:51,989 --> 00:49:55,950 - Good night. Sweet dreams. - Good night. 476 00:51:19,201 --> 00:51:22,328 Now they're fed for the last time today. 477 00:51:31,797 --> 00:51:33,756 I've got a pain in my stomach. 478 00:51:35,259 --> 00:51:37,385 He might come out tonight. 479 00:51:39,513 --> 00:51:41,347 He wouldn't dare. 480 00:51:42,975 --> 00:51:45,143 Robbing his mother of her sleep. 481 00:51:51,025 --> 00:51:53,526 But he's very welcome to. 482 00:51:55,529 --> 00:51:56,988 Tonight. 483 00:52:00,868 --> 00:52:06,164 I'll see to it that he is baptised in church after all. 484 00:52:07,666 --> 00:52:10,710 Even if Harry hasn't agreed yet. 485 00:52:10,836 --> 00:52:12,170 Harry. 486 00:52:14,340 --> 00:52:16,549 He's the best in the world for me. 487 00:52:18,594 --> 00:52:21,804 But he doesn't quite understand these things. 488 00:52:22,848 --> 00:52:27,810 - Have you decided on a name? - Harry, of course. 489 00:52:27,936 --> 00:52:30,271 Like his father. That's a given. 490 00:52:30,939 --> 00:52:35,360 And Konrad, after my father. Quite a name, isn't it? 491 00:52:35,486 --> 00:52:40,239 But that's a given, too. Then Torsten, after his paternal grandpa. 492 00:52:40,366 --> 00:52:44,369 And everyone thinks we should call him that. 493 00:52:44,495 --> 00:52:47,538 But I will always call him Little Harry. 494 00:52:53,879 --> 00:52:56,005 Oh, dear! 495 00:52:57,132 --> 00:53:02,804 How nice it will be to sleep on my stomach again. 496 00:53:02,930 --> 00:53:06,808 Well, girls, it's beddy-bye for me. 497 00:53:06,934 --> 00:53:09,811 Beddy-bye. That's what my mum used to say. 498 00:53:11,730 --> 00:53:16,401 And kip... or snooze. 499 00:53:17,903 --> 00:53:22,115 - Good night, and sweet dreams. - Good night. 500 00:53:22,241 --> 00:53:23,991 Sweet dreams. 501 00:53:58,527 --> 00:54:02,739 It has started, Nurse. It's under way. 502 00:54:04,992 --> 00:54:07,076 How close together are they? 503 00:54:09,079 --> 00:54:10,913 Every five or six minutes. 504 00:54:12,124 --> 00:54:14,417 We will take you down to the labour ward. 505 00:54:17,171 --> 00:54:21,424 Now it's time, girls. I'm so happy. 506 00:54:23,635 --> 00:54:29,932 And sweet, dear Nurse, make sure that my flowers are brought down tomorrow. 507 00:54:30,058 --> 00:54:31,559 They're from... 508 00:54:35,814 --> 00:54:40,359 Don't look so scared, girl. This is wonderful. This is life. 509 00:54:45,908 --> 00:54:47,992 I hope you can go back to sleep. 510 00:54:59,129 --> 00:55:00,880 Nurse Inga-Britt. 511 00:55:03,467 --> 00:55:06,302 - Is that his bed? - Indeed. 512 00:55:06,428 --> 00:55:08,554 Are you expecting a crown prince? 513 00:55:08,680 --> 00:55:10,515 Please slide over. 514 00:55:22,903 --> 00:55:24,737 Take a deep breath. 515 00:55:25,739 --> 00:55:30,034 I've been bragging so much about it being a boy. 516 00:55:30,160 --> 00:55:32,995 Of course, I will be happy whatever it is. 517 00:55:35,582 --> 00:55:37,291 But I think... 518 00:55:37,417 --> 00:55:40,503 I think so too, and quickly. 519 00:55:40,629 --> 00:55:43,464 This was quick, Mrs Andersson. 520 00:55:43,590 --> 00:55:47,510 - How does it feel now? - It feels wonderful. 521 00:55:50,597 --> 00:55:52,682 The head has moved down, I think. 522 00:56:20,502 --> 00:56:22,712 Are you pushing during the contractions? 523 00:56:27,009 --> 00:56:28,509 I think so. 524 00:56:32,306 --> 00:56:35,141 Let me know when the next contraction comes. 525 00:56:40,772 --> 00:56:42,607 I think it's coming straight away. 526 00:56:50,741 --> 00:56:53,576 Take a deep breath and hold it. 527 00:56:53,702 --> 00:56:57,705 Push your chin against your chest. 528 00:56:57,831 --> 00:57:02,126 Just push it. That's better. 529 00:57:02,252 --> 00:57:06,047 Keep holding your breath. Keep pushing. 530 00:57:17,184 --> 00:57:19,936 - Is the contraction over? - I don't know. 531 00:57:40,582 --> 00:57:43,501 - Can't you sleep? - No. 532 00:57:45,837 --> 00:57:49,173 It's impossible. I'm wide awake. 533 00:57:52,302 --> 00:57:53,928 Me too. 534 00:58:06,817 --> 00:58:09,235 - May I sit here for a while? - Yes. 535 00:58:10,445 --> 00:58:13,781 Take this blanket so that you don't catch a cold. 536 00:58:20,747 --> 00:58:22,873 I wish I could have a cigarette. 537 00:58:27,379 --> 00:58:30,923 - Take one. - What if someone comes? 538 00:58:31,049 --> 00:58:33,926 It's the middle of the night. No one will come. 539 00:58:46,857 --> 00:58:49,066 I can't taste it. 540 00:58:52,320 --> 00:58:54,405 I can't taste anything. 541 00:58:54,906 --> 00:59:00,286 - It's that damned kid's fault. - Don't call it damned. 542 00:59:00,412 --> 00:59:03,372 - It hasn't done anything wrong. - No. 543 00:59:05,125 --> 00:59:06,584 But I have. 544 00:59:27,439 --> 00:59:29,273 They think I'm horrible. 545 00:59:30,525 --> 00:59:32,318 I think so, too. 546 00:59:33,445 --> 00:59:35,946 I think I'm horrible. 547 00:59:36,073 --> 00:59:40,993 I don't want to answer like I do, but the words just fall from my lips. 548 00:59:42,537 --> 00:59:45,623 I bite their heads off although I don't mean it. 549 00:59:47,000 --> 00:59:52,296 Then at night when I can't sleep I get so angry with myself. 550 00:59:54,466 --> 00:59:57,384 Everything just keeps growing and growing. 551 00:59:57,969 --> 01:00:00,721 And I always end up at the very bottom. 552 01:00:01,640 --> 01:00:04,391 Whatever I do, things just go wrong. 553 01:00:05,143 --> 01:00:07,228 I don't know what to do. 554 01:00:08,021 --> 01:00:09,396 Damn! 555 01:00:12,400 --> 01:00:16,278 What a mess I've made. I dropped my cigarette. 556 01:00:16,404 --> 01:00:18,489 They'll see that someone's been smoking. 557 01:00:19,658 --> 01:00:22,368 Well, let them yell at me in the morning. 558 01:00:22,494 --> 01:00:25,830 - Do you want me to turn on the light? - No, I found it. 559 01:00:32,921 --> 01:00:36,924 If only things were different, you said. What did you mean? 560 01:00:40,762 --> 01:00:45,391 If I had someone who liked me enough to want to marry me. 561 01:00:46,726 --> 01:00:51,063 If I had somewhere to live, so it could have a home 562 01:00:51,189 --> 01:00:53,732 then I would be happy about the baby, too. 563 01:00:55,026 --> 01:00:57,319 Not like Stina, of course. 564 01:00:58,697 --> 01:01:01,866 But still... in my own way. 565 01:01:03,994 --> 01:01:06,662 I always used to like kids. In days gone by. 566 01:01:07,622 --> 01:01:11,584 In days gone by? When was that? A long time ago? 567 01:01:11,710 --> 01:01:18,007 I grew tired of having a job at home. Nothing ever happened, so I left. 568 01:01:18,133 --> 01:01:21,093 Can't your parents help you? 569 01:01:21,803 --> 01:01:23,262 No. 570 01:01:24,723 --> 01:01:28,475 Mother would never forgive me. Never. 571 01:01:28,602 --> 01:01:31,103 That was the last thing she said to me. 572 01:01:31,229 --> 01:01:33,606 She didn't want me to leave. 573 01:01:33,732 --> 01:01:36,775 She was scared I would make a mess of things. 574 01:01:37,986 --> 01:01:41,447 "Don't you dare come home with a kid," she said. 575 01:01:42,991 --> 01:01:45,994 Mothers say such things... but in the end 576 01:01:45,995 --> 01:01:48,996 they receive their daughters with open arms. 577 01:01:50,540 --> 01:01:52,082 Not my mother. 578 01:01:52,709 --> 01:01:56,545 She's always been so haughty and superior, 579 01:01:56,671 --> 01:01:59,173 even though Father's just a lumberjack. 580 01:02:00,342 --> 01:02:01,967 Father... 581 01:02:02,093 --> 01:02:06,055 I don't think he would mind too much. But Mother... 582 01:02:06,181 --> 01:02:07,932 What about the baby's father? 583 01:02:10,393 --> 01:02:12,686 He's not a father. 584 01:02:13,772 --> 01:02:15,898 He just wants to get rid of him. 585 01:02:16,775 --> 01:02:19,235 He has done it once before. 586 01:02:23,865 --> 01:02:25,324 You see... 587 01:02:26,952 --> 01:02:29,078 I didn't know what it was like. 588 01:02:30,747 --> 01:02:33,123 I didn't know anything. 589 01:02:33,250 --> 01:02:35,584 I just did what he told me. 590 01:02:37,420 --> 01:02:40,881 But I'm never doing it again. Never! 591 01:02:41,007 --> 01:02:44,260 I'd rather drown myself than go through that again. 592 01:02:53,645 --> 01:02:56,313 I still think you should talk to your mother. 593 01:02:57,148 --> 01:02:59,692 Mothers aren't always the way we think. 594 01:02:59,818 --> 01:03:04,029 They were young once, too, and can't have forgotten about it... 595 01:03:07,200 --> 01:03:09,243 Forgive me, Hj�rdis. 596 01:03:09,369 --> 01:03:11,704 My tablet is kicking in. 597 01:03:12,330 --> 01:03:14,581 I took it when Stina had left. 598 01:03:14,708 --> 01:03:16,792 Why don't you try and get some sleep? 599 01:03:16,918 --> 01:03:18,752 I can't. 600 01:03:19,754 --> 01:03:23,966 I try and try, but it just makes me feel more awake. 601 01:03:24,092 --> 01:03:25,759 I feel so restless. 602 01:03:25,885 --> 01:03:28,262 Take a sleeping pill. Didn't you get one? 603 01:03:39,232 --> 01:03:42,526 Haven't you been taking your medication? 604 01:03:42,652 --> 01:03:47,156 I couldn't avoid the injections, but I'm not taking the pills. 605 01:03:47,282 --> 01:03:50,409 That's a strong baby you have there. 606 01:03:50,535 --> 01:03:53,120 It doesn't need pills to stay put. 607 01:03:53,246 --> 01:03:56,707 I don't know which one is the sleeping pill. 608 01:03:56,833 --> 01:04:01,670 It's this one. I remember because it looks like a little yellow rocket. 609 01:04:01,796 --> 01:04:05,507 - This might make me sleep. - Yes, I'm sure it will help. 610 01:04:11,431 --> 01:04:13,098 Good night, Hj�rdis. 611 01:04:14,517 --> 01:04:16,935 I'm half asleep already. 612 01:04:32,327 --> 01:04:34,411 This is bound to be a strong boy. 613 01:04:40,377 --> 01:04:45,172 Chin towards the chest, hold your breath and squeeze some more. 614 01:04:45,298 --> 01:04:48,258 Just a bit more. That's it. 615 01:04:48,385 --> 01:04:52,221 Squeeze. Squeeze. There you go. 616 01:04:54,724 --> 01:04:56,225 That's it. 617 01:05:02,399 --> 01:05:05,359 Easy. Rest yourself. 618 01:05:06,194 --> 01:05:10,447 Rest yourself, and catch your breath. Just lie there and rest. 619 01:05:23,086 --> 01:05:25,212 Is it that far gone already? 620 01:05:30,927 --> 01:05:34,263 - Any break between the contractions? - No, hardly any. 621 01:05:35,306 --> 01:05:38,392 - Has the pain stopped now? - No, it still hurts. 622 01:05:40,478 --> 01:05:43,939 Dear God, I had no idea it was going to be this tough. 623 01:06:10,550 --> 01:06:12,634 Try to relax, Mrs Andersson. 624 01:06:13,344 --> 01:06:15,429 Try and breathe slowly. 625 01:06:16,514 --> 01:06:19,808 - I'll go and get Dr Melin. - Ask him to hurry up. 626 01:07:07,982 --> 01:07:11,443 I think we will have to sedate you, Mrs Andersson. 627 01:07:12,862 --> 01:07:16,031 - Is there something wrong? - It's a bit rough. 628 01:07:16,157 --> 01:07:20,118 It's probably best for you to be able to drift away for a while. 629 01:07:20,245 --> 01:07:23,747 Don't use the forceps! You're going to hurt him! 630 01:07:24,749 --> 01:07:28,794 I'll manage! I'll... I'll... 631 01:07:28,920 --> 01:07:31,838 It's for your own good. 632 01:07:31,965 --> 01:07:34,424 Please count with me. 633 01:07:34,551 --> 01:07:39,304 One, two, three... 634 01:07:39,430 --> 01:07:42,849 Four, five, six, seven... 635 01:07:51,025 --> 01:07:52,609 Good morning. 636 01:07:59,909 --> 01:08:04,162 - Is it time already? - I've heard the screams for a while. 637 01:08:04,289 --> 01:08:07,374 I wonder who is making all that noise. 638 01:08:07,500 --> 01:08:11,086 You don't have to wonder any longer. This ought to make her stop. 639 01:08:11,212 --> 01:08:17,009 Oh, you're starving, little one. There we go. 640 01:08:17,135 --> 01:08:20,387 God, it's dripping all over the place. 641 01:08:20,513 --> 01:08:22,097 Come on, hurry up. 642 01:08:49,125 --> 01:08:53,545 Are you bringing in the flowers already? 643 01:08:53,671 --> 01:08:58,050 No, it's just these. She wanted them moved here. 644 01:08:58,176 --> 01:09:02,012 - Has she had her baby? - I think so, it started at midnight. 645 01:09:02,138 --> 01:09:04,473 She's been here before, but in another room. 646 01:09:04,599 --> 01:09:10,020 No, no, women aren't supposed to behave like this. 647 01:09:10,730 --> 01:09:14,191 Just gobble everything down without thinking ahead. 648 01:09:16,235 --> 01:09:18,445 Give us a burp now. 649 01:09:40,677 --> 01:09:42,177 Nurse Maud? 650 01:10:46,993 --> 01:10:51,621 Nurse Brita, please, what's happened? 651 01:10:51,748 --> 01:10:53,790 The baby died. 652 01:10:53,916 --> 01:10:58,211 They said that her labour was too violent. 653 01:11:00,256 --> 01:11:04,926 She was so looking forward to it. You don't see that very often. 654 01:11:05,052 --> 01:11:09,181 - Does she know about it? - Yes, I think so. 655 01:11:10,016 --> 01:11:11,349 I'm cold. 656 01:11:14,979 --> 01:11:18,356 I'll get some extra blankets for you, Mrs Anderson. 657 01:12:01,150 --> 01:12:03,401 What are we going to do? 658 01:12:03,528 --> 01:12:07,322 Nothing, Hj�rdis. There's nothing that will help. 659 01:12:10,785 --> 01:12:12,327 It's horrible. 660 01:12:13,037 --> 01:12:15,413 As if life itself has died. 661 01:12:16,374 --> 01:12:19,793 As if nothing is ever going to be born again. 662 01:12:21,879 --> 01:12:26,591 The doctors are making their rounds and will be here soon. 663 01:12:49,615 --> 01:12:53,410 - How are you today, Mrs Ellius? - Fine, I think. 664 01:12:53,536 --> 01:12:55,495 I'm feeling a little bit of pain, though. 665 01:12:55,621 --> 01:12:57,956 - Have you been out of bed yet? - No. 666 01:13:06,465 --> 01:13:09,885 Try and get out of bed for a little while this afternoon. 667 01:13:22,732 --> 01:13:25,066 I want to know why he died. 668 01:13:32,491 --> 01:13:35,410 I feel as helpless as you about this. 669 01:13:36,203 --> 01:13:39,915 And I'm very sorry. There was nothing wrong with you. 670 01:13:40,041 --> 01:13:44,085 And, as far as I can see, there was nothing wrong with the boy either. 671 01:13:44,211 --> 01:13:48,506 But... it wasn't meant to be. 672 01:13:49,342 --> 01:13:51,301 However cruel that may sound. 673 01:13:54,138 --> 01:13:56,097 That's all I can say. 674 01:13:57,350 --> 01:13:58,642 But... 675 01:14:00,519 --> 01:14:01,937 But... 676 01:14:03,105 --> 01:14:05,857 he was alive yesterday. 677 01:14:08,986 --> 01:14:10,862 I felt him move... 678 01:14:13,908 --> 01:14:15,784 yesterday evening. 679 01:14:17,745 --> 01:14:20,997 But he didn't survive the delivery. 680 01:14:21,123 --> 01:14:24,709 As far as we know, it was too much for him. 681 01:14:24,835 --> 01:14:30,048 It could be due to changes in the placenta, since you were so long overdue. 682 01:14:31,092 --> 01:14:35,095 But there's nothing to suggest that it won't work out next time. 683 01:14:49,402 --> 01:14:51,444 I think we can discharge you. 684 01:14:51,570 --> 01:14:55,782 But talk to counsellor Gran first. She'll help you. 685 01:15:27,273 --> 01:15:29,149 Yes, it's in room E. 686 01:15:36,907 --> 01:15:39,784 You can't put them there now! 687 01:15:39,910 --> 01:15:44,247 - The flowers are hers. - But you can't. I'll ask Brita. 688 01:15:45,374 --> 01:15:50,211 Yes. X-ray tomorrow at ten o'clock. Thank you. 689 01:15:51,088 --> 01:15:55,675 Nurse Brita, they wanted to put these with Stina. They can't, surely? 690 01:16:01,724 --> 01:16:03,850 We'll put them here, Hj�rdis. 691 01:16:07,104 --> 01:16:09,189 But you're freezing. 692 01:16:09,315 --> 01:16:12,567 Go and put your clothes on, you can go home today. 693 01:16:13,319 --> 01:16:18,073 It's awful in there. It's as if there's nothing but death all around. 694 01:16:19,909 --> 01:16:21,576 Nurse Brita? 695 01:16:23,370 --> 01:16:26,831 Would you loan me some money, so that I can call my mother? 696 01:16:29,168 --> 01:16:30,293 Of course. 697 01:16:32,088 --> 01:16:35,840 Would you hold my hand? It won't take long. 698 01:16:35,966 --> 01:16:39,886 - What's the number? - S�der�sen 975. 699 01:16:43,474 --> 01:16:46,059 This is Nurse Brita at the women's clinic, ward 2. 700 01:16:46,185 --> 01:16:49,437 I would like to be connected to S�der�sen 975. 701 01:16:50,356 --> 01:16:51,731 Thank you. 702 01:16:59,532 --> 01:17:01,241 Ward 2, Nurse Brita. 703 01:17:01,367 --> 01:17:03,493 Just a moment. 704 01:17:09,166 --> 01:17:10,750 975? 705 01:17:12,378 --> 01:17:13,962 Is that you, Mother? 706 01:17:15,506 --> 01:17:17,507 Hi, Mother, it's Hj�rdis. 707 01:17:21,095 --> 01:17:23,179 I've been ill, Mother. 708 01:17:23,305 --> 01:17:25,223 I've been in hospital. 709 01:17:25,349 --> 01:17:27,308 But I feel better now. 710 01:17:30,062 --> 01:17:31,437 Mother... 711 01:17:32,273 --> 01:17:35,900 I'm pregnant, Mother. That's why I've been ill. 712 01:17:37,361 --> 01:17:39,946 I wanted to get rid of it, but I can't. 713 01:17:42,116 --> 01:17:47,162 Mother, I want to keep the baby, even though I have to do it alone. 714 01:17:51,500 --> 01:17:53,168 May I, really? 715 01:17:53,961 --> 01:17:57,088 Even though your worst nightmare has come true? 716 01:17:59,884 --> 01:18:04,012 Then I'll be there tomorrow. I'll take the train tonight. 717 01:18:05,556 --> 01:18:07,098 Goodbye, Mother. 718 01:18:13,772 --> 01:18:16,107 Did you hear what she said, Nurse Brita? 719 01:18:16,901 --> 01:18:19,194 "Come as soon you can," she said. 720 01:18:19,904 --> 01:18:22,071 I can't believe Mother said that. 721 01:18:22,198 --> 01:18:24,407 And I've been so scared of her. 722 01:18:25,242 --> 01:18:28,244 Do you have money for the ticket, Hj�rdis? 723 01:18:28,370 --> 01:18:31,581 No, I don't. What am I going to do? 724 01:18:31,707 --> 01:18:36,669 I can lend you the money. Mrs Gran might be able to reimburse me later. 725 01:18:36,795 --> 01:18:39,380 - How much is it? - 27,50 kronor. 726 01:18:39,506 --> 01:18:43,301 - I have to write a receipt! - That's not necessary. 727 01:18:44,428 --> 01:18:48,014 I want to do it properly. I want to do everything properly. 728 01:18:48,140 --> 01:18:52,435 - Will 50 kronor be enough? - Oh yes, as long as I get home! 729 01:19:00,945 --> 01:19:02,570 Is that good enough? 730 01:19:04,698 --> 01:19:08,576 If this works out well, it's all thanks to you, Nurse Brita. 731 01:19:10,079 --> 01:19:14,415 You had it in you, and I believed in it, that's all. 732 01:19:14,541 --> 01:19:16,334 Ward 2, Nurse Brita. 733 01:19:17,670 --> 01:19:18,962 Right. 734 01:19:19,922 --> 01:19:21,172 Yes. 735 01:19:22,466 --> 01:19:23,841 Yes, thank you, very well. 736 01:19:23,968 --> 01:19:28,221 - You and Anders are a good match. - Greta... 737 01:19:28,347 --> 01:19:32,100 As a confirmed spinster, I shouldn't interfere, but... 738 01:19:37,898 --> 01:19:41,359 Anders is my brother, and you know what he means to me. 739 01:19:41,485 --> 01:19:45,738 - You should be able to understand. - Understand what? 740 01:19:45,864 --> 01:19:48,825 That women of my kind should never marry. 741 01:19:49,952 --> 01:19:55,123 We're independent enough to want to stand on our own two feet... 742 01:19:55,249 --> 01:19:57,959 but not independent enough... 743 01:19:58,085 --> 01:20:01,296 to be able to support the ones we are married to. 744 01:20:06,010 --> 01:20:08,136 Loneliness is our only option. 745 01:20:12,141 --> 01:20:15,059 What do you think loneliness is? 746 01:20:15,185 --> 01:20:19,439 A cool serenity, an inviolable security? 747 01:20:20,107 --> 01:20:22,233 That's an illusion, Cissi. 748 01:20:23,235 --> 01:20:27,572 Real loneliness is a feat. 749 01:20:28,824 --> 01:20:31,659 Behind which a constant fear is lurking. 750 01:20:33,620 --> 01:20:35,705 A constant fear, Cissi. 751 01:20:40,252 --> 01:20:43,671 - Are you cut out for that? - Despite all, I do believe so. 752 01:20:43,797 --> 01:20:49,177 Couldn't it be your feelings of guilt and your physical condition? 753 01:20:49,303 --> 01:20:52,513 This physical condition you're talking about... 754 01:20:53,349 --> 01:20:55,683 I wanted to say goodbye, I'm leaving. 755 01:20:55,809 --> 01:20:58,728 - We won't have time to... - I'm going home. 756 01:20:59,563 --> 01:21:03,816 - To your mother? - Thanks for everything. 757 01:21:03,942 --> 01:21:05,610 You've been very kind. 758 01:21:06,612 --> 01:21:08,404 Stina is sleeping. 759 01:21:08,530 --> 01:21:11,282 Will you tell her that I'm going home? 760 01:21:11,408 --> 01:21:14,535 Of course, Hj�rdis. Good luck. 761 01:21:22,586 --> 01:21:25,755 Anyway, you can't leave it like you did yesterday. 762 01:21:25,881 --> 01:21:30,676 Anders was devastated, he didn't understand. You need to discuss this. 763 01:21:30,803 --> 01:21:32,512 Yes, we need to discuss this. 764 01:21:33,639 --> 01:21:35,973 Should I tell him to stop by tonight? 765 01:21:37,101 --> 01:21:42,021 Ask him to come, if he wants to and if he's not too tired.