1 00:00:21,791 --> 00:00:24,666 [bugle sounds] 2 00:00:27,291 --> 00:00:29,874 [Can-Can music] 3 00:02:14,082 --> 00:02:16,582 [aeroplane roars overhead] 4 00:02:28,124 --> 00:02:29,791 - Paris, miss? - Yes. 5 00:02:29,874 --> 00:02:31,624 Lost anything, miss? 6 00:02:31,707 --> 00:02:33,249 - Yes, my ticket. - [he chuckles] 7 00:02:33,332 --> 00:02:36,166 - There it is. - Oh! Thanks. 8 00:02:36,249 --> 00:02:39,249 - Gave me a fright. - Mm. Your first time going abroad? 9 00:02:39,332 --> 00:02:41,082 - How did you guess? - [he chuckles] 10 00:02:41,166 --> 00:02:42,832 I've been saving up for ages. 11 00:02:42,916 --> 00:02:45,836 Ah, when you've been here as long as I have, miss, you'll get to know 'em. 12 00:02:45,874 --> 00:02:46,916 [Sergeant] Clarinet. 13 00:02:49,041 --> 00:02:50,332 Drum. 14 00:02:50,416 --> 00:02:52,791 I wish my mother had taught me to play the flute. 15 00:02:52,874 --> 00:02:55,166 - Put it down, you fool! - Yes, Sarge. 16 00:02:55,249 --> 00:02:57,207 Ooh, my foot! 17 00:02:57,291 --> 00:02:59,332 Sorry, Sergeant. Orders is orders. 18 00:03:02,916 --> 00:03:04,332 Are you travelling, sir? 19 00:03:04,999 --> 00:03:07,291 What the devil do you think I've come here for? 20 00:03:08,874 --> 00:03:11,874 Ah, well, here I go, facing all the dangers of foreign travel 21 00:03:11,957 --> 00:03:13,999 while you go skulking back to the local. 22 00:03:14,082 --> 00:03:15,850 By golly, I wish I was coming with you, Captain. 23 00:03:15,874 --> 00:03:19,041 I'll take you with me one day, my boy, and show you the real Paris. 24 00:03:19,124 --> 00:03:20,999 - [they laugh] - In there, in there, in there! 25 00:03:21,874 --> 00:03:23,707 Sir Norman! Thanks, Sir Norman. 26 00:03:23,791 --> 00:03:25,457 Just a minute. Here we go. 27 00:03:28,666 --> 00:03:31,999 Could I have a smile, Sir Norman, please? Just one little smile. 28 00:03:36,666 --> 00:03:41,082 Well, I can't keep this up all day, you know. Why don't you flash your bulb? 29 00:03:42,499 --> 00:03:43,957 Thank you, Sir Norman. 30 00:03:44,041 --> 00:03:46,124 [reporter] Why are you going to Paris, Sir Norman? 31 00:03:46,207 --> 00:03:49,707 For tomorrow's session of the Preliminary Economic Conference. 32 00:03:49,791 --> 00:03:52,957 Did the Prime Minister send you, Sir Norman? Is the conference going badly? 33 00:03:53,666 --> 00:03:55,582 I wouldn't say "badly". 34 00:03:55,666 --> 00:03:57,624 Are the Russians being troublesome? 35 00:03:57,707 --> 00:03:59,166 I wouldn't say "troublesome”. 36 00:03:59,249 --> 00:04:00,541 - What would you say? - Mmm? 37 00:04:01,374 --> 00:04:04,999 I'd say that the conference is not going particularly well, 38 00:04:05,082 --> 00:04:08,582 that the Russians are not being particularly easy, 39 00:04:08,666 --> 00:04:11,999 and, er... and that is all. 40 00:04:15,416 --> 00:04:17,291 Are you going over for long? 41 00:04:17,374 --> 00:04:19,207 - Just for the weekend. - I see. 42 00:04:19,291 --> 00:04:21,166 - Thank you. - Thank you very much. 43 00:04:21,832 --> 00:04:24,124 - British, sir? - And proud of it! 44 00:04:24,207 --> 00:04:26,832 There's been a Stilton in Shropshire since the Norman invasion. 45 00:04:26,916 --> 00:04:28,582 How much British money have you, sir? 46 00:04:28,666 --> 00:04:31,457 My bank balance is my own affair. Don't ask impertinent questions. 47 00:04:31,541 --> 00:04:33,332 No, I mean, how much on you, sir? 48 00:04:33,416 --> 00:04:35,957 - Well, how much I am allowed to have? - Five pounds, sir. 49 00:04:36,041 --> 00:04:37,541 Five pounds then. 50 00:04:37,624 --> 00:04:39,207 Ridiculous formalities! 51 00:04:43,291 --> 00:04:45,999 Head up, chest out, shoulders back! 52 00:04:46,082 --> 00:04:48,832 Remember, you're playing in Paris tomorrow! 53 00:04:48,916 --> 00:04:50,207 Ooh-la-la! 54 00:04:50,291 --> 00:04:53,457 I'll teach you French, Bandsman Bird! 55 00:04:54,166 --> 00:04:55,874 What's the French for blimey? 56 00:04:58,124 --> 00:05:00,082 Have you any English money with you, sir? 57 00:05:00,166 --> 00:05:02,582 Four pounds, 11 shillings and seven pence halfpenny in cash. 58 00:05:02,666 --> 00:05:04,916 In traveller's cheques, the maximum amount permitted 59 00:05:04,999 --> 00:05:09,207 under the Treasury Order in Council, 2585, 1952. 60 00:05:09,291 --> 00:05:11,749 - You seem to have studied it, sir. - Studied it? 61 00:05:12,582 --> 00:05:13,916 I introduced it. 62 00:05:14,499 --> 00:05:17,582 Sir Norman! I'm sorry, sir, I didn't recognise you. 63 00:05:17,666 --> 00:05:20,124 Of course, that's quite all right, sir. Here you are. 64 00:05:20,207 --> 00:05:22,874 No, one moment, please. Leave that, will you? 65 00:05:22,957 --> 00:05:26,832 Under the same Order in Council, sub-section 4, paragraph 2, 66 00:05:26,916 --> 00:05:29,457 I'm required to disclose any personal valuables 67 00:05:29,541 --> 00:05:31,416 I may be taking abroad. 68 00:05:32,124 --> 00:05:35,416 You'll find a pair of silver-backed hairbrushes in the suitcase. 69 00:05:36,291 --> 00:05:38,916 Do you, er... Do you wish to see them? 70 00:05:38,999 --> 00:05:40,791 - Er, no... No, sir. - Mmm. 71 00:05:42,082 --> 00:05:43,582 Oh, and, er, these. 72 00:05:44,457 --> 00:05:47,457 Onyx and white gold. 73 00:05:47,541 --> 00:05:48,791 Very pretty, sir. 74 00:05:48,874 --> 00:05:51,041 That remark is superfluous. 75 00:05:51,832 --> 00:05:54,957 I'll expect to disclose all these to you on my return. 76 00:05:55,582 --> 00:05:57,416 - Good day. - Good day, sir. 77 00:06:02,499 --> 00:06:04,416 - Did you want something, sir? - Eh? 78 00:06:05,082 --> 00:06:07,832 Och, no, it's... It's just that, well, 79 00:06:07,916 --> 00:06:11,999 window dressing's my job too and I like studying other people's methods. 80 00:06:12,082 --> 00:06:13,975 I don't suppose I should now that I'm on holiday. 81 00:06:13,999 --> 00:06:15,124 [laughs] No. 82 00:06:20,874 --> 00:06:22,749 Can I have a cup of tea, please? 83 00:06:27,332 --> 00:06:29,332 - Are you going to gay Paris? - Yes. 84 00:06:29,416 --> 00:06:30,832 [till rings] 85 00:06:31,666 --> 00:06:33,791 - Done much flying? - No. 86 00:06:33,874 --> 00:06:36,541 I have. Perfectly safe these days, of course. 87 00:06:38,291 --> 00:06:39,916 Read about that crash yesterday? 88 00:06:40,499 --> 00:06:42,624 - No. - Ghastly! 89 00:06:42,707 --> 00:06:44,499 Plane hit the top of a mountain, you know. 90 00:06:44,582 --> 00:06:48,124 Still, if people don't look where they're going, could happen anywhere, couldn't it? 91 00:06:48,999 --> 00:06:50,999 I had a nasty experience once. 92 00:06:51,082 --> 00:06:53,142 - We were in the air at the time... - [woman on PA] BEA... 93 00:06:53,166 --> 00:06:57,291 British European Airways announce the departure of the Silver Wing for Paris. 94 00:06:57,957 --> 00:06:58,999 That's us. 95 00:06:59,082 --> 00:07:02,166 Passengers holding boarding card number ten, please. 96 00:07:18,249 --> 00:07:20,499 Always safest to sit at the back, you know. 97 00:07:21,332 --> 00:07:22,499 Stilton. 98 00:07:24,041 --> 00:07:25,041 MacGregor. 99 00:07:26,082 --> 00:07:28,166 As soon as we're airborne, double Scotch. 100 00:07:28,249 --> 00:07:29,416 Yes, sir. 101 00:07:32,041 --> 00:07:34,249 - Still one more to come. - Is there? 102 00:07:34,332 --> 00:07:37,374 Wait! Please wait! It's going without us, I know it is! 103 00:07:38,666 --> 00:07:40,332 Oh, my goodness! 104 00:07:40,957 --> 00:07:42,541 Oh dear, oh dear! 105 00:07:42,624 --> 00:07:45,874 I very nearly didn't get here. Oh, thank you. My cat. 106 00:07:45,957 --> 00:07:48,124 Be careful of that, my dear, it's very precious. 107 00:07:48,207 --> 00:07:49,749 Oh, well, here we are at last! 108 00:07:49,832 --> 00:07:52,416 I nearly forgot to leave out the milk for my cat. 109 00:07:52,499 --> 00:07:54,749 There we go. Here we are. 110 00:08:00,207 --> 00:08:03,707 Will all passengers kindly fasten their seat-belts, please? 111 00:08:04,541 --> 00:08:06,874 Your seat-belt, madam. 112 00:08:06,957 --> 00:08:08,832 I haven't brought one with me. 113 00:08:08,916 --> 00:08:10,166 What do you...? 114 00:08:10,249 --> 00:08:12,249 - Oh, I see! The other end? - Yes, please. 115 00:08:12,332 --> 00:08:14,249 Oh, yes, the other end. 116 00:08:14,332 --> 00:08:16,832 [chuckles] What an extraordinary thing. 117 00:08:18,457 --> 00:08:19,749 Good gracious. 118 00:08:20,249 --> 00:08:22,541 Oh! Prisoner for life. 119 00:08:22,624 --> 00:08:24,207 Oh, well, never mind. 120 00:08:24,291 --> 00:08:26,416 [propellers starting] 121 00:08:38,374 --> 00:08:40,624 Of course, the take-off is the worst part. 122 00:08:44,249 --> 00:08:47,707 [dramatic music] 123 00:09:08,707 --> 00:09:10,457 Would you care for a little more, madam? 124 00:09:10,541 --> 00:09:12,374 Oh, erm... Non, merci. 125 00:09:12,457 --> 00:09:13,666 Thank you. 126 00:09:14,166 --> 00:09:15,457 Suffisant. 127 00:09:15,541 --> 00:09:17,041 Oh dear, oh dear! 128 00:09:17,124 --> 00:09:19,332 I really must brush up my French. 129 00:09:19,416 --> 00:09:21,666 I've never been to Paris before. 130 00:09:21,749 --> 00:09:25,374 But I've been practising my conversational phrases for the past three months, 131 00:09:25,457 --> 00:09:27,874 so I don't think I need worry, do you, hmm? 132 00:09:27,957 --> 00:09:29,582 Thank you so much. 133 00:09:32,374 --> 00:09:34,082 Would you like some more champagne? 134 00:09:34,166 --> 00:09:35,582 [both] Yes, please! 135 00:09:40,999 --> 00:09:43,707 What's the matter? Aren't you hungry? 136 00:09:43,791 --> 00:09:46,041 No. I left my stomach behind. 137 00:09:59,749 --> 00:10:03,291 Of course, the real trouble with Paris is it's so darn expensive. 138 00:10:05,582 --> 00:10:07,499 - You think so? - You'll find out. 139 00:10:08,582 --> 00:10:10,291 Cos I know Paris well, you know. 140 00:10:11,082 --> 00:10:13,332 But there are always ways and means. 141 00:10:13,416 --> 00:10:16,707 For instance, there's a chap at the Britannia Bar who'll always cash you a cheque. 142 00:10:17,832 --> 00:10:22,166 Perhaps I'd better tell you that I happen to be a government official. 143 00:10:22,249 --> 00:10:25,957 Oh, well then, in that case you probably wangled yourself all the francs you need. 144 00:10:26,041 --> 00:10:28,249 [he laughs] Good luck to you! 145 00:11:02,249 --> 00:11:05,582 [woman on PA in French] British European Airways announces the arrival 146 00:11:05,666 --> 00:11:08,499 of the Silver Wing service from London. 147 00:11:10,541 --> 00:11:16,791 [in fast French] You said you didn't have any money but you do have money. How come? 148 00:11:16,874 --> 00:11:19,624 Je ne compris pas. I don't understand a word you're saying. 149 00:11:19,707 --> 00:11:23,166 You don't speak conversational French. What is the good of it? 150 00:11:23,249 --> 00:11:24,999 [in French] What is she jabbering about? 151 00:11:25,082 --> 00:11:27,082 - Have you any money? - What? Money? 152 00:11:27,166 --> 00:11:29,041 Yes. Oh, well, anglais or francais? 153 00:11:29,124 --> 00:11:30,291 Any money? 154 00:11:30,374 --> 00:11:33,166 - Well, I've got some French francs here. - Ah... 155 00:11:33,249 --> 00:11:35,332 Five pounds in francais francs. 156 00:11:35,416 --> 00:11:36,416 Oui. 157 00:11:37,416 --> 00:11:38,957 - Oui. Très bien. - Thank you. 158 00:11:39,041 --> 00:11:40,916 - Merci. - Thank you very much. 159 00:11:40,999 --> 00:11:43,041 Glad that's all over now. That's a mercy. 160 00:11:43,124 --> 00:11:45,332 - Voila, madame! - Yes, now take care. Thank you. 161 00:11:45,416 --> 00:11:47,207 [she chuckles] Au revoir! 162 00:11:47,291 --> 00:11:49,832 [jaunty military music] 163 00:12:12,791 --> 00:12:14,749 You ain't seen nothing yet. 164 00:12:18,791 --> 00:12:22,082 - I knew I hadn't lost my passport. - [in French] Well, now it's gone. 165 00:12:26,124 --> 00:12:27,874 Your bus has gone, miss. 166 00:12:27,957 --> 00:12:30,037 But don't worry, in half an hour there's another one. 167 00:12:31,416 --> 00:12:32,582 Thank you. 168 00:12:41,124 --> 00:12:42,791 Excuse me, mademoiselle. 169 00:12:42,874 --> 00:12:45,624 Maybe I could give you a lift into Paris? 170 00:12:46,541 --> 00:12:48,541 How did you know I was English? 171 00:12:48,624 --> 00:12:50,166 Your... your dress. 172 00:12:51,082 --> 00:12:52,374 Are you a dressmaker? 173 00:12:52,457 --> 00:12:55,916 [he laughs] No, but I am a Frenchman. 174 00:12:55,999 --> 00:12:58,124 [he chuckles] Pardon. 175 00:13:10,374 --> 00:13:13,249 Three hundred accidents a day in Paris alone. 176 00:13:13,874 --> 00:13:16,666 Can you wonder when the maniacs drive on the wrong side of the road? 177 00:13:16,749 --> 00:13:18,416 [horn honking] 178 00:13:18,499 --> 00:13:20,166 [brakes squealing] 179 00:13:24,374 --> 00:13:26,124 [horns honking] 180 00:13:40,416 --> 00:13:43,541 It's the first time you see Paris that lives in your memory. 181 00:13:43,624 --> 00:13:45,249 Oh, it's wonderful! 182 00:13:45,332 --> 00:13:46,457 Yes. 183 00:13:46,541 --> 00:13:49,582 And it's never the same, you know. Just like a woman. 184 00:13:50,874 --> 00:13:53,041 Do you know a lot about women? 185 00:13:53,124 --> 00:13:54,999 No, I know a lot about Paris. 186 00:13:55,624 --> 00:13:56,624 Oh. 187 00:14:14,332 --> 00:14:16,249 Ah, Bickerstaff! 188 00:14:16,332 --> 00:14:18,749 - Hello, Captain. The usual? - Yes! 189 00:14:18,832 --> 00:14:21,082 Just thought I'd pop in for a quick one, you know. 190 00:14:22,582 --> 00:14:24,666 I always like coming to the Britannia Bar. 191 00:14:24,749 --> 00:14:29,916 It's the one place in Paris where you can get a good glass of a decent British brew. 192 00:14:29,999 --> 00:14:31,874 Well, that's very kind of you indeed, sir. 193 00:14:31,957 --> 00:14:34,041 Thank you, Bickerstaff. Cheers! 194 00:14:34,124 --> 00:14:35,416 Cheers, sir. 195 00:14:37,707 --> 00:14:39,749 Have you got a good tip for the Grand Prix tomorrow? 196 00:14:40,666 --> 00:14:43,249 I'm doing Zizi. 197 00:14:43,332 --> 00:14:44,916 You're doing Zizi? 198 00:14:46,541 --> 00:14:48,457 So are 40 million Frenchmen 199 00:14:48,541 --> 00:14:50,457 and they'll all be caught with their pants down. 200 00:14:52,082 --> 00:14:54,874 [all giggling] 201 00:15:31,541 --> 00:15:34,541 [man speaking French and Hindi] 202 00:15:42,707 --> 00:15:44,207 Wilkinson. 203 00:15:46,166 --> 00:15:49,707 What did Mother Hubbard's dog do? 204 00:15:49,791 --> 00:15:51,374 In eight letters. 205 00:15:53,332 --> 00:15:54,999 Begins with "W". 206 00:16:08,374 --> 00:16:09,707 [man coughs] 207 00:16:15,957 --> 00:16:16,874 Er... 208 00:16:16,957 --> 00:16:17,957 Oh! 209 00:16:19,124 --> 00:16:20,832 Oh, but that's wonderful. 210 00:16:21,749 --> 00:16:23,249 C'est très... 211 00:16:24,041 --> 00:16:27,041 Comment vous dites? I can't... I can't express myself in French. 212 00:16:27,124 --> 00:16:29,499 - Well, that's very kind of you. - Oh, you're English? 213 00:16:29,582 --> 00:16:31,041 [they chuckle] 214 00:16:31,124 --> 00:16:33,541 But it's not as good as all that, you know. 215 00:16:33,624 --> 00:16:35,291 You've really caught her. 216 00:16:35,374 --> 00:16:37,499 - Do you think so? - I do. 217 00:16:39,791 --> 00:16:41,541 Well, I do my best. 218 00:16:41,624 --> 00:16:43,666 Have you been long here? 219 00:16:43,749 --> 00:16:46,082 - Only 30 years. - Oh, good gracious! 220 00:16:46,166 --> 00:16:49,874 [she chuckles] Then you must have painted the whole of Paris by now. 221 00:16:49,957 --> 00:16:54,124 No, as a matter of fact, I've painted very little outside this room. 222 00:16:54,207 --> 00:16:55,457 Indeed? 223 00:16:55,541 --> 00:16:57,666 And have you been copying all these pictures? 224 00:16:57,749 --> 00:16:58,957 No. 225 00:16:59,041 --> 00:17:00,707 Only this one. 226 00:17:02,249 --> 00:17:05,791 There's something between me and the Mona Lisa. 227 00:17:06,624 --> 00:17:10,207 You see, I've painted her 338 times. 228 00:17:11,124 --> 00:17:12,749 Oh, no, really? 229 00:17:14,041 --> 00:17:16,332 And how many of those copies have you sold? 230 00:17:16,416 --> 00:17:17,499 None. 231 00:17:19,791 --> 00:17:22,291 But I'm bound to, one day. 232 00:17:30,624 --> 00:17:32,041 Isn't it beautiful? 233 00:17:34,416 --> 00:17:36,957 [Max] That's the Champs-Élysées down there. 234 00:17:37,874 --> 00:17:39,249 [Susan] Oh, how lovely. 235 00:17:40,374 --> 00:17:42,166 I could stay up here forever. 236 00:17:43,166 --> 00:17:46,082 You know, it gets a little chilly in the evenings. 237 00:17:48,541 --> 00:17:51,791 Down there is the Avenue Marceau. 238 00:17:51,874 --> 00:17:53,874 An aunt of mine lives there. 239 00:17:55,957 --> 00:17:58,207 - Look, there's the Eiffel Tower! - Yes. 240 00:17:58,291 --> 00:18:01,291 - We must climb that. - There is a lift. 241 00:18:01,374 --> 00:18:03,332 It's much more fun to climb the stairs. 242 00:18:03,416 --> 00:18:05,624 Ah, yes, much more fun. 243 00:18:05,707 --> 00:18:07,332 [coughs uncomfortably] 244 00:18:09,624 --> 00:18:11,374 [car horns honking] 245 00:18:32,832 --> 00:18:34,749 It don't cost you nothing to look. 246 00:18:34,832 --> 00:18:37,374 - That's all we can afford to do, chum. - Yeah. 247 00:18:43,291 --> 00:18:45,957 [posh accent] Here you are, men. Here's your pocket money. 248 00:18:46,041 --> 00:18:47,916 Have a good time. 249 00:18:48,582 --> 00:18:50,416 Gay Paris on eight and four pence! 250 00:18:50,499 --> 00:18:53,666 If we pool the lot, they'll be just about enough for a good night out. 251 00:18:53,749 --> 00:18:54,749 Yeah. 252 00:18:56,041 --> 00:18:57,624 Just a moment. 253 00:18:59,416 --> 00:19:01,041 Just a moment. 254 00:19:01,124 --> 00:19:03,166 All right, come on, come on, spit it out. 255 00:19:03,249 --> 00:19:05,916 - Why don't we pool the lot? - Yeah. 256 00:19:06,541 --> 00:19:08,249 - Have a draw? - Yeah. 257 00:19:08,332 --> 00:19:11,541 And some lucky basket will have the night of his life. 258 00:19:11,624 --> 00:19:13,499 Vive la sport! 259 00:19:19,041 --> 00:19:20,124 Huh! 260 00:19:20,207 --> 00:19:23,291 [all laughing and chatting] 261 00:19:24,749 --> 00:19:28,832 In the changed economic conditions of the post-war world 262 00:19:28,916 --> 00:19:32,124 there can be no reason whatever to doubt 263 00:19:32,207 --> 00:19:36,582 that the productivity curve, if inversely plotted 264 00:19:36,666 --> 00:19:40,291 against the fluctuation of the commodity index, 265 00:19:40,374 --> 00:19:44,041 is directly proportionate to the rising 266 00:19:44,124 --> 00:19:46,332 price/wage spiral. 267 00:19:46,416 --> 00:19:47,416 No! 268 00:19:48,749 --> 00:19:50,291 So much is plain. 269 00:19:50,874 --> 00:19:51,874 No! 270 00:19:53,249 --> 00:19:55,791 So much, I say, is plain. 271 00:19:55,874 --> 00:19:57,457 No, no, no! 272 00:19:59,499 --> 00:20:04,624 As plain as the nose on Monsieur Panitov's face. 273 00:20:06,916 --> 00:20:11,666 [delegates muttering] 274 00:20:12,374 --> 00:20:15,666 Mr Chairman, I suggest we adjourn. 275 00:20:15,749 --> 00:20:17,666 The meeting is adjourned. 276 00:20:18,541 --> 00:20:20,332 What's the latest score? 277 00:20:27,249 --> 00:20:29,124 Well, that's that. 278 00:20:29,207 --> 00:20:32,582 I've enjoyed every second of it. My head's in a whirl. 279 00:20:32,666 --> 00:20:35,666 - I think we saw everything. - Well, practically everything. 280 00:20:36,666 --> 00:20:38,416 I wish I could repay you in some way. 281 00:20:38,499 --> 00:20:41,957 - If you ever come to London you must... - No, you can repay me now, mademoiselle. 282 00:20:42,707 --> 00:20:44,207 How? 283 00:20:44,291 --> 00:20:46,291 By spending the evening with me. 284 00:20:47,082 --> 00:20:49,124 You mean, you'd really like me to come out with you? 285 00:20:50,166 --> 00:20:51,541 Go... go out? 286 00:20:51,624 --> 00:20:55,249 No, no, I thought that maybe a little supper in my flat. 287 00:20:55,332 --> 00:20:58,374 I must see Paris by night. I've heard so much about it. 288 00:20:58,457 --> 00:21:00,999 Besides, I've brought a new evening dress with me. 289 00:21:01,916 --> 00:21:05,999 Well, in that case it would be a shame not to let Paris see it. 290 00:21:07,291 --> 00:21:10,041 - How long will it take you to dress? - Quarter of an hour. 291 00:21:10,124 --> 00:21:11,374 Hmm. 292 00:21:11,457 --> 00:21:13,624 Well, maybe we... 293 00:21:13,707 --> 00:21:16,207 we had better to say in an hour? 294 00:21:16,291 --> 00:21:17,332 Right. 295 00:21:21,832 --> 00:21:23,791 No, no, three, tre. Huh? 296 00:21:23,874 --> 00:21:25,332 Hello! [in Italian] Lighter! 297 00:21:28,791 --> 00:21:31,166 Merci. Hello! Attention! Si, si. 298 00:21:32,082 --> 00:21:34,416 And a couple of très bons, huh? 299 00:21:35,416 --> 00:21:38,291 [indistinct chatter] 300 00:21:38,374 --> 00:21:40,332 [woman] Gargon, un Dubonet. 301 00:21:51,499 --> 00:21:53,457 Comme ca? Non? 302 00:21:57,332 --> 00:21:58,957 Yeah? Good? 303 00:22:03,541 --> 00:22:05,124 Glass of vodka, please. 304 00:22:14,707 --> 00:22:17,124 There's nothing to be done, Wilkinson. 305 00:22:17,207 --> 00:22:21,166 If after three months, the Russians haven't yet agreed to a single point on the agenda, 306 00:22:21,249 --> 00:22:25,457 how can you think for one moment that they're serious in wanting a full conference? 307 00:22:25,541 --> 00:22:28,207 It does look discouraging, I must admit. 308 00:22:28,291 --> 00:22:30,707 Oh, by the way, sir, it's time for your vitamin pill. 309 00:22:30,791 --> 00:22:33,291 - Mmm? - Your vitamin pill, Sir Norman. 310 00:22:33,374 --> 00:22:34,999 Oh, my goodness, so it is. 311 00:22:35,082 --> 00:22:38,332 Er, a sip of water, please. 312 00:22:38,416 --> 00:22:40,582 All the same, you know, I still have faith. 313 00:22:42,582 --> 00:22:44,666 Which can move mountains, I have no doubt but... 314 00:22:45,582 --> 00:22:47,457 can it move the Kremlin? 315 00:22:52,041 --> 00:22:54,374 [wheezing] 316 00:22:54,457 --> 00:22:55,666 Poison! 317 00:22:55,749 --> 00:22:57,041 Poison! 318 00:22:57,124 --> 00:22:58,957 Quick, get a doctor! 319 00:22:59,041 --> 00:23:00,541 Get a doctor! 320 00:23:00,624 --> 00:23:02,582 It's all right, Sir Norman, it's only vodka. 321 00:23:04,832 --> 00:23:06,416 Only vodka?! 322 00:23:06,499 --> 00:23:09,291 Don't you realise, man, that with my stomach lining 323 00:23:09,374 --> 00:23:12,207 that atom bomb you've just given me 324 00:23:12,291 --> 00:23:15,416 could be as poisonous as prussic acid? 325 00:23:15,499 --> 00:23:18,124 What is this about the atom bomb, please? 326 00:23:19,791 --> 00:23:22,541 - Your vodka... - I know, you appropriated it. 327 00:23:22,624 --> 00:23:24,874 I am not prepared at the moment to make issue. 328 00:23:24,957 --> 00:23:26,541 What is this about the atom bomb? 329 00:23:26,624 --> 00:23:28,124 It doesn't matter. 330 00:23:29,041 --> 00:23:32,249 Please, allow me to buy you another vodka. 331 00:23:32,332 --> 00:23:35,124 - Another vodka, please, for Monsieur Panitov. - Most kind. 332 00:23:35,207 --> 00:23:37,041 What was that about the atom bomb? 333 00:23:37,124 --> 00:23:38,582 Shut up! 334 00:23:40,332 --> 00:23:42,624 Please, no, no, don't... don't shut up. 335 00:23:42,707 --> 00:23:46,457 Er... Please, just have your vodka. 336 00:23:49,291 --> 00:23:52,457 I must apologise. I'm not quite myself. 337 00:23:52,541 --> 00:23:55,082 It's my lining, Monsieur Panitov. 338 00:23:55,166 --> 00:23:59,124 If you like, I'll explain to you my little joke about the atom bomb. 339 00:23:59,207 --> 00:24:01,749 - I merely said... - But the atom bomb is no little joke. 340 00:24:01,832 --> 00:24:04,624 I must refer you to the words of Comrade Probolotov 341 00:24:04,707 --> 00:24:07,082 at the last meeting of the Supreme Soviet, 342 00:24:07,166 --> 00:24:11,291 when he described it to sterling and prolonged applause, 343 00:24:11,374 --> 00:24:13,874 as a monstrous weapon of manslaughter, 344 00:24:13,957 --> 00:24:17,624 as the hideous brainchild of reactionary capitalism. 345 00:24:17,707 --> 00:24:18,957 Oh, do shut up! 346 00:24:19,791 --> 00:24:23,249 Oh, no, no, no. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Mr Panitov. 347 00:24:23,332 --> 00:24:26,457 You... you must forgive me. I'm not myself at all. 348 00:24:26,541 --> 00:24:29,999 Wilkinson, get me a couple of aspirin quickly. Oh! 349 00:24:30,082 --> 00:24:32,916 I've such a very, very bad headache. 350 00:24:32,999 --> 00:24:37,207 Of course, of course, Mr Panitov, I remember that speech of Monsieur Probolotov's. 351 00:24:37,291 --> 00:24:41,749 But like most of my colleagues, I found it easier to applaud his words 352 00:24:41,832 --> 00:24:44,916 then to commend his sentiments. 353 00:24:44,999 --> 00:24:48,624 Monsieur Panitov, I want to ask you 354 00:24:48,707 --> 00:24:52,582 a plain and simple question to which I must beg you to give me 355 00:24:52,666 --> 00:24:55,457 a plain and simple answer. 356 00:24:55,541 --> 00:25:00,291 Do you or do you not want this conference to succeed? 357 00:25:01,124 --> 00:25:02,707 Mud in eye! 358 00:25:05,249 --> 00:25:09,832 Monsieur Panitov, the fate of millions may hang upon that answer. 359 00:25:09,916 --> 00:25:13,707 Do you or do you not want... What is it, Wilkinson? 360 00:25:13,791 --> 00:25:15,624 - Your aspirin, Sir Norman. - Oh. 361 00:25:16,582 --> 00:25:17,957 Thank you. 362 00:25:18,041 --> 00:25:19,791 Excuse me, Monsieur Panitov. 363 00:25:28,582 --> 00:25:31,207 [wheezing] 364 00:25:31,291 --> 00:25:35,832 No! No, no, no, no, no! 365 00:25:35,916 --> 00:25:38,541 But, dear fellow, what is it? 366 00:25:38,624 --> 00:25:40,374 You've done it again. 367 00:25:40,916 --> 00:25:43,041 Don't you realise, you've done it again! 368 00:25:43,124 --> 00:25:45,666 But you give me drink, I give you drink. This is correct. 369 00:25:45,749 --> 00:25:48,166 It is not correct! 370 00:25:48,249 --> 00:25:51,541 Oh, my lining! My head! My head! 371 00:25:51,624 --> 00:25:54,957 - It is bad, your head? - It's terrible, terrible! 372 00:25:55,874 --> 00:25:58,332 - Wilkinson, get me more aspirin, quickly! - No! 373 00:25:59,166 --> 00:26:02,249 There is one thing will cure vodka head, only one, I know. 374 00:26:05,207 --> 00:26:06,207 What? 375 00:26:06,291 --> 00:26:10,082 Pink Lightning and I know the only place in Paris where you get it. 376 00:26:10,166 --> 00:26:12,041 Come, my dear fellow. 377 00:26:16,291 --> 00:26:20,791 [music plays, men speaks French] 378 00:26:20,874 --> 00:26:22,624 [in French] And here she is, the beautiful, 379 00:26:22,707 --> 00:26:26,832 the unrivalled, the unique Princess Samira! 380 00:26:27,791 --> 00:26:32,041 The glamour girl of the Orient. The pin-up of the East. 381 00:26:32,124 --> 00:26:35,957 Princess Samira will perform now for you 382 00:26:36,041 --> 00:26:37,666 the Dance of the Seven Veils. 383 00:26:39,749 --> 00:26:41,082 [man speaks French] 384 00:26:41,166 --> 00:26:46,666 [in French] Over here, gentlemen, please move forward. 385 00:26:57,832 --> 00:27:01,916 [crowd laughing] 386 00:27:01,999 --> 00:27:03,749 [screaming] 387 00:27:06,416 --> 00:27:08,124 [crowd laughing] 388 00:27:21,207 --> 00:27:22,874 [crowd laughing] 389 00:27:33,166 --> 00:27:35,457 [laughter continues] 390 00:27:58,457 --> 00:27:59,916 I help you? 391 00:27:59,999 --> 00:28:00,999 Oh... 392 00:28:02,832 --> 00:28:04,207 You speak English? 393 00:28:04,291 --> 00:28:05,499 A little. 394 00:28:06,291 --> 00:28:08,707 I was in Normandy when the British come. 395 00:28:08,791 --> 00:28:11,207 And the soldier kissed me. 396 00:28:11,291 --> 00:28:13,291 I was in Normandy too. 397 00:28:14,249 --> 00:28:15,749 I did not see you. 398 00:28:17,166 --> 00:28:19,082 I'm sorry I didn't see you. 399 00:28:20,457 --> 00:28:21,707 Well... 400 00:28:22,416 --> 00:28:23,874 Sit down here. 401 00:28:34,457 --> 00:28:36,749 [car horns honking] 402 00:29:06,666 --> 00:29:08,166 It's beautiful. 403 00:29:09,082 --> 00:29:11,291 And the dresses, weren't they wonderful? 404 00:29:11,374 --> 00:29:13,166 I think yours is even more charming. 405 00:29:13,249 --> 00:29:14,916 [in French] Flowers for the young lady? 406 00:29:14,999 --> 00:29:16,332 [in French] Excellent idea, yes. 407 00:29:19,249 --> 00:29:21,082 - Thank you. - Merci. 408 00:29:21,166 --> 00:29:23,041 They're heavenly, aren't they? 409 00:29:23,124 --> 00:29:26,207 There is nothing in the world more beautiful than an English rose. 410 00:29:29,916 --> 00:29:33,124 [waiter in French] Russian-style Loire salmon. 411 00:29:33,207 --> 00:29:35,832 Vauclusian river trout. 412 00:29:36,957 --> 00:29:40,499 Delight of great waterfall sole fillet. 413 00:29:41,832 --> 00:29:46,249 Bresse royal poultry, julienned apples and watercress. 414 00:29:47,249 --> 00:29:50,124 "Minute" steak and its precious potatoes. 415 00:29:50,916 --> 00:29:52,666 I don't know. You choose. 416 00:29:56,916 --> 00:29:58,499 It's very kind of you. 417 00:29:58,582 --> 00:30:00,582 Ha! I did nothing. 418 00:30:00,666 --> 00:30:02,916 I am doing it all the day. 419 00:30:04,041 --> 00:30:06,082 I work for Madame Perrey. 420 00:30:07,416 --> 00:30:09,582 We are not as... 421 00:30:09,666 --> 00:30:11,082 a la mode... 422 00:30:11,749 --> 00:30:13,041 as Dior. 423 00:30:13,124 --> 00:30:16,416 But we make nice model gowns all the same. 424 00:30:18,416 --> 00:30:20,499 I can see you do. 425 00:30:20,582 --> 00:30:22,124 Oh, this? 426 00:30:22,207 --> 00:30:24,749 I make it myself. 427 00:30:24,832 --> 00:30:27,707 A model is too expensive. 428 00:30:28,582 --> 00:30:29,957 But... 429 00:30:35,082 --> 00:30:36,791 You like it? 430 00:30:36,874 --> 00:30:38,249 Very much. 431 00:30:45,166 --> 00:30:48,082 My aunt will never believe it when I tell her about all this. 432 00:30:48,166 --> 00:30:50,999 - She didn't really want to let me come. - I'm glad you did. 433 00:30:51,082 --> 00:30:52,499 So am I. 434 00:31:04,582 --> 00:31:06,541 - What are these? - Escargots, mademoiselle. 435 00:31:12,457 --> 00:31:15,666 - They look like snails to me. - [he chuckles] 436 00:31:15,749 --> 00:31:17,666 Psst! Psst! 437 00:31:20,666 --> 00:31:23,832 Oh, perfect! A man in a fez! 438 00:31:23,916 --> 00:31:25,457 Wait a minute. 439 00:31:25,541 --> 00:31:29,791 Buy nice rug. Me no father, me no mother. 440 00:31:29,874 --> 00:31:31,874 No, thank you, I don't want any carpets. 441 00:31:32,707 --> 00:31:34,291 What a wonderful subject. 442 00:31:34,374 --> 00:31:35,541 Perfect. 443 00:31:39,791 --> 00:31:41,374 That's lovely. 444 00:31:44,916 --> 00:31:46,541 You are a wonderful subject. 445 00:31:46,624 --> 00:31:49,457 - Buy nice rug. - Oh, stay where you are and stop moving about! 446 00:31:49,541 --> 00:31:50,749 No bugs. 447 00:31:51,874 --> 00:31:53,207 Slinky trinket. 448 00:31:53,291 --> 00:31:55,457 No, thank you, I don't want any jewellery. 449 00:31:57,582 --> 00:32:01,082 Pretty slippers, oh, pretty lady. Very cheap. 450 00:32:01,166 --> 00:32:03,832 I have bedroom slippers at home, thank you. 451 00:32:07,124 --> 00:32:08,499 Softy bag? 452 00:32:09,749 --> 00:32:11,457 No, thank you! 453 00:32:11,541 --> 00:32:13,082 I only want your face. 454 00:32:14,249 --> 00:32:15,499 Mwah! 455 00:32:16,874 --> 00:32:17,874 Mwah! 456 00:32:19,041 --> 00:32:20,082 Thank you very much. 457 00:32:20,166 --> 00:32:21,999 So very, very cheap. 458 00:32:22,082 --> 00:32:24,124 - Lovely carpet. - Oh! Unhand me, please! 459 00:32:24,207 --> 00:32:25,967 - That's quite enough! Goodnight! - Madame... 460 00:32:26,041 --> 00:32:27,666 Come back. Me poor orphan. 461 00:32:27,749 --> 00:32:29,916 - Oh, no! Get away! - Me no father, me no mother. 462 00:32:29,999 --> 00:32:32,791 Six wives, plenty children. Stop! Stop! 463 00:32:32,874 --> 00:32:36,041 [Russian music plays] 464 00:32:58,666 --> 00:33:01,166 Is this the only place you can get them? 465 00:33:01,249 --> 00:33:02,999 This is the only place. 466 00:33:04,041 --> 00:33:06,499 [music stops, applause] 467 00:33:36,416 --> 00:33:40,291 [indistinct chatter] 468 00:33:47,207 --> 00:33:48,957 No, no. No. No. 469 00:33:49,541 --> 00:33:50,957 No! 470 00:33:55,957 --> 00:33:57,957 Non, non. Non. Non. 471 00:34:00,957 --> 00:34:01,957 Psst! 472 00:34:02,041 --> 00:34:03,707 Général. 473 00:34:03,791 --> 00:34:05,624 - Yeah? - Pretty postcards, look. 474 00:34:07,374 --> 00:34:08,624 No! 475 00:34:08,707 --> 00:34:10,416 - Yes, mon ami. - Yeah? 476 00:34:10,499 --> 00:34:12,041 - 3D pictures. - Yeah? 477 00:34:12,124 --> 00:34:13,499 - Look. - Blimey! 478 00:34:16,082 --> 00:34:17,957 What will they think of next? 479 00:34:18,041 --> 00:34:21,957 [guitars play traditional music] 480 00:34:24,499 --> 00:34:26,416 Pink Lightnings. 481 00:34:29,999 --> 00:34:31,374 Here you are. 482 00:34:31,957 --> 00:34:33,082 Taste. 483 00:34:36,749 --> 00:34:40,416 [woman sings in Russian] 484 00:34:47,916 --> 00:34:50,416 Not, er, not unpleasant. 485 00:34:51,832 --> 00:34:54,541 Rather... rather akin to raspberryade. 486 00:34:56,082 --> 00:34:58,124 What are the ingredients? 487 00:34:58,207 --> 00:35:00,957 You should drink quick, like that. 488 00:35:02,707 --> 00:35:06,124 [diners join in song] 489 00:35:11,207 --> 00:35:14,457 [woman sings in Russian] 490 00:35:20,666 --> 00:35:23,874 Not, er, not unpalatable. 491 00:35:25,249 --> 00:35:27,874 Not... not... not unpalatable at all. 492 00:35:27,957 --> 00:35:30,957 One is not enough. Waiter, bring four more. 493 00:35:37,416 --> 00:35:38,791 Charming... 494 00:35:38,874 --> 00:35:41,166 little place you have here. 495 00:35:41,249 --> 00:35:43,124 Quite charming. 496 00:35:43,207 --> 00:35:46,166 [woman sings in Russian] 497 00:35:52,124 --> 00:35:53,582 Friendly atmosphere. 498 00:35:56,957 --> 00:36:00,291 [diners join in song] 499 00:36:02,791 --> 00:36:04,249 Very friendly. 500 00:36:07,916 --> 00:36:10,749 Oh, well, w-what did you say the ingred... er... 501 00:36:11,707 --> 00:36:14,124 the, er, the ingred... er... 502 00:36:15,374 --> 00:36:16,832 What did you say was in this drink? 503 00:36:16,916 --> 00:36:18,707 Let me remember now. 504 00:36:19,541 --> 00:36:24,124 - There is some Crimean beetroot juice. - Ah! Beetroot... beetroot juice. 505 00:36:24,207 --> 00:36:26,374 Oh, yes, very, er, very fortifying. 506 00:36:26,457 --> 00:36:30,832 Samarkand brandy, Ukrainian gin, Caucasian champagne. 507 00:36:33,666 --> 00:36:35,499 I see. Er... 508 00:36:35,582 --> 00:36:38,957 Names of various fruit juices, I suppose. 509 00:36:39,041 --> 00:36:40,207 Mm. 510 00:36:52,707 --> 00:36:56,707 Well now, Panitov, let's get down to business. 511 00:36:56,791 --> 00:36:58,499 Well, Sir Norman? 512 00:36:58,582 --> 00:37:00,416 What is the name... 513 00:37:01,749 --> 00:37:03,791 of that girl standing there? 514 00:37:06,916 --> 00:37:10,624 [she sings in Russian] 515 00:37:16,291 --> 00:37:20,166 [accordion plays] 516 00:37:22,666 --> 00:37:24,541 Do you dance? 517 00:37:25,541 --> 00:37:26,624 Well... 518 00:37:27,916 --> 00:37:29,666 We try. 519 00:38:06,082 --> 00:38:07,624 Oh, double top. 520 00:38:07,707 --> 00:38:09,166 Not bad, eh? 521 00:38:13,707 --> 00:38:15,791 Time, gentlemen, please. 522 00:38:15,874 --> 00:38:17,291 Finis pour ce soir. 523 00:38:17,374 --> 00:38:19,541 [in French] Well, what do you know? 524 00:38:19,624 --> 00:38:21,374 What a funny time to close! 525 00:38:21,457 --> 00:38:24,249 We keep English hours here, you know. 526 00:38:24,332 --> 00:38:27,499 Quite right, too. Late enough for anyone. 527 00:38:27,582 --> 00:38:30,041 English hours, puh! 528 00:38:31,166 --> 00:38:34,749 The truth of the matter is, they should keep proper licensing hours in France 529 00:38:34,832 --> 00:38:36,874 like every other sensible country. 530 00:38:41,791 --> 00:38:45,082 - Er, one for the road, eh? - Certainly. For you, Captain. 531 00:38:51,791 --> 00:38:54,582 [woman sings in French] S Tomorrow maybe. 532 00:38:55,166 --> 00:38:57,707 ♪ You'll think of me ♪ 533 00:38:58,582 --> 00:39:01,666 ♪ Whatever distance ♪ 534 00:39:02,332 --> 00:39:06,416 ♪ Between you and me... ♪ 535 00:39:07,166 --> 00:39:10,082 [song continues] 536 00:40:09,749 --> 00:40:13,166 [song ends, applause] 537 00:40:20,957 --> 00:40:24,124 [Can-Can music] 538 00:41:19,832 --> 00:41:21,291 [music stops] 539 00:41:23,916 --> 00:41:25,832 [music restarts] 540 00:41:30,041 --> 00:41:31,791 [music stops] 541 00:41:31,874 --> 00:41:33,999 [indistinct chatter] 542 00:41:35,416 --> 00:41:37,832 [romantic piano plays] 543 00:41:48,874 --> 00:41:49,957 Ooh-la-la! 544 00:41:50,041 --> 00:41:51,207 You speak French? 545 00:41:51,291 --> 00:41:53,332 - Oui, oui, très bon. - Gargon! 546 00:41:53,416 --> 00:41:55,916 - What is your name? - Dicky Bird. 547 00:41:55,999 --> 00:41:57,166 Bird? 548 00:41:57,249 --> 00:41:58,749 Dicky Bird. 549 00:41:58,832 --> 00:42:00,707 - Oh, bird! - Yeah! Oui. 550 00:42:00,791 --> 00:42:02,457 - Monsieur? - Parlez, vous. 551 00:42:02,541 --> 00:42:05,041 - What will you have? - Pint of bitter pour moi. 552 00:42:05,124 --> 00:42:06,499 - Bitter? - Pig's ear. 553 00:42:06,582 --> 00:42:08,916 - Pig's ear? - Beer! 554 00:42:08,999 --> 00:42:11,166 - No beer here! - No beer here! 555 00:42:11,249 --> 00:42:12,916 No. Champagne. 556 00:42:12,999 --> 00:42:15,041 Make you feel good. 557 00:42:15,124 --> 00:42:16,874 I don't feel so bad as it is. 558 00:42:17,707 --> 00:42:19,416 L'amour toujours. 559 00:42:19,499 --> 00:42:20,624 Voila! 560 00:42:20,707 --> 00:42:22,999 [romantic music] 561 00:42:32,332 --> 00:42:35,166 Mademoiselle, voulez-vous danser? 562 00:43:02,124 --> 00:43:04,207 [accordion plays] 563 00:43:22,332 --> 00:43:25,207 [singing in Russian] 564 00:43:42,374 --> 00:43:43,749 Conversely... 565 00:43:44,624 --> 00:43:45,916 my dear fellow, 566 00:43:46,707 --> 00:43:51,249 the graph of the counter-inflationary 567 00:43:51,332 --> 00:43:55,166 price index taken, er... 568 00:43:55,916 --> 00:43:58,124 taken in conjunction 569 00:43:58,207 --> 00:44:02,332 with the excess capacity constant... 570 00:44:03,041 --> 00:44:04,666 must... 571 00:44:04,749 --> 00:44:07,124 and I mean must, 572 00:44:07,207 --> 00:44:11,916 be related, at least... at least indirectly, 573 00:44:12,749 --> 00:44:15,957 with the basic question of... 574 00:44:16,832 --> 00:44:20,249 how many beans make five. 575 00:44:20,916 --> 00:44:22,291 - Yes. - Hmm. 576 00:44:22,374 --> 00:44:24,082 Now, if that... 577 00:44:27,499 --> 00:44:29,624 - You said yes. - Yes. 578 00:44:31,916 --> 00:44:34,707 Excuse me. Oh, my dear chap. 579 00:44:34,791 --> 00:44:36,874 Oh, my dear chap! 580 00:44:37,707 --> 00:44:39,291 - He said yes. - Yes. 581 00:44:39,374 --> 00:44:43,416 Oh, but isn't it a lovely word? I mean, don't you like saying it? 582 00:44:45,582 --> 00:44:47,249 - Yes! - [chuckles] Yes! 583 00:44:48,582 --> 00:44:50,416 Fancy your even knowing it. 584 00:44:50,499 --> 00:44:51,666 Now, just a moment, I... 585 00:44:51,749 --> 00:44:55,457 I don't suppose that you could also write it, could you? 586 00:44:55,541 --> 00:44:56,624 - Yes. - You could? 587 00:44:56,707 --> 00:44:59,916 Well, now, that gives me an idea. Excuse me. 588 00:44:59,999 --> 00:45:01,791 Er, now, let me see, er... 589 00:45:02,874 --> 00:45:05,082 Do you want... 590 00:45:06,832 --> 00:45:08,749 a full... 591 00:45:08,832 --> 00:45:10,999 economic conference... 592 00:45:12,374 --> 00:45:13,791 Excuse me. 593 00:45:15,457 --> 00:45:17,791 ...on, let me see now, er... 594 00:45:17,874 --> 00:45:20,499 three... three weeks from today. That would be, er... 595 00:45:20,582 --> 00:45:21,707 May... 596 00:45:22,624 --> 00:45:24,249 23rd. 597 00:45:25,041 --> 00:45:28,916 Now, let me see if you can write "yes" underneath that. 598 00:45:31,082 --> 00:45:32,082 Yes. 599 00:45:32,166 --> 00:45:35,416 [chuckles] Now, put your little name underneath to prove it. 600 00:45:39,291 --> 00:45:41,749 Oh, that's the boy! 601 00:45:41,832 --> 00:45:44,416 Oh, now, isn't that nice? 602 00:45:44,499 --> 00:45:47,749 [laughs] Now then, let me see. Er... 603 00:45:49,416 --> 00:45:51,207 Oh, dear, dear. That's very funny. 604 00:45:51,291 --> 00:45:53,142 You know, I saw a fellow do that at the Palladium once 605 00:45:53,166 --> 00:45:54,791 and nothing, nothing fell at all. 606 00:45:54,874 --> 00:45:57,707 Oh, look here, I want to purchase this tablecloth. 607 00:45:57,791 --> 00:46:02,416 Have it sent to me at the Hotel Napoleon forthwith. 608 00:46:02,499 --> 00:46:06,124 - Very well, sir. - Oh, and two more Pink thingymabobs 609 00:46:06,207 --> 00:46:08,291 and champagne for the lady. 610 00:46:08,374 --> 00:46:10,082 Oh, and that delightful orchestra. 611 00:46:10,166 --> 00:46:12,832 See that they have another round of vodka. 612 00:46:12,916 --> 00:46:14,499 Yes, sir! Yes, sir. 613 00:46:14,582 --> 00:46:17,874 It seems to make them play with so much more elan. 614 00:46:17,957 --> 00:46:19,082 [laughs] 615 00:46:19,166 --> 00:46:21,999 And now, let me see. 616 00:46:22,082 --> 00:46:24,499 Now, as I was saying, Panitov, 617 00:46:24,582 --> 00:46:27,041 the counter-inflationary tendency 618 00:46:27,124 --> 00:46:29,957 of the price index is, er... 619 00:46:30,041 --> 00:46:31,499 [thumping] 620 00:46:33,082 --> 00:46:36,749 Oh, dear me. Oh, tired out, no doubt. 621 00:46:36,832 --> 00:46:37,957 Poor chap. 622 00:46:38,041 --> 00:46:41,874 Now, shall you and I do that nice Caucasian gallop thing again, hmm? 623 00:46:41,957 --> 00:46:44,291 I find it most stimulating. 624 00:46:44,374 --> 00:46:45,416 [chuckles] 625 00:46:45,499 --> 00:46:48,249 [band sing in Russian] 626 00:46:58,999 --> 00:47:02,374 [romantic music] 627 00:47:23,874 --> 00:47:27,374 - We haven't been long, have we? - No. No, no, no, not at all. 628 00:47:27,457 --> 00:47:29,041 Max, this is Steve. 629 00:47:30,416 --> 00:47:31,916 Hiya, fella. 630 00:47:31,999 --> 00:47:33,749 Steve is an American. 631 00:47:33,832 --> 00:47:35,291 So I see. 632 00:47:35,374 --> 00:47:36,499 Yeah. 633 00:47:37,457 --> 00:47:39,749 I was high jump champ at my high school. 634 00:47:40,624 --> 00:47:42,166 Ah, you were. 635 00:47:42,791 --> 00:47:44,791 - Wonderful. - [he laughs] 636 00:47:46,624 --> 00:47:48,707 I could jump five foot ten. 637 00:47:49,707 --> 00:47:50,791 Oh. 638 00:47:51,624 --> 00:47:53,582 Could you jump five foot ten? 639 00:47:53,666 --> 00:47:55,332 Ah, no, no, no. 640 00:47:57,041 --> 00:47:59,874 No, I didn't think you could. 641 00:48:03,916 --> 00:48:07,124 [big band jazz plays] 642 00:48:24,416 --> 00:48:26,499 [laughter] 643 00:48:51,457 --> 00:48:53,541 Hello, mademoiselle. 644 00:48:53,624 --> 00:48:54,749 Oh! 645 00:48:54,832 --> 00:48:56,332 Cheer up, mon chéri. 646 00:48:56,416 --> 00:48:58,582 I thought you English were very cold. 647 00:48:58,666 --> 00:49:00,957 Oh, you wait till we really get warmed up. 648 00:49:05,791 --> 00:49:08,874 - I've never met anyone like you before. - [she giggles] 649 00:49:08,957 --> 00:49:10,916 I am just like everybody. 650 00:49:10,999 --> 00:49:12,832 Not that I go with girls, mind you. 651 00:49:12,916 --> 00:49:14,082 Ooh! 652 00:49:14,874 --> 00:49:15,999 Voila! 653 00:49:16,916 --> 00:49:18,291 This is where I live. 654 00:49:21,457 --> 00:49:23,541 What's the address? 655 00:49:23,624 --> 00:49:25,457 Seize rue Bérandiere. 656 00:49:27,416 --> 00:49:29,791 - Will you write it down? - Yes. 657 00:49:36,874 --> 00:49:41,666 Seize rue Béran... 658 00:49:42,832 --> 00:49:44,082 ...dière. 659 00:49:48,499 --> 00:49:50,916 And where do we meet tomorrow? 660 00:49:50,999 --> 00:49:52,999 Here, by the steps. 661 00:49:54,249 --> 00:49:55,707 All right. 662 00:49:55,791 --> 00:49:59,832 Seize rue Bérandiere. 663 00:49:59,916 --> 00:50:01,957 Oh, that's right! 664 00:50:02,041 --> 00:50:04,291 You'll soon speak good French. 665 00:50:05,291 --> 00:50:06,374 If you teach me. 666 00:50:07,624 --> 00:50:10,207 Well... I must go. 667 00:50:10,291 --> 00:50:12,499 Because my father will be angry. 668 00:50:14,749 --> 00:50:16,041 All right. 669 00:50:16,999 --> 00:50:18,832 Twelve o'clock tomorrow then? 670 00:50:19,874 --> 00:50:21,041 Don't forget. 671 00:50:22,082 --> 00:50:23,499 Oh, I won't. 672 00:50:24,666 --> 00:50:25,707 Well... 673 00:50:28,791 --> 00:50:29,832 Goodnight. 674 00:50:43,916 --> 00:50:45,249 Goodnight. 675 00:50:50,916 --> 00:50:52,832 [he screams] Ya-hooo! 676 00:50:53,541 --> 00:50:55,124 [dog barks] 677 00:51:02,791 --> 00:51:04,166 Combien? 678 00:51:04,249 --> 00:51:05,957 [in French] Five hundred francs, monsieur. 679 00:51:06,041 --> 00:51:07,374 Five hundred?! 680 00:51:07,457 --> 00:51:09,249 Yes, monsieur. Look, it says five hundred. 681 00:51:09,332 --> 00:51:11,124 [he makes ticking sound] 682 00:51:11,207 --> 00:51:13,582 [in French] There's an extra 20%, plus a night fee. 683 00:51:13,666 --> 00:51:14,749 [in English] Understand? 684 00:51:17,124 --> 00:51:19,874 Merci, monsieur. Pardon, monsieur, le pourboire. 685 00:51:19,957 --> 00:51:21,166 Eh? 686 00:51:21,249 --> 00:51:23,749 Le pourboire. [in English] The tip. The tip. 687 00:51:34,332 --> 00:51:36,916 Ooh! [Chuckles] 688 00:51:36,999 --> 00:51:40,832 [in French] A ten franc tip? Ten francs? Pah! Pah! 689 00:51:40,916 --> 00:51:42,166 Ah, go on! 690 00:51:49,124 --> 00:51:50,291 My wallet! 691 00:52:04,457 --> 00:52:05,957 [buzzer sounds] 692 00:52:08,457 --> 00:52:10,124 [yawns] 693 00:52:10,207 --> 00:52:11,666 [in French] What's the matter? 694 00:52:11,749 --> 00:52:13,624 - I've been robbed. - Oh! 695 00:52:13,707 --> 00:52:15,291 Robbed? 696 00:52:15,374 --> 00:52:18,166 My wallet. It had all my money and my return ticket in it. 697 00:52:18,249 --> 00:52:20,332 Oh, monsieur! 698 00:52:21,291 --> 00:52:23,082 I've been out with a girl. 699 00:52:24,332 --> 00:52:26,916 [military music] 700 00:52:44,499 --> 00:52:47,499 [romantic music] 701 00:52:47,582 --> 00:52:48,999 Come on, Dicky bird. 702 00:52:49,082 --> 00:52:50,624 Come on. 703 00:53:09,291 --> 00:53:10,374 Funny. 704 00:53:11,791 --> 00:53:13,416 I feel a bit dizzy. 705 00:53:13,499 --> 00:53:14,666 Do you? 706 00:53:14,749 --> 00:53:15,916 Oh. 707 00:53:19,624 --> 00:53:23,291 I've got just the thing at my flat. It will put you right in no time. 708 00:53:23,374 --> 00:53:24,957 - Will it? - Yes. 709 00:53:27,041 --> 00:53:29,082 [in French] Coachman, Avenue Henri Martin. 710 00:53:52,749 --> 00:53:54,374 What would you like? 711 00:53:55,666 --> 00:53:58,541 - Would you really like to know? - Yes. 712 00:53:58,624 --> 00:54:00,499 Well, I'd like a... 713 00:54:00,582 --> 00:54:02,291 I'd like a nice cup of tea. 714 00:54:02,374 --> 00:54:04,041 And don't say, "No, tea 'ere." 715 00:54:04,124 --> 00:54:06,332 Oui, oui, très bien. 716 00:54:06,416 --> 00:54:09,082 I will give you... tea. 717 00:54:10,832 --> 00:54:13,416 Looks as though I'm gonna have what I want at last. 718 00:54:35,916 --> 00:54:38,874 [in French] Come on now, my little pumpkin. 719 00:54:49,332 --> 00:54:51,249 [in French] Now, goodnight, my darling. 720 00:55:35,457 --> 00:55:37,416 Ssh! Sleep. 721 00:55:37,499 --> 00:55:38,957 Don't get worried. 722 00:55:39,041 --> 00:55:41,207 I'm a bit of a basket. 723 00:55:41,291 --> 00:55:44,749 Often make a fool of myself, but I ain't so bad really. 724 00:55:45,791 --> 00:55:47,541 You just sleep. 725 00:56:56,874 --> 00:56:58,291 A little more? 726 00:56:59,041 --> 00:57:00,124 No. 727 00:57:00,957 --> 00:57:03,749 - No, thanks. I feel fine. - I thought you would. 728 00:57:05,624 --> 00:57:08,041 Can I tell you what I think? 729 00:57:08,124 --> 00:57:09,416 Yes. 730 00:57:10,249 --> 00:57:13,041 - You know, there is something about you. - [she hiccups] 731 00:57:15,749 --> 00:57:19,374 Something about you that reminds me of spring. 732 00:57:19,457 --> 00:57:20,999 [she hiccups] 733 00:57:21,082 --> 00:57:22,582 I've got the hiccups. 734 00:57:22,666 --> 00:57:24,082 The hiccups? 735 00:57:24,874 --> 00:57:27,499 Oh, I will frighten you and then it will go. 736 00:57:27,582 --> 00:57:28,957 All right. 737 00:57:29,624 --> 00:57:30,874 Frighten me. 738 00:57:30,957 --> 00:57:33,207 [they sing in Russian] 739 00:57:47,374 --> 00:57:50,041 Oh, er, wait a minute. 740 00:57:50,124 --> 00:57:51,707 What, er...? 741 00:57:51,791 --> 00:57:53,499 What's this? 742 00:58:00,624 --> 00:58:02,791 What's this? The French national debt? 743 00:58:02,874 --> 00:58:04,582 The bill, monsieur. 744 00:58:04,666 --> 00:58:07,791 - What item is that? - The tablecloth, monsieur. 745 00:58:07,874 --> 00:58:09,957 - And that? - Breakage. 746 00:58:10,041 --> 00:58:14,957 That is vodka for the band and that is flowers for lady. 747 00:58:15,041 --> 00:58:16,457 Mmm. 748 00:58:16,541 --> 00:58:21,166 There seems to be a somewhat inflationary tendency in this restaurant's budgeting. 749 00:58:23,832 --> 00:58:25,791 - Now, let me see... - No! 750 00:58:27,249 --> 00:58:28,999 Yes, er... 751 00:58:29,082 --> 00:58:31,541 Primitive economics no doubt. 752 00:58:32,749 --> 00:58:36,291 - A mere barter, but still. - Oh, no! 753 00:59:17,457 --> 00:59:19,374 Erm... [speaks Russian] 754 00:59:20,874 --> 00:59:22,832 And the tip, sir? 755 00:59:29,124 --> 00:59:31,332 Thank you, milord. 756 00:59:32,916 --> 00:59:34,874 Goodnight, milord. 757 00:59:35,916 --> 00:59:37,249 Goodnight, milord. 758 00:59:41,832 --> 00:59:42,999 I think... 759 00:59:43,874 --> 00:59:45,332 I think they've gone. 760 00:59:45,416 --> 00:59:46,457 [she hiccups] 761 00:59:47,582 --> 00:59:51,082 Maybe you'd better come and lie down for a minute. 762 00:59:53,374 --> 00:59:54,582 [she hiccups] 763 01:00:04,999 --> 01:00:06,332 [she hiccups] 764 01:00:06,416 --> 01:00:08,499 I will get you some more water. 765 01:00:19,374 --> 01:00:21,332 Here we are. 766 01:01:09,207 --> 01:01:10,916 [groans] 767 01:01:12,291 --> 01:01:13,874 [groans] 768 01:01:21,707 --> 01:01:25,707 [lively music] 769 01:01:47,207 --> 01:01:49,124 If you please, thank you. 770 01:01:55,374 --> 01:01:58,082 [men arguing in French, car horn beeps] 771 01:02:00,457 --> 01:02:04,624 [all arguing in French] 772 01:02:13,291 --> 01:02:14,749 Madame. 773 01:02:21,082 --> 01:02:22,166 Morning. 774 01:02:22,916 --> 01:02:24,291 Did you sleep well? 775 01:02:25,041 --> 01:02:27,374 Very well, thank you. [groans] 776 01:02:27,957 --> 01:02:31,124 - What you need is some fresh air. - Oh, non! Oh, no, no. 777 01:02:32,416 --> 01:02:35,624 I'll tell you what. We'll go for a swim and you'll soon feel better. 778 01:02:35,707 --> 01:02:37,457 Oh, no, no, no. 779 01:02:37,541 --> 01:02:40,041 No, I... I can't swim. 780 01:02:47,124 --> 01:02:48,666 Pardon, monsieur. 781 01:02:48,749 --> 01:02:51,541 Seize rue Bérandiere? 782 01:02:51,624 --> 01:02:53,374 Rue Bérandiere? 783 01:02:53,457 --> 01:02:57,082 [in French] Well, I think it's in this neighbourhood. 784 01:02:57,707 --> 01:03:00,082 Oh, Lucien! 785 01:03:00,166 --> 01:03:00,916 Oui? 786 01:03:00,999 --> 01:03:03,239 [in French] Rue Bérandiere is round the corner, isn't it? 787 01:03:04,874 --> 01:03:08,166 [in French] No. I think it's in the 14th arrondissement. 788 01:03:09,249 --> 01:03:11,916 [in French] Excuse me, madame, do you know where rue Bérandiere is? 789 01:03:11,999 --> 01:03:15,832 [in French] Rue Bérandiere? You mean, rue Béranger? 790 01:03:16,916 --> 01:03:18,166 Bérandiere. 791 01:03:18,249 --> 01:03:19,892 [in French] No, he's asking about rue Bérandiere. 792 01:03:19,916 --> 01:03:22,832 [all arguing in French] 793 01:03:36,416 --> 01:03:38,499 [indistinct chatter] 794 01:04:00,082 --> 01:04:02,666 I call on the delegate for the United Kingdom. 795 01:04:07,374 --> 01:04:09,082 Mr Chairman, 796 01:04:09,166 --> 01:04:11,416 I have an announcement to make. 797 01:04:12,874 --> 01:04:17,124 In the course of a private pourparler 798 01:04:17,207 --> 01:04:23,082 with the Soviet delegate held at a certain rendezvous last night, 799 01:04:23,166 --> 01:04:26,916 I am pleased to inform you that Monsieur Panitov 800 01:04:26,999 --> 01:04:31,832 has agreed to a full economic conference 801 01:04:31,916 --> 01:04:35,582 to take place on May the 23rd. 802 01:04:40,874 --> 01:04:45,957 His excellency was in fact good enough to append his signature 803 01:04:46,041 --> 01:04:49,124 to a formal... document 804 01:04:49,207 --> 01:04:50,624 to that effect. 805 01:04:50,707 --> 01:04:53,166 Have you the document with you, Sir Norman? 806 01:04:53,249 --> 01:04:55,249 Unfortunately not, sir. 807 01:04:56,166 --> 01:04:59,249 It is rather bulky, difficult to carry. 808 01:04:59,332 --> 01:05:01,916 But I can assure you it is in safe keeping. 809 01:05:02,582 --> 01:05:04,499 May the 23rd, 810 01:05:04,582 --> 01:05:08,624 that was the date, was it not, Monsieur Panitov? 811 01:05:12,166 --> 01:05:13,291 Yes. 812 01:05:18,499 --> 01:05:20,582 Don't do that, Wilkinson! 813 01:05:21,707 --> 01:05:24,666 For goodness sake, please get me an Alka-Seltzer. 814 01:05:29,207 --> 01:05:32,624 [swing jazz plays] 815 01:06:09,916 --> 01:06:11,791 It's wonderful! 816 01:06:11,874 --> 01:06:14,499 Yes. Yes, I can see. 817 01:06:14,582 --> 01:06:16,291 Oh, poor Max. 818 01:06:16,374 --> 01:06:18,332 Never mind, I'll tell you what we'll do. 819 01:06:18,416 --> 01:06:21,582 I'll go back to your flat and cook you a real English lunch. 820 01:06:21,666 --> 01:06:23,791 E-English lunch? 821 01:06:28,832 --> 01:06:30,457 English lunch? 822 01:06:32,041 --> 01:06:34,874 [gentle music] 823 01:06:52,582 --> 01:06:54,207 [she gasps] 824 01:06:54,291 --> 01:06:55,499 Oh! 825 01:07:21,832 --> 01:07:25,957 [group of French people chatter enthusiastically] 826 01:07:59,416 --> 01:08:00,999 You here? 827 01:08:01,999 --> 01:08:04,749 Why are you looking at me like that? 828 01:08:04,832 --> 01:08:06,957 Don't you recognise me? 829 01:08:07,041 --> 01:08:09,332 Oh, yes, I recognise you all right. 830 01:08:09,416 --> 01:08:11,166 But after last night... 831 01:08:11,249 --> 01:08:13,707 You remember last night, yes? 832 01:08:13,791 --> 01:08:16,916 Aye, I do and I'm not likely to forget it in a hurry either. 833 01:08:16,999 --> 01:08:18,707 Well, where is it? 834 01:08:18,791 --> 01:08:21,041 Where is it? What? 835 01:08:21,124 --> 01:08:23,666 As if you didn't know. My wallet! 836 01:08:24,374 --> 01:08:26,332 It had all my money in it and my return ticket. 837 01:08:26,416 --> 01:08:28,749 [in French] Oh! Well, I never! 838 01:08:28,832 --> 01:08:32,041 You say I am a voleuse, a thief? 839 01:08:32,124 --> 01:08:33,892 - [in French] Who do you think I am? - Don't shout. 840 01:08:33,916 --> 01:08:36,124 I will shout! 841 01:08:36,207 --> 01:08:37,999 What do you take French girls for? 842 01:08:38,082 --> 01:08:40,457 I was warned about French girls and now I've seen them. 843 01:08:40,541 --> 01:08:42,624 Seen them what? 844 01:08:42,707 --> 01:08:45,041 Seen them kissing and showing their legs. 845 01:08:46,791 --> 01:08:50,041 And you... how about you showing your legs? 846 01:08:52,041 --> 01:08:55,041 [in French] So, did you find the rue Bérandiere? 847 01:08:56,832 --> 01:08:58,582 Yes, thank you. 848 01:09:04,666 --> 01:09:05,957 Oh, oh! 849 01:09:06,041 --> 01:09:07,957 [in French] A client! A client! 850 01:09:08,041 --> 01:09:10,082 [all clamouring] 851 01:09:16,624 --> 01:09:18,874 [tourist] No, I want the other one. 852 01:09:24,874 --> 01:09:26,082 No, no. 853 01:09:26,166 --> 01:09:27,416 Combien? 854 01:09:31,332 --> 01:09:32,666 Twenty-five okay? 855 01:09:39,874 --> 01:09:42,874 One, two, three... 856 01:09:42,957 --> 01:09:45,999 - four, five, six, seven... - [they gasp] 857 01:09:53,916 --> 01:09:55,624 Eh... No, butter? 858 01:09:56,416 --> 01:09:59,416 No, of course not! You don't use butter for cooking. 859 01:10:00,416 --> 01:10:01,457 Ah. 860 01:10:05,749 --> 01:10:10,207 You know there is a charming little restaurant just around the corner. 861 01:10:10,291 --> 01:10:12,832 No. You'll enjoy this. You'll see. 862 01:10:15,374 --> 01:10:19,832 [military band plays "Colonel Bogey March"] 863 01:10:49,207 --> 01:10:52,832 [applause] 864 01:11:11,124 --> 01:11:12,707 Dicky Bird! 865 01:11:13,416 --> 01:11:14,416 Dicky! 866 01:11:17,124 --> 01:11:19,291 Dicky Bird, hi! 867 01:11:23,332 --> 01:11:24,749 Dicky! 868 01:12:10,541 --> 01:12:11,541 Captain. 869 01:12:13,749 --> 01:12:17,416 [coughs] Pardon, Captain, but aren't you going to miss the big race? 870 01:12:17,499 --> 01:12:19,791 Oh, now you've spoilt it, Bickerstaff. 871 01:12:19,874 --> 01:12:22,499 Just as I was coming to the interesting bit. 872 01:12:22,582 --> 01:12:25,541 Have you read the case of the stuttering parson? 873 01:12:25,624 --> 01:12:28,874 Fancy doing it that way. It really isn't cricket, you know. 874 01:12:29,957 --> 01:12:31,332 [French accent] Cricket? 875 01:12:31,416 --> 01:12:33,082 What is this "cricket"? 876 01:12:33,166 --> 01:12:35,082 Do I hear you right, sir? 877 01:12:35,166 --> 01:12:38,332 Cricket is the foundation of the British Empire. 878 01:12:38,416 --> 01:12:40,749 - Hear, hear! - Thank you, Bickerstaff. 879 01:12:40,832 --> 01:12:44,124 Until you learn to play cricket in France you'll never keep a government. 880 01:12:44,207 --> 01:12:47,749 Do you play it with hoops and hammers? 881 01:12:47,832 --> 01:12:50,582 No, sir, you do not play it with hoops and hammers. 882 01:12:50,666 --> 01:12:54,707 You ball it with bat and ball. Allow me to demonstrate. 883 01:12:57,874 --> 01:13:00,499 Oh, butterfingers, Bickerstaff! 884 01:13:07,374 --> 01:13:09,624 W h-what exactly is this? 885 01:13:10,416 --> 01:13:11,499 Cabbage. 886 01:13:12,374 --> 01:13:14,666 Ah, cabbage. Yes, of course. 887 01:13:15,666 --> 01:13:19,374 - Would you like another chop? - Oh, no. No, no. No, thank you. 888 01:13:20,666 --> 01:13:22,249 I will. 889 01:13:41,457 --> 01:13:43,124 Oh, good, you've eaten it all. 890 01:13:43,207 --> 01:13:45,249 Yes. [Coughs] 891 01:13:45,332 --> 01:13:47,124 You see, you were hungry. 892 01:13:47,999 --> 01:13:50,249 Are you sure you wouldn't like some more? 893 01:13:50,332 --> 01:13:54,207 No, no. No, no, no. No, thank you. I've had quite enough... 894 01:13:55,041 --> 01:13:56,541 cabbage. 895 01:13:59,249 --> 01:14:01,166 No, no, no! 896 01:14:01,249 --> 01:14:03,291 Play forward! 897 01:14:03,374 --> 01:14:06,499 Always play forward, like that. 898 01:14:06,582 --> 01:14:10,166 Bickerstaff, you're supposed to be silly point not square leg. 899 01:14:10,249 --> 01:14:12,249 That, by the way, was a maiden over. 900 01:14:12,332 --> 01:14:13,666 Now, I shall bowl again. 901 01:14:14,582 --> 01:14:16,332 Straight bat. 902 01:14:22,832 --> 01:14:24,749 - How's that? - Out! 903 01:14:24,832 --> 01:14:28,249 A clear case of lbw, leg before wicket. You're out. 904 01:14:28,332 --> 01:14:31,999 Vous êtes une... clot. 905 01:14:32,082 --> 01:14:33,791 - Clot? - Clot. 906 01:14:33,874 --> 01:14:36,416 Yes. Now, you bowl, I'll bat. 907 01:14:37,249 --> 01:14:39,082 Clot, clot? 908 01:14:39,166 --> 01:14:40,374 Clot? 909 01:14:53,124 --> 01:14:54,582 [glass shatters] 910 01:14:54,666 --> 01:14:55,999 Gone for six! 911 01:14:56,082 --> 01:14:56,916 [dog barks] 912 01:14:56,999 --> 01:14:59,791 Oh, dear! Time for the tea interval now, sir. 913 01:14:59,874 --> 01:15:03,374 - Very well, Bickerstaff, very well. - Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear! 914 01:15:03,457 --> 01:15:06,124 Now, I understand the cricket! 915 01:15:06,207 --> 01:15:09,166 A very good idea this tea interval, Bickerstaff. 916 01:15:12,749 --> 01:15:14,541 Thank you. 917 01:15:19,916 --> 01:15:22,041 Closed. It's too late. 918 01:15:22,124 --> 01:15:23,874 Oh, dear, how annoying. 919 01:15:24,874 --> 01:15:28,332 You see, I'm anxious to find the gentleman who painted the Mona Lisa. 920 01:15:29,374 --> 01:15:30,666 He's dead. 921 01:15:31,374 --> 01:15:33,874 Dead?! But I saw him yesterday. 922 01:15:34,749 --> 01:15:37,332 - You saw him yest...? - Yes, I even spoke to him. 923 01:15:38,707 --> 01:15:40,957 - You spoke to him? - Yes. 924 01:15:46,832 --> 01:15:48,582 He's been dead 500 years. 925 01:15:48,666 --> 01:15:51,041 Oh, nonsense! Why, there he is now. 926 01:15:54,124 --> 01:15:55,749 Well, look. 927 01:16:03,207 --> 01:16:04,999 Bon soir, mon ami. 928 01:16:05,082 --> 01:16:06,166 Oh. 929 01:16:06,249 --> 01:16:07,916 How do you do? 930 01:16:07,999 --> 01:16:10,707 - How do you do? Good afternoon. - Good afternoon. 931 01:16:10,791 --> 01:16:14,207 I thought you might like a cup of real English tea. 932 01:16:14,291 --> 01:16:17,041 That would be delightful. Thank you very much. 933 01:16:17,124 --> 01:16:19,499 - Then shall we go to the Tuileries Gardens? - Mm. 934 01:16:27,874 --> 01:16:31,041 [band play "It's a Long Way to Tipperary"] 935 01:16:37,374 --> 01:16:39,082 What's happening down there? 936 01:16:40,374 --> 01:16:41,874 Come and see. 937 01:16:42,957 --> 01:16:44,499 More fresh air! 938 01:16:53,291 --> 01:16:55,749 Why are they playing "Tipperary"? 939 01:16:55,832 --> 01:16:58,332 Because they are unveiling a statue to Lord Byron. 940 01:16:59,332 --> 01:17:00,749 Why "Tipperary"? 941 01:17:01,832 --> 01:17:03,582 It's an English tradition. 942 01:17:05,166 --> 01:17:06,916 - Oh, I see. - Yes. 943 01:17:10,874 --> 01:17:12,749 And now to business. 944 01:17:12,832 --> 01:17:14,207 Business? 945 01:17:14,291 --> 01:17:17,041 Yes. Quite simple business really. 946 01:17:18,957 --> 01:17:22,416 You see, I've always wanted to posses the Mona Lisa. 947 01:17:23,332 --> 01:17:25,916 Now, for the first time in my life I can afford it. 948 01:17:27,291 --> 01:17:31,374 I do hope you'll help me to realise a lifelong ambition. 949 01:17:31,457 --> 01:17:33,207 But how? 950 01:17:33,291 --> 01:17:35,541 Isn't it perfectly obvious, 951 01:17:35,624 --> 01:17:39,291 when an artist has a picture to sell and there's a prospective buyer? 952 01:17:40,041 --> 01:17:43,874 - You mean, you want my Mona Lisa? - Yes. 953 01:17:43,957 --> 01:17:47,332 Sad for you, isn't it? Pictures are like children. 954 01:17:47,416 --> 01:17:50,124 One grows to love them, then they have to leave us. 955 01:17:50,207 --> 01:17:52,374 Oh, but my picture is not good enough for you. 956 01:17:52,457 --> 01:17:55,374 Nonsense! It is the Mona Lisa. 957 01:18:00,624 --> 01:18:02,624 [in French] Monsieur Minister. 958 01:18:02,707 --> 01:18:04,624 Ladies. 959 01:18:04,707 --> 01:18:06,416 Gentlemen. 960 01:18:06,499 --> 01:18:10,249 Great love is silent but perhaps we compare... 961 01:18:10,332 --> 01:18:12,249 What is he saying? 962 01:18:14,624 --> 01:18:16,541 Great love is silent. 963 01:18:17,832 --> 01:18:19,207 Is it? 964 01:18:20,166 --> 01:18:21,207 Yes. 965 01:18:21,291 --> 01:18:24,332 The poet we are honouring today 966 01:18:24,416 --> 01:18:28,332 made a poem for his beloved out of this silence. 967 01:18:29,416 --> 01:18:33,457 He says, out of this silence he made a poem for his beloved. 968 01:18:34,707 --> 01:18:37,707 He boldly bared his soul... 969 01:18:38,291 --> 01:18:43,499 In this poem, he spoke of her youth and freshness, 970 01:18:43,582 --> 01:18:45,416 and... and charm. 971 01:18:47,457 --> 01:18:49,624 He loved her from the start. 972 01:18:50,666 --> 01:18:53,166 He loved her silently... 973 01:18:54,582 --> 01:18:55,916 passionately. 974 01:18:57,207 --> 01:18:58,957 Do you really? 975 01:19:00,749 --> 01:19:01,916 Yes. 976 01:19:04,749 --> 01:19:10,332 [man in French] In these poems, the poet transcends himself to find himself... 977 01:19:11,791 --> 01:19:15,166 In the name of love, I will now unveil... 978 01:19:15,249 --> 01:19:19,124 In the name of love, I will now unveil... 979 01:19:19,207 --> 01:19:21,624 [applause] 980 01:19:28,249 --> 01:19:32,916 [band plays "La Marseillaise"] 981 01:19:41,416 --> 01:19:44,666 [girl in French] Dad, look! Here comes the gentleman! 982 01:19:45,582 --> 01:19:47,499 They have found your wallet. 983 01:19:49,541 --> 01:19:52,416 [he laughs] [in French] I found it in the cab. 984 01:19:52,499 --> 01:19:55,124 It was in the cab. On the floor. 985 01:19:55,207 --> 01:19:57,041 - Come on, we'll have to hurry! - Comment? 986 01:19:57,124 --> 01:19:58,874 - [in French] So, what do we do now? - Shh! 987 01:19:58,957 --> 01:20:00,166 My bill. 988 01:20:01,499 --> 01:20:02,916 Moi au revoir... 989 01:20:03,749 --> 01:20:05,957 Tell them I've got to see my girl. 990 01:20:06,041 --> 01:20:07,332 [in French] It is about a woman. 991 01:20:07,416 --> 01:20:12,749 [In French] Lovers are like the sick, it's a sacred duty to help them. 992 01:20:28,166 --> 01:20:29,624 - Dicky. - Hello! 993 01:20:31,416 --> 01:20:34,332 Blimey, now I've put my foot in it! Sorry, Sergeant. 994 01:20:34,416 --> 01:20:37,207 - Pick it up, you fool! - Yes, Sergeant. 995 01:20:48,041 --> 01:20:51,541 - Mademoiselle Raymonde? - [in French] Second, left. Wait. 996 01:20:53,582 --> 01:20:55,416 - Raymonde! - Raymonde! 997 01:20:55,499 --> 01:20:56,541 [Andy] Raymonde! 998 01:20:56,624 --> 01:20:58,207 [woman] Raymonde! 999 01:20:58,291 --> 01:20:59,582 [boy] Raymonde! 1000 01:21:00,582 --> 01:21:02,041 Come down, quick! 1001 01:21:04,166 --> 01:21:06,999 - We might just do it. - [in French] Anything for lovers! 1002 01:21:08,832 --> 01:21:10,874 - Come on! - Where? 1003 01:21:10,957 --> 01:21:13,124 No time now. Tell you on the way! 1004 01:21:13,207 --> 01:21:15,582 [lively music] 1005 01:21:15,666 --> 01:21:17,957 [car horn honking] 1006 01:21:27,999 --> 01:21:29,624 But I said I'm sorry. 1007 01:21:29,707 --> 01:21:33,166 But you believed I could do it! That is what hurt me so much. 1008 01:21:33,249 --> 01:21:35,374 [in French] Oh, he loves her so much! 1009 01:21:35,457 --> 01:21:38,832 [in French] Not at all, he's a brute, a Scot... 1010 01:21:40,957 --> 01:21:42,374 a man. 1011 01:21:43,499 --> 01:21:46,666 [cheering] 1012 01:21:49,082 --> 01:21:51,541 Come on, we'll miss the plane. 1013 01:21:51,624 --> 01:21:54,082 [cheering drowns out speech] 1014 01:22:00,499 --> 01:22:02,707 [woman on PA in French] Your attention, please. 1015 01:22:02,791 --> 01:22:05,457 Passengers to London, 1016 01:22:05,541 --> 01:22:12,082 flight DE336 British European Airways are requested for boarding. 1017 01:22:17,624 --> 01:22:19,374 Well, Susan. 1018 01:22:19,457 --> 01:22:20,957 Well, Max. 1019 01:22:22,291 --> 01:22:24,499 This is where we say goodbye, I suppose. 1020 01:22:25,832 --> 01:22:27,791 I like au revoir better. 1021 01:22:29,499 --> 01:22:31,499 Well then, au revoir. 1022 01:22:34,332 --> 01:22:36,541 It's been so wonderful. 1023 01:22:36,624 --> 01:22:38,624 I'll never forget it, never. 1024 01:22:39,457 --> 01:22:41,666 Never? It's a long time. 1025 01:22:50,082 --> 01:22:52,249 Oh, hurry up! Faster! Faster! 1026 01:22:52,332 --> 01:22:53,791 Vite! Vite! 1027 01:22:53,874 --> 01:22:56,832 [they argue in French] 1028 01:22:56,916 --> 01:22:58,457 [she screams, tyres screech] 1029 01:22:58,541 --> 01:23:00,791 [in French] Watch out for the truck, you, idiot! 1030 01:23:21,666 --> 01:23:24,026 - [in French] Where has he gone? - [in French] I don't know. 1031 01:23:29,916 --> 01:23:31,041 For me? 1032 01:23:31,124 --> 01:23:32,374 Yes. 1033 01:23:35,541 --> 01:23:36,749 Well... 1034 01:23:37,666 --> 01:23:38,999 Goodbye. 1035 01:23:39,082 --> 01:23:42,374 - [in French] Come on, kiss her! - [in French] Come on! 1036 01:23:45,374 --> 01:23:47,332 [in French] Love is beautiful. 1037 01:23:49,166 --> 01:23:51,416 Hurry, please, for the London plane. 1038 01:23:51,499 --> 01:23:55,124 - You will write to me, won't you? - Yes, and you write to me too. 1039 01:23:55,207 --> 01:23:57,499 - Of course. - Please, monsieur, you'll miss that plane. 1040 01:23:58,957 --> 01:24:01,249 Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye. 1041 01:24:02,332 --> 01:24:04,082 - Money. - Oh, pardon. 1042 01:24:04,166 --> 01:24:06,249 - Money. - Combien? 1043 01:24:06,332 --> 01:24:07,957 [in French] Twelve thousand francs. 1044 01:24:08,041 --> 01:24:09,600 - Twelve thousand?! - Twelve thousand francs. 1045 01:24:09,624 --> 01:24:12,104 - You're insane. - No, I'm not, I waited for him the whole day. 1046 01:24:12,707 --> 01:24:16,916 [in French] Me, wait for you. Me, wait. Taxi... [clicking noise] 1047 01:24:16,999 --> 01:24:19,332 [honking horns drown his speech] 1048 01:24:19,416 --> 01:24:22,541 - He says he waits for you all day. - Yes, yes, yes. 1049 01:24:22,624 --> 01:24:24,541 - Thank you. - All right. 1050 01:24:25,791 --> 01:24:28,082 Next time, you'll come to Glasgow. 1051 01:24:28,166 --> 01:24:30,666 Glasgow will be more beautiful than Paris. 1052 01:24:30,749 --> 01:24:32,207 And cheaper. 1053 01:24:33,207 --> 01:24:34,707 Goodbye! 1054 01:24:56,124 --> 01:24:57,791 Andy! 1055 01:24:57,874 --> 01:24:58,916 Andy! 1056 01:25:16,791 --> 01:25:20,082 [aeroplane engines roar] 1057 01:25:23,957 --> 01:25:26,749 [woman announcer on PA] BEA British European Airways 1058 01:25:26,832 --> 01:25:30,666 announce the arrival of flight number 338 from Paris. 1059 01:25:37,999 --> 01:25:41,916 [reporters clamouring] 1060 01:25:42,874 --> 01:25:45,082 Big smile, please, Sir Norman. 1061 01:25:46,249 --> 01:25:48,582 How did you do it, Sir Norman? 1062 01:25:49,374 --> 01:25:53,416 By personal contact. Always, I find, the best method. 1063 01:25:53,499 --> 01:25:56,916 - You look tired, Sir Norman. - Yes, it's, er... 1064 01:25:56,999 --> 01:25:58,749 It's taken a lot out of me. 1065 01:25:59,749 --> 01:26:01,291 A lot. 1066 01:26:01,374 --> 01:26:03,666 It put a great deal into me too, of course. 1067 01:26:04,541 --> 01:26:06,624 I mean, new heart. 1068 01:26:06,707 --> 01:26:09,166 Now, if you'll excuse me, gentlemen, I have rather a... 1069 01:26:09,249 --> 01:26:10,582 Just one thing, Sir Norman. 1070 01:26:10,666 --> 01:26:13,850 There's a rumour that you're considering lowering the basic traveller's allowance 1071 01:26:13,874 --> 01:26:16,207 still further, is that true? 1072 01:26:16,291 --> 01:26:19,707 If I'm considering anything at all, sir, it is certainly not that! 1073 01:26:20,874 --> 01:26:22,332 - Thank you. - Good day. 1074 01:26:23,374 --> 01:26:24,832 Have a good time, sir? 1075 01:26:24,916 --> 01:26:28,499 My good fellow, there's no place like Paris if you know where to go. 1076 01:26:30,666 --> 01:26:33,041 - Have you read this? - No. 1077 01:26:37,416 --> 01:26:39,249 Well, how very interesting. 1078 01:26:39,332 --> 01:26:41,582 - Do you understand it? - No. 1079 01:26:42,541 --> 01:26:44,957 - Have you anything to declare? - Yes. 1080 01:26:52,541 --> 01:26:53,874 What's this? 1081 01:26:53,957 --> 01:26:55,999 She's the Mona Lisa. 1082 01:26:56,082 --> 01:26:58,874 - Where did you get it? - In the Louvre Museum. 1083 01:27:07,041 --> 01:27:09,082 Excuse me a moment, will you? 1084 01:27:09,166 --> 01:27:10,166 Oh! 1085 01:27:11,082 --> 01:27:12,832 Is he an art lover? 1086 01:27:15,916 --> 01:27:17,832 Have you anything to declare? 1087 01:27:18,499 --> 01:27:20,582 Have you anything to declare? 1088 01:27:20,666 --> 01:27:22,666 L'amour toujours. 1089 01:27:24,457 --> 01:27:27,499 It's quite all right, madam. The article is not liable for duty. 1090 01:27:27,582 --> 01:27:30,832 - Why not? - Well, madam, it's a fake. 1091 01:27:30,916 --> 01:27:33,791 A fake? My Mona Lisa? 1092 01:27:36,374 --> 01:27:38,791 - Have you seen the original? - No, madam. 1093 01:27:38,874 --> 01:27:39,999 Oh! 1094 01:27:40,082 --> 01:27:43,582 Well then, between ourselves, this is far better than the original. 1095 01:27:43,666 --> 01:27:47,457 Far, far better, and the work of such a charming man. 1096 01:27:48,457 --> 01:27:50,457 Thank you very much for your services. 1097 01:28:03,707 --> 01:28:05,041 Ah, Sir Norman. 1098 01:28:05,124 --> 01:28:06,707 Good afternoon, sir. 1099 01:28:11,957 --> 01:28:13,082 Good afternoon. 1100 01:28:13,166 --> 01:28:15,541 May I ask you to disclose your cigarette case, 1101 01:28:15,624 --> 01:28:18,332 your lighter, your watch and your cufflinks, please, sir? 1102 01:28:21,291 --> 01:28:22,791 Well done. 1103 01:28:22,874 --> 01:28:24,457 Well done, young man. 1104 01:28:25,291 --> 01:28:26,624 That's the spirit. 1105 01:28:27,499 --> 01:28:31,291 And you'll also find my silver-backed hairbrushes in the, er... 1106 01:28:31,374 --> 01:28:32,791 in the suitcase. 1107 01:28:32,874 --> 01:28:35,791 - Yes, sir, but your... - Well done, well done. 1108 01:28:35,874 --> 01:28:37,291 Keep it up. 1109 01:28:37,374 --> 01:28:38,666 Keep it up. 1110 01:28:49,374 --> 01:28:50,957 Nice weekend, miss? 1111 01:28:53,124 --> 01:28:56,791 [sentimental music]