1 00:00:39,980 --> 00:00:43,880 I can't give you an order right now, but thanks for showing me your line. 2 00:01:25,160 --> 00:01:26,280 Blimey boo muh. 3 00:03:05,800 --> 00:03:06,800 it or not. 4 00:03:07,160 --> 00:03:11,220 Well, if you are, it's a greater loss to all mankind than just to you. 5 00:03:11,960 --> 00:03:15,340 One thought I have is that maybe I'm not frigid. 6 00:03:15,940 --> 00:03:18,900 Maybe the men I know just don't have any finesse. 7 00:03:20,180 --> 00:03:22,780 How about we go off before the finesse works? 8 00:03:23,720 --> 00:03:28,300 I think that I'd better examine you. Would you undress there before the 9 00:03:28,820 --> 00:03:29,820 Right there? 10 00:03:30,380 --> 00:03:32,740 I'm a scientist. It means absolutely nothing to me. 11 00:03:58,190 --> 00:04:00,810 You better get up on the table where I can examine you. 12 00:04:01,110 --> 00:04:02,110 All right. 13 00:04:08,210 --> 00:04:11,410 Doctor, I hope your instrument isn't cold. 14 00:04:11,750 --> 00:04:13,950 Now, don't worry. It's getting hotter all the time. 15 00:04:18,430 --> 00:04:23,290 I can see that there's only one test that will prove conclusively whether or 16 00:04:23,290 --> 00:04:24,290 you're frigid. 17 00:04:25,930 --> 00:04:27,370 You'd better give it to me, Doctor. 18 00:04:28,550 --> 00:04:29,550 You want it? 19 00:04:30,930 --> 00:04:31,930 Yes. 20 00:04:32,250 --> 00:04:33,250 Give it to me. 21 00:04:36,910 --> 00:04:38,030 I'll get it right away. 22 00:04:39,550 --> 00:04:40,550 Thanks, Harry. 23 00:04:56,979 --> 00:04:58,800 Doctor, you're marvelous. 24 00:04:59,440 --> 00:05:01,100 I'm not frigid anymore. 25 00:05:02,300 --> 00:05:04,720 How about that? You froze my heater. 26 00:05:28,280 --> 00:05:30,200 My name is Miss Nempho. 27 00:05:31,520 --> 00:05:32,520 Nemphet. 28 00:05:33,580 --> 00:05:37,320 And we have a lot of exciting and unusual things to show you. 29 00:05:50,960 --> 00:05:51,960 That's nothing. 30 00:05:52,740 --> 00:05:54,720 You ought to see what she has to of. 31 00:05:57,640 --> 00:06:00,180 Anyway, we're just crawling with excitement today. 32 00:06:04,300 --> 00:06:05,300 Uh -oh. 33 00:06:07,040 --> 00:06:08,900 That's not all we're crawling with. 34 00:06:11,220 --> 00:06:12,320 Hey, Harry. 35 00:06:13,460 --> 00:06:19,840 I thought you said that you got rid of those before we... Oh, well. 36 00:06:20,580 --> 00:06:23,980 I always wanted to try out one of those new chromium razor blades. 37 00:06:26,410 --> 00:06:30,790 Now let the fun begin, because we've got a lot to show you. 38 00:06:50,570 --> 00:06:53,170 This is the dullest party I've ever been to. 39 00:06:54,210 --> 00:06:55,390 Then why don't you leave? 40 00:06:56,060 --> 00:06:57,900 Well, I would, but I can't find my clothes. 41 00:07:11,020 --> 00:07:12,020 Hello, honey. 42 00:07:12,640 --> 00:07:13,640 Where is he? 43 00:07:14,280 --> 00:07:15,280 Where's who? 44 00:07:22,480 --> 00:07:24,640 All right, what do you think you're doing? 45 00:07:50,490 --> 00:07:54,990 Yes, Mr. Katz. This is Captain Mack. It's an unusual case. You have two sets 46 00:07:54,990 --> 00:07:55,990 female apparatus. 47 00:07:57,050 --> 00:07:58,050 Uh -huh. 48 00:07:58,350 --> 00:07:59,790 That explains it. 49 00:08:00,050 --> 00:08:01,050 Explains what? 50 00:08:01,130 --> 00:08:04,070 All my friends say I have a holier -than -thou attitude. 51 00:08:18,920 --> 00:08:24,540 Then in your opinion, Mrs. Keeler, the top sheet is definitely pinkier than the 52 00:08:24,540 --> 00:08:25,540 bottom sheet. 53 00:08:44,140 --> 00:08:45,640 Can't you do anything right? 54 00:08:46,140 --> 00:08:47,700 He's supposed to be in there. 55 00:09:08,880 --> 00:09:12,020 Why come with me you always say sex is dirty? 56 00:09:15,000 --> 00:09:18,240 So you see, doctor, I have a lot of hang -ups. 57 00:09:18,660 --> 00:09:19,660 Is that abnormal? 58 00:09:20,960 --> 00:09:23,340 Not really, Miss Nuffle. 59 00:09:48,490 --> 00:09:51,450 We all have our little hang -ups, don't we? 60 00:10:01,830 --> 00:10:03,530 You know, you're right. 61 00:10:03,930 --> 00:10:06,790 It's not how long you make it, it's how you make it long. 62 00:10:34,280 --> 00:10:34,919 That, Mr. 63 00:10:34,920 --> 00:10:39,240 Jones, is just another definition of black power. 64 00:10:43,720 --> 00:10:44,720 Well, 65 00:10:45,320 --> 00:10:46,320 General Nutt's off. 66 00:10:47,500 --> 00:10:50,600 Not a thorough sample of what goes on in the United States. 67 00:10:51,300 --> 00:10:54,800 The State Department hopes you're happy. 68 00:10:57,120 --> 00:10:58,120 And yes. 69 00:10:58,480 --> 00:10:59,480 And no. 70 00:11:00,920 --> 00:11:02,680 Well, what's the matter? What did we miss? 71 00:11:03,560 --> 00:11:05,600 You've seen Niagara Falls. 72 00:11:06,960 --> 00:11:09,360 The Grand Canyon. 73 00:11:09,840 --> 00:11:11,480 Seen a hippie demonstration. 74 00:11:12,220 --> 00:11:13,840 The New York Jets. 75 00:11:15,280 --> 00:11:16,760 The Stockyards. 76 00:11:18,200 --> 00:11:20,420 Motorcycle gang stabbing a pedestrian. 77 00:11:21,080 --> 00:11:24,580 You've eaten at the 21, top of the mark, and Wimpy's. 78 00:11:26,600 --> 00:11:28,440 There's nothing left to do. 79 00:11:29,900 --> 00:11:32,600 Not quite. 80 00:11:33,120 --> 00:11:37,720 I have not had an American woman. 81 00:11:39,660 --> 00:11:42,000 You haven't had an American woman? 82 00:11:42,220 --> 00:11:44,580 No. So what? Anybody can have one of those. 83 00:11:45,580 --> 00:11:51,440 If you're really looking for experience, I have something right here. 84 00:11:56,860 --> 00:12:00,540 That is how you say in your country... 85 00:12:01,610 --> 00:12:02,730 A different thing. 86 00:12:03,450 --> 00:12:05,150 That makes you high. 87 00:12:05,570 --> 00:12:09,430 I don't want to get high. I want to get up. I want an American woman. 88 00:12:20,030 --> 00:12:21,670 My orders will make you happy. 89 00:12:42,250 --> 00:12:43,250 Oh, is this a hotel? 90 00:12:44,210 --> 00:12:46,390 I don't care which hotel. Is this a hotel? 91 00:12:48,410 --> 00:12:49,410 Fine. 92 00:12:49,550 --> 00:12:50,630 Just give me any room. 93 00:12:55,810 --> 00:12:56,810 Hi, honey. 94 00:12:57,030 --> 00:13:03,430 You want to come over to room 789 -567456479? 95 00:13:03,870 --> 00:13:04,870 The State Department? 96 00:13:05,890 --> 00:13:08,410 Yeah. It's a government job, so you'll be paid over scale. 97 00:13:13,710 --> 00:13:15,190 Well, I'll give you some privacy now. 98 00:13:15,450 --> 00:13:16,450 Gentle nuts off. 99 00:13:19,890 --> 00:13:24,430 By the way, the desk is unlocked. I hate those knife marks when people try to 100 00:13:24,430 --> 00:13:25,430 force the drawers. 101 00:13:25,870 --> 00:13:26,870 See you later. 102 00:14:25,000 --> 00:14:26,000 Well, 103 00:14:30,580 --> 00:14:32,320 it might have been Madam Chiang Kai -shek. 104 00:14:32,960 --> 00:14:34,060 Hello, sweetheart. 105 00:14:34,300 --> 00:14:38,500 What's your name? I am General Nottshoff. 106 00:14:39,360 --> 00:14:42,000 You are American woman? 107 00:14:42,920 --> 00:14:44,280 American as apple pie. 108 00:14:44,840 --> 00:14:47,700 What? I hope it's not crab apple. 109 00:14:48,080 --> 00:14:49,120 No, no, Bob. 110 00:14:54,810 --> 00:14:57,050 What? No hair? 111 00:14:57,510 --> 00:15:03,230 In Russia, all the women have long black hair like wool. 112 00:15:05,630 --> 00:15:07,650 What? No hair? 113 00:15:07,910 --> 00:15:12,610 In Russia, all the women have black hair like wool. 114 00:15:23,180 --> 00:15:26,200 All the women have long black hair. 115 00:15:26,700 --> 00:15:27,740 Like wool. 116 00:15:28,740 --> 00:15:30,700 Look, Buster, take it or leave it. 117 00:15:31,020 --> 00:15:33,680 If you want to knit wool, get a sheep. 118 00:16:02,860 --> 00:16:04,760 Sit down and suck it to me. 119 00:16:06,480 --> 00:16:08,680 Have we met before? 120 00:16:09,000 --> 00:16:10,120 Who cares? 121 00:16:10,340 --> 00:16:11,920 I'm ready if you are. 122 00:16:12,240 --> 00:16:19,180 But that is, you see, well, this is election day, and I'm here to get the 123 00:16:19,180 --> 00:16:23,100 out. Well, you get out your election poll, and then we'll see. 124 00:16:24,180 --> 00:16:27,820 But you have to vote. That's democracy. 125 00:16:28,440 --> 00:16:30,260 Look, lover, I never vote. 126 00:16:31,260 --> 00:16:32,820 Never? Never. 127 00:16:33,280 --> 00:16:34,620 Why don't you vote? 128 00:16:34,920 --> 00:16:37,160 Because I don't care who gets them. 129 00:17:27,880 --> 00:17:29,460 Down, down, sir. 130 00:17:31,680 --> 00:17:38,200 They say a woman has a better chance to catch a man if she keeps her trap shut. 131 00:17:41,280 --> 00:17:46,120 I just caught four men in a row by keeping it open. 132 00:17:46,880 --> 00:17:47,880 Wow! 133 00:17:50,160 --> 00:17:51,160 Unfortunately, 134 00:17:52,480 --> 00:17:57,140 Mr. Ambassador, there are some situations in which diplomatic immunity 135 00:17:57,140 --> 00:17:58,140 not... 136 00:18:13,990 --> 00:18:18,930 You know ma, I think the boys are beginning to notice me a little 137 00:18:43,820 --> 00:18:47,580 I promised my husband I wouldn't sleep with another man while he's out of town. 138 00:18:48,440 --> 00:18:52,200 So please, don't let me fall asleep. 139 00:19:31,880 --> 00:19:33,200 socket to me, baby. 140 00:19:35,180 --> 00:19:38,100 Wow, you electrify me. 141 00:19:38,560 --> 00:19:41,000 I'm ACDC myself. 142 00:20:17,070 --> 00:20:18,070 Kiss me. 143 00:20:18,270 --> 00:20:19,590 Kiss you? 144 00:20:20,010 --> 00:20:22,270 I shouldn't even be doing this. 145 00:20:30,470 --> 00:20:33,550 Well, things are... 146 00:20:33,550 --> 00:20:43,350 Things 147 00:20:43,350 --> 00:20:46,670 are coming off nicely. 148 00:20:46,910 --> 00:20:47,910 wouldn't you say? 149 00:20:49,370 --> 00:20:55,550 For you students of sociology or anthropology or political science 150 00:20:55,550 --> 00:21:02,410 or even English literature I have an important observation for you. 151 00:21:03,950 --> 00:21:06,690 Isn't watching this a heck of a lot nicer than studying? 152 00:21:08,430 --> 00:21:13,970 And if you happen to be studying nuclear physics I'm sure you'll agree that sex 153 00:21:13,970 --> 00:21:15,250 is a lot nicer than physics. 154 00:21:15,980 --> 00:21:17,400 Of course, that depends how you look at it. 155 00:21:21,580 --> 00:21:23,920 But I'm going to feel naked without it. 156 00:21:48,170 --> 00:21:54,130 Anyway, Audrey, I decided to do something about Jim's coldness to me. 157 00:21:54,370 --> 00:21:55,209 What did you do? 158 00:21:55,210 --> 00:22:01,410 So when I got home last night, I walked right up to him and I said, Right now, 159 00:22:01,610 --> 00:22:02,950 don't wait. 160 00:22:03,150 --> 00:22:04,550 Take off my dress. 161 00:22:04,970 --> 00:22:05,970 And did he? 162 00:22:06,210 --> 00:22:07,530 Yes, he did. 163 00:22:08,270 --> 00:22:10,690 And then I said, take off my bra. 164 00:22:11,970 --> 00:22:18,910 And then I said, take off my shoes and my socks. Yeah, did he? And 165 00:22:18,910 --> 00:22:19,990 he took those off. 166 00:22:20,570 --> 00:22:24,930 And then I said, finally, take off my panties. 167 00:22:53,070 --> 00:22:57,570 I'll trade her horn. How do you like exploring in the African bush? 168 00:22:59,810 --> 00:23:00,469 Oh, 169 00:23:00,470 --> 00:23:14,330 I 170 00:23:14,330 --> 00:23:17,310 think I'll just have my dinner and... 171 00:23:47,850 --> 00:23:49,830 I'm sorry, Miss Carson, your time's up. 172 00:23:51,530 --> 00:23:52,530 Oh. 173 00:23:53,630 --> 00:23:54,770 Well, thank you, Doctor. 174 00:23:55,450 --> 00:23:57,530 I'll, uh, bring a drink. 175 00:23:58,510 --> 00:23:59,970 Yes, please be on time. 176 00:24:00,950 --> 00:24:03,370 Oh, well, you see, I'm starting to have this problem. 177 00:24:31,920 --> 00:24:33,440 I have to stop meeting like this. 178 00:24:34,080 --> 00:24:36,060 My husband's getting suspicious. 179 00:25:02,679 --> 00:25:06,720 Now are you still mad at me because I didn't let you kiss me on our first date 180 00:25:46,190 --> 00:25:49,190 I thought I was the one supposed to stick them up. 181 00:26:17,740 --> 00:26:18,780 Come on, darling. 182 00:26:20,000 --> 00:26:23,080 How many times do I have to tell you to relax? 183 00:26:37,680 --> 00:26:38,960 Then it settles. 184 00:26:40,120 --> 00:26:42,080 You can have the soup. 185 00:26:43,820 --> 00:26:44,940 I'll take the bone. 186 00:27:13,840 --> 00:27:15,120 Look, his fly's open. 187 00:27:29,540 --> 00:27:34,100 Monsieur, when you left the washroom, you forgot to do up your fly. 188 00:27:35,020 --> 00:27:41,140 This terrible oversight has startled the high society clientele which we enjoy 189 00:27:41,140 --> 00:27:42,460 in this fine restaurant. 190 00:27:42,860 --> 00:27:45,560 Therefore, monsieur, I must ask you to leave. 191 00:27:48,560 --> 00:27:50,640 Monsieur, there's one other thing. 192 00:27:51,420 --> 00:27:52,359 What's that? 193 00:27:52,360 --> 00:27:53,360 Monsieur. 194 00:34:36,030 --> 00:34:37,030 Way up. 195 00:34:37,570 --> 00:34:41,170 Tell me, madam, have you been through menopause? 196 00:34:42,630 --> 00:34:48,570 Oh, yes. We were on our way to New York, and we went right through it. 197 00:34:49,530 --> 00:34:50,530 Anyway, doctor. 198 00:35:34,570 --> 00:35:38,850 Here we are again, folks, with another animal that won't be stuffed. 199 00:35:39,630 --> 00:35:46,570 The great white hunter faces another crisis with an unloaded 200 00:35:46,570 --> 00:35:47,570 gun. 201 00:35:58,610 --> 00:36:00,430 Now, Miss Bollardage. 202 00:36:06,380 --> 00:36:09,260 What makes you think people are taking advantage of you? 203 00:36:11,660 --> 00:36:14,560 This picture is making me sexy. 204 00:36:17,320 --> 00:36:21,320 I wonder if there's someone out there who'd like to tear off a little piece. 205 00:36:25,780 --> 00:36:26,780 You would? 206 00:36:28,560 --> 00:36:29,920 Come on up, honey. 207 00:36:35,310 --> 00:36:36,990 You want to tear off a little piece? 208 00:36:37,530 --> 00:36:38,530 Yes, ma 'am. 209 00:36:51,670 --> 00:36:52,670 Thank you, ma 'am. 210 00:37:14,220 --> 00:37:18,240 I'd hate to ask that guy to make a cherry pie. 211 00:37:50,670 --> 00:37:52,750 I certainly do. I know everything. 212 00:37:53,570 --> 00:37:56,710 Okay. We'll see if you know everything. 213 00:37:57,550 --> 00:38:00,070 What year was the May Day adopted in France? 214 00:38:02,790 --> 00:38:05,330 1889. But what's the capital of Mali? 215 00:38:06,890 --> 00:38:09,170 Bamako. Who are Pyramus and Thisbe? 216 00:38:10,390 --> 00:38:15,430 A legendary Babylonian couple who were forbidden to marry and committed 217 00:38:16,350 --> 00:38:17,350 What's a pylon? 218 00:38:18,860 --> 00:38:20,060 A truncated pyramid. 219 00:38:20,980 --> 00:38:24,340 Who composed the opera La Boheme? 220 00:38:26,660 --> 00:38:30,480 Puccini. What is the Pythagorean theorem? 221 00:38:31,600 --> 00:38:36,660 The square of the apotenuse of a right triangle is equal to the sum of the 222 00:38:36,660 --> 00:38:38,480 squares of the other two sides. 223 00:38:50,160 --> 00:38:51,038 Okay, girls. 224 00:38:51,040 --> 00:38:52,660 One peep and you're dead. 225 00:38:53,380 --> 00:38:55,980 Please, sir. We're just on our way to school. 226 00:38:56,360 --> 00:38:58,500 Yeah? Then here's your first lesson. 227 00:38:58,740 --> 00:38:59,740 Go on and lie down. 228 00:39:01,000 --> 00:39:03,540 You wouldn't ruin our dresses, would you? 229 00:39:06,360 --> 00:39:07,360 All right. 230 00:39:07,900 --> 00:39:08,900 Take them off. 231 00:39:26,090 --> 00:39:27,090 this is happening. 232 00:39:27,710 --> 00:39:29,270 Won't somebody help us? 233 00:39:29,490 --> 00:39:31,490 Yeah, we'll help you. 234 00:39:32,110 --> 00:39:36,710 You don't have to do it alone. Come on out of those clothes and lie down. 235 00:40:00,750 --> 00:40:01,750 that's not what he does 236 00:40:39,530 --> 00:40:46,110 Well, Mr. Gimmelfard, I want to know, what makes you think your wife 237 00:40:46,110 --> 00:40:48,350 flirts with other men behind your back? 238 00:41:02,090 --> 00:41:04,450 We can't go on meeting like this, David. 239 00:41:04,750 --> 00:41:06,450 My husband's getting suspicious. 240 00:41:09,430 --> 00:41:12,590 Sorry, big boy. I can't handle you. 241 00:41:18,570 --> 00:41:21,050 Say, have you heard? 242 00:41:21,690 --> 00:41:27,510 When a man makes love to a woman, it causes leprosy. 243 00:41:27,810 --> 00:41:29,610 You don't say. 244 00:41:30,430 --> 00:41:31,490 Does it really? 245 00:41:32,290 --> 00:41:38,330 No. But it certainly doesn't hurt to pass the rumor law. Now, does it? 246 00:41:45,360 --> 00:41:47,780 Chief, I've been working undercover all day. 247 00:41:48,700 --> 00:41:51,360 I think I've uncovered some new evidence. 248 00:41:52,460 --> 00:41:56,900 In fact, I'm just about ready to crack the case. 249 00:42:04,100 --> 00:42:05,860 Well, okay. 250 00:42:06,820 --> 00:42:07,900 I give up. 251 00:42:08,560 --> 00:42:13,320 But remember, I did fight before I switched. 252 00:42:31,560 --> 00:42:32,780 I'll be home late, Ma. 253 00:42:33,420 --> 00:42:38,120 I, uh, made a mistake and the boss wants me to do it over again. 254 00:42:47,500 --> 00:42:48,740 Oh, you rat! 255 00:42:49,020 --> 00:42:53,780 When you said you had a $50 a day habit, I thought you meant just drugs. 256 00:43:01,500 --> 00:43:03,700 43. 64. 257 00:43:04,560 --> 00:43:05,560 75. 258 00:43:06,360 --> 00:43:07,360 87. 259 00:43:08,080 --> 00:43:09,080 69. 260 00:43:09,600 --> 00:43:10,600 45. 261 00:43:11,380 --> 00:43:12,380 17. 262 00:43:13,000 --> 00:43:15,280 5. 80. 263 00:43:15,920 --> 00:43:19,480 84. Hey, when do we yell hike? 264 00:43:26,400 --> 00:43:28,620 I'm going to give you a little bath. 265 00:43:29,840 --> 00:43:31,630 Yes, ma 'am. What are you going to wash? 266 00:43:32,190 --> 00:43:37,210 Well, I thought I'd start from here and wash down as far as possible. 267 00:43:37,610 --> 00:43:42,270 And then I thought I'd start from here and wash up as far as possible. 268 00:43:43,910 --> 00:43:46,030 Why don't you wash possible, too? 269 00:43:46,270 --> 00:43:48,070 I see your point. 270 00:43:55,930 --> 00:43:58,750 You were right, Mama. 271 00:43:59,760 --> 00:44:02,100 I passed the aptitude test with my eyes shut. 272 00:44:03,400 --> 00:44:08,480 And this nice employment counselor is giving me a wonderful desk job. 273 00:44:13,840 --> 00:44:18,720 Well, from what you tell me, it's obvious you're incompatible. 274 00:44:20,780 --> 00:44:21,780 Divorce granted. 275 00:44:22,080 --> 00:44:23,480 Thank you, Your Honor. 276 00:44:27,180 --> 00:44:28,180 Goodbye. 277 00:44:28,650 --> 00:44:29,650 Fin man. 278 00:44:30,370 --> 00:44:33,030 Goodbye, Grand Canyon. 279 00:44:46,890 --> 00:44:48,230 It's all right with me. 280 00:44:49,690 --> 00:44:50,710 Come on inside. 281 00:44:51,310 --> 00:44:54,430 But don't blame me if you get dirt all over your knees. 282 00:45:00,010 --> 00:45:00,589 Come on, Marie. 283 00:45:00,590 --> 00:45:01,590 Let's go home. 284 00:45:01,670 --> 00:45:02,670 It's getting late. 285 00:45:09,070 --> 00:45:10,070 Darn it, Orville. 286 00:45:10,250 --> 00:45:14,090 You always want to leave just when I'm having a good time and enjoying myself. 287 00:45:25,810 --> 00:45:27,810 Ah, yes, that's stock closed low. 288 00:45:30,420 --> 00:45:31,700 I'll have to call you back. 289 00:45:32,360 --> 00:45:34,040 Something big just came up. 290 00:46:01,160 --> 00:46:02,160 Are you really? 291 00:46:03,200 --> 00:46:05,480 Really sure your husband is out of town? 292 00:46:05,980 --> 00:46:06,980 Huh? 293 00:46:17,700 --> 00:46:18,880 Oh, yeah! 294 00:46:19,300 --> 00:46:20,720 Yeah! Well, 295 00:46:21,580 --> 00:46:24,820 Mr. Wiseguy, I didn't think you were so good either. 296 00:46:27,280 --> 00:46:29,840 If any of you men are interested... 297 00:46:31,400 --> 00:46:32,940 I'm looking for a new boyfriend. 298 00:46:34,980 --> 00:46:40,580 You see, my old boyfriend turns me on, but he can't bring me off. 299 00:46:42,480 --> 00:46:46,300 I suspect it's because of that time we made out in the department store. 300 00:46:47,820 --> 00:46:52,660 He went down on the escalator and hasn't been up since. 301 00:46:54,260 --> 00:46:57,800 As for me, I had my chance. 302 00:47:00,170 --> 00:47:01,810 And I blew it. 303 00:47:15,910 --> 00:47:16,910 Mmm. 304 00:47:17,510 --> 00:47:20,390 I don't think a little snack will spoil my dinner. 305 00:47:44,339 --> 00:47:46,240 Do you realize, Mr. 306 00:47:46,440 --> 00:47:48,920 Fafnath, that this is going to cost you extra? 307 00:47:56,640 --> 00:48:00,360 People past table 14, don't bend down and take the order. There's a clown over 308 00:48:00,360 --> 00:48:01,360 there with a mocking pen. 309 00:48:01,700 --> 00:48:03,300 Why don't you wash them off? 310 00:48:05,070 --> 00:48:06,450 I know I want to, but someone winks at me. 311 00:48:11,490 --> 00:48:12,550 Go ahead, honey. 312 00:48:13,370 --> 00:48:14,370 Don't be afraid. 313 00:48:14,510 --> 00:48:16,890 It's all a business with me. Oh, I don't know. 314 00:48:17,270 --> 00:48:19,110 I've never done anything like this. 315 00:48:19,350 --> 00:48:21,630 Honey, I told you, it's just a business. Now let's go. 316 00:48:22,010 --> 00:48:23,110 A business? 317 00:48:24,110 --> 00:48:25,130 Sure, honey, you know. 318 00:48:25,510 --> 00:48:26,510 Show business. 319 00:48:27,490 --> 00:48:31,550 But do you really have to do this to get ahead? 320 00:48:32,200 --> 00:48:34,680 Honey, you have to get any part of me. 321 00:48:36,200 --> 00:48:43,000 Tell me, though, what is the value, 322 00:48:43,140 --> 00:48:44,940 the value of all of this? 323 00:48:45,420 --> 00:48:46,820 Value? Honey, 324 00:48:47,920 --> 00:48:49,300 you're cementing a relationship. 325 00:48:50,980 --> 00:48:53,300 And do I have the cement to do it with? 326 00:48:53,840 --> 00:48:58,620 Well, you're not kidding, then. You really are what you say you are. 327 00:48:59,050 --> 00:49:01,310 I told you I was. Now, look here, honey. If you don't want to do it, there are 328 00:49:01,310 --> 00:49:02,650 lots of other pretty girls around. 329 00:49:02,930 --> 00:49:03,930 Oh, no. 330 00:49:04,770 --> 00:49:06,850 No. No, I didn't mean that. 331 00:49:07,530 --> 00:49:11,210 I just meant, is that the way that auditions are held? 332 00:49:11,670 --> 00:49:13,370 It's the only way I hold auditions. 333 00:49:13,730 --> 00:49:14,730 Now, let's hurry it up. 334 00:49:14,930 --> 00:49:19,530 Well, I guess... Now, let's move it, baby. I've got other auditions to hold. 335 00:49:19,610 --> 00:49:20,610 Move it or lose it. 336 00:49:21,570 --> 00:49:27,350 I guess a girl has to do this, really, to get ahead in the movies. 337 00:49:28,840 --> 00:49:29,759 That's right, baby. 338 00:49:29,760 --> 00:49:32,800 Now let's come over here and let's get this audition started. 339 00:49:35,380 --> 00:49:40,820 Now, one question now. You really are, what you say you are, you really are a 340 00:49:40,820 --> 00:49:41,820 Hollywood scout. 341 00:49:41,960 --> 00:49:43,860 My honor, I am a Hollywood scout. 342 00:49:44,800 --> 00:49:46,720 You know, scouts wouldn't lie. 343 00:50:12,100 --> 00:50:13,100 Get out of here. 344 00:50:16,600 --> 00:50:18,220 You're lucky I'm not calling the police. 345 00:50:21,180 --> 00:50:24,680 He's got a lot of nerve coming in here. Oh, he didn't have time to do that. 346 00:50:24,960 --> 00:50:26,680 Keep out of this. I'll get to you later. 347 00:50:26,960 --> 00:50:28,180 I hope somebody does. 348 00:50:28,800 --> 00:50:31,240 Now scram and pick on somebody else's wife. 349 00:50:31,440 --> 00:50:32,419 Okay. 350 00:50:32,420 --> 00:50:33,460 Okay, I'm going. 351 00:50:41,550 --> 00:50:45,890 Honestly, George, with your attitude, we'll never get anyone to agree to work 352 00:50:45,890 --> 00:50:46,890 down here. 353 00:50:54,310 --> 00:50:58,170 Now I've got you. I'll teach you to mess around with my wife. 354 00:51:03,230 --> 00:51:04,230 Wait, wait. 355 00:51:04,690 --> 00:51:07,350 Where do you think the money came from to buy our new Cadillac? 356 00:51:07,690 --> 00:51:09,310 And our summer place in the mountains? 357 00:51:10,350 --> 00:51:11,770 coat and your cashmere suit. 358 00:51:12,630 --> 00:51:13,810 You mean? Yes. 359 00:51:14,690 --> 00:51:18,670 Oh, well, well, hurry up. Get your clothes on, man. You want to catch a 360 00:51:18,670 --> 00:51:19,670 coal? 361 00:51:27,550 --> 00:51:29,990 Frigid. I'm not frigid, you idiot. 362 00:51:30,550 --> 00:51:32,490 You've got your finger in my drink. 363 00:51:41,840 --> 00:51:43,460 I should be taking my temperature. 364 00:51:45,060 --> 00:51:47,760 I haven't been feeling myself lately. 365 00:51:49,620 --> 00:51:50,620 Oh, rough. 366 00:51:50,780 --> 00:51:52,200 It's a dirty habit anyway. 367 00:51:53,940 --> 00:51:58,480 You should know what I told the doctor he could do with his old rectal 368 00:51:58,480 --> 00:51:59,480 thermometer. 369 00:52:01,860 --> 00:52:02,860 Thirteen. 370 00:52:03,800 --> 00:52:04,800 Fourteen. 371 00:52:05,800 --> 00:52:06,800 Fifteen. 372 00:52:07,800 --> 00:52:08,800 Sixteen. 373 00:52:09,580 --> 00:52:10,580 Seventeen. 374 00:52:12,080 --> 00:52:14,000 Hey, what's the matter, buddy? 375 00:52:14,620 --> 00:52:16,260 I lose your girl? 376 00:52:22,500 --> 00:52:27,300 Come in. 377 00:52:30,480 --> 00:52:33,700 Look, Sonny, you got the wrong house. 378 00:52:34,300 --> 00:52:36,440 Isn't this the house of Joy? 379 00:52:37,240 --> 00:52:39,240 Yeah, Joy is here. 380 00:52:39,880 --> 00:52:41,900 We got Sally, Mary, and... 381 00:52:43,880 --> 00:52:46,040 Well, I'm here for a loose woman. 382 00:52:46,740 --> 00:52:49,460 Yeah, well, we got him so loose you can get lost. 383 00:52:50,660 --> 00:52:53,280 But you're too young. 384 00:52:55,200 --> 00:52:57,200 Anyway, it costs money. 385 00:52:57,720 --> 00:52:59,240 Oh, I have money. 386 00:52:59,980 --> 00:53:00,980 See? 387 00:53:01,420 --> 00:53:02,420 Well, 388 00:53:03,540 --> 00:53:07,980 Canuckus, if you think you're up to it, who am I to say no? 389 00:53:09,400 --> 00:53:11,420 Come on in. Wait a minute. 390 00:53:12,020 --> 00:53:13,020 Wait a minute. 391 00:53:13,670 --> 00:53:18,390 Before I do anything, I have to get a woman that has a disease. 392 00:53:19,630 --> 00:53:21,790 A disease? Are you nuts? 393 00:53:22,830 --> 00:53:24,450 Why does she have to have a disease? 394 00:53:26,290 --> 00:53:27,710 I'll tell you, it's very simple. 395 00:53:29,070 --> 00:53:35,010 Now, after I leave here, I'm going home and make work to the cook. 396 00:53:35,410 --> 00:53:37,230 And he sleeps with my brother. 397 00:53:38,510 --> 00:53:39,510 So what? 398 00:53:40,010 --> 00:53:41,550 I told you, it's very simple. 399 00:53:43,150 --> 00:53:46,470 My brother sleeps with the maid, and the maid is my father's lover. 400 00:53:47,410 --> 00:53:52,030 And sooner or later, she'll get to my mother, and she'll give it to the 401 00:53:52,030 --> 00:53:54,350 chauffeur who she goes with, and then he'll get it. 402 00:53:54,890 --> 00:53:57,090 Yeah, and so she gives it to him. Yeah. 403 00:53:57,490 --> 00:53:59,130 So what's the angle? 404 00:54:00,190 --> 00:54:02,890 Well, the chauffeur, he ran over my tail. 405 00:54:05,890 --> 00:54:06,990 Come on, honey. 406 00:54:10,610 --> 00:54:11,610 Be a good sport. 407 00:54:12,240 --> 00:54:13,700 But what if something should happen? 408 00:54:13,900 --> 00:54:15,640 It won't. I'll be careful, I promise. 409 00:54:16,000 --> 00:54:17,640 Besides, you're the one who got me in this condition. 410 00:54:17,880 --> 00:54:18,880 Be a good sport. 411 00:54:19,740 --> 00:54:23,360 Well, if you promise to be careful... I promise, I promise. I'll be careful. 412 00:54:24,700 --> 00:54:25,860 Be a good sport, babe. 413 00:54:41,680 --> 00:54:42,980 Remember me, the good sport? 414 00:54:43,560 --> 00:54:44,760 Of course. 415 00:54:45,440 --> 00:54:47,720 It's been a while, but I'll never forget that night. 416 00:54:48,080 --> 00:54:51,360 Once you loosened up, we had a wonderful time. 417 00:54:51,600 --> 00:54:54,920 Gee, you were a good sport. Yes, but you promised to be careful. 418 00:54:55,240 --> 00:54:57,780 And I'm here because now I'm going to have a baby. 419 00:54:58,860 --> 00:55:00,380 A baby? 420 00:55:01,800 --> 00:55:03,920 Geez, this is terrible. 421 00:55:05,260 --> 00:55:07,460 I'm engaged. I'm getting married next week. 422 00:55:07,980 --> 00:55:09,740 What are we going to do about that? 423 00:55:14,560 --> 00:55:18,200 By gum, you are a good sport. 424 00:55:34,740 --> 00:55:39,500 Say, you know the difference between a Caesar salad and making love? The 425 00:55:39,500 --> 00:55:42,400 difference between a Caesar salad and making love? 426 00:55:42,760 --> 00:55:43,800 No, I don't. 427 00:55:44,760 --> 00:55:46,500 Come on. Where are we going? 428 00:55:47,160 --> 00:55:48,800 To have lunch, of course. 429 00:55:49,500 --> 00:55:54,100 I love you. 430 00:55:54,920 --> 00:55:55,920 Oh, hi. 431 00:55:56,300 --> 00:55:57,480 A little higher. 432 00:55:58,400 --> 00:55:59,420 A little higher? 433 00:56:40,490 --> 00:56:43,650 I know it was your first time. I thought you enjoyed it. 434 00:56:44,070 --> 00:56:49,230 But how am I ever going to face my Sunday school class after I've committed 435 00:56:49,230 --> 00:56:50,230 sin twice? 436 00:56:50,430 --> 00:56:51,430 Twice? 437 00:56:51,770 --> 00:56:52,770 Sure. 438 00:56:53,190 --> 00:56:55,410 You are going to do it again, aren't you? 439 00:57:55,150 --> 00:57:57,510 I miss Cosgrove. He's got the job. 440 00:57:59,330 --> 00:58:01,430 Why don't you like to try for a raise? 441 00:58:13,070 --> 00:58:16,350 Just what do you think you're doing? 442 00:58:17,310 --> 00:58:19,130 What do you think we're doing? 443 00:58:19,510 --> 00:58:21,610 You see, I told you he was stupid. 444 00:58:31,120 --> 00:58:35,600 Say, mister, can you let me have $20 .10 for a cup of coffee? 445 00:58:36,700 --> 00:58:38,840 $20 .10 for a cup of coffee? 446 00:58:39,660 --> 00:58:43,300 Coffee only costs a dime. Yeah, I know, but coffee makes me passionate. 447 00:58:53,320 --> 00:58:57,140 Doctor, I have a terrible pain in my arm. Can you give me any relief? 448 00:58:59,980 --> 00:59:01,440 I can give you relief, all right. 449 00:59:02,500 --> 00:59:04,400 Take off your top and get up on the table. 450 00:59:25,360 --> 00:59:26,780 Doctor, that's not my arm. 451 00:59:29,040 --> 00:59:30,040 I know it isn't. 452 00:59:30,460 --> 00:59:32,140 I'm not the doctor either. 453 00:59:38,700 --> 00:59:40,160 Oh, my dear. 454 00:59:40,760 --> 00:59:42,660 I had my tonsils removed. 455 00:59:43,240 --> 00:59:46,320 Then I had my antoids removed. 456 00:59:47,040 --> 00:59:50,060 And then I had my teeth removed. 457 00:59:50,640 --> 00:59:54,320 Oh, gracious, honey. You've had a complete hysterectomy. 458 01:00:06,190 --> 01:00:07,190 Okay, baby. 459 01:00:08,530 --> 01:00:09,770 Oh, my goodness. 460 01:00:10,410 --> 01:00:12,530 Do you mean you're from the vice squad? 461 01:00:13,970 --> 01:00:14,970 Two? 462 01:00:17,430 --> 01:00:18,430 Oh, 463 01:00:19,250 --> 01:00:26,150 Percy. Tell me, is your wife 464 01:00:26,150 --> 01:00:27,150 pregnant? 465 01:00:27,610 --> 01:00:31,730 Oh, I hope so. I wouldn't want to go through that mess again. 466 01:00:36,720 --> 01:00:38,760 Okay, girly, give me your money. 467 01:00:38,980 --> 01:00:43,420 I can't. I don't have any money. Give me your money, and I'll have to search you 468 01:00:43,420 --> 01:00:46,480 for it. I don't have any money, really. I don't. 469 01:00:47,300 --> 01:00:49,900 Okay, kiddo, if you ask for it, I'm going to have to search you. 470 01:00:57,100 --> 01:01:04,020 I guess you're telling 471 01:01:04,020 --> 01:01:04,678 the truth. 472 01:01:04,680 --> 01:01:05,780 You don't have any money. 473 01:01:07,150 --> 01:01:07,948 Stop now? 474 01:01:07,950 --> 01:01:09,190 I'll write you a check. 475 01:01:36,330 --> 01:01:37,330 I don't get it. 476 01:01:38,610 --> 01:01:40,370 I just don't get it. 477 01:01:42,090 --> 01:01:45,650 Everyone told me the first night was supposed to be like a glorious voyage, 478 01:01:45,890 --> 01:01:47,930 sailing into a beautiful sunset. 479 01:01:48,790 --> 01:01:51,350 You can stay at the dock if you want to, baby. 480 01:01:52,970 --> 01:01:55,290 But I'm sailing away without you. 481 01:01:57,770 --> 01:01:58,770 Bon voyage. 482 01:02:06,890 --> 01:02:11,150 You see, doctor, that's my biggest problem. I'm a baseball nut. I dream 483 01:02:11,150 --> 01:02:12,150 all the time. 484 01:02:12,490 --> 01:02:15,190 Now, last night, it was the bottom of the ninth. Hold it a minute. 485 01:02:15,690 --> 01:02:17,370 Don't you ever dream about girls? 486 01:02:18,670 --> 01:02:21,050 No, I wouldn't dare. I'd miss my turn at bat. 487 01:02:28,810 --> 01:02:30,910 Gee willikers. 488 01:02:31,490 --> 01:02:36,210 I didn't think anything as exciting as this would happen to me until I was at 489 01:02:36,210 --> 01:02:37,720 least... 16 years old. 490 01:02:40,440 --> 01:02:43,180 Yes, Miss Russell, you do remind me of my wife. 491 01:02:44,300 --> 01:02:45,540 Except that she can type. 492 01:03:08,460 --> 01:03:11,520 Whenever you're ready, would you please pierce my ears so that I can leave? 493 01:03:12,500 --> 01:03:13,560 Your ears? 494 01:03:29,280 --> 01:03:31,200 Really wore yourself out, honey. 495 01:03:33,500 --> 01:03:36,300 Tell me, uh, Miss Lock and Spill. 496 01:03:36,940 --> 01:03:39,340 Just where did the deputy subpoena you? 497 01:03:40,340 --> 01:03:45,080 Oh, well, once in the motel and twice in the police car. 498 01:03:45,500 --> 01:03:47,420 Please, Mr. Rockenspiel. 499 01:03:48,340 --> 01:03:51,020 Counsel is simply trying to interrogate you. 500 01:03:51,540 --> 01:03:53,560 Do you want to interrogate me? 501 01:03:53,820 --> 01:03:54,820 I certainly do. 502 01:03:56,500 --> 01:04:01,920 Well, it's a little uncomfortable here, but I'm game if you are. 503 01:04:02,240 --> 01:04:05,780 Your Honor, would you regard this as leading the witness? 504 01:04:06,510 --> 01:04:07,930 I'd like to leave the lawyers. 505 01:04:08,570 --> 01:04:11,450 I think I'll hear this case in my chambers. 506 01:04:36,460 --> 01:04:39,400 You know how to catch one of us topless dancers? 507 01:04:40,320 --> 01:04:43,680 I'll tell you. With a booby trap. 508 01:04:45,420 --> 01:04:48,360 I hope you've enjoyed our educational program. 509 01:04:49,580 --> 01:04:52,300 If nothing else, it proves a scientific theory. 510 01:04:53,580 --> 01:05:00,240 The difference between an... It's only about an inch. 511 01:05:02,100 --> 01:05:05,080 Like all serious pictures, we should have a moral. 512 01:05:07,050 --> 01:05:08,050 It's this. 513 01:05:08,650 --> 01:05:11,230 Make love, not war. 514 01:05:12,250 --> 01:05:13,250 Got that? 515 01:05:13,930 --> 01:05:17,130 Make love, not war. 516 01:05:20,570 --> 01:05:21,950 I'll get the message. 517 01:05:23,790 --> 01:05:25,090 I'm ready when you are. 518 01:05:25,650 --> 01:05:27,110 Thanks for the invitation. 519 01:05:27,690 --> 01:05:30,630 I've got the gun, but no bullets.