1
00:00:00,567 --> 00:00:03,281
So, all this childhood memorabilia
came to me

2
00:00:03,383 --> 00:00:04,682
after your mother died...

3
00:00:04,784 --> 00:00:07,752
diaries, photo albums,
adorable drawings.

4
00:00:07,820 --> 00:00:09,687
So, enjoy your stroll down memory lane,

5
00:00:09,789 --> 00:00:11,756
but know that at the end of that lane

6
00:00:11,858 --> 00:00:14,058
- is a dumpster.
- Okay.

7
00:00:14,160 --> 00:00:15,166
You have a painting upstairs

8
00:00:15,194 --> 00:00:16,195
by William "The Refrigerator" Perry,

9
00:00:16,262 --> 00:00:18,296
but there's no room for my baby teeth?

10
00:00:18,864 --> 00:00:21,198
I needed to free up some
space in the garage.

11
00:00:21,267 --> 00:00:22,933
Because it's not a garage anymore.

12
00:00:23,002 --> 00:00:24,568
It's a warehouse full of dog beds

13
00:00:24,637 --> 00:00:25,936
that nobody wants to buy.

14
00:00:26,005 --> 00:00:27,204
It's been a slow period,

15
00:00:27,273 --> 00:00:29,572
but it should pick up next quarter.

16
00:00:29,575 --> 00:00:30,707
What?

17
00:00:30,776 --> 00:00:33,276
When all the dogs get back
their income tax refunds

18
00:00:33,345 --> 00:00:36,279
and they want to go splurge
on beds for themselves?

19
00:00:36,381 --> 00:00:37,747
- Joe.
- What?

20
00:00:37,816 --> 00:00:39,716
Help me drag some of these
things out to my car.

21
00:00:39,785 --> 00:00:42,218
We're gonna do some
old-fashioned marketing today.

22
00:00:42,321 --> 00:00:44,354
Oh, my God. The old Atari.

23
00:00:44,423 --> 00:00:46,189
Uh-huh. Remember why we got that?

24
00:00:46,258 --> 00:00:48,892
Yeah. So, we were on our first
family vacation ever, okay...

25
00:00:48,961 --> 00:00:50,360
- ...a week at this waterpark resort...
- Mm-hmm.

26
00:00:50,429 --> 00:00:51,895
...and Dad got bored after, what,

27
00:00:51,997 --> 00:00:53,329
- three days?
- Three.

28
00:00:53,381 --> 00:00:54,414
Made us leave early,

29
00:00:54,416 --> 00:00:55,748
and he bought us off with this.

30
00:00:55,851 --> 00:00:57,217
Lies and untruths!

31
00:00:57,319 --> 00:00:58,351
We stayed the full week,

32
00:00:58,420 --> 00:01:01,187
and I got you two
ingrates that game anyway.

33
00:01:01,205 --> 00:01:03,439
How long are you gonna
stick to that story?

34
00:01:03,541 --> 00:01:05,074
Much as you two enjoy portraying me

35
00:01:05,143 --> 00:01:06,976
as some kind of abusive parent...

36
00:01:07,078 --> 00:01:08,144
- Whoa! Aah!
- Oh!

37
00:01:08,246 --> 00:01:10,746
Relax, Joe.
We'll get you out in a second.

38
00:01:10,815 --> 00:01:13,349
Okay, 35 years, and you...
ugh, you still can't admit it.

39
00:01:13,418 --> 00:01:15,017
- There's nothing to admit.
- I see light!

40
00:01:15,086 --> 00:01:16,385
Should I go towards it?

41
00:01:16,454 --> 00:01:17,820
Why would we both remember it one way

42
00:01:17,889 --> 00:01:19,255
if it didn't happen, Dad?

43
00:01:19,357 --> 00:01:20,690
Kids like to make things up.

44
00:01:20,792 --> 00:01:22,524
- Mm.
- They like the drama.

45
00:01:22,726 --> 00:01:23,825
Come here, kid.

46
00:01:23,827 --> 00:01:26,228
I was literally about
to gnaw my own arm off

47
00:01:26,330 --> 00:01:27,362
to get free.

48
00:01:27,464 --> 00:01:28,497
With those things?

49
00:01:28,565 --> 00:01:30,432
I still have the tooth
you lost in a marshmallow.

50
00:01:30,534 --> 00:01:32,334
Okay, so, that one you kept?

51
00:01:46,482 --> 00:01:48,183
I was in Florida visiting my Dad.

52
00:01:48,285 --> 00:01:49,784
I'd gotten a call that he was wandering

53
00:01:49,886 --> 00:01:52,520
around the grocery store he used to run.

54
00:01:52,622 --> 00:01:53,855
I wanted to find out if he was okay,

55
00:01:53,957 --> 00:01:57,092
but... that's not something
you can just ask.

56
00:01:58,495 --> 00:02:00,495
You know, your mother and I
came here every Sunday

57
00:02:00,597 --> 00:02:01,930
for 44 years.

58
00:02:02,032 --> 00:02:03,365
You miss her, don't you?

59
00:02:03,467 --> 00:02:05,500
It comes and goes.

60
00:02:05,602 --> 00:02:07,802
- Fourth of July is rough.
- Really?

61
00:02:07,904 --> 00:02:09,270
I didn't realize she was so patriotic.

62
00:02:09,373 --> 00:02:12,140
Well, it's that hot dog eating
contest they have on TV.

63
00:02:12,242 --> 00:02:14,242
You know,
I always thought that your mother

64
00:02:14,344 --> 00:02:16,444
could have been a competitive eater.

65
00:02:16,546 --> 00:02:18,613
No food ever expired in our house.

66
00:02:18,715 --> 00:02:20,515
She'd see that last day pop up

67
00:02:20,617 --> 00:02:22,984
on a pound of bacon or a gallon of milk,

68
00:02:23,086 --> 00:02:24,185
and down it went.

69
00:02:24,187 --> 00:02:25,653
It was personal for her.

70
00:02:26,796 --> 00:02:29,891
Speaking of food, y-you ever head over
to your old grocery store?

71
00:02:29,993 --> 00:02:32,694
Hey, listen. Do you remember that?

72
00:02:32,796 --> 00:02:34,562
Oh, yeah. Penguinsquatch.

73
00:02:34,664 --> 00:02:36,631
Put this town on the map.

74
00:02:36,733 --> 00:02:38,366
June 1977.

75
00:02:38,468 --> 00:02:40,869
Teen revelers report
massive bird footprints

76
00:02:40,971 --> 00:02:42,137
emerging from Lake Okeechobee.

77
00:02:42,239 --> 00:02:43,505
A crowd gathers,

78
00:02:43,607 --> 00:02:46,174
but the new tide has covered
the so-called bird prints,

79
00:02:46,276 --> 00:02:47,909
and the teens are beaten soundly.

80
00:02:48,011 --> 00:02:49,377
Tracks reappear several days later,

81
00:02:49,479 --> 00:02:52,380
and once again,
word spreads through town.

82
00:02:52,482 --> 00:02:53,915
An ornithologist deems the prints

83
00:02:54,017 --> 00:02:57,051
those of a gigantic penguin,
some 15 feet in height.

84
00:02:57,154 --> 00:02:58,853
People come from miles around

85
00:02:58,955 --> 00:03:01,089
to catch a glimpse of
the wondrous waddler.

86
00:03:01,191 --> 00:03:03,124
The tracks will appear
on and off for years

87
00:03:03,226 --> 00:03:05,093
and then disappear forever,

88
00:03:05,195 --> 00:03:07,695
but not before Olympic gold
medalist Mary Lou Retton

89
00:03:07,798 --> 00:03:09,864
makes the trek to place
her tiny footprints

90
00:03:09,966 --> 00:03:13,001
inside those of the
be-flippered colossus.

91
00:03:13,103 --> 00:03:15,303
Didn't we take a picnic
over there a few nights?

92
00:03:15,405 --> 00:03:16,738
Everyone did.

93
00:03:16,840 --> 00:03:19,841
It's the first time I ever saw
your mother eat a bag of apples.

94
00:03:21,575 --> 00:03:25,613
So, Dad, I, uh, I w...
I wanted to ask you...

95
00:03:25,715 --> 00:03:27,449
Oh, boy. No serious talk, okay?

96
00:03:27,551 --> 00:03:30,218
Yes, I'm taking all my million pills.

97
00:03:30,320 --> 00:03:32,454
You can come over and press my stomach.

98
00:03:32,556 --> 00:03:34,322
I'm starting to feel
like a bean bag chair.

99
00:03:36,607 --> 00:03:38,693
Guys, I just saw a ghost.

100
00:03:38,795 --> 00:03:40,094
Okay, girls, grab your things.
We're gone.

101
00:03:40,197 --> 00:03:42,030
N-Not a real ghost.

102
00:03:42,132 --> 00:03:43,832
More like a vision from my past.

103
00:03:43,934 --> 00:03:44,966
Brenda Feldman.

104
00:03:45,068 --> 00:03:48,002
An older girl that Manny had a crush on.

105
00:03:48,104 --> 00:03:52,173
He even wrote a poem for her
when he was little.

106
00:03:52,275 --> 00:03:53,675
I gave her my heart,

107
00:03:53,777 --> 00:03:56,744
she gave me a picture of
me as an old-time sheriff.

108
00:03:58,648 --> 00:03:59,981
Today was my second chance,

109
00:04:00,083 --> 00:04:02,417
but I couldn't even get
up the nerve to say "hi."

110
00:04:02,519 --> 00:04:05,153
11-year-old Manny would
be disgusted by me.

111
00:04:05,255 --> 00:04:06,921
Well, now you know
how 12-year-old Lily feels.

112
00:04:07,913 --> 00:04:09,691
Oh. Sorry, this is work.

113
00:04:09,693 --> 00:04:10,859
Hello?

114
00:04:10,961 --> 00:04:12,527
Manny, you know who this family's

115
00:04:12,629 --> 00:04:15,497
resident expert is in
interpersonal problems?

116
00:04:15,599 --> 00:04:16,898
I would say no one's especially...

117
00:04:17,000 --> 00:04:18,500
That's right. It's me.

118
00:04:18,602 --> 00:04:21,169
It took a little while,
but I finally convinced Manny

119
00:04:21,271 --> 00:04:23,705
the reason he had failed
last time with Brenda Feldman

120
00:04:23,807 --> 00:04:26,407
was because of his grand gesture.

121
00:04:26,510 --> 00:04:29,410
Today called for a completely
different approach...

122
00:04:29,513 --> 00:04:31,246
a super grand gesture.

123
00:04:31,348 --> 00:04:32,380
Just go to her, okay?

124
00:04:32,382 --> 00:04:33,948
Get in there! Let's go! Come on!

125
00:04:34,368 --> 00:04:36,317
Hyah!

126
00:04:36,419 --> 00:04:39,287
Well, looks like my first house sale

127
00:04:39,389 --> 00:04:40,889
is going to fall through.

128
00:04:40,991 --> 00:04:42,457
Oh, sweetie, I'm sorry. You know what?

129
00:04:42,559 --> 00:04:43,625
But things will turn around.

130
00:04:43,627 --> 00:04:44,692
Do not turn around.

131
00:04:44,694 --> 00:04:47,228
Okay, that's Debra Knox.

132
00:04:47,330 --> 00:04:49,597
She stole my Educator of the Year Award.

133
00:04:49,699 --> 00:04:50,932
- A swooper?!
- A swooper!

134
00:04:51,034 --> 00:04:53,034
- Lily, grab your things.
- Oh, no, no, no, no.

135
00:04:53,136 --> 00:04:55,937
Not a smoke demon that
terrorizes farm children.

136
00:04:56,039 --> 00:04:58,706
- Oh.
- It's a person that takes things

137
00:04:58,808 --> 00:05:00,575
that are supposed to be yours.

138
00:05:00,677 --> 00:05:02,410
I have one of my own.

139
00:05:02,512 --> 00:05:05,980
I was closing a deal
on my very first showing,

140
00:05:06,082 --> 00:05:08,716
and a rival agent swooped in.

141
00:05:08,818 --> 00:05:09,851
What a lovely home.

142
00:05:09,953 --> 00:05:11,586
I mean, maybe not great for kids,
you know?

143
00:05:11,688 --> 00:05:13,454
Wait, what? But we're pregnant.

144
00:05:13,557 --> 00:05:15,557
Oh. Oh, my goodness. I'm sorry.
I didn't even see you there.

145
00:05:15,659 --> 00:05:16,724
I was... Oh, my.

146
00:05:16,826 --> 00:05:18,960
Is that a California vulture wasp?

147
00:05:19,062 --> 00:05:20,962
A mountain lion must've
made a fresh kill.

148
00:05:22,866 --> 00:05:26,000
So, the couple agreed to
go to her open house later.

149
00:05:26,102 --> 00:05:27,402
♪ Hey, there, Sue,
I heard you got dumped ♪

150
00:05:27,504 --> 00:05:29,304
♪ And now you are blue ♪

151
00:05:29,406 --> 00:05:31,773
♪ So, how 'bout we go to the prom ♪

152
00:05:31,875 --> 00:05:33,741
♪ If it's okay with my mom? ♪

153
00:05:33,843 --> 00:05:37,412
I am so glad that Manny stopped
doing those embarrassing things.

154
00:05:37,514 --> 00:05:40,014
Oh, come on.
Who doesn't love a grand gesture?

155
00:05:40,964 --> 00:05:43,785
- Oh.
- In front of my friends, Ronald?!

156
00:05:43,887 --> 00:05:46,254
I can't believe I ever
let you do my homework!

157
00:05:46,356 --> 00:05:48,323
My g... Oh, gosh. Oh, no, no, Manny!

158
00:05:48,425 --> 00:05:49,524
Manny, abort, abort, abort.

159
00:05:49,626 --> 00:05:50,713
Abort!

160
00:05:50,794 --> 00:05:52,460
Back up! Back up!
Back, back, back, back!

161
00:05:52,562 --> 00:05:54,228
- Get going! Get going!
- I'm going!

162
00:05:54,331 --> 00:05:55,530
Abort!

163
00:05:55,632 --> 00:05:57,432
Last week, I left some dog beds here,

164
00:05:57,534 --> 00:06:00,301
so now the owners are probably
getting swamped with requests.

165
00:06:00,403 --> 00:06:01,669
The other day, I found out

166
00:06:01,771 --> 00:06:03,838
that Joe saved up six
months of allowance

167
00:06:03,940 --> 00:06:06,174
and donated it all to charity.

168
00:06:06,276 --> 00:06:08,543
It's one of those rare moments as a dad

169
00:06:08,645 --> 00:06:11,212
when you realize you've
really dropped the ball.

170
00:06:11,314 --> 00:06:14,349
I mean, the kid needed to
learn the basics of business.

171
00:06:14,970 --> 00:06:16,517
Ooh, can I get that dog?

172
00:06:16,586 --> 00:06:18,453
I'll do 50 hours of chores.

173
00:06:18,555 --> 00:06:19,654
- No, a hundred.
- Whoa.

174
00:06:19,756 --> 00:06:21,155
Sales lesson number one...

175
00:06:21,257 --> 00:06:23,558
never look desperate in a negotiation.

176
00:06:23,627 --> 00:06:26,160
No emotion. Think of your cousin Lily.

177
00:06:26,262 --> 00:06:28,096
Hey, I noticed the dog beds moved.

178
00:06:28,198 --> 00:06:29,931
They must be pretty popular, huh?

179
00:06:30,000 --> 00:06:32,467
Um, the dogs didn't like them.

180
00:06:32,569 --> 00:06:33,701
What? These are dogs nobody wants.

181
00:06:33,770 --> 00:06:35,069
I mean, what do they have going on?

182
00:06:35,171 --> 00:06:37,238
Don't worry. The cats love them.

183
00:06:37,340 --> 00:06:38,606
Cats? Never. I'm taking them home.

184
00:06:38,708 --> 00:06:41,242
I mean, cat in a pineapple?
How does that even make sense?

185
00:06:41,344 --> 00:06:43,411
Maybe... they're from Meow-i?

186
00:06:44,468 --> 00:06:46,014
Get it? 'Cause Hawaii?

187
00:06:46,116 --> 00:06:48,216
- Get in the car.
- Okay.

188
00:06:50,248 --> 00:06:52,669
This Atari has quite a dent in it.

189
00:06:52,749 --> 00:06:55,249
- Didn't... Didn't you throw it at me?
- No.

190
00:06:55,317 --> 00:06:56,950
Then... Then explain this
groove in my head, 'cause...

191
00:06:56,986 --> 00:06:59,286
Yeah, I can...
I can fit them together like a puzzle.

192
00:06:59,388 --> 00:07:01,622
Mitchell,
you fell down the stairs sleepwalking.

193
00:07:01,690 --> 00:07:03,357
- It's established family history.
- Oh.

194
00:07:03,426 --> 00:07:05,125
Unwilling to admit a mistake.

195
00:07:05,194 --> 00:07:06,927
Wonder where you picked that up from.

196
00:07:07,029 --> 00:07:08,228
Look, it drives me nuts, too,

197
00:07:08,297 --> 00:07:09,563
that Dad never cops to his mistakes,

198
00:07:09,665 --> 00:07:11,198
but it's always gonna
be our word against his.

199
00:07:11,267 --> 00:07:12,268
- Yeah.
- Why did you cut

200
00:07:12,334 --> 00:07:13,934
the necks out of all these sweatshirts?

201
00:07:14,003 --> 00:07:16,169
Oh, I was a big "Flashdance" fan.

202
00:07:16,238 --> 00:07:18,338
How you survived the
golden age of bullying,

203
00:07:18,406 --> 00:07:19,572
I will never understand.

204
00:07:19,674 --> 00:07:20,740
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

205
00:07:20,809 --> 00:07:22,675
We are sitting on a
treasure trove of evidence

206
00:07:22,744 --> 00:07:25,612
than could prove Dad cut
our vacation short, okay?

207
00:07:25,680 --> 00:07:27,814
I mean, you realize that building cases

208
00:07:27,883 --> 00:07:30,150
against society's worst
criminals is what I do.

209
00:07:30,218 --> 00:07:31,751
How's that case against
the deaf old lady

210
00:07:31,820 --> 00:07:34,354
who sells bacon-wrapped hot
dogs outside Laker games going?

211
00:07:34,422 --> 00:07:36,623
She was warned three times.

212
00:07:36,691 --> 00:07:39,892
Okay, how do we prove that
Dad made us come home early?

213
00:07:39,894 --> 00:07:42,395
I mean, uh, what was
that place we went even called?

214
00:07:42,463 --> 00:07:45,231
Hold on. I just saw
a matchbook from there, and...

215
00:07:45,300 --> 00:07:46,766
Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Here it is, here it is.

216
00:07:46,834 --> 00:07:49,268
"Handelman Waterpark.
Celebrating 25 years."

217
00:07:49,370 --> 00:07:51,837
- Ooh. I can get on this CSI train.
- So... Yes.

218
00:07:51,906 --> 00:07:56,375
Okay, "Founded in 1958,"
so that puts us there in '83.

219
00:07:56,477 --> 00:07:57,910
'83, '83.

220
00:07:58,012 --> 00:08:00,146
Locating my diary from '83.

221
00:08:00,248 --> 00:08:02,548
- Okay.
- And okay. Here it is.

222
00:08:02,550 --> 00:08:05,217
April 20th. "I think JT likes me.

223
00:08:05,286 --> 00:08:06,685
Makes fun of my head dent."

224
00:08:06,754 --> 00:08:08,887
- So, that's...
- Alright, so it had to have been before that,

225
00:08:08,956 --> 00:08:10,456
because we didn't have
the video game yet,

226
00:08:10,558 --> 00:08:12,291
and that's what made the d...
the... the...

227
00:08:12,393 --> 00:08:13,459
I interrupted.

228
00:08:13,527 --> 00:08:15,761
So, we were there early April,

229
00:08:15,863 --> 00:08:17,830
and, uh, no diary entries from then.

230
00:08:17,898 --> 00:08:22,000
Okay. Okay. But maybe this might help.

231
00:08:22,103 --> 00:08:23,735
- Look at... Aww.
- Aww.

232
00:08:23,747 --> 00:08:24,752
Here... Here it is.

233
00:08:24,755 --> 00:08:26,852
- "Day One at Handelman."
- Whoa.

234
00:08:26,853 --> 00:08:27,853
Okay. Here we go.

235
00:08:29,826 --> 00:08:31,960
A mariachi band?

236
00:08:32,062 --> 00:08:35,130
If you want the Brenda girl,
talk to her like you don't care,

237
00:08:35,232 --> 00:08:37,732
- and then don't call her for a week.
- Oh, oh, what?

238
00:08:37,801 --> 00:08:39,434
And present himself as
some brooding mystery man

239
00:08:39,536 --> 00:08:42,303
whose dad-like approval
she has to work for?

240
00:08:42,372 --> 00:08:45,073
What woman has ever
found that attractive?

241
00:08:45,405 --> 00:08:47,041
I'll try it.

242
00:08:47,610 --> 00:08:49,243
Oh, great. There's Debra again.

243
00:08:49,345 --> 00:08:50,678
Probably down there flaunting

244
00:08:50,747 --> 00:08:52,546
her $30 gift card she got with my award.

245
00:08:52,615 --> 00:08:54,048
- It's my award.
- Is it go time?

246
00:08:54,117 --> 00:08:55,583
Yeah, you know what? Maybe I will.

247
00:08:55,652 --> 00:08:56,751
I'll just march right up to her,

248
00:08:56,753 --> 00:08:59,053
and give her the classic
Tucker stare down.

249
00:08:59,122 --> 00:09:01,655
A dirty look. That's your big plan?

250
00:09:01,674 --> 00:09:02,973
Yeah, she'll see in my eyes

251
00:09:03,042 --> 00:09:04,241
that I know exactly what she did,

252
00:09:04,343 --> 00:09:06,443
and trust me, all the free sample

253
00:09:06,545 --> 00:09:08,178
of perfume spritzes in this mall

254
00:09:08,280 --> 00:09:10,881
won't be able to cover up
the stench of guilt on her.

255
00:09:10,950 --> 00:09:13,183
Well, I just made
a nice little connection.

256
00:09:13,285 --> 00:09:14,918
Not with Brenda, who barely noticed me,

257
00:09:15,020 --> 00:09:16,854
but with Ronald,
who invited me to Panda Express

258
00:09:16,922 --> 00:09:18,355
so we could eat our feelings.

259
00:09:18,847 --> 00:09:19,856
Manny?

260
00:09:19,858 --> 00:09:21,324
Um, you took off

261
00:09:21,393 --> 00:09:23,293
before I could give you my number.

262
00:09:23,362 --> 00:09:25,829
And maybe I could get yours, too?

263
00:09:25,931 --> 00:09:27,397
- Sure.
- Yeah?

264
00:09:28,075 --> 00:09:30,700
Do you need my advice
with your problem now?

265
00:09:30,769 --> 00:09:32,802
Whatever.

266
00:09:34,037 --> 00:09:35,138
See, you should point this thing west

267
00:09:35,240 --> 00:09:37,740
and, uh, come meet
your great-grandbabies.

268
00:09:37,792 --> 00:09:39,592
Uh, this spring, I think.

269
00:09:39,677 --> 00:09:43,179
I want to pose them to re-create
famous photos from history.

270
00:09:43,281 --> 00:09:47,116
I've got all the outfits, uh,
to re-create the VJ-Day kiss,

271
00:09:47,185 --> 00:09:48,551
but I still need the fedora

272
00:09:48,620 --> 00:09:50,519
to pull off Jack Ruby
and Lee Harvey Oswald.

273
00:09:50,588 --> 00:09:53,055
- Careful.
- Well, obviously, the gun won't be loaded.

274
00:09:53,104 --> 00:09:54,106
No, no, no. There's a pothole.

275
00:09:54,125 --> 00:09:55,591
- Oh.
- Oh, geez.

276
00:09:55,693 --> 00:09:57,059
I bet we blew a tire.

277
00:09:57,578 --> 00:09:59,645
Fortunately, one local inventor

278
00:09:59,747 --> 00:10:02,481
has been hard at work
on the Presto-Jack TM,

279
00:10:02,550 --> 00:10:05,284
a pneumatic device that both lifts a car

280
00:10:05,353 --> 00:10:07,152
and powers a drill to change lug nuts.

281
00:10:07,221 --> 00:10:09,521
- I don't suppose...
- Yep.

282
00:10:09,623 --> 00:10:10,756
- In the trunk.
- Yes!

283
00:10:10,825 --> 00:10:12,658
We can finally test it out!

284
00:10:12,727 --> 00:10:13,826
You ready to launch?

285
00:10:13,928 --> 00:10:15,861
Let's do it.

286
00:10:17,331 --> 00:10:21,533
Steady as she goes, and she's up!

287
00:10:21,602 --> 00:10:23,702
It's working! You did it!

288
00:10:24,071 --> 00:10:25,904
It's... Why is it still going?

289
00:10:25,973 --> 00:10:28,540
- How hard did you press start?
- Well, that shouldn't matter!

290
00:10:28,609 --> 00:10:30,976
- Well, just press "end task."
- Okay.

291
00:10:31,045 --> 00:10:32,277
But only on the right
side of the button.

292
00:10:32,346 --> 00:10:34,813
Why wouldn't you tell me that first?!

293
00:10:34,915 --> 00:10:36,682
Sweet maker!

294
00:10:38,819 --> 00:10:39,885
Hmm.

295
00:10:39,953 --> 00:10:41,753
Everybody warned me this would happen.

296
00:10:47,143 --> 00:10:48,242
Hello, Debra.

297
00:10:48,345 --> 00:10:49,944
Oh. Hi, Cam.

298
00:10:50,013 --> 00:10:51,045
You wish.

299
00:10:51,114 --> 00:10:53,381
I know you'll deny it, but these eyes...

300
00:10:53,450 --> 00:10:54,849
can see right through you.

301
00:10:54,918 --> 00:10:57,919
You mean how I stole the
Educator of the Year Award?

302
00:10:58,021 --> 00:10:59,653
Aha! I got you to admit it.

303
00:10:59,672 --> 00:11:01,238
It's a good thing I'm wearing a wire.

304
00:11:01,340 --> 00:11:03,274
- Let me see it.
- Damn it.

305
00:11:03,342 --> 00:11:06,410
I'm gonna be the belle of
the ball in this dress.

306
00:11:06,479 --> 00:11:08,112
Stealing this award has
given me the confidence

307
00:11:08,214 --> 00:11:10,514
to crush everyone in my path.

308
00:11:13,122 --> 00:11:14,151
Permiso.

309
00:11:17,056 --> 00:11:18,889
I never even saw Gloria
go into the dressing room,

310
00:11:18,958 --> 00:11:20,490
but there she was, like a superhero,

311
00:11:20,559 --> 00:11:23,961
able to destroy confidence
in a single pose.

312
00:11:24,745 --> 00:11:26,920
I'm glad I didn't go
with the first dress.

313
00:11:26,955 --> 00:11:28,031
They'll take one look at this one

314
00:11:28,133 --> 00:11:29,666
and make me principal.

315
00:11:29,768 --> 00:11:31,034
Ay-yi-yi.

316
00:11:31,136 --> 00:11:32,970
- Aw, come on!
- You know what?

317
00:11:33,072 --> 00:11:34,905
Maybe you should try the
dress on that lady's wearing.

318
00:11:37,941 --> 00:11:39,676
Oh, my God.
That was brilliant and humbling.

319
00:11:39,745 --> 00:11:42,697
You know, I-I pride myself
on solving people problems.

320
00:11:42,732 --> 00:11:43,880
You know what?
You still have the swooper.

321
00:11:43,983 --> 00:11:45,849
- Maybe I could...
- No, thanks.

322
00:11:47,252 --> 00:11:49,219
She just can't accept help, but I can.

323
00:11:49,288 --> 00:11:51,354
I'm thinking about rocking
this for my date with Brenda.

324
00:11:51,403 --> 00:11:52,409
Ignore the buttons.

325
00:11:52,457 --> 00:11:53,623
Can you tell this is a woman's coat?

326
00:11:54,175 --> 00:11:55,274
Yes.

327
00:11:55,343 --> 00:11:58,611
Sales lesson number two...
create demand.

328
00:11:58,680 --> 00:12:01,314
Leave a few dog beds lying around,
dogs fall in love,

329
00:12:01,383 --> 00:12:03,182
your phones start ringing off the hook.

330
00:12:03,993 --> 00:12:05,785
Go ahead. Over there. Go.

331
00:12:06,104 --> 00:12:08,671
Wow. My dog really likes this bed.

332
00:12:08,740 --> 00:12:11,841
I wonder if leaving it
here will create demand.

333
00:12:11,909 --> 00:12:13,776
Uh, no, thank you.

334
00:12:13,878 --> 00:12:14,910
Alright, good start.

335
00:12:15,013 --> 00:12:16,345
You could've been a
little cuter with that.

336
00:12:16,414 --> 00:12:18,347
- What?!
- When did you start saying "really likes"?

337
00:12:18,449 --> 00:12:19,649
What happened to "weawwy wikes"?

338
00:12:19,751 --> 00:12:22,418
You paid a speech therapist
to shame it out of me.

339
00:12:24,528 --> 00:12:25,541
Still no cell service.

340
00:12:25,590 --> 00:12:27,390
Let's, uh,
let's just hitchhike to the barber

341
00:12:27,458 --> 00:12:29,458
and call a tow company from there.

342
00:12:29,626 --> 00:12:31,794
You can't let anything go!

343
00:12:31,862 --> 00:12:34,396
You slept with my sister
while I was pregnant.

344
00:12:34,498 --> 00:12:35,597
Not the hot one!

345
00:12:35,699 --> 00:12:36,965
I swear to God... I swear to God,

346
00:12:37,067 --> 00:12:38,667
we are going through with this
wedding so that I can kill you,

347
00:12:38,769 --> 00:12:40,469
and then I'm gonna divorce your corpse!

348
00:12:40,571 --> 00:12:42,471
Well, you seem like a nice couple.

349
00:12:42,573 --> 00:12:43,939
Room for two more in there?

350
00:12:44,041 --> 00:12:45,507
My dad's positive attitude

351
00:12:45,609 --> 00:12:48,544
versus a couple bound
for a "Dateline" episode?

352
00:12:49,747 --> 00:12:51,146
It wasn't even a fair fight.

353
00:12:51,248 --> 00:12:54,516
♪ Sweet Caroline ♪

354
00:12:54,618 --> 00:12:55,851
♪ Bup-bup-buh ♪

355
00:12:57,982 --> 00:13:02,975
Alright. Final lesson...
always be willing to walk away.

356
00:13:03,044 --> 00:13:04,053
Hey, Ron.

357
00:13:04,117 --> 00:13:05,778
I'm coming to you first
'cause we're old friends.

358
00:13:05,820 --> 00:13:07,213
- It's Lon.
- Yeah. Hey, listen.

359
00:13:07,315 --> 00:13:08,814
It's a steep price on this one,

360
00:13:08,883 --> 00:13:10,249
but don't blame me.

361
00:13:10,318 --> 00:13:12,485
I'm pocketing less than the kids that,
you know, made this thing.

362
00:13:12,553 --> 00:13:14,520
The Beagle Has Landed.

363
00:13:14,589 --> 00:13:16,021
Sorry, Jay, none of these are selling.

364
00:13:16,090 --> 00:13:17,423
Even the ones that look like hot cakes?

365
00:13:19,527 --> 00:13:21,460
Maybe a puppy will cheer you up.

366
00:13:21,562 --> 00:13:23,129
I told you, not gonna happen.

367
00:13:23,197 --> 00:13:24,263
You're giving up?

368
00:13:24,682 --> 00:13:26,348
I can't give these things away.

369
00:13:26,417 --> 00:13:28,116
Forget everything I taught you today.

370
00:13:28,185 --> 00:13:31,019
I don't know what I'm talking about.

371
00:13:31,088 --> 00:13:33,522
Hey, mister,
my dad was about to give you

372
00:13:33,591 --> 00:13:34,823
the deal of a lifetime...

373
00:13:35,392 --> 00:13:38,093
100 dog beds for a hundred bucks,

374
00:13:38,195 --> 00:13:40,161
so you can give one
away with each new dog.

375
00:13:40,263 --> 00:13:41,763
A hundred bucks, huh?

376
00:13:41,832 --> 00:13:44,232
I can see you're not serious.

377
00:13:44,334 --> 00:13:45,800
Slow down that tail, buddy.

378
00:13:45,902 --> 00:13:47,802
This is leaving with me.

379
00:13:48,750 --> 00:13:51,172
Wait, wait. Don't walk away.

380
00:13:51,241 --> 00:13:52,407
Would you do 50 bucks?

381
00:13:52,476 --> 00:13:53,742
Will you throw in a puppy?

382
00:13:56,112 --> 00:13:58,212
I've had two late-in-life projects.

383
00:13:58,281 --> 00:14:00,448
One, dog beds, was a bust.

384
00:14:00,516 --> 00:14:01,760
The other...

385
00:14:02,485 --> 00:14:04,986
...is looking pretty promising.

386
00:14:05,088 --> 00:14:06,354
Alright, okay.

387
00:14:06,422 --> 00:14:07,955
So, Handelman closed in '99,

388
00:14:08,057 --> 00:14:10,357
so no guest registry to
tell us when we checked out.

389
00:14:10,426 --> 00:14:12,492
Rental car companies are a dead end,

390
00:14:12,595 --> 00:14:14,161
and no credit card receipts.

391
00:14:14,230 --> 00:14:16,530
God, Mitchell, it might be
time for us to face some facts.

392
00:14:16,599 --> 00:14:18,031
What? That some people very high up

393
00:14:18,100 --> 00:14:20,500
don't want us to know the truth?

394
00:14:20,536 --> 00:14:22,936
No. That we might have to
let Dad skate on this one.

395
00:14:23,038 --> 00:14:24,430
Never.

396
00:14:24,940 --> 00:14:26,706
Go easy on those bubble-gum cigarettes,
Mitchell.

397
00:14:26,765 --> 00:14:27,774
They're gonna kill you.

398
00:14:27,776 --> 00:14:30,176
Look, we tried, right?

399
00:14:31,613 --> 00:14:33,847
I bought a pack of these

400
00:14:33,949 --> 00:14:35,548
the last night we were at that resort

401
00:14:35,617 --> 00:14:36,716
so I could try to look cool

402
00:14:36,785 --> 00:14:39,638
at some... concert that we went to.

403
00:14:39,673 --> 00:14:41,454
Hang on. Where was it? I...

404
00:14:41,523 --> 00:14:44,357
Oh-ho. Bingo. What do you see, huh?

405
00:14:44,375 --> 00:14:46,909
Uh... um, me at the park in a hat

406
00:14:46,978 --> 00:14:49,112
with the name "Maddox"
embroidered on it.

407
00:14:49,180 --> 00:14:51,214
Oh, oh, I forgot about
my Maddox Pritchett phase.

408
00:14:51,282 --> 00:14:52,782
God, it is a miracle
that you didn't need

409
00:14:52,851 --> 00:14:54,673
a police escort to school every day.

410
00:14:54,708 --> 00:14:56,185
Not you, the marquee.

411
00:14:56,254 --> 00:14:59,288
- Uh, "Tonight and Wednesday Only... The Monkees."
- Yes!

412
00:14:59,307 --> 00:15:00,906
And according to their website,

413
00:15:00,975 --> 00:15:02,675
they played the 14th and the 16th.

414
00:15:02,743 --> 00:15:04,243
So, if we went the first night,

415
00:15:04,312 --> 00:15:06,745
that means we would have left the 15th,

416
00:15:06,814 --> 00:15:09,648
and we would have left early.

417
00:15:09,717 --> 00:15:10,783
Okay, wait just a second.

418
00:15:10,852 --> 00:15:12,017
I-I remember I was so upset...

419
00:15:12,086 --> 00:15:13,352
- Yes.
- ...that our vacation was being cut short

420
00:15:13,454 --> 00:15:14,853
that I cheered myself up

421
00:15:14,905 --> 00:15:16,972
by going to the premiere of
"Flashdance,"

422
00:15:16,990 --> 00:15:18,123
which was on...

423
00:15:18,192 --> 00:15:19,725
Ha! April 15th.

424
00:15:19,793 --> 00:15:21,860
Yea... What is up
with you and that movie?

425
00:15:21,929 --> 00:15:23,462
She was so much more than a welder,

426
00:15:23,530 --> 00:15:25,230
and I was so much more
than the president

427
00:15:25,299 --> 00:15:27,165
of Students Against TV on Weeknights.

428
00:15:27,184 --> 00:15:28,616
Okay, I know you remember it this way,

429
00:15:28,685 --> 00:15:30,185
but how are we gonna prove it?

430
00:15:30,253 --> 00:15:31,286
Bam!

431
00:15:31,874 --> 00:15:33,921
My ticket,
clearly marked "Opening Night."

432
00:15:34,090 --> 00:15:35,423
I'm gonna say "bam" again.

433
00:15:35,425 --> 00:15:36,324
- Bam!
- Oh!

434
00:15:36,392 --> 00:15:37,525
I can't believe it.

435
00:15:37,594 --> 00:15:38,960
We might actually see Dad

436
00:15:39,062 --> 00:15:40,928
- admit that he was wrong!
- Ah!

437
00:15:40,997 --> 00:15:42,129
Oh, my God, oh, my God!

438
00:15:42,198 --> 00:15:44,232
- Do you think he'll cry? No.
- Oof.

439
00:15:44,334 --> 00:15:46,667
Claire, don't do that.
Just take the victory.

440
00:15:46,736 --> 00:15:48,236
I mean, why... why was he in such a rush

441
00:15:48,304 --> 00:15:49,537
to get home, you know?

442
00:15:49,606 --> 00:15:52,874
To... To meet his buds at O'Brien's Pub?

443
00:15:52,976 --> 00:15:54,075
I don't know. It's just...

444
00:15:54,577 --> 00:15:55,709
Well, that is a little weird, though.

445
00:15:55,811 --> 00:15:57,544
It says, "To Jay Pritchett,

446
00:15:57,613 --> 00:15:59,113
the greatest bartender in the universe.

447
00:15:59,181 --> 00:16:00,915
- Dean Martin. May 1, 1983."
- Oh.

448
00:16:00,983 --> 00:16:03,317
Since when was Dad a bartender?

449
00:16:03,386 --> 00:16:06,053
Wait, and this is right after our trip.

450
00:16:06,655 --> 00:16:08,025
I'm calling work wife.

451
00:16:08,207 --> 00:16:09,209
Hello?

452
00:16:09,258 --> 00:16:10,457
Hey, Margaret, really quick...

453
00:16:10,526 --> 00:16:12,459
Was Dad ever a bartender?

454
00:16:12,528 --> 00:16:13,994
Gosh, who knows?

455
00:16:14,062 --> 00:16:16,430
I wouldn't trust this
memory of mine anyway,

456
00:16:16,498 --> 00:16:17,554
and...

457
00:16:17,766 --> 00:16:19,166
This is a bad connec...

458
00:16:19,234 --> 00:16:20,500
- Margaret.
- You know...

459
00:16:20,536 --> 00:16:21,768
...that's what a bad connection
stopped sounding like

460
00:16:21,837 --> 00:16:23,803
when phones stopped having antennas.

461
00:16:24,145 --> 00:16:25,154
Fine.

462
00:16:25,173 --> 00:16:26,806
Early days of the business,

463
00:16:26,908 --> 00:16:28,137
we couldn't make payroll.

464
00:16:28,210 --> 00:16:29,495
He had to come back from a trip

465
00:16:29,511 --> 00:16:31,978
to pay everyone out of his own pocket.

466
00:16:32,046 --> 00:16:34,614
Took the night job to make ends meet.

467
00:16:34,682 --> 00:16:36,182
Why wouldn't he have told us?

468
00:16:36,251 --> 00:16:38,017
Probably didn't want to worry anyone.

469
00:16:38,086 --> 00:16:41,320
Anyway, back to the wall,
he did some of his best work.

470
00:16:41,389 --> 00:16:43,889
Came up with a best-selling closet.

471
00:16:43,992 --> 00:16:46,726
"Introducing the Maddox."

472
00:16:49,263 --> 00:16:52,497
And around this corner is
the entertainer's kitchen.

473
00:16:52,500 --> 00:16:53,493
What are you doing here?

474
00:16:53,501 --> 00:16:57,002
Oh, I just came through
the un-secure back door.

475
00:16:57,766 --> 00:16:59,238
Hello, again.

476
00:16:59,306 --> 00:17:01,106
Hi. We're still
interested in your house.

477
00:17:01,175 --> 00:17:03,375
We just might be leaning
towards this one.

478
00:17:03,444 --> 00:17:05,110
Oh, I'm very surprised.

479
00:17:05,212 --> 00:17:07,846
People that like cooking so much...

480
00:17:07,848 --> 00:17:09,414
Are you guys going to be happy

481
00:17:09,483 --> 00:17:12,250
with this tiny, little pantry...

482
00:17:12,319 --> 00:17:14,753
that leads to a gigantic pantry?

483
00:17:14,821 --> 00:17:16,421
Are you ready to see
the interactive nursery?

484
00:17:16,802 --> 00:17:17,722
The baby just kicked!

485
00:17:17,791 --> 00:17:19,290
- Oh.
- Hey.

486
00:17:19,359 --> 00:17:21,993
We... Are... Are you all
about to be my new neighbor?

487
00:17:22,541 --> 00:17:24,562
Hope you like to party. My name's Fred.

488
00:17:24,598 --> 00:17:27,399
They call me Peeper because...
Well, that doesn't matter.

489
00:17:27,501 --> 00:17:29,300
Oh, you...
look, it's chocolate chip cookies!

490
00:17:29,369 --> 00:17:30,502
Kids, get in here!

491
00:17:30,570 --> 00:17:32,437
Get yourself some supper!

492
00:17:33,707 --> 00:17:35,181
These are my blessings.

493
00:17:35,216 --> 00:17:38,008
Do I like ethnic women? Guilty.

494
00:17:38,077 --> 00:17:40,344
Do you like farm-fresh eggs?

495
00:17:40,413 --> 00:17:45,182
I sold my very first house
and destroyed my swooper.

496
00:17:45,251 --> 00:17:47,217
Of course, the only way you
can destroy a real swooper

497
00:17:47,319 --> 00:17:49,720
is to stab its reflection
during the Harvest Moon.

498
00:17:49,789 --> 00:17:51,822
Enjoy Poland, you two!

499
00:17:51,891 --> 00:17:54,391
Hey, Frank.
Afraid I was about to close up.

500
00:17:54,460 --> 00:17:56,527
- Betsy's birthday.
- Okay, we'll come back, Don.

501
00:17:56,595 --> 00:17:58,762
Well, h-hang on.
I'm... I'm pretty nifty with the shears.

502
00:17:58,831 --> 00:18:00,197
I used to... I used to cut Luke's hair,

503
00:18:00,299 --> 00:18:01,632
and I once trimmed a hedge in our yard

504
00:18:01,700 --> 00:18:04,401
into the spitting image of Doug Henning.

505
00:18:04,503 --> 00:18:05,512
Sold.

506
00:18:05,571 --> 00:18:07,237
- Just lock her up.
- Thank you very much.

507
00:18:08,039 --> 00:18:09,706
Hop on up there, young man.

508
00:18:11,239 --> 00:18:13,676
If I'm not mistaken,
you saw your first naked lady

509
00:18:13,745 --> 00:18:15,211
- in this barbershop.
- You know it.

510
00:18:16,648 --> 00:18:18,848
Hell of a crossing guard,
but when she went crazy,

511
00:18:18,950 --> 00:18:20,150
she didn't go halfway.

512
00:18:20,218 --> 00:18:21,817
Well, that was her training.

513
00:18:22,787 --> 00:18:26,156
So, Dad, um...

514
00:18:26,258 --> 00:18:28,158
just gonna get this over with.

515
00:18:28,260 --> 00:18:29,592
- Uh...
- Oh, boy.

516
00:18:29,628 --> 00:18:31,461
Is this gonna be about me going
back to the grocery store?

517
00:18:31,563 --> 00:18:33,997
Well, it...
it just seemed a little weird.

518
00:18:34,465 --> 00:18:35,965
I heard you were there for hours.

519
00:18:36,034 --> 00:18:37,300
The place was a mess.

520
00:18:37,368 --> 00:18:39,602
I mean, where is the pride?

521
00:18:39,671 --> 00:18:42,238
Old days, they used to deliver
my oranges on Tuesdays.

522
00:18:42,307 --> 00:18:44,173
I could not have built a pyramid faster

523
00:18:44,242 --> 00:18:46,375
with 10,000 Hebrews.

524
00:18:46,477 --> 00:18:48,411
So, you weren't just wandering?

525
00:18:48,779 --> 00:18:51,747
It's just... I miss it, is all.

526
00:18:51,849 --> 00:18:53,549
This takes me to my next question.

527
00:18:53,618 --> 00:18:56,952
Um... did you and Mom ever...

528
00:18:57,321 --> 00:18:59,755
ever want a-a-another child?

529
00:18:59,823 --> 00:19:01,290
Well, I suppose all parents wonder

530
00:19:01,358 --> 00:19:03,525
how things would have changed
if they had a different child.

531
00:19:03,627 --> 00:19:05,160
I-I didn't...
didn't mean a different one.

532
00:19:05,229 --> 00:19:07,896
I-I mean an additional one.

533
00:19:07,965 --> 00:19:09,231
Why do you ask?

534
00:19:09,600 --> 00:19:11,566
Well, 'cause if you'd had another kid,

535
00:19:11,635 --> 00:19:13,435
maybe... maybe he'd have
taken over the business

536
00:19:13,537 --> 00:19:14,803
and... and you wouldn't
have had to sell.

537
00:19:14,872 --> 00:19:16,071
I always...

538
00:19:16,139 --> 00:19:18,607
I always felt kind of bad that I didn't.

539
00:19:19,628 --> 00:19:22,477
The answer is no, Phil. Never.

540
00:19:22,929 --> 00:19:24,629
Because...

541
00:19:24,731 --> 00:19:26,664
Well, you did take over the
family business, didn't you?

542
00:19:26,733 --> 00:19:30,702
Keeping life light,
making it fun for everybody.

543
00:19:32,704 --> 00:19:33,705
I learned from the best.

544
00:19:36,009 --> 00:19:38,409
When I was growing up,
he was the cool dad.

545
00:19:38,461 --> 00:19:39,594
He was hip.

546
00:19:39,662 --> 00:19:41,329
He knew all the dances from "Grease."

547
00:19:41,431 --> 00:19:42,863
He knew all the expressions.

548
00:19:42,966 --> 00:19:44,832
BFF... best friends forever.

549
00:19:44,901 --> 00:19:46,300
TMI... too much information.

550
00:19:46,402 --> 00:19:47,768
BJ... blue jeans.

551
00:19:47,837 --> 00:19:50,504
It makes me feel lucky.

552
00:19:50,573 --> 00:19:52,540
We didn't do much that day, but...

553
00:19:53,042 --> 00:19:54,742
it might have been one of the...
the best days

554
00:19:54,810 --> 00:19:56,477
I ever had with my dad.

555
00:19:58,180 --> 00:20:00,047
I just didn't know it would be the last.

556
00:20:00,677 --> 00:20:02,516
My dad was okay.

557
00:20:02,585 --> 00:20:06,954
And my takeaway from our day...

558
00:20:07,023 --> 00:20:11,125
Don't miss a chance to let
the people you appreciate...

559
00:20:11,845 --> 00:20:13,339
know that.

560
00:20:13,929 --> 00:20:15,295
The hard part has been, um,

561
00:20:15,398 --> 00:20:17,598
figuring out a way to
pay tribute to my dad,

562
00:20:17,700 --> 00:20:20,701
but something came to
me in the garage today.

563
00:20:27,337 --> 00:20:29,043
I think he would have liked it.

564
00:20:41,165 --> 00:20:43,457
He left some big footprints, my old man.

565
00:20:46,380 --> 00:20:49,047
- Look, they're getting along great.
- That's not our worry.

566
00:20:49,049 --> 00:20:50,482
Your mother is.

567
00:20:50,584 --> 00:20:52,884
Eight years, she ignored Stella,
gave her a complex.

568
00:20:52,986 --> 00:20:55,287
One time, I was clicking a pen.

569
00:20:55,389 --> 00:20:57,923
Stella threw up 'cause she
thought high heels were coming.

570
00:20:57,925 --> 00:20:59,024
Hola!

571
00:21:00,961 --> 00:21:02,027
What is this?

572
00:21:03,018 --> 00:21:04,482
He's the grownup.

573
00:21:04,517 --> 00:21:05,964
Honey, we know how you feel about...

574
00:21:06,066 --> 00:21:09,701
It's the cutest thing
I've seen in my whole life!

575
00:21:10,204 --> 00:21:13,038
I love you! Oh, my God!

576
00:21:13,140 --> 00:21:15,107
I need a selfie with my best little boy!

577
00:21:15,209 --> 00:21:16,475
I'll be back!

578
00:21:16,577 --> 00:21:18,076
It's not your fault.

579
00:21:19,580 --> 00:21:22,214
It is not your fault.

580
00:21:25,373 --> 00:21:27,517
- synced and corrected by sot26 -
www.addic7ed.com