1
00:00:43,150 --> 00:00:43,949
She's 42.

2
00:00:43,950 --> 00:00:47,350
And when she graduated from high school,
I was one.

3
00:00:48,010 --> 00:00:50,610
But that's no reason to make our lives
miserable.

4
00:00:50,970 --> 00:00:54,830
Birthdays are peculiar creatures. The
glory of youth fading into distant

5
00:00:55,130 --> 00:00:57,590
Another wrinkle seen in the mirror that
wasn't there yesterday.

6
00:00:58,330 --> 00:01:01,150
Your wife buying you a barcalonger years
before your time.

7
00:01:13,900 --> 00:01:16,640
singing in General Merriman at 4 p .m.
sharp.

8
00:01:17,520 --> 00:01:18,520
Whoa!

9
00:01:19,120 --> 00:01:20,220
What a haul!

10
00:01:20,780 --> 00:01:23,400
There's more than last year. I think
we're going for a record here.

11
00:01:23,760 --> 00:01:27,320
Hey, guys, I know that you all want to
wish me happy birthday in your own

12
00:01:27,320 --> 00:01:30,860
special ways, but you're just going to
have to hold that thought. Some of my

13
00:01:30,860 --> 00:01:32,040
gifts may be perishable.

14
00:01:44,840 --> 00:01:45,840
come in big packages.

15
00:01:46,720 --> 00:01:51,420
I really appreciate the thought, Carl,
but something tells me if I untied that

16
00:01:51,420 --> 00:01:53,080
bow, both of us would regret it.

17
00:01:54,200 --> 00:01:55,200
I wouldn't.

18
00:01:55,380 --> 00:01:58,720
Find me at the end of the year. My
resistance is always down at the office

19
00:01:58,720 --> 00:01:59,720
Christmas party.

20
00:01:59,780 --> 00:02:03,440
Yes! I knew these French cut jeans would
get to her sooner or later.

21
00:02:05,030 --> 00:02:07,990
This is your last chance, Frank. If you
want to chip in on the group gift for

22
00:02:07,990 --> 00:02:11,070
Murphy, I'll be happy to take your money
now. Sorry, Miles. Murphy's my best

23
00:02:11,070 --> 00:02:13,910
friend. I always get her something only
I would think of. I'm telling you,

24
00:02:13,910 --> 00:02:16,510
Frank, you're going to regret not going
in with us. I hold in my hands the

25
00:02:16,510 --> 00:02:18,490
perfect gift. That's right, Frank, and
it was my idea.

26
00:02:18,790 --> 00:02:22,190
It was an ingenious choice, especially
for someone like Murphy who travels all

27
00:02:22,190 --> 00:02:22,869
the time.

28
00:02:22,870 --> 00:02:25,730
We got her a portable pants presser.

29
00:02:26,870 --> 00:02:30,050
Uh, Jim, Corky, there's been a little
change in plan.

30
00:02:30,930 --> 00:02:32,950
I decided not to go with the pants
presser.

31
00:02:33,290 --> 00:02:36,270
I was in the store and I saw something
else. Better than a pants presser?

32
00:02:36,270 --> 00:02:37,270
hard to believe.

33
00:02:38,590 --> 00:02:43,330
We got Murphy a whole blood pressure
check kit.

34
00:02:44,990 --> 00:02:48,250
It's great. A gift from the heart for
the heart.

35
00:02:48,790 --> 00:02:52,090
Mike, you had no right to go against the
wishes of the group, Miles. We decided

36
00:02:52,090 --> 00:02:55,930
on the pants presser. We wanted the
pants presser. Oh, no, we did not, Jim.

37
00:02:55,930 --> 00:03:00,430
wanted the pants presser. I wanted to
give her the abdominizer. Hey, guys,

38
00:03:00,430 --> 00:03:01,890
what Pete Rose made for me.

39
00:03:10,220 --> 00:03:12,600
Brilliant idea that you come up with.
Not that anyone here would appreciate

40
00:03:12,660 --> 00:03:14,920
I even amazed myself with this one.

41
00:03:15,300 --> 00:03:17,780
I'd been racking my brain for months
trying to think, what do you get someone

42
00:03:17,780 --> 00:03:18,900
who's got everything, right?

43
00:03:19,540 --> 00:03:22,360
Finally, it came to me. I got Murphy.
Are you ready?

44
00:03:23,520 --> 00:03:24,520
A sister.

45
00:03:24,820 --> 00:03:25,820
A sister?

46
00:03:26,040 --> 00:03:27,060
You mean like a nun?

47
00:03:27,440 --> 00:03:30,000
No, not like a nun, like a sibling.

48
00:03:30,380 --> 00:03:31,660
Murphy's an only child, right?

49
00:03:31,940 --> 00:03:34,720
She once said to me she wondered what it
would be like to have a sister.

50
00:03:34,940 --> 00:03:36,160
So I went to New York.

51
00:03:36,480 --> 00:03:41,160
hired an actress to come here and be
Murphy's sister from noon till midnight.

52
00:03:41,920 --> 00:03:46,120
Oh, this is the stupidest gift I've ever
heard of, Frank. You don't know how to

53
00:03:46,120 --> 00:03:49,340
buy for women. I was going to say
something when you bought me that wiffle

54
00:03:49,340 --> 00:03:51,840
set for my birthday, but now you've gone
too far.

55
00:03:52,200 --> 00:03:55,780
Oh, come on. Murphy's gonna love it.
This actress has been researching every

56
00:03:55,780 --> 00:03:57,980
detail of Murphy's childhood, her
family, everything.

57
00:03:58,220 --> 00:04:00,880
The key is getting Murphy to loosen up
and get into it.

58
00:04:01,180 --> 00:04:04,020
Now, if you guys want this to be the
best birthday Murphy's ever had, you'll

59
00:04:04,020 --> 00:04:05,020
play along.

60
00:04:06,440 --> 00:04:09,480
I can't believe it. The push has stiffed
me again this year.

61
00:04:10,400 --> 00:04:12,020
Hey, Murph. Happy 42.

62
00:04:12,580 --> 00:04:16,260
Hey, Frank. Haven't seen you in days.
Out shopping for my gift, maybe?

63
00:04:16,579 --> 00:04:17,519
Oh, maybe.

64
00:04:17,519 --> 00:04:19,320
Hey, Murphy. What have we here?

65
00:04:19,540 --> 00:04:23,720
It looks like some sort of a birthday
gift. No, no, no. You can't shake it.

66
00:04:23,720 --> 00:04:24,720
put it with the other smiles.

67
00:04:24,960 --> 00:04:27,120
So just give me one hint, Frank.

68
00:04:27,420 --> 00:04:32,300
Is it animal, vegetable, or four -wheel
drive with Italian leather interior?

69
00:04:33,470 --> 00:04:36,490
I'm going to say is it's something
you've never had but have always

70
00:04:36,490 --> 00:04:41,530
about. And you'll find out what it is at
noon sharp at Phil's.

71
00:04:42,130 --> 00:04:44,430
We'll bring this to Phil's, too, won't
we, guys?

72
00:04:44,730 --> 00:04:47,150
Phil, too heavy to be a toaster.

73
00:04:51,810 --> 00:04:52,810
Okay,

74
00:04:56,270 --> 00:04:59,920
Frank, at 12 o 'clock... Where it fills.
Where is it? I don't know, Murph. Maybe

75
00:04:59,920 --> 00:05:02,400
this year's surprise is that there's no
surprise at all.

76
00:05:02,600 --> 00:05:03,539
I hate that.

77
00:05:03,540 --> 00:05:05,520
Okay, I think we've kept her in suspense
long enough.

78
00:05:05,920 --> 00:05:08,760
Here it is, Murphy. From Jim, Corky, and
me. Go ahead, open it.

79
00:05:09,040 --> 00:05:13,160
I guess I will, since Frank is keeping
me waiting for his mystery gift. I'll

80
00:05:13,160 --> 00:05:17,040
just open this wonderful present that
three people with very large salaries

81
00:05:17,040 --> 00:05:18,040
chipped in to buy me.

82
00:05:18,810 --> 00:05:20,510
This is going to be great, I can tell.

83
00:05:21,030 --> 00:05:23,970
Don't forget, Murphy, any gift you get
should probably be exchanged.

84
00:05:24,510 --> 00:05:27,050
In fact, I'd even return it for you so
you don't have to stand in line.

85
00:05:28,090 --> 00:05:30,130
The Pulse -O -Matic 2.

86
00:05:31,450 --> 00:05:33,630
Guys, this is the best.

87
00:05:33,970 --> 00:05:37,090
A fake box, extremely valuable.

88
00:05:42,270 --> 00:05:45,950
What the hell is this?

89
00:05:47,210 --> 00:05:50,600
It's a blood... Pressure unit for people
who love you and wish you a long and

90
00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:52,800
happy life. Happy birthday, Murphy. See,
she loves it.

91
00:05:54,680 --> 00:05:55,800
I can see what you're thinking.

92
00:05:56,540 --> 00:06:00,240
You can't wait to try it out. Well, not
until I read the instructions.

93
00:06:01,260 --> 00:06:03,200
You don't want anybody to get hurt. This
is not a toy.

94
00:06:05,580 --> 00:06:06,580
Okay, Murphy.

95
00:06:06,860 --> 00:06:09,260
Fasten your seatbelt. Time for your gift
from me.

96
00:06:09,480 --> 00:06:10,840
All right, it's showtime.

97
00:06:11,100 --> 00:06:15,060
That's right. And what would a birthday
be without family to help you celebrate?

98
00:06:15,420 --> 00:06:21,620
So, all the... away from your hometown
of Philadelphia, it's your sister,

99
00:06:21,880 --> 00:06:22,980
Maddie Brown!

100
00:06:23,920 --> 00:06:24,920
Stinky!

101
00:06:29,540 --> 00:06:33,100
Oh boy, someone I don't know just hugged
me. What's going on, Frank?

102
00:06:33,740 --> 00:06:37,580
Wow, you really are surprised, aren't
you? But hey, I wasn't going to miss

103
00:06:37,600 --> 00:06:40,040
It'll be two years Christmas since we've
seen each other. That's a crime, you

104
00:06:40,040 --> 00:06:42,320
know that, but it doesn't matter. I'm
here now. God, you look gorgeous! Give

105
00:06:42,320 --> 00:06:43,320
another hug!

106
00:06:46,830 --> 00:06:50,390
I've never had and have always wondered
about.

107
00:06:50,670 --> 00:06:54,770
Hi, I'm Maddie Brown, Murphy's sister.
Hello, Murphy's sister. Nice to meet

108
00:06:54,790 --> 00:06:56,150
Maddie Brown from Philadelphia, Murphy's
sister.

109
00:06:57,910 --> 00:07:01,590
You want to say something to Murphy's
sister, don't you, Jim, Miles, Corky?

110
00:07:01,890 --> 00:07:03,530
Uh, yes, of course we do.

111
00:07:03,770 --> 00:07:08,610
Hi, Maddie, I'm Corky. It was so
thoughtful of you to surprise Murphy

112
00:07:09,230 --> 00:07:10,450
That's all I have to say.

113
00:07:12,190 --> 00:07:15,950
I see the family resemblance. You have
the same eyebrows.

114
00:07:18,560 --> 00:07:22,280
Hey, Stinky, you know what I was just
thinking of? Your 10th birthday.

115
00:07:22,540 --> 00:07:25,300
Remember? Dad surprised you with that
treehouse in the backyard?

116
00:07:25,760 --> 00:07:26,940
Very clever, Frank.

117
00:07:27,760 --> 00:07:30,580
Except there was this one kid you would
never let in the treehouse.

118
00:07:30,880 --> 00:07:34,640
Mary Beekman, the little brat. She hit
Murphy in the face with a 7 -up bottle.

119
00:07:34,940 --> 00:07:35,940
17 stitches.

120
00:07:36,720 --> 00:07:40,480
You are really good. She's really good,
Frank. But I'll bet you don't know what

121
00:07:40,480 --> 00:07:44,320
happened in the treehouse on the
afternoon of July 4th, 1959.

122
00:07:46,000 --> 00:07:48,560
That was the day we all came up with our
secret handshake.

123
00:07:55,860 --> 00:08:02,320
You forgot. It's one long, two short,
and one long. I know. I was trying to

124
00:08:02,320 --> 00:08:03,320
trick you. Wow.

125
00:08:06,730 --> 00:08:11,710
know who this must be murphy's sister it
must be real nice to have your sister

126
00:08:11,710 --> 00:08:15,930
here to share your birthday with you oh
you bet phil you know how i love family

127
00:08:15,930 --> 00:08:22,070
yep murphy's always going on about how
she misses you sometimes when she starts

128
00:08:22,070 --> 00:08:27,770
talking about the old days growing up
the whole bar gets quiet we turn off the

129
00:08:27,770 --> 00:08:31,050
tv everybody gathers their chairs and
circle

130
00:08:32,240 --> 00:08:36,700
We can listen for hours as Murphy
touches us all with poignant stories.

131
00:08:38,280 --> 00:08:39,900
Her little sister, Maddie.

132
00:08:41,460 --> 00:08:42,460
How am I doing?

133
00:08:44,580 --> 00:08:45,580
I got goosebumps.

134
00:08:45,760 --> 00:08:46,760
You can go now, Phil.

135
00:08:47,520 --> 00:08:50,180
Good, because I'm running out of
material to feel like an idiot.

136
00:08:51,260 --> 00:08:54,800
Happy birthday, Murphy. Here's a
complimentary salad with your lunch.

137
00:08:56,620 --> 00:08:59,500
Well, this has been great, but I guess
it's time to get going.

138
00:09:00,300 --> 00:09:01,730
Aw. Already?

139
00:09:02,090 --> 00:09:05,010
Well, listen, thanks for everything. You
were really impressive.

140
00:09:05,390 --> 00:09:09,310
And if you're going to be in any movies
or TV shows, drop me a line. I'll look

141
00:09:09,310 --> 00:09:12,230
for you. Oh, don't worry, Murph.
Maddie's not going anywhere. She's here

142
00:09:12,230 --> 00:09:17,270
midnight. Come on, guys. I'm sure the
two sisters have a lot of catching up to

143
00:09:17,270 --> 00:09:18,270
do.

144
00:09:18,530 --> 00:09:19,530
Wait a minute.

145
00:09:19,850 --> 00:09:21,130
You're here until midnight?

146
00:09:21,550 --> 00:09:22,830
Where are you going, Frank?

147
00:09:23,290 --> 00:09:25,590
Oh, the fun you two are going to have?

148
00:09:26,070 --> 00:09:28,410
Something tells me boys are going to be
discussed.

149
00:09:30,640 --> 00:09:34,340
But this is a party for all of us.
There's complimentary salad. Don't go,

150
00:09:34,720 --> 00:09:35,720
200 over 102.

151
00:09:36,000 --> 00:09:36,799
What does that mean?

152
00:09:36,800 --> 00:09:39,320
It means there's justice in this world
after all.

153
00:09:43,540 --> 00:09:44,540
That's right.

154
00:09:45,700 --> 00:09:47,600
Is he cute or what?

155
00:09:47,880 --> 00:09:49,580
You know, if I wasn't married...

156
00:09:49,870 --> 00:09:53,310
Speaking of which, you are not going to
believe your brother -in -law. He lost

157
00:09:53,310 --> 00:09:56,390
20 pounds and got hair plugs in the
front. You know where he's receding?

158
00:09:56,390 --> 00:09:59,850
show you a picture. Look, I know Frank
paid you until midnight, but you don't

159
00:09:59,850 --> 00:10:02,490
have to do this. You can just go. We
don't have to tell him.

160
00:10:03,530 --> 00:10:04,530
Oh, God.

161
00:10:05,270 --> 00:10:06,330
You're firing me.

162
00:10:06,670 --> 00:10:07,710
It's nothing personal.

163
00:10:08,030 --> 00:10:11,670
It's just that the novelty's worn off
and I have a really short attention

164
00:10:12,390 --> 00:10:15,510
Where did I lose you? It was the hair
plugs, right? I went too far. I knew it

165
00:10:15,510 --> 00:10:17,690
soon as I said it. Look, I've really got
to go.

166
00:10:17,990 --> 00:10:18,619
No, no.

167
00:10:18,620 --> 00:10:20,500
Murphy, please, please, give me another
chance.

168
00:10:21,100 --> 00:10:24,360
I can be whoever you want me to be. I
don't have to be your younger sister.

169
00:10:24,760 --> 00:10:26,340
I can be your illegitimate sister.

170
00:10:27,380 --> 00:10:31,220
Or I can do it with an accent, like Mom
and Dad sent me away to boarding school

171
00:10:31,220 --> 00:10:33,080
in England, and I have this really
effective speech now.

172
00:10:33,400 --> 00:10:36,160
Oh, Murphy, what do you say we take the
ponies out and go for a ride?

173
00:10:37,520 --> 00:10:41,800
Well, as I said, good luck with
everything, and thanks again for all the

174
00:10:41,800 --> 00:10:43,780
trouble. Wait, I know what it is.

175
00:10:43,980 --> 00:10:45,900
You need an older sister.

176
00:10:46,490 --> 00:10:50,870
You need to feel protected and cared
for. There you go again, running out,

177
00:10:50,870 --> 00:10:53,530
-dressed when there's a flu going
around. Remember the time you had

178
00:10:53,530 --> 00:10:56,030
I stayed home and took care of you? God
knows where Mother was. It was always up

179
00:10:56,030 --> 00:11:02,130
to me. I still have a lot of them. And
I'll never understand why you were in

180
00:11:02,130 --> 00:11:05,030
such a hurry to grow up. I'll never
forget your sweet 16 party when you

181
00:11:05,030 --> 00:11:07,470
Mother's liquor cabin. I still think
that's when your problem started.

182
00:11:10,330 --> 00:11:11,330
Frank!

183
00:11:11,750 --> 00:11:13,630
Has anyone here seen Frank?

184
00:11:14,090 --> 00:11:15,090
Oh, so this is where...

185
00:11:19,950 --> 00:11:21,050
I didn't know Murphy had a sister.

186
00:11:21,490 --> 00:11:22,490
Hi.

187
00:11:22,830 --> 00:11:23,930
I'm Carl Wisnicki.

188
00:11:24,930 --> 00:11:26,410
Hi, Carl. I'm Maddie Brown.

189
00:11:26,850 --> 00:11:28,270
So, what is it you do here?

190
00:11:29,750 --> 00:11:30,750
I'm camera two.

191
00:11:31,730 --> 00:11:34,450
Gee, Murphy, I would have thought you
told her all about me by now.

192
00:11:34,890 --> 00:11:37,110
Me and I aren't very close, Carl.

193
00:11:37,870 --> 00:11:40,110
Frank, may I see you in my office,
please, alone?

194
00:11:44,150 --> 00:11:45,150
Okay, Frank.

195
00:11:45,540 --> 00:11:49,220
That's it. It was very clever and we all
had a good laugh, but I don't want that

196
00:11:49,220 --> 00:11:52,800
woman following me around until
midnight. Tell me she isn't going to be

197
00:11:52,800 --> 00:11:53,559
that, Frank.

198
00:11:53,560 --> 00:11:56,900
Murph, I thought a sister would be the
greatest gift I could ever give you. You

199
00:11:56,900 --> 00:11:58,300
were so passionate about it that night.

200
00:11:59,070 --> 00:12:00,490
What night? What are you talking about?

201
00:12:00,870 --> 00:12:04,170
A few years ago at Phil's. You and I
were closing up the place, then we

202
00:12:04,170 --> 00:12:05,930
talking about family and my sisters.

203
00:12:06,230 --> 00:12:10,130
Then you started sobbing uncontrollably
about not having any sisters. You don't

204
00:12:10,130 --> 00:12:13,730
remember? I was drinking then, Frank. I
said a lot of things I didn't mean. I

205
00:12:13,730 --> 00:12:16,870
probably said I wanted to sleep with
Larry Storch, too, but you didn't get

206
00:12:16,870 --> 00:12:17,870
hits on my birthday.

207
00:12:18,190 --> 00:12:21,970
Just listen to yourself, Murph. Can't
you just for one day forget you're a

208
00:12:21,970 --> 00:12:25,130
reporter who brokers all day long in
reality and just let yourself experience

209
00:12:25,130 --> 00:12:26,270
something you've never known?

210
00:12:27,370 --> 00:12:28,690
Cut yourself loose. What do you say?

211
00:12:28,990 --> 00:12:30,590
I'm gonna get you for this, Frank.

212
00:12:30,990 --> 00:12:35,890
What a sad, sad statement. Well, I am
not calling her off. You know the rule.

213
00:12:36,170 --> 00:12:38,010
Fontana gifts are unreturnable.

214
00:12:38,590 --> 00:12:42,010
They're unreturnable because you can't
shop in a regular store like a normal

215
00:12:42,010 --> 00:12:43,250
human being. You're a...

216
00:12:45,060 --> 00:12:47,240
You're looking for your sister. She went
to the ladies' room.

217
00:12:47,720 --> 00:12:51,060
All right, everybody, listen up. I'm
going to be in editing for the rest of

218
00:12:51,060 --> 00:12:54,680
day. When my sister comes back, don't
tell her where I am and don't let her in

219
00:12:54,680 --> 00:12:57,500
my office. I don't want to see her again
for the rest of my lifetime.

220
00:12:57,840 --> 00:12:58,840
You got that?

221
00:13:01,700 --> 00:13:05,140
Dear God, why won't that woman let
someone love her?

222
00:13:10,120 --> 00:13:11,320
Don't even say it, Robin.

223
00:13:11,790 --> 00:13:15,250
Don't make me tell you how many birthday
invitations I turned down because Frank

224
00:13:15,250 --> 00:13:16,570
asked me to keep the day open.

225
00:13:16,790 --> 00:13:18,650
Frank is no longer my friend.

226
00:13:18,870 --> 00:13:22,570
It's his fault I'm eating fortune
cookies alone instead of birthday cake

227
00:13:22,570 --> 00:13:23,570
Pacino.

228
00:13:24,010 --> 00:13:25,730
What happened to Honey, I'm Home?

229
00:13:27,790 --> 00:13:31,130
You know, I wish that you would call
when you're going to be late. I didn't

230
00:13:31,130 --> 00:13:32,850
what time to put the cacciatore in.

231
00:13:33,250 --> 00:13:34,270
Chicken cacciatore?

232
00:13:34,830 --> 00:13:37,150
Oh, Eldon, is that what smells so good?

233
00:13:37,680 --> 00:13:38,820
That's so nice of you.

234
00:13:39,040 --> 00:13:41,280
Maybe this day can be saved after all.

235
00:13:41,700 --> 00:13:45,840
Yellow 16 ,000, what do you get?

236
00:13:46,340 --> 00:13:50,060
Another day over and deeper in debt. St.

237
00:13:50,380 --> 00:13:52,020
Peter, don't you call me...

238
00:14:12,750 --> 00:14:15,710
know how much you hated that happy
birthday to you song until your sister

239
00:14:15,710 --> 00:14:17,670
me. Ellen, this woman is not my sister.

240
00:14:18,370 --> 00:14:19,770
You said she'd say that.

241
00:14:20,830 --> 00:14:23,010
Well, you brown girls play some weird
games.

242
00:14:23,630 --> 00:14:27,490
Murphy, I have been cooking up a storm
all afternoon. I cannot believe you had

243
00:14:27,490 --> 00:14:30,550
nothing, nothing in the house to eat. I
had to shop for everything, but that's

244
00:14:30,550 --> 00:14:32,190
okay. That's what sisters are for.

245
00:14:33,870 --> 00:14:37,150
What do you mean she's not your sister?
I mean, she's obviously got your

246
00:14:37,150 --> 00:14:38,930
mother's arms. They're so delicate.

247
00:14:39,250 --> 00:14:41,390
Not nearly as furry as yours.

248
00:14:44,590 --> 00:14:45,590
I may love her.

249
00:14:46,230 --> 00:14:48,690
Oh, God, I'm in a Stephen King movie.

250
00:14:52,210 --> 00:14:53,210
Who is it?

251
00:14:53,830 --> 00:14:54,830
Oh, hi, Mother.

252
00:14:55,450 --> 00:14:58,170
Yeah, I got the birthday card you sent.
Thanks a lot.

253
00:14:59,090 --> 00:15:00,270
You want to speak to who?

254
00:15:01,530 --> 00:15:04,610
Mother, you don't have another daughter,
and I'm really getting sick of this.

255
00:15:05,990 --> 00:15:07,730
No, I will not put her on the phone.

256
00:15:10,390 --> 00:15:11,690
She wants to talk to you.

257
00:15:17,480 --> 00:15:18,480
to see me.

258
00:15:18,920 --> 00:15:21,760
No, I don't think she's gay in any way.
Why? Did she look heavy to you when you

259
00:15:21,760 --> 00:15:22,219
were here?

260
00:15:22,220 --> 00:15:25,400
This isn't funny, Mother. You had way
too much time on your hands.

261
00:15:25,680 --> 00:15:27,020
I better go now, Mother.

262
00:15:28,340 --> 00:15:29,480
All right, I'll tell her.

263
00:15:30,020 --> 00:15:31,020
Goodbye.

264
00:15:31,580 --> 00:15:34,460
Oh, God. She wants us to come home for
Christmas.

265
00:15:36,300 --> 00:15:40,420
Believe me, I hate the idea as much as
you do. She insists on making that

266
00:15:40,420 --> 00:15:43,920
disgusting cranberry mold, and then we
sit around the table while she trashes

267
00:15:43,920 --> 00:15:46,980
Daddy. Maybe we should just take a
stand... not do Christmas at her house

268
00:15:46,980 --> 00:15:49,840
year. Oh, who am I kidding? I don't have
the guts.

269
00:15:51,020 --> 00:15:54,700
You know, look at this. You know, it is
so nice to know someone in your family

270
00:15:54,700 --> 00:15:58,780
can cook. Unlike you, she walked right
into the kitchen and recognized it

271
00:15:58,780 --> 00:15:59,780
immediately.

272
00:16:01,020 --> 00:16:03,220
Is that fresh rosemary on the chicken?

273
00:16:03,460 --> 00:16:04,279
Uh -huh.

274
00:16:04,280 --> 00:16:05,960
I made the sauce from scratch.

275
00:16:07,460 --> 00:16:11,660
Okay. Okay, well, just eat and that's
all. And then after we eat, that's the

276
00:16:11,660 --> 00:16:12,980
end. It's finished. You're leaving.

277
00:16:14,180 --> 00:16:16,980
Boy, you really must have cried the day
Mom and Dad brought that home from the

278
00:16:16,980 --> 00:16:17,980
hospital.

279
00:16:23,000 --> 00:16:24,340
Come on, speed it up.

280
00:16:24,560 --> 00:16:26,340
Gandhi didn't eat as slow as you two.

281
00:16:27,620 --> 00:16:29,400
Murphy was always a very fast eater.

282
00:16:29,880 --> 00:16:32,940
Daddy used to say, you should never
touch Murphy while she's eating.

283
00:16:33,280 --> 00:16:35,120
My father never said that.

284
00:16:35,440 --> 00:16:37,740
You know, this dinner was excellent.

285
00:16:38,160 --> 00:16:40,660
And you are very charming.

286
00:16:41,220 --> 00:16:43,060
You know, I was recently hurt by a
woman.

287
00:16:43,260 --> 00:16:44,260
Okay.

288
00:16:46,000 --> 00:16:47,240
That's it. You know what that means.

289
00:16:47,440 --> 00:16:49,060
Right. I'll go get dessert.

290
00:16:49,620 --> 00:16:52,280
Dessert? No dessert. There was no
dessert in this deal.

291
00:16:53,300 --> 00:16:54,940
Look, I can't tell how I'm doing here.

292
00:16:55,200 --> 00:16:57,860
Do you think I was being too obvious
when I said I could furnish her with a

293
00:16:57,860 --> 00:16:58,860
complete medical history?

294
00:17:00,800 --> 00:17:02,540
Would you go find out? I'll wait right
here.

295
00:17:05,119 --> 00:17:07,440
It's 10 o 'clock. Do you know where your
airplane is?

296
00:17:09,140 --> 00:17:11,960
Dessert is part of dinner, Murphy, and I
won't hear any arguments about it.

297
00:17:12,020 --> 00:17:14,859
We're going to make brownies just like
we did the day Paul quit the Beatles.

298
00:17:15,979 --> 00:17:19,680
Look, I've tried to be nice. Now I'm
going to bring out the artillery. If you

299
00:17:19,680 --> 00:17:22,859
aren't out of here in three minutes, I
will personally, physically throw you

300
00:17:22,859 --> 00:17:23,859
out.

301
00:17:28,940 --> 00:17:29,940
Okay.

302
00:17:31,960 --> 00:17:33,300
You win. I'll go.

303
00:17:35,540 --> 00:17:39,340
It's obvious I can't make this work for
you.

304
00:17:41,820 --> 00:17:42,820
Thank you.

305
00:17:44,230 --> 00:17:46,150
Look, all of this food is yours.

306
00:17:46,470 --> 00:17:47,830
Why don't you take it with you?

307
00:17:49,190 --> 00:17:54,050
Boy, it's just staring me in the face,
isn't it?

308
00:17:55,750 --> 00:17:56,750
Actress.

309
00:17:57,370 --> 00:17:58,810
Who am I kidding?

310
00:17:59,430 --> 00:18:02,790
Oh, no, don't start that on me. Just
rap.

311
00:18:05,190 --> 00:18:08,130
Deep down inside, I guess I've always
known my limitations.

312
00:18:09,170 --> 00:18:11,650
I haven't had a lot of success as an
actress.

313
00:18:13,930 --> 00:18:18,230
You know that TV commercial where the
singing peanuts go marching into that

314
00:18:18,230 --> 00:18:22,230
peanut butter jar and there's that one
peanut who refuses to jump in because

315
00:18:22,230 --> 00:18:23,990
doesn't think she's up to their high
standards?

316
00:18:25,070 --> 00:18:26,190
That peanut was you?

317
00:18:27,230 --> 00:18:29,070
No, that's how I feel about my career.

318
00:18:31,410 --> 00:18:35,850
I guess what makes it all sink in is
seeing where you are in life.

319
00:18:37,170 --> 00:18:39,410
Famous, successful, respected.

320
00:18:40,050 --> 00:18:42,610
Yeah, well, it's not all it's cracked up
to be.

321
00:18:43,980 --> 00:18:47,840
Ever since I was a little kid, I dreamed
of being a great actress.

322
00:18:48,380 --> 00:18:52,420
I used to dress up like Katharine
Hepburn, and I used to dress my dog up

323
00:18:52,420 --> 00:18:54,660
Spencer Tracy, and we'd act out Adam's
Rib.

324
00:18:57,700 --> 00:18:58,700
What?

325
00:18:59,340 --> 00:19:02,940
I used to pretend the kitchen strainer
was a microphone, and I'd get the kid

326
00:19:02,940 --> 00:19:06,660
next door to be Richard Nixon, and I'd
nail him after the checker's speech.

327
00:19:07,840 --> 00:19:08,840
I know.

328
00:19:08,860 --> 00:19:09,860
All right.

329
00:19:11,630 --> 00:19:13,950
The difference is, you made it, I
didn't.

330
00:19:15,470 --> 00:19:17,030
Yeah, but it didn't come easy.

331
00:19:18,110 --> 00:19:21,750
After I got out of college, I thought I
was going to be the greatest broadcast

332
00:19:21,750 --> 00:19:23,170
journalist of my generation.

333
00:19:24,210 --> 00:19:28,770
I had this audition tape, and I begged a
friend to get it to Howard K. Smith. To

334
00:19:28,770 --> 00:19:33,230
me, he was the best. What broadcast
journalism was all about, I wanted to be

335
00:19:33,230 --> 00:19:34,490
Howard K. Smith in a dress.

336
00:19:35,490 --> 00:19:38,090
So, I waited and waited for a response.

337
00:19:38,770 --> 00:19:40,730
A month, six weeks.

338
00:19:42,409 --> 00:19:44,670
Nothing. Finally, I called my friend.

339
00:19:47,570 --> 00:19:50,650
And he told me that Howard Kaye had, in
fact, seen my tape.

340
00:19:52,230 --> 00:19:57,850
His only comment was, her work stinks,
but she's got a knife. Push.

341
00:20:00,610 --> 00:20:02,850
I felt like someone had hit me in the
face with a brick.

342
00:20:03,650 --> 00:20:06,350
My idol was telling me I couldn't cut it
as a journalist.

343
00:20:07,210 --> 00:20:10,450
The only other thing I knew how to do
was lip sync to records, and back then

344
00:20:10,450 --> 00:20:12,210
wasn't a real profession like it is now.

345
00:20:15,850 --> 00:20:20,310
I guess what I'm trying to say is, no
matter what it is you want to do, you've

346
00:20:20,310 --> 00:20:25,890
got to go after it. No matter what other
people say about you, it's always going

347
00:20:25,890 --> 00:20:26,769
to be hard.

348
00:20:26,770 --> 00:20:28,970
No matter if you're 21 or 42.

349
00:20:30,090 --> 00:20:31,670
Oh, God, I'm 42.

350
00:20:32,290 --> 00:20:33,290
Oh, that's okay.

351
00:20:33,410 --> 00:20:34,750
You look really good.

352
00:20:38,760 --> 00:20:40,500
You know, I never told anybody that
story.

353
00:20:41,640 --> 00:20:43,160
Really? Yeah.

354
00:20:43,700 --> 00:20:48,240
I guess it's really the kind of thing
you only tell... A sister?

355
00:20:50,540 --> 00:20:51,540
Yeah.

356
00:20:51,780 --> 00:20:52,780
A sister.

357
00:20:55,840 --> 00:21:00,240
You know, I had this other experience
when I was a correspondent in London.

358
00:21:00,660 --> 00:21:03,880
I've never been to London. I always said
I'd get there. What happened?

359
00:21:04,140 --> 00:21:07,820
Well, I'd rented this little flat a
couple of blocks from Oxford Street.

360
00:21:08,600 --> 00:21:10,200
One day I was coming out of the...