1 00:00:22,055 --> 00:00:23,473 Vampire mansion 2 00:00:23,557 --> 00:00:25,642 Let's try this. What does this remind you of? 3 00:00:26,810 --> 00:00:29,646 Deprogramming Nandor It takes longer than we expected. 4 00:00:29,730 --> 00:00:33,191 It's a bat! Okay, from another fairy tale. Who am I? 5 00:00:33,650 --> 00:00:37,404 It's me, Nandor, the coolest vampire all over the world. I am you. 6 00:00:39,823 --> 00:00:41,908 All right. So maybe this? 7 00:00:42,826 --> 00:00:44,202 What do we have here? 8 00:00:44,411 --> 00:00:48,498 Looks like a dismal failure in communication. 9 00:00:49,416 --> 00:00:53,295 The prisoner is reminded not to try to bend the pickets, 10 00:00:53,503 --> 00:00:56,173 because he will taste the electric shepherd. 11 00:00:59,426 --> 00:01:04,598 It's getting warm. It's getting hot. May I... Thank you, Nandor. 12 00:01:04,723 --> 00:01:08,602 So this is what happened? Trapped by friends. 13 00:01:08,852 --> 00:01:11,063 Because I believe in what he says my dim-witted familiar. 14 00:01:11,229 --> 00:01:12,272 -Bodyguard. -Familiar. 15 00:01:12,356 --> 00:01:15,275 Nandor, we're trying to help you. Look at yourself. 16 00:01:15,359 --> 00:01:19,196 -You've been brainwashed. -Not at all. 17 00:01:19,321 --> 00:01:22,199 For years alone I kept this farm in check. 18 00:01:22,616 --> 00:01:25,577 You're mocking me. You disregarded my life. You deny that I am right. 19 00:01:25,869 --> 00:01:27,287 Not at all. 20 00:01:27,579 --> 00:01:28,580 Laszlo, 21 00:01:29,373 --> 00:01:32,626 you are the laziest vampire, whom I had the misfortune to meet. 22 00:01:32,834 --> 00:01:33,835 Thank you. 23 00:01:33,960 --> 00:01:35,712 You were born in a suppository. 24 00:01:36,088 --> 00:01:38,298 Don't lift a finger, to help me around the house. 25 00:01:38,382 --> 00:01:39,383 NO. 26 00:01:39,466 --> 00:01:43,011 Because all ten of them satisfy only yourself. 27 00:01:43,261 --> 00:01:47,766 Nadja, you laugh and mock from my romantic torments, 28 00:01:47,849 --> 00:01:50,602 which cause me great pain. 29 00:01:51,144 --> 00:01:53,814 As for the issues related to the Vampire Council, 30 00:01:54,064 --> 00:01:58,068 when he says to do one thing, you will always say that the second one is better. 31 00:01:58,235 --> 00:01:59,820 Now me. Fun. 32 00:02:00,070 --> 00:02:02,447 I wouldn't remember your name, if I hadn't written this 33 00:02:02,489 --> 00:02:04,658 on a piece of paper, which I always have I carry it in my pocket. 34 00:02:05,200 --> 00:02:06,660 Damn it, Nandor. Below the waist. 35 00:02:06,743 --> 00:02:09,413 Yeah, that wouldn't be that cool as I thought. 36 00:02:10,038 --> 00:02:14,042 And you. I finally found a place where I am happy. 37 00:02:14,334 --> 00:02:17,462 You are dragging me out of my new life back to this hell. 38 00:02:18,505 --> 00:02:19,506 Sorry, master. 39 00:02:19,881 --> 00:02:22,884 I'm extremely tired being extremely tired. 40 00:02:23,301 --> 00:02:26,346 So I came to the conclusion that there is only one way out. 41 00:02:26,930 --> 00:02:31,435 It's time for me to hit Big Kim. 42 00:02:32,352 --> 00:02:34,896 -NO. -It can't be. 43 00:02:35,063 --> 00:02:38,108 -That's a bad idea. -What's going on? What is it about? 44 00:03:14,102 --> 00:03:18,398 They are excited by the act of Great Kima only really desperate vampires. 45 00:03:18,482 --> 00:03:20,817 It's vampire hibernation. 46 00:03:20,901 --> 00:03:23,737 It is done in times especially difficult for vampires. 47 00:03:23,820 --> 00:03:26,656 It's a way to wait it out a weak period in history. 48 00:03:26,823 --> 00:03:28,867 It's that he's a vampire 49 00:03:28,950 --> 00:03:32,245 sleeps for 50 or 100 years, 50 00:03:32,329 --> 00:03:35,665 and in the worst case scenario and up to 300 years. 51 00:03:36,082 --> 00:03:38,168 It is an existence worse than death. 52 00:03:38,251 --> 00:03:42,631 The vampire in the Great Kim sank in a dreamless, dark void. 53 00:03:42,756 --> 00:03:48,094 When he wakes up, he is weak, a pathetic, starving wreck. 54 00:03:48,220 --> 00:03:50,180 And all the people people he knew are long dead. 55 00:03:50,472 --> 00:03:53,016 All the vampires the ones he knew scattered 56 00:03:53,141 --> 00:03:54,935 and started a new life without a kimach. 57 00:03:55,310 --> 00:03:59,189 This is truly the last resort for a vampire. 58 00:03:59,564 --> 00:04:01,733 This must be respected. 59 00:04:09,866 --> 00:04:12,369 I regret that it has happened. But it is what it is. 60 00:04:12,786 --> 00:04:16,831 Perhaps we will see each other again. But probably not. 61 00:04:18,458 --> 00:04:19,626 Nandor, maybe? 62 00:04:19,793 --> 00:04:23,338 -Yes. -"Nandor the Ruthless. 63 00:04:24,047 --> 00:04:27,300 "I will remember you fondly joint management of the Vampire Council, 64 00:04:27,384 --> 00:04:29,511 "when we have achieved so much. 65 00:04:29,678 --> 00:04:31,846 "Together we can do it. 66 00:04:32,639 --> 00:04:34,808 "Maybe the Great Kima it eased your pain. 67 00:04:35,183 --> 00:04:39,020 "May you wake up in a world who will treat you better than us." 68 00:04:39,437 --> 00:04:40,522 Thank you, Nadja. 69 00:04:40,605 --> 00:04:42,607 -I wrote something too. -Yes. 70 00:04:45,485 --> 00:04:47,654 "Nan." That's all. 71 00:04:48,530 --> 00:04:50,574 Sorry, buddy. I thought I wrote more. 72 00:04:50,949 --> 00:04:53,368 Thank you for your kind words. 73 00:04:54,411 --> 00:04:58,665 Now, now, Colin Robinson. Don't despair over my departure. 74 00:04:58,707 --> 00:05:00,292 No, that's not it. I... 75 00:05:01,167 --> 00:05:03,253 I can't resist the thought, that you are doing this 76 00:05:03,753 --> 00:05:06,214 to get away from today's party 77 00:05:06,548 --> 00:05:09,175 for the occasion my hundredth birthday. 78 00:05:10,885 --> 00:05:13,555 I didn't even know that today is your birthday. 79 00:05:13,638 --> 00:05:15,432 That's the second reason I cry. 80 00:05:15,849 --> 00:05:17,225 Okay. 81 00:05:17,684 --> 00:05:19,978 I thought it was this moment it will be more about me, 82 00:05:20,061 --> 00:05:21,646 but... 83 00:05:22,063 --> 00:05:25,900 Thank you all. Now I must say goodbye to you. 84 00:05:26,109 --> 00:05:27,235 Goodbye. 85 00:05:27,569 --> 00:05:29,237 -Goodbye. -Goodbye. 86 00:05:32,073 --> 00:05:33,783 Don't film us like this. 87 00:05:33,908 --> 00:05:36,202 -Colin, come on. -Fuck you. 88 00:05:37,787 --> 00:05:38,830 Thank you. 89 00:05:42,208 --> 00:05:43,418 Let go of my bottom. 90 00:05:47,464 --> 00:05:48,923 I'd rather you didn't do that. 91 00:05:50,717 --> 00:05:54,137 Dear Guillermo. You will miss me. 92 00:05:54,638 --> 00:05:55,639 Close the cover. 93 00:06:18,495 --> 00:06:20,914 I'm begging you. Do you have to recording everything? 94 00:06:21,039 --> 00:06:24,834 Can you give me a moment? I'm asking you. 95 00:06:45,120 --> 00:06:47,007 What has happened will not be undone. 96 00:06:50,828 --> 00:06:52,663 I bring news. 97 00:06:52,747 --> 00:06:55,249 Why can't you come through the door, to the fucking whore? 98 00:06:55,416 --> 00:06:57,418 That's not what you have a skill for transformation into smoke, 99 00:06:57,502 --> 00:06:59,378 to use the door like some pleb. 100 00:06:59,504 --> 00:07:00,588 What kind of news is this? 101 00:07:02,381 --> 00:07:05,718 "The World's Supreme Vampire Council 102 00:07:05,927 --> 00:07:10,431 "invites you to take part delegation from the old continent 103 00:07:11,224 --> 00:07:12,517 "in your house, 104 00:07:12,725 --> 00:07:16,771 "to enable verification of progress, that you have done 105 00:07:16,854 --> 00:07:18,105 "in the management of the Council". 106 00:07:18,439 --> 00:07:20,441 This is a great honor for us. 107 00:07:20,525 --> 00:07:23,528 But it's also a pain in the dick, like all honors. 108 00:07:23,611 --> 00:07:25,071 Either way, an honor. 109 00:07:25,196 --> 00:07:28,324 I always dreamed that I will meet someone important. 110 00:07:28,449 --> 00:07:30,451 To our village no one important ever arrives. 111 00:07:30,701 --> 00:07:32,662 Once upon a time, a garbage collector 112 00:07:32,745 --> 00:07:34,247 came to take away the dirt and waste. 113 00:07:34,455 --> 00:07:38,834 He gave autographs to children on pieces of garbage. 114 00:07:39,001 --> 00:07:40,878 We danced for three months. 115 00:07:41,003 --> 00:07:45,383 So you understand, that this is very exciting for me. 116 00:07:45,466 --> 00:07:47,468 When is this delegation supposed to arrive? 117 00:07:47,510 --> 00:07:50,638 Let's check. At night... That night. 118 00:07:50,972 --> 00:07:52,682 -What? -At 8:30 p.m. 119 00:07:53,266 --> 00:07:56,060 -Tonight at 8:30 p.m.? -It's very soon. 120 00:07:56,227 --> 00:07:57,645 Maybe they would come tomorrow 121 00:07:57,728 --> 00:07:59,063 then we could arrange... 122 00:07:59,146 --> 00:08:01,732 Supreme International Vampire Council 123 00:08:01,816 --> 00:08:03,651 I don't reorganize my calendar. 124 00:08:03,818 --> 00:08:06,070 Okay, don't get so excited. 125 00:08:06,153 --> 00:08:08,072 I invited some local vampires 126 00:08:08,155 --> 00:08:09,740 for Colin Robinson's birthday. 127 00:08:10,157 --> 00:08:11,284 The more, the merrier. 128 00:08:11,367 --> 00:08:14,912 Wait, I'll have to share my party... 129 00:08:15,079 --> 00:08:17,248 Yes! Enjoy that you even have a party. 130 00:08:17,582 --> 00:08:19,917 Absolutely right. And now you and Nandor 131 00:08:20,084 --> 00:08:23,087 you should prepare a short speech on joint management of the Council. 132 00:08:23,170 --> 00:08:24,422 They are very curious. 133 00:08:24,505 --> 00:08:26,465 -You see, we... -We can show... 134 00:08:26,507 --> 00:08:28,175 Yes, 8:30 p.m. is perfect. Thank you. 135 00:08:28,259 --> 00:08:29,302 Wonderfully. 136 00:08:33,014 --> 00:08:34,557 -She's a freak. -Do you have any ideas? 137 00:08:34,849 --> 00:08:36,434 -Maybe I'll wake him up? -Wake him up. 138 00:08:36,517 --> 00:08:37,685 -Wake him up. -Then wake him up! 139 00:08:37,768 --> 00:08:38,769 All right. 140 00:08:42,857 --> 00:08:46,652 Master? Forgive me, please. Master? 141 00:08:46,944 --> 00:08:49,280 Who's there and what's going on? 142 00:08:49,363 --> 00:08:50,781 Sorry, it's me, Guillermo. 143 00:08:57,622 --> 00:09:00,583 Eight hundred years have passed like cracking a whip. 144 00:09:00,958 --> 00:09:05,212 -Exactly speaking... -Guillermo, you look terrible. 145 00:09:05,338 --> 00:09:07,673 -Bright. -The inexorable march of time 146 00:09:07,757 --> 00:09:10,259 won't save your boyish features. 147 00:09:10,343 --> 00:09:12,928 Bright. That's because it hasn't passed... 148 00:09:13,054 --> 00:09:14,639 -Tell me. -Slept for half an hour. 149 00:09:15,097 --> 00:09:16,932 Then why are you waking me up? 150 00:09:18,851 --> 00:09:20,478 This is not an emergency at all. 151 00:09:20,561 --> 00:09:24,190 We told everyone that we run the Council together. 152 00:09:24,273 --> 00:09:26,317 All right. I hereby renounce my authority. 153 00:09:26,400 --> 00:09:27,943 You stand alone at the head of the Council. 154 00:09:28,069 --> 00:09:30,655 My congratulations. Long live the queen. Goodnight forever. 155 00:09:30,738 --> 00:09:33,199 -But the delegation... -Nandor, come back here. 156 00:09:33,282 --> 00:09:34,283 What? 157 00:09:34,367 --> 00:09:36,744 You can't put down Big Kima for a few days? 158 00:09:36,869 --> 00:09:39,580 He wouldn't miss it Colin Robinson's birthday. 159 00:09:39,997 --> 00:09:42,667 How the hell does it hurt? 160 00:09:43,209 --> 00:09:46,420 Tell the delegation that I threatened your position, 161 00:09:46,504 --> 00:09:47,546 so she killed me. 162 00:09:47,755 --> 00:09:50,883 You rule with a firm hand, remember? Love this kind of kitsch. 163 00:09:50,966 --> 00:09:53,511 This would be for you a humiliating end. 164 00:09:53,594 --> 00:09:55,262 Who cares? Not me. 165 00:09:55,388 --> 00:09:59,725 Good night forever. See you soon in a hundred years. Although probably not. 166 00:10:03,020 --> 00:10:04,105 Master, I would rather... 167 00:10:04,230 --> 00:10:05,773 You're squealing again To make you a vampire? 168 00:10:05,898 --> 00:10:08,484 No, I don't even care about it anymore. 169 00:10:08,609 --> 00:10:09,902 I don't want him to leave. 170 00:10:10,736 --> 00:10:12,988 Then wait for me a hundred years 171 00:10:13,114 --> 00:10:14,990 and we will be together when I wake up. 172 00:10:15,116 --> 00:10:18,160 I will be 130 years old. In other words, be dust. 173 00:10:18,244 --> 00:10:19,620 You can't know that. 174 00:10:19,912 --> 00:10:21,539 Try to spend the next century 175 00:10:21,622 --> 00:10:23,582 on taming your pessimism. 176 00:10:23,624 --> 00:10:25,626 I close the lid. Thank you. 177 00:10:36,137 --> 00:10:39,473 -Guillermo! -I'm sorry, I'm closing your door. 178 00:10:47,064 --> 00:10:49,900 Guillermo, what time is it? and where is Colin Robinson? 179 00:10:50,192 --> 00:10:53,195 It's 8:28 p.m., he's on his way. 180 00:10:53,279 --> 00:10:55,030 Cholera. You didn't sign the card. 181 00:10:59,452 --> 00:11:01,245 This is my favorite song Colin Robinson. 182 00:11:02,538 --> 00:11:05,082 Great, you put it on the playlist Hamster dance. 183 00:11:05,624 --> 00:11:08,169 I want you to they gathered around me, 184 00:11:08,252 --> 00:11:10,796 when will I bauns. 185 00:11:11,005 --> 00:11:12,173 You've got it in the bank. 186 00:11:13,340 --> 00:11:15,468 It's over! Everyone take their seats! 187 00:11:18,387 --> 00:11:21,056 Countess Carmilla De Mornay. 188 00:11:21,223 --> 00:11:22,516 Countess Carmilla De Mornay. 189 00:11:22,600 --> 00:11:25,019 It's a thousand years old and rumor has it that she did it with a horse. 190 00:11:25,686 --> 00:11:29,732 -Countess, it's an honor for me. -The pleasure is all mine. 191 00:11:29,940 --> 00:11:32,610 I invite you to the top, where a bloody banquet will take place. 192 00:11:33,360 --> 00:11:34,445 Thank you. 193 00:11:34,904 --> 00:11:38,574 -Dominykas the Prey. -This is Dominykas the Prey. 194 00:11:38,699 --> 00:11:40,451 They say he started the fire, 195 00:11:40,534 --> 00:11:42,578 which he digested The Library of Alexandria. 196 00:11:42,703 --> 00:11:44,705 With a friend. 197 00:11:45,581 --> 00:11:50,503 Accompanying Dominykas human race woman, Coco. 198 00:11:50,711 --> 00:11:51,712 -What? -What? 199 00:11:51,921 --> 00:11:54,882 -This is... -My companion. 200 00:11:55,591 --> 00:11:58,511 -Partner. -Girl. She gave me my youth back. 201 00:11:58,719 --> 00:12:00,429 We are ready to get engaged. 202 00:12:00,513 --> 00:12:03,724 Our relationship is too special to incorporate it into the framework of the convention. 203 00:12:03,933 --> 00:12:06,602 Hello. I invite you to the top, where a bloody banquet awaits. 204 00:12:06,727 --> 00:12:08,229 You know he won't die? 205 00:12:08,312 --> 00:12:09,980 -You won't get his fortune. -This way, please. 206 00:12:10,064 --> 00:12:12,066 -And then I will baunse. -And who is that? 207 00:12:12,149 --> 00:12:15,027 This gentleman no need for introduction. 208 00:12:15,236 --> 00:12:19,990 I know him perfectly. This is Quinn, the great vampire. 209 00:12:20,074 --> 00:12:22,743 Deacon Frost's right-hand man from the house of Erebus. 210 00:12:22,785 --> 00:12:24,370 It's just a role. I'm Donal Logue. 211 00:12:24,495 --> 00:12:27,540 One sec. Donal Logue belongs to the Vampire Council? 212 00:12:27,706 --> 00:12:30,000 Yes, they got me hooked after the premiere of Blade. 213 00:12:30,459 --> 00:12:33,754 -But you're a vampire, right? -Yes, funny story. 214 00:12:33,879 --> 00:12:36,006 I wasn't a vampire when we were shooting Blade, 215 00:12:36,257 --> 00:12:37,383 but I had so much fun 216 00:12:37,466 --> 00:12:39,468 that I fell in love with this lifestyle 217 00:12:39,552 --> 00:12:42,054 and I decided to go all the way. 218 00:12:42,137 --> 00:12:43,264 Donald! 219 00:12:45,474 --> 00:12:47,518 Welcome to the top, A bloody banquet awaits you. 220 00:12:47,601 --> 00:12:48,727 And my birthday. 221 00:12:52,216 --> 00:12:55,219 Will there be human food? for my companion? 222 00:12:55,386 --> 00:12:56,387 He doesn't like blood 223 00:12:56,470 --> 00:12:59,265 and doesn't like adult food. 224 00:12:59,431 --> 00:13:01,350 Guillermo, shall we... 225 00:13:01,475 --> 00:13:02,559 Good. 226 00:13:02,643 --> 00:13:04,436 Bon app�tit. You say and you have. 227 00:13:05,062 --> 00:13:07,356 You're welcome. Voila. 228 00:13:07,815 --> 00:13:09,483 Nuggets for the young lady, 229 00:13:09,608 --> 00:13:11,652 and spaghetti with just the butter. 230 00:13:11,819 --> 00:13:14,738 Oh my. You must tell us who is your chef. 231 00:13:14,863 --> 00:13:17,950 -Do you have ranch dressing? -Sauce for a human companion! 232 00:13:18,033 --> 00:13:20,828 -But she's loud. -Who else needs blood? 233 00:13:20,953 --> 00:13:21,996 Can? 234 00:13:22,079 --> 00:13:23,914 Of course, that's why they're here. 235 00:13:23,998 --> 00:13:24,999 Thank you. 236 00:13:30,713 --> 00:13:31,839 Delicious. 237 00:13:32,881 --> 00:13:34,967 You have to try. But only a wish. 238 00:13:35,050 --> 00:13:37,970 -Then pass it on. -Nice of you to share, Donal. 239 00:13:38,971 --> 00:13:41,890 Did everyone sign? 240 00:13:41,974 --> 00:13:44,018 a card for Colin Robinson? 241 00:13:44,268 --> 00:13:46,937 You all know my wonderful husband, Laszlo. 242 00:13:47,021 --> 00:13:48,022 Sis, Laszlo. 243 00:13:49,106 --> 00:13:52,026 And where is your co-leader? 244 00:13:52,860 --> 00:13:56,030 The famous Nandor the Ruthless. 245 00:13:58,073 --> 00:13:59,491 Nandor. Yes. 246 00:14:00,409 --> 00:14:02,661 Nandor threatened my position, 247 00:14:03,120 --> 00:14:06,373 so in order to manage the Council effectively, 248 00:14:06,790 --> 00:14:11,962 I had no other choice than kill him to death. 249 00:14:12,046 --> 00:14:13,839 -What? -What did she say? 250 00:14:14,131 --> 00:14:15,132 Are you listening? 251 00:14:16,216 --> 00:14:18,635 Good job, Nadja. 252 00:14:19,011 --> 00:14:21,055 How deliciously bloodthirsty. 253 00:14:21,388 --> 00:14:23,849 Sometimes you have to do what you have to do. 254 00:14:23,932 --> 00:14:27,519 -I can't hold it against you. -I killed him. 255 00:14:28,771 --> 00:14:32,733 To pay our respects defeated enemy, 256 00:14:32,900 --> 00:14:36,987 Could we see the remains? 257 00:14:37,404 --> 00:14:38,405 Get it done. 258 00:14:38,572 --> 00:14:39,656 -All right. -Thank you. 259 00:14:39,740 --> 00:14:43,660 Nothing fills me with such delight, like looking at the remains 260 00:14:43,744 --> 00:14:45,746 defeated enemy. 261 00:14:51,668 --> 00:14:54,880 Master? Master. 262 00:14:55,172 --> 00:14:56,173 Are you kidding me? 263 00:14:56,256 --> 00:14:59,009 I was immersed in the Great Kim only 20 minutes? Half an hour? 264 00:14:59,176 --> 00:15:00,886 -Two hours. -Excellent. 265 00:15:01,136 --> 00:15:03,389 A nice, two-hour Big Kima. 266 00:15:03,472 --> 00:15:05,474 I had longer orgasms! 267 00:15:05,599 --> 00:15:06,600 -Really? -Yes. 268 00:15:06,725 --> 00:15:08,310 Not that pleasant at all. 269 00:15:08,435 --> 00:15:09,853 As you know, there is a delegation here... 270 00:15:09,937 --> 00:15:11,605 -To the shore. -You have to play dead, 271 00:15:11,772 --> 00:15:13,190 so they could see the corpse 272 00:15:13,232 --> 00:15:14,691 and make sure you're dead. 273 00:15:14,942 --> 00:15:17,861 Why don't you show them me in Great Kim, 274 00:15:17,986 --> 00:15:19,988 that resembles death so much, 275 00:15:20,072 --> 00:15:21,198 that no one will notice the difference? 276 00:15:21,281 --> 00:15:22,908 What if you woke up 277 00:15:22,991 --> 00:15:24,118 when will I be watching you? 278 00:15:24,243 --> 00:15:25,244 Actually, that's right. 279 00:15:25,411 --> 00:15:28,038 But my counterargument is 280 00:15:28,163 --> 00:15:30,958 that no one wakes up coincidentally from Great Kima. 281 00:15:31,583 --> 00:15:33,419 You have to come and wake up. 282 00:15:33,502 --> 00:15:36,004 -It's clear now. -Are you sure? 283 00:15:36,088 --> 00:15:38,173 Because I feel that it didn't quite come through. 284 00:15:39,216 --> 00:15:40,551 Can I... 285 00:15:40,634 --> 00:15:43,929 Okay. Invite this bunch of snowmen here, let him see my body, 286 00:15:44,054 --> 00:15:45,139 Let's get this over with 287 00:15:45,222 --> 00:15:46,974 and I could finally start 288 00:15:47,057 --> 00:15:48,934 -no disruptions... -Guillermo? 289 00:15:49,351 --> 00:15:50,811 Yes Sir. Corpse. 290 00:15:50,978 --> 00:15:53,814 Guillermo? Or delays are they ready for viewing? 291 00:15:53,939 --> 00:15:55,190 Yes, ma'am. 292 00:15:55,482 --> 00:15:58,777 All right. Please, stand around. 293 00:15:59,111 --> 00:16:00,863 We'll look very quickly 294 00:16:00,946 --> 00:16:02,072 because it's very sad. 295 00:16:02,156 --> 00:16:03,490 -Quickly. -All right. 296 00:16:03,574 --> 00:16:05,576 -First row. -Exposed the jaw. 297 00:16:05,659 --> 00:16:09,538 All right. Here they are. And that's enough. 298 00:16:11,081 --> 00:16:13,959 This is a huge loss for the vampire kind. 299 00:16:15,085 --> 00:16:17,671 -Very sad. -He was a giant among us. 300 00:16:18,297 --> 00:16:19,465 Are you sure? 301 00:16:20,507 --> 00:16:24,136 As a warrior, yes. 302 00:16:24,386 --> 00:16:29,391 As a vampire, he was fine. 303 00:16:29,475 --> 00:16:32,060 As for the legacy, we'll see. 304 00:16:32,186 --> 00:16:33,187 It's hard to deny. 305 00:16:33,270 --> 00:16:36,482 Nandor the Ruthless, we barely knew you. 306 00:16:36,982 --> 00:16:39,860 May he rest in peace. 307 00:16:39,943 --> 00:16:41,862 Eternal life can make us tired, 308 00:16:41,945 --> 00:16:43,989 but when we stand face to face with eternal death, 309 00:16:44,072 --> 00:16:46,283 all that matters is what I raise. 310 00:16:46,450 --> 00:16:49,953 -True. -Speaking of rising... 311 00:16:50,704 --> 00:16:51,705 I heard 312 00:16:51,830 --> 00:16:55,667 that beyond bravery and cruelty in battle, 313 00:16:55,834 --> 00:16:58,170 Nandor the Ruthless was also... 314 00:16:58,253 --> 00:17:01,340 Yes, I heard that too. 315 00:17:01,507 --> 00:17:05,427 -What? -How would you put this tactfully? 316 00:17:05,802 --> 00:17:09,306 They say he had the most impressive member 317 00:17:09,348 --> 00:17:10,724 in the whole vampire genre. 318 00:17:10,849 --> 00:17:14,269 Across and across. 319 00:17:14,436 --> 00:17:15,729 -That's true. -Yes? 320 00:17:15,854 --> 00:17:18,190 I heard that too. 321 00:17:18,357 --> 00:17:20,025 Maybe we'll take a look? 322 00:17:20,359 --> 00:17:22,236 -Just for fun? -NO. 323 00:17:22,319 --> 00:17:23,320 For the sake of it? 324 00:17:23,445 --> 00:17:25,489 That would be embarrassing. 325 00:17:25,614 --> 00:17:28,242 The guy sneered, he doesn't care. 326 00:17:28,325 --> 00:17:31,995 I would also like to see it with my own eyes saw this huge cock. 327 00:17:32,162 --> 00:17:34,373 I will tell my grandchildren how to get back home. 328 00:17:34,456 --> 00:17:37,584 Hide, expose his member. 329 00:17:37,668 --> 00:17:39,211 With all due respect, Countess... 330 00:17:40,629 --> 00:17:41,630 The exposure of his member. 331 00:17:44,508 --> 00:17:47,386 -Of course. -That's great! 332 00:17:47,469 --> 00:17:50,055 As you wish, countess. You're welcome. 333 00:17:51,265 --> 00:17:52,307 Step back. 334 00:17:57,104 --> 00:17:58,855 Here he is. 335 00:18:06,238 --> 00:18:10,367 -What do we think? -She looks rather average. 336 00:18:10,701 --> 00:18:15,998 Not miserable, but nothing fancy. 337 00:18:16,081 --> 00:18:19,376 I heard full sizes is achieved only when erect. 338 00:18:19,459 --> 00:18:20,460 Don't judge. 339 00:18:21,169 --> 00:18:22,629 All right. Well, that's settled... 340 00:18:22,796 --> 00:18:25,048 -I'm not saying he has a little one. -NO. 341 00:18:25,340 --> 00:18:27,134 It's not small. 342 00:18:27,634 --> 00:18:32,389 It may be the tightness of the tissue gained such notoriety. 343 00:18:33,307 --> 00:18:34,308 NO. 344 00:18:41,440 --> 00:18:42,983 Anything special? 345 00:18:43,066 --> 00:18:46,778 No, average weight and... 346 00:18:46,903 --> 00:18:48,822 What word am I missing? 347 00:18:48,947 --> 00:18:50,824 -Elasticity? -What? 348 00:18:51,074 --> 00:18:53,118 Or... Oh, "flexible"! 349 00:18:53,243 --> 00:18:56,580 He looks like an ordinary pee-pee from the mid-range. 350 00:18:57,414 --> 00:19:00,667 So let's go back to the banquet. 351 00:19:00,792 --> 00:19:02,502 Yes. Welcome, this way. 352 00:19:02,586 --> 00:19:04,212 Quick, let's go. We don't want... 353 00:19:04,421 --> 00:19:06,757 Thank you, it was a pleasure. 354 00:19:06,840 --> 00:19:09,301 Much ado about nothing. Does anyone have hand sanitizer? 355 00:19:09,384 --> 00:19:12,179 It would do Nandor good a bit of rigor mortis. 356 00:19:12,429 --> 00:19:16,016 Thank you very much, Guillermo. A touching farewell. 357 00:19:16,391 --> 00:19:18,268 Now close the fucking lid and eat it. 358 00:19:18,352 --> 00:19:19,394 Yes, master. 359 00:19:22,365 --> 00:19:26,327 So let's raise a glass of blood for the health of our guests 360 00:19:26,911 --> 00:19:28,163 and ours. 361 00:19:28,371 --> 00:19:31,416 Vampires now, vampires always. 362 00:19:31,875 --> 00:19:33,585 -As if we had a choice. -Exactly. 363 00:19:33,751 --> 00:19:36,087 Well said, dearest. 364 00:19:36,171 --> 00:19:38,506 After you, everyone will look bad, but I have no choice. 365 00:19:38,840 --> 00:19:41,885 Tonight is a happy night for many reasons, 366 00:19:41,968 --> 00:19:45,763 one of which is company such respectable vampires. 367 00:19:45,930 --> 00:19:48,057 But the second one is the 100th birthday 368 00:19:48,141 --> 00:19:50,351 our roommate and friend, 369 00:19:50,852 --> 00:19:53,438 energy vampire Colin Robinson. 370 00:19:54,606 --> 00:19:57,609 Why not. Let's drink health Colin Robinson. 371 00:19:58,151 --> 00:20:00,028 -Thank you. -Cheers. This... 372 00:20:00,111 --> 00:20:02,780 I remember when I met him. 373 00:20:03,031 --> 00:20:07,035 I thought, "What a miracle, just one person contains such a load of boredom? 374 00:20:08,745 --> 00:20:12,248 Without a doubt, it left a mark on Staten Island. 375 00:20:12,957 --> 00:20:17,462 You also leave a mark on my heart. 376 00:20:20,131 --> 00:20:22,675 we live in a lousy world 377 00:20:22,842 --> 00:20:25,094 full of cruel, disgusting people. 378 00:20:25,261 --> 00:20:27,764 And he was just boring. 379 00:20:28,097 --> 00:20:29,933 Even especially I don't like him. 380 00:20:30,058 --> 00:20:35,522 I actually hate him. But proudly call him a friend. 381 00:20:35,939 --> 00:20:39,400 So let's raise a toast in honor of Colin Robinson. 382 00:20:39,526 --> 00:20:40,568 -Beautiful words. -Way to go. 383 00:20:40,652 --> 00:20:42,153 Colin Robinson's health. 384 00:20:42,237 --> 00:20:43,863 Now I invite you to the library, 385 00:20:43,947 --> 00:20:45,698 where the show awaits us live fucking. 386 00:20:46,991 --> 00:20:49,494 Yes Sir. You can wear clothes dropped it off along the way. 387 00:20:49,702 --> 00:20:50,870 This way, welcome. 388 00:20:51,120 --> 00:20:52,121 A fuck session? 389 00:20:53,206 --> 00:20:54,499 What the fuck was that? 390 00:20:54,999 --> 00:20:56,543 Nobody even remembers Colin Robinson 391 00:20:56,626 --> 00:20:58,920 and they have it in their deepest fist his birthday. 392 00:20:59,003 --> 00:21:00,880 Why have you lately crazy about him? 393 00:21:00,964 --> 00:21:03,466 Dearest, Colin Robinson is dying. 394 00:21:03,633 --> 00:21:05,093 -What? -What? 395 00:21:06,928 --> 00:21:09,222 Colin Robinson will not live to see the dawn. 396 00:21:10,431 --> 00:21:13,434 There's nothing we can do about it. I've known for several months. 397 00:21:14,686 --> 00:21:18,481 When Colin Robinson and me We were in the Vampire Council library 398 00:21:18,731 --> 00:21:22,360 start looking for information about energy vampires, 399 00:21:22,527 --> 00:21:25,446 how they are created and where they come from. 400 00:21:25,572 --> 00:21:28,366 I knew about energy vampires 401 00:21:28,449 --> 00:21:31,494 wrote Edmund Wheelwright in his Compendium Vampirium, 402 00:21:31,661 --> 00:21:33,454 but what I found it was shocking. 403 00:21:33,705 --> 00:21:35,415 Energy vampires 404 00:21:35,498 --> 00:21:40,128 They live exactly one hundred years. 405 00:21:40,336 --> 00:21:42,255 Why are you tearing out this page? 406 00:21:42,338 --> 00:21:44,882 It's none of your business what are you getting at? 407 00:21:45,133 --> 00:21:48,469 On the day of his 100th birthday they go out and go away. 408 00:21:50,305 --> 00:21:52,015 Does Colin know about this? 409 00:21:52,140 --> 00:21:55,059 I didn't have the heart to tell him. 410 00:21:55,310 --> 00:21:57,395 Over time I realized 411 00:21:57,770 --> 00:22:00,648 I guess it's better so that the poor guy doesn't know. 412 00:22:00,773 --> 00:22:03,484 Better make it pleasant for him 413 00:22:03,568 --> 00:22:05,903 last months of life. 414 00:22:08,948 --> 00:22:09,949 Two buddies. 415 00:22:18,875 --> 00:22:20,501 I feel like I succeeded. 416 00:22:20,752 --> 00:22:23,504 But I have this feeling that this could be the beginning... 417 00:22:23,755 --> 00:22:27,884 Listen, let it go fuck and lick. 418 00:22:28,259 --> 00:22:29,802 Something churns in my stomach. 419 00:22:29,927 --> 00:22:33,014 Wrap up discreetly and lay down for a nap. 420 00:22:33,473 --> 00:22:34,557 Keep having fun. 421 00:22:36,225 --> 00:22:37,602 The agony began. 422 00:22:43,859 --> 00:22:45,736 Hello, Colin Robinson. 423 00:22:46,487 --> 00:22:47,780 What's up, buddy? 424 00:22:48,072 --> 00:22:52,660 Hi, sorry to spoil it own birthday party. 425 00:22:52,785 --> 00:22:54,703 But you know what? I think I'm better now. 426 00:22:54,787 --> 00:22:56,955 Maybe we'll have some fun after all. 427 00:22:57,081 --> 00:23:00,918 Don't strain yourself, dear friend. 428 00:23:04,380 --> 00:23:06,256 -Bright. -Awkward. 429 00:23:06,340 --> 00:23:09,385 No, it happens to all of us right, boys? 430 00:23:09,593 --> 00:23:11,387 Maybe you need something? 431 00:23:11,762 --> 00:23:16,809 Could someone bring it to me? sugar-free ginger beer for your belly? 432 00:23:17,184 --> 00:23:19,520 He will bring it. And in the meantime, 433 00:23:19,603 --> 00:23:23,982 I think I should mention one hundred years of joy and friendship. 434 00:23:24,066 --> 00:23:26,026 Overall, I feel 435 00:23:26,110 --> 00:23:28,404 that I wasted it the first hundred years of life. 436 00:23:28,570 --> 00:23:32,783 From tomorrow the motto Colin Robinson reads: 437 00:23:33,200 --> 00:23:35,411 "Young, stupid and a dog for ass." 438 00:23:35,911 --> 00:23:37,079 This sounds great. 439 00:23:37,162 --> 00:23:39,415 If anyone has anything to say, 440 00:23:39,456 --> 00:23:42,501 then I would say It's time to say it. 441 00:23:42,751 --> 00:23:45,421 All right. Colin Robinson, I know that sometimes... 442 00:23:45,504 --> 00:23:47,423 Will you bring him some ginger ale? 443 00:23:47,464 --> 00:23:48,507 Can I say something? 444 00:23:48,632 --> 00:23:50,676 His stomach won't get better just like that. 445 00:23:50,759 --> 00:23:53,137 -Can I say something? -Mw. 446 00:23:53,345 --> 00:23:54,596 Colin Robinson, 447 00:23:55,806 --> 00:23:58,851 I know we are not relatives you and me, nor anyone here. 448 00:23:59,685 --> 00:24:01,311 It was him who farted, not me. 449 00:24:01,395 --> 00:24:02,396 Go on. 450 00:24:02,980 --> 00:24:03,981 I wanted to say 451 00:24:04,064 --> 00:24:06,817 that sometimes we don't show ourselves boundless respect 452 00:24:06,942 --> 00:24:11,196 nor kindness, but in some way we are family. 453 00:24:11,447 --> 00:24:12,781 We are one big family. 454 00:24:14,616 --> 00:24:15,659 Be right back. 455 00:24:16,034 --> 00:24:18,412 -No sugar. -For the stomach. 456 00:24:26,670 --> 00:24:30,841 Hello, Guillermo. Or anyone else? Would you like to contact me for business? 457 00:24:31,049 --> 00:24:32,092 No, master. 458 00:24:34,386 --> 00:24:35,804 Colin Robinson dies. 459 00:24:36,430 --> 00:24:38,348 I thought we should be together. 460 00:24:47,274 --> 00:24:49,568 You're late. He left. 461 00:24:50,611 --> 00:24:51,653 Is he dead? 462 00:24:51,779 --> 00:24:56,074 Yes. He released one last one, a tiny fart. 463 00:24:56,450 --> 00:24:59,495 So delicate. And then he left. 464 00:25:00,621 --> 00:25:02,748 You guys are unbelievable, you know? 465 00:25:03,040 --> 00:25:06,126 -That jerk isn't dead. -Nandor, he's dead. 466 00:25:06,251 --> 00:25:08,086 Don't you remember How was the last time you were "dead"? 467 00:25:08,504 --> 00:25:10,589 We dug his grave, we covered it with earth 468 00:25:10,672 --> 00:25:12,382 and it turned out that he was pretending all the time 469 00:25:12,466 --> 00:25:13,509 to be the center of attention. 470 00:25:13,634 --> 00:25:15,719 And this was probably the fifth time, when we fell for it 471 00:25:15,803 --> 00:25:17,221 for this whole "death". 472 00:25:17,304 --> 00:25:18,764 Yes, but this time it's for real. 473 00:25:18,931 --> 00:25:21,391 Enough of this. get up, Colin Robinson. 474 00:25:21,558 --> 00:25:25,521 Siup, siup. Don't make me I would tickle you. 475 00:25:25,938 --> 00:25:30,025 Gili, gili. Don't be stupid. 476 00:25:35,197 --> 00:25:39,743 I guess he wasn't actually pretending. Wow, that's very sad. 477 00:26:22,494 --> 00:26:24,496 Subtitles: Maria Fr�czek