1
00:00:54,597 --> 00:00:58,643
TIM: <i>I always knew we were a fairly
odd family. First there was me.</i>

2
00:00:59,018 --> 00:01:02,021
<i>Too tall. Too skinny.
Too orange.</i>

3
00:01:02,564 --> 00:01:05,024
<i>My mum was lovely,
but not like other mums.</i>

4
00:01:05,149 --> 00:01:06,608
<i>There was
something solid about her.</i>

5
00:01:06,609 --> 00:01:09,696
<i>Something rectangular,
busy and unsentimental.</i>

6
00:01:09,821 --> 00:01:11,573
<i>Her fashion icon was the Queen.</i>

7
00:01:12,490 --> 00:01:16,911
<i>Dad, well, he was more normal. He always
seemed to have time on his hands.</i>

8
00:01:17,036 --> 00:01:20,331
<i>After giving up teaching university
students on his 50th birthday,</i>

9
00:01:20,456 --> 00:01:23,710
<i>he was eternally available
for a leisurely chat or</i>

10
00:01:23,835 --> 00:01:25,127
<i>to let me win at table tennis.</i>

11
00:01:25,128 --> 00:01:26,378
Ahh!
Oh, yes.

12
00:01:26,379 --> 00:01:29,257
<i>And then there was Mum's
brother, Uncle Desmond.</i>

13
00:01:29,382 --> 00:01:33,386
<i>Always impeccably dressed. He
spent the days just, well,</i>

14
00:01:33,511 --> 00:01:35,096
<i>being Uncle Desmond.</i>

15
00:01:35,221 --> 00:01:38,099
<i>He was the most charming and least
clever man you could ever meet.</i>

16
00:01:38,850 --> 00:01:42,020
<i>His mind was on other things,
though we never found out what.</i>

17
00:01:42,228 --> 00:01:45,105
<i>And then,
finally there was Catherine.</i>

18
00:01:45,106 --> 00:01:47,859
<i>Katie. Kit Kat. My sister.</i>

19
00:01:48,026 --> 00:01:51,529
<i>In a household of sensible jackets
and haircuts there was this,</i>

20
00:01:51,696 --> 00:01:54,198
<i>well, what can I call her,
nature thing.</i>

21
00:01:54,365 --> 00:01:59,120
<i>With her elfin eyes, her purple
T-shirts and her eternally bare feet,</i>

22
00:01:59,245 --> 00:02:01,706
<i>she was then,
and still is to me,</i>

23
00:02:01,873 --> 00:02:04,583
<i>about the most wonderful
thing in the world.</i>

24
00:02:04,584 --> 00:02:05,709
(WHOOPS)

25
00:02:05,710 --> 00:02:07,377
<i>All in all, it was
a pretty good childhood.</i>

26
00:02:07,378 --> 00:02:09,422
<i>Full of repeated
rhythms and patterns.</i>

27
00:02:09,589 --> 00:02:11,298
<i>By the time I was 21,
we were still</i>

28
00:02:11,299 --> 00:02:13,635
<i>having tea on the beach
every single day.</i>

29
00:02:13,760 --> 00:02:16,554
<i>Skimming stones and
eating sandwiches,</i>

30
00:02:16,721 --> 00:02:20,015
<i>summer and winter,
no matter what the weather.</i>

31
00:02:20,016 --> 00:02:21,392
Oh!
(ALL LAUGHING)

32
00:02:24,228 --> 00:02:26,898
<i>And every Friday evening,
a film,</i>

33
00:02:27,774 --> 00:02:29,776
<i>no matter what the weather.</i>

34
00:02:30,735 --> 00:02:34,947
<i>And then once a year, the
dreaded New Year's Eve party.</i>

35
00:02:35,239 --> 00:02:37,283
(POP MUSIC PLAYING)

36
00:02:39,452 --> 00:02:40,995
<font color="

37
00:02:51,756 --> 00:02:53,758
Yeah, I might just get one.

38
00:02:56,844 --> 00:02:59,681
You're absolutely gorgeous.

39
00:03:01,099 --> 00:03:03,267
I'm Katie.
What am I drinking?

40
00:03:04,102 --> 00:03:05,937
This is very expensive stuff.

41
00:03:06,104 --> 00:03:07,397
Cheers.
Cheers.

42
00:03:07,689 --> 00:03:09,732
(POP MUSIC
CONTINUES PLAYING)

43
00:03:15,029 --> 00:03:16,614
(PEOPLE SINGING ALONG)

44
00:03:22,328 --> 00:03:23,829
Come on, it's nearly midnight.

45
00:03:23,830 --> 00:03:25,832
We're all going through.
We're going through.

46
00:03:25,957 --> 00:03:27,877
Look, I've gotta find you a...
(PEOPLE SCREAMING)

47
00:03:29,460 --> 00:03:30,795
Oh, God!

48
00:03:31,087 --> 00:03:34,757
Everyone makes little mistakes.
It's fine. Come on.

49
00:03:36,426 --> 00:03:38,010
ALL: ...6, 5,

50
00:03:38,136 --> 00:03:41,139
4, 3, 2, 1.

51
00:03:41,264 --> 00:03:43,307
Happy New Year!

52
00:03:43,474 --> 00:03:45,518
Happy New Year.

53
00:03:47,437 --> 00:03:48,438
Sorry.

54
00:04:00,450 --> 00:04:02,367
TIM: <i>And so I woke up
the next morning,</i>

55
00:04:02,368 --> 00:04:05,203
<i>hung-over,
ashamed of myself,</i>

56
00:04:05,204 --> 00:04:06,997
<i>and not realising
it was the day</i>

57
00:04:06,998 --> 00:04:08,623
<i>that would change
my life forever.</i>

58
00:04:08,624 --> 00:04:09,625
(DOOR OPENING)

59
00:04:10,209 --> 00:04:11,878
Get up, stupid.

60
00:04:14,505 --> 00:04:16,007
Dad wants you.
(GROANS)

61
00:04:16,132 --> 00:04:18,718
Oh, hello.
Sexy pyjamas.

62
00:04:24,015 --> 00:04:25,892
DAD: Ah, Tim, come in.

63
00:04:26,017 --> 00:04:27,310
Uh, do

64
00:04:28,311 --> 00:04:29,645
sit down.

65
00:04:31,689 --> 00:04:33,691
That's very formal.

66
00:04:34,192 --> 00:04:36,152
Well, um, yeah.

67
00:04:36,277 --> 00:04:38,029
This is an odd moment for me

68
00:04:38,196 --> 00:04:40,322
because I had
the same moment with my

69
00:04:40,323 --> 00:04:42,825
father when I'd just
turned 21, and after it,

70
00:04:43,701 --> 00:04:48,705
my life was never the same, so I
approach it pretty, um, nervously.

71
00:04:48,706 --> 00:04:49,707
Okay.

72
00:04:50,500 --> 00:04:52,334
When you're ready.
It's all very mysterious.

73
00:04:52,335 --> 00:04:54,045
Uh... Right.

74
00:04:56,130 --> 00:04:59,467
Tim, my dear son, the, uh...

75
00:05:01,177 --> 00:05:03,638
The simple fact is
the men in this family

76
00:05:03,763 --> 00:05:06,224
have always had
the ability to...

77
00:05:07,225 --> 00:05:09,185
This is going to sound strange,

78
00:05:09,727 --> 00:05:13,396
be prepared for strangeness.
Get ready for spooky time,

79
00:05:13,397 --> 00:05:16,359
but there's this family secret.

80
00:05:16,692 --> 00:05:21,030
And the secret is that
the men in the family can

81
00:05:23,741 --> 00:05:25,660
travel in time.

82
00:05:27,912 --> 00:05:29,872
Well, more accurately,
travel back in time.

83
00:05:29,997 --> 00:05:32,082
We can't travel
into the future.

84
00:05:32,083 --> 00:05:33,876
This is such a weird joke.

85
00:05:34,001 --> 00:05:36,254
It's seriously not a joke.

86
00:05:38,005 --> 00:05:42,760
So you're saying that you and
granddad, and his brothers

87
00:05:42,927 --> 00:05:45,221
could all travel back in time?
Absolutely.

88
00:05:45,346 --> 00:05:47,265
And you still do?
Absolutely.

89
00:05:47,431 --> 00:05:50,600
Although it's not as dramatic as it sounds.
It's only in my own life.

90
00:05:50,601 --> 00:05:53,604
I can only go to places where I
actually was and can remember.

91
00:05:53,729 --> 00:05:57,441
I can't kill Hitler or shag
Helen of Troy, unfortunately.

92
00:05:57,567 --> 00:05:58,776
Okay, stop.

93
00:05:58,943 --> 00:06:00,486
Um... (EXHALES)

94
00:06:01,445 --> 00:06:03,948
If it's true, which it isn't.
Although it is.

95
00:06:04,065 --> 00:06:06,449
Although it isn't, obviously.
But if it was, which it's not.

96
00:06:06,450 --> 00:06:07,450
Which it is.

97
00:06:07,451 --> 00:06:09,453
Which it isn't.
But if it was, how would I...

98
00:06:09,579 --> 00:06:11,788
The "How" is
the easy bit, in fact.

99
00:06:11,789 --> 00:06:14,125
You go into a dark place,
big cupboards are

100
00:06:14,250 --> 00:06:16,586
very useful generally.
Toilets, at a pinch.

101
00:06:16,711 --> 00:06:19,129
Then you clench
your fists like this.

102
00:06:19,130 --> 00:06:20,631
Think of the moment
you're going to

103
00:06:20,798 --> 00:06:22,258
and you'll find yourself there.

104
00:06:22,633 --> 00:06:25,636
After a bit of a stumble
and a rumble and a tumble.

105
00:06:26,137 --> 00:06:27,138
Wow.

106
00:06:27,305 --> 00:06:29,307
Is as good a reaction as any.

107
00:06:29,432 --> 00:06:33,603
I think I plumped for "fuck!"
but it was the '70s.

108
00:06:33,728 --> 00:06:35,271
No, this is
so obviously a joke.

109
00:06:35,396 --> 00:06:36,898
It's not a joke.

110
00:06:37,273 --> 00:06:39,775
Why would I lie to someone I'm

111
00:06:40,443 --> 00:06:41,527
fairly fond of?

112
00:06:41,652 --> 00:06:42,737
Okay.

113
00:06:42,945 --> 00:06:44,654
But, when I come
back downstairs

114
00:06:44,655 --> 00:06:47,325
after standing in a cupboard
with my fists clenched,

115
00:06:47,491 --> 00:06:49,660
you're gonna be
in so much trouble.

116
00:06:49,785 --> 00:06:51,494
(CHUCKLING) Well,
let's see, shall we?

117
00:06:51,495 --> 00:06:52,663
Mmm.

118
00:06:53,789 --> 00:06:56,667
Oh, and, Tim, try and
do something interesting.

119
00:06:56,792 --> 00:06:58,502
So much trouble.

120
00:06:58,794 --> 00:07:00,588
I mean it. Really.

121
00:07:00,838 --> 00:07:02,173
(LAUGHS)

122
00:07:04,759 --> 00:07:06,010
(SIGHS)

123
00:07:09,680 --> 00:07:10,932
Right.

124
00:07:18,022 --> 00:07:19,106
(EXHALES)

125
00:07:25,613 --> 00:07:26,989
(GASPS)

126
00:07:29,367 --> 00:07:31,535
(FAINT POP MUSIC PLAYING)

127
00:07:37,208 --> 00:07:38,542
<font color="

128
00:07:45,257 --> 00:07:46,258
Wow!

129
00:07:51,514 --> 00:07:52,807
(SIGHS)

130
00:07:54,517 --> 00:07:56,602
(POP MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)

131
00:07:57,061 --> 00:07:59,063
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)

132
00:08:02,400 --> 00:08:03,608
You all right, Tim?

133
00:08:03,609 --> 00:08:05,944
Yes. Yeah.
Good, ace. Yeah.

134
00:08:05,945 --> 00:08:08,863
Good, come on. It's nearly
midnight and we've got to find...

135
00:08:08,864 --> 00:08:10,074
Whoa, whoa, whoa!

136
00:08:14,412 --> 00:08:15,620
Whoo! Midnight.

137
00:08:15,621 --> 00:08:18,749
ALL: 10, 9, 8, 7,

138
00:08:19,250 --> 00:08:21,459
6, 5, 4,

139
00:08:21,460 --> 00:08:24,630
3,2,1.

140
00:08:24,755 --> 00:08:26,966
Happy New Year!

141
00:08:34,807 --> 00:08:36,225
Thank you, Tim.

142
00:08:36,350 --> 00:08:37,768
You're welcome, Polly.

143
00:08:43,941 --> 00:08:45,276
<font color="

144
00:09:01,459 --> 00:09:02,584
(EXHALES)
TIM: Does Mum know?

145
00:09:02,585 --> 00:09:03,669
Not a whistle.

146
00:09:03,794 --> 00:09:05,003
Strange.
And what about the whole...

147
00:09:05,004 --> 00:09:06,546
Butterfly effect thing.
What can I say?

148
00:09:06,547 --> 00:09:08,799
We don't seem to have
messed up civilisation yet.

149
00:09:08,924 --> 00:09:10,301
It's gonna be
a complicated year.

150
00:09:10,509 --> 00:09:12,011
It's gonna be
a complicated life.

151
00:09:12,803 --> 00:09:15,513
(SIGHS) What have you
done with it?

152
00:09:15,514 --> 00:09:17,641
For me,
it's books, books, books.

153
00:09:17,808 --> 00:09:20,018
I've read everything
a man could wish to.

154
00:09:20,019 --> 00:09:24,690
Twice. Dickens three times.
Any first thoughts?

155
00:09:25,272 --> 00:09:27,776
Well, I suppose apart from getting
a slightly better haircut...

156
00:09:27,777 --> 00:09:28,860
Yeah.

157
00:09:28,861 --> 00:09:30,261
...money would be
the obvious thing.

158
00:09:30,362 --> 00:09:31,780
Very mixed blessing.

159
00:09:31,781 --> 00:09:33,461
Utterly screwed up
your grandfather's life.

160
00:09:33,574 --> 00:09:35,201
Left him without
love or friends.

161
00:09:35,326 --> 00:09:37,745
I've never bumped into a
genuinely happy rich person.

162
00:09:37,912 --> 00:09:39,996
It would be nice
not to have to work.

163
00:09:39,997 --> 00:09:41,831
No, that's a real
recipe for disaster.

164
00:09:41,832 --> 00:09:42,854
Look what happened
to Uncle Fred.

165
00:09:42,855 --> 00:09:44,000
What happened to Uncle Fred?

166
00:09:44,001 --> 00:09:46,461
Absolutely sod all.
<font color="

167
00:09:46,462 --> 00:09:47,754
Wasted his life.

168
00:09:47,755 --> 00:09:49,839
You have to use it for
things that you really think

169
00:09:49,840 --> 00:09:51,675
will make your life
the way you want it to be.

170
00:09:51,842 --> 00:09:54,427
Come on,
really think about this.

171
00:09:54,428 --> 00:09:55,429
Well,

172
00:09:56,722 --> 00:09:59,183
to be honest,
I suppose, at the moment,

173
00:09:59,850 --> 00:10:03,311
it would be just great if it
could help me get a girlfriend.

174
00:10:03,312 --> 00:10:04,730
(EXHALES) Wow.

175
00:10:06,190 --> 00:10:08,192
Massive.
Yeah.

176
00:10:09,276 --> 00:10:10,945
The mothership.

177
00:10:12,905 --> 00:10:16,033
TIM: <i>For me, it was always
gonna be about love.</i>

178
00:10:16,200 --> 00:10:18,953
<i>And that summer I walked
into the eye of the storm.</i>

179
00:10:20,788 --> 00:10:23,290
<i>Her name was Charlotte.
Cousin of Kit Kat's</i>

180
00:10:23,415 --> 00:10:25,876
<i>handsome but
nasty boyfriend Jimmy.</i>

181
00:10:27,920 --> 00:10:30,714
<i>And she was staying
for two whole months.</i>

182
00:10:31,882 --> 00:10:33,676
(POP MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO)

183
00:10:34,552 --> 00:10:36,554
Just one.
Not both of them.

184
00:10:38,806 --> 00:10:39,807
Tim,

185
00:10:40,641 --> 00:10:42,560
will you do my back?

186
00:10:42,726 --> 00:10:44,102
Absolutely!

187
00:10:44,103 --> 00:10:45,396
(GIRLS GIGGLING)

188
00:10:48,065 --> 00:10:49,900
Very keen!

189
00:10:51,902 --> 00:10:54,947
Whoa! Oh, no. Oh, no.
(SCREAMING)

190
00:10:55,322 --> 00:10:57,908
Oh, no. No, no.
No, no, no.

191
00:10:59,076 --> 00:11:00,578
Is it in my hair?
Yes!

192
00:11:01,203 --> 00:11:02,830
(PANTING)

193
00:11:08,460 --> 00:11:12,047
Tim. Will you
do my back?

194
00:11:12,256 --> 00:11:14,633
Sure. Just give us a sec.

195
00:11:16,969 --> 00:11:17,970
Okay.

196
00:11:30,482 --> 00:11:31,942
Thank you.

197
00:11:34,403 --> 00:11:35,404
Now...

198
00:11:37,448 --> 00:11:38,699
(BLOWING)

199
00:11:42,953 --> 00:11:44,288
Ooh. Nice.

200
00:11:44,788 --> 00:11:46,290
It's my area.

201
00:11:49,168 --> 00:11:52,171
TIM: <i>It was a summer of
suntan and torture.</i>

202
00:11:53,187 --> 00:11:55,131
<i>I invited my foolish friend
Jay around for tennis</i>

203
00:11:55,132 --> 00:11:57,384
<i>because I thought
he'd make me look good.</i>

204
00:11:58,969 --> 00:12:00,638
(ALL GRUNTING)

205
00:12:01,430 --> 00:12:02,973
Ah! Ow!

206
00:12:03,140 --> 00:12:04,266
<i>I was wrong!</i>

207
00:12:04,934 --> 00:12:06,602
Ow! What are you doing?
Oh, no.

208
00:12:06,894 --> 00:12:08,062
(SHOUTS)

209
00:12:08,687 --> 00:12:10,271
(LAUGHING)
(WHOOPS)

210
00:12:10,272 --> 00:12:12,315
<i>Charlotte just made both
of us look like idiots.</i>

211
00:12:12,316 --> 00:12:13,817
Bad luck, Tim.

212
00:12:18,447 --> 00:12:20,991
<i>How the hell are you meant
to concentrate on your game?</i>

213
00:12:21,659 --> 00:12:23,744
<i>How are you meant
to live your life</i>

214
00:12:23,869 --> 00:12:25,996
<i>with this sort of
shit going down?</i>

215
00:12:27,581 --> 00:12:30,334
<i>It never got better
until suddenly</i>

216
00:12:30,834 --> 00:12:32,920
<i>it was almost too late.</i>

217
00:12:33,462 --> 00:12:35,798
Well, Charlotte,
our final lunch.

218
00:12:35,923 --> 00:12:37,174
<font color="

219
00:12:37,466 --> 00:12:40,803
And it's been really, really
lovely having you all summer.

220
00:12:40,928 --> 00:12:41,971
MUM: It has.

221
00:12:42,096 --> 00:12:43,138
CHARLOTTE: Thank you.
Thank you.

222
00:12:43,264 --> 00:12:44,515
It really has.

223
00:12:44,682 --> 00:12:45,933
Hasn't it, Desmond?

224
00:12:46,183 --> 00:12:47,308
Beg your pardon?

225
00:12:47,309 --> 00:12:49,478
Lovely having
Charlotte here all summer.

226
00:12:49,853 --> 00:12:51,313
Charlotte?
Who's Charlotte?

227
00:12:51,438 --> 00:12:53,691
Come on, darling. Charlotte,
sitting next to you.

228
00:12:54,984 --> 00:12:58,320
Oh, yes, of course. Of course.
Charlotte. Hi.

229
00:12:59,113 --> 00:13:00,531
Lovely to meet you.

230
00:13:04,994 --> 00:13:08,330
Have you enjoyed having
Charlotte here all summer, Tim?

231
00:13:09,957 --> 00:13:10,958
Yeah.

232
00:13:12,042 --> 00:13:13,377
DAD: There goes August.

233
00:13:13,544 --> 00:13:15,545
MUM: I've introduced him to
most things, haven't I?

234
00:13:15,546 --> 00:13:18,048
You did. You were
much more sophisticated.

235
00:13:18,215 --> 00:13:20,884
In a quiet way,
I like to think.

236
00:13:34,732 --> 00:13:36,066
CHARLOTTE: Come in.

237
00:13:38,402 --> 00:13:39,653
Charlotte.
Yeah!

238
00:13:43,574 --> 00:13:47,202
As it's your last night,
can I ask you a question?

239
00:13:48,078 --> 00:13:49,830
Oh, yeah. Ask away.

240
00:13:50,080 --> 00:13:51,498
No, wait.

241
00:13:52,833 --> 00:13:55,919
It's not going to
be about love, is it?

242
00:13:56,086 --> 00:13:57,588
Love? What?

243
00:13:57,713 --> 00:13:59,423
Well, it's just that Kit Kat
warned me that if you

244
00:13:59,548 --> 00:14:01,258
were to ever mention it,
I should be

245
00:14:01,383 --> 00:14:03,552
very firm with you and tell you

246
00:14:03,677 --> 00:14:05,928
you must treat me
like your sister

247
00:14:05,929 --> 00:14:07,389
and not be stupid.

248
00:14:08,265 --> 00:14:11,268
Or have I just made
a total fool of myself

249
00:14:11,393 --> 00:14:12,994
and you were actually
going to ask me for

250
00:14:13,103 --> 00:14:14,688
late night last
minute tennis tips?

251
00:14:15,522 --> 00:14:17,440
No, it was the love thing.

252
00:14:17,441 --> 00:14:19,109
Oh. Well.

253
00:14:20,277 --> 00:14:22,571
That's very sweet of you.

254
00:14:23,405 --> 00:14:26,783
It's just a shame you
left it till the last night.

255
00:14:26,784 --> 00:14:31,622
You should have tried creeping along
the corridor while we still had time.

256
00:14:32,539 --> 00:14:34,792
Okay, the "last night"
was a bad idea?

257
00:14:34,958 --> 00:14:39,797
Very bad idea. It feels like an ever
so slightly insulting afterthought.

258
00:14:40,255 --> 00:14:42,466
"Last night" was
never going to work.

259
00:14:43,133 --> 00:14:46,136
All right. Good.
I've got it.

260
00:15:06,573 --> 00:15:07,908
CHARLOTTE: Come in.

261
00:15:09,326 --> 00:15:11,245
Tim. Hi.
Charlotte.

262
00:15:12,621 --> 00:15:14,414
Hi.
Sit down.

263
00:15:14,415 --> 00:15:15,666
(LAUGHS)

264
00:15:16,792 --> 00:15:19,670
I know you've
probably suspected this,

265
00:15:19,837 --> 00:15:23,424
but over the last month I've fallen
completely in love with you.

266
00:15:25,175 --> 00:15:27,845
Now obviously
this was gonna happen

267
00:15:28,095 --> 00:15:32,181
because you're
a goddess with that face

268
00:15:32,182 --> 00:15:33,976
and that hair,

269
00:15:34,268 --> 00:15:37,271
but even if you
didn't have a nice face,

270
00:15:38,272 --> 00:15:40,941
and even if you had
absolutely no hair

271
00:15:41,191 --> 00:15:43,777
because of some
bizarre medical reason,

272
00:15:43,902 --> 00:15:45,194
(BOTH LAUGHING)

273
00:15:45,195 --> 00:15:47,156
I'd still adore you,

274
00:15:47,698 --> 00:15:48,699
and I...

275
00:15:49,199 --> 00:15:53,871
I just wondered whether, by any
chance, you might share my feelings.

276
00:15:55,205 --> 00:15:56,206
Wow.

277
00:15:57,541 --> 00:15:59,418
I tell you what.

278
00:15:59,960 --> 00:16:02,128
Why don't we see
how the summer goes

279
00:16:02,129 --> 00:16:05,966
and then you ask me
again on my last night?

280
00:16:07,843 --> 00:16:09,636
Your last night?
Yes.

281
00:16:10,012 --> 00:16:14,016
Try me on the last night. See
what happens then, shall we?

282
00:16:14,975 --> 00:16:16,226
It's exciting.

283
00:16:16,643 --> 00:16:17,644
Right.

284
00:16:18,228 --> 00:16:22,441
No, it's a perfect plan. That's
absolutely perfect. Last night.

285
00:16:22,566 --> 00:16:23,984
Last night.

286
00:16:26,862 --> 00:16:28,447
Thanks very much.

287
00:16:29,615 --> 00:16:31,116
Night-night, Timmy.

288
00:16:38,499 --> 00:16:40,417
TIM: <i>Big lesson number one,</i>

289
00:16:40,542 --> 00:16:43,712
<i>all the time travel in the world
can't make someone love you.</i>

290
00:16:43,837 --> 00:16:44,838
CHARLOTTE: Bye!

291
00:16:46,048 --> 00:16:48,258
<i>So the love of my life
just drove away.</i>

292
00:16:49,760 --> 00:16:53,514
<i>And the very next day
it was my turn to leave.</i>

293
00:16:56,266 --> 00:16:59,269
There you go. Don't
spend it all at once.

294
00:17:00,979 --> 00:17:01,980
Thanks.

295
00:17:03,482 --> 00:17:07,402
Don't call too often, your mother
doesn't like to be disturbed.

296
00:17:07,528 --> 00:17:09,696
(CHUCKLES)
Okay. Thanks.

297
00:17:14,117 --> 00:17:15,327
(HONKS HORN)

298
00:17:16,787 --> 00:17:18,288
(CAR ENGINE STARTING)

299
00:17:28,090 --> 00:17:32,469
TIM: <i>I caught the train to London in
search of a future and a girlfriend.</i>

300
00:17:35,138 --> 00:17:37,473
<i>I was staying in St John's
Wood, near Abbey Road,</i>

301
00:17:37,474 --> 00:17:40,644
<i>with a playwright friend
of my dad's called Harry.</i>

302
00:17:40,936 --> 00:17:44,690
<i>It's always nice to have family connections
when you're a new kid in town.</i>

303
00:17:45,649 --> 00:17:46,984
<font color="

304
00:17:57,619 --> 00:18:01,373
What the fuck do you want?

305
00:18:03,584 --> 00:18:04,710
I'm James's son.

306
00:18:04,835 --> 00:18:06,003
Who?

307
00:18:07,212 --> 00:18:09,339
James Lake.
What about him?

308
00:18:12,009 --> 00:18:13,760
He said you had a room.

309
00:18:15,178 --> 00:18:17,598
Go in there and wait.

310
00:18:18,599 --> 00:18:21,935
Quietly. I mean it,
don't make a sound.

311
00:18:22,853 --> 00:18:24,438
Or I'll kill you.

312
00:18:26,565 --> 00:18:28,358
(HARRY YELLING)

313
00:18:35,032 --> 00:18:37,658
I was actually having the first
good idea I've had for a decade

314
00:18:37,659 --> 00:18:39,202
when you rang on the doorbell.

315
00:18:39,870 --> 00:18:41,622
But now it's gone.

316
00:18:42,414 --> 00:18:44,374
You little shit.

317
00:18:44,499 --> 00:18:46,084
How's your dad?

318
00:18:46,376 --> 00:18:50,464
Weird cock, I always thought.
Something weird about him.

319
00:18:50,589 --> 00:18:51,464
Really?

320
00:18:51,465 --> 00:18:53,967
Yeah, I never really
liked him, actually.

321
00:18:55,010 --> 00:18:57,512
Your mum still
look like Andy Warhol?

322
00:18:57,638 --> 00:18:58,639
What?

323
00:19:00,015 --> 00:19:02,601
That, by the way, is my wife.

324
00:19:02,768 --> 00:19:04,227
Oh. Nice.

325
00:19:04,353 --> 00:19:05,793
Yeah, you wouldn't
like her at first.

326
00:19:07,064 --> 00:19:08,982
Sarcastic cow.

327
00:19:10,108 --> 00:19:12,277
But eventually
you'd realise that

328
00:19:12,778 --> 00:19:15,447
she's the best human
being in the world.

329
00:19:16,198 --> 00:19:18,450
Which is why she
left me, of course.

330
00:19:20,994 --> 00:19:22,579
Here you go.

331
00:19:23,205 --> 00:19:26,958
Try not to make too much noise,
particularly when having sex.

332
00:19:27,584 --> 00:19:28,709
No chance of that.

333
00:19:28,710 --> 00:19:31,421
Oh, Christ,
two losers in one house.

334
00:19:31,963 --> 00:19:33,589
That is my daughter.

335
00:19:33,590 --> 00:19:34,758
Oh.

336
00:19:35,133 --> 00:19:38,804
Have sex with her if you like.
Apparently everyone else has.

337
00:19:41,098 --> 00:19:43,558
TIM: <i>It wasn't a hopeful
set-up for romance.</i>

338
00:19:44,309 --> 00:19:46,978
<i>And work didn't help
on that score either.</i>

339
00:19:47,396 --> 00:19:50,107
<i>The world of law seems to
be entirely full of men.</i>

340
00:19:52,317 --> 00:19:56,655
Hello. I'm Rory. Very pleased to meet you.
A real thrill.

341
00:19:57,114 --> 00:20:00,742
Well, who knows, we might become,
you know, pals, et cetera.

342
00:20:02,119 --> 00:20:03,829
Who the hell are you?
Tim Lake.

343
00:20:04,246 --> 00:20:06,081
Well, I hope you're
better than this clown.

344
00:20:06,748 --> 00:20:08,250
Come on, Roger.

345
00:20:08,375 --> 00:20:09,876
It's Rory, actually.

346
00:20:10,001 --> 00:20:11,627
I've been here
a year and a half.

347
00:20:11,628 --> 00:20:14,214
I'm just saying that to be nice.
It's two years actually.

348
00:20:16,299 --> 00:20:20,887
TIM: <i>So six lonely months went by
and it was still just me and Harry.</i>

349
00:20:21,012 --> 00:20:23,515
<i>Me lawyer-ing every hour
of the day and night.</i>

350
00:20:23,640 --> 00:20:26,893
<i>And him putting the finishing
touches to his new play.</i>

351
00:20:28,895 --> 00:20:31,523
<i>No matter how many girls
there were in the world,</i>

352
00:20:31,648 --> 00:20:34,776
<i>I always seemed to
end up with Rory.</i>

353
00:20:34,901 --> 00:20:35,902
Hello.

354
00:20:36,278 --> 00:20:38,071
<i>Until, out of the blue,</i>

355
00:20:38,530 --> 00:20:43,452
<i>on a dodgy night out with dodgy
Jay, something miraculous happened.</i>

356
00:20:44,119 --> 00:20:45,954
...the waiters are,

357
00:20:46,329 --> 00:20:48,122
wait for this,
right, they're blind.

358
00:20:48,123 --> 00:20:49,249
Oh! You're kidding me?

359
00:20:49,374 --> 00:20:52,878
I'm kidding you not.
No, as bats. As bats!

360
00:20:53,101 --> 00:20:55,045
MAITRE D': Very good to
have you here, gentlemen.

361
00:20:55,046 --> 00:20:57,047
I hope you enjoy
your experience.

362
00:20:57,048 --> 00:20:59,176
Carlo will show
you to your table.

363
00:20:59,301 --> 00:21:01,553
Great. Lead on,
maestro.

364
00:21:01,678 --> 00:21:04,346
Can I have your right hand on
my right shoulder, please?

365
00:21:04,347 --> 00:21:06,767
And your friend hold on to your shoulder.
Thank you.

366
00:21:10,395 --> 00:21:13,899
Mind the stairs and
be prepared because

367
00:21:14,149 --> 00:21:16,401
it's completely dark.

368
00:21:18,361 --> 00:21:20,154
Okay, gentlemen,
if you don't mind,

369
00:21:20,155 --> 00:21:22,615
I can sit you here beside
these two young ladies.

370
00:21:22,616 --> 00:21:24,701
JAY: No, no.
Sounds absolutely perfect!

371
00:21:24,826 --> 00:21:27,077
JOANNA: Oh, God,
you sound very perky.

372
00:21:27,078 --> 00:21:28,537
I am.
And very handsome.

373
00:21:28,538 --> 00:21:29,622
(LAUGHS)

374
00:21:29,623 --> 00:21:31,208
MARY: Oh! Someone's there.

375
00:21:31,333 --> 00:21:33,502
TIM: Hi.
Hi. I'm Mary.

376
00:21:33,627 --> 00:21:36,296
I'm Tim. Mary's my
mother's name, actually.

377
00:21:36,421 --> 00:21:39,007
Does it suit her?
Sort of.

378
00:21:39,132 --> 00:21:42,676
Although she's sturdy, so Bernard
might have been a better fit.

379
00:21:42,677 --> 00:21:43,720
(LAUGHS)

380
00:21:44,012 --> 00:21:45,013
Okay.

381
00:21:45,388 --> 00:21:48,099
Oh! Something just
touched my elbow.

382
00:21:48,225 --> 00:21:49,642
Okay, that wasn't me.

383
00:21:49,643 --> 00:21:53,063
No. Well, that just makes it worse.
If it wasn't you, who was it?

384
00:21:53,188 --> 00:21:56,399
JAY: It wasn't me because I'm
touching something else.

385
00:21:56,525 --> 00:21:59,152
JOANNA: Yes, and you'll stop
that right away, thank you.

386
00:21:59,528 --> 00:22:04,198
So, girls, be honest,
who is more beautiful?

387
00:22:04,199 --> 00:22:05,742
JOANNA: Oh, I am.
MARY: Yeah. She is.

388
00:22:05,867 --> 00:22:06,993
JAY: Excellent!

389
00:22:07,118 --> 00:22:08,662
MARY: Actually,
I look like Kate Moss.

390
00:22:08,787 --> 00:22:10,330
TIM: Really?

391
00:22:10,455 --> 00:22:13,374
No. I sort of
look like a squirrel.

392
00:22:13,375 --> 00:22:14,667
(CHUCKLES)

393
00:22:14,668 --> 00:22:16,002
Do you like Kate Moss?

394
00:22:16,127 --> 00:22:17,504
I absolutely love her.

395
00:22:17,629 --> 00:22:20,799
In fact, I almost wore one of
her dresses here tonight. You?

396
00:22:20,924 --> 00:22:23,217
No, no, her clothes
look terrible on me.

397
00:22:23,218 --> 00:22:25,262
(LAUGHING)

398
00:22:25,553 --> 00:22:28,097
JAY: I cannot believe that it's
your birthday next week as well.

399
00:22:28,098 --> 00:22:32,143
MARY: Your friend Jay is
quite enthusiastic.

400
00:22:32,435 --> 00:22:34,563
TIM: I actually hate him.

401
00:22:34,688 --> 00:22:35,605
What's Joanna like?

402
00:22:35,730 --> 00:22:38,483
She's basically a prostitute.
Yeah. (LAUGHING)

403
00:22:39,234 --> 00:22:41,235
I think it's strawberry mousse.
Ooh!

404
00:22:41,236 --> 00:22:42,444
Do you want some?

405
00:22:42,445 --> 00:22:43,863
Um... Okay.
I'll try it.

406
00:22:43,864 --> 00:22:45,155
Okay, where's your mouth?

407
00:22:45,156 --> 00:22:46,783
Uh, it's... (GIGGLES)

408
00:22:47,659 --> 00:22:49,035
It's here.

409
00:22:49,160 --> 00:22:50,495
Okay. Mmm... There?
Oh!

410
00:22:50,662 --> 00:22:52,455
Oh, my God, what was that?

411
00:22:52,581 --> 00:22:54,374
That's my eye.

412
00:22:54,499 --> 00:22:57,459
I think there's a lot of...
I've got quite a lot of

413
00:22:57,460 --> 00:22:59,504
strawberry mousse
in my eye now!

414
00:22:59,629 --> 00:23:01,005
I'm so sorry.

415
00:23:01,006 --> 00:23:04,341
No. Thank you. That's
a new sensation for me.

416
00:23:04,342 --> 00:23:05,927
(LAUGHING)

417
00:23:06,803 --> 00:23:10,390
So, maybe I'll see
you outside or...

418
00:23:10,724 --> 00:23:12,392
Yeah. Yeah, great.

419
00:23:12,517 --> 00:23:14,311
Great. Scary.

420
00:23:14,436 --> 00:23:16,688
Yeah, it's a bit scary.

421
00:23:16,980 --> 00:23:20,150
Oh, my God, I'm so in there.
What about you?

422
00:23:20,275 --> 00:23:23,068
I don't know,
but she sounded wonderful.

423
00:23:23,069 --> 00:23:24,279
Oh, shh!

424
00:23:25,488 --> 00:23:27,198
Joanna?
Jay.

425
00:23:27,324 --> 00:23:29,409
Christ, you're a babe.

426
00:23:29,534 --> 00:23:31,161
How do you fancy
stretching the night

427
00:23:31,286 --> 00:23:32,871
out a bit?
I can ditch the loser.

428
00:23:32,996 --> 00:23:34,414
We've got to rush,
but help me find a cab

429
00:23:34,539 --> 00:23:35,998
and I might give you my number.

430
00:23:35,999 --> 00:23:37,082
Of course. Yeah.

431
00:23:37,083 --> 00:23:38,834
Or I might not.
Haven't decided yet. So...

432
00:23:38,835 --> 00:23:40,337
I have. It's not
gonna happen.

433
00:23:42,339 --> 00:23:43,757
(INHALES DEEPLY)

434
00:24:07,864 --> 00:24:09,616
Hi.
Hi.

435
00:24:10,909 --> 00:24:12,035
Where's...

436
00:24:12,202 --> 00:24:13,286
Oh. She and Jay just...

437
00:24:13,411 --> 00:24:16,039
She took him to...
I don't know.

438
00:24:16,164 --> 00:24:17,165
Right.

439
00:24:17,332 --> 00:24:19,501
Oh, well, I guess I'd better...

440
00:24:19,626 --> 00:24:23,296
Would it be very wrong if I
asked you for your number?

441
00:24:25,298 --> 00:24:26,299
No.

442
00:24:26,633 --> 00:24:29,678
Just in case I ever
had to call you about...

443
00:24:30,303 --> 00:24:31,846
Stuff?
Mmm-hmm.

444
00:24:32,597 --> 00:24:33,598
Okay.

445
00:24:37,811 --> 00:24:39,145
Would you...

446
00:24:39,854 --> 00:24:41,064
It's Mary.

447
00:24:41,231 --> 00:24:42,440
Mary.

448
00:24:44,609 --> 00:24:45,860
Okay.

449
00:24:46,486 --> 00:24:48,655
I thought this phone
was old and shit,

450
00:24:49,364 --> 00:24:51,574
but suddenly it's my most
valuable possession.

451
00:24:52,617 --> 00:24:54,411
You really like me?

452
00:24:56,079 --> 00:24:58,665
Even my frock?

453
00:24:58,790 --> 00:25:00,917
I love your frock.

454
00:25:01,543 --> 00:25:05,130
And my hair?
It's not too brown?

455
00:25:05,463 --> 00:25:07,007
I love brown.
(LAUGHING)

456
00:25:08,717 --> 00:25:10,092
My fringe is new.

457
00:25:10,093 --> 00:25:12,386
The fringe is perfect.
Fringe is the best bit.

458
00:25:12,387 --> 00:25:13,513
JOANNA: Mary!

459
00:25:13,638 --> 00:25:16,975
We have to go! I found a cab and his
dodgy friend is about to assault me.

460
00:25:17,100 --> 00:25:19,436
Okay, I'm coming.

461
00:25:19,561 --> 00:25:21,146
Two seconds.

462
00:25:22,105 --> 00:25:23,940
I hope I see you again.

463
00:25:24,566 --> 00:25:25,692
You Will.

464
00:25:26,234 --> 00:25:28,570
Okay. Good.

465
00:25:30,155 --> 00:25:31,156
Goodnight.

466
00:25:32,365 --> 00:25:33,533
Goodnight.

467
00:26:08,860 --> 00:26:10,528
(YELLING)

468
00:26:10,945 --> 00:26:12,530
What's happened?

469
00:26:12,781 --> 00:26:14,866
What have you done,
you poor thing?

470
00:26:15,158 --> 00:26:18,078
Nothing.
It's just a flesh wound.

471
00:26:18,203 --> 00:26:19,496
Here.
Thank you.

472
00:26:23,124 --> 00:26:25,293
You may remember,
my play opened tonight.

473
00:26:25,877 --> 00:26:27,462
Oh, my God, yes.
How did it go?

474
00:26:27,587 --> 00:26:29,130
Well. It went well.

475
00:26:29,506 --> 00:26:33,051
You could tell in the room a
masterpiece was being unfurled.

476
00:26:33,176 --> 00:26:35,178
Really?
Really.

477
00:26:35,303 --> 00:26:38,848
Until, and this is the
crucial plot point, I think,

478
00:26:38,973 --> 00:26:43,728
until the lead actor had the most
massive dry in the history of theatre.

479
00:26:43,853 --> 00:26:45,396
No, no, no.
Yes, yes, yes.

480
00:26:46,856 --> 00:26:48,441
He didn't just
forget his lines.

481
00:26:48,566 --> 00:26:50,192
He forgot his lines
to the extent

482
00:26:50,193 --> 00:26:52,612
that no actor has ever
forgotten their lines

483
00:26:52,737 --> 00:26:55,115
before in
the annals of dramatic art.

484
00:26:55,657 --> 00:26:59,118
The reviews won't say, "Major
masterpiece gets unveiled,"

485
00:26:59,119 --> 00:27:02,789
they'll say, "Major
actor gets Alzheimer's."

486
00:27:03,456 --> 00:27:04,958
It's a disaster.

487
00:27:05,875 --> 00:27:07,585
Is an understatement.

488
00:27:08,419 --> 00:27:13,049
It's the Titanic of play
openings, but with no survivors.

489
00:27:13,716 --> 00:27:16,052
No women, no children,

490
00:27:16,469 --> 00:27:18,721
not even Kate Winslet.

491
00:27:19,180 --> 00:27:20,849
All dead.

492
00:27:22,517 --> 00:27:24,226
Okay. I'll see
what I can do.

493
00:27:24,227 --> 00:27:25,603
What does that mean?

494
00:27:26,396 --> 00:27:28,356
What are you gonna do?
Ring up every critic

495
00:27:28,481 --> 00:27:30,400
in London and
offer them a blowjob

496
00:27:30,525 --> 00:27:35,238
if they ignore the fact that we sat
in total silence for half an hour

497
00:27:35,363 --> 00:27:40,451
waiting for a moron to
remember one single line?

498
00:27:40,577 --> 00:27:42,328
Not quite that.

499
00:27:58,970 --> 00:27:59,971
<font color="

500
00:28:03,600 --> 00:28:08,771
Hello, Sir Tom. I'm a friend of Harry's.
How's it going with the lines?

501
00:28:10,106 --> 00:28:12,358
(STAMMERING) I'm sorry,
what do you mean "the lines"?

502
00:28:13,109 --> 00:28:14,860
It's just, you know,
in the court scenes,

503
00:28:14,861 --> 00:28:17,572
some of those lines
are pretty complex.

504
00:28:17,697 --> 00:28:20,074
And I just thought maybe it
might be worth, you know,

505
00:28:20,700 --> 00:28:22,242
having one last
look at the lines

506
00:28:22,243 --> 00:28:25,622
before you go on.
A little refresher.

507
00:28:26,873 --> 00:28:29,125
Fuck off out of here.

508
00:28:29,250 --> 00:28:34,005
You arsing lunatic. Get out!
You ginger twerp. Go on!

509
00:28:34,130 --> 00:28:35,882
Patronising piece of...

510
00:28:36,966 --> 00:28:39,093
(GRUMBLING)

511
00:28:47,977 --> 00:28:50,396
And now the Defence.

512
00:29:00,782 --> 00:29:05,453
I have lived
many weary years...

513
00:29:05,745 --> 00:29:07,789
It's brilliant.
...but never,

514
00:29:07,914 --> 00:29:11,960
in that long catalogue
of wasted time,

515
00:29:12,627 --> 00:29:17,090
have I ever seen such an atrocious
miscarriage of justice.

516
00:29:22,303 --> 00:29:26,641
Do the Prosecution have
anything final to add?

517
00:29:54,043 --> 00:29:56,045
(AUDIENCE MURMURING)

518
00:30:11,060 --> 00:30:13,313
Sorry, excuse me. Sorry.

519
00:30:20,653 --> 00:30:25,241
Do the Prosecution have
anything final to add?

520
00:30:30,413 --> 00:30:31,622
(TIM CLEARS THROAT)

521
00:30:32,332 --> 00:30:33,416
<font color="

522
00:30:38,880 --> 00:30:40,340
(INAUDIBLE)

523
00:30:40,840 --> 00:30:41,883
Gentlemen...

524
00:30:44,260 --> 00:30:45,261
Gentlemen,

525
00:30:45,803 --> 00:30:50,308
I regard today's proceedings
with the utmost gravity.

526
00:30:50,433 --> 00:30:52,185
Nevertheless,

527
00:30:52,769 --> 00:30:55,646
let us be clear of one

528
00:30:57,523 --> 00:31:00,360
simple and salient thing.

529
00:31:03,363 --> 00:31:05,114
It is the life

530
00:31:05,698 --> 00:31:07,658
of a guilty man!

531
00:31:07,784 --> 00:31:09,077
(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

532
00:31:16,709 --> 00:31:18,294
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)

533
00:31:18,961 --> 00:31:22,631
HARRY: One of the actors appeared
to have actually fallen asleep...

534
00:31:22,632 --> 00:31:26,176
Oh, here's the little prick who
walked out halfway through.

535
00:31:26,177 --> 00:31:28,096
You missed the best scene,
you little twerp.

536
00:31:28,221 --> 00:31:29,222
Sorry.

537
00:31:29,639 --> 00:31:31,808
What did you think of the set?

538
00:31:32,141 --> 00:31:33,433
I thought it was incredible.

539
00:31:33,434 --> 00:31:36,562
Did you? I didn't.
Too brown.

540
00:31:39,899 --> 00:31:41,067
Mary!

541
00:31:43,111 --> 00:31:44,779
Oh, no.

542
00:31:45,613 --> 00:31:47,156
She's gone.

543
00:32:02,338 --> 00:32:06,342
Two girls in earlier tonight. One of
them the prettiest girl in the world.

544
00:32:06,467 --> 00:32:10,346
The other one like a sort of nice
prostitute. Did you get their names?

545
00:32:10,471 --> 00:32:14,267
Oh, yes. They left
a while ago. Let's see.

546
00:32:15,309 --> 00:32:17,770
No, I'm afraid
they were walk-ins

547
00:32:17,895 --> 00:32:20,356
and it appears
they paid by cash.

548
00:32:20,773 --> 00:32:22,483
Sorry, sir.

549
00:32:22,608 --> 00:32:24,368
Oh, that's okay.
That's fine, it's brilliant.

550
00:32:24,694 --> 00:32:27,822
It's just the end of my life.
Thanks so much.

551
00:32:44,464 --> 00:32:46,048
(HUMMING)

552
00:32:49,051 --> 00:32:51,053
Cheer up, mate.

553
00:32:51,387 --> 00:32:55,224
Apparently, you're living with
Britain's greatest living playwright.

554
00:32:55,558 --> 00:32:57,059
I don't usually
read them, obviously,

555
00:32:57,226 --> 00:32:58,728
but I couldn't resist this one.

556
00:32:58,895 --> 00:33:03,900
"Harry Chapman
found guilty of genius."

557
00:33:04,484 --> 00:33:06,110
(SINGING)

558
00:33:10,823 --> 00:33:12,116
I have to go out.
Right now.

559
00:33:12,241 --> 00:33:13,576
Why?

560
00:33:13,701 --> 00:33:15,495
She loves Kate Moss.

561
00:33:59,121 --> 00:34:00,957
Thanks for keeping
me company, Kittle.

562
00:34:01,123 --> 00:34:02,750
Nothing better to do.

563
00:34:02,875 --> 00:34:03,960
How's Jimmy?

564
00:34:04,126 --> 00:34:05,127
Dumped me.

565
00:34:05,253 --> 00:34:06,254
Ugh. Not again.

566
00:34:06,379 --> 00:34:08,089
And work?
They've sacked me.

567
00:34:08,214 --> 00:34:09,215
Idiots.

568
00:34:09,757 --> 00:34:11,467
Coffee?
Please.

569
00:34:12,134 --> 00:34:15,429
I've only just noticed this cat
in this picture. See that cat?

570
00:34:15,555 --> 00:34:18,432
I do see that cat.
It's very good.

571
00:34:19,475 --> 00:34:20,977
Oh, my God.

572
00:34:21,936 --> 00:34:23,062
Oh, my God!

573
00:34:23,187 --> 00:34:24,313
KIT KAT: What?

574
00:34:24,939 --> 00:34:26,315
TIM: It's her.

575
00:34:28,067 --> 00:34:29,652
It's her!

576
00:34:30,736 --> 00:34:32,238
That's her!

577
00:34:33,322 --> 00:34:34,740
Shh!

578
00:34:37,994 --> 00:34:39,579
You go, girl.

579
00:34:51,340 --> 00:34:52,341
Sorry.

580
00:34:53,509 --> 00:34:55,303
Hi.
Hi.

581
00:34:57,471 --> 00:34:58,848
How are you?

582
00:34:59,599 --> 00:35:01,684
I'm... I'm fine.

583
00:35:02,018 --> 00:35:04,186
It's so good to see you.

584
00:35:04,353 --> 00:35:06,522
Um...
We've never met before.

585
00:35:07,857 --> 00:35:09,817
Oh, no, fuck.

586
00:35:10,443 --> 00:35:12,486
No, of course we haven't.
No.

587
00:35:12,612 --> 00:35:15,656
Sorry, I think you've
mistaken me for someone else.

588
00:35:15,781 --> 00:35:17,450
No, no, no.

589
00:35:18,117 --> 00:35:19,785
Your name's Mary.

590
00:35:21,037 --> 00:35:23,831
That's distinctly weird.

591
00:35:23,956 --> 00:35:25,833
How do you know that?

592
00:35:26,834 --> 00:35:28,711
Well, you look like a Mary.

593
00:35:29,211 --> 00:35:30,504
In what way?

594
00:35:30,630 --> 00:35:31,881
My mum's called Mary.

595
00:35:32,048 --> 00:35:33,507
I look like your mother?

596
00:35:34,050 --> 00:35:36,177
No. You're much prettier.

597
00:35:39,388 --> 00:35:40,806
It's a nice fringe, by the way.

598
00:35:40,931 --> 00:35:42,350
God, it's new and

599
00:35:42,475 --> 00:35:44,393
probably too short but...
No.

600
00:35:44,560 --> 00:35:47,396
Well, gee, thank you and

601
00:35:47,563 --> 00:35:49,899
listen, it was
really nice to meet you.

602
00:35:50,066 --> 00:35:53,735
I should probably go because
my friend's waiting for me

603
00:35:53,736 --> 00:35:56,155
and you're a,
you're a total stranger.

604
00:35:56,405 --> 00:35:57,823
Total stranger.

605
00:35:57,948 --> 00:35:59,407
Yeah, it's crazy stuff.

606
00:35:59,408 --> 00:36:01,243
Yeah, kind of.
Okay.

607
00:36:01,369 --> 00:36:02,745
Bye, Mary.
Bye.

608
00:36:03,746 --> 00:36:04,914
(GROANING)

609
00:36:06,040 --> 00:36:07,082
Oh, no.

610
00:36:07,083 --> 00:36:08,250
How did it go?

611
00:36:08,376 --> 00:36:09,584
It was very poor.

612
00:36:09,585 --> 00:36:10,920
Very poor indeed, yeah.

613
00:36:11,087 --> 00:36:12,421
You gotta go again.

614
00:36:13,339 --> 00:36:15,257
You can do it.
Take two.

615
00:36:18,678 --> 00:36:22,014
She just always... She
always looks different.

616
00:36:23,766 --> 00:36:26,102
Sorry. It's me again.
(CHUCKLES)

617
00:36:26,602 --> 00:36:28,229
Hi.
Sorry.

618
00:36:28,938 --> 00:36:30,731
Joanna, this is...

619
00:36:31,190 --> 00:36:32,400
Tim.

620
00:36:32,525 --> 00:36:33,693
Hello.
Nice to meet you.

621
00:36:36,278 --> 00:36:39,949
Tim is a total stranger whose
mother's name is Mary.

622
00:36:40,074 --> 00:36:42,867
I just had a weird
experience with Mary here

623
00:36:42,868 --> 00:36:45,413
of thinking she was someone else.
But she wasn't.

624
00:36:45,538 --> 00:36:49,750
But I just wondered if I
could walk round with you

625
00:36:50,710 --> 00:36:54,630
for a while because my sister
Kit Kat is about to leave...

626
00:36:54,755 --> 00:36:55,756
Yeah.

627
00:36:58,384 --> 00:37:00,052
Bye.
...and...

628
00:37:00,386 --> 00:37:01,804
And so,

629
00:37:02,722 --> 00:37:04,974
I'm about to be quite lonely.

630
00:37:05,641 --> 00:37:09,937
Right. Well, I think we
should probably say no.

631
00:37:10,062 --> 00:37:13,149
No, yes. But on the other hand,
he's got a quite nice smile

632
00:37:13,274 --> 00:37:15,317
and sort of,
you know, fun hair.

633
00:37:17,069 --> 00:37:18,070
Yeah.

634
00:37:19,113 --> 00:37:20,489
All right.

635
00:37:20,990 --> 00:37:24,994
But you have to promise that you are
not one of the following things.

636
00:37:25,161 --> 00:37:26,870
One, a lunatic.

637
00:37:26,871 --> 00:37:27,997
Yeah.
No.

638
00:37:28,164 --> 00:37:30,958
Two, a fringe fetishist.

639
00:37:31,292 --> 00:37:34,295
I'm just Kate Moss's
number one male fan.

640
00:37:36,088 --> 00:37:37,631
Oh, God.
Really?

641
00:37:37,757 --> 00:37:39,174
Yeah. God, yeah.

642
00:37:39,175 --> 00:37:42,511
Do you agree that the magic
of her lies in her history?

643
00:37:43,095 --> 00:37:45,388
That the informality
of her early shots

644
00:37:45,389 --> 00:37:48,516
compared to this stuff
so you just always know

645
00:37:48,517 --> 00:37:50,977
that, despite the high
fashion, she's still just

646
00:37:50,978 --> 00:37:54,607
that cheeky normal
naked girl on the beach?

647
00:37:55,691 --> 00:37:57,317
Couldn't have put
it better myself.

648
00:37:57,318 --> 00:38:01,112
That's absolutely it.
I agree with that profoundly.

649
00:38:01,113 --> 00:38:02,198
Huh!

650
00:38:02,364 --> 00:38:03,407
Milk?

651
00:38:03,532 --> 00:38:04,533
Yes.

652
00:38:04,700 --> 00:38:06,701
Sugar?
No.

653
00:38:06,702 --> 00:38:07,745
Boyfriend?

654
00:38:07,870 --> 00:38:08,954
Yes!

655
00:38:09,121 --> 00:38:11,290
No. No, you don't
have a boyfriend.

656
00:38:12,541 --> 00:38:14,877
Do I not look like
I'd have a boyfriend?

657
00:38:15,002 --> 00:38:16,628
Do I look like I'd
never get a boyfriend?

658
00:38:16,629 --> 00:38:18,630
No. That's the rudest
thing I've ever heard.

659
00:38:18,631 --> 00:38:21,467
I didn't mean it like that.
I just didn't expect...

660
00:38:22,635 --> 00:38:24,720
Is it quite a new boyfriend?

661
00:38:24,887 --> 00:38:25,888
Yes.

662
00:38:26,388 --> 00:38:28,390
There he is.
Rupert.

663
00:38:29,350 --> 00:38:31,227
Yes. He's so cute.
Rupert?

664
00:38:31,352 --> 00:38:32,686
Hi, guys.

665
00:38:33,062 --> 00:38:34,897
Sorry I'm late, with my dad.

666
00:38:36,232 --> 00:38:37,233
Hi, Rupee.

667
00:38:38,526 --> 00:38:39,527
"Rupee"?

668
00:38:41,070 --> 00:38:43,239
Well, this is Tim and

669
00:38:43,364 --> 00:38:45,241
we don't know him at all.

670
00:38:45,908 --> 00:38:48,536
Hey, I was thinking we could
take in a film after this.

671
00:38:48,661 --> 00:38:50,287
Get some mixed popcorn,
share a Coke,

672
00:38:50,412 --> 00:38:51,539
snuggle.
Okay.

673
00:38:51,914 --> 00:38:52,997
Okay.

674
00:38:52,998 --> 00:38:54,249
(BOTH CHUCKLE)

675
00:38:54,250 --> 00:38:56,710
When did you two meet?
Exactly?

676
00:38:57,253 --> 00:38:59,255
Well, it was only
a week ago, actually.

677
00:39:00,047 --> 00:39:02,883
It's all been a bit of a
whirlwind, hasn't it, poochy face?

678
00:39:03,216 --> 00:39:04,801
I'm gonna have to
teach you what you can

679
00:39:04,802 --> 00:39:06,262
and can't say in
front of people.

680
00:39:06,428 --> 00:39:07,929
No "poochy face"?
No.

681
00:39:07,930 --> 00:39:09,932
No. Definitely not.

682
00:39:10,099 --> 00:39:14,103
Come on, then. More details about
this wonderful first meeting?

683
00:39:14,228 --> 00:39:15,271
RUPERT: Okay, okay.

684
00:39:15,437 --> 00:39:17,565
It was, um, what...
Joanna?

685
00:39:18,107 --> 00:39:19,608
Oh, June 17th.

686
00:39:19,775 --> 00:39:21,277
And Jo was
having a little party.

687
00:39:22,111 --> 00:39:25,281
A living hell from which
Rupert, thank God, rescued me.

688
00:39:25,406 --> 00:39:27,575
And where was
this terrible party?

689
00:39:27,700 --> 00:39:29,785
My brothel of a flat.

690
00:39:29,910 --> 00:39:31,578
Which is where, though? That's
the question, isn't it.

691
00:39:31,579 --> 00:39:33,122
What are you, a detective?

692
00:39:33,539 --> 00:39:35,957
No, sorry, I've just got
a very visual imagination.

693
00:39:35,958 --> 00:39:37,877
I like to imagine
stuff completely.

694
00:39:39,044 --> 00:39:43,215
26 Courtfield Gardens,
SW5. Around 8:30.

695
00:39:43,883 --> 00:39:45,968
Dress code, slutty.
Will that do?

696
00:39:46,135 --> 00:39:47,969
Absolutely, yes.
Although I am wondering

697
00:39:47,970 --> 00:39:51,056
when you got there, Rupert.
Early, late?

698
00:39:51,473 --> 00:39:54,643
On time, I think.
True love was calling.

699
00:39:54,768 --> 00:39:56,437
Oh, God.

700
00:39:56,729 --> 00:39:58,981
I actually feel a bit
sick now. Just these

701
00:39:59,148 --> 00:40:01,400
muffins, I think.
Never trust a blueberry.

702
00:40:02,818 --> 00:40:04,403
Okay, I'll be back in a tick.

703
00:40:05,821 --> 00:40:07,781
You two are such
a lovely couple.

704
00:40:12,161 --> 00:40:13,329
Bit weird.

705
00:40:13,454 --> 00:40:14,622
He's cute.

706
00:40:14,747 --> 00:40:15,748
I like him.

707
00:40:15,873 --> 00:40:16,916
Yeah, me too.

708
00:40:42,066 --> 00:40:43,776
(POP MUSIC PLAYING)

709
00:40:48,155 --> 00:40:50,199
Oh, hello. Do I know you?

710
00:40:50,366 --> 00:40:53,827
(STAMMERING) No, no, no.
I'm a friend of Mary's.

711
00:40:54,370 --> 00:40:58,039
She has another friend? Gosh,
you amaze me. But hooray.

712
00:40:58,040 --> 00:40:59,792
Ooh. Hotdog?

713
00:41:00,209 --> 00:41:01,585
Took me hours.
Made them myself.

714
00:41:01,710 --> 00:41:03,045
Thanks.

715
00:41:04,672 --> 00:41:07,216
Disgusting.
Totally undercooked.

716
00:41:07,341 --> 00:41:08,676
See you later.

717
00:41:15,849 --> 00:41:18,227
Why don't we go upstairs,
it's a bit quieter?

718
00:41:33,033 --> 00:41:34,910
Hi.
Hi.

719
00:41:35,077 --> 00:41:36,078
I'm Tim.

720
00:41:36,870 --> 00:41:37,913
Mary.

721
00:41:38,038 --> 00:41:40,748
That's my mother's name.
Let's not get into that.

722
00:41:40,749 --> 00:41:42,417
Um...

723
00:41:42,418 --> 00:41:44,253
I know this is forward but

724
00:41:44,378 --> 00:41:48,424
your face tells me that you're finding
this party to be a living hell.

725
00:41:50,509 --> 00:41:52,051
So, I just wondered
if you might come

726
00:41:52,052 --> 00:41:55,389
and have a bite to
eat with me instead?

727
00:41:56,098 --> 00:41:57,349
Right now.

728
00:41:57,683 --> 00:41:58,891
I'm sorry?

729
00:41:58,892 --> 00:42:01,437
Obviously, I should have
thought this through more.

730
00:42:01,770 --> 00:42:03,105
Let's talk about Kate Moss.

731
00:42:05,941 --> 00:42:08,110
I love Kate Moss.

732
00:42:08,277 --> 00:42:10,946
I always think the key thing
with her is the history,

733
00:42:11,363 --> 00:42:15,576
you know, the informality of her early
shots compared to high fashion stuff

734
00:42:15,701 --> 00:42:18,871
so you always know that underneath
she's still just the same

735
00:42:19,288 --> 00:42:22,458
cheeky normal girl
naked on the beach.

736
00:42:22,583 --> 00:42:23,584
The beach.

737
00:42:24,126 --> 00:42:26,795
I agree with you completely.

738
00:42:27,087 --> 00:42:30,132
If we leave now then we can have,
you know, more than one starter.

739
00:42:30,591 --> 00:42:32,634
Oh! (LAUGHS)

740
00:42:35,387 --> 00:42:37,056
I love your eyes.

741
00:42:38,932 --> 00:42:41,935
And I love the rest
of your face, too.

742
00:42:52,154 --> 00:42:53,906
More than one starter?

743
00:42:54,031 --> 00:42:55,741
10 amazing starters.

744
00:42:56,825 --> 00:42:58,744
After you.
Thanks.

745
00:42:58,911 --> 00:43:01,162
Ten minutes is long enough
for any party, I think.

746
00:43:01,163 --> 00:43:03,164
(SIGHS) Yeah.

747
00:43:03,165 --> 00:43:04,500
Especially that one.

748
00:43:04,666 --> 00:43:06,168
Evening, all.

749
00:43:06,335 --> 00:43:08,670
God!
What a dickhead.

750
00:43:09,797 --> 00:43:10,838
Yeah.

751
00:43:10,839 --> 00:43:12,091
(SCOFFS) Ugh.

752
00:43:13,801 --> 00:43:16,303
So, what do you do?

753
00:43:17,679 --> 00:43:20,014
I'm a reader at a publisher.

754
00:43:20,015 --> 00:43:22,684
No! You read for a living?

755
00:43:23,352 --> 00:43:26,146
Yes, that's it. I read.

756
00:43:26,271 --> 00:43:27,815
Oh, that's so great.

757
00:43:28,148 --> 00:43:30,025
It's like someone asking,
"What do you do

758
00:43:30,150 --> 00:43:31,985
for a living?"
"Well, I breathe.

759
00:43:32,111 --> 00:43:35,197
"I'm a breather,
I get paid for breathing."

760
00:43:35,697 --> 00:43:36,697
How did you get that job?

761
00:43:36,698 --> 00:43:39,326
Okay, smart-ass,
what do you do?

762
00:43:40,369 --> 00:43:42,204
I am a lawyer.

763
00:43:42,538 --> 00:43:43,871
Sort of. Sort of.

764
00:43:43,872 --> 00:43:45,541
That's sexy.

765
00:43:46,041 --> 00:43:47,376
Is it?

766
00:43:47,501 --> 00:43:48,877
I mean, I think so.

767
00:43:49,795 --> 00:43:54,049
In a suit, in a court, saving
people's lives. Kinda sexy.

768
00:43:54,383 --> 00:43:56,509
I guess it is. Although it's
not as sexy as reading.

769
00:43:56,510 --> 00:43:59,888
Sitting there in an office,
in a little chair reading.

770
00:44:00,055 --> 00:44:01,556
Okay, stop.
Ooh!

771
00:44:01,557 --> 00:44:03,307
Just wait right there,
mister, because

772
00:44:03,308 --> 00:44:05,894
a lot of books get
submitted to my publisher.

773
00:44:06,061 --> 00:44:07,729
So it's an immense
responsibility.

774
00:44:07,855 --> 00:44:09,564
I bet it is.

775
00:44:09,565 --> 00:44:11,567
But when you do normal reading,

776
00:44:12,401 --> 00:44:15,362
is it ruined because it's your job?
You know, like prostitutes?

777
00:44:15,487 --> 00:44:17,697
I always worry that when
they stop being prostitutes

778
00:44:17,698 --> 00:44:19,074
that they can't
enjoy sex any more.

779
00:44:19,199 --> 00:44:20,658
You always worry about that?

780
00:44:20,659 --> 00:44:21,784
No, I sometimes worry about it.

781
00:44:21,785 --> 00:44:22,869
Oh, good. Okay.

782
00:44:22,870 --> 00:44:25,663
Because someone who always worried
about that would be a bit of a worry.

783
00:44:25,664 --> 00:44:27,915
When you read a newspaper, do you
think, "Forget this, it's work"?

784
00:44:27,916 --> 00:44:29,917
Have you interviewed
a lot of prostitutes?

785
00:44:29,918 --> 00:44:31,919
When you read a menu,
do you think,

786
00:44:31,920 --> 00:44:35,090
"No, I'm not reading this,
unless you pay me hard cash."

787
00:44:35,215 --> 00:44:38,927
How many prostitutes will you need to
talk to before this issue is solved?

788
00:44:39,094 --> 00:44:43,015
Are you planning to head to
Eastern Europe and Thailand?

789
00:44:50,105 --> 00:44:51,398
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

790
00:44:57,196 --> 00:44:58,446
Um...

791
00:44:58,447 --> 00:45:00,949
Would you like to
walk me to my car?

792
00:45:01,074 --> 00:45:03,577
Yes. Why not?
Okay.

793
00:45:03,785 --> 00:45:05,746
Sounds like a good idea.

794
00:45:06,455 --> 00:45:07,788
What about you?

795
00:45:07,789 --> 00:45:10,876
Yeah, I have
three older brothers.

796
00:45:11,084 --> 00:45:12,627
Oh, God.
Yeah.

797
00:45:12,628 --> 00:45:14,213
Where are they?
(LAUGHING)

798
00:45:15,797 --> 00:45:17,382
Behind you.

799
00:45:21,386 --> 00:45:23,180
(CHATTING INDISTINCTLY)

800
00:45:26,767 --> 00:45:28,893
Did you have trouble parking?

801
00:45:28,894 --> 00:45:30,728
(BOTH LAUGH NERVOUSLY)

802
00:45:30,729 --> 00:45:32,314
Pardon?

803
00:45:32,439 --> 00:45:33,982
It's just such
a long way to your car.

804
00:45:34,149 --> 00:45:36,568
Well, my car's
actually parked outside

805
00:45:36,693 --> 00:45:39,154
my house.
I got a lift to the party.

806
00:45:41,490 --> 00:45:42,491
Okay.

807
00:45:44,409 --> 00:45:46,411
That's good.
That's perfect.

808
00:45:46,828 --> 00:45:47,829
Okay.

809
00:45:52,584 --> 00:45:54,628
And here we are.

810
00:45:54,753 --> 00:45:56,672
My God.
Yeah.

811
00:45:56,797 --> 00:46:00,133
Car, house.
House, car.

812
00:46:02,469 --> 00:46:04,638
It makes perfect sense.

813
00:46:04,930 --> 00:46:06,598
It's very logical.

814
00:46:27,953 --> 00:46:29,036
Christ.

815
00:46:29,037 --> 00:46:30,205
(LAUGHS)

816
00:46:31,373 --> 00:46:32,582
Um...

817
00:46:35,377 --> 00:46:36,545
Keys!

818
00:46:50,976 --> 00:46:54,980
I'm gonna go into the bedroom
and put on my new pyjamas.

819
00:46:55,355 --> 00:46:56,356
Right.

820
00:46:57,399 --> 00:47:00,694
And then in a minute you can
come in and take them off.

821
00:47:01,653 --> 00:47:03,405
If you want to.

822
00:47:13,582 --> 00:47:15,083
One minute.

823
00:47:20,005 --> 00:47:21,006
Hi.

824
00:47:24,593 --> 00:47:26,761
Oh! God. Are you...

825
00:47:26,762 --> 00:47:28,430
Are you okay?
Yeah.

826
00:47:30,766 --> 00:47:31,850
Sorry.

827
00:47:31,975 --> 00:47:33,060
That's okay.

828
00:47:56,958 --> 00:47:59,628
Oh, it's a front opener.

829
00:47:59,753 --> 00:48:01,338
It's a what?

830
00:48:01,463 --> 00:48:03,131
It opens from the front.

831
00:48:04,299 --> 00:48:06,426
Yeah, no, yeah, of course.

832
00:48:06,593 --> 00:48:08,136
Thanks.
Sure.

833
00:48:09,471 --> 00:48:10,721
(UNFASTENS BRA)

834
00:48:10,722 --> 00:48:12,307
Ooh! Oh! Well done.

835
00:48:20,649 --> 00:48:22,984
I'm sure it'll be
better next time.

836
00:48:24,486 --> 00:48:26,988
I thought it was pretty lovely.

837
00:48:27,739 --> 00:48:30,158
Right, no,
it was really lovely.

838
00:48:32,494 --> 00:48:35,163
In fact, can you
just give me one minute?

839
00:48:36,623 --> 00:48:37,624
Okay.

840
00:48:43,755 --> 00:48:44,756
Hi.

841
00:48:47,426 --> 00:48:48,677
Dangerous.

842
00:48:52,180 --> 00:48:55,100
Oh! You really
know your bras.

843
00:48:56,017 --> 00:48:57,060
I like to think so.

844
00:49:02,524 --> 00:49:06,695
Well done. Some people make a
real mess of it the first time.

845
00:49:06,820 --> 00:49:08,280
(SCOFFS) Amateurs.

846
00:49:10,532 --> 00:49:12,701
Could you give me one second?

847
00:49:13,785 --> 00:49:14,786
Sure.

848
00:49:15,954 --> 00:49:17,288
<font color="

849
00:49:17,289 --> 00:49:18,415
Oh!

850
00:49:19,291 --> 00:49:21,542
My goodness.

851
00:49:21,543 --> 00:49:22,794
(BOTH MOANING)

852
00:49:26,381 --> 00:49:28,675
Best night of my entire life.

853
00:49:30,098 --> 00:49:31,802
And now I've got
a suspicion I'm gonna have

854
00:49:31,803 --> 00:49:34,639
the best sleep
of my entire life.

855
00:49:36,308 --> 00:49:39,478
So once is enough
for my perfect guy?

856
00:49:40,312 --> 00:49:42,981
I'm not sure
that's entirely fair.

857
00:49:49,404 --> 00:49:50,989
We're late.
No, we're not.

858
00:49:52,491 --> 00:49:55,117
It'll be fine. It's only...
Oh, my God.

859
00:49:55,118 --> 00:49:56,828
(BUSKERS PLAYING ROMANTIC some)

860
00:49:59,915 --> 00:50:01,500
(SINGING)

861
00:50:06,630 --> 00:50:07,631
Bye.

862
00:50:15,847 --> 00:50:17,087
Don't worry,
you're coming with.

863
00:50:21,311 --> 00:50:22,479
Oh!

864
00:50:23,772 --> 00:50:25,106
I'm taking you home!

865
00:50:25,690 --> 00:50:26,775
Ahh!

866
00:50:30,946 --> 00:50:32,697
Bye. Bye.
Bye.

867
00:50:34,533 --> 00:50:35,534
No!

868
00:50:38,620 --> 00:50:40,038
(INDISTINCT)

869
00:50:43,875 --> 00:50:45,293
(CONTINUES SINGING)

870
00:51:21,538 --> 00:51:23,832
Okay. I have
some bad news.

871
00:51:24,541 --> 00:51:26,709
You're dying?
No, not that bad.

872
00:51:26,710 --> 00:51:28,503
I'm dying?
No.

873
00:51:28,670 --> 00:51:32,173
My parents are in town. They're
visiting and they're coming around.

874
00:51:32,340 --> 00:51:34,383
Oh, God. Parents?
American parents?

875
00:51:34,384 --> 00:51:35,551
Mmm-hmm.

876
00:51:35,552 --> 00:51:37,012
When?
Now.

877
00:51:37,345 --> 00:51:39,139
They told me and
I didn't tell you

878
00:51:39,312 --> 00:51:42,057
and I thought they'd cancel because
they normally do and they didn't.

879
00:51:42,058 --> 00:51:43,892
Now now?
Now now.

880
00:51:43,893 --> 00:51:45,494
So you should probably
put on some pants.

881
00:51:46,521 --> 00:51:48,981
Oh! God. Okay, okay.

882
00:51:48,982 --> 00:51:50,232
Um...

883
00:51:50,233 --> 00:51:51,651
MARY: I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

884
00:51:51,776 --> 00:51:53,194
(STAMMERS) Do
they know I exist?

885
00:51:53,361 --> 00:51:57,573
Uh... Yeah. I've mentioned something
like you, but nothing very specific.

886
00:51:57,574 --> 00:52:01,452
Yeah, they're quite conservative,
so maybe not those pants.

887
00:52:01,453 --> 00:52:02,704
(FRONT DOOR BUZZING)

888
00:52:03,872 --> 00:52:05,540
Okay. Yeah.

889
00:52:05,749 --> 00:52:08,710
On! on, God. Okay.

890
00:52:10,879 --> 00:52:13,590
Could you just stall them.
Stall them.

891
00:52:16,676 --> 00:52:17,677
Come on up.

892
00:52:18,178 --> 00:52:19,387
What?

893
00:52:19,512 --> 00:52:20,722
I'm sorry,
they don't like waiting.

894
00:52:20,847 --> 00:52:22,557
Okay. Do I live here?

895
00:52:22,682 --> 00:52:24,351
Definitely not.

896
00:52:24,893 --> 00:52:26,478
Are we having sex?

897
00:52:26,603 --> 00:52:28,229
Yeah. But not oral.

898
00:52:28,396 --> 00:52:29,731
I wasn't gonna mention oral.

899
00:52:29,856 --> 00:52:31,273
Okay, good, don't.

900
00:52:31,274 --> 00:52:32,609
How did you think
that was gonna come up?

901
00:52:32,734 --> 00:52:34,134
Could you help me
with this, please?

902
00:52:34,235 --> 00:52:37,405
I don't know. If it does,
just deny it completely.

903
00:52:37,572 --> 00:52:39,574
Who's gonna bring it up?
Your dad?

904
00:52:39,699 --> 00:52:42,410
"Tim, had any cunnilingus
with my daughter recently?"

905
00:52:42,535 --> 00:52:43,787
Well, you never know.

906
00:52:43,912 --> 00:52:45,205
Okay.

907
00:52:45,747 --> 00:52:47,915
Okay. Ready?
Yeah.

908
00:52:47,916 --> 00:52:49,083
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
(DOORBELL RINGING)

909
00:52:49,084 --> 00:52:51,086
They're there.
Oh, they are, yeah.

910
00:52:51,252 --> 00:52:52,921
Yeah, right behind you.
Okay. Right, okay.

911
00:52:56,257 --> 00:52:58,093
Dad!
Hello, sweet.

912
00:52:58,301 --> 00:53:00,469
Mom. Hi.
Hi, honey.

913
00:53:00,470 --> 00:53:02,931
Oh, this is Tim.

914
00:53:03,098 --> 00:53:05,141
Hello, sir. Ma'am.

915
00:53:05,725 --> 00:53:08,603
Should we come back when you
haven't got any company, or...

916
00:53:09,771 --> 00:53:12,023
Well, that would be
quite difficult

917
00:53:12,148 --> 00:53:14,442
because Tim
actually lives here.

918
00:53:15,944 --> 00:53:18,279
Really? With you?

919
00:53:18,613 --> 00:53:22,283
Yes. Yeah, but no
oral sex, I promise you.

920
00:53:24,119 --> 00:53:25,620
I beg your pardon?

921
00:53:26,579 --> 00:53:28,081
Excuse me.

922
00:53:29,457 --> 00:53:33,128
So, Tim, tell us where are you
from, which part of the country?

923
00:53:33,753 --> 00:53:36,339
He's from Cornwall.
Yeah, it's really pretty.

924
00:53:36,464 --> 00:53:40,135
It's that little bit right at the
end, sort of looks like a shoe.

925
00:53:40,802 --> 00:53:42,262
And you're a lawyer,
is that right?

926
00:53:43,138 --> 00:53:45,347
Yep, that's right.
And he never loses.

927
00:53:45,348 --> 00:53:47,183
You don't think he's
gonna win, then he just

928
00:53:47,308 --> 00:53:48,684
pulls something
out of the bag and,

929
00:53:48,685 --> 00:53:50,018
what do you know,
he wins again.

930
00:53:50,019 --> 00:53:53,314
Do you ever answer
any of your own questions?

931
00:53:53,481 --> 00:53:55,190
<font color="

932
00:53:55,191 --> 00:53:57,861
Yes, he does.
Usually he does,

933
00:53:57,986 --> 00:53:59,319
but not today because I'm doing

934
00:53:59,320 --> 00:54:00,960
all the talking
because I'm really nervous

935
00:54:01,281 --> 00:54:05,994
and I kinda love him and I just...
I want you to, too.

936
00:54:06,119 --> 00:54:07,662
Oh, honey.

937
00:54:07,954 --> 00:54:10,457
Sorry. Tim.
Over to you.

938
00:54:10,957 --> 00:54:11,958
Shoot

939
00:54:13,668 --> 00:54:14,878
Yeah, I think my dad...

940
00:54:14,879 --> 00:54:16,086
Can I just say one more thing?

941
00:54:16,087 --> 00:54:17,172
One...

942
00:54:17,714 --> 00:54:19,549
Thank God that's over.

943
00:54:19,674 --> 00:54:21,008
I got given two tickets

944
00:54:21,009 --> 00:54:23,343
for the National Theatre
tomorrow. Do you wanna come?

945
00:54:23,344 --> 00:54:27,348
Oh, no, so not. I'm just
gonna sleep all day.

946
00:54:27,807 --> 00:54:31,352
I don't see why going to the theatre
should get in the way of that.

947
00:54:31,478 --> 00:54:32,936
Many of the best sleeps
of my life have happened

948
00:54:32,937 --> 00:54:34,856
in the Royal
Shakespeare Company.

949
00:54:35,315 --> 00:54:37,525
No, you take someone else.

950
00:54:37,692 --> 00:54:41,529
I really like bed and
I really hate theatre.

951
00:54:41,988 --> 00:54:43,364
Quite right.

952
00:54:44,491 --> 00:54:48,161
But what kind of sad act is gonna
be free on a Saturday night

953
00:54:48,745 --> 00:54:50,871
with no day's notice?

954
00:54:50,872 --> 00:54:52,039
(RORY WHOOPING)

955
00:54:52,040 --> 00:54:53,041
Bravo.

956
00:54:55,752 --> 00:54:58,213
Oh, my God. It's Charlotte. Who?

957
00:54:58,713 --> 00:55:00,548
It was my first love.
Where?

958
00:55:00,715 --> 00:55:02,758
There. Under
the "exit" sign.

959
00:55:02,759 --> 00:55:04,510
<font color="
TIM: No, not the old woman.

960
00:55:04,511 --> 00:55:05,844
The astonishing blonde.

961
00:55:05,845 --> 00:55:07,596
The one with the dark hair?
No, blonde.

962
00:55:07,597 --> 00:55:09,224
Blonde means
blonde hair, doesn't it?

963
00:55:10,391 --> 00:55:11,935
Off the stage.

964
00:55:12,352 --> 00:55:14,604
Okay, you stay there.
I mean it, stay!

965
00:55:15,730 --> 00:55:17,398
(SINGING)

966
00:55:27,033 --> 00:55:28,034
Charlotte.

967
00:55:29,077 --> 00:55:31,079
Oh, my God. Tim.

968
00:55:31,621 --> 00:55:34,123
How fabulous to see you.

969
00:55:35,124 --> 00:55:36,458
Wow. I...

970
00:55:36,459 --> 00:55:38,460
This is my girlfriend Tina.

971
00:55:38,461 --> 00:55:39,754
No. Oh!

972
00:55:41,464 --> 00:55:44,132
That is so brilliant.
Well, hello, Tina.

973
00:55:44,133 --> 00:55:45,760
Why is it brilliant?

974
00:55:45,885 --> 00:55:47,220
Well, you know.
There are certain

975
00:55:47,345 --> 00:55:48,638
moments in your life
that scar you for life.

976
00:55:48,763 --> 00:55:51,766
Charlotte's rejection of me
was one of those moments,

977
00:55:51,933 --> 00:55:54,643
but now I know she's
got a "girlfriend," well,

978
00:55:54,644 --> 00:55:57,312
that's just a huge burden
suddenly lifted off my mind.

979
00:55:57,313 --> 00:56:00,316
I can be a confident
heterosexual all over again.

980
00:56:01,943 --> 00:56:04,571
Not that kind of girlfriend.

981
00:56:06,239 --> 00:56:07,240
What?

982
00:56:07,991 --> 00:56:09,617
You think I'm gay?

983
00:56:10,743 --> 00:56:11,744
No.

984
00:56:12,245 --> 00:56:15,998
No, of course not.
No. It's girl friend.

985
00:56:15,999 --> 00:56:18,000
Yes. No. Wow.

986
00:56:18,001 --> 00:56:21,462
Yeah, friend who is a girl,
which you so clearly are.

987
00:56:21,629 --> 00:56:25,425
I'm just gonna go and get my
boyfriend, who is a boy...

988
00:56:31,598 --> 00:56:33,766
Oh, my God. Tim.

989
00:56:34,309 --> 00:56:37,185
How lovely to see you.
Look at you. Wow.

990
00:56:37,186 --> 00:56:38,979
This is my girlfriend Tina.

991
00:56:38,980 --> 00:56:40,064
Oh.

992
00:56:40,607 --> 00:56:42,317
Hello, Tina.
Although you should be

993
00:56:42,442 --> 00:56:44,152
a little careful
with that, by the way.

994
00:56:44,277 --> 00:56:47,322
There are still quite a lot of
us old fashioned types about

995
00:56:47,447 --> 00:56:49,657
who interpret "girlfriend"
as meaning "gay."

996
00:56:49,782 --> 00:56:51,200
So if you say that
Tina's your girlfriend,

997
00:56:51,326 --> 00:56:52,766
people will assume
that you're "gay."

998
00:56:53,995 --> 00:56:55,455
I am "gay".

999
00:56:56,456 --> 00:56:57,665
Are you?

1000
00:56:57,832 --> 00:56:59,072
Do you have
a problem with that?

1001
00:56:59,834 --> 00:57:02,712
No, I don't.
I love that stuff.

1002
00:57:03,504 --> 00:57:04,672
I'm just gonna...

1003
00:57:07,175 --> 00:57:08,176
Wow.

1004
00:57:08,676 --> 00:57:11,512
I've just seen the girl who broke
my heart three summers ago.

1005
00:57:11,638 --> 00:57:13,514
Let's go say hello.

1006
00:57:13,640 --> 00:57:15,516
No. Best let sleeping dogs lie.
Come on.

1007
00:57:15,683 --> 00:57:18,143
Best night of my life.
I always love this area.

1008
00:57:18,144 --> 00:57:20,521
It's so bustling and I mean
those pictures, full of colour.

1009
00:57:20,688 --> 00:57:22,731
Just makes me so happy when I'm
round here, all the colour...

1010
00:57:22,732 --> 00:57:23,857
Tim.

1011
00:57:23,858 --> 00:57:25,193
Oh, Charlotte!

1012
00:57:25,318 --> 00:57:26,694
Tim, how lovely to see you.

1013
00:57:26,819 --> 00:57:28,403
What a surprise.

1014
00:57:28,404 --> 00:57:31,366
Wow. Sorry. This is
my girlfriend, Tina.

1015
00:57:31,532 --> 00:57:33,368
She's gay.
Shut up.

1016
00:57:33,493 --> 00:57:34,702
Hello, Tina.

1017
00:57:34,827 --> 00:57:36,037
Look at you!

1018
00:57:36,162 --> 00:57:37,997
It just never
even occurred to me

1019
00:57:38,122 --> 00:57:39,916
you existed
outside of Cornwall.

1020
00:57:40,708 --> 00:57:42,877
We're about to
go and get dinner,

1021
00:57:43,002 --> 00:57:45,088
but it would be great
to hang out sometime.

1022
00:57:45,213 --> 00:57:47,048
Yeah, sure. I'd love that.

1023
00:57:47,215 --> 00:57:49,008
Send my love to little Kit Kat.
How is she?

1024
00:57:49,550 --> 00:57:53,054
She's okay. She's not finding
London totally easy actually.

1025
00:57:53,221 --> 00:57:55,390
Right. Well, Jimmy says
he sees her sometimes.

1026
00:57:55,682 --> 00:57:57,100
Really? Since when?

1027
00:57:57,225 --> 00:57:59,268
You knew there was
always something there.

1028
00:57:59,394 --> 00:58:01,062
Sorry, you are?

1029
00:58:01,229 --> 00:58:02,230
Very well, thank you.

1030
00:58:02,397 --> 00:58:03,437
Well, she means your name.

1031
00:58:03,564 --> 00:58:04,899
Oh. Roger.
No, it's not.

1032
00:58:05,024 --> 00:58:07,442
(STAMMERS)
No, it's not. It's Rory.

1033
00:58:07,443 --> 00:58:09,362
Nice to meet you, Rory.
Yeah.

1034
00:58:10,071 --> 00:58:11,781
Right. Sorry,
we should get going.

1035
00:58:11,906 --> 00:58:13,323
It was really great to see you.

1036
00:58:13,324 --> 00:58:14,742
I'll see you soon.
You, too. Yeah.

1037
00:58:15,243 --> 00:58:16,244
Bye.

1038
00:58:16,619 --> 00:58:18,454
God, she is beautiful.

1039
00:58:19,914 --> 00:58:23,584
She's so beautiful, if you had sex
with her, you'd die. You'd just die.

1040
00:58:23,710 --> 00:58:27,088
You'd open her shirt, see her breasts
and your eyes would explode.

1041
00:58:27,213 --> 00:58:29,589
You'd have to have sex with her blind.
And then you'd die.

1042
00:58:29,590 --> 00:58:32,135
You notice she didn't
give me her number...

1043
00:58:32,260 --> 00:58:36,139
I told Tina to go have dinner on her own.
Are you hungry?

1044
00:58:36,264 --> 00:58:38,766
Yeah. Of course.
Great.

1045
00:58:39,225 --> 00:58:40,768
Bye, Roger.

1046
00:58:41,060 --> 00:58:42,729
Oh. Yeah, excellent.

1047
00:58:42,927 --> 00:58:44,312
Thanks again for the play.
Triumph.

1048
00:58:44,313 --> 00:58:45,593
CHARLOTTE: Where
do you wanna go?

1049
00:58:45,815 --> 00:58:48,316
Well, wherever you like really.

1050
00:58:48,317 --> 00:58:50,778
(BOTH LAUGHING)
I can't compete.

1051
00:59:02,248 --> 00:59:03,332
You know,

1052
00:59:03,666 --> 00:59:07,628
I'm starting to think we slightly
wasted that summer holiday.

1053
00:59:08,463 --> 00:59:11,174
If we could
travel back in time,

1054
00:59:11,299 --> 00:59:13,843
maybe I wouldn't have said no.

1055
00:59:15,762 --> 00:59:16,763
I'm...

1056
00:59:17,638 --> 00:59:19,640
I'm just staying
round the corner.

1057
00:59:19,766 --> 00:59:21,309
Can you walk me home?

1058
00:59:22,935 --> 00:59:23,936
Yeah.

1059
00:59:24,520 --> 00:59:26,355
Yeah?
Yeah, of course, yeah.

1060
00:59:29,734 --> 00:59:31,152
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

1061
00:59:32,403 --> 00:59:33,529
(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)

1062
00:59:36,324 --> 00:59:38,867
Well, here we are.

1063
00:59:38,868 --> 00:59:40,328
Mmm. (EXHALES)

1064
00:59:44,165 --> 00:59:46,000
It's a lot nicer

1065
00:59:46,417 --> 00:59:47,585
inside.

1066
00:59:48,294 --> 00:59:49,837
I'm sure it is.

1067
00:59:50,046 --> 00:59:51,214
Mmm-hmm.

1068
00:59:57,011 --> 00:59:59,013
So...
So...

1069
01:00:00,181 --> 01:00:01,182
So...

1070
01:00:03,351 --> 01:00:04,352
So,

1071
01:00:04,769 --> 01:00:06,104
lovely

1072
01:00:07,438 --> 01:00:09,357
to see you, Charlotte.

1073
01:00:09,482 --> 01:00:13,194
What a night.
Total joy, but I've gotta

1074
01:00:14,195 --> 01:00:15,696
get back

1075
01:00:16,531 --> 01:00:19,867
because there's something very important
that I have to do. Right now.

1076
01:00:53,067 --> 01:00:54,569
Wake up.
Mmm...

1077
01:00:54,694 --> 01:00:56,362
Wake up.
What?

1078
01:00:56,529 --> 01:00:57,530
Mary.

1079
01:00:58,906 --> 01:01:00,740
Would you like to marry me?

1080
01:01:00,741 --> 01:01:01,951
Shh.

1081
01:01:02,243 --> 01:01:06,247
Don't be so selfish,
I'm sleeping. It's bad.

1082
01:01:08,374 --> 01:01:09,375
Right.

1083
01:01:10,334 --> 01:01:12,170
That went very well.

1084
01:01:18,134 --> 01:01:19,676
(SOFT MUSIC PLAYING)

1085
01:01:19,677 --> 01:01:20,928
Wake up.

1086
01:01:21,095 --> 01:01:22,096
What?

1087
01:01:23,681 --> 01:01:25,765
Wake up. Come
and have a chat.

1088
01:01:25,766 --> 01:01:26,767
Why?

1089
01:01:27,935 --> 01:01:30,354
I've got something
important to ask you.

1090
01:01:30,771 --> 01:01:32,023
(GROANS SOFTLY)

1091
01:01:33,191 --> 01:01:35,276
Can't it wait till morning?

1092
01:01:35,610 --> 01:01:37,236
Not really.

1093
01:01:38,196 --> 01:01:41,199
But I'm so comfy.

1094
01:01:41,699 --> 01:01:44,368
I was having
the loveliest dream.

1095
01:01:45,119 --> 01:01:46,746
What is it?

1096
01:01:47,455 --> 01:01:49,957
Why is there music on?

1097
01:01:50,416 --> 01:01:53,127
It's got something to do
with what I want to ask you.

1098
01:01:54,795 --> 01:01:56,631
Wait a minute.

1099
01:01:57,465 --> 01:01:59,425
Romantic music.

1100
01:02:00,801 --> 01:02:03,304
Guy with important question.

1101
01:02:03,471 --> 01:02:05,097
Are you on your knees?

1102
01:02:05,598 --> 01:02:07,600
On his knees.

1103
01:02:08,017 --> 01:02:09,143
Mmm.

1104
01:02:09,477 --> 01:02:12,271
Were you so bored in
the play you decided

1105
01:02:12,396 --> 01:02:15,149
to ask me to
marry you afterwards?

1106
01:02:16,150 --> 01:02:17,442
Huh?

1107
01:02:17,443 --> 01:02:19,111
Something like that.

1108
01:02:22,406 --> 01:02:24,408
Yeah. Exactly that.

1109
01:02:25,785 --> 01:02:27,119
In fact,

1110
01:02:30,164 --> 01:02:31,999
will you marry me?

1111
01:02:38,506 --> 01:02:40,508
Any thoughts on the answer?

1112
01:02:41,133 --> 01:02:45,137
"Yes?" "No?" "Get out of my life,
loser." They're all possible.

1113
01:02:48,683 --> 01:02:51,352
I think I'll go for

1114
01:02:53,020 --> 01:02:54,021
"yes."

1115
01:02:59,819 --> 01:03:01,988
Thank you for asking me.

1116
01:03:02,530 --> 01:03:07,159
And thank you for not going for one
of those melodramatic proposals

1117
01:03:07,285 --> 01:03:09,662
with lots of people around.

1118
01:03:10,204 --> 01:03:12,123
I hate other people.

1119
01:03:12,540 --> 01:03:13,833
Me, too.

1120
01:03:14,542 --> 01:03:15,543
Yeah.

1121
01:03:17,169 --> 01:03:19,380
I'm just gonna
turn off the radio.

1122
01:03:19,839 --> 01:03:22,049
Okay. Good idea.

1123
01:03:28,180 --> 01:03:29,390
(MUSIC STOPS)

1124
01:03:29,724 --> 01:03:32,893
Thanks, guys.
Sorry, she's a bit tired.

1125
01:03:33,728 --> 01:03:37,815
But we really appreciate it.
Can you go?

1126
01:03:46,907 --> 01:03:48,242
Wow!

1127
01:03:48,576 --> 01:03:50,578
That's so beautiful.

1128
01:03:50,703 --> 01:03:53,413
I don't think we'll be staying
in the same room, somehow.

1129
01:03:53,414 --> 01:03:54,748
Oh, really?

1130
01:03:54,749 --> 01:03:57,752
Oh, if they offer you tea,
just say no.

1131
01:03:58,544 --> 01:03:59,920
Hello.

1132
01:04:00,046 --> 01:04:01,422
Mum, this is Mary.

1133
01:04:01,547 --> 01:04:02,882
Mary!
Hi.

1134
01:04:03,007 --> 01:04:04,592
Good Lord, you're pretty.

1135
01:04:04,759 --> 01:04:06,344
Oh, no, it's just

1136
01:04:06,761 --> 01:04:09,263
I've got a lot of
mascara and lipstick on.

1137
01:04:09,388 --> 01:04:10,765
Let's have a look.

1138
01:04:10,890 --> 01:04:13,434
Oh, yes. Good.

1139
01:04:13,893 --> 01:04:17,437
It's very bad for
a girl to be too pretty.

1140
01:04:17,438 --> 01:04:21,609
It stops her developing a sense of humour.
Or a personality.

1141
01:04:22,360 --> 01:04:23,361
Tea?

1142
01:04:23,778 --> 01:04:25,321
I'd love a cup of tea.

1143
01:04:25,446 --> 01:04:27,031
Oh, Christ,
that's the whole day gone.

1144
01:04:27,740 --> 01:04:30,785
She's a very special guest.
Cup without the crack.

1145
01:04:30,910 --> 01:04:32,243
MARY: Oh. Skipping stones.

1146
01:04:32,244 --> 01:04:34,955
MUM: They've been doing this
since he was about this high.

1147
01:04:35,289 --> 01:04:38,833
And what are your faults?
I mean, little weaknesses.

1148
01:04:38,834 --> 01:04:40,711
Oh. Uh...

1149
01:04:41,629 --> 01:04:43,714
(LAUGHS) I, uh...

1150
01:04:45,549 --> 01:04:47,551
Well, I'm very insecure.

1151
01:04:47,802 --> 01:04:49,095
Sweet.

1152
01:04:50,054 --> 01:04:54,100
Okay. I've a very
bad temper sometimes.

1153
01:04:54,225 --> 01:04:55,893
Crucial.
How else are you gonna

1154
01:04:56,018 --> 01:04:57,811
get a fella to
do what you want?

1155
01:04:57,812 --> 01:04:58,938
(CHUCKLES)

1156
01:05:00,147 --> 01:05:02,316
And, of course, I have...

1157
01:05:02,733 --> 01:05:04,110
I have a weakness for your son.

1158
01:05:04,235 --> 01:05:05,611
So do I.

1159
01:05:05,986 --> 01:05:09,657
But best not to tell him.
Don't want him getting cocky.

1160
01:05:11,492 --> 01:05:13,119
<font color="

1161
01:05:13,661 --> 01:05:14,828
Pow!

1162
01:05:14,829 --> 01:05:17,164
I'm so good
without the ball. Pow!

1163
01:05:18,999 --> 01:05:20,500
What do you think of her?

1164
01:05:20,501 --> 01:05:22,128
I like her more
than you already.

1165
01:05:24,463 --> 01:05:28,509
Oh, look, I'd forgotten this.
Jimmy Fontana <i>The World.</i>

1166
01:05:28,634 --> 01:05:30,677
Greatest record ever
recorded by an Italian

1167
01:05:30,678 --> 01:05:32,471
who looks like he's got
a dead badger on his head.

1168
01:05:32,596 --> 01:05:33,806
And you've got the album.

1169
01:05:33,931 --> 01:05:35,141
Yes!

1170
01:05:35,266 --> 01:05:36,851
Check out those specs!

1171
01:05:37,101 --> 01:05:38,477
(LAUGHING)

1172
01:05:39,353 --> 01:05:42,523
Come on, on with the game!
Right.

1173
01:05:42,857 --> 01:05:44,775
And what an extraordinary
game this is.

1174
01:05:44,900 --> 01:05:46,819
For the first time
a father and son

1175
01:05:46,944 --> 01:05:48,696
are playing each other
in the World Table

1176
01:05:48,863 --> 01:05:50,697
Tennis Final and
neither of them are Chinese.

1177
01:05:50,698 --> 01:05:53,366
Tremendous play from the old
World Champion and his son,

1178
01:05:53,367 --> 01:05:56,084
the first openly ginger
British table tennis player

1179
01:05:56,085 --> 01:05:58,246
but there are signs the
youngster's beginning to crack.

1180
01:05:58,247 --> 01:05:59,372
There are tears in his eyes.

1181
01:05:59,373 --> 01:06:00,749
There are not!

1182
01:06:00,875 --> 01:06:02,334
There soon will be!

1183
01:06:03,461 --> 01:06:05,004
(LAUGHS TRIUMPHANTLY)

1184
01:06:06,881 --> 01:06:07,882
KIT KAT: Hey.

1185
01:06:09,300 --> 01:06:11,177
Hey!
I didn't know you were here.

1186
01:06:11,844 --> 01:06:14,387
Yeah. I just
popped down for a while.

1187
01:06:14,388 --> 01:06:15,556
Okay.

1188
01:06:15,890 --> 01:06:17,141
What about the job?

1189
01:06:17,850 --> 01:06:18,893
Oh.

1190
01:06:19,143 --> 01:06:20,560
So how long have you been here?

1191
01:06:20,561 --> 01:06:22,354
Couple of weeks.

1192
01:06:22,480 --> 01:06:24,732
Gosh! So,
life in London...

1193
01:06:25,566 --> 01:06:26,734
Horrid.

1194
01:06:26,901 --> 01:06:27,902
Okay.

1195
01:06:29,653 --> 01:06:31,237
Is Mary here?

1196
01:06:31,238 --> 01:06:32,406
Yes.

1197
01:06:32,573 --> 01:06:34,074
Where?
Downstairs.

1198
01:06:35,242 --> 01:06:37,244
You be gentle.

1199
01:06:38,245 --> 01:06:39,747
Be gentle!

1200
01:06:42,833 --> 01:06:44,042
Oh!

1201
01:06:44,043 --> 01:06:45,377
DESMOND: Oh, careful!

1202
01:06:46,253 --> 01:06:50,549
Yeah, nice to see you, too. I'm
trying to make a good impression...

1203
01:06:50,674 --> 01:06:52,634
Yeah, you make a good impression.
(GLASS CLINKING)

1204
01:06:53,511 --> 01:06:55,262
Right, sorry.
Sorry.

1205
01:06:55,387 --> 01:06:57,932
I've got an important
announcement to make.

1206
01:06:58,057 --> 01:06:59,767
DESMOND: Exciting.
Mmm. (CLEARS THROAT)

1207
01:07:00,935 --> 01:07:03,561
We've decided, after a little
bit of thought, to get married.

1208
01:07:03,562 --> 01:07:05,731
(ALL EXCLAIMING IN DELIGHT)

1209
01:07:06,732 --> 01:07:09,109
That's wonderful news.

1210
01:07:09,276 --> 01:07:10,903
Who are you getting married to?

1211
01:07:11,946 --> 01:07:13,906
To Mary. Over there.

1212
01:07:14,031 --> 01:07:16,033
Oh, thank God for that.

1213
01:07:16,242 --> 01:07:19,245
Jolly embarrassing if it had
been another girl. Imagine that.

1214
01:07:19,745 --> 01:07:21,455
MUM: We're so pleased.

1215
01:07:21,956 --> 01:07:23,582
Oh, no, sorry.
Uh... Yeah.

1216
01:07:23,707 --> 01:07:26,794
By the way, the wedding
will be quite soon

1217
01:07:27,795 --> 01:07:29,713
because we're
having a baby, too.

1218
01:07:29,964 --> 01:07:32,007
(ALL EXCLAIMING IN DELIGHT)

1219
01:07:37,304 --> 01:07:38,472
You're pregnant?

1220
01:07:38,597 --> 01:07:39,765
Yes.

1221
01:07:40,057 --> 01:07:41,475
Who's the father?

1222
01:07:42,101 --> 01:07:43,811
Well, Tim, I hope.

1223
01:07:44,228 --> 01:07:48,232
Thank God for that. Jolly awkward
if it had been another fellow.

1224
01:07:51,986 --> 01:07:53,487
We have to decide tonight.

1225
01:07:53,612 --> 01:07:55,322
TIM: What?
Everything.

1226
01:07:55,573 --> 01:07:58,241
The only thing
you've decided about our

1227
01:07:58,242 --> 01:08:00,243
wedding is that I'm
coming down the aisle

1228
01:08:00,244 --> 01:08:02,454
to the sound of
some Italian weirdo

1229
01:08:02,580 --> 01:08:04,831
singing a song called <i>Il Mondo.</i>

1230
01:08:04,832 --> 01:08:05,832
Excellent song.

1231
01:08:05,833 --> 01:08:08,167
To which I've said
a definitive "no."

1232
01:08:08,168 --> 01:08:09,837
So here's the deal.

1233
01:08:10,004 --> 01:08:13,507
I will take off one item of clothing
for every decision you make.

1234
01:08:14,675 --> 01:08:17,678
Okay. You have my attention,
young lady.

1235
01:08:17,970 --> 01:08:19,305
Right, um,

1236
01:08:20,431 --> 01:08:22,057
where would you
like to get married?

1237
01:08:23,517 --> 01:08:25,978
Home. I'd hate
anywhere else.

1238
01:08:26,103 --> 01:08:27,104
Okay.

1239
01:08:27,813 --> 01:08:29,648
Oh, my God.
Good.

1240
01:08:29,773 --> 01:08:31,190
Who should the priest be?

1241
01:08:31,191 --> 01:08:32,693
It'll have to be
the local bloke

1242
01:08:32,818 --> 01:08:34,458
with yellow teeth and
the massive unibrow.

1243
01:08:34,695 --> 01:08:35,696
Okay.

1244
01:08:36,196 --> 01:08:38,824
That's a lock for Hagrid.

1245
01:08:40,075 --> 01:08:41,327
Um...

1246
01:08:41,702 --> 01:08:42,786
Best Man?

1247
01:08:42,911 --> 01:08:43,996
Damn.

1248
01:08:44,121 --> 01:08:45,789
Best Man. Now.

1249
01:08:45,914 --> 01:08:47,707
Oh, no, this is so hard.
It's lose-lose, you know.

1250
01:08:47,708 --> 01:08:49,334
You piss off all
the ones you don't pick,

1251
01:08:49,335 --> 01:08:50,835
and you end up
hating the one you do pick

1252
01:08:50,836 --> 01:08:52,962
because he makes a bad
speech and ruins the day.

1253
01:08:52,963 --> 01:08:54,506
Do you wanna see
these puppies or not?

1254
01:08:54,632 --> 01:08:56,175
Yes, I do.

1255
01:08:56,967 --> 01:08:58,886
Jay.
It's your choice.

1256
01:08:59,011 --> 01:09:00,553
He's my best friend,
but he's a moron.

1257
01:09:00,554 --> 01:09:02,055
Yeah, he will
mess up everything.

1258
01:09:02,056 --> 01:09:03,390
Rory.
Sure?

1259
01:09:03,515 --> 01:09:04,850
No, Harry.

1260
01:09:04,975 --> 01:09:06,310
Harry it is.
Let's do this.

1261
01:09:08,395 --> 01:09:09,855
Oh, Rory. Sorry.

1262
01:09:09,980 --> 01:09:11,481
What? That's such a cheat.

1263
01:09:11,482 --> 01:09:12,899
(GROANS)

1264
01:09:12,900 --> 01:09:14,026
Okay, fine.

1265
01:09:14,151 --> 01:09:15,527
Honeymoon?

1266
01:09:15,986 --> 01:09:17,737
Bed and breakfast in Scotland.

1267
01:09:17,738 --> 01:09:20,199
I am not taking
my pants off for Scotland.

1268
01:09:20,324 --> 01:09:22,909
But it's all we can afford.
Take off your pants.

1269
01:09:22,910 --> 01:09:24,036
I will not.

1270
01:09:24,161 --> 01:09:25,245
Take off your pants!

1271
01:09:25,412 --> 01:09:27,706
(SQUEALS) I want
two weeks in Bali!

1272
01:09:27,831 --> 01:09:29,166
Take off those pants!

1273
01:09:29,792 --> 01:09:31,585
(THUNDER RUMBLING)

1274
01:09:33,087 --> 01:09:34,755
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)

1275
01:09:36,215 --> 01:09:38,050
Have you planned a break?
No.

1276
01:09:43,764 --> 01:09:45,933
<font color="

1277
01:09:47,935 --> 01:09:49,269
Oh, no!

1278
01:09:50,854 --> 01:09:51,980
(CHUCKLES)

1279
01:09:52,398 --> 01:09:53,482
Is that you?

1280
01:09:53,816 --> 01:09:55,150
It wasn't me.

1281
01:10:11,750 --> 01:10:13,293
It's for you.

1282
01:10:14,336 --> 01:10:15,963
(ITALIAN SONG
CONTINUES PLAYING)

1283
01:10:24,012 --> 01:10:25,556
(INAUDIBLE SINGING ALONG)

1284
01:10:45,617 --> 01:10:47,201
(BOTH GASPING)

1285
01:10:47,202 --> 01:10:49,121
No, I'm caught!
I've got it. I've got it!

1286
01:10:49,538 --> 01:10:50,664
Help me!

1287
01:10:50,831 --> 01:10:52,039
ALL: Oh!

1288
01:10:52,040 --> 01:10:53,459
(CAMERA CLICKING)

1289
01:10:55,502 --> 01:10:56,795
Yes!

1290
01:11:00,382 --> 01:11:02,008
Right, follow me!
<font color="

1291
01:11:02,009 --> 01:11:03,969
(WOMEN SCREAMING)

1292
01:11:04,344 --> 01:11:05,846
My gosh!

1293
01:11:07,806 --> 01:11:09,265
Oh, my God!

1294
01:11:09,266 --> 01:11:10,309
Oh!

1295
01:11:11,977 --> 01:11:13,060
Oh, God!

1296
01:11:13,061 --> 01:11:14,396
(BOTH LAUGHING)

1297
01:11:20,027 --> 01:11:21,236
It's a joke!

1298
01:11:21,779 --> 01:11:23,071
(WOMEN CONTINUE SCREAMING)

1299
01:11:24,865 --> 01:11:25,866
Here.

1300
01:11:30,871 --> 01:11:32,498
Yes, come on.

1301
01:11:32,831 --> 01:11:34,041
This way.

1302
01:11:38,295 --> 01:11:40,380
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)

1303
01:11:43,717 --> 01:11:45,636
(RIPPING)

1304
01:11:46,345 --> 01:11:48,347
(PEOPLE SCREAMING)

1305
01:11:49,181 --> 01:11:50,891
Oh, my God!

1306
01:11:53,143 --> 01:11:54,394
(LAUGHING)

1307
01:12:14,331 --> 01:12:15,958
<font color="

1308
01:12:17,251 --> 01:12:18,335
RORY: Hello,

1309
01:12:18,669 --> 01:12:20,170
I'm Rory.

1310
01:12:21,213 --> 01:12:25,717
(STAMMERING) When Tim asked me to
be his Best Man, I was terrified.

1311
01:12:25,843 --> 01:12:28,554
So I thought best
thing is to find

1312
01:12:28,679 --> 01:12:31,390
a book about speeches.
And here it is.

1313
01:12:32,182 --> 01:12:35,936
And it says think of
really funny anecdotes.

1314
01:12:36,854 --> 01:12:41,817
And there is a very hilarious
story, actually from work.

1315
01:12:42,526 --> 01:12:45,487
It was quite a complicated
case based on an issue of

1316
01:12:45,612 --> 01:12:47,530
cross-amortisation
of ownership of

1317
01:12:47,531 --> 01:12:49,116
post-divorce
properties and, um...

1318
01:12:51,243 --> 01:12:54,079
Let me just explain the context.
The Defendant...

1319
01:12:57,875 --> 01:13:00,127
When Tim asked me
to do his Best Man speech,

1320
01:13:00,252 --> 01:13:02,504
my immediate reaction was,

1321
01:13:02,629 --> 01:13:04,630
"How much are you gonna
pay me, you little shit?"

1322
01:13:04,631 --> 01:13:07,008
"I don't write
for free, you know."

1323
01:13:07,009 --> 01:13:10,137
These were the girls available
to him at that time.

1324
01:13:10,262 --> 01:13:13,515
"Hello, girls." And this is how
far he got with each of them.

1325
01:13:13,640 --> 01:13:16,809
Let me explain the code.
5, blowjob.

1326
01:13:16,810 --> 01:13:18,812
(ASTONISHED LAUGHING)

1327
01:13:19,438 --> 01:13:21,690
8, full penetrative...

1328
01:13:21,815 --> 01:13:23,650
...and so a toast

1329
01:13:23,775 --> 01:13:25,736
to the man with
the worst haircut

1330
01:13:25,861 --> 01:13:27,821
but the best bride in the room.

1331
01:13:28,280 --> 01:13:30,032
Ladies and gentlemen,
Tim and Mary.

1332
01:13:30,157 --> 01:13:32,159
ALL: Tim and Mary.

1333
01:13:32,951 --> 01:13:34,036
That's us.

1334
01:13:34,995 --> 01:13:36,955
I wish I'd said
"I love you."

1335
01:13:37,080 --> 01:13:38,749
You did, Dad.

1336
01:13:39,166 --> 01:13:40,417
It was implied.

1337
01:13:40,542 --> 01:13:44,630
I'm not sure "implied" is good
enough for a wedding day, are you?

1338
01:13:44,755 --> 01:13:46,924
No, don't do it, it's fine.

1339
01:13:47,049 --> 01:13:50,886
I'm so happy with it as it was.
You really don't have to.

1340
01:13:51,011 --> 01:13:53,305
I'll do what
I wanna do, young man.

1341
01:13:53,430 --> 01:13:55,682
Will you excuse me
for just one moment?

1342
01:13:57,601 --> 01:14:00,520
...later on
I may tell you about

1343
01:14:00,646 --> 01:14:05,025
Tim's many failings as a man
and as a table tennis player.

1344
01:14:05,150 --> 01:14:06,151
But,

1345
01:14:06,443 --> 01:14:08,779
important first to say the one

1346
01:14:10,572 --> 01:14:13,283
big thing, I've only loved

1347
01:14:13,408 --> 01:14:16,745
three men in my life.

1348
01:14:17,204 --> 01:14:19,247
My dad was
a frosty bugger so that

1349
01:14:19,373 --> 01:14:21,416
only leaves dear Uncle Desmond,

1350
01:14:23,961 --> 01:14:27,714
B.B. King, obviously,
and this young man here.

1351
01:14:28,423 --> 01:14:32,761
I'd only give one piece of
advice to anyone marrying.

1352
01:14:33,470 --> 01:14:36,306
We're all quite
similar in the end.

1353
01:14:36,431 --> 01:14:40,142
We all get old and tell the
same tales too many times.

1354
01:14:40,143 --> 01:14:43,480
But try and marry someone

1355
01:14:44,898 --> 01:14:45,899
kind.

1356
01:14:46,650 --> 01:14:48,986
And this is a kind man

1357
01:14:49,653 --> 01:14:51,405
with a good heart.

1358
01:14:51,780 --> 01:14:54,658
I'm not particularly proud

1359
01:14:54,783 --> 01:14:58,412
of many things in my life,
but I am very proud

1360
01:15:00,080 --> 01:15:02,082
to be the father of my son.

1361
01:15:05,585 --> 01:15:10,006
I'm so sorry to disturb you, but I
wonder if I could have your autograph.

1362
01:15:10,007 --> 01:15:12,050
No. No.

1363
01:15:12,634 --> 01:15:13,968
I'm at a wedding,
for God's sake.

1364
01:15:13,969 --> 01:15:16,304
I'm here to
celebrate true love not

1365
01:15:16,430 --> 01:15:18,807
scribble my illegible
signature on stupid

1366
01:15:18,932 --> 01:15:21,309
bits of paper that
you can flog on eBay

1367
01:15:21,435 --> 01:15:24,604
so that at the next wedding you
can wear a less hideous hat.

1368
01:15:24,771 --> 01:15:27,189
I see you've met my Aunt May.

1369
01:15:27,190 --> 01:15:30,986
Oh, God. People should
wear name tags.

1370
01:15:32,112 --> 01:15:34,197
You next, Kittle Kattie.

1371
01:15:35,449 --> 01:15:37,451
I don't know, Uncle D.

1372
01:15:39,286 --> 01:15:41,163
Boys aren't very nice.

1373
01:15:41,705 --> 01:15:43,290
Aren't they, darling?

1374
01:15:43,790 --> 01:15:45,667
Not in my experience.

1375
01:15:46,793 --> 01:15:48,795
They're always
taking liberties,

1376
01:15:48,962 --> 01:15:51,006
not giving much back in return.

1377
01:15:54,843 --> 01:15:56,386
It's yummy.
Yeah?

1378
01:15:56,511 --> 01:15:58,638
I like the way
you say 'yummy.'

1379
01:15:59,139 --> 01:16:00,849
(SOFT MUSIC PLAYING)

1380
01:16:06,480 --> 01:16:09,732
Do you wish we'd picked
another less wet day?

1381
01:16:09,733 --> 01:16:10,734
No.

1382
01:16:11,818 --> 01:16:13,695
Not for the world.

1383
01:16:14,863 --> 01:16:15,946
Phew.

1384
01:16:15,947 --> 01:16:17,074
(LAUGHS)

1385
01:16:18,867 --> 01:16:21,203
And so it begins.

1386
01:16:21,661 --> 01:16:24,581
Lots and lots of types of days.

1387
01:16:25,499 --> 01:16:26,500
Fun!

1388
01:16:28,710 --> 01:16:30,087
(BABY GURGLING)

1389
01:16:33,006 --> 01:16:34,007
Posy.

1390
01:16:35,634 --> 01:16:37,344
Posy she is.

1391
01:16:37,969 --> 01:16:40,262
The most beautiful
girl in the world.

1392
01:16:40,263 --> 01:16:41,807
(CRYING)

1393
01:16:43,558 --> 01:16:47,562
You want your daddy.
Yes, I know.

1394
01:16:50,857 --> 01:16:51,858
Yeah.

1395
01:16:54,903 --> 01:16:56,320
TIM: <i>No one can ever
prepare you for</i>

1396
01:16:56,321 --> 01:16:58,532
<i>what happens when
you have a child.</i>

1397
01:16:58,698 --> 01:17:00,366
<i>When you see
the baby in your arms</i>

1398
01:17:00,367 --> 01:17:02,994
<i>and you know that
it's your job now.</i>

1399
01:17:03,912 --> 01:17:07,749
<i>No one can prepare you for
the love and the fear.</i>

1400
01:17:09,376 --> 01:17:11,336
Oh, she's lovely.

1401
01:17:12,379 --> 01:17:14,381
You were such an ugly baby.

1402
01:17:14,714 --> 01:17:16,383
More chimpanzee than child.

1403
01:17:17,050 --> 01:17:18,634
I remember
the first time I saw you,

1404
01:17:18,635 --> 01:17:21,555
I thanked God we were in driving
distance of London Zoo.

1405
01:17:22,764 --> 01:17:24,348
Come on, hand over
the little bugger,

1406
01:17:24,349 --> 01:17:25,933
let's see if she bounces.

1407
01:17:25,934 --> 01:17:27,727
Are we sure...
KIT KAT: Yeah, she definitely will bounce.

1408
01:17:27,894 --> 01:17:29,020
Oh, look.

1409
01:17:29,146 --> 01:17:30,272
She can do anything.

1410
01:17:30,397 --> 01:17:32,357
Look.
Hello.

1411
01:17:34,568 --> 01:17:36,027
Sweetheart.

1412
01:17:37,070 --> 01:17:38,780
<i>No one can prepare you
for the love</i>

1413
01:17:38,905 --> 01:17:40,699
<i>people you love
can feel for them.</i>

1414
01:17:40,949 --> 01:17:42,450
<font color="

1415
01:17:42,909 --> 01:17:44,410
<i>And nothing can prepare you for</i>

1416
01:17:44,411 --> 01:17:46,453
<i>the indifference of friends
who don't have babies.</i>

1417
01:17:46,454 --> 01:17:48,248
Do you wanna
go to Uncle Jay, huh?

1418
01:17:48,415 --> 01:17:50,250
No, thanks, it's fine.
It's great.

1419
01:17:50,584 --> 01:17:52,877
<i>And it's a shock how
quickly you have to move</i>

1420
01:17:52,878 --> 01:17:55,714
<i>to a new place you
completely can't afford.</i>

1421
01:17:56,298 --> 01:17:57,757
Look what we found.

1422
01:17:57,883 --> 01:17:59,301
Look who it is!

1423
01:17:59,885 --> 01:18:00,969
Honey!

1424
01:18:01,094 --> 01:18:02,220
Sorry.

1425
01:18:04,931 --> 01:18:08,602
<i>Suddenly, time travel seems
almost unnecessary,</i>

1426
01:18:08,727 --> 01:18:10,770
<i>because every detail of
life is so delightful.</i>

1427
01:18:14,858 --> 01:18:16,359
<font color="

1428
01:18:17,110 --> 01:18:18,277
(Booms)

1429
01:18:18,278 --> 01:18:19,820
What's his name?

1430
01:18:19,821 --> 01:18:20,947
Horace, I think.

1431
01:18:21,114 --> 01:18:22,323
Of course it is.

1432
01:18:22,324 --> 01:18:24,617
Only one important thing
for a godfather, I'm told,

1433
01:18:24,618 --> 01:18:26,953
never bring a present
smaller than the child.

1434
01:18:27,120 --> 01:18:29,456
Oh, shut up, you smug bastard.

1435
01:18:29,581 --> 01:18:31,458
Don't worry, I didn't
bring anything at all.

1436
01:18:31,625 --> 01:18:33,501
She'll never know.
Hasn't got a brain yet.

1437
01:18:33,627 --> 01:18:35,629
I didn't expect to
see you here, Harry.

1438
01:18:35,795 --> 01:18:37,797
Children's party's
not exactly your style.

1439
01:18:37,964 --> 01:18:41,134
No, Mary, I was tricked. I was
told there would be free booze.

1440
01:18:41,551 --> 01:18:42,719
MARY: Oh!

1441
01:18:43,011 --> 01:18:45,138
I hate kids, as you know.

1442
01:18:45,305 --> 01:18:46,932
Where's Kit Kat, by the way?

1443
01:18:47,265 --> 01:18:50,351
I don't know, she said
she'd be here around 3:00.

1444
01:18:50,352 --> 01:18:53,771
And you know we got purple
cupcakes for her especially.

1445
01:18:53,772 --> 01:18:55,482
(KNOCKING ON DOOR) Here she is!

1446
01:18:55,649 --> 01:18:57,089
Speak of the devil,
that will be her.

1447
01:18:58,818 --> 01:19:01,321
We'll wait till
Aunty Kit Kat gets here.

1448
01:19:02,322 --> 01:19:03,823
Hey.
Jimmy.

1449
01:19:03,990 --> 01:19:05,492
Where's my sister?

1450
01:19:06,826 --> 01:19:07,827
Thought she was here.

1451
01:19:07,953 --> 01:19:08,995
No, she hasn't arrived.

1452
01:19:10,872 --> 01:19:12,415
That's not good.

1453
01:19:12,916 --> 01:19:14,584
What does that mean?

1454
01:19:14,709 --> 01:19:16,001
Um...

1455
01:19:16,002 --> 01:19:18,213
We had
an argument this morning.

1456
01:19:18,338 --> 01:19:20,590
Over nothing, but
she'd been drinking, so...

1457
01:19:21,508 --> 01:19:25,053
And then she ran out to get
the car to come here and

1458
01:19:25,178 --> 01:19:27,555
I told her to
meet me here so...

1459
01:19:27,931 --> 01:19:31,351
TIM: <i>There's a song by Baz
Luhrmann called Sunscreen.</i>

1460
01:19:31,518 --> 01:19:33,769
<i>He says worrying
about the future</i>

1461
01:19:33,770 --> 01:19:35,187
<i>is as effective
as trying to solve</i>

1462
01:19:35,188 --> 01:19:38,024
<i>an algebra equation
by chewing bubble gum.</i>

1463
01:19:38,692 --> 01:19:40,777
<i>The real troubles in your life</i>

1464
01:19:40,902 --> 01:19:44,698
<i>will always be things that never
crossed your worried mind.</i>

1465
01:19:46,032 --> 01:19:47,492
(TYRES SCREECHING)

1466
01:19:58,253 --> 01:19:59,421
What happened?

1467
01:20:01,214 --> 01:20:02,882
We had a fight.

1468
01:20:03,383 --> 01:20:04,384
And,

1469
01:20:05,719 --> 01:20:08,221
maybe I wasn't
completely sober.

1470
01:20:10,056 --> 01:20:11,933
How is she?
Not good.

1471
01:20:12,225 --> 01:20:14,394
When did she leave you?
From where?

1472
01:20:14,561 --> 01:20:16,771
I want it exact.
Exact time. Exact address.

1473
01:20:26,573 --> 01:20:29,117
Here we are.
Sorry, sorry.

1474
01:20:29,409 --> 01:20:30,660
Come on.

1475
01:20:31,661 --> 01:20:33,246
Ah, God.

1476
01:20:33,580 --> 01:20:35,582
MARY: Hi.
There she is.

1477
01:20:35,915 --> 01:20:37,917
Does a small baby live here?

1478
01:20:38,084 --> 01:20:42,255
Yes, and she's so excited.
She's downstairs.

1479
01:20:42,839 --> 01:20:44,924
Happy birthday, Posy,

1480
01:20:47,135 --> 01:20:49,679
I'm sorry.
I had to pick up Kit Kat.

1481
01:20:49,804 --> 01:20:51,598
I thought she was
gonna drive herself.

1482
01:20:51,723 --> 01:20:53,516
Turns out she couldn't.

1483
01:20:54,768 --> 01:20:56,895
She okay?
Later.

1484
01:20:59,230 --> 01:21:01,191
TIM: I'm worried
about Kit Kat.

1485
01:21:03,193 --> 01:21:05,195
Yeah. I know.

1486
01:21:05,862 --> 01:21:08,865
She was drinking wine
while we were drinking tea.

1487
01:21:09,491 --> 01:21:11,910
And Jimmy wasn't nice to her.

1488
01:21:12,035 --> 01:21:15,121
And she spurned
the purple cupcakes.

1489
01:21:15,914 --> 01:21:18,249
We have to do
something to fix it.

1490
01:21:20,418 --> 01:21:21,419
Yeah.

1491
01:21:22,420 --> 01:21:24,089
But, you know,

1492
01:21:24,798 --> 01:21:29,052
if it's gonna be fixed, I think she
probably has to do it herself.

1493
01:21:30,470 --> 01:21:31,471
Maybe.

1494
01:21:32,514 --> 01:21:34,015
Maybe not.

1495
01:21:37,977 --> 01:21:40,230
My darling.
What's happened?

1496
01:21:40,563 --> 01:21:42,899
You're the best
person in the world.

1497
01:21:43,024 --> 01:21:45,318
You're top equal with
my wife. I don't get it.

1498
01:21:47,028 --> 01:21:48,988
Maybe, just maybe,

1499
01:21:50,115 --> 01:21:51,866
I'm the faller.

1500
01:21:52,742 --> 01:21:56,496
Every family has,
like, someone who falls,

1501
01:21:56,830 --> 01:21:59,791
who doesn't make the grade,
who stumbles,

1502
01:21:59,916 --> 01:22:01,918
who life trips up.

1503
01:22:02,460 --> 01:22:04,546
Maybe I'm our faller.

1504
01:22:05,672 --> 01:22:06,673
No.

1505
01:22:07,715 --> 01:22:08,883
No.

1506
01:22:15,974 --> 01:22:18,977
Okay. I'm gonna
tell you a secret.

1507
01:22:19,102 --> 01:22:21,354
And you have to
promise to keep it.

1508
01:22:21,646 --> 01:22:23,022
We've always kept secrets.

1509
01:22:23,148 --> 01:22:24,524
We have?

1510
01:22:24,941 --> 01:22:27,610
You promise you
won't ever, ever, ever,

1511
01:22:27,777 --> 01:22:30,029
ever, ever, ever, ever,

1512
01:22:30,655 --> 01:22:33,324
ever, ever, ever, ever tell?

1513
01:22:33,616 --> 01:22:34,617
Yes.

1514
01:22:40,331 --> 01:22:42,750
I can travel in time.

1515
01:22:45,837 --> 01:22:48,131
Why are we standing in the
cupboard under the stairs?

1516
01:22:48,256 --> 01:22:49,883
Because we're
gonna go back in time

1517
01:22:50,049 --> 01:22:51,800
and you're gonna do
some things differently.

1518
01:22:51,801 --> 01:22:53,678
I love it when you're funny.

1519
01:22:53,803 --> 01:22:56,055
Grab my hand.
Close your eyes.

1520
01:23:07,817 --> 01:23:10,236
(FAINT POP MUSIC PLAYING)

1521
01:23:13,072 --> 01:23:16,493
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

1522
01:23:17,202 --> 01:23:21,039
Oh, my arsing God in a box.

1523
01:23:22,665 --> 01:23:23,791
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)

1524
01:23:25,960 --> 01:23:27,085
You're kidding?

1525
01:23:27,086 --> 01:23:28,545
I can go anywhere
in time and you bring

1526
01:23:28,546 --> 01:23:30,798
me back to the worst
party of all time.

1527
01:23:30,924 --> 01:23:33,009
'Fraid so. Let's go.

1528
01:23:35,929 --> 01:23:36,971
We've got work to do.

1529
01:23:37,096 --> 01:23:38,181
What work?

1530
01:23:38,306 --> 01:23:41,309
Making sure you do
not meet Jimmy Kincade.

1531
01:23:41,434 --> 01:23:42,852
Quick, in here.

1532
01:23:44,771 --> 01:23:46,356
But he's about to
fall in love with me!

1533
01:23:46,481 --> 01:23:48,107
Not this time he isn't.

1534
01:23:57,867 --> 01:24:01,204
Who's the pretty looking girl?
It's Jennifer, isn't it?

1535
01:24:01,329 --> 01:24:02,497
Yeah.

1536
01:24:02,622 --> 01:24:03,831
Wild!

1537
01:24:03,957 --> 01:24:05,291
I like your skirt, Jennifer.

1538
01:24:05,416 --> 01:24:06,751
JENNIFER: Thank you.

1539
01:24:06,876 --> 01:24:09,337
Right, I get it.

1540
01:24:09,462 --> 01:24:13,550
If he hadn't met me, he would have
just had sex with someone else.

1541
01:24:13,967 --> 01:24:15,885
Nip it in the bud, eh?

1542
01:24:18,888 --> 01:24:20,557
Excuse me, Jimmy.

1543
01:24:21,641 --> 01:24:23,560
Sorry.
Do I know you?

1544
01:24:23,685 --> 01:24:25,520
Yeah, you do.

1545
01:24:26,104 --> 01:24:28,773
Very well. Sorry.

1546
01:24:28,898 --> 01:24:31,316
And this is what I should
have done right at the start.

1547
01:24:31,317 --> 01:24:33,152
(GRUNTING)
(PEOPLE GASPING)

1548
01:24:37,323 --> 01:24:40,493
Happy New Year, everybody.
Happy New Year.

1549
01:24:40,618 --> 01:24:42,537
And back to the cupboard.

1550
01:24:45,039 --> 01:24:46,207
Amazing!

1551
01:24:46,499 --> 01:24:47,792
What happens now?

1552
01:24:47,917 --> 01:24:49,298
God knows.

1553
01:24:49,299 --> 01:24:51,003
What I'm hoping is
that from this moment on

1554
01:24:51,004 --> 01:24:54,007
you avoid the sleazy bad guys
because they're sleazy and bad.

1555
01:24:54,382 --> 01:24:56,759
When did you get so serious?

1556
01:24:56,884 --> 01:24:59,220
Since it occurred to me
that I might lose you.

1557
01:25:01,973 --> 01:25:04,684
Brace yourself,
this could be weird.

1558
01:25:05,226 --> 01:25:07,186
Things will have changed.

1559
01:25:13,568 --> 01:25:14,902
Oh, my God.

1560
01:25:15,028 --> 01:25:16,029
What?

1561
01:25:16,195 --> 01:25:17,238
Jay.

1562
01:25:17,363 --> 01:25:19,157
Jay Jay?
Yes.

1563
01:25:19,824 --> 01:25:23,202
And he's adorable.
Oh, my God.

1564
01:25:24,787 --> 01:25:25,788
Right,

1565
01:25:26,414 --> 01:25:27,915
let's do this.

1566
01:25:33,880 --> 01:25:35,381
Come on, you two.

1567
01:25:36,049 --> 01:25:39,093
Mum's just cracked open
a packet of biscuits.

1568
01:25:44,390 --> 01:25:47,100
MUM: I've got
something in mind for you.

1569
01:25:47,101 --> 01:25:48,422
JAY: I know
what you're gonna say.

1570
01:25:48,561 --> 01:25:49,961
Have a biscuit and
come and help me.

1571
01:25:51,439 --> 01:25:53,775
But leave the rest for Uncle D.

1572
01:25:56,235 --> 01:25:58,529
It's just tidying really.

1573
01:25:58,905 --> 01:26:00,907
You all right? I missed you.
Yeah.

1574
01:26:01,280 --> 01:26:02,824
Your mum wants me
to do some gardening.

1575
01:26:02,825 --> 01:26:04,077
Okay.

1576
01:26:06,287 --> 01:26:09,247
MUM: It's tidying up, it's
all a bit out of control.

1577
01:26:09,248 --> 01:26:11,084
Anything that looks dead, out.

1578
01:26:11,250 --> 01:26:14,087
This is what we're looking for.
Okay? All this.

1579
01:26:14,253 --> 01:26:15,588
Dead stuff.
See this.

1580
01:26:18,299 --> 01:26:20,718
JAY: They've torn them
to shreds, haven't they?

1581
01:26:33,648 --> 01:26:35,441
How did everything go?

1582
01:26:35,566 --> 01:26:37,318
Immensely satisfactory.

1583
01:26:37,735 --> 01:26:41,321
I'm so happy. Oh! I wanna
hear all about it.

1584
01:26:41,322 --> 01:26:43,407
Will you do dinner
for us because there's

1585
01:26:43,408 --> 01:26:45,284
something I have to do before
6:00 or I'll get fired?

1586
01:26:45,451 --> 01:26:48,746
Yeah. I can't think of
anything I'd love to do more.

1587
01:26:48,871 --> 01:26:51,958
Okay, where is the most
fabulous person in the world?

1588
01:26:52,125 --> 01:26:56,963
Come to your dad and get mashed
up food shoved into your mouth!

1589
01:27:00,967 --> 01:27:02,135
(BLOWS RASPBERRY)

1590
01:27:04,095 --> 01:27:05,555
Hello there, little boy.

1591
01:27:09,475 --> 01:27:10,935
You just

1592
01:27:11,060 --> 01:27:13,479
wait there and I'll
be back in a minute.

1593
01:27:17,150 --> 01:27:18,443
(DOOR CLOSES)

1594
01:27:25,825 --> 01:27:27,826
Dad, can I have a quick word?

1595
01:27:27,827 --> 01:27:29,662
Yeah. Sure.

1596
01:27:31,664 --> 01:27:33,499
I can't go back past
the birth again, can I?

1597
01:27:33,624 --> 01:27:35,500
No. I should have
mentioned that.

1598
01:27:35,501 --> 01:27:38,045
You're okay till it
comes out but the exact

1599
01:27:38,171 --> 01:27:40,673
sperm at the exact
moment got you this

1600
01:27:40,840 --> 01:27:42,174
particular baby,

1601
01:27:42,175 --> 01:27:43,926
so if you do anything
the tiniest bit

1602
01:27:44,051 --> 01:27:45,803
different, you'll
have a different child.

1603
01:27:47,930 --> 01:27:52,602
So, every day up 'til yesterday
is as it will always be? Lost?

1604
01:27:53,519 --> 01:27:55,813
Just like for everyone else.

1605
01:27:55,980 --> 01:27:57,857
Okay. Interesting.

1606
01:27:58,649 --> 01:28:01,319
Tough. I love you, Dad.
I've gotta go.

1607
01:28:25,718 --> 01:28:27,719
Go home.
TIM: No.

1608
01:28:27,720 --> 01:28:29,387
We're not leaving
this room until we find

1609
01:28:29,388 --> 01:28:33,184
a way of making sure
this never happens again.

1610
01:28:46,030 --> 01:28:47,740
Will you go now?

1611
01:29:01,045 --> 01:29:03,422
I have to leave Jimmy, don't I?

1612
01:29:04,423 --> 01:29:05,925
For good.

1613
01:29:06,884 --> 01:29:08,094
And

1614
01:29:08,261 --> 01:29:10,263
I have to stop drinking.

1615
01:29:13,182 --> 01:29:15,101
And stop leaving jobs.

1616
01:29:17,103 --> 01:29:21,190
And I have to
go out with someone

1617
01:29:21,941 --> 01:29:24,610
nice and boring.

1618
01:29:27,613 --> 01:29:28,781
Yay.

1619
01:29:32,118 --> 01:29:35,246
And, you know, nice
isn't necessarily boring.

1620
01:29:35,371 --> 01:29:36,622
Like who?

1621
01:29:37,748 --> 01:29:39,250
Matt Damon?

1622
01:29:39,625 --> 01:29:40,960
Okay.

1623
01:29:41,961 --> 01:29:43,628
I'll go out with Matt Damon.

1624
01:29:43,629 --> 01:29:46,965
Tell me,
have you seen Jay recently?

1625
01:29:46,966 --> 01:29:51,470
Your Jay? What, sticky-up hair Jay?
Looks a bit like a muppet Jay?

1626
01:29:51,596 --> 01:29:52,597
Yes.

1627
01:29:53,431 --> 01:29:56,392
He just popped into my head.
He's always had a crush on you.

1628
01:29:56,767 --> 01:29:58,769
Really?
Yeah.

1629
01:30:00,438 --> 01:30:01,606
Weird!

1630
01:30:01,731 --> 01:30:04,108
Thinking of asking him to dinner.
Are you free?

1631
01:30:04,233 --> 01:30:07,987
Might be. Might have to
freshen up a bit first.

1632
01:30:08,112 --> 01:30:10,364
Yeah. You look shit.

1633
01:30:10,573 --> 01:30:11,991
(KIT KAT LAUGHING)

1634
01:30:17,038 --> 01:30:18,414
MARY: Joanna.

1635
01:30:18,539 --> 01:30:19,957
Oh, thank Christ you're back.

1636
01:30:20,082 --> 01:30:21,667
It's been a total nightmare.

1637
01:30:21,834 --> 01:30:23,461
I know. It's
all fine anyway.

1638
01:30:23,586 --> 01:30:25,087
Where is she?

1639
01:30:25,212 --> 01:30:26,714
JOANNA: It was the single
worst night of my life.

1640
01:30:27,006 --> 01:30:28,507
Where's Posy?

1641
01:30:29,216 --> 01:30:31,677
There she is! Hello!

1642
01:30:31,802 --> 01:30:34,513
Hello! Hello.

1643
01:30:34,639 --> 01:30:36,849
Darling, how are you doing?

1644
01:30:40,436 --> 01:30:42,355
Let's have another one.

1645
01:30:44,148 --> 01:30:47,193
Oh, screw that. No.

1646
01:30:49,070 --> 01:30:52,073
That hurt and I got fat.
Like fat-fat.

1647
01:30:52,198 --> 01:30:54,492
(LAUGHING) Got a little
bit fat, didn't she.

1648
01:30:54,825 --> 01:30:56,786
Tell Mummy you want a sister.

1649
01:30:56,911 --> 01:31:00,998
No. Tell Daddy you're happy
being an only child.

1650
01:31:02,750 --> 01:31:05,127
TIM: <i>Fortunately we are
young and careless and</i>

1651
01:31:05,252 --> 01:31:07,672
<i>it wasn't long before
there were four of us.</i>

1652
01:31:07,797 --> 01:31:11,175
And this is incredible. Posy
Lake, only 3 years old,

1653
01:31:11,300 --> 01:31:14,261
is about to break the women's
10 metre Olympic record.

1654
01:31:14,387 --> 01:31:18,516
They're gonna do it. And here they
are, they've done it! Fantastic.

1655
01:31:18,641 --> 01:31:21,352
That was brilliant.
You're so good.

1656
01:31:21,477 --> 01:31:22,895
Sleeping right
through all that.

1657
01:31:23,020 --> 01:31:25,355
Can you help me?
I'm so nervous.

1658
01:31:25,356 --> 01:31:27,692
What do I wear for dinner
with our bestselling author?

1659
01:31:27,817 --> 01:31:30,361
Let me finish up with the
monsters and I'll come right up.

1660
01:31:30,486 --> 01:31:31,696
Great. Thank you.

1661
01:31:32,029 --> 01:31:33,447
Go again.

1662
01:31:33,864 --> 01:31:36,492
Okay. How about this?

1663
01:31:36,617 --> 01:31:39,120
That's gorgeous.
Job done. Yeah.

1664
01:31:39,245 --> 01:31:42,415
No. Take it
seriously. It's...

1665
01:31:43,040 --> 01:31:46,043
I don't know.
No, I hate it.

1666
01:31:46,377 --> 01:31:48,087
Yeah.
It's boring and

1667
01:31:48,587 --> 01:31:51,465
makes me look kind of lumpy.

1668
01:31:51,590 --> 01:31:54,385
No, you're right. It is boring and lumpy.
I hate it.

1669
01:31:56,262 --> 01:31:58,139
Okay. What about this?

1670
01:31:58,514 --> 01:32:00,474
Gorgeous. We did it.

1671
01:32:00,599 --> 01:32:03,185
(GASPS) No, it's too breasty.

1672
01:32:03,352 --> 01:32:05,396
Is it?
Okay.

1673
01:32:05,521 --> 01:32:06,604
It's not too breasty.

1674
01:32:06,605 --> 01:32:09,816
No. I'm not wearing these heels.
I look like a prostitute.

1675
01:32:09,817 --> 01:32:11,444
Not high heels, then.

1676
01:32:11,569 --> 01:32:13,154
But then we have
the short legs problem.

1677
01:32:13,279 --> 01:32:15,781
Well, do you want to look
like a prostitute or a dwarf?

1678
01:32:16,907 --> 01:32:19,035
Warning. That's a warning.

1679
01:32:22,705 --> 01:32:23,748
Yes!

1680
01:32:23,873 --> 01:32:24,874
No.

1681
01:32:28,794 --> 01:32:29,795
No!

1682
01:32:30,838 --> 01:32:32,923
Now that I like.

1683
01:32:33,215 --> 01:32:35,676
No, I'm just
picking up the dress

1684
01:32:35,801 --> 01:32:38,304
that this goes under.
Such a bad boy.

1685
01:32:40,723 --> 01:32:41,807
This one?

1686
01:32:41,974 --> 01:32:43,017
Not bad.

1687
01:32:43,642 --> 01:32:44,977
Or this one?

1688
01:32:45,102 --> 01:32:46,479
It's a trick question,
isn't it? Same dress.

1689
01:32:46,604 --> 01:32:47,605
No!

1690
01:32:48,147 --> 01:32:49,190
No?

1691
01:32:49,607 --> 01:32:51,776
Okay. I don't think
this one's too bad.

1692
01:32:52,193 --> 01:32:53,861
Yeah, it's fabulous.

1693
01:32:54,320 --> 01:32:55,946
Really?
Yeah.

1694
01:32:56,072 --> 01:32:58,490
Okay. Great. Good.

1695
01:32:58,491 --> 01:32:59,617
Um...

1696
01:33:00,076 --> 01:33:01,786
How about the blue one?

1697
01:33:01,911 --> 01:33:03,579
The blue one?
Yeah.

1698
01:33:03,704 --> 01:33:06,956
The first one that you tried
on that was boring and lumpy,

1699
01:33:06,957 --> 01:33:09,209
but that wasn't actually
boring and lumpy, that one?

1700
01:33:09,210 --> 01:33:11,128
Yeah, which do you prefer?

1701
01:33:11,253 --> 01:33:13,172
I don't know. I'm actually
starting to go mad.

1702
01:33:13,297 --> 01:33:14,673
I think I like the blue one.

1703
01:33:14,840 --> 01:33:16,217
Okay.
Yeah.

1704
01:33:17,676 --> 01:33:20,262
Okay. Okay, let's go
with this one, then?

1705
01:33:20,387 --> 01:33:22,223
You look amazing.

1706
01:33:22,348 --> 01:33:23,516
Really?
Yes.

1707
01:33:23,641 --> 01:33:25,226
Okay, thanks.

1708
01:33:25,768 --> 01:33:27,436
Oh, God.

1709
01:33:27,895 --> 01:33:29,647
Where's Posy?

1710
01:33:29,939 --> 01:33:31,774
I left her downstairs.

1711
01:33:32,233 --> 01:33:35,569
Not leaving the door open to the
room with the manuscript in it?

1712
01:33:36,612 --> 01:33:38,280
I don't think so.

1713
01:33:39,115 --> 01:33:41,534
Look at me. Look me in the eye.
TIM: Mmm-hmm.

1714
01:33:41,659 --> 01:33:45,079
And talk me through this.
Basically my life is over.

1715
01:33:45,204 --> 01:33:47,790
I really need to go out for just
like two minutes, maybe one.

1716
01:33:47,915 --> 01:33:49,583
Don't you dare!
(PHONE RINGING)

1717
01:33:50,668 --> 01:33:53,838
Don't you dare answer that!
What am I gonna do?

1718
01:33:53,974 --> 01:33:55,839
I think that we should
really answer the phone.

1719
01:33:55,840 --> 01:33:57,299
If you answer
the goddamn phone,

1720
01:33:57,424 --> 01:33:58,967
I will kill you with the phone.

1721
01:33:58,968 --> 01:34:02,096
I won't answer the phone,
but I do need to get out.

1722
01:34:02,221 --> 01:34:04,223
No, no getting out,
no getting out. No.

1723
01:34:04,348 --> 01:34:05,850
Okay, right.

1724
01:34:05,975 --> 01:34:07,560
Oh! Sorry, Mr McEwan.

1725
01:34:07,685 --> 01:34:11,605
We read most of your book but,
you see, the rest of it was

1726
01:34:11,730 --> 01:34:14,358
coloured on or shredded.

1727
01:34:15,693 --> 01:34:16,694
Yeah.

1728
01:34:17,736 --> 01:34:19,780
I had no idea Posy
actually knew how to use

1729
01:34:19,905 --> 01:34:22,073
that machine.
In a way that's impressive.

1730
01:34:22,074 --> 01:34:23,533
(PHONE CONTINUES RINGING)

1731
01:34:23,534 --> 01:34:26,203
What is it?
How can I help you?

1732
01:34:28,914 --> 01:34:30,583
Oh, Mary. Uh...

1733
01:34:31,709 --> 01:34:33,878
No, everything... Sorry.

1734
01:34:34,753 --> 01:34:36,714
Your son will explain.

1735
01:34:36,839 --> 01:34:38,340
It's your mother.

1736
01:34:39,008 --> 01:34:40,342
Hi, Mum.

1737
01:34:45,848 --> 01:34:47,850
No, no, it's okay.
We'll...

1738
01:34:48,058 --> 01:34:49,810
We'll come straight down.

1739
01:34:50,686 --> 01:34:52,021
Okay, bye.

1740
01:35:06,619 --> 01:35:07,953
Hello, darling.

1741
01:35:08,120 --> 01:35:09,455
Mum. How are you?

1742
01:35:10,539 --> 01:35:11,624
Honestly?

1743
01:35:11,749 --> 01:35:12,791
Why not?

1744
01:35:13,209 --> 01:35:15,878
I am fucking furious.

1745
01:35:16,503 --> 01:35:21,175
I am so uninterested in
a life without your father.

1746
01:35:22,384 --> 01:35:24,637
Mary. Come on,
let's make some tea.

1747
01:35:25,512 --> 01:35:26,639
How are you?

1748
01:35:26,805 --> 01:35:27,890
Yeah, I'm fine.

1749
01:35:28,015 --> 01:35:29,141
Did you eat?

1750
01:35:29,266 --> 01:35:30,392
MUM: Yes, of course.

1751
01:35:36,440 --> 01:35:37,483
Desmond.

1752
01:35:38,901 --> 01:35:39,817
How are you?

1753
01:35:39,818 --> 01:35:41,570
I'm very well, thanks.

1754
01:35:41,987 --> 01:35:43,656
Though a little hot.

1755
01:35:44,156 --> 01:35:45,282
Hmm.

1756
01:35:47,826 --> 01:35:50,496
Your father,
I think, is not so well.

1757
01:35:51,497 --> 01:35:52,581
Cancer.

1758
01:35:53,832 --> 01:35:54,833
Yes.

1759
01:35:55,292 --> 01:35:57,795
I'm very unhappy about it, Tim.

1760
01:35:59,797 --> 01:36:01,799
At your wedding
he said he loved me.

1761
01:36:02,299 --> 01:36:04,301
He does.
I know.

1762
01:36:06,262 --> 01:36:08,597
That was
the best day of my life.

1763
01:36:11,183 --> 01:36:13,519
So this is probably the worst.

1764
01:36:19,775 --> 01:36:20,776
Dad.

1765
01:36:23,028 --> 01:36:24,947
Oh, for God's sake.

1766
01:36:25,489 --> 01:36:27,324
Not you, too.

1767
01:36:27,449 --> 01:36:28,574
What?

1768
01:36:28,575 --> 01:36:32,453
Well, Kit Kat's just rolled up blubbing
her eyes out and now you're here.

1769
01:36:32,454 --> 01:36:33,914
What's Mum been saying?

1770
01:36:34,123 --> 01:36:35,165
The truth.

1771
01:36:35,291 --> 01:36:36,333
Yeah, well,

1772
01:36:37,501 --> 01:36:39,169
apart from that?

1773
01:36:40,087 --> 01:36:42,798
It may have been the
smoking but I couldn't

1774
01:36:42,923 --> 01:36:45,676
undo that as it was
before you were all born.

1775
01:36:46,302 --> 01:36:48,886
And anyway, your mother definitely
wouldn't have gone out with me

1776
01:36:48,887 --> 01:36:51,222
if I hadn't been
such a sexy smoker.

1777
01:36:51,223 --> 01:36:52,224
(CHUCKLES)

1778
01:36:54,435 --> 01:36:58,564
I did get diagnosed as soon as
possible, but it was too late.

1779
01:37:00,441 --> 01:37:01,734
How long have we got?

1780
01:37:01,900 --> 01:37:03,152
You know,

1781
01:37:03,277 --> 01:37:05,487
it, it could be

1782
01:37:05,612 --> 01:37:07,072
years.

1783
01:37:09,867 --> 01:37:11,617
How long really?

1784
01:37:11,618 --> 01:37:12,745
<font color="

1785
01:37:14,246 --> 01:37:15,873
Weeks, I'm afraid.

1786
01:37:23,380 --> 01:37:25,883
Have we had this
conversation before?

1787
01:37:28,761 --> 01:37:29,762
Yeah.

1788
01:37:31,513 --> 01:37:33,223
What happened?

1789
01:37:33,349 --> 01:37:35,893
I rather let myself down.

1790
01:37:36,310 --> 01:37:37,978
I hugged you.

1791
01:37:40,105 --> 01:37:41,315
(SIGHS)

1792
01:37:57,289 --> 01:37:58,289
Sorry.

1793
01:37:58,290 --> 01:38:01,043
I think I just thought
with the time thing...

1794
01:38:01,668 --> 01:38:03,796
No, I never said
we could fix things.

1795
01:38:03,962 --> 01:38:06,048
I specifically never said that.

1796
01:38:06,173 --> 01:38:08,675
Life's a mixed bag,
no matter who you are.

1797
01:38:08,801 --> 01:38:10,719
Look at Jesus.
He was the Son of God,

1798
01:38:10,844 --> 01:38:12,805
for God's sake, and look
how that turned out.

1799
01:38:12,930 --> 01:38:14,181
I know, but

1800
01:38:15,140 --> 01:38:17,601
you must see
I feel a bit cheated.

1801
01:38:17,726 --> 01:38:20,145
Don't. In fact,
feel the opposite.

1802
01:38:20,312 --> 01:38:22,773
The only people who
give up work at 50

1803
01:38:22,898 --> 01:38:25,150
are the time travellers
with cancer who want

1804
01:38:25,317 --> 01:38:27,569
to play more table tennis
with their sons.

1805
01:38:29,696 --> 01:38:30,697
Right.

1806
01:38:32,491 --> 01:38:34,493
So that's been the deal?

1807
01:38:36,829 --> 01:38:40,499
I'm sorry we had to call.
It's suddenly got very bad.

1808
01:38:46,296 --> 01:38:51,343
And I have something very important
to tell you. Or, let me check,

1809
01:38:51,677 --> 01:38:54,387
do you want to
know the big secret,

1810
01:38:54,388 --> 01:38:56,682
or would you rather find it
out for yourself like I did?

1811
01:38:56,807 --> 01:38:58,851
Oh, Christ,
there's another secret?

1812
01:38:59,685 --> 01:39:02,855
Less dramatic.
Much more important.

1813
01:39:03,605 --> 01:39:06,275
The real mothership.

1814
01:39:08,861 --> 01:39:11,363
No, go on. Tell me.

1815
01:39:11,697 --> 01:39:13,657
Let's save some time.

1816
01:39:18,871 --> 01:39:22,541
TIM: <i>And so he told me his
secret formula for happiness.</i>

1817
01:39:24,543 --> 01:39:26,628
<i>Part one of the two part plan</i>

1818
01:39:26,753 --> 01:39:28,880
<i>was that I should just get on
with ordinary life,</i>

1819
01:39:28,881 --> 01:39:31,884
<i>living it day by day,
like anyone else.</i>

1820
01:39:37,389 --> 01:39:42,227
This is our current statement with a
revised paragraph there, highlighted.

1821
01:39:45,564 --> 01:39:47,900
Rupert. Rupert, is that
the best you can do?

1822
01:39:49,026 --> 01:39:52,237
No. Absolutely not.
We can change that.

1823
01:39:52,362 --> 01:39:53,864
BHATTIE QC: Item number two.

1824
01:40:01,371 --> 01:40:04,082
Good afternoon, sir. Are you
eating in or taking away today?

1825
01:40:04,249 --> 01:40:05,584
Take away, please.

1826
01:40:05,709 --> 01:40:07,044
Yeah? No problem.

1827
01:40:07,169 --> 01:40:11,173
Lovely, that's 4.24 then, please, sir.
Thank you kindly.

1828
01:40:11,673 --> 01:40:14,259
Lovely. And there's your change, sir.
76 pence change.

1829
01:40:14,384 --> 01:40:16,094
Thanks.
Thank you. Hello there.

1830
01:40:16,512 --> 01:40:17,792
Are you eating in
or taking away?

1831
01:40:23,352 --> 01:40:27,146
Do you find the Defendant, John
Welbeck, guilty or not guilty of fraud?

1832
01:40:27,147 --> 01:40:28,272
Not guilty.

1833
01:40:28,273 --> 01:40:29,441
<font color="
the verdict of you all?

1834
01:40:29,608 --> 01:40:30,776
JURY FOREMAN: Yes.

1835
01:40:30,901 --> 01:40:32,068
Thank you.
You may be seated.

1836
01:40:32,069 --> 01:40:33,111
Thank God.

1837
01:40:33,237 --> 01:40:35,614
JUDGE: Let the Defendant
be discharged.

1838
01:40:36,281 --> 01:40:38,283
CLERK: Be upstanding in court.

1839
01:40:39,785 --> 01:40:41,828
(ROCK MUSIC BLARING
ON HEADPHONES)

1840
01:40:51,630 --> 01:40:53,465
Lights out?
Yeah.

1841
01:40:54,299 --> 01:40:55,634
Tough day.

1842
01:40:56,969 --> 01:40:59,471
TIM: <i>But then came
part two of Dad's plan.</i>

1843
01:41:01,306 --> 01:41:05,644
<i>He told me to live every day
again almost exactly the same.</i>

1844
01:41:06,436 --> 01:41:08,980
<i>The first time with all the
tensions and worries that</i>

1845
01:41:08,981 --> 01:41:11,775
<i>stop us noticing how
sweet the world can be,</i>

1846
01:41:12,067 --> 01:41:14,653
<i>but the second time noticing.</i>

1847
01:41:14,778 --> 01:41:16,280
Okay, Dad.

1848
01:41:16,989 --> 01:41:18,490
Let's give it a go.

1849
01:41:23,912 --> 01:41:25,872
What's our statement
at the moment?

1850
01:41:26,206 --> 01:41:28,875
This is it with the revised...

1851
01:41:31,628 --> 01:41:33,005
(INAUDIBLE)

1852
01:41:34,840 --> 01:41:38,677
Robert, this does not pass.
Is this the best you can do?

1853
01:41:40,512 --> 01:41:42,222
I'll leave you two
to thrash this out.

1854
01:41:45,017 --> 01:41:46,268
Ooh.

1855
01:41:47,311 --> 01:41:48,478
<font color="

1856
01:41:48,854 --> 01:41:50,856
Good afternoon, sir.
Good afternoon.

1857
01:41:50,981 --> 01:41:52,190
Are you eating in
or taking away today?

1858
01:41:52,316 --> 01:41:53,566
Take away, please.

1859
01:41:53,567 --> 01:41:54,776
Would you like a bag?

1860
01:41:54,901 --> 01:41:56,235
That's fine.

1861
01:41:56,236 --> 01:41:57,528
Lovely.
That's 6.23 then, please.

1862
01:41:57,529 --> 01:41:58,863
And enjoy the rest of your day.

1863
01:41:58,864 --> 01:42:00,198
Thank you. Bye-bye.

1864
01:42:01,074 --> 01:42:02,075
Hello, there.

1865
01:42:05,746 --> 01:42:07,539
Look around you!
What?

1866
01:42:07,664 --> 01:42:08,874
Isn't this room beautiful?

1867
01:42:08,999 --> 01:42:10,167
Yeah.

1868
01:42:10,709 --> 01:42:12,044
Come on.

1869
01:42:12,878 --> 01:42:14,171
Not guilty.

1870
01:42:18,050 --> 01:42:19,384
Fantastic!

1871
01:42:52,542 --> 01:42:54,627
So not such
a bad day after all?

1872
01:42:54,628 --> 01:42:57,714
No. It was
pretty good really.

1873
01:42:58,757 --> 01:43:01,426
Very good day, actually,
as it turns out.

1874
01:43:02,302 --> 01:43:04,763
Well, that's a relief,

1875
01:43:05,764 --> 01:43:08,767
because if it had
been a very bad day,

1876
01:43:09,226 --> 01:43:13,230
I thought I might have had to have
had sex with you to make up for it.

1877
01:43:14,773 --> 01:43:15,774
Goodnight.

1878
01:43:19,027 --> 01:43:20,153
Mmm.

1879
01:43:20,779 --> 01:43:23,156
It was a very, very bad day.

1880
01:43:23,281 --> 01:43:25,659
It went very, very badly.

1881
01:43:25,784 --> 01:43:28,453
I got fired from my job.

1882
01:43:29,287 --> 01:43:31,456
And then I killed a man.

1883
01:43:37,129 --> 01:43:39,297
That is a very bad day.

1884
01:43:39,464 --> 01:43:41,466
It's terrible.
Yeah.

1885
01:43:42,426 --> 01:43:44,761
Like the worst day ever.

1886
01:43:45,303 --> 01:43:46,972
So sorry.

1887
01:43:51,893 --> 01:43:55,480
TIM: <i>Some days, of course, though,
you only want to go through once.</i>

1888
01:43:56,314 --> 01:43:57,482
You okay?

1889
01:44:48,992 --> 01:44:51,870
Right, are we ready for this?

1890
01:44:52,287 --> 01:44:55,707
'Course we're not.
Hateful day.

1891
01:44:56,541 --> 01:44:59,377
TIM: Just give me
one minute.

1892
01:45:21,733 --> 01:45:23,735
DAD: This is so brilliant.

1893
01:45:24,653 --> 01:45:29,324
Dickens is so good on
actual jokes, actual gags.

1894
01:45:30,242 --> 01:45:31,993
Where have you come from?

1895
01:45:32,369 --> 01:45:33,912
It's the...

1896
01:45:34,246 --> 01:45:35,914
Oh. Okay.

1897
01:45:36,206 --> 01:45:37,749
Big day.

1898
01:45:38,583 --> 01:45:42,045
Thanks for dropping in.
How's Uncle Desmond's suit?

1899
01:45:42,170 --> 01:45:44,005
Oh, immaculate.

1900
01:45:44,256 --> 01:45:45,257
(CHUCKLING) Excellent.

1901
01:45:45,924 --> 01:45:47,675
Did I mention I wanted
the Nick Cave track?

1902
01:45:47,676 --> 01:45:49,426
It's taken care of.

1903
01:45:49,427 --> 01:45:50,887
Thank you.

1904
01:45:51,263 --> 01:45:53,598
Can I just read
you this one bit?

1905
01:45:57,936 --> 01:46:00,438
Read away,
I've got lots of time.

1906
01:46:01,106 --> 01:46:03,065
"I think the Romans
must have aggravated

1907
01:46:03,066 --> 01:46:05,777
one another very
much with their noses."

1908
01:46:05,944 --> 01:46:09,447
"Perhaps they became the restless
people they were in consequence."

1909
01:46:09,573 --> 01:46:12,784
"Anyhow, Mr Wopsle's Roman
nose so aggravated me..."

1910
01:46:13,076 --> 01:46:14,744
(CONTINUES READING)

1911
01:46:27,799 --> 01:46:29,175
(SOBBING)

1912
01:46:44,190 --> 01:46:45,525
(ENGINE STARTING)

1913
01:47:48,672 --> 01:47:51,007
What do you
think about the kids?

1914
01:47:51,132 --> 01:47:52,634
What about them?

1915
01:47:53,677 --> 01:47:55,887
Not many of them, are there?

1916
01:47:56,972 --> 01:47:57,973
What?

1917
01:47:58,682 --> 01:48:00,684
Well, I mean two?

1918
01:48:03,478 --> 01:48:05,938
It's more than
the Chinese are allowed.

1919
01:48:05,939 --> 01:48:07,232
(LAUGHING)

1920
01:48:07,816 --> 01:48:10,485
I just thought
that maybe, you know,

1921
01:48:11,569 --> 01:48:13,404
it was time for
the insurance baby.

1922
01:48:13,405 --> 01:48:14,488
What?

1923
01:48:14,489 --> 01:48:15,990
In case one of them
is really smart,

1924
01:48:15,991 --> 01:48:18,325
we don't want the other one to
feel stupid their whole life.

1925
01:48:18,326 --> 01:48:22,706
And if we had a third one, then
we could have two happy dummies.

1926
01:48:25,500 --> 01:48:27,168
What do you think?

1927
01:48:27,585 --> 01:48:28,712
Huh?

1928
01:48:31,506 --> 01:48:34,009
TIM: <i>It was the toughest
decision of my life.</i>

1929
01:48:34,509 --> 01:48:36,928
<i>Saying 'yes' to
the future meant</i>

1930
01:48:37,053 --> 01:48:39,431
<i>saying 'goodbye'
to my dad. Forever.</i>

1931
01:48:41,224 --> 01:48:43,226
Why don't we wait a bit?

1932
01:48:46,104 --> 01:48:47,272
Absolutely.

1933
01:48:48,106 --> 01:48:50,108
You're right. Yeah.

1934
01:48:54,738 --> 01:48:57,532
How about now?
(LAUGHING)

1935
01:48:59,451 --> 01:49:00,785
Or now?

1936
01:49:03,121 --> 01:49:04,289
Now?

1937
01:49:11,713 --> 01:49:12,714
Yeah,

1938
01:49:14,090 --> 01:49:15,091
okay.

1939
01:49:16,593 --> 01:49:17,635
Really?

1940
01:49:19,929 --> 01:49:22,599
Dad always wished
there had been more of us.

1941
01:49:23,391 --> 01:49:24,392
So...

1942
01:49:26,811 --> 01:49:29,481
Anyway, we might try
and nothing happens.

1943
01:49:30,065 --> 01:49:31,066
Exactly.

1944
01:49:35,487 --> 01:49:36,654
(GROANS)

1945
01:49:39,824 --> 01:49:41,909
Really could be tonight.

1946
01:49:41,910 --> 01:49:44,495
Mmm. And you cannot believe
the detail in which

1947
01:49:44,496 --> 01:49:46,497
I know the route
to the hospital.

1948
01:49:46,498 --> 01:49:47,832
Oh, yay.

1949
01:49:51,169 --> 01:49:53,004
Will you excuse me for a sec?

1950
01:49:53,922 --> 01:49:55,672
Just have to go downstairs.

1951
01:49:55,673 --> 01:49:56,841
Mmm.

1952
01:50:12,273 --> 01:50:15,359
DAD: ...and it's 17-20 in
this incredibly tight contest

1953
01:50:15,360 --> 01:50:17,153
being played by
the two most physically

1954
01:50:17,278 --> 01:50:19,030
perfect players in
the history of the game.

1955
01:50:19,197 --> 01:50:22,116
The crowd, enchanted by the
younger player, are seduced

1956
01:50:22,117 --> 01:50:24,869
by memories of the older
player's illustrious past.

1957
01:50:25,245 --> 01:50:26,496
Ahh!

1958
01:50:26,871 --> 01:50:28,873
Oh, my God, I've won.

1959
01:50:29,707 --> 01:50:32,043
I haven't won in years.

1960
01:50:32,544 --> 01:50:34,504
You finally got good.

1961
01:50:35,213 --> 01:50:38,842
What's my prize? Apart from the
Olympic gold medal, of course.

1962
01:50:39,884 --> 01:50:41,094
A kiss will have to do.

1963
01:50:41,219 --> 01:50:42,470
A kiss?

1964
01:50:42,887 --> 01:50:44,222
A kiss?

1965
01:50:47,058 --> 01:50:48,143
Oh.

1966
01:50:49,561 --> 01:50:51,521
Ah, I get you.

1967
01:50:52,897 --> 01:50:54,399
This is it, then?

1968
01:50:56,359 --> 01:50:57,735
This is it.

1969
01:50:58,528 --> 01:51:00,738
It's my last bit of extra time.

1970
01:51:02,031 --> 01:51:03,740
The baby is
completely on the way.

1971
01:51:03,741 --> 01:51:04,909
Oh!

1972
01:51:24,762 --> 01:51:26,097
Congratulations.

1973
01:51:33,104 --> 01:51:34,606
My son.

1974
01:51:37,942 --> 01:51:39,569
My dad.

1975
01:51:44,532 --> 01:51:46,576
Is there anything
at all I can do?

1976
01:51:46,701 --> 01:51:48,786
Is there anything
you want to do?

1977
01:51:50,580 --> 01:51:53,249
I don't know.
There is this

1978
01:51:55,043 --> 01:51:56,711
one thing.

1979
01:51:57,045 --> 01:51:59,130
A quick little walk.

1980
01:51:59,255 --> 01:52:01,132
Totally against the rules,
of course,

1981
01:52:01,257 --> 01:52:03,134
but if we don't change a thing,

1982
01:52:03,468 --> 01:52:06,804
if we're very careful,
it shouldn't do any harm.

1983
01:52:07,305 --> 01:52:08,932
It would be nice.

1984
01:52:39,337 --> 01:52:42,340
<font color="
I'm really trying.

1985
01:52:42,632 --> 01:52:44,050
(YOUNG TIM LAUGHING)

1986
01:52:44,175 --> 01:52:45,468
TIM: Get down low.

1987
01:52:50,181 --> 01:52:51,182
DAD: Total defeat.

1988
01:53:00,942 --> 01:53:02,277
I'm tired.

1989
01:53:03,278 --> 01:53:04,696
Thanks, Dad.

1990
01:53:20,211 --> 01:53:23,047
TIM: <i>So I'm almost
up-to-date with my story.</i>

1991
01:53:23,548 --> 01:53:27,051
<i>As all families do, we got
used to life after death.</i>

1992
01:53:27,176 --> 01:53:29,053
<i>And it was still fine.</i>

1993
01:53:29,846 --> 01:53:34,017
<i>And things settled back into their
traditional rhythms season after season,</i>

1994
01:53:34,475 --> 01:53:36,894
<i>and are much as
they have always been.</i>

1995
01:53:38,229 --> 01:53:40,898
<i>And we've got used to
Kit Kat being happy again.</i>

1996
01:53:41,858 --> 01:53:44,360
<i>And then we got used
to her being a mum.</i>

1997
01:53:44,736 --> 01:53:47,405
<i>Albeit not a very
good or even safe one.</i>

1998
01:53:48,823 --> 01:53:50,199
<i>And in the end,</i>

1999
01:53:50,325 --> 01:53:53,995
<i>I think I've learned the final
lesson from my travels in time.</i>

2000
01:53:54,787 --> 01:53:57,914
<i>And I've even gone one step
further than my father did.</i>

2001
01:53:57,915 --> 01:53:59,792
(MOBILE RINGING)
(GROANS)

2002
01:54:08,801 --> 01:54:10,552
Okay, I'll do the kids.

2003
01:54:10,553 --> 01:54:11,721
(GROANS)

2004
01:54:12,305 --> 01:54:14,891
No, don't worry.
I'll do them.

2005
01:54:15,016 --> 01:54:16,767
Yeah, you do them,
you lazy bum.

2006
01:54:16,768 --> 01:54:17,851
(LAUGHS)

2007
01:54:17,852 --> 01:54:21,856
TIM: <i>The truth is, I now don't travel
back at all. Not even for the day.</i>

2008
01:54:22,273 --> 01:54:24,859
<i>I just try to
live every day as if</i>

2009
01:54:24,984 --> 01:54:27,612
<i>I've deliberately
come back to this one day</i>

2010
01:54:27,987 --> 01:54:31,657
<i>to enjoy it as if it
was the full final day</i>

2011
01:54:31,908 --> 01:54:34,660
<i>of my extraordinary,
ordinary life.</i>

2012
01:54:57,975 --> 01:54:59,727
<font color="

2013
01:55:02,939 --> 01:55:06,651
Hello, you're down already. That's great.
Thank you so much for that.

2014
01:55:06,776 --> 01:55:08,152
And in we go.

2015
01:55:09,779 --> 01:55:12,573
Rickshaw? Posy!

2016
01:55:20,957 --> 01:55:21,958
That's fine.

2017
01:55:22,166 --> 01:55:23,418
(IMITATES AEROPLANE)

2018
01:55:29,590 --> 01:55:31,342
(CHILDREN CHATTERING
INDISTINCTLY)

2019
01:55:43,438 --> 01:55:46,274
<i>We're all travelling
through time together</i>

2020
01:55:46,566 --> 01:55:48,734
<i>every day of our lives.</i>

2021
01:55:48,901 --> 01:55:51,404
<i>All we can do is do our best</i>

2022
01:55:51,863 --> 01:55:54,615
<i>to relish this remarkable ride.</i>

2023
01:56:03,082 --> 01:56:04,333
(LAUGHING)

2024
01:56:11,924 --> 01:56:13,217
<font color="

2025
01:56:31,402 --> 01:56:32,820
(ALL LAUGHING)

2026
01:56:37,575 --> 01:56:39,494
Yes, yes, yes...

2027
01:56:51,797 --> 01:56:53,883
Okay, I'll see you then.

2028
01:56:54,008 --> 01:56:55,426
Bye-bye.

2029
01:56:56,093 --> 01:56:57,595
See you later.