1 00:00:01,961 --> 00:00:04,989 It seems today that all you see 2 00:00:05,189 --> 00:00:08,017 Is violence in movies and sex on TV 3 00:00:08,217 --> 00:00:11,971 But where are those good old-fashioned values 4 00:00:12,171 --> 00:00:15,120 On which we used to rely? 5 00:00:15,320 --> 00:00:18,269 Lucky there's a family guy 6 00:00:18,352 --> 00:00:21,647 Lucky there's a man who positively can do 7 00:00:21,847 --> 00:00:23,149 All the things that make us 8 00:00:23,349 --> 00:00:24,409 Laugh and cry 9 00:00:24,609 --> 00:00:30,156 He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! 10 00:00:34,035 --> 00:00:36,787 We now return to Germany's favorite talk show, 11 00:00:36,987 --> 00:00:37,997 Dos Ist Gut. 12 00:00:38,039 --> 00:00:38,965 Dad, what is this show? 13 00:00:39,165 --> 00:00:41,918 I don't know. It's just a German guy listing items 14 00:00:42,118 --> 00:00:44,045 and then declaring them good. 15 00:00:44,245 --> 00:00:45,972 Willkommen! Where are we? 16 00:00:46,172 --> 00:00:48,558 Das! Ist! Gut! 17 00:00:48,758 --> 00:00:50,889 Okay, sunsets. Dos ist gut. 18 00:00:51,089 --> 00:00:53,021 Ja. 19 00:00:53,221 --> 00:00:55,014 Sauerkraut. Dos ist gut. 20 00:00:57,141 --> 00:00:59,519 The autobahn. Vroom vroom! Das ist gut. 21 00:01:00,978 --> 00:01:03,022 Oompa music. Das ist gut. 22 00:01:04,398 --> 00:01:06,359 Euthanasia for the mentally feeble. 23 00:01:06,400 --> 00:01:07,985 Das ist gut. 24 00:01:09,529 --> 00:01:12,156 Das ist Gut is filmed before an audience 25 00:01:12,356 --> 00:01:13,241 of the mentally feeble. 26 00:01:15,243 --> 00:01:17,870 God, l wish l could get tickets to that show. 27 00:01:18,070 --> 00:01:18,838 We interrupt this program 28 00:01:19,038 --> 00:01:21,374 to bring you a Channel Five News special report. 29 00:01:21,415 --> 00:01:24,043 Good evening. l'm Joyce Kinney with this special report. 30 00:01:24,243 --> 00:01:26,024 The latest police statistics have revealed 31 00:01:26,224 --> 00:01:28,005 a significant rise in crime throughout Quahog. 32 00:01:28,205 --> 00:01:29,182 That's right, Joyce. 33 00:01:29,382 --> 00:01:32,618 And just to put it out there, Tom Tucker is packin'. 34 00:01:32,818 --> 00:01:36,055 I drive a 2006 Infiniti, and l don't intend to lose it. 35 00:01:36,255 --> 00:01:38,057 So come and get some, punks. 36 00:01:38,257 --> 00:01:39,433 An increase in crime? 37 00:01:39,633 --> 00:01:40,610 That can't be right. 38 00:01:40,810 --> 00:01:42,362 I haven't noticed anything like that. 39 00:01:42,562 --> 00:01:45,565 You're in the house 14 hours a day. What would you notice? 40 00:01:45,765 --> 00:01:46,816 Well, l hate to admit it, Lois, 41 00:01:47,016 --> 00:01:47,867 but over the last couple of years, 42 00:01:48,067 --> 00:01:50,695 this town has changed a lot, and not necessarily for the better. 43 00:01:50,895 --> 00:01:52,530 Yeah, l mean, the other day, I left a doodie 44 00:01:52,730 --> 00:01:54,448 right in the middle of a Crate and Barrel. 45 00:01:54,648 --> 00:01:56,367 Came back 45 minutes later, it was gone. 46 00:01:56,450 --> 00:01:58,244 Yeah, even school's getting more dangerous. 47 00:01:58,444 --> 00:01:59,879 The bullies have been so busy, 48 00:02:00,079 --> 00:02:02,873 they're outsourcing their bullying to India. 49 00:02:03,073 --> 00:02:03,800 MAN Okay, do you see 50 00:02:04,000 --> 00:02:05,585 the back of your underwear in the mirror? 51 00:02:05,785 --> 00:02:06,761 Yes. 52 00:02:06,961 --> 00:02:08,963 Okay, l want you to pull it up as high as you can. 53 00:02:09,163 --> 00:02:10,181 Well, l disagree with you guys. 54 00:02:10,381 --> 00:02:12,091 I think Quahog is still pretty great. 55 00:02:12,291 --> 00:02:13,593 You know, it's hard for me 56 00:02:13,634 --> 00:02:15,094 to take the things you say seriously 57 00:02:15,136 --> 00:02:17,063 when l know what's been in that mouth of yours. 58 00:02:17,263 --> 00:02:20,099 Look, l realize Quahog isn't the small town it used to be, 59 00:02:20,141 --> 00:02:21,767 but it's still very special to me. 60 00:02:21,967 --> 00:02:23,069 It's my home. 61 00:02:23,269 --> 00:02:26,022 Yeah, come on, guys, she's got dyed roots in this community. 62 00:02:26,222 --> 00:02:27,532 Lois, l know you love this town, 63 00:02:27,732 --> 00:02:29,650 but nothing is ever as innocent as it seems. 64 00:02:35,656 --> 00:02:37,283 Attaboy, Ope. 65 00:02:42,413 --> 00:02:44,540 Give me all your money! 66 00:02:44,740 --> 00:02:45,842 Okay, okay! 67 00:02:46,042 --> 00:02:47,427 You have a white wallet? 68 00:02:47,627 --> 00:02:49,128 Yeah, just like Truman Capote. 69 00:02:49,328 --> 00:02:50,525 Who's Truman Capote? 70 00:02:50,725 --> 00:02:51,722 What a surprise! 71 00:02:51,922 --> 00:02:54,637 The mugger's never heard of Truman Capote. 72 00:02:54,837 --> 00:02:57,553 There's a library card in there! Use it! 73 00:03:00,139 --> 00:03:02,483 And now, let's meet our star! 74 00:03:02,683 --> 00:03:06,812 Give a warm Quahog Oceanland welcome to Bojangles! 75 00:03:07,012 --> 00:03:08,614 All the fish in the bucket now! 76 00:03:08,814 --> 00:03:11,942 Not one fish at a time as a reward! All of them! 77 00:03:12,026 --> 00:03:12,943 Okay, okay, take it easy. 78 00:03:13,027 --> 00:03:14,078 Okay, the one thing 79 00:03:14,278 --> 00:03:17,073 you don't want to do is tell me to take it easy. 80 00:03:17,273 --> 00:03:19,200 Now do that thing where you rub my belly! 81 00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:21,681 I really like that! 82 00:03:21,881 --> 00:03:23,963 Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. 83 00:03:24,163 --> 00:03:27,958 Yeah, now l'm gonna balance a ball on your face. 84 00:03:29,835 --> 00:03:30,961 One more push. 85 00:03:32,046 --> 00:03:33,589 There we go! It's a boy! 86 00:03:33,789 --> 00:03:34,965 And he's got a gun! 87 00:03:45,059 --> 00:03:46,277 Well, you guys, we did it. 88 00:03:46,477 --> 00:03:48,979 We finally went to a restaurant without somebody yelling at us, 89 00:03:49,179 --> 00:03:51,315 and then the rest of the place applauding them. 90 00:03:54,694 --> 00:03:56,412 Oh, my God! 91 00:03:56,612 --> 00:03:57,914 We've been burglarized! 92 00:03:58,114 --> 00:04:02,201 To get that $17 insurance check and start over. 93 00:04:02,401 --> 00:04:03,953 Oh, my God, it's so creepy to think 94 00:04:04,153 --> 00:04:05,705 there were strangers in our house. 95 00:04:05,905 --> 00:04:07,039 I've never felt so scared. 96 00:04:07,081 --> 00:04:08,457 I have. 97 00:04:10,835 --> 00:04:13,170 And now we wait. 98 00:04:14,046 --> 00:04:16,282 Oh, no, they took my gym shoes. 99 00:04:16,482 --> 00:04:18,518 Sorry, glutes, no blasting today. 100 00:04:18,718 --> 00:04:21,345 They took my dirty rope that was tied in a knot! 101 00:04:21,545 --> 00:04:23,723 They stole the chair I use in the shower! 102 00:04:23,923 --> 00:04:25,858 They stole all my pens! 103 00:04:26,058 --> 00:04:29,149 I... l don't have a lot of stuff. 104 00:04:29,349 --> 00:04:32,440 They also stole my sense of wonder. 105 00:04:33,733 --> 00:04:34,742 Nope. 106 00:04:34,942 --> 00:04:36,786 Oh, this is horrible! 107 00:04:36,986 --> 00:04:38,742 Maybe you guys were right. 108 00:04:38,942 --> 00:04:40,698 Maybe our town has changed. 109 00:04:40,898 --> 00:04:41,749 I know, it's awful. 110 00:04:41,949 --> 00:04:43,976 Pretty soon, guys are just gonna be showing 111 00:04:44,176 --> 00:04:46,003 their boners to babies and stuff, l bet. 112 00:04:46,203 --> 00:04:49,457 It's sad to think that Quahog isn't safe for families anymore. 113 00:04:49,657 --> 00:04:52,272 I mean, all l ever wanted was to raise our children 114 00:04:52,472 --> 00:04:55,087 in a wholesome place, far away from all the crime 115 00:04:55,287 --> 00:04:57,089 and problems of the big city. 116 00:04:57,289 --> 00:04:58,432 I'm reading you, Lois. 117 00:04:58,632 --> 00:05:01,260 I'm reading you loud and clear. 118 00:05:05,765 --> 00:05:06,816 Hi, l'm Peter Griffin. 119 00:05:07,016 --> 00:05:08,568 Um, l'm looking for a wholesome place 120 00:05:08,768 --> 00:05:11,645 for my family to live, so I'd like to buy your farm. 121 00:05:11,845 --> 00:05:13,230 All right, well, the going rate 122 00:05:13,430 --> 00:05:15,607 for my farm is $875,000. 123 00:05:15,807 --> 00:05:17,985 Uh... nobody called ahead? 124 00:05:18,185 --> 00:05:19,453 What? 125 00:05:19,653 --> 00:05:22,114 Well, somebody... somebody from Fox was supposed to call ahead. 126 00:05:22,314 --> 00:05:23,291 They usually take care of it, 127 00:05:23,491 --> 00:05:25,409 and then l just go ahead and do stuff. 128 00:05:25,609 --> 00:05:26,994 I didn't get no phone call. 129 00:05:29,747 --> 00:05:30,835 Hello? 130 00:05:31,035 --> 00:05:32,124 Oh, yes. 131 00:05:32,166 --> 00:05:33,417 Yes, that'Il be fine. 132 00:05:33,617 --> 00:05:34,668 Ah. 133 00:05:40,257 --> 00:05:42,134 Hey, Lois, you know how l'm always 134 00:05:42,176 --> 00:05:43,227 buying things impulsively? 135 00:05:43,427 --> 00:05:45,429 Well, that's gonna be very hard to do 136 00:05:45,629 --> 00:05:47,181 now that we're living on a farm. 137 00:05:47,381 --> 00:05:48,933 What? What are you talking about? 138 00:05:49,133 --> 00:05:50,359 Um, a farm, Lois. 139 00:05:50,559 --> 00:05:51,986 It's where vegetables live. 140 00:05:52,186 --> 00:05:53,650 Peter, you went out and bought a farm 141 00:05:53,850 --> 00:05:55,114 without even talking to me about it? 142 00:05:55,314 --> 00:05:57,278 Well, Lois, in my defense, l have nothing 143 00:05:57,478 --> 00:05:59,443 to back uthe beginning of this sentence. 144 00:05:59,643 --> 00:06:00,578 I can't believe this. 145 00:06:00,778 --> 00:06:02,951 And it's not like it's the first time you made 146 00:06:03,151 --> 00:06:05,324 a big family decision without consulting me. 147 00:06:13,207 --> 00:06:16,335 Yes, l'd like to see your quietest doctor. 148 00:06:16,535 --> 00:06:18,170 Peter, where'd you even get the money 149 00:06:18,212 --> 00:06:19,672 to make that kind of purchase? 150 00:06:19,872 --> 00:06:20,473 I sold the house. 151 00:06:20,673 --> 00:06:22,174 And l did it on Craigslist, 152 00:06:22,216 --> 00:06:23,930 so l also made a dangerous friend. 153 00:06:24,130 --> 00:06:25,845 What? How could you sell the house? 154 00:06:26,045 --> 00:06:27,146 Spooner Street is our home! 155 00:06:27,346 --> 00:06:29,665 I mean, l have three aprons that say "Quahog." 156 00:06:29,865 --> 00:06:32,184 What do you want me to do, start all over? 157 00:06:32,226 --> 00:06:33,919 Lois, you were saying yourself how you want 158 00:06:34,119 --> 00:06:35,813 our kids to grow up in a wholesome place 159 00:06:36,013 --> 00:06:37,398 away from the big city. 160 00:06:37,598 --> 00:06:38,983 I... l did say that. 161 00:06:39,066 --> 00:06:40,818 And, Chris, you been telling me how you wanted 162 00:06:41,018 --> 00:06:41,986 to watch animals humping other animals 163 00:06:42,069 --> 00:06:43,362 what might not be okay with it. 164 00:06:43,562 --> 00:06:44,497 That's true. 165 00:06:44,697 --> 00:06:46,745 And, Meg, you yourself said ligloss unicorns 166 00:06:46,945 --> 00:06:48,993 Channing Tatum something something bullcrap. 167 00:06:49,076 --> 00:06:50,494 You were listening the whole time? 168 00:06:50,694 --> 00:06:51,787 Don't you see, you guys? 169 00:06:51,987 --> 00:06:52,880 I did this for the family. 170 00:06:53,080 --> 00:06:55,499 Just think of this farm as our next great adventure. 171 00:06:55,699 --> 00:06:58,210 Like when we tried to invade the city of Troy. 172 00:07:02,381 --> 00:07:05,096 Peter, l don't think this is the right horse. 173 00:07:05,296 --> 00:07:08,012 I am 100% positive this is the right horse. 174 00:07:08,095 --> 00:07:09,517 Come on, guys, what do you say? 175 00:07:09,717 --> 00:07:10,954 Will you join me in eating eggs 176 00:07:11,154 --> 00:07:12,191 fresh out of a chicken's butt? 177 00:07:12,391 --> 00:07:15,019 Yay! Now l can be one of those filthy teens 178 00:07:15,219 --> 00:07:17,375 with sad eyes at a farmer's market! 179 00:07:17,575 --> 00:07:19,387 Well, with what's become of Quahog, 180 00:07:19,587 --> 00:07:21,400 maybe it is time to make a change. 181 00:07:21,600 --> 00:07:22,401 I'm in, Dad! 182 00:07:22,601 --> 00:07:23,202 Me, too! 183 00:07:23,402 --> 00:07:24,803 All right, let's do it. 184 00:07:25,003 --> 00:07:26,205 HEY, What's going on? 185 00:07:26,405 --> 00:07:28,833 Well, we've made a decision as a family, Brian. 186 00:07:29,033 --> 00:07:33,120 We've decided to take you to a nice, big farm upstate. 187 00:07:33,320 --> 00:07:34,588 Wh-What? 188 00:07:34,788 --> 00:07:36,716 A farm with big open fields, Brian, 189 00:07:36,916 --> 00:07:39,043 where you can just run and run and be free 190 00:07:39,126 --> 00:07:40,845 and no one will ever hurt you. 191 00:07:41,045 --> 00:07:42,988 Doesn't that sound wonderful, Brian? 192 00:07:43,188 --> 00:07:45,132 Are you ready to go to the nice farm? 193 00:07:45,332 --> 00:07:46,058 No! No! 194 00:07:46,258 --> 00:07:47,676 You'Il never take me alive! 195 00:07:50,554 --> 00:07:54,141 Okay, l am at full candy corn right now. 196 00:08:05,069 --> 00:08:06,783 Here we are, everyone. 197 00:08:06,983 --> 00:08:08,497 The Griffin family farm. 198 00:08:08,697 --> 00:08:11,083 Wow, look at us, Brian, frontier people. 199 00:08:11,283 --> 00:08:13,410 I feel like those miners who first struck gold 200 00:08:13,610 --> 00:08:14,912 in San Francisco. 201 00:08:15,829 --> 00:08:17,122 Oh, my God, we did it! 202 00:08:17,322 --> 00:08:18,048 We struck gold! 203 00:08:18,248 --> 00:08:20,250 This is amazing! We're gonna be rich! 204 00:08:20,450 --> 00:08:21,501 Rich and gay. 205 00:08:21,701 --> 00:08:22,753 Come here. 206 00:08:26,340 --> 00:08:27,933 Peter, what are you doing? 207 00:08:28,133 --> 00:08:30,097 Well, Lois, a big part of owning a farm 208 00:08:30,297 --> 00:08:32,262 is crossing a road very slowly with cows. 209 00:08:32,462 --> 00:08:34,774 Okay, okay, Bessie, now. 210 00:08:34,974 --> 00:08:36,767 Get yourself out there. Easy does it. 211 00:08:38,018 --> 00:08:40,980 Hey, come on, man! I got to get to work! 212 00:08:41,180 --> 00:08:42,773 And so do they, sir. 213 00:08:42,973 --> 00:08:44,775 Hurry it UP! 214 00:08:44,975 --> 00:08:46,777 Wait a second. 215 00:08:47,778 --> 00:08:49,655 Now get in line, you! 216 00:08:51,657 --> 00:08:54,284 Hey, l thought l told you kids to go plow in the field. 217 00:08:54,368 --> 00:08:56,996 But, Dad, we've been plowing all morning. 218 00:08:57,196 --> 00:08:58,664 Yeah, l can't take any more plowing. 219 00:08:58,864 --> 00:08:59,673 I can barely walk. 220 00:08:59,873 --> 00:09:01,983 Look, l know it seems like dirty work, but, Chris, 221 00:09:02,183 --> 00:09:04,294 you got to spread that seed until your sack is empty. 222 00:09:04,494 --> 00:09:06,463 And, Meg, you got to clear away all that brush 223 00:09:06,663 --> 00:09:08,632 so he can plant it deep where it needs to be. 224 00:09:08,832 --> 00:09:10,467 Okay, we'Il keep at it, but l think 225 00:09:10,667 --> 00:09:12,302 that hoe is pretty much worn out. 226 00:09:12,386 --> 00:09:14,680 Well, fliit over; you can use both sides. 227 00:09:19,184 --> 00:09:21,437 Peter, there's a guy standing out in the yard. 228 00:09:21,637 --> 00:09:22,613 Oh, yeah, that's Larry. 229 00:09:22,813 --> 00:09:25,065 Part of being a farmer is having a best friend named Larry 230 00:09:25,265 --> 00:09:26,817 who l spend huge amounts of time with, 231 00:09:27,017 --> 00:09:27,993 but never actually talk to. 232 00:09:28,193 --> 00:09:32,823 Ooh, you make me live now, honey P 233 00:09:33,023 --> 00:09:36,827 Ooh, you make me live 234 00:09:37,027 --> 00:09:37,837 Oh 235 00:09:38,037 --> 00:09:40,539 You're the best friend 236 00:09:40,739 --> 00:09:42,842 That l ever had 237 00:09:43,042 --> 00:09:45,961 Been with you such a long time 238 00:09:46,161 --> 00:09:48,401 You're my sunshine 239 00:09:48,601 --> 00:09:50,622 And l want you to know 240 00:09:50,822 --> 00:09:52,843 That my feelings are true 241 00:09:53,043 --> 00:09:55,533 I really love you. 242 00:09:55,733 --> 00:09:58,023 Peter, l'm dying. 243 00:09:58,223 --> 00:10:00,684 This is the last time I'Il ever see you. 244 00:10:00,884 --> 00:10:01,935 Bye. 245 00:10:06,482 --> 00:10:08,609 Peter, l've been running the numbers on this farm, 246 00:10:08,809 --> 00:10:10,035 and we're in deetrouble. 247 00:10:10,235 --> 00:10:12,413 We haven't grown a single croto sell. 248 00:10:12,613 --> 00:10:14,577 And meanwhile, you're spending half our money 249 00:10:14,777 --> 00:10:16,742 down at the General Store, and the other half 250 00:10:16,942 --> 00:10:18,168 at the Specific Store. 251 00:10:18,368 --> 00:10:20,370 Do you have almonds? What kind of almonds? 252 00:10:20,570 --> 00:10:22,081 Marcona almonds. From what region? 253 00:10:22,281 --> 00:10:22,882 The Basque Region. 254 00:10:23,082 --> 00:10:24,249 The Basque Region's pretty big. 255 00:10:24,449 --> 00:10:25,375 North? South? 256 00:10:25,575 --> 00:10:26,302 Southern Basque. 257 00:10:26,502 --> 00:10:27,753 How much should each almond weigh? 258 00:10:27,953 --> 00:10:28,554 Point eight ounces? 259 00:10:28,754 --> 00:10:30,255 Sorry, we only have point sixes. 260 00:10:30,455 --> 00:10:31,256 Aw. 261 00:10:33,092 --> 00:10:34,685 Yeah, hi. Do you have stuff? 262 00:10:34,885 --> 00:10:36,186 Yeah, we have stuff! 263 00:10:36,386 --> 00:10:39,143 And is it true that you've been spending the farm's money 264 00:10:39,343 --> 00:10:42,101 on gingham shirts you tie into a knot to expose your belly? 265 00:10:42,301 --> 00:10:43,569 I bought a couple. 266 00:10:43,769 --> 00:10:46,396 Well, with all this debt and no income, there's no way 267 00:10:46,596 --> 00:10:48,774 we're gonna be able to keeuour bank payments. 268 00:10:48,974 --> 00:10:50,901 Peter, if something doesn't change, 269 00:10:51,101 --> 00:10:52,840 I'm afraid we're gonna lose this farm. 270 00:10:53,040 --> 00:10:54,780 Great, just what l need on my conscience: 271 00:10:54,980 --> 00:10:56,156 another failed business. 272 00:10:58,534 --> 00:11:00,665 Hi, l'd like to rent The Proposal. 273 00:11:00,865 --> 00:11:02,727 Hang on, let me check the return slot. 274 00:11:02,927 --> 00:11:04,590 I'm sorry, it hasn't been returned yet. 275 00:11:04,790 --> 00:11:07,042 I have a poster from The Proposal you can look at. 276 00:11:07,242 --> 00:11:08,731 You'Il get most of the story. 277 00:11:08,931 --> 00:11:10,420 Huh. They seem pretty mismatched. 278 00:11:10,504 --> 00:11:11,597 There you go. 279 00:11:11,797 --> 00:11:13,006 Look, it's like I've been saying, 280 00:11:13,206 --> 00:11:14,570 farming is very difficult. 281 00:11:14,770 --> 00:11:15,935 When? W-When did you say that? 282 00:11:16,135 --> 00:11:18,178 Farming takes incredible skill and knowledge 283 00:11:18,378 --> 00:11:19,909 and the sort of specialized experience 284 00:11:20,109 --> 00:11:21,640 that takes generations to acquire. 285 00:11:21,682 --> 00:11:25,144 Dad, my favorite hen laid this crazy-looking egg! 286 00:11:26,061 --> 00:11:27,571 Cheep-cheep. 287 00:11:27,771 --> 00:11:28,614 What's your point, Brian? 288 00:11:28,814 --> 00:11:30,741 My point is that maybe l should go 289 00:11:30,941 --> 00:11:33,443 to the local state college and take some agriculture courses. 290 00:11:33,643 --> 00:11:35,529 With the proper training, maybe l can actually 291 00:11:35,729 --> 00:11:37,281 learn something that will save this farm. 292 00:11:37,481 --> 00:11:38,624 Wow, Brian, that's a great idea. 293 00:11:38,824 --> 00:11:41,285 And, hey, maybe l could give the speech at your graduation. 294 00:11:41,485 --> 00:11:42,628 I'm really good at that. 295 00:11:42,828 --> 00:11:46,957 And so, as l look out at your smiling faces filled with hope, 296 00:11:47,157 --> 00:11:49,635 all l can think is, you are completely screwed. 297 00:11:49,835 --> 00:11:53,297 As Martin Luther King once said, "Ouch, l've been shot." 298 00:11:53,497 --> 00:11:55,090 Thank you. 299 00:11:56,967 --> 00:11:58,352 Okay, that's all my stuff. 300 00:11:58,552 --> 00:12:01,471 I'm off to State Tech Ag Central College Tech. 301 00:12:01,555 --> 00:12:03,457 There's really two "techs" in there? 302 00:12:03,657 --> 00:12:05,655 The proudest day of a man's life 303 00:12:05,855 --> 00:12:07,853 is when his dog goes off to college. 304 00:12:08,053 --> 00:12:09,029 I'Il learn all l can. 305 00:12:09,229 --> 00:12:11,106 And l'Il see you guys soon. 306 00:12:14,067 --> 00:12:17,112 Aw, he packed a guitar? What a douche. 307 00:12:18,822 --> 00:12:21,241 Guys, what's that over there? 308 00:12:28,207 --> 00:12:30,500 Oh, my God, it's a tornado! 309 00:12:30,584 --> 00:12:32,886 And it's coming this way! We got to run! 310 00:12:33,086 --> 00:12:37,007 Hang on, guys, it might just be the Tasmanian Devil. 311 00:12:37,207 --> 00:12:39,509 Come on! Into the storm cellar! 312 00:12:43,222 --> 00:12:45,724 What is this place? It's really dark down here. 313 00:12:45,766 --> 00:12:47,542 Shh. MEG: What? Did you hear something? 314 00:12:47,742 --> 00:12:49,519 No, l just want you to stotalking. 315 00:12:49,603 --> 00:12:51,855 Wait, l think I found the lights. 316 00:12:53,398 --> 00:12:55,200 Wh-What is that? 317 00:12:55,400 --> 00:12:56,702 Aw, sweet! It's some kind of lab. 318 00:12:56,902 --> 00:12:59,154 Hey, maybe it has one of those things that goes... 319 00:13:01,782 --> 00:13:03,408 'Cause that's important for science. 320 00:13:03,608 --> 00:13:05,222 Look at all this stuff. 321 00:13:05,422 --> 00:13:07,172 Burners, plastic tubing. 322 00:13:07,372 --> 00:13:09,122 12 cases of cold medicine? 323 00:13:09,322 --> 00:13:10,049 You guys... 324 00:13:10,249 --> 00:13:12,542 I think this is a meth lab. 325 00:13:12,742 --> 00:13:13,218 Oh, my God. 326 00:13:13,418 --> 00:13:15,045 You mean like as in... 327 00:13:15,245 --> 00:13:16,847 D-R-U-G-S? 328 00:13:17,047 --> 00:13:19,925 Aren't those I-L-L-E-G-A-L? 329 00:13:20,125 --> 00:13:20,726 What's going on? 330 00:13:20,926 --> 00:13:22,577 What are you guys talking about? 331 00:13:22,777 --> 00:13:24,429 Uh-oh, someone's getting cranky. 332 00:13:24,629 --> 00:13:26,190 I think he needs an N-A-P. 333 00:13:26,390 --> 00:13:28,058 What's happening? Where are you taking me? 334 00:13:28,258 --> 00:13:30,143 Man, l got to crack this code. 335 00:13:35,440 --> 00:13:36,742 Oh, my God! 336 00:13:36,942 --> 00:13:38,652 You guys, there's a fully functional meth lab 337 00:13:38,852 --> 00:13:39,870 in our basement. 338 00:13:40,070 --> 00:13:41,571 Boy, we should clean this place up. 339 00:13:41,771 --> 00:13:43,156 It's a meth. 340 00:13:43,356 --> 00:13:44,124 Brian? 341 00:13:44,324 --> 00:13:45,600 Oh, right, you're at college. 342 00:13:45,800 --> 00:13:46,776 We have to call the police. 343 00:13:46,976 --> 00:13:47,753 Whoa, whoa, hang on, Lois. 344 00:13:47,953 --> 00:13:49,129 Now, l know you're freaked out, 345 00:13:49,329 --> 00:13:51,147 but when you really stop and think about it, 346 00:13:51,347 --> 00:13:53,166 this meth lab is our family's best chance 347 00:13:53,366 --> 00:13:54,635 to make meth in a lab. 348 00:13:54,835 --> 00:13:56,795 What... what are you talking about, Peter? 349 00:13:56,995 --> 00:13:58,088 I'm talking about saving the farm. 350 00:13:58,288 --> 00:13:59,389 Don't you see? 351 00:13:59,589 --> 00:14:01,967 This lab is just what we need to get back on our feet. 352 00:14:02,167 --> 00:14:03,102 No way, Peter. 353 00:14:03,302 --> 00:14:04,520 Dealing drugs is morally wrong, 354 00:14:04,720 --> 00:14:06,559 not to mention incredibly dangerous. 355 00:14:06,759 --> 00:14:08,598 Come on, we've always been risk takers. 356 00:14:08,798 --> 00:14:09,775 You remember when we did it 357 00:14:09,975 --> 00:14:11,401 in the bathroom at that restaurant? 358 00:14:11,601 --> 00:14:14,629 I can't believe we're actually gonna do this. 359 00:14:14,829 --> 00:14:17,858 Yeah. You go in first, and l'Il go in a minute. 360 00:14:21,987 --> 00:14:23,451 PETER Oh, wow! 361 00:14:23,651 --> 00:14:24,915 Oh, my God! 362 00:14:25,115 --> 00:14:27,242 Oh, this is amazing! 363 00:14:30,620 --> 00:14:32,798 You dirty girl. 364 00:14:32,998 --> 00:14:35,334 Peter, l haven't left yet. 365 00:14:35,534 --> 00:14:37,928 You sick whore. 366 00:14:38,128 --> 00:14:39,304 Look, it'd just be temporary, Lois. 367 00:14:39,504 --> 00:14:42,507 Just for a bit, just till we get the farm back on its feet. 368 00:14:42,707 --> 00:14:44,634 Till we get our family back on its feet. 369 00:14:44,834 --> 00:14:46,323 I don't know... Lois, we've always 370 00:14:46,523 --> 00:14:48,273 given our family whatever it needs. 371 00:14:48,473 --> 00:14:50,023 Well, right now, our family needs us 372 00:14:50,223 --> 00:14:52,893 to sell illegal drugs to the tank tocommunity. 373 00:14:53,093 --> 00:14:54,269 What do you say? 374 00:14:56,980 --> 00:14:59,950 All right, Peter, we can make one meth, and that's it. 375 00:15:00,150 --> 00:15:03,028 And it's only because l don't see any other way out of this. 376 00:15:03,228 --> 00:15:03,829 Thanks, Lois. 377 00:15:04,029 --> 00:15:05,864 Oh, this is gonna work out great. 378 00:15:05,906 --> 00:15:08,158 Hey, are you guys gonna feed us anytime soon? 379 00:15:08,358 --> 00:15:09,993 No, sorry, we're doing meth stuff now. 380 00:15:10,193 --> 00:15:11,170 I'Il eat that. 381 00:15:11,370 --> 00:15:13,663 You just got clean. 382 00:15:17,167 --> 00:15:18,844 Everyone, now that I'm a meth dealer, 383 00:15:19,044 --> 00:15:21,546 I'm going to respond violently to outside noises 384 00:15:21,746 --> 00:15:23,173 that the rest of you don't hear. 385 00:15:23,373 --> 00:15:24,383 Uh, okay, Peter, but l... 386 00:15:24,583 --> 00:15:26,101 What was that?! 387 00:15:26,301 --> 00:15:28,387 Dad, l think that was just a cricket. 388 00:15:28,587 --> 00:15:29,638 Then what the hell was that?! 389 00:15:29,838 --> 00:15:30,847 That was just me saying, 390 00:15:31,047 --> 00:15:32,057 "That was just a cricket." 391 00:15:32,257 --> 00:15:32,858 Dad, settle down. 392 00:15:33,058 --> 00:15:35,185 There's no one out there, Peter. 393 00:15:35,385 --> 00:15:36,195 You sure? 394 00:15:36,395 --> 00:15:38,063 Yeah, yeah, you're right, it's probably just a- 395 00:15:38,263 --> 00:15:39,376 Did you guys lock the truck?! 396 00:15:39,576 --> 00:15:40,490 Dad, we don't even have a... 397 00:15:40,690 --> 00:15:42,776 What the hell is going on out there?! 398 00:15:42,976 --> 00:15:44,027 Come on out, whoever you are! 399 00:15:44,227 --> 00:15:44,828 I want to show my kids 400 00:15:45,028 --> 00:15:46,822 what it looks like when a bitch dies! 401 00:15:47,022 --> 00:15:48,010 Peter, there's no one there. 402 00:15:48,210 --> 00:15:48,999 Well, maybe l should just fire 403 00:15:49,199 --> 00:15:51,410 a couple of rounds into the darkness. 404 00:15:53,328 --> 00:15:55,205 Don't hear those crickets no more. 405 00:15:55,405 --> 00:15:56,882 I'm not... gonna make it. 406 00:15:57,082 --> 00:15:58,917 You hang in there, you hear me? 407 00:15:58,959 --> 00:15:59,885 Listen to me. 408 00:16:00,085 --> 00:16:02,087 I want you to take care of my kids. 409 00:16:02,287 --> 00:16:03,347 I will. 410 00:16:03,547 --> 00:16:07,717 And l want you to be there whenever there's a bad joke. 411 00:16:07,917 --> 00:16:11,054 Let them know. Let them know. 412 00:16:12,097 --> 00:16:14,061 Gee, l hope l didn't scare the cows. 413 00:16:14,261 --> 00:16:16,226 I don't want to put them in a bad mood. 414 00:16:23,442 --> 00:16:25,118 What's that, Dad? 415 00:16:25,318 --> 00:16:27,612 It's my new meth distribution system. 416 00:16:27,812 --> 00:16:29,113 I've trained this carrier pigeon 417 00:16:29,313 --> 00:16:30,615 to do all my deliveries for me. 418 00:16:30,815 --> 00:16:32,117 Fly away, Benjamin! 419 00:16:33,743 --> 00:16:34,920 Ah, perfect, perfect. 420 00:16:35,120 --> 00:16:37,272 Now this is the money I owe Peter. 421 00:16:37,472 --> 00:16:39,624 I want you to take it back to him. 422 00:16:39,824 --> 00:16:40,834 Do you understand? 423 00:16:43,128 --> 00:16:44,763 Round and round 424 00:16:44,963 --> 00:16:46,965 With love, we'Il find... 425 00:16:49,176 --> 00:16:52,596 Yes, hello, l'd like to buy 400 blister packs of Actifed, 426 00:16:52,796 --> 00:16:54,931 or similar pseudoephedrine-based decongestant. 427 00:16:55,131 --> 00:16:55,774 Why? 428 00:16:55,974 --> 00:16:58,602 I have a cold. 429 00:16:58,802 --> 00:16:59,778 Achoo. 430 00:16:59,978 --> 00:17:02,355 Hang on, let me check something. 431 00:17:06,985 --> 00:17:08,303 Okay, you're fine. 432 00:17:08,503 --> 00:17:09,646 Be right back. 433 00:17:09,846 --> 00:17:10,789 Well done, Stewie. 434 00:17:10,989 --> 00:17:12,491 That could've gone really wrong. 435 00:17:12,691 --> 00:17:14,117 Like that Kid Rock concert. 436 00:17:16,995 --> 00:17:18,130 Oh, my God, help! 437 00:17:18,330 --> 00:17:19,627 He's having a heart attack! 438 00:17:19,827 --> 00:17:20,924 Is anyone here a doctor?! 439 00:17:21,124 --> 00:17:24,085 No way someone's a doctor here. 440 00:17:28,131 --> 00:17:30,634 Hey, everyone, l'm back! 441 00:17:30,834 --> 00:17:31,810 Hello? 442 00:17:32,010 --> 00:17:33,637 What the hell? 443 00:17:39,142 --> 00:17:40,777 Hey, Brian's home! 444 00:17:40,977 --> 00:17:42,854 What the hell is going on? 445 00:17:43,054 --> 00:17:44,031 Nothing, nothing. 446 00:17:44,231 --> 00:17:45,444 Just working on a family project. 447 00:17:45,644 --> 00:17:46,858 Getting in some together time. 448 00:17:47,058 --> 00:17:48,005 I have a crossbow! 449 00:17:48,205 --> 00:17:49,830 Chris has a crossbow. 450 00:17:50,030 --> 00:17:51,455 Okay, well, uh... 451 00:17:51,655 --> 00:17:53,165 I'm back from agricultural school, 452 00:17:53,365 --> 00:17:55,992 and l might have the solution to our farming trouble. 453 00:17:56,192 --> 00:17:58,036 I brought some heirloom tomato seeds. 454 00:17:58,236 --> 00:17:59,338 That's nice, Brian. 455 00:17:59,538 --> 00:18:01,665 Here's a new kind of meth you put in your pee-hole. 456 00:18:01,865 --> 00:18:02,549 Wh-What? 457 00:18:02,749 --> 00:18:03,875 Oh, yeah, we're meth dealers now. 458 00:18:04,075 --> 00:18:04,676 Yeah, you missed it. 459 00:18:04,876 --> 00:18:06,674 My teeth came in and then fell out again. 460 00:18:06,874 --> 00:18:08,672 I don't believe this! Are you guys insane?! 461 00:18:08,872 --> 00:18:09,860 We're rich is what we are! 462 00:18:10,060 --> 00:18:10,849 Look at all that cash, Brian. 463 00:18:11,049 --> 00:18:12,367 He don't get none of that! 464 00:18:12,567 --> 00:18:13,689 He wasn't here for it! 465 00:18:13,889 --> 00:18:14,934 Well, this is just great! 466 00:18:15,134 --> 00:18:15,979 I turn my back for a month, 467 00:18:16,179 --> 00:18:17,814 and this place turns into a drug den! 468 00:18:18,014 --> 00:18:21,309 For your information, it is also a drag queen hangout. 469 00:18:21,509 --> 00:18:24,062 Hey, look, our meth is on the news! 470 00:18:24,262 --> 00:18:25,113 Good evening, l'm Tom Tucker. 471 00:18:25,313 --> 00:18:28,091 Our tostory: Methamphetamine is flooding into Quahog 472 00:18:28,291 --> 00:18:31,069 in epidemic amounts, and is believed to be originating 473 00:18:31,269 --> 00:18:33,133 from the nearby rural community of Farmton. 474 00:18:33,333 --> 00:18:35,198 Farmton- that's the name of the place we live. 475 00:18:35,398 --> 00:18:37,700 For more on the story, we now go live 476 00:18:37,900 --> 00:18:39,702 to Asian correspondent Tricia Takanawa. 477 00:18:39,902 --> 00:18:41,705 Tom, meth is fine! Everything's fine! 478 00:18:41,905 --> 00:18:43,081 Go back to your own business! 479 00:18:43,281 --> 00:18:43,882 Thanks, Tricia. 480 00:18:44,082 --> 00:18:46,334 She's doing fun things for me, for money. 481 00:18:46,534 --> 00:18:47,594 Oh, my God. 482 00:18:47,794 --> 00:18:49,713 We're hurting our own hometown. 483 00:18:49,913 --> 00:18:51,014 All those drugs that are 484 00:18:51,214 --> 00:18:53,091 flooding into Quahog are from us. 485 00:18:53,291 --> 00:18:54,226 Oh, yeah? 486 00:18:54,426 --> 00:18:56,515 Well, if we're dealing so many drugs to Quahog, 487 00:18:56,715 --> 00:18:58,805 why is the Quahog envelope so light this week? 488 00:18:59,005 --> 00:19:00,273 Yeah, l say we go down there 489 00:19:00,473 --> 00:19:02,604 and talk to those people in Quahog. 490 00:19:02,804 --> 00:19:04,854 No! This is what l'm talking about. 491 00:19:05,054 --> 00:19:06,905 Meth has turned us into monsters. 492 00:19:07,105 --> 00:19:09,007 Lois, take it easy. No. You know what? 493 00:19:09,207 --> 00:19:11,109 This is my own fault for listening to you. 494 00:19:11,309 --> 00:19:13,111 I forgot you don't even know your ass 495 00:19:13,311 --> 00:19:14,821 from a hole in the ground. 496 00:19:15,739 --> 00:19:18,792 Is that... is that my ass? 497 00:19:18,992 --> 00:19:20,627 Lois, where the hell you going? 498 00:19:20,827 --> 00:19:23,255 I'm going back home to Quahog, where l belong. 499 00:19:23,455 --> 00:19:26,249 If any of you want to come with me, you're welcome to. 500 00:19:26,449 --> 00:19:27,759 First of all, you sat in something green 501 00:19:27,959 --> 00:19:30,128 and it's on your butt, so no one's gonna follow you. 502 00:19:30,328 --> 00:19:32,005 And second, no one's gonna leave a place 503 00:19:32,205 --> 00:19:32,889 where there are tons of beakers 504 00:19:33,089 --> 00:19:35,258 for a place where there are zero beakers. 505 00:19:35,458 --> 00:19:36,435 Peter, don't you see? 506 00:19:36,635 --> 00:19:39,204 We left Quahog because of the crime problem. 507 00:19:39,404 --> 00:19:41,548 But now we've become part of that problem. 508 00:19:41,748 --> 00:19:43,892 Yo, what is this bitch trippin' about?! 509 00:19:44,092 --> 00:19:45,268 Look at our lives, Peter. 510 00:19:45,468 --> 00:19:46,278 Look at our family. 511 00:19:46,478 --> 00:19:48,447 I don't recognize us anymore. 512 00:19:48,647 --> 00:19:50,607 It's time to go back to Spooner Street 513 00:19:50,807 --> 00:19:52,651 and be the Griffins again. 514 00:19:54,611 --> 00:19:55,954 Let's go, Peter. 515 00:19:56,154 --> 00:19:57,956 Let's go back to Quahog. 516 00:19:58,156 --> 00:20:00,033 But... but what about this farm? 517 00:20:00,233 --> 00:20:01,168 And this house? 518 00:20:01,368 --> 00:20:04,037 And the lab inside the house, which is currently producing 519 00:20:04,237 --> 00:20:06,039 an incredibly volatile and explosive batch 520 00:20:06,239 --> 00:20:07,540 of thermo-reactive chemic... 521 00:20:14,673 --> 00:20:18,051 There were a lot of Rottweilers in that house. 522 00:20:21,179 --> 00:20:23,394 Well, it's good to be back in our old house. 523 00:20:23,594 --> 00:20:25,602 How did we get this place back, by the way? 524 00:20:25,802 --> 00:20:27,811 Well, luckily the value of this place plummeted 525 00:20:28,011 --> 00:20:28,987 because this is a meth town now. 526 00:20:29,187 --> 00:20:31,114 You know, l think the lesson here is that 527 00:20:31,314 --> 00:20:34,321 if your community has problems, you don't abandon it. 528 00:20:34,521 --> 00:20:36,821 It's better to stay put and helfix those problems. 529 00:20:37,021 --> 00:20:39,135 That's right, Lois, 'cause wherever you run to, 530 00:20:39,335 --> 00:20:41,449 your problems have a funny way of finding you. 531 00:20:42,534 --> 00:20:44,202 Hey, are you guys in there? 532 00:20:44,402 --> 00:20:46,079 Peter, l need a taste! 533 00:20:47,163 --> 00:20:49,065 Oh, my God, it's Jodie Sweetin. 534 00:20:49,265 --> 00:20:50,967 Quick, everyone lie on the floor. 535 00:20:51,167 --> 00:20:53,837 Peter, come on! l've got Maureen McCormick with me. 536 00:20:54,037 --> 00:20:55,138 She'Il let you finish anywhere. 537 00:20:55,338 --> 00:20:58,466 Okay, everyone hide upstairs. Daddy's gonna take care of this.