1 00:00:00,740 --> 00:00:05,640 This programme contains very strong language, adult humour and adult themes. 2 00:00:16,000 --> 00:00:17,960 Fucking dare to that, honestly. 3 00:00:18,260 --> 00:00:20,520 You sent him in a perfectly good passport for us, didn't you? Back 4 00:00:20,520 --> 00:00:22,720 halfway between Pablo Escobar and an awful paedophile. 5 00:00:23,020 --> 00:00:24,680 I think you look cute, I tell you what. 6 00:00:24,940 --> 00:00:26,180 I was ten years younger. 7 00:00:26,620 --> 00:00:28,860 Sorry, no offence, Elizabeth, but we, eh? 8 00:00:29,480 --> 00:00:32,920 We have some good authority that you do in fact have a cursed vagina. 9 00:00:33,420 --> 00:00:34,420 Bewitched. It's wise. 10 00:00:34,660 --> 00:00:39,800 And B, I think it's highly inappropriate for you to be flirting with me because 11 00:00:39,800 --> 00:00:42,500 I am to be your future manager. 12 00:00:43,400 --> 00:00:45,100 Oh, dear God. 13 00:00:45,360 --> 00:00:49,300 After the financial bloody clusterfuck you made of the rat and cutter, you know 14 00:00:49,300 --> 00:00:51,320 you're going to buy this, are you? Not buy it, Vincent. 15 00:00:51,600 --> 00:00:54,560 Lease it. And no, I haven't made a fucking clusterfuck of it. I've turned 16 00:00:54,560 --> 00:00:55,379 rat and cutter around. 17 00:00:55,380 --> 00:00:57,200 Now I've got my sight set on... 18 00:00:58,000 --> 00:00:59,780 And you're doing what you always do. 19 00:01:00,080 --> 00:01:04,400 Fucking bullet a shagging gate. Just do one thing at a time, man. It's exactly 20 00:01:04,400 --> 00:01:06,540 not the advice of every great entrepreneur. 21 00:01:06,840 --> 00:01:08,380 And I should know. I watch a lot of Dragon's Den. 22 00:01:08,600 --> 00:01:12,200 Yep. Well, get that fucking jukebox fix then. And get some bar snacks. 23 00:01:12,680 --> 00:01:16,420 Why is he always here? When I was young, his bloke used to come round with a 24 00:01:16,420 --> 00:01:17,420 basket of fish. 25 00:01:17,540 --> 00:01:20,260 And we all used to say to him, have you got crabs? 26 00:01:22,190 --> 00:01:23,330 You know, for a laugh. 27 00:01:23,630 --> 00:01:25,330 You didn't want the good old days, was it? 28 00:01:25,550 --> 00:01:26,950 They had you in here enough times. 29 00:01:27,150 --> 00:01:30,730 Well, I say in here, you were in the van in the car park with a packet of prawn 30 00:01:30,730 --> 00:01:31,730 cocktail, Chris. 31 00:01:31,890 --> 00:01:32,589 Yeah, I know. 32 00:01:32,590 --> 00:01:34,970 Seen as I drove you home on more than one occasion. 33 00:01:35,370 --> 00:01:38,450 How were you going to afford this when all your money's wrapped up in the 34 00:01:38,450 --> 00:01:42,490 ratting hut? Well, therein lies a very cunning plan, one which involves me 35 00:01:42,490 --> 00:01:47,350 for four days to Düsseldorf to meet Veronica, my son's mother, and her... 36 00:01:47,350 --> 00:01:48,350 Drumroll, please. 37 00:01:49,550 --> 00:01:51,290 Her very wealthy parents. 38 00:01:52,310 --> 00:01:58,310 Why would Hans's German grandparents buy a fucking run -down pub in Hawley? I've 39 00:01:58,310 --> 00:02:01,110 asked Hans. It turns out his grandad is an angel investor. 40 00:02:01,370 --> 00:02:05,510 So all I've got to do is turn on me natural pizzazz and a few well -placed 41 00:02:05,510 --> 00:02:06,790 and ka -ching! 42 00:02:07,500 --> 00:02:11,380 Liz Jones and her cursed fanny are my new employees. Why is it cursed? 43 00:02:11,700 --> 00:02:14,720 Please, can we not talk about my mother's fanny? He's dangerous. 44 00:02:15,060 --> 00:02:19,780 He's killed several men, hasn't he? Listen, only eight men have died. The 45 00:02:19,780 --> 00:02:23,800 53 are roaming around quite happy, thank you. That number's gone up. Yeah, well, 46 00:02:23,900 --> 00:02:24,559 it will. 47 00:02:24,560 --> 00:02:25,119 Here, here. 48 00:02:25,120 --> 00:02:27,900 Ain't him ever died a mid -pump? Just the one. 49 00:02:28,500 --> 00:02:29,960 What's he like, Dusseldorf? 50 00:02:30,510 --> 00:02:33,530 Hotbed of filth and debauchery, I've no doubt. 51 00:02:33,750 --> 00:02:37,270 Oh, it's a beautiful city, beautiful, yeah. Famed for its iconic Rhine tower. 52 00:02:37,470 --> 00:02:41,150 Although I do have, you know, a few contacts over there in the debauchemot 53 00:02:41,150 --> 00:02:44,910 industry, and I will be frequenting those for a few days prior to toddling 54 00:02:44,910 --> 00:02:46,210 and meeting the parents. 55 00:02:46,630 --> 00:02:52,590 Anyway, love to chat, must fly, and, uh, as they say in Germany, hatte le 56 00:02:52,590 --> 00:02:53,590 Wetter, cunt. 57 00:02:55,170 --> 00:02:56,170 Düsseldorf, not in Spain. 58 00:03:27,620 --> 00:03:29,820 So? Hello, Mr. Schaffner. 59 00:03:30,020 --> 00:03:33,780 Speaking. There is a visitor here in reception wishing to see you. A visitor? 60 00:03:34,300 --> 00:03:35,300 Who is that? 61 00:03:35,320 --> 00:03:37,460 He says his name is Bernard Law Montgomery. 62 00:03:39,460 --> 00:03:42,080 I bet you'll live for free. 63 00:03:42,840 --> 00:03:45,720 But you can give them to the birds and bees. 64 00:03:46,020 --> 00:03:47,580 Hover! Hey! 65 00:03:49,180 --> 00:03:53,520 What in the name of Jesus H. Fuck, what are you doing here? Hey, I got your 66 00:03:53,520 --> 00:03:56,660 hotel details from Vinnie. Bought myself a cheap fight over. 67 00:03:57,120 --> 00:03:58,120 Come fly. 68 00:03:58,880 --> 00:04:01,460 Absolutely fucking straight, airline. 69 00:04:01,820 --> 00:04:02,860 Why would you do that? 70 00:04:03,100 --> 00:04:08,640 Why would you make such a strange and fucking incorrect decision, you manky 71 00:04:08,640 --> 00:04:12,200 pube? We all nearly died that day, Tom, on that coach. 72 00:04:12,660 --> 00:04:13,660 You weren't even fucking on it. 73 00:04:13,760 --> 00:04:18,839 I was fucking on the tractor, getting fucking dragged to the untimely end. 74 00:04:19,079 --> 00:04:22,500 Well, not that untimely, eh, Jim? Right, come on, off you fuck. 75 00:04:22,810 --> 00:04:28,050 And I made a vow that day that all the things I've been putting off had to get 76 00:04:28,050 --> 00:04:31,070 done. Fucking carpe diem. Fucking bucket list. 77 00:04:31,350 --> 00:04:34,350 And what you've always dreamed of visiting Dusseldorf. 78 00:04:34,570 --> 00:04:35,570 Is that the right pronunciation? 79 00:04:35,990 --> 00:04:36,990 Dusseldorf. 80 00:04:38,690 --> 00:04:39,690 Bukkake. 81 00:04:40,270 --> 00:04:42,610 Bukkake. I'm so sorry about that. Sorry. 82 00:04:43,350 --> 00:04:44,610 Bukkake. You said Bukkake? 83 00:04:44,870 --> 00:04:47,830 Yeah, yeah. Well, it's famous for it over here, isn't it? All you underground 84 00:04:47,830 --> 00:04:49,630 whatnots and that. And you... 85 00:04:49,980 --> 00:04:51,920 Now go the fucking right places. 86 00:04:52,220 --> 00:04:53,220 Right, okay. 87 00:04:53,400 --> 00:04:59,300 I can't believe that meant something. Right, how do I put it? Jim, fuck off, 88 00:04:59,300 --> 00:05:03,900 manky old scrotum. Get on the next fucking overcrowded shitty flight back 89 00:05:04,020 --> 00:05:06,640 There we go, avanti, bonjour. Yeah, yeah, yeah, go on. 90 00:05:07,080 --> 00:05:12,200 Some people want to fucking skydive or fucking go to the Great Barrier Reef. 91 00:05:13,120 --> 00:05:15,400 This is my Taj Mahal, Tomo. 92 00:05:15,620 --> 00:05:17,060 My Great Wall of China. 93 00:05:21,030 --> 00:05:22,030 Good luck, dear. 94 00:05:23,970 --> 00:05:24,970 Fine. 95 00:05:26,710 --> 00:05:28,150 I'll just ask around, then. 96 00:05:34,890 --> 00:05:35,890 Fuck! 97 00:05:36,230 --> 00:05:37,230 Fucking hell! 98 00:05:37,510 --> 00:05:38,590 Fine, Jim. 99 00:05:39,070 --> 00:05:42,850 I do know people and do know places. But listen to me. Right, mark my words for 100 00:05:42,850 --> 00:05:43,850 you. Mark it. 101 00:05:44,050 --> 00:05:45,050 Heed me, Jim. 102 00:05:45,570 --> 00:05:49,070 Right. When you have shot, you mug a little wad, that's what's done. 103 00:05:49,330 --> 00:05:53,470 Right, you're finished. We are not... I repeat, we are not on a mini -break 104 00:05:53,470 --> 00:05:55,630 together. We absolutely don't. 105 00:05:59,650 --> 00:06:02,650 You've got 106 00:06:02,650 --> 00:06:09,430 crisps in your beard, love. 107 00:06:10,310 --> 00:06:11,310 Now. 108 00:06:12,290 --> 00:06:13,290 Tom. 109 00:06:13,450 --> 00:06:14,870 Mailer, minor, kleiner. 110 00:06:15,420 --> 00:06:20,000 Far line up. This is my friend James. Friend, I mean. He's more of a rancid 111 00:06:20,000 --> 00:06:22,940 farmer. I'm only acquaintances with because we grow weed under his arm. 112 00:06:24,180 --> 00:06:25,680 Charmed to meet you. Hi. 113 00:06:26,440 --> 00:06:28,680 So I understand you are here for the bukkake? 114 00:06:29,320 --> 00:06:30,320 That's right. 115 00:06:30,620 --> 00:06:33,280 Okay. We do classic bukkake here. 116 00:06:33,540 --> 00:06:35,660 Three men, one woman. 117 00:06:35,960 --> 00:06:36,960 Okay. 118 00:06:37,380 --> 00:06:43,120 And... If I were to be on my knees... Oh. 119 00:06:43,800 --> 00:06:44,820 This is extra. 120 00:06:45,100 --> 00:06:46,100 Do you have cash? 121 00:06:46,220 --> 00:06:47,139 Oh, yeah. 122 00:06:47,140 --> 00:06:50,520 Go to my band. 123 00:06:55,360 --> 00:06:58,120 And we'll be joined by Anton and Dieter. 124 00:06:58,580 --> 00:07:02,460 Don't be intimidated. They're extremely large, but just follow their lead. 125 00:07:02,740 --> 00:07:03,740 Congratulations. 126 00:07:04,000 --> 00:07:05,000 Yeah, right. 127 00:07:06,120 --> 00:07:11,180 So, off we go. Good luck, and don't be too gross. 128 00:07:13,550 --> 00:07:14,550 Hmm. 129 00:07:15,750 --> 00:07:17,270 Oops, I've met a fucking elf. 130 00:07:18,650 --> 00:07:20,850 Ah, guten outfit. 131 00:07:21,250 --> 00:07:22,550 Ah, sehr gut. 132 00:07:26,110 --> 00:07:28,010 Dad, are you in Düsseldorf? 133 00:07:28,410 --> 00:07:35,070 I am indeed, yes. I'm currently talking of the cultural highlight of this fine 134 00:07:35,070 --> 00:07:37,010 city. Fucking hell. 135 00:07:37,470 --> 00:07:38,770 So, little Justina. 136 00:07:39,450 --> 00:07:42,630 Do you want to meet at Grandma and Grandpapa's house or before? 137 00:07:42,890 --> 00:07:44,590 And Mummy can't wait to see you. 138 00:07:44,910 --> 00:07:46,070 Can I? Oh, yes. 139 00:07:46,290 --> 00:07:49,830 She says it will be strange after all the years, but also wunderbar. 140 00:07:50,050 --> 00:07:53,590 They're doing dinner at 6pm. Well, listen, I've got a few things to clear 141 00:07:53,590 --> 00:07:55,510 here first, but ping me over the address. 142 00:07:55,790 --> 00:08:01,050 I've got a higher car, so I suppose I can... Toodle -oo... Shit. 143 00:08:02,110 --> 00:08:04,350 Hans, love, I'll see you at 6, all right? 144 00:08:04,850 --> 00:08:05,850 Fucking hell, Jim! 145 00:08:05,930 --> 00:08:06,930 Jim! 146 00:08:07,230 --> 00:08:08,450 The fuck have you done, you? 147 00:08:08,890 --> 00:08:09,749 Ain't nothing. 148 00:08:09,750 --> 00:08:14,250 I said, I said, don't be too gross. Did I not say that? I wasn't. I mean, we 149 00:08:14,250 --> 00:08:17,750 were just getting through it, and I know I've got a bit of an intense jack -off 150 00:08:17,750 --> 00:08:20,750 face, but she just started crying and fled. 151 00:08:21,110 --> 00:08:22,390 I'm fucking on the deck. 152 00:08:22,650 --> 00:08:24,490 I'm playing, miserable old cunt. Take. 153 00:08:25,550 --> 00:08:28,970 Mila, sweetheart, love, baby, angel, you all right in there? 154 00:08:29,390 --> 00:08:30,349 I'm sorry. 155 00:08:30,350 --> 00:08:33,710 No, no, don't, don't. You'll be all right. You're a mangy cunt with a 156 00:08:33,710 --> 00:08:36,470 jerk -off face. Just come out of here, and we can talk about this. Is she all 157 00:08:36,470 --> 00:08:37,470 right? 158 00:08:40,300 --> 00:08:44,680 I'm sorry if it was me. The last thing I wanted to... No, no, it wasn't you. 159 00:08:45,380 --> 00:08:48,220 You were a gentleman. It's me. 160 00:08:49,460 --> 00:08:53,640 I shouldn't have come to work tonight. I'm just so worried. 161 00:08:54,440 --> 00:08:55,439 What's happened? 162 00:08:55,440 --> 00:08:57,740 My brother, Otto, he's in the hospital. 163 00:08:58,320 --> 00:08:59,900 He had a heart attack. 164 00:09:00,460 --> 00:09:01,460 That's terrible. 165 00:09:01,500 --> 00:09:02,099 Not ideal. 166 00:09:02,100 --> 00:09:07,440 I have his phone and he keeps getting these messages from someone named 167 00:09:09,550 --> 00:09:14,550 Right, so that's all in German, isn't it? He says, we want the gear. 168 00:09:14,930 --> 00:09:15,930 When and where. 169 00:09:16,390 --> 00:09:21,530 Don't ignore me. Fucking call me or I'll find you. As faith. 170 00:09:22,650 --> 00:09:25,010 As faith, right. That's a rare insult. 171 00:09:25,290 --> 00:09:28,590 That's insane. So what's he got himself involved in? 172 00:09:30,690 --> 00:09:31,690 Envelopes. 173 00:09:35,630 --> 00:09:37,350 Why? Well... 174 00:09:37,660 --> 00:09:42,280 Otto runs the local post office. And since the legalization of cannabis, 175 00:09:42,280 --> 00:09:47,460 come here to smoke, to party, from the UK, France. And many of them get the 176 00:09:47,460 --> 00:09:48,800 to post drugs back home. 177 00:09:49,020 --> 00:09:51,640 So they Google local post office. 178 00:09:52,260 --> 00:09:53,520 Otto's the first hit. 179 00:09:53,800 --> 00:09:57,140 So they wander in and ask... How much is it worth to let back to the UK? 180 00:09:57,500 --> 00:09:59,360 So we tell them the price of a stem. 181 00:09:59,580 --> 00:10:01,940 Otto knows they're posting weed, mushrooms. 182 00:10:02,460 --> 00:10:05,840 Then he throws them into a special red delivery bag. 183 00:10:06,410 --> 00:10:09,610 Which he then brings home with him. Because who's going to make a complaint? 184 00:10:09,930 --> 00:10:11,550 Oh, my drug's never made it home? 185 00:10:11,750 --> 00:10:12,689 Fucking clever. 186 00:10:12,690 --> 00:10:13,790 Perfect crime. 187 00:10:14,110 --> 00:10:18,510 But then he didn't know what to do with them all. Hence, Bozeman. For me, 188 00:10:18,610 --> 00:10:20,950 there's thousands of fucking pounds worth. 189 00:10:21,210 --> 00:10:22,470 Maybe tens of thousands. 190 00:10:22,810 --> 00:10:25,170 People pay 40, 50 euros for mushrooms. 191 00:10:25,570 --> 00:10:27,110 Even more for the strong ones. 192 00:10:27,350 --> 00:10:28,810 But I can't get involved. 193 00:10:29,090 --> 00:10:30,930 I don't want trouble with the police. 194 00:10:31,400 --> 00:10:35,120 Ah, well, congratulations, Mila, because we deal with this sort of thing all the 195 00:10:35,120 --> 00:10:35,839 fucking time. 196 00:10:35,840 --> 00:10:40,860 For a small remuneration, i .e. a cut of the profits, we could get some of the 197 00:10:40,860 --> 00:10:43,660 contents of these envelopes to Mr. 198 00:10:43,900 --> 00:10:46,700 Bozeman. Herr Bozeman, if you will. Herr Deutscher. Very good. 199 00:10:47,120 --> 00:10:49,240 And, you know, make the transaction. 200 00:10:50,780 --> 00:10:52,040 You would do that for me? 201 00:10:52,560 --> 00:10:55,160 Mila, of course. Mi casa es tu casa. 202 00:10:55,420 --> 00:10:57,480 You can have the money. I don't need it. Fifty -fifty. 203 00:10:57,780 --> 00:10:58,679 Let's say that. 204 00:10:58,680 --> 00:10:59,680 80, 20. 205 00:10:59,740 --> 00:11:00,499 60, 40. 206 00:11:00,500 --> 00:11:01,580 Okay, I accept 60. 207 00:11:02,600 --> 00:11:03,740 Fucking well done. 208 00:11:04,080 --> 00:11:05,120 Thank you so much. 209 00:11:05,460 --> 00:11:06,460 Bitte schön. 210 00:11:07,260 --> 00:11:10,400 If you meet them, you might meet someone who speaks German. 211 00:11:11,020 --> 00:11:12,020 Do you know anyone? 212 00:11:13,520 --> 00:11:15,200 Mela, would you believe it? 213 00:11:16,040 --> 00:11:17,160 I know just the man. 214 00:11:29,990 --> 00:11:31,630 Here he fucking is! 215 00:11:31,990 --> 00:11:35,190 Listen, you'll be all right with this. He won't tell your mum, really. It's 216 00:11:35,190 --> 00:11:36,410 our little secret. 217 00:11:36,610 --> 00:11:37,610 It is exciting. 218 00:11:37,990 --> 00:11:38,990 Oh, yeah. Like a movie. 219 00:11:39,190 --> 00:11:41,710 It's an illegal drop in a decreased location. 220 00:11:42,110 --> 00:11:43,710 Oh, yes. Well, listen, that's how your father rolls. 221 00:11:44,550 --> 00:11:46,970 It's a wall -to -wall adventure and intrigue. Oh, yes. 222 00:11:47,290 --> 00:11:50,590 Except we're meeting him round the back of a large garden furniture warehouse. 223 00:11:51,030 --> 00:11:53,250 All right. On that note, avante! 224 00:11:53,610 --> 00:11:54,610 Let's go. 225 00:11:59,620 --> 00:12:03,320 It's a quick in and out. Stick to the plan and we'll be skipping Steins on the 226 00:12:03,320 --> 00:12:05,140 Rhine. Bob's your fucking uncle. 227 00:12:20,840 --> 00:12:21,840 Right. 228 00:12:22,680 --> 00:12:25,500 Jim, you stay here with the gear. Me and Hans will go and negotiate. 229 00:12:26,080 --> 00:12:27,340 I don't like this. 230 00:12:28,110 --> 00:12:29,110 They've got nasty eyes. 231 00:12:29,830 --> 00:12:33,670 They're probably going to kill us and dump our bodies in the Seine. The Seine 232 00:12:33,670 --> 00:12:34,449 in France. 233 00:12:34,450 --> 00:12:35,630 You're missing the fucking point. 234 00:12:36,190 --> 00:12:39,250 I am this close to achieving a lifelong ambition. 235 00:12:39,510 --> 00:12:44,050 And now I'm going to get shot in the face on some misguided envelope -based 236 00:12:44,050 --> 00:12:46,930 fucking scam. Jim, love, I'll just put this gently. 237 00:12:47,170 --> 00:12:50,110 Um, shut the fuck up, you stupid old cunt. 238 00:13:01,160 --> 00:13:03,280 Mr. Boseman, where is Otto? 239 00:13:03,620 --> 00:13:07,080 Tell him that we are colleagues and we have what he needs. 240 00:13:07,340 --> 00:13:09,040 We are Otto's colleagues. Colleagues. 241 00:13:09,380 --> 00:13:11,680 Otto is busy, but we have something she needs. 242 00:13:11,960 --> 00:13:15,340 Yes. Otto has Santa Claus sent two helpers to his 243 00:13:15,340 --> 00:13:19,140 Dirty work to do? Why see the English Santa Claus is so rickety 244 00:13:19,140 --> 00:13:21,200 out? Post-Brexit Santa Claus. 245 00:13:22,600 --> 00:13:24,400 Oh, yeah, what's he saying? 246 00:13:25,040 --> 00:13:29,920 They say Otto sent Santa Claus, I think they mean Jim, and his two elves. 247 00:13:30,720 --> 00:13:32,420 to do a deal for him. 248 00:13:32,700 --> 00:13:36,300 And then they did a bunch of follow-up stuff, which is German humor and won't 249 00:13:36,300 --> 00:13:37,179 be funny to you. 250 00:13:37,180 --> 00:13:40,980 OK. What do these dwarves want? Now they are asking how much you want for the 251 00:13:40,980 --> 00:13:41,799 gear. Yes. 252 00:13:41,800 --> 00:13:43,040 20,000 euros. 253 00:13:44,160 --> 00:13:45,200 20,000 euros. 254 00:13:47,840 --> 00:13:49,100 20,000 euros. 255 00:13:49,760 --> 00:13:52,760 Yes. Santa Claus probably has it drank the whole whiskey too early. They say 256 00:13:52,760 --> 00:13:55,960 that Santa must be drunk on all the whiskey if we want 20k. 257 00:13:56,180 --> 00:13:57,180 We'll make you a deal. 258 00:13:57,340 --> 00:13:59,560 If you fill our Christmas socks, 259 00:14:01,150 --> 00:14:05,770 They will give us 4K if we agree to fill their Christmas stockings. Jesus 260 00:14:05,770 --> 00:14:09,410 Christ, some fucking gentle humour, this, isn't it? I have to tell them, 15 261 00:14:09,410 --> 00:14:10,830 grand, and that's my final offer. 262 00:14:11,370 --> 00:14:12,370 15 ,000. 263 00:14:13,810 --> 00:14:17,050 Rude. All right, 10 grand, and that's as low as I'll go. 264 00:14:17,650 --> 00:14:19,480 Seen. 5 ,000. 65. 265 00:14:19,940 --> 00:14:21,640 Remind those cunts he won the war. 266 00:14:21,840 --> 00:14:24,520 No, no, Jim, we're not going down that route. Thank you very much. All right, 267 00:14:24,620 --> 00:14:28,260 nine grand. Nine grand, and that is it. That is as low as I'll go, or may God 268 00:14:28,260 --> 00:14:29,320 strike Jim down. 269 00:14:30,120 --> 00:14:31,760 Nine. Das beste Angebot. 270 00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:33,000 Acht. Eight. 271 00:14:34,340 --> 00:14:35,600 Nine. Done. Fucking great. 272 00:14:35,900 --> 00:14:38,400 Now let's get the dough so we can get on with the bukkake. 273 00:14:38,840 --> 00:14:41,740 Tell them that we want to see the cash before the drugs get handed over. 274 00:14:42,080 --> 00:14:45,020 Wir wollen zuerst die Kohle sehen. Bitte, Kohle sehen. Sicher. 275 00:14:45,400 --> 00:14:47,640 Aber vorher will ich ein Bild mit dem Weihnachtsmann. 276 00:14:49,160 --> 00:14:51,380 They want a photograph with Santa Claus. 277 00:14:52,140 --> 00:14:52,919 You are? 278 00:14:52,920 --> 00:14:55,460 Are you for real? Yes, they want to send it to a friend. 279 00:14:56,760 --> 00:15:01,200 Crikey. All right, go on. Hey, having a grey beard does not make me Santa Claus. 280 00:15:01,340 --> 00:15:01,899 Oh, my God. 281 00:15:01,900 --> 00:15:03,000 Rasputin had a grey beard. 282 00:15:03,260 --> 00:15:06,900 Fucking Fidel Castro had a grey beard. Get in that fucking selfie, you cunt. 283 00:15:06,980 --> 00:15:08,540 He's wearing disposable gloves. 284 00:15:09,380 --> 00:15:11,460 Only killers wear disposable gloves. 285 00:15:11,720 --> 00:15:14,760 Maybe he's got a germ phobia. Go on, get in the selfie, love. There we go. 286 00:15:15,080 --> 00:15:16,080 There we go. 287 00:15:16,400 --> 00:15:17,400 They're good. 288 00:15:17,900 --> 00:15:19,260 Yeah, super cool. 289 00:15:20,500 --> 00:15:21,500 Come, 290 00:15:22,200 --> 00:15:26,180 come. He's had now one with Oliver. What are you talking about? 291 00:15:26,480 --> 00:15:27,480 Okay. 292 00:15:28,580 --> 00:15:30,200 I was singing. 293 00:15:31,980 --> 00:15:32,980 Yeah, lovely. 294 00:15:37,960 --> 00:15:38,960 Jesus! 295 00:16:05,640 --> 00:16:07,060 My best shirt was in that suitcase. 296 00:16:07,580 --> 00:16:10,540 And me tingly body rub. And me corn plaster. 297 00:16:10,820 --> 00:16:13,540 You're honestly going to go for that old fucking weird smorgasbord? I've nicked 298 00:16:13,540 --> 00:16:18,060 off my fucking luggage, my passport, and my fucking hire car that I didn't get 299 00:16:18,060 --> 00:16:19,760 insured. You didn't take the insurance? 300 00:16:20,140 --> 00:16:22,260 No. Would you like to take the insurance? 301 00:16:22,820 --> 00:16:26,080 Yeah. Four days in Düsseldorf was the worst that could happen. 302 00:16:27,400 --> 00:16:29,320 Would you like to take the insurance? 303 00:16:30,000 --> 00:16:31,000 Fuck! 304 00:16:31,220 --> 00:16:33,420 We lost the car, but... 305 00:16:33,760 --> 00:16:35,100 We gained a jacket. 306 00:16:36,160 --> 00:16:38,500 Stop it. What do you think? I've not got time for whimsy now, love. 307 00:16:39,180 --> 00:16:40,180 Oh. 308 00:16:40,400 --> 00:16:41,359 What's this? 309 00:16:41,360 --> 00:16:42,920 What was it? What was it? What is it? 310 00:16:44,000 --> 00:16:45,420 Browery Shuman, 10 .30. 311 00:16:45,780 --> 00:16:46,780 That's a beer hall. 312 00:16:46,960 --> 00:16:49,100 That's a fucking meet -up. That's a fucking meet -up. He's going there 313 00:16:49,460 --> 00:16:52,240 Unless it was last night and he's just still in his pocket. 314 00:16:52,680 --> 00:16:53,820 I swear to God, man. 315 00:16:54,060 --> 00:16:56,600 But, Dad, we have to go to Grandma and Grandpa's. 316 00:16:57,520 --> 00:17:00,620 In fact, we need to be there in 22 minutes. 317 00:17:00,840 --> 00:17:03,660 OK, OK. Here's what we're going to do. We're going to go to the relative, have 318 00:17:03,660 --> 00:17:04,659 bit of din -din. Lovely. 319 00:17:04,819 --> 00:17:08,480 Then, early to bed, let me sneak out and go and retrieve what's rightfully ours. 320 00:17:08,560 --> 00:17:09,560 Brilliant. Call an Uber. 321 00:17:09,819 --> 00:17:10,819 Hang on a minute. 322 00:17:10,859 --> 00:17:13,400 What about me getting what I came for? 323 00:17:13,619 --> 00:17:17,160 Jim, where's the fucking room? Events have moved on. So you're just going to 324 00:17:17,160 --> 00:17:21,640 off to dinner and leave me here in the middle of fucking nowhere? 325 00:17:22,980 --> 00:17:27,640 You can come with us. As you say in England, the more of the people, The 326 00:17:27,640 --> 00:17:28,640 of the situation. 327 00:17:28,740 --> 00:17:29,740 Nice one. 328 00:17:29,760 --> 00:17:30,399 Take care. 329 00:17:30,400 --> 00:17:31,400 Yeah. 330 00:17:41,760 --> 00:17:42,760 It's Mummy. 331 00:17:44,220 --> 00:17:48,780 This is a huge moment. My mother and my father reunited after so many years. 332 00:17:49,140 --> 00:17:50,400 All right, all right, I'm coming. 333 00:17:50,740 --> 00:17:52,720 Words which I want to tell of your creation. 334 00:17:54,040 --> 00:17:55,980 Mummy! And that's what I said when I came. 335 00:17:58,330 --> 00:17:59,350 Hans. It's Daddy. 336 00:18:00,310 --> 00:18:03,190 Thomas. Well, yes, it's been a very long time. 337 00:18:03,550 --> 00:18:04,690 Yes. Hello again. 338 00:18:05,010 --> 00:18:06,150 Hello, Veronica. 339 00:18:07,110 --> 00:18:08,110 Looking well. 340 00:18:08,150 --> 00:18:12,470 Very Germanic, with your hair like that and the raw neck and all that, you know. 341 00:18:12,650 --> 00:18:14,730 And you look very English. 342 00:18:16,510 --> 00:18:18,770 Thank you, I think. Who is this? 343 00:18:18,970 --> 00:18:20,590 This is Jim, a friend of Dad's. 344 00:18:20,790 --> 00:18:23,190 Good to meet you. I've heard a lot about you. 345 00:18:23,580 --> 00:18:27,500 Well, the 16 -year -old you. The one that liked cowgirl on school trips. 346 00:18:27,700 --> 00:18:29,620 Jim! Sorry about that. 347 00:18:30,720 --> 00:18:32,200 Veronica! Fun! 348 00:18:32,520 --> 00:18:34,260 Papa! Honey, hello! 349 00:18:34,500 --> 00:18:35,500 Kinder! 350 00:18:36,520 --> 00:18:38,080 So good to see you. 351 00:18:40,160 --> 00:18:42,960 I had a drink last night. 352 00:18:44,780 --> 00:18:46,200 I've been at the circus. 353 00:18:46,520 --> 00:18:47,199 Oh, me. 354 00:18:47,200 --> 00:18:48,200 Meine Liebe. 355 00:18:49,020 --> 00:18:51,900 Opa? Ja? Das ist mein Vater, Thomas. 356 00:18:52,460 --> 00:18:54,660 Vater und sein Freund Jim. Freund. 357 00:18:54,900 --> 00:18:56,080 Did you bring any luggage? 358 00:18:56,460 --> 00:18:57,620 We had it stolen. 359 00:18:58,040 --> 00:18:59,040 I hope you have insurance. 360 00:19:03,980 --> 00:19:04,980 Fifty quid. 361 00:19:05,180 --> 00:19:09,120 What's the worst that could happen? 362 00:19:10,520 --> 00:19:12,100 Never mind. 363 00:19:12,340 --> 00:19:14,600 I'll lend you some of my briefs. Let's go. 364 00:19:15,660 --> 00:19:18,040 These are briefs. 365 00:19:21,300 --> 00:19:23,680 Thomas. Come, hurry up, schnell. 366 00:19:24,340 --> 00:19:29,460 This is our sauna, and I built it with my own hands. Just as Gitte is preparing 367 00:19:29,460 --> 00:19:34,320 us the most amazing feast. And there's nothing more enticing for the appetite 368 00:19:34,320 --> 00:19:36,340 than a cold plunge. 369 00:19:37,700 --> 00:19:43,560 Oh. The secret is, it's complete submerging all the way to your neck. And 370 00:19:43,560 --> 00:19:45,960 hold it for two minutes and not a second less. 371 00:19:46,320 --> 00:19:47,900 Two full minutes. 372 00:19:48,300 --> 00:19:49,300 All right. 373 00:19:49,680 --> 00:19:50,680 Now follow me. 374 00:19:57,120 --> 00:19:58,420 Now you, come. 375 00:19:58,840 --> 00:20:02,620 Okay. Here goes nothing. 376 00:20:03,420 --> 00:20:09,020 Test the water as it... Oh, fuck me, yes, that's it. That's very many calls, 377 00:20:09,080 --> 00:20:12,440 actually. Don't allow yourself to think about it. Yes, Noel, I have talked about 378 00:20:12,440 --> 00:20:15,980 it, and the brain is very much saying, no, thank you, so I'm just going to go 379 00:20:15,980 --> 00:20:17,880 say no. All right, count him in. 380 00:20:18,500 --> 00:20:19,500 Four. 381 00:20:20,560 --> 00:20:21,560 Three. 382 00:20:22,160 --> 00:20:23,160 Two. 383 00:20:24,370 --> 00:20:27,930 I haven't mentioned that I do have a heart defect, and so I'm a bit concerned 384 00:20:27,930 --> 00:20:29,750 this might bring about a cardiac arrest. Here we go! 385 00:20:32,910 --> 00:20:33,910 Hey, 386 00:20:36,470 --> 00:20:37,990 reminds me of the Merchant Navy. 387 00:20:39,050 --> 00:20:40,770 Except this one, we were all naked. 388 00:20:41,050 --> 00:20:41,929 I'm fucking crazy! 389 00:20:41,930 --> 00:20:42,930 Hey, 390 00:20:43,650 --> 00:20:45,090 I'm just going to get some wine for the day. 391 00:20:45,670 --> 00:20:46,670 All right. 392 00:20:47,450 --> 00:20:48,930 Oh, and get me some tampons, will you? 393 00:20:49,510 --> 00:20:51,130 I told you, you're the moon cop. 394 00:20:52,370 --> 00:20:53,370 Hey, just... 395 00:20:53,530 --> 00:20:57,110 Get the tampons. You get them. I'm not buying shitty single -use plastic. 396 00:21:00,210 --> 00:21:01,210 Weirdo. 397 00:21:11,770 --> 00:21:16,270 Oh, it's my way today. 398 00:21:16,610 --> 00:21:17,610 I know. 399 00:21:21,630 --> 00:21:22,910 Don't sweat the technique. 400 00:21:23,390 --> 00:21:26,190 Alex, fucking go. Go fucking joke him. 401 00:21:30,530 --> 00:21:31,650 Fuck's sake, babe. 402 00:21:32,010 --> 00:21:34,950 You were meant to go in for a bottle of wine. Yeah, well, an opportunity arose. 403 00:21:35,210 --> 00:21:36,210 Did you hit him then? 404 00:21:36,410 --> 00:21:37,490 Legitimately. Fuck me. 405 00:21:37,930 --> 00:21:40,770 I thought we were leaving all this small -time shit behind and wearing my 406 00:21:40,770 --> 00:21:42,010 fucking tampons, eh? 407 00:21:42,230 --> 00:21:46,390 That guy in there is probably just doing his fucking job, minimum wage, probably 408 00:21:46,390 --> 00:21:48,670 getting into all kinds of trouble now. It's not right, Alex. 409 00:21:49,010 --> 00:21:52,150 You're asking me to compromise on my own standpoint on these things. My own 410 00:21:52,150 --> 00:21:53,150 fucking standpoint. 411 00:21:53,580 --> 00:21:56,280 As if you didn't just fucking smash a guy in the face for a couple of quid. 412 00:21:56,980 --> 00:21:59,620 I fucking told you to use a mooncock. Oh, fuck off. 413 00:22:02,020 --> 00:22:03,020 Thank you, sir. 414 00:22:03,640 --> 00:22:04,640 So, 415 00:22:09,380 --> 00:22:14,380 Ernst, or perhaps now that we're related, I could venture to call you 416 00:22:15,680 --> 00:22:16,680 Keep it a secret. 417 00:22:16,920 --> 00:22:17,920 Okay, as you wish. 418 00:22:18,600 --> 00:22:22,420 Listen, about earlier, the whole ice plunge situation, I think we got off the 419 00:22:22,420 --> 00:22:25,760 wrong foot, didn't we? Because, you see, the whole great outdoors, certainly my 420 00:22:25,760 --> 00:22:30,300 natural environnement, you know, I'm more of a night -time economy guy. You 421 00:22:30,300 --> 00:22:34,000 know, pubs, clubs, bars, where people can go and find fun and friendship. 422 00:22:35,400 --> 00:22:40,880 Everyone to their own. And as it happens, I do have a small portfolio of 423 00:22:40,880 --> 00:22:44,460 in the UK, but I'm ever looking to expand. 424 00:22:46,480 --> 00:22:47,480 I see. 425 00:22:48,190 --> 00:22:53,290 Hans helped me financially to set up my flagship venue, the Rat and Cutter, and 426 00:22:53,290 --> 00:22:58,610 now I've got my little eye on another local bar, very up and coming, and I was 427 00:22:58,610 --> 00:23:02,050 wondering if you might want to chat investment opportunities. 428 00:23:05,570 --> 00:23:06,930 You got my daughter pregnant? 429 00:23:08,810 --> 00:23:10,150 No, let me ask you a question. 430 00:23:10,670 --> 00:23:14,610 Why do you think Veronica never told you that you're Hans's father? 431 00:23:17,130 --> 00:23:19,910 Because we met when we were very young and on a school exchange. 432 00:23:20,290 --> 00:23:21,630 So it's one of them, isn't it? 433 00:23:21,870 --> 00:23:22,890 She went through hell. 434 00:23:23,830 --> 00:23:26,710 She was 16 years old with a newborn child. 435 00:23:27,650 --> 00:23:28,910 Couldn't go out with her friends. 436 00:23:29,990 --> 00:23:31,010 Couldn't go on holidays. 437 00:23:32,590 --> 00:23:34,430 She had to postpone college. 438 00:23:34,630 --> 00:23:35,630 And why? 439 00:23:36,690 --> 00:23:41,010 Because some English boy was the cheap to buy prophylactics. 440 00:23:41,390 --> 00:23:42,670 A fucking condom. 441 00:23:45,170 --> 00:23:47,890 Well... It wasn't expensive as such. 442 00:23:48,110 --> 00:23:53,850 She didn't tell you because she thought you are a bad bet. 443 00:23:54,250 --> 00:23:59,410 She thought your life will be chaotic and failing, 444 00:23:59,590 --> 00:24:06,510 even though she was physically attracted to you at 445 00:24:06,510 --> 00:24:11,650 that age. She was smart enough even then to realize you're the kind of guy that 446 00:24:11,650 --> 00:24:12,650 can't be relied upon. 447 00:24:18,050 --> 00:24:19,810 Well, how wrong was she, eh? 448 00:24:20,810 --> 00:24:21,810 Was she? 449 00:24:22,450 --> 00:24:26,350 I think of myself as a good judge of character. 450 00:24:26,570 --> 00:24:27,950 It comes with my line of work. 451 00:24:28,570 --> 00:24:31,810 And I think Veronica, my daughter, she's too. 452 00:24:34,470 --> 00:24:36,130 Ernst, answer this for me. 453 00:24:36,370 --> 00:24:37,690 I've always wanted to know. 454 00:24:38,450 --> 00:24:40,270 What's with the fucking umlauts? 455 00:24:42,810 --> 00:24:44,150 Huh? Oh, my God. 456 00:25:00,160 --> 00:25:01,740 Look, there's something I didn't tell you about my uncle. 457 00:25:02,360 --> 00:25:04,200 You thought you'd wait till he got to the door, did you? 458 00:25:05,500 --> 00:25:08,460 It's not a big deal. It's just, he didn't look like you'd expect, right? 459 00:25:09,100 --> 00:25:10,100 How do you mean? 460 00:25:17,550 --> 00:25:19,210 There is plenty of space. 461 00:25:20,750 --> 00:25:22,050 Bathroom is just outside. 462 00:25:22,750 --> 00:25:25,970 And I will bring you some towels. 463 00:25:29,050 --> 00:25:34,890 What are you doing here, Jim? You can't stay the night as soon as you've got 464 00:25:34,890 --> 00:25:35,890 that gear. 465 00:25:36,090 --> 00:25:37,090 Get off your hotel. 466 00:25:37,350 --> 00:25:38,350 What hotel? 467 00:25:40,250 --> 00:25:41,250 What do you mean, what hotel? 468 00:25:41,470 --> 00:25:42,470 Well, I didn't book one. 469 00:25:42,640 --> 00:25:45,060 I just thought so once I got here. Who the fuck does that? 470 00:25:45,400 --> 00:25:47,060 I thought you might have a spare bed in your room. 471 00:25:47,340 --> 00:25:48,340 Why would I have? 472 00:25:48,720 --> 00:25:49,720 There you go. 473 00:25:50,600 --> 00:25:55,220 Speak if you need anything else. We are only upstairs. 474 00:25:59,180 --> 00:26:03,580 I want that fucking Bukkake, Tomo. And I'm not going home until he's done. Your 475 00:26:03,580 --> 00:26:07,260 actions are not the actions of a reasonable man. 476 00:26:14,640 --> 00:26:16,200 It's like Morecambe and Wise, isn't it? 477 00:26:16,400 --> 00:26:20,580 Two grown men, shared in a room, separate beds. 478 00:26:21,400 --> 00:26:22,600 Simple time, you see. 479 00:26:22,860 --> 00:26:24,920 They said he'd give us a signal when they went to bed. Where is he? Don't 480 00:26:24,920 --> 00:26:26,180 to let anything of it back then. 481 00:26:26,520 --> 00:26:30,180 This is the same halcyon age when Jim Davidson were doing Chalky White and 482 00:26:30,180 --> 00:26:32,700 Hill were chasing scantily clad women round the grounds of stately homes. 483 00:26:33,440 --> 00:26:34,440 Oh, God. 484 00:26:34,840 --> 00:26:35,840 That's right. 485 00:26:36,360 --> 00:26:38,100 Sully it with your woke agenda. 486 00:26:38,400 --> 00:26:39,400 Uh -oh, fuck me. 487 00:26:39,960 --> 00:26:42,240 Everyone's fucking offended nowadays. 488 00:26:42,940 --> 00:26:44,400 It's because you can't say anything. 489 00:26:44,700 --> 00:26:45,639 Oh, my God. 490 00:26:45,640 --> 00:26:49,820 When we were kids, you got given a nickname, you just got on with it. When 491 00:26:49,820 --> 00:26:54,100 young, people used to call me Pigshit Jimmy because I lived on a farm. 492 00:26:54,480 --> 00:26:56,100 And it hadn't done me any harm, has it, eh? 493 00:26:56,440 --> 00:26:57,440 Huh? 494 00:26:58,940 --> 00:27:00,440 I'm not so sure about that, love. 495 00:27:05,120 --> 00:27:06,120 I... 496 00:27:23,310 --> 00:27:25,030 Immer im Rhythmus. 497 00:27:56,400 --> 00:27:57,400 Someone's been on the Jägerbomb. 498 00:27:59,920 --> 00:28:01,120 Keep your eyes peeled, Jim. 499 00:28:01,380 --> 00:28:02,520 You remember what it looks like? 500 00:28:02,740 --> 00:28:04,980 Hey, give memory of the fox me. 501 00:28:05,620 --> 00:28:06,620 Foxes have good memories? 502 00:28:06,920 --> 00:28:08,720 Well, if they haven't, why would they have said it? 503 00:28:26,350 --> 00:28:27,350 What the fuck's going on here? 504 00:28:28,170 --> 00:28:31,250 What's going on, pal? It's a drink -walk -wetbewerb. 505 00:28:31,690 --> 00:28:32,750 You're speaking English. 506 00:28:33,350 --> 00:28:34,350 No. 507 00:28:35,330 --> 00:28:37,010 You speak fucking English. 508 00:28:37,390 --> 00:28:38,390 He's a rude man. 509 00:28:38,450 --> 00:28:40,630 Him? Oh, yeah, he's fucking awful. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry. 510 00:28:42,150 --> 00:28:45,610 What the fuck is going on here? It is the famous drink -walk competition. 511 00:28:45,950 --> 00:28:48,990 Everyone has put in five euro, and the winner gets to keep the pot of money. 512 00:28:49,150 --> 00:28:50,450 That book, the cash prize? 513 00:28:50,950 --> 00:28:52,130 Fuck it, I'm getting involved. 514 00:28:52,910 --> 00:28:54,590 No, no, no, no, no, Tim, Tim, no! 515 00:29:08,660 --> 00:29:09,980 I couldn't get away. 516 00:29:10,460 --> 00:29:11,460 No, so? 517 00:29:11,580 --> 00:29:12,860 You took Granddad's car. 518 00:29:13,260 --> 00:29:17,140 Yeah, I noticed that. No, he went to bed, but he won't be happy if he finds 519 00:29:18,240 --> 00:29:21,460 A drink -slash -walk competition. How fantastic. 520 00:29:25,500 --> 00:29:26,500 Yes, 521 00:29:27,360 --> 00:29:28,360 Jim! 522 00:29:36,840 --> 00:29:38,600 There's the man. Odd. Jacky, man. 523 00:29:39,000 --> 00:29:40,960 Definitely him. It is him and all, yeah. 524 00:29:41,260 --> 00:29:43,400 Right, we've got him trapped up. 525 00:29:43,700 --> 00:29:44,700 Look! 526 00:29:45,720 --> 00:29:47,860 Hey, what's up? 527 00:29:48,140 --> 00:29:49,180 Good to know you're home. 528 00:29:50,600 --> 00:29:51,600 Wow. 529 00:31:26,380 --> 00:31:27,380 He's just staring at her. 530 00:31:35,400 --> 00:31:36,400 Fred, 531 00:31:36,500 --> 00:31:37,299 that's car! 532 00:31:37,300 --> 00:31:38,300 That's fucking my car! 533 00:31:38,520 --> 00:31:39,520 What do you fucking mean? 534 00:31:40,980 --> 00:31:42,280 Would you like to take the issue? 535 00:31:44,220 --> 00:31:45,220 No, no, no, no! 536 00:31:47,600 --> 00:31:49,080 Thought I didn't do so, Dolph. 537 00:31:49,720 --> 00:31:50,820 What's the worst that could happen? 538 00:31:54,280 --> 00:31:55,280 I have an idea. 539 00:31:55,320 --> 00:31:56,460 No, no, no, no, no. 540 00:31:56,940 --> 00:31:57,940 Get out. 541 00:32:13,520 --> 00:32:15,540 Oh, that's not good. 542 00:32:17,680 --> 00:32:23,000 Oh, he's alive. Thank God. 543 00:32:24,570 --> 00:32:26,350 Hey. Oh, tell you what. 544 00:32:27,130 --> 00:32:28,130 I'm having that. 545 00:32:28,730 --> 00:32:30,710 Excellent. Five likes on. 546 00:32:30,910 --> 00:32:31,910 All right, you check the boot. 547 00:32:36,190 --> 00:32:38,270 Nothing back here. Oh, jackpot. 548 00:32:38,550 --> 00:32:39,650 It's a mobile telephone. 549 00:32:40,830 --> 00:32:42,610 Let's get this cunt into our car. 550 00:32:42,830 --> 00:32:43,890 Are we taking him to the hospital? 551 00:32:44,350 --> 00:32:45,350 No, we folk. 552 00:32:45,470 --> 00:32:46,970 This bastard's a bargaining chip. 553 00:32:47,530 --> 00:32:50,250 Is it chip or is it cheat? Dad, I don't like this. 554 00:32:50,760 --> 00:32:53,960 I think I might be out of my depth. I can't take a man hostage. 555 00:32:54,260 --> 00:32:58,460 Look, love, you're only hostage if you're being held against your will. 556 00:32:58,680 --> 00:33:00,300 And his gaggins come with us, aren't you, mate? 557 00:33:02,820 --> 00:33:04,920 Get me the fuck out of here! 558 00:33:05,280 --> 00:33:07,440 They're all fucking psychos! 559 00:33:07,680 --> 00:33:08,680 There we go! 560 00:33:09,020 --> 00:33:10,800 Aren't you like that, you great German shit? 561 00:33:13,540 --> 00:33:15,520 Right, here is the plan. 562 00:33:15,790 --> 00:33:18,810 We're going to bell Boseman up off Lado's phone. Boseman's going to pick up 563 00:33:18,810 --> 00:33:21,270 phone because he thinks one of his guys is calling. Then we're going to say to 564 00:33:21,270 --> 00:33:24,130 him, or rather you're going to say to him, because you speak German, you're 565 00:33:24,130 --> 00:33:30,590 getting your lad back until we get, A, our passports, B, our luggage, and C, 566 00:33:30,590 --> 00:33:34,310 fucking gear that he stole from us. I can't do that. 567 00:33:34,730 --> 00:33:38,570 Oh, darling. If we don't get our passports back, we can't go on. 568 00:33:38,880 --> 00:33:41,820 And as much as you might be the nation who invented socks and sandals, you do 569 00:33:41,820 --> 00:33:43,920 not deserve a crusty old racist farmer. 570 00:33:44,140 --> 00:33:45,420 Fine. Give me the telephone. 571 00:33:46,560 --> 00:33:49,380 But I want to do it my way, with politeness. 572 00:33:49,620 --> 00:33:51,060 Good for you. Good lad. 573 00:33:51,460 --> 00:33:54,320 Nice. Politeness? Are you fucking sure he's your kid? 574 00:33:54,560 --> 00:33:56,480 Says the man with the super smart lesbian daughter. 575 00:33:57,280 --> 00:33:58,280 Lesbian? 576 00:33:58,820 --> 00:33:59,820 As in? 577 00:34:00,480 --> 00:34:01,480 He's a fucking lesbian. 578 00:34:02,040 --> 00:34:04,600 Then she sleeps with women. What do you think I'm... Oh, my God, did you not 579 00:34:04,600 --> 00:34:08,000 know that? You're saying that my Ali is a fucking donut bumper? 580 00:34:08,320 --> 00:34:11,380 Oh, Jim, honestly, as much as it might be difficult for you to get your head 581 00:34:11,380 --> 00:34:14,600 around the fact that you have spawned a homosexual, maybe she'd be grateful, you 582 00:34:14,600 --> 00:34:17,179 know, because she's a lovely young woman, isn't she? This is a fucking 583 00:34:17,280 --> 00:34:19,780 this. I told her not to introduce her to fucking hockey. 584 00:34:20,260 --> 00:34:24,120 All them young girls, short skirts, big wooden fucking sticks. 585 00:34:24,440 --> 00:34:26,639 I worry about your world view, I really do, Jim. 586 00:34:26,860 --> 00:34:31,010 Hey, look, there's a place here half a mile away. Look, he says... Keep him for 587 00:34:31,010 --> 00:34:32,330 all erotic desires. 588 00:34:32,650 --> 00:34:37,050 Jesus Christ, Jim, if you mention Bukacki one more fucking time... You 589 00:34:37,050 --> 00:34:40,650 promised you'd help me. No, no, no, no, no. Factually inaccurate, that. What I 590 00:34:40,650 --> 00:34:44,810 seem to recall happening is you following me to a foreign nation like a 591 00:34:44,810 --> 00:34:47,190 sedimentor. What did he say, love? 592 00:34:47,909 --> 00:34:50,070 He said you can keep him. 593 00:34:51,290 --> 00:34:54,790 What? The man in the back, he said, I don't care, keep him. 594 00:35:03,530 --> 00:35:04,530 Ew, Germany! 595 00:35:07,770 --> 00:35:10,870 Fill your boots. 596 00:35:11,190 --> 00:35:13,890 Actually, don't fill your boots. I wish you'd not said that. It's a horrible 597 00:35:13,890 --> 00:35:14,890 image. 598 00:35:17,090 --> 00:35:19,870 Grandad isn't going to be very happy about the car. That's a fucking 599 00:35:19,870 --> 00:35:23,730 understatement. To be honest, love, I reckon your grandad's opinion of me 600 00:35:23,730 --> 00:35:24,930 that high to begin with. 601 00:35:25,630 --> 00:35:26,730 What makes you say that? 602 00:35:27,830 --> 00:35:28,830 Oh. 603 00:35:29,610 --> 00:35:30,610 Call it a hunch. 604 00:35:31,850 --> 00:35:32,850 And your mum. 605 00:35:32,860 --> 00:35:38,660 But, you know, she was a bit, uh, cool, frosty, ice -cold, you know? Mum is the 606 00:35:38,660 --> 00:35:41,340 sort of person who keeps her emotions inside herself. 607 00:35:41,620 --> 00:35:44,980 She would have been nervous about seeing you again, I think. 608 00:35:45,240 --> 00:35:48,360 I suppose I'm just a stranger to her, aren't I? 609 00:35:48,640 --> 00:35:53,540 I'm just someone who's had a youthful fling with many moons ago. Nothing more, 610 00:35:53,560 --> 00:35:58,720 nothing less. Is it just me, or does it seem very much like those two men over 611 00:35:58,720 --> 00:36:02,120 there are heading this way with rather large sledgehammers? 612 00:36:04,490 --> 00:36:07,630 They are definitely coming in this direction. 613 00:36:09,930 --> 00:36:12,250 I mean, no one's here. 614 00:36:12,510 --> 00:36:17,450 No one's for us, so they can't be here for... us. 615 00:36:19,270 --> 00:36:20,270 Release Lucas. 616 00:36:21,170 --> 00:36:22,170 They're no easier. 617 00:36:22,350 --> 00:36:23,670 Release him now. 618 00:36:24,290 --> 00:36:25,470 Dad, this is scary. 619 00:36:25,830 --> 00:36:28,910 No, no, no, sweetheart. They're trying to frighten us, aren't they? I'll handle 620 00:36:28,910 --> 00:36:29,910 this. 621 00:36:30,110 --> 00:36:31,110 Guten Abend. 622 00:36:31,530 --> 00:36:32,530 Guten Abend. 623 00:36:41,020 --> 00:36:42,560 Just speak English. 624 00:36:42,820 --> 00:36:46,940 Your German is worse than a three -year -old. Listen, I've told Bosman we'll 625 00:36:46,940 --> 00:36:49,900 release him when we get our passports and the gear you stole. 626 00:36:50,240 --> 00:36:52,380 Now, or we fuck up your car more. 627 00:36:52,620 --> 00:36:56,060 It's not my car, it's my son's granddad's, so... Your son's granddad's, 628 00:36:56,320 --> 00:36:59,980 Not your father, but your wife's father. No, she's not my wife, actually, 629 00:37:00,140 --> 00:37:04,140 either. In fact, I barely even know her. We had a brief sexual encounter two 630 00:37:04,140 --> 00:37:05,038 decades ago. 631 00:37:05,040 --> 00:37:06,400 And you didn't use protection. 632 00:37:06,760 --> 00:37:08,300 How did you find her? 633 00:37:08,520 --> 00:37:09,520 Find my phone up. 634 00:37:10,740 --> 00:37:12,660 Everyone has this. 635 00:37:13,300 --> 00:37:16,000 Right, no, listen, listen. Right, we had a fair deal. 636 00:37:16,520 --> 00:37:20,040 And Bosman shafted us right at the asshole. 637 00:37:20,360 --> 00:37:23,500 And this dickhead in the back, he's written off my hire car. 638 00:37:24,060 --> 00:37:25,060 You didn't take the insurance? 639 00:37:25,140 --> 00:37:26,380 No, I did not. 640 00:37:27,020 --> 00:37:31,240 Look, I am going to count to three, and then you release Luca. 641 00:37:31,500 --> 00:37:34,940 He doesn't fucking like love. We're not giving him back until we get what's 642 00:37:34,940 --> 00:37:35,940 rightfully ours. 643 00:37:36,100 --> 00:37:39,180 Eins. We have to let him go. They're bluffing. Why? 644 00:37:39,380 --> 00:37:42,120 I don't think they're bluffing. Because they're bluffing in front of the car, 645 00:37:42,240 --> 00:37:43,240 aren't they? Good run them over. 646 00:37:43,720 --> 00:37:44,720 Don't run them over. 647 00:37:44,900 --> 00:37:45,900 Drive. 648 00:37:47,100 --> 00:37:48,360 See? What did I say? 649 00:37:49,020 --> 00:37:50,020 Bluffing. 650 00:38:05,720 --> 00:38:09,660 He's opening the door. No, he's not. 651 00:38:10,200 --> 00:38:11,220 No, he's not. 652 00:38:12,140 --> 00:38:16,480 Open the fucking car door or we'll clash a gun that is tired. 653 00:38:34,060 --> 00:38:34,819 Come on, let's go! 654 00:38:34,820 --> 00:38:35,820 Come on, Chip! 655 00:38:36,920 --> 00:38:43,880 What if they follow us? 656 00:38:44,080 --> 00:38:46,520 Oh, throw the phone out the window. Throw the phone! Throw the phone out the 657 00:38:46,520 --> 00:38:48,280 window! Or I could turn off Find My Phone. 658 00:38:48,700 --> 00:38:51,380 Yeah, yeah, no, I'll do that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thank you for saving us. 659 00:38:51,620 --> 00:38:52,439 Did you do the deed? 660 00:38:52,440 --> 00:38:54,860 Huh? The deed. If you've done the deed, it's the deed done. No, he fucking 661 00:38:54,860 --> 00:38:57,320 isn't! What are you going to do with him in the back? 662 00:38:57,560 --> 00:38:59,460 We can't take him back to my grandparents' house. 663 00:39:00,080 --> 00:39:02,840 Explaining the car is going to be bad enough without a hostage in the booth. 664 00:39:02,880 --> 00:39:04,770 He's not a host... She's free to go at any time. 665 00:39:08,030 --> 00:39:10,770 Uncle Jay took a shine to you, told me in the kitchen. 666 00:39:11,390 --> 00:39:12,670 He said you were a keeper. 667 00:39:13,330 --> 00:39:14,330 Yeah, I bet he did. 668 00:39:15,270 --> 00:39:16,270 Oh, God. 669 00:39:17,650 --> 00:39:18,910 And he said he'd get us some work. 670 00:39:20,190 --> 00:39:21,330 Yeah, what kind of work? 671 00:39:22,510 --> 00:39:25,970 I don't know, like... I don't know, but we can trust him. 672 00:39:26,230 --> 00:39:27,230 It'll be good. 673 00:39:28,450 --> 00:39:30,730 Now then, admit it. 674 00:39:31,790 --> 00:39:33,810 How sexy did you find me robbing that shop? 675 00:39:36,470 --> 00:39:37,470 Come on. 676 00:39:38,050 --> 00:39:39,050 You know you did. 677 00:39:39,470 --> 00:39:40,970 Did not. You did. 678 00:39:41,750 --> 00:39:42,790 Did not. You loved it. 679 00:39:50,190 --> 00:39:51,190 Baby! 680 00:39:51,630 --> 00:39:53,370 Liz says you're up here, is that right? 681 00:40:08,120 --> 00:40:09,260 Davy? Davy, love. 682 00:40:09,540 --> 00:40:14,200 I've told you the name's Alfred Barnard. Jesus fucking cra - Of course, you 683 00:40:14,200 --> 00:40:19,140 stood right there. Bloody terrifying. Stop. Stop being Alfred Barnyard for a 684 00:40:19,140 --> 00:40:20,140 minute. I know it's you. 685 00:40:20,500 --> 00:40:25,240 Hey, Liz has told me that you've demanded to move in here a little bit. 686 00:40:25,600 --> 00:40:27,500 Demanded? Why are you still doing the voice? 687 00:40:27,940 --> 00:40:29,720 Listen, she told me. 688 00:40:30,040 --> 00:40:31,760 That you're like a crazy woman in an attic. 689 00:40:32,020 --> 00:40:35,540 Are you listening? The only time she ever sees you is when you want 690 00:40:35,700 --> 00:40:38,860 And to the best of her knowledge, you've been in this fucking room for three 691 00:40:38,860 --> 00:40:40,060 bloody weeks. Is that true? 692 00:40:40,460 --> 00:40:42,820 She likes to talk, doesn't she, Miss Jones? 693 00:40:43,360 --> 00:40:47,440 Yeah, but listen, I'm worried about you, Davy. I've stayed in the crow's nest 694 00:40:47,440 --> 00:40:48,660 before. It fucking sucks. 695 00:40:49,160 --> 00:40:52,860 Did you know that that television console has only got three view? 696 00:40:53,120 --> 00:40:57,300 Right. I've spent my days watching reruns of A Place in the Sun. 697 00:40:57,620 --> 00:40:58,620 Ooh. One couple. 698 00:40:58,780 --> 00:41:03,040 wanted to sell their house in Burnley and relocate to Fuerteventura. 699 00:41:04,060 --> 00:41:07,500 Imagine, idiocy. What's going on? What the fuck's happened? 700 00:41:08,800 --> 00:41:14,900 Somebody made it abundantly clear that they wanted me dead. 701 00:41:18,420 --> 00:41:20,840 I can smell your balls from it. I'm sorry, dude. 702 00:41:21,100 --> 00:41:24,640 You haven't been showering. I had a flannel wash this morning, thank you 703 00:41:24,640 --> 00:41:27,640 much. Come on, we're going for a drive. Tell me what's gone on. 704 00:41:33,520 --> 00:41:38,580 Donna had scurried off back to Liverpool with a tail between her legs and I was 705 00:41:38,580 --> 00:41:39,740 feeling very proud of myself. 706 00:41:40,100 --> 00:41:41,720 You can't be dead. 707 00:41:42,560 --> 00:41:46,200 Me, in Manolido's mansion, ruling the roost. 708 00:41:46,420 --> 00:41:48,640 I was the king of the fucking world. 709 00:41:49,440 --> 00:41:56,040 And then, one night, I woke up and I could feel something wet 710 00:41:56,040 --> 00:42:00,140 in the bed alongside me and I was thinking, what on earth can that be? 711 00:42:01,120 --> 00:42:02,120 I'm alone in bed. 712 00:42:02,360 --> 00:42:04,280 What could be wet down there? 713 00:42:04,780 --> 00:42:06,820 Oh, fucking hell, what was it? 714 00:42:07,200 --> 00:42:11,100 You've seen The Godfather? Yeah. I assume with a horse's head. You're 715 00:42:11,140 --> 00:42:12,280 wasn't I? Was it that? 716 00:42:12,680 --> 00:42:13,740 No. Oh. 717 00:42:15,380 --> 00:42:16,380 Worse. 718 00:42:16,760 --> 00:42:17,820 Oh, Donna. 719 00:42:18,500 --> 00:42:20,800 No. I won't give a shit about that. 720 00:42:21,480 --> 00:42:23,580 No. It was. 721 00:42:24,280 --> 00:42:25,920 Oh. Oh. 722 00:42:27,280 --> 00:42:28,280 Oh. 723 00:42:31,660 --> 00:42:34,960 Oh, fuck me, the exotic zoo. Yes, correct, Vincent. 724 00:42:35,260 --> 00:42:39,740 There was a note telling me that if I didn't leave that evening, then it would 725 00:42:39,740 --> 00:42:41,580 be my head in my mother's bed. 726 00:42:42,160 --> 00:42:44,340 Shit. Shit indeed, sweetheart. 727 00:42:45,600 --> 00:42:48,060 I'm not ashamed to say it. It shook me. 728 00:42:49,140 --> 00:42:50,320 Do you know who it was? 729 00:42:50,700 --> 00:42:53,060 It was that cross -dressing cunt, Kittens. 730 00:42:54,040 --> 00:42:55,780 Revenge for McCann. 731 00:42:56,480 --> 00:42:58,720 Why did I get McCann killed? 732 00:42:59,280 --> 00:43:00,580 For you. 733 00:43:01,070 --> 00:43:02,070 To help you. 734 00:43:02,490 --> 00:43:04,990 And now, look, comes back to haunt me. 735 00:43:05,450 --> 00:43:08,650 Well, I mean, it suited you down to the fucking ground, didn't it, and all? Them 736 00:43:08,650 --> 00:43:09,650 being dead. 737 00:43:11,630 --> 00:43:12,630 What's that? 738 00:43:15,550 --> 00:43:17,830 That's Demis Rousseau's. Who the fuck's that? 739 00:43:18,270 --> 00:43:19,350 Demis Rousseau's. 740 00:43:19,750 --> 00:43:20,750 It's one of his favourite. 741 00:43:21,490 --> 00:43:23,130 Who the fuck did you tell were here? 742 00:43:23,390 --> 00:43:25,890 I haven't told anyone we're up here, you fucking nutcase. 743 00:43:26,130 --> 00:43:28,510 I know. Jesus, what's wrong with you? This is how it ends. 744 00:43:29,340 --> 00:43:33,640 On a cold, lonely road with you by my side. 745 00:43:34,160 --> 00:43:38,180 We're quick. We'd better run. He's a man on his way home. He's just a random 746 00:43:38,180 --> 00:43:39,560 dickhead. Vincent! 747 00:43:59,790 --> 00:44:00,790 And you in. 748 00:44:04,370 --> 00:44:05,630 Where have you been? 749 00:44:06,470 --> 00:44:11,230 That is a very long story. 750 00:44:11,550 --> 00:44:12,670 Leading my boy astray. 751 00:44:13,550 --> 00:44:15,130 What are you doing here, Tomo? 752 00:44:15,750 --> 00:44:16,870 Why did you come here? 753 00:44:18,670 --> 00:44:22,070 I sometimes wish he had never found you. He should have left the path in the 754 00:44:22,070 --> 00:44:23,070 path. 755 00:44:24,030 --> 00:44:25,030 You'd like that, wouldn't you? 756 00:44:26,870 --> 00:44:27,870 Pretend I don't exist. 757 00:44:31,799 --> 00:44:32,799 That's all right, love. 758 00:44:33,340 --> 00:44:34,860 Your dad let the cat out of the bag. 759 00:44:35,500 --> 00:44:37,200 Why? You didn't want to let me know that I had a son. 760 00:44:38,240 --> 00:44:39,240 Yeah. 761 00:44:39,500 --> 00:44:40,500 Yeah. 762 00:44:40,620 --> 00:44:41,620 What did he say? 763 00:44:43,560 --> 00:44:45,500 He said, um... 764 00:44:45,500 --> 00:44:52,160 It's all right when you're me. 765 00:44:52,580 --> 00:44:55,420 When you grow up like I grew up. 766 00:44:56,200 --> 00:44:59,060 Shit parents bounce around from care -ums to care -um. 767 00:44:59,680 --> 00:45:01,100 People have a certain way of looking at you. 768 00:45:01,939 --> 00:45:05,340 They don't have high hopes for you. 769 00:45:06,760 --> 00:45:11,020 And, you know, you go to school and careers and all that, and they do the 770 00:45:11,020 --> 00:45:15,300 thing. You've got best condescending pat on the back, but tell you basically, 771 00:45:15,380 --> 00:45:18,720 you are fucking nothing, you're nothing, and you're always going to be nothing. 772 00:45:19,780 --> 00:45:24,100 Right, and so you have to just sort of either fall in line with that thinking, 773 00:45:24,260 --> 00:45:27,040 or, like, fight, fight back, you know. 774 00:45:28,160 --> 00:45:30,720 Fight to prove yourself. 775 00:45:31,380 --> 00:45:32,440 Prove those dickheads wrong. 776 00:45:32,860 --> 00:45:35,340 But it follows you. 777 00:45:35,720 --> 00:45:40,280 And, you know, people looking down on you and thinking that you're nothing, 778 00:45:40,340 --> 00:45:42,840 thinking that you're worthless and shit, follows you around. 779 00:45:43,420 --> 00:45:45,600 I've fucking tried. 780 00:45:46,020 --> 00:45:47,860 I fought really hard. 781 00:45:48,260 --> 00:45:54,660 And I'll keep fighting now for him, for my lad. And just 782 00:45:54,660 --> 00:46:00,160 prove to your dad and fucking 16 -year -old you that I'm not shit, actually. 783 00:46:00,680 --> 00:46:02,340 and that I can't make something of my life. 784 00:46:03,880 --> 00:46:04,320 I 785 00:46:04,320 --> 00:46:11,360 didn't 786 00:46:11,360 --> 00:46:15,960 tell you I was pregnant because I was scared you'd reject me. 787 00:46:20,380 --> 00:46:26,680 I felt like I loved you and I wanted to have your child, but I 788 00:46:26,680 --> 00:46:29,220 was scared you'd tell me to get rid of it. 789 00:46:33,390 --> 00:46:35,110 I've thought about you so much over the years. 790 00:46:35,930 --> 00:46:41,330 And I did want to tell you, but... Weeks turn to months, and... 791 00:46:41,330 --> 00:46:48,290 I'm glad you didn't get rid of him. He is the best thing 792 00:46:48,290 --> 00:46:49,670 in my whole life. 793 00:46:50,150 --> 00:46:56,790 Sorry. You know... You used to have a fantastic 794 00:46:56,790 --> 00:46:57,790 job. 795 00:46:57,930 --> 00:46:58,930 You really have. 796 00:47:00,240 --> 00:47:02,980 God, I'm sorry for all this mud shit that I've fucking got him into now. 797 00:47:03,620 --> 00:47:09,680 You're both back safe and... Apart from the state of my father's car, hopefully 798 00:47:09,680 --> 00:47:11,060 it's all done and dealt with now? 799 00:47:12,640 --> 00:47:14,040 It is. Yeah, it is. 800 00:47:17,440 --> 00:47:19,080 Except for the fella tied up in the boots. 801 00:47:38,540 --> 00:47:39,960 I'm sure you have done worse. 802 00:47:56,250 --> 00:47:57,250 Joyriders, innit? 803 00:47:57,770 --> 00:47:58,770 Fucking joyriders. 804 00:48:02,410 --> 00:48:08,650 We'll say we went for an early walk, and when we came back, Daddy's car was 805 00:48:08,650 --> 00:48:11,390 gone. Must have been stolen in the night. 806 00:48:12,490 --> 00:48:15,350 Veronica, you are a fucking angel. 807 00:48:15,730 --> 00:48:17,970 You're an angel in woman form, and, er... 808 00:48:18,520 --> 00:48:22,340 Speaking of which, I hear that your father is an angel investor. 809 00:48:22,620 --> 00:48:25,860 I was wondering if, you know, maybe if I get in my briefs again, if you might be 810 00:48:25,860 --> 00:48:28,420 able to facilitate a business discussion? 811 00:48:31,260 --> 00:48:32,260 Let's see what we can do. 812 00:48:40,160 --> 00:48:41,160 Oh! 813 00:48:44,140 --> 00:48:45,140 Good morning! 814 00:48:45,380 --> 00:48:46,800 Oh, good morning, Gator. 815 00:48:47,660 --> 00:48:49,560 Just me covering from last night. 816 00:48:49,820 --> 00:48:50,820 Oh, 817 00:48:51,140 --> 00:48:57,540 how would you like to start the day off in the sun? Oh, no, I'm not sure about 818 00:48:57,540 --> 00:49:00,860 that. I think you'll find it invigorating. 819 00:49:01,740 --> 00:49:02,740 What's it called? 820 00:49:03,940 --> 00:49:05,000 Uh, okay. 821 00:49:06,340 --> 00:49:07,520 Yes, go on. 822 00:49:09,180 --> 00:49:10,880 We heard what you said. 823 00:49:11,900 --> 00:49:13,820 What you are looking for. 824 00:49:33,580 --> 00:49:35,560 I negotiated with Bozeman. 825 00:49:35,760 --> 00:49:37,540 He now has a membership to my club. 826 00:49:38,260 --> 00:49:41,200 Mila, you are an absolute fucking superstar. 827 00:49:41,600 --> 00:49:43,120 So to this car, though, eh? 828 00:49:43,820 --> 00:49:45,880 Nice. You took the insurance? 829 00:49:52,910 --> 00:49:54,050 What do you mean you're going back to school? 830 00:49:54,270 --> 00:49:55,270 There's a school reunion. 831 00:49:55,310 --> 00:49:56,490 Let's get smashed. 832 00:49:56,830 --> 00:49:57,930 Meet me in the science lab. 833 00:49:58,310 --> 00:50:01,270 Her body was destined to be in a leotard on a stage. 834 00:50:01,650 --> 00:50:02,990 You look like you want to hit me. 835 00:50:03,490 --> 00:50:08,950 I was bullied here too. I could get CJ and you could get mine. I think Carver 836 00:50:08,950 --> 00:50:10,310 it is about to do something really stupid. 837 00:50:13,170 --> 00:50:14,450 What the fuck?