1 00:00:01,835 --> 00:00:04,338 (snoring) 2 00:00:08,442 --> 00:00:09,410 No fair. He moved. 3 00:00:09,443 --> 00:00:10,478 Too bad. 4 00:00:10,511 --> 00:00:12,946 You've got H-O-R-S. 5 00:00:13,947 --> 00:00:17,885 * Yes, no, maybe 6 00:00:17,918 --> 00:00:20,054 * I don't know 7 00:00:20,088 --> 00:00:23,357 * Can you repeat the question? 8 00:00:23,391 --> 00:00:25,526 * You're not the boss of me now * 9 00:00:25,559 --> 00:00:28,028 * You're not the boss of me now * 10 00:00:28,062 --> 00:00:29,430 * You're not the boss of me now * 11 00:00:29,463 --> 00:00:32,533 * And you're not so big 12 00:00:32,566 --> 00:00:34,935 * You're not the boss of me now * 13 00:00:34,968 --> 00:00:37,037 * You're not the boss of me now * 14 00:00:37,071 --> 00:00:38,939 * You're not the boss of me now * 15 00:00:38,972 --> 00:00:42,376 * And you're not so big 16 00:00:42,410 --> 00:00:45,946 * Life is unfair. 17 00:00:53,287 --> 00:00:55,423 Does this chip look funny to you? 18 00:00:56,290 --> 00:00:57,425 Nope. It's fine. 19 00:00:57,458 --> 00:00:58,759 Ha, ha. You took the last one. 20 00:00:58,792 --> 00:01:00,027 You have to refill it. 21 00:01:00,060 --> 00:01:01,195 Oh, darn it. 22 00:01:01,229 --> 00:01:03,464 (laughs) 23 00:01:03,497 --> 00:01:05,533 Oh, great. 24 00:01:05,566 --> 00:01:06,767 It's an ant. 25 00:01:06,800 --> 00:01:07,935 I know. 26 00:01:07,968 --> 00:01:09,103 I saw him before. 27 00:01:09,137 --> 00:01:10,771 No, Dewey, you don't understand. 28 00:01:10,804 --> 00:01:11,939 This one's the scout. 29 00:01:11,972 --> 00:01:13,607 If he finds anything appetizing, 30 00:01:13,641 --> 00:01:15,709 soon there'll be lots and lots of ants. 31 00:01:15,743 --> 00:01:17,578 Which is why I'm about to make sure 32 00:01:17,611 --> 00:01:20,481 that this scout doesn't report back to headquarters. 33 00:01:20,514 --> 00:01:21,949 LOIS: Dewey, bedtime! 34 00:01:21,982 --> 00:01:23,083 Ready, Dad? 35 00:01:23,117 --> 00:01:24,252 Bedtime express. 36 00:01:24,285 --> 00:01:25,419 Oh... yeah. 37 00:01:25,453 --> 00:01:26,887 Just give me a second here to... 38 00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:28,222 Hidey-ho! Oh! 39 00:01:28,256 --> 00:01:29,323 And away we go! 40 00:01:29,357 --> 00:01:30,791 Giddy-up, Dad! (whinnies) 41 00:01:30,824 --> 00:01:32,260 (grunts) 42 00:01:32,293 --> 00:01:33,994 Turn, horsey, turn! (whinnies) 43 00:01:34,027 --> 00:01:37,097 I got the nicest dress for the school formal. 44 00:01:37,131 --> 00:01:39,133 It's satiny and long, 45 00:01:39,167 --> 00:01:41,602 and-and what's that color between pink and purple? 46 00:01:41,635 --> 00:01:42,770 Mauve. 47 00:01:42,803 --> 00:01:44,438 Oh, sorry. 48 00:01:45,806 --> 00:01:47,641 Isn't she cute when she gets excited? 49 00:01:47,675 --> 00:01:48,976 Her cheeks get all red, 50 00:01:49,009 --> 00:01:51,145 and then she gets a little twinkle in her eye. 51 00:01:51,179 --> 00:01:53,013 I've got to tell you, I'm a lucky guy. 52 00:01:53,046 --> 00:01:54,348 So you're really going to spring 53 00:01:54,382 --> 00:01:55,749 for a limo and tux and all that? 54 00:01:55,783 --> 00:01:57,485 Hell, no. We're not going to that dance. 55 00:01:57,518 --> 00:01:59,687 It would practically wipe out my leather jacket fund. 56 00:01:59,720 --> 00:02:00,954 What are you talking about? 57 00:02:00,988 --> 00:02:02,156 I've got it all worked out. 58 00:02:02,190 --> 00:02:03,757 I let her think we're going, 59 00:02:03,791 --> 00:02:05,959 and then right before the dance, I pick a giant fight. 60 00:02:05,993 --> 00:02:07,928 She gets so mad at me, she doesn't want to go, 61 00:02:07,961 --> 00:02:09,029 and then the next day, 62 00:02:09,062 --> 00:02:10,997 I apologize, she takes me back, 63 00:02:11,031 --> 00:02:13,367 and it's smooth sailing until her birthday. 64 00:02:13,401 --> 00:02:14,502 MAN: Malcolm! 65 00:02:14,535 --> 00:02:15,769 Where have you been? 66 00:02:15,803 --> 00:02:17,605 I called an emergency study session. 67 00:02:17,638 --> 00:02:20,641 What? We just had an emergency study session last night. 68 00:02:20,674 --> 00:02:22,042 This is the Academic Octathlon. 69 00:02:22,075 --> 00:02:23,877 We are pitted against the brightest minds 70 00:02:23,911 --> 00:02:25,646 from every high school in the country. 71 00:02:25,679 --> 00:02:27,648 From now on, we will work through lunch every day. 72 00:02:27,681 --> 00:02:29,217 I thought this was supposed to be fun. 73 00:02:29,250 --> 00:02:30,384 Fun... is for losers. 74 00:02:30,418 --> 00:02:32,353 We're all making sacrifices, Malcolm. 75 00:02:32,386 --> 00:02:34,688 I've had to blow off my cello lessons. 76 00:02:34,722 --> 00:02:36,390 I missed my uncle's funeral. 77 00:02:36,424 --> 00:02:39,026 I've been tanking my grades for the past three months 78 00:02:39,059 --> 00:02:41,395 so I could be our team's mandatory "C" student. 79 00:02:41,429 --> 00:02:42,696 (grunts loudly) 80 00:02:42,730 --> 00:02:44,532 That food is not there for you to eat, 81 00:02:44,565 --> 00:02:46,634 it is there so I don't get into trouble for making you work 82 00:02:46,667 --> 00:02:48,536 through lunch. Now focus! 83 00:02:48,569 --> 00:02:49,737 Why can't I quit? 84 00:02:49,770 --> 00:02:50,971 This is stupid! 85 00:02:51,004 --> 00:02:52,473 Extracurriculars are very important. 86 00:02:52,506 --> 00:02:55,676 You think you can coast into college on straight A's? 87 00:02:55,709 --> 00:02:56,877 Well, you can't. 88 00:02:56,910 --> 00:02:58,479 Besides, this is a good opportunity 89 00:02:58,512 --> 00:02:59,980 to meet other smart kids. 90 00:03:00,013 --> 00:03:01,682 You're never too young to start making contacts. 91 00:03:01,715 --> 00:03:04,084 Yeah, make friends for life at a nerdfest. 92 00:03:04,117 --> 00:03:05,819 It's not nerdy to spend a weekend 93 00:03:05,853 --> 00:03:08,422 winning a trophy that shows how smart you are! 94 00:03:09,590 --> 00:03:11,959 Well, you're doing it anyway. 95 00:03:15,296 --> 00:03:17,265 Oh, geez, not the cabinets, too. 96 00:03:17,298 --> 00:03:20,067 Honey, where did I put the ant spray? 97 00:03:20,100 --> 00:03:22,169 Hey, Dad, time for bedtime express. 98 00:03:22,202 --> 00:03:23,371 Uh, yeah. 99 00:03:23,404 --> 00:03:26,006 Dewey, look, I-I want to talk to you. 100 00:03:26,039 --> 00:03:27,575 Uh, you're getting bigger, 101 00:03:27,608 --> 00:03:29,176 and-and there's a lot of great things 102 00:03:29,209 --> 00:03:30,611 about being a big boy, 103 00:03:30,644 --> 00:03:33,681 but big boys don't get to do bedtime express, 104 00:03:33,714 --> 00:03:37,184 because it hurts Daddy, so even though it's fun, 105 00:03:37,217 --> 00:03:39,720 we're not going to do bedtime express anymore. 106 00:03:39,753 --> 00:03:41,855 Okay. 107 00:03:41,889 --> 00:03:43,857 Oh, good. 108 00:03:43,891 --> 00:03:45,859 Then I won't love you anymore. 109 00:03:45,893 --> 00:03:47,060 What? 110 00:03:47,094 --> 00:03:48,762 I won't love you anymore. 111 00:03:48,796 --> 00:03:50,631 Dewey, you can't just say something like that 112 00:03:50,664 --> 00:03:52,132 because you're upset. 113 00:03:52,165 --> 00:03:54,702 I'm sorry, but I can't help the way I feel. 114 00:03:54,735 --> 00:03:56,904 Good night, Dad. 115 00:03:59,407 --> 00:04:00,974 Reese, did you get your tux yet? 116 00:04:01,008 --> 00:04:02,776 Uh, the dance is in two days. 117 00:04:02,810 --> 00:04:04,278 Of course I got my tux. 118 00:04:04,312 --> 00:04:06,079 Good. Hey, look at this. 119 00:04:06,113 --> 00:04:07,315 It's my dress. 120 00:04:07,348 --> 00:04:09,249 Isn't it amazing? 121 00:04:09,283 --> 00:04:11,752 Are you sure this is going to fit because... 122 00:04:11,785 --> 00:04:14,588 you're so fat. 123 00:04:15,456 --> 00:04:16,757 (laughs) 124 00:04:16,790 --> 00:04:19,091 Oh, you're such a goofball sometimes. 125 00:04:19,125 --> 00:04:20,327 Anyway, I really like these bows. 126 00:04:20,361 --> 00:04:21,762 Maybe I should get matching shoes, 127 00:04:21,795 --> 00:04:23,697 but I don't want it to look too outfit-y. 128 00:04:25,333 --> 00:04:26,800 Hey, honey, 129 00:04:26,834 --> 00:04:28,235 you won't believe the day I had. 130 00:04:28,268 --> 00:04:29,637 I had a pretty interesting day, too. 131 00:04:29,670 --> 00:04:30,804 I had to wear these 132 00:04:30,838 --> 00:04:32,473 filthy clothes to work 133 00:04:32,506 --> 00:04:33,807 because you forgot to pick up the dry cleaning again. 134 00:04:33,841 --> 00:04:34,908 For crying out loud, 135 00:04:34,942 --> 00:04:36,610 I just got off a 12-hour shift. 136 00:04:36,644 --> 00:04:38,312 The last thing I need is for you to... 137 00:04:38,346 --> 00:04:40,814 You know what? 138 00:04:40,848 --> 00:04:42,616 Let's not do this. 139 00:04:42,650 --> 00:04:43,451 Do what? 140 00:04:43,484 --> 00:04:44,618 Fight. 141 00:04:44,652 --> 00:04:46,186 We argue way too much. 142 00:04:46,219 --> 00:04:47,788 You're right. 143 00:04:47,821 --> 00:04:50,190 Why can't we just both shut up for once 144 00:04:50,223 --> 00:04:53,293 and give ourselves time to be in love with each other? 145 00:04:53,327 --> 00:04:56,530 Let's just... not talk about it. 146 00:04:58,699 --> 00:05:01,835 I am having the best time with Piama today. 147 00:05:01,869 --> 00:05:04,104 It's like every moment was perfect, 148 00:05:04,137 --> 00:05:05,873 and-and seemed to blend perfectly 149 00:05:05,906 --> 00:05:07,341 into the next perfect moment. 150 00:05:07,375 --> 00:05:10,511 I have had 25 years of days like that 151 00:05:10,544 --> 00:05:12,012 with my Gretchen. 152 00:05:12,045 --> 00:05:14,882 I heard that, schminky pants. 153 00:05:16,049 --> 00:05:18,486 I will save this for later. 154 00:05:18,519 --> 00:05:20,020 (laughs) 155 00:05:20,053 --> 00:05:22,756 See, when marriage works, there is nothing like it. 156 00:05:24,592 --> 00:05:26,827 Now let me ask you something. 157 00:05:26,860 --> 00:05:27,995 You and Gretchen-- 158 00:05:28,028 --> 00:05:29,329 you never argue about chores, right? 159 00:05:29,363 --> 00:05:30,831 Like, if there's an errand to be run, 160 00:05:30,864 --> 00:05:33,801 you do it, she does it, who cares? 161 00:05:33,834 --> 00:05:36,704 I never really thought about it. 162 00:05:36,737 --> 00:05:38,906 I am sick and tired of doing all of these chores! 163 00:05:38,939 --> 00:05:40,073 Ooh! 164 00:05:40,107 --> 00:05:41,475 I work hard all day! 165 00:05:41,509 --> 00:05:43,911 I work like a dog, and you don't appreciate it! 166 00:05:43,944 --> 00:05:46,213 You just spend money on whatever you want! 167 00:05:46,246 --> 00:05:47,381 I spend?! 168 00:05:47,415 --> 00:05:48,816 You spend money 169 00:05:48,849 --> 00:05:51,184 like we have a key to the mint or someplace! 170 00:05:51,218 --> 00:05:53,487 * The square root of 8,649 bottles * 171 00:05:53,521 --> 00:05:55,389 * Of non-alcoholic beer on the wall * 172 00:05:55,423 --> 00:05:57,691 * The square root of 8,649 bottles... * 173 00:05:57,725 --> 00:05:59,693 (inhales) * Beer 174 00:05:59,727 --> 00:06:01,094 * Take one down, pass it around * 175 00:06:01,128 --> 00:06:03,531 * The square root of 8,464 bottles * 176 00:06:03,564 --> 00:06:05,899 * Of non-alcoholic beer on the wall... * 177 00:06:05,933 --> 00:06:09,169 In case you're wondering, they're only at 92 bottles. 178 00:06:09,202 --> 00:06:11,038 Octathletes, I have news. 179 00:06:11,071 --> 00:06:12,906 One of my informers has just reported to me 180 00:06:12,940 --> 00:06:15,108 that the science portion of this competition will be 181 00:06:15,142 --> 00:06:17,678 based on organic chemistry, so break out your textbooks. 182 00:06:17,711 --> 00:06:20,247 We'll start with chapters 23, 24, 183 00:06:20,280 --> 00:06:21,248 42, 44, 45... 184 00:06:21,281 --> 00:06:22,783 Sir? 185 00:06:22,816 --> 00:06:24,618 I'm supposed to take a two-hour nap on the bus, 186 00:06:24,652 --> 00:06:25,786 or I'll get cranky. 187 00:06:25,819 --> 00:06:27,421 Of course. Would you like us all 188 00:06:27,455 --> 00:06:29,189 to sing you a lullaby, or perhaps, 189 00:06:29,222 --> 00:06:31,859 I could wad up my jacket and make a pillow for you? 190 00:06:31,892 --> 00:06:33,727 I have my own pillow, thank you. 191 00:06:33,761 --> 00:06:35,896 I just need some help blowing it up. 192 00:06:35,929 --> 00:06:37,598 I've had it with this bellyaching! 193 00:06:37,631 --> 00:06:39,366 If any of you are not fully committed to this team, 194 00:06:39,399 --> 00:06:41,735 you are more than welcome to get off the bus right now. 195 00:06:41,769 --> 00:06:43,370 Driver, open the doors. 196 00:06:43,403 --> 00:06:44,304 (bus slows down) 197 00:06:44,337 --> 00:06:46,373 I did not say stop. 198 00:06:46,406 --> 00:06:48,141 I said open the doors. 199 00:06:54,281 --> 00:06:56,116 That silly fighting. 200 00:06:56,149 --> 00:06:58,586 Let us never do that again. 201 00:06:58,619 --> 00:06:59,953 That is not us. 202 00:06:59,987 --> 00:07:01,221 No. 203 00:07:01,254 --> 00:07:02,790 I don't know what came over me. 204 00:07:02,823 --> 00:07:04,725 Oh, me, neither, hmm? 205 00:07:04,758 --> 00:07:08,562 We will never speak of this again, hmm? 206 00:07:08,596 --> 00:07:09,797 Of what? 207 00:07:09,830 --> 00:07:10,998 See, I already forgot it. 208 00:07:11,031 --> 00:07:13,400 (laughing) 209 00:07:13,433 --> 00:07:14,401 Here... 210 00:07:14,434 --> 00:07:15,736 Here you are. Oh, thank you. 211 00:07:15,769 --> 00:07:16,937 I am sure you two 212 00:07:16,970 --> 00:07:18,772 will be very happy here. 213 00:07:18,806 --> 00:07:21,108 We could be happy anywhere. 214 00:07:21,141 --> 00:07:21,942 Aw. 215 00:07:25,345 --> 00:07:28,181 Let me ask you something. 216 00:07:29,449 --> 00:07:30,651 I do plenty of chores, okay?! Yeah, right! 217 00:07:30,684 --> 00:07:32,085 You may not realize it, 218 00:07:32,119 --> 00:07:33,487 because you're out throwing our money away! 219 00:07:33,521 --> 00:07:35,022 Oh, here we go! By the way, 220 00:07:35,055 --> 00:07:36,690 are we actually going to have sex on this vacation, 221 00:07:36,724 --> 00:07:38,726 or is it going to be St. Croix all over again?! 222 00:07:41,862 --> 00:07:42,963 (grunts) 223 00:07:42,996 --> 00:07:45,432 I've got to get a stronger spray! 224 00:07:45,465 --> 00:07:47,134 Dewey, I'm going to the hardware store. 225 00:07:47,167 --> 00:07:49,202 I'll be back soon. Love you. 226 00:07:49,236 --> 00:07:51,038 That's nice. 227 00:07:51,071 --> 00:07:52,540 Okay, this is crazy. 228 00:07:52,573 --> 00:07:54,041 You can't not love me 229 00:07:54,074 --> 00:07:56,309 just because I won't give you bedtime rides. 230 00:07:56,343 --> 00:07:57,444 Yes, I can. 231 00:07:57,477 --> 00:07:58,712 (laughs) 232 00:07:58,746 --> 00:08:00,213 Oh, this is not going to work, mister. 233 00:08:00,247 --> 00:08:01,515 I know you love me. 234 00:08:01,549 --> 00:08:02,816 I like you. 235 00:08:02,850 --> 00:08:04,284 And that's it? 236 00:08:04,317 --> 00:08:05,553 I think you're a nice man. 237 00:08:05,586 --> 00:08:07,020 Fine. You know what? 238 00:08:07,054 --> 00:08:08,622 Maybe you need to spend some time in your room 239 00:08:08,656 --> 00:08:10,157 and think about this a while, okay? 240 00:08:10,190 --> 00:08:11,725 As of right now, you are grounded! 241 00:08:11,759 --> 00:08:13,193 Okay. 242 00:08:13,226 --> 00:08:15,162 And then tomorrow... 243 00:08:15,195 --> 00:08:17,197 I'm going to buy you a brand-new bicycle. 244 00:08:17,230 --> 00:08:19,667 It's not going to change anything. 245 00:08:23,503 --> 00:08:24,672 Food fight! 246 00:08:25,739 --> 00:08:27,307 What the hell are you doing?! 247 00:08:27,340 --> 00:08:28,542 Come on! It's a food fight. 248 00:08:28,576 --> 00:08:29,677 No, it's not. 249 00:08:29,710 --> 00:08:31,144 You're just throwing egg salad at me. 250 00:08:31,178 --> 00:08:33,813 Yeah, 'cause that's the kind of thing I think is fun. 251 00:08:33,847 --> 00:08:35,549 You are such a jerk! 252 00:08:35,582 --> 00:08:36,750 That's it! 253 00:08:36,784 --> 00:08:38,885 I don't ever want to see you again. 254 00:08:38,919 --> 00:08:41,254 Until the dance! 255 00:08:51,131 --> 00:08:52,399 Here it is, children. 256 00:08:52,432 --> 00:08:53,667 The battlefield. 257 00:08:53,701 --> 00:08:54,668 Get comfortable with it. 258 00:08:54,702 --> 00:08:56,069 Make it your own. 259 00:08:56,103 --> 00:08:58,438 I'm getting a panic rash over my homesick rash. 260 00:08:58,471 --> 00:08:59,673 Suck it up, people. 261 00:08:59,707 --> 00:09:01,008 Tomorrow is the finals. 262 00:09:01,041 --> 00:09:02,676 Now, do you see that air conditioning vent? 263 00:09:02,710 --> 00:09:04,277 Jefferson High has three asthmatics on their team. 264 00:09:04,311 --> 00:09:06,246 If we could just get them to sit directly beneath... 265 00:09:06,279 --> 00:09:08,181 Mr. Baffert. Oh, you've done it again. 266 00:09:08,215 --> 00:09:09,917 What a stellar job at organizing... 267 00:09:09,950 --> 00:09:11,619 Don't suck up, Lionel. 268 00:09:11,652 --> 00:09:12,986 It's pathetic. 269 00:09:14,087 --> 00:09:15,288 Don't worry, sir. 270 00:09:15,322 --> 00:09:16,389 We were ready to grab your ankles 271 00:09:16,423 --> 00:09:17,691 if you got too far up there. 272 00:09:17,725 --> 00:09:19,059 Hey, Herkabe. 273 00:09:19,092 --> 00:09:20,894 Surprised to see you and your band of bed-wetters 274 00:09:20,928 --> 00:09:22,129 had the guts to show up. 275 00:09:22,162 --> 00:09:25,032 Oh, look, it's North High. 276 00:09:25,065 --> 00:09:27,034 Nous les nourrirons leurs propres entrailles 277 00:09:27,067 --> 00:09:28,068 et fait les demande plus. 278 00:09:28,101 --> 00:09:30,704 (laughter) 279 00:09:30,738 --> 00:09:31,972 Oh, my God. 280 00:09:32,005 --> 00:09:34,107 They brought in Rubinger from Minnesota. 281 00:09:34,141 --> 00:09:35,643 Who? IBM's been studying him. 282 00:09:35,676 --> 00:09:37,144 Rumor has it he was a Siamese twin 283 00:09:37,177 --> 00:09:38,311 that got both brains. 284 00:09:39,246 --> 00:09:41,081 Walk with me. 285 00:09:42,983 --> 00:09:44,618 You see those little freaks over there 286 00:09:44,652 --> 00:09:45,819 that you call friends now? 287 00:09:45,853 --> 00:09:47,154 They need to win here 288 00:09:47,187 --> 00:09:48,622 so they can get into one of the top colleges 289 00:09:48,656 --> 00:09:49,990 because that's the only way 290 00:09:50,023 --> 00:09:51,424 they're going to become successful enough 291 00:09:51,458 --> 00:09:52,893 so that people don't beat them up every day 292 00:09:52,926 --> 00:09:54,161 for the rest of their lives. 293 00:09:54,194 --> 00:09:55,462 Now, are you going to deny them that? 294 00:09:55,495 --> 00:09:56,463 I'll try my best. 295 00:09:56,496 --> 00:09:57,564 Good. Now, the judges 296 00:09:57,597 --> 00:09:59,432 will spot Morse code easily, 297 00:09:59,466 --> 00:10:01,769 so I've developed this rudimentary fingertip semaphore. 298 00:10:01,802 --> 00:10:03,136 Memorize this. 299 00:10:03,170 --> 00:10:04,471 You want me to cheat? 300 00:10:04,504 --> 00:10:06,406 Let's call it... 301 00:10:06,439 --> 00:10:07,675 success advantaging. 302 00:10:07,708 --> 00:10:09,509 Forget it. I'm not going to cheat. 303 00:10:10,543 --> 00:10:12,445 Guys... 304 00:10:12,479 --> 00:10:14,347 Guys, you're not going to believe this. 305 00:10:14,381 --> 00:10:16,016 Herkabe actually wants us to cheat. 306 00:10:16,049 --> 00:10:17,951 What? That isn't right! 307 00:10:17,985 --> 00:10:19,820 Yeah, he's not supposed to write it down. 308 00:10:19,853 --> 00:10:20,821 That's a paper trail. 309 00:10:20,854 --> 00:10:22,422 You guys are in on this? 310 00:10:22,455 --> 00:10:23,623 Malcolm, you have no idea. 311 00:10:23,657 --> 00:10:24,758 This is big. 312 00:10:24,792 --> 00:10:26,026 This goes further than you know. 313 00:10:26,059 --> 00:10:27,695 Further than you guys? 314 00:10:27,728 --> 00:10:28,829 Oh. 315 00:10:28,862 --> 00:10:30,197 Then you do know. 316 00:10:33,967 --> 00:10:36,970 Are you in... or are you... 317 00:10:37,004 --> 00:10:39,206 out? 318 00:10:49,717 --> 00:10:51,218 MAN: Hey! Hey! 319 00:10:51,251 --> 00:10:53,987 I'm the one who has to fix that if you break it. 320 00:10:54,021 --> 00:10:55,288 Sorry. You work here? 321 00:10:55,322 --> 00:10:56,323 My dad's the manager. 322 00:10:56,356 --> 00:10:57,624 You know, for a bunch of dweebs, 323 00:10:57,657 --> 00:10:59,226 you guys sure cause a lot of trouble. 324 00:10:59,259 --> 00:11:00,828 I can't believe you put on SPF45. 325 00:11:00,861 --> 00:11:02,529 It's an indoor pool. 326 00:11:02,562 --> 00:11:04,732 But we have to cross through the courtyard to get there. 327 00:11:06,166 --> 00:11:07,901 How can you be around them for more than ten seconds 328 00:11:07,935 --> 00:11:09,169 and not want to deck one? 329 00:11:09,202 --> 00:11:11,238 Trust me, it's not that satisfying. 330 00:11:11,271 --> 00:11:13,406 Plus, some of them are my friends. 331 00:11:13,440 --> 00:11:15,008 Were my friends. 332 00:11:15,042 --> 00:11:16,176 No, still are. 333 00:11:16,209 --> 00:11:17,911 I'm just not happy about it. 334 00:11:17,945 --> 00:11:19,813 What would you do if your friends 335 00:11:19,847 --> 00:11:21,715 wanted you to do something you didn't want to do? 336 00:11:21,749 --> 00:11:24,084 Not do it. Yeah, but see, that won't work. 337 00:11:24,117 --> 00:11:25,986 Because even if I don't, they're going to do it anyway. 338 00:11:26,019 --> 00:11:27,888 And that makes me a part of it, whether I do it or not, 339 00:11:27,921 --> 00:11:29,589 so there's no way out. 340 00:11:29,622 --> 00:11:32,592 Um, there's probably some kind of obvious smart-guy reason 341 00:11:32,625 --> 00:11:36,363 I'm missing here, but... can't you just leave? 342 00:11:38,899 --> 00:11:41,334 Reese! How many times have I told you? 343 00:11:41,368 --> 00:11:42,770 No ice cream in the living room. 344 00:11:42,803 --> 00:11:44,571 You're dripping all over the rug! 345 00:11:46,039 --> 00:11:48,041 Are you crazy?! 346 00:11:48,075 --> 00:11:50,010 No, just extremely disrespectful. 347 00:11:50,043 --> 00:11:51,711 I mean, what are you going to do 348 00:11:51,745 --> 00:11:53,580 with a kid like me? Ground me? 349 00:11:53,613 --> 00:11:54,681 You bet I am. 350 00:11:54,714 --> 00:11:55,849 One week in your room. 351 00:11:55,883 --> 00:11:57,250 No TV, no video games, 352 00:11:57,284 --> 00:11:59,219 no contact with the outside world. 353 00:11:59,252 --> 00:12:01,354 After you take Alison to the dance. 354 00:12:01,388 --> 00:12:02,355 What?! 355 00:12:02,389 --> 00:12:03,757 Reese, you made a promise 356 00:12:03,791 --> 00:12:05,058 to that girl and you are going to keep it. 357 00:12:05,092 --> 00:12:06,459 But... how did you...? 358 00:12:06,493 --> 00:12:08,361 Look, Reese, some people are born book-smart. 359 00:12:08,395 --> 00:12:10,530 Others are born crafty and street-smart. 360 00:12:10,563 --> 00:12:12,732 You, I'm afraid, are neither. 361 00:12:12,766 --> 00:12:14,601 (phone ringing) 362 00:12:15,335 --> 00:12:17,104 Hello? 363 00:12:17,137 --> 00:12:18,138 Mom, come get me. 364 00:12:18,171 --> 00:12:19,773 Look, I have to get out of here. 365 00:12:19,807 --> 00:12:21,308 I'm leaving either way. 366 00:12:21,341 --> 00:12:23,476 If you're not here within the next three hours, 367 00:12:23,510 --> 00:12:25,946 you can find me walking on the highway, in the dark. 368 00:12:25,979 --> 00:12:27,214 Or maybe I'll hitchhike. 369 00:12:27,247 --> 00:12:28,448 You know, I met this guy with a van. 370 00:12:28,481 --> 00:12:30,017 He seemed real friendly. 371 00:12:33,086 --> 00:12:35,255 (arguing in Spanish) 372 00:12:51,371 --> 00:12:53,106 I cannot wait until I am old and senile. 373 00:12:53,140 --> 00:12:54,474 I'm going to be 374 00:12:54,507 --> 00:12:55,909 hooked up to life support in your attic 375 00:12:55,943 --> 00:12:58,111 running you ragged with crazy old person demands. 376 00:12:58,145 --> 00:13:00,113 I am going to cling to life for years 377 00:13:00,147 --> 00:13:01,448 just to make you suffer. 378 00:13:01,481 --> 00:13:03,116 Fine. But I'm not staying here. 379 00:13:11,859 --> 00:13:13,226 That son of a... 380 00:13:14,627 --> 00:13:15,528 Stop the car! 381 00:13:15,562 --> 00:13:16,663 What? Stop! 382 00:13:16,696 --> 00:13:17,764 (tires screech) 383 00:13:17,797 --> 00:13:18,832 I'm staying. 384 00:13:18,866 --> 00:13:20,700 I will not be played like that! 385 00:13:20,733 --> 00:13:22,002 You can punish me when I get home. 386 00:13:22,035 --> 00:13:23,971 Deal. 387 00:13:36,516 --> 00:13:38,351 All right, this has gone far enough. 388 00:13:38,385 --> 00:13:40,187 Now, I will walk you to your room, 389 00:13:40,220 --> 00:13:41,721 I will roll you to your room, 390 00:13:41,754 --> 00:13:43,323 I will race you to your room, 391 00:13:43,356 --> 00:13:46,459 but you are too big to give bedtime rides to. 392 00:13:46,493 --> 00:13:47,794 If you say so. 393 00:13:47,827 --> 00:13:48,996 I say so. 394 00:13:49,029 --> 00:13:50,297 Now, as your father, 395 00:13:50,330 --> 00:13:52,065 I am ordering you to say, "I love you." 396 00:13:52,099 --> 00:13:53,733 I love you. 397 00:13:53,766 --> 00:13:56,403 Now say it in a convincing manner. 398 00:13:56,436 --> 00:13:58,371 I love you. 399 00:13:58,405 --> 00:14:00,307 Now say it without me telling you to. 400 00:14:00,340 --> 00:14:01,708 Is this going to take long? 401 00:14:01,741 --> 00:14:03,510 'Cause I was going to get a soda. 402 00:14:03,543 --> 00:14:05,913 Unless I'm too big to drink soda. 403 00:14:05,946 --> 00:14:08,115 Just go. 404 00:14:09,782 --> 00:14:11,885 Oh, for crying out loud. 405 00:14:11,919 --> 00:14:14,354 These things are everywhere! 406 00:14:19,392 --> 00:14:21,561 I don't know, Malcolm. 407 00:14:21,594 --> 00:14:24,331 This seems like a very drastic escalation. 408 00:14:24,364 --> 00:14:26,099 You want to cheat, right? 409 00:14:26,133 --> 00:14:27,935 Since this is just a big cheating contest, 410 00:14:27,968 --> 00:14:29,669 I say we out-cheat everyone else. 411 00:14:29,702 --> 00:14:31,939 Why do I have to be the one who does this? 412 00:14:31,972 --> 00:14:33,606 'Cause you look the most pathetic in a bathing suit. 413 00:14:33,640 --> 00:14:36,176 I do not! What about...? 414 00:14:36,209 --> 00:14:37,544 Yeah, okay. 415 00:14:37,577 --> 00:14:38,811 Go, Stevie. 416 00:14:39,812 --> 00:14:42,082 (yelps) 417 00:14:44,651 --> 00:14:47,520 Uh, excu-excuse me. 418 00:14:47,554 --> 00:14:49,256 I got locked out of my room, 419 00:14:49,289 --> 00:14:52,759 and I forgot my towel and I'm very cold. 420 00:14:52,792 --> 00:14:54,427 There you go. 421 00:14:54,461 --> 00:14:55,862 Have a nice day. 422 00:14:55,895 --> 00:14:57,564 Thank you. 423 00:14:57,597 --> 00:14:59,799 I've been swimming! 424 00:15:00,800 --> 00:15:02,135 Good job. I'll be out in a minute. 425 00:15:02,169 --> 00:15:03,636 WOMAN: I do all the chores, 426 00:15:03,670 --> 00:15:05,205 I make all the money and I'm sorry 427 00:15:05,238 --> 00:15:07,040 if I'm a little tired when we get into the bedroom! 428 00:15:07,074 --> 00:15:08,641 That's why we took this vacation! 429 00:15:08,675 --> 00:15:10,377 We took this vacation to get away from your parents. 430 00:15:10,410 --> 00:15:12,045 You have no clue. Because you never tell me 431 00:15:12,079 --> 00:15:13,813 what you're thinking! I'm not a mind-reader! 432 00:15:13,846 --> 00:15:14,881 I got the answers. 433 00:15:14,914 --> 00:15:16,083 I'm going to go make copies. 434 00:15:16,116 --> 00:15:17,284 You guys stay here 435 00:15:17,317 --> 00:15:18,952 and keep the door open till I get back. 436 00:15:20,587 --> 00:15:23,957 Everybody... look casual. 437 00:15:30,630 --> 00:15:32,465 Now let's see you chicken out. 438 00:15:37,037 --> 00:15:38,138 What are you doing? (gasps) 439 00:15:38,171 --> 00:15:39,806 It's not what it looks like. 440 00:15:39,839 --> 00:15:41,608 It looks like you're trying to break your foot 441 00:15:41,641 --> 00:15:43,643 just so you don't have to go to the dance with me. 442 00:15:43,676 --> 00:15:44,644 Ha! 443 00:15:44,677 --> 00:15:46,813 You couldn't be more wrong. 444 00:15:49,149 --> 00:15:50,450 If you don't want to go with me, 445 00:15:50,483 --> 00:15:53,053 then why don't you just break up with me? 446 00:15:53,886 --> 00:15:55,455 I really like you, Alison. 447 00:15:55,488 --> 00:15:58,925 I just didn't want to spend all that money on the dance. 448 00:15:58,958 --> 00:16:01,528 I know that was selfish, and I'm really sorry. 449 00:16:01,561 --> 00:16:05,332 But I still really want you to be my girlfriend. 450 00:16:06,299 --> 00:16:09,202 Well... thanks for being honest. 451 00:16:09,236 --> 00:16:13,540 But you made a promise to me, and I'm going to hold you to it. 452 00:16:13,573 --> 00:16:15,675 You're going to get me a corsage, 453 00:16:15,708 --> 00:16:17,710 and you're going to rent a limo, 454 00:16:17,744 --> 00:16:20,213 and you're going to pick me up at 7:00, 455 00:16:20,247 --> 00:16:22,515 and we're going to go to the dance. 456 00:16:22,549 --> 00:16:23,816 Okay. 457 00:16:23,850 --> 00:16:24,951 You'll see. 458 00:16:24,984 --> 00:16:26,053 We'll have a great time. 459 00:16:26,086 --> 00:16:27,720 We'll dance the spotlight dance, 460 00:16:27,754 --> 00:16:30,623 and we'll make sure we get our picture taken together 461 00:16:30,657 --> 00:16:33,193 so we'll always remember this night. 462 00:16:34,327 --> 00:16:36,529 And then I'll break up with you forever. 463 00:16:43,270 --> 00:16:46,306 Someone I know was a busy little team player last night. 464 00:16:46,339 --> 00:16:48,141 It just came to me what the right thing to do was. 465 00:16:48,175 --> 00:16:51,644 I've never been prouder of you than at this moment. 466 00:16:51,678 --> 00:16:52,979 We never spoke. 467 00:16:53,012 --> 00:16:54,214 Ladies and gentlemen. 468 00:16:54,247 --> 00:16:58,017 We are now ready to begin round one. 469 00:16:58,051 --> 00:16:59,586 The subject will be history. 470 00:17:00,787 --> 00:17:02,355 Question one: 471 00:17:02,389 --> 00:17:06,893 "In 1803, the French sold over 800,000 square miles..." 472 00:17:06,925 --> 00:17:08,261 Louisiana Purchase. 473 00:17:08,295 --> 00:17:09,596 Correct. 474 00:17:09,628 --> 00:17:11,263 (applause) 475 00:17:12,632 --> 00:17:14,401 Question two: 476 00:17:14,434 --> 00:17:16,336 "What historic document..." 477 00:17:16,368 --> 00:17:17,737 The Magna Carta. 478 00:17:18,605 --> 00:17:20,240 Correct. 479 00:17:23,609 --> 00:17:25,944 Question three: "Who..." 480 00:17:25,978 --> 00:17:27,079 Ben Franklin. 481 00:17:27,114 --> 00:17:29,382 That's... right. 482 00:17:29,416 --> 00:17:30,650 (crowd murmuring) 483 00:17:32,219 --> 00:17:34,287 Settle down, 484 00:17:34,321 --> 00:17:37,124 please. 485 00:17:37,157 --> 00:17:38,925 Let's try this again. 486 00:17:38,958 --> 00:17:40,193 Question... 487 00:17:40,227 --> 00:17:42,061 ALL: The defenestration of Prague! 488 00:17:42,095 --> 00:17:43,596 Okay... 489 00:17:43,630 --> 00:17:45,031 ALL: The Treaty of Utrecht! 490 00:17:45,064 --> 00:17:49,136 Will all coaches join me in the back? 491 00:17:51,070 --> 00:17:52,939 You gave everyone the test, didn't you? 492 00:17:52,972 --> 00:17:55,275 In fingertip semaphore, this means... 493 00:17:55,308 --> 00:17:56,676 I know what it means! 494 00:17:57,944 --> 00:17:59,879 Good night, Dad. 495 00:17:59,912 --> 00:18:01,748 Dewey, I-I know it's just an expression, 496 00:18:01,781 --> 00:18:03,483 and I'm a mature person, 497 00:18:03,516 --> 00:18:06,486 so if you don't want to say it, you don't have to say it. 498 00:18:06,519 --> 00:18:08,288 Thanks for understanding. 499 00:18:08,321 --> 00:18:09,822 Well, I love you! 500 00:18:09,856 --> 00:18:11,258 But guess what? 501 00:18:11,291 --> 00:18:13,059 I don't love you! And you! 502 00:18:13,092 --> 00:18:15,128 And I don't love you or you or you...! 503 00:18:15,162 --> 00:18:17,130 And I especially don't love you! 504 00:18:17,164 --> 00:18:19,566 And you... love...! 505 00:18:19,599 --> 00:18:21,468 Don't try to get away! (screams) 506 00:18:21,501 --> 00:18:22,469 (coughs) 507 00:18:22,502 --> 00:18:25,672 If you just love... 508 00:18:25,705 --> 00:18:29,842 I-I hate... (coughing) 509 00:18:30,810 --> 00:18:33,012 (weakly): Oh, no. 510 00:18:36,816 --> 00:18:39,686 Dad, we need more toothpaste. 511 00:18:40,820 --> 00:18:42,021 Dad? 512 00:18:42,054 --> 00:18:43,956 Dad, wake up! Get out of there! 513 00:18:43,990 --> 00:18:45,625 Dad! 514 00:18:45,658 --> 00:18:47,794 (grunting) 515 00:18:52,465 --> 00:18:53,833 Dad! 516 00:18:53,866 --> 00:18:56,002 Get up! Get up, please! 517 00:18:56,035 --> 00:18:58,538 Don't die, Dad. I love you! 518 00:18:58,571 --> 00:19:01,140 (coughing) I love you, Dad! 519 00:19:04,344 --> 00:19:05,778 (gasping) 520 00:19:05,812 --> 00:19:08,615 Are they dead? 521 00:19:08,648 --> 00:19:10,983 Am I dead? 522 00:19:12,485 --> 00:19:15,222 Well, I-I... I passed out. I... 523 00:19:15,255 --> 00:19:19,025 How did you pull me all the way over here? 524 00:19:19,058 --> 00:19:22,962 I guess... 'cause I'm bigger. 525 00:19:22,995 --> 00:19:25,832 (laughing) 526 00:19:27,367 --> 00:19:29,001 Oh, good. 527 00:19:29,035 --> 00:19:30,203 Thank you, son. 528 00:19:30,237 --> 00:19:31,838 You saved my life. 529 00:19:31,871 --> 00:19:33,640 I love you. 530 00:19:33,673 --> 00:19:36,509 I love you, Dad. 531 00:19:42,682 --> 00:19:44,884 Well, the results are in. 532 00:19:44,917 --> 00:19:47,987 Since everyone was so well prepared, 533 00:19:48,020 --> 00:19:50,022 everybody gets a trophy. 534 00:19:50,056 --> 00:19:52,191 Jefferson, you win first place in science. 535 00:19:52,225 --> 00:19:54,261 Quincy, you win in mathematics. 536 00:19:54,294 --> 00:19:56,062 North High, history. 537 00:19:56,095 --> 00:19:58,331 St. Bartholomew, literature. 538 00:19:58,365 --> 00:20:00,467 And Marshall in ethics. 539 00:20:02,101 --> 00:20:05,705 As you can see, it's a happy ending for all, 540 00:20:05,738 --> 00:20:09,609 so long as everybody keeps their mouths shut. 541 00:20:09,642 --> 00:20:11,778 See you next year. 542 00:20:15,748 --> 00:20:17,884 Hey, no hard feelings, okay? 543 00:20:17,917 --> 00:20:21,020 I mean, I got you, you got everybody. 544 00:20:21,053 --> 00:20:22,689 It was kind of cool. 545 00:20:22,722 --> 00:20:23,890 Right. Cool. 546 00:20:23,923 --> 00:20:25,425 I wonder what would've happened 547 00:20:25,458 --> 00:20:26,693 if we'd played it straight. 548 00:20:26,726 --> 00:20:28,528 You know, gone head-to-head for real. 549 00:20:28,561 --> 00:20:30,463 You've got to be kidding. 550 00:20:30,497 --> 00:20:32,432 Compared to you, he's a whole other species. 551 00:20:32,465 --> 00:20:34,467 You should be his pet. Come on. 552 00:20:35,302 --> 00:20:37,570 We're sorry... 553 00:20:37,604 --> 00:20:39,105 we tried to... 554 00:20:39,138 --> 00:20:40,807 make you cheat. 555 00:20:40,840 --> 00:20:42,642 You're our moral compass, Malcolm. 556 00:20:42,675 --> 00:20:44,711 We'd like to make it up to you somehow. 557 00:20:44,744 --> 00:20:46,045 Let's all pick him up 558 00:20:46,078 --> 00:20:47,280 and carry him to the bus on our shoulders. 559 00:20:47,314 --> 00:20:48,748 That's a great idea. Yeah! Yeah! 560 00:20:48,781 --> 00:20:50,750 Actually, I should sit this one out. 561 00:20:50,783 --> 00:20:52,652 With my middle ear condition... 562 00:20:52,685 --> 00:20:53,753 My scoliosis. 563 00:20:53,786 --> 00:20:55,288 I forgot my orthotics. 564 00:20:55,322 --> 00:20:57,156 Sorry. Epstein Barr. 565 00:20:57,189 --> 00:21:00,059 Yes, Mr. Cutler, we have your reservation right here. 566 00:21:00,092 --> 00:21:02,261 Hey, what time is it there in Australia? 567 00:21:02,295 --> 00:21:04,196 Canceling? Oh, no. 568 00:21:06,098 --> 00:21:09,502 Well, it's a shame to let one argument with your wife spoil... 569 00:21:09,536 --> 00:21:13,005 Sure, you can ask me whatever you want. 570 00:21:15,041 --> 00:21:17,143 Hi, honey.