1
00:00:07,258 --> 00:00:09,218
Hello?

2
00:00:11,887 --> 00:00:13,472
Hello?

3
00:00:13,514 --> 00:00:15,975
Oh, boy.

4
00:00:16,016 --> 00:00:18,227
- You remember me?
- Oh, yeah.

5
00:00:18,269 --> 00:00:20,354
- Long time no see.
- Oh, yes.

6
00:00:20,396 --> 00:00:23,733
Well, I've been very busy.
Traveling.

7
00:00:23,774 --> 00:00:27,361
- You want a slice?
- Oh, no, thank you.

8
00:00:27,403 --> 00:00:28,738
I was just in the neighborhood,

9
00:00:28,779 --> 00:00:30,948
and I thought I would drop in
and say hello.

10
00:00:30,990 --> 00:00:32,992
- To me.
- Yes.

11
00:00:37,538 --> 00:00:40,750
- Hello.
- Hello.

12
00:00:40,791 --> 00:00:43,002
Anything else?

13
00:00:43,043 --> 00:00:45,004
No.

14
00:00:45,045 --> 00:00:47,006
Oh, well, as long as I'm here,

15
00:00:47,047 --> 00:00:50,009
Miriam... my daughter, remember?

16
00:00:50,050 --> 00:00:54,054
Well, her husband left her,
and she's been living with us,

17
00:00:54,096 --> 00:00:56,182
and recently I found out
that she's...

18
00:00:56,223 --> 00:00:58,184
Aren't you gonna make some tea?

19
00:00:58,225 --> 00:01:00,120
- I don't like tea.
- The tea isn't for you.

20
00:01:00,144 --> 00:01:01,604
It's for me. I drink it,

21
00:01:01,645 --> 00:01:03,773
- and you read the leaves.
- Don't need it.

22
00:01:03,814 --> 00:01:07,234
Oh, you use the ball, right.
Or cards?

23
00:01:07,276 --> 00:01:09,612
Oh, no, I remember.
You like fire.

24
00:01:09,653 --> 00:01:12,156
Just sit there.

25
00:01:12,198 --> 00:01:14,200
Let me look at you.

26
00:01:22,792 --> 00:01:25,169
Okay. What do you want to know?

27
00:01:25,211 --> 00:01:26,837
Um, well, my d-daughter...

28
00:01:26,879 --> 00:01:28,380
- Miriam.
- Why, yes.

29
00:01:28,422 --> 00:01:30,358
You just told me her name.
Don't get too impressed.

30
00:01:30,382 --> 00:01:34,970
Yes, uh, well, she's, um,
pursuing a career in...

31
00:01:35,012 --> 00:01:37,389
comedy,

32
00:01:37,431 --> 00:01:39,058
which is bad enough in itself,

33
00:01:39,099 --> 00:01:41,811
but there's a very viable man
in the picture now,

34
00:01:41,852 --> 00:01:44,814
and I am so worried that this...

35
00:01:44,855 --> 00:01:48,275
career will be the downfall
of this relationship.

36
00:01:48,317 --> 00:01:49,860
Tell me, what do you see?

37
00:01:49,902 --> 00:01:51,904
Hmm.

38
00:01:54,281 --> 00:01:58,661
I see a perky brunette
with a signature hairstyle.

39
00:01:58,702 --> 00:02:00,830
Oh, that's her. That's Miriam.

40
00:02:00,871 --> 00:02:02,498
She's standing
in front of a big crowd.

41
00:02:02,540 --> 00:02:04,083
A wedding? That's a wedding.

42
00:02:04,124 --> 00:02:06,377
She's the object
of deep adoration.

43
00:02:06,418 --> 00:02:08,546
That's Benjamin.
He'll adore her.

44
00:02:08,587 --> 00:02:10,631
H-He'll be weirdly subtle
about it

45
00:02:10,673 --> 00:02:12,383
and do it in
a slightly robotic way, but...

46
00:02:12,424 --> 00:02:14,468
I see her talking.

47
00:02:14,510 --> 00:02:17,721
Speaking very quickly
into a microphone.

48
00:02:17,763 --> 00:02:19,574
That's her speech. She gave
a speech at her first wedding,

49
00:02:19,598 --> 00:02:21,517
and she's doing it again.
Oh, I'm so...

50
00:02:21,559 --> 00:02:23,185
Does she mention shrimp?

51
00:02:23,227 --> 00:02:24,770
- What?
- Never mind. Who cares?

52
00:02:24,812 --> 00:02:26,772
She's getting married.
Oh, I'm so glad

53
00:02:26,814 --> 00:02:29,692
I just happened to be strolling
by here with no intention

54
00:02:29,733 --> 00:02:31,652
of coming in at all,
and then I did. Oh, here.

55
00:02:32,695 --> 00:02:34,822
Thank you.

56
00:02:34,864 --> 00:02:38,117
Thank you so much.
I'll see you next week.

57
00:02:38,158 --> 00:02:41,453
There's gonna be a wedding.

58
00:02:44,498 --> 00:02:46,250
I don't know why you'd wear

59
00:02:46,292 --> 00:02:50,170
a black cocktail dress
to a wedding, but...

60
00:02:50,212 --> 00:02:52,214
whatever.

61
00:02:58,053 --> 00:03:00,347
- What time is it?
- Early. 9:00, 10:00.

62
00:03:00,389 --> 00:03:03,475
- 12:30. I should go.
- Really? You bored?

63
00:03:03,517 --> 00:03:05,394
I'm supposed to be
in my dorm room by midnight.

64
00:03:05,436 --> 00:03:07,414
This is the third time this week
I've missed curfew.

65
00:03:07,438 --> 00:03:09,124
Third time this week
I'll have to climb in my window

66
00:03:09,148 --> 00:03:11,209
- to avoid getting caught.
- I thought your curfew was 1:00.

67
00:03:11,233 --> 00:03:12,985
- You did not.
- Yeah.

68
00:03:13,027 --> 00:03:15,112
I just like watching you climb
in that window.

69
00:03:15,154 --> 00:03:17,740
Hey, we saw them tonight.
We saw you tonight.

70
00:03:17,781 --> 00:03:19,033
- Oh, yeah?
- Mm-hmm.

71
00:03:19,074 --> 00:03:20,200
- Good or bad?
- Great.

72
00:03:20,242 --> 00:03:21,577
Especially the last number.

73
00:03:21,619 --> 00:03:23,370
Told you we needed
that last number.

74
00:03:23,412 --> 00:03:25,998
- You're impossible.
- Impossible and right.

75
00:03:26,040 --> 00:03:27,750
- We should go.
- You know, I'm tired

76
00:03:27,791 --> 00:03:29,335
of having to take you home
at night.

77
00:03:29,376 --> 00:03:31,337
- I can just grab a cab, then.
- Not what I meant.

78
00:03:31,378 --> 00:03:34,173
- Horse and buggy? Magic carpet?
- Don't go back to your dorm.

79
00:03:34,214 --> 00:03:36,383
- Where am I supposed to go?
- My dorm.

80
00:03:36,425 --> 00:03:39,053
Oh, now, Mr. Maisel,
you know good girls

81
00:03:39,094 --> 00:03:41,031
don't stay out all night
with their gentlemen callers.

82
00:03:41,055 --> 00:03:43,265
I mean, what would
the neighbors think?

83
00:03:43,307 --> 00:03:44,975
That you're a dime-store floozy?

84
00:03:45,017 --> 00:03:46,894
Dime-store? In these shoes?

85
00:03:46,936 --> 00:03:50,230
Well, if you won't let me
sully your reputation,

86
00:03:50,272 --> 00:03:53,108
then I guess I'll just have to
make an honest woman out of you.

87
00:03:53,150 --> 00:03:55,444
<i>♪ We go along
harmonizing a song ♪</i>

88
00:03:55,486 --> 00:03:57,571
- What's this?
- A Cadillac.

89
00:03:57,613 --> 00:03:59,114
<i>♪ Or I'm reciting a poem ♪</i>

90
00:03:59,156 --> 00:04:01,951
Well, then, I'm definitely
gonna have to learn to drive.

91
00:04:01,992 --> 00:04:04,161
- You like it?
- I love it.

92
00:04:04,203 --> 00:04:06,121
I just didn't think
this would happen so fast.

93
00:04:06,163 --> 00:04:07,515
Oh, but you knew
this would happen?

94
00:04:07,539 --> 00:04:09,208
Well, yeah. I mean, come on.

95
00:04:09,249 --> 00:04:11,335
Hey, what did my father say
when you asked him?

96
00:04:11,377 --> 00:04:13,003
Oh, shit.
I was supposed to do that?

97
00:04:13,045 --> 00:04:15,297
- Joel.
- Forget him.

98
00:04:15,339 --> 00:04:18,217
What do you say? Yes? Great.

99
00:04:18,258 --> 00:04:20,386
I say I need to think about it.

100
00:04:20,427 --> 00:04:23,138
What? No. There's the ring.
Let's go.

101
00:04:23,180 --> 00:04:26,016
- It's just so sudden.
- You knew this was gonna happen.

102
00:04:26,058 --> 00:04:27,309
I knew this was gonna happen.

103
00:04:27,351 --> 00:04:29,103
Well, then,
you know your answer.

104
00:04:29,144 --> 00:04:32,022
- Uh...
- If you don't say yes right now,

105
00:04:32,064 --> 00:04:33,750
I'm gonna walk out
in the middle of the street

106
00:04:33,774 --> 00:04:35,234
and wait for a bus
to run me over.

107
00:04:35,275 --> 00:04:36,819
Pay the bill first?

108
00:04:36,860 --> 00:04:39,279
Okay.

109
00:04:39,321 --> 00:04:41,907
Here I go.

110
00:04:41,949 --> 00:04:43,617
<i>♪ Talking my baby ♪</i>

111
00:04:43,659 --> 00:04:45,619
<i>♪ Loving my baby ♪</i>

112
00:04:45,661 --> 00:04:47,454
<i>♪ I don't mean maybe... ♪</i>

113
00:04:48,956 --> 00:04:51,333
That man is crazy.

114
00:04:51,375 --> 00:04:54,253
Yeah, he certainly is.

115
00:04:54,294 --> 00:04:55,796
Get out of the road, asshole.

116
00:04:55,838 --> 00:04:57,172
Come on!

117
00:04:57,214 --> 00:04:59,967
- Say yes.
- Move!

118
00:05:00,009 --> 00:05:02,344
- Move, you idiot!
- Not moving.

119
00:05:02,386 --> 00:05:05,681
I'm concerned our children might
come out clinically insane.

120
00:05:05,723 --> 00:05:08,350
Very good chance. Say yes.

121
00:05:08,392 --> 00:05:10,269
Maybe.

122
00:05:10,310 --> 00:05:11,413
Get the fuck out
of the road, pal.

123
00:05:11,437 --> 00:05:12,706
Come on, I got to get home.

124
00:05:12,730 --> 00:05:14,356
<i>♪ Are in each other's arms ♪</i>

125
00:05:14,398 --> 00:05:17,693
Oh, no. Not fair.

126
00:05:17,735 --> 00:05:19,111
- Fuck fair!
- Come on.

127
00:05:19,153 --> 00:05:20,696
My favorite show.

128
00:05:20,738 --> 00:05:22,990
He took me three times.

129
00:05:23,032 --> 00:05:24,825
I'm going for broke,
Miriam Weissman.

130
00:05:24,867 --> 00:05:28,162
<i>♪ Shall we dance? ♪</i>

131
00:05:28,203 --> 00:05:30,080
You have to say yes first.

132
00:05:30,122 --> 00:05:31,373
<i>♪ On a bright cloud of music ♪</i>

133
00:05:31,415 --> 00:05:33,917
Fine. Yes.

134
00:05:33,959 --> 00:05:36,670
Yes!

135
00:05:36,712 --> 00:05:39,048
You have to put the ring on.

136
00:05:39,089 --> 00:05:42,092
- Exhausting.
- Put it on.

137
00:05:42,134 --> 00:05:43,969
Come on, move it, buddy.

138
00:05:44,011 --> 00:05:47,306
<i>♪ When the last little star
has left the sky ♪</i>

139
00:05:47,347 --> 00:05:49,516
<i>♪ Shall we still be together ♪</i>

140
00:05:49,558 --> 00:05:51,727
<i>♪ With our arms
around each other ♪</i>

141
00:05:51,769 --> 00:05:55,105
<i>♪ And shall you
be my new romance ♪</i>

142
00:05:56,398 --> 00:05:58,484
<i>♪ On the clear understanding ♪</i>

143
00:05:58,525 --> 00:06:00,402
<i>♪ That this kind of thing
can happen ♪</i>

144
00:06:00,444 --> 00:06:01,862
<i>♪ Shall we dance? ♪</i>

145
00:06:01,904 --> 00:06:04,907
Now, this next part's
gonna go very badly.

146
00:06:36,480 --> 00:06:38,857
Mark Greenwald
is the president of the bank

147
00:06:38,899 --> 00:06:41,485
and an old family friend in case
you want to give him a call.

148
00:06:41,527 --> 00:06:44,530
Right here, these are
last year's financials,

149
00:06:44,571 --> 00:06:46,073
tax returns, bank statements.

150
00:06:46,115 --> 00:06:47,801
As you can see,
I can clearly provide for her.

151
00:06:47,825 --> 00:06:49,665
Anything she needs,
anything the children need,

152
00:06:49,701 --> 00:06:51,370
they will be very comfortable.

153
00:06:51,411 --> 00:06:55,082
So you want to marry
my daughter.

154
00:06:55,124 --> 00:06:57,376
With your permission, yes, I do.

155
00:06:57,417 --> 00:07:00,838
- And you've spent time with Miriam.
- I have.

156
00:07:00,879 --> 00:07:03,215
- So you understand Miriam.
- I do.

157
00:07:03,257 --> 00:07:05,342
Could you explain her to me?

158
00:07:05,384 --> 00:07:08,262
- That was a joke, Benjamin.
- Right, sorry.

159
00:07:08,303 --> 00:07:10,973
Humor is very important
in our house, Benjamin.

160
00:07:11,014 --> 00:07:13,142
- Of course.
- If you are going to marry Miriam,

161
00:07:13,183 --> 00:07:14,869
- you will have to learn that.
- I understand.

162
00:07:14,893 --> 00:07:16,538
Because to Miriam,
almost everything in the world

163
00:07:16,562 --> 00:07:19,690
is a joke. I had to stop
watching the news with her.

164
00:07:19,731 --> 00:07:21,441
Guggenheim,
the name of the museum,

165
00:07:21,483 --> 00:07:24,486
caused 20 minutes of uncontrolled giggling.

166
00:07:24,528 --> 00:07:27,698
Why? Who knows.
That's just Miriam.

167
00:07:27,739 --> 00:07:28,949
I will learn to laugh, sir.

168
00:07:28,991 --> 00:07:30,951
You're going to need
a lot of closet space.

169
00:07:30,993 --> 00:07:33,495
- I have seen the hats.
- There will be a lot of activity.

170
00:07:33,537 --> 00:07:35,122
Things will shift quickly.

171
00:07:35,164 --> 00:07:38,167
Your reality,
your vacation plans.

172
00:07:38,208 --> 00:07:40,127
And God knows what
those children will be like

173
00:07:40,169 --> 00:07:42,045
when they grow up.
I cannot vouch for them.

174
00:07:42,087 --> 00:07:44,131
I will not hold you responsible.

175
00:07:44,173 --> 00:07:46,341
It's awfully quick,
your courtship.

176
00:07:46,383 --> 00:07:48,927
Anything I should know that will
certainly kill her mother?

177
00:07:48,969 --> 00:07:51,430
No. I've just waited a long time
to find the right person,

178
00:07:51,471 --> 00:07:53,015
and now I have. That's all.

179
00:07:53,056 --> 00:07:57,102
Well, if this
is truly your intention,

180
00:07:57,144 --> 00:07:59,104
in addition to the bank records,

181
00:07:59,146 --> 00:08:03,025
I will need
25 character references.

182
00:08:03,066 --> 00:08:04,902
Are you going to
write this down?

183
00:08:04,943 --> 00:08:06,361
There's a list.
I'll need to know

184
00:08:06,403 --> 00:08:08,447
the names and birth dates
of your family,

185
00:08:08,488 --> 00:08:11,408
how religious you are,
what your hobbies are,

186
00:08:11,450 --> 00:08:14,703
what percentage of time
you spend on such hobbies,

187
00:08:14,745 --> 00:08:16,705
are you a dog or a cat man...

188
00:08:16,747 --> 00:08:19,583
very important...
your favorite authors.

189
00:08:19,625 --> 00:08:22,628
You see, Benjamin,
after the Joel fiasco,

190
00:08:22,669 --> 00:08:24,046
I am taking this decision

191
00:08:24,087 --> 00:08:25,672
very, very seriously.

192
00:08:26,715 --> 00:08:29,426
You have somewhere else to be?

193
00:08:29,468 --> 00:08:32,012
No. Well, surgery.

194
00:08:32,054 --> 00:08:34,139
But never mind. Go on.

195
00:08:34,181 --> 00:08:36,225
I'll need to know
all political affiliations,

196
00:08:36,266 --> 00:08:37,476
favorite baseball team,

197
00:08:37,517 --> 00:08:38,977
favorite radio shows...

198
00:08:39,019 --> 00:08:41,146
Mr. Weissman,
could you excuse me a minute?

199
00:08:41,188 --> 00:08:42,981
I need to use the bathroom.

200
00:08:43,023 --> 00:08:46,443
Oh. That's something you do?

201
00:08:46,485 --> 00:08:48,487
Yes.

202
00:08:48,528 --> 00:08:50,530
All right. If you must.

203
00:08:55,160 --> 00:08:57,162
Oh.

204
00:08:59,164 --> 00:09:01,500
- What was that for?
- I just needed to make sure

205
00:09:01,541 --> 00:09:03,377
- you're worth all this.
- I am.

206
00:09:03,418 --> 00:09:05,438
God, this is much harder
than I thought it was gonna be.

207
00:09:05,462 --> 00:09:07,714
My father's a complicated man.
But once this is over,

208
00:09:07,756 --> 00:09:09,108
you guys are going to be
very close.

209
00:09:09,132 --> 00:09:11,134
- It will never be over.
- It will be.

210
00:09:11,176 --> 00:09:12,970
Four patients have already died
this morning.

211
00:09:13,011 --> 00:09:15,514
- A small price to pay.
- I thought we were making progress

212
00:09:15,555 --> 00:09:17,158
when we stumbled
onto the Big Bang theory.

213
00:09:17,182 --> 00:09:19,184
How do you stumble
onto the Big Bang theory?

214
00:09:19,226 --> 00:09:21,186
And then he asked
if I snack in between meals.

215
00:09:21,228 --> 00:09:22,868
- You said no, right?
- I said it depends.

216
00:09:22,896 --> 00:09:25,107
- Oh, dear.
- It does. It's snacking.

217
00:09:25,148 --> 00:09:26,876
There's no plan.
That's what makes it snacking.

218
00:09:26,900 --> 00:09:29,444
Okay, relax. You're doing fine.
And get back in there.

219
00:09:29,486 --> 00:09:31,089
If he thinks you're taking
too long in the bathroom,

220
00:09:31,113 --> 00:09:32,423
there will be
a very thorough physical

221
00:09:32,447 --> 00:09:34,449
- in your future.
- Bye.

222
00:09:36,159 --> 00:09:38,120
Is this how you look
in the morning?

223
00:09:38,161 --> 00:09:39,705
Yes, it is.

224
00:09:39,746 --> 00:09:42,124
I'll never make it
to work on time again.

225
00:09:42,165 --> 00:09:44,251
- I'm back.
- That was quick. Good for you.

226
00:09:44,293 --> 00:09:46,211
Get these downstairs
to accounting now

227
00:09:46,253 --> 00:09:48,005
- or no one gets paid.
- What?!

228
00:09:48,046 --> 00:09:50,257
Everyone's getting paid!
It's an expression.

229
00:09:50,299 --> 00:09:52,884
- Get back to work.
- Mr. Maisel, phone.

230
00:09:52,926 --> 00:09:54,526
The Dutch fabric shipment's
gone missing.

231
00:09:54,553 --> 00:09:56,263
How does a truckload of fabric
go missing?

232
00:09:56,305 --> 00:09:58,283
- Joel, are we on for tonight?
- I have the kids tonight.

233
00:09:58,307 --> 00:10:00,225
- I love kids.
- Great. Go have some.

234
00:10:00,267 --> 00:10:02,853
- Never mind, they found it.
- Where?

235
00:10:02,894 --> 00:10:05,105
Times Square.
The driver had an audition.

236
00:10:05,147 --> 00:10:07,357
Get the shipment,
fire the driver. In that order.

237
00:10:07,399 --> 00:10:09,026
Okay, see, when I gave you

238
00:10:09,067 --> 00:10:11,403
that giant amount of money
to go away,

239
00:10:11,445 --> 00:10:14,239
- I expected you to go away.
- I don't have time right now, Pop.

240
00:10:14,281 --> 00:10:17,409
I fired you, and you responded
by bringing your children here.

241
00:10:17,451 --> 00:10:20,495
Is that hostile or adorable?
I just can't tell.

242
00:10:20,537 --> 00:10:23,081
I'll go. I'm going.
I just have to figure out where.

243
00:10:23,123 --> 00:10:24,583
In the meantime, Mrs. Moskowitz,

244
00:10:24,624 --> 00:10:25,977
when is the Joseph Miller
meeting again?

245
00:10:26,001 --> 00:10:27,544
- 4:45.
- 4:45?

246
00:10:27,586 --> 00:10:29,171
That's what he said, 4:45.

247
00:10:29,212 --> 00:10:31,089
Hey, what are you drawing there,
Ethan?

248
00:10:31,131 --> 00:10:33,258
Mommy's friend. Bathroom!

249
00:10:33,300 --> 00:10:36,386
Mr. Maisel, I am not cleaning
that bathroom again.

250
00:10:36,428 --> 00:10:38,138
I got it, Mrs. Moskowitz.

251
00:10:38,180 --> 00:10:40,807
He's like a sprung garden hose,
that child.

252
00:10:40,849 --> 00:10:42,893
- Mommy's got a friend.
- Fuck you.

253
00:10:42,934 --> 00:10:45,771
Aha, baby's first swear word.

254
00:10:45,812 --> 00:10:47,939
Definitely not her first.

255
00:10:49,983 --> 00:10:52,652
What is your life, anyhow?

256
00:10:52,694 --> 00:10:55,113
Ethan!

257
00:10:55,155 --> 00:10:57,449
Remember, pal, you have to look
where you're aiming

258
00:10:57,491 --> 00:10:59,326
- when you use the urinal.
- Why?

259
00:10:59,368 --> 00:11:02,204
Because if you keep hitting
the floor and the counter

260
00:11:02,245 --> 00:11:05,040
and the ceiling,
no girl's ever gonna marry you,

261
00:11:05,082 --> 00:11:06,642
and Mrs. Moskowitz
is gonna leave your daddy,

262
00:11:06,666 --> 00:11:08,168
so we'll both be alone.

263
00:11:08,210 --> 00:11:11,338
Hey. So, Mommy has
a new friend, huh?

264
00:11:11,380 --> 00:11:13,048
- Yeah.
- And you met him?

265
00:11:13,090 --> 00:11:14,633
- Yeah.
- Where?

266
00:11:14,674 --> 00:11:15,842
At the park.

267
00:11:17,886 --> 00:11:19,554
I thought you had to go
to the bathroom.

268
00:11:19,596 --> 00:11:21,598
Not fun now!

269
00:11:23,642 --> 00:11:26,645
- This one?
- Second wedding.

270
00:11:30,232 --> 00:11:33,235
- This one?
- Second wedding.

271
00:11:35,779 --> 00:11:37,280
- This one.
- Miriam, please.

272
00:11:37,322 --> 00:11:39,616
You can't wear white.
It's a second wedding.

273
00:11:39,658 --> 00:11:42,619
- You can wear champagne.
- I don't want to wear champagne.

274
00:11:42,661 --> 00:11:44,955
It's not a color. It's what
happens when white gets sad.

275
00:11:44,996 --> 00:11:48,083
Well, I'm sorry. Second weddings
are subtle, dignified.

276
00:11:48,125 --> 00:11:50,544
No big halls or lavish dinners.

277
00:11:50,585 --> 00:11:52,629
Second weddings mean 40 guests

278
00:11:52,671 --> 00:11:54,589
and a luncheon at home
with scrambled eggs.

279
00:11:54,631 --> 00:11:56,216
Wow.
What's the third wedding mean?

280
00:11:56,258 --> 00:11:57,676
Third wedding means I'm dead.

281
00:11:57,717 --> 00:11:59,719
- Can I wear white?
- Keep looking, please.

282
00:11:59,761 --> 00:12:01,521
There may not even be a wedding
at this rate.

283
00:12:01,555 --> 00:12:03,306
Papa still hasn't said yes.

284
00:12:03,348 --> 00:12:04,766
Plus, he said
if he does say yes,

285
00:12:04,808 --> 00:12:06,810
- he's not gonna pay for it.
- Yes, he will.

286
00:12:06,852 --> 00:12:09,563
He'll pay for a second wedding
here at home with scrambled...

287
00:12:09,604 --> 00:12:11,690
Scrambled eggs
and a champagne dress.

288
00:12:11,731 --> 00:12:13,459
Oh, now cheer up.
You can still give a toast.

289
00:12:13,483 --> 00:12:15,485
I know you have your heart set
on giving a toast.

290
00:12:15,527 --> 00:12:17,028
- How do you know that?
- Ladies.

291
00:12:17,070 --> 00:12:18,697
Papa. Hi!

292
00:12:18,738 --> 00:12:21,199
There's a sandwich for you
in the refrigerator, Abe.

293
00:12:21,241 --> 00:12:23,869
Papa? Hey, Papa?

294
00:12:23,910 --> 00:12:25,704
Papa? Papa?

295
00:12:25,745 --> 00:12:27,747
Miriam, do you get paid
by the "Papa"?

296
00:12:27,789 --> 00:12:29,916
No.

297
00:12:29,958 --> 00:12:33,003
- So, Papa...
- Pickles.

298
00:12:33,044 --> 00:12:35,130
I was just wondering
if you've thought any more

299
00:12:35,172 --> 00:12:36,673
about your talk with Benjamin?

300
00:12:36,715 --> 00:12:39,217
- No.
- No? Just no?

301
00:12:39,259 --> 00:12:41,428
No. Yes, no.

302
00:12:41,470 --> 00:12:44,097
Well, you know from experience,
the sooner you book a hall,

303
00:12:44,139 --> 00:12:45,557
the better deal you get.

304
00:12:45,599 --> 00:12:47,392
No hall! Second wedding!

305
00:12:47,434 --> 00:12:49,352
I do not have an answer yet.

306
00:12:49,394 --> 00:12:52,022
Well, is there anything
you want to talk about with me?

307
00:12:52,063 --> 00:12:54,232
- No.
- Anything I can tell you?

308
00:12:54,274 --> 00:12:56,735
- No. Wait. Yes.
- Great. What?

309
00:12:56,776 --> 00:12:58,737
Do you ever call him Ben?

310
00:12:58,778 --> 00:13:00,739
- No.
- Benny?

311
00:13:00,780 --> 00:13:02,824
- No.
- Dr. Ben?

312
00:13:02,866 --> 00:13:04,784
- No.
- Okay.

313
00:13:04,826 --> 00:13:06,912
Thank you for that information.

314
00:13:06,953 --> 00:13:09,915
Papa? Papa...

315
00:13:09,956 --> 00:13:12,375
For a woman who wants to make
her fortune on the stage,

316
00:13:12,417 --> 00:13:14,252
you have
an extremely limited vocabulary.

317
00:13:14,294 --> 00:13:15,837
Why won't you give
your permission?

318
00:13:15,879 --> 00:13:17,672
I didn't say
I wouldn't give my permission.

319
00:13:17,714 --> 00:13:19,341
I just said
I haven't decided yet.

320
00:13:19,382 --> 00:13:20,926
Well, what's taking you so long?

321
00:13:20,967 --> 00:13:22,886
I have to run his numbers again.

322
00:13:22,928 --> 00:13:24,513
I don't think
his figures add up.

323
00:13:24,554 --> 00:13:26,181
It's not fair to make him wait.

324
00:13:26,223 --> 00:13:27,891
Well, if he doesn't like it,

325
00:13:27,933 --> 00:13:30,310
he can go ahead and marry you
without my permission.

326
00:13:30,352 --> 00:13:32,062
Joel did.
That turned out great.

327
00:13:32,103 --> 00:13:34,606
Forget it.

328
00:13:34,648 --> 00:13:36,483
When I've decided, you'll know.

329
00:13:36,525 --> 00:13:38,527
- Fine.
- I'll send up a flare.

330
00:13:38,568 --> 00:13:40,570
Super.

331
00:13:40,612 --> 00:13:42,489
Miriam, wait.

332
00:13:42,531 --> 00:13:44,866
I need to ask you something.

333
00:13:47,911 --> 00:13:50,455
What did you say in Washington?

334
00:13:50,497 --> 00:13:52,582
What did I say about what?

335
00:13:52,624 --> 00:13:55,502
In your club date...
what did you say about...

336
00:13:55,544 --> 00:13:57,212
about me?

337
00:13:57,254 --> 00:13:59,214
Papa, I swear,
that night in the Catskills

338
00:13:59,256 --> 00:14:01,466
was a total
and complete anomaly.

339
00:14:01,508 --> 00:14:03,802
- So you didn't talk about me at all?
- I did not.

340
00:14:03,843 --> 00:14:06,221
Cross my heart and swear to God
on the life of my kids.

341
00:14:06,263 --> 00:14:08,557
- Oh, wait.
- You did talk about me.

342
00:14:08,598 --> 00:14:10,350
- Just a little.
- What did you say?

343
00:14:10,392 --> 00:14:12,936
- It's very important that I know.
- I said,

344
00:14:12,978 --> 00:14:14,580
"Is Senator Kennedy
running for president?

345
00:14:14,604 --> 00:14:16,523
"It's up to Jackie.
You know she wears the pants

346
00:14:16,565 --> 00:14:18,358
- in that family."
- No, she doesn't.

347
00:14:18,400 --> 00:14:19,835
Well, I haven't gotten
to the part about the linen.

348
00:14:19,859 --> 00:14:21,254
- What linen?
- Her pants are linen.

349
00:14:21,278 --> 00:14:23,113
- Who cares what fabric they are?
- No.

350
00:14:23,154 --> 00:14:25,657
The whole point of the bit is
she wears linen pants,

351
00:14:25,699 --> 00:14:27,450
and they wrinkle
while you're ironing them.

352
00:14:27,492 --> 00:14:30,078
You know, you don't seem to be
getting any better at this.

353
00:14:30,120 --> 00:14:31,871
- Let me start again.
- Please don't.

354
00:14:31,913 --> 00:14:33,915
Just skip to the part about me.

355
00:14:33,957 --> 00:14:37,377
I said, I found you listening
to my four-year-old's record,

356
00:14:37,419 --> 00:14:39,671
a song about teaching yourself

357
00:14:39,713 --> 00:14:41,857
to wipe your, uh... tushie,
after going to the bathroom,

358
00:14:41,881 --> 00:14:44,217
and you said you were listening
to it, because at work,

359
00:14:44,259 --> 00:14:46,011
you're trying
to teach a computer to sing.

360
00:14:46,052 --> 00:14:49,472
And what was the punch line?

361
00:14:49,514 --> 00:14:51,808
Now I'm wondering,
does my father not know

362
00:14:51,850 --> 00:14:53,810
- how to go to the bathroom?
- Okay.

363
00:14:53,852 --> 00:14:55,812
- And if that's true, who taught me?
- I get it.

364
00:14:55,854 --> 00:14:57,790
- Because my mother never goes to the bathroom.
- That's enough.

365
00:14:57,814 --> 00:14:59,566
- I heard my name!
- No, you didn't.

366
00:14:59,608 --> 00:15:01,860
What else did you say?
About Bell Labs?

367
00:15:01,901 --> 00:15:04,446
- About the work there?
- Nothing.

368
00:15:04,487 --> 00:15:06,698
No specifics about what I do?

369
00:15:06,740 --> 00:15:09,117
I don't know what you do.
I've never known what you do.

370
00:15:09,159 --> 00:15:11,661
Most of the time, I have no idea
what you're talking about.

371
00:15:11,703 --> 00:15:14,122
I have no idea why we're having
this conversation right now.

372
00:15:14,164 --> 00:15:16,124
All right.

373
00:15:16,166 --> 00:15:18,168
I believe you.

374
00:15:25,091 --> 00:15:27,427
We haven't finished
our Benjamin conversation yet.

375
00:15:27,469 --> 00:15:29,179
- Yes, we have.
- I want an answer.

376
00:15:29,220 --> 00:15:31,598
- Okay. No.
- You're right. Take your time.

377
00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:36,269
- What do you think?
- I think it's a piece of shit.

378
00:15:36,311 --> 00:15:38,980
That's the eighth chair
you said was a piece of shit.

379
00:15:39,022 --> 00:15:41,524
I believe all eight are
genuinely a piece of shit.

380
00:15:41,566 --> 00:15:44,277
Jackie, we can't throw out
every fucking chair.

381
00:15:44,319 --> 00:15:46,696
Now, just tell me, what can
you fix and what can't you fix?

382
00:15:46,738 --> 00:15:48,448
- Fix?
- Repair.

383
00:15:48,490 --> 00:15:50,325
- Me?
- Yeah, you.

384
00:15:50,367 --> 00:15:52,035
Who told you
I can fix anything?

385
00:15:52,077 --> 00:15:53,703
I thought you were a carpenter.

386
00:15:53,745 --> 00:15:55,413
Who the fuck told you that?

387
00:15:55,455 --> 00:15:57,582
Isn't that what you did
before you worked here?

388
00:15:57,624 --> 00:16:00,251
No! Oh, wait.

389
00:16:00,293 --> 00:16:03,088
Yes, I did. I am a carpenter.

390
00:16:03,129 --> 00:16:05,423
So can you fix these?

391
00:16:05,465 --> 00:16:07,217
Absolutely.

392
00:16:09,010 --> 00:16:10,679
What?

393
00:16:10,720 --> 00:16:13,765
I just... Never mind.

394
00:16:17,102 --> 00:16:18,561
Gaslight.

395
00:16:18,603 --> 00:16:20,313
- Susie Myerson?
- Yeah?

396
00:16:20,355 --> 00:16:22,190
I'm calling
on behalf of Sophie Lennon.

397
00:16:22,232 --> 00:16:24,192
- Oh, shit.
- Excuse me?

398
00:16:24,234 --> 00:16:28,071
I, um... I'm bleeding.
Uh, could I call you back?

399
00:16:28,113 --> 00:16:29,656
Miss Lennon
requests your presence

400
00:16:29,698 --> 00:16:31,866
at her house this Friday,
1:00 sharp.

401
00:16:31,908 --> 00:16:33,326
- What? Why?
- She is requesting it.

402
00:16:33,368 --> 00:16:34,994
Friday, 1:00 sharp.

403
00:16:35,036 --> 00:16:36,746
Uh, Friday's not really good
for me.

404
00:16:36,788 --> 00:16:38,707
My mistake.
She is demanding your presence

405
00:16:38,748 --> 00:16:40,709
at her house Friday, 1:00 sharp.

406
00:16:40,750 --> 00:16:42,585
- But...
- 215 East 98th Street.

407
00:16:42,627 --> 00:16:44,796
Eat before you come.
Lunch will not be served.

408
00:16:44,838 --> 00:16:46,172
Wait!

409
00:16:50,051 --> 00:16:52,053
That was Sophie Lennon
summoning me to her house.

410
00:16:52,095 --> 00:16:54,222
Can you believe that?
After what Harry Drake did?

411
00:16:54,264 --> 00:16:56,391
After what she did to Midge?
Is she crazy?

412
00:16:56,433 --> 00:16:58,601
- You got to go.
- What do you mean, I got to go?

413
00:16:58,643 --> 00:17:00,395
- No way.
- You fucked up.

414
00:17:00,437 --> 00:17:02,522
You went off,
you made things worse.

415
00:17:02,564 --> 00:17:06,651
Now you got to go eat some shit
to make things right for Midge.

416
00:17:06,693 --> 00:17:07,920
Midge wouldn't want me
to eat shit.

417
00:17:07,944 --> 00:17:09,612
Doesn't matter what she wants.

418
00:17:09,654 --> 00:17:12,490
You're the manager. You go to do
what's best for your client.

419
00:17:12,532 --> 00:17:14,659
I don't like this side
of you, Jackie.

420
00:17:14,701 --> 00:17:17,036
- What side?
- Rational. It's freaking me out.

421
00:17:17,078 --> 00:17:21,166
Look, one thing I know about,
even more than carpentry,

422
00:17:21,207 --> 00:17:24,002
and this is
from personal experience...

423
00:17:24,043 --> 00:17:27,380
in life, sometimes you got
to eat a whole lot of shit.

424
00:17:27,422 --> 00:17:30,842
Piles of it.
More shit than you can imagine.

425
00:17:30,884 --> 00:17:33,970
If you took a pack of wolves
with stomach issues,

426
00:17:34,012 --> 00:17:36,097
and locked them
in your apartment for a month,

427
00:17:36,139 --> 00:17:38,016
and then came home with a spoon,

428
00:17:38,057 --> 00:17:40,435
that's the amount of shit
I'm talking about.

429
00:17:40,477 --> 00:17:42,020
Thank you for the vivid imagery.

430
00:17:42,061 --> 00:17:44,397
Life is basically
an all-you-can-eat shit show.

431
00:17:44,439 --> 00:17:46,941
- You're disgusting.
- Yup, but I'm right.

432
00:17:49,861 --> 00:17:53,114
Hey, I fixed it.
How the fuck do you like that?

433
00:17:57,076 --> 00:17:59,913
Joel? It's me. Can I come in?

434
00:18:03,958 --> 00:18:05,710
Hi. Sorry I'm late.

435
00:18:05,752 --> 00:18:07,086
Ethan, grab your bag.

436
00:18:07,128 --> 00:18:08,838
- Your mother's here.
- Everything okay?

437
00:18:08,880 --> 00:18:10,274
You were supposed
to be here at 6:00.

438
00:18:10,298 --> 00:18:11,800
I know. I'm sorry.

439
00:18:11,841 --> 00:18:13,468
They are both fed,
but Ethan's decided

440
00:18:13,510 --> 00:18:15,613
he wants an additional
bedtime meal, so you figure out

441
00:18:15,637 --> 00:18:18,056
what the hell that means
so I can be prepared next time.

442
00:18:18,097 --> 00:18:19,599
- Joel...
- Bye, pal.

443
00:18:19,641 --> 00:18:21,643
- See you in a few days.
- Joel, what's the matter?

444
00:18:21,684 --> 00:18:23,412
- Nothing.
- Why are you giving me the brush-off?

445
00:18:23,436 --> 00:18:25,063
I'm not giving you
the brush-off.

446
00:18:25,104 --> 00:18:27,190
I have to work, you have to go.
Case closed.

447
00:18:27,232 --> 00:18:29,108
Okay, but...

448
00:18:29,150 --> 00:18:31,778
Okay, I'll drop them off
on Friday.

449
00:18:31,820 --> 00:18:33,822
- Yup.
- Come on.

450
00:18:35,615 --> 00:18:38,701
I heard about Ethan meeting
your new friend at the park.

451
00:18:38,743 --> 00:18:42,330
- Oh, Joel...
- You know, I have friends, too.

452
00:18:42,372 --> 00:18:44,916
Maybe I should introduce them
to the kids at the park.

453
00:18:44,958 --> 00:18:46,835
I'm sorry. It was a mistake.

454
00:18:46,876 --> 00:18:48,920
Mama told him we were there.
I didn't invite him.

455
00:18:48,962 --> 00:18:50,380
Those are my children, Midge.

456
00:18:50,421 --> 00:18:52,090
I have a right
to know who's meeting them.

457
00:18:52,131 --> 00:18:53,984
- I agree. I told him that.
- Oh, you did? When?

458
00:18:54,008 --> 00:18:56,386
When he showed up. I told him
that you didn't know about it,

459
00:18:56,427 --> 00:18:58,280
and I needed to tell you
before I introduced them.

460
00:18:58,304 --> 00:18:59,681
This is bullshit.

461
00:18:59,722 --> 00:19:02,016
- I thought we were playing nice.
- We are.

462
00:19:02,058 --> 00:19:03,726
My kids!

463
00:19:03,768 --> 00:19:05,603
Mine! I should be informed

464
00:19:05,645 --> 00:19:07,522
before you hand them over
to another man.

465
00:19:07,564 --> 00:19:09,774
I didn't hand them over
to another man.

466
00:19:09,816 --> 00:19:12,110
He showed up by accident.
It was not intentional.

467
00:19:12,151 --> 00:19:14,028
Don't make this a thing.

468
00:19:14,070 --> 00:19:16,364
It is a thing!
It's a big fu...

469
00:19:17,824 --> 00:19:19,909
I have to work.
You have to go.

470
00:19:19,951 --> 00:19:21,369
You're being unreasonable.

471
00:19:21,411 --> 00:19:23,454
Oh, am I?
Well, you should leave me then.

472
00:19:23,496 --> 00:19:24,873
Oh, wait.

473
00:19:24,914 --> 00:19:27,041
I didn't leave you. You left me!

474
00:19:27,083 --> 00:19:29,460
And then you left me back!
Figuratively speaking.

475
00:19:29,502 --> 00:19:31,337
- Bye.
- Bye!

476
00:19:35,341 --> 00:19:38,136
We used a urinal.

477
00:19:38,177 --> 00:19:40,346
She's got a friend,
a fucking...

478
00:19:40,388 --> 00:19:42,348
- friend!
- I hate friends.

479
00:19:42,390 --> 00:19:44,142
Kids have all sorts of friends.

480
00:19:44,183 --> 00:19:46,227
"Come meet my kids.
We're in the park."

481
00:19:46,269 --> 00:19:48,938
Three kids.
It's a lot of friends.

482
00:19:48,980 --> 00:19:50,481
They're my kids, asshole.

483
00:19:50,523 --> 00:19:52,025
My kids!

484
00:19:52,066 --> 00:19:54,152
Your two kids.
I've got three.

485
00:19:54,193 --> 00:19:57,280
Three kids, same income!

486
00:19:57,322 --> 00:19:58,907
"It was an accident."

487
00:19:58,948 --> 00:20:00,491
Accident, my ass.

488
00:20:00,533 --> 00:20:02,452
Accidents happen all the time,

489
00:20:02,493 --> 00:20:06,247
especially after four Rob Roys,
hence... three kids!

490
00:20:06,289 --> 00:20:08,458
You know what? I'm done.

491
00:20:08,499 --> 00:20:12,045
Me, too. I don't care
what Imogene's mother says.

492
00:20:13,630 --> 00:20:16,591
I know I fucked up, okay?

493
00:20:16,633 --> 00:20:19,594
I fucked up! I get it!

494
00:20:19,636 --> 00:20:21,721
And I've been paying
for it for a year.

495
00:20:21,763 --> 00:20:23,348
No more.

496
00:20:23,389 --> 00:20:25,350
She wants to live her life?
Great.

497
00:20:25,391 --> 00:20:26,851
I get to live mine, too.

498
00:20:26,893 --> 00:20:29,395
Well, someone should,
'cause it won't be me.

499
00:20:29,437 --> 00:20:31,189
Three kids!

500
00:20:31,230 --> 00:20:33,250
My mother of all people... she
told me to stop waiting around.

501
00:20:33,274 --> 00:20:35,568
Well, here you go, Ma. You win!

502
00:20:35,610 --> 00:20:37,278
Mothers always win.

503
00:20:37,320 --> 00:20:39,197
Three kids!

504
00:20:39,238 --> 00:20:41,407
She's not the only one
who gets a dream.

505
00:20:41,449 --> 00:20:43,368
I'm gonna have a dream.

506
00:20:43,409 --> 00:20:45,620
My dream?

507
00:20:45,662 --> 00:20:48,206
A really empty house.

508
00:20:54,671 --> 00:20:57,215
You know, when I was a kid,

509
00:20:57,256 --> 00:20:59,217
there was this place
down by the tracks.

510
00:20:59,258 --> 00:21:00,927
A real shithole gin joint.

511
00:21:00,969 --> 00:21:02,637
The place barely had a roof,

512
00:21:02,679 --> 00:21:04,615
- but they got some great musicians to play there.
- Yeah?

513
00:21:04,639 --> 00:21:06,391
Louis Armstrong
stopped by one night.

514
00:21:06,432 --> 00:21:08,309
Blew the fucking roof
off the place.

515
00:21:08,351 --> 00:21:10,979
The owner, Mario...
he let me hang out there.

516
00:21:11,020 --> 00:21:13,356
Threw me a couple of bucks
if I ran errands,

517
00:21:13,398 --> 00:21:15,108
bought the guys cigarettes,

518
00:21:15,149 --> 00:21:17,568
hauled some beer crates
out of the cellar.

519
00:21:18,778 --> 00:21:20,780
I loved that place.

520
00:21:24,492 --> 00:21:26,327
Maybe it wasn't the comedy.

521
00:21:26,369 --> 00:21:28,079
What do you mean?

522
00:21:28,121 --> 00:21:31,499
Clearly, I'm not funny,
but maybe it was the club life,

523
00:21:31,541 --> 00:21:33,251
the club scene,
maybe that's what I loved.

524
00:21:33,292 --> 00:21:35,420
I have to say,
I always thought you were funny.

525
00:21:35,461 --> 00:21:37,046
- Archie.
- You always make me laugh.

526
00:21:37,088 --> 00:21:39,132
Your impression
of your Uncle Moe slays me.

527
00:21:39,173 --> 00:21:41,426
I'm talking professional funny.

528
00:21:41,467 --> 00:21:43,052
Midge funny.

529
00:21:43,094 --> 00:21:45,555
Oh. Well, yeah,
you're definitely not that.

530
00:21:46,806 --> 00:21:48,808
I think I'm gonna do it.

531
00:21:48,850 --> 00:21:51,811
I think I'm gonna open a club.

532
00:22:03,531 --> 00:22:06,492
I guess now we have
to pick up all those balls?

533
00:22:06,534 --> 00:22:08,286
Yup.

534
00:22:08,327 --> 00:22:10,431
Probably should have thought
about that before we started.

535
00:22:10,455 --> 00:22:13,624
So many things we should have
thought about before we started.

536
00:22:31,350 --> 00:22:36,189
Charles, I'd like to talk to you
in the secure room... now.

537
00:22:42,445 --> 00:22:45,656
I'm very busy, Abe, so
we'll need to make this brief.

538
00:22:45,698 --> 00:22:49,035
I talked to my daughter Miriam
about your concerns,

539
00:22:49,077 --> 00:22:50,661
and I can assure you...

540
00:22:52,330 --> 00:22:53,831
Abe, you remember
Martin Cummings.

541
00:22:53,873 --> 00:22:55,559
He's with our Government
Liaison Department.

542
00:22:55,583 --> 00:22:57,585
- Hello, Abe.
- Yes, hello, Martin.

543
00:22:57,627 --> 00:22:59,712
But, Charles, we don't need...

544
00:22:59,754 --> 00:23:03,049
Abe, you remember Bob Jackson,
head of our in-house counsel.

545
00:23:03,091 --> 00:23:04,592
Yes. Hello, Bob.

546
00:23:04,634 --> 00:23:06,844
But, Charles, what I want
to say doesn't require...

547
00:23:08,513 --> 00:23:10,765
And, of course,
Devlin Mclaine, obviously.

548
00:23:10,807 --> 00:23:12,266
He's here as a witness.

549
00:23:15,603 --> 00:23:17,605
They must have buzzed
the wrong room.

550
00:23:19,315 --> 00:23:21,526
We're done.

551
00:23:21,567 --> 00:23:24,278
Okay. As I was saying,

552
00:23:24,320 --> 00:23:26,739
I talked to Miriam,
and she told me...

553
00:23:33,037 --> 00:23:36,249
She did not say anything

554
00:23:36,290 --> 00:23:39,377
about any project
we are working on here.

555
00:23:39,418 --> 00:23:41,170
She made a joke

556
00:23:41,212 --> 00:23:44,632
about the record I was playing
at home, and that is all.

557
00:23:44,674 --> 00:23:46,050
She's a comedian.

558
00:23:46,092 --> 00:23:48,136
They humiliate their families
onstage.

559
00:23:48,177 --> 00:23:50,012
That's their job.

560
00:23:50,054 --> 00:23:51,931
So, no harm was done.

561
00:23:51,973 --> 00:23:54,725
Okay?

562
00:23:54,767 --> 00:23:56,727
We don't see it that way, Abe.

563
00:23:56,769 --> 00:23:58,688
Clearly, she knew
you were working on something.

564
00:23:58,729 --> 00:24:01,232
- I'm always working on something.
- At the very least,

565
00:24:01,274 --> 00:24:02,751
- you were extremely...
- Loose-lipped.

566
00:24:02,775 --> 00:24:04,455
Extremely loose-lipped
about the situation.

567
00:24:04,485 --> 00:24:06,529
- We don't like loose lips.
- They sink ships.

568
00:24:06,571 --> 00:24:08,239
I've heard the phrase.

569
00:24:08,281 --> 00:24:10,259
Why were you even
listening to this album at home?

570
00:24:10,283 --> 00:24:11,576
Don't you have access
to a bunker

571
00:24:11,617 --> 00:24:13,119
or a bomb shelter of some sort?

572
00:24:13,161 --> 00:24:14,871
You can't be serious.

573
00:24:14,912 --> 00:24:16,557
You played the album
in front of your daughter.

574
00:24:16,581 --> 00:24:18,708
You then confirmed to her
that you were indeed working

575
00:24:18,749 --> 00:24:20,585
on a Bell Labs
government project.

576
00:24:20,626 --> 00:24:22,266
That alone puts you
in breach of contract.

577
00:24:22,295 --> 00:24:24,005
So, not only are you
a security risk,

578
00:24:24,046 --> 00:24:25,381
your daughter is one as well.

579
00:24:25,423 --> 00:24:26,567
She might want
to retain a lawyer.

580
00:24:26,591 --> 00:24:28,467
- A good one.
- She's a comedian.

581
00:24:28,509 --> 00:24:29,886
And a girl.

582
00:24:29,927 --> 00:24:32,305
What kind of risk
could she possibly be?

583
00:24:32,346 --> 00:24:34,390
If I told you that,
then I would be a security risk.

584
00:24:34,432 --> 00:24:37,059
And if I listen to that,
then I would be a security risk.

585
00:24:37,101 --> 00:24:39,562
You came to me, remember?

586
00:24:39,604 --> 00:24:43,191
You came to Columbia
and-and begged me to come here

587
00:24:43,232 --> 00:24:44,775
and give you my expertise.

588
00:24:44,817 --> 00:24:46,110
And I did.

589
00:24:46,152 --> 00:24:48,279
And now you treat me
like a criminal?

590
00:24:48,321 --> 00:24:52,366
Well, I can take that expertise
back as fast as I gave it.

591
00:24:52,408 --> 00:24:53,784
Think about that.

592
00:24:53,826 --> 00:24:55,220
You signed away
your intellectual property

593
00:24:55,244 --> 00:24:56,662
when you signed your contract.

594
00:24:56,704 --> 00:24:58,164
We own your expertise.

595
00:24:58,206 --> 00:24:59,999
You can't own my expertise!

596
00:25:00,041 --> 00:25:01,167
It's mine!

597
00:25:01,209 --> 00:25:03,961
I think you should leave now.

598
00:25:09,884 --> 00:25:12,345
When I was a young man,

599
00:25:12,386 --> 00:25:15,348
I marched against people
like you.

600
00:25:15,389 --> 00:25:20,186
People in coats
with tags and secret bunkers.

601
00:25:20,228 --> 00:25:22,688
I was gonna fight you,
bring you down,

602
00:25:22,730 --> 00:25:24,440
make the world a better place.

603
00:25:24,482 --> 00:25:27,693
I don't know how I got
so far off that track,

604
00:25:27,735 --> 00:25:29,695
but you better believe
I am going

605
00:25:29,737 --> 00:25:32,448
to start retracing my steps
right now.

606
00:25:32,490 --> 00:25:35,701
And if you ever threaten
my daughter again,

607
00:25:35,743 --> 00:25:37,703
I will punch you
right in the nose.

608
00:25:37,745 --> 00:25:39,705
It won't hurt.
I'm not strong.

609
00:25:39,747 --> 00:25:42,458
But, at the very least,
you will be embarrassed

610
00:25:42,500 --> 00:25:46,545
that you got punched in the nose
by a not-strong mathematician.

611
00:25:46,587 --> 00:25:49,465
You really want to mess with me?

612
00:25:49,507 --> 00:25:51,300
Go ahead.

613
00:25:51,342 --> 00:25:53,135
Take your best shot.

614
00:25:53,177 --> 00:25:58,724
And then you will find out what
Abe Weissman is truly made of.

615
00:26:03,980 --> 00:26:06,691
You're going
to have to buzz me out.

616
00:26:10,903 --> 00:26:13,614
- It's a girl!
- It's a girl.

617
00:26:13,656 --> 00:26:15,116
Oh! Can I hug you?

618
00:26:15,157 --> 00:26:16,367
I just had a shot.

619
00:26:16,409 --> 00:26:18,035
Congratulations.

620
00:26:18,077 --> 00:26:19,954
Millie. We called her Millie.

621
00:26:19,996 --> 00:26:21,807
- Aw.
- Millicent, after Archie's someone or other.

622
00:26:21,831 --> 00:26:23,791
But Millicent, ugh. So, Millie!

623
00:26:23,833 --> 00:26:25,543
Millie is beautiful.

624
00:26:25,584 --> 00:26:27,545
What's he doing there?

625
00:26:27,586 --> 00:26:28,689
He was so nervous that Joel

626
00:26:28,713 --> 00:26:29,898
took him to a bar to relax him

627
00:26:29,922 --> 00:26:30,941
and brought him back like that.

628
00:26:30,965 --> 00:26:32,565
He fell and got
two stitches in his head.

629
00:26:32,591 --> 00:26:33,551
He just doesn't know it yet.

630
00:26:33,592 --> 00:26:35,219
With Esther, Joel broke an arm.

631
00:26:35,261 --> 00:26:37,305
Men are really terrible at this.

632
00:26:37,346 --> 00:26:38,889
You want to see her?

633
00:26:38,931 --> 00:26:41,183
Well, I certainly didn't
come here to see you.

634
00:26:42,768 --> 00:26:45,730
- Oh, Imogene, she's perfect.
- Isn't she?

635
00:26:45,771 --> 00:26:47,982
- Boy or girl?
- Girl.

636
00:26:48,024 --> 00:26:50,318
Girl? Really?

637
00:26:50,359 --> 00:26:51,628
You knew that, Archie.

638
00:26:51,652 --> 00:26:54,322
- Can I hold her?
- Well, someone should.

639
00:26:55,865 --> 00:26:57,950
Hello, Millie.

640
00:26:57,992 --> 00:26:59,410
Millie? Really?

641
00:26:59,452 --> 00:27:00,578
You named her, Archie.

642
00:27:00,619 --> 00:27:02,330
I'm Miriam.

643
00:27:02,371 --> 00:27:04,332
You can call me Midge.

644
00:27:04,373 --> 00:27:06,625
We're gonna be great friends.

645
00:27:06,667 --> 00:27:08,419
Hey, don't I have
an Aunt Millicent?

646
00:27:08,461 --> 00:27:10,212
Go get some coffee, Archie.

647
00:27:10,254 --> 00:27:13,215
See, now, if for some reason
things don't work out

648
00:27:13,257 --> 00:27:15,968
with Ethan and Estelle,
then he can marry Millie.

649
00:27:16,010 --> 00:27:17,303
Her first hand-me-down.

650
00:27:17,345 --> 00:27:18,637
Hey, what happened to my head?

651
00:27:18,679 --> 00:27:21,057
Oh, Midge, you have got
to have another baby.

652
00:27:21,098 --> 00:27:23,267
- We always have them together.
- I know.

653
00:27:23,309 --> 00:27:24,685
Don't you want another one?

654
00:27:24,727 --> 00:27:26,937
Well, I have
two pretty good ones right now.

655
00:27:26,979 --> 00:27:28,606
I know.
But when they're new...

656
00:27:28,647 --> 00:27:30,191
Fresh out of the drawer...

657
00:27:30,232 --> 00:27:31,442
There's nothing like it.

658
00:27:31,484 --> 00:27:32,610
Do I have stitches?

659
00:27:32,651 --> 00:27:33,861
Archie, coffee.

660
00:27:33,903 --> 00:27:35,863
Okay.

661
00:27:35,905 --> 00:27:37,782
So...

662
00:27:37,823 --> 00:27:39,283
tell me where you stand.

663
00:27:39,325 --> 00:27:41,035
- What do you mean?
- Benjamin.

664
00:27:41,077 --> 00:27:44,038
Is he in or out? Because,
on paper, he seems perfect.

665
00:27:44,080 --> 00:27:45,581
Off paper, too.

666
00:27:45,623 --> 00:27:46,999
If you hurry and get married,

667
00:27:47,041 --> 00:27:49,186
we can still take our stroller
walks in the park together.

668
00:27:49,210 --> 00:27:51,003
Oh, I love those walks.

669
00:27:51,045 --> 00:27:53,214
One more peek.

670
00:27:54,673 --> 00:27:56,801
Hi, Midge.

671
00:27:56,842 --> 00:27:59,470
I'm getting, uh...

672
00:27:59,512 --> 00:28:01,138
uh...

673
00:28:01,180 --> 00:28:03,933
Huh.

674
00:28:05,643 --> 00:28:08,437
That's your daddy.

675
00:28:10,481 --> 00:28:11,982
No, but my wife is great.

676
00:28:12,024 --> 00:28:14,610
But, get this,
she's jealous of our toilet,

677
00:28:14,652 --> 00:28:18,531
because I spend more time on it
than I do on her.

678
00:28:18,572 --> 00:28:21,200
She says I should be
more attentive in bed.

679
00:28:21,242 --> 00:28:23,869
Now, I'm in bed.
I'm not fast asleep.

680
00:28:23,911 --> 00:28:26,038
I'd say that's
pretty damn attentive.

681
00:28:26,080 --> 00:28:28,624
Of course, it doesn't help much
that I'm going bald on top.

682
00:28:28,666 --> 00:28:31,043
But I got hair growing out
of the tops of my toes.

683
00:28:31,085 --> 00:28:33,796
- You want a drink?
- I'm good.

684
00:28:33,838 --> 00:28:35,965
This guy's nothing.
You can beat him.

685
00:28:36,006 --> 00:28:37,633
It's not a competition.

686
00:28:37,675 --> 00:28:39,802
Well, yeah, it kind of is.

687
00:28:39,844 --> 00:28:41,387
You gonna do the shopping bit?

688
00:28:41,429 --> 00:28:42,805
It's not ready yet.

689
00:28:42,847 --> 00:28:44,557
I thought it went good
the other night.

690
00:28:44,598 --> 00:28:45,891
It's not ready.

691
00:28:45,933 --> 00:28:47,309
Okay.

692
00:28:47,351 --> 00:28:49,061
Here's the thing, a penis is...

693
00:28:49,103 --> 00:28:50,479
- You have a thread...
- I got it.

694
00:28:50,521 --> 00:28:52,481
- You're up next.
- Finally.

695
00:28:52,523 --> 00:28:55,067
Now, you're not gonna go after
any of my guys tonight, right?

696
00:28:55,109 --> 00:28:57,153
- You're gonna be a good girl?
- "Good girl"?

697
00:28:57,194 --> 00:28:58,422
What are you,
her kindergarten teacher?

698
00:28:58,446 --> 00:28:59,822
Hey, I wasn't talking to you.

699
00:28:59,864 --> 00:29:01,574
I'm her manager
and I get ten percent

700
00:29:01,615 --> 00:29:03,927
precisely to tell you she can do
whatever the fuck she wants.

701
00:29:03,951 --> 00:29:06,162
I'm not gonna go after any
of your guys. I promise.

702
00:29:06,203 --> 00:29:07,663
Okay. Let's go.

703
00:29:07,705 --> 00:29:09,582
Thank you. I'm Miles Shapiro.

704
00:29:09,623 --> 00:29:12,418
I'll be at the Trap in Hoboken
for a full week in December,

705
00:29:12,460 --> 00:29:15,254
so hop on the HandM, come on out,
and keep me company!

706
00:29:15,296 --> 00:29:16,255
Good night, everybody!

707
00:29:19,300 --> 00:29:21,510
Next up onto the stage,

708
00:29:21,552 --> 00:29:23,429
a pretty lady with a lot to say.

709
00:29:23,471 --> 00:29:26,182
Ladies and gentlemen,
Mrs. Maisel.

710
00:29:26,223 --> 00:29:27,951
Hey, wait.
We didn't do "Tits up."

711
00:29:27,975 --> 00:29:30,519
- Tits up.
- Tits...

712
00:29:30,561 --> 00:29:32,354
Good evening, everyone.

713
00:29:32,396 --> 00:29:34,940
I'm Mrs. Maisel.
It's great to be here at...

714
00:29:34,982 --> 00:29:37,610
Wait, where are we? Oh, right.

715
00:29:37,651 --> 00:29:41,363
In that case,
it's just okay to be here.

716
00:29:41,405 --> 00:29:42,948
It's better than traffic.

717
00:29:42,990 --> 00:29:44,783
Or prison.
Well, maybe not traffic.

718
00:29:44,825 --> 00:29:48,037
Prison has less angry people
screaming.

719
00:29:48,078 --> 00:29:49,473
I almost didn't make it here
at all.

720
00:29:49,497 --> 00:29:51,707
My best friend Imogene
just had a baby.

721
00:29:51,749 --> 00:29:53,626
A little girl.

722
00:29:53,667 --> 00:29:55,377
She's adorable.

723
00:29:55,419 --> 00:29:58,214
Still has the cute little
forceps dent in her head.

724
00:29:58,255 --> 00:30:01,050
And I sat there
in that hospital room thinking

725
00:30:01,091 --> 00:30:03,719
about all the things this little
girl has to look forward to:

726
00:30:03,761 --> 00:30:05,554
roller skates,

727
00:30:05,596 --> 00:30:06,972
jump rope,

728
00:30:07,014 --> 00:30:08,974
cramps,

729
00:30:09,016 --> 00:30:12,144
and one day getting pregnant
and having her own baby.

730
00:30:12,186 --> 00:30:14,331
And I started really thinking
about the whole pregnancy thing.

731
00:30:14,355 --> 00:30:16,398
I mean, okay, you have sex.

732
00:30:16,440 --> 00:30:17,816
Nice.

733
00:30:17,858 --> 00:30:20,152
You get pregnant. Nice.

734
00:30:20,194 --> 00:30:22,738
You let a human being grow
inside your stomach

735
00:30:22,780 --> 00:30:26,408
for nine months
till it's six to 12 pounds large

736
00:30:26,450 --> 00:30:28,035
and then you give it
an escape route

737
00:30:28,077 --> 00:30:29,370
the size of a change purse.

738
00:30:29,411 --> 00:30:30,829
And-and not a normal

739
00:30:30,871 --> 00:30:32,516
"I'm going to the market"
sized change purse,

740
00:30:32,540 --> 00:30:35,501
with room for cash and
a Diners Club card, but a tiny

741
00:30:35,543 --> 00:30:37,169
little "I'm going out
for the evening,

742
00:30:37,211 --> 00:30:39,338
I just need lipstick"
change purse.

743
00:30:39,380 --> 00:30:42,132
Who agreed to this?

744
00:30:42,174 --> 00:30:43,801
Who, in the beginning,

745
00:30:43,842 --> 00:30:46,637
when it was getting sorted out,
negotiated this deal?

746
00:30:46,679 --> 00:30:48,138
Was it Eve?

747
00:30:48,180 --> 00:30:50,724
No. I bet it was Adam.

748
00:30:50,766 --> 00:30:53,060
He hadn't eaten
from the Tree of Knowledge yet,

749
00:30:53,102 --> 00:30:55,271
so he was just like,
"Yeah, that'll fit."

750
00:30:55,312 --> 00:30:57,606
See, the thing I know the most
about pregnancy

751
00:30:57,648 --> 00:30:59,626
- is that there is absolutely...
- Okay, okay, okay!

752
00:30:59,650 --> 00:31:02,945
Ladies and gentlemen,
Mrs. Maisel!

753
00:31:04,863 --> 00:31:06,091
All right,
we're gonna take a short break.

754
00:31:06,115 --> 00:31:09,493
But, uh, a lot more comedy ahead
of you, so get ready!

755
00:31:09,535 --> 00:31:11,745
Are you crazy?
You can't say that onstage.

756
00:31:11,787 --> 00:31:13,581
Say what, "change purse"?

757
00:31:13,622 --> 00:31:15,416
- What the fuck, Bobby?
- "Pregnant."

758
00:31:15,457 --> 00:31:17,334
I can't say "pregnant"?
Are you kidding?

759
00:31:17,376 --> 00:31:19,437
- Nobody wants to hear that word.
- Well, I know they don't want

760
00:31:19,461 --> 00:31:21,439
to hear it in the context
of "Guess what, I'm pregnant.

761
00:31:21,463 --> 00:31:23,257
- Who gets to tell your wife?"
- Any context.

762
00:31:23,299 --> 00:31:25,009
- It's foul.
- It's foul?

763
00:31:25,050 --> 00:31:27,177
The guy before her talked
about getting dick fungus.

764
00:31:27,219 --> 00:31:29,263
That was funny.
This is female stuff.

765
00:31:29,305 --> 00:31:31,265
- It's private.
- It's real.

766
00:31:31,307 --> 00:31:33,100
It's life. Literally.

767
00:31:33,142 --> 00:31:35,185
She can talk
about whatever she wants to.

768
00:31:35,227 --> 00:31:37,354
- It's her act.
- Nope. Here she tells jokes.

769
00:31:37,396 --> 00:31:39,106
You want to talk
about your female parts,

770
00:31:39,148 --> 00:31:42,526
you go see the obstrenician...
ob... whatever the fuck.

771
00:31:42,568 --> 00:31:44,862
Not on my stage!

772
00:31:44,903 --> 00:31:46,947
I hate that guy.

773
00:31:46,989 --> 00:31:49,283
Screw this place. We don't have
to play here anymore.

774
00:31:49,325 --> 00:31:50,784
Really?
Where else are we gonna go?

775
00:31:50,826 --> 00:31:52,620
- Anywhere.
- Anywhere below Midtown

776
00:31:52,661 --> 00:31:54,472
or in another state,
as long as it's a shithole

777
00:31:54,496 --> 00:31:56,040
and has only three people
in it, right?

778
00:31:56,081 --> 00:31:57,976
Next thing you know, I'll
be reduced to doing two minutes

779
00:31:58,000 --> 00:32:00,461
in the ladies' room. I mean,
"Why are there mints in here?

780
00:32:00,502 --> 00:32:02,296
"It's not your mouth
that needs refreshing.

781
00:32:02,338 --> 00:32:04,298
"Am I right, ladies?
I'll be here all week.

782
00:32:04,340 --> 00:32:05,716
Remember to tip your attendant."

783
00:32:05,758 --> 00:32:07,468
We'll find more clubs.

784
00:32:07,509 --> 00:32:08,886
This business sucks.

785
00:32:08,927 --> 00:32:10,054
I hate it.

786
00:32:10,095 --> 00:32:11,305
Hey, that's the game.

787
00:32:11,347 --> 00:32:12,389
You know that.

788
00:32:12,431 --> 00:32:13,807
You just have to keep fighting.

789
00:32:13,849 --> 00:32:14,892
You keep fighting.

790
00:32:14,933 --> 00:32:17,895
I'm gonna get a drink.

791
00:32:32,034 --> 00:32:35,829
<i>♪ It's quarter to 3:00 ♪</i>

792
00:32:35,871 --> 00:32:39,416
<i>♪ There's no one in the place ♪</i>

793
00:32:39,458 --> 00:32:43,337
<i>♪ Except you and me ♪</i>

794
00:32:46,674 --> 00:32:50,052
<i>♪ So set 'em up, Joe ♪</i>

795
00:32:50,094 --> 00:32:52,388
<i>♪ I got a little story ♪</i>

796
00:32:52,429 --> 00:32:54,139
Two comics walk into a bar...

797
00:32:54,181 --> 00:32:56,475
And neither one has any money
to pay for the drinks.

798
00:32:56,517 --> 00:32:58,477
Ah, shit,
you've heard it before.

799
00:32:58,519 --> 00:33:00,896
What are you doing
in this despicable place?

800
00:33:00,938 --> 00:33:02,314
Sulking.

801
00:33:02,356 --> 00:33:04,650
I was just yanked
from the stage mid-set

802
00:33:04,692 --> 00:33:05,901
and thrown out of the club.

803
00:33:05,943 --> 00:33:07,903
- What did you say?
- "Pregnant."

804
00:33:07,945 --> 00:33:09,571
Oh, well,
then you had it coming.

805
00:33:09,613 --> 00:33:11,782
I wasn't even dirty.
That dirty.

806
00:33:11,824 --> 00:33:13,784
I wasn't any dirtier
than I usually am,

807
00:33:13,826 --> 00:33:15,786
and this asshole literally
pushed me off the stage

808
00:33:15,828 --> 00:33:18,372
because I was talking about
my best friend having a baby.

809
00:33:18,414 --> 00:33:20,624
Well, you know I like you.

810
00:33:20,666 --> 00:33:22,876
And, normally, I would do
everything in my power

811
00:33:22,918 --> 00:33:24,044
to make you feel better.

812
00:33:24,086 --> 00:33:25,295
However, tonight,

813
00:33:25,337 --> 00:33:27,005
I am feeling very sorry
for myself,

814
00:33:27,047 --> 00:33:29,007
so all of my sympathy
is reserved for me.

815
00:33:29,049 --> 00:33:30,551
What's the matter?

816
00:33:30,592 --> 00:33:33,137
We can now add Chicago
to the list of places

817
00:33:33,178 --> 00:33:35,389
that have a warrant out
for my arrest.

818
00:33:35,431 --> 00:33:37,015
What did you say?

819
00:33:37,057 --> 00:33:39,768
I talked about your friend
having a baby.

820
00:33:39,810 --> 00:33:43,439
And the Pope fucking
a three-legged duck.

821
00:33:43,480 --> 00:33:45,649
And interracial dating.

822
00:33:45,691 --> 00:33:49,570
And what does Marilyn Maxwell
possibly see in Bob Hope.

823
00:33:49,611 --> 00:33:51,321
That's what they got you for.

824
00:33:51,363 --> 00:33:53,157
The man is a national treasure.

825
00:33:53,198 --> 00:33:55,409
At this rate, the only place
I'm gonna be able to work

826
00:33:55,451 --> 00:33:57,762
is Wyoming, and who knows what
the people of Wyoming will do

827
00:33:57,786 --> 00:33:59,079
at the sight of their first Jew.

828
00:33:59,121 --> 00:34:01,415
Hey, drink your drink.

829
00:34:03,459 --> 00:34:06,837
<i>♪ I could tell you a lot ♪</i>

830
00:34:06,879 --> 00:34:09,047
That wasn't my drink.

831
00:34:09,089 --> 00:34:10,799
But it did help.

832
00:34:10,841 --> 00:34:11,967
Thanks.

833
00:34:12,009 --> 00:34:14,636
<i>♪ True to your code ♪</i>

834
00:34:14,678 --> 00:34:17,389
I'm tired.

835
00:34:17,431 --> 00:34:19,475
I'm getting tired.

836
00:34:19,516 --> 00:34:21,059
Yeah.

837
00:34:21,101 --> 00:34:22,978
I know what you mean.

838
00:34:23,020 --> 00:34:25,564
Sometimes, I think,
"Is it worth it?"

839
00:34:25,606 --> 00:34:28,650
And, sometimes, I think, "No."

840
00:34:28,692 --> 00:34:30,152
I'm Sisyphus,

841
00:34:30,194 --> 00:34:32,488
without the fabulous hair
and the loincloth,

842
00:34:32,529 --> 00:34:36,200
pushing that boulder up that
hill over and over and over.

843
00:34:36,241 --> 00:34:37,951
Try it in heels.

844
00:34:37,993 --> 00:34:39,870
I'm working to pay
all the lawyers.

845
00:34:39,912 --> 00:34:41,371
I'm broke.

846
00:34:41,413 --> 00:34:43,457
I gave up my apartment,
sold my car.

847
00:34:43,499 --> 00:34:46,126
Well, I think it was my car.
But, either way, it's gone.

848
00:34:46,168 --> 00:34:47,461
Do you need some money?

849
00:34:47,503 --> 00:34:49,713
I could ask my father
for a loan.

850
00:34:49,755 --> 00:34:51,715
Thank you.
Thank your father,

851
00:34:51,757 --> 00:34:55,594
but I am very capable of running
out on a bill like a grown-up.

852
00:34:55,636 --> 00:34:57,763
<i>♪ Won't you listen to me ♪</i>

853
00:34:57,805 --> 00:35:00,182
It's going to be okay.

854
00:35:00,224 --> 00:35:01,767
Is it?

855
00:35:01,809 --> 00:35:03,602
<i>♪ Till it's talked away ♪</i>

856
00:35:03,644 --> 00:35:06,104
Yes.

857
00:35:06,146 --> 00:35:08,524
There is a little silver lining.

858
00:35:08,565 --> 00:35:11,276
Steve Allen gave me a spot
on his show.

859
00:35:11,318 --> 00:35:13,612
That's a pretty big
silver lining, mister.

860
00:35:13,654 --> 00:35:15,197
He's giving me a chance to prove

861
00:35:15,239 --> 00:35:17,950
that I can play nice
with the other kids.

862
00:35:17,991 --> 00:35:19,368
Make myself presentable again.

863
00:35:19,409 --> 00:35:20,619
That's great.

864
00:35:20,661 --> 00:35:22,621
Yes.

865
00:35:22,663 --> 00:35:25,082
Yes, it is.

866
00:35:28,669 --> 00:35:32,214
First time I took my son Ethan
for a playdate with other kids,

867
00:35:32,256 --> 00:35:34,466
he was so nervous
that I promised to stand outside

868
00:35:34,508 --> 00:35:36,635
the whole time
in case he wanted to leave.

869
00:35:36,677 --> 00:35:38,470
He didn't.

870
00:35:38,512 --> 00:35:40,722
It rained.

871
00:35:40,764 --> 00:35:43,600
Want me to come stand
outside your playdate?

872
00:35:43,642 --> 00:35:47,604
<i>♪ But this torch that I found ♪</i>

873
00:35:47,646 --> 00:35:51,233
<i>♪ It's got to be drowned ♪</i>

874
00:35:51,275 --> 00:35:53,318
You are lovely.

875
00:35:53,360 --> 00:35:55,404
<i>♪ Might explode ♪</i>

876
00:35:55,445 --> 00:35:58,407
Yes, a little moral support
never hurts.

877
00:35:58,448 --> 00:36:00,450
Okay.

878
00:36:00,492 --> 00:36:05,163
I want you to know
that I am feeling...

879
00:36:07,165 --> 00:36:09,084
...a little emasculated
right now.

880
00:36:14,089 --> 00:36:17,467
I don't really mind it,
actually.

881
00:36:17,509 --> 00:36:19,303
<i>♪ So long ♪</i>

882
00:36:19,344 --> 00:36:22,723
Sunday night. 8:00.

883
00:36:22,764 --> 00:36:24,725
<i>♪ The long ♪</i>

884
00:36:24,766 --> 00:36:26,768
Bring an umbrella.

885
00:36:26,810 --> 00:36:29,187
<i>♪ Very long. ♪</i>

886
00:36:36,737 --> 00:36:38,989
"Eat shit." You eat shit.

887
00:36:39,031 --> 00:36:41,283
I'm kidnapped,
my client's fucked over,

888
00:36:41,325 --> 00:36:44,620
but I'm the one
that has to eat shit?

889
00:36:47,748 --> 00:36:48,999
Okay, screw it.

890
00:36:54,212 --> 00:36:56,214
- Miss Myerson?
- Yeah.

891
00:36:56,256 --> 00:36:58,717
May I see some form
of identification?

892
00:37:00,093 --> 00:37:01,303
Won't you come in?

893
00:37:01,345 --> 00:37:03,305
Thanks.

894
00:37:03,347 --> 00:37:05,265
Wow, cramped.

895
00:37:08,810 --> 00:37:11,855
Miss Susie Myerson.

896
00:37:11,897 --> 00:37:14,149
Jesus Christ.

897
00:37:14,191 --> 00:37:17,110
Come closer.

898
00:37:20,697 --> 00:37:22,699
Close enough.

899
00:37:22,741 --> 00:37:24,701
Two steps back.

900
00:37:29,039 --> 00:37:30,415
So...

901
00:37:30,457 --> 00:37:33,835
Okay, look, I came here to eat
shit so just let me eat it.

902
00:37:33,877 --> 00:37:38,256
I thought my secretary told you
to eat before you came.

903
00:37:38,298 --> 00:37:39,859
The other night
in my dressing room you said

904
00:37:39,883 --> 00:37:42,636
some dreadful things.

905
00:37:42,678 --> 00:37:45,055
There were threats of violence.

906
00:37:45,097 --> 00:37:48,433
Against me, against my costume.

907
00:37:48,475 --> 00:37:50,102
I know, I'm sorry about that.

908
00:37:50,143 --> 00:37:53,563
You blocked my steam; no one has
ever blocked my steam before.

909
00:37:53,605 --> 00:37:55,774
I was out of line, okay?

910
00:37:55,816 --> 00:37:57,919
But you have to understand,
I was protecting my client.

911
00:37:57,943 --> 00:37:59,319
- Out!
- Okay.

912
00:37:59,361 --> 00:38:02,322
Not you.

913
00:38:02,364 --> 00:38:07,327
Did you know that I went
to the Yale School of Drama?

914
00:38:07,369 --> 00:38:10,956
That's where I met Kazan.
Fucked him, too.

915
00:38:10,998 --> 00:38:16,920
I fancied myself Medea, Phaedra,

916
00:38:16,962 --> 00:38:21,633
Nora, Hedda Gabler,
Maggie the Cat...

917
00:38:21,675 --> 00:38:23,260
Richard III?

918
00:38:23,301 --> 00:38:26,013
But fate had something different
in store for me.

919
00:38:26,054 --> 00:38:29,266
Sophie from Queens.

920
00:38:29,307 --> 00:38:31,935
You know
I've never been to Queens?

921
00:38:31,977 --> 00:38:34,396
I've driven through,
I've performed there,

922
00:38:34,438 --> 00:38:36,273
but I've never actually been.

923
00:38:36,314 --> 00:38:39,609
Tell me, is that really
how they talk?

924
00:38:39,651 --> 00:38:41,653
Well, they don't discuss
putting things on plates

925
00:38:41,695 --> 00:38:42,863
as much as you think.

926
00:38:42,904 --> 00:38:46,324
Harry Drake, he knew
I wanted to be a serious actress

927
00:38:46,366 --> 00:38:49,036
when he signed me,
but he didn't care.

928
00:38:49,077 --> 00:38:51,830
He didn't care about
Sophie from Ann Arbor.

929
00:38:51,872 --> 00:38:55,083
He only cared about
Sophie from Queens.

930
00:38:55,125 --> 00:38:58,587
And I thought, "All right,
so become a star, Sophie.

931
00:38:58,628 --> 00:39:00,213
Then you can do
whatever you want."

932
00:39:00,255 --> 00:39:03,300
And now I am a star.

933
00:39:03,341 --> 00:39:07,679
And I still slap on
a fat suit night after night

934
00:39:07,721 --> 00:39:10,474
because my people
don't think the audience

935
00:39:10,515 --> 00:39:13,310
will come see me in
A Streetcar Named Desire.

936
00:39:13,351 --> 00:39:14,770
Oh, they're wrong;
I'd pay anything

937
00:39:14,811 --> 00:39:16,563
to see you carted off
to an asylum.

938
00:39:16,605 --> 00:39:21,026
My people say, "Stay where you
are or you'll lose everything."

939
00:39:21,068 --> 00:39:23,195
They don't believe in me.

940
00:39:23,236 --> 00:39:25,405
I want someone to believe in me.

941
00:39:25,447 --> 00:39:28,658
To fight for me,
to threaten violence for me

942
00:39:28,700 --> 00:39:30,827
the way you threatened
violence for her.

943
00:39:30,869 --> 00:39:33,330
Well, Harry Drake did send
two guys to kill me.

944
00:39:33,371 --> 00:39:34,915
And yet here you are.

945
00:39:34,956 --> 00:39:38,877
Look, Sophie, Miriam and I
are just different, okay?

946
00:39:38,919 --> 00:39:41,671
We have kind of a special thing
going on, a connection.

947
00:39:41,713 --> 00:39:44,716
And I want
a special thing as well.

948
00:39:44,758 --> 00:39:48,220
I want someone
to have passion for me.

949
00:39:48,261 --> 00:39:53,934
Drive, vision, fearlessness.

950
00:39:53,975 --> 00:39:55,352
I want you.

951
00:39:55,393 --> 00:39:57,020
To what?

952
00:39:59,064 --> 00:40:02,609
I want you to be my manager.

953
00:40:07,072 --> 00:40:09,241
Do not concern yourself
with returning the coat.

954
00:40:09,282 --> 00:40:12,577
Miss Lennon's worn it twice.
Good-bye.

955
00:40:16,331 --> 00:40:18,667
What the fuck?!

956
00:40:20,919 --> 00:40:22,170
Second wedding, my ass.

957
00:40:26,299 --> 00:40:27,384
Hello?

958
00:40:27,425 --> 00:40:28,861
I've heard absolutely nothing
from your father

959
00:40:28,885 --> 00:40:30,137
and I'm going insane.

960
00:40:30,178 --> 00:40:31,280
Then you'll fit
right into our family.

961
00:40:31,304 --> 00:40:32,615
What could possibly be
the holdup?

962
00:40:32,639 --> 00:40:34,325
I'm a doctor. Do you know
what kind of parking spaces

963
00:40:34,349 --> 00:40:36,059
you get when you're a doctor?
Spectacular.

964
00:40:36,101 --> 00:40:37,245
That was the clincher for me.

965
00:40:37,269 --> 00:40:38,830
I wonder if I blew it
with my reading list.

966
00:40:38,854 --> 00:40:41,064
- Why?
- I padded it a little.

967
00:40:41,106 --> 00:40:42,649
A lot. I padded it a lot.

968
00:40:42,691 --> 00:40:44,418
- It doesn't matter.
- What if there's a quiz?

969
00:40:44,442 --> 00:40:46,403
- There won't be a quiz.
- We had fun, didn't we?

970
00:40:46,444 --> 00:40:48,655
Hey, relax.
You have surgery today.

971
00:40:48,697 --> 00:40:51,032
Go have a martini. Or you're in
a hospital, take a Seconal.

972
00:40:51,074 --> 00:40:52,385
Someday I'll need
to explain to you

973
00:40:52,409 --> 00:40:53,910
what surgery actually entails.

974
00:40:53,952 --> 00:40:55,680
- Paging Dr. Ettenberg.
- Maybe I should call him again.

975
00:40:55,704 --> 00:40:58,206
- Is that too desperate?
- Do you have to go?

976
00:40:58,248 --> 00:40:59,541
No. Why?

977
00:40:59,583 --> 00:41:01,585
- Aren't you Dr. Ettenberg?
- Yeah, so?

978
00:41:01,626 --> 00:41:03,187
Oh, God, I have to go.
I told you, insane.

979
00:41:03,211 --> 00:41:05,213
- I'll call you later.
- It's all going to be fine.

980
00:41:05,255 --> 00:41:06,673
I promise you.

981
00:41:08,758 --> 00:41:10,051
Hello?

982
00:41:10,093 --> 00:41:11,779
May I speak to Mrs. Maisel?

983
00:41:11,803 --> 00:41:13,180
Who's calling?

984
00:41:13,221 --> 00:41:14,764
Shy Baldwin here.

985
00:41:14,806 --> 00:41:16,308
We met the other night,
remember?

986
00:41:16,349 --> 00:41:18,894
Remember? Well... Shy Baldwin?

987
00:41:18,935 --> 00:41:21,188
Shy... Mama!

988
00:41:21,229 --> 00:41:23,207
My mother would love to
talk to... Mama, seriously!

989
00:41:23,231 --> 00:41:25,901
Oh, shit, I forgot. Hairdresser.

990
00:41:25,942 --> 00:41:27,319
Hairdresser's very important.

991
00:41:27,360 --> 00:41:28,963
She will never forgive me
if she misses this.

992
00:41:28,987 --> 00:41:30,155
She will kill me. Brutally.

993
00:41:30,197 --> 00:41:31,340
And then it might be linked
to you in the press

994
00:41:31,364 --> 00:41:32,508
and I'd feel terrible
about that. Please wait

995
00:41:32,532 --> 00:41:33,885
till she gets back.
Can I get you some coffee?

996
00:41:33,909 --> 00:41:35,785
Absolutely, cream and sugar.

997
00:41:35,827 --> 00:41:37,871
- You're not here.
- And you should be a singer

998
00:41:37,913 --> 00:41:39,140
with that kind
of breath control.

999
00:41:39,164 --> 00:41:40,332
I'm sorry.

1000
00:41:40,373 --> 00:41:42,834
I'm just a really big...
Why are you calling?

1001
00:41:42,876 --> 00:41:45,295
Because I saw you
on that telethon

1002
00:41:45,337 --> 00:41:47,672
and I thought
you were sensational.

1003
00:41:47,714 --> 00:41:49,674
And as I was sitting there
having my nightcap,

1004
00:41:49,716 --> 00:41:53,303
I said to myself,
"Why isn't that girl a star?"

1005
00:41:53,345 --> 00:41:55,364
And then I said to myself,
"Well, you know what, Shy,

1006
00:41:55,388 --> 00:41:57,098
you can help
with this situation."

1007
00:41:57,140 --> 00:41:59,267
So I am.

1008
00:41:59,309 --> 00:42:02,229
How would you like
to open for me on tour?

1009
00:42:02,270 --> 00:42:03,605
What?

1010
00:42:03,647 --> 00:42:04,898
It'll be six months.

1011
00:42:04,940 --> 00:42:06,399
Three in the States,
three in Europe.

1012
00:42:06,441 --> 00:42:09,486
You'll do 30 minutes
and a couple of bits with me.

1013
00:42:09,527 --> 00:42:11,196
We leave in two weeks
and you'll need

1014
00:42:11,238 --> 00:42:13,740
a lot of new fancy clothes,
which I will pay for.

1015
00:42:13,782 --> 00:42:16,493
There it is. That's the purpose
of my phone call.

1016
00:42:16,534 --> 00:42:17,953
- So, what do you...
- Yes.

1017
00:42:17,994 --> 00:42:19,704
Are you sure you don't need...

1018
00:42:19,746 --> 00:42:21,206
No. Yes.

1019
00:42:21,248 --> 00:42:22,958
Oh, my God. Yes.

1020
00:42:22,999 --> 00:42:25,418
Then we have a deal,
little miss mouthy.

1021
00:42:25,460 --> 00:42:28,213
I'll get in touch with your
people to work out the details.

1022
00:42:28,255 --> 00:42:30,048
We're gonna have
a hell of a time.

1023
00:42:30,090 --> 00:42:31,299
Talk to you soon.

1024
00:42:46,273 --> 00:42:48,024
Oh!

1025
00:42:48,066 --> 00:42:49,484
I have news.

1026
00:42:49,526 --> 00:42:51,528
God, give me
a fucking heart attack.

1027
00:42:51,569 --> 00:42:54,239
Wait, the heart attack's coming.
We need a drink.

1028
00:42:54,281 --> 00:42:55,490
I need a defibrillator.

1029
00:42:55,532 --> 00:42:57,325
- You ready?
- Sure.

1030
00:42:57,367 --> 00:42:59,220
You are gonna have to give me
a better "sure" than that.

1031
00:42:59,244 --> 00:43:01,913
- Sure!
- Ew, go back.

1032
00:43:01,955 --> 00:43:03,206
Just fucking say it.

1033
00:43:07,085 --> 00:43:09,879
We are going on tour
with Shy Baldwin.

1034
00:43:09,921 --> 00:43:11,256
What?

1035
00:43:11,298 --> 00:43:13,133
He saw me at the telethon
in my shit spot

1036
00:43:13,174 --> 00:43:16,594
and he loved me and he wants me
to open for him for six months.

1037
00:43:16,636 --> 00:43:19,097
Huh? How's that story
gonna play on Jack Paar?

1038
00:43:19,139 --> 00:43:21,182
- You're sure it was Shy Baldwin?
- Yup.

1039
00:43:21,224 --> 00:43:22,851
And you're sure
he asked you to tour,

1040
00:43:22,892 --> 00:43:23,852
like flat-out asked you?

1041
00:43:23,893 --> 00:43:24,853
I want a pink dressing room.

1042
00:43:24,894 --> 00:43:25,997
Can you put that in my contract?

1043
00:43:26,021 --> 00:43:27,439
You're gonna open
for Shy Baldwin.

1044
00:43:27,480 --> 00:43:29,524
Fuck Midtown,
we're going to Europe.

1045
00:43:29,566 --> 00:43:30,859
I'm gonna need a passport.

1046
00:43:30,900 --> 00:43:32,193
And some decent underwear.

1047
00:43:32,235 --> 00:43:33,737
I can't believe it.

1048
00:43:33,778 --> 00:43:34,946
You know what I'd love to do?

1049
00:43:34,988 --> 00:43:37,615
Buy Sophie Lennon some flowers.

1050
00:43:37,657 --> 00:43:39,367
Sophie Lennon?

1051
00:43:39,409 --> 00:43:41,595
If she hadn't bumped me, I never
would've gone on at midnight

1052
00:43:41,619 --> 00:43:43,931
and Shy never would have seen me
and I wouldn't be assembling

1053
00:43:43,955 --> 00:43:45,349
a fabulous traveling outfit
in my head right now.

1054
00:43:45,373 --> 00:43:47,250
I see a blue hat with feathers.

1055
00:43:47,292 --> 00:43:48,752
Let's just focus on the tour.

1056
00:43:48,793 --> 00:43:51,421
Revenge is a dish
best served cold.

1057
00:43:51,463 --> 00:43:53,590
Get ready for
some ice cream, bitch.

1058
00:43:53,631 --> 00:43:54,900
I should get his people
on the phone.

1059
00:43:54,924 --> 00:43:56,843
Start talking salary;
I don't want him thinking

1060
00:43:56,885 --> 00:43:58,237
just 'cause you're new,
you're cheap.

1061
00:43:58,261 --> 00:44:01,056
I am totally new
and completely cheap.

1062
00:44:01,097 --> 00:44:03,016
Hey, hey.

1063
00:44:06,519 --> 00:44:08,730
We did it. You and me.

1064
00:44:10,732 --> 00:44:12,859
Miriam, I should tell you
something.

1065
00:44:12,901 --> 00:44:14,027
- You love me.
- No.

1066
00:44:14,069 --> 00:44:15,153
I am amazing.

1067
00:44:15,195 --> 00:44:16,905
Can you please stop talking
about yourself?

1068
00:44:16,946 --> 00:44:18,656
That's our bread and butter
now, sister.

1069
00:44:18,698 --> 00:44:20,617
I just need to tell you...

1070
00:44:20,658 --> 00:44:23,203
My underwear's fine, so shut up.

1071
00:44:23,244 --> 00:44:24,954
We're going shopping.

1072
00:44:24,996 --> 00:44:26,414
Right now.

1073
00:44:26,456 --> 00:44:29,626
I have dresses to buy
and hats to buy

1074
00:44:29,667 --> 00:44:32,045
and shoes to buy
and purses to buy.

1075
00:44:32,087 --> 00:44:34,047
Should we maybe make some money
before we go broke

1076
00:44:34,089 --> 00:44:37,759
and have to blow job
our way across Europe?

1077
00:44:40,345 --> 00:44:42,931
Hello? It's me. Who's here?

1078
00:44:42,972 --> 00:44:44,599
Miriam. I need to talk to you.

1079
00:44:44,641 --> 00:44:46,035
Can you do it on the move?

1080
00:44:46,059 --> 00:44:47,519
- I'm late.
- Of course you're late.

1081
00:44:47,560 --> 00:44:48,603
You're always late.

1082
00:44:48,645 --> 00:44:49,747
You ever wondered to yourself,

1083
00:44:49,771 --> 00:44:51,564
- "Why am I always late?"
- No.

1084
00:44:51,606 --> 00:44:53,608
Perhaps if you had a watch
for every outfit.

1085
00:44:53,650 --> 00:44:56,861
- You needed to talk to me, Papa?
- Yes, I've made a decision.

1086
00:44:56,903 --> 00:44:58,071
About what?

1087
00:44:58,113 --> 00:45:00,198
What do you mean, "about what?"

1088
00:45:00,240 --> 00:45:03,368
How many decisions concerning
you am I making these days?

1089
00:45:03,410 --> 00:45:04,536
I don't know. Six?

1090
00:45:04,577 --> 00:45:05,912
- No.
- Eight?

1091
00:45:05,954 --> 00:45:07,205
- No.
- 35?

1092
00:45:07,247 --> 00:45:09,833
I made a decision
concerning you and Benjamin.

1093
00:45:09,874 --> 00:45:13,461
I know it took longer
than you had desired,

1094
00:45:13,503 --> 00:45:15,338
but I had a devil of a time
getting my hands

1095
00:45:15,380 --> 00:45:16,840
on his vaccination records.

1096
00:45:16,881 --> 00:45:19,467
I'm happy to say
his references checked out,

1097
00:45:19,509 --> 00:45:21,970
his financials are sufficient,
he can swim,

1098
00:45:22,011 --> 00:45:24,013
he's up-to-date
on his mortgage payments,

1099
00:45:24,055 --> 00:45:26,433
his tax returns are in order,

1100
00:45:26,474 --> 00:45:29,602
and his patients have
an 86% survival rate.

1101
00:45:29,644 --> 00:45:32,105
I will admit his reading list
gave me pause.

1102
00:45:32,147 --> 00:45:36,651
Panaslotsky is not a real author
and I was briefly offended

1103
00:45:36,693 --> 00:45:38,403
that he thought
I could be duped.

1104
00:45:38,445 --> 00:45:41,990
However, after much
deliberation, Miriam,

1105
00:45:42,031 --> 00:45:44,701
I have decided to give
Benjamin permission

1106
00:45:44,742 --> 00:45:46,619
to ask for your hand.

1107
00:45:46,661 --> 00:45:49,122
You may get married. Again.

1108
00:45:50,290 --> 00:45:54,669
What? What?

1109
00:45:56,254 --> 00:45:57,464
Shit.

1110
00:45:57,505 --> 00:46:00,258
Hello? Anyone here?

1111
00:46:00,300 --> 00:46:02,719
- Not a word. I'm coming, Rose.
- But Papa...

1112
00:46:02,760 --> 00:46:04,888
I have been waiting here all day
to tell your mother

1113
00:46:04,929 --> 00:46:06,782
some things that may well
make her take to her bed,

1114
00:46:06,806 --> 00:46:08,951
and I won't get a chance to
tell her those things if she's

1115
00:46:08,975 --> 00:46:10,435
- already taken to her bed.
- But...

1116
00:46:10,477 --> 00:46:12,479
Me first!

1117
00:46:14,147 --> 00:46:17,233
David Begelman says hello; I
ran into him at the shoe repair.

1118
00:46:17,275 --> 00:46:19,819
- He's aging very poorly.
- That's great.

1119
00:46:19,861 --> 00:46:23,615
Why don't we go into
my study for a minute?

1120
00:46:23,656 --> 00:46:25,033
Okay.

1121
00:46:25,074 --> 00:46:27,035
Just take a seat, please.

1122
00:46:27,076 --> 00:46:29,787
Um, where?

1123
00:46:29,829 --> 00:46:33,833
- Oh, uh...
- Mama?

1124
00:46:33,875 --> 00:46:35,543
- Uh...
- Papa?

1125
00:46:35,585 --> 00:46:38,838
I'm late, I'm heading out!

1126
00:46:38,880 --> 00:46:41,049
Abe, please, what do you want
to talk about?

1127
00:46:41,090 --> 00:46:43,301
Rose...

1128
00:46:43,343 --> 00:46:44,636
You know that things have been

1129
00:46:44,677 --> 00:46:46,888
a little unsettled
for me lately.

1130
00:46:46,930 --> 00:46:49,224
I know. They'll get better.

1131
00:46:49,265 --> 00:46:52,352
Yes, well, I went to Bell Labs
and talked to Charles.

1132
00:46:52,393 --> 00:46:54,562
- I was incredibly reasonable.
- Oh, dear.

1133
00:46:54,604 --> 00:46:56,397
- Is he hurt?
- No, Charles is fine.

1134
00:46:56,439 --> 00:46:58,191
We just talked.

1135
00:46:58,233 --> 00:47:01,653
But something happened to me
during that talk.

1136
00:47:01,694 --> 00:47:04,989
I started to think
about my life.

1137
00:47:05,031 --> 00:47:08,201
Who I used to be,
who I've become.

1138
00:47:08,243 --> 00:47:13,414
The choices I've made,
the way I've raised my children.

1139
00:47:13,456 --> 00:47:15,625
I think I need
to reevaluate some things.

1140
00:47:15,667 --> 00:47:17,210
What things?

1141
00:47:17,252 --> 00:47:21,965
It's not going to work out
with Bell Labs, Rose.

1142
00:47:22,006 --> 00:47:24,133
That is not a place
for me anymore.

1143
00:47:24,175 --> 00:47:27,136
Well, fine, you'll just focus
on the university.

1144
00:47:27,178 --> 00:47:29,013
And I'm going to leave Columbia.

1145
00:47:29,055 --> 00:47:30,348
What?

1146
00:47:30,390 --> 00:47:32,475
I don't want to teach
there anymore.

1147
00:47:32,517 --> 00:47:33,869
But-but you're
a tenured professor.

1148
00:47:33,893 --> 00:47:36,813
I know. And they want
to put me on the shelf.

1149
00:47:36,854 --> 00:47:38,856
- Take a sabbatical.
- A paid sabbatical.

1150
00:47:38,898 --> 00:47:41,401
I don't want their money
if I'm not earning it.

1151
00:47:41,442 --> 00:47:43,361
- Of course you do.
- I'm going to give it up.

1152
00:47:43,403 --> 00:47:44,696
All of it.

1153
00:47:44,737 --> 00:47:47,031
- The job, the tenure...
- You've lost your mind.

1154
00:47:47,073 --> 00:47:48,658
No, I haven't.

1155
00:47:48,700 --> 00:47:50,243
You're leaving Columbia?

1156
00:47:50,285 --> 00:47:53,162
I don't want to spend my life
just drifting along.

1157
00:47:53,204 --> 00:47:56,374
I used to have purpose.
I want it back.

1158
00:47:56,416 --> 00:47:58,167
- You're giving up your tenure?
- Yes.

1159
00:47:58,209 --> 00:48:00,253
Colombia owns
our apartment, Abe.

1160
00:48:05,008 --> 00:48:09,220
Yes... they do.

1161
00:48:09,262 --> 00:48:11,264
So, what do we do?

1162
00:48:11,306 --> 00:48:13,474
Move in with Miriam
and Benjamin?

1163
00:48:20,273 --> 00:48:24,027
You'd really better sit down.

1164
00:48:27,030 --> 00:48:28,823
So I'll tell you how we're

1165
00:48:28,865 --> 00:48:30,825
gonna fix the problem.
We've decided

1166
00:48:30,867 --> 00:48:32,744
that once a month,
we will book a comedian

1167
00:48:32,785 --> 00:48:33,971
who will offend everyone.

1168
00:48:33,995 --> 00:48:35,788
Fair enough? All right.

1169
00:48:35,830 --> 00:48:37,516
- He knows I'm coming.
- Doesn't matter.

1170
00:48:37,540 --> 00:48:39,184
- He knows I'm coming.
- You're not on the list.

1171
00:48:39,208 --> 00:48:40,644
- He knows I'm coming.
- He didn't leave a name.

1172
00:48:40,668 --> 00:48:42,170
He knows I'm coming. Lenny.

1173
00:48:42,211 --> 00:48:44,088
It's all right, Perry.
She's my mother.

1174
00:48:44,130 --> 00:48:46,025
You didn't leave my name.
Perry's having a heart attack.

1175
00:48:46,049 --> 00:48:47,651
I'm very sorry, Perry.
It won't happen again.

1176
00:48:47,675 --> 00:48:49,236
People's names
are supposed to be on the list.

1177
00:48:49,260 --> 00:48:50,887
That's how it works.

1178
00:48:50,928 --> 00:48:52,930
There goes the next president
of the United States.

1179
00:48:52,972 --> 00:48:54,325
Never mind him.
Let me look at you.

1180
00:48:54,349 --> 00:48:57,852
Good suit. Nice tie.
Hair's fine.

1181
00:48:57,894 --> 00:49:00,855
Get ready for your intro.
Only he goes onstage.

1182
00:49:00,897 --> 00:49:03,107
Hmm, Perry knows me better
than I thought.

1183
00:49:03,149 --> 00:49:04,942
Now, ladies and gentlemen,

1184
00:49:04,984 --> 00:49:06,778
here is
a very shocking comedian,

1185
00:49:06,819 --> 00:49:08,821
the most shocking comedian
of our time.

1186
00:49:08,863 --> 00:49:11,366
A young man
who is skyrocketing to fame,

1187
00:49:11,407 --> 00:49:12,718
Lenny Bruce.

1188
00:49:12,742 --> 00:49:15,787
- Tits up.
- Thanks.

1189
00:49:15,828 --> 00:49:18,289
- You'll explain that when I get back?
- Yes, I will.

1190
00:49:28,174 --> 00:49:30,968
Will Elizabeth Taylor
become bar mitzvahed?

1191
00:49:32,470 --> 00:49:34,138
Yeah, I promise continuity.

1192
00:49:34,180 --> 00:49:35,807
I'll do all the lines
that we rehearsed.

1193
00:49:35,848 --> 00:49:37,892
And actually, I do have

1194
00:49:37,934 --> 00:49:41,562
and always will be accused
of banter.

1195
00:49:41,604 --> 00:49:43,356
Ha! Yeah.

1196
00:49:43,398 --> 00:49:46,234
But there is another side
to my nature...

1197
00:49:46,275 --> 00:49:48,277
uh, the aesthetic side.

1198
00:49:48,319 --> 00:49:51,364
A Clyde Beatty. Ha!

1199
00:49:51,406 --> 00:49:53,783
And I'm going to, uh...

1200
00:49:53,825 --> 00:49:55,451
Oh, did you dig that?

1201
00:49:55,493 --> 00:49:57,495
- Yeah.
- Oh, I'm so happy.

1202
00:49:57,537 --> 00:50:00,957
And I'm going to write
a musical, uh, with Steve Allen.

1203
00:50:00,998 --> 00:50:03,418
And it's sort of
a nice kind of thing.

1204
00:50:03,459 --> 00:50:05,545
And it's about a couple,

1205
00:50:05,586 --> 00:50:08,548
and if you've been married,
you know, or are now,

1206
00:50:08,589 --> 00:50:10,258
you know the scene that happens.

1207
00:50:10,299 --> 00:50:12,468
You have a million beefs
with your old lady,

1208
00:50:12,510 --> 00:50:15,179
and you break up,
then you go back together again.

1209
00:50:15,221 --> 00:50:18,182
But this couple in the play,
they're a little eccentric,

1210
00:50:18,224 --> 00:50:20,810
and they've broken up
and gone back

1211
00:50:20,852 --> 00:50:24,147
about 55 times in seven years.

1212
00:50:24,188 --> 00:50:26,816
But they keep going back
for the kids' sake.

1213
00:50:26,858 --> 00:50:29,694
So, finally, they go
to a marriage counselor,

1214
00:50:29,736 --> 00:50:32,196
it opens up,
and they're together,

1215
00:50:32,238 --> 00:50:35,241
and they're happy
without one argument.

1216
00:50:35,283 --> 00:50:37,118
But the kids are complete nuts

1217
00:50:37,160 --> 00:50:40,872
'cause they were so adjusted
to that scene...

1218
00:50:40,913 --> 00:50:43,499
you know, breaking up
and going back together...

1219
00:50:43,541 --> 00:50:45,251
that it's been
too much for them.

1220
00:50:45,293 --> 00:50:48,254
So they decide,
for the kids' sake,

1221
00:50:48,296 --> 00:50:50,006
to break up.

1222
00:50:50,047 --> 00:50:51,924
And in the scene,

1223
00:50:51,966 --> 00:50:53,634
Steve, like, you know,
he's my friend,

1224
00:50:53,676 --> 00:50:55,386
and we're hanging out together,

1225
00:50:55,428 --> 00:50:57,388
and, uh, he's got
the first line.

1226
00:50:57,430 --> 00:51:00,183
All right. Hey, Lenny,
where's your old lady?

1227
00:51:00,224 --> 00:51:03,352
- Oh, we had a beef, man. We broke up.
- Oh, that's too bad.

1228
00:51:03,394 --> 00:51:04,913
But don't worry,
you'll get back together.

1229
00:51:04,937 --> 00:51:06,606
No, that's it, you know?

1230
00:51:06,647 --> 00:51:08,691
You have a million fights,
and finally you decide

1231
00:51:08,733 --> 00:51:10,318
that's the one.
You've had it, you know?

1232
00:51:10,359 --> 00:51:12,212
And I finally got the guts,
and I got rid of her.

1233
00:51:12,236 --> 00:51:14,155
I don't believe it, man,
but I finally did it.

1234
00:51:14,197 --> 00:51:16,449
- I finally got rid of her.
- How'd you do that?

1235
00:51:16,491 --> 00:51:17,742
She left me.

1236
00:51:19,327 --> 00:51:20,912
But it's better off, man.

1237
00:51:20,953 --> 00:51:22,246
You're better off alone.

1238
00:51:22,288 --> 00:51:24,123
I'm really gonna swing.

1239
00:51:24,165 --> 00:51:26,709
I'm gonna fix up my own pad.

1240
00:51:26,751 --> 00:51:28,836
That's it.
I can really fix up a pad.

1241
00:51:28,878 --> 00:51:32,340
I'm gonna really get some
of that shiny black furniture.

1242
00:51:32,381 --> 00:51:34,300
And I'll get
a bullfight poster.

1243
00:51:34,342 --> 00:51:37,345
And I'll get a coffee table,
and I'll make a door out of it.

1244
00:51:37,386 --> 00:51:41,057
And I'll just really swing,
and it'll just be nice.

1245
00:51:41,098 --> 00:51:43,476
And I'll get
a satin smoking jacket

1246
00:51:43,518 --> 00:51:45,770
and a pearl white phone,
and I'll sit back and relax,

1247
00:51:45,812 --> 00:51:47,647
and finally
I'll be all alone, man.

1248
00:51:47,688 --> 00:51:50,316
That's the best way to make it.
All alone.

1249
00:51:50,358 --> 00:51:53,194
All alone.

1250
00:51:53,236 --> 00:51:57,698
<i>♪ All alone, all alone ♪</i>

1251
00:51:57,740 --> 00:52:02,453
<i>♪ Oh, what joy to be all alone ♪</i>

1252
00:52:02,495 --> 00:52:06,541
<i>♪ I'm happy alone,
don't you see? ♪</i>

1253
00:52:06,582 --> 00:52:09,502
<i>♪ I've convinced you... ♪</i>

1254
00:52:12,547 --> 00:52:14,340
Sorry to keep you waiting, Abe.

1255
00:52:14,382 --> 00:52:17,009
No problem. I just got here.

1256
00:52:17,051 --> 00:52:19,679
- My father says hello.
- How is Robert?

1257
00:52:19,720 --> 00:52:21,931
Angry. Hostile. The same.

1258
00:52:21,973 --> 00:52:23,683
Give him my best.

1259
00:52:23,724 --> 00:52:26,435
We-we should all have a meal
one of these days.

1260
00:52:26,477 --> 00:52:29,772
We could regale you with tales
of two angry young men

1261
00:52:29,814 --> 00:52:31,232
who thought
they knew everything.

1262
00:52:31,274 --> 00:52:33,442
My father still does.

1263
00:52:33,484 --> 00:52:35,736
He was a great speaker.

1264
00:52:35,778 --> 00:52:38,030
And he made great signs.

1265
00:52:38,072 --> 00:52:40,616
So, what can I do for you, Abe?

1266
00:52:40,658 --> 00:52:44,704
Well, there are things happening
in my life

1267
00:52:44,745 --> 00:52:48,082
that I believe I'm going to need
a really good lawyer for.

1268
00:52:48,124 --> 00:52:51,127
You know the kind of law
I practice, right?

1269
00:52:52,670 --> 00:52:56,549
I'm spoiling
for a really good fight.

1270
00:52:56,591 --> 00:52:59,218
Well, then you've come
to the right man.

1271
00:53:00,970 --> 00:53:03,848
Coffee. Speak.

1272
00:53:19,947 --> 00:53:24,452
<i>♪ All alone, all alone ♪</i>

1273
00:53:24,493 --> 00:53:28,664
<i>♪ Like a nearsighted dog,
where's the bone? ♪</i>

1274
00:53:28,706 --> 00:53:31,751
<i>♪ Ah, but it's better
to be all alone ♪</i>

1275
00:53:31,792 --> 00:53:33,628
<i>♪ No more taking out
the garbage ♪</i>

1276
00:53:33,669 --> 00:53:35,671
<i>♪ Hear her yakking
on the phone ♪</i>

1277
00:53:35,713 --> 00:53:37,173
<i>♪ I gave her everything ♪</i>

1278
00:53:37,214 --> 00:53:39,842
<i>♪ Even my mother's ring ♪</i>

1279
00:53:39,884 --> 00:53:42,803
<i>♪ But to me she was so petty ♪</i>

1280
00:53:42,845 --> 00:53:45,556
Sometimes I wish
that she were dead.

1281
00:53:45,598 --> 00:53:48,517
But it'd probably take her
two hours to get ready.

1282
00:53:49,977 --> 00:53:51,354
When she's old,

1283
00:53:51,395 --> 00:53:53,022
then she's gonna be sorry.

1284
00:53:53,064 --> 00:53:55,858
That's it. Like,
she's young and swinging now,

1285
00:53:55,900 --> 00:53:57,711
and she can get a lot of guys,
but when she's old...

1286
00:53:57,735 --> 00:53:59,528
I can see, about 20 years
from now.

1287
00:53:59,570 --> 00:54:00,905
"Oh, how you doing, Annie?

1288
00:54:00,947 --> 00:54:02,657
"Yeah, haven't seen you
in a long time.

1289
00:54:02,698 --> 00:54:04,384
"You look pretty good, baby.
You still washing your hair

1290
00:54:04,408 --> 00:54:06,369
"with Dutch cleanser, I see.

1291
00:54:06,410 --> 00:54:08,746
"Yeah. Yeah,
you look pretty good.

1292
00:54:08,788 --> 00:54:10,849
"You gained a few pounds.
What happened to your neck?

1293
00:54:10,873 --> 00:54:14,543
"Yeah. I heard you got married
a few times.

1294
00:54:14,585 --> 00:54:17,421
"Uh, me? No, I, uh,
I've always stayed single.

1295
00:54:17,463 --> 00:54:19,382
"I've-I've been investing
in property.

1296
00:54:19,423 --> 00:54:21,300
"I picked up a little place
in Mexico.

1297
00:54:21,342 --> 00:54:24,428
"Maybe you've heard of it.
It's called Acapulco.

1298
00:54:24,470 --> 00:54:25,805
"Where are you living?

1299
00:54:25,846 --> 00:54:28,683
"A furnished room?
Oh, that's nice.

1300
00:54:28,724 --> 00:54:30,369
"Yeah, you cook on the radiator,
the paper drapes.

1301
00:54:30,393 --> 00:54:33,312
"Sit in the lobby, watch
television and all that, yeah.

1302
00:54:33,354 --> 00:54:34,897
"That's cool, yeah.

1303
00:54:34,939 --> 00:54:36,649
"You have the Diners Club,
you sign for it.

1304
00:54:36,691 --> 00:54:38,794
You go first class in those
joints, I know that, yeah."

1305
00:54:38,818 --> 00:54:40,653
That's it.

1306
00:54:40,695 --> 00:54:43,739
Her future spells a murky gloom.

1307
00:54:43,781 --> 00:54:45,324
I'll be rich and famous,

1308
00:54:45,366 --> 00:54:47,076
and she'll be living
in a furnished room.

1309
00:54:47,118 --> 00:54:49,203
But it's gonna be too late.

1310
00:54:49,245 --> 00:54:51,414
I won't hear her moan.

1311
00:54:51,455 --> 00:54:55,251
I'll be living in my Nob Hill
mansion, rich...

1312
00:54:55,292 --> 00:54:58,170
and all alone.

1313
00:54:58,212 --> 00:54:59,380
<i>♪ All alone ♪</i>

1314
00:55:01,298 --> 00:55:03,801
<i>♪ All alone ♪</i>

1315
00:55:03,843 --> 00:55:06,178
<i>♪ I'll be rich ♪</i>

1316
00:55:06,220 --> 00:55:08,055
<i>♪ But so ♪</i>

1317
00:55:08,097 --> 00:55:10,599
<i>♪ All ♪</i>

1318
00:55:10,641 --> 00:55:13,769
<i>♪ Alone. ♪</i>

1319
00:55:27,950 --> 00:55:30,453
Midge?

1320
00:55:30,494 --> 00:55:34,081
I'm gonna open
for Shy Baldwin.

1321
00:55:34,123 --> 00:55:36,917
What?

1322
00:55:36,959 --> 00:55:38,586
Midge, that's...

1323
00:55:38,627 --> 00:55:40,921
He wants me to go
on tour with him.

1324
00:55:40,963 --> 00:55:43,132
He says I'll be gone six months.

1325
00:55:43,174 --> 00:55:46,677
And I said yes.

1326
00:55:46,719 --> 00:55:48,179
Just like that.

1327
00:55:48,220 --> 00:55:49,722
Didn't even think about it.

1328
00:55:49,764 --> 00:55:53,059
Didn't think about
anything or anyone.

1329
00:55:53,100 --> 00:55:55,644
Just yes.

1330
00:55:55,686 --> 00:55:58,439
And I understand now.

1331
00:55:58,481 --> 00:56:01,984
Everything's different.

1332
00:56:02,026 --> 00:56:04,653
I can't go back
to Jell-O molds.

1333
00:56:04,695 --> 00:56:08,866
There won't be three
before 30 for me.

1334
00:56:08,908 --> 00:56:11,660
I just made a choice.

1335
00:56:11,702 --> 00:56:16,165
- Midge...
- I am gonna be all alone

1336
00:56:16,207 --> 00:56:19,877
for the rest of my life.

1337
00:56:19,919 --> 00:56:22,421
That's what I just decided
in a five-minute phone call.

1338
00:56:22,463 --> 00:56:25,299
Amazing, isn't it?

1339
00:56:25,341 --> 00:56:27,301
You don't know that.
You don't...

1340
00:56:27,343 --> 00:56:28,928
I'm gonna leave really soon.

1341
00:56:28,969 --> 00:56:30,513
Barely enough time
to get packed.

1342
00:56:30,554 --> 00:56:32,181
Especially the way
that I travel.

1343
00:56:34,809 --> 00:56:38,104
And I don't want to be alone.

1344
00:56:38,145 --> 00:56:40,481
Not tonight.

1345
00:56:40,523 --> 00:56:44,360
Tonight...
just for tonight...

1346
00:56:44,401 --> 00:56:47,530
I really need to be with someone
who loves me.

1347
00:57:03,629 --> 00:57:07,216
<i>♪ The warmth of your love's
like the warmth from the sun ♪</i>

1348
00:57:07,258 --> 00:57:10,344
<i>♪ And this will be our year ♪</i>

1349
00:57:10,386 --> 00:57:13,264
<i>♪ Took a long time to come ♪</i>

1350
00:57:13,305 --> 00:57:18,018
<i>♪ Don't let go of my hand
now darkness has gone ♪</i>

1351
00:57:18,060 --> 00:57:20,229
<i>♪ This will be our year ♪</i>

1352
00:57:20,271 --> 00:57:22,648
<i>♪ Took a long time to come ♪</i>

1353
00:57:22,690 --> 00:57:24,441
<i>♪ And I won't forget the way ♪</i>

1354
00:57:24,483 --> 00:57:27,444
<i>♪ You helped me up
when I was down ♪</i>

1355
00:57:27,486 --> 00:57:29,780
<i>♪ And I won't forget
the way you said ♪</i>

1356
00:57:29,822 --> 00:57:31,407
<i>♪ Darling, I love you ♪</i>

1357
00:57:31,448 --> 00:57:33,576
<i>♪ You gave me faith to go on ♪</i>

1358
00:57:33,617 --> 00:57:37,371
<i>♪ Now we're there
and we've only just begun ♪</i>

1359
00:57:37,413 --> 00:57:39,582
<i>♪ This will be our year ♪</i>

1360
00:57:39,623 --> 00:57:41,959
<i>♪ Took a long time to come ♪</i>

1361
00:57:52,303 --> 00:57:54,388
<i>♪ The warmth of your smile ♪</i>

1362
00:57:54,430 --> 00:57:56,557
<i>♪ Smile for me, little one ♪</i>

1363
00:57:56,599 --> 00:57:59,435
<i>♪ And this will be our year ♪</i>

1364
00:57:59,476 --> 00:58:02,396
<i>♪ Took a long time to come ♪</i>

1365
00:58:02,438 --> 00:58:06,775
<i>♪ You don't have to worry,
all your worried days are gone ♪</i>

1366
00:58:06,817 --> 00:58:09,153
<i>♪ And this will be our year ♪</i>

1367
00:58:09,195 --> 00:58:11,739
<i>♪ Took a long time to come ♪</i>

1368
00:58:11,780 --> 00:58:13,490
<i>♪ And I won't forget the way ♪</i>

1369
00:58:13,532 --> 00:58:16,535
<i>♪ You helped me up
when I was down ♪</i>

1370
00:58:16,577 --> 00:58:19,038
<i>♪ And I won't forget
the way you said ♪</i>

1371
00:58:19,079 --> 00:58:20,664
<i>♪ Darling, I love you ♪</i>

1372
00:58:20,706 --> 00:58:22,875
<i>♪ You gave me faith to go on ♪</i>

1373
00:58:22,917 --> 00:58:26,629
<i>♪ Now we're there,
and we've only just begun ♪</i>

1374
00:58:26,670 --> 00:58:29,006
<i>♪ This will be our year ♪</i>

1375
00:58:29,048 --> 00:58:31,675
<i>♪ Took a long time to come ♪</i>

1376
00:58:36,889 --> 00:58:39,516
<i>♪ And this will be our year ♪</i>

1377
00:58:39,558 --> 00:58:41,977
<i>♪ Took a long time ♪</i>

1378
00:58:42,019 --> 00:58:45,898
<i>♪ To come ♪</i>

1379
00:58:45,940 --> 00:58:48,442
<i>♪ My, my, my. ♪</i>