1 00:01:19,320 --> 00:01:23,313 TERKEL IN TROUBLE 2 00:01:25,560 --> 00:01:28,870 Hi, kids. Sitting comfortably? My name's Arnie. 3 00:01:29,080 --> 00:01:32,709 I'm going to tell you a story about a boy named Terkel. 4 00:01:38,520 --> 00:01:42,354 Terkel was a fresh boy. Except when he was sick, of course. 5 00:01:42,560 --> 00:01:45,677 But he was nice and had balls of steel. 6 00:01:45,880 --> 00:01:49,350 Now you're thinking: "Steel? That's gotta suck." 7 00:01:49,560 --> 00:01:53,269 But that's what you say about folks who are determined. 8 00:01:53,480 --> 00:01:57,393 Or people who are really stupid. Anyways... 9 00:01:57,600 --> 00:02:03,311 Terkel lived in a red house with his parents, Betty and Leon. 10 00:02:03,520 --> 00:02:05,750 They were excellent parents. 11 00:02:05,960 --> 00:02:09,589 They just had a hard time agreeing about anything at all. 12 00:02:09,800 --> 00:02:12,109 - That's just the way it is. - No. 13 00:02:12,320 --> 00:02:13,958 - Yes! - No! 14 00:02:14,160 --> 00:02:19,029 - Why's there always a discussion? - We're not discussing, we're arguing. 15 00:02:19,240 --> 00:02:22,232 - No! - Yes, we are, Leon! 16 00:02:22,440 --> 00:02:25,113 - No. - Yes. 17 00:02:25,320 --> 00:02:30,394 - No, no, no, no, no. - Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes! 18 00:02:30,600 --> 00:02:34,752 - Terkel had a little sister, too. - Hi, Terkel. 19 00:02:34,960 --> 00:02:38,794 - Her name was Rita. - Not right now, Rita. I'm busy. 20 00:02:39,000 --> 00:02:44,836 - Weren't we going to school together? - That's right. We weren't. 21 00:02:49,760 --> 00:02:54,880 Terkel was in the 7th grade. His best friend's name was Jason. 22 00:02:55,080 --> 00:02:57,548 Yo, Terkel. 23 00:03:04,200 --> 00:03:08,751 - What's up? You chillin'? - Yeah. Didn't do my homework, though. 24 00:03:08,960 --> 00:03:12,236 That's a nasty one. On the other hand, fuck it. 25 00:03:12,440 --> 00:03:17,673 Jason was from across the tracks, as they say. It's why he talked funny. 26 00:03:17,880 --> 00:03:21,555 And why he always had an iron pipe in his pocket. 27 00:03:27,920 --> 00:03:30,718 Downtrip. Here comes Johanna. 28 00:03:32,960 --> 00:03:36,430 - She saw you. - Hi, Jason. 29 00:03:36,560 --> 00:03:40,951 - Yo, Johanna. What's up? - Uhh... How are you? 30 00:03:42,160 --> 00:03:47,075 - "How are you?" - Yes, well... I mean... 31 00:03:47,280 --> 00:03:51,637 - Right. Whatever, Johanna, OK? - She's crazy about you. 32 00:03:51,840 --> 00:03:57,392 I know. But that lame way she talks... I'm gonna snap, dude. 33 00:03:57,600 --> 00:04:01,718 There were also two real troublemakers in the class. 34 00:04:01,920 --> 00:04:04,559 Their names were Stan and Saki. 35 00:04:04,760 --> 00:04:09,880 They spent their recess mocking a chubby girl named Doris. 36 00:04:10,080 --> 00:04:13,959 That was nice and sick, Stan. Feeling fat today, Dumpy Doris? 37 00:04:14,160 --> 00:04:18,472 - You mean: Again today. - Yeah, Doris is always fat. 38 00:04:21,560 --> 00:04:27,590 Friday morning meant music class with that fave teacher, Arnie Fattune. 39 00:04:27,800 --> 00:04:33,591 Yes, that's me, so please excuse me while I impart vital musical wisdom. 40 00:04:35,880 --> 00:04:39,555 Hi, kids. Time for music class. Are you ready? 41 00:04:39,760 --> 00:04:41,591 Yeah! 42 00:04:41,800 --> 00:04:44,872 Good. Now, I'd like you to... Yes, Silas? 43 00:04:45,080 --> 00:04:49,631 I was studying Grandpa's music dictionary last weekend - 44 00:04:49,840 --> 00:04:53,310 - and I came across the expression "funky". 45 00:04:53,520 --> 00:04:57,195 - What does it mean? - Listen, children. 46 00:04:57,400 --> 00:05:00,358 Music isn't about reading and analyzing. 47 00:05:00,560 --> 00:05:04,235 Music is for tasting and feeling and listening and dancing. 48 00:05:04,440 --> 00:05:09,116 There's music in everything... Like Jason's iron pipe. 49 00:05:09,320 --> 00:05:13,598 Or Sally's cell phone ringing in the middle of class. 50 00:05:13,800 --> 00:05:17,349 Let's grab some instruments and get it on! 51 00:05:18,680 --> 00:05:21,717 That's it, Jason. Nice beat. 52 00:05:21,920 --> 00:05:26,789 Ready to add the horns? Two, three, four... 53 00:05:29,040 --> 00:05:31,429 A little more embouchure, Billy. 54 00:05:34,800 --> 00:05:36,199 Here we go... 55 00:05:36,400 --> 00:05:40,313 Arnie is the name and music is my game 56 00:05:40,520 --> 00:05:44,718 this is where we learn to play the blues, Bach and be-bop 57 00:05:44,920 --> 00:05:49,118 everybody's having fun this is the way to be someone 58 00:05:49,320 --> 00:05:53,996 we're in the groove and on the case it makes me want to wail on bass 59 00:05:54,200 --> 00:05:58,591 when the cats are really swingin' the kiddies, they begin their singin': 60 00:05:58,800 --> 00:06:03,635 - Arnie is way too cool - Thanks, kids. 61 00:06:03,840 --> 00:06:07,913 - Arnie is way too cool - I'm just way too coool. 62 00:06:10,360 --> 00:06:13,193 Remember to empty the spit valve, Carl. 63 00:06:17,240 --> 00:06:21,313 What you see is what you get so don't try out for teacher's pet. 64 00:06:21,520 --> 00:06:26,036 Do I look lame with page-boy hair? The girls, they do not seem to care 65 00:06:26,240 --> 00:06:30,199 'cause music makes you sexy this is a proven fact 66 00:06:30,400 --> 00:06:35,110 and when that beat gets going good the girls get in the act 67 00:06:35,320 --> 00:06:39,871 they storm the stage as in a dream and suddenly they start to scream: 68 00:06:40,080 --> 00:06:44,437 - Arnie is way too cool - I'm just way too coool 69 00:06:44,640 --> 00:06:49,589 - Arnie is way too cool - Wo-uh-wo, cool 70 00:06:51,480 --> 00:06:53,391 Super cool, kids! 71 00:06:58,160 --> 00:07:03,553 - Arnie is too cool - Wo-uh-wo, I'm just way too cool 72 00:07:05,480 --> 00:07:09,075 I'm so cool, can't stand myself. 73 00:07:10,520 --> 00:07:14,274 Can you feel it? Does it swing? That's music! 74 00:07:14,480 --> 00:07:19,349 Thanks, kids. That's it for... Thank you, Silas... 75 00:07:19,560 --> 00:07:23,030 - I can feel it! - Silas! That's it for now. 76 00:07:52,000 --> 00:07:56,710 - I hope you're not beating my record. - Just a sec... Fuck! 77 00:08:03,160 --> 00:08:05,720 Hi there, kids. 78 00:08:06,960 --> 00:08:11,158 - What's up? - You sat down on a spider. 79 00:08:11,360 --> 00:08:15,876 - I did? Where? - There. It's completely squished. 80 00:08:16,080 --> 00:08:20,278 No big deal. They're just pants. They can be washed. 81 00:08:20,480 --> 00:08:25,713 - What grade are you boys in? - 7th grade, in your face. 82 00:08:25,920 --> 00:08:29,993 Okay. I'm a new substitute teacher. My name's Gunnar. 83 00:08:30,200 --> 00:08:35,513 - I'm on my way to teach 8th grade. - Okay... 84 00:08:37,160 --> 00:08:39,958 - What are your names? - My name's Terkel. 85 00:08:40,160 --> 00:08:45,473 - Jason here. - Nice meeting you. Have fun. 86 00:08:45,720 --> 00:08:47,676 Don't worry. 87 00:08:47,880 --> 00:08:50,394 He was pretty fucked up, that dude. 88 00:08:50,600 --> 00:08:55,276 - A little strange. But nice enough. - What now, fuck-face? 89 00:08:55,480 --> 00:08:58,074 - Just need to take a piss. - Go for it. 90 00:09:25,160 --> 00:09:28,118 Hello...? Is someone there? 91 00:09:36,480 --> 00:09:38,948 Oh, no! 92 00:09:50,120 --> 00:09:54,398 Whatcha doin', Terkel? Did you piss in your pants? 93 00:09:54,600 --> 00:09:58,354 - You pissed in your pants. - Ha, ha, hilarious... 94 00:10:00,400 --> 00:10:04,598 If this had been a military gun, we'd have shot your balls off. 95 00:10:04,800 --> 00:10:07,553 - Like in Vietnam. - There's Dumpy Doris. 96 00:10:07,760 --> 00:10:12,311 - Let's go! - You take her bag, I'll pull her hair. 97 00:10:12,520 --> 00:10:16,069 Dumpy Doris, you're too ugly for words! 98 00:10:21,760 --> 00:10:25,389 The last class of the day is supposed to be English. 99 00:10:25,600 --> 00:10:29,229 But instead of their regular teacher, a new one walked in. 100 00:10:29,440 --> 00:10:34,833 - Look, it's that strange dude. - It's Gunnar. Check out that sweater. 101 00:10:35,040 --> 00:10:37,031 - Dude, what planet is he from? - Hi, kids. 102 00:10:37,240 --> 00:10:42,519 Would you mind sitting down nice and quiet on your little hineys? Good. 103 00:10:42,720 --> 00:10:46,713 Okay. My name's Gunnar, and... Is there any chalk here? 104 00:10:46,920 --> 00:10:50,037 Excuse me, Gunnar. My name's Silas. 105 00:10:50,240 --> 00:10:54,392 I volunteer to run to the storeroom and get some chalk. 106 00:10:54,600 --> 00:10:58,957 Well, thank you, Silas. As I was saying... 107 00:10:59,160 --> 00:11:03,278 Here it is. Normal and colored, sir. 108 00:11:03,480 --> 00:11:08,190 That's great. Now look: My name is Gunnar Bjerre. 109 00:11:08,400 --> 00:11:12,109 And this is my African possum, Lise Lotte... 110 00:11:13,240 --> 00:11:14,992 "Lise Lotte." 111 00:11:18,680 --> 00:11:24,152 Your regular teacher should have been here, but she had an accident. 112 00:11:24,360 --> 00:11:30,595 Yvonne fell all the way down her stairs and rolled out into the busy street - 113 00:11:30,800 --> 00:11:33,519 - that you must never cross without an adult - 114 00:11:33,720 --> 00:11:38,475 - and the cars simply couldn't brake before it was too late. 115 00:11:38,680 --> 00:11:42,992 Children, Yvonne didn't... She didn't make it. 116 00:11:44,080 --> 00:11:46,275 She won't be coming back. 117 00:11:49,880 --> 00:11:51,598 Shhh. 118 00:11:51,800 --> 00:11:54,473 Easy, kids... Okay. 119 00:11:54,680 --> 00:11:58,514 As I was saying, I'm Gunnar. I'm a new substitute teacher here. 120 00:11:58,720 --> 00:12:03,794 I've been teaching at a Rudolf Steiner school, if you know what that is. 121 00:12:04,000 --> 00:12:07,390 - Yes, Silas? - I know what it is. 122 00:12:07,600 --> 00:12:11,798 The kids had heard about these Rudolf Steiner schools - 123 00:12:12,000 --> 00:12:15,276 - which believe that toys should be boring. 124 00:12:15,480 --> 00:12:18,517 Preferably dumb wooden figures without faces. 125 00:12:18,720 --> 00:12:24,192 The kids are supposed to imagine the faces. I had a girlfriend like that. 126 00:12:24,400 --> 00:12:28,393 Of course she wasn't made of wood. Unfortunately. 127 00:12:28,600 --> 00:12:33,276 - Anyways, back to the classroom. - Thanks for the explanation, Silas. 128 00:12:33,480 --> 00:12:38,349 We should get to know each other better. I've brought this beanbag - 129 00:12:38,560 --> 00:12:42,792 - that we can toss to each other as we say our name. I'll start. 130 00:12:43,000 --> 00:12:44,991 My name's Gunnar. 131 00:12:45,200 --> 00:12:48,875 Or... How about just dismissing class for today? 132 00:12:54,400 --> 00:12:56,550 Won't you be our big brother? 133 00:12:56,760 --> 00:13:01,629 Yes, you're our big brother because you have such a nice necklace. 134 00:13:01,840 --> 00:13:05,389 - And a totally cute rat. - Possum. 135 00:13:05,600 --> 00:13:12,039 - Can we make you up, just like a girl? - No, no. Don't be such silly billys. 136 00:13:12,240 --> 00:13:16,313 - See you tomorrow, girls. - Yes. Bye-bye, big brother. 137 00:13:17,440 --> 00:13:20,671 WINE - BEER - ALCOHOL - CIGARETTES - CANDY 138 00:13:27,360 --> 00:13:29,396 Oh, no! 139 00:13:29,600 --> 00:13:31,636 - Terkel? - What do you want? 140 00:13:31,840 --> 00:13:34,638 Won't you walk me home? 141 00:13:34,840 --> 00:13:38,355 - You can walk home by yourself. - But I forgot my keys. 142 00:13:38,560 --> 00:13:43,190 - Then use the spare key. - I can't remember where it is. 143 00:13:43,400 --> 00:13:47,552 - In the shed under the flower pot. - But Terkel... 144 00:13:47,760 --> 00:13:53,517 - Leave us alone now. Honestly! - Should we shuffle home to you? 145 00:13:53,720 --> 00:13:57,713 Not today. My mom and dad are getting ready for their wedding. 146 00:13:57,920 --> 00:14:02,391 The whole house is full of cakes and frilly dresses and shit. 147 00:14:02,600 --> 00:14:06,513 Terkel's parents are getting married on Saturday. 148 00:14:06,720 --> 00:14:09,393 - Hi, boys. - Yo, Gunnar. 149 00:14:09,600 --> 00:14:13,115 - Out buying goodies? - Yeah, we bought some licorice. 150 00:14:13,320 --> 00:14:15,880 See you Monday. Have a nice weekend. 151 00:14:24,440 --> 00:14:28,399 - Can't we go home to you? - Today's not so good. 152 00:14:28,600 --> 00:14:31,797 - Why? - Just because, OK? 153 00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:37,393 I've never even been to your house, Jason. 154 00:14:37,600 --> 00:14:41,388 Listen. I can't deal with that shit today. 155 00:14:42,080 --> 00:14:44,878 - Crap! - Why do you carry that around? 156 00:14:45,080 --> 00:14:46,752 I'm not shitting you. 157 00:14:46,960 --> 00:14:52,193 You never know when you're gonna need an iron pipe. 158 00:15:00,920 --> 00:15:03,036 - Well, I'm home. - No. 159 00:15:03,240 --> 00:15:06,357 - Hi, Dad. - No. 160 00:15:06,560 --> 00:15:09,028 - Have you had a nice day? - No. 161 00:15:09,240 --> 00:15:12,232 - Ready for the wedding tomorrow? - No. 162 00:15:12,440 --> 00:15:14,556 - I'm sure you will be. - No. 163 00:15:14,760 --> 00:15:17,718 - Is Mom home? - No. 164 00:15:17,920 --> 00:15:21,151 - No. - I'm in the kitchen, Terkel. 165 00:15:27,440 --> 00:15:31,274 Hi, Terley. Did you have a nice day? 166 00:15:31,480 --> 00:15:34,790 Yeah... We got a new teacher. 167 00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:39,118 - Because Yvonne's dead! - Would you mind drying this? 168 00:15:40,480 --> 00:15:43,916 Sounds like you've really enjoyed yourself today. 169 00:15:44,120 --> 00:15:47,749 - May I go over to the ramp later? - No, not this evening. 170 00:15:47,960 --> 00:15:52,829 - We have to get up early tomorrow. - What if I come home early? 171 00:15:53,040 --> 00:15:57,477 There's a big party tomorrow and you need eight hours' sleep. 172 00:15:57,680 --> 00:16:02,390 Otherwise you can catch anthrax and shrivel up like an old potato. 173 00:16:02,600 --> 00:16:06,070 - Those things can happen. - But, Mom... 174 00:16:49,640 --> 00:16:52,108 You dumb-ass! Open up! 175 00:16:52,320 --> 00:16:55,517 Jason, what in the world are you doing here? 176 00:16:55,720 --> 00:16:59,759 - Dude, calm down. - It's 2 a.m. 177 00:16:59,960 --> 00:17:03,316 Can't keep a straight face? Come on, we're watching a tape. 178 00:17:14,960 --> 00:17:18,475 Terkel wasn't really much of a horror-movie fan.. 179 00:17:18,680 --> 00:17:21,353 But you can't say that to your best friend. 180 00:17:21,560 --> 00:17:25,519 - So he said: - Wow, he just got his arm hacked off. 181 00:17:25,720 --> 00:17:27,517 Just shut up! 182 00:17:27,720 --> 00:17:31,190 - And his head! - Way to go, man! 183 00:17:41,000 --> 00:17:45,551 So I ask you, Leon Gungadin Mogensen: 184 00:17:45,760 --> 00:17:51,949 Do you take Betty Habakuk Smokeson as your lawful, wedded wife? 185 00:17:52,160 --> 00:17:54,594 No. 186 00:17:54,800 --> 00:17:59,590 - Here they come... - Hurrah! Congratulations! 187 00:17:59,800 --> 00:18:03,759 - Throw rice at Mom and Dad, Rita. - No, that's not nice. 188 00:18:03,960 --> 00:18:08,351 - It's the custom. So they'll be fertile. - Fertile? 189 00:18:08,560 --> 00:18:12,633 - So they can have kids and stuff. - But they already have us. 190 00:18:12,840 --> 00:18:16,515 Wouldn't you like to have a little brother? 191 00:18:16,720 --> 00:18:20,838 Ow, Rita! Not overhand against the ear. It can make you deaf. 192 00:18:31,240 --> 00:18:35,950 It doesn't look like you're eating, Grandma. Can't you chew it? 193 00:18:36,160 --> 00:18:40,312 How about a sandwich? A ham and cheese sandwich? 194 00:18:40,520 --> 00:18:45,150 Getting old is no fun. I had problems with my back this morning. 195 00:18:45,360 --> 00:18:47,635 Went straight to the doctor. 196 00:18:47,840 --> 00:18:52,231 Turns out I've had a scalpel in my back the past three weeks! 197 00:18:54,800 --> 00:18:58,679 I've been asked not to give a speech this evening. 198 00:18:58,880 --> 00:19:04,034 Namely because of that little situation at the last family fest. 199 00:19:04,240 --> 00:19:09,678 But what the heck, it's not every day one's little niece gets married, so... 200 00:19:09,880 --> 00:19:16,319 Terkel! Your mom's got a great ass! It's bull, but you can handle it. 201 00:19:16,520 --> 00:19:19,637 Relax, Leon, I'll get you a whore later. Sit down! 202 00:19:19,840 --> 00:19:22,798 I'd hate to knock you down at your own wedding. 203 00:19:23,000 --> 00:19:26,959 Now I think we should give a toast to the newlyweds... 204 00:19:27,160 --> 00:19:32,996 Or... at least say: Yessir! Cheers! 205 00:19:33,200 --> 00:19:37,034 No getting out of singing a song, either. Fire away, sailor! 206 00:19:37,240 --> 00:19:41,358 Just listen, now. Sit down. 207 00:19:41,560 --> 00:19:46,475 Betty and Leon: now, isn't it nice 208 00:19:46,680 --> 00:19:50,719 'cause tomorrow's the day that you two get spliced 209 00:19:50,920 --> 00:19:55,152 It happens to be today, but I wrote this crap last night. 210 00:19:55,360 --> 00:19:59,035 I feel damn lucky I was invited at all... 211 00:19:59,240 --> 00:20:03,916 - What is it? - Someone from school. Be right back. 212 00:20:04,120 --> 00:20:07,749 - I'm coming, too. - No, you stay here. 213 00:20:12,240 --> 00:20:15,277 Stan? Saki? 214 00:20:19,000 --> 00:20:21,560 Stan...? 215 00:20:21,760 --> 00:20:23,637 Saki...? 216 00:20:25,720 --> 00:20:29,599 - Relax, man. It's just us. - I knew it was you guys. 217 00:20:29,800 --> 00:20:32,917 - Want me to shoot you? - No. 218 00:20:33,120 --> 00:20:37,159 - What's happening, Terkel? - Not much. 219 00:20:37,360 --> 00:20:41,399 - Having a party? - My folks just got married, that's all. 220 00:20:41,600 --> 00:20:45,309 - What're you up to? - We're going drinking. Show him. 221 00:20:45,520 --> 00:20:49,354 - It's extra dry. - He nicked it from his father. 222 00:20:49,560 --> 00:20:54,554 - He said I could take it. - Yeah, sure. Wise guy. 223 00:20:54,760 --> 00:20:57,957 - Can we come in for a drink? - That's not too good. 224 00:20:58,160 --> 00:21:03,109 - Will you bring us a beer, then? - No, I can't... 225 00:21:03,320 --> 00:21:06,517 Not a big one, in any case... 226 00:21:06,720 --> 00:21:14,195 Just one, maybe, or two or three... I think there's a case in the pantry. 227 00:21:14,400 --> 00:21:17,915 roast pork and dumplings and ten kinds of herring 228 00:21:18,120 --> 00:21:23,399 I'm trying it all, now I feel so daring... 229 00:21:23,600 --> 00:21:27,115 - Ham and cheese? - Sit down, before you get hurt. 230 00:21:27,320 --> 00:21:31,950 Now it's about time that I lifted my glass... 231 00:21:33,880 --> 00:21:37,714 'cause this is a special occasion 232 00:21:37,920 --> 00:21:41,993 it's time that we all got up off of our ass 233 00:21:42,280 --> 00:21:46,398 to join in this big celebration. 234 00:21:46,600 --> 00:21:50,309 There's plenty of beef not a veggie in sight 235 00:21:50,520 --> 00:21:56,550 there's chicken and turkey till your heartbeat gets jerky... 236 00:21:56,760 --> 00:21:58,751 Oh, Jesus...! 237 00:22:00,480 --> 00:22:04,439 Dammit, you little prick. Stealing the grown-ups' soda pop? 238 00:22:04,640 --> 00:22:10,590 - Stan and Saki made me do it. - What? Trying to bullshit your uncle? 239 00:22:10,800 --> 00:22:14,793 It's true. They were outside with guns. 240 00:22:15,000 --> 00:22:16,752 No, don't! 241 00:22:18,000 --> 00:22:20,992 - Surprise, you little assholes! - Who's he? 242 00:22:21,200 --> 00:22:25,557 - He's my uncle. - Stealing from Uncle Stewart, huh? 243 00:22:25,760 --> 00:22:29,036 - What the hell...? - Terkel told me. 244 00:22:29,240 --> 00:22:33,392 You two cross-eyed bastards forced him to steal beer for you. 245 00:22:33,600 --> 00:22:39,072 - Jesus, is that a lie! - So you're calling me a liar? 246 00:22:39,280 --> 00:22:43,353 - You can't just hit him! - Want one with the gold ring, too? 247 00:22:43,640 --> 00:22:47,155 - Don't get smart with me. - I'm much smaller than you. 248 00:22:47,360 --> 00:22:51,035 What're you gonna do about it, cry-baby? 249 00:22:51,240 --> 00:22:53,310 Oww! God dammit! 250 00:22:53,520 --> 00:22:58,150 - Don't stand on his head! - You're out of your fucking mind! 251 00:22:58,360 --> 00:23:00,715 That was that. 252 00:23:00,920 --> 00:23:02,911 And stay away, pathetic jerks. 253 00:23:03,120 --> 00:23:06,078 - What're you doing Uncle Stewart? - Who, me? 254 00:23:06,280 --> 00:23:11,274 - I'm the one who'll pay on Monday. - So what. Don't take it so hard. 255 00:23:11,480 --> 00:23:14,711 Come on. Let's go in and whup your dad's ass. 256 00:23:28,880 --> 00:23:31,952 No, I don't fucking want you to be my girlfriend. 257 00:23:32,160 --> 00:23:36,039 Is it in, you deadbeat? 258 00:23:41,200 --> 00:23:44,397 - Oww! Fuck this shit. - Hi, Jason. 259 00:23:44,600 --> 00:23:47,990 Yo, Terkel. Did you hear that? "Girlfriend." 260 00:23:48,200 --> 00:23:51,590 She could have said "bimbo". Or she'd be my bitch. 261 00:23:51,800 --> 00:23:57,113 It's so fucked up, the way she talks. Worse than Hillary Duff. 262 00:23:57,320 --> 00:24:00,118 - Why are you so late? - It's because... 263 00:24:00,320 --> 00:24:06,236 What's with Stan and Saki? They seem pretty pissed off at you. 264 00:24:06,440 --> 00:24:08,874 Calling you a shithead and stuff. 265 00:24:09,080 --> 00:24:11,799 - I knew it. - Knew what? 266 00:24:12,000 --> 00:24:15,231 Then Terkel told him about Saturday evening... 267 00:24:15,440 --> 00:24:21,037 Dude, that's too rich. Holy shit. That's awesome. 268 00:24:21,240 --> 00:24:26,075 Right. "Rich". Except that I'm the one who's in deep shit. 269 00:24:27,360 --> 00:24:29,749 Is it that bad? 270 00:24:29,960 --> 00:24:34,397 I've been contacted by the Gorilla Club, to which I belong... 271 00:24:34,600 --> 00:24:37,831 - Hi, boys. - What's up, homie? 272 00:24:43,280 --> 00:24:46,750 My mother's written a note about why I'm late. 273 00:24:46,960 --> 00:24:52,478 Yes... Let's have a look... "Terkel is allergic to milk - 274 00:24:52,680 --> 00:24:58,198 - so I let him sleep late. I don't want him catching cirrhosis of the liver. 275 00:24:58,400 --> 00:25:02,188 Yours truly, Betty." Yes... 276 00:25:02,400 --> 00:25:07,349 Right. You may go and set your hiney in your chair, nice and easy. 277 00:25:07,560 --> 00:25:10,279 - You little squealer! - Cheap ass! 278 00:25:12,400 --> 00:25:13,799 TERKEL: YOU'RE DEAD MEAT! 279 00:25:15,800 --> 00:25:19,315 As I was saying, I was contacted by the Gorilla Club. 280 00:25:19,520 --> 00:25:25,231 It turns out that the piebald salamander was sighted - 281 00:25:25,440 --> 00:25:29,069 - three days ago, in the marsh outside of town. 282 00:25:29,280 --> 00:25:34,274 Which is why I've arranged a little camping trip for all of us. 283 00:25:35,520 --> 00:25:39,035 Take it easy. Take it easy, kids... There. 284 00:25:39,240 --> 00:25:41,390 We leave Wednesday morning. 285 00:25:41,680 --> 00:25:46,549 So one of your parents has to give written permission for you to come. 286 00:25:46,760 --> 00:25:49,320 - Excuse me. Gunnar? - Yes, Silas? 287 00:25:49,520 --> 00:25:53,149 What's the difference between a piebald salamander - 288 00:25:53,360 --> 00:25:58,878 - and a common two-tailed, transverse-spotted salamander? 289 00:26:03,360 --> 00:26:07,399 What a downtrip, wrong-fucked, dumb-ass project! 290 00:26:07,600 --> 00:26:12,116 - What've we done to deserve this? - It could be lots of fun. 291 00:26:12,480 --> 00:26:17,235 Hilarious. Wading around some shitty swamp catching salamanders! 292 00:26:17,440 --> 00:26:21,831 We'll be sleeping in a tent together. It'll be lots of fun. 293 00:26:22,040 --> 00:26:25,032 Yeah, but I... That fucking pipe, man! 294 00:26:25,240 --> 00:26:30,075 - So throw the damn thing away. - Are you insane? I'm not discussing it. 295 00:26:30,280 --> 00:26:33,829 You never know when an iron pipe will come in handy. 296 00:26:37,960 --> 00:26:41,839 - I think it'll be lots of fun... - Do you, you big bitch? 297 00:26:42,040 --> 00:26:46,352 - You like catching salamanders? - Are you an animal tormentor? 298 00:26:46,560 --> 00:26:51,236 - What? Animal tormentor? - Don't copy us, phony. 299 00:26:51,440 --> 00:26:55,149 Yeah, don't copy us. You... phony... 300 00:26:55,360 --> 00:26:58,113 - Bitch. Phony. - Animal tormentor. 301 00:26:58,320 --> 00:27:00,197 Leave me alone! 302 00:27:02,240 --> 00:27:06,791 - You're a member of our club, right? - We write each other letters. 303 00:27:07,000 --> 00:27:10,629 - 'Cause we're pen-pals. - Won't you be my pen-pal? 304 00:27:10,840 --> 00:27:15,311 - May we cut your hair? - You girls are completely batty. 305 00:27:15,520 --> 00:27:18,956 Gunnar? May I have a word with you? 306 00:27:19,160 --> 00:27:24,996 Yes, of course. Let go, girls. Come, Terkel. 307 00:27:27,320 --> 00:27:31,632 - Stan and Saki keep teasing me. - Do they? 308 00:27:31,840 --> 00:27:36,231 They call me bitch and animal tormentor and phony... 309 00:27:36,440 --> 00:27:40,274 That's not very nice. I think you should pay them back. 310 00:27:40,480 --> 00:27:44,189 - How? - Which of them is most in charge? 311 00:27:44,400 --> 00:27:48,029 - Stan, I think. - Then you've got to confront him. 312 00:27:48,240 --> 00:27:52,392 Go after those leader types. The others will fall in line. 313 00:27:52,600 --> 00:27:57,037 Go up to Stan and say: "Hey, hey. What about you?" 314 00:27:57,240 --> 00:28:00,357 - "What... What about you?" - Uh-huh. 315 00:28:00,560 --> 00:28:03,950 Then they'll see the folly of their ways. 316 00:28:04,160 --> 00:28:06,628 Okay. Thanks, Gunnar. 317 00:28:18,960 --> 00:28:23,192 - Here comes the animal tormentor. - And what about you? 318 00:28:23,400 --> 00:28:27,712 - Wha'? - Yeah, Stan, what about you? 319 00:28:27,920 --> 00:28:31,595 - What are you talking about? - I mean: What about you! 320 00:28:46,440 --> 00:28:52,117 What's all this you call me, homie bitch, cruel to animals and phony? 321 00:28:52,320 --> 00:28:56,438 See yourself, now there's a creep calling names is just too cheap 322 00:28:56,640 --> 00:28:59,677 so bring it on if you think you can whup me 323 00:28:59,880 --> 00:29:02,394 you'll piss your pants for sure, see? 324 00:29:02,600 --> 00:29:07,310 I'll boot you in your bootie and your momma's funky twat, a lot 325 00:29:07,520 --> 00:29:09,397 I stomp those who like cursing 326 00:29:09,600 --> 00:29:14,720 so don't bother crying "mercy" if I get more shit from you 327 00:29:14,920 --> 00:29:17,275 swear your parents will know you'll have the blues and you'll be screwed. 328 00:29:17,480 --> 00:29:20,313 Look who's talking 329 00:29:20,520 --> 00:29:22,670 bombs and stones can break your bones 330 00:29:22,880 --> 00:29:24,916 so change your tune and make it rhyme 331 00:29:25,120 --> 00:29:27,873 or I'll send you to the moon la-di-da-di-doom. 332 00:29:28,080 --> 00:29:30,719 Look who's talking 333 00:29:30,920 --> 00:29:32,638 bombs and stones can break your bones 334 00:29:32,840 --> 00:29:37,470 pass it on - don't pass it back get your shit together, no if or whether. 335 00:29:37,680 --> 00:29:43,198 What about you? Your Mom's easy, your Dad's any one of ten 336 00:29:43,400 --> 00:29:48,076 my poppa can pulverize every one of them, so run away, you always do 337 00:29:48,280 --> 00:29:49,793 when I'm dissing you 338 00:29:50,000 --> 00:29:53,356 look at yourself you dumb-ass fool 339 00:29:53,560 --> 00:29:58,156 1, 2, 3, I got you there, you dick-head deer and big-ass square 340 00:29:58,360 --> 00:30:00,920 you started this but I'll finish it off 341 00:30:01,120 --> 00:30:03,918 there's nothing you can do, sissy-baiter 342 00:30:04,120 --> 00:30:08,318 another peep from you before this rap is through, Terminator 343 00:30:08,520 --> 00:30:12,593 and I'll motherfucking tell on you, soon or later 344 00:30:12,800 --> 00:30:14,995 Bi-i-tch! 345 00:30:20,600 --> 00:30:25,071 - Bitch. - Yeah, mega-bitch... and phony. 346 00:30:31,240 --> 00:30:36,872 It's no great surprise, how little grown-ups understand kids. 347 00:30:37,080 --> 00:30:40,789 And least of all, how to avoid being mocked. 348 00:30:43,520 --> 00:30:47,593 What's up, pussy? You made of chicken-shit? 349 00:30:47,800 --> 00:30:53,557 - What the hell's with you? - Nothing. I'm just a little tired... 350 00:30:56,040 --> 00:31:00,113 - Hello, it's Terkel. - You're not at the ramp, are you? 351 00:31:00,320 --> 00:31:03,630 - Mom, I usually... - It'll be raining soon. 352 00:31:03,840 --> 00:31:07,913 You know very well how wet wood spreads SARS. 353 00:31:08,120 --> 00:31:12,636 - Okay, I'll come home now. - It's for your own sake. 354 00:31:12,840 --> 00:31:17,709 We don't want you getting calcareous deposits in your knees. 355 00:31:45,480 --> 00:31:50,759 Did that say "ouch"? Now you're gonna taste fear, animal tormentor. 356 00:31:50,960 --> 00:31:55,715 - Want to taste this shit? - No! I don't wanna die! 357 00:31:59,240 --> 00:32:02,710 - You can run... - But you cant' hide. 358 00:33:34,480 --> 00:33:37,790 Welcome to the Kid's Hot-Line. Stewart speaking. 359 00:33:38,000 --> 00:33:40,719 Hi, Stewart, it's Terkel. 360 00:33:40,920 --> 00:33:43,912 - I'm at work right now, so... - Yes, I know. 361 00:33:44,120 --> 00:33:48,796 Call some other time. I have to deal with the children's problems. 362 00:33:49,000 --> 00:33:53,039 I have problems. That's why I'm calling. 363 00:33:53,240 --> 00:33:58,872 - Aye. Hit me, mate! - They're mocking me at school. 364 00:33:59,080 --> 00:34:04,234 - Yes... But what's the problem? - They call me animal tormentor... 365 00:34:04,440 --> 00:34:10,197 Really? That's not very original. How about "mega shit-eater"? 366 00:34:10,400 --> 00:34:15,030 Or: "Son of a junkie Eskimo whore"? Hey, here's a good one: 367 00:34:15,240 --> 00:34:18,471 "lmpotent gazelle dick-head." 368 00:34:18,680 --> 00:34:22,719 "Pathetic product of putrid pussy-piss." 369 00:34:22,920 --> 00:34:29,553 - You've got to help me, Stewart! - Of course. That's why I'm here. 370 00:34:29,760 --> 00:34:35,596 Problems are there to be solved. Sometimes you just need a little help. 371 00:34:35,800 --> 00:34:38,598 You should never be afraid to reach out. 372 00:34:38,800 --> 00:34:41,598 Here's some good advice I got from my daddy: 373 00:34:41,800 --> 00:34:45,315 Call for help if you're ever in doubt 374 00:34:45,520 --> 00:34:49,229 1-800-help-a-kid can save you from deep shit 375 00:34:49,440 --> 00:34:52,955 you shouldn't have to carry every burden by yourself 376 00:34:53,160 --> 00:34:57,073 but you can count on Stewart so why don't you call for help? 377 00:34:57,280 --> 00:35:00,716 - Can't I... - I've helped countless kids. Listen: 378 00:35:00,920 --> 00:35:04,754 Last night there was this little guy who was so far from home 379 00:35:04,960 --> 00:35:08,270 terrified of darkness he was lost and all alone 380 00:35:08,480 --> 00:35:12,234 "Stewart, won't you help me?" "Yes, help is on the way. " 381 00:35:12,440 --> 00:35:16,479 I pulled my knife and shouted "Hey!" and suddenly he ran away. 382 00:35:16,680 --> 00:35:19,797 I remember Victor and his bully of a dad 383 00:35:20,000 --> 00:35:23,834 who beat the poor kid senseless every single chance he had 384 00:35:24,040 --> 00:35:27,749 so Victor tried to call me with: "Someone help me, please!" 385 00:35:27,960 --> 00:35:31,430 too bad that it was my day off now Victor is deceased. 386 00:35:31,640 --> 00:35:35,189 So call for help when trouble comes your way 387 00:35:35,400 --> 00:35:39,279 the captain's at your service you can call him night or day 388 00:35:39,480 --> 00:35:43,029 1-800-help-a-kid I'll help, you hopeless creep 389 00:35:43,240 --> 00:35:48,268 if I'm shit-faced, say your piece when you hear that little beep. 390 00:35:48,480 --> 00:35:53,156 - Won't someone please help me? - Yes, Terkel, that's the stuff. 391 00:35:53,360 --> 00:35:56,750 That's what you say if you're in deep shit. 392 00:35:56,960 --> 00:36:01,988 Take care. Tell your dad I'll be by to bust his head one of these days. 393 00:36:28,880 --> 00:36:30,598 DEATH TO ANIMAL TORMENTORS 394 00:36:32,960 --> 00:36:35,349 No! I don't wanna die! 395 00:36:35,560 --> 00:36:39,519 What's going on in here? Have you seen this mess, Leon? 396 00:36:40,240 --> 00:36:41,832 No. 397 00:36:42,040 --> 00:36:46,113 - What are you playing in here? - A brick came through the window. 398 00:36:46,320 --> 00:36:52,589 It didn't come by itself. Maybe next time you'll know not to play with fire. 399 00:36:56,960 --> 00:37:00,748 Terkel kept his distance from Stan and Saki. 400 00:37:00,960 --> 00:37:06,751 If they could throw a brick through Terkel's window - 401 00:37:06,960 --> 00:37:11,511 - who knows what else they might do... Oh-oh... 402 00:37:11,720 --> 00:37:14,473 - It's the animal tormentor. - Hi, phony. 403 00:37:14,680 --> 00:37:19,435 - Pussy. - Hiding from us, are you? 404 00:37:19,640 --> 00:37:23,553 - Won't you just leave me alone? - Poor little baby. Don't cry. 405 00:37:23,760 --> 00:37:29,471 Little animal tormentor. About to cry? Afraid of your mom and dad? 406 00:37:39,480 --> 00:37:46,397 Terkel was wondering what to do, when suddenly Doris stood before him. 407 00:37:47,520 --> 00:37:52,719 Don't let it bother you. They're just super-jealous. 408 00:37:52,920 --> 00:37:54,797 Doris...? 409 00:37:55,000 --> 00:37:58,709 Terkel'd never spoken to Doris. He'd almost never noticed her. 410 00:37:58,920 --> 00:38:01,753 She was just there. 411 00:38:03,360 --> 00:38:06,477 - What is it? - Just... a letter. But... 412 00:38:06,680 --> 00:38:09,513 ... you don't have to read it now. 413 00:38:09,720 --> 00:38:12,837 Look! Dumpy Doris and the big faggot are lovers. 414 00:38:13,040 --> 00:38:18,034 - Terkel's been crying. - Then it's good he has Dumpy Doris. 415 00:38:18,240 --> 00:38:23,439 - Yeah, they're lovers. - So? You're just jealous as hell. 416 00:38:23,640 --> 00:38:28,031 You tub of lard! Hey, Terkel, are you in love with Doris? 417 00:38:28,240 --> 00:38:32,631 Terkel wanted to help Doris, just as she'd tried to helped him - 418 00:38:32,840 --> 00:38:37,789 - but instead, he did what people sometimes do in a tight situation. 419 00:38:38,000 --> 00:38:40,912 He copped out. 420 00:38:41,120 --> 00:38:44,396 No... I'm not in love... with that fat cow. 421 00:38:44,600 --> 00:38:50,869 Then Stan and Saki forgot all about Terkel and started in on poor Doris. 422 00:38:51,080 --> 00:38:56,108 - Yes, man. Fat cow! - Stranded whale! John Goodman! 423 00:38:56,320 --> 00:38:59,039 - Where are you going? - Stay here, fatso. 424 00:38:59,240 --> 00:39:00,753 Watch out! 425 00:39:10,280 --> 00:39:14,796 - That was over pretty fast, huh? - Terkel was paralyzed with horror. 426 00:39:15,000 --> 00:39:17,833 Still, he heard himself say: 427 00:39:18,040 --> 00:39:22,636 I sure hope that... fat cow didn't land on someone's head. 428 00:39:22,840 --> 00:39:27,595 - Cool vocab, Terkel - It sounded totally down. 429 00:39:27,800 --> 00:39:30,360 Terkel is the man. 430 00:39:34,720 --> 00:39:40,078 - How can one person bleed so much? - Easy. When it's a fat cow like her. 431 00:39:42,200 --> 00:39:44,589 Terkel? Just a minute. 432 00:39:44,800 --> 00:39:49,874 Tell me, what actually happened up there in the classroom? 433 00:39:50,080 --> 00:39:53,959 - She jumped out the window. - Fair play. Okay, then. 434 00:39:54,160 --> 00:39:59,518 At least it's good that fat cow didn't land on anybody's head. 435 00:39:59,720 --> 00:40:02,280 That was a good one! 436 00:40:15,320 --> 00:40:17,595 The letter! 437 00:40:23,120 --> 00:40:28,672 Dear Terkel: I love you. You're the only bright spot in my life. 438 00:40:28,880 --> 00:40:33,749 They put me down every single day and I can't take it anymore. 439 00:40:33,960 --> 00:40:36,997 You're the only thing that keeps me breathing. 440 00:40:37,200 --> 00:40:39,998 Love, Doris 441 00:40:46,160 --> 00:40:48,116 - Another sausage, Leon? - No. 442 00:40:48,320 --> 00:40:50,117 - Yes. - No. 443 00:40:50,320 --> 00:40:52,515 You're getting one, anyway. 444 00:40:52,720 --> 00:40:55,837 Well, Terkel... 445 00:40:56,040 --> 00:40:58,998 What have you done in school today? 446 00:40:59,200 --> 00:41:04,320 They mocked me so much today that I began mocking Dumpy Doris. 447 00:41:04,520 --> 00:41:08,149 It hurt her so much she jumped out the window. 448 00:41:08,360 --> 00:41:12,239 - So you've had a busy day, huh? - She died, Mother. 449 00:41:12,440 --> 00:41:17,309 Stop eating like a pig, Rita, if you want the tooth fairy to come over. 450 00:41:38,120 --> 00:41:41,351 - Hi, Terkel. - Get out, Rita 451 00:41:41,560 --> 00:41:46,315 - Can't we play, dressing my dolls? - I don't play. 452 00:41:46,520 --> 00:41:50,115 - You play with Jason. - We don't play. We hang. 453 00:41:50,320 --> 00:41:53,312 Well, don't you want to hang out with my dolls? 454 00:41:53,520 --> 00:41:56,512 Get out! 455 00:42:31,680 --> 00:42:36,435 Dad? I need to talk to you. I've got problems at school. 456 00:42:36,640 --> 00:42:41,350 And no one will help me. Will you please listen to me? 457 00:42:41,560 --> 00:42:44,711 Nooo! 458 00:42:45,760 --> 00:42:48,069 Mom? 459 00:42:49,400 --> 00:42:51,550 What is it, Terkel? 460 00:42:57,000 --> 00:43:02,677 Do you want to play? For ever and ever... 461 00:43:02,880 --> 00:43:07,271 - Nooo! - Come here, Terkel... 462 00:43:07,480 --> 00:43:09,198 Nooo! 463 00:43:12,200 --> 00:43:13,918 Stop, Terkel! 464 00:43:14,840 --> 00:43:19,231 I'm coming, I'm coming atcha' I'm coming, I'm poking atcha' 465 00:43:19,440 --> 00:43:22,716 tearing up everything in sight... 466 00:43:23,960 --> 00:43:26,315 I'm the shape behind the curtain that's driving you insane 467 00:43:26,520 --> 00:43:29,432 the monster in your closet the noise in your brain 468 00:43:29,640 --> 00:43:34,236 I'm all of those lost souls you tortured in your computer game. 469 00:43:34,440 --> 00:43:38,797 Mom and dad, they will believe only what their eyes can see 470 00:43:39,000 --> 00:43:41,878 they're in bed asleep while I'm giving you a fright 471 00:43:42,080 --> 00:43:45,356 they're not the ones I visit when you turn out the light 472 00:43:45,560 --> 00:43:50,350 I'm coming, I'm coming atcha' I'm coming, I'm poking atcha' 473 00:43:50,560 --> 00:43:55,759 wrecking all that you thought was safe... 474 00:43:55,960 --> 00:44:00,556 I'm coming, I'm coming atcha' I'm coming, I'm poking atcha' 475 00:44:00,760 --> 00:44:04,070 wrecking what you thought was safe... 476 00:44:30,960 --> 00:44:33,235 TERKEL, YOU'RE DEAD MEAT 477 00:44:36,760 --> 00:44:38,557 Who wrote that? 478 00:44:38,760 --> 00:44:45,154 Could Stan and Saki be cruel enough to rub salt in his bad conscience? 479 00:44:45,360 --> 00:44:47,715 Who else could it have been? 480 00:44:50,840 --> 00:44:54,719 - Have you seen the spare key? - What? 481 00:44:54,920 --> 00:44:58,754 - It's not in the shed. - I haven't seen it. 482 00:44:58,960 --> 00:45:02,032 Here. I've packed your suitcase. 483 00:45:02,240 --> 00:45:05,391 Are you throwing me out, just 'cause that key's gone? 484 00:45:05,600 --> 00:45:09,798 - Come on, Terley. It's Wednesday. - What? 485 00:45:10,000 --> 00:45:14,630 The salamander expedition. Had you forgotten? 486 00:45:14,840 --> 00:45:16,831 Can't I stay home, Mom? 487 00:45:17,040 --> 00:45:22,797 You're going to sleep with Jason out in the dark and dangerous forest. 488 00:45:23,000 --> 00:45:26,959 - I'm not feeling so great. - It's just a touch of hepatitis. 489 00:45:27,160 --> 00:45:32,632 - Do I have to go? - Ask your father first. 490 00:45:34,880 --> 00:45:37,314 Dad? 491 00:45:38,760 --> 00:45:40,716 No. 492 00:45:46,520 --> 00:45:49,717 - Grab the back seat, Stan. - Sure thing. 493 00:45:49,920 --> 00:45:52,229 Good morning, Terkel. 494 00:45:52,440 --> 00:45:56,831 - Get permission from your folks? - Yes, it's here. 495 00:45:57,040 --> 00:46:00,874 You can deliver your things to the bus boy over there. 496 00:46:07,000 --> 00:46:12,472 Is this some kind of joke, Terkel? I don't think it's very funny. 497 00:46:14,480 --> 00:46:17,711 - "You're going to die!" - I know what it says. 498 00:46:17,920 --> 00:46:20,957 But I don't think it's funny at all. 499 00:46:21,160 --> 00:46:25,358 - Let's saddle up, kids. - Well, Terkel. Are you coming? 500 00:46:31,680 --> 00:46:36,549 Hey, fuck-face, come here and sit down, before I get you down. 501 00:46:36,760 --> 00:46:39,593 Hi, Terkel. Look: Papa's got a brand new bag. 502 00:46:39,800 --> 00:46:43,110 Yeah, it's so bad-ass. An army bag? 503 00:46:43,320 --> 00:46:49,589 - Is it one of those army ones? - No, it's just an Eastpack. 504 00:46:49,800 --> 00:46:52,473 - Totally bad-ass. - Yeah, I'll say. 505 00:46:52,680 --> 00:46:56,116 What did you call Dumpy Doris the other day? 506 00:46:58,160 --> 00:47:01,789 - Fat cow...? - "Fat cow", man. Totally awesome. 507 00:47:02,000 --> 00:47:05,197 Won't you sit with us, Terkel? 508 00:47:05,400 --> 00:47:07,755 Uhh... Yeah. 509 00:47:07,960 --> 00:47:10,155 Cool! 510 00:47:14,080 --> 00:47:16,230 What the fuck's your problem? 511 00:47:18,160 --> 00:47:21,118 - Anyone sitting here? - Yeah. 512 00:47:21,320 --> 00:47:25,598 - I don't see anyone. - Then take a good look, ho'. 513 00:47:25,800 --> 00:47:28,951 Look, now I dropped my pipe. You bring bad luck. 514 00:47:29,160 --> 00:47:32,038 See you at the barbecue. 515 00:47:55,920 --> 00:47:58,957 Please quiet down a moment, you silly billys. 516 00:47:59,160 --> 00:48:03,472 - Okay, Gunnar. - I feel like singing a song. 517 00:48:03,680 --> 00:48:06,353 That is, if you feel like hearing one. 518 00:48:06,560 --> 00:48:10,519 Gosh... You kids are harder to control than a flock of geese. 519 00:48:10,720 --> 00:48:14,474 Can't you sing about why we have so much homework? 520 00:48:14,680 --> 00:48:18,150 No, listen. You're all spoiled beyond belief. 521 00:48:18,360 --> 00:48:21,670 Plenty of kids in the world are much worse off than you. 522 00:48:21,880 --> 00:48:25,316 - Bullshit. - Just listen to this: 523 00:48:25,520 --> 00:48:30,640 Here's a little story about a boy named Quang 524 00:48:30,840 --> 00:48:36,517 he's seven, lives in Thailand and his working day is long 525 00:48:36,720 --> 00:48:42,272 he gets up very early and he goes so late to bed 526 00:48:42,480 --> 00:48:47,349 'cause there's so much to see to even though he's just a kid. 527 00:48:48,760 --> 00:48:53,754 Every morning, 5 o'clock he's gone down to the river 528 00:48:53,960 --> 00:48:59,432 through thorny weeds and thistles that stab him in the liver 529 00:48:59,640 --> 00:49:04,839 although the water's dark and cold his family is in debt 530 00:49:05,040 --> 00:49:10,273 and diving after oyster pearls is little Quang's best bet. 531 00:49:11,440 --> 00:49:16,389 So what is it that makes you think I want to hear you whine 532 00:49:16,600 --> 00:49:21,071 'bout how you hate your spinach and school's a waste of time? 533 00:49:21,280 --> 00:49:26,070 You've got Nike and Nintendo and there's never work to do 534 00:49:26,280 --> 00:49:31,877 while a million kids around the world are wishing they were you. 535 00:49:33,280 --> 00:49:38,115 Though Quang is only seven he's the oldest out of ten 536 00:49:38,320 --> 00:49:43,440 so he does all the cooking when it's dinnertime again 537 00:49:43,640 --> 00:49:48,953 with all those little mouths to feed there's nothing much to eat 538 00:49:49,160 --> 00:49:54,712 so Quang has bought a tube of glue to give them all a treat. 539 00:49:56,200 --> 00:50:01,228 With all the little ones in bed Quang's head is feeling light 540 00:50:01,440 --> 00:50:05,797 but off to town he goes again in the middle of the night 541 00:50:06,000 --> 00:50:11,472 for even though it's very late our little friend has got a date 542 00:50:11,680 --> 00:50:16,515 so off he goes to meet his fate with Heinrich Schultz who's 48. 543 00:50:19,520 --> 00:50:24,514 How is it you can tell me you lead a dismal life? 544 00:50:24,720 --> 00:50:29,350 Put it in perspective: think, if you had a wife 545 00:50:29,560 --> 00:50:34,395 start caring about others that's the message of my song 546 00:50:34,600 --> 00:50:39,116 remember that your life's not bad at least compared to Quang 547 00:50:39,320 --> 00:50:46,112 remember that your life's not bad at least compared to Quang. 548 00:50:48,280 --> 00:50:51,590 Gunnar? I like feel totally sorry for that like Quang boy.. 549 00:50:51,800 --> 00:50:55,759 I mean, like: Hello? Think if it was me? 550 00:50:55,960 --> 00:51:00,238 "Hello! Wake up, you spass!" I mean like, something should be done. 551 00:51:00,440 --> 00:51:04,831 Something can be done. I sponsor a child in Vietnam. 552 00:51:05,040 --> 00:51:10,160 It costs $20 a month. If you each give me a dollar - 553 00:51:10,360 --> 00:51:13,670 - you can help support little Philip Yong Gonggong. 554 00:51:13,880 --> 00:51:18,908 - Is his name Philip Yong Gonggong? - Yes, Terkel, but it's a girl. 555 00:51:19,120 --> 00:51:24,638 - But Philip is a girl's name. - Down there they call them anything. 556 00:51:24,840 --> 00:51:26,876 Oh, I see... 557 00:51:33,640 --> 00:51:37,553 Don't you feel like playing football, Carl? 558 00:51:37,760 --> 00:51:40,399 Can we borrow that football, Carl? 559 00:51:44,440 --> 00:51:48,956 Yes, now listen up, kids. When you've put up your tents - 560 00:51:49,160 --> 00:51:54,473 - you can explore the forest. Just keep away from the edge of the lake. 561 00:51:54,680 --> 00:51:59,708 It's lights out at ten o'clock because we have to get up at five - 562 00:51:59,920 --> 00:52:03,071 - to study the salamanders... 563 00:52:03,280 --> 00:52:08,229 - Yes, Silas? - What if I want to go to bed at 9:30? 564 00:52:08,440 --> 00:52:10,431 Shut the hell up! 565 00:52:15,000 --> 00:52:20,552 Terkel was feeling better. He'd forgotten about the creepy messages. 566 00:52:26,600 --> 00:52:30,036 - Hi, Jason. - Fuck off, wannabe. 567 00:52:30,240 --> 00:52:33,437 What are you on? They're on your case for two days - 568 00:52:33,640 --> 00:52:37,189 - and suddenly you start eating out of their ass, dude. 569 00:52:37,400 --> 00:52:40,358 They don't mock me anymore. They're actually quite nice. 570 00:52:40,560 --> 00:52:44,997 You don't need to kiss ass cuz' of that. 571 00:52:45,200 --> 00:52:49,478 - But I don't. - Bullshit. Fucking sell-out. 572 00:52:49,680 --> 00:52:52,797 - Gonna sleep in their tent, too? - No... 573 00:52:53,000 --> 00:52:56,675 - Won't you sleep in our tent? - What'd I say? 574 00:52:56,880 --> 00:52:59,917 Uhh... okay. 575 00:53:01,360 --> 00:53:05,273 - Is it okay with you, Jason? - That's your problem, loser. 576 00:53:07,080 --> 00:53:09,196 Come on, Terkel! 577 00:53:11,360 --> 00:53:15,990 - Is there space for three? - Sure. It's an army tent. 578 00:53:16,200 --> 00:53:22,639 - Aww, you bought it at Wal-Mart. - Well, the army... has walls, too. 579 00:53:22,840 --> 00:53:25,308 Relax, man. I'm aware of that. 580 00:53:34,360 --> 00:53:38,638 Fucking fake, little, fat, dumb-ass, fucking... 581 00:53:48,280 --> 00:53:52,432 Yo, Johanna. What's it called...? 582 00:53:52,640 --> 00:53:58,112 I realize I've been an asshole and all that shit... 583 00:53:58,320 --> 00:54:01,949 I'm... sorry, you know... et cetera. 584 00:54:02,160 --> 00:54:04,390 I guess it's because... 585 00:54:04,600 --> 00:54:09,833 ... people just don't treat each other cool anymore... I just... 586 00:54:10,040 --> 00:54:12,838 I hope you... understand, man. 587 00:54:13,040 --> 00:54:18,353 Just fuck off! You're too ugly for me, and your momma does it with horses. 588 00:54:19,360 --> 00:54:21,510 Fuck...! 589 00:54:21,720 --> 00:54:28,910 This wasn't the Johanna that Jason knew. What a temper. What language. 590 00:54:29,120 --> 00:54:34,433 Just imagine. A girl with such a foul mouth... A really foul mouth. 591 00:54:39,760 --> 00:54:45,153 How could I have been so blind it never entered my little mind 592 00:54:45,360 --> 00:54:49,478 it's only now I really see you 593 00:54:49,680 --> 00:54:55,073 you're babylicious to the core the ho' that I've been searching for 594 00:54:55,280 --> 00:54:59,558 a bolt out of the blue what the hell is hap'ning? 595 00:55:00,680 --> 00:55:05,674 I didn't realize it until today 596 00:55:05,880 --> 00:55:10,476 when suddenly you looked at me and then I heard you say: 597 00:55:10,680 --> 00:55:12,591 Fuck off and die 598 00:55:12,800 --> 00:55:16,839 you're too ugly for me and your momma does it with horses 599 00:55:17,040 --> 00:55:19,793 you said it without a smile. 600 00:55:20,920 --> 00:55:27,359 What do you want? I'll do it all if you just say you'll be my baby 601 00:55:27,560 --> 00:55:30,279 because I dig your style. 602 00:55:31,920 --> 00:55:37,040 I can't believe the time I've wasted all that bush I could have tasted 603 00:55:37,240 --> 00:55:42,234 before I could see you're the one for me. 604 00:55:42,440 --> 00:55:47,309 It would piss me off no end if you had some dumb boyfriend 605 00:55:47,520 --> 00:55:52,878 what if you laughed and said that it could never be? 606 00:55:53,080 --> 00:55:58,438 I can only hope and pray that this is gonna be the day 607 00:55:58,640 --> 00:56:02,758 if you've got eyes for it let me hear you say: 608 00:56:02,960 --> 00:56:04,951 Fuck off and die 609 00:56:05,160 --> 00:56:09,073 you're too ugly for me and your momma does it with horses 610 00:56:09,280 --> 00:56:11,589 you said it without a smile. 611 00:56:13,240 --> 00:56:19,509 What do you want? I'll do it all if you just say you'll be my baby 612 00:56:19,720 --> 00:56:22,280 because I dig your style. 613 00:56:23,760 --> 00:56:25,830 Fuck off and die 614 00:56:26,040 --> 00:56:29,919 you're too ugly for me and your momma does it with horses 615 00:56:30,120 --> 00:56:33,032 you said it without a smile. 616 00:56:34,280 --> 00:56:40,389 What do you want? I'll do it all if you just say you'll be my baby 617 00:56:40,600 --> 00:56:42,989 because I dig your style... 618 00:56:44,760 --> 00:56:49,117 - We'll just... - What kind of sheet is that, Stan? 619 00:56:49,320 --> 00:56:52,551 - What sheet? - It looks like my little sister's. 620 00:56:52,760 --> 00:56:54,512 Well, it's not! 621 00:56:54,720 --> 00:56:59,475 Stan! That Jason is insane, dude. 622 00:56:59,680 --> 00:57:03,878 - How's that? - He was making out with Johanna. 623 00:57:04,080 --> 00:57:06,230 What? 624 00:57:06,440 --> 00:57:10,956 I walked by and yelled: "Woooh!" Just for messing. Honest. 625 00:57:11,160 --> 00:57:14,436 - So he flipped out and slapped me. - Jason hit you? 626 00:57:14,640 --> 00:57:17,712 You think I'm lying? Just look at my cheek. 627 00:57:17,920 --> 00:57:22,869 - He is insane. - It must be because of his sister. 628 00:57:23,080 --> 00:57:25,833 - Sister? - Her being dead and all that. 629 00:57:26,040 --> 00:57:29,157 Does Jason have a sister? 630 00:57:29,360 --> 00:57:32,397 - Yes. Doris. - That fat cow is his sister. 631 00:57:32,600 --> 00:57:35,910 - Rather, she was. - Didn't you know that? 632 00:57:36,120 --> 00:57:41,069 - Doris? How did you know that? - I went to kindergarten with him. 633 00:57:41,280 --> 00:57:46,308 - He pretends he doesn't know her. - That's no lie. 634 00:57:46,520 --> 00:57:50,559 Terkel was dumbfounded. Was Doris really Jason's sister? 635 00:57:50,760 --> 00:57:56,596 Without Terkel knowing? It's true he'd never been to Jason's home. 636 00:57:56,800 --> 00:58:00,270 Jason always had some kind of excuse. 637 00:58:00,480 --> 00:58:05,634 As though he didn't want Terkel to come home... and discover... 638 00:58:05,840 --> 00:58:10,118 ... that he was Doris' brother. Could that have been the reason? 639 00:58:10,320 --> 00:58:13,471 - Imagine, you didn't know. - Yeah... 640 00:58:13,680 --> 00:58:16,956 I thought you were best friends. 641 00:58:22,240 --> 00:58:25,676 - Stan, can I borrow... - What's happening? 642 00:58:25,880 --> 00:58:29,236 - I don't know... - Then have a look. 643 00:58:29,440 --> 00:58:32,750 It's your sleeping bag. 644 00:58:34,520 --> 00:58:37,318 - Holy shit. - Gross! Is it a cat? 645 00:58:37,520 --> 00:58:40,956 - Where'd it come from? - It's him! 646 00:58:41,160 --> 00:58:44,948 Then Terkel told them about all the gruesome messages. 647 00:58:45,160 --> 00:58:47,993 Then he wrote he was going to kill me. 648 00:58:48,200 --> 00:58:52,113 And not many people know where we keep the spare key. 649 00:58:52,320 --> 00:58:56,393 - It's that jerk Jason, man. - But he's my best friend. 650 00:58:56,600 --> 00:59:00,229 He's pissed off that you made Doris jump out the window. 651 00:59:00,440 --> 00:59:05,070 - Me? You guys were there, too. - What if he wants to kill us, too? 652 00:59:05,280 --> 00:59:07,157 I haven't gotten any threats. 653 00:59:07,360 --> 00:59:10,875 Me, neither. The dead cat was in your sleeping bag. 654 00:59:11,080 --> 00:59:13,310 Yeah... that's true. 655 00:59:17,080 --> 00:59:20,470 Terkel? Don't you have some chewing gum? 656 00:59:22,680 --> 00:59:25,353 - Thanks. - Can I have one, too? 657 00:59:25,560 --> 00:59:27,391 Did you hear that? 658 00:59:27,600 --> 00:59:30,990 - It was probably just the wind. - Goodnight, Terkel. 659 00:59:31,200 --> 00:59:33,555 Yeah... Goodnight. 660 00:59:47,080 --> 00:59:51,596 - What are you doing, Terkel? - Yeah, what's happening? 661 00:59:51,800 --> 00:59:54,598 - I got a text message. - Who'd send one so late? 662 00:59:54,800 --> 00:59:56,597 It's from Jason. 663 00:59:56,800 --> 01:00:01,157 - What does he write? - That he's coming to kill me. 664 01:00:01,360 --> 01:00:04,318 Seriously? May I see? 665 01:00:04,520 --> 01:00:08,957 - You better tell Gunnar. - Yes, Terkel. Go see Gunnar. 666 01:00:10,240 --> 01:00:15,553 - Won't you come with me? - This isn't the best time, actually. 667 01:00:15,760 --> 01:00:19,435 We'll keep watch, Terkel. Hurry up, now. 668 01:00:20,880 --> 01:00:24,475 Take care of the flashlight. It's from the army. 669 01:00:31,440 --> 01:00:33,510 Hey, Terkel! 670 01:00:39,000 --> 01:00:40,991 Terkel, stop! 671 01:00:42,280 --> 01:00:44,430 Terkel, I... 672 01:00:52,520 --> 01:00:55,830 Gunnar? Gunnar... Gunnar! 673 01:00:56,040 --> 01:00:58,156 Terkel? What's going on? 674 01:00:58,360 --> 01:01:02,433 You've got to help me! Jason's trying to kill me! 675 01:01:02,640 --> 01:01:06,110 - What? - It's true. He's insane. 676 01:01:06,320 --> 01:01:09,790 - Tell it to me from the beginning. - Not here! 677 01:01:10,000 --> 01:01:12,719 - Where, then? - He's right on our heels! 678 01:01:12,920 --> 01:01:16,833 Can't we just take a walk? Just a little walk? 679 01:01:17,840 --> 01:01:22,470 I mocked Doris so much, she jumped out the window. 680 01:01:22,680 --> 01:01:26,639 It turns out she was Jason's sister, and I didn't know. 681 01:01:46,520 --> 01:01:50,229 - Can't you buttheads sleep, either? - Don't kill us! 682 01:01:50,440 --> 01:01:54,797 What the hell are you talking about? Been doing mushrooms with Terkel? 683 01:01:55,000 --> 01:01:58,356 - Did you kill Terkel? - What are you talking about? 684 01:01:58,560 --> 01:02:02,633 You sent him a text message saying you were going to kill him. 685 01:02:02,840 --> 01:02:08,517 - Your name was on the display. - Fuck! I loaned the phone to... 686 01:02:08,720 --> 01:02:10,836 God damn! 687 01:02:11,040 --> 01:02:15,750 - Where are you going? - Stan? Why's your sleeping bag wet? 688 01:02:15,960 --> 01:02:19,396 In the meantime I got those messages. And a dead cat. 689 01:02:19,600 --> 01:02:24,879 Then Saki says Jason hit him, Saki. And Jason sent me a message saying - 690 01:02:25,080 --> 01:02:27,310 - he was going to kill me, Terkel. 691 01:02:27,520 --> 01:02:33,356 Look at the display. It says: "I'm going to kill you!" 692 01:02:33,560 --> 01:02:37,519 - Wow. That was quite a mouthful. - Yeah... 693 01:02:37,720 --> 01:02:42,714 Hey! I'll call him and tell him that I've told you everything. 694 01:02:42,920 --> 01:02:45,798 Then he can like confess and like take his punishment. 695 01:02:46,000 --> 01:02:48,878 - Wait a second. - No, I've got to settle it now! 696 01:02:49,080 --> 01:02:51,469 - Wait. - It's ringing now... 697 01:03:01,120 --> 01:03:03,873 - Terkel? Come to me... - Go away! 698 01:03:04,080 --> 01:03:07,550 You're confused. Come over here... 699 01:03:07,760 --> 01:03:10,718 If I'm confused, then why do you have a knife? 700 01:03:10,920 --> 01:03:14,469 - We'll have a little fun. - I don't think it's fun. 701 01:03:14,680 --> 01:03:19,470 What about that little spider? Did it think it was fun when you sat on it? 702 01:03:19,680 --> 01:03:22,513 In your nice, new jeans? 703 01:03:24,080 --> 01:03:26,958 Is that what this is all about? 704 01:03:27,160 --> 01:03:30,596 You thought you could get away with killing an animal? 705 01:03:30,800 --> 01:03:35,920 - So it was you all along? - You guessed right. 706 01:03:36,120 --> 01:03:40,910 I've been getting my revenge ever since you committed your crime. 707 01:03:41,120 --> 01:03:46,353 Unfortunately, I had to shove your teacher down the stairs and kill her. 708 01:03:46,560 --> 01:03:50,269 - But, that's the way it goes. - You killed Yvonne? 709 01:03:50,480 --> 01:03:54,473 - You're insane! - Yes, but I'm not an animal tormentor. 710 01:03:54,680 --> 01:03:58,912 You can't just kill me because of a spider. 711 01:03:59,120 --> 01:04:03,352 I'm not just going to kill you. I'm going to cut you into 8 pieces - 712 01:04:03,560 --> 01:04:07,075 - and bury you around in the forest so you become compost - 713 01:04:07,280 --> 01:04:11,319 - and pay nature back by fertilizing the soil. 714 01:04:15,880 --> 01:04:18,030 Get back here, Terkel! 715 01:04:35,240 --> 01:04:37,310 Come on...! 716 01:04:41,560 --> 01:04:44,028 - Mom? - No. 717 01:04:44,240 --> 01:04:47,038 - Hi, Dad. You've got to help me. - No. 718 01:04:47,240 --> 01:04:49,196 - I'm out in the forest. - No. 719 01:04:49,400 --> 01:04:52,312 Our new teacher's chasing me with a knife. 720 01:04:52,520 --> 01:04:54,715 - He's trying to kill me. - No. 721 01:04:54,920 --> 01:04:58,390 - Let me talk to Mom. It's no joke! - No. 722 01:04:58,600 --> 01:05:01,239 - Dad, pleeease! - No. 723 01:05:01,440 --> 01:05:04,318 - Let me talk to the kid, Leon. - No. 724 01:05:06,120 --> 01:05:08,554 - Is it you, Terkel? - No... Yes. 725 01:05:08,760 --> 01:05:12,309 - It's late. Where are you? - I'm out in the forest. 726 01:05:12,520 --> 01:05:15,830 Don't go in above the belly button or your feet will fall off. 727 01:05:16,040 --> 01:05:18,918 - I'm scared! - Then you get one wish. 728 01:05:19,120 --> 01:05:22,874 But don't say it out loud, or your teeth will fall out. 729 01:05:23,080 --> 01:05:25,116 - Mom? - Bye-bye. 730 01:05:28,840 --> 01:05:35,029 Where are you, Terkel? You can't hide. Don't worry, I'll find you. 731 01:05:35,240 --> 01:05:37,674 Animal tormentor! 732 01:06:19,440 --> 01:06:23,228 - Uncle Stewart! - Are you allowed out this late? 733 01:06:23,440 --> 01:06:26,637 - We're on a camping trip. - That sounds nice. 734 01:06:26,840 --> 01:06:31,072 - I've got my own tent over there. - The problem is... 735 01:06:31,280 --> 01:06:35,558 I ran out of schnapps. Can't go fishing without schnapps. 736 01:06:35,760 --> 01:06:39,196 - You've got to help me. - You came to the right place. 737 01:06:39,400 --> 01:06:45,032 - Can I catch a ride into town? - I'm afraid the milk box is in the way. 738 01:06:45,240 --> 01:06:48,550 - Can't you take it off? - Are you out of your goddamn mind? 739 01:06:48,760 --> 01:06:51,638 How am I going to carry my schnapps? 740 01:06:51,840 --> 01:06:54,673 If you pushed the moped, we could walk... 741 01:06:54,880 --> 01:06:58,236 - The store will be closed. - My teacher's gonna kill me! 742 01:06:58,440 --> 01:07:03,912 One must always remember one's homework. Take care. Bye-bye. 743 01:07:04,960 --> 01:07:09,431 I've caught myself an eel today and I need a drop of schnapps 744 01:07:09,640 --> 01:07:12,108 la-di-la-li-lay... 745 01:07:18,480 --> 01:07:20,152 Mom? 746 01:07:20,360 --> 01:07:24,273 Miss your mommy, you sick psychopath? 747 01:07:41,480 --> 01:07:45,553 Now I've got you, you dirty little shit. 748 01:07:48,760 --> 01:07:52,719 Not only are you a barbaric and sadistic animal killer. 749 01:07:52,920 --> 01:07:55,992 You pollute the forest with your cell phone, too. 750 01:07:56,200 --> 01:08:00,113 Because you're the only one who matters, right? 751 01:08:00,320 --> 01:08:05,678 You want the whole world as your personal playground, don't you? 752 01:08:05,880 --> 01:08:08,758 But now it's over, Terkel! 753 01:08:20,640 --> 01:08:23,359 Are you finished, fuck-face? 754 01:08:23,560 --> 01:08:25,232 Jason! 755 01:08:25,440 --> 01:08:30,195 It's like I said: You never know when you'll need an iron pipe. 756 01:08:30,400 --> 01:08:34,393 - You bashed him. - That should teach him a lesson. 757 01:08:34,600 --> 01:08:39,720 - You saved my life, Jason. - You can buy me a beer at the airport. 758 01:08:39,920 --> 01:08:41,558 What? 759 01:08:41,760 --> 01:08:45,070 That's just something my dad always says. 760 01:08:46,400 --> 01:08:49,836 Hey! You sat down on top of a possum. 761 01:08:50,040 --> 01:08:54,192 What the hell, they're just pants. They can be washed. 762 01:08:55,880 --> 01:09:00,795 And to think that I thought... What about your sister? 763 01:09:01,000 --> 01:09:06,632 - What about her? - It was my fault... that she jumped. 764 01:09:06,840 --> 01:09:11,072 Fair enough. Then I'll buy you a beer in the airport. 765 01:09:11,280 --> 01:09:14,909 Good one. Now let's get out of this fucking forest. 766 01:09:17,600 --> 01:09:21,559 - Jason! - Here, Terkel, here! 767 01:09:21,760 --> 01:09:23,830 Here, Terkel. 768 01:09:50,840 --> 01:09:52,751 Help me, Terkel! 769 01:09:58,360 --> 01:10:01,193 Take the pipe, for fuck's sake! The pipe! 770 01:10:02,240 --> 01:10:04,390 Little bastards! 771 01:10:07,160 --> 01:10:11,472 Get the iron pipe, dumb-ass! Now, Terkel! 772 01:10:16,400 --> 01:10:20,473 - Get that pipe, Terkel! - I can't find... 773 01:10:22,600 --> 01:10:24,636 You little bastards! 774 01:10:28,280 --> 01:10:30,430 Watch your step! 775 01:10:57,680 --> 01:11:02,231 - He looks like a fucking lollipop. - Don't you want your pipe? 776 01:11:02,440 --> 01:11:04,715 It's not that important. 777 01:11:09,440 --> 01:11:13,558 - Sorry I didn't stick to our agreement. - I think I'll survive. 778 01:11:13,760 --> 01:11:17,150 But now we're back together. Just us two. 779 01:11:17,360 --> 01:11:20,875 - Yeah, well, now it's us three. - Three? 780 01:11:22,720 --> 01:11:29,398 - You know... Johanna, dude. - Sure, of course. That's okay. 781 01:11:37,360 --> 01:11:40,352 Did you see those little sissies? 782 01:11:40,560 --> 01:11:46,396 Naturally, the moral of the story is: True friends... have to have... 783 01:11:46,600 --> 01:11:50,036 ... 20 minutes in the oven at 500 degrees. 784 01:11:50,240 --> 01:11:56,713 Nonsense. If you tease someone, you might just get killed, yourself. 785 01:11:56,920 --> 01:12:02,552 That's wrong, too. If you have friends, make sure they don't... 786 01:12:02,760 --> 01:12:06,196 ... get sick. That wasn't it, either. 787 01:12:06,400 --> 01:12:09,995 Not leaving, are you? Just a second. It's coming... 788 01:12:10,200 --> 01:12:14,557 Don't put the cart before the shoe's... on the other foot. 789 01:12:14,760 --> 01:12:17,479 I'll get back to you. Bye-bye. 790 01:12:25,160 --> 01:12:27,754 - And... Action! - Well, I'm home. 791 01:12:27,960 --> 01:12:30,872 - Yes... Rather... No. I'm sorry. - Cut! 792 01:12:31,080 --> 01:12:32,957 You're supposed to say "No". 793 01:12:33,160 --> 01:12:35,151 - Action! - Well, I'm home. 794 01:12:35,360 --> 01:12:40,150 Yes... Damn! Sorry. I've got it now. 795 01:12:40,360 --> 01:12:42,828 - Action! - Well, I'm home. 796 01:12:44,760 --> 01:12:47,752 - Yes... - God damn! Not again, Leon! 797 01:12:47,960 --> 01:12:50,428 I have to look at the script. 798 01:12:50,640 --> 01:12:52,710 - Here, Leon. - Okay. 799 01:12:52,920 --> 01:12:54,956 - Got it now? - Yes. 800 01:12:55,160 --> 01:12:58,197 - Action! - Well, I'm home. 801 01:12:58,400 --> 01:13:01,233 - Perhaps. - Stop it, for god's sake! 802 01:13:01,440 --> 01:13:03,192 One fucking word! 803 01:13:03,400 --> 01:13:05,755 - Get him outta here. - Good idea. 804 01:13:05,960 --> 01:13:09,111 You've got to pull yourself together, Leon. 805 01:13:09,320 --> 01:13:11,709 - I'm sorry, Arnie. - Got it now? 806 01:13:11,920 --> 01:13:14,559 - No. - Good! We're rolling. 807 01:13:14,760 --> 01:13:18,878 No. No. No... 808 01:13:19,080 --> 01:13:23,517 - No. No. No. - Do you think you've got it? 809 01:13:23,720 --> 01:13:25,358 Yes. 810 01:13:25,560 --> 01:13:27,755 Oh, fuck! 811 01:13:37,840 --> 01:13:39,592 And... Cut! 812 01:13:39,800 --> 01:13:45,432 Really great work, everyone. Super realistic. Fantastic! 813 01:13:45,640 --> 01:13:49,997 Can someone clean up the stage blood and remove the dummy? 814 01:13:50,200 --> 01:13:55,593 - The dummy's ready, Arnie. - The dummy? Who's that, then? 815 01:13:55,800 --> 01:13:57,552 Oh, shit! 816 01:13:57,760 --> 01:14:02,709 Oh, well, what the hell. She was just a fat cow, anyway. 817 01:14:02,920 --> 01:14:05,753 Then I was in "Son of Natural Born Killers" - 818 01:14:05,960 --> 01:14:10,556 - my first political dogma film. Totally minimalist. 819 01:14:10,760 --> 01:14:14,435 I just hope it doesn't turn into a commercial success. 820 01:14:14,640 --> 01:14:19,589 That would mean the end of my credibility. It'd ruin my career. 821 01:14:19,800 --> 01:14:24,237 Yeah, fuck that! That'd be a downer of dimension, man. 822 01:14:24,440 --> 01:14:27,034 Total tumor up the anus. 823 01:14:31,360 --> 01:14:35,512 - You can't just hit him like that. - Don't get smart, sonny boy. 824 01:14:35,720 --> 01:14:38,712 - You're crazy! - That's enough outta you! 825 01:14:42,720 --> 01:14:44,472 - Cut! - You little shit... 826 01:14:44,680 --> 01:14:46,477 Stewart? Cut! 827 01:14:46,680 --> 01:14:50,036 Hello, Stewart! Let the boys go. 828 01:14:50,240 --> 01:14:52,913 Wanna dance ballet, you little fag? 829 01:14:55,240 --> 01:14:57,549 Did we hire a security company? 830 01:15:32,480 --> 01:15:36,393 - Just hold it a minute. - Cut! What is it, Terkel? 831 01:15:36,600 --> 01:15:40,832 I can't stay in character with all that noise. 832 01:15:41,040 --> 01:15:43,793 - Who's making noise? - Me. My leg was asleep. 833 01:15:44,000 --> 01:15:48,039 - I had to move the camera. - I can just go home... 834 01:15:48,240 --> 01:15:52,119 - May I have some soda water? - Soda water for Terkel. 835 01:15:55,160 --> 01:15:58,232 There you go, Terkel. 836 01:15:58,440 --> 01:16:01,318 No, Rita, watch that electrical outlet! 837 01:16:01,520 --> 01:16:05,308 You're the star, Terkel. You are the film. 838 01:16:05,520 --> 01:16:10,389 Ugh! It's with citrus. How many times have I said I can't stand citrus? 839 01:16:10,600 --> 01:16:14,115 Who brought this? This is it! I've had enough! 840 01:16:14,320 --> 01:16:17,630 - No! - Way to go, Leon! 841 01:16:17,840 --> 01:16:19,910 Okay, we're rolling... 842 01:16:21,160 --> 01:16:23,799 Subtitles: Steve Schein 843 01:17:03,800 --> 01:17:06,792 Now you can turn off that hopeless music!