1 00:00:02,525 --> 00:00:04,857 The Egyptian plover and the Nile crocodile 2 00:00:04,858 --> 00:00:09,149 are an example of a symbiotic relationship at its finest. 3 00:00:10,650 --> 00:00:13,149 So... we're just watching TV with the pig now. 4 00:00:13,150 --> 00:00:15,774 Is that it? Is this my life? 5 00:00:15,775 --> 00:00:17,524 Hans Gruber has a name, Mama. 6 00:00:17,525 --> 00:00:18,899 We don't name food in this house. 7 00:00:18,900 --> 00:00:20,316 We eat it. 8 00:00:20,317 --> 00:00:22,899 Mama, he doesn't understand that you're joking. 9 00:00:22,900 --> 00:00:25,024 I'm not. I promise you, sweetie. 10 00:00:25,025 --> 00:00:26,774 No one is ever going to eat Hans Gruber. 11 00:00:26,775 --> 00:00:28,024 He's a member of our family now. 12 00:00:28,025 --> 00:00:29,566 Uh, Greg, honey. 13 00:00:29,567 --> 00:00:30,816 Can you come join me at the window? 14 00:00:30,817 --> 00:00:31,941 Why? 15 00:00:31,942 --> 00:00:34,357 So we can look out. 16 00:00:34,358 --> 00:00:36,357 Oh, at what? I want to have a private conversation. 17 00:00:36,358 --> 00:00:37,774 Why are you so bad at this? 18 00:00:39,858 --> 00:00:42,482 Okay, you stay. 19 00:00:42,483 --> 00:00:44,691 You know that reoccurring fantasy I have 20 00:00:44,692 --> 00:00:46,107 where I accidentally get locked up 21 00:00:46,108 --> 00:00:48,191 in a mental hospital, and I get to spend three weeks 22 00:00:48,192 --> 00:00:50,024 alone in bed with no one bugging me? 23 00:00:50,025 --> 00:00:52,024 I'm familiar with your psych-ward vacation plan, yes. 24 00:00:52,025 --> 00:00:54,107 Well, I'm this close to doing it. 25 00:00:54,108 --> 00:00:56,232 How is it that we both said "no" to a puppy, 26 00:00:56,233 --> 00:00:58,524 yet you took it upon yourself to bring home a pig? 27 00:00:58,525 --> 00:01:00,316 Mama, guess what. 28 00:01:00,317 --> 00:01:02,982 Hans Gruber and I have a symbiotic relationship. 29 00:01:02,983 --> 00:01:05,274 I give him food, and he gives me love. 30 00:01:05,275 --> 00:01:06,607 Amazing. 31 00:01:06,608 --> 00:01:08,024 The pig has to go. 32 00:01:08,025 --> 00:01:09,982 But we've gotten used to having Hans Gruber around. 33 00:01:09,983 --> 00:01:12,274 This has gone on long enough. Just fold already. 34 00:01:12,275 --> 00:01:14,024 It's only a matter of time before he does. 35 00:01:14,025 --> 00:01:15,691 What's that supposed to mean? 36 00:01:15,692 --> 00:01:17,649 Well, you always give in eventually. 37 00:01:17,650 --> 00:01:20,274 Is that what everyone in this house thinks of me-- 38 00:01:20,275 --> 00:01:21,982 that I always give in? 39 00:01:21,983 --> 00:01:24,274 Well, guess what-- I'm not giving in on this one. 40 00:01:24,275 --> 00:01:25,524 Ever. Oh, "ever." 41 00:01:25,525 --> 00:01:27,274 So, then, tomorrow? 42 00:01:27,275 --> 00:01:30,024 What the hell? I can't get that pillow again. 43 00:01:30,025 --> 00:01:32,316 That's a one of a kind from T.J.Maxx. 44 00:01:34,733 --> 00:01:38,816 This is me-- forced to eat my anger. 45 00:01:42,608 --> 00:01:43,732 Just give him the MandM'S. 46 00:01:43,733 --> 00:01:44,483 Never! 47 00:01:58,108 --> 00:01:59,107 {\an8}Why are you sending 48 00:01:59,108 --> 00:02:00,149 {\an8}slutty emojis to someone 49 00:02:00,150 --> 00:02:01,232 {\an8}who isn't your nice, 50 00:02:01,233 --> 00:02:02,232 {\an8}sweet boyfriend, Eyo? 51 00:02:04,233 --> 00:02:06,566 {\an8}Who is he? I'm not telling you anything. 52 00:02:06,567 --> 00:02:08,232 {\an8}Not a problem. I'll just FaceTime him. 53 00:02:08,233 --> 00:02:09,691 Mom, give it back! Mnh-mnh! 54 00:02:09,692 --> 00:02:11,066 Mom, give me back my phone! 55 00:02:11,067 --> 00:02:12,149 {\an8}You know what? Fine. 56 00:02:12,150 --> 00:02:13,357 {\an8}His name is John Reese, 57 00:02:13,358 --> 00:02:14,357 and he's a senior. 58 00:02:14,358 --> 00:02:16,316 {\an8}A senior? 59 00:02:16,317 --> 00:02:17,941 {\an8}If that's the best thing that you have to say about him-- 60 00:02:17,942 --> 00:02:20,066 Ah, the McRib is back. 61 00:02:20,067 --> 00:02:22,232 {\an8}I'm gonna stay on you forever 62 00:02:22,233 --> 00:02:23,899 {\an8}about this, Taylor! I'm like herpes! 63 00:02:23,900 --> 00:02:26,149 What the hell comes out of your mouth sometimes, Katie? 64 00:02:26,150 --> 00:02:28,524 {\an8}See, Mama? He's not expensive. 65 00:02:28,525 --> 00:02:29,899 {\an8}He eats garbage. 66 00:02:29,900 --> 00:02:32,066 {\an8}It's every mother's dream to have a farm animal 67 00:02:32,067 --> 00:02:33,316 {\an8}consuming trash in her kitchen. 68 00:02:37,358 --> 00:02:38,357 You'll change your mind 69 00:02:38,358 --> 00:02:39,357 once I've trained him. 70 00:02:39,358 --> 00:02:40,982 {\an8}So, that's it? 71 00:02:40,983 --> 00:02:42,649 {\an8}That's your plan-- train the hog? 72 00:02:42,650 --> 00:02:43,774 {\an8}Yes. Hans Gruber 73 00:02:43,775 --> 00:02:45,524 {\an8}is an unconventional pet, 74 00:02:45,525 --> 00:02:46,649 {\an8}but Anna-Kat has really bonded 75 00:02:46,650 --> 00:02:47,941 {\an8}with him, and you know what? 76 00:02:47,942 --> 00:02:49,441 {\an8}So have I. Oh. 77 00:02:49,442 --> 00:02:52,107 {\an8}Yeah, I don't like the, uh, hillbilly factor, obviously, 78 00:02:52,108 --> 00:02:54,275 {\an8}but I'm impressed that you're not folding. 79 00:02:54,400 --> 00:02:56,274 I've never seen this side of you before. 80 00:02:56,275 --> 00:02:57,899 Thank you, Oliver. 81 00:02:57,900 --> 00:02:59,691 But Mom's not gonna put up with it much longer. 82 00:02:59,692 --> 00:03:02,107 If you two decide to get divorced, 83 00:03:02,108 --> 00:03:04,899 I'll go with whoever doesn't get the minivan. 84 00:03:04,900 --> 00:03:07,732 Katie? You're thinking about divorce? 85 00:03:07,733 --> 00:03:10,399 Just walk right in, Viv. Don't worry about social norms. 86 00:03:10,400 --> 00:03:11,982 We are not getting divorced. 87 00:03:11,983 --> 00:03:13,649 Oh, thank God, because, Katie, 88 00:03:13,650 --> 00:03:15,774 divorce is not as good as you think it will be. 89 00:03:15,775 --> 00:03:17,816 Even Greg might be better than no husband. 90 00:03:17,817 --> 00:03:19,191 Thank you, Viv. You're welcome. 91 00:03:19,192 --> 00:03:20,191 Hey. These are for you. 92 00:03:20,192 --> 00:03:22,149 You bought me things? 93 00:03:22,150 --> 00:03:24,607 I wish I could buy things. I have very little money. 94 00:03:24,608 --> 00:03:26,982 It turns out prenups are legally binding, 95 00:03:26,983 --> 00:03:29,899 even if you dramatically rip it up during mediation. 96 00:03:29,900 --> 00:03:32,816 Apparently, they make copies. 97 00:03:32,817 --> 00:03:34,024 You and Alan had a prenup? 98 00:03:34,025 --> 00:03:35,149 We did. 99 00:03:35,150 --> 00:03:37,482 I'm momentarily not as rich as I look. 100 00:03:37,483 --> 00:03:40,232 I got the house but not a lot of actual money. 101 00:03:40,233 --> 00:03:41,191 So, I was hoping you could teach me 102 00:03:41,192 --> 00:03:43,108 how to do laundry like poor people do. 103 00:03:44,733 --> 00:03:47,066 Viv, I'm not gonna teach you remedial housekeeping. 104 00:03:47,067 --> 00:03:48,316 Yay! 105 00:03:48,317 --> 00:03:49,899 Oh! 106 00:03:49,900 --> 00:03:51,982 You're doing it for me! Love it. 107 00:03:51,983 --> 00:03:53,857 Oh, do I need a ticket or anything? 108 00:03:53,858 --> 00:03:55,316 No. 109 00:03:55,317 --> 00:03:57,191 Okay. Bye! 110 00:03:58,608 --> 00:04:00,691 This is why having money is important. 111 00:04:00,692 --> 00:04:03,107 Spencer Blitz doesn't do his own laundry. 112 00:04:03,108 --> 00:04:04,067 D.C.O.B. 113 00:04:05,275 --> 00:04:07,232 "Dry clean only, baby." 114 00:04:07,233 --> 00:04:09,857 Spencer is the type of greedy, self-centered person 115 00:04:09,858 --> 00:04:11,857 we don't want Oliver becoming. 116 00:04:11,858 --> 00:04:14,525 I can't believe you're still letting him work for that ex-con. 117 00:04:15,400 --> 00:04:17,524 She wants you to fold on this, too, but don't do it, Dad. 118 00:04:17,525 --> 00:04:18,691 Stay strong. 119 00:04:18,692 --> 00:04:20,399 Hey, puberty boy. 120 00:04:20,400 --> 00:04:21,566 Nobody asked you. 121 00:04:23,192 --> 00:04:25,232 Come on. Come on. 122 00:04:25,233 --> 00:04:27,191 Drop it. 123 00:04:27,192 --> 00:04:28,524 Hans Gruber, you're a genius! 124 00:04:28,525 --> 00:04:29,982 Ja, schwein! 125 00:04:29,983 --> 00:04:31,774 Where you off to? 126 00:04:31,775 --> 00:04:33,274 Uh, I'm picking up dinner 127 00:04:33,275 --> 00:04:35,066 for me and Spencer from Tavern On Main. 128 00:04:35,067 --> 00:04:36,357 I'm really excited. 129 00:04:36,358 --> 00:04:38,024 I've never had a red lobster from a restaurant 130 00:04:38,025 --> 00:04:39,732 that wasn't named "Red Lobster." 131 00:04:39,733 --> 00:04:41,857 You seem to be developing a real friendship with Spencer. 132 00:04:41,858 --> 00:04:44,524 Seems like that? Good, then it's working. 133 00:04:44,525 --> 00:04:46,649 Soon, he'll think of me as the son he never had, 134 00:04:46,650 --> 00:04:48,732 and I'll become the sole heir to a huge fortune 135 00:04:48,733 --> 00:04:50,982 that he does have. 136 00:04:50,983 --> 00:04:52,733 All that smile's missing is this. 137 00:04:54,233 --> 00:04:55,732 Ooh, I like that. I'm gonna use it. 138 00:04:58,108 --> 00:05:00,983 Mama. Watch this. 139 00:05:04,400 --> 00:05:06,649 Sit. 140 00:05:06,650 --> 00:05:08,607 Now, stay. 141 00:05:11,942 --> 00:05:14,191 Wow! I'm impressed. 142 00:05:14,192 --> 00:05:15,358 Good work. 143 00:05:16,900 --> 00:05:18,982 Here. Go ahead. 144 00:05:18,983 --> 00:05:20,649 Open them. Are you sure? 145 00:05:20,650 --> 00:05:22,483 Yeah, Hans Gruber's got this down. 146 00:05:29,025 --> 00:05:30,399 Just drop the MandM'S! 147 00:05:30,400 --> 00:05:31,858 Never! 148 00:05:33,358 --> 00:05:35,107 Table looks beautiful, Oli-boy. 149 00:05:35,108 --> 00:05:36,691 Go ahead and light the candles, will ya? 150 00:05:36,692 --> 00:05:38,149 Ooh, candlelight. 151 00:05:38,150 --> 00:05:40,066 Hi, guys! 152 00:05:40,067 --> 00:05:41,399 What are you doing here? 153 00:05:41,400 --> 00:05:43,149 Oh, I pulled my hamstring 154 00:05:43,150 --> 00:05:45,566 while I was out running, and I had to stop to stretch. 155 00:05:45,567 --> 00:05:48,316 I looked out the window, and there she was-- 156 00:05:48,317 --> 00:05:51,149 bent clear over, wearing the tightest pants 157 00:05:51,150 --> 00:05:53,899 I have ever had the pleasure of seeing a woman wear. 158 00:05:53,900 --> 00:05:55,482 They're called yoga pants. 159 00:05:55,483 --> 00:05:56,691 Yoga pants? 160 00:05:56,692 --> 00:05:57,816 They're very stretchy. 161 00:05:57,817 --> 00:05:59,316 Oh, you're very stretchy. 162 00:06:01,817 --> 00:06:04,232 Viv, sweetheart, don't you have some place you need to be? 163 00:06:04,233 --> 00:06:06,941 Oliver, sweetheart, I'm supposed to be here. 164 00:06:06,942 --> 00:06:08,732 Spencer invited me to dinner. 165 00:06:08,733 --> 00:06:10,149 That's my seat. 166 00:06:10,150 --> 00:06:11,774 I'll just go get the Cristal. 167 00:06:11,775 --> 00:06:13,024 Ooh, I love it! 168 00:06:15,983 --> 00:06:18,024 Viv. 169 00:06:18,025 --> 00:06:19,607 Oliver. 170 00:06:19,608 --> 00:06:21,232 I know exactly what you're doing. 171 00:06:21,233 --> 00:06:22,441 You need a new rich guy, 172 00:06:22,442 --> 00:06:23,899 and you think you're gonna take mine. 173 00:06:23,900 --> 00:06:26,066 Oh, I don't think it. I know it. 174 00:06:26,067 --> 00:06:27,107 Oh, yeah? 175 00:06:27,108 --> 00:06:28,982 What makes you so sure of that? 176 00:06:28,983 --> 00:06:31,191 Because only one of us has boobs. 177 00:06:35,608 --> 00:06:37,732 Say goodbye to Oliver! 178 00:06:37,733 --> 00:06:39,233 Bye, Oliver! 179 00:06:41,983 --> 00:06:43,649 I have to be honest, Katie. 180 00:06:43,650 --> 00:06:45,774 I thought it would be hard to be physically attracted 181 00:06:45,775 --> 00:06:48,774 to a 78-year-old man, but Spencer's so wealthy. 182 00:06:48,775 --> 00:06:49,649 I mean, I'm not a gold digger. 183 00:06:49,650 --> 00:06:50,941 No, you are not! 184 00:06:50,942 --> 00:06:53,941 But this gold is like right there, 185 00:06:53,942 --> 00:06:56,107 heaped up in a huge pile. 186 00:06:56,108 --> 00:06:57,732 You'd be crazy not to pick it up. 187 00:06:57,733 --> 00:06:59,107 I know! 188 00:06:59,108 --> 00:07:01,066 Did you do the yoga-pants stretch I suggested? 189 00:07:02,650 --> 00:07:04,149 That would've done it. 190 00:07:04,150 --> 00:07:05,524 Almost doing it for me. 191 00:07:05,525 --> 00:07:07,232 Right?! Mm-hmm. 192 00:07:07,233 --> 00:07:08,649 It was you. 193 00:07:08,650 --> 00:07:10,482 What's that now? 194 00:07:10,483 --> 00:07:12,274 You sent Viv over to Spencer's 195 00:07:12,275 --> 00:07:13,941 so she could squeeze me out of the picture. 196 00:07:13,942 --> 00:07:16,607 I was his only friend in the world until this came along. 197 00:07:16,608 --> 00:07:18,566 Hi. It's not gonna work. 198 00:07:18,567 --> 00:07:20,482 Spencer and I have something special together, 199 00:07:20,483 --> 00:07:22,649 and I'm not gonna let you two get between us. 200 00:07:30,483 --> 00:07:33,191 Oliver. 201 00:07:33,192 --> 00:07:34,691 Viv. 202 00:07:34,692 --> 00:07:36,149 That car is gonna shine. 203 00:07:36,150 --> 00:07:37,817 This kid knows how to take care of me. 204 00:07:39,858 --> 00:07:42,025 Keep walking, blondie. 205 00:07:50,150 --> 00:07:51,191 ♪ Whoa! ♪ 206 00:07:51,192 --> 00:07:52,316 ♪ Swingin' in there ♪ 207 00:07:52,317 --> 00:07:53,566 ♪ 'Cause she wanted me to feed her ♪ 208 00:07:53,567 --> 00:07:55,149 ♪ So, I mixed up the batter ♪ 209 00:07:55,150 --> 00:07:56,524 ♪ And she licked the beater ♪ 210 00:07:56,525 --> 00:07:59,357 ♪ I scream, you scream, we all scream for her ♪ 211 00:07:59,358 --> 00:08:02,066 ♪ Don't even try 'cause you can't ignore her ♪ 212 00:08:02,067 --> 00:08:04,691 ♪ She's my cherry pie ♪ 213 00:08:04,692 --> 00:08:05,691 ♪ Cool drink of water ♪ 214 00:08:05,692 --> 00:08:07,107 ♪ Such a sweet surprise ♪ 215 00:08:07,108 --> 00:08:08,357 ♪ Tastes so good ♪ 216 00:08:08,358 --> 00:08:09,732 ♪ Make a grown man cry ♪ 217 00:08:09,733 --> 00:08:11,774 ♪ Sweet cherry pie ♪ 218 00:08:11,775 --> 00:08:12,816 ♪ Oh, yeah ♪ 219 00:08:12,817 --> 00:08:15,066 ♪ She's my cherry pie ♪ 220 00:08:15,067 --> 00:08:17,524 I'm soaking. 221 00:08:17,525 --> 00:08:20,107 Would you be a sweetheart and go get me a towel? 222 00:08:20,108 --> 00:08:21,899 Anything for you. 223 00:08:21,900 --> 00:08:23,067 We're done here, Oliver. 224 00:08:38,775 --> 00:08:41,524 Does anyone know what's inside this container of cream cheese? 225 00:08:41,525 --> 00:08:44,191 Someone wrote "This is not cream cheese" on it. 226 00:08:44,192 --> 00:08:46,857 Mom, you've dated two guys at the same time before, right? 227 00:08:46,858 --> 00:08:48,857 Yeah, of course. Wait. 228 00:08:48,858 --> 00:08:50,817 No. 229 00:08:52,067 --> 00:08:54,899 Ugh. This is not cream cheese. 230 00:08:54,900 --> 00:08:56,732 Hold that thought. What are you doing? 231 00:08:56,733 --> 00:08:59,441 Fighting for my man. 232 00:08:59,442 --> 00:09:01,607 I'm gonna introduce Spencer to the 21st century 233 00:09:01,608 --> 00:09:03,566 using the very Xbox Viv gave me. 234 00:09:03,567 --> 00:09:05,024 Stay out of Viv's way. 235 00:09:05,025 --> 00:09:06,316 She needs Spencer more than you do. 236 00:09:06,317 --> 00:09:07,524 How do you figure? 237 00:09:07,525 --> 00:09:09,524 A woman like Viv, when she sees an opportunity 238 00:09:09,525 --> 00:09:11,941 to better her situation, she has to grab it. 239 00:09:11,942 --> 00:09:13,566 She's only after his money, 240 00:09:13,567 --> 00:09:15,732 which is gonna be my money-- mine. 241 00:09:15,733 --> 00:09:17,482 Oliver, for the last time-- 242 00:09:18,858 --> 00:09:20,191 There aren't even MandM'S! 243 00:09:20,192 --> 00:09:21,899 Hans Gruber! It's not easy for me 244 00:09:21,900 --> 00:09:23,024 to jump up on this counter, Greg! 245 00:09:23,025 --> 00:09:24,192 You know I have a thing against jumping! 246 00:09:26,025 --> 00:09:28,274 I realize the dog-training-book approach isn't working, 247 00:09:28,275 --> 00:09:30,107 but I've tracked down someone who can help. 248 00:09:30,108 --> 00:09:31,316 Do you remember The Critter Man? 249 00:09:31,317 --> 00:09:33,441 You mean that weird guy who got those baby raccoons 250 00:09:33,442 --> 00:09:34,482 out of the basement? 251 00:09:34,483 --> 00:09:36,232 And drove them all the way to Maine 252 00:09:36,233 --> 00:09:38,232 and set them free by that beautiful lake? 253 00:09:38,233 --> 00:09:41,191 Uh... yeah. That's what that guy did. 254 00:09:41,192 --> 00:09:43,441 The Critter Man is gonna drive Hans Gruber 255 00:09:43,442 --> 00:09:45,649 to Maine to live with the baby raccoons by the lake? 256 00:09:45,650 --> 00:09:47,732 No. He hooked me up with a pig whisperer. 257 00:09:47,733 --> 00:09:48,982 If you're serious, I'm gonna drive you 258 00:09:48,983 --> 00:09:50,857 up to Maine to live by the lake. 259 00:09:50,858 --> 00:09:52,441 We're not getting a pig whisperer! 260 00:09:52,442 --> 00:09:54,607 First of all, I don't even need a "first of all." 261 00:09:54,608 --> 00:09:55,732 We're not doing it. 262 00:09:55,733 --> 00:09:57,691 I'm doubling down on training Hans Gruber. 263 00:09:57,692 --> 00:10:00,150 Everyone expects me to fold. This is me not folding! 264 00:10:02,650 --> 00:10:04,816 And you need to get used to me and Spencer being together. 265 00:10:04,817 --> 00:10:06,649 You will not break us apart. 266 00:10:06,650 --> 00:10:08,191 And I know how that sounds. 267 00:10:11,650 --> 00:10:13,191 Now head into the jungle village 268 00:10:13,192 --> 00:10:15,524 and don't shoot anyone who isn't holding a gun. 269 00:10:15,525 --> 00:10:19,024 This new technology's unbelievable. 270 00:10:19,025 --> 00:10:21,857 That little girl hiding behind the well looks so realistic. 271 00:10:21,858 --> 00:10:23,149 She's got a machete. 272 00:10:23,150 --> 00:10:24,441 She looks so sweet. 273 00:10:24,442 --> 00:10:26,024 I'll just shoot her in the arm. 274 00:10:26,025 --> 00:10:27,524 Ooh, right in the forehead. 275 00:10:27,525 --> 00:10:29,066 Hey, Spence. 276 00:10:29,067 --> 00:10:30,441 You want to go play tennis with me out back? 277 00:10:30,442 --> 00:10:32,441 I never want to do anything else except 278 00:10:32,442 --> 00:10:34,775 play these new, high-tech video games. 279 00:10:36,858 --> 00:10:38,399 Did you hear that, Viv? 280 00:10:38,400 --> 00:10:40,482 Who has the boobs now? 281 00:10:43,483 --> 00:10:44,982 Hey, Spence. 282 00:10:44,983 --> 00:10:46,525 Do you want to go take a bath? 283 00:10:48,233 --> 00:10:49,732 Get out, Oliver. 284 00:10:52,525 --> 00:10:55,149 Okay, first, you need to learn how to assert dominance. 285 00:10:55,150 --> 00:10:56,732 Let him know who's in charge. 286 00:10:56,733 --> 00:10:58,524 Never be the one to break eye contact. 287 00:10:58,525 --> 00:10:59,774 Like this? 288 00:10:59,775 --> 00:11:01,482 Exactly like this. 289 00:11:01,483 --> 00:11:02,816 Do not look away. 290 00:11:02,817 --> 00:11:04,732 Do not show weakness. 291 00:11:04,733 --> 00:11:06,774 You are in charge. 292 00:11:14,192 --> 00:11:16,024 Are you guys about to kiss? 293 00:11:16,025 --> 00:11:18,316 I don't know. 294 00:11:18,317 --> 00:11:20,482 I've solved my Oliver problem 295 00:11:20,483 --> 00:11:21,857 by getting him away from Spencer 296 00:11:21,858 --> 00:11:24,149 and Viv's problem by getting her involved with Spencer. 297 00:11:24,150 --> 00:11:25,941 I've only got one problem left, 298 00:11:25,942 --> 00:11:28,024 and that problem tastes really good 299 00:11:28,025 --> 00:11:31,441 with barbecue sauce and potato salad. 300 00:11:31,442 --> 00:11:32,774 Can't eat the pig, Katie. 301 00:11:32,775 --> 00:11:34,357 We can't keep it, either. 302 00:11:34,358 --> 00:11:35,566 It's getting bigger every day. 303 00:11:35,567 --> 00:11:37,232 Seriously, Greg, just fold already. 304 00:11:40,233 --> 00:11:42,149 What are you doing? 305 00:11:42,150 --> 00:11:43,858 Nothing. 306 00:11:46,150 --> 00:11:47,441 Kind of feels like you're doing something. 307 00:11:47,442 --> 00:11:48,942 Nope. 308 00:11:51,275 --> 00:11:53,232 Are you trying to pig-train me, Greg? 309 00:11:53,233 --> 00:11:54,441 Is that what this is? 310 00:11:54,442 --> 00:11:56,399 Shh. 311 00:12:01,858 --> 00:12:03,732 Whatever this is, 312 00:12:03,733 --> 00:12:05,316 you shouldn't be doing it with the door open. 313 00:12:05,317 --> 00:12:06,566 What do you want, Taylor? 314 00:12:06,567 --> 00:12:08,024 Can I go to a party? With who? 315 00:12:08,025 --> 00:12:09,607 John Reese. Who's that? 316 00:12:09,608 --> 00:12:12,149 He's a senior. You're dating Eyo! 317 00:12:12,150 --> 00:12:13,524 Yeah, I know, but I took Mom's advice. 318 00:12:13,525 --> 00:12:15,232 What are you talking about? 319 00:12:15,233 --> 00:12:18,191 You told Viv to go for a senior. I'm going for a senior, too. 320 00:12:18,192 --> 00:12:20,399 Better parties, better social status. 321 00:12:20,400 --> 00:12:22,067 I'm grabbing a better opportunity. 322 00:12:23,983 --> 00:12:26,274 What did you say to her? I like Eyo. 323 00:12:26,275 --> 00:12:27,399 He's a good kid, and we don't know 324 00:12:27,400 --> 00:12:29,024 the first thing about this senior. 325 00:12:29,025 --> 00:12:30,857 You brought home a live pig! 326 00:12:30,858 --> 00:12:31,899 You can't keep playing the pig card. 327 00:12:31,900 --> 00:12:33,691 Oh, I can. And do you want to know why? 328 00:12:33,692 --> 00:12:35,357 Because it's a pig card! 329 00:12:35,358 --> 00:12:37,482 Ah! You're driving me crazy. 330 00:12:37,483 --> 00:12:39,232 I must say, this is a refreshing change of pace. 331 00:12:39,233 --> 00:12:40,232 What does that mean? 332 00:12:40,233 --> 00:12:41,441 Just that usually you're the one 333 00:12:41,442 --> 00:12:42,607 who does exactly what she wants, 334 00:12:42,608 --> 00:12:43,774 and I'm forced to deal with it. 335 00:12:43,775 --> 00:12:45,607 Is that so? Yeah, it is so. 336 00:12:45,608 --> 00:12:46,857 It is so, so. 337 00:12:46,858 --> 00:12:48,774 It is so, so, so! 338 00:12:48,775 --> 00:12:50,232 We're doing a pillow wall tonight. 339 00:12:50,233 --> 00:12:52,107 No. My anger's too big for a pillow wall. 340 00:12:52,108 --> 00:12:53,775 We're going toes to nose. 341 00:12:59,108 --> 00:13:01,274 Greg, why do your feet look so good? 342 00:13:01,275 --> 00:13:03,232 Are you wasting our money on pedicures again? 343 00:13:03,233 --> 00:13:04,982 Katie, do you want to have the pedicure fight 344 00:13:04,983 --> 00:13:06,107 or stick with this pig fight? 345 00:13:06,108 --> 00:13:07,816 'Cause I'm not folding on anything, 346 00:13:07,817 --> 00:13:10,441 and it's not a waste of money if it makes me feel better about myself. 347 00:13:16,692 --> 00:13:17,816 I feel kind of bad. 348 00:13:17,817 --> 00:13:18,941 I helped Viv get out of a loveless marriage, 349 00:13:18,942 --> 00:13:20,191 but then encouraged her to go for Spencer 350 00:13:20,192 --> 00:13:22,274 for no reason other than money. 351 00:13:22,275 --> 00:13:23,524 If you break up Viv and Spencer, 352 00:13:23,525 --> 00:13:25,649 Oliver will run right back to Spencer. 353 00:13:25,650 --> 00:13:28,441 But if you don't do anything, then you're teaching Taylor 354 00:13:28,442 --> 00:13:30,316 that love is just about status and money. 355 00:13:30,317 --> 00:13:32,691 Ooh, you have to pick one child to save. 356 00:13:32,692 --> 00:13:34,149 This is a real Katie's Choice. 357 00:13:34,150 --> 00:13:36,733 So... which kid are you gonna save? 358 00:13:39,192 --> 00:13:41,732 I choose to save Taylor. Mm-hmm. 359 00:13:41,733 --> 00:13:45,107 Because if I let Oliver go down the Spencer path when he's rich, 360 00:13:45,108 --> 00:13:48,357 he'll put us in one of those nice, retirement communities. 361 00:13:48,358 --> 00:13:50,650 Not like that rat trap we'll have to put my mom in. 362 00:13:51,483 --> 00:13:54,024 You guys have to help me break up Viv and Spencer. 363 00:13:54,025 --> 00:13:56,107 Ooh. Let's take Viv out tonight. 364 00:13:56,108 --> 00:13:58,816 We can help her find someone else so she forgets him. 365 00:13:58,817 --> 00:13:59,899 Are you guys in a rush? 366 00:13:59,900 --> 00:14:01,316 No. Not really. 367 00:14:01,317 --> 00:14:02,816 Good, because I need at least 20 minutes 368 00:14:02,817 --> 00:14:05,274 to complain about Greg and his stupid pig. 369 00:14:05,275 --> 00:14:08,691 It makes so much noise, and it eats the garb-- 370 00:14:08,692 --> 00:14:10,816 This is a time where you can just zone out and let me talk. 371 00:14:10,817 --> 00:14:12,441 Cool. Cool. 372 00:14:12,442 --> 00:14:14,691 Its snout is just the grossest thing in the world. 373 00:14:14,692 --> 00:14:16,232 It's wet... 374 00:14:19,025 --> 00:14:21,316 Viv, we are taking you out tonight, okay? 375 00:14:21,317 --> 00:14:23,732 We are going to meet some nice, eligible men. 376 00:14:23,733 --> 00:14:25,357 Or maybe a woman. 377 00:14:25,358 --> 00:14:26,774 Ooh, I tried that in college eight times. 378 00:14:26,775 --> 00:14:28,024 It just wasn't for me. 379 00:14:28,025 --> 00:14:30,024 It took you eight times to figure that out? 380 00:14:30,025 --> 00:14:32,691 Okay. You guys, I'm fine! 381 00:14:32,692 --> 00:14:34,566 Spencer checks all the boxes. 382 00:14:34,567 --> 00:14:37,274 He's rich. There's really just one box. 383 00:14:37,275 --> 00:14:38,732 You need to find a good guy. Yeah. 384 00:14:38,733 --> 00:14:40,691 Someone nice who you can fall in love with. 385 00:14:40,692 --> 00:14:42,232 Like Greg. Well, thanks, Doris. 386 00:14:42,233 --> 00:14:44,066 But not Greg. Not ever Greg. 387 00:14:44,067 --> 00:14:45,941 If Katie dies, I call dibs. 388 00:14:45,942 --> 00:14:48,399 Not my bra, you stupid pig! Drop it! 389 00:14:48,400 --> 00:14:51,066 Katie, relax. You're not supposed to yell. 390 00:14:52,150 --> 00:14:53,899 Use a low, calm voice. 391 00:14:53,900 --> 00:14:56,274 In case you haven't noticed, I don't have one of those. 392 00:14:56,275 --> 00:14:58,066 The pig has got to go! 393 00:14:58,067 --> 00:14:59,482 No! Yes! 394 00:14:59,483 --> 00:15:02,191 Ladies, I'm sorry you had to see this side of my marriage. 395 00:15:03,650 --> 00:15:05,232 Excuse me while I storm off with my pig. 396 00:15:10,400 --> 00:15:12,316 I think I'm just gonna stick with Spencer. 397 00:15:12,317 --> 00:15:14,857 Ah. Doris, maybe you and I should go get some wine. 398 00:15:14,858 --> 00:15:16,775 And not come back. Yeah. 399 00:15:21,775 --> 00:15:23,649 Are you and Daddy okay? 400 00:15:23,650 --> 00:15:26,316 Honey, if two unplanned pregnancies, 401 00:15:26,317 --> 00:15:27,982 a houseful of lice, and a move to Westport 402 00:15:27,983 --> 00:15:30,107 can't break us up, nothing will. 403 00:15:34,358 --> 00:15:37,357 John Reese. Okay, I need to talk to my girls. 404 00:15:37,358 --> 00:15:38,483 That includes you, too, Viv. 405 00:15:43,317 --> 00:15:45,774 In a relationship-- like in that nature show-- 406 00:15:45,775 --> 00:15:48,857 sometimes it's symbiotic and everything's perfect. 407 00:15:48,858 --> 00:15:51,066 And sometimes it's parasitic 408 00:15:51,067 --> 00:15:52,941 and you want to throttle each other. 409 00:15:52,942 --> 00:15:54,566 But the important part is 410 00:15:54,567 --> 00:15:57,899 the core of the relationship never changes. 411 00:15:57,900 --> 00:15:59,857 I have been working on my core like crazy. 412 00:15:59,858 --> 00:16:02,899 Different core, Viv. Pay attention. 413 00:16:02,900 --> 00:16:06,232 When I met your daddy, I knew he was the one for me. 414 00:16:06,233 --> 00:16:09,274 I had dated a lot of bad boys, 415 00:16:09,275 --> 00:16:12,524 but he was so kind and so smart... 416 00:16:12,525 --> 00:16:15,232 that I couldn't help but fall in love with him. 417 00:16:15,233 --> 00:16:17,149 Half the time I didn't know what he was talking about, 418 00:16:17,150 --> 00:16:20,732 but I got this special feeling in my stomach, 419 00:16:20,733 --> 00:16:24,357 and that part never goes away 420 00:16:24,358 --> 00:16:26,358 no matter how many pigs he brings home. 421 00:16:31,650 --> 00:16:33,441 Oh, thanks for coming on such short notice. 422 00:16:33,442 --> 00:16:35,024 Oh, not a problem. 423 00:16:35,025 --> 00:16:37,441 I was just in Wilton dealing with a depressed pig, and I was like, 424 00:16:37,442 --> 00:16:39,732 "You're just gonna be such a good pig. 425 00:16:39,733 --> 00:16:41,107 No one's ever gonna eat that pig." 426 00:16:41,108 --> 00:16:42,316 And that did the trick. Mm. 427 00:16:42,317 --> 00:16:44,982 Greg, why is the Pig Whisperer here? 428 00:16:44,983 --> 00:16:47,107 'Cause I'm not giving up on Hans Gruber. 429 00:16:47,108 --> 00:16:49,482 Uh... Greg, can you join me in your office? 430 00:16:49,483 --> 00:16:50,774 Why? 431 00:16:50,775 --> 00:16:52,941 To look over some papers. What papers? 432 00:16:52,942 --> 00:16:53,899 I want to yell at you in private. 433 00:16:53,900 --> 00:16:55,400 You're the worst at this! 434 00:17:00,483 --> 00:17:02,107 If this pig is just about you 435 00:17:02,108 --> 00:17:03,941 proving to everyone that you don't fold, 436 00:17:03,942 --> 00:17:05,482 then it's time to pick something else. 437 00:17:05,483 --> 00:17:07,107 Something like you say you want Mexican, 438 00:17:07,108 --> 00:17:08,899 and I say, "No, I want Italian," 439 00:17:08,900 --> 00:17:11,149 and then you say, "I want Mexican," and then we have Mexican. 440 00:17:11,150 --> 00:17:13,442 It's not that simple. 441 00:17:15,067 --> 00:17:17,149 When I was five years old, we had a dog that I loved 442 00:17:17,150 --> 00:17:19,232 more than anything in the world, 443 00:17:19,233 --> 00:17:20,857 and my very first day of kindergarten, 444 00:17:20,858 --> 00:17:22,149 I kissed him goodbye 445 00:17:22,150 --> 00:17:24,232 and when I got back home, he was gone. 446 00:17:24,233 --> 00:17:26,982 My dad had given him away. I was crushed. 447 00:17:26,983 --> 00:17:29,774 And I can't do that to Anna-Kat. 448 00:17:29,775 --> 00:17:31,275 I'm sorry. I just can't. 449 00:17:35,025 --> 00:17:37,107 I've never heard this story before. 450 00:17:37,108 --> 00:17:39,607 Well, it's not something I like to talk about. 451 00:17:39,608 --> 00:17:43,191 Just out of curiosity, what was the dog's name? 452 00:17:43,192 --> 00:17:44,524 Winston. Winston. 453 00:17:44,525 --> 00:17:45,732 Yeah, 'cause he looked like Winston Churchill. 454 00:17:45,733 --> 00:17:47,274 Mm-hmm. 455 00:17:47,275 --> 00:17:48,857 I see. 456 00:17:48,858 --> 00:17:49,941 Go ahead and call my mom and ask. 457 00:17:49,942 --> 00:17:51,274 I'm not calling your mom. 458 00:17:51,275 --> 00:17:52,941 Okay. 459 00:17:52,942 --> 00:17:54,107 I guess the pig can stay... 460 00:17:55,608 --> 00:17:58,066 ...because of this important story in your life... 461 00:17:58,067 --> 00:17:59,774 that I just heard... 462 00:17:59,775 --> 00:18:02,607 for the first time ever just now. 463 00:18:02,608 --> 00:18:04,857 Right. 464 00:18:04,858 --> 00:18:07,274 Mm. 465 00:18:14,483 --> 00:18:15,899 I know! I know! I know! 466 00:18:15,900 --> 00:18:18,857 You are so funny. 467 00:18:18,858 --> 00:18:21,107 You're so cute and handsome, 468 00:18:21,108 --> 00:18:23,483 and you don't have that weird, old-man smell. 469 00:18:26,317 --> 00:18:27,942 I'll be right back. 470 00:18:30,317 --> 00:18:33,524 Oh, my God. 471 00:18:33,525 --> 00:18:35,899 I think I know what you were talking about. 472 00:18:35,900 --> 00:18:39,441 I have that special feeling, and he asked me out. 473 00:18:39,442 --> 00:18:41,857 You know he's our pig trainer, and he's 27. 474 00:18:41,858 --> 00:18:44,275 We're the same age! 475 00:18:49,358 --> 00:18:50,774 I got bad news for you. 476 00:18:50,775 --> 00:18:52,691 Oh, yeah? 477 00:18:52,692 --> 00:18:54,524 Viv met another guy. 478 00:18:54,525 --> 00:18:57,482 Eh, she wasn't the first, and she won't be the last. 479 00:18:57,483 --> 00:18:59,691 She might be pretty close to the last. 480 00:18:59,692 --> 00:19:01,649 Next time, you have to be careful. 481 00:19:01,650 --> 00:19:03,482 There's a lot of people out there 482 00:19:03,483 --> 00:19:05,566 who just want to be with you for your money. 483 00:19:05,567 --> 00:19:07,607 Thank you, kid. 484 00:19:07,608 --> 00:19:10,274 So, uh, what do you want me to pick up for dinner tonight? 485 00:19:10,275 --> 00:19:12,482 Mm... lobster. 486 00:19:12,483 --> 00:19:13,567 For two. 487 00:19:15,567 --> 00:19:17,232 I'll just get my wallet. 488 00:19:27,650 --> 00:19:30,399 What's going on? Oh. 489 00:19:30,400 --> 00:19:32,357 Taylor was just telling me she's gonna stop texting John Reese. 490 00:19:32,358 --> 00:19:33,732 Yeah, it's not fair to Eyo. 491 00:19:33,733 --> 00:19:34,857 Good for you, honey. 492 00:19:34,858 --> 00:19:36,024 Yeah, well done. 493 00:19:36,025 --> 00:19:37,107 Maybe I should text John 494 00:19:37,108 --> 00:19:39,649 and give him some closure. 495 00:19:39,650 --> 00:19:41,108 Nah, I'm just gonna go dark. 496 00:19:43,650 --> 00:19:46,024 By the way, just got off the phone with your mom. 497 00:19:46,025 --> 00:19:47,732 You picked up when my mom called? 498 00:19:47,733 --> 00:19:48,774 Were you buried under rubble? 499 00:19:48,775 --> 00:19:50,732 I called her to confirm 500 00:19:50,733 --> 00:19:52,857 your dog sob story, which she did. 501 00:19:52,858 --> 00:19:54,357 Katie. Don't be mad. 502 00:19:54,358 --> 00:19:55,982 I feel like I was already punished. 503 00:19:55,983 --> 00:19:59,149 She droned on for 45 minutes about her latest food allergy. 504 00:19:59,150 --> 00:20:00,441 Lots of bowel talk. 505 00:20:00,442 --> 00:20:02,316 Ah. Dairy. 506 00:20:02,317 --> 00:20:05,732 I'm sorry for doubting your story about Winston. 507 00:20:05,733 --> 00:20:09,024 And we can keep Hans Gruber for as long as you want. 508 00:20:09,025 --> 00:20:11,441 Thanks, sweetie. 509 00:20:11,442 --> 00:20:13,107 Well... 510 00:20:13,108 --> 00:20:15,025 I'm gonna go feed our pig some garbage. 511 00:20:20,442 --> 00:20:23,149 Mom, thanks for covering for me. She totally bought it! 512 00:20:23,150 --> 00:20:25,192 I know! I know! For once, I didn't fold. 513 00:20:29,775 --> 00:20:32,232 You want the last MandM? I know you like the greens. 514 00:20:34,108 --> 00:20:36,566 Greg, we're all out of MandM'S. Can you go get us some more? 515 00:20:36,567 --> 00:20:37,691 You're the ones that ate them. 516 00:20:41,108 --> 00:20:43,316 The pig stare is not going to work, Katie. 517 00:20:43,317 --> 00:20:44,316 Don't even try. 518 00:20:46,817 --> 00:20:49,649 {\an8}I'm not moving. 519 00:20:58,317 --> 00:20:59,316 {\an8}Okay, but for the record, 520 00:20:59,317 --> 00:21:00,817 {\an8}I'm doing this because I want to. 521 00:21:04,275 --> 00:21:05,857 {\an8}Who's my good, little Greg Whisperer? 522 00:21:05,858 --> 00:21:07,983 {\an8}You are.