1 00:00:03,175 --> 00:00:05,757 Making breakfast for your kid with OCD 2 00:00:05,758 --> 00:00:08,841 is like the world's least-fun game of "Operation." 3 00:00:08,842 --> 00:00:11,091 It takes a steady hand or-- 4 00:00:12,133 --> 00:00:14,049 It touched. I can't eat that. 5 00:00:14,050 --> 00:00:16,591 If we were rich, Anna-Kat would be eccentric. 6 00:00:16,592 --> 00:00:18,882 But we're poor, so she's just cuckoo pants. 7 00:00:18,883 --> 00:00:20,050 Call me when you get it right. 8 00:00:23,258 --> 00:00:24,882 Morning, Taylor. 9 00:00:24,883 --> 00:00:26,341 I made you a little something. 10 00:00:26,342 --> 00:00:28,341 No, way. I'm not eating Anna-Kat's reject food. 11 00:00:28,342 --> 00:00:29,299 It's disgusting. 12 00:00:29,300 --> 00:00:31,466 Mmm! Yolks and crusties. May I? 13 00:00:31,467 --> 00:00:33,049 Put that cup down! 14 00:00:33,050 --> 00:00:34,882 Who gave you permission to drink coffee? 15 00:00:34,883 --> 00:00:36,132 You did last week. 16 00:00:36,133 --> 00:00:37,841 I asked you when you were removing 17 00:00:37,842 --> 00:00:39,799 all the things Anna-Kat hates from her trail mix. 18 00:00:39,800 --> 00:00:41,257 Mmm! Carob. You know better than 19 00:00:41,258 --> 00:00:42,841 to listen to me while I'm ignoring you. 20 00:00:42,842 --> 00:00:45,882 Besides, coffee stunts your growth. Great. 21 00:00:45,883 --> 00:00:47,299 I'm already at a perfect height 22 00:00:47,300 --> 00:00:49,007 according to the quiz I took on BuzzFeed. 23 00:00:49,008 --> 00:00:50,466 Well, BuzzFeed says that I'm a Charlotte, 24 00:00:50,467 --> 00:00:52,882 which is total crap 'cause everyone knows I'm a Carrie. 25 00:00:52,883 --> 00:00:54,341 You're more like a Miranda. 26 00:00:54,342 --> 00:00:56,507 That is the meanest thing anyone's ever said to me. 27 00:00:56,508 --> 00:00:57,549 Not happening. 28 00:00:57,550 --> 00:00:58,424 Put it down. 29 00:00:58,425 --> 00:01:00,466 Fine. 30 00:01:00,467 --> 00:01:03,008 Once I start driving next week, I'll go get my own coffee. 31 00:01:06,675 --> 00:01:08,257 Oh, my God. She's right. 32 00:01:08,258 --> 00:01:11,007 She's gonna be driving. How did this happen? 33 00:01:11,008 --> 00:01:13,966 When did our oldest get to be so old? I don't understand. 34 00:01:13,967 --> 00:01:15,841 I thought you couldn't wait for Taylor to start driving. 35 00:01:15,842 --> 00:01:17,967 Well, now that it's here, I'm having mixed feelings. 36 00:01:19,967 --> 00:01:21,924 Am I allowed to have those, Greg, or is this Russia? 37 00:01:21,925 --> 00:01:23,132 Do you mean Communist Russia? 38 00:01:23,133 --> 00:01:24,841 Because modern Russia, while still oppressive-- 39 00:01:24,842 --> 00:01:26,632 Why can't you just let me say things? 40 00:01:26,633 --> 00:01:30,174 Greg, you realize getting her license means independence. 41 00:01:30,175 --> 00:01:32,132 And before you know it, she's gonna be driving off 42 00:01:32,133 --> 00:01:34,174 like that girl in that Subaru commercial. 43 00:01:34,175 --> 00:01:35,507 You mean the one where the little girl sits 44 00:01:35,508 --> 00:01:37,549 in the driver's seat and the dad tells her to be careful? 45 00:01:37,550 --> 00:01:38,591 Then he turns back, 46 00:01:38,592 --> 00:01:40,257 and suddenly she's a teenager. 47 00:01:40,258 --> 00:01:42,132 That girl was so tiny. 48 00:01:42,133 --> 00:01:45,257 Then the girl grew up right before his eyes. 49 00:01:47,258 --> 00:01:48,383 Oh. 50 00:01:50,467 --> 00:01:51,425 What's happening? 51 00:01:56,925 --> 00:01:58,549 Ugh. Get off. 52 00:01:58,550 --> 00:02:00,382 {\an8}Taylor, honey, I'd like to spend 53 00:02:00,383 --> 00:02:02,299 {\an8}some special mother/daughter time with you, 54 00:02:02,300 --> 00:02:04,480 establish a bond that will last a lifetime. 55 00:02:04,481 --> 00:02:05,980 {\an8}You can't force stuff like that. 56 00:02:05,981 --> 00:02:07,647 {\an8}That's silly. Anything can be forced. 57 00:02:07,648 --> 00:02:09,355 {\an8}The fact that you were all over 9 pounds 58 00:02:09,356 --> 00:02:10,939 {\an8}and I never had a C-section is proof. 59 00:02:10,940 --> 00:02:12,689 {\an8}Gross. Yes, it was. 60 00:02:12,690 --> 00:02:13,648 {\an8}I saw the sheets. Mm-hmm. 61 00:02:15,398 --> 00:02:17,605 {\an8}You'll never believe who just moved in next to us. 62 00:02:17,606 --> 00:02:19,605 Here's a hint-- He's one of my idols, 63 00:02:19,606 --> 00:02:20,605 and he just got out of prison. 64 00:02:20,606 --> 00:02:22,105 {\an8}I give up... 65 00:02:22,106 --> 00:02:24,189 {\an8}on the question and possibly parenting. 66 00:02:24,190 --> 00:02:25,772 {\an8}Spencer Blitz, the man who dominated 67 00:02:25,773 --> 00:02:26,980 {\an8}Wall Street in the '90s. 68 00:02:26,981 --> 00:02:28,647 {\an8}Then spent the last 20 years in jail 69 00:02:28,648 --> 00:02:30,064 {\an8}for insider trading. 70 00:02:30,065 --> 00:02:31,481 {\an8}I want you to stay clear of that guy. 71 00:02:32,815 --> 00:02:34,148 You've already talked to him, haven't you? 72 00:02:36,190 --> 00:02:37,355 Hey. 73 00:02:37,356 --> 00:02:39,648 Are you stealing my Wall Street Journal? 74 00:02:41,231 --> 00:02:42,480 Good job. 75 00:02:42,481 --> 00:02:45,105 When I was your age, I stole hundreds of papers. 76 00:02:45,106 --> 00:02:46,939 Sold 'em back to the vendors for a profit. 77 00:02:46,940 --> 00:02:48,647 {\an8}Kind of a reverse paper route. 78 00:02:48,648 --> 00:02:51,230 {\an8}Then I took that money, bought an abandoned warehouse, 79 00:02:51,231 --> 00:02:52,855 {\an8}burned it to the ground for the insurance money, 80 00:02:52,856 --> 00:02:54,564 and bought a Maserati. 81 00:02:54,565 --> 00:02:56,397 At school, I made sure I parked 82 00:02:56,398 --> 00:02:59,272 {\an8}next the the principal so he knew who was boss. 83 00:02:59,273 --> 00:03:01,689 Sir, that's the most inspiring story I've ever heard. 84 00:03:03,148 --> 00:03:04,980 {\an8}That guy's a perfect example of what happens 85 00:03:04,981 --> 00:03:06,480 {\an8}when somebody only cares about money. 86 00:03:06,481 --> 00:03:07,605 {\an8}I know, right? 87 00:03:07,606 --> 00:03:08,856 {\an8}He's the best. 88 00:03:12,106 --> 00:03:15,355 {\an8}Oliver, there is a letter from your school marked "urgent." 89 00:03:15,356 --> 00:03:16,980 Oh, yeah, I was supposed to give that to you. 90 00:03:16,981 --> 00:03:19,105 Yeah, I got that, too. So did Anna-Kat. 91 00:03:19,106 --> 00:03:21,564 {\an8}You know I hate it when the three of you screw up together. 92 00:03:21,565 --> 00:03:22,814 {\an8}It dilutes her anger. 93 00:03:22,815 --> 00:03:25,147 {\an8}A kid at the school got lice, 94 00:03:25,148 --> 00:03:27,272 {\an8}and they want the parents to be on the lookout. 95 00:03:28,315 --> 00:03:30,064 {\an8}We cannot get lice. 96 00:03:30,065 --> 00:03:31,773 {\an8}We're already known as the poor family. 97 00:03:34,315 --> 00:03:37,147 Correction-- poor family with a pet pig. 98 00:03:37,148 --> 00:03:38,939 Hans Gruber, don't sneeze on Mommy's leg. 99 00:03:38,940 --> 00:03:42,230 Greg, don't ever refer to me as the pig's mommy again. 100 00:03:42,231 --> 00:03:43,480 Listen up. 101 00:03:43,481 --> 00:03:45,605 We will not be known as the "poor pig family 102 00:03:45,606 --> 00:03:48,314 that also has lice." 103 00:03:48,315 --> 00:03:51,273 So that's what these things are. 104 00:03:57,523 --> 00:03:59,647 After discovering that one of your kids has lice, 105 00:03:59,648 --> 00:04:02,480 the first step is to isolate patient zero. 106 00:04:02,481 --> 00:04:04,022 This is to contain them. 107 00:04:04,023 --> 00:04:06,189 Having head pets is the best. 108 00:04:06,190 --> 00:04:09,189 Really? But eggs touching toast is gross? 109 00:04:09,190 --> 00:04:10,606 That is one wavy line. 110 00:04:12,398 --> 00:04:15,147 Step two, check all remaining family members. 111 00:04:15,148 --> 00:04:16,398 You're good. 112 00:04:17,981 --> 00:04:18,940 You, too. 113 00:04:22,023 --> 00:04:23,147 All clear. 114 00:04:23,148 --> 00:04:24,855 Mmm. 115 00:04:24,856 --> 00:04:26,439 Did you just moan during a lice check? 116 00:04:26,440 --> 00:04:27,773 If you're into it, yeah. 117 00:04:29,398 --> 00:04:32,022 Step three is to kill those little bastards-- 118 00:04:32,023 --> 00:04:33,397 the lice, not the kids. 119 00:04:33,398 --> 00:04:34,647 Maybe the kids. 120 00:04:34,648 --> 00:04:36,605 It's like there's a village. 121 00:04:36,606 --> 00:04:38,855 You'd have to get lice for a very long time 122 00:04:38,856 --> 00:04:40,730 to have as many as I do. 123 00:04:40,731 --> 00:04:42,689 I've got a super swarm. 124 00:04:42,690 --> 00:04:43,606 Ugh. 125 00:04:48,356 --> 00:04:49,647 Step four, 126 00:04:49,648 --> 00:04:51,897 shock and awe. 127 00:04:53,231 --> 00:04:56,314 Lice get everywhere and on everything. 128 00:04:56,315 --> 00:04:57,980 They're the glitter of the bug world. 129 00:05:07,148 --> 00:05:08,897 I'm going to Melanie's house. Wait. 130 00:05:08,898 --> 00:05:10,480 I was hoping that we could bond. 131 00:05:10,481 --> 00:05:12,147 We'll never get this time back 132 00:05:12,148 --> 00:05:13,605 or be able to make these memories again. 133 00:05:13,606 --> 00:05:14,980 Nah, that's okay. 134 00:05:14,981 --> 00:05:16,480 C'mon, we can make a batch of cookies, 135 00:05:16,481 --> 00:05:18,439 but instead of baking them, we'll just eat the cookie dough. 136 00:05:18,440 --> 00:05:20,105 You can't eat raw eggs. You'll get sick. 137 00:05:20,106 --> 00:05:21,689 What is wrong with your generation? 138 00:05:21,690 --> 00:05:24,105 You won't eat raw eggs or put plastic in the microwave. 139 00:05:24,106 --> 00:05:26,064 Yeah, we also don't like to get lice. 140 00:05:26,065 --> 00:05:28,230 Listen, when things get tough for this family, we don't run. 141 00:05:28,231 --> 00:05:30,480 We stick it out together under one roof. 142 00:05:30,481 --> 00:05:31,272 Oh, really? 143 00:05:31,273 --> 00:05:32,480 Mm-hmm. 144 00:05:32,481 --> 00:05:35,355 Hmm. 145 00:05:35,356 --> 00:05:36,606 Tell that to Dad. 146 00:05:41,398 --> 00:05:42,856 What a total 147 00:05:44,023 --> 00:05:45,439 I love your father. 148 00:05:48,773 --> 00:05:51,439 What do you think you're doing? 149 00:05:51,440 --> 00:05:53,397 During the State of the Union, a "designated survivor" 150 00:05:53,398 --> 00:05:54,814 is sent to an undisclosed location 151 00:05:54,815 --> 00:05:56,147 so they can lead the country 152 00:05:56,148 --> 00:05:57,939 in the event everyone is wiped out in an attack. 153 00:05:57,940 --> 00:06:00,314 This is exactly like that, except with lice. 154 00:06:00,315 --> 00:06:01,314 And a tent. 155 00:06:01,315 --> 00:06:02,730 With Nutter Butters. 156 00:06:02,731 --> 00:06:04,939 How can I convince Taylor to stay and bond with me 157 00:06:04,940 --> 00:06:06,355 if you're out here pitching a tent? 158 00:06:06,356 --> 00:06:08,189 Oh, grow up, Greg. 159 00:06:08,190 --> 00:06:10,064 Hey, if lice get in these locks, they're not getting out. 160 00:06:10,065 --> 00:06:11,064 Remember when-- Yeah, yeah, 161 00:06:11,065 --> 00:06:12,439 Paul Mitchell stopped you on the street 162 00:06:12,440 --> 00:06:14,647 and told you he had never seen such texture and definition. 163 00:06:14,648 --> 00:06:15,855 It was texture and volume. 164 00:06:15,856 --> 00:06:17,647 I only have a two-week window 165 00:06:17,648 --> 00:06:19,105 to get in all the bonding time I can, 166 00:06:19,106 --> 00:06:21,147 because, when she gets her license, she's gone. 167 00:06:21,148 --> 00:06:22,439 And you know how I know that? 168 00:06:22,440 --> 00:06:23,647 Because that's what I did. 169 00:06:23,648 --> 00:06:25,397 I got my license, got a job, 170 00:06:25,398 --> 00:06:27,272 and then quit to follow Prince and the Evolution. 171 00:06:27,273 --> 00:06:29,272 Don't you mean Revolution? No. Evolution. 172 00:06:29,273 --> 00:06:32,439 They were a Prince knock-off band that owned the Panhandle. 173 00:06:32,440 --> 00:06:34,730 What am I going to do? 174 00:06:34,731 --> 00:06:36,939 Hey, remember the coupon book she gave you for Mother's Day? 175 00:06:36,940 --> 00:06:37,897 Yes. 176 00:06:37,898 --> 00:06:39,647 With all those cute activities. 177 00:06:39,648 --> 00:06:40,855 Such a sweet gesture. 178 00:06:40,856 --> 00:06:42,689 It's one of my most treasured possessions. 179 00:06:42,690 --> 00:06:44,439 Yeah, I saw it smushed up in the back of the junk drawer. 180 00:06:44,440 --> 00:06:45,897 You bond with Taylor. 181 00:06:45,898 --> 00:06:47,730 I'll do some father/son bonding out here with Oliver. 182 00:06:47,731 --> 00:06:49,480 Where is he? He said he'd be right back. 183 00:06:49,481 --> 00:06:51,480 Hopefully some camping with his old man will help him 184 00:06:51,481 --> 00:06:53,690 realize there's more to life than material pursuits. 185 00:06:55,106 --> 00:06:56,564 Wow! 186 00:06:56,565 --> 00:06:59,147 This is your TV nook? 187 00:06:59,148 --> 00:07:01,855 You know, every time I try to find the main TV room, 188 00:07:01,856 --> 00:07:05,022 I end up in the bowling alley. 189 00:07:05,023 --> 00:07:05,939 So, you haven't touched this place 190 00:07:05,940 --> 00:07:07,314 since you got arrested in the '90s? 191 00:07:09,940 --> 00:07:11,022 Who's TLC? 192 00:07:11,023 --> 00:07:12,564 A rad girl band. 193 00:07:12,565 --> 00:07:15,439 They actually played my birthday just before I was arrested. 194 00:07:15,440 --> 00:07:18,189 I told "Left Eye" the story of how I torched that warehouse. 195 00:07:18,190 --> 00:07:20,730 Looking back, I worry I planted a seed. 196 00:07:20,731 --> 00:07:22,814 Is it true you dated Daryl Hannah? 197 00:07:22,815 --> 00:07:24,564 Post-"Splash," pre-"Wall Street." 198 00:07:24,565 --> 00:07:27,189 Undeniably her sweet spot. 199 00:07:27,190 --> 00:07:29,230 But my heart belonged to someone else-- 200 00:07:29,231 --> 00:07:30,980 a man, in fact... 201 00:07:30,981 --> 00:07:32,980 by the name of Benjamin Franklin. 202 00:07:32,981 --> 00:07:35,189 I still get goose bumps every time I look at that 203 00:07:35,190 --> 00:07:37,147 beautiful bald, green head. 204 00:07:37,148 --> 00:07:39,855 Wow. We have the same taste in men. 205 00:07:39,856 --> 00:07:43,064 I'm gonna give you some advice on how to get rich. 206 00:07:43,065 --> 00:07:45,522 Money needs to be your first, 207 00:07:45,523 --> 00:07:48,272 your second, and your third love. 208 00:07:48,273 --> 00:07:51,147 Fourth can be a Russian model who needs a visa. 209 00:07:51,148 --> 00:07:53,022 Do you have, like, a pen and paper or something? 210 00:07:53,023 --> 00:07:54,939 Yeah. 211 00:07:54,940 --> 00:07:57,272 That's probably my parole officer. 212 00:07:57,273 --> 00:07:58,773 Coming! 213 00:08:02,898 --> 00:08:04,397 Hi. You must be Spencer Blitz. 214 00:08:04,398 --> 00:08:05,564 Of course I am. 215 00:08:05,565 --> 00:08:06,897 I'm Greg Otto from next door. 216 00:08:06,898 --> 00:08:07,855 I was looking for my son, Oliver. 217 00:08:07,856 --> 00:08:09,064 Come on in. 218 00:08:09,065 --> 00:08:09,981 Thank you. 219 00:08:12,523 --> 00:08:14,355 Hey, Dad. 220 00:08:14,356 --> 00:08:16,605 Spencer was just telling me a story about how he manipulated 221 00:08:16,606 --> 00:08:18,939 the Malaysian housing market for a huge profit. 222 00:08:18,940 --> 00:08:20,814 You got one hell of a son here. 223 00:08:20,815 --> 00:08:22,147 I look at him, and I see 224 00:08:22,148 --> 00:08:24,939 a younger, less-tan version of myself. 225 00:08:24,940 --> 00:08:26,730 I hope one day I can follow in your footsteps. 226 00:08:26,731 --> 00:08:28,897 But not to jail. Am I right? 227 00:08:28,898 --> 00:08:30,939 Yeah, well, federal prison's not so bad. 228 00:08:30,940 --> 00:08:32,689 He told me Allenwood had a golf course. 229 00:08:32,690 --> 00:08:33,980 That's where I spent the summer. 230 00:08:33,981 --> 00:08:36,272 I winter-prisoned in Arizona. Amazing. 231 00:08:36,273 --> 00:08:37,689 But it wasn't worth it, because he had 232 00:08:37,690 --> 00:08:38,647 to give back all that money 233 00:08:38,648 --> 00:08:39,772 when he was caught stealing. 234 00:08:39,773 --> 00:08:41,314 Well, what your dad says is true. 235 00:08:41,315 --> 00:08:43,397 I'm down to my last several hundred million. 236 00:08:43,398 --> 00:08:45,064 It's tough to look at those statements. 237 00:08:45,065 --> 00:08:46,855 Okay, we'd love to stay and talk, 238 00:08:46,856 --> 00:08:48,355 but Oliver and I have to get going. 239 00:08:48,356 --> 00:08:49,480 We do? 240 00:08:49,481 --> 00:08:50,647 We're doing some backyard camping. 241 00:08:50,648 --> 00:08:52,439 Yeah, but-- That sounds nice. 242 00:08:52,440 --> 00:08:53,605 Go with your dad. 243 00:08:53,606 --> 00:08:55,689 You can come visit me anytime. 244 00:08:55,690 --> 00:08:56,939 You know, I n-- I never had a family. 245 00:08:56,940 --> 00:08:58,814 I was too busy making money. 246 00:08:58,815 --> 00:08:59,980 And it's hard to live with regret. 247 00:08:59,981 --> 00:09:01,397 Regret? Oh, no, sorry, 248 00:09:01,398 --> 00:09:02,897 I had the wrong inflection. 249 00:09:02,898 --> 00:09:05,440 I never had a family. I was too busy making money! 250 00:09:07,731 --> 00:09:09,314 Mama? 251 00:09:09,315 --> 00:09:11,605 Will you take the middle out of my fidget spinner for me? 252 00:09:11,606 --> 00:09:13,355 Didn't you just ask me to put it back in? 253 00:09:13,356 --> 00:09:14,564 Uh-huh. 254 00:09:15,856 --> 00:09:17,481 I can't find anything in this junk drawer. 255 00:09:18,690 --> 00:09:19,731 Heads up, honey. 256 00:09:22,690 --> 00:09:24,772 Why do I have to have my hair in braids? 257 00:09:24,773 --> 00:09:26,522 You have to do it after you treat for lice. 258 00:09:26,523 --> 00:09:28,814 The coupon book! 259 00:09:28,815 --> 00:09:29,730 Ew. 260 00:09:29,731 --> 00:09:31,439 Stuck to an old Life Saver. 261 00:09:31,440 --> 00:09:34,439 That I won't eat until I'm alone. 262 00:09:34,440 --> 00:09:35,689 You keep itching. 263 00:09:35,690 --> 00:09:37,022 Do you have head pets, too? 264 00:09:37,023 --> 00:09:38,814 No. 265 00:09:38,815 --> 00:09:39,730 Of course not. 266 00:09:40,856 --> 00:09:42,523 Can you hand me that fork? 267 00:09:44,731 --> 00:09:46,855 Mamas do this sometimes. 268 00:09:51,106 --> 00:09:53,772 Oliver, I know Spencer has made a lot of money, 269 00:09:53,773 --> 00:09:55,980 but that came at a huge price. 270 00:09:55,981 --> 00:09:58,189 In life, there are no shortcuts. 271 00:09:58,190 --> 00:10:00,855 The only way to really make it is to get a job and work hard. 272 00:10:00,856 --> 00:10:03,272 I actually took a job this afternoon. Oh, doing what? 273 00:10:03,273 --> 00:10:05,689 Running errands for Spencer until he's legally permitted 274 00:10:05,690 --> 00:10:07,814 to step outside a half-mile radius of his property. 275 00:10:08,773 --> 00:10:09,897 That's him right now. 276 00:10:09,898 --> 00:10:11,689 Is that a beeper? Isn't it cool? 277 00:10:11,690 --> 00:10:13,897 It's like a cellphone, only it does nothing. 278 00:10:13,898 --> 00:10:15,480 I've got to roll. Spencer asked me to get 279 00:10:15,481 --> 00:10:17,230 Crystal Pepsi and something called mousse. 280 00:10:22,523 --> 00:10:23,648 Where are you going? Aah! 281 00:10:25,065 --> 00:10:27,480 I told you, to Melanie's. No, you're not. 282 00:10:27,481 --> 00:10:28,730 Because I am redeeming 283 00:10:28,731 --> 00:10:30,855 the Mother's Day coupons you gave me. 284 00:10:30,856 --> 00:10:32,397 Don't be weird. I gave those to you 285 00:10:32,398 --> 00:10:34,522 when I was like 10. I don't see an expiration date. 286 00:10:35,940 --> 00:10:38,730 Here's one for an ice cream "zunday"... 287 00:10:38,731 --> 00:10:40,189 spelled with a Z. 288 00:10:40,190 --> 00:10:42,689 I am not hanging out in a house crawling with bugs. 289 00:10:42,690 --> 00:10:44,022 I have that problem under control. 290 00:10:44,023 --> 00:10:45,272 Yeah? 291 00:10:45,273 --> 00:10:47,022 Then why do you keep itching your head? 292 00:10:47,023 --> 00:10:47,897 I'm not itching. 293 00:10:47,898 --> 00:10:50,772 I'm stimulating the follicles 294 00:10:50,773 --> 00:10:53,105 because of female-pattern baldness. 295 00:10:53,106 --> 00:10:54,231 It's coming for you, too. 296 00:10:55,273 --> 00:10:56,439 Oh, my God. 297 00:10:56,440 --> 00:10:57,814 The top of my head is just lice 298 00:10:57,815 --> 00:10:59,189 with some hair around it. 299 00:10:59,190 --> 00:11:00,189 You can't make me hang out 300 00:11:00,190 --> 00:11:01,939 in a lice-infested house. 301 00:11:01,940 --> 00:11:03,189 You're losing her, Katie. 302 00:11:03,190 --> 00:11:05,105 Do something. 303 00:11:05,106 --> 00:11:07,480 Taylor, wait! 304 00:11:07,481 --> 00:11:08,397 Should I? 305 00:11:08,398 --> 00:11:09,689 No. 306 00:11:09,690 --> 00:11:11,022 And yet I'm doing it. 307 00:11:11,023 --> 00:11:12,522 Lice hat! 308 00:11:12,523 --> 00:11:14,147 Now we're infested together. 309 00:11:14,148 --> 00:11:16,480 Oh, my God! Have you gone insane?! 310 00:11:16,481 --> 00:11:19,898 I will take my 10 free hugs inside, please. 311 00:11:26,106 --> 00:11:27,647 What's it like on the inside? 312 00:11:27,648 --> 00:11:28,897 Taylor totally ignored me 313 00:11:28,898 --> 00:11:30,647 while I was combing lice out of her hair. 314 00:11:30,648 --> 00:11:32,480 Now she's holed up in her room and won't come out. 315 00:11:32,481 --> 00:11:34,605 Huh. Weird. 316 00:11:34,606 --> 00:11:35,939 I guess you could try giving her bedbugs. 317 00:11:35,940 --> 00:11:37,980 It was a spur-of-the-moment decision. 318 00:11:37,981 --> 00:11:39,522 Besides, Oliver has become a runner 319 00:11:39,523 --> 00:11:41,022 for a criminal on your watch. 320 00:11:41,023 --> 00:11:42,439 Okay, we've both made mistakes. 321 00:11:42,440 --> 00:11:44,522 Am I crazy for trying to force Taylor 322 00:11:44,523 --> 00:11:45,439 to spend mother/daughter time? 323 00:11:45,440 --> 00:11:47,022 No, I get it. 324 00:11:47,023 --> 00:11:49,230 You're just anxious because, before you know it... 325 00:11:49,231 --> 00:11:50,940 Subaru commercial. ...Subaru commercial. 326 00:11:54,606 --> 00:11:56,647 Okay. 327 00:11:56,648 --> 00:11:58,939 How are you gonna handle the Oliver situation? 328 00:11:58,940 --> 00:12:00,772 Well, if I forbid him from seeing Spencer, 329 00:12:00,773 --> 00:12:02,230 it's just gonna make him want to go over there more, 330 00:12:02,231 --> 00:12:03,522 so I'm gonna have a chat with Spencer 331 00:12:03,523 --> 00:12:04,814 and set some ground rules. 332 00:12:04,815 --> 00:12:06,022 What's your move with Taylor? 333 00:12:06,023 --> 00:12:08,064 I'm gonna go get some advice from Angela and Doris. 334 00:12:08,065 --> 00:12:10,272 So if it goes wrong, I can blame them. 335 00:12:10,273 --> 00:12:11,480 It's nice to see I'm not the only one 336 00:12:11,481 --> 00:12:12,355 you use that technique on. 337 00:12:12,356 --> 00:12:14,397 Yeah, but don't worry. 338 00:12:14,398 --> 00:12:16,397 You'll always be my favorite person to blame. 339 00:12:16,398 --> 00:12:17,480 That's sweet. 340 00:12:23,606 --> 00:12:24,897 I don't know what to do. 341 00:12:24,898 --> 00:12:26,189 Taylor grew up overnight 342 00:12:26,190 --> 00:12:27,522 and doesn't want to spend time with me, 343 00:12:27,523 --> 00:12:29,064 and Anna-Kat gave me lice. 344 00:12:29,065 --> 00:12:30,355 You have lice?! 345 00:12:30,356 --> 00:12:32,314 Lice braids! 346 00:12:32,315 --> 00:12:35,105 Had lice-- past tense. Combed 'em all out. 347 00:12:35,106 --> 00:12:36,730 Combing doesn't always work the first time. 348 00:12:36,731 --> 00:12:38,105 I can't believe you hugged me. 349 00:12:38,106 --> 00:12:40,355 So what?! I'm supposed to not go to restaurants 350 00:12:40,356 --> 00:12:41,939 and hug my friends when I have lice? 351 00:12:41,940 --> 00:12:43,397 Uh, yes. 352 00:12:43,398 --> 00:12:44,690 Doris, say something. 353 00:12:46,190 --> 00:12:47,439 I'm three months pregnant. 354 00:12:47,440 --> 00:12:48,855 What? What? 355 00:12:48,856 --> 00:12:50,189 So I also have a parasite 356 00:12:50,190 --> 00:12:51,939 sucking the nutrients out of my body. 357 00:12:51,940 --> 00:12:53,522 How did that happen? 358 00:12:53,523 --> 00:12:55,439 I was in bed guzzling Chardonnay 359 00:12:55,440 --> 00:12:57,272 and watching Michael Phelps race a shark. 360 00:12:57,273 --> 00:12:59,564 Then I got so worked up that I jumped Richard 361 00:12:59,565 --> 00:13:01,065 like it was the 17th of the month! 362 00:13:02,481 --> 00:13:04,397 That's our bone day. 363 00:13:04,398 --> 00:13:05,730 Oh, my God. 364 00:13:05,731 --> 00:13:07,397 How are you feeling? Pissed! 365 00:13:07,398 --> 00:13:09,147 Pissed that I'm about to have my fourth child! 366 00:13:09,148 --> 00:13:11,522 I had eight years until my youngest left for Princeton-- 367 00:13:11,523 --> 00:13:13,897 September 10, 2025. 368 00:13:13,898 --> 00:13:15,772 Then I would jet off to Majorca, 369 00:13:15,773 --> 00:13:17,564 find a little villa on a cliff, 370 00:13:17,565 --> 00:13:18,855 learn to sculpt, 371 00:13:18,856 --> 00:13:19,939 maybe take a lover-- 372 00:13:19,940 --> 00:13:21,689 possibly my sculpting teacher. 373 00:13:21,690 --> 00:13:23,772 Now this little creature moved my finish line. 374 00:13:23,773 --> 00:13:25,064 By the time I get to Majorca, 375 00:13:25,065 --> 00:13:27,397 I'm gonna be so old that my sculpting teacher 376 00:13:27,398 --> 00:13:29,397 is gonna rebuff my aggressive advances. 377 00:13:29,398 --> 00:13:31,105 Look, I come from a place 378 00:13:31,106 --> 00:13:32,897 where everything happens for a reason. 379 00:13:32,898 --> 00:13:34,522 This may not be part of your plan, 380 00:13:34,523 --> 00:13:36,439 but it's obviously part of the universe's plan. 381 00:13:36,440 --> 00:13:38,314 Oh! I see. 382 00:13:38,315 --> 00:13:41,064 So if I poke you hard with this fork, 383 00:13:41,065 --> 00:13:43,814 is that also part of the universe's plan? 384 00:13:43,815 --> 00:13:45,689 Is it, Angela?! Don't be mad at me. 385 00:13:45,690 --> 00:13:47,772 I'm not the one who uses "rarely having sex" 386 00:13:47,773 --> 00:13:49,230 as a form of birth control. 387 00:13:49,231 --> 00:13:51,605 Should I have another baby, get a fresh start? 388 00:13:51,606 --> 00:13:53,897 Are you crazy?! I'm not having a baby. 389 00:13:53,898 --> 00:13:56,605 I have to figure out a way to get closer to the one I have. 390 00:13:56,606 --> 00:13:58,230 They're looking at you. 391 00:13:58,231 --> 00:13:59,522 Say something. 392 00:13:59,523 --> 00:14:01,397 Diaphragm. Exactly. 393 00:14:01,398 --> 00:14:03,522 Whew! I got lucky on that one. 394 00:14:03,523 --> 00:14:05,397 What else was in that coupon book? 395 00:14:05,398 --> 00:14:07,647 What am I gonna do, pillow fight? 396 00:14:07,648 --> 00:14:09,606 I could come up with something better than that. 397 00:14:10,981 --> 00:14:11,939 Pillow fight! 398 00:14:11,940 --> 00:14:13,355 What the hell are you doing? 399 00:14:13,356 --> 00:14:15,564 Having the time of our lives! 400 00:14:15,565 --> 00:14:17,855 I could hit you all day. 401 00:14:17,856 --> 00:14:20,605 I lied. That's exhausting. 402 00:14:20,606 --> 00:14:22,189 Ugh. 403 00:14:22,190 --> 00:14:24,605 No wonder sorority girls are in such good shape. 404 00:14:24,606 --> 00:14:26,814 Are we done? Look, I'm sorry. 405 00:14:26,815 --> 00:14:28,814 I just want to spend time with you. 406 00:14:28,815 --> 00:14:31,022 That's why I broke out the old coupon book you gave me. 407 00:14:31,023 --> 00:14:33,023 Why didn't you just use them when I gave them to you? 408 00:14:35,565 --> 00:14:37,314 I don't actually know. 409 00:14:37,315 --> 00:14:40,564 Anna-Kat: Mama! Will you squeeze the toothpaste on my toothbrush? 410 00:14:40,565 --> 00:14:42,022 Sure, honey! 411 00:14:42,023 --> 00:14:44,230 Just so you know, that's why. 412 00:14:44,231 --> 00:14:45,564 What's that supposed to mean? 413 00:14:45,565 --> 00:14:46,689 You never used them because 414 00:14:46,690 --> 00:14:48,564 you were always so distracted by Anna-Kat. 415 00:14:48,565 --> 00:14:50,230 I mean, I get it. 416 00:14:50,231 --> 00:14:53,230 She's had issues-- has issues. 417 00:14:53,231 --> 00:14:54,855 But she's eight now. 418 00:14:54,856 --> 00:14:56,189 She can put on her own toothpaste 419 00:14:56,190 --> 00:14:57,355 and take the crust off her toast. 420 00:14:57,356 --> 00:14:58,855 I've seen her do it. 421 00:14:58,856 --> 00:15:00,022 Have you seen her put the center 422 00:15:00,023 --> 00:15:01,230 back in the fidget spinner? 423 00:15:01,231 --> 00:15:03,272 Only about a million times. 424 00:15:03,273 --> 00:15:04,690 Anna-Kat. 425 00:15:06,940 --> 00:15:10,355 Taylor, honey, I feel terrible. 426 00:15:10,356 --> 00:15:11,689 Tell you what. 427 00:15:11,690 --> 00:15:15,815 I will let you have one free hit. 428 00:15:17,815 --> 00:15:19,272 Never let your guard down! 429 00:15:26,023 --> 00:15:27,189 Oh, hey, Greg. 430 00:15:27,190 --> 00:15:28,689 I was expecting Oliver. 431 00:15:28,690 --> 00:15:30,564 I sent him out for some lobster. 432 00:15:30,565 --> 00:15:32,397 Got nostalgic for prison food. 433 00:15:32,398 --> 00:15:34,314 I can't believe my tax dollars paid for that. 434 00:15:34,315 --> 00:15:35,439 You pay taxes? 435 00:15:38,731 --> 00:15:41,814 Greg, I know why you're here. 436 00:15:41,815 --> 00:15:44,689 You're afraid I'm going to corrupt your boy. Yes. 437 00:15:44,690 --> 00:15:46,355 He looks up to you, and whether I like it or not, 438 00:15:46,356 --> 00:15:47,939 you're a bit of a role model to him. 439 00:15:47,940 --> 00:15:50,314 Well, that's-- that's understandable. 440 00:15:50,315 --> 00:15:51,647 I'd feel the same way about me 441 00:15:51,648 --> 00:15:53,897 if I had just moved in next to myself. 442 00:15:53,898 --> 00:15:56,105 I will say, your confidence is quite intoxicating. 443 00:15:56,106 --> 00:15:57,940 I've been drunk on it since birth. 444 00:15:59,856 --> 00:16:01,814 You don't want me hanging around him. 445 00:16:01,815 --> 00:16:05,189 If that's what you want, I'll respect it. Thank you. 446 00:16:05,190 --> 00:16:07,897 But you should know he's been a real great asset to me. 447 00:16:07,898 --> 00:16:10,439 He has? 448 00:16:10,440 --> 00:16:13,022 I'm not used to showing weakness 449 00:16:13,023 --> 00:16:15,022 because, in business, it could cost you money. 450 00:16:15,023 --> 00:16:18,147 In prison, well, you end up with a terrible tee time. 451 00:16:18,148 --> 00:16:20,439 I must admit, I've been a bit lost since I got out. 452 00:16:20,440 --> 00:16:22,064 Things have changed. 453 00:16:22,065 --> 00:16:24,105 Do you know there's no longer Blockbuster Video? 454 00:16:24,106 --> 00:16:26,564 Yeah. I miss Gerald's employee picks. 455 00:16:26,565 --> 00:16:28,189 He and I were really simpatico. 456 00:16:28,190 --> 00:16:30,147 Oliver's getting me back up to speed. 457 00:16:30,148 --> 00:16:31,647 He's a really great kid, 458 00:16:31,648 --> 00:16:33,730 and that's because he has great parents. 459 00:16:33,731 --> 00:16:35,272 I feel like you're manipulating me. 460 00:16:35,273 --> 00:16:37,522 A little. 461 00:16:37,523 --> 00:16:38,772 So, what's it gonna take? 462 00:16:38,773 --> 00:16:39,939 What do you mean? 463 00:16:39,940 --> 00:16:42,022 How much to make you change your mind? 464 00:16:42,023 --> 00:16:44,564 $10,000? 465 00:16:44,565 --> 00:16:46,897 You can't pay me to hang out with my son. 466 00:16:46,898 --> 00:16:48,522 $1 million. 467 00:16:48,523 --> 00:16:50,564 Seriously? No. 468 00:16:50,565 --> 00:16:51,897 But now that I know there's a price, 469 00:16:51,898 --> 00:16:52,981 my lawyer will be in touch. 470 00:16:54,356 --> 00:16:55,731 Ugh. Okay. 471 00:16:57,065 --> 00:16:59,105 Anna-Kat, chalk down. 472 00:16:59,106 --> 00:17:02,064 The days of me doing everything for you are over. 473 00:17:02,065 --> 00:17:04,939 New rule-- if you can do it, you're doing it. 474 00:17:04,940 --> 00:17:06,314 For example, 475 00:17:06,315 --> 00:17:08,897 I know you can put toothpaste on your own toothbrush. 476 00:17:08,898 --> 00:17:09,939 Taylor! 477 00:17:09,940 --> 00:17:12,314 You can also start your own banana, 478 00:17:12,315 --> 00:17:14,855 stick a straw in a juice box, and put on your own tights. 479 00:17:14,856 --> 00:17:16,439 Am I clear? 480 00:17:16,440 --> 00:17:18,105 Yes. 481 00:17:18,106 --> 00:17:19,480 Good. 482 00:17:19,481 --> 00:17:20,564 Okay, Mama. 483 00:17:22,148 --> 00:17:24,397 I'll just start doing everything all by myself. 484 00:17:24,398 --> 00:17:26,605 Nice try, but I know you can turn on and off 485 00:17:26,606 --> 00:17:28,605 the waterworks like that. 486 00:17:28,606 --> 00:17:29,814 Oliver! 487 00:17:40,356 --> 00:17:43,272 Listen, I no longer want you hanging out with Spencer. 488 00:17:43,273 --> 00:17:44,980 He's not the type of person we want you learning from. 489 00:17:44,981 --> 00:17:46,855 Who said anything about learning? 490 00:17:46,856 --> 00:17:48,605 Dad, Spencer's an old man. 491 00:17:48,606 --> 00:17:50,897 He's alone and has nobody in his life. 492 00:17:50,898 --> 00:17:52,980 I'm happy to hang out with him and run errands. 493 00:17:52,981 --> 00:17:54,230 Oh, so you're looking out for him? 494 00:17:54,231 --> 00:17:55,730 Yeah, let me finish. 495 00:17:55,731 --> 00:17:57,939 Once I become his confidante and best friend, 496 00:17:57,940 --> 00:17:59,647 I could also become his sole heir. 497 00:17:59,648 --> 00:18:01,522 And that might pay off sooner rather than later, 498 00:18:01,523 --> 00:18:03,439 based on the amount of aspartame he consumes. 499 00:18:03,440 --> 00:18:06,105 Oliver, I don't think that-- Spencer has no family. 500 00:18:06,106 --> 00:18:07,355 But you know who does? 501 00:18:07,356 --> 00:18:09,272 You do, big guy. 502 00:18:09,273 --> 00:18:11,105 And it's a great family. 503 00:18:11,106 --> 00:18:13,730 Now, let's do some backyard camping. 504 00:18:13,731 --> 00:18:16,314 I feel like you're manipulating me. 505 00:18:16,315 --> 00:18:17,647 A little. 506 00:18:22,356 --> 00:18:24,522 I feel like I failed her as a mom. 507 00:18:24,523 --> 00:18:26,814 Just so you know, if we never had Anna-Kat, 508 00:18:26,815 --> 00:18:28,022 Taylor would be telling you 509 00:18:28,023 --> 00:18:29,522 you're smothering her with attention 510 00:18:29,523 --> 00:18:30,855 and ruining her life. 511 00:18:30,856 --> 00:18:32,897 There's no winning in parenting. 512 00:18:32,898 --> 00:18:34,189 I'm certainly not winning with Oliver. 513 00:18:34,190 --> 00:18:35,355 Don't feel bad. 514 00:18:35,356 --> 00:18:36,814 It's just Oliver's nature. 515 00:18:36,815 --> 00:18:38,480 I don't like it. Neither do I. 516 00:18:38,481 --> 00:18:41,439 We need to treat him like a dog on a leash. 517 00:18:41,440 --> 00:18:43,022 He's gonna try sniffing around, 518 00:18:43,023 --> 00:18:44,564 but he needs to feel the tension of us 519 00:18:44,565 --> 00:18:46,272 always yanking him back. 520 00:18:46,273 --> 00:18:48,689 Maybe we should cut ourselves more slack. Yeah. 521 00:18:48,690 --> 00:18:51,230 None of our kids are on drugs or have face tattoos, 522 00:18:51,231 --> 00:18:53,980 and we've never lost track of a child for more than two hours. 523 00:18:53,981 --> 00:18:55,605 You put it that way, we're killing it. 524 00:18:55,606 --> 00:18:57,730 So let's put it that way. 525 00:18:57,731 --> 00:18:59,147 Thanks for making me feel better. 526 00:18:59,148 --> 00:19:00,731 Anytime. 527 00:19:12,148 --> 00:19:14,730 Raw cookie dough is so good. Right? 528 00:19:14,731 --> 00:19:16,855 Totally worth playing diarrhea roulette for this. 529 00:19:18,690 --> 00:19:20,647 Thank you for talking to Anna-Kat. 530 00:19:20,648 --> 00:19:22,855 Of course. 531 00:19:22,856 --> 00:19:25,230 I guess I was spending so much time on your little sister 532 00:19:25,231 --> 00:19:27,939 that our time got lost in the mix. 533 00:19:27,940 --> 00:19:29,605 I'm so sorry, sweetie. 534 00:19:29,606 --> 00:19:31,230 I really am. 535 00:19:31,231 --> 00:19:32,564 Thanks, Mom. 536 00:19:32,565 --> 00:19:34,022 If I could do it all over again, 537 00:19:34,023 --> 00:19:36,814 I would've given you more attention and fewer bugs. 538 00:19:37,898 --> 00:19:40,022 Anna-Kat: Mama! 539 00:19:40,023 --> 00:19:41,564 You're a big girl! 540 00:19:41,565 --> 00:19:44,147 I'm sure, whatever it is, you can figure it out on your own. 541 00:19:44,148 --> 00:19:45,606 Okay! 542 00:19:47,648 --> 00:19:50,355 I don't know what to do with you little guys. 543 00:19:50,356 --> 00:19:53,898 I can't keep you alive without a warm human host. 544 00:19:57,440 --> 00:19:59,148 Welcome home. 545 00:20:05,440 --> 00:20:10,230 {\an8}I got some maternity clothes for the new mama. 546 00:20:10,231 --> 00:20:11,773 {\an8}They're really just shirts I've grown out of. 547 00:20:13,606 --> 00:20:15,855 {\an8}I'm sorry for giving you guys lice. 548 00:20:15,856 --> 00:20:17,190 {\an8}But it could've been anybody. 549 00:20:18,856 --> 00:20:20,356 {\an8}All right. 550 00:20:22,231 --> 00:20:24,355 {\an8}I'm sorry to you, too. 551 00:20:26,065 --> 00:20:27,147 {\an8}Ugh.