1
00:00:02,350 --> 00:00:03,264
Hey.

2
00:00:03,307 --> 00:00:04,439
What are we watching?

3
00:00:04,482 --> 00:00:06,180
A documentary
on eye surgery.

4
00:00:06,223 --> 00:00:07,442
They're reattaching
a retina.

5
00:00:07,485 --> 00:00:09,096
MAN:
The procedure involves

6
00:00:09,139 --> 00:00:11,489
making small incisions
into the wall of the eye

7
00:00:11,533 --> 00:00:13,317
to allow the introduction
of instruments

8
00:00:13,361 --> 00:00:15,102
[drill whirring]into the vitreous cavity.

9
00:00:15,145 --> 00:00:16,407
Is there
anything else on?

10
00:00:16,451 --> 00:00:17,930
Dad, this is
interesting.

11
00:00:17,974 --> 00:00:19,323
I might be a
doctor someday.

12
00:00:19,367 --> 00:00:20,890
You're right,
you're right.

13
00:00:20,933 --> 00:00:23,197
The draining of the vitreous,
the clear, gel-like fluid

14
00:00:23,240 --> 00:00:25,199
that fills
the back of the eye...

15
00:00:25,242 --> 00:00:27,940
Ah! Uh, I'm going
to go read.

16
00:00:30,726 --> 00:00:33,642
WOMAN:
Kiki beats the heat
in a red chiffon teddy.

17
00:00:33,685 --> 00:00:35,165
You don't want to watch
a lingerie calendar shoot

18
00:00:35,209 --> 00:00:36,253
with your dad.

19
00:00:36,297 --> 00:00:37,428
And Alexandra likes...

20
00:00:37,472 --> 00:00:41,171
♪ Yes, no, maybe

21
00:00:41,215 --> 00:00:43,086
♪ I don't know

22
00:00:43,130 --> 00:00:46,350
♪ Can you repeat the question?

23
00:00:46,394 --> 00:00:49,136
♪ You're not the boss
of me now ♪

24
00:00:49,179 --> 00:00:51,486
♪ You're not
the boss of me now ♪

25
00:00:51,529 --> 00:00:54,010
♪ You're not the boss
of me now ♪

26
00:00:54,054 --> 00:00:56,099
♪ And you're not so big

27
00:00:56,143 --> 00:00:58,101
♪ You're not the boss
of me now ♪

28
00:00:58,145 --> 00:01:00,495
♪ You're not
the boss of me now ♪

29
00:01:00,538 --> 00:01:02,366
♪ You're not the boss
of me now ♪

30
00:01:02,410 --> 00:01:05,935
♪ And you're not so big

31
00:01:05,978 --> 00:01:10,592
♪ Life is unfair.

32
00:01:10,635 --> 00:01:11,897
Come on!

33
00:01:11,941 --> 00:01:13,377
You boys are late.

34
00:01:13,421 --> 00:01:14,596
I want you out of this house
in 30 seconds.

35
00:01:14,639 --> 00:01:15,945
Let's show some hustle.

36
00:01:15,988 --> 00:01:17,381
We've got time.

37
00:01:17,425 --> 00:01:20,167
When we're really late, our
lunches are on the front lawn.

38
00:01:24,214 --> 00:01:26,260
Mom, Reese...

39
00:01:26,303 --> 00:01:27,826
Go, go, go, go!
[grunts]

40
00:01:27,870 --> 00:01:30,133
Okay, I'm doing dry
cleaner, mechanic

41
00:01:30,177 --> 00:01:31,134
and post office.

42
00:01:31,178 --> 00:01:32,570
You're doing groceries and DMV,
right?

43
00:01:32,614 --> 00:01:33,745
Right.You got the cable bill?

44
00:01:33,789 --> 00:01:35,399
Great. Bye, guy.

45
00:01:41,449 --> 00:01:43,625
Did I just say
"Bye, guy" to you?

46
00:01:43,668 --> 00:01:45,017
I'm pretty sure you did.

47
00:01:45,061 --> 00:01:46,802
"Guy?" I-I-I called you "guy"?!

48
00:01:46,845 --> 00:01:48,064
How can that happen?

49
00:01:48,108 --> 00:01:49,631
I've never done that before.

50
00:01:49,674 --> 00:01:51,589
Hal, it's a lapse; it
doesn't mean anything.

51
00:01:51,633 --> 00:01:53,287
"Guy"?!Hal, it happens.

52
00:01:53,330 --> 00:01:55,419
Let's get one thing clear.

53
00:01:55,463 --> 00:01:59,249
In no way, shape, or form
do I think of you as a guy.

54
00:01:59,293 --> 00:02:00,163
You are a gorgeous,

55
00:02:00,207 --> 00:02:02,426
exciting, feminine goddess

56
00:02:02,470 --> 00:02:06,256
that I still don't know
what I've done to deserve.

57
00:02:06,300 --> 00:02:07,866
Do you understand that?

58
00:02:07,910 --> 00:02:09,824
Yes.

59
00:02:13,220 --> 00:02:15,047
Let's do this walking.

60
00:02:16,353 --> 00:02:18,355
Okay, just for
argument's sake,

61
00:02:18,399 --> 00:02:21,837
let's say Dr. Bombay was
one of the MASH surgeons.

62
00:02:21,880 --> 00:02:23,317
I'd still want
Hawkeye operating

63
00:02:23,360 --> 00:02:25,623
on my perforated aorta.

64
00:02:25,667 --> 00:02:27,625
It's experience
that counts.

65
00:02:27,669 --> 00:02:29,410
Think about it.

66
00:02:29,453 --> 00:02:32,282
[thunder crashing]

67
00:02:34,458 --> 00:02:36,808
Will you hurry up
with those dishes?--
my bubbles are evaporating.

68
00:02:36,852 --> 00:02:38,810
Eric, you're not
going to believe this.

69
00:02:38,854 --> 00:02:42,292
I swear I just saw
Commandant Spangler

70
00:02:42,336 --> 00:02:43,554
standing outside
the window.

71
00:02:43,598 --> 00:02:45,252
That's not even funny,
Francis.

72
00:02:45,295 --> 00:02:47,428
There are some things
you just don't joke about,

73
00:02:47,471 --> 00:02:50,213
and that hook-handed maniac
is at the top of the list.

74
00:02:50,257 --> 00:02:51,475
But he was so real.

75
00:02:51,519 --> 00:02:52,998
It was like being back
at military school.

76
00:02:53,042 --> 00:02:54,391
I know.

77
00:02:54,435 --> 00:02:56,045
For a long time, I saw him
every time I shut my eyes.

78
00:02:56,088 --> 00:02:58,352
You just have to remember
we escaped

79
00:02:58,395 --> 00:02:59,396
from that hellhole.

80
00:02:59,440 --> 00:03:00,484
We made it out

81
00:03:00,528 --> 00:03:02,138
and found better lives
for ourselves.

82
00:03:02,182 --> 00:03:03,139
Now, let's get

83
00:03:03,183 --> 00:03:04,227
these dishes done.

84
00:03:04,271 --> 00:03:05,576
We still have
to snake out the toilets

85
00:03:05,620 --> 00:03:07,099
before we can
call it a night.

86
00:03:08,144 --> 00:03:10,625
[thunder crashing]

87
00:03:12,409 --> 00:03:14,368
Hey, guys, wait up!

88
00:03:14,411 --> 00:03:16,108
[panting]

89
00:03:16,892 --> 00:03:19,286
[clattering]

90
00:03:20,417 --> 00:03:22,506
Hi.

91
00:03:22,550 --> 00:03:24,682
I'm Dewey.

92
00:03:24,726 --> 00:03:26,293
You smell terrible.

93
00:03:26,336 --> 00:03:27,729
I like you.

94
00:03:28,860 --> 00:03:30,949
Maybe you could
come home with me.

95
00:03:30,993 --> 00:03:33,256
Dewey, you're not allowed
to have a dog, remember?

96
00:03:33,300 --> 00:03:35,258
We want you
to be miserable.

97
00:03:35,302 --> 00:03:37,478
That's right, son,
it's our job to make sure

98
00:03:37,521 --> 00:03:39,523
we're as unfair
as possible to you.

99
00:03:39,567 --> 00:03:41,264
Don't listen
to them, Dewey.

100
00:03:41,308 --> 00:03:43,092
I've studied the
matter thoroughly,

101
00:03:43,135 --> 00:03:45,312
and I'm convinced you
can get away with it.

102
00:03:45,355 --> 00:03:49,229
All you have to do
is hide me. Hmm.

103
00:03:50,578 --> 00:03:53,755
I'll call you Marshmallow.

104
00:03:55,017 --> 00:03:57,933
["Tonight's the Night"
playing]

105
00:04:01,502 --> 00:04:05,462
♪ Tonight's the night

106
00:04:06,333 --> 00:04:09,771
♪ It's gonna be all right

107
00:04:10,598 --> 00:04:13,340
♪ 'Cause I love you, girl

108
00:04:13,383 --> 00:04:17,517
♪ Ain't nobody
gonna stop us now... ♪

109
00:04:18,954 --> 00:04:20,303
[laughing]

110
00:04:20,346 --> 00:04:21,522
Hal, what are you doing here?

111
00:04:21,565 --> 00:04:23,567
Well, you're off work
in five minutes,

112
00:04:23,611 --> 00:04:25,700
and I am here to whisk you away
for a night of romance.

113
00:04:25,743 --> 00:04:28,572
Oh, honey, that's so sweet,
but I can't.

114
00:04:28,616 --> 00:04:30,922
I've got to cover
for Craig tonight.

115
00:04:30,966 --> 00:04:32,359
Why?!

116
00:04:32,402 --> 00:04:33,708
Oh, he's sick as a dog.

117
00:04:33,751 --> 00:04:36,580
Come on! You know that guy's
the biggest faker in the world.

118
00:04:36,624 --> 00:04:38,408
The last time
he was out with the flu,

119
00:04:38,452 --> 00:04:42,107
we saw him jumping up and down
in the window on The Today Show.

120
00:04:42,151 --> 00:04:44,545
That doesn't mean
I wasn't sick.

121
00:04:44,588 --> 00:04:46,373
You didn't happen to tape that,
did you?

122
00:04:46,416 --> 00:04:47,939
I set my timer wrong.

123
00:04:47,983 --> 00:04:49,463
Oh, honey,

124
00:04:49,506 --> 00:04:50,507
I'm so sorry.

125
00:04:50,551 --> 00:04:53,205
After all the trouble
you went through.

126
00:04:53,249 --> 00:04:54,772
No. It's no big deal.

127
00:04:54,816 --> 00:04:57,384
Really, it wasn't any trouble.

128
00:04:59,386 --> 00:05:00,952
Thanks again
for the ride home.

129
00:05:00,996 --> 00:05:02,606
Wow.

130
00:05:02,650 --> 00:05:04,391
So, this is
what it would have been like

131
00:05:04,434 --> 00:05:05,783
to go to my prom.

132
00:05:05,827 --> 00:05:08,569
All I wanted was
a nice evening with my wife.

133
00:05:08,612 --> 00:05:09,613
I even dug up

134
00:05:09,657 --> 00:05:10,614
the wedding vows

135
00:05:10,658 --> 00:05:13,269
I never was able
to read to her.

136
00:05:13,313 --> 00:05:14,401
What happened?

137
00:05:14,444 --> 00:05:16,403
Oh, she went into labor
with Francis

138
00:05:16,446 --> 00:05:17,969
in the middle of the ceremony.

139
00:05:18,013 --> 00:05:21,146
I was going to read
them to her tonight.

140
00:05:21,190 --> 00:05:24,498
God... now I feel awful.

141
00:05:24,541 --> 00:05:26,151
Don't worry
about it, Craig.

142
00:05:26,195 --> 00:05:28,153
It's not your fault.

143
00:05:28,197 --> 00:05:30,373
No, I really feel awful.

144
00:05:30,417 --> 00:05:32,723
[retching]

145
00:05:32,767 --> 00:05:35,770
[Marshmallow whining]

146
00:05:42,429 --> 00:05:44,779
[whining]

147
00:05:49,218 --> 00:05:52,264
Shh.

148
00:05:53,222 --> 00:05:54,571
[whispering]:
Are you awake?

149
00:05:54,615 --> 00:05:56,007
[Marshmallow whining]

150
00:05:56,051 --> 00:05:58,532
Oh, honey,
I'm so sorry about tonight.

151
00:05:58,575 --> 00:06:00,621
Listen, tomorrow night,
I'm going to fix us

152
00:06:00,664 --> 00:06:02,405
such a special dinner--
just the two of us.

153
00:06:02,449 --> 00:06:03,580
We'll lock the boys
in the garage,

154
00:06:03,624 --> 00:06:05,452
open a bottle of wine--
it'll be great.

155
00:06:05,495 --> 00:06:07,671
[Marshmallow whining]

156
00:06:07,715 --> 00:06:11,458
Oh, I know, honey, I know.

157
00:06:13,721 --> 00:06:15,418
That's all I have.

158
00:06:15,462 --> 00:06:17,638
[whining]

159
00:06:23,034 --> 00:06:25,167
[sighing]

160
00:06:44,404 --> 00:06:45,492
Is the roast
medium rare?

161
00:06:45,535 --> 00:06:46,884
Did you put the
wine in the fridge?

162
00:06:46,928 --> 00:06:48,495
Mom, my roast
is perfect.

163
00:06:48,538 --> 00:06:50,714
I never even knew
we had fancy silverware.

164
00:06:50,758 --> 00:06:52,586
When was the last time
you used this?

165
00:06:52,629 --> 00:06:53,587
The night you were conceived.

166
00:06:53,630 --> 00:06:54,718
You want more details?

167
00:06:54,762 --> 00:06:55,719
No.Good.

168
00:06:55,763 --> 00:06:57,678
Thank you so much
for your help!

169
00:06:57,721 --> 00:06:59,723
Now, get in your room,
and don't make a peep

170
00:06:59,767 --> 00:07:00,898
for the next
five hours.

171
00:07:00,942 --> 00:07:02,552
Move!

172
00:07:04,989 --> 00:07:07,514
[Marshmallow whining,
Dewey grunting]

173
00:07:07,557 --> 00:07:08,645
He's not a dog.

174
00:07:08,689 --> 00:07:10,255
He's just pretend.

175
00:07:10,299 --> 00:07:12,127
What's for dinner?[door closes]

176
00:07:12,170 --> 00:07:14,521
A dog? Busted!

177
00:07:14,564 --> 00:07:16,523
Please don't tell Mom! Please!

178
00:07:16,566 --> 00:07:17,741
Do you have
a death wish?

179
00:07:17,785 --> 00:07:19,308
Just let me have him one night.

180
00:07:19,351 --> 00:07:20,614
I love him, and he loves me.

181
00:07:20,657 --> 00:07:21,615
Please, please!

182
00:07:21,658 --> 00:07:23,573
Okay, Dewey, relax.

183
00:07:23,617 --> 00:07:24,618
We won't tell.

184
00:07:24,661 --> 00:07:27,316
Thank you!

185
00:07:27,359 --> 00:07:28,709
So, when do we tell?

186
00:07:28,752 --> 00:07:30,711
As soon as
Dad gets home.

187
00:07:30,754 --> 00:07:32,103
It'll be funnier.

188
00:07:32,147 --> 00:07:34,062
I couldn't sleep at all
last night.

189
00:07:34,105 --> 00:07:36,412
Me, too. It's like there's
something creepy in the air.

190
00:07:36,456 --> 00:07:37,587
SPANGLER:
Francis!

191
00:07:41,156 --> 00:07:42,723
Commandant Spangler.

192
00:07:42,766 --> 00:07:44,159
[pans clattering]

193
00:07:45,247 --> 00:07:46,683
What are you doing
in Alaska?

194
00:07:46,727 --> 00:07:49,599
I've come for you,Francis!

195
00:07:49,643 --> 00:07:53,429
I've been searching for you
for months.

196
00:07:53,473 --> 00:07:55,562
Me? Why?

197
00:07:55,605 --> 00:07:58,129
Why?!

198
00:07:58,173 --> 00:08:01,176
Because...

199
00:08:01,219 --> 00:08:06,311
after 32 years as an educator
and disciplinarian,

200
00:08:06,355 --> 00:08:08,009
your desertion

201
00:08:08,052 --> 00:08:09,445
stood out as my

202
00:08:09,489 --> 00:08:11,795
only failure--

203
00:08:11,839 --> 00:08:14,015
a failurethat...

204
00:08:14,058 --> 00:08:17,322
haunted my every waking moment.

205
00:08:17,366 --> 00:08:20,674
I began to see your face

206
00:08:20,717 --> 00:08:23,590
and those of other
young cadets who didn't

207
00:08:23,633 --> 00:08:26,941
deserve the wrath that I poured
down on their innocent souls.

208
00:08:26,984 --> 00:08:29,204
There was a lawsuit.

209
00:08:29,247 --> 00:08:32,554
Charges were filed.

210
00:08:32,599 --> 00:08:34,383
Disgrace.

211
00:08:34,426 --> 00:08:37,472
I can't even remember the fire.

212
00:08:37,517 --> 00:08:42,130
But I doremember the cause

213
00:08:42,173 --> 00:08:43,653
for all of my

214
00:08:43,697 --> 00:08:45,481
suffering.

215
00:08:45,525 --> 00:08:49,790
I saw the stupid,grinning face

216
00:08:49,833 --> 00:08:55,056
of the one person responsible
for all of my suffering.

217
00:08:56,100 --> 00:08:57,362
Who?

218
00:08:57,406 --> 00:08:58,712
[quavering yell]:
Die!

219
00:08:58,755 --> 00:09:01,671
Die!

220
00:09:01,715 --> 00:09:03,673
Die!

221
00:09:03,717 --> 00:09:04,805
Die...
Sir, cut it out.

222
00:09:04,848 --> 00:09:06,371
Your hooks are cold.

223
00:09:06,415 --> 00:09:10,637
[drunken sobbing]

224
00:09:22,823 --> 00:09:24,999
And then
Dewey and Marshmallow

225
00:09:25,042 --> 00:09:26,696
killed the evil dragon,

226
00:09:26,740 --> 00:09:28,611
rescued the
poodle princess

227
00:09:28,655 --> 00:09:30,657
and flew all the
way back home.

228
00:09:30,700 --> 00:09:34,704
And they got medals
and big, red capes,

229
00:09:34,748 --> 00:09:36,793
and everybody
loved them.

230
00:09:38,099 --> 00:09:39,753
[whines]

231
00:09:39,796 --> 00:09:41,755
Are you okay?

232
00:09:43,713 --> 00:09:45,106
Marshmallow.

233
00:09:45,149 --> 00:09:47,238
[grunts]
Whoa.

234
00:09:47,282 --> 00:09:48,718
[gasping]

235
00:09:50,894 --> 00:09:52,896
Marshmallow, stop!

236
00:09:52,940 --> 00:09:55,290
LOIS: Boys, I thought I told you
to stay in your room!

237
00:09:55,333 --> 00:09:56,857
Marshmallow, hide!

238
00:10:02,514 --> 00:10:04,691
[growling softly]

239
00:10:07,128 --> 00:10:08,695
I don't understand it!

240
00:10:08,738 --> 00:10:10,522
An entire roast

241
00:10:10,566 --> 00:10:11,915
with your bare hands?!

242
00:10:11,959 --> 00:10:15,789
T-th-the, the
salad, the potatoes,
t-the green beans?!

243
00:10:15,832 --> 00:10:17,921
What do you
have to say for yourself?!

244
00:10:17,965 --> 00:10:19,314
I was hungry, I guess.

245
00:10:19,357 --> 00:10:20,576
This is great.

246
00:10:20,620 --> 00:10:21,795
Let's tell them
about the dog

247
00:10:21,838 --> 00:10:23,318
and really nail
his coffin shut.

248
00:10:23,361 --> 00:10:24,449
Not yet; I
have a hunch.

249
00:10:24,493 --> 00:10:27,365
An entire stick of butter?!

250
00:10:27,409 --> 00:10:28,889
[sotto voce]:
Now! Let's tell them now!

251
00:10:28,932 --> 00:10:30,673
Wait for it,
wait for it.

252
00:10:30,717 --> 00:10:32,283
Wait a second.

253
00:10:32,327 --> 00:10:35,504
How could you eat... a candle?

254
00:10:35,547 --> 00:10:36,940
I like candles.

255
00:10:36,984 --> 00:10:38,768
I think they're good.

256
00:10:38,812 --> 00:10:39,856
That's it!

257
00:10:39,900 --> 00:10:43,773
You are going to the hospital
and getting your stomach pumped.

258
00:10:48,386 --> 00:10:49,736
[phone ringing, indistinct
announcement over P.A.]

259
00:10:49,779 --> 00:10:51,955
All right, young man.

260
00:10:51,999 --> 00:10:53,827
I think you're empty.

261
00:10:53,870 --> 00:10:55,350
Well?

262
00:10:55,393 --> 00:10:56,612
He's fine.

263
00:10:56,656 --> 00:10:57,744
We didn't find
any candles,

264
00:10:57,787 --> 00:10:59,310
but we did find
some marbles

265
00:10:59,354 --> 00:11:01,530
and the waistband to
a pair of underpants.

266
00:11:01,573 --> 00:11:02,966
Don't ask.

267
00:11:03,010 --> 00:11:04,881
Thank you, Doctor.

268
00:11:04,925 --> 00:11:07,101
All right, Dewey,
this is the end.

269
00:11:07,144 --> 00:11:08,493
You and your brothers

270
00:11:08,537 --> 00:11:10,800
are now officially
in the red zone.

271
00:11:10,844 --> 00:11:12,367
But...Red zone, mister!

272
00:11:12,410 --> 00:11:13,760
Now, tomorrow night

273
00:11:13,803 --> 00:11:15,718
I am taking your mother out
on an emergency date.

274
00:11:15,762 --> 00:11:19,330
It will be a beautiful,
romantic, magical evening

275
00:11:19,374 --> 00:11:21,593
that we need very badly,

276
00:11:21,637 --> 00:11:23,944
and nothing
is going to derail it

277
00:11:23,987 --> 00:11:25,859
on penalty of death.

278
00:11:26,903 --> 00:11:28,470
Good.

279
00:11:30,341 --> 00:11:31,908
Do you want your army man?

280
00:11:34,171 --> 00:11:35,738
Okay.

281
00:11:35,782 --> 00:11:37,522
So, how's he doing?

282
00:11:37,566 --> 00:11:39,176
I was up with
him all night.

283
00:11:39,220 --> 00:11:40,395
It got pretty wild

284
00:11:40,438 --> 00:11:43,528
but I think he's
doing better now.

285
00:11:43,572 --> 00:11:44,573
I want to die!

286
00:11:44,616 --> 00:11:47,532
Why can't I just die?

287
00:11:47,576 --> 00:11:48,795
Stop talking
like that, sir.

288
00:11:48,838 --> 00:11:51,623
This is just
a momentary setback.

289
00:11:51,667 --> 00:11:53,974
I have nothing to live for.

290
00:11:54,017 --> 00:11:56,628
Mother no longer
acknowledges me.

291
00:11:56,672 --> 00:11:58,805
I have no friends, no money.

292
00:11:58,848 --> 00:12:03,635
I won't even tell you how I paid
for my journey up here.

293
00:12:03,679 --> 00:12:05,768
If it means anything
to you, sir,

294
00:12:05,812 --> 00:12:07,988
you taught me
how to be a man.

295
00:12:08,031 --> 00:12:11,252
I have no idea
who you are.

296
00:12:11,295 --> 00:12:12,688
You don't remember me?

297
00:12:12,732 --> 00:12:13,820
After all that
time at Marlin,

298
00:12:13,863 --> 00:12:15,865
the hell that you
put me through,

299
00:12:15,909 --> 00:12:17,432
you don't even
remember me?

300
00:12:18,607 --> 00:12:20,957
Cadet Dudley?

301
00:12:21,001 --> 00:12:23,046
No! Eric!

302
00:12:23,090 --> 00:12:25,570
I just spent the last
ten hours cradling you!

303
00:12:25,614 --> 00:12:28,138
Sir, this is because
you're not feeling useful.

304
00:12:28,182 --> 00:12:29,923
Look, I've talked
to some people

305
00:12:29,966 --> 00:12:32,229
and I think I may
have found you a job.

306
00:12:32,273 --> 00:12:34,014
A what?

307
00:12:34,057 --> 00:12:34,797
It'd be with
the Interior Department.

308
00:12:34,841 --> 00:12:36,668
You'd be helping
the environment,

309
00:12:36,712 --> 00:12:38,061
working with people--

310
00:12:38,105 --> 00:12:39,802
you would be making
a real difference.

311
00:12:39,846 --> 00:12:42,065
I can do that.

312
00:12:42,109 --> 00:12:44,633
Thank you, son.

313
00:12:44,676 --> 00:12:45,982
And please, thank that girl

314
00:12:46,026 --> 00:12:48,942
for rocking me in her arms
all night long.

315
00:12:58,908 --> 00:13:00,910
[retching]

316
00:13:04,958 --> 00:13:06,176
All right,
who's ready

317
00:13:06,220 --> 00:13:08,657
for a fantastic
night on the town?

318
00:13:08,700 --> 00:13:09,658
Oh...

319
00:13:09,701 --> 00:13:11,051
Hal, they're beautiful.

320
00:13:11,094 --> 00:13:12,313
Just give me

321
00:13:12,356 --> 00:13:15,272
two minutes to freshen up
and I'll be ready to roll.

322
00:13:16,056 --> 00:13:17,884
Just stay put, Dewey.

323
00:13:17,927 --> 00:13:19,102
You're doing great.

324
00:13:19,146 --> 00:13:23,106
We've been in here
for three hours.

325
00:13:23,150 --> 00:13:27,110
Hey, I'm just looking out
for your best interest.

326
00:13:27,154 --> 00:13:28,416
Okay, Dad just
came home.

327
00:13:28,459 --> 00:13:30,200
Let's tell them now
so it ruins their date.

328
00:13:30,244 --> 00:13:32,115
Or, we can wait till
they come home

329
00:13:32,159 --> 00:13:33,551
and they might
be drunk.

330
00:13:33,595 --> 00:13:34,988
This is true.

331
00:13:35,031 --> 00:13:36,206
All right, boys--

332
00:13:36,250 --> 00:13:37,904
your father and I
are leaving now.

333
00:13:37,947 --> 00:13:40,123
I left the number for the
restaurant on the counter.

334
00:13:40,167 --> 00:13:42,256
[retching in other room]If we get a call,
it better be from the coroner.

335
00:13:42,299 --> 00:13:44,214
[toilet flushing]Nothing is going to ruin
this night!

336
00:13:44,258 --> 00:13:49,306
M'lady, your
carriage awaits.

337
00:13:49,350 --> 00:13:51,918
[giggling]

338
00:13:54,181 --> 00:13:55,704
Well, I'm out of here.

339
00:13:55,747 --> 00:13:56,879
Back at 10:00?

340
00:13:56,923 --> 00:13:58,141
Sounds good.

341
00:13:58,185 --> 00:13:59,577
Dewey, you and
your dopey dog

342
00:13:59,621 --> 00:14:01,231
are on your own
for an hour or two.

343
00:14:01,275 --> 00:14:03,364
Nope.What are you talking about?

344
00:14:03,407 --> 00:14:04,756
Did something
happen to the dog?

345
00:14:04,800 --> 00:14:06,497
Oh, he's fine.
He's just busy destroying

346
00:14:06,541 --> 00:14:07,890
your comic book collection.

347
00:14:07,934 --> 00:14:09,022
What?

348
00:14:12,547 --> 00:14:14,070
[snarling]

349
00:14:14,984 --> 00:14:16,681
That's it.

350
00:14:16,725 --> 00:14:18,770
You're getting rid
of that thing right now!

351
00:14:18,814 --> 00:14:20,120
And you'regoing
to pay for this!

352
00:14:20,163 --> 00:14:22,557
I don't think so.Oh, I
think so.

353
00:14:22,600 --> 00:14:24,559
[barking]

354
00:14:24,602 --> 00:14:25,952
[gasping]

355
00:14:26,953 --> 00:14:28,084
[barking]

356
00:14:28,128 --> 00:14:30,695
Sit!

357
00:14:30,739 --> 00:14:31,914
[growling]

358
00:14:31,958 --> 00:14:33,960
I wasn't talking to him.

359
00:14:34,003 --> 00:14:36,832
[growling continues]

360
00:14:44,753 --> 00:14:46,537
Ever since
the day I was born,

361
00:14:46,581 --> 00:14:49,540
you guys
have been torturing me.

362
00:14:49,584 --> 00:14:52,717
I remember you trying to switch
me for another baby at the park.

363
00:14:52,761 --> 00:14:55,807
I remember you telling me
the tooth fairy was a vampire.

364
00:14:55,851 --> 00:14:56,939
I remember every

365
00:14:56,983 --> 00:14:59,202
wet Willie,
every booger sandwich,

366
00:14:59,246 --> 00:15:00,812
every stink hat...

367
00:15:00,856 --> 00:15:02,205
Dewey, we're sorry.

368
00:15:02,249 --> 00:15:05,208
...every waffle butt,
every chester backster

369
00:15:05,252 --> 00:15:06,993
and every purple nurple!

370
00:15:07,036 --> 00:15:07,994
And now

371
00:15:08,037 --> 00:15:09,560
you're going to pay.

372
00:15:09,604 --> 00:15:11,084
[barks]

373
00:15:11,127 --> 00:15:12,824
Dewey, this isn't
going to work.

374
00:15:12,868 --> 00:15:14,000
Mom and Dad will be home
in a few hours,

375
00:15:14,043 --> 00:15:17,090
that dog will be gone,
you'll be in trouble,

376
00:15:17,133 --> 00:15:19,092
and we'll kick your ass
for the next ten years.

377
00:15:19,135 --> 00:15:20,093
I know.

378
00:15:20,136 --> 00:15:21,877
So we'd better get started.

379
00:15:21,921 --> 00:15:23,139
What do you want?

380
00:15:24,184 --> 00:15:25,881
Everything.

381
00:15:25,925 --> 00:15:28,971
I want everything.

382
00:15:29,015 --> 00:15:32,583
Hal, this place
is beautiful.

383
00:15:32,627 --> 00:15:33,454
It's so romantic.

384
00:15:33,497 --> 00:15:34,977
Everything is
fabulous.

385
00:15:35,021 --> 00:15:36,979
Yes, it is fabulous.

386
00:15:37,023 --> 00:15:37,980
Look, they have

387
00:15:38,024 --> 00:15:39,155
your favorite-- oysters!

388
00:15:39,199 --> 00:15:40,591
We'll have to order
some of those.

389
00:15:40,635 --> 00:15:42,463
Actually,
I had a big batch

390
00:15:42,506 --> 00:15:44,247
of oysters for lunch.

391
00:15:44,291 --> 00:15:45,335
You did?

392
00:15:45,379 --> 00:15:46,641
Where did you
get oysters?

393
00:15:46,684 --> 00:15:48,599
A guy has a cart
outside the building.

394
00:15:48,643 --> 00:15:52,386
Besides, I am dying
to try this plain broth--

395
00:15:52,429 --> 00:15:53,691
they're famous for it.

396
00:15:53,735 --> 00:15:55,041
For their broth?
What are you talking about?

397
00:15:55,084 --> 00:15:57,260
Is that your friend Suzy
from work?

398
00:15:57,304 --> 00:15:59,219
Who, that fat old man?

399
00:15:59,262 --> 00:16:02,048
Never mind.
I'm just so excited to be here.

400
00:16:02,091 --> 00:16:03,353
Excuse me, sorry.

401
00:16:03,397 --> 00:16:04,572
Please,

402
00:16:04,615 --> 00:16:05,921
could you turn the air
conditioning like

403
00:16:05,965 --> 00:16:07,227
10-15 degrees colder?

404
00:16:07,270 --> 00:16:09,272
Okay.

405
00:16:09,316 --> 00:16:11,361
Okay...

406
00:16:11,405 --> 00:16:14,060
Hal... what are
you up to?

407
00:16:14,103 --> 00:16:15,670
I'll never tell.

408
00:16:15,713 --> 00:16:16,932
I love this.

409
00:16:16,976 --> 00:16:19,717
I'm having such
a great time.

410
00:16:19,761 --> 00:16:22,242
Me, too.

411
00:16:22,285 --> 00:16:24,722
Excuse me.

412
00:16:24,766 --> 00:16:26,072
Hurry back.

413
00:16:27,856 --> 00:16:30,511
[shuddering]

414
00:16:30,554 --> 00:16:32,165
Excuse me.

415
00:16:32,208 --> 00:16:33,296
I need your help.

416
00:16:33,340 --> 00:16:35,820
Here-- here's $20.

417
00:16:35,864 --> 00:16:38,084
Go and buy me some medicine--
some cold medicine--

418
00:16:38,127 --> 00:16:39,824
and serve it to me
in a champagne glass.

419
00:16:39,868 --> 00:16:42,088
But I-I...Just stop talking and go!

420
00:16:42,131 --> 00:16:44,046
[moaning]

421
00:16:44,090 --> 00:16:46,135
DEWEY:
Pencils down.

422
00:16:47,267 --> 00:16:50,444
Who wants to read
their essay first?

423
00:16:51,706 --> 00:16:54,143
Marshmallow,
why don't you choose?

424
00:16:55,753 --> 00:16:57,625
[barks]

425
00:16:57,668 --> 00:16:59,496
"50 reasons why Dewey

426
00:16:59,540 --> 00:17:00,541
"is the greatest
brother

427
00:17:00,584 --> 00:17:01,759
"in the history
of the universe

428
00:17:01,803 --> 00:17:03,239
and I'm a worthless
chunk of garbage."

429
00:17:03,283 --> 00:17:05,459
Is that what we were
supposed to be writing about?

430
00:17:07,242 --> 00:17:08,069
From the top.

431
00:17:08,114 --> 00:17:10,724
"50 reasons why Dewey is the
greatest brother in the...

432
00:17:10,768 --> 00:17:11,900
Stop.

433
00:17:11,943 --> 00:17:14,337
Something's not right.

434
00:17:16,818 --> 00:17:18,124
Wait.

435
00:17:20,343 --> 00:17:22,127
There.

436
00:17:22,171 --> 00:17:23,259
Continue.

437
00:17:23,303 --> 00:17:24,347
[doorbell rings]

438
00:17:24,391 --> 00:17:27,307
Nobody move.[knocking on door]

439
00:17:27,349 --> 00:17:29,439
CRAIG:
Hello?! I know

440
00:17:29,483 --> 00:17:30,701
someone's home.

441
00:17:30,745 --> 00:17:32,877
I saw shapes moving
on the curtain!

442
00:17:32,921 --> 00:17:35,184
Marshmallow, guard.

443
00:17:36,533 --> 00:17:38,579
Hey, sport,
is your dad home?

444
00:17:38,622 --> 00:17:39,971
No, they went to a restaurant,

445
00:17:40,015 --> 00:17:41,930
but they said you
should go over...

446
00:17:41,973 --> 00:17:43,453
Well, I just came
to drop off some pants.

447
00:17:43,497 --> 00:17:45,107
They got out...Craig, help!

448
00:17:45,151 --> 00:17:46,543
REESE:
Help up, please!

449
00:17:46,587 --> 00:17:47,544
Dewey's gone crazy.

450
00:17:47,588 --> 00:17:48,502
He's holding us prisoner.

451
00:17:48,545 --> 00:17:50,069
[Marshmallow growls]

452
00:17:52,419 --> 00:17:55,161
I'm sorry you had to see this.

453
00:17:55,204 --> 00:17:57,337
[Marshmallow growls]

454
00:17:57,380 --> 00:17:59,121
Number 12...

455
00:17:59,165 --> 00:18:01,471
his twinkling eyes.

456
00:18:01,515 --> 00:18:02,690
To us.

457
00:18:02,733 --> 00:18:03,995
To us.

458
00:18:04,039 --> 00:18:05,258
You know, Lois...

459
00:18:05,301 --> 00:18:07,303
LOIS [thinking]:
Don't pass out.

460
00:18:07,347 --> 00:18:09,175
No! No, keep it together.

461
00:18:09,218 --> 00:18:11,394
Smile, smile! Laugh!

462
00:18:11,438 --> 00:18:13,222
[laughter]

463
00:18:13,266 --> 00:18:15,050
HAL [thinking]:
You're going to throw up.

464
00:18:15,094 --> 00:18:17,313
Okay, if it comes to it,
aim for the ice bucket.

465
00:18:17,357 --> 00:18:19,359
[laughter]

466
00:18:19,402 --> 00:18:22,405
♪ We're stinky and evil,
we're dumb and sarcastic ♪

467
00:18:22,449 --> 00:18:24,015
♪ While Dewey, in contrast

468
00:18:24,059 --> 00:18:25,408
♪ Is super fantastic

469
00:18:25,452 --> 00:18:27,323
♪ And that's why Dewey is king

470
00:18:27,367 --> 00:18:30,283
[harmonizing]:
♪ Why Dewey is king.

471
00:18:30,326 --> 00:18:32,328
Hey, it's haircut time.

472
00:18:32,372 --> 00:18:35,636
Think of your favorite Stooge,
and I'll be right back.

473
00:18:35,679 --> 00:18:39,248
Marshmallow, if anyone moves,
eatthem.

474
00:18:39,292 --> 00:18:40,380
This is insane.

475
00:18:40,423 --> 00:18:42,382
We've got to do something.

476
00:18:42,425 --> 00:18:43,383
I'm Moe.

477
00:18:43,426 --> 00:18:44,297
We don't have
a choice.

478
00:18:44,340 --> 00:18:45,950
I say at the
count of three,

479
00:18:45,994 --> 00:18:48,562
we split up and all run
for different doors.

480
00:18:48,605 --> 00:18:50,433
Are you nuts?
He might get one of us.

481
00:18:50,477 --> 00:18:51,434
MALCOLM:
Yeah, but two of us

482
00:18:51,478 --> 00:18:52,870
will get away
and go for help.

483
00:18:52,914 --> 00:18:56,178
I'm willing if you are.
I can't sing anymore.

484
00:18:56,222 --> 00:18:59,442
Ready? On three.

485
00:18:59,486 --> 00:19:00,313
One...

486
00:19:00,356 --> 00:19:01,792
two...

487
00:19:01,836 --> 00:19:03,054
three.

488
00:19:03,098 --> 00:19:04,534
Go, go, go, go, go,
go, go, go, go!

489
00:19:04,578 --> 00:19:05,579
Go, go, go, go![barking]

490
00:19:05,622 --> 00:19:07,102
No. Good dog! No, no!

491
00:19:07,146 --> 00:19:09,235
[screaming]
Ah! Ooh! Not the face!

492
00:19:09,278 --> 00:19:11,324
[screaming]

493
00:19:11,367 --> 00:19:12,325
Craig's a good guy.

494
00:19:12,368 --> 00:19:14,022
He always comes
through for us.

495
00:19:14,065 --> 00:19:15,023
I couldn't find

496
00:19:15,066 --> 00:19:16,416
any rusty scissors,
so we're going to have

497
00:19:16,459 --> 00:19:18,374
to use...

498
00:19:18,418 --> 00:19:19,549
Where is he?

499
00:19:19,593 --> 00:19:21,203
He should have
been back by now.

500
00:19:21,247 --> 00:19:22,248
Look at this,
my palms are sweaty.

501
00:19:22,291 --> 00:19:25,338
Would you calm down?
Here he comes.

502
00:19:27,514 --> 00:19:29,255
So?

503
00:19:29,298 --> 00:19:33,998
[slurring]:
For some reason, I was fired.

504
00:19:34,042 --> 00:19:37,480
I don't believe it,
he's drunk again.

505
00:19:37,524 --> 00:19:39,482
You're just going to have
to face it, Francis--

506
00:19:39,526 --> 00:19:41,354
there's no hope
for this guy.

507
00:19:41,397 --> 00:19:42,877
The only thing that ever
made him remotely happy

508
00:19:42,920 --> 00:19:46,010
was tormenting
and bullying helpless students.

509
00:19:46,054 --> 00:19:47,708
Without that, he's nothing.

510
00:19:49,971 --> 00:19:53,017
You call that a collage?

511
00:19:53,061 --> 00:19:54,367
Is it an insult

512
00:19:54,410 --> 00:19:55,846
to the craft.

513
00:19:55,890 --> 00:20:00,111
I can see paste coming up over
the top of the Popsicle stick.

514
00:20:00,155 --> 00:20:01,678
I'm sorry, I have arthritis.

515
00:20:01,722 --> 00:20:02,636
That's it.

516
00:20:02,679 --> 00:20:05,465
You have just lost pudding

517
00:20:05,508 --> 00:20:07,467
for the whole group.

518
00:20:07,510 --> 00:20:12,472
Feel free to thank
Mrs. Meekitjuk after I leave.

519
00:20:18,347 --> 00:20:19,479
I feel like dancing.

520
00:20:19,522 --> 00:20:21,002
Me, too.

521
00:20:47,594 --> 00:20:48,769
Oh, darling,
there's something

522
00:20:48,812 --> 00:20:50,161
I've wanted
to say to you

523
00:20:50,205 --> 00:20:51,293
for the longest time.

524
00:20:51,337 --> 00:20:52,163
Uh-huh?

525
00:20:52,207 --> 00:20:55,906
I have to go
to the hospital.

526
00:20:55,950 --> 00:21:00,563
Oh, Hal, you don't know
how happy that makes me.

527
00:21:01,347 --> 00:21:04,524
REESE:
What do you think?

528
00:21:04,567 --> 00:21:05,307
One more can?

529
00:21:05,351 --> 00:21:07,353
No, we don't want
to spoil him.

530
00:21:07,396 --> 00:21:09,311
Besides,
he probably has to go

531
00:21:09,355 --> 00:21:10,747
to the bathroom now.

532
00:21:10,791 --> 00:21:13,141
Who wants to go out
in the front yard?

533
00:21:13,184 --> 00:21:16,013
I'll remember this,too.

534
00:21:16,057 --> 00:21:18,451
"And how can words
describe how I feel

535
00:21:18,494 --> 00:21:20,714
on this, the day
of our marriage?"

536
00:21:20,757 --> 00:21:24,021
"You are my day, my night,
the sun in my sky.

537
00:21:24,065 --> 00:21:26,676
You are the Duran
to my Duran."

538
00:21:26,720 --> 00:21:29,592
Oh, Hal.

539
00:21:29,636 --> 00:21:32,682
"Her name is Lois and
she dances on the sand

540
00:21:32,726 --> 00:21:35,555
just like that river twisting
through a dusty land..."