1 00:00:01,080 --> 00:00:04,639 ♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo ♪ 2 00:00:04,840 --> 00:00:08,560 ♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo ♪ 3 00:00:08,850 --> 00:00:12,670 ♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo ♪ 4 00:00:13,020 --> 00:00:16,650 ♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo ♪ 5 00:00:16,950 --> 00:00:20,750 ♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo ♪ 6 00:00:21,100 --> 00:00:23,290 ♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo ♪ 7 00:00:24,540 --> 00:00:25,689 Ooh! 8 00:00:25,690 --> 00:00:27,119 - Mommy! - Aaaaaaah! 9 00:00:27,120 --> 00:00:29,130 - Duncan! - Duncan! 10 00:00:34,160 --> 00:00:36,070 Really feel like I crushed it today. 11 00:00:36,160 --> 00:00:38,000 Let's see what a celebrity thinks. 12 00:00:38,150 --> 00:00:40,240 Hi. This is Padma Lakshmi. 13 00:00:40,390 --> 00:00:41,840 You'll never look like me, 14 00:00:41,840 --> 00:00:45,000 but keep trying to meet that impossible standard. 15 00:00:45,150 --> 00:00:47,400 Thanks, Padma. See ya tomorrow. 16 00:00:47,420 --> 00:00:49,656 Good morning, everyone. 17 00:00:49,691 --> 00:00:51,010 Close the door, you psycho. 18 00:00:51,160 --> 00:00:54,420 It's 11:00 a.m. and you're still in pajamas? 19 00:00:54,510 --> 00:00:56,660 Quiet. We're watching "Teen Housewives." 20 00:00:56,680 --> 00:00:59,410 You look terrible, Brendell. What's wrong? 21 00:00:59,500 --> 00:01:04,170 The twins were up all night and I've got glee club tryouts. 22 00:01:04,190 --> 00:01:07,840 Really, Tylan? On my half birthday? 23 00:01:07,940 --> 00:01:09,440 Oh, my God. Tylan's a dick. 24 00:01:09,590 --> 00:01:12,610 He's a bad husband, but an amazing father. 25 00:01:12,760 --> 00:01:14,940 Everybody up. We're getting out of the house. 26 00:01:15,090 --> 00:01:16,780 Family outing. Where do you wanna go? 27 00:01:16,930 --> 00:01:21,190 Can we go to the bookstore? My animal book is acting weird. 28 00:01:21,210 --> 00:01:23,860 The cow goes, "Barnyard Kids Books makes us 29 00:01:23,880 --> 00:01:26,269 pee in plastic bottles. Unionize now." 30 00:01:26,270 --> 00:01:28,050 That's a great idea. 31 00:01:28,270 --> 00:01:30,120 The bookstore has something for everyone. 32 00:01:30,280 --> 00:01:34,680 Music, toys, teen mags, toys, and I think books. 33 00:01:38,450 --> 00:01:40,249 Oh, my God! Stephen King! 34 00:01:40,250 --> 00:01:42,049 You write books so good! 35 00:01:42,084 --> 00:01:43,970 Thanks, lady, but there's a long line 36 00:01:44,120 --> 00:01:46,460 because I'm immensely popular. 37 00:01:46,550 --> 00:01:49,220 Okay, but I just love the twist at the end 38 00:01:49,240 --> 00:01:53,262 when Carrie goes back to her own planet. 39 00:01:54,740 --> 00:01:57,596 Nice going. I'm ruined! 40 00:01:58,230 --> 00:02:00,800 Why do they always make me bring my own table? 41 00:02:00,820 --> 00:02:05,012 Haunted table. That's it! The King is back! 42 00:02:05,250 --> 00:02:08,090 So here's Pete Townshend smashing his guitar, 43 00:02:08,310 --> 00:02:10,160 Hendrix burning his guitar, 44 00:02:10,320 --> 00:02:13,590 and Prince, um... loving his guitar. 45 00:02:13,740 --> 00:02:15,660 These are the heroes that convinced me to pass up 46 00:02:15,684 --> 00:02:18,254 a full ride to Oakdale Community College, 47 00:02:18,320 --> 00:02:22,687 form my own band, and... 48 00:02:24,500 --> 00:02:28,770 Fine, but you don't get to see naked John and Yoko! 49 00:02:28,920 --> 00:02:30,370 Ew. 50 00:02:31,520 --> 00:02:35,000 Hey, look at me. I'm a businessman. 51 00:02:35,020 --> 00:02:37,878 I have a mistress in Des Moines. 52 00:02:38,190 --> 00:02:41,789 Ugh, my lumbar is barking. 53 00:02:41,920 --> 00:02:44,330 Mia, check it out. Ab toner. 54 00:02:44,480 --> 00:02:46,070 Dude, you're bleeding. 55 00:02:46,090 --> 00:02:48,090 No pain, no... ooh, that looks bad. 56 00:02:48,280 --> 00:02:51,930 A '57 Chevy massage sofa floor model! 57 00:02:52,080 --> 00:02:54,300 Just like we always talk about! 58 00:02:58,100 --> 00:03:01,080 Oh. 59 00:03:01,100 --> 00:03:04,940 Whoa. 60 00:03:07,090 --> 00:03:10,020 - Oh, we have to have this. - Yeah, she's a beaut. 61 00:03:10,170 --> 00:03:12,975 Normally I'd try and butter you up to get you to buy it, 62 00:03:12,976 --> 00:03:15,780 but you guys are clearly too smart and good-looking for that. 63 00:03:16,010 --> 00:03:17,460 Oh, man. 64 00:03:17,510 --> 00:03:19,180 Watch your boy haggle. 65 00:03:19,270 --> 00:03:21,100 We will pay anything for this sofa. 66 00:03:21,120 --> 00:03:23,200 You got our relaxed asses over a barrel. 67 00:03:23,350 --> 00:03:26,299 Listen, I'll give it to you for, I don't know, 200 bucks? 68 00:03:26,300 --> 00:03:28,690 I don't have that kind of money in my mom's purse. 69 00:03:28,780 --> 00:03:31,130 Okay, I'll hold it until you get the cash. 70 00:03:31,280 --> 00:03:33,800 Watch this. You've got a deal! 71 00:03:35,120 --> 00:03:36,459 Why aren't there any ways 72 00:03:36,460 --> 00:03:39,369 - that teenagers can make money? - Papa Moms is hiring. 73 00:03:39,370 --> 00:03:41,220 Nothing! There's nothing! 74 00:03:41,370 --> 00:03:42,820 Why don't you buy us the sofa, Mia? 75 00:03:42,870 --> 00:03:45,710 I sponsor nine kids and one alpaca in Honduras. 76 00:03:45,720 --> 00:03:48,210 Oh, and I just had to have this nose ring. 77 00:03:48,230 --> 00:03:50,820 Mr. Mitch! 78 00:03:50,970 --> 00:03:52,640 Can I interest you in a pedi-cab ride? 79 00:03:52,660 --> 00:03:55,879 It's all the fun of speeding in a convertible, but way slower. 80 00:03:55,880 --> 00:03:59,309 Wait, that's not your regular job. You're our teacher. 81 00:03:59,310 --> 00:04:00,900 These days, teachers need side hustles 82 00:04:01,060 --> 00:04:02,389 to buy classroom supplies. 83 00:04:02,390 --> 00:04:04,170 I'm also a telephone psychic. 84 00:04:04,320 --> 00:04:06,158 Mystic Mitch. Whatcha wanna know? 85 00:04:06,193 --> 00:04:09,840 Yeah, you'll get that promotion and find true love. 86 00:04:09,990 --> 00:04:12,230 No, not him... Yeah, him. 87 00:04:12,250 --> 00:04:14,160 Good news, kids, you're getting desks. 88 00:04:14,220 --> 00:04:18,240 It's so unfair that I deliver pizzas and make more than a teacher. 89 00:04:18,260 --> 00:04:20,330 - You do? - Sorry, I thought you knew. 90 00:04:20,350 --> 00:04:22,180 But I'm not raising the next generation... 91 00:04:22,410 --> 00:04:24,909 oh, the kids in Honduras. I am. Never mind. 92 00:04:24,910 --> 00:04:27,020 We have a huge problem, Mr. Mitch. 93 00:04:27,170 --> 00:04:28,620 We need to buy a massage sofa. 94 00:04:28,750 --> 00:04:32,100 Have you considered participating in the lucrative gig economy? 95 00:04:32,200 --> 00:04:34,510 Well, of course. What's that? 96 00:04:34,610 --> 00:04:36,940 You know, grocery shopping for lazy people, 97 00:04:37,090 --> 00:04:38,429 driving for lazy people, 98 00:04:38,430 --> 00:04:40,180 putting stuff together for lazy people. 99 00:04:40,200 --> 00:04:44,210 - But we are lazy people. - Oh. Then just charge scooters. 100 00:04:44,360 --> 00:04:46,190 You pick up scooters with dead batteries, 101 00:04:46,210 --> 00:04:48,530 charge 'em up, and the company pays you. 102 00:04:48,620 --> 00:04:50,860 - Sounds complicated. - No, we could do this. 103 00:04:50,880 --> 00:04:52,289 Thanks, Mr. Mitch. 104 00:04:52,290 --> 00:04:54,550 Inspired by a teacher. Who could've figured? 105 00:04:59,540 --> 00:05:01,330 Mystic Mitch. 106 00:05:01,480 --> 00:05:03,060 You'll find the body in the old ravine. 107 00:05:03,280 --> 00:05:04,709 Whoa! 108 00:05:04,710 --> 00:05:09,120 Nah, I'm just playing a mind game with a troubled detective. 109 00:05:09,140 --> 00:05:11,210 Look what I found. 110 00:05:11,230 --> 00:05:13,400 My old high school band has to be in here. 111 00:05:13,550 --> 00:05:15,550 Come on, Jack and the Die Youngs. 112 00:05:15,570 --> 00:05:18,059 - Damn it. - Toot toot! 113 00:05:18,060 --> 00:05:20,390 Locomotive Larry! 114 00:05:22,490 --> 00:05:25,749 This is a song about the wheels on the bus and how they go! 115 00:05:25,750 --> 00:05:28,420 ♪ The wheels on the bus go round and round ♪ 116 00:05:28,570 --> 00:05:31,830 Hey! My community service is over. 117 00:05:31,980 --> 00:05:34,740 So long, brats. Toot toot! 118 00:05:34,760 --> 00:05:36,149 Aww. 119 00:05:36,150 --> 00:05:39,646 So his wuv was court-mandated? 120 00:05:39,681 --> 00:05:42,340 Daddy, you're a singer. You sing to me every night. 121 00:05:42,490 --> 00:05:44,170 That's my private persona. 122 00:05:44,330 --> 00:05:47,660 My public persona is all about rockin' hard and dying young. 123 00:05:47,750 --> 00:05:51,330 Well, you failed at both, so get up there. 124 00:05:51,420 --> 00:05:54,090 ♪ The wheels on the bus go round and round ♪ 125 00:05:54,190 --> 00:05:55,760 ♪ Round and round, round and round ♪ 126 00:05:55,850 --> 00:05:58,260 ♪ The wheels on the bus go round and round ♪ 127 00:05:58,360 --> 00:06:00,260 ♪ All through the town ♪ 128 00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:02,340 Who's riding on the bus? 129 00:06:02,360 --> 00:06:04,450 I don't know. Some screamin' babies? 130 00:06:04,680 --> 00:06:06,510 ♪ The babies on the bus go ♪ 131 00:06:06,530 --> 00:06:09,440 ♪ Wah wah wah, wah wah wah, wah wah wah ♪ 132 00:06:09,460 --> 00:06:12,290 That's them to a T. 133 00:06:12,440 --> 00:06:15,800 ♪ E-I-E-I-O ♪ 134 00:06:17,620 --> 00:06:20,205 Yo, Bradley. Who knew Jing and her pop 135 00:06:20,206 --> 00:06:21,380 were so friggin' talented? 136 00:06:21,530 --> 00:06:25,096 It's just good to hear wive music again. 137 00:06:26,590 --> 00:06:28,590 We were a hit, Daddy. 138 00:06:28,610 --> 00:06:30,760 We should make a band and be famous like you tried 139 00:06:30,780 --> 00:06:32,500 before you fell in love with plumbing. 140 00:06:32,520 --> 00:06:34,780 Today was fun for me too, sweetheart, 141 00:06:35,010 --> 00:06:38,619 but I wouldn't want to ruin a father/daughter memory chasing fame. 142 00:06:38,620 --> 00:06:40,510 The music business is a cruel mistress. 143 00:06:40,650 --> 00:06:42,560 One minute you and Wayne promise the music 144 00:06:42,650 --> 00:06:43,799 will always come first, 145 00:06:43,800 --> 00:06:45,300 then the night before your big break, 146 00:06:45,390 --> 00:06:46,870 he tells you his girlfriend's pregnant 147 00:06:46,960 --> 00:06:48,440 and he's quitting to become a dentist, 148 00:06:48,464 --> 00:06:50,660 so you knock his teeth out and say, "Fix those!" 149 00:06:50,810 --> 00:06:52,640 and never speak to each other again. 150 00:06:52,660 --> 00:06:55,400 Daddy, can you stop talking? I'm tired. 151 00:06:55,500 --> 00:06:58,089 But don't turn out the light. You know I'm afraid of the dark. 152 00:06:58,090 --> 00:07:00,820 Aww, there's nothing to be afraid of, sweetie. 153 00:07:01,500 --> 00:07:03,930 Daddy will never let anything happen to you. 154 00:07:06,820 --> 00:07:08,510 Sorry, what I meant to scream was, 155 00:07:08,600 --> 00:07:10,340 "Jayden's parents called! 156 00:07:10,440 --> 00:07:12,420 They want you to play his birthday party." 157 00:07:12,440 --> 00:07:15,920 - Daddy, we're a band! - Let's chase fame! 158 00:07:15,940 --> 00:07:17,900 Whoo-hoo! 159 00:07:19,340 --> 00:07:22,178 Be careful what you wish for. 160 00:07:29,640 --> 00:07:31,590 Surprisingly good turnout for Jayden. 161 00:07:31,810 --> 00:07:33,900 He's always biting kids at recess. 162 00:07:33,920 --> 00:07:35,810 Ah, crap, it's a non-sugar house. 163 00:07:35,830 --> 00:07:38,330 I've never played for a sober crowd before. 164 00:07:38,430 --> 00:07:39,910 Remember, it's three songs, 165 00:07:40,000 --> 00:07:41,580 Happy Birthday shout-out to Jayden, 166 00:07:41,600 --> 00:07:43,510 and we're gone before the zucchini cake. 167 00:07:43,660 --> 00:07:44,749 All right, listen up, dorks. 168 00:07:44,750 --> 00:07:46,340 I know you're not allowed to watch TV, 169 00:07:46,490 --> 00:07:47,940 so this is gonna blow your mind. 170 00:07:47,940 --> 00:07:49,750 Give it up for Jack and Jing! 171 00:07:49,770 --> 00:07:51,920 Whoo! Yeah! 172 00:07:52,020 --> 00:07:54,590 ♪ You should always brush all your teeth after meals ♪ 173 00:07:54,610 --> 00:07:56,260 ♪ After meals! ♪ 174 00:07:56,350 --> 00:07:58,670 ♪ Gargle, floss, and rinse-spit after meals ♪ 175 00:08:01,010 --> 00:08:02,620 ♪ So do not try to fight us ♪ 176 00:08:02,770 --> 00:08:04,450 ♪ Or you'll get gross gingivitis ♪ 177 00:08:04,680 --> 00:08:05,789 ♪ And have a mouth ♪ 178 00:08:05,790 --> 00:08:07,450 ♪ That's filled with bleeding gums ♪ 179 00:08:07,610 --> 00:08:09,440 ♪ Bleeding gums! ♪ 180 00:08:10,610 --> 00:08:14,040 - Ow! - Jayden likes you. 181 00:08:18,300 --> 00:08:20,220 Time to juice the scoots. 182 00:08:27,530 --> 00:08:29,550 We got juice. 183 00:08:29,700 --> 00:08:31,220 - Yes! - Whoo-hoo! 184 00:08:32,890 --> 00:08:35,540 What happened to "Family Feud?" 185 00:08:35,560 --> 00:08:37,890 Relax, Grandma. There's Steve Harvey. 186 00:08:37,990 --> 00:08:41,830 Uh, what's a body part that starts with the letter P? 187 00:08:41,970 --> 00:08:46,120 Steve's not gonna like this. 188 00:08:48,220 --> 00:08:50,650 Tomorrow at 3:00 for Miley's big girl bed party, 189 00:08:50,670 --> 00:08:52,330 and no songs with the word "peanuts" in it 190 00:08:52,560 --> 00:08:54,489 because she's allergic. Got it. 191 00:08:54,490 --> 00:08:58,250 You two are booked solid. And I am quite the momager. 192 00:08:58,400 --> 00:09:01,820 Oh wait, I get it. It's mom and manager! 193 00:09:01,840 --> 00:09:04,740 Mom... mom-man... mom-mana... ah, crap, I lost it. 194 00:09:04,760 --> 00:09:06,910 Okay, Jing, we wowed 'em today, 195 00:09:06,920 --> 00:09:08,850 but it's no time to get complacent. 196 00:09:09,080 --> 00:09:10,640 "Farmer in the Dell" is a crowd-pleaser. 197 00:09:10,664 --> 00:09:12,019 That's why we pull it, 198 00:09:12,020 --> 00:09:14,410 and replace it with "Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes." 199 00:09:14,430 --> 00:09:15,669 They won't know what hit 'em. 200 00:09:15,670 --> 00:09:18,794 - Okay. - Eep! Oh, sorry, 201 00:09:18,829 --> 00:09:19,701 I thought you were gonna throw that bowl at me. 202 00:09:19,920 --> 00:09:21,770 You're a lot easier to work with than Wayne. 203 00:09:21,920 --> 00:09:25,019 - I just like having fun with you. - I'm having fun with you too. 204 00:09:25,020 --> 00:09:26,870 And I feel like a musician again, 205 00:09:27,090 --> 00:09:29,950 but without the pressure of trying to become rock stars. 206 00:09:30,040 --> 00:09:32,760 Right this way. It's your afternoon meet and greet. 207 00:09:32,780 --> 00:09:35,690 Meet and greet? Wow, just like rock stars! 208 00:09:35,710 --> 00:09:38,120 Bradley, how you doin', my man? 209 00:09:39,790 --> 00:09:41,670 Okay, pose. Smile. You're meeting your heroes. 210 00:09:41,694 --> 00:09:42,959 Please exit through the back. 211 00:09:42,960 --> 00:09:44,610 Hey, Jing, as members of the Jing Ring, 212 00:09:44,630 --> 00:09:46,200 can we take a piece of trash? 213 00:09:46,220 --> 00:09:50,220 Help yourself, Lil Joey. Anything for my stans. 214 00:09:50,450 --> 00:09:54,600 - Wow. They're a Heinz family. - Nothin' but the best. 215 00:09:56,960 --> 00:09:59,220 ♪ Bath time just cannot be beat ♪ 216 00:09:59,240 --> 00:10:00,720 ♪ Doo-dah, doo-dah ♪ 217 00:10:00,740 --> 00:10:02,740 ♪ Gotta wash your stinky feet ♪ 218 00:10:02,890 --> 00:10:04,960 ♪ Or I'm gonna barf, blegh! ♪ 219 00:10:06,410 --> 00:10:08,480 ♪ Don't run in front of the ice cream truck ♪ 220 00:10:08,580 --> 00:10:10,030 ♪ If you want your treat ♪ 221 00:10:10,140 --> 00:10:12,410 ♪ Look left and right and all around ♪ 222 00:10:12,560 --> 00:10:15,970 ♪ Or you'll be dead meat ♪ 223 00:10:16,070 --> 00:10:16,829 I'm dead. 224 00:10:18,400 --> 00:10:21,660 Look both ways. Thank you. 225 00:10:21,820 --> 00:10:24,650 And that's why we don't talk to strangers. 226 00:10:24,740 --> 00:10:26,430 We love you, Oakdale! 227 00:10:28,260 --> 00:10:30,260 To the limo! Go, go, go! 228 00:10:31,830 --> 00:10:33,580 Whoa! 229 00:10:33,600 --> 00:10:36,674 I got browns and grays. 230 00:10:37,850 --> 00:10:39,830 Scooters' charged. 231 00:10:39,850 --> 00:10:43,310 - Quick. Let's ride 'em. - No, we're trying to make money. 232 00:10:43,460 --> 00:10:44,910 Oh, yeah, money good. 233 00:10:44,930 --> 00:10:47,190 What kind of bang we got in that account, Mia? 234 00:10:47,280 --> 00:10:52,220 500... cents? They shouldn't do it that way. 235 00:10:52,270 --> 00:10:53,720 $5? That sucks. 236 00:10:53,770 --> 00:10:56,200 Yeah, to get 200, we're gonna need... 237 00:10:56,350 --> 00:10:58,530 uh, carry the 12... 238 00:10:58,690 --> 00:11:02,460 - I before E except after C... - Duncan, your nose is bleeding. 239 00:11:02,690 --> 00:11:04,033 We're never gonna get that sofa. 240 00:11:04,034 --> 00:11:05,970 - Why do I pray? - There's no need for prayer. 241 00:11:06,120 --> 00:11:07,539 Your boy Yangzi's a money god. 242 00:11:07,540 --> 00:11:10,370 $5 is all I need to make that salesman 243 00:11:10,371 --> 00:11:11,620 an offer he can't refuse. 244 00:11:11,720 --> 00:11:13,550 You refuse? Sir, I'm begging you. 245 00:11:13,700 --> 00:11:16,799 - Please do not refuse. - I can't sell it to you, 246 00:11:16,800 --> 00:11:18,560 but I don't see a problem keeping it on hold. 247 00:11:18,710 --> 00:11:19,979 Oh, wait, I do see a problem. 248 00:11:19,980 --> 00:11:21,980 Those four gentlemen trying it out. 249 00:11:23,970 --> 00:11:25,730 The Stay At Home Dads? 250 00:11:25,880 --> 00:11:27,710 Get your ass off our floor sample. 251 00:11:27,730 --> 00:11:29,180 Language. 252 00:11:29,220 --> 00:11:31,660 I'm sorry. I don't see a sold tag. 253 00:11:31,810 --> 00:11:33,740 We have dibs, you beta males. 254 00:11:33,830 --> 00:11:35,430 There's nothing wrong with staying home 255 00:11:35,450 --> 00:11:37,210 and raising your children without any thanks. 256 00:11:37,270 --> 00:11:40,670 Which is why we need this massaging sofa in my man cave, 257 00:11:40,820 --> 00:11:42,059 if I'm ever allowed to have one. 258 00:11:42,060 --> 00:11:43,580 I'm sorry your wives won't touch you, 259 00:11:43,730 --> 00:11:45,009 but I'll die for this sofa. 260 00:11:45,010 --> 00:11:46,750 Bridget, it's Tom. 261 00:11:46,900 --> 00:11:49,179 Tom! Can you authorize the card for me? 262 00:11:49,180 --> 00:11:50,349 I need $200. 263 00:11:50,350 --> 00:11:52,790 I know it's only Wednesday. I spent it. 264 00:11:52,825 --> 00:11:53,660 What do you think groceries cost? 265 00:11:53,680 --> 00:11:55,240 - Oh, she hung up. - Jackpot! 266 00:11:55,330 --> 00:11:58,020 Naomi's giving me my allowance tomorrow. 267 00:11:58,170 --> 00:11:59,259 A day early. 268 00:11:59,260 --> 00:12:00,429 - All right, Ron! - Yeah! 269 00:12:00,430 --> 00:12:03,260 - Ron! - We'll be back tomorrow 270 00:12:03,261 --> 00:12:06,900 for the sofa after nap time. That's noon in adult time. 271 00:12:08,700 --> 00:12:10,340 How are we gonna pick up enough scooters 272 00:12:10,364 --> 00:12:11,609 to charge by tomorrow? 273 00:12:11,610 --> 00:12:13,680 We don't have a vehicle. 274 00:12:13,700 --> 00:12:14,869 Get your pedi-cab. 275 00:12:14,870 --> 00:12:16,690 The won't-get-you-there-in-time pedi-cab. 276 00:12:16,710 --> 00:12:19,660 The sweat-on-my-back- in-your-face pedi-cab. 277 00:12:20,780 --> 00:12:23,790 Hey, kids, you're smiling coyly today. 278 00:12:25,030 --> 00:12:26,790 ♪ Who always calls me honey ♪ 279 00:12:26,940 --> 00:12:28,530 ♪ And gives me ice cream money? ♪ 280 00:12:28,630 --> 00:12:30,530 ♪ My daddy ♪ 281 00:12:30,550 --> 00:12:31,869 ♪ Who always makes me glad ♪ 282 00:12:31,870 --> 00:12:34,200 ♪ That I get to be her dad? ♪ 283 00:12:34,300 --> 00:12:35,750 ♪ My daughter ♪ 284 00:12:35,950 --> 00:12:38,880 This is the sweetest song I've ever heard. 285 00:12:38,970 --> 00:12:42,620 - Kimberly, are you crying? - It was just so beautiful. 286 00:12:42,640 --> 00:12:44,380 It's actually a slowed down version 287 00:12:44,470 --> 00:12:47,520 of the diarrhea song, but it works. 288 00:12:47,570 --> 00:12:49,890 A.H.E., an abbreviation for Annie Harris Entertainment. 289 00:12:49,910 --> 00:12:52,310 A.H. speaking. Are you serious?! 290 00:12:52,470 --> 00:12:53,799 Okay, I'm gonna hang up 291 00:12:53,800 --> 00:12:55,650 without saying goodbye like they do on TV. 292 00:12:55,800 --> 00:12:57,820 You're playing Ticklepalooza. 293 00:12:57,910 --> 00:12:59,319 Ticklepalooza? 294 00:12:59,320 --> 00:13:01,400 That's the festival that launched The Hooley Dooleys, 295 00:13:01,424 --> 00:13:03,480 Blippi the Clown, and Caspar Babypants. 296 00:13:03,490 --> 00:13:06,650 You mean Caspar Babypants of the hit song "Noodles and Butter"? 297 00:13:06,660 --> 00:13:08,110 Who the hell else would I mean? 298 00:13:08,240 --> 00:13:10,760 And it's where the Baby Shark kids were arrested. 299 00:13:10,910 --> 00:13:13,650 Jing, this is everything we've been working toward 300 00:13:13,670 --> 00:13:16,340 since last Saturday at the bookstore. 301 00:13:16,430 --> 00:13:17,930 Wait till Lil Joey hears this. 302 00:13:18,080 --> 00:13:20,330 He's gonna say it's friggin' awesome. 303 00:13:20,340 --> 00:13:23,680 Hey, Jing! I just heard about Ticklepalooza! 304 00:13:23,830 --> 00:13:25,979 That's friggin' awesome! 305 00:13:26,014 --> 00:13:29,110 - Told ya. - When did that building go up? 306 00:13:31,840 --> 00:13:33,640 Daddy, I'm ready to be tucked in. 307 00:13:33,730 --> 00:13:36,060 Tucked in? Tomorrow's Ticklepalooza! 308 00:13:36,160 --> 00:13:38,470 We've got one night to come up with a whole new act. 309 00:13:38,570 --> 00:13:40,310 Here's some song topics I'm kicking around: 310 00:13:40,330 --> 00:13:42,900 fingers don't belong up noses, don't chew gum in Singapore, 311 00:13:43,000 --> 00:13:44,920 something about not petting a dog you don't know. 312 00:13:44,944 --> 00:13:48,040 - Are any of these landing for you? - Can't we just play the hits? 313 00:13:48,080 --> 00:13:49,740 Do you think people go see the Stones 314 00:13:49,760 --> 00:13:51,500 just to hear the hits? 315 00:13:51,660 --> 00:13:54,510 But Mom says when I get off my sleep schedule, 316 00:13:54,660 --> 00:13:56,039 I become a hellion. 317 00:13:56,040 --> 00:13:59,270 When we get discovered, you're not gonna need a mom. 318 00:13:59,420 --> 00:14:00,609 You're scaring me, Daddy. 319 00:14:00,610 --> 00:14:02,510 I thought you wanted this as bad as I do. 320 00:14:02,670 --> 00:14:05,170 Here, rub some of these sugar cubes on your gums. 321 00:14:05,260 --> 00:14:06,860 Legend has it that's how Caspar Babypants 322 00:14:07,000 --> 00:14:09,200 stayed up for three weeks to write "Noodles and Butter." 323 00:14:09,224 --> 00:14:11,170 I don't wanna stay up for three weeks. 324 00:14:11,270 --> 00:14:13,930 You know, you're being a real Wayne right now. 325 00:14:14,030 --> 00:14:16,940 I'm starting to think Wayne wasn't the problem. 326 00:14:16,960 --> 00:14:18,770 You don't care about my band at all. 327 00:14:18,870 --> 00:14:21,960 Your band? Without me, there is no band. 328 00:14:22,110 --> 00:14:26,100 - My cute face puts butts on the grass. - Get a grip, pigtails. 329 00:14:26,110 --> 00:14:27,870 Without my music, you're just a cute face 330 00:14:28,020 --> 00:14:30,980 that pops up and says, "Moo." I can get a cow to do that. 331 00:14:31,030 --> 00:14:32,530 Chapman's Cattle? 332 00:14:32,620 --> 00:14:34,070 That's it! I quit, man! 333 00:14:34,200 --> 00:14:37,147 - Not if I quit first. - Get my milk! 334 00:14:37,182 --> 00:14:39,630 Oh, I'll get your milk because I love you! 335 00:14:39,650 --> 00:14:43,540 I love you too! 336 00:14:43,560 --> 00:14:44,649 No, I don't need milk. 337 00:14:44,650 --> 00:14:46,470 I'm just fighting with a five-year-old. 338 00:14:46,490 --> 00:14:49,724 Yup. Yup. Yeah, it's a band thing. 339 00:14:52,070 --> 00:14:54,640 Not going? What do you mean you're not going? 340 00:14:54,730 --> 00:14:56,730 - Ask her. - Okay, Jing. 341 00:14:56,890 --> 00:14:58,149 - Why are... - Don't ask her! 342 00:14:58,150 --> 00:14:59,980 She's nothing but fibs and lies! 343 00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:03,060 - And he's a meanie! - Oh, that is it. 344 00:15:03,120 --> 00:15:04,910 Ah, Jack, she's your daughter. 345 00:15:05,060 --> 00:15:07,060 And I love her more than anything in the world. 346 00:15:07,080 --> 00:15:09,840 I just never want to talk to her again! 347 00:15:10,070 --> 00:15:11,875 She's a five-year-old girl. 348 00:15:11,876 --> 00:15:14,378 She's fragile and sensitive. 349 00:15:14,413 --> 00:15:16,090 And Jing, your father's a middle-aged man. 350 00:15:16,240 --> 00:15:19,520 - He's fragile and sensitive. - Ah, forget it. 351 00:15:19,580 --> 00:15:21,820 The day we sing together again is when heck freezes over. 352 00:15:21,844 --> 00:15:25,079 No problemo. I've already written three songs 353 00:15:25,080 --> 00:15:27,010 for my poorly-received solo album. 354 00:15:27,100 --> 00:15:29,270 As a wife and mother, this destroys me, 355 00:15:29,420 --> 00:15:32,100 but as your manager, I don't care if you get along! 356 00:15:32,200 --> 00:15:34,700 I got you sponsored by a kids' health database 357 00:15:34,850 --> 00:15:37,940 called "Pediafile" and we don't want to give 'em a bad name. 358 00:15:38,090 --> 00:15:41,370 Fine, I'll do it, but we go in separate cars. 359 00:15:41,520 --> 00:15:44,450 And he can only have the green gummy bears backstage. 360 00:15:44,540 --> 00:15:46,360 Lime?! This isn't gonna work! 361 00:15:46,380 --> 00:15:49,530 - Jack. - F-i-i-i-n-e. 362 00:15:49,620 --> 00:15:52,379 I guess one of us has to be the adult. 363 00:15:52,380 --> 00:15:55,698 That's the only hit you'll ever have! 364 00:15:55,780 --> 00:15:57,219 You're all hooked up, Mr. Mitch. 365 00:15:57,220 --> 00:15:59,710 Lead the way to the scooter hot spots. 366 00:16:17,730 --> 00:16:20,490 Activate killer robotic dogs! 367 00:16:20,580 --> 00:16:22,490 Bark. Bark. 368 00:16:22,580 --> 00:16:23,819 Bark, bark. 369 00:16:23,820 --> 00:16:26,580 Bark, bark, bark, bark, bark, bark. 370 00:16:26,810 --> 00:16:28,260 Ball! 371 00:16:37,650 --> 00:16:40,260 Be careful what you wish for. 372 00:16:45,050 --> 00:16:47,140 But seriously, folks, people tell me 373 00:16:47,290 --> 00:16:49,630 I need to come out of my shell, but I can't. 374 00:16:49,650 --> 00:16:51,100 There's no zipper. 375 00:16:51,130 --> 00:16:53,720 Ooh! The Cheerios on this guy! 376 00:16:53,860 --> 00:16:55,910 Good set. Did you not see the light? 377 00:16:56,060 --> 00:16:58,560 - What? - Nothing, nothing. Good set. 378 00:16:58,580 --> 00:17:00,810 Listen, I know you two are having your differences, 379 00:17:00,820 --> 00:17:03,640 but look at all the smiling families 380 00:17:03,730 --> 00:17:06,760 - excited to see you. - You're right, honey. 381 00:17:06,761 --> 00:17:09,829 - They do look excited to see me. - Those aren't for you. 382 00:17:09,830 --> 00:17:13,149 - The sign says "For Talent Only." - Stop topping me! 383 00:17:13,150 --> 00:17:15,650 - Stop making it so easy. - You're on! 384 00:17:15,670 --> 00:17:16,909 - Ooh! - Ah! 385 00:17:20,600 --> 00:17:22,080 ♪ Who always calls me honey ♪ 386 00:17:22,100 --> 00:17:23,840 ♪ And gives me ice cream money? ♪ 387 00:17:24,000 --> 00:17:25,680 ♪ My daddy ♪ 388 00:17:25,830 --> 00:17:27,259 ♪ Who makes me feel glad ♪ 389 00:17:27,260 --> 00:17:29,280 ♪ That I get to be her dad? ♪ 390 00:17:29,500 --> 00:17:30,519 ♪ My daughter ♪ 391 00:17:30,520 --> 00:17:33,760 Total pros. Hiding their hatred for each other. 392 00:17:33,860 --> 00:17:36,122 Just like Chip and Joanna Gaines. 393 00:17:36,157 --> 00:17:38,270 There's something goin' on between Joanna and Clint. 394 00:17:38,360 --> 00:17:39,119 Totally. 395 00:17:39,120 --> 00:17:42,180 - Oh. - It's beautiful. 396 00:17:42,270 --> 00:17:44,200 And we owe it all to you, Mr. Mitch. 397 00:17:44,350 --> 00:17:47,130 My calves don't fit in my track suit anymore. 398 00:17:47,280 --> 00:17:49,450 My girl's gonna love these bad boys. 399 00:17:49,460 --> 00:17:50,859 Plug it in, Bex. 400 00:17:50,860 --> 00:17:54,030 To Grandmother's house I go! 401 00:17:54,040 --> 00:17:57,640 ♪ We love each other in every way ♪ 402 00:17:57,790 --> 00:17:58,969 ♪ You're my shorty ♪ 403 00:17:58,970 --> 00:18:00,700 ♪ And I'm your bae ♪ 404 00:18:00,790 --> 00:18:02,700 Aww. 405 00:18:02,790 --> 00:18:04,370 You hear that, Jing? 406 00:18:04,460 --> 00:18:07,520 - They love my song. - Oh, it's on. 407 00:18:07,630 --> 00:18:11,380 ♪ Who works as a plumber and couldn't be more dumber? ♪ 408 00:18:11,470 --> 00:18:12,649 ♪ My daddy ♪ 409 00:18:12,650 --> 00:18:14,640 ♪ Who's afraid of the dark ♪ 410 00:18:14,690 --> 00:18:15,899 ♪ And is the family narc? ♪ 411 00:18:15,900 --> 00:18:19,050 - ♪ My daughter ♪ - I'm telling Mommy you said that. 412 00:18:19,070 --> 00:18:20,990 - Uh-oh. - Do we have a problem? 413 00:18:21,150 --> 00:18:23,960 'Cause the last thing I need is traumatized kids. 414 00:18:26,580 --> 00:18:32,010 - Bex, I want my night toast. - Coming up, Grandma. 415 00:18:37,400 --> 00:18:38,589 Oh, no! 416 00:18:38,590 --> 00:18:42,500 - I smell burnt toast. - You're just having a stroke. 417 00:18:42,590 --> 00:18:44,390 Go back to sleep. 418 00:18:47,260 --> 00:18:49,840 Uh, those scooters are charging really fast. 419 00:18:49,860 --> 00:18:51,430 Yeah, I'm excited too. 420 00:19:01,110 --> 00:19:04,370 My phone's out there! 421 00:19:04,520 --> 00:19:09,020 - No! - He's gone, man. He's gone. 422 00:19:09,040 --> 00:19:10,770 ♪ Who acts like a baby ♪ 423 00:19:10,790 --> 00:19:13,209 ♪ And is stuck in the '80s? ♪ ♪ My daddy ♪ 424 00:19:13,210 --> 00:19:15,030 ♪ Who cries when she loses ♪ 425 00:19:15,120 --> 00:19:18,109 ♪ And can't tie her shoeses? ♪ ♪ My daughter ♪ 426 00:19:18,110 --> 00:19:19,610 ♪ Who's losing all his hair ♪ 427 00:19:19,630 --> 00:19:20,959 ♪ And showers in a chair? ♪ 428 00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:22,389 ♪ Whose nose is always runny ♪ 429 00:19:22,390 --> 00:19:25,276 ♪ And thinks there's an Easter Bunny? ♪ 430 00:19:25,311 --> 00:19:29,300 Huh? What? Whose lap have I been sitting on? 431 00:19:30,550 --> 00:19:32,570 No Easter Bunny? Ma! 432 00:19:32,720 --> 00:19:34,720 Tell me he's bustin' my basket. 433 00:19:34,740 --> 00:19:37,480 - Get 'em out of here! - Boo! 434 00:19:47,750 --> 00:19:50,830 Okay, I was never here, right? 435 00:19:54,240 --> 00:19:56,740 Daddy! I'm scared of the dark! 436 00:19:58,430 --> 00:20:01,320 I'll never let anything happen to you, honey! 437 00:20:01,340 --> 00:20:04,930 Look out! Reunited band coming through! 438 00:20:05,160 --> 00:20:07,660 For the love of God, somebody flip me! 439 00:20:07,810 --> 00:20:11,030 Run! 440 00:20:12,960 --> 00:20:14,570 Hey, kiddo, can I tuck ya in? 441 00:20:14,720 --> 00:20:17,890 Yeah, it's not like the Easter Bunny's gonna do it. 442 00:20:17,910 --> 00:20:19,730 Yeah, sorry about that. 443 00:20:19,740 --> 00:20:23,560 I'm 42 years older. I should've been more mature. 444 00:20:23,580 --> 00:20:26,405 Sometimes grown-ups have lifelong anger 445 00:20:26,406 --> 00:20:29,230 at lost dreams, and it comes out in weird ways. 446 00:20:29,900 --> 00:20:31,590 Will you read me a bedtime story? 447 00:20:35,080 --> 00:20:37,670 Start with the Js. 448 00:20:37,820 --> 00:20:40,840 J. Geils. Jackson 5. 449 00:20:40,990 --> 00:20:43,840 Jefferson Airplane. Jefferson Starship. 450 00:20:43,940 --> 00:20:46,590 Ah, go down to the one in crayon! 451 00:20:46,600 --> 00:20:49,330 Jing and Jack. Aww. 452 00:20:49,350 --> 00:20:50,940 You put your name first? 453 00:20:51,090 --> 00:20:54,440 - I'll change it. - Don't you dare. 454 00:20:54,670 --> 00:20:56,879 Unless you want to. 455 00:21:02,270 --> 00:21:03,720 Sorry we had to use the money 456 00:21:03,790 --> 00:21:05,860 to buy my grandma a new toaster. 457 00:21:05,960 --> 00:21:07,440 Nah, this is just as good. 458 00:21:07,460 --> 00:21:09,300 Yeah, there's something about the human touch 459 00:21:09,324 --> 00:21:11,130 that's just more satisfying. 460 00:21:11,350 --> 00:21:14,290 - Okay, our turn. - Yeah, switch. 461 00:21:16,950 --> 00:21:18,800 Oh, yeah, I'm a ball of stress. 462 00:21:20,120 --> 00:21:22,620 Huh. Who could that be at this hour? 463 00:21:23,470 --> 00:21:25,470 Pet me if you want to live. 464 00:21:25,494 --> 00:21:27,720 - Pass. - Oh, it's on. 465 00:21:27,810 --> 00:21:29,039 Kill them all. 466 00:21:33,721 --> 00:21:36,688