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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO

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But some lives
change on a dime.

2
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I've never
really believed in God, but

3
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recently I managed to summon
almost superhuman strength.

4
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Two days ago, I witnessed
an auto accident.

5
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A taxi flipped over, and there
was a 3-year-old pinned underneath.

6
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I don't know where the power
came from,

7
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but I got down on the cement,

8
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and I managed
to do 900 push-ups.

9
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I don't consider myself a hero.

10
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I just did what any ripped
specimen of jacked man-meat

11
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would've done in that situation.

12
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I held a pretty sweet pose
until the coroner arrived

13
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to throw the boy in the trash
and ask for my autograph.

14
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I just...

15
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I don't understand
how I got so huge!

16
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I mean, check my 'bliques.

17
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They shredded.

18
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Father? Father?

19
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You are the new Christ.

20
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The crippled came from the world
over to be healed.

21
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Indeed, each time he showed them
his chiseled beef,

22
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miraculously,
they died psyched.

23
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Eyes once blind saw glory,
ears once deaf now pounded.

24
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Even...
had their problem fixed.

25
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Blimey now, come quick!
It's alive!

26
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Hunky Messiah renowned us.

27
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We're all beef in our souls
where it counts.

28
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That being said, humans have
an animal need to connect.

29
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Ugh, thank God you picked up.

30
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I'm having literally
the worst day ever.

31
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So at lunch today, Hannah said
she couldn't have brunch

32
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with me tomorrow because she's
having brunch with Bethany,

33
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but Bethany
she couldn't brunch with me

34
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because she's brunching
with Hannah,

35
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so then when I confronted them,
they said they don't think so,

36
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but other people think
I'm pissy trash,

37
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but, like, you don't
think that, do you?

38
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'Cause if you say, "Yes,"
then literally I will die

39
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because this is already, like,
the most literal day of my life!

40
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Li Quin Gwang was desperate to say

41
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how lucky she felt to gab
with a new gal pal,

42
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but she couldn't get
a word in edgewise,

43
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so she used the new app.

44
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Once given the chance to speak,
Ms. Gwang wondered

45
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if any language was rich enough
to convey her depth

46
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of appreciation
for this fellowship.

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She hoped silence would suffice.

48
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But it's like I don't even know
if I like brunch,

49
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but I wish you and me
could brunch sometime.

50
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And at that moment,
Ms. Gwang realized

51
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how she too could be literal.

52
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She was ready for brunch.

53
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Ah!

54
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To bust with life
was Jay Reese's thickest wish,

55
00:03:14,614 --> 00:03:16,314
but he felt so dead
in his heart.

56
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His chest was swarmed
by coffin worms

57
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desperate to wriggle in
for the feast of their lives.

58
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It might smell dead
in there now, fellas,

59
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but not after tonight.

60
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I'm here for a pick-up.
Reese.

61
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Reese, Reese.

62
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You had us recreate your old
high-school crush, right?

63
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Bring out the custom job
for Reese!

64
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Reese had no photos,

65
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so they had to construct her
from his description.

66
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All they told him was to imagine
a desert choked dead

67
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by a 1,000-year drought and that
she was the first spring rain.

68
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Exactly as pretty
as I remember.

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Yep, she ought to be
working nice.

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We took her out
for a test spin,

71
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put up a couple few miles
on her, right?

72
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Oh, okay.
Thanks.

73
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- Vroom, vroom, right, Mr. Reese?
- Yeah, I guess.

74
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You guess what?

75
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Uh, uh, I, um...
Vroom, vroom.

76
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If you say so.
Okay. We're all set.

77
00:04:16,975 --> 00:04:19,943
And, uh, did you want
dignity with that?

78
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- Like, what?
- Dignity, do you want any dignity?

79
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We can put a look of dignity
in her eyes

80
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or just keep the blank stare.

81
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- Uh, is the, um, dignity extra?
- Fifty cents more.

82
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Uh... I'm on
a philosopher's salary.

83
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I understand.

84
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This guy doesn't want any dignity.

85
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No dignity for Jay Reese!
And you're in luck.

86
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We're running a special promo
this month.

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Every custom
love doll you buy,

88
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we throw in a free doll
of your mother.

89
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Bring out the mom
on the Reese job!

90
00:04:54,345 --> 00:04:56,578
- Ah!
- It's Eudora Reese!

91
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- No, I don't want...
- Looks just like her, huh?

92
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Our team really does
their research.

93
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You can do anything
you want with her.

94
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Get me? Anything.

95
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Ew. I don't want to do sex
with Mommy.

96
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Who said anything about sex?

97
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- What's wrong with you?
- S-Sorry.

98
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I don't know what I'm supposed
to do with this.

99
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Punch her, strangling,
whatever you're into!

100
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Go on!
Sock her in the teeth.

101
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Break her in.

102
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Vroom, vroom, right,
like how you said.

103
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I'm not... I would never
hurt my mom.

104
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Not true. You're breaking
her heart right now.

105
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See?
Her eyes are totally wet for you.

106
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Oh, she's a squirter!

107
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Ooh, oh, why do you have her
making noises like that?

108
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Oh, yeah, she's programmed to say

109
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all the real stuff
your mom says.

110
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Oh, yeah, honey.

111
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Can I make you an egg-salad
sandwich, baby?

112
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Mm, that'll put some meat
on your bones.

113
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Mm!
Ugh, god!

114
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When are you going
to give me some grandchildren?

115
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Ugh, yeah, give it to me!

116
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Give me grandchildren!

117
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Make me a grandma!
Do it!

118
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No, no, no, no, no, no!
I can't hear this!

119
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- Make her stop!
- Of course.

120
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- I've got something for that.
- Oh, honey.

121
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Cancel the whole thing!
It's all ruined!

122
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Uh, Mike, uh, hey,
I'm sorry.

123
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I didn't mean to upset you.

124
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Tell you what, take it.
The mom is free.

125
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It's not about the money.
I'm going.

126
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No, I mean, it's free.
It has free will.

127
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It wants to come
with you!

128
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Oh, I'm coming!
Oh, yeah!

129
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I'm coming!

130
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No, Mom!
I don't want it!

131
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- Go on! Get!
- Mm!?

132
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Fine. Let's go, Mom.

133
00:06:36,277 --> 00:06:38,945
Reese knew, every time
he got a girl,

134
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his mom would find
a way to ruin it.

135
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I guess you'll sleep in here.
Why don't you wash up?

136
00:06:44,686 --> 00:06:45,987
- I'll fix supper.
- Mm.

137
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After that, Reese was too
ashamed to see

138
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his real mom again, so he
began to lean on this one.

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The original mother simply
couldn't imagine

140
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what she had done to make
her child reject her so coldly,

141
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but his doll was determined
not to feel guilty.

142
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It wasn't her fault that woman
couldn't manage

143
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to keep her own son loyal,

144
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so they settled into
a cozy companionship...

145
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long afternoons
connecting over tea

146
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with an ease between them,

147
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although her prayers
often kept him up at night.

148
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Oh, God, oh, yeah, God.

149
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Oh, God.
oh, yeah, God, baby.

150
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Oh, yeah, God, baby.

151
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Oh, God,
yeah, God, baby.

152
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Yeah, God, baby, yeah, God,
baby, yeah, God, baby!

153
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And when he finally woke,
of course,

154
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she laid quite a humongous egg.

155
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The baby moms scampered
everywhere,

156
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dispensing kind advice

157
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and leaving tiny casseroles
around the house.

158
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They were competitive critters
who did favors

159
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and tricks to prove their love

160
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without asking for anything
in return

161
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and spent all day
making squeaks that meant,

162
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"I don't need anything,
so don't worry about me

163
00:08:03,963 --> 00:08:05,403
because I don't want
to make trouble,

164
00:08:05,427 --> 00:08:06,964
and you can ignore me if you like

165
00:08:06,966 --> 00:08:08,965
because all I want
is for you to be happy.

166
00:08:08,967 --> 00:08:11,068
Even though my leg hurts,
it's not a big deal,

167
00:08:11,070 --> 00:08:14,205
and I don't matter
because I'm just a mom."

168
00:08:14,207 --> 00:08:16,407
If he dared to help them
in any way,

169
00:08:16,409 --> 00:08:19,042
they'd break
into cute little riots.

170
00:08:21,247 --> 00:08:22,979
Exterminator.

171
00:08:22,981 --> 00:08:25,782
Uh, I didn't call anyone.

172
00:08:25,784 --> 00:08:27,585
Exterminator!

173
00:08:27,587 --> 00:08:29,553
Dad, what are you
doing here?

174
00:08:29,555 --> 00:08:31,955
I have no idea what
you're talking about.

175
00:08:31,957 --> 00:08:35,659
I'm just a regular
exterminator, okay?

176
00:08:35,661 --> 00:08:38,128
Now you put a tiny Bible
here for bait.

177
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They crawl in, and snap
goes their nagging neck.

178
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I don't want to hurt them.

179
00:08:43,602 --> 00:08:47,904
Aw, let me just do a couple
of them, please, please.

180
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For the first time in
his life, Reese understood

181
00:08:50,892 --> 00:08:53,877
how to give his father
what he truly wanted.

182
00:08:53,879 --> 00:08:56,246
Sure, Pop,
right through there.

183
00:08:58,482 --> 00:08:59,949
Thank you.

184
00:09:04,455 --> 00:09:06,688
He realized these sweet
creatures could help

185
00:09:06,690 --> 00:09:11,060
so many others not lucky enough
to know a mother's touch.

186
00:09:15,466 --> 00:09:17,800
This gave him the confidence
that he was ready

187
00:09:17,802 --> 00:09:22,071
to find a real partner,
maybe even get married.

188
00:09:22,073 --> 00:09:24,339
Unfortunately,
at that exact moment,

189
00:09:24,341 --> 00:09:26,642
the queen mother just happened
to grow old

190
00:09:26,644 --> 00:09:30,946
as a total coincidence and not
as an emotional manipulation.

191
00:09:30,948 --> 00:09:32,648
As her health deteriorated,

192
00:09:32,650 --> 00:09:34,817
he was strangely grateful
for the chance to care

193
00:09:34,819 --> 00:09:38,420
for the person who had nurtured
him when he was helpless.

194
00:09:38,422 --> 00:09:40,489
He couldn't help
but see an elegance

195
00:09:40,491 --> 00:09:42,991
to the full circle shape
our lives take.

196
00:09:42,993 --> 00:09:47,028
He was with her at the end
when she slipped into infinity.

197
00:09:47,030 --> 00:09:49,831
It's so big. Ah!

198
00:09:49,833 --> 00:09:51,566
Let it in.

199
00:09:51,568 --> 00:09:54,469
- Big.
- Relax. Let it in.

200
00:09:54,471 --> 00:09:56,805
Oh!

201
00:09:56,807 --> 00:09:59,408
The first time he brought
a woman to completion,

202
00:09:59,410 --> 00:10:00,810
his heart throbbed to life.

203
00:10:00,811 --> 00:10:03,478
His coffin worms were thrilled
for their brunch,

204
00:10:03,480 --> 00:10:06,281
but Reese missed the warmth
of his little friends

205
00:10:06,283 --> 00:10:08,583
as they ate away
at all things death,

206
00:10:08,585 --> 00:10:11,052
chomping a path
he'd be crazy enough to follow.

207
00:10:11,054 --> 00:10:13,254
You're so tight.

208
00:10:13,256 --> 00:10:15,656
He was ready for his brunch.

209
00:10:19,262 --> 00:10:21,329
Excuse me.
Can I get a water here, Miss?

210
00:10:21,331 --> 00:10:24,632
Holly Inglet had
quite enough messes.

211
00:10:28,138 --> 00:10:29,670
Didn't you go to Bantam
High School?

212
00:10:29,672 --> 00:10:32,373
So the day he finally felt rain
on his face

213
00:10:32,375 --> 00:10:34,075
after a 1,000-year drought,

214
00:10:34,077 --> 00:10:36,410
Reese raised
her the whole world,

215
00:10:38,248 --> 00:10:41,082
and no matter how hard
his old friends

216
00:10:41,084 --> 00:10:42,984
begged him to visit them
for tea,

217
00:10:42,986 --> 00:10:47,555
he never set foot on the ground
again, not after tonight.

218
00:10:47,557 --> 00:10:50,190
♪ There's blood in the kitchen ♪

219
00:10:50,192 --> 00:10:53,093
♪ There's blood in the hall ♪

220
00:10:53,095 --> 00:10:59,045
♪ There's blood in the parlor
where my lady did fall ♪

221
00:10:59,435 --> 00:11:05,385
♪ Long Lankin was hanged
on a gibbet so high ♪

222
00:11:05,508 --> 00:11:11,986
♪ And the false nurse was burned
in a fire close by ♪

223
00:11:13,502 --> 00:11:16,842
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