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[announcer] The Adventures of Batman,
with Robin, Boy Wonder.
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Batman and Robin, Dynamic Duo
against crime and corruption,
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whose real identities
as millionaire philanthropist Bruce Wayne
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and his young ward, Dick Grayson,
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are known only to Alfred,
the faithful butler.
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Ever alert, they respond swiftly
to a signal from the police.
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And moments later, from the secret Batcave
deep beneath Wayne Manor,
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they roar out
to protect life, limb and property
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as Batman and Robin,
caped crime fighters.
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Batman and Robin,
scourge of Gotham City's kooky criminals:
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The Joker, Clown Prince of Crime.
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The Penguin,
pudgy purveyor of perfidy.
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And the cool, cruel Mr. Freeze.
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Watch out, villains,
here come Batman and Robin.
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[narrator] The Gotham World's Fair,
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which brings to Gotham City
a new criminal,
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Mother Appel,
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beneath whose gray hair
lies the black heart of Simon the Pieman.
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The crew is all here, Simon.
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Simon is ready. Come.
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[narrator] But what's this?
The beginning of a crime syndicate?
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You're wondering about the rumor
that Simon has come to Gotham
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to monopolize crime.
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Well, that rumor is true.
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[laughing]
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By ginger, it was a snap.
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Now Simon the Pieman
is the kingpin of crime.
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We call our first caper "Lady Fingers."
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[narrator] Opening day at the fair.
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And in the House of Jewels, the fabulous
collection of Wayne diamonds
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displayed on the fingers
of lovely ladies.
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No need for concern, Batman.
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I've got detectives planted in this crowd.
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Wow, look at that beautiful model.
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[Batman] Cool it, chum. She's out of your league.
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An opening day gift
from an anonymous friend.
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A pie. How nice.
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Wait. Before you cut, light the candles.
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Splendid idea.
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Holy flashbulbs. My eyes.
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Simon says get the diamonds.
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It's a robbery!
Detectives, grab the crooks!
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They can't, chief. Everyone is blinded.
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[laughing]
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Easy as pie.
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Pastry chefs, eh?
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I'll be there shortly, Batman,
with reinforcements.
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You're busy, Dad. I'll see you later.
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[narrator] Quickly,
Barbara leaves the commissioner,
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and assuming her identity as Batgirl,
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speeds to where the action is.
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[Batgirl] A pie truck.
Maybe they're the crooked pastry chefs.
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[Simon] Simon says pie thrower is ready.
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Aiming coordinates, left, two degrees,
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trajectory, 47.
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Aah!
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[crash]
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Ugh! Truck's gone.
And I'm left with pie in the face.
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- Batman, they took all the Wayne diamonds.
- It figures.
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Holy double-cross.
And that beautiful model was one of them.
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She'll make a model prisoner
when we catch up with them.
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To the Batmobile, Robin.
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[woman] Simon, the Batmobile is coming fast.
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Simon says don't panic.
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[Robin] The pie-thons are scattering.
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[Batman] Come on, after them.
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[man speaking indistinctly]
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- They all got away, Batman.
- [Batman] But the Wayne diamonds didn't.
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- Look.
- Holy solitaires.
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I'm sure those pie-romaniacs
will strike again, soon.
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Let's go home.
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[narrator] Later…
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[Bruce] Thank you, Alfred.
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- Yes, commissioner?
- Yes, Batman,
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the perfidious piemen have pulled off
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three more robberies at the fairgrounds.
They stole some priceless marble busts
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- from the Greek pavilion.
- Marble cake.
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Then they cracked the safe
of the Graham Trust Company exhibit.
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- Graham crackers.
- And they robbed the cashier
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at the British Pavilion.
Got away with £20,000.
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Pound cake. We'll go to work on it
immediately, commissioner.
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Obviously, Dick, Simon the Pieman
can't resist pastry-named prizes.
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To the Batcave.
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Now the Batcomputer will tell us
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what other pastry-type treasures
might tempt Simon at the fair.
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Toll House cookies could mean
the cash receipts at the entrance gate,
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and a pastry called Napoleon,
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probably the priceless portrait
of Napoleon in the French Pavilion.
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Groovy.
Let's go stake ourselves out at those spots.
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Okay. To the Batmobile.
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No action here, so far.
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Someone's coming upstairs.
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We'll remove the canvas from the frame,
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then stash it in the windmill
on my farm.
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Batman. Batman, do you read me?
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They're taking it to the windmill
on Mrs. Appel's farm.
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The old lady looks like…
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Like Mrs. Appel.
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Alias, Simon the Pieman.
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Robin? Robin.
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Mrs. Appel, you're rotten to the core.
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Take the Boy Wonder with us.
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[narrator] Meanwhile, the intrepid Batgirl
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has been canvassing every pastry plant
in Gotham City
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searching for the headquarters
of the pernicious Pieman.
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This could be the place.
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[man] It is the place.
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When the wind comes up, Boy Wonder,
the grindstone will turn,
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and you will be destroyed
in the flour of your youth.
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Ha, ha! A funny joke.
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Simon says laugh.
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[henchmen laughing]
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[Simon] Charlotte's waiting in the control room.
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Go up.
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Hold it. I didn't say "Simon says."
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Now Simon says go up.
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Holy hamburger.
Hope the weather stays calm.
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Batman, where are you?
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[narrator] The Caped Crusader is miles away,
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caught in a bumper-to-bumper
traffic jam.
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Ah, ha, ha! Look.
Storm clouds approaching.
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[groaning]
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I think the stone turned on my radio.
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Batman, help. The windmill.
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Unh! Pinned under grindstone. Help.
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Got to think of something. But what?
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[narrator] While Robin is pinned down
by a grindstone,
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the Caped Crusader
is pinned down in traffic.
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How long can the Boy Wonder withstand
the awful grind?
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In a moment, you'll see the thrilling ending,
not of Robin, we hope,
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but of this exciting adventure.
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Coming up next.
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[narrator] On the farm of Mrs. Appel,
alias Simon the Pieman,
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the rising wind is turning the blades
of the windmill.
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Agh! Batman, hurry.
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Where is Alfred?
What's taking him so long?
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I've got to—
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Hurry, Alfred. Hurry.
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Came as soon as I could, sir.
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Batcopter's on hover.
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Good work, Alfred. Take charge here.
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See you.
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Good luck, sir.
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Simon, Batman is climbing into the mill.
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Aha! Simon will rotate the blades
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full speed now.
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Hang on, chum.
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Gee, thanks, Batman.
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- They're all up there.
- Let's go.
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- Simon, they're coming up the ladder.
- Simon says brace for takeoff.
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[narrator] A windmill helicopter?
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Is there no end to the ingenuity
of the perfidious Pieman?
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[Robin] There it is, Batman.
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Stand by to fire Bat-hooks.
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The Batcopter's gaining on us.
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Open the flour sacks.
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Come back, stupid!
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- I didn't say "Simon says."
- They're getting closer.
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Simon says
give them the flour treatment.
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They've dumped flour.
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Holy baking powder.
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That pie-thon has a recipe for everything.
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Strudel. Simon says
you stand guard on the roof.
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Cookie, follow me.
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[Batgirl grunting]
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Batgirl. Where did you find her?
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She was snooping around,
so we grabbed her.
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Good. Good.
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Let's put a little icing on this cupcake.
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Simon says
put her in the chocolate tank.
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Simon says fill her up.
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[Batgirl] Chocolate syrup.
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A delicious way to die,
but, personally, I'll take vanilla.
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Mm. A tiny air valve at the top.
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How are we gonna find them now?
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Keep your eyes peeled
for some sign of that crazy copter.
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I doubt if they can hide that.
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[Batgirl] Luminous powder.
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Air compression in here should force it out
through the valve, I hope.
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It worked.
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Look, Batman. What's that?
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[Batman] Beats me. Let's check it out.
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Simon, Batgirl released a signal,
and I hear the Batcopter approaching.
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Simon says come inside quick.
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Simon says take cover.
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We'll soon find out
if Batman is a good mixer. Ha, ha!
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And as for Robin,
Simon will butter him up a little.
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Wait 30 seconds, Robin,
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then follow me in.
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Hmm. Looks as if this dessert factory
is deserted.
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If Simon turns on this beater,
I'll be sliced to ribbons.
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[grunts]
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No good. Greased with butter.
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Go back, Robin. It's a trap.
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Holy treachery.
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Now Simon has both crusaders.
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It was a piece of cake.
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[laughing]
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You can't win, pie face.
We're gonna make it hot for you.
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Wrong again, Boy Blunder,
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Simon is gonna make it hot for you.
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This electric heater
will melt the butter in the vat,
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and soon
we'll have hot, buttered Robin.
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You pastry-faced fiend!
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And when Simon
gets through with you, Batman,
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you'll be a mixed-up guy.
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Ha, ha!
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Got to keep moving.
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Imagine, Batman finally beaten,
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literally as well as figuratively,
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by Simon's beater.
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And Robin sinking into the butter,
and Batgirl in the chocolate tank.
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You are a genius, Simon.
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Of course.
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Now, Simon says we celebrate
by dancing the cakewalk.
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This is what I call a sticky situation.
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Anyone for chocolate covered Batgirl?
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My only chance.
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Perfect.
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Now, up, over and out.
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Batman. But how—?
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Later, chum.
My Bat-skeleton key should open these.
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They've got Batgirl in the chocolate tank.
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This will empty the tank.
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And I know just where to pour it on.
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Ahh! Victory is sweet.
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Ugh! Too sweet.
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[Simon] Attack! Attack!
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All right, Simon says attack!
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Keep going, Robin. Tank's emptying fast.
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I wonder why this is going down so fast.
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Robin.
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We're having a mixer out here, Batgirl.
Care to join us?
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Batman, baker boy at three o'clock.
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That's it for the chocolate.
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Plenty of ammunition here, Batman.
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[Batman] Have some milk, on me.
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Floor's too slippery, Simon.
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Simon says stand on the chairs.
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Thanks, Batman.
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Hmm. Simon's rolling pin.
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[all shouting indistinctly]
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[Batman] Well, you might say I pinned them down.
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That cookie jar is full of goodies, chief.
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Or should I say baddies?
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00:14:03,802 --> 00:14:07,055
I suggest you take them out of the jar
and put them in the jug.
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Right you are, Batman.
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But first,
I'm gonna send for the pie wagon.
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[all laughing]
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[narrator] The annual dinner
of the Gotham Antique Society,
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where the tables are set
with priceless antique silverware.
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Ladies and gentlemen,
your attention, please.
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An unusual entertainment
has been promised us
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by Señor Chapeau Fedora
and his troupe.
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Thank you, my friends.
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We begin our performance
with my trained white rabbits.
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Ha-ha-ha! See how well-trained they are?
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They steal for me,
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but only the best.
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We've been duped. Stop them!
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Hold them off, my faithful knaves!
Ha-ha-ha!
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[narrator] As word of the raid
reaches Police Headquarters,
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the famed Bat-signal lights up the sky
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summoning the Caped Crusaders.
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Holy rolling derby. Look at that truck.
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That, Robin, means, our old friend,
The Mad Hatter, is in town again.
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Ha, ha! Batman and Robin, eh?
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Ha-ha-ha! Watch me bring the Batmobile
to a screaming stop.
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Holy living roadblock.
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Hang it. The Mad Hatter knows
we won't plow through that sea of bunnies.
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Now we are safe from pursuit.
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And soon we'll celebrate
with our priceless loot.
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[narrator] Temporarily stymied,
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the Dynamic Duo returns
to the Batcave
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and resume their everyday identities
in the library of stately Wayne Manor.
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[Bruce] Obviously, the Mad Hatter's added
a new wrinkle to his MO.
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- Like what, Bruce?
- You saw it.
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That wild hatter,
plus black-hearted knaves, white rabbits.
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- What do those things remind you of?
- [Dick] Alice in Wonderland.
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[Bruce] Check. Wouldn't surprise me
if he stages a mad tea party scene.
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Why can't we start our celebration now,
Mad Hatter?
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Because, my dear Mock Turtle,
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we have more to plunder
before we take swift leave of Gotham City.
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Okay. So what's our next caper?
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We purloin a rare teapot.
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One worth as much
as all the tea in China.
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[narrator] Soon, in the Gotham Art Gallery,
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where an enormously valuable
Chinese teapot is on display…
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And this lovely teapot
dating back to the fifth century
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is worth over $100,000.
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[Mad Hatter laughing]
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What in the world?
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Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
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Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
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[man] Tear gas!
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00:17:19,080 --> 00:17:21,708
My eyes! Can't see!
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00:17:21,875 --> 00:17:23,960
Move quickly. Knaves.
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Careful, this is worth a king's ransom.
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00:17:29,632 --> 00:17:32,802
Yes, commissioner?
Gotham Art Gallery, we're on our way.
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What's up, Batman?
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Another Mad Hatter caper.
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00:17:38,308 --> 00:17:40,810
Stop right there, Mad Hatter,
we've got you cold.
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Ha, ha! You're talking
through your hat, Batman.
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[Robin] Holy plastic cocoon!
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Ta-ta, Batman.
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00:17:53,406 --> 00:17:58,161
By the time you extricate yourselves,
we'll be far away.
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[Batman] Bat-torches, Robin.
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00:18:01,998 --> 00:18:03,833
[Robin] That villain's got a big jump on us.
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[Batman] We can still pick up his trail. Buckle in.
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Go on, boys, you know what to do.
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- Yes, indeed.
- Indeed, yes.
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Look out!
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- Another one.
- [Robin] They're made up
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to look like Tweedledum
and Tweedledee.
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[Batman] We'll snag them with Batarangs.
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- They're going to lead us to the Mad Hatter.
- Check.
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[Tweedledee and Tweedledum] Yow!
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00:18:39,828 --> 00:18:42,622
- [Tweedledee] What are you doing?
- [Tweedledum] What are you doing?
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[Batman] Since you won't reveal your hideout,
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we'll take dirt samples from your shoes
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before we turn you over to the police.
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[narrator] Now, in the Batcave crime lab,
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the Dynamic Duo analyzes
the telltale soil specimen.
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- [Robin] Phosphate content, average.
- Nitrate, high.
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00:18:58,847 --> 00:19:00,974
Iron, six-millionths percent.
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00:19:01,141 --> 00:19:03,184
Hmm. Sulfur, eight-millionths.
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00:19:03,351 --> 00:19:06,855
The geological chart shows only one locale
with that soil content.
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00:19:07,021 --> 00:19:08,523
[Robin] That must be the place.
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To the Batplane. Let's go.
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00:19:12,944 --> 00:19:14,028
Look, Batman.
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Tire tracks leading into a cave.
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00:19:16,322 --> 00:19:19,200
[Batman] That must be it.
Set plane on automatic hover, Robin.
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We'll slide down for a look-see.
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[Robin] Yow!
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- [Batman] A revolving floor.
- [Robin] And the walls…
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studded with sword blades!
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[Mad Hatter laughing]
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Welcome.
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00:19:42,390 --> 00:19:44,767
Welcome, Caped Crime Fighters,
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ha-ha-ha, to our mad, mad tea party.
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00:19:50,231 --> 00:19:53,067
[Batman] Speed's building,
threatening to throw us into those swords.
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What do we do?
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00:19:56,404 --> 00:20:02,076
How long do you think you can hold out
against the increasing centrifugal force?
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00:20:02,243 --> 00:20:03,411
Ha-ha-ha!
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00:20:03,578 --> 00:20:06,915
Hang on, Robin,
and pray this Bat-hook catches.
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00:20:07,248 --> 00:20:09,542
What's he trying to do?
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00:20:13,379 --> 00:20:15,048
[Batman] Entertainment's over, Mad Hatter.
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00:20:15,381 --> 00:20:19,719
Flee! Every man for himself.
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[Batman] Up and at them, chum!
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00:20:24,432 --> 00:20:26,100
That takes care of the rear guard.
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Now for the main troops.
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[crash]
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We asked Commissioner Gordon to secure
a going-away gift for you.
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00:20:40,573 --> 00:20:42,408
Yes. I agreed.
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00:20:42,575 --> 00:20:45,119
It makes the perfect present.
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00:20:45,286 --> 00:20:49,958
Here you go, buddy boy, a jailbird hat.
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00:20:50,124 --> 00:20:53,127
[babbling]
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[Batman and Robin laughing]
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[theme music playing]