1 00:00:45,879 --> 00:00:49,669 - Can I watch Star Wars tonight? - Yes, we can watch Star Wars. 2 00:00:49,799 --> 00:00:52,719 I need to choose a charity for my mitzvah project. 3 00:00:52,719 --> 00:00:56,259 Oh, yeah. Right, right, right. Maybe something with animals? 4 00:00:57,849 --> 00:00:59,559 - That's a good idea. - Yeah. 5 00:00:59,559 --> 00:01:01,059 Dogs, rescue... 6 00:01:01,061 --> 00:01:02,401 - Yeah. - I could do rescue. 7 00:01:02,395 --> 00:01:04,015 It's a good idea. We'll look it up. 8 00:01:04,022 --> 00:01:07,282 Speaking of projects, how are you coming with your STEM projects? 9 00:01:07,400 --> 00:01:08,780 In the days that followed, 10 00:01:08,777 --> 00:01:11,567 Toby found his thoughts returning to the museum, 11 00:01:11,821 --> 00:01:13,781 but not to Vantablack. 12 00:01:13,948 --> 00:01:18,408 To his favorite permanent exhibit, the Hall of Human Origins. 13 00:01:20,371 --> 00:01:22,251 Once, we had no language. 14 00:01:22,499 --> 00:01:26,709 Just the raw materials of heartbeat, some body hair and a couple of thumbs. 15 00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:29,590 And then, we walked. And then, we cooked. 16 00:01:29,589 --> 00:01:31,509 And then, we sent our children to camp. 17 00:01:31,716 --> 00:01:35,846 And then, we had iPhones and schools and hospitals and toenail clippers. 18 00:01:36,054 --> 00:01:40,064 Humans were built for survival. He'd forgotten that this summer. 19 00:01:41,851 --> 00:01:43,061 But now, he remembered. 20 00:01:45,230 --> 00:01:50,070 To survive is to evolve. To evolve is to move forward. 21 00:01:51,152 --> 00:01:53,912 And to move forward, is to recover. 22 00:02:02,831 --> 00:02:05,381 {\an8}His recovery was slow at first. 23 00:02:05,500 --> 00:02:07,670 {\an8}I got the kids an appointment to see a therapist. 24 00:02:07,669 --> 00:02:10,459 {\an8}They need to speak to someone. They're too worried about me 25 00:02:10,463 --> 00:02:12,053 {\an8}and I feel like they can't really be honest 26 00:02:12,048 --> 00:02:13,878 {\an8}- with how they feel, you know? - Yeah. 27 00:02:14,467 --> 00:02:18,557 {\an8}I'm not a "go to therapy guy," but I think you should go to therapy. 28 00:02:18,680 --> 00:02:22,230 {\an8}- These shades are melded to the wall. - No, I know. It's insane. 29 00:02:22,225 --> 00:02:24,635 {\an8}Honestly, I don't even know what talking would do anymore. 30 00:02:24,644 --> 00:02:26,604 {\an8}I believe in therapy, don't get me wrong. 31 00:02:26,604 --> 00:02:28,484 {\an8}I saw someone right after we got separated. 32 00:02:28,481 --> 00:02:30,611 {\an8}But, I don't know, I wanna move into the future 33 00:02:30,608 --> 00:02:33,488 {\an8}and I can't do that if I keep talking about the past. 34 00:02:34,445 --> 00:02:37,155 {\an8} Shit. 35 00:02:37,365 --> 00:02:40,825 {\an8}Toby, for real. Man, I can't remove these. 36 00:02:40,827 --> 00:02:44,327 {\an8}They're welded into the skeleton of the building. 37 00:02:44,330 --> 00:02:46,170 {\an8}The building will not let them go. 38 00:02:46,166 --> 00:02:48,876 - I'm nothing without you, blinds. - Not without my blinds. 39 00:02:48,877 --> 00:02:51,797 - You want my blinds? - You can't handle my blinds! 40 00:02:53,047 --> 00:02:55,127 - Hey. - Yeah? 41 00:02:55,133 --> 00:02:57,393 - So, I've been meaning to tell you... - Yeah? 42 00:02:58,970 --> 00:03:00,220 I'm gonna pop the question. 43 00:03:00,972 --> 00:03:04,932 {\an8}- I'm sorry. Wait, what? - Yes. I've been thinking about it a lot. 44 00:03:04,934 --> 00:03:08,774 {\an8}The day Vanessa and I watched Bubbles, I got this text from a headhunter, 45 00:03:08,771 --> 00:03:11,401 {\an8}and she saw it, and so, I told her everything. 46 00:03:11,399 --> 00:03:13,569 {\an8}And it was all fine. 47 00:03:13,693 --> 00:03:17,163 {\an8}She understood, she wasn't angry, and I thought, like, 48 00:03:17,155 --> 00:03:21,195 {\an8}'What kind of person doesn't want that?" Like, I get it now. 49 00:03:21,326 --> 00:03:23,076 {\an8}Sorry. I'm just so surprised. 50 00:03:23,077 --> 00:03:26,367 {\an8}I don't know, I just got here. We were gonna have so much fun together. 51 00:03:26,372 --> 00:03:29,132 {\an8}Yeah, it was that night, but my life is empty 52 00:03:29,125 --> 00:03:31,375 {\an8}and I'm getting more and more desperate. 53 00:03:31,377 --> 00:03:33,917 You are not desperate. You are the king of the city. 54 00:03:33,922 --> 00:03:35,092 The king of the night. 55 00:03:35,089 --> 00:03:37,589 I'm just a guy who's getting older and hasn't settled. 56 00:03:37,592 --> 00:03:40,802 {\an8}And I would like a place. I would like to belong to people. 57 00:03:41,012 --> 00:03:43,222 Really? I don't. I did and I don't. 58 00:03:43,223 --> 00:03:46,273 Marriage is no guarantee of anything. 59 00:03:46,392 --> 00:03:49,272 You still have a family, you know? 60 00:03:49,437 --> 00:03:50,897 I kept looking at you that night 61 00:03:50,897 --> 00:03:53,607 {\an8}and thinking how lucky you were to have a family, 62 00:03:53,608 --> 00:03:55,778 and wondering what my life might look like to you. 63 00:03:57,195 --> 00:04:00,235 Uh... Amazing? It looked amazing. It was amazing. 64 00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:02,080 Yeah, I guess. 65 00:04:02,200 --> 00:04:04,290 I don't know that I wanna be the guy you save 66 00:04:04,285 --> 00:04:06,325 for a night out when you need it. 67 00:04:06,329 --> 00:04:08,409 - That's not what I was saying. - I know. 68 00:04:08,414 --> 00:04:11,834 But those guys are 10 years younger than me. More even. 69 00:04:11,834 --> 00:04:14,924 And Brian's gonna marry the next person he dates, that's how it is. 70 00:04:14,921 --> 00:04:19,471 I'm just gonna be this guy that you can't really pin down. I'm suspect. 71 00:04:19,467 --> 00:04:21,467 Look at me. I'm divorced. This is... 72 00:04:21,469 --> 00:04:25,269 Yeah, but you still made it through. You passed some sort of vetting process. 73 00:04:25,265 --> 00:04:29,225 At some point in time, you were part of the establishment and you still are. 74 00:04:29,394 --> 00:04:32,864 I'm just here, still worried about getting invited to Thanksgiving dinner. 75 00:04:32,855 --> 00:04:34,395 I'll invite you to Thanksgiving dinner. 76 00:04:34,524 --> 00:04:35,984 No, I have plenty of invitations, 77 00:04:35,984 --> 00:04:38,654 but they do require me being a wantable, you know? 78 00:04:38,653 --> 00:04:40,613 I'm saying that that is not the same thing 79 00:04:40,613 --> 00:04:41,913 as belonging somewhere. 80 00:04:41,906 --> 00:04:44,236 I have no unconditional invitations in my life. 81 00:04:45,660 --> 00:04:48,540 You could be happy for me. I was happy for you. 82 00:04:51,374 --> 00:04:52,634 I'm sorry, man. 83 00:04:52,625 --> 00:04:54,745 I don't know what to say. I can't do this. 84 00:04:54,752 --> 00:04:56,002 I know, I tried all day. 85 00:04:56,004 --> 00:04:58,764 It actually brought me great shame to even call you for help. 86 00:05:00,508 --> 00:05:03,298 Do you think if we were gentiles, we could pull this off? 87 00:05:03,303 --> 00:05:06,683 Maybe Bubbles could do it. Bubbles, you're not Jewish, are you? 88 00:05:06,681 --> 00:05:09,391 I won't be shamed by you, Bubbles. We should be able to do this. 89 00:05:09,392 --> 00:05:11,272 I know. I think we should be able to do, this too. 90 00:05:11,269 --> 00:05:13,559 You know who could do it? Jesus. Jesus was a carpenter. 91 00:05:13,688 --> 00:05:16,398 - People often forget that he was Jewish. - I don't. 92 00:05:16,524 --> 00:05:18,284 I don't ever forget it. 93 00:05:19,068 --> 00:05:21,818 He was starting to get some kind of equilibrium. 94 00:05:23,740 --> 00:05:25,990 - Hey, how was it? - Hi. 95 00:05:25,992 --> 00:05:28,872 - I hate the Y camp. - Yeah? 96 00:05:29,954 --> 00:05:33,424 - Hey, Bubbles. - Hi, Bubbles. Hey, Bubbles. Hi, Bubbles. 97 00:05:33,416 --> 00:05:34,916 Can we study for my haftarah? 98 00:05:34,917 --> 00:05:36,457 Yes, please. Go get it. 99 00:05:36,586 --> 00:05:39,126 Okay. Come on, Bubbles, let's go study. 100 00:05:39,339 --> 00:05:41,759 "'We hold these truths to be self-evident,' she shouted, 101 00:05:41,758 --> 00:05:43,258 "'that all men are created equal, 102 00:05:43,259 --> 00:05:46,719 "'that they are endowed by their creator with certain unalienable rights. 103 00:05:46,846 --> 00:05:50,176 "'But that's exactly what we have on Camazotz. Complete equality. 104 00:05:50,183 --> 00:05:52,023 "'Everybody exactly alike.' 105 00:05:52,185 --> 00:05:54,395 "For a moment, her brain reeled with confusion, 106 00:05:54,520 --> 00:05:57,020 "then came a moment of blazing truth. 107 00:05:57,148 --> 00:05:59,278 "'No,' she cried triumphantly. 108 00:05:59,442 --> 00:06:01,992 "'Like and equal are not the same thing at all.'" 109 00:06:03,696 --> 00:06:05,196 Do you think everyone is equal? 110 00:06:05,198 --> 00:06:06,318 Um... 111 00:06:06,324 --> 00:06:08,164 Yeah, of course I do. 112 00:06:08,284 --> 00:06:10,164 But you don't like Mom's friends. 113 00:06:11,329 --> 00:06:14,669 No, Mom's friends are the ones that don't think everyone is equal. 114 00:06:14,665 --> 00:06:16,625 That's why I don't like them. 115 00:06:16,793 --> 00:06:18,673 You still think they're bad. 116 00:06:18,795 --> 00:06:21,505 Okay. Do you think, maybe it's time to go to sleep? 117 00:06:22,340 --> 00:06:24,930 Is the speck getting bigger, Dad? 118 00:06:24,926 --> 00:06:27,966 He'd been finding his old equanimity poking through again. 119 00:06:27,970 --> 00:06:30,930 It kinda looks like Saturn, doesn't it? 120 00:06:30,932 --> 00:06:33,772 Right, but is it okay for it to be getting bigger? 121 00:06:37,855 --> 00:06:38,855 Yeah, it's fine. 122 00:06:40,274 --> 00:06:43,244 He was starting to return to his resting pulse again. 123 00:06:44,862 --> 00:06:46,532 "A picture flashed into her mind 124 00:06:46,531 --> 00:06:49,331 "of winter evenings spent sitting before the open fire 125 00:06:49,325 --> 00:06:51,115 "and studying with her father." 126 00:06:51,411 --> 00:06:53,411 He had been figuring out what he wanted. 127 00:07:01,003 --> 00:07:03,633 - Well, hello, hello. - Hi. 128 00:07:03,881 --> 00:07:07,181 - No, no, no. I'm taking you out, okay? - Toby. 129 00:07:07,301 --> 00:07:08,551 It doesn't have to be to eat. 130 00:07:08,553 --> 00:07:11,813 It can be a walk to the water or a run to the bodega. 131 00:07:11,931 --> 00:07:14,811 It is really nice outside. Don't you wanna get out of here? 132 00:07:14,934 --> 00:07:17,104 Are you crazy? It is not nice. It is 300 degrees. 133 00:07:17,103 --> 00:07:19,363 - I was gonna order sushi. - No, let's go out. 134 00:07:19,355 --> 00:07:20,895 We can eat sushi in public. Okay? 135 00:07:20,898 --> 00:07:22,568 Let's throw caution to the wind 136 00:07:22,567 --> 00:07:24,737 and be two consenting adults eating dinner. 137 00:07:24,735 --> 00:07:25,815 Toby, I can't. 138 00:07:25,820 --> 00:07:28,280 Sorry, I don't think you know 139 00:07:28,281 --> 00:07:31,121 how badly I need something to be normal right now, okay? 140 00:07:31,117 --> 00:07:32,947 I do, but my husband... 141 00:07:33,077 --> 00:07:34,367 He's not your husband anymore. 142 00:07:34,370 --> 00:07:36,250 - Toby... - He doesn't get to be your husband 143 00:07:36,247 --> 00:07:37,417 after you split up. 144 00:07:37,540 --> 00:07:41,170 - Can we just talk inside? - No, sorry. I don't know. 145 00:07:41,169 --> 00:07:43,499 This is like so strange, Naheed. 146 00:07:44,714 --> 00:07:46,674 Sorry. A relationship that starts in bed... 147 00:07:46,674 --> 00:07:48,264 Usually, it's hard to get a woman in bed, 148 00:07:48,259 --> 00:07:49,839 not to get her to go out to dinner. 149 00:07:56,017 --> 00:07:57,727 I don't think this is working out. 150 00:08:01,314 --> 00:08:02,364 Okay. 151 00:08:02,690 --> 00:08:06,030 Yeah, it's like, I want something real, you know? 152 00:08:08,488 --> 00:08:10,908 No. I deserve something real. 153 00:08:13,576 --> 00:08:15,576 I know. I'm sorry. 154 00:08:16,370 --> 00:08:19,460 You're very nice. It is just too complicated. 155 00:08:19,457 --> 00:08:20,577 Yeah. 156 00:08:21,375 --> 00:08:23,665 Toby, I like you. 157 00:08:23,794 --> 00:08:25,594 Yeah, I like you, too. 158 00:08:26,339 --> 00:08:27,469 Maybe one day? 159 00:08:29,509 --> 00:08:33,139 I'm hoping for more immediate relief than that. 160 00:08:36,641 --> 00:08:37,641 Mmm-mmm. 161 00:08:43,648 --> 00:08:45,358 He was learning to set boundaries. 162 00:08:56,369 --> 00:08:57,449 And then... 163 00:09:01,499 --> 00:09:04,749 Dr. Bartuck would like to see you first thing in his office. 164 00:09:12,552 --> 00:09:14,682 Are we gonna get a lot of money? 165 00:09:14,804 --> 00:09:17,274 - I don't know. - Will you get a bigger office? 166 00:09:17,473 --> 00:09:20,773 Hey, come on, what's wrong with my office? Okay. 167 00:09:22,019 --> 00:09:23,229 - You know what? - What? 168 00:09:24,689 --> 00:09:25,859 I'm proud of you. 169 00:09:27,567 --> 00:09:29,147 - You are? - Yeah. 170 00:09:29,443 --> 00:09:31,073 Thank you so much. 171 00:09:31,070 --> 00:09:32,150 - Okay. - All right. 172 00:09:32,154 --> 00:09:34,244 Go get the promotion. Let's go, come on. 173 00:09:34,240 --> 00:09:37,990 Yes, it was all okay. The body heals. 174 00:09:38,119 --> 00:09:41,039 The liver regenerates. The spirit heals. 175 00:09:41,956 --> 00:09:45,246 It heals and heals and heals until you're dead. 176 00:09:45,251 --> 00:09:47,381 - Hello. - Come in. Come in. 177 00:09:49,547 --> 00:09:54,547 - Thank you for coming to see me. - Of course. I'm very happy to be here. 178 00:09:54,552 --> 00:09:57,512 Is it hot enough for you? 179 00:09:57,972 --> 00:10:00,022 - Where? Oh, yeah. Yeah. - Yeah? 180 00:10:00,308 --> 00:10:03,518 Uh, I'm gonna say it 'cause there's no easy way to do it. 181 00:10:03,519 --> 00:10:04,769 It's about your position. 182 00:10:06,147 --> 00:10:08,067 Someone job-for-hire'd else with it. 183 00:10:10,067 --> 00:10:11,067 Sorry, what? 184 00:10:11,569 --> 00:10:14,069 Someone job-for-hire'd else with that. 185 00:10:14,071 --> 00:10:17,491 You wanted it to go differently. So did I. 186 00:10:18,701 --> 00:10:20,411 Wait, what? Who? 187 00:10:20,786 --> 00:10:23,866 Outside hired... someone from here... 188 00:10:23,873 --> 00:10:25,543 They wanted new blood... 189 00:10:27,877 --> 00:10:31,377 You're hiring someone from outside to be my boss? 190 00:10:31,505 --> 00:10:34,005 Yeah, be the... Yeah, the subdivision head. 191 00:10:35,885 --> 00:10:38,595 Look, nobody doubts your skill, 192 00:10:38,721 --> 00:10:41,851 but they felt like you were unwilling to give the time. 193 00:10:41,974 --> 00:10:44,944 You've taken how many personal days in the last three weeks? 194 00:10:45,227 --> 00:10:48,607 I've worked here for 15 years, I had a bad couple of weeks. 195 00:10:48,898 --> 00:10:51,978 Well, you're an excellent doctor. Everyone agrees... 196 00:10:53,778 --> 00:10:55,488 The rest didn't really matter. 197 00:10:57,239 --> 00:11:01,039 Janice had some serious objections to Toby's appointment. 198 00:11:01,035 --> 00:11:04,035 But look, I didn't say never. 199 00:11:04,038 --> 00:11:07,538 If you start putting the face time, you never know what could happen. 200 00:11:11,921 --> 00:11:12,961 Um... 201 00:11:13,297 --> 00:11:16,007 Who got it, if you don't mind me asking? 202 00:11:16,008 --> 00:11:18,758 Oh, sure. His name is Aaron Schwartz. 203 00:11:18,761 --> 00:11:22,221 He was up for subdivision head at Sinai, we got him here. He's a bright guy. 204 00:11:22,223 --> 00:11:24,023 Very dedicated. You'll get along. 205 00:11:24,016 --> 00:11:27,266 No, I know him. I went to medical school with him. 206 00:11:33,943 --> 00:11:35,113 God. 207 00:11:38,155 --> 00:11:41,775 Toby tried to pull it together, but this time, it was hard. 208 00:11:52,962 --> 00:11:54,552 Aaron Schwartz? 209 00:11:59,844 --> 00:12:01,394 Karen Cooper, 911. 210 00:12:01,679 --> 00:12:04,309 Subarachnoid hemorrhage, evidence of herniation. 211 00:12:08,561 --> 00:12:12,481 Karen Cooper had suffered a rare, but not unheard of result of surgery 212 00:12:12,481 --> 00:12:16,571 that left her with a kind of injury that destroys a person's ability to think 213 00:12:16,569 --> 00:12:19,319 and breathe and function in a body. 214 00:12:19,447 --> 00:12:21,737 In other words, Karen Cooper was brain dead. 215 00:12:22,408 --> 00:12:24,368 I thought the liver made her better. 216 00:12:24,368 --> 00:12:27,658 - You said that she was getting better. - Yeah, I'm so sorry, David. 217 00:12:28,789 --> 00:12:31,959 So, what do we do now? What's the next step? 218 00:12:31,959 --> 00:12:35,049 It's a massive bleed. There's evidence of herniation. 219 00:12:35,171 --> 00:12:38,341 It's an injury that's very hard to recover from. 220 00:12:38,340 --> 00:12:39,430 What does that mean? 221 00:12:39,592 --> 00:12:42,432 It's hard to recover from this. I'm sorry. 222 00:12:42,428 --> 00:12:44,308 People just don't recover from this. 223 00:12:47,641 --> 00:12:52,401 This isn't supposed to happen to her. To us. This is not fair. 224 00:12:52,730 --> 00:12:55,190 I know. It shouldn't happen to anyone. 225 00:12:55,191 --> 00:12:57,531 - I know. - This is just unacceptable. 226 00:12:58,444 --> 00:13:00,494 Yeah. It's a tough blow. I'm really... 227 00:13:00,488 --> 00:13:02,278 Who else can I talk to about this? 228 00:13:02,281 --> 00:13:03,621 You've spoken to Dr. Lintz. 229 00:13:03,616 --> 00:13:06,656 No. I mean, who is the person in charge? Who is your boss? 230 00:13:08,287 --> 00:13:09,907 Sorry. It's an unfortunate situation. 231 00:13:09,914 --> 00:13:13,754 I need to speak to someone about this. Someone who is actually in charge. 232 00:13:13,959 --> 00:13:15,629 It's just, it's not fair. 233 00:13:15,628 --> 00:13:16,918 - Fair? - Yeah, that's right. 234 00:13:16,921 --> 00:13:19,221 This is not what I was promised. It is not fair. 235 00:13:19,215 --> 00:13:20,505 But Toby knew the truth. 236 00:13:20,508 --> 00:13:22,428 There's a social worker you can speak to. 237 00:13:22,551 --> 00:13:24,551 - You haven't answered me. - Death is not unfair. 238 00:13:24,553 --> 00:13:26,263 There is a social worker on duty. 239 00:13:26,430 --> 00:13:28,350 I will send the social worker up for you. 240 00:13:28,349 --> 00:13:29,679 It's life that's unfair. 241 00:13:30,768 --> 00:13:32,228 Sorry, I have other patients. 242 00:13:33,437 --> 00:13:35,517 As if the David Coopers of the world 243 00:13:35,523 --> 00:13:38,073 really wanted to be a part of a system that's fair. 244 00:13:38,067 --> 00:13:40,687 It didn't matter 'cause none of this was fair. 245 00:13:40,820 --> 00:13:44,280 Toby was denied advancement because he took care of his children. 246 00:13:44,448 --> 00:13:47,028 Toby's own son had discovered porn 247 00:13:47,034 --> 00:13:49,204 and his daughter was absent a maternal figure 248 00:13:49,203 --> 00:13:52,463 who could've maybe prevented her from getting publicly humiliated 249 00:13:52,456 --> 00:13:55,536 all because she was out on some wonder fuck fest 250 00:13:55,543 --> 00:13:56,843 with Sam Rothberg. 251 00:13:56,961 --> 00:13:59,001 Piece of shit Sam Rothberg. 252 00:13:59,004 --> 00:14:03,054 Who wore nylon Adidas pants with stripes on the sides on Sundays 253 00:14:03,050 --> 00:14:06,800 and put endless bets on endless brackets for March Madness. 254 00:14:06,804 --> 00:14:08,144 - This was fair? - Dr. Fleishman. 255 00:14:08,138 --> 00:14:10,218 - Yeah. Sorry. Just... Fuck. - Is everything okay? 256 00:14:10,224 --> 00:14:12,434 Yeah. I just... Yeah, I'm fine. Thank you. 257 00:14:15,771 --> 00:14:17,271 But once David Cooper put 258 00:14:17,273 --> 00:14:19,573 the notion of fairness into Toby's brain, 259 00:14:19,567 --> 00:14:21,437 Toby found it would not leave. 260 00:14:24,655 --> 00:14:27,365 There are questions a person shouldn't ask 261 00:14:27,366 --> 00:14:28,776 because they're unanswerable. 262 00:14:39,295 --> 00:14:41,665 - Hello, Phillip. - Hey, Toby. 263 00:14:41,672 --> 00:14:44,092 I'm glad I caught you. I was wondering... 264 00:14:44,091 --> 00:14:45,181 Yeah. 265 00:14:45,175 --> 00:14:47,425 I'm applying for the Plotkin fellowship. 266 00:14:47,595 --> 00:14:48,675 In Nephrology? 267 00:14:48,846 --> 00:14:53,056 Yeah. And I wanted to see if you would write me a recommendation. 268 00:14:53,183 --> 00:14:54,893 But you're in hepatology. 269 00:14:54,894 --> 00:14:58,194 Yeah, I want to be able to run a gastro unit 270 00:14:58,439 --> 00:15:00,019 and then a post in admin. 271 00:15:00,024 --> 00:15:02,694 Dr. Bartuck says that's the fastest path to the top. 272 00:15:02,693 --> 00:15:05,613 Yeah. Is that why you do this, to get to the top? 273 00:15:05,613 --> 00:15:08,573 I do this because I'm a healer. I hold life in my... 274 00:15:08,574 --> 00:15:10,664 Hey. Hey. No, come on. I'm curious. 275 00:15:12,828 --> 00:15:15,208 A man's worth is no greater than his ambitions. 276 00:15:16,206 --> 00:15:18,706 That's beautiful. Is that Whitman? 277 00:15:19,752 --> 00:15:21,962 You know what? Whatever. Sure. 278 00:15:21,962 --> 00:15:25,132 Write it yourself and I'll sign it. I wouldn't really know what to say. 279 00:15:26,216 --> 00:15:28,586 - Thanks, Toby... - It's "Dr. Fleishman." 280 00:15:28,719 --> 00:15:30,929 Okay, Phillip? You call me "Dr. Fleishman." 281 00:15:43,567 --> 00:15:44,687 Hi, Toby. 282 00:15:46,570 --> 00:15:49,280 Hi. Yeah, sorry. I was just... 283 00:15:49,281 --> 00:15:51,661 Hey, I heard about the new subdivision head. 284 00:15:51,825 --> 00:15:53,945 - Yeah? - You were a candidate, right? 285 00:15:53,953 --> 00:15:55,963 - Yeah. - I'm so sorry. 286 00:15:56,080 --> 00:15:58,420 It just doesn't make sense. 287 00:15:58,624 --> 00:16:01,844 Oh, thanks. No, it's fine. We talked about it, but ultimately, 288 00:16:01,835 --> 00:16:04,585 the thing I care most about, is patient interface, so... 289 00:16:04,588 --> 00:16:06,878 Yeah. You always have to be on guard for the ways that 290 00:16:06,882 --> 00:16:09,932 people wanna advance you out of the thing you got into medicine for. 291 00:16:09,927 --> 00:16:12,047 Of course. But, God, losing sucks. 292 00:16:14,473 --> 00:16:15,563 Yeah, it sucks. 293 00:16:16,684 --> 00:16:18,564 Toby, I've learned more from you 294 00:16:18,560 --> 00:16:21,270 than any other teacher that they have in this place. 295 00:16:21,271 --> 00:16:22,561 Really? 296 00:16:24,191 --> 00:16:26,071 Sorry, that was such a nice thing to say. 297 00:16:26,068 --> 00:16:27,898 It's true, so... 298 00:16:27,903 --> 00:16:31,243 That is so nice. And I'm sorry, I... You were right. 299 00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:32,780 Losing sucks, actually. 300 00:16:32,783 --> 00:16:33,913 I know. 301 00:16:34,410 --> 00:16:36,410 I'm actually so upset about it. 302 00:16:36,537 --> 00:16:39,957 Yeah, it's funny, 'cause all these years, um, 303 00:16:40,082 --> 00:16:42,332 Rachel, my ex-wife, 304 00:16:42,459 --> 00:16:44,629 she was always telling me I wasn't ambitious enough 305 00:16:44,628 --> 00:16:46,958 and I would just say "I'm not an ambition monster." 306 00:16:46,964 --> 00:16:48,304 - Right. - It's different. 307 00:16:48,298 --> 00:16:50,758 And also, there's this concept of enough, you know? 308 00:16:50,759 --> 00:16:52,589 And it's weird. I always thought it was crazy, 309 00:16:53,804 --> 00:16:55,814 but honestly, this feels pretty bad. 310 00:16:56,974 --> 00:16:59,444 Yeah, this has me asking a lot of hard questions of myself. 311 00:17:00,853 --> 00:17:04,153 Of course. But you know that none of that is your fault, right? 312 00:17:05,107 --> 00:17:09,357 No. Oh, my God. It's the fact that this world is stupid. 313 00:17:09,361 --> 00:17:11,491 It values the wrong things. 314 00:17:11,697 --> 00:17:13,777 But I've watched you keep 315 00:17:13,782 --> 00:17:15,412 all your values the same despite all these, 316 00:17:15,826 --> 00:17:18,656 you know, chaotic pressures that are put on you 317 00:17:18,662 --> 00:17:20,412 and I really admire that. 318 00:17:21,498 --> 00:17:23,538 I really wanna be like that. 319 00:17:23,667 --> 00:17:26,667 - When I... So, when I first... - This was what he wanted. 320 00:17:27,129 --> 00:17:28,839 Someone who cared, 321 00:17:28,839 --> 00:17:32,759 someone who could listen, someone who would root for him. 322 00:17:32,885 --> 00:17:34,385 You can understand how, 323 00:17:34,386 --> 00:17:36,346 given his recent months, his recent years, 324 00:17:36,597 --> 00:17:39,887 his recent hour, just how much this kindness meant to him. 325 00:17:40,476 --> 00:17:43,146 Would you maybe wanna talk about this more after work? 326 00:17:43,145 --> 00:17:46,685 You know, I don't know, maybe I could take you to dinner. 327 00:17:47,983 --> 00:17:49,283 Oh, uh... 328 00:17:51,278 --> 00:17:52,778 You know I... We... 329 00:17:53,363 --> 00:17:56,623 I have that Hoffman sonogram that you told me to check up on. 330 00:17:56,617 --> 00:17:58,237 So, I'm gonna go do that right now. 331 00:17:58,243 --> 00:17:59,373 Oh, fuck. 332 00:17:59,369 --> 00:18:01,459 - Thank you, Dr. Fleishman. - Yeah. 333 00:18:02,456 --> 00:18:05,076 Oh, fuck. Wow! 334 00:18:06,585 --> 00:18:10,375 Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. 335 00:18:13,383 --> 00:18:15,893 How was it? Dad, why are you walking so fast? 336 00:18:15,886 --> 00:18:18,176 - We're going out to dinner. - You got your promotion? 337 00:18:18,305 --> 00:18:20,635 - Is your office bigger? - I told them I didn't want it. 338 00:18:20,766 --> 00:18:23,516 I didn't want to deal with office stuff and be anybody's boss. 339 00:18:23,519 --> 00:18:26,769 Being a boss is terrible and then everybody hates you. Come on. 340 00:18:27,731 --> 00:18:28,821 Where are we eating? 341 00:18:32,402 --> 00:18:33,572 - Dad. - Yeah? 342 00:18:33,570 --> 00:18:36,570 - Dad are you okay? - I'm fine. I'm fine. Just eat. 343 00:18:46,667 --> 00:18:48,287 And then, his entire body, 344 00:18:48,293 --> 00:18:52,213 paralyzed by his first carb intake in nearly 30 years 345 00:18:52,422 --> 00:18:54,342 became very quiet again. 346 00:18:56,635 --> 00:18:59,675 The thing is, he hadn't even asked for a promotion. 347 00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:02,430 He hadn't asked for this particular rejection 348 00:19:02,432 --> 00:19:05,272 and what was fast becoming the worst summer of his life. 349 00:19:06,687 --> 00:19:09,017 His rejection wouldn't matter when he was fired 350 00:19:09,022 --> 00:19:10,982 for being a sexual harasser, anyway. 351 00:19:10,983 --> 00:19:12,323 Jessica. Hi. 352 00:19:12,526 --> 00:19:14,236 Dad, Aunt Cherry's here. Hey, Dad. 353 00:19:18,574 --> 00:19:19,664 - Cherry. - Hey. 354 00:19:19,658 --> 00:19:21,538 What are you doing here? Hi, Jessica. 355 00:19:21,535 --> 00:19:24,445 - Hi. - It's Saturday. You asked me to come. 356 00:19:24,663 --> 00:19:26,463 - What's wrong with you? - Saturday? 357 00:19:26,707 --> 00:19:28,827 You said you had a party to go to? 358 00:19:28,834 --> 00:19:32,254 We talked about how nice it would be just me and Jessica and the kids? 359 00:19:32,254 --> 00:19:35,924 Oh, God. Sorry, there's no party. I'm sorry, I totally spaced. 360 00:19:35,924 --> 00:19:38,394 It's been kind of a bad week. 361 00:19:38,677 --> 00:19:42,057 - He didn't get his promotion. - He didn't want his promotion. 362 00:19:42,181 --> 00:19:44,141 - Sure, doofus. - Hey, show me your room? 363 00:19:44,141 --> 00:19:45,681 - Okay. - It's my room, too. 364 00:19:45,684 --> 00:19:47,234 We got a dog. Really? 365 00:19:47,227 --> 00:19:48,307 Yeah! 366 00:19:48,312 --> 00:19:51,942 I'm sorry it's such a mess. It all just kinda accumulated. 367 00:19:52,065 --> 00:19:53,855 I dealt with Rachel being gone. 368 00:19:53,859 --> 00:19:57,069 I did. I handled that. But then, I don't know, 369 00:19:57,070 --> 00:19:58,200 I took my eye off the ball, 370 00:19:58,197 --> 00:20:00,567 and suddenly, everything else fell apart. 371 00:20:00,574 --> 00:20:03,334 God. Please don't listen to me. This is how I sound now. 372 00:20:03,327 --> 00:20:05,447 Sorry every time I'm almost back to normal, 373 00:20:05,454 --> 00:20:07,294 something happens and I just like... 374 00:20:08,123 --> 00:20:10,923 I'm really sorry you took the trip in... 375 00:20:11,251 --> 00:20:14,761 You lost a promotion. You're divorced. Welcome to middle age. 376 00:20:14,755 --> 00:20:16,665 The alternative was dying young. 377 00:20:16,673 --> 00:20:19,553 Now, tell me about this party you're definitely going to. 378 00:20:19,551 --> 00:20:21,931 It's a friend from my year in Israel, Shana. 379 00:20:21,929 --> 00:20:24,469 She and her husband, Mort, have this like annual reunion. 380 00:20:24,473 --> 00:20:26,773 I stopped going after Rachel and I got married. 381 00:20:27,434 --> 00:20:28,524 Then go. 382 00:20:29,394 --> 00:20:31,984 I can't. Sorry. I'm so embarrassed. 383 00:20:31,980 --> 00:20:34,440 I don't know how to present myself to the world anymore. 384 00:20:34,441 --> 00:20:37,281 You're divorced. Most people are divorced. 385 00:20:38,070 --> 00:20:39,320 Go take a shower. 386 00:20:40,113 --> 00:20:41,243 - Really? - Go. 387 00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:42,820 Okay. Okay. I'm going. 388 00:20:45,994 --> 00:20:49,254 So, Toby headed to the annual get-together from our year abroad. 389 00:20:50,123 --> 00:20:51,583 The one I went to every year, 390 00:20:51,583 --> 00:20:54,543 and the one Toby hadn't been to in 15 years. 391 00:20:57,881 --> 00:20:59,301 Here you go. Thanks. 392 00:21:03,011 --> 00:21:05,851 In the intervening years, the only get-togethers he'd been to 393 00:21:05,847 --> 00:21:08,557 were terrible ones with Rachel's friends. 394 00:21:08,558 --> 00:21:10,638 When he walked into the Israel reunion, 395 00:21:10,978 --> 00:21:14,608 he hadn't remembered that the purpose of people gathering was to be fun. 396 00:21:17,192 --> 00:21:20,992 - Hi. We're here. - Toby Fleishman. 397 00:21:21,238 --> 00:21:23,318 - Toby Fleishman? - Oh, my God! 398 00:21:23,532 --> 00:21:25,952 - What a place. - Toby Fleishman! 399 00:21:27,202 --> 00:21:28,332 Oh! 400 00:21:28,328 --> 00:21:30,158 Look at this. Can you even? 401 00:21:30,163 --> 00:21:31,543 - Oh, my God. - Yes. 402 00:21:32,207 --> 00:21:35,337 - The table works. - Rachel, this is amazing. 403 00:21:35,794 --> 00:21:37,254 Who did you use? 404 00:21:37,254 --> 00:21:40,764 Yeah, actually, we got the guys who created Levittown to consult, so... 405 00:21:40,757 --> 00:21:43,177 - I don't know them. - Okay. No, it's a joke. 406 00:21:43,176 --> 00:21:44,926 - I'm just kidding. - Marissa McMass. 407 00:21:44,928 --> 00:21:46,308 - Oh. - She's Miriam's person. 408 00:21:46,305 --> 00:21:48,015 Yes, yes, yes. I love her. 409 00:21:48,015 --> 00:21:49,725 - Yeah. - Did she make you do the quiz? 410 00:21:49,725 --> 00:21:51,015 She did. 411 00:21:51,143 --> 00:21:53,603 Wait. Don't tell me. Was it mid-cent? 412 00:21:53,603 --> 00:21:55,613 It's mid-century. 413 00:21:55,605 --> 00:22:00,525 I knew it. Rachel Fleishman, mid-century. I knew it. 414 00:22:00,944 --> 00:22:04,324 So, Fleish, how are things at the hospital? 415 00:22:04,323 --> 00:22:06,993 It's good, actually. Yeah, we're getting into crypto, so... 416 00:22:07,951 --> 00:22:09,951 Wait. What is that? Is that another joke? 417 00:22:09,953 --> 00:22:11,203 That was a joke too, yeah. 418 00:22:11,204 --> 00:22:13,044 Haven't seen you in years! 419 00:22:13,707 --> 00:22:14,747 Hey. 420 00:22:15,125 --> 00:22:16,835 - Hi. - Hi. 421 00:22:16,835 --> 00:22:19,665 - Toby Fleishman. I can't believe it. - Hi. 422 00:22:20,756 --> 00:22:22,836 It's Toby Fleishman. 423 00:22:22,841 --> 00:22:25,091 - Hello. Hello. - I haven't seen you in years. 424 00:22:26,845 --> 00:22:29,055 Thank you so much. I really... Thank you so much. 425 00:22:29,056 --> 00:22:31,766 I wish I can go back there with you. Here you go. Thanks a lot. 426 00:22:31,767 --> 00:22:34,387 Actually, you know what, I liked our old place. It was sweet. 427 00:22:34,561 --> 00:22:37,441 We had mismatched furniture. It was like paradise for me. 428 00:22:37,439 --> 00:22:40,229 Toby. This place, though, you can get lost in here. 429 00:22:40,233 --> 00:22:41,693 Like the ceilings alone. 430 00:22:41,693 --> 00:22:43,203 It'll make you look shorter. 431 00:22:43,195 --> 00:22:45,155 - Rich... - They make all of us... 432 00:22:45,155 --> 00:22:47,275 All of us look shorter. The royal you. 433 00:22:48,742 --> 00:22:50,622 The old place didn't have air conditioning. 434 00:22:50,619 --> 00:22:52,329 It did. We had units. 435 00:22:52,621 --> 00:22:56,381 - Ugh. That's what I meant. - Thank you. Toby hates change. 436 00:22:56,708 --> 00:22:58,208 Actually, I'm fine with change. 437 00:22:58,752 --> 00:23:00,962 These chairs are lovely. 438 00:23:01,129 --> 00:23:03,719 How are you? Libby said you've been having a tough time. 439 00:23:03,965 --> 00:23:05,505 I'm okay. I got divorced. 440 00:23:05,509 --> 00:23:08,549 I got married and then divorced. I hear this happens, though. 441 00:23:08,553 --> 00:23:09,723 You doing okay? 442 00:23:09,721 --> 00:23:11,521 - Yeah. - You're on the apps? 443 00:23:11,640 --> 00:23:12,680 Um... 444 00:23:12,682 --> 00:23:14,642 Yes. You know, sometimes. 445 00:23:14,643 --> 00:23:16,813 What's it like? It's crazy, right? 446 00:23:16,812 --> 00:23:19,362 Yeah. Honestly, it is insane. It's gross. 447 00:23:20,315 --> 00:23:21,815 Oh, my God. It's Seth. 448 00:23:21,817 --> 00:23:23,607 - Hi. - Hey. 449 00:23:23,735 --> 00:23:26,105 - You showed. - I did and I might never leave. 450 00:23:26,238 --> 00:23:28,528 Hey, buddy, good to see you. You, too. 451 00:23:29,241 --> 00:23:32,201 - You brought your appetite. - Looking fit. 452 00:23:32,452 --> 00:23:33,582 - Good to see you. - Place looks good. 453 00:23:34,413 --> 00:23:35,503 Can you believe this? 454 00:23:36,206 --> 00:23:37,536 Thank you. This is magic. 455 00:23:38,041 --> 00:23:40,041 - It's fantastic. - Hey. 456 00:23:40,043 --> 00:23:41,883 You guys ever go skiing in Gstaad? 457 00:23:41,878 --> 00:23:44,048 I just heard it's great. We should all go. 458 00:23:44,548 --> 00:23:45,968 I'm getting sick of Vail, right? 459 00:23:45,966 --> 00:23:48,676 - He says this every time. - Better check with the boss. 460 00:23:48,677 --> 00:23:50,047 - Wild. - Boss, please. 461 00:23:50,053 --> 00:23:51,143 Boss check. 462 00:23:51,138 --> 00:23:52,678 I likey. Let's do it. 463 00:23:52,681 --> 00:23:54,221 - Yes. - All in favor of Gstaad? 464 00:23:54,641 --> 00:23:56,441 - Yeah, sure. Why not? - Yes. 465 00:23:57,561 --> 00:23:59,311 Hey, Toby, I've been meaning to ask you. 466 00:23:59,312 --> 00:24:01,232 Do you have a good concierge guy? 467 00:24:01,231 --> 00:24:03,781 Your work in pharma. You know all the good people. 468 00:24:03,775 --> 00:24:05,645 Yet, you only seem to know the bad ones. 469 00:24:08,071 --> 00:24:10,321 That was a joke. I'm jok... That was a joke. 470 00:24:10,490 --> 00:24:11,700 That's so stupid, Toby. 471 00:24:12,534 --> 00:24:13,994 - Okay. - Are you leaving? 472 00:24:13,994 --> 00:24:17,504 Then he looks up at the doctor an he goes to the doctor, "Are you Jewish?" 473 00:24:17,497 --> 00:24:19,877 And the doctor says, "No, no." He goes, "Oh, shit." 474 00:24:28,008 --> 00:24:29,008 Oh, my God. 475 00:24:30,510 --> 00:24:31,720 It's true. 476 00:24:31,720 --> 00:24:33,720 And then he died under anesthesia. 477 00:24:38,894 --> 00:24:41,194 Are you gonna put Max in robotics? 478 00:24:41,188 --> 00:24:43,518 Yes. STEM all the way. 479 00:24:43,523 --> 00:24:46,283 He made this little character out of LEGOs. 480 00:24:46,276 --> 00:24:48,106 - It can walk. It's amazing. - Really? 481 00:24:48,111 --> 00:24:50,161 Solly made one where the LEGO guy can bowl. 482 00:24:50,155 --> 00:24:53,115 It's insane. Imagine if they taught us this stuff at that age? 483 00:24:53,116 --> 00:24:54,576 - Speaking of which... - Yeah. 484 00:24:54,576 --> 00:24:56,696 - ...what would you do differently? - Oh! 485 00:24:57,245 --> 00:25:00,245 No, I'm not saying I would do anything different. It's just... 486 00:25:00,248 --> 00:25:01,878 - Yeah. -"What a world" kind of thing. 487 00:25:01,875 --> 00:25:02,995 Yeah. 488 00:25:03,001 --> 00:25:05,171 Yeah, I can totally see you as a tech guy. 489 00:25:06,254 --> 00:25:08,924 Sorry, I don't know if I have enough hoodies for that. 490 00:25:10,967 --> 00:25:12,927 It was a joke, Toby. 491 00:25:13,094 --> 00:25:15,064 You're exactly who you were always gonna be. 492 00:25:18,141 --> 00:25:20,691 So, how's the liver business, my man? 493 00:25:20,852 --> 00:25:22,272 You asked me that? 494 00:25:22,270 --> 00:25:24,520 You always fucking ask me that. 495 00:25:27,108 --> 00:25:28,398 Excuse me. I gotta go. 496 00:25:30,487 --> 00:25:33,067 Sorry. Excuse me. 497 00:25:38,328 --> 00:25:39,828 Are they supposed to bowl? 498 00:25:49,923 --> 00:25:52,973 She is an anthropologist and a veterinarian. 499 00:25:52,968 --> 00:25:56,888 She is trying to save some species of bird. 500 00:25:57,597 --> 00:25:59,767 Really? That's... Okay. That's admirable. 501 00:25:59,766 --> 00:26:02,016 I don't know if I'm like ready to be set up. 502 00:26:02,018 --> 00:26:05,438 I had this weird, quasi relationship with this woman 503 00:26:05,438 --> 00:26:07,518 who literally did not leave her house. 504 00:26:07,524 --> 00:26:09,284 It is weird... Yes, I'm serious. 505 00:26:09,276 --> 00:26:12,026 It is weird out there. It filled me trepidation. 506 00:26:12,195 --> 00:26:13,695 It's just a divorce, man. 507 00:26:13,697 --> 00:26:15,197 No, I know, but it... 508 00:26:15,198 --> 00:26:17,078 I don't know. It felt like more than that. 509 00:26:17,075 --> 00:26:20,535 It felt like a referendum on my life and my choices, you know? 510 00:26:20,537 --> 00:26:22,657 What if it's just bad luck? 511 00:26:22,789 --> 00:26:25,419 What if it's just sometimes, life isn't fair? 512 00:26:26,334 --> 00:26:27,594 Hmm. 513 00:26:27,586 --> 00:26:29,126 Yeah, fair... Yeah. 514 00:26:30,797 --> 00:26:31,877 Maybe you're right. 515 00:26:31,881 --> 00:26:33,971 Yeah, sometimes, things just aren't fair. 516 00:26:34,926 --> 00:26:37,136 I think I don't like to think in those terms. 517 00:26:38,763 --> 00:26:40,723 That's what those terms are there for. 518 00:26:40,724 --> 00:26:42,894 You know what I think about all the time? 519 00:26:42,892 --> 00:26:46,902 When we took that hike and got lost and it got dark... 520 00:26:47,981 --> 00:26:49,941 It had been so long since he felt accepted. 521 00:26:49,941 --> 00:26:52,821 Like he didn't have to justify his existence. 522 00:26:52,819 --> 00:26:55,529 That people just took him on his own terms. 523 00:26:57,365 --> 00:26:58,525 Maybe this was the key, 524 00:26:59,534 --> 00:27:03,164 to spend time with people who knew when you were all potential. 525 00:27:05,040 --> 00:27:09,040 Maybe, in some way, you remained all potential to them. 526 00:27:09,044 --> 00:27:11,554 Your mistakes were anomalies to them. 527 00:27:12,130 --> 00:27:13,340 It isn't. It is! 528 00:27:13,340 --> 00:27:15,840 They lost our luggage and the traffic was crazy. 529 00:27:18,261 --> 00:27:20,721 Hey, I remember you from a colleague. 530 00:27:20,722 --> 00:27:22,062 Yeah. Yeah. 531 00:27:22,182 --> 00:27:24,312 Hi. Did I miss everything? 532 00:27:26,728 --> 00:27:28,188 You know why I eat these? 533 00:27:28,188 --> 00:27:29,688 'Cause they're awful. That's right. 534 00:27:29,689 --> 00:27:33,109 - Here you go. Hey. Hey. - Thank you. Thank you. 535 00:27:33,109 --> 00:27:37,239 - I'm gonna get some diet ice for you. - Diet ice. Never not funny. Yeah. 536 00:27:37,364 --> 00:27:39,994 So, who are you writing about these days? 537 00:27:39,991 --> 00:27:41,621 She's not at the magazine anymore. 538 00:27:41,618 --> 00:27:44,618 - Yeah. I'm not anywhere anymore. - You're not fucking kidding. 539 00:27:44,746 --> 00:27:46,156 - Come on. - I'll take it. 540 00:27:46,164 --> 00:27:47,624 - It smells like... - Lemonade? 541 00:27:47,624 --> 00:27:49,334 ...something a teenager would make. 542 00:27:49,334 --> 00:27:51,964 This is really fun. We never go to parties, ever. 543 00:27:51,961 --> 00:27:53,881 We go to parties all the time. 544 00:27:53,880 --> 00:27:55,470 We don't go to fun parties. 545 00:27:55,465 --> 00:27:57,875 This is my very favorite night of the whole year. 546 00:27:57,884 --> 00:27:58,974 Wow. 547 00:27:59,844 --> 00:28:01,854 What? Is that bad? 548 00:28:01,846 --> 00:28:03,006 Nope. No problem. 549 00:28:04,307 --> 00:28:05,347 Thank you very much. 550 00:28:06,768 --> 00:28:08,518 Hey, hey, hey. How was ... 551 00:28:08,812 --> 00:28:10,982 - I loved it. - Cheers. 552 00:28:10,980 --> 00:28:13,110 People greet you. They call your kids by name. 553 00:28:13,108 --> 00:28:16,738 Honestly, I say this with no irony. It's clean. It's safe. 554 00:28:16,736 --> 00:28:18,486 - Yeah. - Libby found it soul-crushing. 555 00:28:18,488 --> 00:28:20,158 - Why? -'Cause she hates joy. 556 00:28:20,156 --> 00:28:21,986 He really gets you. That's beautiful. 557 00:28:21,991 --> 00:28:26,251 Gosh. No, it's hotter than the surface of the Sun, number one. 558 00:28:26,246 --> 00:28:30,036 Also, all the characters, all the rides, 559 00:28:30,041 --> 00:28:33,551 and the canned happiness, for what? 560 00:28:33,545 --> 00:28:35,755 - I would love a can of happiness. - No. 561 00:28:35,755 --> 00:28:39,465 We've these passes for the rides, right? They came with the club level thing. 562 00:28:39,592 --> 00:28:43,052 So, you got on every ride in six minutes. 563 00:28:43,054 --> 00:28:44,314 Yeah. 564 00:28:44,305 --> 00:28:47,765 But you have to go in this empty line past this other line 565 00:28:47,767 --> 00:28:50,477 where all these people have been waiting and you realize, 566 00:28:50,478 --> 00:28:54,068 "I'm not subverting any line here. I'm cutting a line." 567 00:28:54,065 --> 00:28:55,935 I'm subverting the system for the people... 568 00:28:55,942 --> 00:28:58,112 - Yes. Yeah. - ...aren't on the club level. 569 00:28:58,111 --> 00:29:00,111 - That's how it works. - But that's not fair. 570 00:29:00,113 --> 00:29:02,743 - But it's not fair in your direction. - Exactly. 571 00:29:02,741 --> 00:29:06,331 The thing about my wife is she can be unhappy both on a line and cutting one. 572 00:29:06,327 --> 00:29:08,497 She's pretty amazing, isn't she? 573 00:29:09,122 --> 00:29:10,752 - I can't wait to take my kids. - Really? 574 00:29:10,749 --> 00:29:12,289 You'd probably get a senior discount 575 00:29:12,292 --> 00:29:13,752 - by the time you have kids. - Oh! 576 00:29:13,752 --> 00:29:16,052 It's terrible. You would go and you would think about how, 577 00:29:16,045 --> 00:29:20,215 like how same shaped all the women are, how stupid all the people are. 578 00:29:20,216 --> 00:29:23,926 All the women there, they wear yoga pants instead of regular pants. 579 00:29:23,928 --> 00:29:25,638 They're yelling at their children. 580 00:29:25,764 --> 00:29:30,024 And then you look down and you're like, "Oh, God, I'm wearing yoga pants. 581 00:29:30,018 --> 00:29:31,768 "I'm yelling at my children." 582 00:29:31,770 --> 00:29:34,400 The common denominator is you. 583 00:29:34,397 --> 00:29:35,977 Why can't you wear regular pants? 584 00:29:35,982 --> 00:29:37,572 Why are you so upset? 585 00:29:37,567 --> 00:29:40,397 My man, asking that will not yield a satisfactory answer. 586 00:29:40,403 --> 00:29:41,783 Just please trust me on this. 587 00:29:41,780 --> 00:29:44,450 - Okay. - Just, you know, save yourself. 588 00:29:44,616 --> 00:29:46,576 We told Yvonne we'd back by 1:00. It's 12:30. 589 00:29:46,576 --> 00:29:49,616 - It's my favorite night of the year. - I wish you would stop saying that. 590 00:29:49,621 --> 00:29:51,291 You're not taking our Libby away. 591 00:29:51,289 --> 00:29:55,209 Please. Just a little longer. I never, ever see these people ever. 592 00:29:55,210 --> 00:29:57,210 I'm reliving the glory of my youth. 593 00:29:57,212 --> 00:30:00,762 - She had a glorious youth. - I did. I did. 594 00:30:01,674 --> 00:30:03,474 It is time to go. 595 00:30:05,887 --> 00:30:07,097 I'll take a car. 596 00:30:11,017 --> 00:30:13,137 - I'll see you guys. - I'll see you later. 597 00:30:15,313 --> 00:30:18,733 - He's leaving? - No, he has an early morning. 598 00:30:20,068 --> 00:30:23,318 Oh, awesome. Vanessa is gonna come. Will we be here in an hour? 599 00:30:23,321 --> 00:30:25,951 - She's coming here? No. - Yeah. Yeah. 600 00:30:25,949 --> 00:30:28,909 This night is for people who are going gently into midlife. 601 00:30:28,910 --> 00:30:30,500 If I can send my husband home, 602 00:30:30,495 --> 00:30:33,205 you can have one night without your young girlfriend. 603 00:30:33,206 --> 00:30:36,496 Maybe I like my girlfriend more than you appear to like your husband? 604 00:30:36,501 --> 00:30:38,251 - Ooh. - What's that? 605 00:30:38,962 --> 00:30:40,132 I said maybe. 606 00:30:40,129 --> 00:30:41,419 - No, I heard. - Fine. 607 00:30:42,090 --> 00:30:45,090 I don't know, I feel like I wish I still lived in the city. 608 00:30:45,093 --> 00:30:48,763 Like even in Israel, my whole life was ahead of me. 609 00:30:49,931 --> 00:30:51,891 It was at the beginning of something. 610 00:30:51,891 --> 00:30:54,191 We all were at the beginning of something. 611 00:30:54,185 --> 00:30:55,475 But now? 612 00:30:55,478 --> 00:30:57,308 Now, we're at the end of something. 613 00:30:57,313 --> 00:30:59,733 No, we're not. We're just ongoing. 614 00:30:59,732 --> 00:31:01,992 We so are. And you wanna know how I know? 615 00:31:02,819 --> 00:31:04,609 Because we keep revisiting the beginning. 616 00:31:04,612 --> 00:31:06,072 You have a nice life, okay? I was there. 617 00:31:06,072 --> 00:31:09,082 You have like a very nice life there. 618 00:31:09,200 --> 00:31:12,830 - That's not really my point, but... - Really? So what's your point? 619 00:31:14,289 --> 00:31:18,249 My point is I have cigarettes. I just remembered. I have cigarettes. 620 00:31:18,251 --> 00:31:22,261 - Cool. Very cool. - Who wants to smoke cigarettes with me? 621 00:31:22,463 --> 00:31:23,463 I'll go. 622 00:31:24,549 --> 00:31:26,179 I'll stand there. 623 00:31:26,342 --> 00:31:27,592 "I'll stand there?" 624 00:31:27,594 --> 00:31:31,564 - You're such a cool person. - What a dweeb. "I'll stand there." 625 00:31:37,437 --> 00:31:40,187 What are the cigarettes called that we used to smoke in Israel? 626 00:31:42,191 --> 00:31:43,281 Time. 627 00:31:44,110 --> 00:31:45,740 Time. Right. 628 00:31:45,737 --> 00:31:48,657 Stands for "This Is My Enjoyment." 629 00:31:52,744 --> 00:31:55,414 You shouldn't ash on the ground of somebody else's house. 630 00:31:55,413 --> 00:31:57,583 Toby. This is my enjoyment. 631 00:31:57,582 --> 00:31:59,082 This is your emphysema. 632 00:31:59,083 --> 00:32:00,753 I'm gonna go back inside, okay? 633 00:32:01,711 --> 00:32:02,751 What is with you? 634 00:32:02,754 --> 00:32:04,014 - Nothing's with me. - Really? 635 00:32:04,005 --> 00:32:06,165 You seem extra annoyed tonight, so... 636 00:32:06,174 --> 00:32:08,474 I'm not. I'm great. I'm gonna go back inside. 637 00:32:08,468 --> 00:32:09,548 I'm having a great night. 638 00:32:09,552 --> 00:32:12,262 - Good. Me, too. - You should have been nicer to Adam. 639 00:32:14,349 --> 00:32:15,479 Adam's fine. 640 00:32:15,475 --> 00:32:17,015 - You were a bitch to him. - What? 641 00:32:17,560 --> 00:32:20,060 Yeah. You can't treat a person that way, okay? 642 00:32:20,063 --> 00:32:22,073 You can't treat your husband that way. 643 00:32:22,065 --> 00:32:25,435 Okay, what, I'm sorry. You're interested in me suddenly? 644 00:32:25,443 --> 00:32:28,033 - You wanna talk about me? - I don't know what that means. 645 00:32:28,029 --> 00:32:30,819 Usually you're only interested in talking about yourself. 646 00:32:30,823 --> 00:32:32,783 - No, that's not true. - It's kind of true. 647 00:32:32,784 --> 00:32:35,834 You now, too? Okay. Sorry. I didn't realize I was so negligent. 648 00:32:35,828 --> 00:32:39,078 I didn't say that. I said it was true. You only talk about yourself. 649 00:32:39,082 --> 00:32:41,382 I lost my job. You haven't asked me how I'm doing. 650 00:32:41,376 --> 00:32:42,746 Yeah, you would tell me, man. 651 00:32:42,752 --> 00:32:46,972 God, that is really not a great philosophy for friendship, pal. 652 00:32:46,965 --> 00:32:49,085 - Let's just chill out. Toby... - Yeah. 653 00:32:49,092 --> 00:32:50,392 ...you drank too much. 654 00:32:50,385 --> 00:32:52,755 - You're a bitch, but we love you anyway. - Oh, my God. 655 00:32:52,762 --> 00:32:54,762 Do I actually deserve this right now? 656 00:32:54,764 --> 00:32:58,644 Honestly, like after listening to your problems nonstop for two months? 657 00:32:58,643 --> 00:32:59,943 Nobody asked you to do that. 658 00:32:59,936 --> 00:33:01,806 - You asked me to do that. - No, I didn't. 659 00:33:01,813 --> 00:33:04,363 Sure you did. And you don't know anything about my life. 660 00:33:04,357 --> 00:33:07,397 Nothing. And you, you don't know anything about anything. 661 00:33:07,402 --> 00:33:09,702 I know you're married to a pretty nice guy. 662 00:33:09,696 --> 00:33:11,446 What do you know about marriage? 663 00:33:11,447 --> 00:33:13,237 Honestly, what do you know about life? 664 00:33:13,241 --> 00:33:16,911 Like you have punted every decision that a person can make. 665 00:33:16,911 --> 00:33:19,911 Why do you get to do that? 'Cause you're handsome? You're rich? 666 00:33:19,914 --> 00:33:21,124 - Okay. - Get to live forever? 667 00:33:21,124 --> 00:33:22,674 Don't believe him, but believe me. 668 00:33:22,667 --> 00:33:25,127 If I was Adam, I would be like done with you. 669 00:33:26,754 --> 00:33:28,514 You're gonna give me marriage advice? 670 00:33:28,506 --> 00:33:31,256 You are? Really? And how about you? 671 00:33:31,259 --> 00:33:34,179 You're gonna tell me how to have a good relationship 672 00:33:34,178 --> 00:33:35,348 even though you haven't even told 673 00:33:35,346 --> 00:33:37,966 your toddler girlfriend that you lost your job? 674 00:33:37,974 --> 00:33:40,604 You don't know anything and you really don't know anything. 675 00:33:40,601 --> 00:33:41,771 Okay. 676 00:33:41,769 --> 00:33:44,559 I'm tired of you treating me like I'm not a real person 677 00:33:44,564 --> 00:33:47,364 because I'm not married, I don't have kids. 678 00:33:47,692 --> 00:33:50,112 By the way, Vanessa does know. I told her. 679 00:33:50,111 --> 00:33:51,571 Congrats. That is so big of you. 680 00:33:51,571 --> 00:33:55,031 May you have a long future together and never get caught in your lies. 681 00:33:55,033 --> 00:33:56,743 What the fuck is with you two? 682 00:33:56,743 --> 00:33:58,953 Who said you live your life the best? 683 00:33:58,953 --> 00:34:01,713 Who said you're admirable or I'd wanna be like you? 684 00:34:01,706 --> 00:34:03,076 Really? Jesus Chr... 685 00:34:03,082 --> 00:34:05,752 I just remembered why I stopped hanging out with you two. 686 00:34:05,752 --> 00:34:07,502 What are you even talking about? 687 00:34:07,503 --> 00:34:12,013 You were dismissive, you were needy, and I was always a joke, honestly. 688 00:34:12,008 --> 00:34:15,088 - Seth, I found you. - Hey. Hi. 689 00:34:15,344 --> 00:34:17,064 Oh, my God. Yeah, no. 690 00:34:17,055 --> 00:34:18,465 - Hey, Toby. - Hi. 691 00:34:18,473 --> 00:34:19,773 - How are you? - Fine. 692 00:34:19,766 --> 00:34:22,556 Let me go make you a drink. 693 00:34:22,560 --> 00:34:25,520 - I'm gonna go home. - Okay. It's probably for the best. 694 00:34:31,319 --> 00:34:32,399 What are you doing? 695 00:34:32,403 --> 00:34:34,823 Getting a car to the city. What are you doing? 696 00:34:35,073 --> 00:34:38,243 I'm taking the train. Just drop me off. 697 00:34:39,285 --> 00:34:40,285 Fine. 698 00:34:49,462 --> 00:34:51,382 All right. Yeah, thanks. This is me. 699 00:34:51,380 --> 00:34:54,550 And she's going to Penn Station. Thanks. 700 00:34:55,134 --> 00:34:56,144 Okay. 701 00:34:56,135 --> 00:34:58,295 Actually, I'm gonna get out here, too. 702 00:34:58,304 --> 00:34:59,394 Thanks. 703 00:34:59,764 --> 00:35:01,934 - Libby, what are you doing? - I have to pee. 704 00:35:03,601 --> 00:35:05,061 Can I please pee? 705 00:35:06,729 --> 00:35:09,069 Just be quiet, okay? The kids are sleeping. 706 00:35:18,157 --> 00:35:20,237 Hi. Hey. 707 00:35:20,910 --> 00:35:22,120 Hi. 708 00:35:23,162 --> 00:35:25,162 Hi. How was it? 709 00:35:25,164 --> 00:35:28,504 It was good. It was good. Yeah. How are the kids? 710 00:35:28,501 --> 00:35:30,591 We had so much fun. 711 00:35:30,586 --> 00:35:32,956 - Really? - Oh, you have a friend. 712 00:35:34,507 --> 00:35:35,877 Libby Slater? 713 00:35:35,883 --> 00:35:37,803 Yeah. It's me. Hi, Cherry. 714 00:35:37,802 --> 00:35:39,302 - Hey. - Hey. 715 00:35:39,303 --> 00:35:41,143 I didn't know you were divorced. 716 00:35:41,139 --> 00:35:42,389 I'm not. 717 00:35:44,433 --> 00:35:45,643 She's coming to pee. 718 00:35:45,643 --> 00:35:47,023 Yeah, thanks. 719 00:35:51,524 --> 00:35:52,534 Toby? 720 00:35:52,650 --> 00:35:54,780 Shh. You can let yourself out. 721 00:35:57,738 --> 00:35:59,948 Can you order a car, or something? It's late. 722 00:36:00,950 --> 00:36:04,540 Do you remember that guy, David, that I went out with that year? 723 00:36:06,080 --> 00:36:08,460 Yeah. Yeah. The one with the harmonica. 724 00:36:09,125 --> 00:36:10,455 Yeah, the harmonica. 725 00:36:11,794 --> 00:36:15,094 Sometimes, I used to wonder what happened to that guy, 726 00:36:15,089 --> 00:36:16,799 right, 'cause I never knew. 727 00:36:16,799 --> 00:36:18,049 Okay. 728 00:36:18,384 --> 00:36:22,474 And then tonight, Tracy told me that he is an accountant 729 00:36:23,890 --> 00:36:27,980 and he's married to an English teacher and they live in Scarsdale. 730 00:36:30,062 --> 00:36:32,152 You could've figured this all out on Facebook. 731 00:36:32,148 --> 00:36:36,108 No, I never looked him up 'cause I didn't wanna know. 732 00:36:36,652 --> 00:36:40,822 You know, I wanted to think of him alone out there, 733 00:36:40,823 --> 00:36:42,583 same as the day that we broke up. 734 00:36:43,701 --> 00:36:45,701 This unknown legend. 735 00:36:48,122 --> 00:36:50,882 We don't have any overlapping friends, so it was possible. 736 00:36:50,875 --> 00:36:52,955 What are you doing? No, you can't smoke in here. 737 00:36:52,960 --> 00:36:55,050 Toby, just one. Come on. 738 00:37:02,678 --> 00:37:05,098 - Blow it out the window. - Yeah. 739 00:37:12,396 --> 00:37:14,316 Do you remember when Facebook first came out 740 00:37:14,315 --> 00:37:16,855 and you looked up every single person that you ever knew, 741 00:37:17,818 --> 00:37:22,698 only to find out that they all became the same basic adults as their parents? 742 00:37:24,200 --> 00:37:28,540 Like they all had these inevitable conclusions, 743 00:37:28,537 --> 00:37:30,667 to the point that the only people who were interesting, 744 00:37:30,665 --> 00:37:33,825 were the ones who were smart enough not to diminish their own legends 745 00:37:33,834 --> 00:37:36,554 by going on fucking Facebook in the first place. 746 00:37:43,678 --> 00:37:45,218 How did we all get this way? 747 00:37:47,139 --> 00:37:50,559 How do we all get put on this trajectory 748 00:37:50,559 --> 00:37:53,899 where we all ended up with the same boring life, you know? 749 00:37:56,899 --> 00:37:58,609 I miss longing. 750 00:38:00,444 --> 00:38:03,704 I miss desire. 751 00:38:03,698 --> 00:38:07,538 And it's not Adam. Adam is great, okay? 752 00:38:07,535 --> 00:38:10,745 Like Adam is the best-case scenario in a very flawed system. 753 00:38:10,913 --> 00:38:14,173 But the way that it works, the way desire works 754 00:38:14,166 --> 00:38:16,496 and longing works, is you cannot get the thing, 755 00:38:17,420 --> 00:38:19,800 -'cause then if you get the thing... - All right. 756 00:38:20,756 --> 00:38:24,086 When you get the thing, you don't get to feel those feelings anymore. 757 00:38:24,093 --> 00:38:28,313 Am I the only one that enjoyed feeling those feelings? 758 00:38:39,400 --> 00:38:42,610 I'm just worried that the only way that I can feel anything, 759 00:38:44,280 --> 00:38:46,120 is when things are very bad 760 00:38:48,409 --> 00:38:51,329 and I just don't know where that leads, you know? 761 00:38:56,959 --> 00:39:00,379 I just think that there's something wrong with me, Tobe. 762 00:39:04,550 --> 00:39:06,930 I wasn't always like this, was I? 763 00:39:16,896 --> 00:39:18,266 God, forget it. 764 00:39:20,649 --> 00:39:22,859 Honestly, forget it. Let's not even talk about it. 765 00:39:22,860 --> 00:39:26,030 Talking about it doesn't make it any better, so... 766 00:40:46,652 --> 00:40:47,652 Dad? 767 00:40:49,488 --> 00:40:50,488 Dad! 768 00:40:51,574 --> 00:40:53,204 - Dad! - Shit. 769 00:40:53,200 --> 00:40:54,290 Solly? 770 00:40:56,871 --> 00:40:59,921 - Hey. Hey. What happened? - I went in the bed. 771 00:40:59,915 --> 00:41:02,415 - Hey, it's okay. It's fine. It happens. - I'm so sorry. 772 00:41:02,418 --> 00:41:05,668 - Are you kidding? Don't apologize. - Oh, my God. What is going on? 773 00:41:05,671 --> 00:41:08,671 Nothing, nothing. Just wait here. I'll be right back. Okay. 774 00:41:09,508 --> 00:41:12,178 - Can I do anything? - What? No. Libby, get out of here. 775 00:41:12,178 --> 00:41:14,218 Hey. Solly? Miles wet the bed. 776 00:41:14,221 --> 00:41:17,431 No one needs your help right now. Please leave. Thank you very much. 777 00:41:17,433 --> 00:41:19,273 Go. Go, go. Hey. 778 00:41:36,702 --> 00:41:38,702 There's no use in going home like this. 779 00:41:44,418 --> 00:41:47,918 I made a mess. The cleanup already felt impossible. 780 00:41:51,926 --> 00:41:53,506 Left to my own devices, 781 00:41:53,511 --> 00:41:56,101 I always return to the museum of my youth. 782 00:41:57,515 --> 00:42:00,135 Trying to find the last place I'd seen myself. 783 00:42:08,567 --> 00:42:10,737 Hey. Hi. How's it going? 784 00:42:12,154 --> 00:42:14,244 One for The Virgin Suicides. 785 00:42:33,717 --> 00:42:34,887 When do you have to go back? 786 00:42:34,885 --> 00:42:38,305 Listen, I have dinner with Scott, so I have till about midnight. 787 00:42:39,557 --> 00:42:43,137 Maybe we can figure out a time for you to stay home. 788 00:42:43,143 --> 00:42:45,483 I'd met Glenn at the magazine. 789 00:42:47,106 --> 00:42:48,726 He was nothing special. 790 00:42:53,153 --> 00:42:54,783 None of the guys I worked with were. 791 00:42:54,780 --> 00:42:57,200 - He murdered it. - He crushed it. 792 00:42:57,199 --> 00:43:00,909 He was a general with his foot on the neck at the village he conquered. 793 00:43:00,911 --> 00:43:02,541 He's a barbarian. 794 00:43:02,538 --> 00:43:06,038 They use war language to describe writing. 795 00:43:06,250 --> 00:43:09,840 I'll tell you, if the American man ever saw who was in charge 796 00:43:09,837 --> 00:43:12,007 of defining masculinity for him, 797 00:43:12,006 --> 00:43:14,716 he would seriously reconsider his subscription. 798 00:43:15,926 --> 00:43:18,346 But this moment in my life was not about Glenn. 799 00:43:19,346 --> 00:43:20,426 It was about me. 800 00:43:25,185 --> 00:43:28,475 I didn't so much love him, as want to be part of him, 801 00:43:28,480 --> 00:43:30,520 to eat him, to become him. 802 00:43:30,524 --> 00:43:32,534 And you gotta be rigorous. 803 00:43:32,526 --> 00:43:35,896 You have to understand, I was never wild. 804 00:43:35,904 --> 00:43:37,574 I didn't have affairs. 805 00:43:38,282 --> 00:43:42,082 I didn't have good judgment because I didn't have any experience. 806 00:43:43,287 --> 00:43:44,907 But I wanted what he had. 807 00:43:45,623 --> 00:43:48,173 I wanted to really participate in life. 808 00:43:49,084 --> 00:43:53,764 I wanted to eat the world the way he and every other guy at the magazine did. 809 00:43:59,053 --> 00:44:00,763 I went about it the wrong way. 810 00:44:04,183 --> 00:44:05,393 Sorry, I gotta go. 811 00:44:05,392 --> 00:44:08,852 I used to blow smoke on him, so his wife would know where he'd been. 812 00:44:24,078 --> 00:44:28,168 I didn't realize that the real power I had was that I had no obligations. 813 00:44:30,793 --> 00:44:32,803 I could do whatever the hell I wanted. 814 00:44:36,382 --> 00:44:38,512 How was I supposed to know that one day, 815 00:44:38,509 --> 00:44:41,099 in seeking the safety of a grown up life, 816 00:44:41,095 --> 00:44:42,595 I would lose that power? 817 00:44:45,766 --> 00:44:47,016 I am 41 now. 818 00:44:48,143 --> 00:44:50,653 I can't believe how briefly I held that power. 819 00:44:52,481 --> 00:44:57,031 I can't believe how briefly I held it and how quickly I gave it away. 820 00:45:04,243 --> 00:45:06,413 I've been smoking pot a lot recently. 821 00:45:07,788 --> 00:45:09,248 I hadn't done that in years. 822 00:45:11,583 --> 00:45:15,003 I thought about that thing Seth said about how people have affairs, 823 00:45:15,003 --> 00:45:17,093 not because they're betraying their spouses, 824 00:45:17,089 --> 00:45:20,589 but because they're trying to remember who they were in the first place. 825 00:45:20,592 --> 00:45:22,392 I thought about that a lot lately. 826 00:45:22,386 --> 00:45:25,216 - Hi. - Hey. How was your day? 827 00:45:27,015 --> 00:45:30,265 It was fun. I don't remember. 828 00:45:31,145 --> 00:45:32,855 So, just like yesterday, huh? 829 00:45:38,527 --> 00:45:39,647 Hey, there. 830 00:45:39,820 --> 00:45:43,120 Yeah, I know we need to figure it out. I just got home. 831 00:45:43,115 --> 00:45:44,945 Let me get my memo out. 832 00:45:47,035 --> 00:45:50,115 He perjured himself. I owe you a cup of soup. 833 00:45:51,373 --> 00:45:52,833 Okay. All right. 834 00:45:52,833 --> 00:45:55,963 That's probably why Glenn was doing what he had been doing. 835 00:45:55,961 --> 00:45:58,841 It was certainly why I was doing what I was doing now. 836 00:46:01,091 --> 00:46:02,551 Goldstein at 1, did you say? 837 00:46:02,926 --> 00:46:04,426 Only there's no affair. 838 00:46:04,428 --> 00:46:07,258 No clandestine meetings in the stairwell. 839 00:46:07,931 --> 00:46:11,771 There's just a cigarette in the city where I lived when I was young. 840 00:46:14,855 --> 00:46:17,815 How poorly I wear this life. 841 00:46:18,609 --> 00:46:22,319 How the adjustment to it is taking so long, that I've started to feel like 842 00:46:22,321 --> 00:46:25,991 it isn't coming soon, it isn't coming ever. 843 00:46:27,117 --> 00:46:28,537 It was never coming. 844 00:46:30,662 --> 00:46:33,922 This is what I was saying about questions that can't be answered. 845 00:46:36,043 --> 00:46:39,053 Is life fair? How did I get here? 846 00:46:42,883 --> 00:46:44,383 Trust me, 847 00:46:46,386 --> 00:46:48,306 you shouldn't ask them. 848 00:47:14,998 --> 00:47:16,708 It's not 849 00:47:18,585 --> 00:47:20,545 What you thought 850 00:47:22,756 --> 00:47:24,756 When you first 851 00:47:25,801 --> 00:47:28,971 Began it 852 00:47:30,097 --> 00:47:32,427 You got 853 00:47:33,725 --> 00:47:35,765 What you want 854 00:47:38,105 --> 00:47:43,105 Now you can hardly stand it, though 855 00:47:43,110 --> 00:47:45,200 By now you know 856 00:47:45,195 --> 00:47:49,695 It's not going to stop 857 00:47:52,202 --> 00:47:57,212 It's not going to stop 858 00:47:59,710 --> 00:48:04,630 It's not going to stop 859 00:48:05,966 --> 00:48:09,676 Till you wise up 860 00:48:15,517 --> 00:48:17,307 You're sure...