00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162 WWW.MY-SUBS.COM 1 00:00:00,653 --> 00:00:03,021 "The Scratch" 2 00:00:03,322 --> 00:00:04,458 (crows cawing) 3 00:00:05,145 --> 00:00:06,069 FRANKIE: From the outside, 4 00:00:06,104 --> 00:00:07,915 you can see we're just your average family. 5 00:00:08,195 --> 00:00:09,878 Sure, we're a little disorganized. 6 00:00:09,879 --> 00:00:11,497 - (beeping) - Is that the garbage truck? 7 00:00:12,680 --> 00:00:14,157 What time is it? 8 00:00:16,103 --> 00:00:17,580 Mike, did you take out the trash? 9 00:00:17,940 --> 00:00:19,425 It's Axl's turn. 10 00:00:20,177 --> 00:00:21,592 (sighs) 11 00:00:24,895 --> 00:00:28,293 Trash day! Bring out your trash! 12 00:00:28,328 --> 00:00:30,883 Come on, guys, move! Trash truck's a block away! 13 00:00:30,918 --> 00:00:33,462 Okay, okay. I know it probably looks a little insane 14 00:00:33,497 --> 00:00:35,855 to be so nuts about Trash Day, but see, 15 00:00:35,890 --> 00:00:38,308 due to recent cutbacks, trash pickup only happens 16 00:00:38,343 --> 00:00:39,442 once every two weeks. 17 00:00:39,477 --> 00:00:41,299 If you miss it, you're screwed. 18 00:00:41,334 --> 00:00:42,929 We're never gonna make it! 19 00:00:45,873 --> 00:00:47,210 Brick, what are you doing under there? 20 00:00:47,517 --> 00:00:50,905 I'm tired of sleeping with Axl. His bed's always squeaking. 21 00:00:50,940 --> 00:00:52,073 I want my own room. 22 00:00:52,074 --> 00:00:53,698 How long have you been sleeping under there? 23 00:00:54,050 --> 00:00:54,822 A month. 24 00:00:55,324 --> 00:00:57,515 All right, whatever. Just get rid of your trash. 25 00:00:59,516 --> 00:01:02,693 You know, I don't understand why nobody obeys the chore chart. 26 00:01:02,728 --> 00:01:04,067 Axl was supposed to take out the garbage. 27 00:01:04,118 --> 00:01:05,413 Sue was supposed to clean up last night. 28 00:01:05,414 --> 00:01:07,408 I mean, why do we even bother making a chore chart 29 00:01:07,468 --> 00:01:09,125 if nobody pays any attention to it? 30 00:01:09,126 --> 00:01:10,641 There's nothing on it! 31 00:01:10,642 --> 00:01:11,165 Yeah. 32 00:01:11,215 --> 00:01:13,602 Because I haven't bought the dry-erase markers yet. 33 00:01:13,699 --> 00:01:14,653 But it's all up here, 34 00:01:14,723 --> 00:01:16,926 and you're supposed to remember what I told you. 35 00:01:18,264 --> 00:01:21,044 I swear, I spend my whole life cleaning up other people's crap. 36 00:01:21,380 --> 00:01:22,211 Ow! 37 00:01:22,814 --> 00:01:25,130 Oh, honey, I'm sorry. 38 00:01:26,214 --> 00:01:27,489 Are you all right? 39 00:01:27,524 --> 00:01:29,348 Hey, guys, the truck's passing the Donahues'. 40 00:01:29,609 --> 00:01:31,657 - Mom hit me with a beer bottle. - What? 41 00:01:31,677 --> 00:01:34,079 Brick, don't tell people that. It sounds horrible. 42 00:01:34,080 --> 00:01:36,367 I was tossing it to Sue, and Brick got in the way. 43 00:01:36,368 --> 00:01:38,105 Let me see that. No, you're fine. 44 00:01:38,106 --> 00:01:41,043 - He's all right? - Yeah. Barely even a scratch. 45 00:01:41,078 --> 00:01:42,161 He's not bleeding or anything. 46 00:01:42,203 --> 00:01:43,034 I'm sorry, honey. 47 00:01:43,365 --> 00:01:47,189 Darn. I wanted a band-aid. Can I put a band-aid on anyway? 48 00:01:47,224 --> 00:01:49,174 I want to use the new Super Mario ones. 49 00:01:49,537 --> 00:01:51,100 (whispers) Super Mario. 50 00:01:51,135 --> 00:01:52,999 Okay, that's fine, honey. Mike, come on! 51 00:01:53,034 --> 00:01:54,984 We can do this! We can do this! Hurry up! 52 00:01:55,177 --> 00:01:57,349 We did it! We made it! We... 53 00:02:01,371 --> 00:02:02,044 (dog barking) 54 00:02:02,240 --> 00:02:05,347 The day started off lousy, and then it got weird. 55 00:02:05,382 --> 00:02:07,815 So out of the goodness of my heart, 56 00:02:07,850 --> 00:02:09,481 I'm gonna reach into my own wallet, 57 00:02:09,482 --> 00:02:12,091 and instead of buying that second pontoon boat, 58 00:02:12,126 --> 00:02:15,195 I'm gonna spend the money on buying some TV ad time. 59 00:02:15,837 --> 00:02:18,443 I decided to dust off my old commercial 60 00:02:18,806 --> 00:02:22,987 from when we were up to our jockstraps in good times. 61 00:02:23,022 --> 00:02:26,600 Help! Help! I'm being assaulted by high prices! 62 00:02:27,004 --> 00:02:28,750 Just keep cool, little lady. 63 00:02:29,160 --> 00:02:30,978 I'm Don Ehlert of Ehlert Motors, 64 00:02:31,013 --> 00:02:33,563 and they're not gonna get away with that on my lot. 65 00:02:33,573 --> 00:02:35,910 (funk music playing) 66 00:02:36,973 --> 00:02:38,243 (bangs) 67 00:02:38,442 --> 00:02:40,178 I'm shooting down high prices... 68 00:02:40,179 --> 00:02:41,546 - (gunshot) - Ooh! 69 00:02:43,752 --> 00:02:45,081 And bad service. 70 00:02:45,116 --> 00:02:46,718 - (bang) - Aah! Ooh! 71 00:02:48,985 --> 00:02:49,943 (click) 72 00:02:51,521 --> 00:02:52,190 (blows air) 73 00:02:52,792 --> 00:02:54,125 Uh, Mr. Ehlert, 74 00:02:54,809 --> 00:02:57,699 you can't run that commercial. 75 00:02:57,989 --> 00:02:59,343 It's racist. 76 00:02:59,378 --> 00:03:00,449 What are you talking about? 77 00:03:00,867 --> 00:03:02,345 I'm shooting high prices. 78 00:03:02,869 --> 00:03:04,635 It's racist to shoot high prices? 79 00:03:04,670 --> 00:03:08,495 When high prices is a... black man, yes, sir. 80 00:03:08,530 --> 00:03:11,386 I just think maybe if you made a new commercial, 81 00:03:11,421 --> 00:03:15,061 you might appeal to an entirely new group of people-- 82 00:03:15,096 --> 00:03:17,562 You know, young people... 83 00:03:17,683 --> 00:03:19,493 Non-racists. 84 00:03:20,321 --> 00:03:22,129 You two write me up a new commercial 85 00:03:22,164 --> 00:03:24,066 and have it on my desk tomorrow morning. 86 00:03:25,802 --> 00:03:29,242 MAN ON P.A.: Frankie, you have a call on line one. 87 00:03:29,592 --> 00:03:32,854 Your son Brick's school is on line one. 88 00:03:32,889 --> 00:03:35,922 Well, I'm working, too. Besides, it's your turn. 89 00:03:35,957 --> 00:03:38,289 I went down to the school when Axl pantsed the band kids. 90 00:03:38,324 --> 00:03:39,997 I did Sue and the squirrel attack. 91 00:03:40,032 --> 00:03:41,101 Brick and the chalk-chewing. 92 00:03:41,421 --> 00:03:42,798 Brick and the lying down in class. 93 00:03:42,888 --> 00:03:45,847 Brick and the beeping in class. Brick and the howling in class. 94 00:03:46,190 --> 00:03:46,833 Brick and the... 95 00:03:47,274 --> 00:03:49,112 Hi. I'm Brick Heck's dad. What did he do this time, 96 00:03:49,147 --> 00:03:51,469 forget his lunch? We're in kind of a hurry this morning. 97 00:03:54,155 --> 00:03:54,778 Thank you. 98 00:03:58,129 --> 00:04:00,114 - What's going on here? - You tell me. 99 00:04:00,738 --> 00:04:02,611 I hear your wife got a little rough 100 00:04:02,646 --> 00:04:03,871 with your son this morning. 101 00:04:04,363 --> 00:04:06,791 What? Are you joking? 102 00:04:07,081 --> 00:04:08,326 You guys strippers or something? 103 00:04:08,367 --> 00:04:11,812 No, I'm afraid not. We got a call from the hall monitor. 104 00:04:11,847 --> 00:04:14,179 He said that your-- your son told him 105 00:04:14,214 --> 00:04:16,317 that his mother hit him with a beer bottle. 106 00:04:16,507 --> 00:04:17,358 (exhales deeply) 107 00:04:17,997 --> 00:04:18,861 Hi, Dad! 108 00:04:22,462 --> 00:04:25,202 Guys, this is all a huge misunderstanding. 109 00:04:25,237 --> 00:04:27,820 - It was an accident. - Relax, Mr. Heck. Just stay calm. 110 00:04:28,081 --> 00:04:31,081 When parents are stressed, lapses in judgment can occur. 111 00:04:31,116 --> 00:04:33,512 Tell me about it. We should never have let Brick 112 00:04:33,547 --> 00:04:35,273 anywhere near the first aid kit. 113 00:04:39,272 --> 00:04:40,608 (whistling) 114 00:04:45,495 --> 00:04:46,650 MIKE: It's tiny. 115 00:04:46,685 --> 00:04:47,625 It's not even a scratch. 116 00:04:47,660 --> 00:04:48,953 Here, Brick, unwrap it and show 'em. 117 00:04:48,988 --> 00:04:51,620 Sir, we can't allow you to talk directly to your son. 118 00:04:51,817 --> 00:04:52,257 What? 119 00:04:53,346 --> 00:04:54,362 Is this for real? 120 00:04:54,401 --> 00:04:55,948 Oh, it was for real, all right. 121 00:04:56,563 --> 00:04:57,761 It started with the bandage 122 00:04:57,796 --> 00:04:59,557 and then just snowballed from there. 123 00:04:59,813 --> 00:05:02,916 It didn't help that there was a new hall monitor at school. 124 00:05:02,951 --> 00:05:04,963 Hey, buddy. What happened to your arm? 125 00:05:04,998 --> 00:05:06,630 I'm not supposed to tell. 126 00:05:06,665 --> 00:05:07,398 What do you mean? 127 00:05:07,458 --> 00:05:09,031 My mom says I'm not supposed to tell. 128 00:05:09,066 --> 00:05:10,948 Well, if something happened at home, 129 00:05:10,983 --> 00:05:12,293 you have to tell a grown-up. 130 00:05:12,328 --> 00:05:14,396 Okay. My mom hit me with a beer bottle. 131 00:05:14,796 --> 00:05:17,524 She was mad, and my dad was mad, and I always get in the way. 132 00:05:17,760 --> 00:05:19,586 You can see how this sounded. 133 00:05:19,621 --> 00:05:22,548 Everyone could see how it sounded, except Brick. 134 00:05:22,919 --> 00:05:25,076 And once a teacher hears something like that, 135 00:05:25,111 --> 00:05:27,175 he's legally required to report it. 136 00:05:27,357 --> 00:05:29,821 Now I realize this may be uncomfortable for you 137 00:05:29,856 --> 00:05:30,986 to talk about, Mr. Heck, 138 00:05:31,021 --> 00:05:33,765 but has your wife ever been physically abusive to you? 139 00:05:33,951 --> 00:05:36,249 (chuckles) Are you kidding? She's, like, 5 feet tall. 140 00:05:36,284 --> 00:05:37,252 I could kick her ass. 141 00:05:37,302 --> 00:05:39,679 And do you ever kick... her ass? 142 00:05:39,714 --> 00:05:41,909 No. No, of course not. 143 00:05:41,944 --> 00:05:42,911 - (chuckles) - (door closes) 144 00:05:43,303 --> 00:05:44,386 Oh, Mike. Got your message. 145 00:05:44,421 --> 00:05:46,284 Hi, honey. Lookit. See how little she is? 146 00:05:46,319 --> 00:05:47,375 Take your shoes off, hon. 147 00:05:47,376 --> 00:05:47,835 Oh. 148 00:05:47,917 --> 00:05:51,118 Sorry, Mom. You told me not to tell, but I told. 149 00:05:51,458 --> 00:05:54,890 - Don't be mad. - Mad? No! Why would I be mad? 150 00:05:54,925 --> 00:05:56,977 I am never mad, never, ever, ever. 151 00:05:57,751 --> 00:05:59,767 This is all a huge misunderstanding. 152 00:05:59,802 --> 00:06:02,788 The beer bottle hit him when I tossed it gently-- 153 00:06:02,823 --> 00:06:04,206 Just oh, so gently-- 154 00:06:04,241 --> 00:06:06,233 And do you often drink in the morning? 155 00:06:06,268 --> 00:06:08,310 No. I think that was my husband's beer bottle. 156 00:06:08,642 --> 00:06:10,677 Mr. Heck, you're the one who drinks in the morning? 157 00:06:11,001 --> 00:06:13,429 (sighs) No. God, this is ridiculous. 158 00:06:13,464 --> 00:06:14,865 Look--hey, you know what? 159 00:06:14,900 --> 00:06:18,112 We have a teenage son that is a huge pain in the butt. 160 00:06:18,147 --> 00:06:19,840 Don't you think if we wanted to abuse somebody, 161 00:06:19,901 --> 00:06:20,908 we would have abused him? 162 00:06:21,059 --> 00:06:24,132 Officer McCoy, if I could please step in here? 163 00:06:24,552 --> 00:06:26,512 I have known this family for years... 164 00:06:26,837 --> 00:06:28,048 Years and years and years. 165 00:06:28,083 --> 00:06:30,068 And although they don't help with fund-raisers... 166 00:06:30,103 --> 00:06:30,288 We work. 167 00:06:30,289 --> 00:06:33,712 Or teacher appreciation day or the back-to-school picnic, 168 00:06:33,747 --> 00:06:35,660 they are a good family. 169 00:06:37,614 --> 00:06:40,373 Well, since the principal feels so strongly about this, 170 00:06:40,705 --> 00:06:42,721 we'll release him back into your custody. 171 00:06:42,756 --> 00:06:43,690 (exhales) 172 00:06:43,780 --> 00:06:46,123 Thank you. Thank you so much. 173 00:06:46,500 --> 00:06:49,482 Okay. So we're all done here? Everything's cleared up? 174 00:06:49,517 --> 00:06:51,069 Oh, no. You're in the system now. 175 00:06:51,104 --> 00:06:52,579 A social worker will be coming by your house 176 00:06:52,628 --> 00:06:54,191 to make an official evaluation. 177 00:06:57,343 --> 00:06:59,188 You know all those times you wished someone would come 178 00:06:59,223 --> 00:07:00,341 and take your kids away? 179 00:07:00,703 --> 00:07:02,363 Well, the reality isn't really 180 00:07:02,398 --> 00:07:03,698 - as great as the fantasy. SUE: Okay. 181 00:07:03,733 --> 00:07:06,414 So the social worker's coming tomorrow afternoon 182 00:07:06,449 --> 00:07:07,539 for the home visit. 183 00:07:07,750 --> 00:07:10,258 So if I tell the social worker that you hit me, too, 184 00:07:10,566 --> 00:07:11,738 does that mean that I can, like, 185 00:07:11,773 --> 00:07:13,842 trade up to a better foster family or... 186 00:07:14,333 --> 00:07:17,455 Shut up, shut up, shut up! They're gonna split us up! 187 00:07:17,696 --> 00:07:19,630 They're gonna take us away! 188 00:07:19,665 --> 00:07:22,082 Relax. Nobody's taking anybody anywhere. 189 00:07:22,117 --> 00:07:24,844 This is a formality so they can sign their paperwork. 190 00:07:25,017 --> 00:07:26,012 We're gonna answer their questions. 191 00:07:26,083 --> 00:07:27,709 Brick's gonna tell them what really happened, 192 00:07:27,744 --> 00:07:30,208 and they're gonna see what a normal family we really are. 193 00:07:31,070 --> 00:07:33,559 Can I have dinner here in my room tonight? 194 00:07:34,171 --> 00:07:35,962 And at that moment, it dawned on us 195 00:07:35,997 --> 00:07:38,573 that our future rested in Brick's hands. 196 00:07:38,698 --> 00:07:39,938 God help us. 197 00:07:40,466 --> 00:07:44,024 So, Brick, your dad and I thought it might be fun 198 00:07:44,059 --> 00:07:46,095 to have a little practice run at some of the questions 199 00:07:46,130 --> 00:07:47,474 the social worker might ask you. 200 00:07:48,116 --> 00:07:48,659 Sprinkles? 201 00:07:48,908 --> 00:07:50,089 - Okay. - Okay. 202 00:07:50,743 --> 00:07:51,677 There you go. 203 00:07:51,678 --> 00:07:54,198 So for example, uh, what would you say 204 00:07:54,233 --> 00:07:55,961 if she asked you if your mom ever hits you? 205 00:07:55,996 --> 00:07:57,229 Not deliberately. 206 00:07:57,230 --> 00:07:59,214 Okay. That's a good answer. 207 00:07:59,719 --> 00:08:02,695 But you know what's a good answer, too? "No." 208 00:08:03,739 --> 00:08:05,386 Just... no. 209 00:08:05,938 --> 00:08:06,603 No is good. 210 00:08:06,653 --> 00:08:07,928 Keep it brief. Keep it simple. 211 00:08:07,978 --> 00:08:09,213 Okay. I'll just tell her 212 00:08:09,248 --> 00:08:10,545 whatever you tell me I should say. 213 00:08:10,997 --> 00:08:11,167 But-- 214 00:08:11,202 --> 00:08:13,827 Well, you wouldn't want her to think that we're coaching you. 215 00:08:13,933 --> 00:08:15,158 But aren't you coaching me? 216 00:08:15,159 --> 00:08:16,511 What, this? No. 217 00:08:16,945 --> 00:08:18,221 (scoffs) This isn't coaching. 218 00:08:18,404 --> 00:08:19,590 No, we're just practicing. 219 00:08:20,806 --> 00:08:22,166 Okay, so to recap, 220 00:08:22,350 --> 00:08:25,200 if she asks you if we were coaching you, 221 00:08:25,235 --> 00:08:25,982 you would say... 222 00:08:26,412 --> 00:08:28,248 - Yes. - Gosh, you know, 223 00:08:28,317 --> 00:08:31,250 I think you could say no for that question, too. 224 00:08:31,285 --> 00:08:31,974 What do you think? 225 00:08:32,157 --> 00:08:34,025 I'm liking no as a go-to answer. 226 00:08:34,187 --> 00:08:36,657 So you're telling me to lie? Okay. 227 00:08:36,689 --> 00:08:39,621 No, no, no. Nobody is telling you to lie. 228 00:08:39,792 --> 00:08:43,161 I think we're just bending the immediate truth 229 00:08:43,162 --> 00:08:45,102 just a teeny, teeny bit 230 00:08:45,469 --> 00:08:48,911 to get to the truth that is the true truth. 231 00:08:49,545 --> 00:08:50,351 You understand? 232 00:08:50,436 --> 00:08:51,585 - No. - You don't? 233 00:08:51,586 --> 00:08:54,457 I don't know. But you said no was my go-to answer. 234 00:08:54,674 --> 00:08:56,105 Can I go watch TV now? 235 00:08:56,106 --> 00:08:56,762 (sighs) 236 00:08:56,797 --> 00:08:57,284 Sure. 237 00:09:00,263 --> 00:09:01,468 What do you think? 238 00:09:01,614 --> 00:09:03,233 I hope he goes to a nice family. 239 00:09:05,218 --> 00:09:08,149 Well, I wasn't the only one stuck in a scary situation 240 00:09:08,184 --> 00:09:09,123 I didn't deserve. 241 00:09:09,124 --> 00:09:10,921 All right, let's get this show on the road. 242 00:09:11,557 --> 00:09:12,390 Where's Frances? 243 00:09:12,925 --> 00:09:16,196 Um, actually, she had some, uh, family issues. 244 00:09:16,229 --> 00:09:17,460 And I know she's lied in the past 245 00:09:17,500 --> 00:09:19,823 and said she had some family issues, but... 246 00:09:19,996 --> 00:09:21,315 this time she really does. 247 00:09:21,316 --> 00:09:22,944 - All right, let's kick this pig. - Okay. 248 00:09:24,937 --> 00:09:25,645 Action! 249 00:09:26,405 --> 00:09:28,340 And down here, we got... 250 00:09:29,255 --> 00:09:29,898 Damn it. 251 00:09:30,343 --> 00:09:31,969 - (beep) - And down here, we got-- 252 00:09:32,049 --> 00:09:33,626 What the hell is my hand doing? 253 00:09:34,547 --> 00:09:35,680 Doesn't feel natural. 254 00:09:35,681 --> 00:09:37,234 I don't know what to do with my damn hand. 255 00:09:37,417 --> 00:09:38,650 - (beep) - And down here, we've got-- 256 00:09:38,709 --> 00:09:40,913 That's not right, is it? Eh. 257 00:09:41,153 --> 00:09:43,121 And down-- Oh, screw this! 258 00:09:43,603 --> 00:09:44,618 What are you lookin' at?! 259 00:09:44,696 --> 00:09:45,899 - (beep) - Quiet! 260 00:09:46,059 --> 00:09:47,329 - (beep) - Ehlert Motors, 261 00:09:47,409 --> 00:09:49,297 where your every need will be... 262 00:09:49,332 --> 00:09:51,463 - (insect buzzing) - Where your every need will... 263 00:09:51,897 --> 00:09:52,588 - Ah... - (horn honks) 264 00:09:53,151 --> 00:09:54,334 - This... - (horn honks) 265 00:09:54,763 --> 00:09:57,511 This is your fault. The words you wrote are clumsy. 266 00:09:57,562 --> 00:09:59,142 - They don't roll off the tongue. - Um... 267 00:09:59,373 --> 00:10:01,592 Yeah, like this. What the hell is that? 268 00:10:02,283 --> 00:10:02,915 "Vehicle"? 269 00:10:03,064 --> 00:10:05,222 Yeah, that's fancy. I don't talk like that. 270 00:10:05,257 --> 00:10:06,856 Aah! Are you gonna help me, 271 00:10:06,891 --> 00:10:08,048 or are you gonna just stand there? 272 00:10:09,373 --> 00:10:11,812 So the day of the social worker visit had arrived, 273 00:10:11,847 --> 00:10:13,838 and we all pulled together to make a good impression. 274 00:10:15,406 --> 00:10:16,403 How do I look? 275 00:10:16,438 --> 00:10:18,553 Take that off. Damn it, Axl, take it off! 276 00:10:18,760 --> 00:10:21,532 - (chuckles) Don't hit me. - Not funny, Axl. Not funny. 277 00:10:23,733 --> 00:10:24,712 (crying) 278 00:10:25,404 --> 00:10:26,032 Hey. 279 00:10:26,553 --> 00:10:27,346 Why are you crying? 280 00:10:27,406 --> 00:10:28,694 I'm just so scared. 281 00:10:29,201 --> 00:10:30,870 Honey, I'm gonna give you a piece of advice 282 00:10:30,905 --> 00:10:32,296 that my dad gave me once. 283 00:10:32,473 --> 00:10:35,639 He said, "Son, stuff those feelings down. 284 00:10:35,674 --> 00:10:38,205 Stuff 'em down, and eventually they'll go away." 285 00:10:38,426 --> 00:10:39,944 And I have not cried since. 286 00:10:42,411 --> 00:10:44,720 Okay, what do you think? Shades open or closed? 287 00:10:44,755 --> 00:10:46,539 No. Closed looks like we're hiding something. 288 00:10:46,574 --> 00:10:47,623 Open. Open. 289 00:10:49,355 --> 00:10:49,889 (gasps) 290 00:10:49,991 --> 00:10:51,656 Oh, my God. The raccoons tore into the garbage 291 00:10:51,691 --> 00:10:52,726 that never got picked up. 292 00:10:53,047 --> 00:10:54,264 Sue, get out there and clean that up. 293 00:10:56,181 --> 00:10:58,609 Okay, where is the Bible? 294 00:10:58,610 --> 00:11:00,476 I wanna put it on the coffee table. 295 00:11:00,511 --> 00:11:02,400 You know, we don't have a real book anywhere-- 296 00:11:02,458 --> 00:11:07,183 Just "People" magazine. Mike, quick, turn all the TVs to PBS. 297 00:11:09,340 --> 00:11:11,616 - What channel is that? - I don't know. 298 00:11:11,617 --> 00:11:12,571 (doorbell rings) 299 00:11:13,815 --> 00:11:14,621 She's here. 300 00:11:17,243 --> 00:11:20,962 Oh! Oh! You see? It's clean! 301 00:11:20,997 --> 00:11:22,639 That's why I never wash the windows. 302 00:11:22,972 --> 00:11:25,350 Oh, are you okay? Oh, my God. 303 00:11:25,385 --> 00:11:29,022 Listen, you can't get a welt on your head. Not now. 304 00:11:29,435 --> 00:11:32,418 Okay, don't swell up, Sue. Don't swell. 305 00:11:33,060 --> 00:11:34,386 What are we gonna do? 306 00:11:38,372 --> 00:11:41,079 (sighs) It's very nice to meet you. 307 00:11:41,114 --> 00:11:43,297 It's very nice to meet you, too. 308 00:11:49,181 --> 00:11:50,265 Her head gets cold. 309 00:11:50,300 --> 00:11:50,975 (chuckles) 310 00:11:53,452 --> 00:11:56,544 It's so nice to have you here, really. 311 00:11:56,579 --> 00:11:57,588 - It's very-- - Yes, it's very nice. 312 00:11:57,623 --> 00:11:58,582 I'm sorry. Go ahead. 313 00:11:59,530 --> 00:12:00,968 Oh, no, no. You-- That was your-- 314 00:12:01,003 --> 00:12:04,224 No, I interrupted. It's my fault. Please, honey. You go. 315 00:12:04,532 --> 00:12:05,298 Thank you, dear. 316 00:12:06,000 --> 00:12:07,415 It's just nice to have you here. 317 00:12:07,416 --> 00:12:09,141 - (clears throat) - It really is. 318 00:12:09,411 --> 00:12:10,694 Can I get you something to drink? 319 00:12:10,729 --> 00:12:12,534 Oh, I'd love some herbal tea. 320 00:12:12,588 --> 00:12:14,439 Oh, no. I don't have herbal tea. 321 00:12:14,907 --> 00:12:15,962 I mean, I-I know it's good for you, 322 00:12:16,003 --> 00:12:17,801 but I just don't like it. I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry. 323 00:12:17,872 --> 00:12:18,877 I don't have herbal tea. 324 00:12:19,859 --> 00:12:22,406 (crying) 325 00:12:22,794 --> 00:12:26,196 Oh. Honestly, it's okay. Look, don't worry. 326 00:12:26,231 --> 00:12:29,649 It's--it's better if everyone just stays relaxed, okay? 327 00:12:29,684 --> 00:12:31,502 So I'm gonna need to speak 328 00:12:31,537 --> 00:12:33,878 with each member of the family individually. 329 00:12:33,913 --> 00:12:35,866 Great. That sounds great. 330 00:12:35,901 --> 00:12:36,686 We're not nervous. 331 00:12:36,747 --> 00:12:38,774 (laughs loudly) 332 00:12:39,681 --> 00:12:41,649 So how many hours a day would you say 333 00:12:41,650 --> 00:12:43,038 that you spend together as a family? 334 00:12:43,786 --> 00:12:46,524 Just about every chance we get. We love spending time together. 335 00:12:46,596 --> 00:12:48,322 We're together all the time. 336 00:12:49,327 --> 00:12:50,162 Two. 337 00:12:50,225 --> 00:12:52,823 (voice breaking) I-I don't know. What's--what's the right answer? 338 00:12:52,858 --> 00:12:54,254 So what are foster families like? 339 00:12:54,293 --> 00:12:56,698 Are there any with, like, inground pools or... 340 00:12:56,932 --> 00:13:00,388 Would you say that you drink alcohol on a regular basis? 341 00:13:00,402 --> 00:13:03,797 (chuckles) Oh, no, not at all. Hardly ever. 342 00:13:03,872 --> 00:13:06,625 Three times a week. More if the Colts are losing. 343 00:13:06,642 --> 00:13:08,936 I just love my family so much. 344 00:13:09,044 --> 00:13:10,564 Are there any foster families available 345 00:13:10,599 --> 00:13:11,877 with cute teenage girls? 346 00:13:11,878 --> 00:13:13,894 'Cause they wouldn't be considered my sisters, right? 347 00:13:14,817 --> 00:13:16,651 CAROLE: Does your wife ever get angry? 348 00:13:17,627 --> 00:13:18,854 Uh... 349 00:13:18,965 --> 00:13:20,220 Uh... 350 00:13:20,299 --> 00:13:21,189 Uh... 351 00:13:21,190 --> 00:13:22,442 Uh... 352 00:13:22,624 --> 00:13:25,348 And what do you do as a family for fun? 353 00:13:25,383 --> 00:13:27,422 Oh, uh, biking, canoeing, 354 00:13:27,457 --> 00:13:30,150 visiting ancient Native American historical sites 355 00:13:30,185 --> 00:13:31,232 and looking for arrowheads. 356 00:13:31,233 --> 00:13:32,934 - Watch TV. - Watch TV. 357 00:13:32,935 --> 00:13:36,724 Watch TV? I don't know. Is that the right answer? 358 00:13:37,005 --> 00:13:40,596 (voice breaking) I just-- I just love my family so much! 359 00:13:41,143 --> 00:13:43,243 Okay. Brick is up next. 360 00:13:43,752 --> 00:13:46,414 Yep, our future was in his hands. 361 00:13:46,815 --> 00:13:48,779 Brick, would you like to show me to your room? 362 00:13:49,108 --> 00:13:49,690 Okay. 363 00:13:51,657 --> 00:13:52,850 (coughs) 364 00:13:53,904 --> 00:13:56,543 Let me show you the room that I share with my brother. 365 00:14:00,398 --> 00:14:02,081 It wasn't going well for me, 366 00:14:02,116 --> 00:14:04,089 and it wasn't going well for Bob either. 367 00:14:04,266 --> 00:14:06,011 It's Don Ehlert of Ehlert Motors. 368 00:14:06,134 --> 00:14:08,069 Need a vehicle? Got bad credit? 369 00:14:08,070 --> 00:14:09,858 We don't care. Come on down. 370 00:14:09,938 --> 00:14:12,006 We've got the lowest prices south of Canada. 371 00:14:12,351 --> 00:14:15,201 Follow the arrows! Follow the signs to Ehlert Motors. 372 00:14:16,341 --> 00:14:17,807 Mr. Ehlert, you did it! 373 00:14:18,490 --> 00:14:19,714 You made it through the whole thing! 374 00:14:19,790 --> 00:14:23,745 I did? Ha! I did! Well, let me see it. Play it back. 375 00:14:24,748 --> 00:14:25,638 (speaks indistinctly) 376 00:14:26,021 --> 00:14:28,055 It's Don Ehlert of Ehlert Motors... 377 00:14:28,461 --> 00:14:30,958 What the hell is this? I don't look like that. 378 00:14:31,385 --> 00:14:34,829 You made me look old and bald and... old! 379 00:14:34,830 --> 00:14:35,665 No. He's... 380 00:14:35,785 --> 00:14:38,418 In my old commercial, I was beautiful, Bob! 381 00:14:38,800 --> 00:14:39,793 What'd you do to me? 382 00:14:41,603 --> 00:14:42,694 (stammers) 383 00:14:43,938 --> 00:14:45,070 Sir, well, you... 384 00:14:46,962 --> 00:14:48,077 DON: Jackass. 385 00:14:49,402 --> 00:14:50,698 It's been a long time. 386 00:14:51,103 --> 00:14:52,476 Wonder how Brick's doing in there. 387 00:14:52,940 --> 00:14:53,748 (whimpers) 388 00:14:53,749 --> 00:14:57,376 Do not start to cry again, Sue. I swear, I will-- 389 00:14:57,411 --> 00:14:59,915 Thank you, Brick. It was very nice to meet you, too. 390 00:15:02,192 --> 00:15:03,092 Oh, are you done already? 391 00:15:03,525 --> 00:15:06,386 We were just reading some Bible verses. How did it go? 392 00:15:06,421 --> 00:15:10,279 I told her everything that you told me to--I mean, the truth. 393 00:15:10,966 --> 00:15:14,375 Well, I want to thank you all for your honesty and candor. 394 00:15:14,436 --> 00:15:16,022 I think I have everything I need, 395 00:15:16,083 --> 00:15:18,154 so I will be contacting you shortly. 396 00:15:20,913 --> 00:15:21,761 Um, excuse me. 397 00:15:22,779 --> 00:15:25,279 I know you can't tell us anything official right now, 398 00:15:25,280 --> 00:15:27,609 - but, um... - Oh. 399 00:15:28,034 --> 00:15:29,308 (whispers) I promise I won't tell. 400 00:15:29,343 --> 00:15:30,324 I'm sorry, Mrs. Heck. 401 00:15:30,382 --> 00:15:32,307 I'm not able to discuss anything at this time 402 00:15:32,342 --> 00:15:33,662 until I file my report. 403 00:15:33,816 --> 00:15:36,463 (normal voice) I understand. Of course. Um, so... 404 00:15:39,279 --> 00:15:40,695 It was lovely to meet you. 405 00:15:40,975 --> 00:15:41,742 Okay. 406 00:15:43,532 --> 00:15:44,691 It's funny, but... 407 00:15:45,500 --> 00:15:47,228 You don't remember me, do you? 408 00:15:48,270 --> 00:15:50,138 Uh... Should I? 409 00:15:50,139 --> 00:15:52,673 Well, we went out, like, two or three times. 410 00:15:52,674 --> 00:15:53,882 It was years ago. 411 00:15:54,443 --> 00:15:57,582 Anyway, I really liked you, but you never called me back. 412 00:15:58,344 --> 00:15:59,056 Oh, well. 413 00:15:59,748 --> 00:16:00,973 It's nice to see you again. 414 00:16:04,119 --> 00:16:05,086 (door closes) 415 00:16:10,530 --> 00:16:12,981 You dated our social worker? 416 00:16:13,016 --> 00:16:14,899 I don't even remember her. Oh, wait. 417 00:16:15,721 --> 00:16:17,624 She could have been the one that liked Duran Duran 418 00:16:17,659 --> 00:16:18,999 and was always touching my face. 419 00:16:19,563 --> 00:16:20,907 Man, she got old. 420 00:16:21,087 --> 00:16:22,753 How could you not have called her back? 421 00:16:23,085 --> 00:16:25,585 What's wrong with her? She's attractive. She's smart. 422 00:16:26,006 --> 00:16:29,256 You should have called, Mike. You shoulda called. 423 00:16:29,291 --> 00:16:31,470 I didn't call her because I met you, 424 00:16:31,505 --> 00:16:32,484 and I liked you better. 425 00:16:32,519 --> 00:16:35,492 Well, if this whole thing goes south, it's on your head. 426 00:16:35,527 --> 00:16:37,491 Frankie, she doesn't seem like the vindictive type. 427 00:16:37,492 --> 00:16:39,769 Clearly, you know nothing about women. 428 00:16:39,931 --> 00:16:42,852 Any scorned woman would kill for this chance! 429 00:16:43,123 --> 00:16:44,794 We are screwed. 430 00:16:48,006 --> 00:16:48,430 (telephone ringing) 431 00:16:48,510 --> 00:16:50,322 I tried to be as mellow as Mike, 432 00:16:50,323 --> 00:16:52,485 but the truth is, I was a basket case. 433 00:16:52,682 --> 00:16:54,296 What if this chick was still mad at Mike 434 00:16:54,347 --> 00:16:55,967 and was gonna take it out on us? 435 00:16:56,330 --> 00:16:58,016 Damn it, I was gonna take some action. 436 00:16:58,017 --> 00:16:59,259 WOMAN: You've reached the government offices 437 00:16:59,340 --> 00:17:02,664 of Social Services. To schedule a hearing, press 1. 438 00:17:02,913 --> 00:17:05,191 To become a foster family, press 2. 439 00:17:05,226 --> 00:17:07,467 Hey, quick, everybody! The new commercial's on. 440 00:17:08,021 --> 00:17:11,982 WOMAN: Help! Help! I'm being assaulted by high prices! 441 00:17:12,017 --> 00:17:14,827 (bang, bang) I'm shooting down high prices! 442 00:17:15,672 --> 00:17:16,504 (groaning) 443 00:17:16,863 --> 00:17:18,541 (funk music playing) 444 00:17:20,532 --> 00:17:23,669 That's it? Huh. That must have been easy. 445 00:17:27,205 --> 00:17:29,886 I tried for days to go through proper channels, 446 00:17:29,921 --> 00:17:31,342 but I couldn't wait any longer. 447 00:17:31,377 --> 00:17:34,018 Mike might not have pursued her, but I sure was gonna. 448 00:17:34,053 --> 00:17:36,638 Hi. I'd like to see Carole Barry, please. 449 00:17:38,618 --> 00:17:39,518 Is she expecting you? 450 00:17:40,268 --> 00:17:43,097 Is anyone ever really expecting anyone? 451 00:17:43,397 --> 00:17:44,542 And should we be? 452 00:17:44,658 --> 00:17:47,702 I mean, isn't being surprised the most fun? 453 00:17:47,737 --> 00:17:51,275 So that's a no. No appointment, no seeing. 454 00:17:51,310 --> 00:17:53,080 Now you can call our 1-800 number-- 455 00:17:53,129 --> 00:17:55,866 Uh, no, you really can't, because I tried, and... 456 00:17:57,579 --> 00:18:00,998 - Can I just use your bathroom? - Employees only. 457 00:18:01,033 --> 00:18:04,426 Oh, I--nervous bladder. I have a doctor's note. 458 00:18:05,300 --> 00:18:06,393 Go. Go. 459 00:18:19,190 --> 00:18:20,242 Ms. Barry? 460 00:18:21,661 --> 00:18:22,458 Yes? 461 00:18:23,413 --> 00:18:25,664 Hi. It's Frankie Heck. (stammers) 462 00:18:26,070 --> 00:18:27,277 May I help you? 463 00:18:27,367 --> 00:18:32,405 Uh, well, I-I just wanted to explain, um, 464 00:18:32,440 --> 00:18:35,385 why my husband Mike never called you back. 465 00:18:35,726 --> 00:18:37,745 I mean, I'm sure you have been wondering about it 466 00:18:37,780 --> 00:18:41,540 all these years, 'cause clearly you are lovely, 467 00:18:41,575 --> 00:18:43,936 and he liked you. He really did. 468 00:18:43,971 --> 00:18:46,535 It's just that the timing just wasn't right, 469 00:18:46,570 --> 00:18:49,876 because, you see, we met going up to the Indy 500, 470 00:18:49,911 --> 00:18:51,257 and, um, well... 471 00:18:52,099 --> 00:18:53,284 (sighs) To tell you the truth, 472 00:18:53,616 --> 00:18:57,631 um, I slept with him on the second date, 473 00:18:58,189 --> 00:18:59,463 which I never really do! 474 00:18:59,760 --> 00:19:01,694 But you know, I was a nice girl then-- 475 00:19:01,729 --> 00:19:05,084 As were you, I mean, obviously, 'cause you didn't put out. 476 00:19:05,369 --> 00:19:09,761 And good for you. So I just hope that all of this 477 00:19:09,796 --> 00:19:13,373 doesn't make you think differently about my family, 478 00:19:13,408 --> 00:19:14,707 - because-- - Frankie. 479 00:19:14,742 --> 00:19:15,711 - (sighs) - (toilet flushes) 480 00:19:18,138 --> 00:19:20,178 I got over your husband a long time ago. 481 00:19:20,213 --> 00:19:21,053 (sighs) 482 00:19:21,424 --> 00:19:22,076 Thank God. 483 00:19:22,525 --> 00:19:23,931 Well, you should count your blessings, 484 00:19:23,966 --> 00:19:27,162 because believe me, he really is no picnic to live with. 485 00:19:27,227 --> 00:19:31,539 But he's a good dad! Oh, such a great dad. 486 00:19:32,911 --> 00:19:36,253 Frankie, I'm not supposed to tell you any information 487 00:19:36,288 --> 00:19:37,613 until the report is filed. 488 00:19:38,304 --> 00:19:40,519 - But you're fine. - We are? 489 00:19:40,607 --> 00:19:45,093 Do you have any idea the kind of crazy families I see in my job? 490 00:19:45,128 --> 00:19:47,819 Trust me, meeting yours was the best part of my week-- 491 00:19:48,469 --> 00:19:49,922 - My month. - Really? 492 00:19:50,183 --> 00:19:53,148 Really. As soon as I file my report with my supervisor, 493 00:19:53,183 --> 00:19:54,720 your case will be officially closed, 494 00:19:54,754 --> 00:19:57,036 and then you can go on with your life. 495 00:19:57,071 --> 00:19:59,403 Oh, thank you. Oh! 496 00:19:59,787 --> 00:20:01,380 I'm so sorry to have bothered you. 497 00:20:01,415 --> 00:20:03,769 I promise you I will not bother you again. 498 00:20:04,518 --> 00:20:05,944 Actually, that was a lie. 499 00:20:05,979 --> 00:20:09,184 I couldn't go home without actually seeing it in writing. 500 00:20:09,219 --> 00:20:10,943 - (computer beeps) - (speaks indistinctly) 501 00:20:15,074 --> 00:20:17,020 (mouths words) 502 00:20:18,172 --> 00:20:20,293 I don't think I ever knew what relief meant 503 00:20:20,328 --> 00:20:21,470 until that moment. 504 00:20:21,851 --> 00:20:23,808 There was an upside to all that happened, though. 505 00:20:24,289 --> 00:20:26,341 I had written proof that I was a good parent, 506 00:20:26,376 --> 00:20:28,509 and believe me, it came in handy. 507 00:20:29,101 --> 00:20:33,553 Whoa! I cannot believe that you won't let me go car skiing. 508 00:20:33,823 --> 00:20:37,298 It's safe. There's a spotter car that follows right behind. 509 00:20:39,895 --> 00:20:42,234 Oh, my God. You are the worst mom ever. 510 00:20:42,609 --> 00:20:46,457 Really? The state of Indiana seems to disagree. 511 00:20:47,359 --> 00:20:49,899 Yep. It was good to have it in writing. 512 00:20:50,460 --> 00:20:53,285 Transcript: LeapinLar [Opensubtitles.org] 513 00:20:53,586 --> 00:20:56,510 Sync and Edits: VeRdiKT [Subscene.com / MY-SUBS.com]