1 00:00:00,375 --> 00:00:03,165 [theme music] 2 00:00:29,904 --> 00:00:33,204 [music continues] 3 00:01:07,233 --> 00:01:10,153 [instrumental music] 4 00:01:21,790 --> 00:01:25,540 W-w-well, listen to this, I had another dream about Russia. 5 00:01:25,585 --> 00:01:27,295 It's April 1961. 6 00:01:27,337 --> 00:01:29,207 Yuri Gagarin is in Vostok 1 7 00:01:29,255 --> 00:01:30,965 in the middle of the first man space flight 8 00:01:31,007 --> 00:01:34,137 when he discovers me hiding in the capsule of the stowaway. 9 00:01:34,177 --> 00:01:36,677 'All of a sudden, we're in the middle of a huge meteor shower' 10 00:01:36,721 --> 00:01:39,931 and Yuri needs my help. I push the wrong button and boom. 11 00:01:39,974 --> 00:01:44,274 We're ejected into space. Then I woke up screaming. 12 00:01:44,312 --> 00:01:45,652 What do you think it means? 13 00:01:45,688 --> 00:01:47,648 It means your pajamas are too tight. 14 00:01:47,690 --> 00:01:48,650 [laughs] 15 00:01:48,691 --> 00:01:50,531 - Oh, come on, guys. - It's obvious, Arvid. 16 00:01:50,568 --> 00:01:52,608 You're worried about whether or not we're going to Moscow. 17 00:01:52,654 --> 00:01:55,284 - Who isn't? - Me. I'm not worried. 18 00:01:55,323 --> 00:01:57,123 You're also not going. 19 00:01:57,158 --> 00:02:01,448 But I can let you in on a little something. 20 00:02:01,496 --> 00:02:03,366 Arvid and I have found a way to realize 21 00:02:03,414 --> 00:02:05,044 the true potential of our trip 22 00:02:05,083 --> 00:02:07,673 and help the cause of world peace at the same time. 23 00:02:07,710 --> 00:02:09,750 That's right. What? 24 00:02:09,796 --> 00:02:12,796 I'm talkin' about foreign aid. 25 00:02:12,841 --> 00:02:15,471 Blue jeans, Beatle tapes. 26 00:02:15,510 --> 00:02:17,470 We smuggle them into Moscow. 27 00:02:17,512 --> 00:02:20,142 We sell 'em and we make a fortune. 28 00:02:20,181 --> 00:02:23,231 Smuggle? Smuggle! 29 00:02:23,268 --> 00:02:25,518 Do you know what smuggle means in Russian? 30 00:02:25,562 --> 00:02:27,902 - Yeah. It me-- - It means Siberia. Prison. 31 00:02:27,939 --> 00:02:32,109 Okay, okay. We don't smuggle. We...import. 32 00:02:32,152 --> 00:02:34,362 - Come on, what do you guys say? - You can count me out. 33 00:02:34,404 --> 00:02:36,284 And-and besides, what if you don't go to Moscow? 34 00:02:36,322 --> 00:02:37,702 You lose all that money. 35 00:02:37,740 --> 00:02:38,950 I'm covered. I got side bet. 36 00:02:38,992 --> 00:02:40,702 If they don't choose our school, we win our money back. 37 00:02:40,743 --> 00:02:42,703 But don't worry, we're goin'. I can feel it. 38 00:02:42,745 --> 00:02:44,495 Come on, Eric, how much do you wanna invest? 39 00:02:44,539 --> 00:02:47,669 Zero. I got other things on my mind right now. 40 00:02:48,543 --> 00:02:50,383 Simone? Would you give it up? 41 00:02:50,420 --> 00:02:53,130 Queen Carrot Head will never go out with you. 42 00:02:53,173 --> 00:02:54,473 Now why don't you invest in somethin' 43 00:02:54,507 --> 00:02:55,627 that's worth your time? 44 00:02:55,675 --> 00:02:57,135 I tell you what, Dennis, I'll give you a call. 45 00:02:57,177 --> 00:02:59,717 What's the area code for the Gulag? 46 00:03:02,015 --> 00:03:03,465 - Arvid-- - Get away from me. 47 00:03:03,516 --> 00:03:05,346 - Arvid. Arvid! - Get away from me. 48 00:03:05,393 --> 00:03:07,853 - Hi. - Oh, hi. 49 00:03:07,896 --> 00:03:09,976 - Am I interrupting? - Um, no. 50 00:03:10,023 --> 00:03:11,903 I was just rereading "Uncle Vanya." 51 00:03:11,941 --> 00:03:14,281 Chekhov writes with such depth and sensitivity, I-- 52 00:03:14,319 --> 00:03:18,319 Yeah, so did F. Scott Fitzgerald of Saint Paul, Minnesota. 53 00:03:18,364 --> 00:03:19,954 It's like everybody around here has got nothing 54 00:03:19,991 --> 00:03:21,331 but Moscow on the brain. 55 00:03:21,367 --> 00:03:24,747 Well, the possibility of going there is so exciting. 56 00:03:24,787 --> 00:03:26,657 I mean, if we go. 57 00:03:27,999 --> 00:03:30,919 I mean, for those of us who might be going. 58 00:03:30,960 --> 00:03:34,380 What-what about an exciting time right here in America? 59 00:03:34,422 --> 00:03:38,592 You know, New York City, beautiful night.. 60 00:03:38,635 --> 00:03:43,555 [sighs] ...a guy and a girl, movie, pizza. 61 00:03:43,598 --> 00:03:46,478 Finally, Simone. 62 00:03:47,852 --> 00:03:50,272 - Yes. - Alright. 63 00:03:50,313 --> 00:03:52,573 As soon as we're back from Russia. 64 00:03:54,150 --> 00:03:56,530 If you'll just listen. 65 00:03:59,364 --> 00:04:04,084 We are actually witnessing contemporary history. 66 00:04:04,118 --> 00:04:05,578 Some of the most exciting changes 67 00:04:05,620 --> 00:04:09,710 to occur within the Soviet Union since the revolution of 1970. 68 00:04:09,749 --> 00:04:12,589 Now two of the words most commonly associated 69 00:04:12,627 --> 00:04:15,377 with Mr. Gorbachev's policies are? 70 00:04:15,421 --> 00:04:19,051 Glasnost, which means openness and perestroika-- 71 00:04:19,092 --> 00:04:21,802 Which loosely translates as restructuring. 72 00:04:21,844 --> 00:04:23,934 Thank you, Janice, it also doubles 73 00:04:23,972 --> 00:04:26,432 as the title of Mr. Gorbachev's book. 74 00:04:26,474 --> 00:04:28,184 [yawns] 75 00:04:28,226 --> 00:04:30,846 You have a, uh, problem with this, Eric? 76 00:04:30,895 --> 00:04:33,395 Look, Mr. Moore, yesterday you said we were gonna finish 77 00:04:33,439 --> 00:04:35,779 our discussion on the presidential debates. 78 00:04:35,817 --> 00:04:37,687 Now all of a sudden, here we are in Russia. 79 00:04:37,735 --> 00:04:39,395 And just 'cause the brain express here 80 00:04:39,445 --> 00:04:41,855 might be goin' to Moscow for an academic meet 81 00:04:41,906 --> 00:04:44,196 doesn't mean the rest of the world has stopped. 82 00:04:44,242 --> 00:04:45,832 - Oh, Eric-- - Eric, you're negative-- 83 00:04:45,868 --> 00:04:48,708 Maybe you're just jealous 'cause you're the only one of us 84 00:04:48,746 --> 00:04:49,906 that's not going. 85 00:04:49,956 --> 00:04:51,916 Janice, show a little compassion. 86 00:04:51,958 --> 00:04:53,878 I call 'em as I see 'em. 87 00:04:53,918 --> 00:04:56,298 Hey, believe me, I'm not jealous. 88 00:04:56,337 --> 00:04:57,707 I don't wanna be on your team 89 00:04:57,755 --> 00:04:59,715 and the last thing I wanna do is be stuck on an airplane 90 00:04:59,757 --> 00:05:01,967 with Dr. Samuels for 12 hours going 91 00:05:02,010 --> 00:05:04,350 "What's the atomic weight of beryllium?" 92 00:05:04,387 --> 00:05:06,057 9.0122. 93 00:05:06,097 --> 00:05:08,307 Is this boy a winner or what? 94 00:05:08,349 --> 00:05:10,979 He gives the answer before I ask the question. 95 00:05:11,019 --> 00:05:15,319 [chuckles] Excuse me, Mr. Moore, I hope I'm not interrupting. 96 00:05:15,356 --> 00:05:16,476 Well, actually-- 97 00:05:16,524 --> 00:05:18,944 I hold in my hand a telegram from Moscow. 98 00:05:18,985 --> 00:05:20,985 - What does it say? - What does it say? 99 00:05:21,029 --> 00:05:23,199 I don't know, it's in Russian. 100 00:05:23,239 --> 00:05:24,659 [laughs] 101 00:05:25,575 --> 00:05:29,785 Well, it's between us and Andover Academy. 102 00:05:29,829 --> 00:05:32,079 So stay prepared to kick the Russian bear 103 00:05:32,123 --> 00:05:33,463 in his own backyard. 104 00:05:33,499 --> 00:05:36,459 Well, naturally, Dr. Samuels, but there are people 105 00:05:36,502 --> 00:05:40,262 who plan to do a few other things in Moscow as well. 106 00:05:40,298 --> 00:05:41,218 Like what? 107 00:05:41,257 --> 00:05:43,377 I'd like to visit the space museum. 108 00:05:43,426 --> 00:05:45,346 W-well, I'd like to find Chekov's grave. 109 00:05:45,386 --> 00:05:47,256 I don't know, put a flower on it. 110 00:05:47,305 --> 00:05:50,265 [speaking in Russian] 111 00:05:53,561 --> 00:05:55,811 Well, for those of us who don't understand Russian 112 00:05:55,855 --> 00:05:57,565 Janice, perhaps you'd translate. 113 00:05:57,607 --> 00:06:00,027 Oh, I said that I cannot wait till I get to Moscow 114 00:06:00,068 --> 00:06:04,608 so that I can converse in Russian with some real Russians. 115 00:06:04,655 --> 00:06:05,815 I knew that. 116 00:06:05,865 --> 00:06:07,615 I'm going to get, uh, Mr. Gorbachev 117 00:06:07,658 --> 00:06:10,118 to autograph a copy of his book. 118 00:06:10,161 --> 00:06:11,541 Anybody else have any plans? 119 00:06:11,579 --> 00:06:14,039 Sarah and I have requisitioned the school's video equipment. 120 00:06:14,082 --> 00:06:15,832 We're gonna tape a documentary on Russia 121 00:06:15,875 --> 00:06:17,705 and hopefully sell it to PBS. 122 00:06:17,752 --> 00:06:19,632 Yeah, I'm real sorry I'm gonna miss all this. 123 00:06:19,670 --> 00:06:21,670 Excuse me, I'm not hearing anything 124 00:06:21,714 --> 00:06:23,724 about beating the Russians here. 125 00:06:23,758 --> 00:06:28,008 Sir, if I may? Not only do I plan to destroy the Russian team 126 00:06:28,054 --> 00:06:30,184 I'm happy to say I'll be giving a full report 127 00:06:30,223 --> 00:06:31,893 to the Young Americans for Freedom 128 00:06:31,933 --> 00:06:34,063 on what a bummer it is to live there. 129 00:06:34,102 --> 00:06:36,022 I already have it half written. 130 00:06:36,062 --> 00:06:40,152 Yeah, Alan, uh, maybe you could try to keep a half open mind 131 00:06:40,191 --> 00:06:43,611 until you actually get to Russia and talk to some people. 132 00:06:43,653 --> 00:06:44,953 You know, see what they think. 133 00:06:44,987 --> 00:06:48,117 Some of 'em might actually enjoy living there. 134 00:06:48,157 --> 00:06:50,157 It must be tough being you, Mr. Moore. 135 00:06:50,201 --> 00:06:52,951 So sincere, yet so misguided. 136 00:06:53,996 --> 00:06:56,536 I'm next, I know what you're gonna call on me 137 00:06:56,582 --> 00:06:59,002 and I don't have any plans. I don't wanna go. 138 00:06:59,043 --> 00:07:01,303 - Well, what-what's the problem? - Flying, Mr. Moore. 139 00:07:01,337 --> 00:07:03,757 It's unnatural, besides, my analyst thinks 140 00:07:03,798 --> 00:07:07,338 that I suffer from a severe case of xenophobia. 141 00:07:07,385 --> 00:07:11,505 - You hate strangers? - No, they hate me. 142 00:07:11,556 --> 00:07:15,976 Maria, the Russians are not going to hate you. 143 00:07:16,018 --> 00:07:17,978 You don't know that. 144 00:07:18,020 --> 00:07:20,020 Well, everything I've heard so far sounds like stuff 145 00:07:20,064 --> 00:07:23,194 Mr. Moore has obviously been encouraging you to do. 146 00:07:23,234 --> 00:07:26,954 Now hear this, if we go, it's not for a vacation 147 00:07:26,988 --> 00:07:30,238 it's butt-busting time. Carry on. 148 00:07:30,283 --> 00:07:32,123 Uh, Dr. Samuels, wait. 149 00:07:32,160 --> 00:07:34,500 I'd just like to wish you and your dream team here 150 00:07:34,537 --> 00:07:37,747 a great trip and just remember, while you're in Moscow 151 00:07:37,790 --> 00:07:39,080 gettin' the borscht beat out of you 152 00:07:39,125 --> 00:07:42,085 I'll be at Izzy's doing some remedial loafing. 153 00:07:42,128 --> 00:07:45,418 That's reason number 15 why you're not going. 154 00:07:45,465 --> 00:07:48,005 Mr. Moore, I return the class to you, sir. 155 00:07:48,050 --> 00:07:49,140 [bell rings] 156 00:07:49,177 --> 00:07:52,177 Thank you. Nice timing. Okay, see you tomorrow. 157 00:07:52,221 --> 00:07:55,521 Maria, let's talk about your phobias for a minute, okay? 158 00:07:55,558 --> 00:07:56,978 - Eric. - Yeah. 159 00:07:57,018 --> 00:07:59,648 If you really don't care about going to Russia 160 00:07:59,687 --> 00:08:02,267 why do you keep making such a big deal of it? 161 00:08:02,315 --> 00:08:04,225 I'm not making a big deal of it. 162 00:08:04,275 --> 00:08:05,775 Well, yes, you are. 163 00:08:05,818 --> 00:08:08,608 You're sarcastic and you keep putting it down. 164 00:08:08,654 --> 00:08:12,494 I'm just your basic, shallow, insensitive type guy, so well. 165 00:08:12,533 --> 00:08:14,293 I'm trying to understand you, Eric. 166 00:08:14,327 --> 00:08:17,537 There's nothing to understand. It's just like Janice said. 167 00:08:17,580 --> 00:08:18,750 I'm jealous. 168 00:08:18,789 --> 00:08:22,079 Okay, you don't wanna talk to me, don't talk to me. 169 00:08:23,085 --> 00:08:24,745 Simone, wait. 170 00:08:25,505 --> 00:08:28,085 [sighs] You won't tell anyone? 171 00:08:28,966 --> 00:08:30,426 No. 172 00:08:31,302 --> 00:08:33,802 - I got family over there. - Really? 173 00:08:33,846 --> 00:08:35,346 Yeah, my mom's side. 174 00:08:35,389 --> 00:08:38,349 I mean, it'll be great to go over there and meet them, but.. 175 00:08:39,143 --> 00:08:41,193 Well, I don't wanna beg anybody for anything. 176 00:08:41,229 --> 00:08:43,399 Well, I-I'm sure if Dr. Samuels knew-- 177 00:08:43,439 --> 00:08:45,819 Oh, especially Samuels. 178 00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:50,070 Why is it such a big secret? 179 00:08:50,112 --> 00:08:52,162 I have my reasons. 180 00:08:52,198 --> 00:08:56,078 [sighs] Look, I told you this but I don't want anyone else to know. 181 00:08:56,118 --> 00:08:58,618 Now promise me you won't say anything. 182 00:08:59,622 --> 00:09:02,922 - Promise? - Yeah. I promise. 183 00:09:02,959 --> 00:09:05,459 [instrumental music] 184 00:09:05,503 --> 00:09:08,383 Trust me, I have this worked out to a science. 185 00:09:08,422 --> 00:09:10,132 You will not get caught. 186 00:09:10,174 --> 00:09:11,844 T-that's what Haldeman told Nixon. 187 00:09:11,884 --> 00:09:13,644 That's what Poindexter told Oliver North. 188 00:09:13,678 --> 00:09:15,678 That's what Leopold told Loeb. 189 00:09:15,721 --> 00:09:17,771 Ah, yes, but you're forgetting, those guys 190 00:09:17,807 --> 00:09:19,347 weren't as smart as you and me. 191 00:09:19,392 --> 00:09:21,062 Okay, I'm gonna go out on a limb here 192 00:09:21,102 --> 00:09:23,312 and personally guarantee your safety. 193 00:09:23,354 --> 00:09:27,114 In a worst-case scenario, only one person gets caught. 194 00:09:27,149 --> 00:09:29,149 Who? 195 00:09:29,193 --> 00:09:31,153 Dr. Samuels. 196 00:09:31,195 --> 00:09:32,905 - Interesting. - Ah-ha. 197 00:09:32,947 --> 00:09:34,657 But how do we carry all that stuff? 198 00:09:34,699 --> 00:09:36,199 Easy. We sneak it into the school 199 00:09:36,242 --> 00:09:38,952 we put it in the trunk with the school's video equipment-- 200 00:09:38,995 --> 00:09:40,575 - Good morning, boys. - Good morning. 201 00:09:40,621 --> 00:09:41,791 - Morning, Dr. Samuels. - Lovely day. 202 00:09:41,831 --> 00:09:43,211 - Very nice day. - Yes, it is. 203 00:09:43,249 --> 00:09:45,499 The Russians are suckers for the fab foreign blue jeans. 204 00:09:45,543 --> 00:09:47,383 Arvid, we can triple our investment. 205 00:09:47,420 --> 00:09:49,630 Well, how much is my investment? 206 00:09:49,672 --> 00:09:51,052 It's the same as mine. 207 00:09:51,090 --> 00:09:53,760 - How much is yours? - Half the total. 208 00:09:54,802 --> 00:09:56,262 How much is that? 209 00:09:56,304 --> 00:09:59,354 [scoffs] Arvid, I'm afraid when you hear the figure 210 00:09:59,390 --> 00:10:01,520 you might get a little squeamish. 211 00:10:01,559 --> 00:10:05,099 - How much? - A thousand bucks. 212 00:10:05,146 --> 00:10:07,976 What, a thousand do.. You, you're insane! 213 00:10:08,024 --> 00:10:10,654 You're nuts. You're a menace. You should be locked up! 214 00:10:10,693 --> 00:10:13,153 Okay. 250 bucks. 215 00:10:13,195 --> 00:10:14,775 [sighs] That's better. 216 00:10:14,822 --> 00:10:17,202 - Yeah. - What? $250. 217 00:10:17,241 --> 00:10:23,081 - You're crazy. - Arvid, I just saved you $750. 218 00:10:31,881 --> 00:10:34,471 - Oh, um, Mr. Moore? - Yeah. 219 00:10:34,508 --> 00:10:36,178 Can I ask your advice about something? 220 00:10:36,218 --> 00:10:37,258 Sure. 221 00:10:37,303 --> 00:10:39,893 Well, what do you do if you made a promise to someone 222 00:10:39,930 --> 00:10:42,560 not to tell something, but if you broke that promise 223 00:10:42,600 --> 00:10:44,640 well, it might help the person you promised? 224 00:10:44,685 --> 00:10:46,765 Well, that would depend on what you promised. 225 00:10:46,812 --> 00:10:48,562 If I tell you what it was I promised 226 00:10:48,606 --> 00:10:51,646 you promise not to reveal that I broke my promise? 227 00:10:51,692 --> 00:10:55,032 This is where I say I promise, right? 228 00:10:55,863 --> 00:10:58,573 - I promise. - It's about Eric.. 229 00:10:59,408 --> 00:11:02,828 Mr. Gorbachev writes in his introduction 230 00:11:02,870 --> 00:11:04,830 "We value the American's contribution 231 00:11:04,872 --> 00:11:07,002 "to world civilization and realize that 232 00:11:07,041 --> 00:11:10,801 "without that country it is impossible to remove the threat 233 00:11:10,836 --> 00:11:15,086 "of nuclear catastrophe and secure a lasting peace. 234 00:11:15,132 --> 00:11:17,762 We have no ill intent toward the American people." 235 00:11:17,802 --> 00:11:21,642 Oh, right. Mr. Moore, that is so naive. 236 00:11:21,681 --> 00:11:25,061 Alan, uh, even President Reagan has stopped calling Russia 237 00:11:25,101 --> 00:11:27,021 the evil empire, okay? 238 00:11:27,061 --> 00:11:29,481 On the other hand, maybe he forgot it exists. 239 00:11:30,564 --> 00:11:32,824 - Excuse me, Mr. Moore. - Are we going? 240 00:11:32,858 --> 00:11:36,358 Team, I just got off the phone with Mr. Kirov in Moscow. 241 00:11:36,404 --> 00:11:38,364 - 'Yeah?' - I've learned two things. 242 00:11:38,406 --> 00:11:41,326 One, I owe the phone company $79. 243 00:11:41,367 --> 00:11:45,077 [laughs] And two, we're going! 244 00:11:45,121 --> 00:11:47,921 [cheering] 245 00:11:51,168 --> 00:11:52,708 So it's time.. Listen, listen. 246 00:11:52,753 --> 00:11:55,883 It's time to fill out these applications for visa 247 00:11:55,923 --> 00:11:57,263 and have your photos taken. 248 00:11:57,299 --> 00:12:00,009 Now listen, Dr. Samuels, now that we are definitely going 249 00:12:00,052 --> 00:12:02,682 don't you think it's time to start choosing a substitute 250 00:12:02,722 --> 00:12:05,432 for the team in case somebody gets ill? 251 00:12:05,474 --> 00:12:07,144 (Dr. Samuels) 'Absolutely. You-you're right. Yeah.' 252 00:12:07,184 --> 00:12:09,604 But it'd have to be somebody who's pretty good, right? 253 00:12:09,645 --> 00:12:12,305 - I'm already ahead of you. - Eric Mardian, huh? 254 00:12:12,356 --> 00:12:15,646 (Dr. Samuels) No, I don't need him. I've already signed up a sub. 255 00:12:15,693 --> 00:12:17,283 Jerry Herscovitch. 256 00:12:17,319 --> 00:12:20,319 He's a, uh, Rambo in world lit. 257 00:12:20,364 --> 00:12:21,994 'He's the sub, not Eric.' 258 00:12:22,032 --> 00:12:24,702 March 16, 1830. Jawaharlal? 259 00:12:24,744 --> 00:12:27,624 New York Stock Exchange's worst day in history. 260 00:12:27,663 --> 00:12:31,003 We're gonna bury them. Dasvidaniya! 261 00:12:31,041 --> 00:12:33,001 [indistinct chatter] 262 00:12:33,043 --> 00:12:35,303 [instrumental music] 263 00:12:43,179 --> 00:12:44,889 [indistinct chatter] 264 00:12:47,725 --> 00:12:50,685 Well, congratulations. It's almost all good news. 265 00:12:50,728 --> 00:12:52,648 "Almost?" Mr. Moore, this is terrific. 266 00:12:52,688 --> 00:12:55,108 - We're off to Moscow. - Yeah, it's great. 267 00:12:55,149 --> 00:12:56,689 Yeah, the nine of you 268 00:12:56,734 --> 00:12:59,704 plus Dr. Samuels' mystery protege. 269 00:12:59,737 --> 00:13:01,817 Jerry, whatever his name is.. 270 00:13:01,864 --> 00:13:04,874 Don't you think it would be nice to keep this whole class intact? 271 00:13:04,909 --> 00:13:07,079 Mr. Moore, don't do me any favors, okay? 272 00:13:07,119 --> 00:13:09,039 - It's okay. - It's not a favor. 273 00:13:09,079 --> 00:13:10,829 I think we should all go to Dr. Samuels 274 00:13:10,873 --> 00:13:12,253 and insist that Eric come with us. 275 00:13:12,291 --> 00:13:14,131 - Yeah. - Absolutely. 276 00:13:14,168 --> 00:13:15,668 No, I don't agree. 277 00:13:15,711 --> 00:13:17,211 Eric has always laughed at our team. 278 00:13:17,254 --> 00:13:18,714 He calls our meets the Nerd Bowl. 279 00:13:18,756 --> 00:13:20,926 Now that we're being honored for our accomplishments 280 00:13:20,966 --> 00:13:22,376 why should he be included? 281 00:13:22,426 --> 00:13:23,966 (Alan) I agree with Darlene. 282 00:13:24,011 --> 00:13:26,851 All Eric would do is laugh at us in Russia and ruin our trip. 283 00:13:26,889 --> 00:13:28,099 Let him stay here. 284 00:13:28,140 --> 00:13:30,100 You know something, they're right. 285 00:13:30,142 --> 00:13:31,852 - Absolutely. - Definitely. 286 00:13:31,894 --> 00:13:33,194 - I agree. - Hey. 287 00:13:33,229 --> 00:13:34,689 Let me make this real easy for you. 288 00:13:34,730 --> 00:13:37,110 I'm not on your team, I don't wanna be on your team 289 00:13:37,149 --> 00:13:39,359 and I don't wanna go on your stupid trip. 290 00:13:39,401 --> 00:13:40,991 Who needs you? 291 00:13:41,028 --> 00:13:43,488 [indistinct chatter] 292 00:13:43,531 --> 00:13:46,581 Well, congratulations to all of you. 293 00:13:46,617 --> 00:13:50,037 Once again, your emotions and your petty pride 294 00:13:50,079 --> 00:13:54,919 triumph over reason and simple human kindness. 295 00:13:54,959 --> 00:13:58,339 I mean, I'm, I'm amazed at how quickly you forget 296 00:13:58,379 --> 00:14:02,089 that you would have lost to the Russians the first time 297 00:14:02,132 --> 00:14:03,972 if it had not been for Eric. 298 00:14:04,009 --> 00:14:06,509 But as they say, that is history. 299 00:14:12,268 --> 00:14:14,348 [bell rings] 300 00:14:19,608 --> 00:14:21,148 Eric. 301 00:14:22,486 --> 00:14:26,526 Look, I think I know how important this trip is to you. 302 00:14:26,574 --> 00:14:29,544 - It means nothin' really. - Really? 303 00:14:29,577 --> 00:14:32,657 What about your, uh, Russians relatives? 304 00:14:33,455 --> 00:14:35,875 - Simone told you? - Yeah. 305 00:14:35,916 --> 00:14:37,286 She promised. 306 00:14:37,334 --> 00:14:41,174 Well, I promised, you promised, she promised, so what? 307 00:14:41,213 --> 00:14:44,013 The important thing is that.. 308 00:14:44,049 --> 00:14:45,929 ...if you had mentioned something to me earlier 309 00:14:45,968 --> 00:14:47,428 I might have been able to help. 310 00:14:47,469 --> 00:14:50,809 Look, uh, I don't wanna force myself on anybody. 311 00:14:50,848 --> 00:14:54,768 - I'll talk to Dr. Samuels. - Mr. Moore, don't do that. 312 00:14:54,810 --> 00:14:57,060 Look, kid, I mean, give up the act, okay? 313 00:14:57,104 --> 00:14:59,274 We're runnin' out of time. 314 00:14:59,315 --> 00:15:01,815 Look, there's another reason why I haven't pushed this thing. 315 00:15:01,859 --> 00:15:05,739 Even if Dr. Samuels said yes, it still wouldn't work. 316 00:15:05,779 --> 00:15:06,909 Why not? 317 00:15:06,947 --> 00:15:08,237 [sighs] It just won't work, okay? 318 00:15:08,282 --> 00:15:10,412 I don't have what these kids have. 319 00:15:10,451 --> 00:15:12,831 You certainly got the brains. 320 00:15:12,870 --> 00:15:15,830 [sighs] But I don't have the money. 321 00:15:15,873 --> 00:15:18,213 - That's the problem. - Okay, I tell you what. 322 00:15:18,250 --> 00:15:21,090 Just for fun, fill out the visa application 323 00:15:21,128 --> 00:15:23,338 get the photos taken, okay, just in case. 324 00:15:23,380 --> 00:15:25,220 In case of what? I win the lottery? 325 00:15:25,257 --> 00:15:27,717 Well, uh, you know, Eric, I'll come up with something, okay? 326 00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:30,640 Oh, Mr. Moore, don't go offering me money, please. 327 00:15:30,679 --> 00:15:33,969 [chuckles] I-I have something else in mind. Believe me. 328 00:15:34,016 --> 00:15:36,686 Just fill out the visa application. 329 00:15:37,937 --> 00:15:40,727 [instrumental music] 330 00:15:45,069 --> 00:15:47,449 - So? - I did it. 331 00:15:47,488 --> 00:15:49,618 I convinced my dad to take me to the bank 332 00:15:49,657 --> 00:15:51,327 and open my safe deposit box 333 00:15:51,367 --> 00:15:54,237 so I could visit my petrified wood collection. 334 00:15:54,286 --> 00:15:56,286 You went to visit rocks in a bank? 335 00:15:56,330 --> 00:15:57,830 Well, that's what I told my dad. 336 00:15:57,873 --> 00:15:58,753 Oh. 337 00:15:58,791 --> 00:16:00,251 And then when he wasn't looking, I smuggled out 338 00:16:00,292 --> 00:16:02,172 the savings bond I got from my Uncle Morty. 339 00:16:02,211 --> 00:16:05,261 - Yes! - That was for my college fund. 340 00:16:05,297 --> 00:16:07,167 Oh, oh, talk about petrified. 341 00:16:07,216 --> 00:16:08,876 Don't worry, Arvid, you're gonna be able to buy five bonds 342 00:16:08,926 --> 00:16:11,676 with the profits we make. I'm the one who needs to worry. 343 00:16:11,720 --> 00:16:13,890 What if that pawn shop sells my dad's golf clubs 344 00:16:13,931 --> 00:16:15,101 before we get back? 345 00:16:15,140 --> 00:16:16,600 Oh, you've got guts. 346 00:16:16,642 --> 00:16:18,522 Yeah, well, it was kind of a defensive move. 347 00:16:18,560 --> 00:16:19,850 I figured if something goes wrong 348 00:16:19,895 --> 00:16:22,015 he won't have anything to hit me with. 349 00:16:22,064 --> 00:16:23,614 So when do we get the contraband? 350 00:16:23,649 --> 00:16:26,149 Okay, we pick the stuff up the morning before we leave. 351 00:16:26,193 --> 00:16:28,703 Then we sneak it into the trunk with the video equipment. 352 00:16:28,737 --> 00:16:30,237 After that, it's learning the Russian phrase 353 00:16:30,280 --> 00:16:32,410 for Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band 354 00:16:32,449 --> 00:16:33,619 and we are rich. 355 00:16:33,659 --> 00:16:34,949 Whoo-hoo-hoo! 356 00:16:34,994 --> 00:16:36,454 [bell rings] 357 00:16:36,495 --> 00:16:38,245 - Morning, everybody. - Morning. 358 00:16:38,288 --> 00:16:40,288 - Morning. - No, no, warning, warning. 359 00:16:40,332 --> 00:16:41,582 Alan, do me a favor. 360 00:16:41,625 --> 00:16:44,705 Take one of these for yourself and pass the rest around. 361 00:16:44,753 --> 00:16:46,013 It'll be an honor, sir. 362 00:16:46,046 --> 00:16:48,296 And we're in for a special treat this morning, campers. 363 00:16:48,340 --> 00:16:52,470 Class, as you all know, we leave for Moscow on Saturday. 364 00:16:52,511 --> 00:16:56,521 I have here my "What You Need To Know About Moscow" pamphlet 365 00:16:56,557 --> 00:16:58,597 which you've all been waiting to see. 366 00:16:58,642 --> 00:17:01,652 Great. I hadn't been able to sleep for a week. 367 00:17:01,687 --> 00:17:03,267 Blunden, pay attention. 368 00:17:03,313 --> 00:17:06,903 When we land, this pamphlet will be your lifeblood. 369 00:17:06,942 --> 00:17:11,702 There are chapters such as Maps, Money Exchange 370 00:17:11,739 --> 00:17:15,739 and on page 7, my favorite. 371 00:17:15,784 --> 00:17:18,044 Handy Russian Words You Should Know. 372 00:17:18,078 --> 00:17:20,538 On page 12, there's a suggested list-- 373 00:17:20,581 --> 00:17:23,541 Uh, excuse me, I thought this was a history class 374 00:17:23,584 --> 00:17:26,504 but since it's turned into Moscow On The Hudson 375 00:17:26,545 --> 00:17:28,755 I'd like to go to the library. 376 00:17:28,797 --> 00:17:31,007 Well, it's, uh, alright with me 377 00:17:31,050 --> 00:17:33,300 if know one else has any objections. 378 00:17:33,343 --> 00:17:34,603 No objections. 379 00:17:34,636 --> 00:17:38,216 Anyone in the class have any objections 380 00:17:38,265 --> 00:17:40,595 to Eric's leaving? 381 00:17:46,648 --> 00:17:48,318 With all due respect, Dr. Samuels 382 00:17:48,358 --> 00:17:50,988 I think we all object to Eric being excluded. 383 00:17:51,028 --> 00:17:52,278 - Yeah. - That's right. 384 00:17:52,321 --> 00:17:53,531 We've all talked it over 385 00:17:53,572 --> 00:17:56,582 and we don't want Jerry Herscovitch to be our sub. 386 00:17:56,617 --> 00:17:58,487 - We want Eric. - 'That's right.' 387 00:17:58,535 --> 00:17:59,945 - 'Yeah.' - 'Yeah.' 388 00:17:59,995 --> 00:18:00,945 Why? 389 00:18:00,996 --> 00:18:03,246 He's not part of the team, but he's part of us 390 00:18:03,290 --> 00:18:06,290 a-and if we're gonna have a sub, we want it to be Eric. 391 00:18:06,335 --> 00:18:07,335 - Yeah. - Right. 392 00:18:07,377 --> 00:18:09,417 Wait a minute. Is this unanimous? 393 00:18:09,463 --> 00:18:11,473 - Yeah. - Yes. 394 00:18:13,842 --> 00:18:15,722 It's unanimous. 395 00:18:17,221 --> 00:18:19,931 Mr. Moore, you put them up to this. 396 00:18:21,725 --> 00:18:23,935 Look, Dr. Samuels, I don't think you can exclude Eric 397 00:18:23,977 --> 00:18:26,357 from this trip. I mean, he's got family there. 398 00:18:26,396 --> 00:18:28,766 This could be the most important trip of his life. 399 00:18:28,816 --> 00:18:30,606 But I promised the Herscovitch kid. 400 00:18:30,651 --> 00:18:32,031 What am I gonna do about that? 401 00:18:32,069 --> 00:18:34,529 Well, what are you gonna do about team unity? 402 00:18:34,571 --> 00:18:36,821 What are you gonna do about team spirit, huh? 403 00:18:36,865 --> 00:18:38,865 What are you gonna do about proving 404 00:18:38,909 --> 00:18:42,999 that you're not a petty uncompromising bureaucrat 405 00:18:43,038 --> 00:18:47,168 but rather a, a big, big man with a.. 406 00:18:47,709 --> 00:18:50,049 ...heart to match? 407 00:18:51,255 --> 00:18:53,545 You're right. 408 00:18:53,590 --> 00:18:58,220 Class, I've reconsidered. I think Eric should go. 409 00:18:58,262 --> 00:18:59,762 - Alright! - Alright! 410 00:18:59,805 --> 00:19:02,135 Unfortunately, there's a problem. 411 00:19:02,182 --> 00:19:03,642 - 'What?' - 'What?' 412 00:19:03,684 --> 00:19:06,354 - What's the problem? - Eric doesn't have a visa. 413 00:19:06,395 --> 00:19:09,305 And it'll take at least a week to get one 414 00:19:09,356 --> 00:19:10,516 so it's too late. 415 00:19:10,566 --> 00:19:13,316 Well, the visa, filled out replicate with a photo attached. 416 00:19:13,360 --> 00:19:14,990 - Alright. - Hey! 417 00:19:15,028 --> 00:19:19,948 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. Congratulations. 418 00:19:21,034 --> 00:19:24,544 Haven't even left yet and already you've ruined my trip. 419 00:19:24,580 --> 00:19:26,960 Oh! My pleasure, sir. 420 00:19:27,624 --> 00:19:30,004 - Alright! - Yeah. 421 00:19:30,043 --> 00:19:31,253 Mr. Moore, thank you 422 00:19:31,295 --> 00:19:33,665 but I still can't afford to make the trip. 423 00:19:33,714 --> 00:19:36,384 Actually, Eric, I think you will be able to pay for it 424 00:19:36,425 --> 00:19:38,295 with the money you'll earn from the article 425 00:19:38,343 --> 00:19:42,063 you'll write about Moscow for the "Scholastic Monthly Digest." 426 00:19:42,097 --> 00:19:44,097 Welcome aboard. 427 00:19:44,975 --> 00:19:46,725 How do I say thank you? 428 00:19:46,768 --> 00:19:48,188 Well, I believe it's pasibo 429 00:19:48,228 --> 00:19:50,228 but you can check on page seven. 430 00:19:50,272 --> 00:19:52,152 Now we'll continue with our discussion 431 00:19:52,191 --> 00:19:55,241 of significant changes within the Soviet Union. 432 00:19:55,277 --> 00:19:57,567 [instrumental music] 433 00:20:01,158 --> 00:20:03,948 Jawaharlal. Janice. 434 00:20:03,994 --> 00:20:06,084 Sarah. Maria. 435 00:20:06,121 --> 00:20:08,211 Wh-where's Maria? Is she here yet? 436 00:20:08,248 --> 00:20:09,748 Oh, I saw her go in the bathroom. 437 00:20:09,791 --> 00:20:13,251 Uh, Darlene and Sarah, could you go up and get her for me please? 438 00:20:13,295 --> 00:20:14,875 - Sure. - 'Thank you.' 439 00:20:14,922 --> 00:20:18,382 Dennis, what if they have dogs in customs? 440 00:20:18,425 --> 00:20:21,465 Don't be stupid. Dogs can't smell blue jeans. 441 00:20:21,511 --> 00:20:25,271 [sighs] How does the "Criminal Element" do this day in, day out? 442 00:20:25,307 --> 00:20:27,937 Arvid, would you relax? Just take deep breaths, okay? 443 00:20:27,976 --> 00:20:30,266 We're home free, all we gotta do now is make sure 444 00:20:30,312 --> 00:20:32,812 that you and I are the only ones who load and unload this truck. 445 00:20:32,856 --> 00:20:36,816 Look, I wasn't hiding. The door accidentally locked, honest. 446 00:20:36,860 --> 00:20:40,240 Look, hey, the bus is here. Everyone ready? 447 00:20:40,280 --> 00:20:41,530 - Yeah. - Yes, sir. 448 00:20:41,573 --> 00:20:45,833 Let's head 'em up and move 'em out! Yo! Yo! Yo! 449 00:20:45,869 --> 00:20:48,039 Dr. Samuels, uh, they're high school students. 450 00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:49,540 They're not a herd of longhorns. 451 00:20:49,581 --> 00:20:53,041 Alan, Jawaharlal, help me move this video equipment. 452 00:20:53,085 --> 00:20:54,625 Hey, no problem, Dr. Samuels, we got it. 453 00:20:54,670 --> 00:20:56,630 Yeah, I'm ready for this. I've been working out all week. 454 00:20:56,672 --> 00:20:59,802 Blunden, no way would I let you near school equipment. 455 00:20:59,841 --> 00:21:03,681 - Alan, Jawaharlal. - Uh, Dr. Samuels, wait a min-- 456 00:21:03,720 --> 00:21:05,390 Get out of here. 457 00:21:05,430 --> 00:21:07,140 - Whoa, this is really heavy. - No, it's not. 458 00:21:07,182 --> 00:21:08,562 What's in here? A dead body? 459 00:21:08,600 --> 00:21:10,980 It shouldn't weigh that much. Open it up. 460 00:21:11,019 --> 00:21:12,059 Don't do that! 461 00:21:12,104 --> 00:21:13,484 Dr. Samuels, these guys are wimps. 462 00:21:13,522 --> 00:21:15,072 Would you let two real men carry this, please? 463 00:21:15,107 --> 00:21:17,397 - Yes, please. - You're up to something. 464 00:21:17,442 --> 00:21:19,032 Open this trunk! 465 00:21:21,697 --> 00:21:23,277 Oh, my God. 466 00:21:23,323 --> 00:21:25,743 Blue jeans and Beatle tapes. 467 00:21:25,784 --> 00:21:27,744 Jawaharlal. 468 00:21:27,786 --> 00:21:29,196 Uh, but-but-but-- 469 00:21:29,246 --> 00:21:31,246 I don't know what came over me. 470 00:21:31,290 --> 00:21:33,380 I think I was possessed. 471 00:21:33,417 --> 00:21:35,667 You're in big trouble, Blunden. 472 00:21:35,711 --> 00:21:38,551 Why? J-just because Arvid and I were gonna bring 473 00:21:38,588 --> 00:21:39,918 uh, because we were gonna bring, uh-- 474 00:21:39,965 --> 00:21:43,835 - Gifts? - Gifts to the Russian people? 475 00:21:43,885 --> 00:21:45,425 - Gifts? - Gifts? 476 00:21:45,470 --> 00:21:49,140 Well, it's not an unheard of concept, Dr. Samuels. 477 00:21:49,182 --> 00:21:51,392 You go to a foreign country, you take gifts 478 00:21:51,435 --> 00:21:53,345 for your new friends, right? 479 00:21:53,395 --> 00:21:54,515 Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. 480 00:21:54,563 --> 00:21:56,363 Arvid and I were just abandoned room for hospitality. 481 00:21:56,398 --> 00:21:59,318 Well, I'm very impressed by your thoughtfulness. 482 00:21:59,359 --> 00:22:01,649 - Thank you. - Gifts. 483 00:22:01,695 --> 00:22:05,565 Well, let's go before we miss the bus. Come on. 484 00:22:06,992 --> 00:22:08,582 Uh.. 485 00:22:09,953 --> 00:22:10,833 Arvid-- 486 00:22:10,871 --> 00:22:11,961 I don't want to hear 487 00:22:11,997 --> 00:22:14,247 the sound of your voice. 488 00:22:18,045 --> 00:22:22,715 Well, ah, ready or nyet, here we come. 489 00:22:27,179 --> 00:22:29,179 (Charlie) Next on a special one hour "Head Of The Class." 490 00:22:29,222 --> 00:22:32,812 You've got the kids locked up in this hotel studying. 491 00:22:32,851 --> 00:22:36,101 Shh. This place is bugged. 492 00:22:36,146 --> 00:22:39,436 Do you know what a nerd is? 493 00:22:39,483 --> 00:22:40,983 No. 494 00:22:41,026 --> 00:22:42,486 [both laughing] 495 00:22:43,403 --> 00:22:44,863 This is completely unfair. 496 00:22:44,905 --> 00:22:46,615 Everything is written in Russian. 497 00:22:46,656 --> 00:22:49,446 [speaking in foreign language] 498 00:22:51,370 --> 00:22:53,750 Is your heart broken? 499 00:22:55,082 --> 00:22:57,672 Well, it's a little bent. 500 00:22:57,709 --> 00:22:59,799 [applause] 501 00:23:01,171 --> 00:23:03,221 All I'm saying is that two, maybe three 502 00:23:03,256 --> 00:23:04,546 of our members are missing. 503 00:23:04,591 --> 00:23:06,471 - Arvid! - Dennis! 504 00:23:06,510 --> 00:23:08,180 - Arvid, come on! Come.. - Dennis! 505 00:23:08,220 --> 00:23:09,510 No, you guys got the wrong guy. 506 00:23:09,554 --> 00:23:11,724 I'll get you blue ski jeans, Beatle tapes.. 507 00:23:11,765 --> 00:23:15,635 ♪ Faraway lands ♪ 508 00:23:15,685 --> 00:23:19,145 ♪ Faraway places ♪ 509 00:23:19,189 --> 00:23:25,609 ♪ Used to be oceans separatin' our shores ♪♪ 510 00:23:27,322 --> 00:23:30,242 [theme music]