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From the Novel by
GEORGES BERNANOS
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DIARY OF A COUNTRY PRIEST
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Screenplay, Adaptation and Direction by
ROBERT BRESSON
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I don't think I'm doing anything wrong
in writing down daily,
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with absolute frankness,
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the simplest
and most insignificant secrets
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of a life actually lacking
any trace of mystery.
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My parish. My first parish.
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Must I believe
that it's only for duty's sake
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that I refuse to acknowledge
my poor health?
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My bicycle is very useful,
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but I can't ride uphill on an empty
stomach without feeling faint.
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I deliberately cut out
meat and vegetables,
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eating only small quantities of
wine-soaked bread whenever I feel dizzy.
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I add a lot of sugar to the wine.
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I let my bread harden
for several days.
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Thanks to this diet,
my head is clear,
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and I feel much stronger.
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Old Fabregars came
to the sacristy this morning.
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Aside from the fee for my time,
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God knows, Mr. Fabregars,
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I'd like you to have use
of the draperies for free.
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I should think so.
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A lot of old moth-eaten rags
held together by patches.
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What could they have cost?
- Candles are very expensive.
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You do have a soft time of it.
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There's no excuse
for exploiting the poor.
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You like your money easy, Father.
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We charge everyone the same.
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As I see it, it's simple:
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I ask one thing. It's only just.
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Let my poor old wife
be buried decently.
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The usual service.
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And for that I'll not pay
a penny more, you hear?
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I was still distraught
when I went to see the priest of Torcy.
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God, I wish I had
his health and mental balance!
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You should have
shown him the door.
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Yes, shown him the door.
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Besides, I know Fabregars.
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The old guy has plenty.
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You young priests!
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What have you young men
got in your veins these days?
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In my time
they made men of the church,
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leaders of parishes, real masters!
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Seminaries these days
send us choirboys,
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young ragamuffins who think
they're working harder than anyone
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because they never manage
to finish anything.
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At the first sign of difficulty,
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they say the priesthood isn't what
they expected and drop everything.
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I will not drop everything,
I assure you.
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Besides exterminating the devil,
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your other dream is to be loved
for who you are.
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A true priest is never loved.
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The church doesn't care a whit
whether you're loved, my son.
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Be respected, obeyed.
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Keep order all day long,
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knowing full well disorder
will win out tomorrow,
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because in this sorry world,
the night undoes the work of the day.
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"Keep order all day long."
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The priest of Torcy's
words came back to me
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as I peeled potatoes for my soup.
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The right-hand man
came up from behind.
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Good news, Father.
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I'm getting electric light?
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The council agreed to your request.
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It will install electricity for you
at its own expense.
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There remain
just the usual formalities.
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- Will it take long?
- Two or three months. Four at the most.
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I'd have loved to tell him
a thing or two about his cabaret.
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He puts on a dance every Sunday
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and calls it "The Families' Ball,"
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where boys have fun
getting young girls drunk.
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Good day, Father.
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I didn't dare.
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The simplest tasks
are by no means the easiest.
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An awful night.
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As soon as I closed my eyes,
sadness overwhelmed me.
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I'd have done anything this morning
for a word of compassion or kindness.
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I was expecting a lot
from catechism class,
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the children preparing
for holy communion.
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The girls had given me hope,
especially Séraphita Dumouchel.
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Communion is
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to re—to receive—
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How about you?
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It's to receive—
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Receive Jesus
in the sacrament of the Eucharist.
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And how did He establish
the Eucharist?
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To establish the Eucharist,
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Jesus broke bread and gave it
to His disciples, saying,
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"Take and eat. This is My body."
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He took wine and said,
"Take and drink. This is My blood.
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Do this in remembrance of Me."
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That will do for today's class.
Séraphita, come forward for a good mark.
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The others may go.
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Are you anxious
to make your communion?
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Why not?
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It'll come soon enough.
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Yet you understand me,
and you listen so well.
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It's because
you have such beautiful eyes.
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They had plotted it together.
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But why such hostility?
What had I done to them?
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Miss Louise
attends holy mass every day.
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Without her,
the church would be empty.
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Her position as governess at the manor
dictates a certain distance between us.
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This morning she buried
her face in her hands,
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but at the blessing,
I could see she'd been crying.
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You must feel very lonely.
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Her ladyship is very kind,
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but Miss Chantal enjoys humiliating me
and treats me like a servant.
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Is she your only pupil?
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The countess had a son, but he died.
She adored him.
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No one at the manor
ever mentions him.
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I'll call on the count next Thursday.
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This visit to the manor
has me quite worried.
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A good first impression
could spell success for my plans
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for a youth club
and sports program.
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The count's influence and wealth
could help me to achieve them.
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The land is barren
and the barn empty.
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That's true.
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I'm not saying no, Father,
but give me time to think it over.
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He's said to be hard on his farmers,
and he's no model parishioner.
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Why has he so quickly become
the so desperately rare
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friend, ally and companion?
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Mrs. Pegriot will prepare it for you.
I've let her know.
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I didn't dare tell him
my stomach only tolerates dry bread.
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I won't taste his rabbit stew,
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for which I'll have to pay
the housekeeper a half day's wages.
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I could have a choirboy take it
to old Mrs. Ferrant. She'd be delighted.
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Father, I approve of all your ideas.
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Oh, my ideas.
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But I warn you against
putting them into practice.
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I don't follow.
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The people here are malicious.
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Believe me, I know.
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If I may offer a bit of advice,
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well, don't be in too much of a hurry.
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Don't show your hand at once.
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Let them take the first step.
There is no urgency.
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It's just that these things
are dear to my heart.
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As for my land and my barn,
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I wouldn't discourage you.
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We'll discuss them later
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when we get down to working out
something practical together.
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You're not looking at all well.
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You should take care of your health.
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My stomach is very temperamental.
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I hesitate, sir,
to mention your daughter.
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My daughter?
What is the matter?
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I'm concerned about her sadness.
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Her face is far from cheerful.
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There is something hard
and rigid in her expression
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far beyond her years.
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Chantal sad?
You must be joking.
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Could someone be rubbing her
the wrong way?
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Would a little more understanding
from Miss Louise—
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You're mad.
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The mention of Miss Louise's name
seemed to upset him terribly.
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His face hardened.
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Why?
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I seized the first opportunity
to return to the manor…
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a decision I had arrived at quickly.
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The servant was
several moments in coming.
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I was sure I'd meet the count,
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who was usually at the manor
Thursday afternoons.
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But I met the countess instead.
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I must have surprised her.
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Am I disturbing you?
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Not at all.
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I knew she was withdrawn
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and entirely absorbed
in the memory of her dead child.
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She approached,
motioning to a chair.
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On seeing you, I felt you had come
with some purpose in mind.
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None other than to pay a call.
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And that you also meant
to keep it to yourself.
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I assure you.
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I see I was wrong.
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Your parishioners worry you
a good deal, Father.
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Yet it's such a small parish.
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Small on the map, madam.
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It's a strange task
you've been entrusted with.
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Yes, madam.
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How little we know
what a human life really is.
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Though I'd arrived feeling fine,
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I found myself suddenly incapable
of holding a conversation
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or even answering questions.
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It's true that I'd walked
very quickly.
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I'd lost a lot of time
with the ill Mrs. Ferrant.
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Father!
Heavens, what's the matter?
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You seem to be suffering terribly.
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Where is the pain?
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Here, in the pit of my stomach.
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But it's nothing.
Nothing at all.
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Forgive me, madam,
I must take my leave.
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I'm seriously ill.
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I was first struck
by this disease six months ago.
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00:20:20,723 --> 00:20:23,087
I went to see Dr. Delbende.
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00:20:26,823 --> 00:20:30,483
He's an old man, rumored
to be brutal, who's now retired.
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00:20:31,189 --> 00:20:33,746
The priest of Torcy
informed him I would be coming.
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00:20:34,721 --> 00:20:38,119
He palpated my stomach at length
with thick and unclean hands.
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He'd just returned from hunting.
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When things get you down,
come and pay me a call.
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00:20:45,220 --> 00:20:48,948
I wouldn't say that to everyone,
but the priest in Torcy has spoken of you.
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00:20:50,087 --> 00:20:52,077
And I like your eyes.
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Faithful eyes.
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Dog's eyes.
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00:20:56,619 --> 00:21:00,143
You and Torcy and I
are of the same race, an odd race.
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00:21:01,286 --> 00:21:04,150
The idea that I belonged
to the same race as these hefty men
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would never have occurred to me.
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00:21:07,452 --> 00:21:10,009
- What race?
- The race that holds on.
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00:21:10,218 --> 00:21:14,082
And why does it hold on?
No one quite knows.
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00:21:14,617 --> 00:21:17,379
As a schoolboy I came up
with a motto for myself:
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"Face up to it."
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00:21:20,217 --> 00:21:22,581
Face up to what? I ask you.
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Injustice?
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00:21:26,316 --> 00:21:28,748
I'm not one to go around
babbling about justice.
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00:21:28,849 --> 00:21:31,042
I don't expect it for myself.
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00:21:31,315 --> 00:21:34,282
From whom should I ask it?
I don't believe in God.
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00:21:35,015 --> 00:21:36,777
I'm not very experienced,
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00:21:36,981 --> 00:21:41,243
but I always recognize the tone
that gives away a deeply wounded soul.
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00:21:43,047 --> 00:21:45,105
You're not up to much.
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Just look at that.
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00:21:48,213 --> 00:21:51,339
Anyone can see you've not
always had enough to eat.
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00:21:54,113 --> 00:21:57,238
Well, it's too late now.
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00:22:00,412 --> 00:22:02,379
And the alcohol—what about that?
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00:22:04,545 --> 00:22:05,534
Alcohol?
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00:22:06,878 --> 00:22:09,242
Not what you've drunk, of course.
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00:22:12,477 --> 00:22:16,740
What was drunk for you,
long before you came into the world.
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00:22:30,076 --> 00:22:32,009
Séraphita worries me a lot.
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00:22:32,109 --> 00:22:34,098
I wonder sometimes if she hates me.
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00:22:34,208 --> 00:22:36,539
She torments me
with such exceptional maturity.
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Morning, Séraphita.
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I returned her book bag that afternoon.
I was received very roughly.
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00:23:58,232 --> 00:24:00,960
Yes, I scold myself
for praying so little and so poorly.
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00:24:01,932 --> 00:24:04,024
But do I have time to pray?
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00:24:08,398 --> 00:24:11,092
I met the priest from Torcy
on the road to Gesvres.
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00:24:11,298 --> 00:24:13,526
He gave me
a ride back to the rectory.
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00:24:14,064 --> 00:24:16,463
The bishop must be
hard up for priests
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to put a parish in your hands.
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00:24:19,464 --> 00:24:22,396
I could burden you with advice,
but what's the point?
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I've known pupils
who'd solve the toughest problems,
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just like that, out of spite.
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Where have I gone wrong?
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00:24:31,729 --> 00:24:33,320
You're too fussy.
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00:24:33,529 --> 00:24:36,086
Just like a hornet in a bottle.
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00:24:37,095 --> 00:24:39,459
But I think you have
the spirit of prayer.
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00:24:40,728 --> 00:24:43,024
Monks are more shrewd than us.
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00:24:44,661 --> 00:24:47,150
Besides, you have no common sense.
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00:24:47,393 --> 00:24:49,451
Your great schemes don't hold water.
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00:24:50,061 --> 00:24:53,585
As for knowledge of men,
the less said the better.
250
00:24:54,360 --> 00:24:56,485
Face-to-face with your new parish,
251
00:24:56,692 --> 00:24:59,215
you cut an odd figure.
252
00:24:59,726 --> 00:25:01,192
And so?
253
00:25:03,225 --> 00:25:04,691
So? Well, carry on.
254
00:25:04,792 --> 00:25:06,884
What else can I say?
255
00:25:19,890 --> 00:25:21,323
A bad night.
256
00:25:23,090 --> 00:25:26,318
At 3:00 a.m., I took my lantern
and went to the church.
257
00:25:38,221 --> 00:25:40,551
I never endeavored
to pray so much.
258
00:25:41,055 --> 00:25:43,147
At first quietly, calmly,
259
00:25:43,354 --> 00:25:47,310
then with an almost desperate will
that made my heart tremble.
260
00:26:05,452 --> 00:26:08,180
This morning I received a letter
written on cheap paper,
261
00:26:08,385 --> 00:26:10,374
unsigned.
262
00:26:11,751 --> 00:26:14,684
"A well-wisher advises you
to seek a transfer to another parish.
263
00:26:15,784 --> 00:26:17,648
The sooner, the better.
264
00:26:19,884 --> 00:26:22,941
I feel sorry for you,
but I repeat: Get out."
265
00:26:43,680 --> 00:26:45,579
I made a strange discovery:
266
00:26:56,479 --> 00:26:58,810
The handwriting was identical.
267
00:27:58,106 --> 00:28:00,163
Another terrible night.
268
00:28:01,239 --> 00:28:04,172
It was raining so hard
I didn't dare go to the church.
269
00:28:14,637 --> 00:28:16,501
I couldn't pray.
270
00:28:25,369 --> 00:28:28,131
I know very well that
the desire to pray is already prayer,
271
00:28:28,236 --> 00:28:30,635
and that God couldn't ask for more.
272
00:28:32,735 --> 00:28:34,929
But it wasn't a question of duty.
273
00:28:35,568 --> 00:28:39,126
At that moment, I needed prayer
like I needed air in my lungs
274
00:28:39,769 --> 00:28:41,792
or oxygen in my blood.
275
00:28:47,034 --> 00:28:49,796
Behind me, there was no longer
familiar day-to-day life
276
00:28:50,467 --> 00:28:52,831
which one can leave behind
in one fell swoop.
277
00:28:53,500 --> 00:28:55,831
Behind me there was nothing,
278
00:28:56,433 --> 00:28:58,127
and before me was a wall.
279
00:28:58,966 --> 00:29:00,557
A black wall.
280
00:29:03,465 --> 00:29:07,091
Suddenly something seemed
to shatter in my breast,
281
00:29:07,565 --> 00:29:10,497
and I was seized by a trembling
that lasted over an hour.
282
00:29:21,397 --> 00:29:23,762
What if it had only been an illusion?
283
00:29:23,897 --> 00:29:26,658
Even the saints knew
their hour of failure and loss.
284
00:29:32,129 --> 00:29:35,528
I lay face-down at the foot of my bed.
285
00:29:36,462 --> 00:29:39,451
I only wanted to show
complete acceptance
286
00:29:39,661 --> 00:29:41,127
and surrender.
287
00:29:43,561 --> 00:29:46,959
The same solitude, same silence,
288
00:29:48,427 --> 00:29:51,588
but this time, no hope in breaking
through the obstacle.
289
00:29:52,160 --> 00:29:54,649
There's no obstacle. Nothing.
290
00:30:27,423 --> 00:30:29,253
God has left me.
291
00:30:30,390 --> 00:30:32,186
Of this I'm sure.
292
00:30:42,554 --> 00:30:44,748
I haven't slackened in my duties.
293
00:30:45,354 --> 00:30:49,117
The incredible improvement
in my health makes my work easier.
294
00:31:02,419 --> 00:31:04,352
Dr. Delbende?
Are you sure?
295
00:31:04,552 --> 00:31:07,780
Dr. Delbende was found at the edge
of the woods near Bazancourt,
296
00:31:07,885 --> 00:31:10,249
with his skull blown out,
already cold.
297
00:31:10,418 --> 00:31:13,442
He rolled to the bottom
of a tree-lined ditch.
298
00:31:13,651 --> 00:31:17,243
It's thought his gun
got caught in the branches
299
00:31:17,884 --> 00:31:20,010
and went off.
300
00:31:41,981 --> 00:31:45,436
The priest from Torcy kept vigil
for two nights by his friend's corpse.
301
00:31:45,781 --> 00:31:48,043
He was visibly anguished.
302
00:31:49,481 --> 00:31:52,380
It was rumored that
Dr. Delbende had committed suicide.
303
00:32:19,544 --> 00:32:22,067
You don't think Dr. Delbende
might have—
304
00:32:23,243 --> 00:32:25,301
He was very disheartened.
305
00:32:26,043 --> 00:32:29,374
He believed up to the very end
that his patients would return.
306
00:32:30,442 --> 00:32:34,842
His younger colleagues spread the word
that he knew nothing of antiseptics,
307
00:32:35,442 --> 00:32:36,999
and his patients fled.
308
00:32:37,109 --> 00:32:39,439
The paying ones, of course.
Not the others.
309
00:32:40,275 --> 00:32:43,730
But the truth is
he'd lost his faith
310
00:32:44,675 --> 00:32:47,232
and couldn't get over not believing.
311
00:32:48,774 --> 00:32:51,866
I was in no condition to listen
to his confidences just then.
312
00:32:53,674 --> 00:32:56,606
They were like molten lead
poured on an open wound.
313
00:32:58,373 --> 00:33:00,340
I have never suffered so much
314
00:33:01,039 --> 00:33:04,529
and likely never will again,
even when I die.
315
00:33:05,072 --> 00:33:07,266
If he really killed himself…
316
00:33:09,905 --> 00:33:10,894
do you think—
317
00:33:11,005 --> 00:33:13,904
If anyone else
were to ask me that!
318
00:33:14,105 --> 00:33:15,696
God is the only judge.
319
00:33:15,904 --> 00:33:17,962
Dr. Delbende was a just man,
320
00:33:18,504 --> 00:33:20,528
and God is judge of the just.
321
00:33:22,870 --> 00:33:24,666
We're at war, after all.
322
00:33:24,870 --> 00:33:27,200
One must face the enemy.
323
00:33:27,403 --> 00:33:30,733
"Face up to it," as he used to say.
You remember his motto?
324
00:34:12,164 --> 00:34:14,188
No, I haven't lost faith.
325
00:34:15,498 --> 00:34:17,964
This abrupt and cruel ordeal
326
00:34:18,164 --> 00:34:21,324
may have upset my reason, my nerves.
327
00:34:22,163 --> 00:34:24,494
But my faith remains.
I can feel it.
328
00:34:36,495 --> 00:34:38,587
I stood up with the feeling,
329
00:34:38,795 --> 00:34:41,523
the certainty, that I had heard
someone calling me.
330
00:34:48,294 --> 00:34:51,056
Yet I knew I wouldn't find anyone.
331
00:35:38,779 --> 00:35:40,541
You'll keep your word?
332
00:35:40,745 --> 00:35:43,439
Young lady, I will do what I promise.
333
00:35:53,811 --> 00:35:55,471
I was overwhelmed.
334
00:35:57,177 --> 00:35:59,735
I know nothing of people
and never will.
335
00:36:10,610 --> 00:36:12,509
I ran to Torcy.
336
00:36:30,374 --> 00:36:32,466
Father is away.
337
00:36:33,474 --> 00:36:36,464
He won't be back
for eight or ten days at least.
338
00:36:39,074 --> 00:36:41,973
I was so disappointed
I had to lean against the wall.
339
00:37:11,538 --> 00:37:13,334
You know I can't receive you here.
340
00:37:15,338 --> 00:37:17,668
What you promised to do
341
00:37:17,837 --> 00:37:19,531
must be done today.
342
00:37:20,270 --> 00:37:21,964
Tomorrow will be too late.
343
00:37:23,003 --> 00:37:25,197
She knew I'd been to the rectory.
344
00:37:25,603 --> 00:37:28,399
She is as sly as an animal!
345
00:37:30,037 --> 00:37:33,663
I trusted her.
You get used to her eyes.
346
00:37:34,269 --> 00:37:36,133
You imagine they're kind.
347
00:37:37,503 --> 00:37:40,026
Now I'd like to tear out
those eyes of hers
348
00:37:41,568 --> 00:37:44,091
and stamp on them
with my foot, like this!
349
00:37:44,835 --> 00:37:46,563
Have you no fear of God?
350
00:37:46,669 --> 00:37:48,431
I'll kill her!
351
00:37:48,601 --> 00:37:50,864
Kill her or kill myself!
352
00:37:51,634 --> 00:37:53,863
You mustn't stay here.
353
00:37:55,868 --> 00:37:58,699
There's only one place
I can listen to you.
354
00:38:05,933 --> 00:38:07,559
On your knees.
355
00:38:10,966 --> 00:38:13,092
I don't want to confess.
356
00:38:15,699 --> 00:38:18,325
You know quite well
all I ask is justice.
357
00:38:21,798 --> 00:38:24,594
Ever since that beastly
woman came to the house—
358
00:38:24,798 --> 00:38:25,765
Stay calm.
359
00:38:25,965 --> 00:38:27,659
I am calm.
360
00:38:28,198 --> 00:38:30,755
I wish you could be as calm as I am.
361
00:38:32,665 --> 00:38:34,598
I heard them last night.
362
00:38:35,331 --> 00:38:37,729
I was under their window.
363
00:38:38,331 --> 00:38:40,161
They don't even draw the curtains!
364
00:38:41,463 --> 00:38:44,328
I know they'll get rid of me somehow.
365
00:38:45,463 --> 00:38:47,554
I am to leave next Tuesday.
366
00:38:47,896 --> 00:38:51,227
Mama finds it very proper
and practical.
367
00:38:52,362 --> 00:38:55,591
Proper!
It's enough to make you laugh.
368
00:38:57,362 --> 00:39:00,227
But she believes
anything they tell her,
369
00:39:00,762 --> 00:39:03,319
like a frog swallowing flies.
370
00:39:03,595 --> 00:39:05,585
Don't speak of your mother that way.
371
00:39:07,061 --> 00:39:08,823
You don't love her.
372
00:39:10,661 --> 00:39:12,821
You even—
- Go on. I hate her!
373
00:39:13,061 --> 00:39:14,721
I've always hated her.
374
00:39:15,128 --> 00:39:17,060
She's a fool and a coward.
375
00:39:17,260 --> 00:39:19,591
Never could stand up
for her own happiness.
376
00:39:20,694 --> 00:39:22,683
Why do you look at me like that?
377
00:39:23,726 --> 00:39:25,522
Leave me alone.
378
00:39:25,626 --> 00:39:27,684
If you loved your father,
379
00:39:28,060 --> 00:39:30,185
you wouldn't be
in this state of revolt.
380
00:39:30,292 --> 00:39:32,555
I no longer respect him.
381
00:39:33,026 --> 00:39:36,118
I think I hate him.
I hate them all.
382
00:39:36,959 --> 00:39:39,357
I'll get my revenge.
I'll run away.
383
00:39:39,558 --> 00:39:42,024
I'll disgrace myself
and make sure he hears of it.
384
00:39:42,125 --> 00:39:44,024
Then he'll suffer as I have.
385
00:39:45,191 --> 00:39:47,748
It seemed I could read on her lips
386
00:39:47,958 --> 00:39:50,016
other words that went unspoken.
387
00:39:50,191 --> 00:39:51,919
You'll do no such thing.
388
00:39:53,791 --> 00:39:56,189
I know that's not
what's really tempting you.
389
00:39:59,490 --> 00:40:01,286
Give me that letter.
390
00:40:03,189 --> 00:40:04,985
The letter you have in your pocket.
391
00:40:08,123 --> 00:40:10,487
I said whatever came to me,
392
00:40:10,822 --> 00:40:14,880
and yet, strangely enough,
I was sure I was right.
393
00:40:15,122 --> 00:40:17,021
Give it to me.
394
00:40:20,155 --> 00:40:23,417
She didn't try to resist
and handed me the letter.
395
00:40:37,320 --> 00:40:39,344
You must be the devil!
396
00:41:02,284 --> 00:41:04,547
TO MY FATHER
397
00:41:05,451 --> 00:41:08,247
I threw the letter
into the fire, unread.
398
00:41:08,784 --> 00:41:12,842
Hers was a distress no priest
should approach without trembling.
399
00:41:14,217 --> 00:41:17,741
I thought I read suicide in her eyes.
400
00:41:19,083 --> 00:41:21,447
But perhaps it was
only a fleeting impulse
401
00:41:21,650 --> 00:41:23,810
whose very fervor made it suspect.
402
00:41:24,483 --> 00:41:28,246
I was nothing
but a miserable, unworthy priest.
403
00:41:29,650 --> 00:41:33,208
I shouldn't have received Miss Chantal
or listened to her.
404
00:41:34,149 --> 00:41:35,809
God was punishing me.
405
00:41:36,548 --> 00:41:39,071
I knew my words
could not be taken back
406
00:41:39,281 --> 00:41:41,441
and that I had to see it to the end.
407
00:42:14,878 --> 00:42:17,402
I fear she may do something rash.
408
00:42:18,945 --> 00:42:20,912
That's the last thing she'd do.
409
00:42:21,112 --> 00:42:23,271
She's terribly afraid of death.
410
00:42:24,778 --> 00:42:27,267
Those are the ones
who kill themselves.
411
00:42:29,011 --> 00:42:33,103
Someone must have told you that.
It's outside your personal experience.
412
00:42:34,644 --> 00:42:36,543
Are you yourself afraid of death?
413
00:42:40,510 --> 00:42:41,999
Yes, madam.
414
00:42:43,542 --> 00:42:46,066
But let me be quite frank:
415
00:42:48,275 --> 00:42:50,606
To die is difficult.
416
00:42:52,476 --> 00:42:55,068
Especially for the proud.
417
00:42:57,341 --> 00:42:59,604
I fear my death less than yours.
418
00:43:13,374 --> 00:43:15,637
My husband can keep
whomever he likes here.
419
00:43:16,806 --> 00:43:19,239
Besides, the governess has no money.
420
00:43:19,539 --> 00:43:22,995
Perhaps he's been too attentive,
too familiar…
421
00:43:25,272 --> 00:43:27,501
but suppose I don't care?
422
00:43:28,239 --> 00:43:31,603
After putting up all these years
with countless infidelities,
423
00:43:31,739 --> 00:43:34,103
suffering absurd humiliations,
424
00:43:34,839 --> 00:43:37,567
shall I now, as an old woman—
425
00:43:37,838 --> 00:43:39,135
to which I'm well resigned—
426
00:43:39,238 --> 00:43:42,034
open my eyes, put up a fight,
take chances? For what?
427
00:43:42,238 --> 00:43:44,966
Shall I care more about
my daughter's pride than my own?
428
00:43:45,138 --> 00:43:47,502
Let her put up with it as I have.
429
00:43:47,704 --> 00:43:49,330
Madam, be careful.
430
00:43:49,537 --> 00:43:50,764
Of what?
431
00:43:50,970 --> 00:43:53,369
Of whom? Of you?
432
00:43:53,470 --> 00:43:55,233
Let's not overdramatize.
433
00:43:55,536 --> 00:43:59,333
Such thoughts don't dictate my conduct.
There's nothing in my past to blush about.
434
00:43:59,436 --> 00:44:01,834
Blessed is sin if it teaches us shame.
435
00:44:01,936 --> 00:44:05,630
Nothing but words!
Are you trying to worry me?
436
00:44:06,602 --> 00:44:09,228
Well, you won't.
I have too much sense.
437
00:44:19,102 --> 00:44:23,000
Anyway, we'll be judged by our acts.
What have I done wrong?
438
00:44:24,234 --> 00:44:26,632
You're throwing a child
out of her home,
439
00:44:26,934 --> 00:44:29,197
and you know it's forever.
440
00:44:29,301 --> 00:44:31,063
It's my husband's wish.
441
00:44:31,167 --> 00:44:32,599
If he's wrong—
442
00:44:32,800 --> 00:44:35,198
He believes she'll come back.
443
00:44:35,600 --> 00:44:37,624
And do you believe that?
444
00:44:42,833 --> 00:44:45,664
- God will break you.
- Break me?
445
00:44:46,432 --> 00:44:48,194
He has broken me already.
446
00:44:53,431 --> 00:44:55,364
God took my son from me.
447
00:44:55,798 --> 00:44:57,924
What more can He do to me?
448
00:44:58,131 --> 00:44:59,689
I no longer fear Him.
449
00:45:00,731 --> 00:45:03,358
God took him away for a time,
450
00:45:03,797 --> 00:45:05,094
but your hardness—
451
00:45:05,198 --> 00:45:06,289
Silence.
452
00:45:07,497 --> 00:45:09,555
No, I will not be silent.
453
00:45:09,963 --> 00:45:12,930
The coldness of your heart
may keep you from him forever.
454
00:45:13,930 --> 00:45:17,363
That's blasphemy!
God does not take revenge!
455
00:45:17,463 --> 00:45:20,157
Those are mere human words,
456
00:45:20,529 --> 00:45:22,428
with no meaning except for you.
457
00:45:22,630 --> 00:45:24,687
Are you saying my son might hate me?
458
00:45:25,329 --> 00:45:28,659
You will no longer see
or know each other.
459
00:45:28,762 --> 00:45:30,888
No sin could make
such a punishment just.
460
00:45:30,996 --> 00:45:32,758
This is madness!
461
00:45:32,862 --> 00:45:34,351
A sick man's dreams.
462
00:45:34,562 --> 00:45:38,494
With my back against the wall
before this imperious woman,
463
00:45:39,362 --> 00:45:42,760
I looked like a guilty man
trying in vain to justify himself.
464
00:45:43,961 --> 00:45:45,859
Perhaps that's what I was.
465
00:45:46,394 --> 00:45:49,190
Did you hear me?
Did you understand?
466
00:45:51,194 --> 00:45:52,990
No, madam, I didn't hear.
467
00:45:55,126 --> 00:45:57,787
Sit down. You're in no condition
to go anywhere.
468
00:45:59,159 --> 00:46:02,614
I was saying that no sin on earth
could make such punishment just.
469
00:46:03,359 --> 00:46:05,792
Nothing can part us
from those we have loved
470
00:46:05,993 --> 00:46:08,459
more than life,
more than salvation itself.
471
00:46:08,692 --> 00:46:11,386
Love is stronger than death.
Your scriptures say so.
472
00:46:11,592 --> 00:46:14,024
We did not invent love.
473
00:46:14,825 --> 00:46:17,291
It has its order, its law.
474
00:46:17,958 --> 00:46:19,754
God is its master.
475
00:46:20,658 --> 00:46:22,817
He is not the master of love.
476
00:46:23,257 --> 00:46:25,087
He is love itself.
477
00:46:27,057 --> 00:46:29,956
If you want to love, don't place yourself
beyond love's reach.
478
00:46:30,057 --> 00:46:32,921
This is insane! You speak to me
as you would to a criminal.
479
00:46:33,756 --> 00:46:35,451
Do my husband's infidelities
480
00:46:35,557 --> 00:46:38,819
and my daughter's indifference and
rebellion and hatred count for nothing?
481
00:46:38,923 --> 00:46:41,151
You might as well
say it's all my fault!
482
00:46:43,689 --> 00:46:46,985
No one knows what can come
of an evil thought in the long run.
483
00:46:48,955 --> 00:46:51,888
Our hidden faults poison
the air others breathe.
484
00:46:52,022 --> 00:46:55,113
You'd never get through the day
if you dwelt on such thoughts!
485
00:46:57,521 --> 00:46:59,147
I believe that, madam.
486
00:47:00,587 --> 00:47:03,145
I believe if God gave us a clear idea
487
00:47:03,887 --> 00:47:07,547
of how closely we are bound
to each other in good and evil,
488
00:47:08,487 --> 00:47:10,317
we truly could not live.
489
00:47:10,520 --> 00:47:13,248
Pray tell, what is this hidden sin?
490
00:47:18,919 --> 00:47:20,852
You must resign yourself.
491
00:47:21,752 --> 00:47:23,219
Open your heart.
492
00:47:23,419 --> 00:47:25,476
Resign myself? To what?
493
00:47:28,019 --> 00:47:29,781
Am I not resigned?
494
00:47:29,985 --> 00:47:31,952
If I weren't, I'd be dead.
495
00:47:32,552 --> 00:47:35,575
Resigned?
I've been too much so.
496
00:47:35,784 --> 00:47:38,081
I should have killed myself!
497
00:47:38,851 --> 00:47:41,374
That's not the resignation I mean.
498
00:47:41,584 --> 00:47:43,574
Then what? I go to Mass.
499
00:47:43,684 --> 00:47:46,650
I could have given up worship
altogether. Indeed, I thought of it.
500
00:47:48,550 --> 00:47:50,483
How dare you treat God like that!
501
00:47:50,583 --> 00:47:53,573
I lived in peace,
and I should have died in peace.
502
00:47:54,016 --> 00:47:55,643
That is no longer possible.
503
00:47:55,849 --> 00:47:57,816
God has ceased to matter to me.
504
00:47:57,983 --> 00:48:01,677
What will you gain by making me
admit I hate Him, you fool?
505
00:48:05,482 --> 00:48:07,540
You don't hate Him now.
506
00:48:08,048 --> 00:48:10,447
Now at last you are face-to-face.
507
00:48:10,982 --> 00:48:13,074
He and you.
508
00:48:27,580 --> 00:48:30,445
- Do you swear—
- You can't bargain with God.
509
00:48:30,547 --> 00:48:32,775
You must yield to Him
unconditionally.
510
00:48:34,080 --> 00:48:36,206
But I can assure you
511
00:48:36,312 --> 00:48:39,279
there isn't one kingdom for the living
and one for the dead.
512
00:48:40,546 --> 00:48:43,479
There is only the kingdom of God,
and we are within it.
513
00:48:44,745 --> 00:48:47,405
You know what I was
wondering a moment ago?
514
00:48:48,012 --> 00:48:50,171
Perhaps I shouldn't tell you.
515
00:48:51,612 --> 00:48:53,340
I was saying to myself,
516
00:48:53,478 --> 00:48:57,309
"If there were, in this world or the other,
some place free from God,
517
00:48:57,944 --> 00:49:01,172
if it meant suffering a death
every second, eternally,
518
00:49:02,277 --> 00:49:06,040
I'd carry my son to that place,
519
00:49:07,377 --> 00:49:09,003
and I'd say to God:
520
00:49:09,210 --> 00:49:11,733
'Do Your worst and crush us!'"
521
00:49:12,710 --> 00:49:14,007
Is that monstrous?
522
00:49:18,142 --> 00:49:20,041
What do you mean, no?
523
00:49:21,142 --> 00:49:23,006
Because I too…
524
00:49:24,408 --> 00:49:26,204
have felt that way at times.
525
00:49:26,408 --> 00:49:29,000
Dr. Delbende's image was before me.
526
00:49:29,575 --> 00:49:32,769
His old, unflinching eyes
were on me.
527
00:49:33,375 --> 00:49:35,534
Eyes which I feared to read.
528
00:49:39,641 --> 00:49:42,130
If our God were the god
of the pagans or philosophers,
529
00:49:42,441 --> 00:49:44,998
though he might take refuge
in the highest heavens,
530
00:49:45,940 --> 00:49:48,497
our misery would drag him down.
531
00:49:49,073 --> 00:49:51,404
But as you know,
ours did not wait.
532
00:49:52,373 --> 00:49:54,567
You might shake your fist at Him,
533
00:49:55,173 --> 00:49:56,901
spit in His face,
534
00:49:57,106 --> 00:49:58,663
whip Him with rods,
535
00:49:58,906 --> 00:50:01,372
and finally nail Him to a cross.
536
00:50:02,405 --> 00:50:03,894
What would it matter?
537
00:50:04,005 --> 00:50:06,995
It is already done.
- What must I say to Him?
538
00:50:07,605 --> 00:50:08,572
Say:
539
00:50:09,938 --> 00:50:11,666
Thy kingdom come.
540
00:50:12,338 --> 00:50:14,202
Thy kingdom come.
541
00:50:15,338 --> 00:50:17,271
Thy will be done.
542
00:50:18,538 --> 00:50:19,560
I can't.
543
00:50:19,770 --> 00:50:22,135
It's as if I were losing him
twice over.
544
00:50:22,804 --> 00:50:26,430
The kingdom whose coming
you have just wished for is yours and his.
545
00:50:31,703 --> 00:50:33,897
Then let that kingdom come!
546
00:50:43,069 --> 00:50:45,763
I must have hated God
to insult him as I did.
547
00:50:46,468 --> 00:50:49,299
I might have died
with that hatred on my heart.
548
00:50:57,168 --> 00:50:59,634
An hour ago,
my life seemed to me in order,
549
00:51:00,701 --> 00:51:02,691
each thing in its place.
550
00:51:04,100 --> 00:51:07,464
You have left nothing standing.
551
00:51:08,466 --> 00:51:10,490
Give it to God just as it is.
552
00:51:10,600 --> 00:51:12,863
You can't understand.
553
00:51:13,533 --> 00:51:15,591
You think I'm so quickly meek!
554
00:51:15,999 --> 00:51:17,898
The pride still left in me—
555
00:51:17,999 --> 00:51:20,431
Give Him your pride
along with everything else.
556
00:51:20,765 --> 00:51:22,062
Give Him everything.
557
00:51:46,064 --> 00:51:47,655
What madness.
558
00:51:48,396 --> 00:51:50,226
Forgive me.
559
00:51:50,896 --> 00:51:52,795
God is no torturer.
560
00:51:53,562 --> 00:51:55,722
He wants us to be
merciful with ourselves.
561
00:51:56,963 --> 00:52:00,259
What's done is done.
There's nothing I can do.
562
00:52:20,994 --> 00:52:22,585
Peace be with you.
563
00:52:32,959 --> 00:52:35,949
I had to leave immediately
thereafter for Dombasle
564
00:52:36,159 --> 00:52:38,557
and arrived home very late.
565
00:52:47,862 --> 00:52:51,727
Clovis, the old gardener, gave me
a parcel from the countess.
566
00:52:52,629 --> 00:52:54,596
I knew what was in it.
567
00:52:54,761 --> 00:52:57,785
The small medallion, now empty,
and its broken chain.
568
00:52:58,694 --> 00:53:00,422
There was a letter as well.
569
00:53:02,928 --> 00:53:05,520
"Dear Father, the hopeless
memory of one young child
570
00:53:05,728 --> 00:53:08,718
had me isolated from everything
in a terrifying solitude,
571
00:53:09,527 --> 00:53:12,687
and it seems as if another child
has drawn me out of it.
572
00:53:13,827 --> 00:53:17,022
I hope I don't hurt your pride
by calling you a child.
573
00:53:17,493 --> 00:53:20,858
You are one,
and may God keep you so always.
574
00:53:24,827 --> 00:53:27,055
I ask myself how you did it,
575
00:53:27,426 --> 00:53:29,359
or, rather, I have ceased to ask.
576
00:53:29,460 --> 00:53:30,926
All is well.
577
00:53:31,759 --> 00:53:34,090
I didn't believe resignation
was possible,
578
00:53:34,893 --> 00:53:37,621
and in fact it's not resignation
that's come over me.
579
00:53:37,826 --> 00:53:40,759
I'm not resigned—I'm happy.
580
00:53:42,726 --> 00:53:44,488
I desire nothing.
581
00:53:51,292 --> 00:53:54,281
I had to tell you these things
this very evening.
582
00:53:55,758 --> 00:53:58,486
We shall never speak of them
ever again, shall we?
583
00:53:58,591 --> 00:54:00,114
Never.
584
00:54:00,991 --> 00:54:03,254
It is good, that word 'never.'
585
00:54:04,091 --> 00:54:06,785
I feel it expresses, beyond words,
586
00:54:07,324 --> 00:54:09,722
the peace you have given me."
587
00:54:32,256 --> 00:54:34,621
The countess died last night.
588
00:55:14,586 --> 00:55:17,485
I arrived at the manor
streaming with sweat.
589
00:55:22,920 --> 00:55:25,216
The count pretended not to see me.
590
00:55:26,319 --> 00:55:29,717
She fell out of bed,
breaking objects on the night table.
591
00:55:29,919 --> 00:55:31,477
Angina pectoris, no doubt.
592
00:55:31,685 --> 00:55:34,516
She hasn't been quite herself
for some time.
593
00:55:44,418 --> 00:55:48,078
On her face I had hoped to see—
I don't know—perhaps a smile.
594
00:55:49,751 --> 00:55:51,479
But she wasn't smiling.
595
00:55:59,317 --> 00:56:02,409
My arm was like lead
in raising it to bless her.
596
00:56:21,617 --> 00:56:23,516
I left the manor about 2:00,
597
00:56:23,616 --> 00:56:27,141
and catechism class ended
much later than I thought it would.
598
00:56:35,515 --> 00:56:39,539
Upon returning, I found
a continuous parade of cars,
599
00:56:40,015 --> 00:56:42,777
and the murmur of voices
filled the manor.
600
00:56:45,314 --> 00:56:48,247
I'd have liked to spend
the night at the countess' side,
601
00:56:49,982 --> 00:56:51,914
but the nuns were there,
602
00:56:52,014 --> 00:56:57,471
and the canon, the count's uncle,
had decided to keep watch with them.
603
00:56:58,914 --> 00:57:00,847
I didn't dare insist.
604
00:57:06,180 --> 00:57:08,704
I entered her room for the last time.
605
00:57:15,313 --> 00:57:18,768
The memory of our struggle
606
00:57:18,980 --> 00:57:22,208
came back so vividly
that I thought I would faint.
607
00:57:39,879 --> 00:57:42,141
I parted the muslin veil
608
00:57:42,578 --> 00:57:44,636
and brushed her forehead
with my fingers.
609
00:57:47,278 --> 00:57:49,472
I had said to her,
"Peace be with you,"
610
00:57:50,144 --> 00:57:52,667
and she'd received
that peace on her knees.
611
00:57:55,078 --> 00:57:59,135
What wonder, that one can give
what one doesn't possess!
612
00:58:00,577 --> 00:58:03,100
Oh, miracle of our empty hands!
613
00:58:22,476 --> 00:58:24,942
I thought I heard murmuring
as I passed.
614
00:58:25,575 --> 00:58:27,735
They seemed to be talking
about me.
615
00:58:45,641 --> 00:58:48,040
You saw my great-niece here?
616
00:58:48,774 --> 00:58:50,707
Yes, Canon.
617
00:58:51,107 --> 00:58:52,937
Here, and in the church.
618
00:58:53,541 --> 00:58:55,633
She worked her way around you,
I've no doubt.
619
00:58:57,374 --> 00:58:59,466
I treated her harshly.
620
00:59:00,007 --> 00:59:02,201
Indeed, I think I humiliated her.
621
00:59:03,373 --> 00:59:05,567
Do you feel you influence her?
622
00:59:07,139 --> 00:59:08,572
Not at the moment.
623
00:59:10,540 --> 00:59:14,371
But she won't forget I stood up to her
and that you cannot deceive God.
624
00:59:14,873 --> 00:59:17,431
Her version of your meeting
is very different.
625
00:59:17,539 --> 00:59:21,700
Miss Chantal is too proud
not to blush one day at such a lie.
626
00:59:22,272 --> 00:59:23,569
She'll feel ashamed,
627
00:59:24,505 --> 00:59:26,369
and she needs to feel ashamed.
628
00:59:28,938 --> 00:59:30,166
What about you?
629
00:59:31,172 --> 00:59:33,162
Oh, me…
630
00:59:35,438 --> 00:59:37,269
You neglect your health.
631
00:59:37,371 --> 00:59:39,804
My stomach is very touchy.
632
00:59:39,972 --> 00:59:42,200
It digests only bread, fruit, wine.
633
00:59:42,304 --> 00:59:46,828
In your state, I fear wine
may do more harm than good.
634
00:59:48,037 --> 00:59:50,526
The illusion of health is not health.
635
00:59:53,137 --> 00:59:54,001
Father,
636
00:59:54,104 --> 00:59:58,503
there probably aren't two things
we agree on about how to run a parish,
637
00:59:59,403 --> 01:00:02,131
but this is your parish
to run as you see fit.
638
01:00:02,337 --> 01:00:04,929
One has only to hear you.
639
01:00:05,870 --> 01:00:09,360
I needn't know what happened
between you and the late countess,
640
01:00:10,736 --> 01:00:13,999
but I wish to cut short
some foolish and dangerous talk.
641
01:00:15,402 --> 01:00:17,335
My nephew is moving
heaven and earth.
642
01:00:18,169 --> 01:00:20,829
The bishop, a simple man,
takes him seriously.
643
01:00:22,735 --> 01:00:25,964
Sum up in a line or two
your conversation of the other day.
644
01:00:27,835 --> 01:00:29,927
I'm not asking you
to be inaccurate,
645
01:00:30,802 --> 01:00:37,429
still less to reveal anything
confided to you as a priest.
646
01:00:39,335 --> 01:00:43,427
The paper won't leave my pocket except
to be placed before his grace's eyes.
647
01:00:45,634 --> 01:00:47,033
You distrust me?
648
01:00:47,134 --> 01:00:50,794
I don't see how there could be
any report of such a conversation.
649
01:00:52,701 --> 01:00:54,725
There were no witnesses.
650
01:00:55,000 --> 01:00:58,694
The countess alone
could give authority for that.
651
01:01:02,633 --> 01:01:05,293
Very well.
Let's drop the idea.
652
01:01:07,299 --> 01:01:09,425
We'll meet again tomorrow,
if you agree.
653
01:01:09,999 --> 01:01:14,490
I meant to prepare you
for your conversation with my nephew.
654
01:01:14,999 --> 01:01:18,125
You're not one of those
who can speak and yet say nothing,
655
01:01:18,765 --> 01:01:21,425
but unfortunately
that's what is called for.
656
01:01:22,199 --> 01:01:25,962
But what have I done wrong?
What have they got against me?
657
01:01:26,232 --> 01:01:28,256
That you are what you are,
658
01:01:28,465 --> 01:01:31,398
and nothing can be done
about that, my child.
659
01:01:31,831 --> 01:01:34,798
People don't hate your simplicity—
they shield themselves from it.
660
01:01:35,464 --> 01:01:38,091
It's like a flame that burns them.
661
01:01:44,564 --> 01:01:46,860
I went to the manor
as I'd promised.
662
01:01:51,997 --> 01:01:54,964
Miss Chantal came to the door,
which made me suspicious.
663
01:02:07,463 --> 01:02:09,430
She almost pushed me
into the drawing room.
664
01:02:09,529 --> 01:02:11,258
The shutters were closed.
665
01:02:22,995 --> 01:02:24,962
The countess' armchair
666
01:02:25,528 --> 01:02:29,053
and the blackened logs
were still in the same place.
667
01:02:36,494 --> 01:02:39,427
Young lady, I've very little time.
668
01:02:42,594 --> 01:02:44,323
I will speak standing up.
669
01:02:47,527 --> 01:02:48,858
Why?
670
01:02:49,861 --> 01:02:52,521
My place is not here,
and neither is yours.
671
01:02:54,260 --> 01:02:56,250
Are you afraid of the dead?
672
01:03:11,159 --> 01:03:14,558
The governess is packing
and leaves this evening.
673
01:03:15,125 --> 01:03:17,354
You see, I get what I want.
674
01:03:17,758 --> 01:03:19,952
Little good it will do you.
675
01:03:20,758 --> 01:03:23,748
If you stay as you are,
you'll always find someone to hate.
676
01:03:24,859 --> 01:03:27,485
But the only person
you really hate is yourself.
677
01:03:27,859 --> 01:03:30,724
I'd hate myself the same
if didn't get what I wanted.
678
01:03:31,791 --> 01:03:33,781
I must be happy! Otherwise—
679
01:03:35,691 --> 01:03:37,215
Anyway, it's their fault.
680
01:03:37,357 --> 01:03:39,984
Why keep me cooped up
in this ghastly place?
681
01:03:40,624 --> 01:03:43,614
Blood pounding in my veins,
but never allowed to raise my voice!
682
01:03:43,724 --> 01:03:47,884
Hunched all day over boring needlework,
biting my tongue!
683
01:03:48,424 --> 01:03:50,050
It's awful!
684
01:03:52,424 --> 01:03:54,754
That's when I can feel—
I don't know—
685
01:03:56,090 --> 01:03:59,113
this extraordinary force
building up inside me.
686
01:04:00,056 --> 01:04:02,989
Life itself won't be
long enough to let it all out.
687
01:04:03,456 --> 01:04:05,685
Aren't you ashamed
of such chatter?
688
01:04:17,188 --> 01:04:19,417
The count arrived just then
from the fields,
689
01:04:20,021 --> 01:04:23,250
smoking his pipe
with a contented air.
690
01:04:25,688 --> 01:04:27,246
Has my daughter given you
691
01:04:27,454 --> 01:04:31,478
the papers from
my father-in-law's funeral?
692
01:04:31,988 --> 01:04:34,181
I should like this one
to be the same.
693
01:04:34,387 --> 01:04:37,047
- She gave me nothing.
- Didn't you see her?
694
01:04:39,254 --> 01:04:41,982
Father and I spoke of other things.
695
01:04:42,787 --> 01:04:45,515
You ought to give him a free hand.
696
01:04:46,087 --> 01:04:48,383
All these complications
are ridiculous.
697
01:04:48,687 --> 01:04:51,586
You should sign
the governess' check, too.
698
01:04:52,086 --> 01:04:55,611
Remember she's leaving this evening.
- She's not staying for the funeral?
699
01:04:56,053 --> 01:04:57,917
Everyone's sure to wonder why.
700
01:04:58,019 --> 01:04:59,610
Everyone?
701
01:04:59,853 --> 01:05:03,082
I'd be surprised
if anyone noticed her absence.
702
01:05:03,186 --> 01:05:05,743
And six months' wages?
That's ridiculous!
703
01:05:06,619 --> 01:05:10,052
She deserves a bit of a break.
704
01:05:10,152 --> 01:05:12,381
Life here hasn't been much fun.
705
01:05:13,652 --> 01:05:15,982
Your checkbook is in the desk.
706
01:05:16,485 --> 01:05:17,974
Later, later.
707
01:05:18,885 --> 01:05:20,011
Very well.
708
01:05:21,152 --> 01:05:24,448
I only wanted to spare you
having to discuss it with her.
709
01:05:24,718 --> 01:05:26,480
She's quite distressed.
710
01:05:28,218 --> 01:05:30,549
Father, I may as well be frank.
711
01:05:30,651 --> 01:05:31,912
I respect the clergy.
712
01:05:32,017 --> 01:05:34,745
My family's always been on good
terms with your predecessors,
713
01:05:34,951 --> 01:05:37,543
terms of mutual respect
and friendship.
714
01:05:37,884 --> 01:05:40,510
But no priest shall meddle
in my family affairs!
715
01:05:49,217 --> 01:05:51,309
We get involved sometimes
against our will.
716
01:05:51,417 --> 01:05:54,282
You have been unwillingly,
or at least unknowingly,
717
01:05:54,383 --> 01:05:56,213
the cause of a great misfortune.
718
01:05:56,583 --> 01:05:59,846
I don't wish you to speak
to my daughter again.
719
01:05:59,950 --> 01:06:02,212
How have I caused a misfortune?
720
01:06:02,316 --> 01:06:04,749
My uncle must have explained.
721
01:06:05,449 --> 01:06:08,416
Suffice it to say that
I disapprove of your indiscretions.
722
01:06:08,648 --> 01:06:13,445
Your character and your habits
are a danger to the parish.
723
01:06:14,481 --> 01:06:15,709
My habits?
724
01:06:16,748 --> 01:06:18,908
I bid you good day, Father.
725
01:07:12,078 --> 01:07:14,511
The countess was buried
this morning.
726
01:07:21,111 --> 01:07:24,305
Her long ordeal is over.
Now mine begins.
727
01:07:31,344 --> 01:07:36,538
Where did that mixture of joy and fear
come from when I'd blessed her?
728
01:07:36,877 --> 01:07:38,673
That strange tenderness?
729
01:07:41,910 --> 01:07:44,002
She already belonged
to the unseen world.
730
01:07:45,310 --> 01:07:47,902
Without realizing it,
I'd glimpsed on her brow
731
01:07:48,009 --> 01:07:50,636
a reflection
of the peace of the dead.
732
01:07:51,243 --> 01:07:53,437
One must surely pay for that!
733
01:08:01,809 --> 01:08:04,139
Though I thought I must
destroy those pages
734
01:08:04,242 --> 01:08:06,731
written in a moment of true delirium,
735
01:08:08,275 --> 01:08:10,673
yet I would bear witness
against my own self
736
01:08:13,309 --> 01:08:15,400
that my difficult ordeal,
737
01:08:16,142 --> 01:08:18,631
the greatest deception
of my poor life—
738
01:08:19,708 --> 01:08:22,231
for I couldn't imagine worse—
739
01:08:23,308 --> 01:08:25,740
found me lacking in both resignation
740
01:08:26,441 --> 01:08:28,135
and courage,
741
01:08:29,374 --> 01:08:32,000
and that I was tempted to—
742
01:08:58,306 --> 01:09:01,000
- Did you come on my account?
- Never mind that, my boy.
743
01:09:01,206 --> 01:09:02,763
I do as I please.
744
01:09:03,206 --> 01:09:06,139
You should pay a little attention
to how you dress.
745
01:09:06,638 --> 01:09:08,434
That cape, for instance.
746
01:09:08,538 --> 01:09:10,266
And then there's your health.
747
01:09:10,371 --> 01:09:12,361
- I can't control that.
- Yes, you can.
748
01:09:12,572 --> 01:09:14,868
Your diet's absurd.
749
01:09:14,971 --> 01:09:17,564
Indeed, I must give you
a good talking to about that.
750
01:09:17,971 --> 01:09:21,460
And you're surprised
when you feel ill!
751
01:09:21,571 --> 01:09:24,004
I'd get stomach cramps too
if I ate as you do!
752
01:09:24,104 --> 01:09:28,867
As for the inner life,
my lad, I'm afraid it's the same thing:
753
01:09:29,537 --> 01:09:31,663
You don't pray enough.
754
01:09:31,870 --> 01:09:35,531
You suffer too much to pray.
That's how I see it.
755
01:09:37,837 --> 01:09:39,360
But I can't pray.
756
01:09:39,570 --> 01:09:41,764
If you can't pray,
just repeat the words!
757
01:09:42,436 --> 01:09:46,301
Listen, I don't think
I've been wrong about you.
758
01:09:46,837 --> 01:09:48,962
Try to answer this.
759
01:09:49,836 --> 01:09:52,303
I've thought a lot about vocation.
760
01:09:52,570 --> 01:09:54,230
We've all received the calling,
761
01:09:54,436 --> 01:09:57,062
only not in the same way.
762
01:09:57,869 --> 01:09:59,631
And to simplify things,
763
01:09:59,836 --> 01:10:03,530
I try to put each of us
in his place—in the Gospels.
764
01:10:04,335 --> 01:10:07,268
In short, I think—or I imagine—
765
01:10:07,402 --> 01:10:10,494
if our soul could drag
this wretched body of ours
766
01:10:11,135 --> 01:10:14,000
back up that slope of 2,000 years,
767
01:10:14,634 --> 01:10:17,567
it would lead it straight
to the very place where—
768
01:10:18,501 --> 01:10:20,661
What? What's the matter?
769
01:10:23,334 --> 01:10:24,823
Are you crying?
770
01:10:27,067 --> 01:10:30,125
I hadn't realized I was crying.
771
01:10:33,600 --> 01:10:36,999
The truth is that I always
return to the olive grove.
772
01:10:39,466 --> 01:10:42,524
It was a very familiar
and natural movement for my soul.
773
01:10:44,033 --> 01:10:46,262
I'd never realized it
until that moment.
774
01:10:48,300 --> 01:10:50,857
Suddenly, Our Lord
had shown me grace
775
01:10:51,699 --> 01:10:53,962
and revealed through
my old master's lips
776
01:10:54,599 --> 01:10:58,054
that nothing would tear me
from my chosen place in eternity.
777
01:10:59,599 --> 01:11:01,963
I was a prisoner
of the Holy Agony.
778
01:11:11,064 --> 01:11:13,088
I didn't think you were such a child.
779
01:11:16,264 --> 01:11:18,288
Your nerves are shot to bits, my son.
780
01:11:39,996 --> 01:11:43,292
That's enough, now.
We can't stay here all day.
781
01:11:45,996 --> 01:11:49,928
After all, maybe God
means to keep you in misery.
782
01:11:50,929 --> 01:11:53,862
But trials never warp our judgment
783
01:11:54,129 --> 01:11:56,187
when the welfare of souls
is in question.
784
01:11:57,862 --> 01:12:01,420
I've been hearing
some disturbing things about you.
785
01:12:02,395 --> 01:12:04,885
But no matter. I know
how malicious people can be.
786
01:12:05,328 --> 01:12:09,193
But the foolish way you dealt
with the countess—melodrama!
787
01:12:09,994 --> 01:12:11,585
I don't understand.
788
01:12:12,128 --> 01:12:14,220
That business with the medallion.
789
01:12:15,594 --> 01:12:16,720
The medallion?
790
01:12:16,828 --> 01:12:20,761
Don't be silly! There was a witness.
Nothing miraculous about it.
791
01:12:20,961 --> 01:12:23,223
- Who saw us?
- Her daughter.
792
01:12:23,427 --> 01:12:25,519
You call that resignation?
793
01:12:25,627 --> 01:12:29,151
Forcing a mother to burn
the one relic of her dead child.
794
01:12:29,360 --> 01:12:33,123
It's like a story
from the Old Testament!
795
01:12:33,259 --> 01:12:35,522
And to speak of eternal separation!
796
01:12:36,193 --> 01:12:38,626
One doesn't blackmail souls,
my child.
797
01:12:40,059 --> 01:12:43,117
That's your version of what happened.
I could tell a different one.
798
01:12:44,393 --> 01:12:45,950
But it's essentially true.
799
01:12:46,059 --> 01:12:48,026
Is that all you can say?
800
01:12:49,092 --> 01:12:50,524
Yes.
801
01:12:56,525 --> 01:12:59,458
Whatever happens, don't see
the daughter again. She's a demon!
802
01:13:03,158 --> 01:13:05,318
I won't close my door to her.
803
01:13:07,125 --> 01:13:10,649
I'll close my door to no one
while I am the priest here.
804
01:13:10,758 --> 01:13:13,190
She claims her mother
fought you to the last,
805
01:13:13,391 --> 01:13:16,381
and that you left her upset
and spiritually distraught.
806
01:13:16,491 --> 01:13:17,458
Is that true?
807
01:13:20,557 --> 01:13:21,819
You left her—
808
01:13:21,924 --> 01:13:23,857
I left her with God.
809
01:13:23,957 --> 01:13:27,446
The memory of your harsh words
may have tormented her as she died.
810
01:13:30,323 --> 01:13:32,119
She died in peace.
811
01:13:33,089 --> 01:13:34,647
How would you know?
812
01:13:45,956 --> 01:13:47,513
In any case, she's dead now.
813
01:13:47,722 --> 01:13:49,484
What do you expect people to think?
814
01:13:50,355 --> 01:13:52,844
Scenes like that aren't good
for someone with heart trouble.
815
01:13:58,555 --> 01:14:00,954
I wasn't even tempted
to speak of the letter.
816
01:14:01,155 --> 01:14:02,951
I returned to the rectory.
817
01:14:05,021 --> 01:14:08,818
Instead of suffering, it felt like
a great weight had been lifted.
818
01:14:10,887 --> 01:14:14,684
That meeting with the priest
from Torcy was like a rehearsal
819
01:14:14,887 --> 01:14:18,116
for those I was to have
very shortly with my superiors.
820
01:14:19,021 --> 01:14:22,215
I'd discovered, with something bordering
on joy, that I had nothing to say.
821
01:14:24,720 --> 01:14:28,675
For two days, I'd feared being accused
of something I hadn't done…
822
01:14:30,053 --> 01:14:33,179
and honesty would have
forbidden me to remain silent.
823
01:14:34,153 --> 01:14:38,950
But now, I could let everyone
judge my actions for himself.
824
01:14:41,952 --> 01:14:43,942
I was very relieved as well
825
01:14:44,419 --> 01:14:47,715
to think Miss Chantal
could have been sincerely mistaken
826
01:14:48,186 --> 01:14:52,448
as to the real meaning of our talk,
which she may well have misheard.
827
01:15:19,117 --> 01:15:20,448
My poor child!
828
01:15:21,516 --> 01:15:24,347
So that's how it is.
829
01:15:25,217 --> 01:15:28,115
I didn't understand yet.
I didn't understand anything.
830
01:15:28,650 --> 01:15:31,082
Except that the strange peace
I'd just enjoyed
831
01:15:31,283 --> 01:15:33,716
was the harbinger
of a new misfortune.
832
01:15:34,782 --> 01:15:37,647
This isn't wine.
It's some monstrous poison.
833
01:15:37,749 --> 01:15:39,545
It's all I have.
834
01:15:39,649 --> 01:15:41,173
You should have asked me.
835
01:15:42,082 --> 01:15:43,378
I swear.
836
01:15:43,482 --> 01:15:46,506
Silence! With that stuff inside you,
it's a wonder you're not dead.
837
01:15:49,048 --> 01:15:52,277
I'm glad I came.
Come, sit down.
838
01:15:58,015 --> 01:16:00,481
My voice trembled
in my chest as it always did
839
01:16:00,581 --> 01:16:03,707
whenever something inside told me
I had to stand my ground.
840
01:16:04,714 --> 01:16:07,306
No force in the world
could have made me sit.
841
01:16:07,781 --> 01:16:10,475
Listen, I'm not angry with you,
842
01:16:10,581 --> 01:16:13,207
and I don't take you for a drunk.
843
01:16:14,014 --> 01:16:16,606
We country people of these parts
844
01:16:16,713 --> 01:16:19,112
are all more or less
drunkards' children.
845
01:16:19,947 --> 01:16:22,743
Delbende put his finger
on the trouble right off.
846
01:16:23,780 --> 01:16:26,303
You were born pickled
in the stuff, my poor friend.
847
01:16:27,246 --> 01:16:29,872
I'm sure you had no idea.
848
01:16:30,280 --> 01:16:33,804
But you slowly drifted into expecting
from wine—and what wine!—
849
01:16:34,412 --> 01:16:38,345
the strength and courage you might
have gotten from a good roast.
850
01:16:39,279 --> 01:16:41,303
Mind you,
you've not been offending God.
851
01:16:41,878 --> 01:16:45,039
But now you've been warned,
and you'd offend Him now.
852
01:16:45,245 --> 01:16:47,371
I looked at him distractedly.
853
01:16:48,478 --> 01:16:50,707
He's a strong and steady man.
854
01:16:51,078 --> 01:16:54,738
A true servant of God.
He too has faced up to it.
855
01:16:56,011 --> 01:16:59,172
It was as if we were bidding
farewell to each other
856
01:16:59,278 --> 01:17:01,074
across some invisible highway.
857
01:17:01,178 --> 01:17:03,701
Above all, don't let your imagination
run away with you.
858
01:17:03,811 --> 01:17:06,607
I've only one thing to say:
859
01:17:06,844 --> 01:17:09,333
You are a wonderful little priest
in spite of everything.
860
01:17:09,544 --> 01:17:12,011
And with no malice
to the poor woman who died—
861
01:17:12,310 --> 01:17:13,538
Please don't.
862
01:17:13,644 --> 01:17:15,940
You're right.
We'll not speak of that.
863
01:17:23,643 --> 01:17:25,304
And now, work.
864
01:17:26,210 --> 01:17:28,904
Do little things, from day to day,
while you wait.
865
01:17:30,109 --> 01:17:33,565
Little things don't seem like much,
but they bring peace.
866
01:17:34,676 --> 01:17:36,643
And try to pray.
867
01:17:36,842 --> 01:17:38,366
Persevere.
868
01:17:39,176 --> 01:17:40,938
Pray to the Holy Virgin.
869
01:17:41,209 --> 01:17:44,369
She is, of course,
the mother of mankind,
870
01:17:44,475 --> 01:17:46,374
but she is also its daughter.
871
01:17:46,475 --> 01:17:49,533
The ancient world,
the world before grace,
872
01:17:49,742 --> 01:17:51,799
rocked her in its cradle.
873
01:17:52,275 --> 01:17:55,242
For centuries
its old hands protected
874
01:17:55,475 --> 01:17:58,532
the wondrous young girl
whose name it didn't even know.
875
01:17:59,574 --> 01:18:01,905
A little girl,
this queen of the angels,
876
01:18:02,607 --> 01:18:05,472
which she still is to this day.
Never forget that.
877
01:18:05,674 --> 01:18:07,231
Thank you.
878
01:18:09,274 --> 01:18:11,104
Give me your blessing.
879
01:18:16,873 --> 01:18:19,999
No, it's your turn today.
880
01:18:46,238 --> 01:18:47,966
Here you are, Father.
881
01:18:48,172 --> 01:18:50,105
No, thanks. Nothing.
882
01:18:52,271 --> 01:18:53,829
It will pass.
883
01:18:58,805 --> 01:19:00,828
This will put you right again.
884
01:19:11,236 --> 01:19:12,703
Feeling better?
885
01:19:15,670 --> 01:19:18,966
Much better, thank you.
886
01:19:58,301 --> 01:20:00,029
I should have gone home.
887
01:20:00,634 --> 01:20:04,294
My stomach hurt less.
I just felt a slight dizziness.
888
01:20:49,964 --> 01:20:53,419
I must have fainted the first time
beyond the Auchy woods.
889
01:20:54,531 --> 01:20:56,998
I thought I was
still struggling upright,
890
01:20:57,364 --> 01:21:00,525
and yet I could feel
the frozen earth against my cheek.
891
01:21:01,531 --> 01:21:05,554
"They'll find me half dead," I thought.
Yet another scandal.
892
01:21:06,997 --> 01:21:08,827
I think I called out.
893
01:21:16,996 --> 01:21:19,190
My poor head
couldn't stand it anymore.
894
01:21:20,530 --> 01:21:23,758
The image of the Holy Virgin
as described by the priest
895
01:21:23,962 --> 01:21:25,895
was constantly before me.
896
01:21:28,629 --> 01:21:31,926
A sublime creature. Her hands—
897
01:21:32,128 --> 01:21:33,823
I stared at her hands.
898
01:21:34,895 --> 01:21:38,021
Now I'd see them,
now they'd disappear.
899
01:21:39,594 --> 01:21:41,652
As my pain grew more extreme,
900
01:21:41,861 --> 01:21:43,919
I took one of them in mine.
901
01:21:45,528 --> 01:21:47,654
It was the hand of a poor child,
902
01:21:47,861 --> 01:21:50,487
already roughened
by hard work and washing.
903
01:21:52,361 --> 01:21:54,021
I closed my eyes.
904
01:21:54,628 --> 01:21:56,617
I feared, when opening them again,
905
01:21:56,727 --> 01:22:00,092
to see the face before which
every knee must bend.
906
01:22:01,960 --> 01:22:02,949
I saw Him.
907
01:22:04,960 --> 01:22:08,552
It was a child's face,
without the slightest radiance.
908
01:22:26,092 --> 01:22:29,116
I filled it at the pond.
It seemed safer.
909
01:22:31,058 --> 01:22:33,287
They're all there in the house.
910
01:22:34,025 --> 01:22:36,389
I had gone out
to bring the cows in.
911
01:22:37,858 --> 01:22:40,415
You shouldn't let yourself
get in such a state!
912
01:22:41,358 --> 01:22:42,949
It's lucky I found you.
913
01:22:43,857 --> 01:22:46,051
I thought you were dead.
914
01:22:46,158 --> 01:22:49,455
- I have to get up.
- You can't go home looking like that.
915
01:22:49,891 --> 01:22:51,256
What's wrong with me?
916
01:22:52,924 --> 01:22:54,584
You've vomited.
917
01:22:54,791 --> 01:22:58,087
It's smeared all over your face
as if you'd been eating blackberries.
918
01:23:13,123 --> 01:23:16,283
You're shaking.
Let me do it. I'm used to it.
919
01:23:17,222 --> 01:23:20,950
My, my. Another thing entirely
from last week at the wedding!
920
01:23:21,922 --> 01:23:24,582
Come to the rectory tomorrow.
921
01:23:25,356 --> 01:23:26,754
I'll explain.
922
01:23:26,855 --> 01:23:28,583
Heavens, no!
923
01:23:28,688 --> 01:23:31,416
I've said too many
awful things about you.
924
01:23:31,622 --> 01:23:33,248
Terrible things.
925
01:23:36,688 --> 01:23:39,245
I know you didn't
do this on purpose.
926
01:23:41,687 --> 01:23:44,018
They probably put
some powder in your glass.
927
01:23:44,487 --> 01:23:47,283
They do things like that for fun.
928
01:23:49,154 --> 01:23:53,315
But thanks to me,
they won't have their fun this time.
929
01:24:01,154 --> 01:24:03,347
I'll take you as far as the road.
930
01:24:41,384 --> 01:24:43,317
Hurry home now.
931
01:24:43,417 --> 01:24:46,975
I had a dream about you last night.
You looked miserable.
932
01:24:47,451 --> 01:24:49,610
I woke up crying.
933
01:25:17,382 --> 01:25:20,406
The cloth was stiff,
and the water had turned red.
934
01:25:21,115 --> 01:25:23,581
I realized I'd lost a lot of blood.
935
01:25:27,548 --> 01:25:31,504
I was so surprised—
fear of death came only later—
936
01:25:32,281 --> 01:25:35,510
that I decided to take
the first train to Lille in the morning.
937
01:25:39,747 --> 01:25:42,543
At the cock's crow,
I woke feeling fine.
938
01:25:45,447 --> 01:25:48,710
Another bit of hemorrhaging.
More like spitting blood.
939
01:25:50,980 --> 01:25:52,675
Fear of death.
940
01:25:54,013 --> 01:25:57,912
Strange how my whole body seems
to quiver around one point in my breast.
941
01:26:16,112 --> 01:26:18,704
Dawn is always so sweet to me.
942
01:26:19,779 --> 01:26:21,507
Bless mornings!
943
01:26:22,945 --> 01:26:24,571
I pray better.
944
01:27:02,510 --> 01:27:04,670
You're going away tomorrow, I hear.
945
01:27:07,876 --> 01:27:09,002
Yes.
946
01:27:10,442 --> 01:27:12,409
Will you be coming back?
947
01:27:19,175 --> 01:27:20,608
That depends.
948
01:27:20,709 --> 01:27:23,403
It depends… on you?
949
01:27:24,375 --> 01:27:26,967
On the doctor I'm to see in Lille.
950
01:27:32,075 --> 01:27:34,166
I thought—
951
01:27:53,173 --> 01:27:55,163
That's Olivier's motorcycle.
952
01:27:56,906 --> 01:27:58,533
My cousin.
953
01:28:03,672 --> 01:28:05,366
Help me
954
01:28:05,572 --> 01:28:07,368
as long as you're here—
955
01:28:07,572 --> 01:28:09,835
against your father's will,
I might add.
956
01:28:28,971 --> 01:28:30,904
You sure keep your cards hidden.
957
01:28:34,071 --> 01:28:36,367
May I ask what you think of me?
958
01:28:38,138 --> 01:28:39,866
A priest has no opinions.
959
01:28:43,137 --> 01:28:45,400
You have eyes and ears
960
01:28:45,604 --> 01:28:48,070
and make use of them
like everyone else, I suppose.
961
01:28:49,137 --> 01:28:51,127
They would tell me nothing
about you.
962
01:28:56,302 --> 01:28:57,735
Why not?
963
01:28:59,569 --> 01:29:02,126
You're always restless,
964
01:29:02,869 --> 01:29:05,768
hoping to conceal
the truth of your soul
965
01:29:06,402 --> 01:29:08,460
or perhaps to forget it.
966
01:29:09,735 --> 01:29:11,759
I'm not afraid of the truth.
967
01:29:14,268 --> 01:29:16,167
And if you're daring me—
968
01:29:17,268 --> 01:29:19,201
I'm not daring you.
969
01:29:20,068 --> 01:29:23,524
I'd only agree to hear your confession
if you were in danger of death.
970
01:29:25,634 --> 01:29:27,658
Absolution will come
in due time, I hope,
971
01:29:27,934 --> 01:29:29,798
and from someone else's hand.
972
01:29:30,768 --> 01:29:32,997
That wasn't hard to predict.
973
01:29:33,501 --> 01:29:36,093
Father will be sure
to have you transferred.
974
01:29:37,334 --> 01:29:39,994
Everyone here
takes you for a drunkard.
975
01:30:36,730 --> 01:30:39,129
If you only knew
what I think of life.
976
01:30:41,730 --> 01:30:44,720
I want everything.
I'll try everything.
977
01:30:46,730 --> 01:30:50,753
I know plenty of others have died
without managing to do that.
978
01:30:51,696 --> 01:30:53,754
If life disappoints me, so be it.
979
01:30:53,963 --> 01:30:55,953
I will sin just for sin's sake.
980
01:31:00,896 --> 01:31:02,624
That's the moment you'll find God.
981
01:31:02,928 --> 01:31:06,986
I feel like—I don't know—
insulting you!
982
01:31:08,496 --> 01:31:11,258
You think you can decide my fate
against my will?
983
01:31:12,229 --> 01:31:14,286
I'll damn myself if I please.
984
01:31:15,895 --> 01:31:18,088
I answer for you, soul for soul.
985
01:31:20,961 --> 01:31:23,554
Are you just saying
whatever strikes your fancy?
986
01:31:29,328 --> 01:31:31,794
I was at the window
when you spoke with Mother.
987
01:31:34,193 --> 01:31:36,592
All of a sudden,
her expression became so gentle.
988
01:31:38,826 --> 01:31:41,759
I don't believe in miracles
any more than I do in ghosts,
989
01:31:41,893 --> 01:31:44,053
but I think I knew my mother.
990
01:31:44,260 --> 01:31:47,385
She cared for fine phrases
like a fish cares for apples.
991
01:31:50,459 --> 01:31:52,426
Do you have some secret?
992
01:31:55,159 --> 01:31:56,955
A lost secret.
993
01:31:58,792 --> 01:32:01,486
You too will find it
and lose it in turn,
994
01:32:02,592 --> 01:32:05,116
and others will pass it on after you.
995
01:33:08,989 --> 01:33:10,456
Where are you going, Father?
996
01:33:10,656 --> 01:33:12,589
To Mézargues, to catch the train.
997
01:33:12,789 --> 01:33:15,654
Ever ridden on one of these?
Want to try?
998
01:33:15,889 --> 01:33:17,515
Come on.
999
01:33:41,020 --> 01:33:42,544
You're not frightened?
1000
01:33:44,521 --> 01:33:47,317
How could I feel
so miraculously young then?
1001
01:33:47,520 --> 01:33:50,283
Yes, as young as my companion.
1002
01:33:51,353 --> 01:33:53,411
Things suddenly seemed simple.
1003
01:33:53,620 --> 01:33:55,450
Youth is blessed.
1004
01:33:55,653 --> 01:33:59,086
It's a risk you take,
and even that risk is blessed.
1005
01:34:00,253 --> 01:34:01,584
Hold on!
1006
01:34:06,786 --> 01:34:08,810
By some premonition
I can't explain,
1007
01:34:09,019 --> 01:34:12,645
I understood that God
didn't want me to die
1008
01:34:12,852 --> 01:34:14,841
without knowing
something of this risk.
1009
01:34:15,051 --> 01:34:18,041
Just enough for my sacrifice
to be complete when it's time came.
1010
01:34:25,718 --> 01:34:28,207
Too bad you're leaving.
We could have done this again.
1011
01:34:45,850 --> 01:34:48,612
I like you.
We could have been friends.
1012
01:34:50,583 --> 01:34:52,413
Me, your friend?
1013
01:34:52,616 --> 01:34:54,083
Of course.
1014
01:34:56,549 --> 01:34:59,175
Not that I haven't heard
plenty about you.
1015
01:34:59,749 --> 01:35:02,773
My uncle thinks you're a filthy,
good-for-nothing little priest.
1016
01:35:05,015 --> 01:35:07,539
I don't suppose you care
what he thinks.
1017
01:35:10,982 --> 01:35:14,574
You probably don't know
I'm in the Foreign Regiment.
1018
01:35:16,515 --> 01:35:17,538
The Regiment?
1019
01:35:17,748 --> 01:35:19,237
The Legion, I mean.
1020
01:35:22,248 --> 01:35:25,113
If you could only see yourself.
1021
01:35:25,214 --> 01:35:26,544
See myself?
1022
01:35:26,747 --> 01:35:30,373
Without that black robe,
you'd look like any one of us.
1023
01:35:30,981 --> 01:35:33,038
I could see that right off the bat.
1024
01:35:34,814 --> 01:35:36,246
You don't mean it.
1025
01:35:36,447 --> 01:35:38,107
I certainly do.
1026
01:35:40,013 --> 01:35:41,570
What? A priest?
1027
01:35:41,679 --> 01:35:43,839
There are plenty of priests
out there.
1028
01:35:44,247 --> 01:35:47,941
My major's orderly was one.
We only found out afterwards.
1029
01:35:49,212 --> 01:35:50,543
Afterwards?
1030
01:35:50,746 --> 01:35:52,269
After his death.
1031
01:35:55,246 --> 01:35:57,076
How did he die?
1032
01:35:57,279 --> 01:35:59,677
On a mule,
strung up like a sausage,
1033
01:35:59,879 --> 01:36:01,812
a bullet through his belly.
1034
01:36:02,112 --> 01:36:03,908
That's not what I meant.
1035
01:36:04,012 --> 01:36:06,274
Look, I won't lie to you.
1036
01:36:07,111 --> 01:36:09,771
The guys like to show off
when their time has come.
1037
01:36:10,111 --> 01:36:13,771
They have an expression or two
you'd probably call blasphemy.
1038
01:36:14,412 --> 01:36:17,469
But if God doesn't save all soldiers
precisely because they're soldiers,
1039
01:36:18,044 --> 01:36:20,136
then what's the use?
1040
01:36:21,744 --> 01:36:24,904
One more blasphemy
for good measure, and then… bam.
1041
01:36:25,544 --> 01:36:27,703
It's always the same motto:
"All or nothing."
1042
01:36:29,411 --> 01:36:30,968
I bet you yourself—
1043
01:36:32,910 --> 01:36:37,071
You know, my uncle's right when he says
you have no social skills.
1044
01:36:40,042 --> 01:36:41,703
Admit it, our world isn't theirs.
1045
01:36:43,909 --> 01:36:45,705
I don't reject theirs.
1046
01:36:45,909 --> 01:36:48,240
But it lacks love.
1047
01:36:48,343 --> 01:36:50,571
Our chaps don't have
your wisdom in the matter.
1048
01:36:51,542 --> 01:36:54,202
God seems to them to stand
for a justice they despise—
1049
01:36:54,409 --> 01:36:56,342
a justice without honor.
1050
01:36:57,475 --> 01:37:01,067
Their own law has the merit
of costing a lot, an awful lot.
1051
01:37:02,741 --> 01:37:05,174
It's like a sacrificial altar.
1052
01:37:05,875 --> 01:37:08,239
Just a stone,
no larger than any other.
1053
01:37:43,672 --> 01:37:47,002
DR. LAVIGNE
PROFESSOR, FACULTY OF MEDICINE
1054
01:38:25,203 --> 01:38:27,635
I walked straight ahead
toward the station.
1055
01:38:43,369 --> 01:38:46,392
I entered an old church.
I didn't even know its name.
1056
01:38:58,335 --> 01:39:03,199
I'd never felt such a violent,
physical revulsion to prayer.
1057
01:39:04,968 --> 01:39:07,264
My will was helpless
in the face of it.
1058
01:39:36,999 --> 01:39:40,557
This way you can go on
quietly writing your sermon.
1059
01:39:49,398 --> 01:39:53,126
When I was young,
priests used to eat too much.
1060
01:39:53,431 --> 01:39:55,591
Now you're as skinny as alley cats.
1061
01:39:56,997 --> 01:39:59,294
Beginnings are always hard.
1062
01:39:59,498 --> 01:40:03,226
Never mind. At your age
you have your whole life before you.
1063
01:40:03,530 --> 01:40:07,055
I knew to keep calm,
I had to keep silent.
1064
01:40:19,263 --> 01:40:20,524
Cancer.
1065
01:40:21,896 --> 01:40:23,522
Stomach cancer.
1066
01:40:24,896 --> 01:40:28,124
The words had rung in my ears
but left my mind empty.
1067
01:40:29,496 --> 01:40:32,053
I had expected something else:
tuberculosis.
1068
01:40:34,895 --> 01:40:38,987
I think I just frowned,
like when hearing of a difficult problem.
1069
01:40:40,495 --> 01:40:43,985
It took me a long time to realize
I was to die from a disease
1070
01:40:44,094 --> 01:40:47,084
that rarely strikes people of my age.
1071
01:41:11,093 --> 01:41:14,685
She left me alone
with a cup of black coffee.
1072
01:41:30,126 --> 01:41:33,559
I felt well and even
fell asleep for an instant.
1073
01:41:43,424 --> 01:41:45,187
When I woke…
1074
01:41:45,691 --> 01:41:47,851
God, I must write it down.
1075
01:42:04,289 --> 01:42:08,746
I think of my last
few mornings this week,
1076
01:42:09,289 --> 01:42:12,120
of the cock's crow
and my peaceful window.
1077
01:42:14,356 --> 01:42:16,822
How fresh and pure it all was!
1078
01:42:33,988 --> 01:42:35,852
Even though I kept telling myself
1079
01:42:35,955 --> 01:42:38,421
nothing had changed inside me
over the last weeks,
1080
01:42:38,788 --> 01:42:44,244
the idea of going home with this…
thing… made me feel ashamed.
1081
01:43:29,651 --> 01:43:32,083
DRUGS AND SIMILAR PRODUCTS
1082
01:43:32,418 --> 01:43:35,283
Abbot Dufrety had studied
with me at the seminary
1083
01:43:35,385 --> 01:43:37,544
before being assigned
to a small parish.
1084
01:43:38,751 --> 01:43:41,274
I knew he'd taken a leave
from the ministry
1085
01:43:41,884 --> 01:43:44,180
only because of illness.
1086
01:44:04,616 --> 01:44:06,741
He was in shirtsleeves,
1087
01:44:07,049 --> 01:44:10,413
in those cotton pants
we wear under our cassocks,
1088
01:44:10,515 --> 01:44:12,039
and barefoot in his slippers.
1089
01:44:13,281 --> 01:44:16,214
You might have let me know.
I have an office in town.
1090
01:44:17,515 --> 01:44:20,277
I only camp out here.
The place is disgusting.
1091
01:44:35,647 --> 01:44:39,307
I'm supposed to eat a lot,
but I don't have much appetite.
1092
01:44:40,147 --> 01:44:42,171
Remember those beans
at the seminary?
1093
01:44:43,480 --> 01:44:46,345
The worst is, the cooking
has to be done right here.
1094
01:44:47,446 --> 01:44:50,345
I've taken a dislike
to the smell of frying.
1095
01:44:52,480 --> 01:44:54,379
Anywhere else,
I'd gobble up the stuff.
1096
01:44:58,912 --> 01:45:00,606
Nice of you to come.
1097
01:45:00,946 --> 01:45:03,038
Frankly, I'm a bit surprised.
1098
01:45:03,245 --> 01:45:06,337
You used to be a bit
narrow-minded in those days.
1099
01:45:09,745 --> 01:45:12,110
Excuse me.
I'll just clean up a bit.
1100
01:45:12,978 --> 01:45:15,843
I've had a good day,
which doesn't happen often.
1101
01:45:16,378 --> 01:45:19,311
What do you expect?
An active life is good for one.
1102
01:45:20,478 --> 01:45:22,741
But don't think
I've turned into an ignoramus.
1103
01:45:23,344 --> 01:45:26,311
I read voraciously.
I've never read so much.
1104
01:45:27,444 --> 01:45:29,637
I've got some notes here.
I'll show you.
1105
01:45:31,010 --> 01:45:34,534
I hope you'll stay for dinner.
We can have a nice chat.
1106
01:45:37,510 --> 01:45:39,136
What's the matter?
1107
01:45:57,808 --> 01:45:59,332
Here, drink this.
1108
01:46:04,875 --> 01:46:08,205
What do you expect?
We've got rotten blood in our veins.
1109
01:46:09,975 --> 01:46:14,135
A doctor told me once, "Intellectuals,
undernourished since childhood!"
1110
01:46:15,608 --> 01:46:18,336
Explains a lot, don't you think?
1111
01:46:20,474 --> 01:46:22,805
Don't think I'm just
making excuses for myself.
1112
01:46:23,841 --> 01:46:25,831
I believe in utter honesty,
1113
01:46:26,374 --> 01:46:28,534
with others and with myself.
1114
01:46:32,407 --> 01:46:35,431
When I left the sanatorium,
I wanted to test myself.
1115
01:46:36,140 --> 01:46:38,107
I looked for a job.
1116
01:46:38,773 --> 01:46:41,899
It was a question of willpower
and guts. Guts, mostly.
1117
01:46:42,573 --> 01:46:45,005
Mind you, I'm not telling
anyone to follow me.
1118
01:46:45,206 --> 01:46:46,866
There are bad times.
1119
01:46:47,206 --> 01:46:50,401
And if it hadn't been
for a feeling of responsibility
1120
01:46:50,605 --> 01:46:54,130
towards someone who
sacrificed her life for me—
1121
01:46:56,705 --> 01:46:59,331
Well, we can talk about that
quite objectively.
1122
01:47:00,605 --> 01:47:03,231
She counts for nothing
in my intellectual life.
1123
01:47:05,171 --> 01:47:08,332
And don't think it was a bolt
from the blue, a bewilderment!
1124
01:47:10,871 --> 01:47:12,497
You're surprised?
1125
01:47:16,871 --> 01:47:18,531
But in your place,
1126
01:47:18,804 --> 01:47:21,498
if I'd broken my ordination promises,
1127
01:47:22,803 --> 01:47:25,463
I'd rather it had been
for love of a woman,
1128
01:47:26,703 --> 01:47:31,466
than for what you call
your intellectual life.
1129
01:47:31,803 --> 01:47:33,429
I don't agree.
1130
01:47:34,503 --> 01:47:37,527
You don't know
what you're talking about.
1131
01:47:37,869 --> 01:47:39,927
My intellectual life—
1132
01:47:42,936 --> 01:47:44,425
What's the matter?
1133
01:47:47,669 --> 01:47:49,067
Answer!
1134
01:47:59,701 --> 01:48:01,463
I don't want to die here!
1135
01:48:02,334 --> 01:48:04,597
Get me out of here, anywhere!
1136
01:48:05,768 --> 01:48:07,462
What can I do?
1137
01:48:07,568 --> 01:48:09,558
I can't carry him by myself,
1138
01:48:09,767 --> 01:48:12,132
and we can't ask the concierge
for anything.
1139
01:48:33,166 --> 01:48:34,962
Don't move, Father.
1140
01:48:35,766 --> 01:48:37,392
It will pass.
1141
01:48:49,565 --> 01:48:53,225
Mr. Dufrety panicked a bit
and ran off to the pharmacy.
1142
01:48:59,164 --> 01:49:01,858
I'm afraid you must think
poorly of me.
1143
01:49:02,398 --> 01:49:05,421
The room isn't tidied up
and everything's dirty.
1144
01:49:07,530 --> 01:49:10,929
You see, I leave to work
at 5:00 in the morning,
1145
01:49:12,130 --> 01:49:14,097
and I just don't have
the strength anymore.
1146
01:49:19,696 --> 01:49:21,288
What is your work?
1147
01:49:22,097 --> 01:49:24,087
I'm a cleaning lady.
1148
01:49:24,996 --> 01:49:29,326
The most tiring part is rushing
from one place to another.
1149
01:49:33,029 --> 01:49:35,894
But what about his business?
1150
01:49:37,562 --> 01:49:40,029
They say there's money in it,
1151
01:49:41,129 --> 01:49:45,721
but he had to borrow
for the office and the typewriter.
1152
01:49:46,762 --> 01:49:49,456
Besides, he can't get around much.
1153
01:49:53,994 --> 01:49:55,392
Are you married?
1154
01:49:55,594 --> 01:49:57,118
No.
1155
01:49:58,594 --> 01:50:00,527
I was the one against it.
1156
01:50:03,893 --> 01:50:05,292
Why?
1157
01:50:06,760 --> 01:50:09,091
Because of what he is,
don't you see?
1158
01:50:10,194 --> 01:50:13,285
I always hoped he'd get well
at the sanatorium.
1159
01:50:14,693 --> 01:50:17,626
And then, if he ever wanted
to make a fresh start,
1160
01:50:19,126 --> 01:50:21,786
I wouldn't be in the way,
I told myself.
1161
01:50:27,259 --> 01:50:29,418
And what did he think of that?
1162
01:50:30,158 --> 01:50:31,819
Nothing.
1163
01:50:33,425 --> 01:50:35,517
He thought I didn't want to.
1164
01:50:37,258 --> 01:50:39,588
Why do you ask?
1165
01:50:44,192 --> 01:50:45,818
Out of friendship.
1166
01:50:55,224 --> 01:50:58,020
The pharmacist was right.
He just laughed at me.
1167
01:50:58,690 --> 01:51:01,123
It's true: The smallest
fainting spell terrifies me.
1168
01:51:10,223 --> 01:51:11,780
Listen.
1169
01:51:12,789 --> 01:51:14,653
I must talk to you.
1170
01:51:16,589 --> 01:51:18,215
There's little time.
1171
01:51:18,456 --> 01:51:21,617
Talk to me about what?
About whom?
1172
01:51:26,922 --> 01:51:28,582
You.
1173
01:51:32,855 --> 01:51:36,854
"He's agreed to meet
with the priest in Torcy.
1174
01:51:36,855 --> 01:51:41,185
My old master—"
1175
01:53:49,613 --> 01:53:53,546
Around 4:00, unable to sleep,
I went to his room
1176
01:53:53,647 --> 01:53:57,102
and found my poor colleague
unconscious on the floor.
1177
01:53:57,746 --> 01:53:59,838
We carried him back to bed,
1178
01:54:00,046 --> 01:54:02,740
whereupon he vomited up
streams of blood.
1179
01:54:03,479 --> 01:54:05,571
But the hemorrhaging ended.
1180
01:54:05,779 --> 01:54:09,870
While we waited for the doctor,
our poor friend regained consciousness,
1181
01:54:10,145 --> 01:54:12,044
but he didn't speak.
1182
01:54:12,245 --> 01:54:15,303
Heavy beads of sweat
covered his brow and cheeks,
1183
01:54:15,745 --> 01:54:18,906
and his expression
told of great anguish.
1184
01:54:19,712 --> 01:54:22,269
His pulse was rapidly growing weak.
1185
01:54:22,378 --> 01:54:26,141
He motioned
that he wanted his rosary,
1186
01:54:26,244 --> 01:54:28,074
which I found in his pants' pocket.
1187
01:54:28,178 --> 01:54:30,701
From then on,
he held it pressed against his chest.
1188
01:54:31,345 --> 01:54:33,141
He seemed to recover some strength
1189
01:54:33,344 --> 01:54:36,834
and in an almost inaudible voice
asked for absolution.
1190
01:54:37,043 --> 01:54:40,772
His face grew calm.
He even smiled.
1191
01:54:41,510 --> 01:54:44,170
Though neither humanity nor friendship
would permit me to refuse,
1192
01:54:44,377 --> 01:54:48,571
while discharging my duties,
I explained to my unfortunate comrade
1193
01:54:48,776 --> 01:54:51,538
my hesitation at granting his request.
1194
01:54:52,543 --> 01:54:54,941
He didn't seem to hear me.
1195
01:54:55,209 --> 01:54:59,006
But a few moments later,
he laid his hands on mine
1196
01:54:59,409 --> 01:55:04,035
while his eyes entreated me
to draw closer to him.
1197
01:55:04,975 --> 01:55:07,169
He then said, very distinctly,
1198
01:55:07,709 --> 01:55:09,938
if extremely slowly,
1199
01:55:10,141 --> 01:55:13,835
these exact words:
1200
01:55:14,408 --> 01:55:17,636
"What does it matter?
All is grace."
1201
01:55:18,841 --> 01:55:20,432
I believe he died just then.