1 00:00:02,007 --> 00:00:03,875 In the fall of 2012, 2 00:00:03,965 --> 00:00:05,748 Nick and Robin were going strong. 3 00:00:06,243 --> 00:00:08,276 Sometimes it's hard to say what it is exactly 4 00:00:08,295 --> 00:00:09,544 that makes a couple click. 5 00:00:10,914 --> 00:00:11,930 Wow. 6 00:00:13,049 --> 00:00:15,183 Bravissimo! 7 00:00:15,185 --> 00:00:18,219 Whatever it was, kids, Nick and Robin 8 00:00:18,221 --> 00:00:20,054 really connected at first. 9 00:00:20,056 --> 00:00:22,223 Hey, you know, I think I'm really starting 10 00:00:22,225 --> 00:00:23,441 to feel something here... 11 00:00:25,094 --> 00:00:28,396 But then, as often happens, they started to drift apart. 12 00:00:28,398 --> 00:00:29,864 Why? 13 00:00:29,866 --> 00:00:31,199 Who can say? 14 00:00:31,201 --> 00:00:33,735 Nick and I haven't had sex in three days. 15 00:00:33,737 --> 00:00:35,236 And it's your fault. 16 00:00:35,238 --> 00:00:36,204 Nick won't have sex 17 00:00:36,206 --> 00:00:37,772 because he pulled his groin muscle, 18 00:00:37,774 --> 00:00:39,791 all 'cause you made him join your stupid basketball team. 19 00:00:39,793 --> 00:00:42,243 Did you say "stupid basketball team"? 20 00:00:42,245 --> 00:00:43,110 Yeah. 21 00:00:43,112 --> 00:00:44,162 Oh, my gosh, guys, 22 00:00:44,164 --> 00:00:46,214 we have to rush Robin to the hospital. 23 00:00:46,216 --> 00:00:48,716 Because somehow, she swallowed her vocal cords 24 00:00:48,718 --> 00:00:50,635 and they got lodged in her rectum, 25 00:00:50,637 --> 00:00:52,303 because she's talking out of her ass. 26 00:00:52,305 --> 00:00:54,922 Over the summer, Marshall had joined 27 00:00:54,924 --> 00:00:56,891 a midtown professionals basketball league. 28 00:00:56,893 --> 00:01:00,428 His team of lawyers was called The Force Majeurs. 29 00:01:00,430 --> 00:01:02,797 Ever since they lost to a group of accountants, 30 00:01:02,799 --> 00:01:04,766 he'd started getting a little intense about it. 31 00:01:04,768 --> 00:01:07,468 You sure you didn't have a ringer or two out there, Joel? 32 00:01:07,470 --> 00:01:08,936 Don't know what you're talking about. 33 00:01:08,938 --> 00:01:11,272 Good hustle out there, Aboubakar! 34 00:01:14,410 --> 00:01:17,161 If Joel can use ringers, then so can we. 35 00:01:17,163 --> 00:01:18,613 And Nick is our best player. 36 00:01:18,615 --> 00:01:19,980 So as far as I'm concerned, 37 00:01:19,982 --> 00:01:21,866 you can both keep your groins on ice. 38 00:01:21,868 --> 00:01:22,817 Groins on Ice. 39 00:01:22,819 --> 00:01:24,252 Least popular 40 00:01:24,254 --> 00:01:26,621 Madison Square Garden holiday show ever. 41 00:01:26,623 --> 00:01:28,289 Why are you so into this basketball league? 42 00:01:28,291 --> 00:01:30,825 Robin, it's the Little Ivies Professionals Over 30 43 00:01:30,827 --> 00:01:32,543 Who Work In Midtown League. 44 00:01:32,545 --> 00:01:33,878 It's The Show! 45 00:01:34,997 --> 00:01:36,681 You know, it's kind of funny, 46 00:01:36,683 --> 00:01:39,667 imagining people icing their groins. 47 00:01:39,669 --> 00:01:41,552 I mean, first they'd be all cold, 48 00:01:41,554 --> 00:01:44,222 and then the ice would start to melt, 49 00:01:44,224 --> 00:01:48,960 and things would get all wet and... steamy. 50 00:01:51,480 --> 00:01:53,364 Okay, Lily. 51 00:01:53,366 --> 00:01:54,982 Look, buddy, 52 00:01:54,984 --> 00:01:56,367 I'm also the captain of a team 53 00:01:56,369 --> 00:01:58,018 in the Little Ivies Professionals Over 30 54 00:01:58,020 --> 00:01:59,537 Who Work In Midtown League. 55 00:01:59,539 --> 00:02:01,406 I'm addicted to the adrenaline, too. 56 00:02:01,408 --> 00:02:02,373 Still, don't you think you're getting 57 00:02:02,375 --> 00:02:03,741 a little obsessive about... 58 00:02:03,743 --> 00:02:05,192 Uh, hold up, hold up. 59 00:02:05,194 --> 00:02:07,328 Are you suggesting that you are 60 00:02:07,330 --> 00:02:11,666 a member of a sports team and you're the captain? 61 00:02:11,668 --> 00:02:12,967 So says the "C" 62 00:02:12,969 --> 00:02:15,553 I personally sewed onto my jersey. 63 00:02:15,555 --> 00:02:17,538 After Victoria and I broke up, 64 00:02:17,540 --> 00:02:19,474 I had some free time. 65 00:02:19,476 --> 00:02:21,342 So, called up a few architect friends 66 00:02:21,344 --> 00:02:22,510 and put together a little team 67 00:02:22,512 --> 00:02:25,897 called the T-Squares. 68 00:02:27,883 --> 00:02:29,400 See that? 69 00:02:29,402 --> 00:02:30,818 The floor's uneven. 70 00:02:30,820 --> 00:02:33,654 And that window placement is rubbish. 71 00:02:33,656 --> 00:02:35,823 You know, if a genie gave me one wish, 72 00:02:35,825 --> 00:02:38,559 I would knock down that wall and create a nice flow. 73 00:02:38,561 --> 00:02:40,361 Great wish. 74 00:02:40,363 --> 00:02:43,081 I mean, there's too much hardwood, right? 75 00:02:43,083 --> 00:02:46,117 Did you nerds actually play any basketball? 76 00:02:46,119 --> 00:02:50,872 Um, us nerds focused on something far more important: 77 00:02:50,874 --> 00:02:52,173 bonding. 78 00:02:52,175 --> 00:02:53,791 You guys are going to get pounded. 79 00:02:54,293 --> 00:02:55,710 And I am not. 80 00:02:55,712 --> 00:02:58,262 Oh, come on. You can't go a couple weeks without sex? 81 00:02:58,264 --> 00:03:01,432 Our point guard's a 52-year-old virgin, happy as a clam. 82 00:03:01,434 --> 00:03:03,384 I'm sure he's quite a ball handler. 83 00:03:03,386 --> 00:03:05,887 The problem is, now that we're not having sex, 84 00:03:05,889 --> 00:03:07,105 we're talking more, 85 00:03:07,107 --> 00:03:11,759 and I'm realizing that Nick is kind of... 86 00:03:11,761 --> 00:03:13,093 dumb. 87 00:03:13,095 --> 00:03:14,729 Really? News to me. 88 00:03:14,731 --> 00:03:15,780 I hadn't noticed that. No. 89 00:03:15,782 --> 00:03:16,864 Oh, my God. 90 00:03:16,866 --> 00:03:18,699 You guys think that he's dumb, too? 91 00:03:18,701 --> 00:03:19,650 So dumb. 92 00:03:19,652 --> 00:03:20,651 Air bags are sharper. 93 00:03:20,653 --> 00:03:22,937 Hot as lava but just as thick. 94 00:03:22,939 --> 00:03:26,939 ♪ How I Met Your Mother 8x06 ♪ Splitsville Original Air Date on November 12, 2012 95 00:03:26,940 --> 00:03:30,940 == sync, corrected by 00:03:49,764 Yeah? 101 00:03:49,766 --> 00:03:51,182 Is a four-letter word for cut. 102 00:03:51,184 --> 00:03:52,066 What is? 103 00:03:52,068 --> 00:03:53,768 "Nick." What? 104 00:03:53,770 --> 00:03:56,070 Oh. I got it. 105 00:03:56,072 --> 00:03:58,906 "Shave." 106 00:03:58,908 --> 00:04:02,410 And there was the comment about Gypsies. 107 00:04:02,412 --> 00:04:03,444 No no. 108 00:04:03,446 --> 00:04:04,979 I think Gypsies prefer 109 00:04:04,981 --> 00:04:06,647 to be called Romani now. 110 00:04:07,650 --> 00:04:09,367 Do they? Really? 111 00:04:09,369 --> 00:04:12,370 And what do unicorns and, uh, elves 112 00:04:12,372 --> 00:04:13,955 and leprechauns prefer to be called? 113 00:04:16,074 --> 00:04:18,209 You do know, uh, Gypsies are 114 00:04:18,211 --> 00:04:20,845 a real ethnic group that actually exists? 115 00:04:22,247 --> 00:04:24,382 Oh, you guys, I feel terrible now. 116 00:04:24,384 --> 00:04:26,217 I always thought they were just made up, 117 00:04:26,219 --> 00:04:28,636 like goblins or trolls or dolphins. 118 00:04:30,189 --> 00:04:32,807 And then there's that story you told about how you and Nick 119 00:04:32,809 --> 00:04:34,609 picked up that Danish exchange student 120 00:04:34,611 --> 00:04:36,644 and you all took a shower together. 121 00:04:36,646 --> 00:04:39,313 I never told a story like that. 122 00:04:39,315 --> 00:04:40,865 Well, no time like the present. 123 00:04:40,867 --> 00:04:41,849 Let's give this 124 00:04:41,851 --> 00:04:43,034 Danish ho a name. 125 00:04:43,036 --> 00:04:44,485 I'm thinking Nadia. 126 00:04:44,487 --> 00:04:48,155 Yeah, she sounds slutty and bi-curious. 127 00:04:48,157 --> 00:04:50,041 What is wrong with you? 128 00:04:50,576 --> 00:04:51,492 Your kid is right there. 129 00:04:51,494 --> 00:04:52,977 Maybe want to clean it up a lit... 130 00:04:54,664 --> 00:04:56,464 You're wearing a baby and you're doing pull-ups? 131 00:04:56,466 --> 00:04:59,550 No, Ted, I'm sitting around getting soft, 132 00:04:59,552 --> 00:05:01,669 'cause that's what champions do. 133 00:05:01,671 --> 00:05:05,723 The problem is, now that I know how dumb Nick is, 134 00:05:05,725 --> 00:05:08,042 it's kind of making me reconsider the relationship. 135 00:05:08,044 --> 00:05:09,143 Why? 136 00:05:09,145 --> 00:05:11,395 Eventually, Nick's groin will heal 137 00:05:11,397 --> 00:05:12,880 and you'll be back in Sexville, 138 00:05:12,882 --> 00:05:16,050 where all the crossword puzzles only have one box to fill. 139 00:05:16,052 --> 00:05:17,885 Talk about a double standard. 140 00:05:17,887 --> 00:05:21,572 Every time I go after a busty dullard who can't tell time 141 00:05:21,574 --> 00:05:24,992 or thinks I'm the ghost of Leonardo DiCaprio, I'm shallow. 142 00:05:24,994 --> 00:05:27,328 But somehow it's okay for Robin to date a guy 143 00:05:27,330 --> 00:05:29,396 who can't be trusted around outlets. 144 00:05:29,398 --> 00:05:30,698 Dump him! 145 00:05:30,700 --> 00:05:33,000 Okay, that is ridiculous. 146 00:05:33,002 --> 00:05:35,736 Is Nick a genius? No. 147 00:05:35,738 --> 00:05:36,704 But does he have 148 00:05:36,706 --> 00:05:38,739 average intelligence? 149 00:05:38,741 --> 00:05:39,790 No. 150 00:05:39,792 --> 00:05:41,075 But he is 151 00:05:41,077 --> 00:05:42,843 a human being, with a heart! 152 00:05:42,845 --> 00:05:46,297 And you're afraid if I dump him, it'll throw off his game. 153 00:05:46,299 --> 00:05:48,466 Robin, he got 36 points and 17 rebounds last week. 154 00:05:48,468 --> 00:05:50,768 And that was with his shoes on the wrong feet. 155 00:05:52,188 --> 00:05:56,023 Well, you're probably all wondering 156 00:05:56,025 --> 00:05:58,109 how the T-Squares' practice went today. 157 00:05:58,111 --> 00:05:59,443 The T-What? 158 00:05:59,445 --> 00:06:01,595 We played up here. 159 00:06:01,597 --> 00:06:04,282 Basketball, people don't realize, 160 00:06:04,284 --> 00:06:06,600 is all geometry, physics and engineering. 161 00:06:06,602 --> 00:06:08,786 If you think like an architect, 162 00:06:08,788 --> 00:06:12,323 you could win a thousand games without ever touching a ball. 163 00:06:12,325 --> 00:06:15,126 What happened to your ball? 164 00:06:15,128 --> 00:06:16,794 Some kids from the Hebrew school next door took it 165 00:06:16,796 --> 00:06:17,712 and wouldn't give it back. 166 00:06:17,714 --> 00:06:18,445 Oh. 167 00:06:18,447 --> 00:06:19,413 Oy. 168 00:06:19,415 --> 00:06:20,631 Hey. 169 00:06:20,633 --> 00:06:22,116 Hey. Hey. Oh, thanks. 170 00:06:22,118 --> 00:06:24,051 How'd the breakup with Nick go? 171 00:06:24,053 --> 00:06:25,670 Well... 172 00:06:25,672 --> 00:06:27,588 So, I went to this fortune teller today 173 00:06:27,590 --> 00:06:29,807 and she said there was a curse on me. 174 00:06:29,809 --> 00:06:32,727 Did she sell you something to ward off the curse? 175 00:06:32,729 --> 00:06:35,429 It's like you're a fortune teller, too. 176 00:06:37,133 --> 00:06:39,317 Nick, um... 177 00:06:39,319 --> 00:06:40,768 I think we need to talk. 178 00:06:40,770 --> 00:06:41,802 Yeah. 179 00:06:41,804 --> 00:06:43,971 Uh... it's just... 180 00:06:43,973 --> 00:06:46,807 Whoa, these are hard. 181 00:06:46,809 --> 00:06:48,776 Anyway, this $500 bracelet will ward off evil 182 00:06:48,778 --> 00:06:50,411 till the end of the week, so... 183 00:06:50,413 --> 00:06:51,979 Do you think that you could do, 184 00:06:51,981 --> 00:06:54,148 uh, sit-ups or something while you talk? 185 00:06:54,150 --> 00:06:55,416 Yeah. 186 00:06:56,452 --> 00:06:58,419 Anyway, this fortune teller, 187 00:06:58,421 --> 00:07:01,372 she was able to tell me all sorts of stuff about my future, 188 00:07:01,374 --> 00:07:07,128 just from my credit cards and my social security number, 189 00:07:07,130 --> 00:07:08,479 I knew you'd cave. 190 00:07:08,481 --> 00:07:09,797 Which is why I came up with 191 00:07:09,799 --> 00:07:11,432 a little extra incentive 192 00:07:11,434 --> 00:07:12,717 to break up with Nick. 193 00:07:12,719 --> 00:07:15,936 End it by 8:00 p.m. tonight or this invite goes live. 194 00:07:17,890 --> 00:07:19,774 "Robin and Patrice's 195 00:07:19,776 --> 00:07:21,942 BFF Fun Day?!" 196 00:07:21,944 --> 00:07:24,528 Kids, Patrice was a coworker of Robin's 197 00:07:24,530 --> 00:07:27,448 who'd become sort of obsessed with her. 198 00:07:27,450 --> 00:07:29,367 Robin had managed, until now, 199 00:07:29,369 --> 00:07:33,187 to keep Patrice at arms length. 200 00:07:33,189 --> 00:07:35,456 But if Patrice were invited to something called 201 00:07:35,458 --> 00:07:38,192 Robin and Patrice's BFF Fun Day, 202 00:07:38,194 --> 00:07:40,478 she'd latch onto Robin and never let go. 203 00:07:40,480 --> 00:07:42,380 Why would you do that? 204 00:07:42,382 --> 00:07:43,631 Delete that right now! 205 00:07:43,633 --> 00:07:45,716 No! If I don't give you a little push, 206 00:07:45,718 --> 00:07:48,368 you'll let this drag on until Nick can have sex again, 207 00:07:48,370 --> 00:07:51,672 and then you'll be right back to procrastinating on all fours. 208 00:07:51,674 --> 00:07:54,425 I hate to admit it, but the man in the suit has a point. 209 00:07:54,427 --> 00:07:56,143 Ugh! 210 00:07:56,145 --> 00:07:58,378 Fine, but the playoffs are coming up soon, 211 00:07:58,380 --> 00:08:00,815 and I can't have this guy an emotional wreck. 212 00:08:00,817 --> 00:08:03,651 If you do dump him, at least let him down easy. 213 00:08:03,653 --> 00:08:05,719 Yeah, take him to a nice restaurant. 214 00:08:05,721 --> 00:08:06,987 Preferably a dessert place. 215 00:08:06,989 --> 00:08:09,023 That way, you won't have to sit through a whole meal 216 00:08:09,025 --> 00:08:09,940 before you get to... 217 00:08:09,942 --> 00:08:11,391 Splitsville. Exactly. 218 00:08:11,393 --> 00:08:12,610 No, Splitsville. 219 00:08:12,612 --> 00:08:13,944 It's a dessert place right around the corner. 220 00:08:13,946 --> 00:08:17,248 It's sort of the place to end a relationship. 221 00:08:22,570 --> 00:08:23,954 Uh, Nick, listen. 222 00:08:23,956 --> 00:08:26,907 You are awesome 223 00:08:26,909 --> 00:08:31,629 and totally sweet, but we're just not... 224 00:08:32,965 --> 00:08:35,049 You know where I'm going with this, right? 225 00:08:35,051 --> 00:08:37,584 No. No clue. 226 00:08:37,586 --> 00:08:41,088 Okay, um... 227 00:08:41,090 --> 00:08:43,974 I don't know if we should keep seeing each other. 228 00:08:43,976 --> 00:08:46,677 You want to start turning off the lights during sex? 229 00:08:46,679 --> 00:08:48,262 No. God, no. 230 00:08:48,264 --> 00:08:50,114 No! No. 231 00:08:50,116 --> 00:08:54,785 I am just worried that, as a couple, we're not working out. 232 00:08:54,787 --> 00:08:57,271 You want to start going to the gym together? 233 00:08:57,273 --> 00:08:58,939 Okay, no, Nick, here is the deal. 234 00:08:58,941 --> 00:08:59,907 Okay... 235 00:09:00,943 --> 00:09:02,409 Sorry, babe. I got to take this. 236 00:09:02,411 --> 00:09:03,477 Excuse me. 237 00:09:03,479 --> 00:09:05,796 Hello. 238 00:09:05,798 --> 00:09:07,248 Hey, what's up? 239 00:09:09,050 --> 00:09:11,302 You... 240 00:09:11,304 --> 00:09:12,970 What? I... 241 00:09:12,972 --> 00:09:14,138 I don't understand. 242 00:09:15,140 --> 00:09:16,290 But you... 243 00:09:16,292 --> 00:09:17,591 Okay, um, you know what? 244 00:09:17,593 --> 00:09:19,760 I'm sorry, I-I have to go. 245 00:09:21,963 --> 00:09:23,264 What happened? 246 00:09:23,266 --> 00:09:26,350 I... 247 00:09:26,352 --> 00:09:28,468 I, um... 248 00:09:28,470 --> 00:09:31,238 Uh, I'm sorry, I can't talk about this. 249 00:09:34,810 --> 00:09:35,776 Anyway, 250 00:09:35,778 --> 00:09:38,779 what were you going to say? 251 00:09:38,781 --> 00:09:41,582 Uh... 252 00:09:41,584 --> 00:09:46,203 I was gonna say, order whatever else you want. 253 00:09:46,205 --> 00:09:47,705 It's on me. 254 00:09:47,707 --> 00:09:49,924 Well, thanks, but I think I'd just rather 255 00:09:49,926 --> 00:09:51,825 eat it out of a bowl. 256 00:09:56,958 --> 00:09:58,358 Well, no doubt you're all wondering 257 00:09:58,373 --> 00:09:59,939 how the T-Square's first game went. 258 00:09:59,941 --> 00:10:00,991 What Squares? 259 00:10:00,993 --> 00:10:02,576 Picture a well- oiled machine. 260 00:10:02,578 --> 00:10:04,377 Your sewing machine? 261 00:10:04,379 --> 00:10:06,413 There were two seconds left on the clock. 262 00:10:06,415 --> 00:10:09,416 Aboubakar was all over me. 263 00:10:09,418 --> 00:10:11,968 And that's when all my years of architectural training 264 00:10:11,970 --> 00:10:13,637 came to my aid. 265 00:10:13,639 --> 00:10:17,307 I saw the space in a way my opponents never would. 266 00:10:32,774 --> 00:10:33,857 Yes! 267 00:10:33,859 --> 00:10:36,643 I told you guys I'd make one of these! 268 00:10:36,645 --> 00:10:38,578 Turns out, those two points were taken away 269 00:10:38,580 --> 00:10:40,980 because apparently the ball went "out of bounds." 270 00:10:40,982 --> 00:10:42,032 But don't worry, 271 00:10:42,034 --> 00:10:44,484 I'm appealing to the league office. 272 00:10:44,486 --> 00:10:47,771 This Aboubakar-- I'm assuming you showered with the guy? 273 00:10:47,773 --> 00:10:49,539 Paint me a word picture. 274 00:10:51,493 --> 00:10:52,626 Hello. 275 00:10:52,628 --> 00:10:53,927 Lil, is Barney there? 276 00:10:53,929 --> 00:10:55,011 He's not answering his phone. 277 00:10:55,013 --> 00:10:56,847 Mm, he's a little busy right now. 278 00:10:56,849 --> 00:10:57,997 It's Robin. 279 00:10:57,999 --> 00:10:59,933 37... 38... 280 00:10:59,935 --> 00:11:01,635 Put her on speaker. 39... 281 00:11:01,637 --> 00:11:03,503 When did you start being able to do stuff like this? 282 00:11:03,505 --> 00:11:05,338 A few months ago, you had to catch your breath 283 00:11:05,340 --> 00:11:06,339 after making a sandwich. 284 00:11:06,341 --> 00:11:07,840 Barney, delete the Robin 285 00:11:07,842 --> 00:11:10,777 and Patrice's BFF Fun Day invite! 286 00:11:10,779 --> 00:11:12,562 Did you break up with Nick yet? 287 00:11:12,564 --> 00:11:13,947 I can't! He just got some horrible call. 288 00:11:13,949 --> 00:11:16,182 I think a family member might have died or something. 289 00:11:16,184 --> 00:11:17,484 Oh! Yes! Yes! 290 00:11:17,486 --> 00:11:19,202 Yes! Yes! Yes! 291 00:11:19,204 --> 00:11:22,322 I mean, good that Robin can't dump him. 292 00:11:22,324 --> 00:11:23,856 The death part, less good. 293 00:11:23,858 --> 00:11:26,042 Robin, if you dump Nick, 294 00:11:26,044 --> 00:11:28,912 he could get mad and tear your blouse off. 295 00:11:28,914 --> 00:11:30,830 And then he bites you on the neck, 296 00:11:30,832 --> 00:11:32,699 not super hard, just on the brink 297 00:11:32,701 --> 00:11:33,800 between pleasure and pain. 298 00:11:33,802 --> 00:11:35,418 And then that Danish slut Nadia 299 00:11:35,420 --> 00:11:37,304 bursts in... 300 00:11:37,306 --> 00:11:40,039 You can't wait. His groin will heal 301 00:11:40,041 --> 00:11:42,041 and then before you know it, you'll be marrying a man 302 00:11:42,043 --> 00:11:44,728 who once ate a vanilla-scented candle! 303 00:11:44,730 --> 00:11:45,929 That was on me. 304 00:11:45,931 --> 00:11:48,582 I shouldn't have left it in the kitchen. 305 00:11:48,584 --> 00:11:51,284 Though, it was lit. Man, he dumb. 306 00:11:51,286 --> 00:11:52,852 The invite goes live in five minutes. 307 00:11:52,854 --> 00:11:54,020 What?! 308 00:11:54,022 --> 00:11:56,106 It goes out automatically unless I stop it, 309 00:11:56,108 --> 00:11:58,275 and that only happens if I hear you dump Nick 310 00:11:58,277 --> 00:12:00,076 on speakerphone before then. 311 00:12:00,078 --> 00:12:01,778 Fine. 312 00:12:04,898 --> 00:12:08,401 Hey, Nick. I'm sorry about that. 313 00:12:08,403 --> 00:12:10,353 Um, listen, 314 00:12:10,355 --> 00:12:11,871 there's something I need 315 00:12:11,873 --> 00:12:13,206 to talk to you about. 316 00:12:13,208 --> 00:12:16,293 No, Robin, I'm sorry. I'm like half here. 317 00:12:16,961 --> 00:12:18,411 That phone call, it just... 318 00:12:18,413 --> 00:12:21,264 I got some really bad news. 319 00:12:22,266 --> 00:12:24,634 My doctor did an MRI... 320 00:12:24,636 --> 00:12:26,386 and... 321 00:12:28,472 --> 00:12:32,058 Oh... Oh, God. What, what is it? 322 00:12:32,060 --> 00:12:35,195 My groin injury is worse than they thought. 323 00:12:35,197 --> 00:12:37,263 I can't play basketball for weeks. 324 00:12:37,265 --> 00:12:40,450 Thank God. I thought he was dying or something. 325 00:12:40,452 --> 00:12:43,770 How many weeks? How many weeks?! 326 00:12:43,772 --> 00:12:45,705 Please tell me it's not a tear 327 00:12:45,707 --> 00:12:47,073 in the iliolumbar ligament. 328 00:12:47,075 --> 00:12:49,209 It's a tear in the "libioflumflar linament." 329 00:12:49,211 --> 00:12:52,045 If it's a small tear, he can still make playoffs. 330 00:12:52,047 --> 00:12:53,046 It's a big tear. 331 00:12:53,048 --> 00:12:54,631 He better not be out for the season. 332 00:12:54,633 --> 00:12:56,800 I'm out for the season. Damn it! 333 00:12:56,802 --> 00:12:59,819 They're going up against The Number Crunchers without me. 334 00:12:59,821 --> 00:13:02,839 It's an after-work basketball league for lawyers 335 00:13:02,841 --> 00:13:05,642 and accountants and architects who sew. 336 00:13:05,644 --> 00:13:08,094 I mean, who takes it that seriously? 337 00:13:08,096 --> 00:13:12,766 No...! 338 00:13:13,651 --> 00:13:16,119 I just hate letting Coach Eriksen down. 339 00:13:16,121 --> 00:13:21,241 I would follow that man through the gates of hell! 340 00:13:21,243 --> 00:13:22,626 Winning. 341 00:13:22,628 --> 00:13:26,813 What do we win when we beat those Number Crunchers 342 00:13:26,815 --> 00:13:28,581 a few short weeks hence? 343 00:13:28,583 --> 00:13:30,000 A game? Sure. 344 00:13:30,685 --> 00:13:32,585 A trophy? Sort of. 345 00:13:32,587 --> 00:13:34,921 We win a $25 gift card to Bennigan's, 346 00:13:34,923 --> 00:13:37,457 but what is it that we really win? 347 00:13:37,459 --> 00:13:38,625 The game! 348 00:13:38,627 --> 00:13:40,210 Yes, I said that Nick. 349 00:13:40,212 --> 00:13:41,494 Right. 350 00:13:41,496 --> 00:13:43,663 But we also win 351 00:13:43,665 --> 00:13:45,131 the right to walk tall. 352 00:13:45,133 --> 00:13:46,266 Oh! 353 00:13:46,268 --> 00:13:48,835 The right to call ourselves champions. 354 00:13:48,837 --> 00:13:50,203 Yeah. So we are gonna 355 00:13:50,205 --> 00:13:51,721 go out and we are 356 00:13:51,723 --> 00:13:53,139 gonna wipe the floor with those accountants! 357 00:13:53,141 --> 00:13:56,176 And afterwards, we will feast like kings 358 00:13:56,178 --> 00:13:59,179 on Southwest Fajitas and Cajun shrimp! 359 00:13:59,181 --> 00:14:03,850 And that check, that check will be marginally less expensive! 360 00:14:03,852 --> 00:14:05,568 Yeah! Yeah! 361 00:14:05,570 --> 00:14:09,039 Now, they're probably gonna have to pay full price for that meal. 362 00:14:10,542 --> 00:14:14,694 Nick, you are so sweet, but I just... 363 00:14:14,696 --> 00:14:16,028 Good news is 364 00:14:16,030 --> 00:14:18,548 it doesn't really matter if it takes my groin pull 365 00:14:18,550 --> 00:14:20,216 a little longer to heal, 366 00:14:20,218 --> 00:14:23,035 so I may as well start having sex again. 367 00:14:23,037 --> 00:14:24,421 Listening. 368 00:14:24,423 --> 00:14:25,472 Sickening. 369 00:14:25,474 --> 00:14:26,639 Exiting. 370 00:14:31,395 --> 00:14:32,846 Nick... Huh? 371 00:14:32,848 --> 00:14:34,681 I just... 372 00:14:34,683 --> 00:14:37,016 Ah... I... 373 00:14:37,018 --> 00:14:39,169 Hmm? Um... 374 00:14:39,171 --> 00:14:40,570 Mm-hmm? 375 00:14:40,572 --> 00:14:41,721 Oh... 376 00:14:41,723 --> 00:14:45,558 What do you think? 377 00:14:45,560 --> 00:14:47,694 I think I am suddenly in the mood 378 00:14:47,696 --> 00:14:49,562 for something hot. 379 00:14:49,564 --> 00:14:51,898 I see. Sounds like I should order some cappuccinos. 380 00:14:51,900 --> 00:14:54,667 Don't talk till tomorrow morning. 381 00:14:54,669 --> 00:14:56,453 She can't go home with you, Nick. 382 00:14:56,455 --> 00:14:58,922 Barney? Why not? 383 00:14:58,924 --> 00:15:02,208 Because Robin and I are in love. 384 00:15:08,807 --> 00:15:10,631 Barney, what are you doing here? 385 00:15:10,857 --> 00:15:11,856 Taking care of something 386 00:15:11,858 --> 00:15:13,057 you clearly can't do on your own. 387 00:15:13,059 --> 00:15:14,075 I'm sorry, 388 00:15:14,077 --> 00:15:15,776 but you and Robin are done. 389 00:15:15,778 --> 00:15:17,278 What? Robin, what is this? 390 00:15:17,280 --> 00:15:19,230 Barney, look, I-I know what you're doing, okay? 391 00:15:19,232 --> 00:15:20,397 Please stop. 392 00:15:20,399 --> 00:15:22,233 Robin doesn't want to hurt your feelings 393 00:15:22,235 --> 00:15:23,701 because you're a nice guy, 394 00:15:23,703 --> 00:15:24,869 but she thinks 395 00:15:24,871 --> 00:15:26,170 you're stupid and she hates you. 396 00:15:26,172 --> 00:15:27,121 You're welcome. 397 00:15:27,123 --> 00:15:28,372 Stop doing this. 398 00:15:28,374 --> 00:15:29,907 I love her, Nick. 399 00:15:29,909 --> 00:15:31,342 Look, he doesn't love me. 400 00:15:31,344 --> 00:15:33,261 He's just saying this because... 401 00:15:33,263 --> 00:15:34,428 I love everything about her, 402 00:15:34,430 --> 00:15:36,347 and I'm not a guy who says that lightly. 403 00:15:36,349 --> 00:15:38,799 I'm a guy who has faked love his entire life. 404 00:15:38,801 --> 00:15:40,417 I thought love was just something 405 00:15:40,419 --> 00:15:41,636 idiots thought they felt, 406 00:15:41,638 --> 00:15:43,888 but this woman has a hold on my heart 407 00:15:43,890 --> 00:15:46,107 that I could not break if I wanted to, 408 00:15:46,109 --> 00:15:47,808 and there have been times 409 00:15:47,810 --> 00:15:49,393 that I wanted to. 410 00:15:49,395 --> 00:15:54,198 It has been overwhelming and humbling 411 00:15:54,200 --> 00:15:58,619 and even painful at times, but I could not stop loving her 412 00:15:58,621 --> 00:16:00,871 any more than I could stop breathing. 413 00:16:02,157 --> 00:16:06,160 I am hopelessly, irretrievably in love with her. 414 00:16:07,246 --> 00:16:10,147 More than she knows. 415 00:16:14,586 --> 00:16:15,836 Robin, 416 00:16:15,838 --> 00:16:17,388 is this true? 417 00:16:18,623 --> 00:16:20,808 You heard him. 418 00:16:22,344 --> 00:16:24,629 Oh, wow, it feels like I have 419 00:16:24,631 --> 00:16:28,015 a pulled groin muscle in my heart. 420 00:16:28,017 --> 00:16:29,767 Nick, I-I'm so sorry. 421 00:16:29,769 --> 00:16:32,019 I just think that maybe... 422 00:16:32,021 --> 00:16:33,821 Pardon me. 423 00:16:33,823 --> 00:16:36,657 But did you just also get your heart broken? 424 00:16:36,659 --> 00:16:39,277 Yes. I just got 425 00:16:39,279 --> 00:16:42,830 my heart broken, too! 426 00:16:42,832 --> 00:16:44,982 Well, do the... the two of you... 427 00:16:45,751 --> 00:16:47,501 ...want to come back to my place? 428 00:16:47,503 --> 00:16:50,621 Yes. Yes. Come on. 429 00:16:52,291 --> 00:16:55,926 Thus concluded the Autumn of Breakups, 430 00:16:55,928 --> 00:16:57,328 Wow. 431 00:16:57,330 --> 00:16:59,013 - Crazy, right? - Yeah, 432 00:16:59,015 --> 00:17:01,015 you know what would be really crazy? 433 00:17:01,017 --> 00:17:02,183 If all of 'em 434 00:17:02,185 --> 00:17:07,171 got it on-- Barney, Robin, Nick, and those two women, 435 00:17:07,173 --> 00:17:09,974 and you just know Nadia's watching in the corner 436 00:17:09,976 --> 00:17:11,676 with her pet snake. 437 00:17:11,678 --> 00:17:13,561 Okay, why aren't you two having sex? 438 00:17:13,563 --> 00:17:14,945 What? 439 00:17:14,947 --> 00:17:16,447 Excuse me? 440 00:17:16,449 --> 00:17:18,816 Lily has been slobbering over Robin's sex life 441 00:17:18,818 --> 00:17:22,119 like a cartoon hobo watching a pie cool on a windowsill, 442 00:17:22,121 --> 00:17:23,487 and you-- 443 00:17:23,489 --> 00:17:25,956 the only other time you've ever exercised this seriously 444 00:17:25,958 --> 00:17:28,025 was when Lily had mono freshman year 445 00:17:28,027 --> 00:17:29,543 and I caught you doing one-armed push-ups 446 00:17:29,545 --> 00:17:31,862 with your genitals over a bowl of ice. 447 00:17:31,864 --> 00:17:32,963 So, when did 448 00:17:32,965 --> 00:17:35,800 you stop doing it and why? 449 00:17:36,551 --> 00:17:38,636 It was, you know, 450 00:17:38,638 --> 00:17:41,255 before Marvin was born. 451 00:17:41,257 --> 00:17:42,840 What? Th-That's insane. 452 00:17:42,842 --> 00:17:45,343 Well, you have to wait a while after having a kid, 453 00:17:45,345 --> 00:17:48,512 and, and then you're exhausted from being up all night. 454 00:17:48,514 --> 00:17:52,316 And then this uncanny phenomenon began. 455 00:18:13,805 --> 00:18:14,939 Wow, 456 00:18:14,941 --> 00:18:16,507 you guys got to fix this. 457 00:18:16,509 --> 00:18:18,342 It's not that easy. 458 00:18:20,713 --> 00:18:22,713 Ted, having a kid 459 00:18:22,715 --> 00:18:24,215 changes things. 460 00:18:24,217 --> 00:18:28,302 You don't have the time or energy, you're never alone. 461 00:18:28,304 --> 00:18:30,438 Come here. 462 00:18:30,440 --> 00:18:32,356 What are you doing? 463 00:18:32,358 --> 00:18:33,941 Taking Marvin for a walk 464 00:18:33,943 --> 00:18:36,593 so you guys can have some privacy. 465 00:18:36,595 --> 00:18:38,529 Oh, Ted, come on, 466 00:18:38,531 --> 00:18:40,347 that's, that's just not the way that it works. 467 00:18:40,349 --> 00:18:42,533 Yeah, it's not like we can have sex on cue. 468 00:18:42,535 --> 00:18:44,568 Yeah, I'll give you guys plenty of time. 469 00:18:44,570 --> 00:18:46,153 Maybe I'll even 470 00:18:46,155 --> 00:18:47,788 swing by the gym, show Marvin 471 00:18:47,790 --> 00:18:49,824 where his Uncle Ted made "the shot." 472 00:18:49,826 --> 00:18:51,409 If I'm late, 473 00:18:51,411 --> 00:18:53,577 it's 'cause I've been delayed by autograph seekers. 474 00:18:55,380 --> 00:18:57,465 Oh, forgot Marvin's diaper bag. 475 00:18:57,467 --> 00:18:58,466 Yowza! 476 00:18:58,468 --> 00:19:00,768 Okay. 477 00:19:00,770 --> 00:19:03,637 And the Oscar for Best Fake Romantic Speech 478 00:19:03,639 --> 00:19:05,622 goes to Barney Stinson. 479 00:19:05,624 --> 00:19:08,292 I'd like to thank all the ladies over the years 480 00:19:08,294 --> 00:19:10,294 with whom I've practiced fake romantic speeches 481 00:19:10,296 --> 00:19:12,062 and, of course, Robin Scherbatsky 482 00:19:12,064 --> 00:19:14,148 for being so hypnotized by hog 483 00:19:14,150 --> 00:19:16,183 that she needed me to come and save her. 484 00:19:16,185 --> 00:19:18,486 You know what? I didn't need your help. 485 00:19:18,488 --> 00:19:22,490 You were this close to ripping off his misbuttoned shirt 486 00:19:22,492 --> 00:19:25,910 and pulling down his inside-out underpants. 487 00:19:25,912 --> 00:19:29,029 I'll give you this, you were pretty convincing. 488 00:19:29,031 --> 00:19:31,782 Hey, tricking good-looking idiots is kind of my thing. 489 00:19:31,784 --> 00:19:34,001 No. 490 00:19:34,819 --> 00:19:38,956 I mean, you were really convincing. 491 00:19:42,010 --> 00:19:43,043 Please. 492 00:19:43,045 --> 00:19:44,628 I was bro-ing you out. 493 00:19:45,441 --> 00:19:47,575 I'm just glad he bought it so quick. 494 00:19:47,577 --> 00:19:51,979 Any longer, I'd have had to kiss you. 495 00:19:58,755 --> 00:19:59,954 Hello. 496 00:19:59,956 --> 00:20:01,922 Whoo, oh, my God, Robin, BFF Fun Day! 497 00:20:01,924 --> 00:20:03,374 That's the most amazing thing ever. 498 00:20:03,376 --> 00:20:06,394 Like, you totally read my mind... Hey, Patrice. 499 00:20:06,396 --> 00:20:08,679 Oh, you got the invite, great. 500 00:20:08,681 --> 00:20:10,648 Uh, yeah, uh, let me call you back. 501 00:20:10,650 --> 00:20:12,360 This is so fantastic, I can't even catch my breath. 502 00:20:12,385 --> 00:20:13,218 Mm-hmm, yeah. 503 00:20:13,219 --> 00:20:15,636 Yeah, yeah, yeah! 504 00:20:15,638 --> 00:20:16,971 You know what I forgot to do? 505 00:20:18,841 --> 00:20:23,728 ♪ Like a fool, I went and stayed too long ♪ 506 00:20:23,730 --> 00:20:26,530 ♪ Now I'm wondering if your love's still strong ♪ 507 00:20:26,532 --> 00:20:29,533 ♪ Ooh, baby, here I am 508 00:20:29,535 --> 00:20:33,487 ♪ Signed, sealed, delivered, I'm yours. ♪ 509 00:20:37,101 --> 00:20:38,185 Hey, T-Squares. 510 00:20:38,666 --> 00:20:40,599 Well, bad news. 511 00:20:40,601 --> 00:20:42,618 Heard back from the league office. 512 00:20:42,620 --> 00:20:45,454 My shot is not going to count. 513 00:20:45,456 --> 00:20:47,740 But onwards and upwards, right? 514 00:20:47,742 --> 00:20:49,058 What do you cats want 515 00:20:49,060 --> 00:20:50,909 to rap about, huh? 516 00:20:50,911 --> 00:20:53,645 Listen, Coach... you're great. 517 00:20:53,647 --> 00:20:57,633 And we all really want to stay friends. 518 00:21:00,303 --> 00:21:02,287 I can change, I can... 519 00:21:02,289 --> 00:21:03,906 Come on, we, we had some good times. 520 00:21:05,145 --> 00:21:06,411 Things have been weird lately and... 521 00:21:08,401 --> 00:21:09,867 Is there another architect? Just tell me. 522 00:21:09,869 --> 00:21:14,869 == sync, corrected by elderman ==