1
00:00:01,102 --> 00:00:03,071
She's inappropriate,
but in charge.
2
00:00:03,104 --> 00:00:05,206
-She's The Mick.
-Can I have some more ice cream?
3
00:00:05,239 --> 00:00:06,240
Oh! Aaah!
4
00:00:06,274 --> 00:00:07,741
Catch all-new episodes Tuesdays,
5
00:00:07,775 --> 00:00:09,310
and check out
our other Fox programs--
6
00:00:09,343 --> 00:00:12,080
New Girl, Son of Zorn
and Lethal Weapon.
7
00:00:12,113 --> 00:00:13,847
-That's attractive.
-Why would they--
8
00:00:13,881 --> 00:00:15,749
Only on Fox.
9
00:00:19,087 --> 00:00:21,155
(children chatter indistinctly)
10
00:00:21,189 --> 00:00:23,324
(sighs)
Is your aunt always this late?
11
00:00:23,357 --> 00:00:25,659
She said
she's on Irish time.
12
00:00:25,693 --> 00:00:27,495
(door opens)
MICKEY:
Hey.
13
00:00:27,528 --> 00:00:28,662
Sorry I'm late.
Hey, buddy.
14
00:00:28,696 --> 00:00:30,331
BEN:
Hi.
MICKEY: Stuck
15
00:00:30,364 --> 00:00:32,666
in, uh, traffic
for over an hour. Ew.
16
00:00:32,700 --> 00:00:35,703
Well, we have been waiting
for almost two hours.
17
00:00:35,736 --> 00:00:38,339
Well, I'm in the middle
of a very busy afternoon.
18
00:00:38,372 --> 00:00:39,573
What can I do for you?
19
00:00:39,607 --> 00:00:42,676
Ben is no longer
allowed to ride the bus.
20
00:00:42,710 --> 00:00:44,512
He's been urinating on it.
21
00:00:44,545 --> 00:00:46,714
That true, buddy?
You peeing on the bus?
22
00:00:46,747 --> 00:00:50,184
No. I peed
in Ryan Leggio's backpack.
23
00:00:50,218 --> 00:00:51,352
Well, that's still
not a bathroom.
24
00:00:51,385 --> 00:00:52,520
And then on his shoes
25
00:00:52,553 --> 00:00:54,188
when he called me a "pee freak."
26
00:00:54,222 --> 00:00:56,757
Okay, I can see how
that might be a problem.
27
00:00:56,790 --> 00:00:59,127
But look, in the kid's defense,
it's a brutal commute.
28
00:00:59,160 --> 00:01:01,595
I had to stop at a gas station
on the way here,
29
00:01:01,629 --> 00:01:03,097
or I would have peed myself.
30
00:01:03,131 --> 00:01:05,866
Uh, look, it's not just the bus.
31
00:01:05,899 --> 00:01:07,101
Ben has been
32
00:01:07,135 --> 00:01:08,536
doing poorly in his
classes, as well.
33
00:01:08,569 --> 00:01:10,304
Einstein flunked math.
34
00:01:10,338 --> 00:01:12,606
He's also having trouble
making friends.
35
00:01:12,640 --> 00:01:14,308
You think Bill Gates
had friends?
And
36
00:01:14,342 --> 00:01:17,211
he refuses
to wear his uniform properly.
37
00:01:17,245 --> 00:01:19,713
Oh. Huh. You know who else
refused to wear a uniform?
38
00:01:19,747 --> 00:01:21,882
Muhammad Ali, The Champ.
39
00:01:21,915 --> 00:01:26,320
Did The Champ
wear high heels?
40
00:01:26,354 --> 00:01:28,489
Look, give him a break.
The kid probably misses his mom.
41
00:01:28,522 --> 00:01:29,623
They're Sabrina's.
42
00:01:29,657 --> 00:01:31,559
Look, if Ben can't
43
00:01:31,592 --> 00:01:33,761
change his behavior, I think
that we're going to have to...
44
00:01:33,794 --> 00:01:36,164
You're going to have
to what? Boot him?
45
00:01:36,197 --> 00:01:37,898
(laughing):
Oh, no, buddy.
46
00:01:37,931 --> 00:01:40,234
Too late. We reject you.
47
00:01:40,268 --> 00:01:43,904
Yeah. That kid's special, okay?
48
00:01:43,937 --> 00:01:45,739
Not special like he...
49
00:01:45,773 --> 00:01:47,675
He-He's just a special kid.
50
00:01:47,708 --> 00:01:50,411
And if you can't see that,
you can burn in hell.
51
00:01:50,444 --> 00:01:53,414
Okay. Well, I wish you luck.
52
00:01:53,447 --> 00:01:55,583
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
I wish you luck,
53
00:01:55,616 --> 00:01:57,585
because your school is a mess.
Have you met the other
54
00:01:57,618 --> 00:01:59,653
two Pemberton kids
you've educated?
55
00:01:59,687 --> 00:02:01,522
Yes, I know Chip
and Sabrina.
Yeah.
56
00:02:01,555 --> 00:02:03,424
Well, this place has
just about ruined them.
57
00:02:03,457 --> 00:02:05,359
You're running
a crap factory here, pal.
58
00:02:05,393 --> 00:02:07,428
Just churning out crap. Ugh!
59
00:02:07,461 --> 00:02:09,530
Look at this kid.
Are you kidding me?
60
00:02:09,563 --> 00:02:10,764
That kid sucks.
61
00:02:10,798 --> 00:02:12,266
Sucks, sucks.
62
00:02:12,300 --> 00:02:13,367
This is a great school
63
00:02:13,401 --> 00:02:15,369
to come to if you want
your kid to suck.
64
00:02:15,403 --> 00:02:18,439
Oh, look, here comes another
guy. You suck!
Well,
65
00:02:18,472 --> 00:02:20,374
it's the middle of the school
year. I think you're gonna
66
00:02:20,408 --> 00:02:22,276
find it very difficult
to find any school
67
00:02:22,310 --> 00:02:24,178
that's willing to...
No, no, no, no, no, no.
68
00:02:24,212 --> 00:02:25,946
You're not the only game
in town, buddy, okay?
69
00:02:25,979 --> 00:02:28,316
This school's a joke,
and not a good one.
70
00:02:28,349 --> 00:02:29,617
Then I think
we're done here.
71
00:02:29,650 --> 00:02:31,685
No.think we're done here.
72
00:02:40,561 --> 00:02:42,530
Should I go with her?
73
00:02:42,563 --> 00:02:44,398
Regrettably.
74
00:02:50,871 --> 00:02:52,840
MICKEY:
Seven schools?
75
00:02:52,873 --> 00:02:54,242
Who gets rejected
by seven schools?
76
00:02:54,275 --> 00:02:55,843
Maybe you should have thought
about that before
77
00:02:55,876 --> 00:02:58,346
you took him out of the best
prep school in the country.
78
00:02:58,379 --> 00:02:59,880
Yeah, well, maybe
I didn't think it through,
79
00:02:59,913 --> 00:03:02,350
'cause I was too focused
on how much Lockwood sucks.
80
00:03:02,383 --> 00:03:03,817
And by the way, your
principal's a real tool.
81
00:03:03,851 --> 00:03:05,419
Nice influence.
I mean,
82
00:03:05,453 --> 00:03:07,988
what is the problem? The kid's
got an odd fashion sense.
83
00:03:08,021 --> 00:03:09,857
What's wrong
with my fashion senses?
84
00:03:09,890 --> 00:03:11,559
Oh, hey, buddy.
85
00:03:11,592 --> 00:03:13,227
Uh... nothing.
86
00:03:13,261 --> 00:03:15,563
Not a thing. I think
you look very handsome.
87
00:03:15,596 --> 00:03:17,331
Uh, you want to go play
in the other room?
88
00:03:17,365 --> 00:03:19,933
So you can keep
talking about me? Okay.
89
00:03:19,967 --> 00:03:21,835
So I can keep talking about you.
90
00:03:21,869 --> 00:03:23,871
That is a smart kid.
91
00:03:23,904 --> 00:03:25,873
I do not understand why
he can't get into a school.
92
00:03:25,906 --> 00:03:27,375
Oh, come on.
Don't be naive.
93
00:03:27,408 --> 00:03:28,742
We all know
the real reason.
94
00:03:28,776 --> 00:03:29,877
Here we go.
95
00:03:29,910 --> 00:03:32,012
Frederico Diaz, 3.0,
96
00:03:32,045 --> 00:03:34,448
crapped the bed on the SATs,
gets into Brown.
97
00:03:34,482 --> 00:03:37,351
Meanwhile, Dustin Wakefield--
straight A's,
98
00:03:37,385 --> 00:03:39,253
school treasurer--
gets into Wesleyan.
99
00:03:39,287 --> 00:03:40,388
Disgraceful.
100
00:03:40,421 --> 00:03:41,855
What are you talking about?
It's never
101
00:03:41,889 --> 00:03:43,957
been harder to be a white male
than it is right now.
102
00:03:43,991 --> 00:03:47,595
I'm gonna have to work twice
as hard to achieve half as much.
103
00:03:47,628 --> 00:03:48,962
Preach, brother.
104
00:03:48,996 --> 00:03:51,599
I haven't had a
win in 37 years.
SABRINA:
Oh, come on.
105
00:03:51,632 --> 00:03:52,766
Try being a woman.
106
00:03:52,800 --> 00:03:54,602
At least I understand the plight
of diverse people.
107
00:03:54,635 --> 00:03:56,804
What?!
You two are about as diverse
108
00:03:56,837 --> 00:03:58,038
as a Jimmy Buffet concert.
109
00:03:58,071 --> 00:03:59,807
I would call you racist,
110
00:03:59,840 --> 00:04:01,542
but you only hang out
with white people.
111
00:04:01,575 --> 00:04:02,910
So I guess
that makes you separatists.
112
00:04:02,943 --> 00:04:04,945
You don't know who
I hang out with.
Okay.
113
00:04:04,978 --> 00:04:06,780
Name one
non-white friend.
114
00:04:06,814 --> 00:04:07,915
(scoffs)
115
00:04:07,948 --> 00:04:09,049
Alba.
116
00:04:09,082 --> 00:04:11,485
Alba. Super not white.
117
00:04:11,519 --> 00:04:12,920
Oh, don't drag
me into this.
118
00:04:12,953 --> 00:04:14,655
Alba is not your friend.
119
00:04:14,688 --> 00:04:16,457
You do not yell at your friend
120
00:04:16,490 --> 00:04:17,791
for putting dressing
on your salad.
121
00:04:17,825 --> 00:04:18,992
You know nothing
about her.
122
00:04:19,026 --> 00:04:20,394
I know plenty about her.
123
00:04:20,428 --> 00:04:21,629
What's her last name?
124
00:04:21,662 --> 00:04:24,298
Gonzalez?
Perez.
125
00:04:24,332 --> 00:04:26,066
Maldanado.
That's a tough
start, guys.
126
00:04:26,099 --> 00:04:27,801
MICKEY:
You have lived with Alba
127
00:04:27,835 --> 00:04:30,738
your entire lives, and you don't
know her full name?
128
00:04:30,771 --> 00:04:32,506
Alba is a rich
129
00:04:32,540 --> 00:04:33,641
fountain of culture.
130
00:04:33,674 --> 00:04:34,808
Guzzle from her.
131
00:04:34,842 --> 00:04:37,345
You know what, Alba?
Hmm?
132
00:04:37,378 --> 00:04:40,080
Tomorrow, me and you--
we're going out. On me.
133
00:04:40,113 --> 00:04:42,850
And I want to know
every single thing about you,
134
00:04:42,883 --> 00:04:44,752
because you are my new friend.
135
00:04:44,785 --> 00:04:47,588
That sounds good.
Okay. (laughs)
136
00:04:47,621 --> 00:04:49,690
Count me in.
I frickin' love diversity.
137
00:04:49,723 --> 00:04:52,092
Yeah, uh, okay, I got to
get Ben into a good school.
138
00:04:52,125 --> 00:04:53,827
I cannot have him
turning out like you.
139
00:04:53,861 --> 00:04:55,429
Look, there's only
two schools that are
140
00:04:55,463 --> 00:04:56,764
accepting students right now--
141
00:04:56,797 --> 00:04:58,366
the all-girls school
across the street
142
00:04:58,399 --> 00:05:00,668
and the public school, but
it's, like, 40 minutes away.
143
00:05:00,701 --> 00:05:03,437
Well, enjoy the drive.
144
00:05:03,471 --> 00:05:05,473
(sighs)
145
00:05:07,575 --> 00:05:09,843
I know the first day
at a new school can be tough,
146
00:05:09,877 --> 00:05:11,445
but you just remember
to be yourself,
147
00:05:11,479 --> 00:05:13,381
and you'll be just fine.
148
00:05:13,414 --> 00:05:16,183
I'm a transformer!
149
00:05:16,216 --> 00:05:17,951
Yeah. Sure.
150
00:05:17,985 --> 00:05:20,153
Transformer. Close enough.
151
00:05:25,025 --> 00:05:26,560
So, am I a girl now?
152
00:05:26,594 --> 00:05:28,462
No, only when
you're at school.
153
00:05:28,496 --> 00:05:30,030
Or whenever else
you want to be.
154
00:05:30,063 --> 00:05:32,132
Cool. Do I
have a vagina?
155
00:05:32,165 --> 00:05:34,402
No, you don't.
Any other questions?
156
00:05:34,435 --> 00:05:37,137
What is a vagina?
157
00:05:37,170 --> 00:05:40,808
Oh, that's like,
right up the... in between...
158
00:05:40,841 --> 00:05:42,142
You got...
159
00:05:42,175 --> 00:05:44,478
Can I get back to you
on that one?
160
00:05:44,512 --> 00:05:45,979
Okay.
Thanks, buddy.
161
00:05:46,013 --> 00:05:48,516
You look really good
in that dress, by the way.
162
00:05:48,549 --> 00:05:50,751
Thanks. It's breezy
on my vagina.
163
00:05:50,784 --> 00:05:52,820
Yeah. Yeah, maybe
don't mention that, though.
164
00:05:52,853 --> 00:05:54,488
Now, listen,
there are three things
165
00:05:54,522 --> 00:05:55,823
you've got to remember
today, okay?
166
00:05:55,856 --> 00:05:57,858
Number one:
go wherever the girls go,
167
00:05:57,891 --> 00:05:59,159
do whatever the girls do.
168
00:05:59,192 --> 00:06:01,161
Number two--
and this one's critical-- you...
169
00:06:01,194 --> 00:06:04,665
What? Are we here already?
My God, that's close. Nice.
170
00:06:04,698 --> 00:06:05,833
All right.
171
00:06:05,866 --> 00:06:07,735
Sorry we're late.
You know how fussy
172
00:06:07,768 --> 00:06:09,770
little girls are getting ready.
Well, we are
173
00:06:09,803 --> 00:06:12,506
thrilled to have our very first
transgender student.
174
00:06:12,540 --> 00:06:14,041
Oh, say thank you, Ben.
175
00:06:14,074 --> 00:06:16,710
I thought you said
my name was "Beth."
Yes.
176
00:06:16,744 --> 00:06:19,112
That's what I said. He still
gets confused sometimes.
177
00:06:19,146 --> 00:06:20,681
Well, you mean "she"?
178
00:06:20,714 --> 00:06:22,616
Yeah, yeah,
that's what I mean.
179
00:06:22,650 --> 00:06:23,884
You'll get it.
Don't worry about it.
180
00:06:23,917 --> 00:06:25,886
Hey, Ben... th...
why don't you run outside
181
00:06:25,919 --> 00:06:27,621
to the playground
while we finish up,
182
00:06:27,655 --> 00:06:29,056
okay?
Okay.
183
00:06:29,089 --> 00:06:30,691
Should I do
the thing now?
184
00:06:30,724 --> 00:06:32,693
Yeah.
185
00:06:32,726 --> 00:06:35,095
Oh!
(Mickey laughs)
186
00:06:35,128 --> 00:06:36,930
(loud, overlapping
chatter and shouting)
187
00:06:36,964 --> 00:06:39,199
Want to play dolls?
I'm not really
into dolls.
188
00:06:39,232 --> 00:06:40,901
Want to play
super smash ball?
189
00:06:40,934 --> 00:06:42,970
It's like dodge ball,
except we're all ninjas.
190
00:06:43,003 --> 00:06:45,105
Okay.
191
00:06:46,239 --> 00:06:49,109
So, Alba, tell us
more about Guatemala.
192
00:06:49,142 --> 00:06:51,612
Oh. Uh, okay.
193
00:06:51,645 --> 00:06:54,782
Well, the national flower
194
00:06:54,815 --> 00:06:56,784
is the White Nun Orchid,
195
00:06:56,817 --> 00:06:59,086
and the national bird...
Oh, wait. Hold on.
196
00:06:59,119 --> 00:07:01,121
I want to write this down so
I can throw it in Mickey's face.
197
00:07:01,154 --> 00:07:02,923
Oh, okay.
198
00:07:02,956 --> 00:07:06,660
Uh, the national bird
is the quetzal.
199
00:07:06,694 --> 00:07:11,665
And, uh, oh, the
population is 12.7 million.
200
00:07:11,699 --> 00:07:13,634
Wow.
Alba, this is delicious.
Is this eggplant?
201
00:07:13,667 --> 00:07:15,836
No, it's beef.
202
00:07:15,869 --> 00:07:17,738
(gasps)
(laughs)
203
00:07:17,771 --> 00:07:19,640
Alba, you know
I don't eat red meat.
204
00:07:19,673 --> 00:07:21,008
Why would you order this?
205
00:07:21,041 --> 00:07:23,577
That is strange.
206
00:07:23,611 --> 00:07:24,845
It must be regional.
207
00:07:24,878 --> 00:07:26,747
You know, where I'm from,
it's vegetarian.
208
00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:28,582
No, pepian is always beef.
209
00:07:28,616 --> 00:07:30,651
No, it's not. No. Take it away.
No. Get it out of here.
210
00:07:30,684 --> 00:07:32,986
No. That's not good.
Not where I come from. No.
211
00:07:33,020 --> 00:07:36,256
Alba? Why is your phone on
the Guatemala Wikipedia page?
212
00:07:36,289 --> 00:07:38,091
Is it?
213
00:07:38,125 --> 00:07:40,794
Alba. What's going on?
214
00:07:41,995 --> 00:07:44,665
Well, okay, I'm from Guatemala,
215
00:07:47,100 --> 00:07:47,467
What? I came here
216
00:07:48,301 --> 00:07:49,970
as a little girl, so my culture
217
00:07:50,003 --> 00:07:51,839
is your culture.
Are you kidding me?
218
00:07:51,872 --> 00:07:54,041
I just blew eight years
of no red meat for nothing?
219
00:07:54,074 --> 00:07:55,643
Why didn't you
just tell us?
220
00:07:55,676 --> 00:07:57,277
I don't know. Uh,
221
00:07:57,310 --> 00:07:58,946
when I saw how much
you guys wanted
222
00:07:58,979 --> 00:08:00,781
to hang out with me,
I got excited.
223
00:08:00,814 --> 00:08:02,616
Now I feel terrible.
The whole point of this
224
00:08:02,650 --> 00:08:03,951
was to get to know you better.
225
00:08:03,984 --> 00:08:05,886
No, the whole point of
this was to hang out
226
00:08:05,919 --> 00:08:08,689
with somebody diverse so
we could shut Mickey up.
227
00:08:08,722 --> 00:08:11,124
Ignore him.
Alba, is there anywhere
228
00:08:11,158 --> 00:08:12,893
that you actually like going?
229
00:08:12,926 --> 00:08:16,797
Well... there is this
one place I really love.
230
00:08:16,830 --> 00:08:17,865
Okay, good, let's go there.
231
00:08:17,898 --> 00:08:20,033
But first let's send
a selfie to Mickey.
Oh.
232
00:08:20,067 --> 00:08:21,869
Oh, wait.
Oh.
233
00:08:21,902 --> 00:08:24,705
(chuckles)
234
00:08:24,738 --> 00:08:26,640
(birds chirping)
235
00:08:26,674 --> 00:08:29,242
Getting Ben into a school
across the street was genius.
236
00:08:29,276 --> 00:08:31,879
He is cranking through my
mascara like a street whore,
237
00:08:31,912 --> 00:08:33,547
but it's worth it.
238
00:08:33,581 --> 00:08:35,315
Hey, you mind
if I go bare-ass?
239
00:08:35,348 --> 00:08:37,217
I'd really rather
you did not.
240
00:08:37,250 --> 00:08:39,019
(phone vibrating)
241
00:08:41,221 --> 00:08:42,322
Hello.
242
00:08:42,355 --> 00:08:43,591
Yep.
243
00:08:44,625 --> 00:08:46,760
What, you mean right now?
244
00:08:46,794 --> 00:08:48,596
Oh, gosh, I'd love to,
245
00:08:48,629 --> 00:08:50,864
but I'm kind of
right in the middle of...
246
00:08:51,965 --> 00:08:53,100
Okay.
247
00:08:53,133 --> 00:08:56,103
Yeah, I get it.
All right, I'll be right there.
248
00:08:56,136 --> 00:08:58,606
Everything okay?
Mm-hmm.
249
00:08:58,639 --> 00:09:00,608
Just got to hike
over to Ben's school.
250
00:09:00,641 --> 00:09:02,610
You want to come with me?
No.
251
00:09:02,643 --> 00:09:05,679
I'm gonna stay here and cook
off some of these tan lines.
252
00:09:05,713 --> 00:09:07,715
*
253
00:09:09,316 --> 00:09:11,251
(disgusted groan)
254
00:09:11,284 --> 00:09:13,854
* Ooh, my little pretty one,
pretty one *
255
00:09:13,887 --> 00:09:16,023
* When you gonna give me some
256
00:09:16,056 --> 00:09:18,058
* Time, Sharona
Alba, I had no idea
257
00:09:18,091 --> 00:09:20,761
you liked karaoke--
that's so cool and interesting.
Oh,
258
00:09:20,794 --> 00:09:24,998
I love it. As a little girl,
I dreamed of being Elton John.
259
00:09:25,999 --> 00:09:27,635
All right,
everyone keep their eyes peeled
260
00:09:27,668 --> 00:09:28,936
for an ethnic person.
261
00:09:28,969 --> 00:09:30,704
You're the reason
people hate us.
262
00:09:30,738 --> 00:09:32,973
Jealousy is the reason
people hate us.
263
00:09:33,006 --> 00:09:35,208
Alba, what song
are you gonna sing later?
264
00:09:35,242 --> 00:09:36,243
(laughs):
Oh, no, no.
265
00:09:36,276 --> 00:09:39,647
I only sing in the shower
or the car
266
00:09:39,680 --> 00:09:40,948
or doing dishes,
you know,
267
00:09:40,981 --> 00:09:42,382
getting dressed
or folding clothes,
268
00:09:42,415 --> 00:09:46,086
but never in front of anyone--
I could never do that, no.
269
00:09:46,119 --> 00:09:48,155
Okay, this is what
I'm talking about.
270
00:09:48,188 --> 00:09:50,624
Hey, man, where are you from?
Nigeria.
271
00:09:50,658 --> 00:09:52,159
Jackpot.
272
00:09:52,192 --> 00:09:53,160
* My, my
273
00:09:53,193 --> 00:09:55,128
* My-yi whoo!
274
00:09:55,162 --> 00:09:56,930
GIRLS:
I'm a little Dutch girl
275
00:09:56,964 --> 00:09:58,732
dressed in blue.
276
00:09:58,766 --> 00:10:00,267
These are the things
277
00:10:00,300 --> 00:10:02,069
that I can do.
278
00:10:02,102 --> 00:10:03,303
What are you doing here?
279
00:10:03,336 --> 00:10:05,605
Hi! I just came to
see your principal.
280
00:10:05,639 --> 00:10:07,407
I see you made
some new friends.
281
00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:09,342
Yeah. I really like
this girl Jennifer.
282
00:10:09,376 --> 00:10:11,679
Does that make me a lesbian?
283
00:10:11,712 --> 00:10:13,180
You don't have to worry
about labels, buddy.
284
00:10:13,213 --> 00:10:15,315
Just like who you like.
Good. 'Cause I also like
285
00:10:15,348 --> 00:10:16,917
this kid named Brad
from my old school.
286
00:10:16,950 --> 00:10:19,319
Sweet. Keep your
options open.
287
00:10:19,352 --> 00:10:20,854
See you in a bit.
288
00:10:20,888 --> 00:10:22,322
GIRLS:
I can do the...
289
00:10:22,355 --> 00:10:24,291
Hope this is some
sort of an emergency.
290
00:10:24,324 --> 00:10:26,359
I was in the middle of
an important meeting.
291
00:10:26,393 --> 00:10:29,096
This is Gene,
a parent here.
292
00:10:29,129 --> 00:10:31,298
He has some concerns
regarding Beth.
293
00:10:31,331 --> 00:10:33,934
You kept me waiting,
so I'm gonna get right to it.
294
00:10:33,967 --> 00:10:36,036
My wife and I aren't comfortable
with our daughter
295
00:10:36,069 --> 00:10:38,772
sharing a bathroom
with a boy in a dress.
296
00:10:38,806 --> 00:10:42,009
I'm sorry, I don't know anything
about a boy in a dress.
297
00:10:42,042 --> 00:10:44,878
I know about a darling
little girl in a dress-- is that
298
00:10:44,912 --> 00:10:46,780
who you're talking
about, Gene?
Okay, look,
299
00:10:46,814 --> 00:10:48,716
I'm not trying to pass
any judgments here, all right?
300
00:10:48,749 --> 00:10:51,318
Anything anyone wants to do
or wear, I'm cool with.
301
00:10:51,351 --> 00:10:54,154
Well, would you
listen to that!
302
00:10:54,187 --> 00:10:57,157
Gene here is cool with the rest
of the world having free will.
303
00:10:57,190 --> 00:10:58,358
Thank you, Gene.
304
00:10:58,391 --> 00:10:59,893
I didn't mean it like that.
No?
305
00:10:59,927 --> 00:11:01,995
No. I'm just looking after
my daughter's safety.
306
00:11:02,029 --> 00:11:04,197
I mean, come on, it's
common sense, all right?
307
00:11:04,231 --> 00:11:07,167
That's why we have
a boys' room and a girls' room.
308
00:11:08,836 --> 00:11:10,971
I got news for you, friend.
309
00:11:11,004 --> 00:11:12,973
The world is a dangerous place.
310
00:11:13,006 --> 00:11:14,742
Nobody's safe.
311
00:11:14,775 --> 00:11:16,176
It does not take
a little boy
312
00:11:16,209 --> 00:11:18,345
in a dress
to molest your daughter.
313
00:11:18,378 --> 00:11:20,080
I use the girls' room.
314
00:11:20,113 --> 00:11:22,382
I could easily molest
her any time I want.
315
00:11:22,415 --> 00:11:23,383
Uh, please,
316
00:11:23,416 --> 00:11:24,918
let's not make this personal.
317
00:11:24,952 --> 00:11:25,986
I'm not done, Rita.
318
00:11:26,019 --> 00:11:28,221
I won't do it, Gene, okay?
319
00:11:28,255 --> 00:11:31,324
But maybe... not only
am I a sexual predator,
320
00:11:31,358 --> 00:11:33,093
maybe I'm liar.
321
00:11:33,126 --> 00:11:35,095
So maybe I will do it.
322
00:11:35,128 --> 00:11:36,163
Whoa.
323
00:11:36,196 --> 00:11:37,264
Okay.
324
00:11:37,297 --> 00:11:38,832
Stop for
just a moment.
325
00:11:38,866 --> 00:11:41,234
I understand this is
a very emotional issue.
326
00:11:41,268 --> 00:11:44,404
We thought we were ready
for this, but clearly we aren't.
327
00:11:44,437 --> 00:11:45,405
What?
So I'm sorry.
328
00:11:45,438 --> 00:11:48,541
Beth has to leave Barnsdale.
329
00:11:49,910 --> 00:11:51,278
(groans)
330
00:11:51,311 --> 00:11:52,880
No.
331
00:11:52,913 --> 00:11:55,883
No. This isn't over.
332
00:11:58,151 --> 00:12:00,888
You tell your daughter
to watch her back.
333
00:12:10,163 --> 00:12:11,799
Can you believe that bigot
chucked our little girl?
334
00:12:11,832 --> 00:12:13,801
I got to find a way
to get him back in.
335
00:12:13,834 --> 00:12:16,904
Now a transgender person
knows how it feels to be
white these days.
336
00:12:16,937 --> 00:12:18,405
Ben is white. And
he's not transgender.
337
00:12:18,438 --> 00:12:20,240
He just likes wearing
little girl's clothing.
338
00:12:20,273 --> 00:12:21,541
If anything,
he's gender-fluid.
339
00:12:21,574 --> 00:12:24,111
You know what? I'm proud
to be his big sister.
340
00:12:24,144 --> 00:12:26,146
No, don't make this your thing.
This is Ben's thing.
341
00:12:26,179 --> 00:12:27,781
It seems like
it's your thing.
I'm just trying
342
00:12:27,815 --> 00:12:29,449
to get your brother
into a school he likes.
343
00:12:29,482 --> 00:12:32,552
And if I can fight injustice
and slam my foot up her ass
344
00:12:32,585 --> 00:12:34,387
at the same time,
then that's a win.
345
00:12:34,421 --> 00:12:36,256
Oh, yeah, so suddenly
you're just this big friend
346
00:12:36,289 --> 00:12:37,825
of the LGBTQ community?
347
00:12:37,858 --> 00:12:39,059
Mm-hmm.
348
00:12:39,092 --> 00:12:40,260
Wh-What?
349
00:12:40,293 --> 00:12:42,162
Are you serious?
Lesbian-Gay-
350
00:12:42,195 --> 00:12:44,064
Bisexual-Transgender-
Questioning.
351
00:12:44,097 --> 00:12:46,066
Pretty sure the Q's
for "queer."
352
00:12:46,099 --> 00:12:47,234
No, "queer"
is offensive.
353
00:12:47,267 --> 00:12:48,568
Why? When I was growing up,
354
00:12:48,601 --> 00:12:50,403
it was the kid with the ball.
355
00:12:50,437 --> 00:12:52,072
And where's the "S"
for "straight"?
356
00:12:52,105 --> 00:12:53,406
You don't need to
be represented.
357
00:12:53,440 --> 00:12:55,275
So... they can exclude us,
358
00:12:55,308 --> 00:12:57,577
but when we exclude them,
we're the bad guys?
359
00:12:57,610 --> 00:12:59,479
When exactly do my people
get their justice?
360
00:13:00,981 --> 00:13:02,482
For the last
5,000 years.
361
00:13:02,515 --> 00:13:04,584
Agree to disagree.
JIMMY: You know, this reminds me
362
00:13:04,617 --> 00:13:06,920
of Massachusetts v. Shepherd.
363
00:13:06,954 --> 00:13:08,188
Never heard of it.
Well, it was
364
00:13:08,221 --> 00:13:09,489
a case involving me.
365
00:13:09,522 --> 00:13:11,491
I was at the aquarium
and I got lost.
366
00:13:11,524 --> 00:13:13,360
I end up in the wrong bathroom.
367
00:13:13,393 --> 00:13:15,262
Next thing I know,
I'm getting arrested
368
00:13:15,295 --> 00:13:17,630
for looking like a predator,
which, incidentally,
369
00:13:17,664 --> 00:13:20,333
is why they threw out the case.
370
00:13:20,367 --> 00:13:22,202
They profiled the mustache.
371
00:13:22,235 --> 00:13:23,871
Hmm.
Not a good move.
372
00:13:23,904 --> 00:13:25,272
You should just
sue Barnsdale.
373
00:13:25,305 --> 00:13:26,606
No, I'm not suing anyone, okay?
374
00:13:26,639 --> 00:13:28,842
Suing is how rich white people
solve their problems.
375
00:13:28,876 --> 00:13:30,944
Yeah, but you don't have
to actually sue them.
376
00:13:30,978 --> 00:13:33,280
You could just
threaten to sue them.
377
00:13:33,313 --> 00:13:35,916
I do love threatening.
378
00:13:39,152 --> 00:13:41,855
Hey, Sabrina, I'm so happy
you wanted to come back here.
379
00:13:41,889 --> 00:13:43,991
Yeah, well,
these ribs are delicious.
380
00:13:44,024 --> 00:13:46,393
And... I wanted
to sing and show you
381
00:13:46,426 --> 00:13:48,461
there was nothing
to be afraid of.
382
00:13:48,495 --> 00:13:50,230
Really?
Mm-hmm.
383
00:13:50,263 --> 00:13:52,132
Oh, I'm so
nervous for you.
384
00:13:52,165 --> 00:13:54,134
I want to throw up
and run away.
385
00:13:54,167 --> 00:13:57,004
MAN: All right, next up,
Sabrina Pemberton.
386
00:13:57,037 --> 00:13:58,238
Watch and learn.
387
00:13:58,271 --> 00:13:59,639
Come on up.
388
00:13:59,672 --> 00:14:00,974
(people clapping)
389
00:14:01,008 --> 00:14:03,310
So, how long have you
been in America?
390
00:14:03,343 --> 00:14:04,477
Since I was
12 years old.
391
00:14:04,511 --> 00:14:06,046
Is your family out here?
392
00:14:06,079 --> 00:14:07,480
My family is dead.
393
00:14:07,514 --> 00:14:10,150
Mm.
My mother, she
died of malaria.
394
00:14:10,183 --> 00:14:11,885
So I ran away from home.
395
00:14:11,919 --> 00:14:14,321
Then I was taken and
made to be a soldier.
396
00:14:14,354 --> 00:14:16,656
Huh.
They gave me a gun and
forced me to execute
397
00:14:16,689 --> 00:14:19,592
a farmer, but
my gun jammed.
398
00:14:19,626 --> 00:14:21,561
Thank God you caught a break.
399
00:14:21,594 --> 00:14:24,264
They made me hack him
with a machete instead.
400
00:14:24,297 --> 00:14:25,532
(shudders)
401
00:14:25,565 --> 00:14:27,700
It was my ninth birthday.
402
00:14:28,701 --> 00:14:31,604
Wow. That...
403
00:14:31,638 --> 00:14:34,174
that's just...
404
00:14:34,207 --> 00:14:35,675
perfect.
405
00:14:35,708 --> 00:14:37,911
Do you mind starting
from the top?
406
00:14:37,945 --> 00:14:39,913
Just... Record it
for a friend.
407
00:14:39,947 --> 00:14:42,950
This next song is
for my maid, Alba.
408
00:14:42,983 --> 00:14:44,918
(chuckles)
She's been keeping it real
since I was in diapers.
409
00:14:44,952 --> 00:14:47,187
WOMAN: Yeah, Alba!
Everybody show her some love!
Come on!
410
00:14:47,220 --> 00:14:48,421
You my girl, Alba.
411
00:14:48,455 --> 00:14:50,023
You my girl.
412
00:14:50,057 --> 00:14:52,059
I love you, boo.
Let's do this.
413
00:14:52,092 --> 00:14:53,927
(Notorious B.I.G.'s "Hypnotize"
playing)
Uh. Uh.
414
00:14:53,961 --> 00:14:55,362
Uh.
415
00:14:55,395 --> 00:14:56,930
Come on. Ha.
(whooping)
416
00:14:56,964 --> 00:15:00,533
* Sicka than your average, poppa
twist cabbage off instinct... *
417
00:15:00,567 --> 00:15:02,069
(indistinct chatter)
418
00:15:04,571 --> 00:15:05,705
(grunts)
419
00:15:05,738 --> 00:15:07,107
(grunting)
420
00:15:07,140 --> 00:15:09,376
Easy access, huh?
421
00:15:09,409 --> 00:15:12,212
Mark that down as the school's
first security issue.
422
00:15:12,245 --> 00:15:13,246
Yeah, check.
All right, I'm gonna go
423
00:15:13,280 --> 00:15:14,581
have a chat with that principal.
424
00:15:14,614 --> 00:15:16,783
You stay here and film
anything that looks dangerous.
425
00:15:16,816 --> 00:15:19,652
Safety hazards, violations,
dangerous birds.
426
00:15:19,686 --> 00:15:22,489
Anything you think we could
use as a potential lawsuit.
427
00:15:22,522 --> 00:15:23,490
Okay.
428
00:15:23,523 --> 00:15:24,958
By the time I'm done,
429
00:15:24,992 --> 00:15:26,994
Ben will be prom queen.
430
00:15:29,929 --> 00:15:30,730
(booing)
431
00:15:30,763 --> 00:15:32,099
You got
some nerve
432
00:15:32,132 --> 00:15:34,101
using that word.
Racist!
433
00:15:34,134 --> 00:15:35,402
SABRINA:
How was that racist?
434
00:15:35,435 --> 00:15:36,970
Those are the words of the song.
MAN: Have some respect!
435
00:15:37,004 --> 00:15:39,272
Hey. Where you going?
I thought we were friends.
436
00:15:39,306 --> 00:15:40,740
You don't even know my name.
437
00:15:40,773 --> 00:15:42,242
SABRINA:
Is Mark Twain racist?
438
00:15:42,275 --> 00:15:43,243
Good-bye, Chip.
439
00:15:43,276 --> 00:15:45,512
Good-bye... you.
I mean,
440
00:15:45,545 --> 00:15:48,415
asking me to sanitize
Biggie's art, that's racist.
441
00:15:48,448 --> 00:15:50,250
Yeah, if we didn't buy
Biggie's albums,
442
00:15:50,283 --> 00:15:52,419
then he wouldn't be kicking it
on a yacht right now.
443
00:15:52,452 --> 00:15:53,420
Oh, stop.
(booing)
444
00:15:53,453 --> 00:15:55,989
Shut up, Chip.
You're not helping.
445
00:15:56,023 --> 00:16:00,360
* At last...
446
00:16:00,393 --> 00:16:05,765
* My love has
come along *
447
00:16:05,798 --> 00:16:07,767
(whistling, applause)
448
00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:10,170
WOMAN:
Yeah, Alba!
(whooping)
449
00:16:10,203 --> 00:16:16,276
* My lonely days are over
450
00:16:16,309 --> 00:16:18,111
*
(whooping)
451
00:16:18,145 --> 00:16:23,050
* And life is like a song...
452
00:16:23,083 --> 00:16:25,052
Damn, girl's got pipes.
(applause)
453
00:16:25,085 --> 00:16:27,154
Wow.
MAN: Go, Alba!
454
00:16:27,187 --> 00:16:29,256
* Yeah, yeah...
(whooping, whistling)
455
00:16:30,490 --> 00:16:31,724
Ya!
(screams)
456
00:16:31,758 --> 00:16:33,060
Molested!
457
00:16:33,093 --> 00:16:35,028
(chuckles)
Just kidding.
458
00:16:35,062 --> 00:16:36,563
I will not. But if I did want
to violate you,
459
00:16:36,596 --> 00:16:38,631
there would be no one around
to stop me.
460
00:16:38,665 --> 00:16:40,567
Get out!
Eh, fair enough.
461
00:16:40,600 --> 00:16:41,701
You finish up
this little operation.
462
00:16:41,734 --> 00:16:44,337
I'll meet you in the hallway.
463
00:16:44,371 --> 00:16:46,673
Oh, my God.
(door creaking)
464
00:16:47,707 --> 00:16:50,077
Why are you here?
465
00:16:50,110 --> 00:16:51,811
You no longer have a
child at this school.
466
00:16:51,844 --> 00:16:53,680
It's annoying, right?
And the thing is,
467
00:16:53,713 --> 00:16:56,083
you could have me escorted out,
but you have no security.
468
00:16:56,116 --> 00:16:57,584
And you know what else
you don't have?
469
00:16:57,617 --> 00:17:00,320
Security cameras. Ah!
470
00:17:00,353 --> 00:17:02,422
Ooh! Dark, scary room.
471
00:17:02,455 --> 00:17:04,157
You know what they call that
in prison?
472
00:17:04,191 --> 00:17:05,592
They call that a blind spot.
473
00:17:05,625 --> 00:17:07,694
It's a real good place
to catch a shiv.
474
00:17:07,727 --> 00:17:10,697
Okay. Please stop
kicking doors.
475
00:17:10,730 --> 00:17:13,166
I am simply trying to point
out that my little Beth
476
00:17:13,200 --> 00:17:14,501
is not the problem.
477
00:17:14,534 --> 00:17:17,170
Let's take a walk.
478
00:17:17,204 --> 00:17:19,072
I mean, take a look around
this place.
479
00:17:19,106 --> 00:17:21,341
This school is a
hotbed for predators.
480
00:17:21,374 --> 00:17:23,843
Whoa! Hold on,
who's that guy?
481
00:17:23,876 --> 00:17:25,612
Hey. Little girl.
482
00:17:25,645 --> 00:17:28,248
Hi. Do you feel safe?
483
00:17:28,281 --> 00:17:30,083
Please tell me you know him
and he's a parent
484
00:17:30,117 --> 00:17:31,518
and not
some predator.
Oh, yeah?
485
00:17:31,551 --> 00:17:33,586
I've never seen
that man before.
Pervert!
486
00:17:33,620 --> 00:17:36,256
Predator!
(girls screaming)
487
00:17:36,289 --> 00:17:37,090
Pedophile!
488
00:17:37,124 --> 00:17:39,126
Not again.
489
00:17:41,228 --> 00:17:43,130
What kind of operation
are you running here, lady?
490
00:17:43,163 --> 00:17:44,264
You've just got
Peeping Toms
491
00:17:44,297 --> 00:17:46,199
milling about,
making smut films?
492
00:17:46,233 --> 00:17:48,135
No.
I've got half a
mind to report you.
493
00:17:48,168 --> 00:17:50,537
No, no, no. Wait, wait.
494
00:17:50,570 --> 00:17:52,539
Mm-hmm.
495
00:17:52,572 --> 00:17:55,542
There's my guy. Hey,
496
00:17:55,575 --> 00:17:57,110
guess who's back
in Barnsdale.
497
00:17:57,144 --> 00:17:59,279
I'm thinking a five.
498
00:17:59,312 --> 00:18:01,648
I'm not happy there.
499
00:18:01,681 --> 00:18:03,250
What are you talking about?
We love Barnsdale.
500
00:18:04,284 --> 00:18:07,120
Can I go back to my old school?
501
00:18:07,154 --> 00:18:08,255
Really?
502
00:18:08,288 --> 00:18:12,159
I'm sorry
for whatever I was doing wrong.
503
00:18:12,192 --> 00:18:13,393
Oh, buddy.
504
00:18:13,426 --> 00:18:17,297
Hey, you didn't do
anything wrong.
505
00:18:17,330 --> 00:18:20,233
I was the problem, not you.
506
00:18:20,267 --> 00:18:22,769
Can I still wear skirts
and stuff,
507
00:18:22,802 --> 00:18:24,571
or will I get in trouble?
508
00:18:24,604 --> 00:18:27,507
You do whatever you want.
509
00:18:27,540 --> 00:18:29,309
Okay?
510
00:18:30,343 --> 00:18:32,312
I'm sorry.
511
00:18:38,218 --> 00:18:39,452
(humming)
512
00:18:39,486 --> 00:18:40,753
Oh, good.
513
00:18:40,787 --> 00:18:42,755
You're here.
Uh, please, have a seat.
514
00:18:42,789 --> 00:18:44,324
I really would like to
talk to you about Ben.
515
00:18:44,357 --> 00:18:45,358
I sit there.
516
00:18:45,392 --> 00:18:47,694
You've got assigned seats
in here?
517
00:18:47,727 --> 00:18:49,196
Yeah, it's a principal's office.
518
00:18:49,229 --> 00:18:51,464
Hmm. Where I'm from, the
guest gets the good seat.
519
00:18:51,498 --> 00:18:53,366
No, not here.
Okay. It doesn't matter.
520
00:18:53,400 --> 00:18:54,934
Listen, please give Ben
another chance
521
00:18:54,967 --> 00:18:57,470
and take him back.
I'm sorry,
it's too late for that.
522
00:18:57,504 --> 00:18:59,206
I know. I get it.
I owe you an apology.
523
00:18:59,239 --> 00:19:01,174
I certainly owe Ben an apology.
524
00:19:01,208 --> 00:19:05,778
I most likely owe the entire
LGBTQ community an apology.
525
00:19:05,812 --> 00:19:08,215
But I... Please, just
give us another chance.
526
00:19:08,248 --> 00:19:10,617
I'm sorry, but you probably
shouldn't have pulled him out.
527
00:19:10,650 --> 00:19:12,885
I know. I shouldn't have.
I make bad decisions.
528
00:19:12,919 --> 00:19:15,355
I'm a terrible person
and a horrible influence.
529
00:19:15,388 --> 00:19:16,456
I drink,
530
00:19:16,489 --> 00:19:18,325
smoke, lie, steal.
531
00:19:18,358 --> 00:19:19,859
I'm drunk right now.
(chuckles)
532
00:19:19,892 --> 00:19:21,628
I had to take a cab to get here.
533
00:19:21,661 --> 00:19:23,463
And then I had to run away
when it was time to pay,
534
00:19:23,496 --> 00:19:24,531
'cause I didn't have any money.
535
00:19:24,564 --> 00:19:25,965
(sighs)
536
00:19:25,998 --> 00:19:28,201
And I stole this from your desk.
537
00:19:28,235 --> 00:19:29,636
Oh. (sighs)
I... Please.
538
00:19:29,669 --> 00:19:32,372
I'm sorry, okay? I'm awful.
I can't help it.
539
00:19:32,405 --> 00:19:35,308
Yes, you are. Now please leave,
or I'll have to call security.
540
00:19:35,342 --> 00:19:37,544
Security! You've got security.
That's awesome.
541
00:19:37,577 --> 00:19:39,479
That's exactly why Ben needs
to go here.
542
00:19:39,512 --> 00:19:42,515
It's a good school.
And he was happy here.
543
00:19:42,549 --> 00:19:45,518
Just... Please, if you
don't take him back,
544
00:19:45,552 --> 00:19:46,853
I might have to homeschool him.
545
00:19:46,886 --> 00:19:47,920
And I will ruin him.
546
00:19:47,954 --> 00:19:49,522
Please don't let me do that.
547
00:19:49,556 --> 00:19:51,824
All right, fine, fine.
Ben can return to Lockwood.
548
00:19:51,858 --> 00:19:53,393
You cannot.
549
00:19:53,426 --> 00:19:55,395
You got it.
Thank you so much.
Okay. All right.
550
00:19:55,428 --> 00:19:56,896
One last thing,
551
00:19:56,929 --> 00:19:58,831
please cut the kid some slack
on his outfits, okay?
552
00:19:58,865 --> 00:20:00,400
He's gender fluid.
553
00:20:00,433 --> 00:20:01,568
He's what?
554
00:20:01,601 --> 00:20:03,570
He's gender fluid.
555
00:20:03,603 --> 00:20:04,837
You're an educator.
556
00:20:04,871 --> 00:20:07,440
Educate yourself.
557
00:20:09,976 --> 00:20:11,778
(door opens, shuts)
558
00:20:11,811 --> 00:20:15,382
All I'm saying is, I
never yelled a racial slur
559
00:20:15,415 --> 00:20:16,683
at a crowd of people.
I didn't yell it.
560
00:20:16,716 --> 00:20:18,685
I just sang it exactly
like it is in the song.
561
00:20:18,718 --> 00:20:21,454
Well, my Nigerian friend
is pretty torn up over it.
562
00:20:21,488 --> 00:20:23,456
Again, his name is Kingsley.
563
00:20:23,490 --> 00:20:25,292
Look, here comes Mickey.
Let's just keep this
564
00:20:25,325 --> 00:20:27,427
between us, okay?
I want to keep capitalizing
565
00:20:27,460 --> 00:20:28,928
on this Guatemalan thing.
566
00:20:28,961 --> 00:20:30,430
Part of my brand.
567
00:20:30,463 --> 00:20:31,864
Absolutely. Plus, I want
to rub it in her face
568
00:20:31,898 --> 00:20:33,533
that we've
been hanging out.
Oh,
569
00:20:33,566 --> 00:20:36,936
don't worry. I won't mention you
said that word a bunch of times.
570
00:20:36,969 --> 00:20:40,740
Hey, Mickey. Did you know
that the national bird
571
00:20:40,773 --> 00:20:42,375
of Guatemala
is the quetzal?
572
00:20:42,409 --> 00:20:43,943
'Cause I do.
573
00:20:43,976 --> 00:20:46,446
What's Alba's last name?
574
00:20:49,081 --> 00:20:51,083
Hmm.
575
00:20:53,085 --> 00:20:54,821
Really?
576
00:20:54,854 --> 00:20:56,723
I'm sorry. I...
577
00:20:56,756 --> 00:20:58,958
Santiago?
Sanchez?
No.
578
00:20:58,991 --> 00:21:02,061
Um, Smith?
With an "R"? Ra-Ramirez.
579
00:21:02,094 --> 00:21:03,663
It's Ramirez!
Rodriguez!
580
00:21:03,696 --> 00:21:05,298
(birds chirping)
581
00:21:05,332 --> 00:21:08,000
(jackhammering)
582
00:21:08,034 --> 00:21:09,602
What the hell
is that?
583
00:21:09,636 --> 00:21:12,739
Oh. Barnsdale's doubling
the size of their wall
584
00:21:12,772 --> 00:21:14,407
to keep out the creepies.
585
00:21:14,441 --> 00:21:16,443
We done good, Mick.
586
00:21:17,777 --> 00:21:20,447
(jackhammering continues)
(groans)
587
00:21:20,480 --> 00:21:22,449
(truck brake hisses)
(creaking)
588
00:21:22,482 --> 00:21:23,916
(truck beeping)
589
00:21:23,950 --> 00:21:25,918
I mean...
590
00:21:25,952 --> 00:21:28,588
You good with this?
591
00:21:28,621 --> 00:21:30,790
This is crazy.
(groans)
592
00:21:30,823 --> 00:21:32,459
Captioning sponsored by
20TH CENTURY FOX TELEVISION
593
00:21:32,492 --> 00:21:33,793
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
594
00:21:35,395 --> 00:21:36,796
MICKEY:
Molested!
595
00:21:41,000 --> 00:21:42,669
Now that you've gotten
to know The Mick,
596
00:21:42,702 --> 00:21:45,505
here are a few more shows
to check out
from Fox.
597
00:21:46,639 --> 00:21:47,740
(gunshot)
598
00:21:50,042 --> 00:21:51,043
(gunshot)
599
00:21:51,077 --> 00:21:53,145
(retching)
600
00:21:53,179 --> 00:21:54,881
(gunshot)
601
00:21:54,914 --> 00:21:57,049
No one rode around
on a horse, screaming,
602
00:21:57,083 --> 00:21:59,218
"The British are coming,
the British are coming"?
No.
603
00:21:59,251 --> 00:22:00,987
I think I need to fix
something very important.
604
00:22:05,257 --> 00:22:07,694
I have questions about
colonial Massachusetts.
It's urgent.
605
00:22:07,727 --> 00:22:12,164
You have urgent questions
about colonial Massachusetts?
Yes!
606
00:22:12,198 --> 00:22:14,233
I play a character named Dan,
607
00:22:14,266 --> 00:22:17,704
who is a bit of a loser
and has figured out a way
608
00:22:17,737 --> 00:22:19,706
to time travel.
609
00:22:19,739 --> 00:22:21,307
A really big duffel bag?
610
00:22:21,340 --> 00:22:23,810
It's a time machine.
I go to the past
every weekend.
611
00:22:23,843 --> 00:22:25,412
Sometimes on Tuesdays.
Get in.
612
00:22:25,445 --> 00:22:27,346
Never. No.
613
00:22:29,416 --> 00:22:32,318
-You invented time travel.
-Yup.
614
00:22:32,351 --> 00:22:36,556
When he goes back to the past,
he is instantly high status.
615
00:22:36,589 --> 00:22:39,392
He's a stud 'cause
he's got all his teeth.
616
00:22:39,426 --> 00:22:41,394
He smells nice
'cause he showers.
617
00:22:41,428 --> 00:22:43,362
Doesn't have
any big diseases.
Right.
618
00:22:43,396 --> 00:22:45,398
So I just gotta see
my girlfriend real quick.
619
00:22:45,432 --> 00:22:47,099
What, you're dating
someone in the past?
620
00:22:47,133 --> 00:22:49,068
Look, I told you,
I'm really popular
around here.
621
00:22:49,101 --> 00:22:51,070
And I think that
that can be very appealing,
622
00:22:51,103 --> 00:22:52,739
when you have a chance
to reinvent yourself.
623
00:22:52,772 --> 00:22:55,041
You always know
just what to say.
624
00:22:55,074 --> 00:22:57,009
You complete me.
Ah!
625
00:22:57,043 --> 00:22:59,078
PALLY: Dan will be visiting
colonial times.
626
00:22:59,111 --> 00:23:01,448
He'll be visiting
the early 1920s Chicago.
627
00:23:01,481 --> 00:23:04,283
-I am Al Capone.
-(crowd gasps)
628
00:23:05,251 --> 00:23:06,352
(chuckles)
629
00:23:06,385 --> 00:23:08,220
He gets to deal
with Paul Revere.
630
00:23:08,254 --> 00:23:11,558
Is it true that you've
been courting Deborah Revere?
631
00:23:11,591 --> 00:23:13,526
Your girlfriend is
Paul Revere's daughter?
632
00:23:13,560 --> 00:23:15,361
Yes?
633
00:23:15,394 --> 00:23:17,029
The British can wait
634
00:23:17,063 --> 00:23:20,099
until I find and kill
Deborah's suitor.
635
00:23:20,132 --> 00:23:22,969
I'm Tom Cruise.
This is Magic Johnson.
636
00:23:23,002 --> 00:23:26,773
PALLY: So his romance
may or may not
637
00:23:26,806 --> 00:23:28,775
have screwed up
the American Revolution.
638
00:23:28,808 --> 00:23:32,545
So, in 2016, black people
and white people are friends?
639
00:23:32,579 --> 00:23:33,379
Yes, exactly.
Not at all.
640
00:23:33,412 --> 00:23:34,447
What?
641
00:23:44,924 --> 00:23:47,894
We are in the heart
of one of the world's
most remote jungles
642
00:23:47,927 --> 00:23:49,529
deep in the South Pacific.
643
00:23:52,799 --> 00:23:55,234
Along with ten
tough survivalists
644
00:23:55,267 --> 00:23:57,336
from all walks of life.
645
00:23:57,369 --> 00:24:00,507
But they don't quite know
what they're in for yet.
646
00:24:00,540 --> 00:24:04,811
Surviving this game
will be the hardest thing
that you have ever done
647
00:24:04,844 --> 00:24:07,113
because you won't be
paired with each other.
648
00:24:07,146 --> 00:24:11,017
You'll be paired...
with these guys.
649
00:24:11,050 --> 00:24:13,352
(all cheering)
WOMAN: Hi!
650
00:24:13,385 --> 00:24:17,690
Ten total novices
who have never spent a night
camping in their own backyard,
651
00:24:17,724 --> 00:24:20,827
let alone surviving
in the wilderness.
652
00:24:20,860 --> 00:24:22,194
Oh, boy.
653
00:24:22,228 --> 00:24:24,997
So we've "game-ified" surviving
in the wild.
654
00:24:25,031 --> 00:24:28,100
(whimpering)
So that is like
the first big challenge,
655
00:24:28,134 --> 00:24:29,602
right, for these novices--
656
00:24:29,636 --> 00:24:31,370
just staying alive.
657
00:24:31,403 --> 00:24:33,540
-(shouting)
-(screaming)
658
00:24:33,573 --> 00:24:34,874
(laughing)
659
00:24:34,907 --> 00:24:37,376
-Aaah!
-Are you okay?
660
00:24:37,409 --> 00:24:41,113
SIMONE: They have to learn how
to make fire and to get food.
661
00:24:41,147 --> 00:24:43,149
(screaming)
662
00:24:43,182 --> 00:24:44,884
And then,
with their teammate,
663
00:24:44,917 --> 00:24:47,319
they go on to the challenges
that we've prepared for them.
664
00:24:47,353 --> 00:24:50,523
MAN: If you love action,
you're gonna see contestants
665
00:24:50,557 --> 00:24:52,391
propelling down waterfalls.
666
00:24:52,424 --> 00:24:54,093
If you love drama,
667
00:24:54,126 --> 00:24:55,662
you're gonna see
relationships forming
668
00:24:55,695 --> 00:24:58,565
and romances forming
in the reality
that we're shooting.
669
00:24:58,598 --> 00:25:01,834
And if you love humor,
you're gonna see
this incredible humor
670
00:25:01,868 --> 00:25:05,705
of these people that really
don't belong in the jungle
trying to survive out here.
671
00:25:05,738 --> 00:25:09,075
So they have to survive
each other and the jungle
and the game.
672
00:25:09,108 --> 00:25:10,743
(buzzing)
673
00:25:14,847 --> 00:25:16,616
(animals chirping, tweeting)