1 00:00:07,507 --> 00:00:10,742 [lively rock music] 2 00:00:10,744 --> 00:00:12,276 ♪ ♪ 3 00:00:12,278 --> 00:00:13,778 - I worked at random house for three years. 4 00:00:13,780 --> 00:00:15,947 I started as an assistant to a marketing vp, 5 00:00:15,949 --> 00:00:18,516 And then i worked my way up to junior editor. 6 00:00:18,518 --> 00:00:19,684 - Wow. Impressive. 7 00:00:19,686 --> 00:00:22,420 - At the time, i was one of the youngest people ever 8 00:00:22,422 --> 00:00:24,389 To make editor. 9 00:00:24,391 --> 00:00:25,590 I was 25. 10 00:00:25,592 --> 00:00:26,924 - I'm 25. 11 00:00:26,926 --> 00:00:29,160 - Don't worry. You don't look a day over 7. 12 00:00:29,162 --> 00:00:30,194 - [chuckles sarcastically] 13 00:00:30,196 --> 00:00:32,263 And then for the past... 14 00:00:32,265 --> 00:00:35,133 What, 15 years, nothing? 15 00:00:35,135 --> 00:00:37,101 - I quit to raise my child, caitlin, 16 00:00:37,103 --> 00:00:38,736 Who's now spending her senior year 17 00:00:38,738 --> 00:00:40,905 In an exchange program in india. 18 00:00:41,841 --> 00:00:44,008 Look, i know i've been out of play for a while, 19 00:00:44,010 --> 00:00:47,278 But i am a much smarter, more capable person today 20 00:00:47,280 --> 00:00:49,147 Than i was 15 years ago. 21 00:00:49,149 --> 00:00:49,847 - Hmm, i'm sure. 22 00:00:49,849 --> 00:00:51,916 - I'm ready to throw myself back into work 24-7. 23 00:00:51,918 --> 00:00:53,551 I'm ready to pick up where i left off. 24 00:00:53,553 --> 00:00:57,221 - Well, it has been quite a long hiatus, liza. 25 00:00:57,223 --> 00:00:58,856 Things have changed. 26 00:00:58,858 --> 00:01:00,458 - Facebook, twitter, iphones. 27 00:01:00,460 --> 00:01:02,260 - Ipads, ebooks, youtube. 28 00:01:02,262 --> 00:01:03,795 - Instagram, snapchat, skype. 29 00:01:03,797 --> 00:01:05,830 - Pinterest. - Bang with friends. 30 00:01:05,832 --> 00:01:07,932 - Seriously? You bang with friends? 31 00:01:07,934 --> 00:01:08,900 - It's way better than tinder. 32 00:01:08,902 --> 00:01:11,202 - Alice met a guy on tinder last week 33 00:01:11,204 --> 00:01:12,136 Who showed her a boob shot 34 00:01:12,138 --> 00:01:13,404 Of a girl his roommate hooked up with, 35 00:01:13,406 --> 00:01:16,140 And it was her very own boob. 36 00:01:16,142 --> 00:01:18,376 - Shut up. And she could recognize it? 37 00:01:18,378 --> 00:01:20,111 - Clear as a fingerprint. 38 00:01:20,113 --> 00:01:21,212 - Hello? 39 00:01:21,214 --> 00:01:22,480 Hey. Sorry. 40 00:01:22,482 --> 00:01:25,383 Look, i'm not expecting to come back where i left off. 41 00:01:25,385 --> 00:01:27,185 I'll start anywhere. 42 00:01:27,187 --> 00:01:28,252 I'll read. 43 00:01:28,254 --> 00:01:30,721 I'm a terrific reader. 44 00:01:32,459 --> 00:01:33,825 I'll start as an assistant. 45 00:01:33,827 --> 00:01:34,892 - Oh, that would be weird. 46 00:01:34,894 --> 00:01:38,729 I mean, assistants are generally right out of college. 47 00:01:38,731 --> 00:01:40,198 You're way too o-- 48 00:01:40,200 --> 00:01:41,799 - Overqualified. 49 00:01:41,801 --> 00:01:43,601 - No, i think she was gonna say-- 50 00:01:43,603 --> 00:01:45,303 - Orange. 51 00:01:45,305 --> 00:01:46,838 - I'm way too orange? 52 00:01:46,840 --> 00:01:47,905 - Industry term. 53 00:01:47,907 --> 00:01:51,109 Please don't put words in my mouth, liza. 54 00:02:00,820 --> 00:02:02,253 - Damn. 55 00:02:02,255 --> 00:02:04,255 - They've lived here for 12 years, 56 00:02:04,257 --> 00:02:06,224 But then dave had left liza for debbie, 57 00:02:06,226 --> 00:02:08,926 A blackjack dealer he was shtupping in atlantic city. 58 00:02:08,928 --> 00:02:11,028 The good news is he left liza the house. 59 00:02:11,030 --> 00:02:13,164 The bad news is, of course, that he took out four mortgages 60 00:02:13,166 --> 00:02:15,867 That she never knew about to support his gambling habit. 61 00:02:15,869 --> 00:02:18,369 I've said too much. You don't need the details. 62 00:02:18,371 --> 00:02:21,139 - I love a flat screen above a fireplace. 63 00:02:21,141 --> 00:02:21,772 - I don't know. 64 00:02:21,774 --> 00:02:25,276 Sounds like the home of a woman who lives with her cats 65 00:02:25,278 --> 00:02:26,744 And is gonna die alone. 66 00:02:26,746 --> 00:02:27,912 - Not in this house, she won't. 67 00:02:27,914 --> 00:02:28,713 She can't afford to. 68 00:02:28,715 --> 00:02:31,516 Now, either someone buys this place by next week, 69 00:02:31,518 --> 00:02:34,919 Or it goes to the bank. 70 00:02:34,921 --> 00:02:37,288 - Can she leave the tv? 71 00:02:37,290 --> 00:02:39,957 - Hi. Can i get anybody anything? 72 00:02:39,959 --> 00:02:42,493 Coffee? Tea? Cyanide? 73 00:02:42,495 --> 00:02:43,127 - Mom. 74 00:02:43,129 --> 00:02:44,962 I'm trying to have a cultural experience. 75 00:02:44,964 --> 00:02:46,330 You can't call me every day. 76 00:02:46,332 --> 00:02:48,332 - Caitlin, i do not call you every day. 77 00:02:48,334 --> 00:02:51,602 It just seems that way because of the time difference. 78 00:02:51,604 --> 00:02:52,236 - [chuckles] 79 00:02:52,238 --> 00:02:53,604 - But i want you to know we're selling the house. 80 00:02:53,606 --> 00:02:56,641 So you may want to come home from bombay early. 81 00:02:56,643 --> 00:02:57,842 - Mom, it's mumbai, 82 00:02:57,844 --> 00:03:00,111 And you just want me to come home to help you pack. 83 00:03:00,113 --> 00:03:01,612 - That is not true. I miss you. 84 00:03:01,614 --> 00:03:04,182 - It's just because you don't have anything else going on 85 00:03:04,184 --> 00:03:05,383 In your life right now. 86 00:03:05,385 --> 00:03:06,284 - Excuse me? 87 00:03:06,286 --> 00:03:07,919 - You're just feeling hurt and rejected 88 00:03:07,921 --> 00:03:08,653 Since dad left. 89 00:03:08,655 --> 00:03:10,888 - Well, thanks for putting that in a nutshell 90 00:03:10,890 --> 00:03:11,789 And stabbing me with it. 91 00:03:11,791 --> 00:03:13,624 - Okay, i think you're so brilliant, 92 00:03:13,626 --> 00:03:16,527 And you used to have such a cool job. 93 00:03:16,529 --> 00:03:18,930 You should really go back to work. 94 00:03:20,033 --> 00:03:22,867 - Well, you're gonna be late for class. 95 00:03:22,869 --> 00:03:23,935 I'll call you tomorrow. 96 00:03:23,937 --> 00:03:27,071 - Bye, mom. I love you. 97 00:03:27,807 --> 00:03:31,142 [lively percussive music] 98 00:03:31,144 --> 00:03:33,244 ♪ ♪ 99 00:03:33,246 --> 00:03:36,013 - How is that the older and more experienced you are 100 00:03:36,015 --> 00:03:38,282 The less you desirable you become? 101 00:03:38,284 --> 00:03:39,784 - You're talking about your marriage again? 102 00:03:39,786 --> 00:03:40,785 - No, finding work. 103 00:03:40,787 --> 00:03:43,688 I have gone on over a dozen interviews, 104 00:03:43,690 --> 00:03:46,357 And these young girls seem to take a special pleasure 105 00:03:46,359 --> 00:03:48,326 In rubbing my age in my face. 106 00:03:48,328 --> 00:03:50,294 - Oh, you must want to spank them. 107 00:03:50,296 --> 00:03:51,262 - It's like i woke up one day, 108 00:03:51,264 --> 00:03:53,364 Realized my marriage was a big lie, 109 00:03:53,366 --> 00:03:55,066 And i'd become ruth van wrinkle. 110 00:03:55,068 --> 00:03:57,368 - Liza, you did the right thing for the time. 111 00:03:57,370 --> 00:03:59,036 - No, you did the right thing. 112 00:03:59,038 --> 00:04:00,304 You followed your artistic dreams, 113 00:04:00,306 --> 00:04:01,739 You stuck with the lesbian thing, 114 00:04:01,741 --> 00:04:03,774 And you moved to brooklyn before it become hot. 115 00:04:03,776 --> 00:04:04,842 - Excuse me, i moved to brooklyn 116 00:04:04,844 --> 00:04:06,477 Because i couldn't afford manhattan. 117 00:04:06,479 --> 00:04:09,046 And now thanks to all these bearded cheese mongers 118 00:04:09,048 --> 00:04:12,016 And chicks that look like macaulay culkin, 119 00:04:12,018 --> 00:04:12,917 I can't afford brooklyn. 120 00:04:12,919 --> 00:04:14,652 - Jeez, how did i miss the memo on brooklyn? 121 00:04:14,654 --> 00:04:18,556 And by the way, when did bombay become mumbai? 122 00:04:18,558 --> 00:04:20,224 You know you can't call it bombay anymore? 123 00:04:20,226 --> 00:04:21,259 - Well, who wants the word "bomb" 124 00:04:21,261 --> 00:04:23,661 In the name of their city anyway? 125 00:04:23,663 --> 00:04:24,629 You know what, i got to pee. 126 00:04:24,631 --> 00:04:25,997 Order, like, six more of these, 127 00:04:25,999 --> 00:04:26,897 And then we'll go dancing, 128 00:04:26,899 --> 00:04:28,966 And we'll split that hit of ecstasy i've been saving 129 00:04:28,968 --> 00:04:30,134 Since 1998. 130 00:04:30,136 --> 00:04:31,469 Excuse me. 131 00:04:32,472 --> 00:04:35,373 - Excuse me. Sir. 132 00:04:35,375 --> 00:04:38,009 Mr. Bartender. Hello. 133 00:04:38,011 --> 00:04:39,243 Hello! 134 00:04:40,146 --> 00:04:41,846 Really? Hello? 135 00:04:41,848 --> 00:04:43,180 - Oh. Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa. 136 00:04:43,182 --> 00:04:45,383 Hey, hey, hey. You don't wave a shoe. 137 00:04:45,385 --> 00:04:46,550 Never wave a shoe. 138 00:04:46,552 --> 00:04:49,520 In thailand, that's considered a capital offense. 139 00:04:49,522 --> 00:04:50,621 - And you've been to thailand? 140 00:04:50,623 --> 00:04:52,857 - No, but i have been to myanmar. 141 00:04:52,859 --> 00:04:55,359 - Which used to be burma. - Back in the day. 142 00:04:55,361 --> 00:04:56,460 - I knew that. 143 00:04:56,462 --> 00:04:58,229 - What are you having here? 144 00:04:58,231 --> 00:04:59,397 - Uh, skinny margarita. 145 00:04:59,399 --> 00:05:00,064 Six of 'em. 146 00:05:00,066 --> 00:05:03,200 - Really? Tyler, two shots of bourbon. 147 00:05:03,202 --> 00:05:04,535 Trust me. 148 00:05:05,571 --> 00:05:08,005 Um, i'm josh. 149 00:05:08,007 --> 00:05:10,608 - I'm liza. 150 00:05:10,610 --> 00:05:11,909 So are these for real, 151 00:05:11,911 --> 00:05:14,478 Or can you scrub 'em off whenever you want to? 152 00:05:14,480 --> 00:05:15,279 - Scrub them off. 153 00:05:15,281 --> 00:05:18,449 Why would i--why would i want to scrub these off? 154 00:05:18,451 --> 00:05:19,183 - My bad. 155 00:05:19,185 --> 00:05:20,284 You'll definitely want to take that skull 156 00:05:20,286 --> 00:05:22,453 With the rose between its teeth to your grave. 157 00:05:22,455 --> 00:05:26,324 - I--it's what i do. I'm a tattoo artist. 158 00:05:26,326 --> 00:05:27,058 - I'm so sorry. 159 00:05:27,060 --> 00:05:29,560 I didn't mean to insult your work. 160 00:05:29,562 --> 00:05:31,929 Do you have your own parlor? 161 00:05:31,931 --> 00:05:33,297 - Parlor? [laughs] 162 00:05:33,299 --> 00:05:35,366 You're not really from around here, are you? 163 00:05:35,368 --> 00:05:37,101 - Just over the bridge. 164 00:05:37,103 --> 00:05:39,270 - Yeah. I figured. 165 00:05:39,272 --> 00:05:40,104 I have my own studio. 166 00:05:40,106 --> 00:05:43,207 It's more of like a lounge, really. 167 00:05:43,209 --> 00:05:46,377 Body art's this really personal experience. 168 00:05:46,379 --> 00:05:48,546 It's important that everybody feels comfortable. 169 00:05:48,548 --> 00:05:52,216 So here's to being comfortable. 170 00:05:59,726 --> 00:06:01,992 - You must get a lot of crazy requests. 171 00:06:01,994 --> 00:06:02,893 - Oh, you have no idea. 172 00:06:02,895 --> 00:06:08,132 Last week i tattooed the insides of lena dunham's ass cheeks. 173 00:06:08,134 --> 00:06:08,833 - What? Why? 174 00:06:08,835 --> 00:06:11,969 - Said she wanted to keep something private. 175 00:06:11,971 --> 00:06:14,105 - Who's lena dunham? 176 00:06:14,107 --> 00:06:15,139 - That's funny. 177 00:06:15,141 --> 00:06:17,708 So what about you? Hmm? 178 00:06:17,710 --> 00:06:18,809 What do you do? 179 00:06:18,811 --> 00:06:21,412 - Um, i'm actually-- i'm actually looking for work 180 00:06:21,414 --> 00:06:22,680 Right now, in publishing. 181 00:06:22,682 --> 00:06:24,215 - Okay, and how's that going? 182 00:06:24,217 --> 00:06:25,216 - It could be better. 183 00:06:25,218 --> 00:06:26,817 I took a bit of a sabbatical. 184 00:06:26,819 --> 00:06:30,855 - Nice. Doing what? 185 00:06:30,857 --> 00:06:32,623 - I... 186 00:06:32,625 --> 00:06:35,192 Um, worked on a novel. 187 00:06:35,194 --> 00:06:37,395 And, um... 188 00:06:37,397 --> 00:06:40,765 And i did some volunteer work in india. 189 00:06:40,767 --> 00:06:42,299 - That's amazing. - I know, yeah. 190 00:06:42,301 --> 00:06:46,036 I call it my "eat, pray, endure chronic diarrhea" period. 191 00:06:46,038 --> 00:06:46,737 - [laughs] 192 00:06:46,739 --> 00:06:49,373 I'm gonna steal your cell phone for a second. 193 00:06:49,375 --> 00:06:50,374 - Wait a minute. Why? 194 00:06:50,376 --> 00:06:52,176 - Just relax, scaredy-cat. 195 00:06:52,178 --> 00:06:53,077 - What are you doing? 196 00:06:53,079 --> 00:06:56,046 - I'm taking a picture of my junk. 197 00:06:56,048 --> 00:06:56,747 No. 198 00:06:56,749 --> 00:07:00,518 I'm adding myself to your calendar right here, 199 00:07:00,520 --> 00:07:02,753 Next thursday. 200 00:07:02,755 --> 00:07:05,122 - Are you asking me on a date? 201 00:07:05,124 --> 00:07:05,856 - Is that a yes? 202 00:07:05,858 --> 00:07:08,592 - I don't know. Let me see that junk shot first. 203 00:07:08,594 --> 00:07:09,193 Oh, my god. 204 00:07:09,195 --> 00:07:10,961 I totally thought that was gonna sound flirty, 205 00:07:10,963 --> 00:07:11,796 But it came out creepy. 206 00:07:11,798 --> 00:07:14,532 - It came out really sexy if you ask me. 207 00:07:16,869 --> 00:07:17,735 - Please give me my phone. 208 00:07:17,737 --> 00:07:19,336 You are way too young for me. 209 00:07:19,338 --> 00:07:20,805 - Whoa, whoa. I'm 26, dude. 210 00:07:20,807 --> 00:07:24,809 I mean, we got to be the same age, give or take. 211 00:07:24,811 --> 00:07:26,777 - My phone. 212 00:07:26,779 --> 00:07:27,311 - Hey. 213 00:07:27,313 --> 00:07:29,113 - Hey, this is my girlfriend, maggie. 214 00:07:29,115 --> 00:07:31,749 My friend who is a girl, named maggie. 215 00:07:31,751 --> 00:07:34,251 And we need to get going. Yes. 216 00:07:34,253 --> 00:07:34,952 - Okay. 217 00:07:34,954 --> 00:07:36,654 - It was very nice to meet you. 218 00:07:36,656 --> 00:07:38,622 - Yeah. - Dude. 219 00:07:38,624 --> 00:07:39,957 - [laughs] 220 00:07:49,235 --> 00:07:50,000 - Oh, my god. 221 00:07:50,002 --> 00:07:52,536 - Wait, what are you doing? He was hot. 222 00:07:52,538 --> 00:07:55,039 - I know, and i think he raped my phone. 223 00:07:55,041 --> 00:07:55,906 - What? Get back in there. 224 00:07:55,908 --> 00:07:58,409 - Oh, no, no, no. He thought i was in my 20s. 225 00:07:58,411 --> 00:07:59,210 - What? - Yes. 226 00:07:59,212 --> 00:08:00,478 What do they put in the drinks in that place, 227 00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:02,279 And how do we get it into the water supply? 228 00:08:02,281 --> 00:08:03,314 - You know, actually that's not 229 00:08:03,316 --> 00:08:04,615 A totally ludicrous assumption. 230 00:08:04,617 --> 00:08:05,816 - We were discussing his junk, 231 00:08:05,818 --> 00:08:08,886 Which i believe means "penis," by the way. 232 00:08:08,888 --> 00:08:09,420 - Uh-huh. 233 00:08:09,422 --> 00:08:11,055 You know, come over. I want to show you something. 234 00:08:11,057 --> 00:08:12,456 - I've seen your weird nipple. 235 00:08:12,458 --> 00:08:14,592 - No, not that. 236 00:08:14,594 --> 00:08:15,860 [sighs] 237 00:08:16,729 --> 00:08:17,628 Look at yourself. 238 00:08:17,630 --> 00:08:19,430 You've got a great figure, 239 00:08:19,432 --> 00:08:20,531 Great hair, 240 00:08:20,533 --> 00:08:21,365 Great legs. 241 00:08:21,367 --> 00:08:23,601 I mean, that's what people see when they look at you. 242 00:08:23,603 --> 00:08:24,468 They don't see a number. 243 00:08:24,470 --> 00:08:26,570 - The bar was dark, and the guy was drunk. 244 00:08:26,572 --> 00:08:28,272 - Liza, you've always looked good for your age. 245 00:08:28,274 --> 00:08:30,074 I mean, you were getting carded until you were 30. 246 00:08:30,076 --> 00:08:33,310 - I know, and my husband still leaves me for a younger woman. 247 00:08:33,312 --> 00:08:34,178 How's that for irony? 248 00:08:34,180 --> 00:08:35,813 - Would you stop feeling sorry for yourself 249 00:08:35,815 --> 00:08:36,547 And listen to me? 250 00:08:36,549 --> 00:08:39,416 What, no one wants to hire a 40-year-old has-been? 251 00:08:39,418 --> 00:08:40,484 Tell 'em you're 26. 252 00:08:40,486 --> 00:08:42,720 - Are you insane? Nobody's gonna believe that. 253 00:08:42,722 --> 00:08:43,988 - People believe what you tell them. 254 00:08:43,990 --> 00:08:45,556 They believe the real housewives are real. 255 00:08:45,558 --> 00:08:48,759 They think that coconut water is gonna shrink their ass. 256 00:08:48,761 --> 00:08:50,895 They'll believe you're 26. 257 00:08:53,132 --> 00:08:54,899 - I'm gonna need some highlights. 258 00:08:54,901 --> 00:08:58,035 - Oh, girl, we're going way bigger than that. 259 00:08:58,037 --> 00:08:59,069 [jittery rock music] 260 00:08:59,071 --> 00:09:02,039 - ♪ like a birth in reverse ♪ 261 00:09:02,041 --> 00:09:05,042 ♪ what i saw through the blinds ♪ 262 00:09:05,044 --> 00:09:08,379 ♪ you could say that i'm saying ♪ 263 00:09:08,381 --> 00:09:10,814 ♪ phenomenal lies ♪ 264 00:09:10,816 --> 00:09:15,019 ♪ on the cosmic eternity party line ♪ 265 00:09:15,021 --> 00:09:16,253 - Who inspires you? 266 00:09:16,255 --> 00:09:17,454 - Katniss everdeen. 267 00:09:17,456 --> 00:09:18,622 - Favorite band. 268 00:09:18,624 --> 00:09:19,623 - One direction. 269 00:09:19,625 --> 00:09:20,858 - More specifically? 270 00:09:20,860 --> 00:09:22,359 - Harry. 271 00:09:22,361 --> 00:09:23,961 - You're ready. 272 00:09:23,963 --> 00:09:25,062 ♪ ♪ 273 00:09:25,064 --> 00:09:26,297 Yes. 274 00:09:29,835 --> 00:09:33,037 [quizzical music] 275 00:09:33,039 --> 00:09:35,973 ♪ ♪ 276 00:09:35,975 --> 00:09:38,042 - [inhales sharply] 277 00:09:38,044 --> 00:09:39,376 Hmm. 278 00:09:42,515 --> 00:09:45,349 You've been out of school for... 279 00:09:45,351 --> 00:09:46,383 Four years? 280 00:09:46,385 --> 00:09:47,084 - Mm-hmm. 281 00:09:47,086 --> 00:09:48,586 - What have you been doing? 282 00:09:48,588 --> 00:09:50,854 - Mostly volunteer work in india 283 00:09:50,856 --> 00:09:51,989 And working on a novel. 284 00:09:51,991 --> 00:09:53,757 - Oh. Well... 285 00:09:53,759 --> 00:09:54,858 I see. 286 00:09:54,860 --> 00:09:57,328 And now you're ready for some real life. 287 00:09:57,330 --> 00:09:58,262 - I'm ready for a job. 288 00:09:58,264 --> 00:10:00,397 - Yes, well, i'm sorry to say there's not a lot here 289 00:10:00,399 --> 00:10:02,199 That suggests a work ethic. 290 00:10:02,201 --> 00:10:03,667 - Uh... Dartmouth. 291 00:10:03,669 --> 00:10:05,970 - Every young person who applies for this job 292 00:10:05,972 --> 00:10:08,806 Is an ivy league english major. 293 00:10:08,808 --> 00:10:11,008 Can you answer phones for eight hours at a stretch 294 00:10:11,010 --> 00:10:12,176 Without texting your friends? 295 00:10:12,178 --> 00:10:14,378 Can you make strong coffee, never wear perfume, 296 00:10:14,380 --> 00:10:15,412 And not annoy me? 297 00:10:15,414 --> 00:10:16,947 - Okay, could you give me some guidelines? 298 00:10:16,949 --> 00:10:19,316 I mean, regarding what constitutes annoying behavior? 299 00:10:19,318 --> 00:10:21,552 - That's an annoying question. - Noted. 300 00:10:21,554 --> 00:10:22,820 - I'm not here to give you guidelines 301 00:10:22,822 --> 00:10:24,188 Or hold your hand or, god forbid, ever read 302 00:10:24,190 --> 00:10:27,157 That novel you've been working on since college. 303 00:10:27,159 --> 00:10:28,192 - I understand. 304 00:10:28,194 --> 00:10:29,259 I'm a very hard worker. 305 00:10:29,261 --> 00:10:31,795 I will figure out how to make your life easier 306 00:10:31,797 --> 00:10:33,831 And how never to annoy you. 307 00:10:34,767 --> 00:10:36,300 - Tell me, leslie, 308 00:10:36,302 --> 00:10:39,937 What would you say makes you... 309 00:10:39,939 --> 00:10:41,538 Special? 310 00:10:44,410 --> 00:10:46,577 - I'm a grown-up. 311 00:10:46,579 --> 00:10:49,113 I don't think i'm special. 312 00:10:50,516 --> 00:10:51,949 Yes. Yes. 313 00:10:51,951 --> 00:10:53,450 - Hey, it's maggie. Leave a message. 314 00:10:53,452 --> 00:10:56,387 - Maggie, you won't believe this. 315 00:10:56,389 --> 00:10:57,054 I got the job. 316 00:10:57,056 --> 00:11:02,259 I am working for diana trout, head of marketing. 317 00:11:02,261 --> 00:11:03,227 26. 318 00:11:03,229 --> 00:11:05,729 [toilet flushes] 319 00:11:05,731 --> 00:11:07,998 - Congrats. - Oh. 320 00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:08,465 Thanks. 321 00:11:08,467 --> 00:11:10,768 - Or maybe i should say, my condolences. 322 00:11:10,770 --> 00:11:13,070 - Excuse me? - Oh. Sorry. 323 00:11:13,072 --> 00:11:14,438 I'm kelsey peters. 324 00:11:14,440 --> 00:11:15,139 I'm an editor here, 325 00:11:15,141 --> 00:11:17,741 And i saw you meeting with diana trout. 326 00:11:17,743 --> 00:11:18,442 - Liza miller. 327 00:11:18,444 --> 00:11:19,810 And i'm sure she's no picnic, 328 00:11:19,812 --> 00:11:22,346 But i'm just really happy to have a job. 329 00:11:22,348 --> 00:11:23,113 - Of course. 330 00:11:23,115 --> 00:11:24,882 I didn't mean to [bleep] in your cheerios. 331 00:11:24,884 --> 00:11:26,483 - Okay. - It's a pretty cool company. 332 00:11:26,485 --> 00:11:28,686 I started working here right out of college 333 00:11:28,688 --> 00:11:29,486 As an assistant, 334 00:11:29,488 --> 00:11:32,122 And i just made junior editor six months ago. 335 00:11:32,124 --> 00:11:32,890 - Wow. - Yeah. 336 00:11:32,892 --> 00:11:36,126 So basically i was you two years ago. 337 00:11:36,128 --> 00:11:37,461 - If you say so. 338 00:11:37,463 --> 00:11:40,230 So what's the problem with diana trout? 339 00:11:40,232 --> 00:11:41,532 - The problem with trout pout 340 00:11:41,534 --> 00:11:43,801 Is that she's 43 and divorced. 341 00:11:43,803 --> 00:11:45,102 - Wow. Tragic. 342 00:11:45,104 --> 00:11:46,370 - She sees girls like us come in here 343 00:11:46,372 --> 00:11:48,739 With our fresh ovaries and our faces plumped 344 00:11:48,741 --> 00:11:49,907 With natural elasticity 345 00:11:49,909 --> 00:11:51,375 And she just wants to destroy us. 346 00:11:51,377 --> 00:11:52,810 - Well, thanks for the warning. 347 00:11:52,812 --> 00:11:55,012 - No problem. It's called paying it forward. 348 00:11:55,014 --> 00:11:58,315 As taylor swift said, there is a special place in hell 349 00:11:58,317 --> 00:12:01,185 For women who don't help other women. 350 00:12:01,187 --> 00:12:04,088 I've got your back, girl. 351 00:12:04,090 --> 00:12:05,756 - Thanks. 352 00:12:05,758 --> 00:12:06,457 Girl. 353 00:12:06,459 --> 00:12:09,727 [booming electronic music] 354 00:12:09,729 --> 00:12:11,995 - ♪ girl, you better wake up ♪ 355 00:12:11,997 --> 00:12:14,231 ♪ girl, you better run ♪ 356 00:12:14,233 --> 00:12:15,232 ♪ first thing in the morning ♪ 357 00:12:15,234 --> 00:12:18,936 ♪ faster than a bullet coming out of that gun ♪ 358 00:12:18,938 --> 00:12:20,604 ♪ tells you that he loves you ♪ 359 00:12:20,606 --> 00:12:23,407 ♪ then you take it all back ♪ 360 00:12:23,409 --> 00:12:26,009 - I need you to set up a twitter account for jane austen 361 00:12:26,011 --> 00:12:27,244 And start writing her tweets. 362 00:12:27,246 --> 00:12:28,979 - Jane austen? Dead jane austen? 363 00:12:28,981 --> 00:12:31,281 - Yes, we're releasing pride and prejudice 364 00:12:31,283 --> 00:12:31,982 As an ebook. 365 00:12:31,984 --> 00:12:33,217 We need to make some noise in the twitterverse. 366 00:12:33,219 --> 00:12:34,551 - You want me to tweet? - As jane. 367 00:12:34,553 --> 00:12:37,154 Are you deaf? Is that how you got into dartmouth? 368 00:12:37,156 --> 00:12:38,455 - No, of course not. 369 00:12:38,457 --> 00:12:39,990 - Put it on facebook and match.Com. 370 00:12:39,992 --> 00:12:41,525 And christian mingle. 371 00:12:45,331 --> 00:12:47,264 Not hot enough! 372 00:12:53,205 --> 00:12:55,072 - Hey, lady. How's the first day going? 373 00:12:55,074 --> 00:12:57,007 - Oh, it's going great. Really great. 374 00:12:57,009 --> 00:12:58,208 Hanging in. - Good. 375 00:12:58,210 --> 00:13:00,177 You want to come join some friends after work 376 00:13:00,179 --> 00:13:01,011 For krav maga? 377 00:13:01,013 --> 00:13:02,579 - Sure. That sounds fun. 378 00:13:02,581 --> 00:13:05,315 Refresh my memory. Is that a bird or cocktail? 379 00:13:05,317 --> 00:13:07,651 - [laughs] you're funny. 380 00:13:07,653 --> 00:13:09,186 - [chuckles forcefully] 381 00:13:09,188 --> 00:13:12,422 [upbeat rock music] 382 00:13:12,424 --> 00:13:13,524 ♪ ♪ 383 00:13:13,526 --> 00:13:15,926 - Oh, my god, you totally kicked ass in there. 384 00:13:15,928 --> 00:13:17,694 - More like i got my ass kicked. 385 00:13:17,696 --> 00:13:18,562 - Liza, this is lauren. 386 00:13:18,564 --> 00:13:20,931 She's a publicist at hector and dorf. 387 00:13:20,933 --> 00:13:21,632 - Hey, oh, i'm so sorry. 388 00:13:21,634 --> 00:13:23,400 I think i accidentally punched you in the tit. 389 00:13:23,402 --> 00:13:25,702 - Oh, it's all good. - Hey, come have a drink. 390 00:13:25,704 --> 00:13:26,904 I want you to meet thad. 391 00:13:26,906 --> 00:13:29,606 - Who's thad? - He's my boyfriend. 392 00:13:29,608 --> 00:13:30,607 He's a hedge fund guy, 393 00:13:30,609 --> 00:13:31,642 But don't hold that against him. 394 00:13:31,644 --> 00:13:33,243 He's really great. - Cool. 395 00:13:33,245 --> 00:13:35,412 - [screams] oh, my god. 396 00:13:35,414 --> 00:13:36,747 - What? - What? 397 00:13:36,749 --> 00:13:39,583 - That bush. 398 00:13:39,585 --> 00:13:40,150 - Wow. 399 00:13:40,152 --> 00:13:42,486 - Oh, it looks like my mother's vagina. 400 00:13:42,488 --> 00:13:43,554 - Don't you wax? 401 00:13:43,556 --> 00:13:46,490 - I, uh--i just came back from three years in india. 402 00:13:46,492 --> 00:13:48,659 - Hey, can i put the bush up on instagram 403 00:13:48,661 --> 00:13:49,526 For hector and dorf? 404 00:13:49,528 --> 00:13:51,595 They're always looking for inspiration. 405 00:13:51,597 --> 00:13:53,096 - No, you may not. 406 00:13:53,098 --> 00:13:56,233 And for your information, i call it a wisconsin. 407 00:14:01,473 --> 00:14:02,806 - [laughs] 408 00:14:04,443 --> 00:14:07,110 - So what year did you say you graduated dartmouth? 409 00:14:07,112 --> 00:14:10,113 - Oh, that must have been, god... 410 00:14:10,115 --> 00:14:10,914 '08. 411 00:14:10,916 --> 00:14:12,149 - Oh, so you must know craig fowler. 412 00:14:12,151 --> 00:14:14,785 - Oh, yeah. Everybody knows fowler. 413 00:14:14,787 --> 00:14:16,787 Fowler loved the ladies. 414 00:14:16,789 --> 00:14:18,422 - Fowler is gay. 415 00:14:18,424 --> 00:14:20,424 - Right. 416 00:14:20,426 --> 00:14:21,758 He loved the ladies as friends, 417 00:14:21,760 --> 00:14:24,628 And he loved the dudes for the hot sex. 418 00:14:24,630 --> 00:14:26,396 - Babe, i'm empty here. 419 00:14:26,398 --> 00:14:30,000 - Oh, sorry. I'll be right back. 420 00:14:30,002 --> 00:14:31,335 - Yeah, he works at our firm, 421 00:14:31,337 --> 00:14:32,636 But i think he was '06, 422 00:14:32,638 --> 00:14:34,271 But i bet you guys know a ton of people in common. 423 00:14:34,273 --> 00:14:36,840 - No, i didn't have much of a social life. 424 00:14:36,842 --> 00:14:39,343 I participated in a lot of sit-ins, 425 00:14:39,345 --> 00:14:41,778 So i got arrested, like, every weekend. 426 00:14:41,780 --> 00:14:44,248 - And then you spent three years in india. 427 00:14:44,250 --> 00:14:45,716 - Yeah, about that. - Doing what? 428 00:14:45,718 --> 00:14:48,752 - Working for various charity organizations. 429 00:14:48,754 --> 00:14:49,419 - Such as... 430 00:14:49,421 --> 00:14:50,721 - Excuse me, is this a background check? 431 00:14:50,723 --> 00:14:52,489 - Oh, no, no. I'm just curious. 432 00:14:52,491 --> 00:14:53,690 I think it's cool. 433 00:14:53,692 --> 00:14:54,324 - Cool? 434 00:14:54,326 --> 00:14:56,960 Yeah, it wasn't cool, thad. 435 00:14:56,962 --> 00:14:57,794 It was a war zone. 436 00:14:57,796 --> 00:14:59,029 That's what real poverty is; 437 00:14:59,031 --> 00:15:00,497 It's a war zone. 438 00:15:00,499 --> 00:15:03,066 With all its attended misery, bad hygiene, 439 00:15:03,068 --> 00:15:04,001 And deprivation. 440 00:15:04,003 --> 00:15:07,738 - Is that why your bush turned gray? 441 00:15:07,740 --> 00:15:09,106 - Yeah. 442 00:15:09,108 --> 00:15:10,440 Partially gray. 443 00:15:10,442 --> 00:15:11,675 'cause of some of the things i saw, 444 00:15:11,677 --> 00:15:14,745 And maybe some of the things i smelled. 445 00:15:14,747 --> 00:15:15,646 Yeah, i don't know. 446 00:15:15,648 --> 00:15:17,514 I have quite processed it all yet. 447 00:15:17,516 --> 00:15:18,115 - Wow. 448 00:15:18,117 --> 00:15:20,183 - ♪ smile for the people ♪ 449 00:15:20,185 --> 00:15:22,386 ♪ meeting every day ♪ 450 00:15:22,388 --> 00:15:24,187 - Let me ask you something, 451 00:15:24,189 --> 00:15:26,957 You've seen a lot of vaginas, right? 452 00:15:26,959 --> 00:15:29,293 - Hmm, i've seen my fair share. 453 00:15:29,295 --> 00:15:31,995 - So... 454 00:15:31,997 --> 00:15:33,563 What's in style? 455 00:15:33,565 --> 00:15:34,464 - Why do you ask? 456 00:15:34,466 --> 00:15:35,766 - Well, last night at the gym, 457 00:15:35,768 --> 00:15:37,601 I was almost busted when i was changing. 458 00:15:37,603 --> 00:15:41,471 Apparently nobody under 30 looks a day over 12 down there. 459 00:15:41,473 --> 00:15:42,005 - [laughs] 460 00:15:42,007 --> 00:15:43,473 I've got someone that can help you with that. 461 00:15:43,475 --> 00:15:46,543 I know this girl--well, technically she's a man now, 462 00:15:46,545 --> 00:15:47,344 But he's great. 463 00:15:47,346 --> 00:15:49,046 - Oh, god, this is insane. 464 00:15:49,048 --> 00:15:49,846 - So keep the bush. 465 00:15:49,848 --> 00:15:51,148 I mean, i hear it's coming back in style, anyways. 466 00:15:51,150 --> 00:15:54,484 - No, i mean, insane thinking i can get away with this. 467 00:15:54,486 --> 00:15:55,752 Do i really want to trade 468 00:15:55,754 --> 00:15:58,055 My dignity, wisdom, and self-respect 469 00:15:58,057 --> 00:16:00,624 For another chance at my 20s? 470 00:16:00,626 --> 00:16:02,292 - Yes. 471 00:16:02,294 --> 00:16:03,927 Yes, you do. 472 00:16:05,197 --> 00:16:07,698 [keyboard clacking] 473 00:16:19,645 --> 00:16:22,679 - Jane austen has over 1,000 followers. 474 00:16:22,681 --> 00:16:23,413 How cool is that? 475 00:16:23,415 --> 00:16:25,182 - Am i supposed to congratulate you? 476 00:16:25,184 --> 00:16:26,049 - No, i just thought-- 477 00:16:26,051 --> 00:16:27,484 - Just expected a gold star 478 00:16:27,486 --> 00:16:28,352 For doing your job. 479 00:16:28,354 --> 00:16:30,420 That's the problem with your generation, leslie. 480 00:16:30,422 --> 00:16:31,321 - Right. By the way... 481 00:16:31,323 --> 00:16:34,624 I have another idea for the pride and prejudice reissue. 482 00:16:34,626 --> 00:16:37,861 Maybe we could ask a writer like j.K. Rowling 483 00:16:37,863 --> 00:16:38,962 Or stephenie meyer 484 00:16:38,964 --> 00:16:40,030 To write an intro. 485 00:16:40,032 --> 00:16:42,632 It would be a really great marketing hook. 486 00:16:42,634 --> 00:16:43,900 - Oh, is that your idea 487 00:16:43,902 --> 00:16:45,869 Of a really great marketing hook? 488 00:16:45,871 --> 00:16:47,304 Poaching a world-class writer 489 00:16:47,306 --> 00:16:48,338 From a rival publishing house 490 00:16:48,340 --> 00:16:50,574 To promote one of our reissues? 491 00:16:50,576 --> 00:16:51,641 It's time for a staff meeting. 492 00:16:51,643 --> 00:16:53,010 You should be fetching me coffee. 493 00:16:53,012 --> 00:16:55,645 Not pitching me ridiculous ideas. 494 00:16:57,850 --> 00:16:58,915 - You're right. She is that bad. 495 00:16:58,917 --> 00:17:01,318 - Told you; you got to just suck it up for at least a year, 496 00:17:01,320 --> 00:17:04,821 And then with my help, you could have her job. 497 00:17:04,823 --> 00:17:07,491 - What? No. I'm just happy to have a job. 498 00:17:07,493 --> 00:17:09,226 - Liza, trout pout is 43. 499 00:17:09,228 --> 00:17:12,396 She says she's 41, but, trust me, i know. 500 00:17:12,398 --> 00:17:14,064 She lies about her age. 501 00:17:14,066 --> 00:17:15,565 How pathetic is that? 502 00:17:15,567 --> 00:17:17,667 - Ha. Totes pathetic. 503 00:17:17,669 --> 00:17:20,170 Hashtag pathetic. 504 00:17:20,172 --> 00:17:21,038 - Exactly. 505 00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:23,540 She's hit her head on the glass ceiling so many times, 506 00:17:23,542 --> 00:17:24,641 She's got dementia. 507 00:17:24,643 --> 00:17:25,509 - Kelsey, i don't understand. 508 00:17:25,511 --> 00:17:27,711 You are such a strong woman at work, 509 00:17:27,713 --> 00:17:29,179 But then around thad-- 510 00:17:29,181 --> 00:17:30,547 - What? What about thad? 511 00:17:30,549 --> 00:17:32,249 - I just don't like the way he treats you. 512 00:17:32,251 --> 00:17:33,717 - What are you talking about? 513 00:17:33,719 --> 00:17:34,851 - A little subservient? 514 00:17:34,853 --> 00:17:36,953 You can't let men get away with that. 515 00:17:36,955 --> 00:17:40,624 - Girl, i like doing things for my man. 516 00:17:40,626 --> 00:17:43,193 Lighten up, judge judy. 517 00:17:45,164 --> 00:17:48,065 - Amazon is promising us the home page for three days. 518 00:17:48,067 --> 00:17:50,734 We're also providing free interactive study guides 519 00:17:50,736 --> 00:17:52,002 To every high school. 520 00:17:52,004 --> 00:17:53,904 - Well, love the art, 521 00:17:53,906 --> 00:17:55,472 But we're going to need a better hook 522 00:17:55,474 --> 00:17:57,541 If you want us to market these. 523 00:17:57,543 --> 00:18:01,778 What if we got a world-class author from our own stable 524 00:18:01,780 --> 00:18:05,782 To write the intros to the austen books? 525 00:18:05,784 --> 00:18:08,218 - Jennifer weiner's book drops next month, 526 00:18:08,220 --> 00:18:11,955 And i happen to know she loves austen. 527 00:18:11,957 --> 00:18:13,156 - Perfect. 528 00:18:13,158 --> 00:18:14,858 [muffled] - ♪ ass, titties ♪ 529 00:18:14,860 --> 00:18:16,426 ♪ ass and titties ♪ 530 00:18:16,428 --> 00:18:18,428 - All right, who's the gangster? 531 00:18:18,430 --> 00:18:20,230 - ♪ ass and titties ♪ 532 00:18:20,232 --> 00:18:21,298 ♪ ass, titties ♪ 533 00:18:21,300 --> 00:18:23,233 - Are you serious? 534 00:18:23,235 --> 00:18:25,702 - ♪ ass, ass, titties, titties ♪ 535 00:18:25,704 --> 00:18:26,336 - Get out! 536 00:18:26,338 --> 00:18:30,173 - Sorry. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. 537 00:18:30,175 --> 00:18:32,209 - ♪ come on, ho ♪ 538 00:18:32,211 --> 00:18:33,777 - Oh, my god, what is happening? 539 00:18:33,779 --> 00:18:34,945 Give me that. - I have no idea. 540 00:18:34,947 --> 00:18:37,714 Somebody's been messing with my phone. 541 00:18:37,716 --> 00:18:38,248 - Hmm. 542 00:18:38,250 --> 00:18:40,250 Looks like you have a date tonight 543 00:18:40,252 --> 00:18:42,352 With josh. 544 00:18:42,354 --> 00:18:44,421 And josh is cute. 545 00:18:44,423 --> 00:18:45,856 Where is he taking you? 546 00:18:45,858 --> 00:18:46,957 - Uh, no, i can't. 547 00:18:46,959 --> 00:18:48,625 Trout pout has me buried with work. 548 00:18:48,627 --> 00:18:50,260 - Liza, are you crazy? 549 00:18:50,262 --> 00:18:51,761 We're only in our 20s once. 550 00:18:51,763 --> 00:18:53,597 - I know, you're right. It's true. 551 00:18:53,599 --> 00:18:54,564 - Well, you got to live it. 552 00:18:54,566 --> 00:18:56,933 Before you know it, you're gonna be in your 40s, 553 00:18:56,935 --> 00:18:58,201 Living in a house in the suburbs 554 00:18:58,203 --> 00:19:00,737 With a husband who watches tv all night 555 00:19:00,739 --> 00:19:03,473 While you're in your bathtub, spritzing your shower hose 556 00:19:03,475 --> 00:19:05,509 On our special place. 557 00:19:06,378 --> 00:19:08,278 - I think they call it a wand. 558 00:19:10,549 --> 00:19:11,314 [sighs] 559 00:19:11,316 --> 00:19:12,949 Help me with my makeup. 560 00:19:12,951 --> 00:19:14,184 - Yes. 561 00:19:20,192 --> 00:19:21,791 - ♪ ah, ooh ♪ 562 00:19:21,793 --> 00:19:24,027 [laid-black bluesy music] 563 00:19:24,029 --> 00:19:29,366 ♪ ah, ooh, ah, ooh ♪ 564 00:19:29,368 --> 00:19:32,669 ♪ i lost everything ♪ 565 00:19:32,671 --> 00:19:35,272 [cell phone ringing] 566 00:19:38,443 --> 00:19:40,544 - Caitlin, hey. Is everything okay? 567 00:19:40,546 --> 00:19:42,245 - Mom, where have you been? 568 00:19:42,247 --> 00:19:43,380 You haven't called in a week. 569 00:19:43,382 --> 00:19:45,448 - I was trying to give you your space. 570 00:19:45,450 --> 00:19:47,584 - Well, i didn't mean for you to ignore me. 571 00:19:47,586 --> 00:19:51,054 - I'm sorry. How's mumbai? 572 00:19:51,056 --> 00:19:52,389 - I miss home, 573 00:19:52,391 --> 00:19:53,657 And i miss you, mom. 574 00:19:53,659 --> 00:19:54,758 Please don't sell the house. 575 00:19:54,760 --> 00:19:56,760 - Don't worry. We'll find another. 576 00:19:56,762 --> 00:19:57,928 - It's just all hitting me. 577 00:19:57,930 --> 00:19:58,929 You know, you and dad, 578 00:19:58,931 --> 00:20:02,132 And it's just so sad, and... 579 00:20:02,134 --> 00:20:03,333 I hate curry. 580 00:20:03,335 --> 00:20:05,235 - It's gonna be okay. 581 00:20:05,237 --> 00:20:06,770 I promise. 582 00:20:06,772 --> 00:20:09,239 - I want to come home. 583 00:20:09,241 --> 00:20:11,441 - Then come home. 584 00:20:11,443 --> 00:20:12,442 Come home, honey. 585 00:20:12,444 --> 00:20:14,678 - Where will we live? 586 00:20:14,680 --> 00:20:16,313 - We'll figure it out. 587 00:20:16,315 --> 00:20:17,514 I love you, honey. 588 00:20:17,516 --> 00:20:19,449 I'll call you tomorrow, okay? 589 00:20:22,354 --> 00:20:23,687 [sighs] 590 00:20:23,689 --> 00:20:25,155 [door clicks open] 591 00:20:26,692 --> 00:20:27,591 - Hey! 592 00:20:27,593 --> 00:20:29,392 Scaredy-cat! 593 00:20:29,394 --> 00:20:30,827 Where you going? 594 00:20:33,031 --> 00:20:36,600 - Just coming to meet you. 595 00:20:37,803 --> 00:20:39,302 - ♪ feeling all right ♪ 596 00:20:39,304 --> 00:20:41,738 [upbeat music] 597 00:20:41,740 --> 00:20:44,741 ♪ i'm not feeling too good myself ♪ 598 00:20:44,743 --> 00:20:47,711 ♪ ♪ 599 00:20:47,713 --> 00:20:50,247 ♪ feeling all right ♪