1 00:00:19,394 --> 00:00:20,604 [sighs] 2 00:00:20,687 --> 00:00:21,855 [door clicks open] 3 00:00:23,482 --> 00:00:25,609 Eleanor? Come on in. 4 00:00:36,870 --> 00:00:38,872 Hi, Eleanor. I'm Michael. 5 00:00:39,831 --> 00:00:40,832 How are you today? 6 00:00:41,041 --> 00:00:42,960 I'm great. Thanks for asking. 7 00:00:43,710 --> 00:00:44,962 Oh, one question. 8 00:00:45,712 --> 00:00:48,257 Where am I? Who are you? And what's going on? 9 00:00:49,049 --> 00:00:50,050 Right. So... 10 00:00:50,342 --> 00:00:53,220 you, Eleanor Shellstrop, are dead. 11 00:00:53,428 --> 00:00:55,013 Your life on Earth has ended 12 00:00:55,055 --> 00:00:59,017 and you are now in the next phase of your existence in the universe. 13 00:01:01,645 --> 00:01:04,064 Cool. Cool. 14 00:01:04,523 --> 00:01:05,691 I have some questions. 15 00:01:05,732 --> 00:01:06,692 Thought you might. [chuckles] 16 00:01:06,733 --> 00:01:10,237 How did I die? I... I don't remember. - Yes, um... 17 00:01:10,529 --> 00:01:13,156 in cases of traumatic or embarrassing deaths 18 00:01:13,198 --> 00:01:17,160 we erase the memory, to allow for a peaceful transition. 19 00:01:17,661 --> 00:01:18,954 Are you sure you want to hear? 20 00:01:19,746 --> 00:01:22,749 All right, so you were in a grocery store parking lot. 21 00:01:22,916 --> 00:01:24,793 You dropped a bottle of something called 22 00:01:25,168 --> 00:01:27,963 "Lonely Gal Margarita Mix for One" 23 00:01:28,297 --> 00:01:32,342 and when you bent down to pick it up, a long column of shopping carts 24 00:01:32,801 --> 00:01:35,387 that were being returned to the shopping cart collection area 25 00:01:35,429 --> 00:01:38,890 rolled out of control and plowed right into you. 26 00:01:39,016 --> 00:01:41,393 Oof. That's how I died? 27 00:01:41,435 --> 00:01:42,603 No, sorry, there's more. 28 00:01:42,936 --> 00:01:45,772 Well, you were able to grab onto the front of the column of shopping carts 29 00:01:45,814 --> 00:01:49,735 but it swept you right out into the street, where you were struck and killed 30 00:01:49,818 --> 00:01:55,616 by a mobile billboard truck advertising an erectile dysfunction pill 31 00:01:55,657 --> 00:01:57,200 called "Engorge-ulate." 32 00:01:57,826 --> 00:02:01,121 Funnily enough, the first EMT to arrive was an ex-boyfriend of yours– 33 00:02:01,163 --> 00:02:03,665 Okay, that's... I get it. Thank you. - Oh, okay, sorry. 34 00:02:03,707 --> 00:02:06,126 Um, so who was right? 35 00:02:06,585 --> 00:02:08,879 I mean about all of this? 36 00:02:08,920 --> 00:02:09,755 Well, let's see. 37 00:02:09,796 --> 00:02:13,342 Hindus are a little bit right, Muslims a little bit. 38 00:02:13,717 --> 00:02:18,972 Jews, Christians, Buddhists - every religion guessed about 5%. 39 00:02:19,598 --> 00:02:20,891 Except for Doug Forcett. 40 00:02:21,058 --> 00:02:22,434 Who... who is Doug Forcett? 41 00:02:22,559 --> 00:02:27,356 Well, Doug was a stoner kid who lived in Calgary during the 1970s. 42 00:02:27,606 --> 00:02:31,652 One night he got really high on mushrooms, and his best friend Randy said 43 00:02:32,194 --> 00:02:34,613 "Hey, what do you think happens after we die?" 44 00:02:34,655 --> 00:02:38,241 And Doug just launched into this long monologue 45 00:02:38,283 --> 00:02:40,911 where he got like 92% correct. 46 00:02:40,952 --> 00:02:41,828 [chuckles] I mean, 47 00:02:41,870 --> 00:02:43,580 we couldn't believe what we were hearing. 48 00:02:43,622 --> 00:02:45,123 That's him, actually, right up there. 49 00:02:45,582 --> 00:02:46,958 He's pretty famous around here. 50 00:02:47,250 --> 00:02:48,669 I'm very lucky to have that. 51 00:02:48,919 --> 00:02:51,254 So, maybe my biggest question. 52 00:02:51,588 --> 00:02:53,840 Am I... I mean is this... 53 00:02:56,551 --> 00:02:58,595 or... 54 00:02:58,762 --> 00:03:03,684 well, it's not the "heaven" or "hell" idea that you were raised on. 55 00:03:04,476 --> 00:03:05,894 But generally speaking 56 00:03:06,603 --> 00:03:10,899 in the afterlife, there's a Good Place, and there's a Bad Place. 57 00:03:12,567 --> 00:03:14,069 You're in the Good Place. 58 00:03:14,569 --> 00:03:16,196 [exhales sharply] - You're okay, Eleanor. 59 00:03:16,738 --> 00:03:18,115 You're in the Good Place. 60 00:03:18,323 --> 00:03:19,533 Well, that's good. 61 00:03:19,825 --> 00:03:21,368 Sure is. Ha! 62 00:03:21,868 --> 00:03:23,662 Okay. Let's take a walk, shall we? 63 00:03:26,081 --> 00:03:27,499 Oh, did I have a purse? 64 00:03:27,958 --> 00:03:30,252 No, I'm dead. Right. Okay. 65 00:03:35,507 --> 00:03:37,426 So, are you... 66 00:03:37,801 --> 00:03:39,594 I mean, this sounds like a crazy question 67 00:03:39,636 --> 00:03:41,138 but are you God? 68 00:03:41,179 --> 00:03:42,889 Oh, no, no, no, no, no. 69 00:03:42,931 --> 00:03:45,058 There are many levels above me, Eleanor 70 00:03:45,100 --> 00:03:47,728 before you get to the Supreme Commander 71 00:03:47,769 --> 00:03:50,480 Zortraxx the Merciless Frog God 72 00:03:50,522 --> 00:03:51,481 long may he reign. 73 00:03:52,983 --> 00:03:54,735 I'm kidding. [laughs] 74 00:03:55,026 --> 00:03:56,486 I'm sorry. [sighs] 75 00:03:56,528 --> 00:03:58,739 No, no, no, no, no. It's not a giant frog. 76 00:03:58,780 --> 00:04:00,157 Oh. Whew. 77 00:04:00,532 --> 00:04:01,575 No, it's just my little joke. 78 00:04:01,616 --> 00:04:04,578 Um, seriously, though. I'm... I'm not a god. 79 00:04:04,703 --> 00:04:09,124 Eleanor, I'm... I'm an Architect, and I designed this Neighborhood. 80 00:04:09,374 --> 00:04:10,751 So this is how it works. 81 00:04:10,834 --> 00:04:13,962 The Good Place is divided into distinct neighborhoods. 82 00:04:14,129 --> 00:04:17,716 Each one contains exactly 322 people 83 00:04:17,758 --> 00:04:23,638 who have been perfectly selected to blend together into a blissful harmonic balance. 84 00:04:23,930 --> 00:04:25,932 Do all the neighborhoods look like this? 85 00:04:25,974 --> 00:04:27,476 No, every neighborhood is unique. 86 00:04:27,517 --> 00:04:31,730 Some have warm weather, some cold. Some are cities, some farmland. 87 00:04:31,772 --> 00:04:36,109 But in each one every blade of grass, every ladybug 88 00:04:36,276 --> 00:04:41,448 every detail has been precisely designed and calibrated for its residents. 89 00:04:41,698 --> 00:04:43,992 There's a lot of frozen yogurt places. 90 00:04:44,326 --> 00:04:47,287 Yeah. That's the one thing we put in all the neighborhoods. 91 00:04:47,621 --> 00:04:49,039 People love frozen yogurt. 92 00:04:49,080 --> 00:04:50,457 I don't know what to tell you. 93 00:04:51,792 --> 00:04:53,835 You're going to have a million more questions, I know. 94 00:04:54,127 --> 00:04:56,338 For right now, you better grab a seat. 95 00:04:56,546 --> 00:04:57,839 Movie's about to begin. 96 00:04:59,925 --> 00:05:03,011 [indistinct chatter] 97 00:05:04,304 --> 00:05:05,472 [chuckles] 98 00:05:05,514 --> 00:05:10,602 Hello, everyone, and welcome to your first day in the afterlife! 99 00:05:11,269 --> 00:05:14,564 You were all, simply-put, good people. 100 00:05:14,689 --> 00:05:16,858 but how do we know that you were good? 101 00:05:16,900 --> 00:05:18,026 How are we sure? 102 00:05:19,361 --> 00:05:22,614 During your time on Earth, every one of your actions 103 00:05:22,656 --> 00:05:25,600 had a positive or a negative value 104 00:05:25,660 --> 00:05:28,078 depending on how much good or bad 105 00:05:28,286 --> 00:05:30,664 that action put into the universe. 106 00:05:30,872 --> 00:05:34,876 Every sandwich you ate, every time you bought a magazine, 107 00:05:34,918 --> 00:05:40,549 every single thing you did had an effect that rippled out over time 108 00:05:40,590 --> 00:05:43,718 and ultimately created some amount of good or bad. 109 00:05:44,261 --> 00:05:46,471 You know how some people pull into the breakdown lane 110 00:05:46,513 --> 00:05:48,640 when there's traffic, and they think to themselves 111 00:05:48,682 --> 00:05:50,851 “Ah, who cares? No one's watching.” 112 00:05:51,685 --> 00:05:53,085 We were watching. 113 00:05:53,149 --> 00:05:54,191 Surprise! 114 00:05:54,316 --> 00:05:55,105 [audience laughs] 115 00:05:55,188 --> 00:05:58,066 Anyway, when your time on Earth has ended 116 00:05:58,316 --> 00:06:01,111 we calculate the total value of your life 117 00:06:01,403 --> 00:06:04,239 using our perfectly accurate measuring system. 118 00:06:04,489 --> 00:06:07,450 Only the people with the very highest scores, 119 00:06:07,492 --> 00:06:08,994 the true cream of the crop, 120 00:06:09,035 --> 00:06:11,037 get to come here, to The Good Place! 121 00:06:11,246 --> 00:06:13,123 What happens to everyone else, you ask? 122 00:06:14,165 --> 00:06:15,125 Don't worry about it. 123 00:06:15,375 --> 00:06:17,794 The point is: you are here because you lived 124 00:06:17,836 --> 00:06:20,797 one of the very best lives that could be lived. 125 00:06:20,964 --> 00:06:25,802 And you won't be alone! Your true soulmate is here too! 126 00:06:26,428 --> 00:06:27,438 [crowd gasps and murmurs] - That's right. 127 00:06:27,638 --> 00:06:28,838 Soulmates are real. 128 00:06:29,055 --> 00:06:33,476 One of the other people in your neighborhood is your actual soulmate, 129 00:06:33,518 --> 00:06:35,979 and you will spend eternity together! 130 00:06:37,522 --> 00:06:39,774 So welcome to eternal happiness. 131 00:06:40,066 --> 00:06:42,110 Welcome to The Good Place. 132 00:06:42,402 --> 00:06:43,695 Sponsored by... 133 00:06:43,895 --> 00:06:45,614 Otters holding hands while they sleep. 134 00:06:45,739 --> 00:06:47,157 You know the way you feel 135 00:06:47,198 --> 00:06:49,868 when you see a picture of two otters holding hands? 136 00:06:50,368 --> 00:06:53,121 That's how you're going to feel every day. 137 00:06:53,330 --> 00:06:55,582 [audience applauding] 138 00:06:56,374 --> 00:06:59,002 So, who is in The Bad Place that would shock me? 139 00:06:59,044 --> 00:07:05,050 Uh... Well, Mozart, Picasso, Elvis, basically every artist ever, 140 00:07:05,216 --> 00:07:07,594 uh, every US president except Lincoln. 141 00:07:07,636 --> 00:07:08,595 ELEANOR: That sounds about right. 142 00:07:08,803 --> 00:07:10,430 Walt Disney. - Really? 143 00:07:10,472 --> 00:07:11,556 Oh, yeah, yeah. 144 00:07:11,598 --> 00:07:13,183 They went to town on Disney. 145 00:07:13,683 --> 00:07:17,479 He has to spend eternity in a broken down boat 146 00:07:17,520 --> 00:07:21,024 on the “Small World” ride with eight very tired children 147 00:07:21,066 --> 00:07:23,652 and they made it so he really has to pee. [chuckles] 148 00:07:23,693 --> 00:07:25,362 ELEANOR: What about Florence Nightingale? 149 00:07:25,403 --> 00:07:27,155 MICHAEL: That was close but no, she didn't make it. 150 00:07:27,197 --> 00:07:30,367 Wow, all those amazing people down there. 151 00:07:30,408 --> 00:07:32,077 It just seems so hard to believe. 152 00:07:32,202 --> 00:07:35,497 Again, it's an incredibly selective system. 153 00:07:35,538 --> 00:07:37,374 Most people don't make it here. 154 00:07:37,624 --> 00:07:41,962 But you, a lawyer, who got innocent people off death row, 155 00:07:42,212 --> 00:07:43,838 you're special, Eleanor. 156 00:07:44,923 --> 00:07:46,007 And by the way... 157 00:07:47,092 --> 00:07:48,969 welcome to your new home. [gasps] 158 00:07:49,427 --> 00:07:51,054 MICHAEL: Ah! It's perfect, isn't it? 159 00:07:51,179 --> 00:07:54,099 You see, in The Good Place every person gets to live 160 00:07:54,140 --> 00:07:57,769 in a home that perfectly matches his or her true essence. 161 00:07:58,311 --> 00:07:59,312 Cool. 162 00:07:59,604 --> 00:08:04,651 So, I guess that's why my house, for example, is this adorable little cottage 163 00:08:04,693 --> 00:08:07,529 whereas other people might have homes that are bigger 164 00:08:08,321 --> 00:08:09,322 like that one. 165 00:08:10,156 --> 00:08:11,032 MICHAEL: Exactly. 166 00:08:11,282 --> 00:08:12,617 Oh, I'm so happy you get it. 167 00:08:13,743 --> 00:08:17,330 As you can see, the interior has been decorated just as you like it 168 00:08:17,789 --> 00:08:20,125 in the Icelandic primitive style. 169 00:08:20,875 --> 00:08:25,171 Oh, oh, and, uh... of course, you love clowns, so... 170 00:08:26,423 --> 00:08:28,008 I do love clowns. 171 00:08:28,341 --> 00:08:31,344 Now, let me show you the, uh... the video system here. 172 00:08:34,097 --> 00:08:37,976 You can review everything that happened in your life from your point of view. 173 00:08:38,935 --> 00:08:40,020 There we go. 174 00:08:40,395 --> 00:08:42,772 This is your Human Rights mission to Ukraine. 175 00:08:43,565 --> 00:08:46,776 I mean, you got a ton of points for that one. It really put you over the top. 176 00:08:48,028 --> 00:08:48,903 MICHAEL: Oh. 177 00:08:49,779 --> 00:08:50,947 Chidi! Come on in. 178 00:08:52,240 --> 00:08:55,744 Eleanor? I'm Chidi Anagonye, 179 00:08:56,119 --> 00:08:58,329 and you are my soulmate. 180 00:09:00,540 --> 00:09:02,542 Cool. Bring it in, man. 181 00:09:03,334 --> 00:09:06,004 MICHAEL: Now, excuse me. I have other people to attend to. 182 00:09:06,755 --> 00:09:08,214 So, where are you from, Chidi? 183 00:09:08,465 --> 00:09:11,968 Well, I was born in Nigeria, raised in Senegal, 184 00:09:12,010 --> 00:09:14,137 but my work took me all over the place. 185 00:09:14,179 --> 00:09:16,473 Australia, Hong Kong, Paris. 186 00:09:17,140 --> 00:09:18,016 What about you? 187 00:09:18,475 --> 00:09:22,020 Uh, well, I... I was born in Phoenix, Arizona. 188 00:09:22,437 --> 00:09:25,273 Then I went to school in Tempe, Arizona. 189 00:09:25,315 --> 00:09:28,777 And then I moved back to Phoenix, Arizona. 190 00:09:30,820 --> 00:09:32,322 Your English is amazing. 191 00:09:32,781 --> 00:09:33,656 Oh! 192 00:09:34,032 --> 00:09:36,117 I'm actually speaking French. 193 00:09:36,159 --> 00:09:37,994 This place just translates whatever you say 194 00:09:38,036 --> 00:09:40,205 into a language the other person can understand. 195 00:09:40,246 --> 00:09:41,873 So, it's incredible! - Whoa. 196 00:09:42,248 --> 00:09:45,001 And now I want to say this... - Okay. 197 00:09:45,668 --> 00:09:46,544 Eleanor. 198 00:09:46,878 --> 00:09:52,258 I have spent my entire life in pursuit of fundamental truths about the universe 199 00:09:52,300 --> 00:09:57,055 and now we can actually learn about them, together, as soulmates. 200 00:09:58,473 --> 00:09:59,641 It's overwhelming! 201 00:10:01,643 --> 00:10:05,355 Chidi? You'll stand by my side no matter what, right? 202 00:10:05,814 --> 00:10:07,148 Of course, I will. 203 00:10:07,190 --> 00:10:12,779 Promise me. Say “I promise I will never betray you for any reason.” 204 00:10:12,904 --> 00:10:15,865 Eleanor, I swear that I will never say 205 00:10:16,116 --> 00:10:20,078 or do anything to cause you any harm. 206 00:10:20,495 --> 00:10:21,371 Good. 207 00:10:21,412 --> 00:10:24,082 Because those aren't my memories. I wasn't a lawyer. 208 00:10:24,207 --> 00:10:26,835 I never went to the Ukraine. I hate clowns. 209 00:10:27,752 --> 00:10:29,587 There's been a big mistake. 210 00:10:30,588 --> 00:10:32,590 I'm not supposed to be here. 211 00:10:36,928 --> 00:10:37,804 Wait, what? 212 00:10:39,514 --> 00:10:40,932 [birds chirp] 213 00:10:41,474 --> 00:10:42,809 [frog croaks] 214 00:10:44,727 --> 00:10:46,354 [children imitate animals] 215 00:10:47,605 --> 00:10:48,731 Are you sure this isn't you? 216 00:10:48,773 --> 00:10:52,360 Yeah, man, I'm pretty sure I wasn't a death row lawyer 217 00:10:52,402 --> 00:10:55,905 who collected clown paintings and rescued orphans. 218 00:10:56,030 --> 00:10:58,116 They got my name right, but nothing else. 219 00:10:58,158 --> 00:11:00,702 I mean somebody royally forked up. 220 00:11:01,786 --> 00:11:02,954 Somebody forked up. 221 00:11:04,414 --> 00:11:05,456 Why can't I say "fork"? 222 00:11:05,498 --> 00:11:07,542 If you're trying to curse, you can't here. 223 00:11:07,584 --> 00:11:09,544 I guess a lot of people in this neighborhood don't like it 224 00:11:09,586 --> 00:11:11,379 so it's prohibited. - That's "bullshirt." 225 00:11:11,546 --> 00:11:15,550 So, uh... if you're not this person then who are you? 226 00:11:15,592 --> 00:11:16,676 What did you do for a living? 227 00:11:16,968 --> 00:11:20,722 I was in sales. 228 00:11:21,055 --> 00:11:22,640 So, we sell two products here. 229 00:11:22,682 --> 00:11:25,393 NasaPRO and NasaPRO Silver. We aim this at seniors. 230 00:11:25,685 --> 00:11:30,773 Now, you can't legally call it "medicine," because it doesn't technically "work" 231 00:11:31,149 --> 00:11:33,860 and it is, technically, chalk. 232 00:11:34,235 --> 00:11:36,279 So, what you're gonna want to do... - You need me to lie to old people 233 00:11:36,321 --> 00:11:38,031 and scare them into buying fake medicine. 234 00:11:38,072 --> 00:11:38,990 I get it, man. 235 00:11:39,032 --> 00:11:40,116 Which one's my desk? 236 00:11:40,825 --> 00:11:45,330 So your job was to defraud the elderly? 237 00:11:45,371 --> 00:11:47,707 Sorry, the sick and elderly? 238 00:11:47,749 --> 00:11:48,958 But I was very good at it. 239 00:11:49,125 --> 00:11:51,336 I was the top salesperson five years running. 240 00:11:51,586 --> 00:11:52,587 Okay, but that's worse. 241 00:11:52,837 --> 00:11:55,006 I mean you... you do get how that's worse 242 00:11:55,173 --> 00:11:56,466 right? 243 00:11:58,134 --> 00:12:00,887 You know, maybe it's a test. 244 00:12:00,929 --> 00:12:03,723 Maybe, if you go to Michael then you tell him the truth, 245 00:12:03,765 --> 00:12:06,226 you'll pass the test, and you'll get to stay. 246 00:12:06,517 --> 00:12:08,770 No way, I can't risk going to The Bad Place. 247 00:12:08,811 --> 00:12:11,814 Okay, well, maybe it's not actually like all that bad. 248 00:12:11,940 --> 00:12:13,900 Let's just get some information first. 249 00:12:13,942 --> 00:12:15,443 We'll ask Janet. Hey, Janet? 250 00:12:15,652 --> 00:12:16,486 Hi, there. [exclaims] 251 00:12:16,527 --> 00:12:18,363 How can I help you? - What the fork? 252 00:12:18,404 --> 00:12:20,073 Who are you? - I'm Janet. 253 00:12:20,114 --> 00:12:23,076 I'm the informational assistant here in The Good Place. 254 00:12:23,117 --> 00:12:25,536 She's like this walking database. 255 00:12:25,578 --> 00:12:29,290 You can ask her about the creation of the universe, or history, or– 256 00:12:29,332 --> 00:12:33,544 oh, there was a guy who lived in Avondale, Arizona, around 2002. 257 00:12:33,586 --> 00:12:35,213 His name was Kevin Paltonic. 258 00:12:35,797 --> 00:12:37,090 Is he gay? - No. 259 00:12:37,257 --> 00:12:38,132 Really? 260 00:12:38,967 --> 00:12:41,469 Huh. I guess he just didn't want to have sex with me. 261 00:12:41,511 --> 00:12:42,929 That's correct. - Well, that's fine. 262 00:12:42,971 --> 00:12:44,806 I wasn't that into him anyway. - Yes, you were. 263 00:12:45,014 --> 00:12:46,641 Okay, Janet. I have a question. 264 00:12:46,683 --> 00:12:49,811 Okay. - What is The Bad Place like? 265 00:12:49,852 --> 00:12:50,895 Oh, sorry. 266 00:12:50,937 --> 00:12:53,898 That is the one topic I'm not allowed to tell you about. 267 00:12:54,232 --> 00:12:58,987 I can only play you a brief audio clip of what is happening there right now. 268 00:12:59,028 --> 00:12:59,904 Okay. 269 00:12:59,946 --> 00:13:02,323 [people screaming] 270 00:13:03,074 --> 00:13:05,910 wOMAN: The bear has two mouths! [flesh ripping] 271 00:13:06,995 --> 00:13:08,788 Well, it doesn't sound awesome. 272 00:13:11,541 --> 00:13:13,751 Does everyone have a huge house except me? 273 00:13:14,502 --> 00:13:15,586 All right, we need a plan. 274 00:13:15,628 --> 00:13:18,464 I say we just lie low and hope that they don't notice me. 275 00:13:18,506 --> 00:13:20,091 I'm sorry. I don't think I can help you. 276 00:13:20,258 --> 00:13:21,718 I just don't like being dishonest, 277 00:13:21,759 --> 00:13:25,054 and I can't advise you to be dishonest either. 278 00:13:25,096 --> 00:13:27,557 Come on! I'm just asking you to fudge a little bit. 279 00:13:27,765 --> 00:13:30,018 You must have told a few white lies in your life. 280 00:13:30,184 --> 00:13:31,311 I mean, what was your job? 281 00:13:31,602 --> 00:13:34,314 I was a professor of ethics and moral philosophy. 282 00:13:34,689 --> 00:13:36,274 SHE LAUGHS Mother-forker! 283 00:13:37,108 --> 00:13:38,901 I'm getting a stomach ache. - [sighs] 284 00:13:39,152 --> 00:13:42,071 I'm in a perfect utopia and I'm... I have a stomachache. 285 00:13:42,196 --> 00:13:45,700 This is awful. I, uh... I think I have to tell Michael about this. 286 00:13:45,742 --> 00:13:46,909 MICHAEL: Tell Michael about what? 287 00:13:47,618 --> 00:13:48,995 ELEANOR: Michael! Hi! 288 00:13:49,162 --> 00:13:50,955 What have you been up to? 289 00:13:50,997 --> 00:13:54,751 Oh, you know, just settling everyone into eternal paradise. 290 00:13:54,959 --> 00:13:56,252 Sure, sure. 291 00:13:56,294 --> 00:13:59,797 Eleanor, Chidi, I would like you to meet Tahani and Jianyu. 292 00:13:59,839 --> 00:14:03,009 They are soulmates and your nextdoor neighbors. 293 00:14:03,509 --> 00:14:07,096 Hello. Can I just say, I love your house. 294 00:14:07,347 --> 00:14:10,475 It's just so tiny and cute. 295 00:14:10,767 --> 00:14:12,268 It's like a little child's plaything! 296 00:14:12,310 --> 00:14:15,271 It's a bit like one of those tinker toy houses, isn't it? 297 00:14:15,313 --> 00:14:18,900 Like for a family of mice, or for a very fancy little dog! 298 00:14:18,941 --> 00:14:22,612 I love it. It's just so sweet and teensy. 299 00:14:23,071 --> 00:14:24,447 Just like you. 300 00:14:24,572 --> 00:14:25,448 Boop! - Ooh! 301 00:14:25,490 --> 00:14:27,450 Oh! - You booped me. 302 00:14:27,492 --> 00:14:28,701 [laughs] - I did. 303 00:14:28,868 --> 00:14:30,620 That's fun. - Oh, I tell ya. 304 00:14:30,661 --> 00:14:33,289 The thought of you four amazing people 305 00:14:33,331 --> 00:14:35,833 living next to each other for eternity just... 306 00:14:36,334 --> 00:14:37,585 it brings joy to my heart. 307 00:14:38,086 --> 00:14:39,545 Oh, I almost forgot. 308 00:14:39,921 --> 00:14:42,882 Tahani and Jianyu are having a little "welcome party" tonight 309 00:14:42,924 --> 00:14:45,176 and they've invited the entire neighborhood. 310 00:14:45,426 --> 00:14:48,429 Is that because your house is so big it can fit everybody? 311 00:14:48,471 --> 00:14:49,597 Exactly, yes. 312 00:14:49,639 --> 00:14:52,058 But also because I simply adore entertaining. 313 00:14:52,100 --> 00:14:54,268 I just adore it. 314 00:14:54,310 --> 00:14:56,270 Don't I just adore it, Jianyu? 315 00:14:57,105 --> 00:14:57,980 Oh, um... yes. 316 00:14:58,022 --> 00:15:01,609 By the way, Jianyu, here, is a Buddhist monk, you see 317 00:15:01,651 --> 00:15:04,362 and he obeys a strict code of silence. 318 00:15:04,404 --> 00:15:06,823 So when you see him smiling and nodding 319 00:15:07,156 --> 00:15:10,159 that's actually his way of jumping up and down with glee! 320 00:15:10,410 --> 00:15:11,285 Isn't that right, darling? 321 00:15:13,663 --> 00:15:14,747 So, we'll see you tonight. 322 00:15:14,872 --> 00:15:16,040 Great. - Yes. 323 00:15:16,833 --> 00:15:18,918 [classical music playing] 324 00:15:19,001 --> 00:15:20,461 This is a sweet dress, right? 325 00:15:20,670 --> 00:15:22,255 Yeah. - I had Janet fetch it for me. 326 00:15:22,296 --> 00:15:24,298 Instant, on demand, everything free. 327 00:15:24,340 --> 00:15:25,842 This place is the best. 328 00:15:28,386 --> 00:15:30,430 [laughs] - ELEANOR: No way. 329 00:15:31,848 --> 00:15:33,933 My entire house could fit in this room. 330 00:15:34,725 --> 00:15:37,061 Okay, uh... help me out here. 331 00:15:37,103 --> 00:15:40,189 Tell me one good thing that you did on Earth. 332 00:15:40,731 --> 00:15:43,818 Just one truly kind and decent act 333 00:15:43,860 --> 00:15:46,487 so that I can feel better about helping you out. 334 00:15:49,699 --> 00:15:50,783 Let's forget about good. 335 00:15:50,825 --> 00:15:52,910 Um, just tell me something neutral about yourself. 336 00:15:52,952 --> 00:15:54,829 Like, tell me about the day before you died. 337 00:15:54,871 --> 00:15:55,746 What do you remember? 338 00:15:57,957 --> 00:15:58,833 Hi, there. 339 00:15:58,875 --> 00:16:00,334 Do you have a second to talk about the environment? 340 00:16:00,376 --> 00:16:02,128 Do you have a second to eat my farts? 341 00:16:03,254 --> 00:16:04,922 You missed. [scoffs] Pick it up 342 00:16:04,964 --> 00:16:06,382 if you're so horny for the environment. 343 00:16:07,633 --> 00:16:09,218 I don't remember anything specific. 344 00:16:09,427 --> 00:16:10,595 Oh. - Look 345 00:16:10,636 --> 00:16:14,182 I might not have been a saint, but it's not like I killed anybody. 346 00:16:14,223 --> 00:16:15,433 I wasn't an arsonist. 347 00:16:15,475 --> 00:16:18,769 I never found a wallet outside of an IHOP and thought about returning it 348 00:16:18,811 --> 00:16:20,062 but saw the owner lived out of state 349 00:16:20,104 --> 00:16:22,523 so just took the cash and dropped the wallet back on the ground. 350 00:16:23,399 --> 00:16:24,358 Okay, that's really specific, 351 00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:26,194 and that makes me think that you definitely did do that. 352 00:16:26,235 --> 00:16:30,823 All I'm saying is, these people might be "good" 353 00:16:30,990 --> 00:16:33,034 but are they really that much better than me? 354 00:16:34,619 --> 00:16:38,289 Well, I spent half my life in North Korea fighting for women's rights 355 00:16:38,331 --> 00:16:41,250 and the other half in Saudi Arabia fighting for gay rights. 356 00:16:41,292 --> 00:16:44,462 So we said, "If the UN won't remove those landmines, we will." 357 00:16:44,879 --> 00:16:47,590 And we dug up over a thousand unexploded landmines 358 00:16:47,632 --> 00:16:49,383 from the area surrounding the orphanage. 359 00:16:49,425 --> 00:16:50,301 Well, then he said 360 00:16:50,343 --> 00:16:52,386 “You can't give me both your kidneys, you'll die.” 361 00:16:52,637 --> 00:16:54,639 What? - I said, “But you will live 362 00:16:54,680 --> 00:16:56,599 and I know we just met on this bus ten minutes ago 363 00:16:56,641 --> 00:16:57,850 but you seem nice.” [scoffs] 364 00:16:57,892 --> 00:17:00,019 ELEANOR: Forget it. Heading to the bar. 365 00:17:05,775 --> 00:17:07,610 Hey, Janet? - Hi. How can I help? 366 00:17:09,987 --> 00:17:13,574 I've had eight glasses of wine and I don't feel anything. 367 00:17:13,616 --> 00:17:16,285 Um, can we not get drunk here? 368 00:17:16,327 --> 00:17:19,413 It's suddenly very important that I get drunk. 369 00:17:19,789 --> 00:17:23,000 Our default setting is that alcohol has no effect. 370 00:17:23,042 --> 00:17:26,587 If you want it to affect you, all you have to do is think to yourself... 371 00:17:26,629 --> 00:17:27,672 Got it. On it. 372 00:17:31,634 --> 00:17:34,762 [moans] 373 00:17:36,138 --> 00:17:37,390 [clinking glass] 374 00:17:37,473 --> 00:17:39,559 [applause] 375 00:17:39,809 --> 00:17:41,519 Thank you. Thank you. 376 00:17:43,521 --> 00:17:45,940 I promise I won't take up too much time here. 377 00:17:46,566 --> 00:17:49,860 As Shakespeare once said, “Brevity is the soul of wit.” 378 00:17:50,695 --> 00:17:51,821 Although, he's actually... 379 00:17:52,196 --> 00:17:53,990 Oop! So... [laughs] 380 00:17:54,156 --> 00:17:55,658 We can ignore that advice. 381 00:17:56,158 --> 00:17:59,579 You all know that I am the architect of this neighborhood. 382 00:17:59,954 --> 00:18:01,372 But what you don't know is... 383 00:18:02,290 --> 00:18:04,375 Golly, I'm not supposed to tell you this but, um... 384 00:18:05,084 --> 00:18:06,043 Oh, what the heck? 385 00:18:06,877 --> 00:18:10,715 This is actually the very first neighborhood that I have ever designed. 386 00:18:10,756 --> 00:18:14,010 I have been an apprentice for over 200 years 387 00:18:14,427 --> 00:18:18,472 and my boss has finally given me my first solo project! 388 00:18:18,514 --> 00:18:19,974 [applause] [chuckles] 389 00:18:20,016 --> 00:18:22,393 Yes! [laughs] 390 00:18:22,643 --> 00:18:24,854 Gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah! Hold on there, ace. 391 00:18:25,396 --> 00:18:26,606 Let me get more of them shrampies. 392 00:18:26,647 --> 00:18:27,523 Easy. 393 00:18:27,607 --> 00:18:29,400 What? They're for everybody, right? 394 00:18:29,442 --> 00:18:30,526 Yes. Exactly. 395 00:18:30,943 --> 00:18:33,696 MICHAEL: ...and you deserve a perfect world. 396 00:18:34,113 --> 00:18:36,699 Because every single one of you 397 00:18:37,575 --> 00:18:38,618 is a good person. 398 00:18:39,535 --> 00:18:41,662 That's it for me. Back to you, Tahani. 399 00:18:42,163 --> 00:18:43,497 Bravo, Michael! - Thank you. 400 00:18:43,539 --> 00:18:44,582 Bravo! 401 00:18:44,624 --> 00:18:47,084 Um, and I would just like to quickly say 402 00:18:47,126 --> 00:18:49,295 if any of you would like to play tennis tonight 403 00:18:49,462 --> 00:18:53,007 we have 36 regulation grass tennis courts. 404 00:18:53,049 --> 00:18:54,634 Such fun! Cheers! [laughs] 405 00:18:54,675 --> 00:18:56,218 [applause] 406 00:18:56,260 --> 00:18:59,221 Tahani, what a condescending bench. 407 00:18:59,263 --> 00:19:00,681 Okay, okay, okay, okay. - Am I right? 408 00:19:00,723 --> 00:19:02,767 Why does she still have that British accent? Right? 409 00:19:02,808 --> 00:19:03,893 No one else here has an accent. 410 00:19:04,352 --> 00:19:05,853 She's choosing to have that accent. 411 00:19:05,895 --> 00:19:08,898 Shh, shh, shh, shh. - [imitating Tahini] "Ooh, hello! 412 00:19:08,939 --> 00:19:13,235 I am just a big beautiful utterly perfect cartoon giraffe!" 413 00:19:13,277 --> 00:19:14,487 Oh, okay. Okay. [laughs] 414 00:19:14,528 --> 00:19:16,864 I think it's time to go home. 415 00:19:17,239 --> 00:19:19,533 Wait, wait, wait, I just have to go upstairs real quick 416 00:19:19,575 --> 00:19:21,452 and steal a bunch of gold stuff. 417 00:19:21,494 --> 00:19:22,495 Okay, don't do that. 418 00:19:24,413 --> 00:19:26,415 Don't do... No! Eleanor. Eleanor. Eleanor. 419 00:19:29,418 --> 00:19:31,379 Hello, creepy house that I hate! 420 00:19:32,338 --> 00:19:34,382 Hello, one million clowns! 421 00:19:35,925 --> 00:19:37,927 Why aren't there stairs here? 422 00:19:40,179 --> 00:19:43,265 Ugh! What kind of weirdo house is this? 423 00:19:44,600 --> 00:19:45,476 Ooh. 424 00:19:46,352 --> 00:19:49,271 Did you fill your bra with shrimp? 425 00:19:49,605 --> 00:19:50,981 No. [hiccups] 426 00:19:51,774 --> 00:19:52,650 Yes. 427 00:19:52,692 --> 00:19:57,488 Whatever, it's freakin' heaven, I'm sure they have plenty of shellfish. 428 00:19:57,863 --> 00:20:00,032 That Tahani is a real butthead, huh? 429 00:20:00,074 --> 00:20:01,200 [gasps] Hey! 430 00:20:01,534 --> 00:20:03,411 At least I can still say “butthead.” 431 00:20:03,911 --> 00:20:05,705 Ugh, she is a butthead. 432 00:20:06,539 --> 00:20:07,665 Found some pajamas. 433 00:20:09,959 --> 00:20:11,502 Chidi? Chidi? Chidi? 434 00:20:12,503 --> 00:20:15,089 I'm sorry that you had to deal with this. 435 00:20:16,799 --> 00:20:18,592 It's okay. - It's not, though. 436 00:20:19,301 --> 00:20:20,177 [sighs] 437 00:20:20,469 --> 00:20:22,388 Do you think anybody cared that I died? 438 00:20:23,305 --> 00:20:24,390 Maybe someone did. 439 00:20:24,807 --> 00:20:27,435 I don't know. I was an only child. 440 00:20:27,977 --> 00:20:29,854 My parents were divorced when I was a kid. 441 00:20:29,895 --> 00:20:31,856 They were both crummy people 442 00:20:31,897 --> 00:20:33,566 so they're probably... 443 00:20:34,066 --> 00:20:35,192 ...in The Bad Place. 444 00:20:36,110 --> 00:20:38,320 Maybe they're being used to torture each other. 445 00:20:39,989 --> 00:20:41,282 It would work. - [chuckles] 446 00:20:42,116 --> 00:20:44,452 I bet way more people cared that you died. 447 00:20:45,786 --> 00:20:47,163 Because you're a nice person. 448 00:20:47,580 --> 00:20:48,622 [clears throat] 449 00:20:48,873 --> 00:20:51,125 You're a nice person, Chidi... 450 00:20:51,458 --> 00:20:53,002 Anaconda. 451 00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:57,298 Anagonye. - "Aginoncamunga." 452 00:20:57,673 --> 00:20:59,717 Anagonye. - "Ags..." - say it again. 453 00:20:59,759 --> 00:21:01,761 Anagonye. - No, say what you said before. 454 00:21:01,802 --> 00:21:03,262 I did. It's Anagonye. 455 00:21:03,304 --> 00:21:05,181 You just changed it. - I didn't change it. 456 00:21:05,222 --> 00:21:07,850 It's my name. - “Aragugronde,” Ariana Grande! 457 00:21:07,892 --> 00:21:09,268 [gasps] That's a person. 458 00:21:09,393 --> 00:21:10,478 I did it! 459 00:21:11,395 --> 00:21:12,313 Good night. 460 00:21:14,565 --> 00:21:15,441 Good night. 461 00:21:17,902 --> 00:21:21,321 [circus music playing] 462 00:21:21,371 --> 00:21:23,615 [recorded cheering] 463 00:21:23,824 --> 00:21:25,117 Well, that's terrifying. 464 00:21:26,368 --> 00:21:27,453 [snoring] 465 00:21:36,378 --> 00:21:39,340 Thirty glasses of wine and no hangover. 466 00:21:40,132 --> 00:21:41,175 [laughs] 467 00:21:41,509 --> 00:21:42,968 This place rules. 468 00:21:43,385 --> 00:21:45,221 [thunder cracks] 469 00:21:49,767 --> 00:21:52,353 [Ariana Grande's "Break Free" playing] 470 00:21:52,728 --> 00:21:55,314 ♪ This is the part when ♪ 471 00:21:55,356 --> 00:21:57,149 ♪ I break free ♪ 472 00:21:57,191 --> 00:21:59,735 ♪ ‘Cause I can't resist it no more ♪ 473 00:21:59,777 --> 00:22:01,403 ELEANOR: Oh, fork! 474 00:22:01,445 --> 00:22:04,323 ♪ ...the part when I say I don't want ya ♪ 475 00:22:04,824 --> 00:22:07,409 ♪ I'm stronger than I've been before ♪ 476 00:22:07,576 --> 00:22:11,914 ♪ This is the part when I break free ♪ 477 00:22:11,956 --> 00:22:14,416 ♪ 'Cause I can't resist it no more ♪ 478 00:22:14,500 --> 00:22:15,417 Michael? - Hmm? 479 00:22:15,626 --> 00:22:18,796 Is that giant, terrifying ladybug supposed to be there? 480 00:22:18,963 --> 00:22:20,673 Ah! Well, great question, Tahani. 481 00:22:21,590 --> 00:22:22,967 No. No, it's not. 482 00:22:23,425 --> 00:22:26,303 I have no idea why any of this is happening or how to control it. 483 00:22:26,512 --> 00:22:27,471 Should we run away then? 484 00:22:28,722 --> 00:22:29,598 Yes! 485 00:22:29,682 --> 00:22:30,975 ♪ It was lethal. ♪ 486 00:22:31,016 --> 00:22:33,060 Right-o! ♪ It was fatal. ♪ 487 00:22:33,102 --> 00:22:36,313 ♪ In my dreams it felt so right. ♪ [growls] 488 00:22:37,022 --> 00:22:40,860 ♪ But I woke up every time. ♪ 489 00:22:43,696 --> 00:22:45,322 ♪ Oh, baby! ♪ 490 00:22:45,364 --> 00:22:49,660 ♪ This is the part when I say I don't want ya. ♪ 491 00:22:49,702 --> 00:22:52,204 ♪ I'm stronger than I've been before. 00:22:53,289 What's going on? 493 00:22:53,789 --> 00:22:55,416 Why are there giant animals everywhere? 494 00:22:55,708 --> 00:22:57,376 Do you hear Ariana Grande playing? 495 00:22:58,377 --> 00:23:00,504 Why is everyone wearing blue and yellow? 496 00:23:01,714 --> 00:23:02,590 You're not. 497 00:23:03,883 --> 00:23:05,551 You're... you're the only one who's not. 498 00:23:05,843 --> 00:23:08,762 Eleanor, this is all happening because of you. 499 00:23:09,805 --> 00:23:11,348 Ah, fork me! 500 00:23:14,184 --> 00:23:17,146 Okay, okay, we don't know this is because of me. 501 00:23:17,187 --> 00:23:18,063 Eleanor. 502 00:23:18,105 --> 00:23:22,151 This place is a perfectly made Swiss watch, and you are a wrench in the gears. 503 00:23:22,192 --> 00:23:25,487 Actually, you're a hammer, just smashing the gears into dust. 504 00:23:25,529 --> 00:23:26,488 Oh, hang on. 505 00:23:26,530 --> 00:23:28,532 Not everybody here is perfect, okay? 506 00:23:28,574 --> 00:23:32,578 Tahani is totally condescending and there are a couple of, you know... 507 00:23:33,329 --> 00:23:35,331 "chunksters." - Oh, come on! 508 00:23:35,372 --> 00:23:39,001 No judgment, I'm just saying I'm not the only one with flaws 509 00:23:39,209 --> 00:23:41,587 so how can we be sure this is my fault? 510 00:23:41,712 --> 00:23:44,798 You hogged all the shrimp, and now there are shrimp flying around. 511 00:23:45,341 --> 00:23:48,427 You called Tahani a giraffe, and now there are giraffes everywhere. 512 00:23:48,469 --> 00:23:50,930 Okay, fine, turns out there are many ways to know that it was me. 513 00:23:50,971 --> 00:23:52,139 Let's just face it, Eleanor. 514 00:23:52,181 --> 00:23:53,182 You don't belong here. 515 00:23:55,851 --> 00:23:57,895 Well, then this system sucks. 516 00:23:58,228 --> 00:24:01,065 What, one in a million gets to live in paradise 517 00:24:01,106 --> 00:24:04,068 and everyone else is tortured for eternity? Come on! 518 00:24:04,234 --> 00:24:07,738 I mean I wasn't freakin' Gandhi, but I was okay. 519 00:24:08,197 --> 00:24:10,532 I was a medium person. 520 00:24:11,533 --> 00:24:15,579 I should get to spend eternity in a medium place, like Cincinnati. 521 00:24:15,871 --> 00:24:17,957 Everyone who wasn't perfect, but wasn't terrible 522 00:24:17,998 --> 00:24:20,167 should get to spend eternity in Cincinnati. 523 00:24:20,209 --> 00:24:22,127 Look, apparently it doesn't work that way. 524 00:24:22,670 --> 00:24:26,048 I'm sorry, Eleanor, but there's nothing anyone can do. 525 00:24:28,258 --> 00:24:32,054 Unless there is something we can do. 526 00:24:32,096 --> 00:24:34,390 Unless you could teach me. 527 00:24:35,307 --> 00:24:36,225 Teach you what? 528 00:24:36,392 --> 00:24:37,518 How to be good! 529 00:24:37,810 --> 00:24:39,228 That was your job, right? 530 00:24:39,269 --> 00:24:40,980 A professor of ethics? 531 00:24:41,355 --> 00:24:43,357 No one knew I was a problem when I arrived. 532 00:24:43,732 --> 00:24:45,192 Things only started getting crazy 533 00:24:45,234 --> 00:24:47,403 after I was an ash-hole to everyone at the party. 534 00:24:47,444 --> 00:24:48,320 Ugh! 535 00:24:48,737 --> 00:24:52,032 You know I'm trying to say "ash-hole," and not "ash-hole," right? 536 00:24:52,074 --> 00:24:53,200 I got that, yes. - Okay. 537 00:24:53,367 --> 00:24:54,368 Give me a chance. 538 00:24:55,035 --> 00:24:56,787 Let me earn my place here. 539 00:24:57,121 --> 00:25:00,124 You spent your life wondering what makes someone good or bad. 540 00:25:01,208 --> 00:25:03,168 Now you have the perfect test case. 541 00:25:03,377 --> 00:25:05,254 Let me be your ethical guinea pig! 542 00:25:05,963 --> 00:25:07,423 [knocking on door] - MICHAEL: Hey, guys! 543 00:25:07,464 --> 00:25:09,883 Uh... Emergency neighborhood meeting! Now! 544 00:25:09,925 --> 00:25:11,343 We'll be right there, Michael. 545 00:25:11,677 --> 00:25:14,513 If I walk out of here in these clothes, I'm toast. 546 00:25:14,638 --> 00:25:16,765 My soul is in your hands, soulmate. 547 00:25:17,349 --> 00:25:18,267 What's it gonna be? 548 00:25:18,892 --> 00:25:20,227 [knocking continues] 549 00:25:20,561 --> 00:25:22,271 [lightning cracks] 550 00:25:22,396 --> 00:25:23,856 Oh, stomachache.