1 00:00:03,003 --> 00:00:04,663 DEE: My phone is moving slow as shit. 2 00:00:04,700 --> 00:00:06,090 CHARLIE: Is it? 'Cause mine's 3 00:00:06,136 --> 00:00:08,266 -going super slow, too. Yeah. -Really? 4 00:00:08,312 --> 00:00:10,102 I heard if you just do the new software update, 5 00:00:10,140 --> 00:00:12,060 -then everything moves faster. -Oh, there's a new update? 6 00:00:12,099 --> 00:00:13,839 -Yeah, yeah. Just go to settings. -Uh-huh. 7 00:00:13,883 --> 00:00:15,283 -Uh-huh. Is that the little gear thing? -And then... Yep. 8 00:00:15,319 --> 00:00:17,189 And then just click update. 9 00:00:17,234 --> 00:00:18,504 How long's it gonna take? 10 00:00:18,540 --> 00:00:20,190 Uh, says 30 minutes. 11 00:00:20,237 --> 00:00:22,147 -What? -What?! -What? 12 00:00:22,196 --> 00:00:24,066 What are we gonna do without our phones for 30 minutes? 13 00:00:24,111 --> 00:00:25,761 -[sighs] -We don't need the phones. 14 00:00:25,808 --> 00:00:28,458 Maybe... Oh. What if we just kick back 15 00:00:28,506 --> 00:00:30,416 and remember some of the good old days? 16 00:00:30,465 --> 00:00:32,115 No. What? 17 00:00:32,162 --> 00:00:33,512 No, no, no, no. Come on, what are you talking about? 18 00:00:33,555 --> 00:00:35,295 Look, we can think of something to do. 19 00:00:35,339 --> 00:00:37,989 -I don't know, it does sound kind of fun. -That's what you do 20 00:00:38,038 --> 00:00:39,128 when you start getting old. 21 00:00:39,169 --> 00:00:41,079 You know, you start reliving the glory days 22 00:00:41,128 --> 00:00:42,958 'cause you can't think of anything new to do. 23 00:00:42,999 --> 00:00:44,699 Do you remember the time that I sewed myself 24 00:00:44,740 --> 00:00:46,180 into the couch naked? 25 00:00:46,220 --> 00:00:47,660 -Uh, yes. Remember? -DENNIS: Oh. -[Mac laughs] 26 00:00:47,699 --> 00:00:49,749 -[Frank gasping] -Oh, great, now you've... 27 00:00:49,788 --> 00:00:53,178 -[all groaning] -Oh, what in the hell? 28 00:00:53,227 --> 00:00:56,397 -DENNIS: Oh, Jesus Christ! -Oh, God! Oh, God! 29 00:00:57,274 --> 00:00:58,754 -Oh, no. -What is happening? 30 00:00:58,797 --> 00:01:00,447 Can't breathe. 31 00:01:00,495 --> 00:01:01,795 -Too hot. -Why are you naked, Frank? 32 00:01:01,844 --> 00:01:04,984 -It was too hot. Leather couch. -Okay. But did you hear? 33 00:01:05,021 --> 00:01:07,331 -She called you an asshole. -She called you an asshole, Frank. 34 00:01:07,371 --> 00:01:09,161 No air. No air. 35 00:01:09,199 --> 00:01:12,329 -Air! Air! -God! 36 00:01:12,376 --> 00:01:14,246 [Frank groans] 37 00:01:14,291 --> 00:01:16,291 ♪ 38 00:01:36,400 --> 00:01:39,400 [all laugh] 39 00:01:39,447 --> 00:01:40,747 I was running down the street. 40 00:01:40,796 --> 00:01:43,316 I was, I was naked. I didn't feel the cold. 41 00:01:43,364 --> 00:01:45,284 I-I was just sweating bullets. 42 00:01:45,322 --> 00:01:46,852 -You were soaking. -DEE: Slimy. 43 00:01:46,889 --> 00:01:48,629 And the way you tell that, it's like I was there. 44 00:01:48,673 --> 00:01:51,373 -And I was not there. I was not there. -Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. 45 00:01:51,415 --> 00:01:52,755 -DENNIS: We were there, and it was like that. -Hey, guys. 46 00:01:52,808 --> 00:01:55,378 Yeah, we were there. Guys, guys, uh, what about this memory? 47 00:01:55,419 --> 00:01:59,209 -[Spanish accent]: Uh, hola, estúpidos. -[Dennis laughs] 48 00:01:59,249 --> 00:02:01,339 -What is that? What is that from? -What are you doing? 49 00:02:01,382 --> 00:02:03,992 Um, can I ask you a question? 50 00:02:04,036 --> 00:02:05,426 -I... -CHARLIE: You're just doing a bad accent? 51 00:02:05,473 --> 00:02:07,213 -What, what...? -That's not... No? -MAC: Yeah. 52 00:02:07,257 --> 00:02:08,607 -That's not really a memory. -You're remembering the time 53 00:02:08,650 --> 00:02:10,220 you burned a Mexican's house down? 54 00:02:10,260 --> 00:02:12,220 -No, no, not that one. I was doing a character. -Oh. 55 00:02:12,262 --> 00:02:14,222 I was thinking we could remember all my hilarious characters 56 00:02:14,264 --> 00:02:16,404 -that I've created. -You've never had any. 57 00:02:16,440 --> 00:02:18,180 Now, hang on a second. You've created characters? 58 00:02:18,225 --> 00:02:19,655 What are you talking about? 59 00:02:19,704 --> 00:02:22,454 [Taiwanese accent]: Y-You don't remember Taiwan Tammy? 60 00:02:22,490 --> 00:02:24,010 -Oh! Oh, my goodness. -Oh! You can't do that. 61 00:02:24,056 --> 00:02:25,966 -We decided that isn't funny anymore. -CHARLIE: You can't... 62 00:02:26,015 --> 00:02:27,315 -No, that's right. -As a society. -DEE: All right. 63 00:02:27,364 --> 00:02:30,284 Well, what about my Saint Patrick's Day? The... 64 00:02:30,324 --> 00:02:31,464 [Irish accent]: I'm Crazy Pad... 65 00:02:31,499 --> 00:02:32,799 -[grunts] -FRANK: Oh. 66 00:02:32,848 --> 00:02:34,848 -[all laugh] -Oh! Yes! 67 00:02:34,893 --> 00:02:36,333 -FRANK: Oh, wow. That was hilarious. -[whoops] Wow. 68 00:02:36,373 --> 00:02:38,333 -That was funny. -Ow! 69 00:02:38,375 --> 00:02:39,635 -Ooh, ooh, guys! I got an idea. -Ooh! 70 00:02:39,681 --> 00:02:41,811 Why don't we remember all the times 71 00:02:41,857 --> 00:02:43,417 -that Dee's gotten hurt. -DEE: No. What? What? 72 00:02:43,467 --> 00:02:45,027 I'm not doing that, okay? No. 73 00:02:45,077 --> 00:02:46,857 I-It's too late. I'm already remembering it. 74 00:02:47,906 --> 00:02:50,126 -[grunts] -[car alarm beeping] 75 00:02:50,170 --> 00:02:52,170 Holy shi... [screams] 76 00:02:54,870 --> 00:02:56,790 DEE: I found the kittens. 77 00:02:56,828 --> 00:02:58,998 Oh, come on! 78 00:02:59,048 --> 00:03:01,218 -[screaming] -[cat meows] 79 00:03:04,532 --> 00:03:06,142 -[Mac grunting] -[groans] 80 00:03:07,926 --> 00:03:11,226 -I wanted to, uh... -[audience gasps] 81 00:03:11,278 --> 00:03:12,668 [farting] 82 00:03:12,714 --> 00:03:14,894 Oh. Upsy-daisy. [laughs] 83 00:03:14,933 --> 00:03:17,373 [men laughing] 84 00:03:17,414 --> 00:03:18,684 You guys are exaggerating. 85 00:03:18,720 --> 00:03:20,460 You weren't even there for half of that. 86 00:03:20,504 --> 00:03:22,114 It's just how we remember it, Dee. I mean... 87 00:03:22,158 --> 00:03:24,678 You can't, you can't beat physical comedy memories. 88 00:03:24,726 --> 00:03:26,116 -They're timeless. -Yeah, yeah. 89 00:03:26,162 --> 00:03:27,252 Oh, you know what? Let's remember 90 00:03:27,294 --> 00:03:29,124 all, like, the classic times. 91 00:03:29,165 --> 00:03:30,645 -You know, like, the best of the best. -FRANK: Yeah. 92 00:03:31,994 --> 00:03:34,264 Ho ho ho ho. 93 00:03:34,301 --> 00:03:35,911 Well, hello, and Merry Christmas. 94 00:03:37,304 --> 00:03:40,314 So, where's your little one? Oh. 95 00:03:40,350 --> 00:03:43,310 Ho ho ho ho. You're a big boy, aren't you? 96 00:03:43,353 --> 00:03:44,663 [laughs] 97 00:03:44,702 --> 00:03:46,402 Uh, is he [bleep]? 98 00:03:47,357 --> 00:03:48,527 I got this one. 99 00:03:48,576 --> 00:03:51,966 So, son, what would you like for Christmas? 100 00:03:52,014 --> 00:03:53,974 Huh? 101 00:03:54,016 --> 00:03:55,926 Did you fuck my mom? 102 00:03:57,585 --> 00:03:58,365 What? 103 00:03:59,500 --> 00:04:01,330 Did you fuck... 104 00:04:01,371 --> 00:04:04,461 my mom? 105 00:04:04,505 --> 00:04:06,935 What do you mean? I, uh... 106 00:04:06,985 --> 00:04:08,545 Did you fuck my mom, Santa Claus? 107 00:04:08,596 --> 00:04:10,466 -Mm-mm. -Did you fuck my mom? 108 00:04:10,511 --> 00:04:11,691 -No, I... -Did you fuck her? 109 00:04:11,729 --> 00:04:13,949 -No, I... -Did you fuck my fucking mom? 110 00:04:13,992 --> 00:04:15,342 Did you fuck my mom, Santa?! 111 00:04:15,385 --> 00:04:16,385 [screams] 112 00:04:16,430 --> 00:04:17,430 He's biting my neck! 113 00:04:17,474 --> 00:04:18,954 Wait, you're gonna kill him! 114 00:04:18,997 --> 00:04:21,347 -He's biting my neck! -You're gonna kill Santa Claus! 115 00:04:21,391 --> 00:04:23,481 Brakes. No. Guys, why aren't the brakes working? 116 00:04:23,524 --> 00:04:26,704 Because I cut the brakes. Wild card, bitches! 117 00:04:26,744 --> 00:04:28,704 Yee-haw! 118 00:04:28,746 --> 00:04:30,706 -What? Charlie! -What?! 119 00:04:30,748 --> 00:04:33,448 -Seriously? What?! -Abort! Abort! Abort! 120 00:04:35,797 --> 00:04:37,707 You want to maybe put this divider up? 121 00:04:37,755 --> 00:04:40,535 Well, no. We don't want to exclude a great man like Frank 122 00:04:40,584 --> 00:04:42,594 -from the conversa... [retches] -[screaming] 123 00:04:42,630 --> 00:04:44,720 Oh, my God! 124 00:04:44,762 --> 00:04:47,332 -Call 911! -[coughs] Oh, no, it's okay. 125 00:04:47,374 --> 00:04:49,424 I have a touch of consumption. 126 00:04:49,463 --> 00:04:51,333 -[screaming continues] -[coughs] 127 00:04:53,815 --> 00:04:55,375 -That seems really dark. -No, no, it's not dark. 128 00:04:55,425 --> 00:04:56,985 -You're misunderstanding me, bro. Okay? -I-I... 129 00:04:57,035 --> 00:04:58,425 -I think I am. -Yeah, you are. 130 00:04:58,472 --> 00:04:59,602 Because if the girl said no, then the answer, 131 00:04:59,647 --> 00:05:00,947 -obviously, is no. -No. 132 00:05:00,996 --> 00:05:02,606 -Right. -But the thing is is she's not gonna say no. 133 00:05:02,650 --> 00:05:05,310 She would never say no because of the implication. 134 00:05:07,394 --> 00:05:10,184 Now, you... you've said that word "implication" 135 00:05:10,222 --> 00:05:12,962 a couple of times. W-What implication? 136 00:05:13,008 --> 00:05:15,398 The implication that things might go wrong for her 137 00:05:15,445 --> 00:05:17,005 if she refuses to sleep with me. 138 00:05:17,055 --> 00:05:19,005 Now, not that things aregonna go wrong for her, 139 00:05:19,057 --> 00:05:21,227 -but she's thinking that they will. -Are you gonna hurt women? 140 00:05:21,277 --> 00:05:22,577 -I'm not gonna hurt these women. -Oh, okay. 141 00:05:22,626 --> 00:05:24,366 -Why would I ever hurt these women? -I don't know. 142 00:05:24,411 --> 00:05:26,241 -I feel like you're not getting this at all. -I'm not getting it. 143 00:05:26,282 --> 00:05:29,422 I am gonna punch a hole through your face. 144 00:05:29,459 --> 00:05:31,549 I'd like to see you try that. 145 00:05:31,592 --> 00:05:34,602 I don't feel we're reading as eagles. 146 00:05:34,638 --> 00:05:36,858 No, bro. We look like assholes. 147 00:05:36,901 --> 00:05:38,601 They didn't turn out the way that I had envisioned. 148 00:05:38,642 --> 00:05:40,342 I'm getting more of a chicken vibe. 149 00:05:41,645 --> 00:05:42,945 Oh, hey, Dee. 150 00:05:42,994 --> 00:05:46,434 [caws] 151 00:05:46,476 --> 00:05:48,166 You know, you and me palling around. 152 00:05:48,217 --> 00:05:51,047 Getting nuts. Doing crazy... 153 00:05:51,089 --> 00:05:52,569 I'm not doing any kind of things 154 00:05:52,613 --> 00:05:54,573 that you want me to do with you, Uncle Jack. 155 00:05:54,615 --> 00:05:56,305 And action. 156 00:05:56,356 --> 00:05:57,656 I'll read the words you wrote. 157 00:05:57,705 --> 00:05:59,315 "Hello, fellow American. 158 00:05:59,359 --> 00:06:01,269 "This you should vote me. 159 00:06:01,317 --> 00:06:03,447 "I leave power. Good. 160 00:06:03,493 --> 00:06:05,453 Thank you." 161 00:06:05,495 --> 00:06:06,535 Thank you. 162 00:06:06,583 --> 00:06:09,413 "Taxes, they'll be lower... son. 163 00:06:09,456 --> 00:06:12,326 "The Democratic vote for me is right thing to do, 164 00:06:12,372 --> 00:06:15,332 Philadelphia, so do." 165 00:06:15,375 --> 00:06:17,195 I'm gonna gun this car as fast as it goes 166 00:06:17,246 --> 00:06:18,596 -directly into that wall. -Mm-hmm. 167 00:06:18,639 --> 00:06:21,469 MAC: The last possible second, we jump out to safety, 168 00:06:21,511 --> 00:06:22,641 and we're dead to the world. 169 00:06:22,686 --> 00:06:24,466 Okeydokey. Good luck with that. 170 00:06:24,514 --> 00:06:25,824 Wait, where are you going, dude? 171 00:06:25,863 --> 00:06:29,083 Well, I'm gonna... I'm gonna watch you do it. 172 00:06:29,127 --> 00:06:31,127 -No, we need to do it together. -I'm not really doing anything. 173 00:06:31,173 --> 00:06:32,873 Well, yes, you are, Charlie. You're here for moral support 174 00:06:32,914 --> 00:06:34,314 -on top of that. -I know, but if no one's actually seeing us 175 00:06:34,350 --> 00:06:35,610 jump out of the car, whatever, it's not exciting. 176 00:06:35,656 --> 00:06:37,526 Well, it's... We're gonna kill ourselves together. 177 00:06:37,571 --> 00:06:39,011 -I'm gonna watch you. All right. -Get out, get out, get out! 178 00:06:39,050 --> 00:06:40,440 I'll do it myself. Get out! 179 00:06:40,487 --> 00:06:42,007 The whole thing's really better without me anyway, Mac. 180 00:06:42,053 --> 00:06:43,533 I'm telling you, it's gonna be great without me. 181 00:06:43,577 --> 00:06:45,837 -All right, buddy, good luck. -Pussy. 182 00:06:47,711 --> 00:06:49,501 [engine revving] 183 00:06:53,717 --> 00:06:55,627 [Charlie screams] 184 00:06:55,676 --> 00:06:57,496 [screams] Mac? 185 00:06:57,547 --> 00:06:58,717 Holy shit, dude! 186 00:06:58,766 --> 00:07:00,326 -Are you all right? -Yeah. 187 00:07:00,376 --> 00:07:01,596 -Why didn't you jump out? -I'm okay. 188 00:07:01,638 --> 00:07:03,468 ♪ Freedom♪ 189 00:07:03,510 --> 00:07:06,470 -♪ Hold on to my freedom♪ -[whooping] 190 00:07:06,513 --> 00:07:08,523 ♪ My freedom♪ 191 00:07:08,558 --> 00:07:10,728 ♪ You've got to give for what you take♪ 192 00:07:10,778 --> 00:07:14,828 -[yelling] -♪ Freedom♪ 193 00:07:14,869 --> 00:07:16,739 ♪ Freedom...♪ 194 00:07:16,784 --> 00:07:20,144 [guttural yelling] 195 00:07:20,178 --> 00:07:21,828 Hey, dude, I can't... I-I can't... 196 00:07:21,876 --> 00:07:23,486 I can't do any of this shit anymore. 197 00:07:23,530 --> 00:07:24,920 -Okay? I'm... I'm leaving. -Whoa, whoa, whoa. 198 00:07:24,966 --> 00:07:26,706 No, hold on a second. You can't just leave. 199 00:07:26,750 --> 00:07:27,970 -Dennis. -Yeah, dude. What-what about us? 200 00:07:28,012 --> 00:07:29,542 I mean, what about... what about the bar? 201 00:07:29,579 --> 00:07:31,189 Good-bye, Paddy's Pub. 202 00:07:31,233 --> 00:07:34,113 Good-bye, Philadelphia. Good-bye, Charlie. 203 00:07:34,149 --> 00:07:36,589 Mac, Dee, Frank. 204 00:07:36,630 --> 00:07:38,630 The bar is done. 205 00:07:41,548 --> 00:07:43,988 Good-bye, Philadelphia. 206 00:07:45,943 --> 00:07:47,683 Wait, wait. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on a second. What...? 207 00:07:47,728 --> 00:07:49,688 -What the hell was that? -DEE: Yeah. 208 00:07:49,730 --> 00:07:51,300 What was that? I am not an ostrich. 209 00:07:51,340 --> 00:07:52,690 Yeah. No, no, no, that's not what I'm talking about. 210 00:07:52,733 --> 00:07:54,393 I'm talking about the last memory 211 00:07:54,430 --> 00:07:55,870 where Mac turned the lights off to the bar. 212 00:07:55,910 --> 00:07:58,090 Yeah, what about it? 213 00:07:58,129 --> 00:08:00,739 Well, that never happened. I-Iturned the lights off. 214 00:08:00,784 --> 00:08:02,614 No, that's not how I remember it. 215 00:08:02,656 --> 00:08:04,396 No, Mac, that's not what happened. 216 00:08:04,440 --> 00:08:06,700 -Yeah, thank you, Dee. -Pretty sure I turned the lights off. 217 00:08:06,747 --> 00:08:08,787 Oh, right. Yes, it was you, and then I flipped them back on. 218 00:08:08,836 --> 00:08:10,616 Yeah. Yeah, and I was like, "No! Get him out here. 219 00:08:10,664 --> 00:08:12,194 -Let him go." -Yeah, actually, we did a great bit. 220 00:08:12,230 --> 00:08:14,100 We're like... ♪ Ah, ah-ah-ah, ah, ah, ah.♪ 221 00:08:14,145 --> 00:08:15,755 No, no. Wait, wait. No, guys. No, remember? 222 00:08:15,799 --> 00:08:17,149 I quit the bar, 223 00:08:17,192 --> 00:08:18,802 I moved to North Dakota, and I shut the lights off. 224 00:08:18,846 --> 00:08:20,796 Wait. You went to North Dakota? 225 00:08:20,848 --> 00:08:22,548 I don't remember Dennis leaving. 226 00:08:22,589 --> 00:08:24,159 Wait. No. Goddamn it. Come on, guys. 227 00:08:24,199 --> 00:08:26,549 The... Look, this is how it went down, okay? 228 00:08:26,593 --> 00:08:28,553 Good-bye, Paddy's Pub. 229 00:08:28,595 --> 00:08:31,375 Good-bye, Philadelphia. Good-bye, Charlie. 230 00:08:31,423 --> 00:08:33,433 Mac, Dee, Frank. 231 00:08:33,469 --> 00:08:35,469 The bar is done. 232 00:08:37,821 --> 00:08:39,481 -So, go! -♪ Da-da, da-da, da-da-da-da!♪ 233 00:08:39,519 --> 00:08:40,559 -Stop sucking and go. -♪ Da-da-da-da, da-da-da-da♪ 234 00:08:40,607 --> 00:08:42,127 -Stop sucking and go. -[scat singing] 235 00:08:42,173 --> 00:08:43,613 Stop sucking and go. 236 00:08:43,653 --> 00:08:45,483 -So was, uh... sneaking that... -No. 237 00:08:45,525 --> 00:08:46,785 -Yeah. I told you. Yeah, wasn't that good? -Yeah, right. 238 00:08:46,830 --> 00:08:48,570 Okay, now, see, 239 00:08:48,615 --> 00:08:50,135 now you're infecting my memory with your memory, 240 00:08:50,181 --> 00:08:52,841 and I can't even remember my own life correctly. 241 00:08:52,880 --> 00:08:54,490 -Yeah. -I think you are remembering it right. 242 00:08:54,534 --> 00:08:55,754 -Yeah. -It was a pretty good pick now that I remember it. 243 00:08:55,796 --> 00:08:57,486 Guys, no, can we not do this? 244 00:08:57,537 --> 00:08:59,017 Can we not start messing with each other's memories? 245 00:08:59,060 --> 00:09:01,980 Okay? Distorting facts, like, basically changes history. 246 00:09:02,019 --> 00:09:04,019 You know what? It's like fake news, you know? 247 00:09:04,065 --> 00:09:05,845 And then, all of a sudden, nobody knows what the truth is, 248 00:09:05,893 --> 00:09:08,163 and facts don't matter. Guys, it's a slippery slope. 249 00:09:08,199 --> 00:09:09,809 Okay, okay, you know what? 250 00:09:09,853 --> 00:09:11,033 Fine. Let's try to remember something 251 00:09:11,072 --> 00:09:13,162 we all know for sure happened like, um... 252 00:09:13,204 --> 00:09:15,514 like The Nightman Cometh. 253 00:09:25,477 --> 00:09:26,737 -What the hell was that? -Huh? 254 00:09:26,783 --> 00:09:28,613 -What was that? -Oh, I'm just remembering 255 00:09:28,655 --> 00:09:31,215 when I-I told Mac I was gonna cut the song. 256 00:09:31,266 --> 00:09:33,216 Right, but why was that memory in a different language? 257 00:09:33,268 --> 00:09:35,048 Oh, shit. You know what's happening? 258 00:09:35,096 --> 00:09:36,746 All right, now I'm getting confused, 259 00:09:36,793 --> 00:09:39,843 'cause I was remembering the time that I spoke Chinese, so... 260 00:09:39,883 --> 00:09:41,623 -You never spoke Chinese. -Yeah. 261 00:09:41,668 --> 00:09:43,408 Yeah, I did. They gave me a magic pill, and I learned it, 262 00:09:43,452 --> 00:09:44,672 -and I speak it fluently. -No. -Mm, no, they didn't. 263 00:09:44,714 --> 00:09:46,504 -Mm-mm. -DENNIS: Uh, no, buddy. 264 00:09:46,542 --> 00:09:48,892 Oh, by the way, we're getting way off track here. 265 00:09:48,936 --> 00:09:50,496 -What-what is happening? -Yeah. 266 00:09:50,546 --> 00:09:52,896 Oh, why don't we remember all the times 267 00:09:52,940 --> 00:09:54,640 that somebody didn't know what was happening. 268 00:09:54,681 --> 00:09:56,641 A business opportunity as rare 269 00:09:56,683 --> 00:10:00,823 as the albani berries themselves. 270 00:10:00,861 --> 00:10:02,471 What's happening? 271 00:10:02,514 --> 00:10:05,134 [groans] 272 00:10:05,169 --> 00:10:06,689 What is happening? 273 00:10:06,736 --> 00:10:09,296 "His name was Dennis." 274 00:10:09,347 --> 00:10:11,997 -I'm-I'm sorry. What is happ...? -Silence. 275 00:10:12,046 --> 00:10:14,346 -What is happening? -We don't know. 276 00:10:14,396 --> 00:10:16,486 -Come on now! -[woman moaning] 277 00:10:16,528 --> 00:10:19,398 -What is happening? -What is happening?! 278 00:10:22,186 --> 00:10:24,276 DENNIS: Reliving old memories is so fun. 279 00:10:24,319 --> 00:10:26,539 MAC: I'm having a blast. 280 00:10:26,582 --> 00:10:28,282 Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, guys, I got one 281 00:10:28,323 --> 00:10:30,333 I think we can all remember-- the contest. 282 00:10:30,368 --> 00:10:31,808 -Oh, the contest. -The contest. 283 00:10:31,848 --> 00:10:34,158 -Ooh. -Yeah. -Okay. Yeah, yeah. 284 00:10:34,198 --> 00:10:35,808 [Seinfeldtheme music plays] 285 00:10:35,852 --> 00:10:37,772 Hey. 286 00:10:37,811 --> 00:10:39,071 -Hey. -Hey. -Hey. 287 00:10:39,116 --> 00:10:41,946 Well, where's my money? Who caved? 288 00:10:41,989 --> 00:10:43,769 -Not me. -Not me. 289 00:10:43,817 --> 00:10:45,557 -No. -Hmm. What are you guys looking at? 290 00:10:45,601 --> 00:10:47,301 Oh, there's a naked woman across the street. 291 00:10:47,342 --> 00:10:48,872 [Dee laughs] 292 00:10:48,909 --> 00:10:51,689 This is gonna be the easiest money I've ever made. 293 00:10:53,435 --> 00:10:55,955 So my friend Joyce is teaching an exercise class. 294 00:10:56,003 --> 00:10:57,403 I think I'm gonna go tonight. 295 00:10:57,439 --> 00:11:00,879 Uh, the waitress should have taken it back. 296 00:11:05,186 --> 00:11:07,926 So then, um, I got a call this morning. 297 00:11:07,971 --> 00:11:09,491 You know, I was, uh... 298 00:11:09,538 --> 00:11:11,578 I was chosen to go on the space shuttle. 299 00:11:13,890 --> 00:11:15,500 We're going to Mars. 300 00:11:15,544 --> 00:11:17,814 -Uh-huh. -FRANK: Have a good time. 301 00:11:21,550 --> 00:11:23,470 I'm out! 302 00:11:37,000 --> 00:11:38,130 -[all laughing] -That was, like, 303 00:11:38,175 --> 00:11:39,735 one of the best memories of all time. 304 00:11:39,786 --> 00:11:41,396 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 305 00:11:41,439 --> 00:11:43,139 -Well, yeah, it's a classic really, and... -Yeah. 306 00:11:43,180 --> 00:11:45,360 -It was so Jewish. Really. -Yeah, uh... 307 00:11:45,400 --> 00:11:47,320 Yeah, it is. It is. The only thing is, though, 308 00:11:47,358 --> 00:11:49,098 is that that wasn't us. 309 00:11:49,143 --> 00:11:50,883 What are you talking about? Of course it was us. We just... 310 00:11:50,927 --> 00:11:52,927 -They just... -Yeah, the whole... We're in the apartment. 311 00:11:52,973 --> 00:11:55,583 Yeah, I'm forgetting. When did we live in New York City? 312 00:11:55,627 --> 00:11:57,017 -God, when was that? -MAC: Oh. Oh, uh... 313 00:11:57,064 --> 00:11:58,674 -It was like mid-'90s, right? -'90s, yeah. 314 00:11:58,718 --> 00:12:00,588 -Early '90s. -Early '90s? 315 00:12:00,632 --> 00:12:02,162 Is that right? Yeah, when we were in high school? 316 00:12:02,199 --> 00:12:03,769 -Uh-huh. Uh-huh. -CHARLIE: Were we? 317 00:12:03,810 --> 00:12:04,940 And-and-and who were those people laughing? 318 00:12:04,985 --> 00:12:07,765 -Fans. -Oh, the fans. -The fans. 319 00:12:07,814 --> 00:12:09,034 -Yeah. -Right. -The fans? 320 00:12:09,076 --> 00:12:10,686 -FRANK: Fans. -The fans. Guys... 321 00:12:10,730 --> 00:12:12,120 You guys are remembering an episode of Seinfeld. 322 00:12:12,166 --> 00:12:14,036 -Oh, my God. -Oh! -That's it. 323 00:12:14,081 --> 00:12:15,391 -That's what it is. -Whoa. -That's what it is. 324 00:12:15,430 --> 00:12:17,610 -Yeah. -Memories are tricky. -Yeah. 325 00:12:17,649 --> 00:12:19,169 Wait, wait, wait, but when we saw that episode, 326 00:12:19,216 --> 00:12:20,386 -we had our own contest. -Yeah. -Yeah. No. 327 00:12:20,435 --> 00:12:22,045 -That's what it is. -That's right. 328 00:12:22,089 --> 00:12:23,179 -We did that contest. -That's what you were trying to remember. 329 00:12:23,220 --> 00:12:24,350 -Uh-huh. -Yeah, yeah, yeah. 330 00:12:24,395 --> 00:12:26,005 We had our own contest, except ours was 331 00:12:26,049 --> 00:12:27,399 to see who could masturbate the most 332 00:12:27,442 --> 00:12:29,052 in a 24-hour period. 333 00:12:29,096 --> 00:12:31,356 Yeah, that, uh... that-that landed us in the hospital. 334 00:12:31,402 --> 00:12:34,972 Your penises have suffered severe abrasions. 335 00:12:35,015 --> 00:12:39,015 The skin has been all but removed from the organs. 336 00:12:39,062 --> 00:12:41,412 I've... I've never seen anything like it. 337 00:12:41,456 --> 00:12:42,846 And my vagina? 338 00:12:42,892 --> 00:12:45,072 I'm afraid it's been, uh... 339 00:12:45,112 --> 00:12:47,072 -obliterated. -FRANK: Yeah. 340 00:12:47,114 --> 00:12:48,864 No. no, no, no. You guys are doing it again. 341 00:12:48,898 --> 00:12:50,858 You're misremembering. Okay, that's... that is not how that 342 00:12:50,900 --> 00:12:52,290 went down, okay? And that doctor-- he... 343 00:12:52,336 --> 00:12:54,026 That's not even a real doctor. 344 00:12:54,077 --> 00:12:55,427 That guy was like a figment of my imagination 345 00:12:55,470 --> 00:12:57,170 from when we got stuck in the convenience store. 346 00:12:57,211 --> 00:12:59,391 Well, then you must have described it to me perfectly, 347 00:12:59,430 --> 00:13:01,300 -because I remember the dude. -Yeah, well, look, 348 00:13:01,345 --> 00:13:02,865 you can't do this, okay? 349 00:13:02,912 --> 00:13:04,092 Every time you misremember something, 350 00:13:04,131 --> 00:13:06,001 like, run the risk of altering reality. 351 00:13:06,046 --> 00:13:08,826 -Altering reality? -Yeah, uh, yes. I'm just say... 352 00:13:08,875 --> 00:13:10,875 I'm saying, like, how you remember something 353 00:13:10,920 --> 00:13:12,700 sort of, like, becomes reality. 354 00:13:12,748 --> 00:13:14,448 You're saying I can change reality. 355 00:13:14,489 --> 00:13:16,009 Yeah, well, no, I'm not saying... 356 00:13:16,056 --> 00:13:18,486 No, it doesn't change reality. Reality is reality. 357 00:13:18,536 --> 00:13:20,886 I'm just saying it becomes yourreality. 358 00:13:20,930 --> 00:13:22,930 ♪ 359 00:13:22,976 --> 00:13:24,926 Charlie? 360 00:13:24,978 --> 00:13:27,848 I wanted to talk to you about the other night. 361 00:13:27,894 --> 00:13:29,504 Oh. 362 00:13:29,547 --> 00:13:31,457 Cool. Wh-Which night, though? 363 00:13:31,506 --> 00:13:33,026 'Cause there's been a lot of nights. 364 00:13:33,073 --> 00:13:35,473 The night we had sex. 365 00:13:35,510 --> 00:13:37,250 -Oh, that night. -Yeah. 366 00:13:37,294 --> 00:13:39,474 That was... that was a great night. 367 00:13:39,514 --> 00:13:40,954 It was. 368 00:13:40,994 --> 00:13:43,824 And I'm pregnant. 369 00:13:45,085 --> 00:13:47,125 Wow, like... 370 00:13:47,174 --> 00:13:48,874 is it mine? 371 00:13:50,090 --> 00:13:51,700 Yep. 372 00:13:51,743 --> 00:13:53,053 -Huh. -Okay, I have... 373 00:13:53,093 --> 00:13:55,143 I have so many problems with that. 374 00:13:55,182 --> 00:13:56,752 Come on, man, I'm just trying to, like, remember, like, 375 00:13:56,792 --> 00:13:58,662 something about the waitress so I can alter my reality. 376 00:13:58,707 --> 00:14:01,097 You get it. Like, having a baby, being back together. 377 00:14:01,144 --> 00:14:02,714 Then again, that-that's not remembering, 378 00:14:02,754 --> 00:14:04,714 that's just making stuff up. Also, I have a problem 379 00:14:04,756 --> 00:14:06,496 with howyou were attempting to remember, you know, 380 00:14:06,541 --> 00:14:08,331 the way you were just watching yourself watch yourself 381 00:14:08,369 --> 00:14:09,939 through the door, like the... 382 00:14:09,979 --> 00:14:12,159 like the Ghost of Christmas Past or something. 383 00:14:12,199 --> 00:14:13,899 Well, that's just how everyone remembers. 384 00:14:13,940 --> 00:14:15,680 -Mm-mm. -No, no, it's not. -Nobody does. 385 00:14:15,724 --> 00:14:17,334 But it doesn't matter anyway, because it's not like 386 00:14:17,378 --> 00:14:19,078 he can change reality, right? 387 00:14:19,119 --> 00:14:21,989 Charlie? Give me a hand with this kid, would you? 388 00:14:22,035 --> 00:14:23,465 His diaper smells like a homeless man 389 00:14:23,514 --> 00:14:24,954 took a dump in it. 390 00:14:24,994 --> 00:14:26,474 Oh, shit, that's a baby. 391 00:14:26,517 --> 00:14:27,687 Wait, wait, wait. What the hell is this? 392 00:14:27,736 --> 00:14:28,686 Holy shit, it worked! 393 00:14:28,737 --> 00:14:30,167 I did it! I did it! 394 00:14:30,217 --> 00:14:32,177 -Charlie! Come on! -I'm coming. 395 00:14:32,219 --> 00:14:34,569 Geez, I'm carrying, like, a million things. 396 00:14:34,612 --> 00:14:37,792 -Whoa! Oh! What the hell? -Two Charlies? 397 00:14:37,833 --> 00:14:40,183 Well, it's not like the baby's gonna drop dead just 'cause I'm 398 00:14:40,227 --> 00:14:41,527 two seconds behind you coming into the bar. 399 00:14:41,576 --> 00:14:43,966 Wait a second. Maybe by watching yourself 400 00:14:44,013 --> 00:14:46,713 watch yourself, you created two Charlies? 401 00:14:46,755 --> 00:14:48,095 That's not good. 402 00:14:48,148 --> 00:14:50,718 Hey! Hey, you, man! 403 00:14:50,759 --> 00:14:52,939 Look, that-that's my girl. That's my kid. 404 00:14:52,979 --> 00:14:55,159 You got to get out of here, dude. 405 00:14:55,198 --> 00:14:56,938 Oh, my God, there's two of you? 406 00:14:56,983 --> 00:14:59,773 Okay, well, one of you has to change this baby's diaper, 407 00:14:59,811 --> 00:15:01,601 'cause I need to go get drunk. 408 00:15:01,639 --> 00:15:04,159 Are you gonna... Oh, dude. Thanks a lot, man. 409 00:15:04,207 --> 00:15:07,207 Wait, wait, wait. Why is your voice so high? 410 00:15:07,254 --> 00:15:09,004 Myvoice is high? I'm the one with the normal voice. 411 00:15:09,038 --> 00:15:10,128 You're the one with the high voice, dude. 412 00:15:10,170 --> 00:15:11,350 [high-pitched]: I have a high voice? 413 00:15:11,388 --> 00:15:12,558 You're telling me I have a high voice? 414 00:15:12,607 --> 00:15:14,607 [higher]: Yeah, your voice is crazy sounding! 415 00:15:14,652 --> 00:15:15,962 [higher]: Are you kidding me? 416 00:15:16,002 --> 00:15:17,612 -Oh, it's hearing itself. -Do you even hear yourself, bro? 417 00:15:17,655 --> 00:15:19,395 This is bizarre. 418 00:15:19,440 --> 00:15:21,570 Look, it doesn't matter, man. You got to get lost, all right? 419 00:15:21,616 --> 00:15:23,836 -There can only be one of us. -Oh, please, 420 00:15:23,879 --> 00:15:25,139 please let me get lost. 421 00:15:25,185 --> 00:15:27,095 You know what? Take the kid, take the girl. 422 00:15:27,143 --> 00:15:29,803 I'll go back to living with Frank, 'cause I miss him. 423 00:15:29,841 --> 00:15:32,061 Aw. Charlie, that is so nice. 424 00:15:32,105 --> 00:15:33,795 I miss you, too. 425 00:15:33,845 --> 00:15:35,235 Wait, wait, wait, this isn't right, this isn't right. 426 00:15:35,282 --> 00:15:36,412 We must not be back in reality. 427 00:15:36,457 --> 00:15:38,067 We must still be in somebody's memory. 428 00:15:38,111 --> 00:15:39,241 -Oh, yeah? Like whose? -Like whose? 429 00:15:39,286 --> 00:15:41,236 -Don't copy me. -I don't know. 430 00:15:41,288 --> 00:15:42,768 Wait. [sighs] 431 00:15:42,811 --> 00:15:44,771 Frank, why do you have hair? 432 00:15:44,813 --> 00:15:47,823 -I've always had hair. -Bullshit, Frank. You have n... 433 00:15:47,859 --> 00:15:50,169 You know what, we're in his head right now. That's why Charlie 2 434 00:15:50,210 --> 00:15:52,210 was talking about wanting to go back to living with him. 435 00:15:52,255 --> 00:15:54,815 It's insane; Charlie already went back to living with me. 436 00:15:54,866 --> 00:15:56,166 -We're not in myhead. -Oh, yeah? 437 00:15:56,216 --> 00:15:58,606 -Nah. Uh-uh. -Then why are your legs so long? 438 00:15:58,653 --> 00:16:02,003 My legs have always been long. It's a burden being tall. 439 00:16:02,048 --> 00:16:03,788 Ah, bullshit, Frank. We're in your head. 440 00:16:03,832 --> 00:16:05,442 Get us out of there. Come on, man. 441 00:16:05,486 --> 00:16:07,046 -Ah... -Ah, yeah. 442 00:16:07,096 --> 00:16:09,096 Oh, you couldn't let me have that memory? 443 00:16:09,142 --> 00:16:11,452 No, Frank, because it wasn't a memory, it was a fantasy. 444 00:16:11,492 --> 00:16:13,192 I liked the two me's. That was a really cool angle, though. 445 00:16:13,233 --> 00:16:14,413 -That was good. -Yeah, okay, fine, but th... 446 00:16:14,451 --> 00:16:16,411 Can we not go there, please? 447 00:16:16,453 --> 00:16:18,023 All right? For Christ's sakes, we can't even just sit around 448 00:16:18,064 --> 00:16:19,894 having memories without things getting out of hand. 449 00:16:19,935 --> 00:16:21,675 Well, at least we're not being lazy, right? We're coming up 450 00:16:21,719 --> 00:16:24,419 -with new stuff. -Yeah, all right, all right, okay, 451 00:16:24,461 --> 00:16:26,121 let's stop, okay? We-we had our fun, 452 00:16:26,159 --> 00:16:27,159 now we're back to reality, a-and let's just, 453 00:16:27,203 --> 00:16:28,863 I'd like to keep it that way, so... 454 00:16:28,900 --> 00:16:31,290 -Yeah, software update's almost done anyway. -Oh, nice. 455 00:16:31,338 --> 00:16:33,078 Okay, good, well... Wait. 456 00:16:33,122 --> 00:16:34,862 -Dee. -What? 457 00:16:34,906 --> 00:16:37,036 Where's your cut? 458 00:16:37,083 --> 00:16:39,133 What cut? 459 00:16:39,172 --> 00:16:42,092 The giant, gaping cut that was-was just on your forehead. 460 00:16:42,131 --> 00:16:44,871 -Where is it? -Oh. I don't... I don't know. 461 00:16:44,916 --> 00:16:47,086 Is she changing reality? 462 00:16:47,136 --> 00:16:48,656 I don't know. I don't know what it means, okay? 463 00:16:48,703 --> 00:16:50,053 But I do know that we're not back 464 00:16:50,096 --> 00:16:51,876 in the real reality, and that's not good. 465 00:16:51,923 --> 00:16:53,883 Wait a second. Are we not? Like, are you sure 466 00:16:53,925 --> 00:16:55,225 she actually fell, that that actually happened? 467 00:16:55,275 --> 00:16:56,665 I don't know. I don't know. I mean, 468 00:16:56,711 --> 00:16:58,191 this is so disorienting. I don't know. 469 00:16:58,234 --> 00:17:00,244 -Dee, snap us back. -I can't. I'm trying. 470 00:17:00,280 --> 00:17:03,070 All right, all right, wha-what if it's not thatmuch different? 471 00:17:03,109 --> 00:17:04,889 You know? Like, what if this reality, 472 00:17:04,936 --> 00:17:07,196 the only difference is that Dee doesn't have a cut on her head? 473 00:17:07,243 --> 00:17:09,463 -Is that that big of a deal? -Yes, it's a big deal. 474 00:17:09,506 --> 00:17:11,326 You're talking about never knowing 475 00:17:11,378 --> 00:17:12,728 which reality you're living in. 476 00:17:12,770 --> 00:17:15,250 Okay, you know what? We need to, we need to orient ourselves. 477 00:17:15,295 --> 00:17:16,945 Um... Frank. 478 00:17:16,992 --> 00:17:18,122 -Yeah? -Are you tall and handsome 479 00:17:18,167 --> 00:17:19,257 with a full head of hair? 480 00:17:19,299 --> 00:17:21,079 I like to think so, but no. 481 00:17:21,127 --> 00:17:22,347 No. Good. Okay, so, Charlie, 482 00:17:22,389 --> 00:17:23,739 is the waitress in love with you? 483 00:17:23,781 --> 00:17:26,091 Aw, I had her for a minute, but no. 484 00:17:26,132 --> 00:17:28,262 Great. Uh, Dee, are you a successful actress? 485 00:17:28,308 --> 00:17:29,738 Oh, I could have been. 486 00:17:29,787 --> 00:17:31,347 Dee, be serious! Yes or no? 487 00:17:31,398 --> 00:17:32,088 -No. -Yeah. 488 00:17:32,138 --> 00:17:34,488 Mac, um, are you my roommate? 489 00:17:34,531 --> 00:17:36,141 -No, of course not. -Oh! 490 00:17:36,185 --> 00:17:37,965 -Okay, well, so there it is. -There we go. 491 00:17:38,013 --> 00:17:40,453 -All right, Mac, it's clearly you... -Oh. 492 00:17:40,494 --> 00:17:42,154 ...so snap us out of it, man. 493 00:17:42,191 --> 00:17:43,501 No. W-We're not in my head. I swear. 494 00:17:43,540 --> 00:17:45,500 Yes, we are, man. We're in your head. 495 00:17:45,542 --> 00:17:47,152 You're trying to alter reality. 496 00:17:47,196 --> 00:17:48,676 Dude, if we were in my head, 497 00:17:48,719 --> 00:17:51,239 why would I not want you to be my roommate? 498 00:17:51,287 --> 00:17:53,377 But... 499 00:17:53,420 --> 00:17:55,120 -Ah... -Oh, I get it. -Wait a minute. 500 00:17:55,161 --> 00:17:58,291 Dennis, we're in your head, aren't we? 501 00:17:58,338 --> 00:18:01,378 -Yeah. -Yeah. -No. Why would we be in my head? 502 00:18:01,428 --> 00:18:04,518 Dennis, everyone knows that the most annoying person 503 00:18:04,561 --> 00:18:07,301 -in the world is Mac. -Huh? 504 00:18:07,347 --> 00:18:09,307 So why would you ever want to live with him? 505 00:18:09,349 --> 00:18:11,999 No, that's not-- I-- No, he's great as a roommate. 506 00:18:12,047 --> 00:18:13,567 -Is he great? -Yeah, he's great. 507 00:18:13,614 --> 00:18:15,754 Name one way. 508 00:18:15,790 --> 00:18:17,570 Yeah, easy. He, um... 509 00:18:23,363 --> 00:18:26,933 -Oh, your head, yeah! So yeah. -Okay, fine, damn it, 510 00:18:26,975 --> 00:18:28,535 I was trying to, yeah, get rid of him. 511 00:18:28,585 --> 00:18:30,145 So you don't like living with me, Dennis? 512 00:18:30,196 --> 00:18:32,236 Oh, no, I... [scoffs] no, I love having a roommate 513 00:18:32,285 --> 00:18:34,235 who spends three hours a day on a dildo bike. 514 00:18:34,287 --> 00:18:35,977 Guys, see, this is, this is why I didn't want to do this. 515 00:18:36,027 --> 00:18:37,767 You know? No good can come of it. 516 00:18:37,812 --> 00:18:40,212 -It doesn't feel good. -It has been kind of messy, 517 00:18:40,249 --> 00:18:42,429 like, you know, it's been confusing, for sure. 518 00:18:42,469 --> 00:18:45,039 So let's just... we just... so now we just got to make sure 519 00:18:45,080 --> 00:18:47,340 -we're-we're back in reality. -Yeah, but how do you ever know 520 00:18:47,387 --> 00:18:49,557 -if you're in reality? -You know what? 521 00:18:49,606 --> 00:18:52,306 I think I got a top here under the bar. Yeah, I do. I do. 522 00:18:52,348 --> 00:18:54,348 -A top under the bar? -Top? What do you do with a top? -So? 523 00:18:54,394 --> 00:18:56,834 Well, a top. Didn't you guys see the movie Inception? 524 00:18:56,874 --> 00:18:59,184 You know, they spin the top, and see, the thing is, 525 00:18:59,225 --> 00:19:02,355 if we aren't in reality, then the top will just spin forever. 526 00:19:02,402 --> 00:19:04,062 But if it wobbles and falls, 527 00:19:04,099 --> 00:19:05,579 then you know you're back in reality. 528 00:19:05,622 --> 00:19:07,972 -Should we give it a spin? -Yeah, let's do it. -Sure. 529 00:19:08,016 --> 00:19:10,016 Let's see. 530 00:19:10,061 --> 00:19:12,021 Seems like that's gonna go for a while, though. 531 00:19:12,063 --> 00:19:13,763 It does, it seems like it's gonna... 532 00:19:13,804 --> 00:19:16,294 -Gave it a hell of a spin there. -Yeah! -Yeah! 533 00:19:16,329 --> 00:19:18,329 Well, it's a good, it's a quality top. 534 00:19:18,374 --> 00:19:19,854 -[phones chiming] -Oh. 535 00:19:19,897 --> 00:19:21,857 -Oh, our phones are updated. -Oh, for real? 536 00:19:21,899 --> 00:19:23,769 -Oh! -There we go! -Oh, sweet! 537 00:19:23,814 --> 00:19:27,044 -Ah... -Finally. -Um... 538 00:19:27,078 --> 00:19:29,208 Thank God we're back to normal. 539 00:19:32,301 --> 00:19:34,301 ♪ 540 00:20:17,694 --> 00:20:20,704 [trio chanting backwards] 541 00:20:23,657 --> 00:20:25,567 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH