1 00:00:03,264 --> 00:00:05,354 DENNIS: All right, well, that about does it, 2 00:00:05,396 --> 00:00:07,176 which means we are officially 3 00:00:07,224 --> 00:00:09,364 -on island time. -Oh, yeah. 4 00:00:09,400 --> 00:00:11,400 -Yeah, baby. [whoops] -Here we go. 5 00:00:11,446 --> 00:00:12,836 -Island time. -Ah, Frank. 6 00:00:12,882 --> 00:00:14,232 I'm so excited about this concert. 7 00:00:14,275 --> 00:00:15,355 -Thank you for the tickets. -Yeah. 8 00:00:15,406 --> 00:00:17,056 -Oh, I love Jimmy Buffett. -Oh, yeah. 9 00:00:17,104 --> 00:00:19,114 And those Parrothead broads, they're wild. 10 00:00:19,149 --> 00:00:20,849 -I noticed that. They're nuts. -Yeah, yeah. 11 00:00:20,890 --> 00:00:23,240 -They are wild. -I hope he plays "The Piña Colada Song," man. 12 00:00:23,284 --> 00:00:25,114 -Oh, yeah, that's the best. -I gotta hear it. 13 00:00:25,155 --> 00:00:27,285 Yeah, I wish he would, too, but he won't, 14 00:00:27,331 --> 00:00:28,811 'cause that's, uh, that's not Buffett. 15 00:00:28,854 --> 00:00:30,254 -Huh? -Yeah, no. H-He does. 16 00:00:30,291 --> 00:00:32,251 It's, uh, the one that goes... 17 00:00:32,293 --> 00:00:34,733 -♪ If you like piña coladas♪ -♪ Coladas♪ 18 00:00:34,773 --> 00:00:37,823 -[vocalizing] -♪ Getting caught in the rain.♪ 19 00:00:37,863 --> 00:00:39,263 Yeah, no, I know the song, I know the song, 20 00:00:39,300 --> 00:00:41,650 but it's sung by a man named Rupert Holmes. 21 00:00:41,693 --> 00:00:43,353 -Who? -Are you sure? I feel like that's Buffett. 22 00:00:43,391 --> 00:00:44,611 We've been going to see Buffett for 20 years. 23 00:00:44,653 --> 00:00:46,053 Have you ever heard him play it? 24 00:00:46,089 --> 00:00:47,089 No, but he's not gonna play all 25 00:00:47,134 --> 00:00:48,664 of his hits every single time. 26 00:00:48,700 --> 00:00:50,090 Yeah, no, he is. That's what he does. 27 00:00:50,137 --> 00:00:51,567 That's actually the only thing he does. 28 00:00:51,616 --> 00:00:53,876 And that's just not one of them. But, hey, listen, buddy, 29 00:00:53,923 --> 00:00:55,143 you want to hear that song, you go ahead 30 00:00:55,185 --> 00:00:57,445 and request away. I won't stop you. 31 00:00:57,492 --> 00:00:59,232 ♪ If you like making love at midnight♪ 32 00:00:59,276 --> 00:01:02,926 ♪ Mm, mm, mm, and you got half a brain, ooh.♪ 33 00:01:02,975 --> 00:01:04,795 Oh! I hope he plays that one. 34 00:01:04,847 --> 00:01:06,937 -Yeah, yeah, yeah. We all do. -Yeah, he won't, he won't. 35 00:01:06,979 --> 00:01:09,369 -W-Were you in the women's room? -Mm-hmm. 36 00:01:09,417 --> 00:01:11,937 -Well, don't do that. Don't use my bathroom. -Why not? 37 00:01:11,984 --> 00:01:13,904 'Cause it's my bathroom, and you're a man. 38 00:01:13,943 --> 00:01:15,603 Oh, no. Well, now, as a gay man, 39 00:01:15,640 --> 00:01:17,470 I just feel more comfortable in the ladies' room. 40 00:01:17,512 --> 00:01:19,212 Oh, come on, the-- with the gay thing again. 41 00:01:19,253 --> 00:01:21,043 Like, look, it makes me uncomfortable 42 00:01:21,081 --> 00:01:22,911 that you're in there using my bathroom. How about that? 43 00:01:22,952 --> 00:01:24,352 Look, the whole men's and women's 44 00:01:24,388 --> 00:01:26,128 bathroom thing is antiquated. 45 00:01:26,173 --> 00:01:27,913 -Maybe you're antiquated. -Maybe I'm... 46 00:01:27,957 --> 00:01:29,437 -Get off me! Get off me! -[yelling indistinctly] 47 00:01:29,480 --> 00:01:30,920 -Get him off me! -Settle down! 48 00:01:30,960 --> 00:01:32,090 Don't. Come on. L-Listen-- 49 00:01:32,135 --> 00:01:33,175 I know, I know, listen. 50 00:01:33,223 --> 00:01:35,403 We always do this. We... 51 00:01:35,443 --> 00:01:37,583 We always get in some major tiff right before Buffett, 52 00:01:37,619 --> 00:01:39,709 and then, you know, it just, it just ruins 53 00:01:39,751 --> 00:01:41,751 -the whole island vibe, you know? -Yeah. 54 00:01:41,797 --> 00:01:44,187 Come on. We're not doing that this time. 55 00:01:44,234 --> 00:01:45,764 All right? This whole bathroom issue 56 00:01:45,801 --> 00:01:47,981 is a simple problem with a simple solution. 57 00:01:48,020 --> 00:01:51,500 So why don't we just sit here and let's just figure it out. 58 00:01:51,546 --> 00:01:53,546 ♪ 59 00:02:15,396 --> 00:02:17,306 DENNIS: All right, now we're talking. 60 00:02:17,354 --> 00:02:19,404 I tell ya, there's never been a problem so big, 61 00:02:19,443 --> 00:02:20,713 couldn't be solved by a late night 62 00:02:20,749 --> 00:02:22,099 and a little Chinese takeout. 63 00:02:22,142 --> 00:02:23,712 We should've got cheeseburgers. 64 00:02:23,752 --> 00:02:25,932 Well, Frank, you know, I'm saving my cheeseburgers 65 00:02:25,971 --> 00:02:28,501 -for paradise. -[all laugh] 66 00:02:28,539 --> 00:02:30,279 -DEE: I get it. -That is Buffett, that one, right? 67 00:02:30,324 --> 00:02:32,154 -Yeah, that's Buffett. -That's Buffett, okay, cool. 68 00:02:32,195 --> 00:02:35,155 Uh, if I may go first. I'd like to go first. 69 00:02:35,198 --> 00:02:37,028 CHARLIE: Oh, are we doing a whole stand up...? 70 00:02:37,069 --> 00:02:38,719 -Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. -Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's gonna do it. 71 00:02:38,767 --> 00:02:40,287 Now, guys, I believe that, as a gay man, 72 00:02:40,334 --> 00:02:41,904 I should be able to use the women's bathroom 73 00:02:41,944 --> 00:02:44,164 because I feel more comfortable around women. 74 00:02:44,207 --> 00:02:46,947 -Okay, why? -Well, "A," we both like dudes, 75 00:02:46,992 --> 00:02:49,342 and "B," we both find women's bodies disgusting, 76 00:02:49,386 --> 00:02:51,476 -so there's no hanky-panky. -Well, that tracks. 77 00:02:51,519 --> 00:02:52,609 -Yeah, sure, that makes sense. -DEE: Yeah, yeah. 78 00:02:52,650 --> 00:02:54,000 Done! I'm using the ladies' bathroom, right? 79 00:02:54,043 --> 00:02:55,573 N-n-n-n-n-n-- My turn. 80 00:02:55,610 --> 00:02:57,440 -My turn, right? -Oh, do you have to...? 81 00:02:57,481 --> 00:02:58,571 -The floor is yours. -I thought Mac just solved it. 82 00:02:58,613 --> 00:03:00,443 -No. No, no. -No. -All right. 83 00:03:00,484 --> 00:03:04,234 Okay, "A," not all women like dudes-- lesbians, 84 00:03:04,271 --> 00:03:07,451 for example-- and, "B," I find you disgusting. 85 00:03:07,491 --> 00:03:09,451 I don't want men pooping next to me. 86 00:03:09,493 --> 00:03:11,283 -Would you let a trans woman go in there? -Of course I would. 87 00:03:11,321 --> 00:03:12,711 -But not me? -No, not you, because you're a man. 88 00:03:12,757 --> 00:03:14,497 You're a gay man, but you're still a man. 89 00:03:14,542 --> 00:03:16,282 I don't know why you're being such a bitch 90 00:03:16,326 --> 00:03:18,326 about this, Dee. I've been pooping next to you for months. 91 00:03:18,372 --> 00:03:20,592 -What are you talking about? -You've been in the stall next to me. 92 00:03:20,635 --> 00:03:23,065 I-I recognize you from those pink heels you have. 93 00:03:23,115 --> 00:03:25,245 -I don't own pink heels. -Yes, you do. 94 00:03:25,292 --> 00:03:27,602 The ones with the straps that-that make those giant feet 95 00:03:27,642 --> 00:03:29,302 look so dainty and cute. 96 00:03:29,339 --> 00:03:31,039 Mac, I don't know what you're talking about. 97 00:03:31,080 --> 00:03:32,470 CHARLIE: Mm, uh... 98 00:03:32,516 --> 00:03:35,646 Okay, um... [chuckles] 99 00:03:35,693 --> 00:03:40,523 All right, uh, I think I can actually explain this... 100 00:03:42,396 --> 00:03:45,436 Uh, Charlie, I do hope that the explaining you're gonna do 101 00:03:45,486 --> 00:03:48,786 is about why this bathroom is so much cleaner than ours. 102 00:03:48,837 --> 00:03:49,967 Don't worry about it, this is the last time 103 00:03:50,012 --> 00:03:51,062 you're gonna be in here. 104 00:03:51,100 --> 00:03:52,540 Charlie, what is taking so long? 105 00:03:52,580 --> 00:03:53,360 CHARLIE: Give me a minute. Give me a minute! 106 00:03:53,407 --> 00:03:54,757 Uh... 107 00:03:54,799 --> 00:03:56,279 Oh, there they are! 108 00:03:56,323 --> 00:03:57,593 Those are the pink heels I was talking about. 109 00:03:57,628 --> 00:03:58,928 Charlie, are you a cross-dresser? 110 00:03:58,977 --> 00:04:01,017 CHARLIE: No! I just like to use the women's bathroom, 111 00:04:01,066 --> 00:04:03,456 because it's, you know, it's quieter, it's less crowded. 112 00:04:03,504 --> 00:04:04,904 And very clean. 113 00:04:04,940 --> 00:04:06,460 CHARLIE: Yeah, and, look, I-I just, 114 00:04:06,507 --> 00:04:07,287 whatever, I slip on the heels, 115 00:04:07,334 --> 00:04:09,034 in case someone looked under the stall. 116 00:04:09,074 --> 00:04:10,514 I didn't want anyone to be uncomfortable. 117 00:04:10,554 --> 00:04:13,384 -That's it. -Okay. But what's with the wig? 118 00:04:13,427 --> 00:04:15,857 CHARLIE: [stammering] Come on! 119 00:04:15,907 --> 00:04:17,387 Don't make me do the whole thing. 120 00:04:17,431 --> 00:04:20,391 The wig is just in case someone peeks over the top. 121 00:04:20,434 --> 00:04:21,574 How about the dress, bud? 122 00:04:21,609 --> 00:04:23,919 -CHARLIE: Goddamn it. It... -[stall door opens] 123 00:04:23,959 --> 00:04:26,399 -Oh! -Whoa. Whoa. [laughs] 124 00:04:26,440 --> 00:04:28,360 Okay, okay. Look, the dress just ties 125 00:04:28,398 --> 00:04:29,528 the whole look together, so, you know... 126 00:04:29,573 --> 00:04:31,233 You are a cross-dresser. 127 00:04:31,271 --> 00:04:32,661 No, I'm not. Look, I was raised 128 00:04:32,707 --> 00:04:34,317 by a single mother, you know? 129 00:04:34,361 --> 00:04:36,491 And we were always on the go, and sometimes 130 00:04:36,537 --> 00:04:39,237 we'd be at, like, a museum or, you know, a stadium, 131 00:04:39,279 --> 00:04:41,499 and I'd have to go to the bathroom, and my mom wasn't 132 00:04:41,542 --> 00:04:43,412 gonna put me in the men's room by myself, 133 00:04:43,457 --> 00:04:45,237 so she carried around a dress with her. 134 00:04:45,285 --> 00:04:47,545 She would slip it on, and I would go in and out 135 00:04:47,591 --> 00:04:49,421 of the women's bathroom and no one would notice. 136 00:04:49,463 --> 00:04:51,123 And then, you know, as the years went by, 137 00:04:51,160 --> 00:04:52,940 I just got more comfortable pooping 138 00:04:52,988 --> 00:04:55,598 with a dress, so, whatever, it's not that weird. 139 00:04:55,643 --> 00:04:57,653 -Hold on, though, it's very, very weird. -It is so weird. 140 00:04:57,688 --> 00:04:59,558 Look, lots of people do it. It's... 141 00:04:59,603 --> 00:05:00,653 -I doubt it. -I don't know anybody who does it. 142 00:05:00,691 --> 00:05:02,521 -Uh, no. -Not one person on the planet. 143 00:05:02,563 --> 00:05:03,743 It is what it is, I mean, 144 00:05:03,781 --> 00:05:05,441 it's the only way I can poop, so... 145 00:05:05,479 --> 00:05:07,259 -O-kay. -I guess it is what it is. 146 00:05:07,307 --> 00:05:08,657 -Uh-huh. Uh-huh. -It is what it is, and it is very strange, 147 00:05:08,699 --> 00:05:09,959 but it does bring up an interesting point. 148 00:05:10,005 --> 00:05:11,435 You see, Dee, you did mention moments ago 149 00:05:11,485 --> 00:05:13,095 that you would be comfortable having 150 00:05:13,138 --> 00:05:14,658 a transgender woman use your bathroom. 151 00:05:14,705 --> 00:05:15,705 Of course I would, so what? 152 00:05:15,750 --> 00:05:17,450 -Well... -No. That's not, 153 00:05:17,491 --> 00:05:19,581 that's not the same thing, he's not transgender. 154 00:05:19,623 --> 00:05:21,363 Well, no. He's-he's not transgender, 155 00:05:21,408 --> 00:05:24,058 but he identifies as a woman when he poops. 156 00:05:24,106 --> 00:05:26,406 No. No. Goddamn it, you're only saying that 157 00:05:26,456 --> 00:05:27,586 'cause my bathroom's nicer. 158 00:05:27,631 --> 00:05:29,461 No, no. I-I think, I think Mac is right. 159 00:05:29,503 --> 00:05:31,513 I think this system is antiquated, and I think-- 160 00:05:31,548 --> 00:05:33,198 -Is that, is that a hand dryer? -Oh, damn. 161 00:05:33,245 --> 00:05:34,805 -Yeah, there's a hand dryer in here. -Oh, goddamn it. 162 00:05:34,856 --> 00:05:36,416 -[overlapping conversation] -Well, let's vote. All those in favor. 163 00:05:36,466 --> 00:05:39,376 -MAC/DENNIS/CHARLIE/FRANK: Aye. -No. Goddamn it. 164 00:05:39,426 --> 00:05:41,296 Nice. Okay, well, I knew we could solve it, guys. 165 00:05:41,341 --> 00:05:44,081 -This is great. -And then should we also change the signs on the doors 166 00:05:44,126 --> 00:05:45,776 to reflect that it's not a boys' room 167 00:05:45,823 --> 00:05:47,653 -and a girls' room anymore? -DENNIS: Right. Yeah, no. 168 00:05:47,695 --> 00:05:48,995 We'll pop some new signs on there real fast. 169 00:05:49,044 --> 00:05:50,964 You know, so it's clear that any gender can use any bathroom. 170 00:05:51,002 --> 00:05:53,312 -Yeah, yeah. -How hard could that be? 171 00:05:53,353 --> 00:05:55,573 -The dress is making me have to poop really bad, so I'm gonna... -Okay, let's do it. 172 00:05:55,616 --> 00:05:57,356 -Oh, goddamn it. -Gotta poop, gotta poop. 173 00:06:02,492 --> 00:06:04,542 W-Wait, wait, wait, wait. So, I'm sorry, 174 00:06:04,581 --> 00:06:06,501 what's wrong with this one again? 175 00:06:06,540 --> 00:06:08,320 Well, I think it's confusing, is what the problem is. 176 00:06:08,368 --> 00:06:09,978 -Mm. Mm-hmm. -Like, maybe we need words or something. 177 00:06:10,021 --> 00:06:11,241 Well, also, like, what's with the floating starfish 178 00:06:11,283 --> 00:06:12,593 trying to eat the rock? 179 00:06:12,633 --> 00:06:13,813 -That's a baby. -That's a baby? 180 00:06:13,851 --> 00:06:15,771 -Yes, that's a... -MAC: That's a baby? 181 00:06:15,810 --> 00:06:17,900 So, now what's happening, you got wheelchair guy's back there 182 00:06:17,942 --> 00:06:20,472 throwing babies around trying to get them in wheelchairs? 183 00:06:20,510 --> 00:06:21,690 -DEE: It's confusing. -Okay, all right. 184 00:06:21,729 --> 00:06:23,689 So what if I cover up the baby, how about now? 185 00:06:23,731 --> 00:06:25,171 I don't get it. Now it looks like you either got to be 186 00:06:25,210 --> 00:06:27,910 in a wheelchair or a he-she to go poop in there. 187 00:06:27,952 --> 00:06:29,822 -No, no, no, no, Frank, come on, don't say "he-she." -What? 188 00:06:29,867 --> 00:06:31,037 -It's hermaphrodite. -MAC: Oh, nope. 189 00:06:31,086 --> 00:06:33,386 Dee, you can't say that anymore, either. 190 00:06:33,436 --> 00:06:35,606 -It's intersex. -Well, this is all confusing. 191 00:06:35,656 --> 00:06:37,136 Why do I have to keep learning new things? 192 00:06:37,179 --> 00:06:38,619 How about this? 193 00:06:38,659 --> 00:06:40,619 We'll call the bathrooms gender neutral. 194 00:06:40,661 --> 00:06:42,401 That makes me uncomfortable, because I'm not neutral 195 00:06:42,445 --> 00:06:44,185 -about my gender. -Mm. 196 00:06:44,229 --> 00:06:45,879 -So now you're uncomfortable, okay. -DEE: Okay. 197 00:06:45,927 --> 00:06:49,667 We put one sign on each door, both of them say "gender fluid." 198 00:06:49,713 --> 00:06:52,063 Right. 'Cause that-that implies, like, you're this, 199 00:06:52,107 --> 00:06:54,677 -you're that. -I don't know. I don't like thinking about gender fluids. 200 00:06:54,718 --> 00:06:56,848 Like, just, uh, it's a gross image to me. 201 00:06:56,894 --> 00:06:57,984 -All right. Well... -MAC: You know what? Look, look. 202 00:06:58,026 --> 00:06:59,716 It's just all so confusing. 203 00:06:59,767 --> 00:07:01,597 You know, we got to make this much simpler. 204 00:07:01,638 --> 00:07:03,808 I have an idea, if I could just go do one that I think will 205 00:07:03,858 --> 00:07:06,638 -clear it all up. -Great. Go for it, buddy. Hop to it. 206 00:07:06,687 --> 00:07:08,207 -[overlapping chatter] -All right, do it, yeah. 207 00:07:08,253 --> 00:07:09,473 -Quick. -Is the Internet working? 208 00:07:09,516 --> 00:07:10,726 -Hmm... -DEE: Well, hang on. Hey. 209 00:07:10,778 --> 00:07:11,998 Yes, but you stay off it. You stay... 210 00:07:12,040 --> 00:07:13,520 -No. No. -No, no. I'm just... 211 00:07:13,563 --> 00:07:14,653 You crashed our last three laptops, man. 212 00:07:14,695 --> 00:07:16,215 -You are not doing it again. -Bring it out here. 213 00:07:16,261 --> 00:07:17,741 Do it out here where we can see what you're doing. 214 00:07:17,785 --> 00:07:18,995 -No, I'll do it in the office. -Do it in front of us. 215 00:07:19,047 --> 00:07:20,737 It'll take me, like, two minutes. Two minutes. 216 00:07:20,788 --> 00:07:22,138 -Oh, my God. Oh, my God. -You go fast. 217 00:07:22,180 --> 00:07:23,920 MAC: I'm-I'm finished. 218 00:07:23,965 --> 00:07:26,005 -I'm finally finished. -Oh, God. It's about time. -Goddamn it. 219 00:07:26,054 --> 00:07:27,714 -He's limping. -Are you chafed? 220 00:07:27,751 --> 00:07:29,671 -He's chafed. -Huh? Oh, yeah. Super chafed. Hey, do you know 221 00:07:29,710 --> 00:07:31,840 how to get Russian malware out of a computer? 222 00:07:31,886 --> 00:07:33,756 -No. -Then the computer's broken. 223 00:07:33,801 --> 00:07:35,241 -Yeah. -Yeah. -Aw! 224 00:07:35,280 --> 00:07:36,760 -Yeah, but the sign's done. -All right, man. 225 00:07:36,804 --> 00:07:38,024 Let's see what you got. 226 00:07:38,066 --> 00:07:40,586 -What do you think? -[Charlie sighs] 227 00:07:40,634 --> 00:07:42,334 Well, I don't know what I'm looking at. 228 00:07:42,374 --> 00:07:43,724 DENNIS: Yeah. What-what am I seeing here? 229 00:07:43,767 --> 00:07:45,327 It's just dicks. 230 00:07:45,377 --> 00:07:46,467 -No. There's... I mean, yes. -CHARLIE: Oh. 231 00:07:46,509 --> 00:07:47,679 There are a couple of dicks, but... 232 00:07:47,728 --> 00:07:48,898 -It's mostly dicks. -That's a lot of dicks. 233 00:07:48,946 --> 00:07:50,246 -Oh, now... now all I see is dicks. -Mm-hmm. 234 00:07:50,295 --> 00:07:51,555 No, there's also pictures 235 00:07:51,601 --> 00:07:53,561 of road kill and roast beef sandwiches 236 00:07:53,603 --> 00:07:56,213 to accurately depict what a vagina looks like. 237 00:07:58,652 --> 00:08:00,652 -CHARLIE: Okay. -DENNIS: Anyone else uncomfortable? 238 00:08:00,697 --> 00:08:03,527 All right. Moving on. 239 00:08:03,570 --> 00:08:05,660 All right. I'm just gonna go back to the office. 240 00:08:05,702 --> 00:08:07,142 -No, you stay here. -No. No, no, no. No! 241 00:08:07,182 --> 00:08:08,362 You are not going back to the... 242 00:08:10,577 --> 00:08:12,707 -Yeah. -All right, all right. 243 00:08:12,753 --> 00:08:14,713 So, this... I think this covers it all, right? 244 00:08:14,755 --> 00:08:16,055 Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think. Yeah. There's the man. 245 00:08:16,104 --> 00:08:17,584 -Uh-huh. -The woman. 246 00:08:17,627 --> 00:08:19,057 -Mm-hmm. -That's the he-shes, 247 00:08:19,107 --> 00:08:20,797 or the interspecies, whatever it is. 248 00:08:20,848 --> 00:08:22,108 Yeah, whatever you said. 249 00:08:22,153 --> 00:08:23,463 FRANK: And this is Christians, 250 00:08:23,503 --> 00:08:25,643 -Muslims. -DEE: I assume 251 00:08:25,679 --> 00:08:27,939 the dollar sign is meant to represent Jews? 252 00:08:27,985 --> 00:08:29,545 Well, it ain't the Mormons. 253 00:08:29,596 --> 00:08:30,766 -Uh... -Let's not get into that. 254 00:08:30,814 --> 00:08:32,344 -[groans] -Okay, you know what? 255 00:08:32,381 --> 00:08:33,771 -Why-why are we bringing...? -I was against it. Yeah. 256 00:08:33,817 --> 00:08:35,777 Why are we bringing religion into this at all? 257 00:08:35,819 --> 00:08:37,599 Because I want to know who's in there, 258 00:08:37,647 --> 00:08:39,337 -because it'll make me feel safer. -DEE: Oh, goddamn. 259 00:08:39,388 --> 00:08:41,088 Can we please put two signs on the doors? 260 00:08:41,129 --> 00:08:43,569 -Both signs say "toilet." -Yeah... 261 00:08:43,610 --> 00:08:45,610 -Oh. -DEE: There's a toilet in there, 262 00:08:45,655 --> 00:08:47,525 and that's all you really need to know. 263 00:08:47,570 --> 00:08:49,090 -You make a good point. I think that would work. -Could say "toilet," 264 00:08:49,137 --> 00:08:50,527 -and then it's kind of your choice which one you use. -Just "toilet." 265 00:08:50,573 --> 00:08:51,843 That actually does work. 266 00:08:51,879 --> 00:08:53,919 -I feel like that totally works. -Yeah. -We solved it? 267 00:08:53,968 --> 00:08:55,748 -Okay, great. We so... -Did we do it? -We solved it! 268 00:08:55,796 --> 00:08:57,096 -DENNIS: We solved it! -DEE: Oh, my God! 269 00:08:57,145 --> 00:08:58,705 -Let's get the hell out of here. -All right. 270 00:08:58,755 --> 00:08:59,925 I feel like it was my idea, but, yeah. 271 00:08:59,974 --> 00:09:01,544 Oh, you son of a bitch. Just go. 272 00:09:01,584 --> 00:09:02,934 -I think I said it first. -Just go. 273 00:09:02,977 --> 00:09:04,757 You guys, you go, and I'll-I'll lock up, okay? 274 00:09:04,805 --> 00:09:06,755 I've had Chinese food. It wants out, so... 275 00:09:06,807 --> 00:09:08,767 -Yeah. -Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 276 00:09:08,809 --> 00:09:10,639 Why aren't you using the good bathroom? 277 00:09:10,680 --> 00:09:12,160 Well, 'cause I'm about to do some real damage. 278 00:09:12,203 --> 00:09:14,123 I don't... I don't want to do it in the good bathroom. 279 00:09:14,162 --> 00:09:15,642 Well, I'm-I'm uncomfortable with that. 280 00:09:15,685 --> 00:09:16,855 -DEE: How? -So close. 281 00:09:16,904 --> 00:09:18,604 -[Mac sighs] -We were so close. 282 00:09:18,645 --> 00:09:20,335 Well, because I just don't want to share my bathroom 283 00:09:20,385 --> 00:09:22,555 -with a bunch of broads. -DENNIS: What happened, Frank? 284 00:09:22,605 --> 00:09:24,865 -We decided we were all cool with it. -We were fine. 285 00:09:24,912 --> 00:09:27,742 I didn't know she was gonna smash in there. 286 00:09:27,784 --> 00:09:31,144 A woman is not a lady when she's dumping up a john. 287 00:09:31,179 --> 00:09:32,789 Also, this brings up an interesting point. 288 00:09:32,833 --> 00:09:34,753 We should probably confine Dee's damage 289 00:09:34,791 --> 00:09:36,621 to, like, one bathroom or the other, you know? 290 00:09:36,663 --> 00:09:37,623 Otherwise, I'm gonna have to clean both. 291 00:09:37,664 --> 00:09:39,194 Charlie, you're the janitor. 292 00:09:39,230 --> 00:09:40,880 You should be cleaning both bathrooms regardless. 293 00:09:40,928 --> 00:09:42,968 -He hasn't been. -Clean both bathrooms! -I do it. 294 00:09:43,017 --> 00:09:44,667 Yeah, all right. Well, now you're just, like, 295 00:09:44,714 --> 00:09:45,984 kind of getting off-topic here, you know? 296 00:09:46,020 --> 00:09:48,680 I have an idea. The guys should be able 297 00:09:48,718 --> 00:09:50,848 to pick whichever bathroom they want. 298 00:09:50,894 --> 00:09:52,814 -Dee has to stay in hers. -What?! 299 00:09:52,853 --> 00:09:54,593 -All in favor. -Hey, that's majority rules. 300 00:09:54,637 --> 00:09:55,727 -Get out of here. -Yeah, yeah. 301 00:09:55,769 --> 00:09:56,939 -DENNIS: There you go. Solves it. -No. No, no, no. 302 00:09:56,987 --> 00:09:58,897 Absolutely not. No. You guys can't take away 303 00:09:58,946 --> 00:10:00,336 my right to choose. 304 00:10:00,382 --> 00:10:02,382 -Oh, you want to go there? -I do want to go there. 305 00:10:02,427 --> 00:10:04,777 My body, my choice. It says so in the Constitution. 306 00:10:04,821 --> 00:10:06,781 -Okay, well, the Bible says... -Wait, wait, wait, wait. 307 00:10:06,823 --> 00:10:08,223 No, no, no, no, no, no. Guys, don't do this. No, come on. 308 00:10:08,259 --> 00:10:10,909 It's crazy. All right. Don't make this about abortion. 309 00:10:10,958 --> 00:10:13,258 Guys, we always do this. We veer wildly off-topic, 310 00:10:13,308 --> 00:10:15,268 and the next thing you know, we're having some ridiculous 311 00:10:15,310 --> 00:10:17,270 argument that has nothing to do with what we're trying 312 00:10:17,312 --> 00:10:19,272 -to solve, you know. -And then tempers flare. 313 00:10:19,314 --> 00:10:21,664 Exactly. We're talking about evolution all of a sudden. 314 00:10:21,708 --> 00:10:24,358 Then we're arguing about racism or whether or not ghouls exist. 315 00:10:24,406 --> 00:10:26,226 -They do, though, 'cause I've seen one. -No, they don't. 316 00:10:26,277 --> 00:10:27,317 -No, they do. -You-you've never seen them. 317 00:10:27,365 --> 00:10:28,795 -Yes, I have seen them. -No, you haven't. 318 00:10:28,845 --> 00:10:30,275 -Yes, I have! -Oh! -DENNIS: Whoa, whoa, whoa! 319 00:10:30,325 --> 00:10:31,755 -No, wait! Hey, stop! Hey, stop! -Charlie! 320 00:10:31,805 --> 00:10:34,935 -You stupid twink! -I'm a bear! I'm a bear! 321 00:10:34,982 --> 00:10:36,242 -You wish you were a bear! -DENNIS: Take it easy! Hey! 322 00:10:36,287 --> 00:10:37,807 Get-- Stop! We're off-topic. This is not Buffett. 323 00:10:37,854 --> 00:10:39,904 This is not... We're not being very Buffett right now. 324 00:10:39,943 --> 00:10:41,513 -That was not Buffett at all. -We're not being very Buffett. 325 00:10:41,553 --> 00:10:42,733 -It wasn't very Buffett of me. -MAC: It's not Buffett, man. 326 00:10:42,772 --> 00:10:45,172 All right, all right. Oh! I got an idea. 327 00:10:45,209 --> 00:10:46,949 It should just be about what's going on in there, right? 328 00:10:46,994 --> 00:10:48,694 What if we have 329 00:10:48,735 --> 00:10:52,605 separate bathrooms... for separate bodily functions? 330 00:10:52,652 --> 00:10:54,442 Oh, like a piss room and a shit room. 331 00:10:54,479 --> 00:10:57,049 Yeah. Exactly, okay? And, uh, we just 332 00:10:57,091 --> 00:10:59,311 put very simple labels on the door. 333 00:10:59,354 --> 00:11:02,534 Room number one for when you got to empty your balls, 334 00:11:02,574 --> 00:11:06,454 and room number two for when you got to empty your butt. 335 00:11:06,491 --> 00:11:09,231 Pee is not in your balls, but... yeah. Okay. 336 00:11:09,277 --> 00:11:10,797 No. I don't think it's gonna work because 337 00:11:10,844 --> 00:11:13,194 nobody can shit when everybody knows you're shitting. 338 00:11:13,237 --> 00:11:14,977 -Why not? Everybody shits. -FRANK: Yeah. 339 00:11:15,022 --> 00:11:17,552 Yeah, but it's a shameful act that we all do in secret. 340 00:11:17,589 --> 00:11:19,809 -That's true. -Even dogs know that. 341 00:11:19,853 --> 00:11:21,553 You ever see their eyes when they're doing it? 342 00:11:21,593 --> 00:11:22,993 -They know. -Mm. 343 00:11:23,030 --> 00:11:24,550 CHARLIE: They look at you like this. 344 00:11:24,596 --> 00:11:26,986 -FRANK: Yeah. -DENNIS: Yeah. They're ashamed. 345 00:11:27,034 --> 00:11:28,784 Yeah, well, guys, it's a system that invites abuse. 346 00:11:28,818 --> 00:11:30,558 I mean, who here would use the piss room to shit? 347 00:11:30,602 --> 00:11:33,042 No, that's the whole point, is that you just pee in it. 348 00:11:33,083 --> 00:11:34,173 -I wouldn't do that. -You use the shit room to shit. 349 00:11:34,215 --> 00:11:35,295 Yeah. No one's gonna do that. 350 00:11:35,346 --> 00:11:36,866 -FRANK: Pee over there. -Really? 351 00:11:36,913 --> 00:11:38,443 Yeah. I'd-I'd poop in the pee room. 352 00:11:38,480 --> 00:11:39,610 I would poop immediately in the pee room. 353 00:11:39,655 --> 00:11:41,135 100% of the time I will shit in the piss room. 354 00:11:41,178 --> 00:11:42,138 -You're totally right. -Actually, don't like this idea. 355 00:11:42,179 --> 00:11:43,789 See? There you go. I rest my case. 356 00:11:43,833 --> 00:11:45,493 Yeah. But you know what? Maybe people would be 357 00:11:45,530 --> 00:11:47,490 a little less inclined to cheat, and they wouldn't feel ashamed, 358 00:11:47,532 --> 00:11:49,142 if they had a little bit more privacy. 359 00:11:49,186 --> 00:11:50,536 Like, what if the partitions 360 00:11:50,579 --> 00:11:51,799 went all the way down to the ground? 361 00:11:51,841 --> 00:11:53,361 -Hmm. -Yeah? 362 00:11:53,408 --> 00:11:55,318 And you created sort of a dome of privacy. 363 00:11:55,366 --> 00:11:57,016 -So you're closed in. -DENNIS: You're closed in. 364 00:11:57,064 --> 00:11:58,374 You know what you could do? You could add 365 00:11:58,413 --> 00:12:00,333 a scented candle in there for the smells. 366 00:12:00,371 --> 00:12:03,071 -DENNIS: Right. -MAC: And some noise to cover the sounds. 367 00:12:03,113 --> 00:12:05,903 -Mm-hmm. -Yes. -Loud noise, like screaming. 368 00:12:05,942 --> 00:12:07,942 -Mm-hmm. -Or just music. 369 00:12:07,988 --> 00:12:09,818 Let's do music. Guys, we're making progress. This is great. 370 00:12:09,859 --> 00:12:11,819 I'll tell you what. Uh, Dee, why don't you go grab some cardboard 371 00:12:11,861 --> 00:12:13,561 -for the partitions. -Yep, yep. 372 00:12:13,602 --> 00:12:15,952 And, um, I'll order us some breakfast burritos. 373 00:12:15,996 --> 00:12:17,776 -It's getting to that time. -'Cause I'm getting hungry. 374 00:12:17,824 --> 00:12:19,784 -Yeah! -Tasty. -Extra bacon for you? 375 00:12:19,826 --> 00:12:21,476 -Okay, okay. Yeah. -Extra bacon, baby. -All right. 376 00:12:21,523 --> 00:12:23,443 [people screaming] 377 00:12:30,314 --> 00:12:32,144 The screaming's kind of cool, right? 378 00:12:32,186 --> 00:12:33,796 It's better. It's better. Works better than the music. 379 00:12:33,840 --> 00:12:35,620 -I never would've thought. -Yeah, yeah. 380 00:12:35,667 --> 00:12:37,537 The music, it was like, I felt like I could hear maybe 381 00:12:37,582 --> 00:12:39,722 -a poop or a pee happening, but the screams are... -Right. 382 00:12:39,759 --> 00:12:41,409 And I honestly, I feel like I'm not even in a bathroom 383 00:12:41,456 --> 00:12:43,496 -right now. -Yeah. Here you are eating a burrito. 384 00:12:43,545 --> 00:12:46,025 -Yeah. Yeah. -In a bathroom. [laughs] -[toilets flushing] 385 00:12:46,069 --> 00:12:48,509 -Oh! That was great. -Yeah, how'd that go? Yeah? 386 00:12:48,550 --> 00:12:50,860 I did something in there. I'm not gonna tell you what, though. 387 00:12:50,900 --> 00:12:52,680 Well, there's no need. I couldn't hear a thing, 388 00:12:52,728 --> 00:12:54,118 -and I can't smell a thing, so... -Yeah. Yeah. 389 00:12:54,164 --> 00:12:55,914 Hey, Frank, how's it going in there, man? 390 00:12:55,949 --> 00:12:58,129 FRANK: The walls are too high. I don't know where to aim. 391 00:12:58,168 --> 00:13:00,428 -Aim? Aim-aim at the bowl. The toilet. -You just aim at the toilet. 392 00:13:00,475 --> 00:13:02,475 -The same spot. -What are you talking about? 393 00:13:02,520 --> 00:13:05,390 -Ah! -Whoa! Hey! -Oh! Goddamn it. 394 00:13:05,436 --> 00:13:07,176 Never sneak up on a man like that, 395 00:13:07,221 --> 00:13:09,661 especially when he's at his most vulnerable. 396 00:13:09,701 --> 00:13:11,141 Why do you have a gun on the toilet? 397 00:13:11,181 --> 00:13:12,661 I always carry a gun on the toilet. 398 00:13:12,704 --> 00:13:14,014 Otherwise, I can't make. 399 00:13:14,054 --> 00:13:15,454 Well, now I'm very uncomfortable. 400 00:13:15,490 --> 00:13:16,800 Well, tough titties. 401 00:13:16,839 --> 00:13:18,189 I got the right to defend myself. 402 00:13:18,232 --> 00:13:19,842 It's in the Constitution. 403 00:13:19,886 --> 00:13:20,836 Have you ever read the Constitution? 404 00:13:20,887 --> 00:13:22,887 Yes. 405 00:13:24,238 --> 00:13:26,678 No. 406 00:13:26,718 --> 00:13:28,938 This is wild stuff. 407 00:13:28,982 --> 00:13:33,252 There's a part in here that says that freed slaves 408 00:13:33,290 --> 00:13:36,030 are only three-fifths of a person. 409 00:13:36,076 --> 00:13:37,896 -It's wild. Yeah. -Really? It says that in there? 410 00:13:37,947 --> 00:13:39,377 I can't imagine where you're going with this, Frank. 411 00:13:39,427 --> 00:13:40,947 Well, I was figuring that if we handled 412 00:13:40,994 --> 00:13:43,474 this problem like the Constitution, that would mean 413 00:13:43,518 --> 00:13:47,088 that white landowners would get a full bathroom. 414 00:13:47,130 --> 00:13:49,090 Everybody else gets three-fifths. 415 00:13:49,132 --> 00:13:50,612 How do you use three-fifths of a bathroom? 416 00:13:50,655 --> 00:13:51,655 Piss in the sink. 417 00:13:53,093 --> 00:13:55,053 I beg you to stop using the Constitution 418 00:13:55,095 --> 00:13:56,395 in the way that you're using it. 419 00:13:56,444 --> 00:13:58,454 Listen. Frank just gave me a good idea. 420 00:13:58,489 --> 00:14:00,619 -Hmm. -Okay. -Reparations. 421 00:14:00,665 --> 00:14:02,275 Look, minorities have been treated 422 00:14:02,319 --> 00:14:04,409 like shit in this country for so long, right? 423 00:14:04,452 --> 00:14:07,152 So, I say we give them the good bathroom. 424 00:14:07,194 --> 00:14:10,284 You know? I mean, for years and years, they've been oppressed. 425 00:14:10,327 --> 00:14:12,067 The least we can give them is, you know, 426 00:14:12,112 --> 00:14:14,162 a nice place to piss and shit, right? 427 00:14:14,201 --> 00:14:16,511 And we got to put up a sign so that they know their place. 428 00:14:16,551 --> 00:14:18,291 Now, are-are you proposing that we put a sign 429 00:14:18,335 --> 00:14:20,945 on one of the bathrooms that says "minorities only"? 430 00:14:20,990 --> 00:14:22,300 What does the other sign say? 431 00:14:22,339 --> 00:14:24,079 -"No minorities allowed." -DENNIS: That's crazy. 432 00:14:24,124 --> 00:14:25,524 -Do you hear yourself? -CHARLIE: That's bad. -DEE: You hear where 433 00:14:25,560 --> 00:14:26,520 you're running into trouble there, right? 434 00:14:26,561 --> 00:14:27,651 No, no, it's super progressive. 435 00:14:27,692 --> 00:14:29,092 -No... -Yeah, i-it's a bathroom 436 00:14:29,129 --> 00:14:32,309 -for women, non-whites, and gays. -Uh... 437 00:14:32,349 --> 00:14:34,089 Oh, oh! 438 00:14:34,134 --> 00:14:35,224 Oh, I get it. 439 00:14:35,265 --> 00:14:36,955 And I-I'm 100% on board. 440 00:14:37,006 --> 00:14:38,226 I agree. I'm with you. 441 00:14:38,268 --> 00:14:39,438 Wait a second, Dee. So now you're okay 442 00:14:39,487 --> 00:14:40,837 with Mac using your bathroom? 443 00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:42,140 Yeah. As long as the majority of the people 444 00:14:42,185 --> 00:14:44,135 aren't taking a shit in my bathroom, sure. 445 00:14:44,187 --> 00:14:46,927 Okay, well, let's just go ahead and vote for it. Ch-Charlie? 446 00:14:46,973 --> 00:14:48,103 W-Wait, wait, wait. Hold on a second there. 447 00:14:48,148 --> 00:14:50,238 Before you vote, uh, Charlie, uh, you know, 448 00:14:50,280 --> 00:14:52,200 consider this-- there's-there's no shame 449 00:14:52,239 --> 00:14:54,199 in doing what's best for the majority. 450 00:14:54,241 --> 00:14:56,461 I mean, that is what a democracy is, right? 451 00:14:56,504 --> 00:14:58,464 It's trying to please the greatest number 452 00:14:58,506 --> 00:14:59,636 of people in a country. 453 00:14:59,681 --> 00:15:01,251 -White people. -Please don't help. 454 00:15:01,291 --> 00:15:02,951 Okay? Yeah. Uh, what I'm saying is 455 00:15:02,989 --> 00:15:04,949 that you're never gonna be able to please everybody. 456 00:15:04,991 --> 00:15:06,301 It's just-- There's no way, you know what I mean? 457 00:15:06,340 --> 00:15:07,820 And, of course, everybody wants their own little piece 458 00:15:07,863 --> 00:15:09,433 of paradise, right? I like mine with-- 459 00:15:09,473 --> 00:15:11,613 I like mine with lettuce and tomato. 460 00:15:11,649 --> 00:15:14,299 ♪ Heinz 57 and French fried potatoes.♪ 461 00:15:14,348 --> 00:15:15,648 -Mm. -But that's just me, you know? 462 00:15:15,697 --> 00:15:17,607 There's a small minority of people out there, 463 00:15:17,655 --> 00:15:19,435 they like their cheeseburgers with pineapple. 464 00:15:19,483 --> 00:15:21,753 -Oh, yeah, I know. Get the hell out of here. -Ew. 465 00:15:21,790 --> 00:15:23,880 -Gross. -What are you thinking? You know what I mean? 466 00:15:23,923 --> 00:15:25,273 But there is a minority out there, and that's how 467 00:15:25,315 --> 00:15:27,265 they like it. But are we saying that, for those people's sake, 468 00:15:27,317 --> 00:15:29,147 we got to have every single hamburger store 469 00:15:29,189 --> 00:15:31,149 in the whole country offer pineapples 470 00:15:31,191 --> 00:15:33,801 -on their cheeseburgers? I don't think that's right. -We'll run out of pineapples. 471 00:15:33,845 --> 00:15:36,065 Mm-mm. We ought to take it off the pizza, too. 472 00:15:36,109 --> 00:15:37,499 Hawaiians are savages. 473 00:15:37,545 --> 00:15:38,935 Okay, you're not helping, all right? 474 00:15:38,981 --> 00:15:41,511 Your racism is making-- I hate when you're on my side. 475 00:15:41,549 --> 00:15:44,159 Mm-hmm. Okay, all good points, you know, strongly made. 476 00:15:44,204 --> 00:15:47,034 I like the hat. I was focused on that most of the time. 477 00:15:47,076 --> 00:15:49,166 But I-I'm kind of leaning towards you. 478 00:15:49,209 --> 00:15:50,819 I don't know why. It might be the shirt. 479 00:15:50,862 --> 00:15:53,082 Look, majority rules may have worked in medieval times, 480 00:15:53,126 --> 00:15:55,216 but we live in a civil society now. 481 00:15:55,258 --> 00:15:57,088 And societies are judged on how 482 00:15:57,130 --> 00:15:59,050 they treat their most vulnerable. 483 00:15:59,088 --> 00:16:02,088 See, we have to give voices to those who have no voice. 484 00:16:02,135 --> 00:16:03,745 -He's right-- -Shut up, Dee! I'm talking! 485 00:16:03,788 --> 00:16:06,528 Women are always... Goddamn it. 486 00:16:06,574 --> 00:16:10,194 Look, what I was saying was that we need to protect 487 00:16:10,230 --> 00:16:13,100 those most marginalized, okay? 488 00:16:13,146 --> 00:16:15,096 We need to change our attitudes. 489 00:16:15,148 --> 00:16:18,238 We need to change our latitudes. 490 00:16:18,281 --> 00:16:21,331 And we need to vote for a minorities-only bathroom. 491 00:16:21,371 --> 00:16:24,371 Okay, uh, also good, strong points there made forcefully. 492 00:16:24,418 --> 00:16:27,068 I was distracted by the shiny shirt. That's cool. 493 00:16:27,116 --> 00:16:28,676 I liked when you snapped at Dee. 494 00:16:28,726 --> 00:16:30,546 It was annoying when she chimed in. 495 00:16:30,598 --> 00:16:33,208 Um, so maybe I'm leaning towards you now. I don't know. 496 00:16:33,253 --> 00:16:36,173 -Okay, well, then that means we're all voting for... -Oh! 497 00:16:36,212 --> 00:16:39,612 Wait, wait, wait! I just looked up the demographics of Philly. 498 00:16:39,650 --> 00:16:44,000 It says here that this city is 54% women 499 00:16:44,046 --> 00:16:47,616 and 68% Christian. 500 00:16:47,658 --> 00:16:50,048 -Whoa. -Which means that Mac and Dee 501 00:16:50,096 --> 00:16:52,006 are in the majority. 502 00:16:52,054 --> 00:16:53,884 -Wait, wait, wait, is that true? -FRANK: Uh-huh. 503 00:16:53,925 --> 00:16:56,885 It also says that 52% are black, 504 00:16:56,928 --> 00:16:59,368 which means white men, 505 00:16:59,409 --> 00:17:01,149 like me and Dennis, 506 00:17:01,194 --> 00:17:03,334 are in the minority. 507 00:17:03,370 --> 00:17:05,070 DENNIS: Uh-oh, we're minorities, which means that, 508 00:17:05,111 --> 00:17:06,631 by your own argument, 509 00:17:06,677 --> 00:17:09,327 we actually should get the good bathroom. 510 00:17:09,376 --> 00:17:11,196 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! I-I'm gay, 511 00:17:11,247 --> 00:17:12,857 so that-that still means that I'm a minority. 512 00:17:12,901 --> 00:17:14,861 Yeah, but are you more gay than you are Catholic? 513 00:17:14,903 --> 00:17:16,823 I don't know. They're at war. 514 00:17:16,861 --> 00:17:18,341 It's all very confusing. Where-- 515 00:17:18,385 --> 00:17:20,335 What does it say about transgenders...? 516 00:17:20,387 --> 00:17:22,127 -Less than one percent. -Yeah. 517 00:17:22,171 --> 00:17:23,871 So what am I? 518 00:17:24,913 --> 00:17:26,263 You are white. 519 00:17:26,306 --> 00:17:28,086 Okay, and I'm a...? 520 00:17:28,134 --> 00:17:29,834 Man. 521 00:17:29,874 --> 00:17:31,884 And that would make me...? 522 00:17:31,920 --> 00:17:34,310 -In the minority. -Which means I go towards...? 523 00:17:34,357 --> 00:17:35,877 Us. Y-You know what? Frank, you explain it to him. 524 00:17:35,924 --> 00:17:37,364 I'm gonna-- I'm g-- [chuckles] I'll-I'll kill-- 525 00:17:37,404 --> 00:17:39,544 -I'll-I'll smash him and, uh... -You get the good bathroom. 526 00:17:39,580 --> 00:17:40,620 -If I come with you? Okay, it was clear-- -Yes. 527 00:17:40,668 --> 00:17:41,928 It wasn't totally clear before, 528 00:17:41,973 --> 00:17:43,023 -but I get it now. -It should've been. 529 00:17:43,062 --> 00:17:44,672 Oh, boy. Yeah, okay, so yes. 530 00:17:44,715 --> 00:17:47,235 -I got it. -So all those in favor of doing the actual right thing 531 00:17:47,283 --> 00:17:48,983 and giving the minorities the good bathroom, 532 00:17:49,024 --> 00:17:50,554 -let's go ahead and raise your hand. -Yeah. Hey! 533 00:17:50,591 --> 00:17:52,161 -Okay, all right! Great, hey. -FRANK: Okay. 534 00:17:52,201 --> 00:17:53,681 -Finally, a win for straight white men, right? -Great. 535 00:17:53,724 --> 00:17:55,164 -Now we're talking. Yeah. -Yeah! Finally, something for us. 536 00:17:55,204 --> 00:17:56,904 -We got it. Yeah. Something for the guys. -Something for us. Okay. 537 00:17:56,945 --> 00:17:58,115 -Yeah, let's go to Buffett! -All right, we're gonna-- 538 00:17:58,164 --> 00:17:59,514 -Anybody want cheeseburgers? -All right. 539 00:17:59,556 --> 00:18:01,296 -I'm gonna get the grill ready. -Well, yeah, hey, if I'm headed 540 00:18:01,341 --> 00:18:03,911 -to paradise, I'm gonna want a cheeseburger. -Let's roll! 541 00:18:03,952 --> 00:18:05,612 -What-what are you guys doing? Let's go. -Let's go. 542 00:18:05,649 --> 00:18:07,299 We're not going. 543 00:18:07,347 --> 00:18:08,347 What do you mean you're not going? What? 544 00:18:08,391 --> 00:18:09,351 You used Buffett's words 545 00:18:09,392 --> 00:18:10,482 to promote discrimination, dude. 546 00:18:10,524 --> 00:18:11,834 It's not cool. 547 00:18:11,873 --> 00:18:13,443 No, but you guys have to go. I mean, 548 00:18:13,483 --> 00:18:15,623 you're the only two other real Parrotheads of the bunch. 549 00:18:15,659 --> 00:18:17,879 I mean, Frank's just going 'cause the chicks are wild. 550 00:18:17,922 --> 00:18:19,402 You know what I mean? 551 00:18:19,446 --> 00:18:21,396 -And, Charlie, he doesn't know what's going on. -I know. 552 00:18:21,448 --> 00:18:23,318 -Yes, I do. -He has no-- No. What are the songs? 553 00:18:23,363 --> 00:18:24,803 -What's another Buffett song? -♪ Aruba, Jamaica...♪ 554 00:18:24,842 --> 00:18:26,412 -That's Beach Boys. -It is. 555 00:18:26,453 --> 00:18:27,673 -I don't know the songs. -Yeah. That's the Beach Boys. 556 00:18:27,715 --> 00:18:29,845 FRANK: Well, there's no sense in going to Buffett 557 00:18:29,891 --> 00:18:31,501 if they're not-- we're not all gonna go. 558 00:18:31,545 --> 00:18:33,065 Then we're not going to Buffett. 559 00:18:33,112 --> 00:18:36,382 -[whistles] -[groans] 560 00:18:43,339 --> 00:18:45,859 ♪ If you like piña coladas...♪ 561 00:18:45,907 --> 00:18:47,517 Please don't, Charlie. It's too-- it-it-- 562 00:18:47,561 --> 00:18:49,221 -It hurts too much. -I thought you-- Come on, man. 563 00:18:49,258 --> 00:18:50,648 I thought you said it wasn't Buffett. 564 00:18:50,694 --> 00:18:52,574 Yeah, but i-it's close enough. 565 00:18:52,609 --> 00:18:53,779 You guys ever listened to the lyrics to that song? 566 00:18:53,828 --> 00:18:54,788 -It's super dark. -Is it? 567 00:18:54,829 --> 00:18:55,869 -Mm-mm. -Yeah, it's about 568 00:18:55,917 --> 00:18:57,437 a guy trying to cheat on his wife. 569 00:18:57,484 --> 00:18:59,444 Don't tell me that, man. It's, like, such a happy song. 570 00:18:59,486 --> 00:19:01,226 You know? Who doesn't like piña coladas? 571 00:19:01,270 --> 00:19:03,320 I don't. You know, they're not my first choice. 572 00:19:03,359 --> 00:19:05,319 Just as a woman on the go, I got to be able 573 00:19:05,361 --> 00:19:07,321 to really put 'em back, and if you drink those too fast, 574 00:19:07,363 --> 00:19:09,283 -you'll get that-that frozen headache. -Hmm. 575 00:19:09,322 --> 00:19:11,372 As a straight man, I actually love piña coladas, 576 00:19:11,411 --> 00:19:13,151 but I don't like getting caught in the rain. 577 00:19:13,195 --> 00:19:15,365 It flattens my hair. Yeah. 578 00:19:15,415 --> 00:19:17,365 And you guys know how great I look in leather. 579 00:19:17,417 --> 00:19:19,287 -As a gay man, I do. -And that's what's so annoying about you, Mac. 580 00:19:19,332 --> 00:19:21,462 -That's not really a gay thing. That's just a you thing. -It's so annoying. 581 00:19:21,508 --> 00:19:24,378 What about that bullshit about making love until midnight? 582 00:19:24,424 --> 00:19:25,734 I mean, as a senior citizen, 583 00:19:25,773 --> 00:19:28,083 I can't get it up past 6:00, 6:30, tops. 584 00:19:28,123 --> 00:19:29,123 -Mm... -Really? -Oh, geez. I got that 585 00:19:29,168 --> 00:19:30,818 -to look forward to, huh? -Really. 586 00:19:30,865 --> 00:19:33,345 You know, as a straight man who poops transgender... 587 00:19:33,389 --> 00:19:35,519 -You got to just let that go. -I'll probably stop doing that. 588 00:19:35,565 --> 00:19:36,955 -It's not a thing. -It's time to stop doing that. -I guess, you know, 589 00:19:37,001 --> 00:19:38,261 guys, when it comes down to it, 590 00:19:38,307 --> 00:19:39,957 we all identify very differently out here. 591 00:19:40,004 --> 00:19:42,184 You know? But in there... 592 00:19:42,224 --> 00:19:44,234 in there, we're not so different. 593 00:19:44,270 --> 00:19:45,840 In there, we're all the same. 594 00:19:45,880 --> 00:19:48,930 In there, we're all just disgusting, vulnerable, ashamed. 595 00:19:48,970 --> 00:19:51,970 Like a bunch of filthy animals dumping in a shithouse. 596 00:19:52,016 --> 00:19:54,846 It's the one common thing amongst a-a king and a pauper. 597 00:19:54,889 --> 00:19:56,929 -Right. -You know? We all got to take a shit. 598 00:19:56,978 --> 00:19:58,238 Yeah, right. Why are we trying to make everyone 599 00:19:58,284 --> 00:19:59,464 feel comfortable in there? When the truth is 600 00:19:59,502 --> 00:20:01,462 no one's ever gonna feel comfortable shitting next 601 00:20:01,504 --> 00:20:03,384 -to another human being. It's just awkward. -Well, if we're never gonna get 602 00:20:03,419 --> 00:20:05,119 anybody to feel good about shitting together, 603 00:20:05,160 --> 00:20:06,640 how are we gonna solve the problem? 604 00:20:06,683 --> 00:20:08,423 Hold on a second. Hold on. Listen. 605 00:20:08,468 --> 00:20:11,558 -If we're all the same in there... -DENNIS: Uh-huh. 606 00:20:11,601 --> 00:20:15,081 then why don't we just focus on treating other people 607 00:20:15,126 --> 00:20:18,476 the way that we want to be treated? 608 00:20:20,306 --> 00:20:22,786 Dee... 609 00:20:22,830 --> 00:20:24,830 we were just talking, 610 00:20:24,875 --> 00:20:26,355 -and you just barged right in. -Yeah, shut the fuck up. 611 00:20:26,399 --> 00:20:27,969 -Shut the fuck up. -Like, interrupting and talking nonsense. 612 00:20:28,009 --> 00:20:29,359 -That was, like, so pretentious. -CHARLIE: Yeah. 613 00:20:29,402 --> 00:20:31,062 -Something very pretentious about it. -We were talking. 614 00:20:31,099 --> 00:20:33,539 -I really feel like we're right in the... -All right. Okay. 615 00:20:33,580 --> 00:20:35,970 Hey, you know what, guys? I think I may have just come up 616 00:20:36,017 --> 00:20:38,627 with a solution for our bathroom problem. 617 00:20:38,672 --> 00:20:42,372 ♪ 618 00:20:42,415 --> 00:20:43,675 Uh-huh. 619 00:20:43,720 --> 00:20:45,460 -Yeah, that'll do it. -There we go. 620 00:20:45,505 --> 00:20:47,375 -Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's perfectly clear. -We did it. 621 00:20:47,420 --> 00:20:49,810 Guys, if we leave right now, we can still make the concert. 622 00:20:49,857 --> 00:20:51,027 -[whoops] -Let's do it. -Buffett! 623 00:20:51,075 --> 00:20:52,245 -Ooh, let's go. -[chuckles] 624 00:20:52,294 --> 00:20:54,564 ♪ If you like piña coladas♪ 625 00:20:54,601 --> 00:20:56,561 -[Dee mimicking instrumental] -♪ And getting caught♪ 626 00:20:56,603 --> 00:20:59,043 ♪ In the rain♪ 627 00:20:59,083 --> 00:21:02,573 ♪ If you're not into yoga♪ 628 00:21:02,609 --> 00:21:05,659 ♪ If you have half a brain♪ 629 00:21:05,699 --> 00:21:09,699 ♪ If you like making love at midnight♪ 630 00:21:09,746 --> 00:21:12,446 ♪ In the dunes of the cape♪ 631 00:21:12,488 --> 00:21:15,878 ♪ Then I'm the love that you've looked for♪ 632 00:21:15,926 --> 00:21:18,886 ♪ Write to me and escape♪ 633 00:21:18,929 --> 00:21:21,499 ♪ 634 00:21:32,769 --> 00:21:36,159 ♪ I didn't think about my lady♪ 635 00:21:36,207 --> 00:21:38,687 ♪ I know that sounds...♪ 636 00:21:41,735 --> 00:21:44,555 [trio chanting backwards] 637 00:21:47,784 --> 00:21:49,664 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH