1 00:00:00,001 --> 00:00:03,202 ♪♪(dramatic music) ♪♪ 2 00:00:09,110 --> 00:00:12,111 (machine gun fire, explosions, screams) 3 00:00:12,113 --> 00:00:15,547 Too many people, not enough bullets. 4 00:00:15,549 --> 00:00:17,583 (a baby crying) 5 00:00:34,502 --> 00:00:36,368 Do you mind?! 6 00:00:36,370 --> 00:00:37,703 Ssshh! 7 00:00:42,643 --> 00:00:46,712 Hey! Ketchup is a privilege, not a right! 8 00:00:46,714 --> 00:00:48,547 Where are your parents? 9 00:01:00,594 --> 00:01:03,295 Yes! A quarter! 10 00:01:03,297 --> 00:01:05,364 Things are finally looking up. 11 00:01:05,366 --> 00:01:07,099 Ugggh. 12 00:01:07,101 --> 00:01:10,102 What is wrong with parents today? 13 00:01:10,104 --> 00:01:12,771 There you are, Kale. Are you enjoying your frolic? 14 00:01:12,773 --> 00:01:15,541 I demand answers. 15 00:01:15,543 --> 00:01:19,344 Why isn't this savage wearing pants like the rest of us? 16 00:01:19,346 --> 00:01:21,780 We subscribe to Dr. Davis-Siegel's 17 00:01:21,782 --> 00:01:23,649 child-led method of parenting. 18 00:01:23,651 --> 00:01:25,117 I'm Jean Goodhill. 19 00:01:25,119 --> 00:01:27,219 This is my soul mate, Flynn Goodhill. 20 00:01:29,223 --> 00:01:30,456 Namaste. 21 00:01:30,458 --> 00:01:32,224 Back off, weirdos! 22 00:01:32,226 --> 00:01:35,160 And while you're at it, clothe your youngin'! 23 00:01:35,162 --> 00:01:38,130 Sir, I think what you need is a hug. 24 00:01:38,132 --> 00:01:39,565 Kale! 25 00:01:39,567 --> 00:01:41,333 Get in there, buddy! 26 00:01:41,335 --> 00:01:42,668 Wait! No! 27 00:01:42,670 --> 00:01:43,735 (splash) 28 00:01:48,409 --> 00:01:53,078 PARENTS!!!!! 29 00:01:54,548 --> 00:01:56,148 I'm a parent. 30 00:02:06,794 --> 00:02:12,998 And I'll say it again: just say no to parenthood! 31 00:02:13,000 --> 00:02:16,435 Only then will you be on the path of the righteous! 32 00:02:16,437 --> 00:02:20,639 Over the course of a parent's life, their child will cost 33 00:02:20,641 --> 00:02:24,510 them more than one million dollars! 34 00:02:24,512 --> 00:02:27,613 Money that could be spent on a yacht! 35 00:02:27,615 --> 00:02:30,315 A car made out of gold! 36 00:02:30,317 --> 00:02:33,619 Even one of those apes that knows sign language! 37 00:02:33,621 --> 00:02:35,954 (man screaming) 38 00:02:35,956 --> 00:02:37,956 I still don't get why it's called it a farmer's market. 39 00:02:37,958 --> 00:02:39,625 They didn't even sell overalls. 40 00:02:39,627 --> 00:02:41,360 At least we got all these great vegetables. 41 00:02:41,362 --> 00:02:42,661 Is that-- 42 00:02:42,663 --> 00:02:43,729 Don't throw your lives away on people who will 43 00:02:43,731 --> 00:02:46,131 only grow up to resent you! 44 00:02:46,133 --> 00:02:49,835 Don't believe me? Just ask my parents! 45 00:02:49,837 --> 00:02:53,505 Wow, Dan. I guess I always knew you'd end up a raving derelict. 46 00:02:53,507 --> 00:02:58,076 Sister, I am cutting off parenting at its source. 47 00:02:58,078 --> 00:03:00,078 Can I get a Dan's great? 48 00:03:00,080 --> 00:03:03,015 Woo-hoo! 49 00:03:03,017 --> 00:03:07,319 O...K... Dan, people don't need to be told how to be parents. 50 00:03:07,321 --> 00:03:09,521 And if they do, not by you. 51 00:03:09,523 --> 00:03:12,024 They can just go to Toddler Todd's Tykeland. 52 00:03:12,026 --> 00:03:15,027 What in the name of all things unholy is 53 00:03:15,029 --> 00:03:17,362 Toddler Todd's Tykeland? 54 00:03:17,364 --> 00:03:18,931 It's where everyone goes to learn all the latest 55 00:03:18,933 --> 00:03:20,032 parenting techniques. 56 00:03:20,034 --> 00:03:21,166 Why do you know that? 57 00:03:21,168 --> 00:03:23,035 Well I started doing some research. 58 00:03:23,037 --> 00:03:24,670 Eventually, you and I are gonna wanna have chil-- 59 00:03:24,672 --> 00:03:25,904 OK, Dan. I'll help you. 60 00:03:27,942 --> 00:03:31,476 Oh man, oh man, she's... she's already dropping the "c" word. 61 00:03:31,478 --> 00:03:33,011 I mean what am I gonna do? 62 00:03:33,013 --> 00:03:34,112 That's easy. 63 00:03:34,114 --> 00:03:36,148 I know a great divorce attorney. 64 00:03:36,150 --> 00:03:39,318 Well, not great, but he did represent my dad. 65 00:03:39,320 --> 00:03:41,220 I wonder whatever happened to the old man. 66 00:03:41,222 --> 00:03:44,189 Well, you should write him sometime. 67 00:03:44,191 --> 00:03:46,058 Why would I write to a divorce attorney? 68 00:03:48,295 --> 00:03:49,861 Here's what we're going do: 69 00:03:49,863 --> 00:03:51,964 cover you in maple syrup, 70 00:03:51,966 --> 00:03:53,865 roll you in feathers. Then you go in-- 71 00:03:53,867 --> 00:03:55,634 Whoa. I'm not- not going an- not going anywhere near kids. 72 00:03:55,636 --> 00:03:56,835 I'm freaked out enough. 73 00:03:56,837 --> 00:03:58,303 Baby! 74 00:04:01,175 --> 00:04:06,411 ♪ (kids laughing) ♪ 75 00:04:06,413 --> 00:04:08,247 You're doing great, parents. 76 00:04:08,249 --> 00:04:11,817 Keep reminding your kids just how special they are! 77 00:04:11,819 --> 00:04:14,586 And kids, don't hold back. 78 00:04:14,588 --> 00:04:18,023 You're freeeee! 79 00:04:18,025 --> 00:04:20,292 Toddler Todd, I presume. 80 00:04:20,294 --> 00:04:22,127 Who are you? 81 00:04:22,129 --> 00:04:25,497 I'm with the World Parenting Organization and I'm pleased 82 00:04:25,499 --> 00:04:29,167 to inform you that you're the recipient of our Child Educator 83 00:04:29,169 --> 00:04:31,169 of the Year award. 84 00:04:31,171 --> 00:04:32,638 Finally. 85 00:04:32,640 --> 00:04:35,140 It was getting old losing to Funtastic Fred every year. 86 00:04:35,142 --> 00:04:36,608 I hear ya. 87 00:04:36,610 --> 00:04:39,211 Anyway, I've got your plaque right here in my trunk. 88 00:04:39,213 --> 00:04:43,982 ♪ ♪ 89 00:04:43,984 --> 00:04:46,051 (grunting) 90 00:04:47,121 --> 00:04:48,120 Ow! 91 00:04:48,122 --> 00:04:49,554 (slamming trunk door) 92 00:04:51,158 --> 00:04:53,558 (kids laughing) 93 00:04:57,331 --> 00:04:58,330 Ah! 94 00:04:58,332 --> 00:05:00,065 Ahem! 95 00:05:07,141 --> 00:05:08,240 Ahem!!!! 96 00:05:08,242 --> 00:05:09,641 (grunts) 97 00:05:16,583 --> 00:05:18,884 May I have your attention please? 98 00:05:20,454 --> 00:05:22,921 SHUT UP!!! 99 00:05:27,461 --> 00:05:31,930 I'd like to inform you that Toddler Todd has...um, 100 00:05:31,932 --> 00:05:33,198 been arrested. 101 00:05:33,200 --> 00:05:35,033 For clown trafficking. 102 00:05:35,035 --> 00:05:36,368 (baby crying) 103 00:05:36,370 --> 00:05:39,771 Yeah. I'm your substitute toddler guy, Dan. 104 00:05:39,773 --> 00:05:43,875 Now who here has heard of the DAN Method? 105 00:05:45,879 --> 00:05:50,782 I'm not surprised, considering you're all awful parents! 106 00:05:50,784 --> 00:05:55,187 But there is hope! Let me break it down for you. 107 00:05:55,189 --> 00:06:00,792 DAN stands for discipline, action, knowledge. 108 00:06:00,794 --> 00:06:03,328 The three pillars of parenthood. 109 00:06:03,330 --> 00:06:06,932 Hi, Dan. Jean Goodhill. We met earlier in the park. 110 00:06:06,934 --> 00:06:09,267 I'm not sure I understand. 111 00:06:09,269 --> 00:06:10,836 Well, Jean-- 112 00:06:10,838 --> 00:06:11,937 (baby crying hysterically) 113 00:06:11,939 --> 00:06:13,171 Are you going to get that? 114 00:06:14,508 --> 00:06:16,608 In child-led parenting, 115 00:06:16,610 --> 00:06:19,745 we believe babies have the right to express themselves. 116 00:06:19,747 --> 00:06:21,813 Oh do you now? 117 00:06:21,815 --> 00:06:23,982 Watch and learn. 118 00:06:26,286 --> 00:06:27,586 Ahem. 119 00:06:27,588 --> 00:06:30,856 WHAAA!!! WHAA!! 120 00:06:32,126 --> 00:06:34,126 THAT'S WHAT YOU SOUND LIKE!!! 121 00:06:34,128 --> 00:06:38,797 BLOO GLEE GLAA!! 122 00:06:38,799 --> 00:06:41,400 ♪ ♪ 123 00:06:45,939 --> 00:06:49,574 This is no way to treat the Child Educator of the Year. 124 00:06:50,844 --> 00:06:52,177 That was random. 125 00:06:58,118 --> 00:07:02,187 Kale, I need you to scrape the mold out of the AC unit. 126 00:07:04,491 --> 00:07:06,057 You love this thing, right? 127 00:07:09,129 --> 00:07:10,562 Back to work! 128 00:07:13,834 --> 00:07:16,268 Did everyone see how I parented Kale? 129 00:07:16,270 --> 00:07:20,405 I incorporated all aspects of the DAN Method. 130 00:07:20,407 --> 00:07:24,075 I DISCIPLINED him by making him scrape mold. 131 00:07:24,077 --> 00:07:29,247 I ACTED when I destroyed his favorite toy. And I- 132 00:07:29,249 --> 00:07:31,416 Dan, I know the kids are well-behaved right now, 133 00:07:31,418 --> 00:07:34,019 but couldn't the DAN Method give them long-term 134 00:07:34,021 --> 00:07:35,620 psychological damage? 135 00:07:35,622 --> 00:07:37,456 Who cares? 136 00:07:37,458 --> 00:07:41,827 It's better than your enabling, coddling, spoiling nonsense. 137 00:07:41,829 --> 00:07:43,762 I really hope you don't have kids. 138 00:07:43,764 --> 00:07:45,030 You'd make an awful parent. 139 00:07:45,032 --> 00:07:46,998 What are you talking about? 140 00:07:48,535 --> 00:07:52,971 If I wanted to, I could be the best parent in the world! 141 00:07:52,973 --> 00:07:55,373 Help me! I've been assaulted! 142 00:07:55,375 --> 00:07:57,042 By who? 143 00:07:57,044 --> 00:07:58,810 Him! 144 00:07:58,812 --> 00:08:00,946 There's a simple explanation-- 145 00:08:04,718 --> 00:08:06,885 Hey, Dan, question for you... 146 00:08:06,887 --> 00:08:08,987 No, it didn't go well in there. 147 00:08:08,989 --> 00:08:11,656 Sometimes you can't reach people with words alone. 148 00:08:11,658 --> 00:08:14,092 You have to lead by example. 149 00:08:14,094 --> 00:08:18,129 Chris, I've decided to become a father. 150 00:08:18,131 --> 00:08:19,631 (music sting) 151 00:08:26,807 --> 00:08:28,840 If I'm not ready to be a father, there's no way you are. 152 00:08:28,842 --> 00:08:30,242 You're not married. 153 00:08:30,244 --> 00:08:32,644 You don't-- you don't even have a girlfriend. 154 00:08:32,646 --> 00:08:35,180 Why would I want a woman in my life? 155 00:08:35,182 --> 00:08:37,949 Taking care of a child will be enough of a burden. 156 00:08:37,951 --> 00:08:40,685 That's my point. It's a lot of work. 157 00:08:40,687 --> 00:08:42,921 You can't just feed a baby turkey sandwiches 158 00:08:42,923 --> 00:08:44,556 like you do Mr. Mumbles. 159 00:08:45,959 --> 00:08:47,526 A lot of work or not, 160 00:08:47,528 --> 00:08:49,794 I have a calling. 161 00:08:49,796 --> 00:08:53,031 The sooner people see what a great parent I am, 162 00:08:53,033 --> 00:08:55,800 the sooner everyone adopts the DAN Method 163 00:08:55,802 --> 00:08:59,170 and the sooner we all live in a bratless utopia. 164 00:09:00,741 --> 00:09:03,408 I don't see what the big deal is. 165 00:09:03,410 --> 00:09:06,444 You thought you could just walk into a doctor's office 166 00:09:06,446 --> 00:09:08,113 and ask to be cloned? 167 00:09:08,115 --> 00:09:10,549 I'm sorry. Am I speaking Pig Latvian? 168 00:09:10,551 --> 00:09:12,117 (clears throat) 169 00:09:12,119 --> 00:09:15,287 Cloning humans isn't even remotely legal. 170 00:09:15,289 --> 00:09:18,089 I would never put my career on the line for that. 171 00:09:18,091 --> 00:09:21,560 Ohh, man! 172 00:09:21,562 --> 00:09:23,261 I guess I'll adopt. 173 00:09:23,263 --> 00:09:24,362 Whoa! 174 00:09:28,135 --> 00:09:30,802 Sure. The pictures are cute. 175 00:09:30,804 --> 00:09:34,072 You can't smell them in pictures. 176 00:09:34,074 --> 00:09:36,174 Okay, next question. 177 00:09:36,176 --> 00:09:38,910 Do you have a preference between boy or girl? 178 00:09:38,912 --> 00:09:40,579 (murmurs softly) 179 00:09:40,581 --> 00:09:43,615 Well, women are kinder, gentler, 180 00:09:43,617 --> 00:09:45,483 naturally more compassionate. 181 00:09:45,485 --> 00:09:48,286 But men do get paid more. 182 00:09:48,288 --> 00:09:49,754 Boy. 183 00:09:49,756 --> 00:09:51,256 Okeydokey. 184 00:09:51,258 --> 00:09:53,124 And would you like a child that is American, 185 00:09:53,126 --> 00:09:54,526 foreign, or swirl? 186 00:09:56,430 --> 00:09:58,129 Hmm, what do you think, Chris? 187 00:09:58,131 --> 00:10:00,165 I think this whole thing is a huge mistake, 188 00:10:00,167 --> 00:10:01,533 and I won't let you do it. 189 00:10:01,535 --> 00:10:03,134 No preference. 190 00:10:03,136 --> 00:10:06,004 Just sign here and you're all set. 191 00:10:06,006 --> 00:10:07,706 Dan, if you have any respect for me 192 00:10:07,708 --> 00:10:10,375 or what I think, you won't sign that. 193 00:10:11,845 --> 00:10:13,612 Oh, Dan. 194 00:10:13,614 --> 00:10:16,514 What have you done? 195 00:10:16,516 --> 00:10:18,350 So should I pull the car up, 196 00:10:18,352 --> 00:10:20,485 or does he already know how to walk? 197 00:10:20,487 --> 00:10:24,322 Actually, your baby boy won't arrive for 6-8 years. 198 00:10:24,324 --> 00:10:26,458 There's quite a wait list for healthy infants. 199 00:10:26,460 --> 00:10:30,028 But I wanted to drive home a new child today. 200 00:10:30,030 --> 00:10:33,198 I'm afraid the only way we could get you a kid right now 201 00:10:33,200 --> 00:10:37,636 is if you were willing to somehow... settle. 202 00:10:37,638 --> 00:10:40,138 What do you mean, "settle"? 203 00:10:41,875 --> 00:10:44,175 This is where we keep the, uh... 204 00:10:44,177 --> 00:10:47,379 ahem, irregulars. 205 00:10:47,381 --> 00:10:50,181 It can't hurt to do a little window shopping. 206 00:10:50,183 --> 00:10:53,485 Uh, maybe not this one. 207 00:10:53,487 --> 00:10:57,489 Oh, she's cute. 208 00:10:57,491 --> 00:10:58,890 (ribbits) 209 00:10:58,892 --> 00:11:00,425 She can be the backup plan. 210 00:11:00,427 --> 00:11:02,060 Who's in here? 211 00:11:03,997 --> 00:11:05,864 (in an evil voice) This is not my true form. 212 00:11:05,866 --> 00:11:07,632 ♪♪(dramatic music) ♪♪ 213 00:11:07,634 --> 00:11:10,468 Elise, you gotta help me. 214 00:11:10,470 --> 00:11:12,270 I'm at the adoption agency with Dan 215 00:11:12,272 --> 00:11:14,973 and he's trying to take home a kid. 216 00:11:14,975 --> 00:11:17,475 What? There's no one less qualified 217 00:11:17,477 --> 00:11:18,877 to be a parent than Dan. 218 00:11:18,879 --> 00:11:20,311 You don't have to tell me. 219 00:11:20,313 --> 00:11:22,180 A child would be better off floating down a river 220 00:11:22,182 --> 00:11:23,715 in a basket. 221 00:11:23,717 --> 00:11:25,984 Not like you, the strong, nurturing type. 222 00:11:25,986 --> 00:11:27,652 You were born to be a father. 223 00:11:27,654 --> 00:11:28,620 Aah! 224 00:11:31,658 --> 00:11:34,459 Listen, I'm thinking this may not be-- 225 00:11:34,461 --> 00:11:36,061 What's wrong with this one? 226 00:11:37,798 --> 00:11:39,631 Oh, that's Dennis. 227 00:11:39,633 --> 00:11:42,867 He's... just a little rambunctious. 228 00:11:43,904 --> 00:11:45,236 Hi. I'm Dan. 229 00:11:45,238 --> 00:11:46,871 Who cares? 230 00:11:46,873 --> 00:11:48,540 (chuckles) 231 00:11:48,542 --> 00:11:49,841 What you got there? 232 00:11:49,843 --> 00:11:51,810 Catapult. 233 00:11:51,812 --> 00:11:53,545 What are you gonna do with it? 234 00:11:53,547 --> 00:11:56,281 Get back at Pen 23 for stealing my pudding. 235 00:12:00,454 --> 00:12:01,653 (grunting) 236 00:12:11,965 --> 00:12:14,299 He's perfect! I'll take him. 237 00:12:14,301 --> 00:12:18,503 Ohh... Unfortunately, Dennis was just adopted. 238 00:12:18,505 --> 00:12:20,538 What? By who? 239 00:12:20,540 --> 00:12:21,306 (knocks at door) 240 00:12:21,308 --> 00:12:22,707 Excuse me. 241 00:12:22,709 --> 00:12:25,477 Angelina, there are some people here to see you. 242 00:12:25,479 --> 00:12:26,845 (giggling) 243 00:12:26,847 --> 00:12:28,713 Aah! 244 00:12:28,715 --> 00:12:31,149 Hey, what are you jerks doing here? 245 00:12:31,151 --> 00:12:32,784 These are the Goodhills. 246 00:12:32,786 --> 00:12:34,185 Dennis' new parents. 247 00:12:34,187 --> 00:12:37,055 (grumbling) 248 00:12:44,231 --> 00:12:47,398 Well, you gave the kid thing your best shot. 249 00:12:47,400 --> 00:12:49,033 Want me to buy you a cookie? 250 00:12:54,674 --> 00:12:56,374 What you got in there? A toy? 251 00:12:56,376 --> 00:12:58,476 Whoa! A shiv. Ha ha. 252 00:12:58,478 --> 00:12:59,477 Mine, mine! 253 00:12:59,479 --> 00:13:01,279 Sorry, buddy. That's not safe. 254 00:13:01,281 --> 00:13:02,647 Mine. Mine. Mine! 255 00:13:02,649 --> 00:13:05,183 I'll give it back to you after I cover it in foam. 256 00:13:05,185 --> 00:13:06,851 Ow! 257 00:13:07,854 --> 00:13:09,988 Hand over Dennis, 258 00:13:09,990 --> 00:13:12,857 or I'm throwing your keys in the sewer. 259 00:13:12,859 --> 00:13:15,927 I'm sensing a lot of anger from you. 260 00:13:15,929 --> 00:13:18,096 You want me to help you work through it? 261 00:13:18,098 --> 00:13:19,297 Work this! 262 00:13:19,299 --> 00:13:20,832 It's sewer time! 263 00:13:23,203 --> 00:13:24,569 No! 264 00:13:26,873 --> 00:13:29,474 Dan, if you don't stop this right now, 265 00:13:29,476 --> 00:13:31,309 you can forget about that cookie. 266 00:13:31,311 --> 00:13:32,510 Give me my keys. 267 00:13:32,512 --> 00:13:34,512 Give me my son! 268 00:13:34,514 --> 00:13:36,514 Dennis is ours. 269 00:13:36,516 --> 00:13:37,982 We have legally adopted him. 270 00:13:37,984 --> 00:13:40,652 And Flynn, stop this. You're a pacifist. 271 00:13:40,654 --> 00:13:43,054 (thuds, groans) 272 00:13:44,491 --> 00:13:47,225 It's bad enough you're ruining your own kid. 273 00:13:47,227 --> 00:13:49,194 I'm not gonna let you ruin mine. 274 00:13:51,998 --> 00:13:54,365 Why don't we just let Dennis decide? 275 00:13:54,367 --> 00:13:55,366 What? 276 00:13:55,368 --> 00:13:56,367 Huh? 277 00:13:56,369 --> 00:13:58,703 That's a terrible idea. 278 00:13:58,705 --> 00:14:01,239 Dennis is in a very vulnerable place right now. 279 00:14:01,241 --> 00:14:03,741 Instead of clouding his aura with negative energy, 280 00:14:03,743 --> 00:14:06,177 we should be empowering him. 281 00:14:06,179 --> 00:14:08,580 And what better way than by letting him choose 282 00:14:08,582 --> 00:14:10,415 his own parents. 283 00:14:12,252 --> 00:14:15,453 Really? You'd make it that easy for me? 284 00:14:15,455 --> 00:14:19,023 I might as well start lining his crate with newspaper. 285 00:14:19,025 --> 00:14:21,125 Then I guess you have nothing to lose. 286 00:14:21,127 --> 00:14:23,862 Dennis can spend a day with each of us. 287 00:14:23,864 --> 00:14:27,065 Then he can decide who he wants to raise him. 288 00:14:28,335 --> 00:14:30,802 Jean, are you sure about this? 289 00:14:30,804 --> 00:14:33,538 Would you rather chase him around with a shiv? 290 00:14:33,540 --> 00:14:35,139 My shiv! 291 00:14:35,141 --> 00:14:37,475 Never let 'em take your shiv, kid. 292 00:14:37,477 --> 00:14:39,310 That's how you get punked. 293 00:14:39,312 --> 00:14:41,713 We'll take him the rest of today, and you can-- 294 00:14:41,715 --> 00:14:44,716 No way! I'm going first. 295 00:14:44,718 --> 00:14:47,552 Dennis, get ready for the first day 296 00:14:47,554 --> 00:14:49,554 of the rest of your life. 297 00:14:49,556 --> 00:14:51,256 He just took our car seat. 298 00:14:53,860 --> 00:14:55,026 (screaming) 299 00:14:55,028 --> 00:14:57,028 (both laughing) 300 00:14:59,466 --> 00:15:01,232 (both laughing) 301 00:15:05,438 --> 00:15:07,672 (laughing) 302 00:15:11,478 --> 00:15:15,480 (mouthing) 303 00:15:17,784 --> 00:15:20,184 (laughter) 304 00:15:26,860 --> 00:15:28,760 Dan and Dennis had so much fun yesterday, 305 00:15:28,762 --> 00:15:30,528 I was thinking, "If he can do it, 306 00:15:30,530 --> 00:15:32,363 I can do it." 307 00:15:32,365 --> 00:15:35,600 That's great, but I still don't think Dan can do it. 308 00:15:35,602 --> 00:15:38,670 That's 'cause you haven't heard of the DAN Method. 309 00:15:38,672 --> 00:15:39,804 (murmurs, smacks) 310 00:15:39,806 --> 00:15:41,205 The what? 311 00:15:41,207 --> 00:15:44,108 You know-- discipline, action, knowledge. 312 00:15:45,478 --> 00:15:47,779 (door opens) 313 00:15:47,781 --> 00:15:50,682 I'm driving myself crazy here, guys. 314 00:15:50,684 --> 00:15:54,352 All I can think about is the stupid Goodhills 315 00:15:54,354 --> 00:15:56,287 ruining my future son. 316 00:15:56,289 --> 00:15:58,656 Good morning to you too, Dan. 317 00:15:58,658 --> 00:16:02,727 They're probably building up his self-esteem as we speak. 318 00:16:02,729 --> 00:16:06,497 (echoing blips on phone) 319 00:16:06,499 --> 00:16:08,299 What was that sound? 320 00:16:08,301 --> 00:16:11,803 I tricked Dennis into swallowing a GPS locator. 321 00:16:11,805 --> 00:16:13,671 It beeps when he moves. 322 00:16:13,673 --> 00:16:17,075 That is wrong for so many reasons. 323 00:16:17,077 --> 00:16:20,778 What's at Magnolia and Oxnard? 324 00:16:20,780 --> 00:16:22,013 (gasps) 325 00:16:22,015 --> 00:16:23,448 Oh, no. 326 00:16:23,450 --> 00:16:25,450 Of course! 327 00:16:25,452 --> 00:16:28,353 The secret weapon any parent can use 328 00:16:28,355 --> 00:16:30,154 to make a child love them. 329 00:16:30,156 --> 00:16:32,256 Come on, Chris! 330 00:16:32,258 --> 00:16:34,492 I should go with him. I have so much to learn. 331 00:16:34,494 --> 00:16:35,994 (stammers) 332 00:16:35,996 --> 00:16:37,195 (door opens) 333 00:16:45,038 --> 00:16:47,972 I'm confused. Is this the discipline or the action part? 334 00:16:47,974 --> 00:16:50,541 And isn't knowledge spelled with a "k"? 335 00:16:50,543 --> 00:16:52,744 I told you to take notes. 336 00:16:55,949 --> 00:16:58,616 This place is awesome! 337 00:16:58,618 --> 00:17:02,186 ♪♪(joyous music) ♪♪ 338 00:17:04,391 --> 00:17:07,592 ♪♪(dramatic music) ♪♪ 339 00:17:07,594 --> 00:17:10,828 (groaning) 340 00:17:13,266 --> 00:17:15,900 Did you see that stack of toys? 341 00:17:15,902 --> 00:17:18,669 Wish they were my parents. 342 00:17:21,074 --> 00:17:23,741 Well played, Goodhills. 343 00:17:23,743 --> 00:17:26,344 You can always buy a child's love. 344 00:17:26,346 --> 00:17:28,179 Aha! 345 00:17:28,181 --> 00:17:29,013 Wait here. 346 00:17:31,785 --> 00:17:33,851 (humming) 347 00:17:39,092 --> 00:17:42,660 This ends now. 348 00:17:42,662 --> 00:17:45,263 It says, "Batteries not included." 349 00:17:45,265 --> 00:17:46,330 Augh. 350 00:17:46,332 --> 00:17:47,899 (grunting) 351 00:17:52,872 --> 00:17:55,106 Looks good to me. 352 00:17:55,108 --> 00:17:57,208 What do you think, Dennis? Huh? 353 00:17:57,210 --> 00:17:59,444 Whee! 354 00:18:00,747 --> 00:18:02,580 (laughing) 355 00:18:02,582 --> 00:18:04,782 Oh, no, you don't. 356 00:18:08,388 --> 00:18:09,754 Oh! 357 00:18:09,756 --> 00:18:11,722 Well, you tried. Time to go. 358 00:18:15,562 --> 00:18:17,328 What are you doing here? 359 00:18:17,330 --> 00:18:19,230 It's our day with Dennis. 360 00:18:19,232 --> 00:18:21,899 Bribing Dennis with toys? 361 00:18:21,901 --> 00:18:25,470 A fine pair of hippies you turned out to be. 362 00:18:25,472 --> 00:18:28,272 You two aren't fit to raise him! 363 00:18:28,274 --> 00:18:30,141 We're not fit? 364 00:18:30,143 --> 00:18:32,677 You're the one who just flew him across the store 365 00:18:32,679 --> 00:18:34,612 by his adorable suspenders. 366 00:18:34,614 --> 00:18:36,080 Leave us alone! 367 00:18:36,082 --> 00:18:37,648 Oh, yeah? 368 00:18:37,650 --> 00:18:39,617 Who's gonna make me? 369 00:18:39,619 --> 00:18:43,054 Me! 370 00:18:52,866 --> 00:18:56,167 You just made your last mistake! 371 00:18:56,169 --> 00:18:58,169 Hey, what are you doing? 372 00:18:58,171 --> 00:18:59,270 (grunting) 373 00:19:03,810 --> 00:19:05,376 (ignition starts, revs) 374 00:19:23,329 --> 00:19:25,329 Dan! Wait up! 375 00:19:25,331 --> 00:19:26,631 Aah! (grunts) 376 00:19:29,102 --> 00:19:31,335 (chuckles) 377 00:19:31,337 --> 00:19:32,870 (mechanical clanging) 378 00:19:33,907 --> 00:19:37,074 Come on. Come on! 379 00:19:44,250 --> 00:19:46,317 (grunts) 380 00:19:46,319 --> 00:19:48,586 You awful little man. 381 00:19:48,588 --> 00:19:50,021 Look what you made me do. 382 00:19:50,023 --> 00:19:52,089 I'm a pacifist. 383 00:19:54,494 --> 00:19:57,028 Let us raise our children in peace! 384 00:20:05,438 --> 00:20:06,604 (grunts) 385 00:20:08,841 --> 00:20:10,041 Aah! 386 00:20:10,043 --> 00:20:11,609 (groaning) 387 00:20:17,150 --> 00:20:18,883 So what's your bedtime? 388 00:20:18,885 --> 00:20:20,651 (gasps) There you are, Dennis. 389 00:20:20,653 --> 00:20:21,786 You're coming with me. 390 00:20:21,788 --> 00:20:23,354 What are you talking about? 391 00:20:23,356 --> 00:20:26,290 He's mine. I won him fair and square. 392 00:20:26,292 --> 00:20:29,126 Dan, he'll never be yours. 393 00:20:29,128 --> 00:20:30,628 Why? 394 00:20:30,630 --> 00:20:33,364 Everything I did was in self-defense. 395 00:20:33,366 --> 00:20:35,166 It's not just that. 396 00:20:35,168 --> 00:20:38,035 Your background check also came back. 397 00:20:38,037 --> 00:20:40,137 (whistles) 398 00:20:40,139 --> 00:20:43,641 I don't care what Homeland Security says. 399 00:20:43,643 --> 00:20:47,144 I know I'm the best parent for Dennis. 400 00:20:47,146 --> 00:20:48,813 Well, I care. 401 00:20:48,815 --> 00:20:51,983 And unfortunately for you, I make the decision. 402 00:20:51,985 --> 00:20:54,185 Dennis is going with the Goodhills. 403 00:20:54,187 --> 00:20:55,386 Oh, yeah? 404 00:20:55,388 --> 00:20:57,888 What makes you qualified to decide? 405 00:20:57,890 --> 00:20:59,890 I'm a parent. 406 00:20:59,892 --> 00:21:01,626 Agh! 407 00:21:01,628 --> 00:21:03,594 (grunts) 408 00:21:05,865 --> 00:21:07,498 Just give me a moment. 409 00:21:11,271 --> 00:21:14,705 Promise me you'll steal from them 410 00:21:14,707 --> 00:21:16,641 every chance you get. 411 00:21:16,643 --> 00:21:18,175 Oh, I will. 412 00:21:24,784 --> 00:21:26,617 So what do you think, Elise? 413 00:21:26,619 --> 00:21:27,785 Should we have a kid? 414 00:21:27,787 --> 00:21:30,955 (grunting) 415 00:21:30,957 --> 00:21:33,557 I think we already do. 416 00:21:33,559 --> 00:21:35,459 Yeah. 417 00:21:35,461 --> 00:21:37,194 Maybe a dog's the way to go.