1
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EUROPEAN COUNCIL, 10:54 AM

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Do you remember the
cool French journalist Léa,

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who interviewed the Chancellor?

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Yes.

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She does this one
Podcast about journalism.

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I suggested to her

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that I talk about my
career on your podcast,

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and her in mine
Podcast about her career.

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And then we'll do some
kind of crossover podcast,

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in which we discuss like
it was in the podcasts.

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That would be funny.

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What are you doing?

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I compare them Final
drafts of the summit.

14
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Oh God, why are you
wasting time on this?

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My interview with the
French ambassador

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becomes the most important
be the result of the summit.

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No, the final declaration will be the
most important result of the EU summit.

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- What time is it now?
 - Eleven.

19
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24 hours left, phew.

20
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Oh man.

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That doesn't work, even if they work
for the President of the Commission.

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You are not a clown and not a toy,
that you exchange for a nicer one.

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They give you the wrong one
ID card and a useless phone.

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They're kidding you!

25
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I'm not a toy, okay?

26
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- Very good.
 - I'm a real boy!

27
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Even. I thought we weren't
using your expertise properly.

28
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- What does he say, Samy?
 - Exactly.

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- What?  Don't put up with anything!
 - That means?

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Catherine and I offer
you the leadership

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a technical committee
of the 27 Member States.

32
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No, I'm working on
Valentine's project.

33
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Even. You also have
the opportunity to

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the states against your agency
to introduce environmental crime.

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Should I present the project
to a technical committee?

36
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- There's something wrong there.
 - No, quite the opposite.

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Everything is decided there.

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Do you think the crowned heads
make the decisions? Of course not!

39
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The topics are far too complex.

40
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The decision is made
here at the technical level.

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That's why it's
called a technocracy.

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Yes, sure.

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Do you want to chair the
committee or just be an observer?

44
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No, I can take over if you wish.

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- Wonderful.
 - No thing.

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Mr. Ambassador, you will
find the similarities in my report

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between the final declaration
and the IPCC report.

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Legally speaking

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are the effects on that
Competition law is complicated.

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- There is a note about this on page 12.
 - Thank you, Felix.  That wasn't necessary.

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I prefer to rely on my memory
rather than notes in negotiations.

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I have the last one
IPCC report memorized.

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- By rote?  The whole report?
 - This is easier than you think.

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Only about 60 percent
is changed each time.

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You just have to be careful
and not mix up the versions.

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- Naturally.
 - France has only one main concern.

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The interests of the industry.

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- Yes too...
 - Nuclear power.

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France must with its Vision
of a CO2-free economy

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convince his neighbors.

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Yes, absolutely, but most importantly,
that the Germans think we're great.

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It's tedious, but
that's how it is.

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You've probably noticed

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that the Chancellor and the
President are not exactly great friends.

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Normally we
ambassadors iron this out,

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but my German My
colleague hates me.

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Apparently I'm arrogant.

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In short, the German-French
one Couple no longer fucks.

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People give each other the
cold shoulder at every level.

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That's why you're here.

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Here, this is your
German counterpart.

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The communication channels
at higher levels are clogged.

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That's why we put
everything on them.

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Wait a moment. you
want, that I hit on her?

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That's exactly why you're here.

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I thought because of mine
Diploma thesis on EU competition law

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in relation to
Environmental problem.

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No, because of your looks.

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You are the last person in your
class at ENA who still has hair.

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Congratulations.

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Hello, are you also
from the Commission?

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Council Secretariat. We
support the committee chair.

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Good. I am the
chairman, so I preside.

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No initiative, please.

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Hello everyone. We can start.

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I have prepared an agenda.
Item 1: Chairman's announcement.

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Hello everyone, it's me
Honor to lead this committee.

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We will definitely
work together smoothly.

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Let's carry on. Point 2:

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The suggestion of
Commissioner Valentine Cantel

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for an EU agency against
environmental crimes.

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As you know, will Environmental
crime on land and at sea

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not sufficiently combated.

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Every year 60 percent...

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You have the documents,
please read them carefully.

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We would like to comment on this topic
Listen to the views of Member States.

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First...

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Cyprus.

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Cyprus, okay. According
to the alphabet?

100
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- According to the protocol.
 - According to the protocol.  Clear.

101
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So, Cyprus.

102
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I would like to thank the Commission
for organizing this meeting.

103
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Gladly. It is our pleasure.

104
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They just thank you formally.

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Understood. Please.

106
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The Republic of Cyprus wishes
to insist at this meeting that

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that halloumi cheese is listed as a
protected geographical indication,

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to illegal imports of
"Turkish halloumi".

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Thank you for Your attention.

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Okay, thank you. No opinion on
Agency against environmental crime?

111
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- No.
 - Okay.

112
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What about Hungary?

113
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Hungary's position is,

114
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that marriage is a union
between a man and a woman.

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We reject any gendering
in the final declaration.

116
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What exactly are you opposed to?

117
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The halloumi or the agency
against environmental crime?

118
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Both.

119
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Annika. Welcome!

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I was so free and ordered food,

121
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so that we are here instead of in the
terrible one can have lunch in the canteen.

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So, I am Felix. Very pleased.

123
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Do you like French cuisine?

124
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A real German doesn't
like French people,

125
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but he likes to
drink their wines.

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I've been suffering from
extreme constipation for days.

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My second brain hasn't
been working for days.

128
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Also, I don't eat
dairy products.

129
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Unfortunately I
don't speak German.

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I only have this Goethe
quote memorized.

131
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Then we don't talk
German. English is good.

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...an intangible one
World Heritage Site.

133
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OK...

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- What is that?
 - Euro Bingo.

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Look.

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The Estonian will request anti-aircraft
missiles for the border with Russia,

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the Irish woman
Address corporate tax

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and the Maltese online casinos.

139
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And the Belgian?

140
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It's difficult with
the Belgians.

141
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They don't have a
government in the true sense,

142
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so you never know with them.

143
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Belgium? Please
stick to the agenda.

144
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Thanks.

145
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Belgium wants that
Start EU MARS project.

146
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The European macro-assistance
for recycling-friendly schools.

147
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We were concerned that Acronym
raises too high expectations.

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OK...

149
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So this is where they end
up Projects that no one wants.

150
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Not necessarily. This is where the
projects end up that no one cares about.

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Projects that nobody
wants go to Parliament.

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The landfills are overflowing,
the seas are polluted,

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and the natural ones
Resources are exploited.

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I'm going to the toilet.

155
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- Rose?
 - Yes.

156
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- Password?
 - 1066.

157
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OK. Come in.

158
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- Oh my God.
 - Fast.  Did no one follow you?

159
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- No.  Do you want to have sex here?
 - What?  No!

160
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I wanted to talk about my planned
agency against environmental crimes.

161
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- Oh right.
 - Yes.

162
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I don't think anyone is against it,
it's just that everyone doesn't care.

163
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- Really?
 - Yes.  No...

164
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It's 12:30 p.m. I
had too much coffee.

165
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- Let's have sex.
 - On the toilet?

166
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- Yes.
 - Never.

167
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- What?
 - No.

168
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- Really now?
 - Rose, I was thinking...

169
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Wait. Just stay here.
What are you doing?

170
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I figured I just needed
a catchy acronym,

171
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that I leak to the press.

172
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I thought about SHARK.

173
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That shark thing again?

174
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Yes, but SHARK as in S.H.A.R.K.

175
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That's the name of the agency
against environmental crimes.

176
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It is also one
Allusion to my vita.

177
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- People might like this.
 - Which one?

178
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Just the people.

179
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Why is it an acronym? What
does this acronym stand for?

180
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The special... I don't
have anything for H yet.

181
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Anti... R...

182
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Club? Clan? With a K, logically.

183
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Like the Ku Klux Klan? But
for a good cause. It's clear.

184
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That's no problem. I have
the acronym, that's good.

185
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I think you should have
one Make a podcast about it.

186
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So that the people here
Finally take the agency seriously

187
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and include it in
the final declaration.

188
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Then you and I helped
shape the results.

189
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What do you think of it?

190
00:12:14,760 --> 00:12:17,480
I even have an overview
with facts and figures.

191
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That would be a
great one Leak. A hit.

192
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Now that doesn't
mean to sound mean.

193
00:12:24,680 --> 00:12:28,760
But that sounds like he's
desperate A bureaucrat's attempt

194
00:12:28,920 --> 00:12:33,760
to make his project look sexy, even
though it has no relevant content.

195
00:12:37,160 --> 00:12:38,960
And wasn't that mean?

196
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We will achieve great things
together. I have a big appetite.

197
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Is in the asparagus
Vinaigrette Gluten in it?

198
00:12:59,320 --> 00:13:02,520
- No idea.  Probably not.
 - You didn't ask?

199
00:13:05,280 --> 00:13:06,400
No.

200
00:13:06,560 --> 00:13:08,760
It's okay. I take my own food.

201
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Don't worry.

202
00:13:17,000 --> 00:13:21,000
It's just that everything is
kind of blocked right now.

203
00:13:21,160 --> 00:13:22,840
That scares me.

204
00:13:23,040 --> 00:13:24,560
Nothing gets through.

205
00:13:24,720 --> 00:13:27,360
I know the ambassador told me.

206
00:13:30,120 --> 00:13:32,200
Really? He knows?

207
00:13:32,400 --> 00:13:36,880
Yes. He has exactly the same
one Diagnosis. Me too, by the way.

208
00:13:38,720 --> 00:13:41,120
And what is your approach?

209
00:13:42,240 --> 00:13:45,560
Well, we are here,
to discuss this.

210
00:13:47,040 --> 00:13:48,520
Apparently.

211
00:13:49,560 --> 00:13:52,000
For me this is nothing new.

212
00:13:53,080 --> 00:13:56,080
It could also be psychological.

213
00:13:56,240 --> 00:13:58,960
Things like that
always happen, right?

214
00:13:59,880 --> 00:14:03,120
It's great that I can
talk to someone about it.

215
00:14:03,560 --> 00:14:07,280
Absolutely. I'm here,
so that it slips again.

216
00:14:12,960 --> 00:14:15,240
So, bon appetit.

217
00:14:16,120 --> 00:14:17,600
Thanks.

218
00:14:21,680 --> 00:14:23,960
- What did you talk about?
 - Damned!

219
00:14:25,600 --> 00:14:27,720
What is? Are you
from the Stasi or what?

220
00:14:27,920 --> 00:14:31,120
The joke was offensive
and not even accurate.

221
00:14:31,280 --> 00:14:35,080
The Stasi was in East Germany.
Poland had the secret police UB.

222
00:14:35,240 --> 00:14:37,040
Why are you spying on us?

223
00:14:37,240 --> 00:14:40,000
I don't want Rose to
do too much on her own.

224
00:14:40,160 --> 00:14:41,320
What was it about?

225
00:14:41,520 --> 00:14:45,920
Nothing, I just introduced
her to the BRIC.

226
00:14:46,440 --> 00:14:47,440
What?

227
00:14:48,080 --> 00:14:53,200
The Bureau of Redress for
Intra-European Environmental Crime".

228
00:14:53,360 --> 00:14:54,840
The BRIC.

229
00:14:55,040 --> 00:14:58,200
You know that acronym
BRIC is already taken, right?

230
00:14:59,320 --> 00:15:02,040
- Really?
 - The Union of Emerging Countries?

231
00:15:02,200 --> 00:15:04,280
Brazil, Russia, India, China?

232
00:15:04,440 --> 00:15:05,800
Damned.

233
00:15:05,960 --> 00:15:09,640
Anyway, what exactly is it about? Do
you have an overview? Facts? Pay?

234
00:15:09,800 --> 00:15:11,080
Yes.

235
00:15:17,400 --> 00:15:22,000
It's some kind of office to
enforce EU law at the federal level?

236
00:15:22,920 --> 00:15:25,560
It's a Federal Bureau.

237
00:15:26,600 --> 00:15:31,280
That sounds even better.
This will be the European FBI!

238
00:15:33,080 --> 00:15:35,800
- This is going to be a big deal.
 - Not so loud, damn it!

239
00:15:36,000 --> 00:15:37,000
FBI!

240
00:15:37,160 --> 00:15:41,120
Are government leaders discussing
the creation of a European FBI?

241
00:15:41,680 --> 00:15:44,040
- No.
 - Yes, actually.

242
00:15:44,200 --> 00:15:48,120
It's the federal one
Commission investigative unit

243
00:15:48,280 --> 00:15:51,960
for environmental crimes and
the Legal system of the oceans...

244
00:15:52,120 --> 00:15:56,080
Is it a first step towards the
creation of a United States of Europe?

245
00:15:57,720 --> 00:15:59,240
Yes, that is the first step.

246
00:15:59,400 --> 00:16:03,320
The first step of many. We
have a lot of work ahead of us.

247
00:16:03,480 --> 00:16:05,960
We are currently
working on the logo.

248
00:16:06,120 --> 00:16:08,320
I thought of a sheriff's star.

249
00:16:08,520 --> 00:16:10,240
- A sheriff star?
 - Yes.

250
00:16:10,400 --> 00:16:12,320
- Or a cool animal.
 - What kind?

251
00:16:13,520 --> 00:16:16,120
Maybe... a piranha.

252
00:16:16,280 --> 00:16:18,320
Piranhas are not sea creatures.

253
00:16:19,040 --> 00:16:23,480
So, you know, the ocean
is just the first step for us.

254
00:16:23,640 --> 00:16:25,440
Wow, that's a huge deal.

255
00:16:25,600 --> 00:16:27,520
Yes, that's a huge deal.

256
00:16:28,400 --> 00:16:30,960
A huge thing. Any questions?

257
00:16:32,240 --> 00:16:33,240
Who runs it?

258
00:16:39,720 --> 00:16:43,000
How am I supposed to know
the legal basis of this FBI?

259
00:16:43,160 --> 00:16:45,840
The stupid idea must
have come from the French!

260
00:17:02,000 --> 00:17:03,640
EURO FBI!

261
00:17:06,600 --> 00:17:08,999
EURO-FBI, shark fin down!

262
00:17:09,200 --> 00:17:11,840
For the Germans it is
Psychological blockage.

263
00:17:11,999 --> 00:17:13,440
She spoke of a traffic jam,

264
00:17:13,600 --> 00:17:16,799
probably as an allusion to
that Debate on budget rules.

265
00:17:16,960 --> 00:17:20,640
She says a change
could solve the problem.

266
00:17:20,840 --> 00:17:24,039
That opens the door for one
Reform of the Stability Pact.

267
00:17:24,240 --> 00:17:25,759
You're probably serious.

268
00:17:25,920 --> 00:17:29,040
- May I see your notes?
 - Gladly.

269
00:17:32,200 --> 00:17:36,280
"The worst thing
is the gas problem."

270
00:17:36,440 --> 00:17:39,600
You still have one
Power supply problem.

271
00:17:39,760 --> 00:17:42,760
"We Germans are attached to
this Not used to this kind of food."

272
00:17:42,960 --> 00:17:47,360
This is the demand for transparency in
the legislative process. You know that.

273
00:17:47,560 --> 00:17:49,800
"If it's clogged, it's clogged."

274
00:17:50,000 --> 00:17:53,880
I'm not sure, but it could
be a reference to Hungary.

275
00:17:54,080 --> 00:17:56,040
She talks about her digestion.

276
00:17:59,040 --> 00:18:01,600
Does she have a second
one? Brain” mentioned?

277
00:18:01,760 --> 00:18:03,160
Yes, several times.

278
00:18:03,320 --> 00:18:05,400
I thought it was
about a secret project,

279
00:18:05,560 --> 00:18:08,400
to reduce the technical
power of the Commission.

280
00:18:08,560 --> 00:18:10,960
No, it's about her
small intestine.

281
00:18:11,120 --> 00:18:14,080
These are not metaphors.
She talks about her digestion.

282
00:18:14,240 --> 00:18:16,200
The Germans are
obsessed with the intestines.

283
00:18:16,400 --> 00:18:19,080
In their folk tales,
goblins shit gold.

284
00:18:19,240 --> 00:18:22,720
And then there's Mozart and
his famous "Lick me in the ass."

285
00:18:26,920 --> 00:18:30,080
"Lick my ass", a
six-part canon in B major.

286
00:18:31,120 --> 00:18:33,440
But Mozart was Austrian.

287
00:18:33,640 --> 00:18:35,960
Don't be petty, Félix.

288
00:18:36,120 --> 00:18:38,520
Hui on the outside,
yuck on the inside,

289
00:18:38,720 --> 00:18:40,720
Container clean, contents dirty.

290
00:18:40,920 --> 00:18:44,040
This contradiction also explains
their relationship to money.

291
00:18:44,240 --> 00:18:46,040
Read Freud instead of Weber.

292
00:18:46,240 --> 00:18:49,080
Saving makes just as much
difference Fun like anal restraint.

293
00:18:49,280 --> 00:18:53,000
So it's on the news, which she
has been sending me ever since...

294
00:18:54,040 --> 00:18:55,480
Show me here.

295
00:19:03,320 --> 00:19:04,520
This is really good!

296
00:19:06,040 --> 00:19:08,480
Maintain these
Relationship, Felix!

297
00:19:08,640 --> 00:19:11,400
France is proud of you, my boy!

298
00:19:11,600 --> 00:19:14,440
According to the article, the
information comes from the commission.

299
00:19:14,600 --> 00:19:17,840
Catherine says that
President is totally angry.

300
00:19:18,000 --> 00:19:19,600
They assume it came from us.

301
00:19:21,560 --> 00:19:24,400
Does the Council Chairman
want to thwart us with this?

302
00:19:24,560 --> 00:19:26,640
This is way too
sophisticated for her.

303
00:19:26,800 --> 00:19:31,400
Nobody on our team is that stupid to
spread such an idea without checking it.

304
00:19:37,440 --> 00:19:40,720
No, impossible. I have him
for Committee chairman made.

305
00:19:40,880 --> 00:19:44,280
He is busy there for at
least five to six hours.

306
00:19:44,960 --> 00:19:47,480
Even he wouldn't do
something so stupid.

307
00:19:47,920 --> 00:19:51,520
So, at the top it would
say “FBI” in big letters

308
00:19:51,680 --> 00:19:54,360
and below, slightly
smaller, "Europe".

309
00:19:54,520 --> 00:19:57,640
Yes, you still have to
be able to read Europe.

310
00:19:59,440 --> 00:20:01,600
And where will they
be? Caps made?

311
00:20:02,720 --> 00:20:06,320
Moldova? Yes, that is one
Candidate for accession, that's okay.

312
00:20:06,480 --> 00:20:10,160
No, nothing. Make Do you
also like bomber jackets?

313
00:20:11,000 --> 00:20:13,040
Bomber jackets. Excuse me.

314
00:20:13,200 --> 00:20:15,720
Yes, with "FBI" and
"Europe" on the back.

315
00:20:17,160 --> 00:20:19,440
Everything okay? I'm busy.

316
00:20:21,080 --> 00:20:24,080
Super. Do you have any
other merchandising products?

317
00:20:24,600 --> 00:20:26,160
The project does not exist.

318
00:20:26,360 --> 00:20:29,200
It's just the imagination
of an administrator,

319
00:20:29,360 --> 00:20:31,720
who has exceeded his authority.

320
00:20:31,920 --> 00:20:33,840
Were you put under pressure?

321
00:20:34,640 --> 00:20:36,040
No.

322
00:20:37,760 --> 00:20:42,120
I mean, pressure does
play a role in my job.

323
00:20:42,280 --> 00:20:45,840
- Who is putting pressure on you?
 - Are some heads of state afraid?

324
00:20:46,640 --> 00:20:50,360
- No comment.
 - Then you are a whistleblower?

325
00:20:51,280 --> 00:20:54,280
So, you can look
at it that way, yes.

326
00:20:54,480 --> 00:20:56,560
But not in this case. No.

327
00:20:56,720 --> 00:20:59,560
Yes or No: Were you
forced into this denial?

328
00:21:00,440 --> 00:21:02,600
Well, actually...

329
00:21:03,600 --> 00:21:05,400
- It's complicated.
 - Damned.

330
00:21:10,880 --> 00:21:12,240
Samy, come here!

331
00:21:12,400 --> 00:21:14,520
It didn't go as planned.

332
00:21:14,680 --> 00:21:16,760
I couldn't lie,
purely ethically...

333
00:21:16,920 --> 00:21:19,360
- What is that?
 - Your floater for the 9th floor.

334
00:21:19,520 --> 00:21:22,440
- Great.
 - There's Catherine's office.

335
00:21:22,600 --> 00:21:24,760
- Catherine?  She wants to see me?
 - Oh yes.

336
00:21:24,920 --> 00:21:28,160
- How about a video conference?
 - Sure, of course.

337
00:21:52,840 --> 00:21:56,680
Hello, this is Magda
for "Get to know the EU".

338
00:21:57,880 --> 00:21:59,960
It's time we got to
know each other,

339
00:22:00,120 --> 00:22:03,360
with a special story from
the European Council.

340
00:22:03,560 --> 00:22:05,160
A European FBI story.

341
00:22:05,320 --> 00:22:07,720
My crossover podcast
is not happening.

342
00:22:07,880 --> 00:22:11,120
That's great, now I have it Time
for the live GTK. What's going on?

343
00:22:11,920 --> 00:22:14,600
- What happened?
 - My French is too bad.

344
00:22:14,800 --> 00:22:19,000
They have interpreters only for guests
like Michelle Obama or Jacinda Ardern.

345
00:22:19,160 --> 00:22:22,000
- Whatever that means.
 - It's clear what that means.

346
00:22:22,160 --> 00:22:24,080
So where are we?

347
00:22:24,240 --> 00:22:27,640
Yes, the story about
the European FBI. Cool.

348
00:22:27,800 --> 00:22:29,280
Well done, Magda.

349
00:22:30,360 --> 00:22:32,000
Oh, sorry.


