1
00:00:35,458 --> 00:00:39,500
That logo music just gets you pumped.
Right?
2
00:00:39,667 --> 00:00:42,375
I'm sorry. I just, I'm excited
to be here. It's been a while.
3
00:00:42,542 --> 00:00:45,375
You know, for a long time,
I wasn't sure I'd ever be back.
4
00:00:45,542 --> 00:00:46,500
Disney bought Fox…
5
00:00:46,667 --> 00:00:49,417
there was a whole boring rights issue,
blabbity-blabbity-blah.
6
00:00:49,583 --> 00:00:52,333
But then, it turned out, they wanted me.
7
00:00:52,500 --> 00:00:54,917
The one guy
who shouldn't even have his own movie…
8
00:00:55,083 --> 00:00:56,667
much less a franchise.
9
00:00:57,208 --> 00:00:59,333
Marvel's so stupid.
10
00:01:00,083 --> 00:01:02,083
Look, we know the title of this thing. So…
11
00:01:02,250 --> 00:01:03,583
I know what you're wondering.
12
00:01:03,750 --> 00:01:07,583
How are we gonna do this
without dishonoring Logan's memory?
13
00:01:08,208 --> 00:01:09,417
And I'll tell you how.
14
00:01:10,542 --> 00:01:11,375
We're not.
15
00:01:13,375 --> 00:01:15,375
I'm gonna let you in on a little secret.
16
00:01:15,542 --> 00:01:17,792
Wolverine is not dead.
17
00:01:17,958 --> 00:01:20,917
Sure, it made for a perfect ending
to a very sad story.
18
00:01:21,125 --> 00:01:24,250
But that's not how
regenerative healing factors work.
19
00:01:24,417 --> 00:01:27,792
You think I wanna be out here
in beautiful downtown North Dakota…
20
00:01:27,958 --> 00:01:30,792
digging up the one and only Wolverine?
No, thank you.
21
00:01:31,250 --> 00:01:33,583
But the fate of my entire world is at stake.
22
00:01:33,750 --> 00:01:38,458
He may not be living his best life,
but he sure as hell ain't dead.
23
00:01:43,958 --> 00:01:44,958
Bingo.
24
00:01:45,750 --> 00:01:46,750
Yahtzee.
25
00:01:50,042 --> 00:01:52,917
Yes, yes, yes.
26
00:01:56,500 --> 00:01:57,500
Damn it!
27
00:01:58,583 --> 00:02:01,208
Son of a bitch!
28
00:02:03,000 --> 00:02:04,083
You…
29
00:02:06,542 --> 00:02:09,792
Christ. Motherfucker!
30
00:02:09,958 --> 00:02:11,500
My world is fuck…
31
00:02:12,667 --> 00:02:13,958
That was weird.
32
00:02:14,458 --> 00:02:15,833
I'm much calmer now.
33
00:02:17,083 --> 00:02:19,917
Look, I'm not a man of science.
34
00:02:20,083 --> 00:02:22,708
But you seem incredibly passed away.
35
00:02:26,500 --> 00:02:28,042
But it's good to see ya.
36
00:02:28,208 --> 00:02:31,125
I gotta be honest,
I've always wanted to ride with you, Log.
37
00:02:31,292 --> 00:02:36,250
You and me getting into it.
Deadpool and Wolverine just fuckin' shit up.
38
00:02:36,417 --> 00:02:39,583
Can you imagine the fun, the chaos…
39
00:02:39,750 --> 00:02:40,708
the residuals?
40
00:02:41,917 --> 00:02:42,958
"G'day, mate.
41
00:02:43,125 --> 00:02:44,792
"There's nothing that'll
bring me back to life faster…
42
00:02:44,958 --> 00:02:47,417
"than a big bag of Marvel cash."
43
00:02:49,208 --> 00:02:50,250
Me too, Hugh.
44
00:02:51,000 --> 00:02:53,208
But, no. No, no, no.
45
00:02:54,792 --> 00:02:59,542
You had to get all noble and die for real.
Goddamn it!
46
00:03:01,250 --> 00:03:03,333
I could really use your help right now.
47
00:03:14,417 --> 00:03:15,250
Wait!
48
00:03:16,417 --> 00:03:18,042
I'm warning you, I'm not alone.
49
00:03:18,208 --> 00:03:19,667
Wade Winston Wilson…
50
00:03:20,417 --> 00:03:23,125
you are under arrest
by the Time Variance Authority…
51
00:03:23,292 --> 00:03:25,125
for too many crimes to list.
52
00:03:25,292 --> 00:03:26,125
Come out…
53
00:03:26,292 --> 00:03:27,625
and we'll extend you the courtesy…
54
00:03:27,792 --> 00:03:29,875
-of taking you in one piece.
-Death by day-player.
55
00:03:30,042 --> 00:03:30,958
Last chance.
56
00:03:31,375 --> 00:03:34,167
Throw out your weapons
and come out peacefully.
57
00:03:34,792 --> 00:03:36,625
I'm not gonna give you my weapons…
58
00:03:36,792 --> 00:03:38,833
but I promise not to use them.
59
00:03:39,875 --> 00:03:42,500
There are two hundred and six bones
in the human body.
60
00:03:42,667 --> 00:03:44,833
Two hundred and seven
if I'm watching Gossip Girl.
61
00:03:45,792 --> 00:03:47,750
Here we go. Maximum effort.
62
00:03:55,083 --> 00:03:57,833
Okay, peanut.
Guess we're getting that team up after all.
63
00:05:07,833 --> 00:05:09,667
Maradona from outside the box!
64
00:05:10,125 --> 00:05:12,208
Goal!
65
00:05:59,833 --> 00:06:01,083
Come on, big fella.
66
00:06:40,167 --> 00:06:42,583
I am soaking wet right now.
67
00:06:45,875 --> 00:06:47,875
To be clear, I'm not proud of any of this.
68
00:06:48,042 --> 00:06:51,917
The wanton violence,
the whiff of necrophilia. It isn't who I am.
69
00:06:52,083 --> 00:06:53,417
It isn't who I wanna be.
70
00:06:53,583 --> 00:06:54,833
Who I wanna be?
71
00:06:55,000 --> 00:06:56,583
Well, to help you understand that…
72
00:06:56,750 --> 00:06:57,792
I've gotta take you back.
73
00:06:57,958 --> 00:07:00,542
A little joyride I took
through space and time…
74
00:07:00,708 --> 00:07:03,250
to the day that changed everything.
75
00:07:15,375 --> 00:07:17,000
I can't believe I'm finally here.
76
00:07:17,167 --> 00:07:19,708
I've waited for this moment for so long.
77
00:07:21,042 --> 00:07:23,167
Thank you, sir, for seeing me.
78
00:07:24,250 --> 00:07:26,125
I firmly believe…
79
00:07:26,292 --> 00:07:27,583
that my services could be of…
80
00:07:27,750 --> 00:07:30,500
great use to your organization.
Now I know…
81
00:07:30,667 --> 00:07:32,958
I was caught smashturbating
in the lobby of Stark Tower…
82
00:07:33,125 --> 00:07:34,333
-but I can assure you that…
-Smashturbating?
83
00:07:34,500 --> 00:07:35,750
I'm sorry, what, what was that?
84
00:07:35,917 --> 00:07:39,125
No, I'm sorry.
That, that's when you get those toy…
85
00:07:39,292 --> 00:07:41,958
Hulk hands, right? And then you just,
you look down, and you just…
86
00:07:43,292 --> 00:07:45,875
you brace yourself,
and you ravage the midsection.
87
00:07:46,042 --> 00:07:47,542
-Pinch the… Yeah. Okay.
-I get it. Okay, thank you.
88
00:07:47,708 --> 00:07:49,583
-The picture's painted.
-You get the gist.
89
00:07:49,750 --> 00:07:51,917
What exactly brings you here today?
90
00:07:52,083 --> 00:07:54,792
Why am I… Wow. Okay.
91
00:07:54,958 --> 00:07:56,833
I care.
92
00:07:57,083 --> 00:07:59,542
I know I turn everything into a joke,
but I…
93
00:08:01,625 --> 00:08:04,250
I care, and I, I wanna use that feeling…
94
00:08:05,292 --> 00:08:07,167
for something important.
95
00:08:07,583 --> 00:08:08,917
I, I wanna matter.
96
00:08:11,833 --> 00:08:13,542
I need to show my girl that I matter.
97
00:08:14,917 --> 00:08:15,917
And…
98
00:08:16,625 --> 00:08:18,625
you know,
I feel like I'm wasting the good stuff here.
99
00:08:18,792 --> 00:08:20,708
-Is the man not gonna be joining us?
-The man?
100
00:08:20,875 --> 00:08:23,000
Yeah. I should save this if he's gonna…
101
00:08:23,542 --> 00:08:25,417
As, as far as you're concerned right now,
I'm the man.
102
00:08:25,583 --> 00:08:26,708
-No.
-The man is me.
103
00:08:27,125 --> 00:08:30,083
I am the man in this circumstance.
104
00:08:30,917 --> 00:08:32,875
He doesn't do this kind of thing anymore.
105
00:08:33,042 --> 00:08:33,875
-Cameos?
-Meetings.
106
00:08:34,042 --> 00:08:35,582
-Meetings.
-Entry-level meetings.
107
00:08:35,750 --> 00:08:36,542
Entry-level?
108
00:08:36,707 --> 00:08:38,542
Aren't you the chauffeur…
109
00:08:38,707 --> 00:08:40,707
-maybe?
-I… Common misconception.
110
00:08:40,875 --> 00:08:43,957
-Okay.
-I did begin my career as Mr. Stark's driver.
111
00:08:44,125 --> 00:08:45,125
-Okay.
-Quickly pivoted to…
112
00:08:45,292 --> 00:08:46,667
-Chauffeur.
-…the Head of Security.
113
00:08:46,833 --> 00:08:48,667
The Head of… Of course, yes, yes, yes.
114
00:08:48,833 --> 00:08:51,708
And why I am vetting your résumé.
115
00:08:51,875 --> 00:08:53,958
You seem to have left out
whether or not you had…
116
00:08:54,125 --> 00:08:55,625
any experience as a member of a team.
117
00:08:55,792 --> 00:08:58,000
Could you maybe
add a little bit of perspective there?
118
00:08:58,167 --> 00:09:00,333
No, yes, of course. I was Special Forces…
119
00:09:00,500 --> 00:09:03,000
-Okay.
-but I was… Mainly, I was team leader…
120
00:09:03,167 --> 00:09:04,250
founder, really, of X-Force.
121
00:09:04,417 --> 00:09:06,333
Sadly, they,
they all perished in action though.
122
00:09:06,500 --> 00:09:07,792
How exactly did that happen?
123
00:09:07,958 --> 00:09:09,833
Well, the police say gravity, but if…
124
00:09:10,000 --> 00:09:10,833
Just between us…
125
00:09:11,000 --> 00:09:12,583
-they didn't test well in the focus group.
-I see.
126
00:09:12,750 --> 00:09:14,500
-Particularly Cable.
-X-Force.
127
00:09:14,667 --> 00:09:16,542
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Look,
I can see this isn't going well.
128
00:09:16,708 --> 00:09:18,083
Please stop writing. Look, I, I…
129
00:09:18,250 --> 00:09:20,083
I'm just… I wanna be an Avenger.
130
00:09:21,833 --> 00:09:23,583
I wanna be an Avenger.
131
00:09:25,500 --> 00:09:26,875
Why do you wanna be an Avenger?
132
00:09:27,417 --> 00:09:30,375
Look around you. I mean, they're the,
they're the best of the best.
133
00:09:30,542 --> 00:09:32,333
And, and what they do matters.
134
00:09:32,500 --> 00:09:34,750
I need to be an Avenger.
135
00:09:35,042 --> 00:09:38,625
Sir, my girl has kinda had it with my shtick,
and I, if I don't, you know…
136
00:09:38,792 --> 00:09:41,417
turn things around
and do something with my gifts…
137
00:09:41,583 --> 00:09:43,125
I don't think it's gonna
really work out for me…
138
00:09:43,292 --> 00:09:44,542
and I wouldn't blame her.
139
00:09:45,958 --> 00:09:49,958
Avengers are a very unique group
of superheroes…
140
00:09:50,208 --> 00:09:51,333
that stand for something…
141
00:09:51,500 --> 00:09:54,083
more than just fighting and wearing costumes.
142
00:09:54,250 --> 00:09:57,167
I mean, people look up to us.
Kids look up to us.
143
00:09:57,333 --> 00:09:58,542
-They…
-I'm sorry. "Us?"
144
00:09:58,708 --> 00:10:00,458
I wasn't aware that you were an Avenger.
145
00:10:01,250 --> 00:10:02,708
-Avengers-adjacent, technically.
-Oh, wow.
146
00:10:02,875 --> 00:10:05,917
What's your superpower?
Is it parallel parking? I am so sorry.
147
00:10:06,417 --> 00:10:07,667
That was cruel.
148
00:10:07,833 --> 00:10:09,958
I lash out when I'm nervous.
Won't happen again.
149
00:10:10,125 --> 00:10:11,417
-Let's cut to the chase.
-Please.
150
00:10:11,583 --> 00:10:12,917
You just said moments ago…
151
00:10:13,083 --> 00:10:17,000
that you wanted to be an Avenger
because you need it.
152
00:10:17,500 --> 00:10:18,750
Yes, sir, I do.
153
00:10:18,917 --> 00:10:21,750
But the Avengers don't do the job because
they need it.
154
00:10:21,917 --> 00:10:23,833
They do the job because people need them.
155
00:10:25,042 --> 00:10:26,458
Do you see the distinction?
156
00:10:28,250 --> 00:10:29,708
Yes, sir.
157
00:10:30,542 --> 00:10:32,083
Please, Mr. Hogan.
158
00:10:32,250 --> 00:10:35,500
I don't wanna spend the rest of my life
like an annoying one-trick pony.
159
00:10:38,375 --> 00:10:39,375
All right.
160
00:10:40,417 --> 00:10:42,000
Oh, my God, you're standing.
161
00:10:42,167 --> 00:10:43,500
Yeah, now's the time that we stand.
162
00:10:43,667 --> 00:10:44,500
Damn it.
163
00:10:44,667 --> 00:10:46,125
Now, the problem might be that you're…
164
00:10:46,292 --> 00:10:48,542
reaching a little, little too high.
165
00:10:48,708 --> 00:10:51,125
Aim for the middle, and you'll never miss.
166
00:10:51,292 --> 00:10:53,458
Right? I think you got a good heart.
I believe what you're saying.
167
00:10:54,375 --> 00:10:57,500
But not everybody's the world-saving type.
I'm not, and I'm happy.
168
00:10:58,208 --> 00:10:59,917
Right? I found my place.
169
00:11:00,750 --> 00:11:02,000
Find your place.
170
00:11:03,208 --> 00:11:04,583
-All right? Get back out there.
-Mm-hmm.
171
00:11:05,292 --> 00:11:08,167
-We'll keep an eye on you. Good luck.
-Okay.
172
00:11:11,708 --> 00:11:13,625
Fetch the car. I wanna hit Shake Shack.
173
00:11:14,083 --> 00:11:15,833
Rejection makes me hungy.
174
00:11:16,667 --> 00:11:18,208
-Really? No?
-No, no. Please.
175
00:11:18,375 --> 00:11:20,958
-Yeah, no, no, no. Okay, thank you.
-Oh, okay.
176
00:11:23,167 --> 00:11:26,250
You know what they say.
When one door closes…
177
00:11:27,583 --> 00:11:28,625
your locker at work opens.
178
00:11:38,958 --> 00:11:42,000
Now let's go sell some certified
pre-owned vehicles, motherfu…
179
00:11:44,458 --> 00:11:47,417
Technically, the,
the Carnival's not a minivan.
180
00:11:48,667 --> 00:11:49,667
It's an MPV.
181
00:11:49,833 --> 00:11:51,417
So how does the Kia compare to…
182
00:11:51,583 --> 00:11:52,875
-the Honda Odyssey?
-The Odyssey?
183
00:11:53,042 --> 00:11:55,583
That's a great question.
It doesn't fucking suck.
184
00:11:56,250 --> 00:11:58,458
You know, you can answer
the question without swearing.
185
00:11:58,625 --> 00:12:00,542
I'm sorry, Tammy, I don't, I don't have kids.
186
00:12:01,250 --> 00:12:02,833
Not that I haven't dreamt of that…
187
00:12:03,000 --> 00:12:05,042
but I don't have a lot of vaginal sex.
188
00:12:08,542 --> 00:12:09,917
You'll get 'em next time, pal.
189
00:12:10,083 --> 00:12:12,542
And look,
you can always go back to superhero-ing.
190
00:12:12,708 --> 00:12:14,583
I mean,
I know I'd like to see you back in the suit.
191
00:12:15,292 --> 00:12:17,708
I don't keep it in my locker
so that I can wear it.
192
00:12:18,125 --> 00:12:20,625
I keep it in my locker in case
we need to saddle up again.
193
00:12:20,792 --> 00:12:23,667
Hey, hey, hey. What?
What is that doing in there?
194
00:12:24,000 --> 00:12:24,833
I'm done.
195
00:12:26,542 --> 00:12:27,542
I'm done.
196
00:12:28,542 --> 00:12:30,542
And I'm fine with being done.
197
00:12:30,708 --> 00:12:32,208
Look, is sales the best match?
198
00:12:32,375 --> 00:12:33,208
Probably not.
199
00:12:33,375 --> 00:12:36,750
Is this the life that
I always imagined for myself? Fuck no.
200
00:12:37,708 --> 00:12:40,333
But this is the right fit for me,
Sugar Bear, it is.
201
00:12:40,625 --> 00:12:42,042
Okay, Mr. Wilson.
202
00:12:42,417 --> 00:12:46,167
I'm just saying, once a month,
we could go on a little mission.
203
00:12:46,333 --> 00:12:48,833
We're human beings. We crave purpose.
204
00:12:49,000 --> 00:12:50,667
After all, we're Deadpool.
205
00:12:50,833 --> 00:12:54,792
Please stop saying that. We're not Deadpool.
I'm not even Deadpool anymore.
206
00:12:55,750 --> 00:12:58,583
Well, if you're gonna have a midlife crisis,
go big.
207
00:12:58,750 --> 00:12:59,750
A few years ago…
208
00:12:59,917 --> 00:13:02,917
a friend of mine got his nipples pierced
with a titanium chain…
209
00:13:03,083 --> 00:13:06,042
that goes down
and attaches to his Van Johnson.
210
00:13:10,083 --> 00:13:13,208
Are, are you feeling grumplestiltskin
'cause it's your birthday?
211
00:13:15,208 --> 00:13:16,042
What?
212
00:13:17,042 --> 00:13:17,875
No.
213
00:13:19,042 --> 00:13:19,875
No.
214
00:13:23,500 --> 00:13:25,250
Surprise!
215
00:13:25,542 --> 00:13:27,917
Hey, you guys are lucky I'm not armed.
216
00:13:28,583 --> 00:13:29,750
Get in here.
217
00:13:29,917 --> 00:13:32,167
If this were six years ago,
you'd all be dead.
218
00:13:32,333 --> 00:13:35,125
So then, he gets out of the cab,
and you will not believe it.
219
00:13:35,292 --> 00:13:37,625
-I turn around, and what do I find?
-AirPods.
220
00:13:37,792 --> 00:13:39,083
-His AirPods. Come on.
-His AirPods!
221
00:13:39,250 --> 00:13:40,167
Crazy story.
222
00:13:40,333 --> 00:13:42,708
-Every time. Come on.
-Every single time.
223
00:13:44,792 --> 00:13:46,208
Make any sales today?
224
00:13:46,375 --> 00:13:47,750
You know I didn't.
225
00:13:47,917 --> 00:13:51,042
Did you sell any dreamcatchers on Etsy
or whatever it is that you do?
226
00:13:51,208 --> 00:13:52,667
Our rent's due in three days, Wade.
227
00:13:52,833 --> 00:13:54,083
I can't keep carrying you.
228
00:13:54,250 --> 00:13:55,875
Relax. I have the money.
229
00:13:56,042 --> 00:13:59,458
I sold some old blood pressure medication
I found lying around.
230
00:13:59,833 --> 00:14:01,208
You tryin' to kill me, motherfucker?
231
00:14:01,375 --> 00:14:03,500
I'm not the one dousing everything in salt,
motherfucker.
232
00:14:03,667 --> 00:14:05,708
I pray every day that…
233
00:14:05,875 --> 00:14:07,542
fire finds your body…
234
00:14:07,708 --> 00:14:09,083
and finishes the job…
235
00:14:09,250 --> 00:14:11,708
-God didn't have the nuts to do.
-That's hurtful.
236
00:14:11,875 --> 00:14:14,708
If you could hear the look on my face,
you'd smell how sad I am.
237
00:14:14,875 --> 00:14:16,000
You watched anything good?
238
00:14:16,167 --> 00:14:17,750
Great British Bake Off.
239
00:14:17,917 --> 00:14:19,208
Oh, goddamn.
240
00:14:19,375 --> 00:14:21,708
That show stood between me and suicide
for ten years.
241
00:14:21,875 --> 00:14:24,250
Those are my feelings
on abortion, religious freedom…
242
00:14:24,417 --> 00:14:26,500
animal rights, privacy rights, vaccines…
243
00:14:26,667 --> 00:14:28,875
free-market capitalism,
global climate change.
244
00:14:29,042 --> 00:14:31,167
Yeah, duh-duh-duh.
No, no speaking lines, Buck.
245
00:14:31,750 --> 00:14:32,708
Hi, Yukio.
246
00:14:32,875 --> 00:14:33,792
Hi, Wade.
247
00:14:33,958 --> 00:14:35,667
Nice fake o'clock shadow.
248
00:14:36,625 --> 00:14:39,917
It's a summer balayage. From the French.
249
00:14:40,083 --> 00:14:43,250
It's meant to mimic the
natural highlights of the sun.
250
00:14:43,417 --> 00:14:45,125
-It's a toupée.
-It's a hair system.
251
00:14:45,292 --> 00:14:48,542
-I love your hair system, Wade.
-Thank you.
252
00:14:48,958 --> 00:14:50,542
Wanna do some cocaine?
253
00:14:50,708 --> 00:14:53,667
Hey, cocaine is the one thing
that Feige said is off limits.
254
00:14:53,833 --> 00:14:56,500
-What about Bolivian marching powder?
-They know all the slang terms.
255
00:14:56,667 --> 00:14:57,625
They have a list.
256
00:14:57,792 --> 00:14:59,458
-Even snowboarding?
-Even disco dust.
257
00:14:59,625 --> 00:15:01,208
-White girl interrupted?
-Even Forrest Bump.
258
00:15:01,375 --> 00:15:03,250
-Booger sugar?
-I wouldn't even try powdered gonuts.
259
00:15:03,417 --> 00:15:06,875
-You wanna build a snowman?
-Yes. But I can't.
260
00:15:08,417 --> 00:15:09,250
Pull here.
261
00:15:09,917 --> 00:15:10,917
-Here?
-Yeah.
262
00:15:12,292 --> 00:15:13,792
-What happened?
-That's the fun part.
263
00:15:15,208 --> 00:15:16,333
Thanks for coming.
264
00:15:16,500 --> 00:15:17,417
Yeah.
265
00:15:17,583 --> 00:15:18,583
How's work?
266
00:15:18,875 --> 00:15:20,083
Oh, I got a promotion.
267
00:15:21,083 --> 00:15:21,958
No way.
268
00:15:22,125 --> 00:15:25,333
Yeah. It's mind-numbing middle management,
but I'm happy.
269
00:15:25,500 --> 00:15:26,542
That's great.
270
00:15:28,500 --> 00:15:29,833
-You seeing anyone?
-How about you?
271
00:15:31,500 --> 00:15:32,333
Yeah.
272
00:15:32,833 --> 00:15:35,375
A guy from work. Dermot.
273
00:15:35,542 --> 00:15:36,583
Dermot.
274
00:15:36,750 --> 00:15:38,083
-He's kind.
-Good.
275
00:15:38,250 --> 00:15:39,750
Likes to go hiking.
276
00:15:39,917 --> 00:15:41,292
Hasn't gotten me shot yet.
277
00:15:41,458 --> 00:15:43,583
Well, it's early days.
278
00:15:47,708 --> 00:15:49,458
What about you? You seeing anyone?
279
00:15:50,500 --> 00:15:53,833
No, no, I live in a one-bedroom apartment.
I share a bed with Blind Al.
280
00:15:55,500 --> 00:15:58,750
-Okay. All right.
-All right.
281
00:16:00,417 --> 00:16:03,667
Happy birthday to you
282
00:16:03,833 --> 00:16:05,375
-Speech! Speech!
-Yes!
283
00:16:05,542 --> 00:16:07,333
All right. Okay, okay, okay.
284
00:16:08,292 --> 00:16:09,292
Birthdays.
285
00:16:09,458 --> 00:16:12,125
Boy, every spin around the moon
is a new adventure indeed.
286
00:16:12,292 --> 00:16:14,333
-Sun, dumbass.
-Okay, round-earther.
287
00:16:16,000 --> 00:16:17,917
-Where was I?
-The adventure of life.
288
00:16:18,083 --> 00:16:19,083
Right.
289
00:16:19,250 --> 00:16:20,708
It's been a challenging few years.
290
00:16:20,875 --> 00:16:22,750
Haven't seen you guys in a while.
291
00:16:22,917 --> 00:16:25,000
Been through a lot, change of life.
292
00:16:25,167 --> 00:16:27,083
-Menopause?
-Bitch, are you improv-ing?
293
00:16:27,250 --> 00:16:28,833
-Mm-mm.
-Sorry.
294
00:16:29,792 --> 00:16:31,167
I'm sorry that you had to see that, Yukio.
295
00:16:31,333 --> 00:16:32,417
It's okay.
296
00:16:34,708 --> 00:16:35,750
But I'm happy.
297
00:16:36,167 --> 00:16:37,417
You know, and that's, that's…
298
00:16:37,583 --> 00:16:40,375
because of each and every one of you.
299
00:16:40,750 --> 00:16:42,208
I guess, what I'm trying to say is…
300
00:16:42,375 --> 00:16:43,750
how proud I am, how grateful I am…
301
00:16:43,917 --> 00:16:45,167
to be standing in a room…
302
00:16:45,333 --> 00:16:48,000
with every single person I love.
303
00:16:53,583 --> 00:16:55,208
I'm the luckiest man alive.
304
00:16:57,708 --> 00:16:58,792
Make a wish, buddy.
305
00:16:58,958 --> 00:17:00,292
Ten-four, good buddy.
306
00:17:01,500 --> 00:17:02,625
Going down.
307
00:17:09,000 --> 00:17:09,875
Wade Wilson?
308
00:17:10,041 --> 00:17:12,958
Oh, yeah. Dancers.
Dopinder must have ordered you.
309
00:17:13,458 --> 00:17:14,791
Are those supposed to be cop costumes?
310
00:17:15,166 --> 00:17:16,125
Never mind.
311
00:17:16,791 --> 00:17:20,125
Take your clothes off but leave the helmets.
And this isn't Pretty Woman.
312
00:17:21,083 --> 00:17:22,375
We're kissing. All right?
313
00:17:22,541 --> 00:17:24,166
What song do you guys normally dance to?
314
00:17:25,541 --> 00:17:28,375
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
315
00:17:28,667 --> 00:17:29,875
Is that supposed to be scary?
316
00:17:30,042 --> 00:17:33,667
Pegging isn't new for me, friendo.
But it is for Disney.
317
00:17:34,083 --> 00:17:34,917
Ah, ta, ta, ta!
318
00:17:35,208 --> 00:17:39,042
Okay, I've never been a natural bottom,
so we're gonna take things real slow.
319
00:17:39,208 --> 00:17:41,083
And I want some crazy eye contact.
320
00:17:41,250 --> 00:17:42,292
Not you.
You.
321
00:17:42,750 --> 00:17:44,542
Can't see your eyes through the mask,
but I can feel them.
322
00:17:44,708 --> 00:17:46,292
We're gonna move on down the hallway…
323
00:17:46,458 --> 00:17:49,625
so we can spare a cleanup on aisle asshole.
How does everyone feel about this plan?
324
00:17:49,792 --> 00:17:52,750
-I don't like you.
-Yes. Let's hold on to that attitude.
325
00:17:52,917 --> 00:17:54,625
And we're gonna do it angry.
326
00:18:12,750 --> 00:18:13,917
Mr. Wilson…
327
00:18:15,833 --> 00:18:18,708
you appear to have soiled yourself
while unconscious.
328
00:18:18,875 --> 00:18:21,125
I wasn't unconscious. Who are you?
329
00:18:21,458 --> 00:18:23,250
I go by the name of Paradox.
330
00:18:23,417 --> 00:18:26,833
Mr. Paradox.
And you're sitting here at the TVA.
331
00:18:27,000 --> 00:18:29,000
The Time Variance Authority.
332
00:18:29,167 --> 00:18:31,417
We're really a watchdog organization…
333
00:18:31,583 --> 00:18:35,292
except we're more lighthearted
than that sounds with a sort of…
334
00:18:35,458 --> 00:18:37,542
throwback, ironic twist.
335
00:18:37,708 --> 00:18:41,917
And we're in charge of defending
what's known as the Sacred Timeline.
336
00:18:42,083 --> 00:18:45,250
Holy fuck. That is a shit-ton of exposition
for a threequel.
337
00:18:45,417 --> 00:18:47,292
Is this because I used Cable's time machine?
338
00:18:47,458 --> 00:18:50,083
Brought a couple of people back to life,
then I destroyed it.
339
00:18:50,250 --> 00:18:51,625
-That was a long time ago.
-Yes…
340
00:18:51,792 --> 00:18:54,458
we're aware of your abuse of your timeline.
341
00:18:54,625 --> 00:18:56,750
And you were so abusive of it.
342
00:18:57,542 --> 00:18:59,417
No, it has nothing to do with that.
343
00:18:59,583 --> 00:19:00,667
Walk with me.
344
00:19:06,542 --> 00:19:10,750
I brought you here, Mr. Wilson,
to tell you that you're special.
345
00:19:11,500 --> 00:19:14,375
In fact,
you've been chosen for a higher purpose…
346
00:19:14,542 --> 00:19:16,250
a purpose unclear even to me.
347
00:19:16,667 --> 00:19:18,708
But one that could…
348
00:19:18,875 --> 00:19:21,792
save the entire Sacred Timeline…
349
00:19:21,958 --> 00:19:24,542
from a possibly grisly fate
sometime in the future…
350
00:19:24,708 --> 00:19:29,000
which may very well need to be… avenged.
351
00:19:29,292 --> 00:19:30,667
This Sacred Timeline…
352
00:19:31,750 --> 00:19:33,667
I assume I'm going to marvel…
353
00:19:34,167 --> 00:19:35,208
at how…
354
00:19:35,875 --> 00:19:37,625
cinematic it feels?
355
00:19:37,792 --> 00:19:39,792
Gratuitous cameos…
356
00:19:39,958 --> 00:19:41,792
indiscriminate use of Variants,
the whole package?
357
00:19:41,958 --> 00:19:44,083
Well, you tell me.
358
00:19:50,875 --> 00:19:51,708
Cap!
359
00:19:58,958 --> 00:20:01,458
You are no longer lost, Wade.
360
00:20:01,625 --> 00:20:04,083
You can be a hero among heroes.
361
00:20:04,625 --> 00:20:06,792
We've been surveilling you for quite a while.
362
00:20:06,958 --> 00:20:09,708
-Subway station.
-A TVA outpost, yes.
363
00:20:10,917 --> 00:20:12,042
-And what is that?
-Hmm?
364
00:20:15,083 --> 00:20:16,458
Is that me? Is that Thor?
365
00:20:17,958 --> 00:20:19,167
Is he crying?
366
00:20:19,333 --> 00:20:21,125
Let's not get ahead of ourselves.
367
00:20:21,292 --> 00:20:22,625
That happens in the distant future.
368
00:20:22,792 --> 00:20:25,000
-Why is Thor crying? Quick! Tell me.
-Do not speak to her.
369
00:20:25,167 --> 00:20:26,000
Stop that. Eyes on me.
370
00:20:26,167 --> 00:20:28,375
I brought you here
to offer you an opportunity.
371
00:20:28,542 --> 00:20:31,792
The opportunity you sought years ago,
but for which you were not ready.
372
00:20:31,958 --> 00:20:33,583
We believe you're ready now.
373
00:20:33,750 --> 00:20:35,625
Ready for a chance to leave your timeline…
374
00:20:35,792 --> 00:20:38,125
and join the greatest universe of all.
375
00:20:38,292 --> 00:20:39,833
I am about to give you the thing
you've always wanted.
376
00:20:40,000 --> 00:20:41,542
Oh, I smell what you're steppin' in.
377
00:20:41,708 --> 00:20:44,125
The power in the Marvel Universe
is about to change forever.
378
00:20:46,500 --> 00:20:48,167
I am the Messiah…
379
00:20:49,958 --> 00:20:52,125
I am…
380
00:20:53,708 --> 00:20:54,958
Marvel Jesus.
381
00:20:56,375 --> 00:20:59,083
Can you excuse me for just a moment?
I'm just gonna go over here.
382
00:21:02,500 --> 00:21:03,875
Suck it, Fox!
383
00:21:04,042 --> 00:21:05,333
I'm going to Disneyland.
384
00:21:05,875 --> 00:21:06,750
Get fucked!
385
00:21:10,500 --> 00:21:12,458
-Where do I sign?
-Oh, there's no need for paperwork.
386
00:21:12,625 --> 00:21:14,833
Good. Not to brag, but I do not read.
387
00:21:15,000 --> 00:21:17,917
-Oh.
-There is one thing I will need, though.
388
00:21:22,417 --> 00:21:24,500
Oh, fuck off!
389
00:21:24,667 --> 00:21:26,625
Adorn me, Beardo.
390
00:21:47,250 --> 00:21:48,208
Fuckin' A!
391
00:21:49,250 --> 00:21:51,083
It's perfect! FYI…
392
00:21:51,250 --> 00:21:54,083
your tailor is a predator,
but I love it. Snug.
393
00:21:54,250 --> 00:21:58,625
No camel toe.
New car smell and adamantium katanas?
394
00:21:59,000 --> 00:22:00,458
You shouldn't have.
395
00:22:00,792 --> 00:22:02,917
Go ahead. Take it in.
396
00:22:03,083 --> 00:22:05,583
And yes, your underwear is getting tighter.
397
00:22:05,750 --> 00:22:07,375
That guy knows what I'm talking about.
398
00:22:07,542 --> 00:22:09,042
His clothes says middle management…
399
00:22:09,208 --> 00:22:11,667
but his eyes say fuck-y fuck-y.
400
00:22:11,833 --> 00:22:13,500
Yes. You look very nice.
401
00:22:13,667 --> 00:22:16,708
"Nice?" Your buddy here is ready to
throw it all away for me.
402
00:22:16,875 --> 00:22:18,083
-You callin' your wife?
-HR.
403
00:22:18,250 --> 00:22:19,417
Does your wife work in HR?
404
00:22:19,583 --> 00:22:21,667
I'm really glad you're taking this so well.
405
00:22:22,000 --> 00:22:23,792
Oh. I'm taking it well.
406
00:22:23,958 --> 00:22:26,917
I have never had a problem
traveling for work. That said…
407
00:22:27,083 --> 00:22:28,250
we should talk vacation days.
408
00:22:28,625 --> 00:22:31,042
I'm more of a
one-week-on-one-week-off kind of guy.
409
00:22:31,208 --> 00:22:32,542
I think it's what they do in Denmark.
410
00:22:32,708 --> 00:22:35,167
You know, you'll never see a
Danish flag on the moon, but…
411
00:22:35,333 --> 00:22:36,417
goddamn it, they're happy.
412
00:22:36,583 --> 00:22:39,083
Now, let's power up your little
Amazon Fire phone there…
413
00:22:39,250 --> 00:22:42,458
and zip me back home so I can let my friends
know that they've been upgraded…
414
00:22:42,625 --> 00:22:43,667
to disciples.
415
00:22:43,833 --> 00:22:46,833
Yeah. I don't think you… quite understand.
416
00:22:47,667 --> 00:22:51,875
You will not be returning to your home
because there will be no home to return to.
417
00:22:52,042 --> 00:22:52,875
Come again?
418
00:22:53,042 --> 00:22:54,083
This time in my ears.
419
00:22:58,458 --> 00:23:01,375
This is your universe, Mr. Wilson.
420
00:23:02,000 --> 00:23:03,250
That…
421
00:23:03,417 --> 00:23:07,500
is what happens when a universe
loses their Anchor Being.
422
00:23:07,667 --> 00:23:09,750
See how it decays from the inside?
423
00:23:09,917 --> 00:23:12,583
-This is how a reality dies.
-What's an Anchor Being?
424
00:23:12,750 --> 00:23:16,083
An Anchor Being is an entity of
such vital importance that when they die…
425
00:23:16,250 --> 00:23:19,750
their whole world
slowly withers out of existence.
426
00:23:19,917 --> 00:23:22,542
You've just won the lottery
because I didn't die.
427
00:23:22,708 --> 00:23:24,417
It was just a little midlife crisis.
I'm better now.
428
00:23:24,583 --> 00:23:26,000
Oh, no, no, no.
429
00:23:30,708 --> 00:23:33,417
-Oh, my God.
-Oh, I love to laugh.
430
00:23:33,583 --> 00:23:36,292
Can you imagine if you were the Anchor Being?
431
00:23:38,250 --> 00:23:40,750
-Yeah.
-No, it isn't you, Mr. Wilson.
432
00:23:41,583 --> 00:23:45,875
Your Anchor Being died
in an act of self-sacrifice so epic…
433
00:23:46,292 --> 00:23:48,417
that it sent shivers down the Timeline.
434
00:23:48,792 --> 00:23:51,625
I am referring, of course, to…
435
00:23:53,042 --> 00:23:56,750
Logan. The Wolverine.
436
00:24:00,292 --> 00:24:02,625
Don't be what they made you.
437
00:24:13,000 --> 00:24:15,167
So this is what it feels like…
438
00:24:17,000 --> 00:24:18,000
Logan.
439
00:24:18,917 --> 00:24:19,917
Of course.
440
00:24:20,667 --> 00:24:21,500
Logan.
441
00:24:24,417 --> 00:24:25,708
Logan?
442
00:24:25,875 --> 00:24:27,833
The guy with forks for hands?
443
00:24:28,000 --> 00:24:29,250
That Wolverine?
444
00:24:30,625 --> 00:24:34,667
Yeah, I got it. You can turn your retro
graphics of death off now. Make it stop.
445
00:24:34,833 --> 00:24:37,292
We're not doing it, Mr. Wilson.
We certainly can't stop it.
446
00:24:39,708 --> 00:24:40,667
How long have we got?
447
00:24:40,833 --> 00:24:43,167
In most cases, couple thousand years.
448
00:24:43,333 --> 00:24:45,333
-Well, sweet.
-Well, most cases aren't fast enough.
449
00:24:45,500 --> 00:24:46,458
Not for me.
450
00:24:47,042 --> 00:24:48,042
What does that mean?
451
00:24:48,208 --> 00:24:50,292
It means that I have been tasked…
452
00:24:50,458 --> 00:24:52,708
with overseeing the end of your universe.
453
00:24:52,875 --> 00:24:55,500
And regardless of what the
pencil pushers upstairs would prefer…
454
00:24:55,667 --> 00:24:56,792
I will not…
455
00:24:57,250 --> 00:25:00,542
waste my life watching it die slowly
of natural causes.
456
00:25:00,708 --> 00:25:02,875
We used to just prune these things. Simple.
457
00:25:03,042 --> 00:25:04,750
Elegant. Efficient. But I'm told the TVA…
458
00:25:04,917 --> 00:25:07,167
doesn't like to do that anymore.
Well I do.
459
00:25:07,333 --> 00:25:09,667
And no matter what my so-called
superiors say, the multiverse…
460
00:25:09,833 --> 00:25:11,500
does not need a babysitter.
461
00:25:11,667 --> 00:25:13,458
We need a mercy killer.
462
00:25:13,625 --> 00:25:15,042
And in this instance…
463
00:25:15,208 --> 00:25:17,625
I am the mercy killer.
464
00:25:22,708 --> 00:25:24,625
What in the MacGuffin is that?
465
00:25:24,792 --> 00:25:26,958
That's a Time Ripper, Mr. Wilson.
466
00:25:27,125 --> 00:25:28,667
An accelerant.
467
00:25:28,833 --> 00:25:33,417
Once completed, it will allow me to destroy
the spacetime matrix of your universe.
468
00:25:33,583 --> 00:25:35,583
You see, I don't want to work for the TVA.
469
00:25:35,750 --> 00:25:37,833
I want to be the TVA.
470
00:25:38,000 --> 00:25:40,542
And the first step involves
showing this organization…
471
00:25:40,708 --> 00:25:42,375
how much more efficient it can become.
472
00:25:42,542 --> 00:25:46,833
To wit, I will be giving your universe
a swift and compassionate end.
473
00:25:47,000 --> 00:25:48,417
And don't worry,
your friends won't feel a thing.
474
00:25:48,583 --> 00:25:50,375
It'll be over just like this.
"Oh, what's that?"
475
00:25:51,750 --> 00:25:52,833
Trust me.
476
00:26:05,542 --> 00:26:07,708
You're gonna Old Yeller my fucking universe?
477
00:26:07,875 --> 00:26:10,083
Mm… In your parlance, yes.
478
00:26:10,250 --> 00:26:11,292
Two in the heart, one in the head.
479
00:26:11,708 --> 00:26:13,667
Look, Mr. Wilson, you have two choices.
480
00:26:13,833 --> 00:26:17,042
You can either rejoin your loved ones
and collectively cease to exist in…
481
00:26:17,208 --> 00:26:20,042
I'd say, seventy-two hours. Or…
482
00:26:20,208 --> 00:26:22,750
you join the Sacred Timeline.
483
00:26:22,917 --> 00:26:25,167
And you end your days of
insignificance…
484
00:26:25,333 --> 00:26:27,250
and mediocrity.
485
00:26:27,417 --> 00:26:28,333
Wade.
486
00:26:29,042 --> 00:26:30,750
Wade, you can finally…
487
00:26:30,917 --> 00:26:33,333
finally, matter.
488
00:26:43,083 --> 00:26:45,125
That's all I've ever really wanted.
489
00:26:45,292 --> 00:26:46,542
I know.
490
00:26:47,167 --> 00:26:48,167
I know.
491
00:26:49,125 --> 00:26:52,625
And you know I'm,
I'm nothing if not morally flexible.
492
00:26:55,125 --> 00:26:56,083
Yep, yep.
493
00:26:58,417 --> 00:26:59,417
I'll do it.
494
00:26:59,583 --> 00:27:02,000
Wise choice.
The Sacred Timeline's happy to have you.
495
00:27:02,167 --> 00:27:04,000
I was actually talking about
finding the Wolverine…
496
00:27:04,167 --> 00:27:05,250
and breaking your fucking nose.
497
00:27:19,083 --> 00:27:21,417
Find him. Find him!
498
00:27:21,583 --> 00:27:23,333
And boy, did he ever.
499
00:27:25,208 --> 00:27:26,625
Which brings us back to this.
500
00:27:28,792 --> 00:27:30,750
The desecration of the sacred corpse.
501
00:27:35,083 --> 00:27:36,292
Oh, my God!
502
00:27:37,708 --> 00:27:40,333
Oh! My own fucking arm!
503
00:27:44,458 --> 00:27:45,542
Now we're talkin'!
504
00:27:45,667 --> 00:27:46,958
Not like this!
505
00:27:47,125 --> 00:27:49,083
No, dear God! No!
506
00:27:49,250 --> 00:27:51,417
I'm sorry! Wolverine-ing is hard!
507
00:27:51,583 --> 00:27:52,583
Make it stop!
508
00:27:52,750 --> 00:27:54,500
Mangold tried.
509
00:27:56,750 --> 00:27:58,708
You sick fuck!
510
00:27:58,875 --> 00:28:00,042
Logan was a hero.
511
00:28:00,333 --> 00:28:03,125
And the only thing worth a shit
to ever come out of Canada.
512
00:28:11,083 --> 00:28:15,375
Get my country's name
out of your fuckin' mouth.
513
00:28:16,500 --> 00:28:18,083
And my sword. Give me that.
514
00:28:21,542 --> 00:28:23,833
Oh, I gotta find me another Logan.
515
00:28:24,292 --> 00:28:25,583
An alive one.
516
00:28:25,833 --> 00:28:28,000
Don't get up, guys. I'll see myself out.
517
00:28:35,583 --> 00:28:36,417
Logan!
518
00:28:40,167 --> 00:28:41,792
I'm gonna need you to come with me.
519
00:28:43,083 --> 00:28:44,083
Who's asking?
520
00:28:46,250 --> 00:28:48,292
Oh, look at this little Hairy Lou Retton.
521
00:28:48,458 --> 00:28:50,042
Did you stick the landing, little guy?
522
00:28:50,708 --> 00:28:51,542
Yes, you did!
523
00:28:51,708 --> 00:28:53,625
Comic accurate short king.
524
00:28:53,792 --> 00:28:55,875
Such a cute wittle Wolvie.
525
00:28:56,042 --> 00:28:57,750
Cue the fuckin' montage, baby.
526
00:28:58,375 --> 00:29:01,417
Ahoy! Everything seems to be on fire.
527
00:29:01,583 --> 00:29:02,667
You have a dragon?
528
00:29:03,417 --> 00:29:06,333
You have Anchor Being written all over…
529
00:29:15,667 --> 00:29:16,667
Patch!
530
00:29:18,708 --> 00:29:19,958
Now we're talkin'.
531
00:29:20,583 --> 00:29:21,875
Oh, yeah.
532
00:29:22,500 --> 00:29:24,417
That's the whole goddamn package right there.
533
00:29:25,417 --> 00:29:26,500
Howdy!
534
00:29:26,667 --> 00:29:29,167
I'm just… I'm auditioning Anchor Beings.
535
00:29:29,333 --> 00:29:31,875
Oh. Yeah, that's gonna need some coconut oil.
536
00:29:36,250 --> 00:29:38,083
What in the fuck?
537
00:29:38,500 --> 00:29:40,000
Are you okay?
538
00:29:40,500 --> 00:29:41,542
Oh, yes, yes.
539
00:29:41,708 --> 00:29:43,542
Classic John Byrne brown and tan.
540
00:29:43,708 --> 00:29:45,667
Now, you fought the Hulk in this outfit. No?
541
00:29:48,542 --> 00:29:50,250
I'm Marvel Jesus, you dull creature,
and I will not…
542
00:30:01,125 --> 00:30:03,667
It's not you. We're just going
in a different direction.
543
00:30:06,958 --> 00:30:09,083
You know, from behind,
you look a little bit like Henry…
544
00:30:09,250 --> 00:30:10,458
Oh, my fuck!
545
00:30:10,792 --> 00:30:13,500
The Cavillrine. The legends are true.
546
00:30:14,167 --> 00:30:16,917
And may I say, sir,
on behalf of all humanity…
547
00:30:17,083 --> 00:30:18,792
this just feels right.
548
00:30:18,958 --> 00:30:22,042
We will treat you so much better
than those shit fucks down the street.
549
00:30:22,208 --> 00:30:23,250
You were just leavin'.
550
00:30:23,417 --> 00:30:25,583
No, sir.
Not while the fate of my universe is at…
551
00:30:30,458 --> 00:30:31,875
This one looks promising.
552
00:30:32,042 --> 00:30:32,875
Down you go.
553
00:30:34,667 --> 00:30:35,500
Again.
554
00:30:36,625 --> 00:30:38,583
I told you. You're not welcome here.
555
00:30:38,750 --> 00:30:40,167
You're not welcome anywhere.
556
00:30:40,333 --> 00:30:41,542
Now get the fuck out of my bar.
557
00:30:41,708 --> 00:30:44,167
Just give me one more drink
and then I'll leave.
558
00:30:44,333 --> 00:30:45,958
That's not how it works.
559
00:30:46,125 --> 00:30:48,375
It does now. Leave the bottle.
560
00:30:48,542 --> 00:30:49,375
I know you, bub?
561
00:30:49,542 --> 00:30:51,625
Nope. But I know you.
562
00:30:52,042 --> 00:30:53,417
Everybody knows me.
563
00:30:55,000 --> 00:30:56,167
I'm the Wolverine.
564
00:30:56,333 --> 00:30:58,125
Yes, you are.
565
00:30:58,292 --> 00:31:00,583
And I'm gonna need you
to come with me right now.
566
00:31:02,000 --> 00:31:03,375
Look, lady, I'm not interested.
567
00:31:03,542 --> 00:31:06,250
-Really gettin' into your cups here.
-Why would I go with you?
568
00:31:07,458 --> 00:31:09,292
Because, unfortunately…
569
00:31:09,458 --> 00:31:10,375
I need you…
570
00:31:10,542 --> 00:31:14,625
and even more unfortunately,
my entire world needs you.
571
00:31:15,458 --> 00:31:16,917
You two gonna fuck or fight?
572
00:31:20,875 --> 00:31:22,083
You gonna take that from him?
573
00:31:22,458 --> 00:31:23,292
Yep.
574
00:31:24,167 --> 00:31:25,208
I can tell you have a sort of…
575
00:31:25,375 --> 00:31:27,833
don't-get-too-close-I'll-only-
break-your-heart vibe going here…
576
00:31:28,000 --> 00:31:30,250
but every other Wolverine
would've really hurt me by now.
577
00:31:30,417 --> 00:31:33,292
And, I'm sort of on the tick-tick.
So upsy-daisy. Here we go.
578
00:31:33,458 --> 00:31:35,667
-Whoa, whoa. Hey, hey!
-Up you go. I got you, big guy.
579
00:31:39,083 --> 00:31:40,208
Whiskey dick of the claws.
580
00:31:40,375 --> 00:31:42,833
-It's quite common in Wolverines over forty.
-You don't want this.
581
00:31:43,000 --> 00:31:45,542
You're right. I don't.
And you don't want this.
582
00:31:45,708 --> 00:31:48,333
Unless you wanna take a deep breath
through your fuckin' forehead…
583
00:31:48,500 --> 00:31:50,375
I suggest you reconsider.
584
00:31:50,542 --> 00:31:51,625
Let's go, peanut.
585
00:31:56,167 --> 00:31:58,000
Hold on. Hold on. Hold on.
586
00:31:58,708 --> 00:31:59,542
Watch this.
587
00:32:00,667 --> 00:32:02,708
All right. That… Whoa.
588
00:32:03,375 --> 00:32:04,208
Easy.
589
00:32:08,000 --> 00:32:08,833
Good God.
590
00:32:09,583 --> 00:32:11,333
Thirsty little honey badger, aren't ya?
591
00:32:12,500 --> 00:32:14,042
It's okay. Keep goin'.
592
00:32:14,208 --> 00:32:16,042
Audiences are accustomed to long run times.
593
00:32:22,083 --> 00:32:23,542
Guess you'll have to do.
594
00:32:24,000 --> 00:32:25,000
Okay, here we…
595
00:32:26,208 --> 00:32:28,542
Oh! Look at those jammies.
596
00:32:28,958 --> 00:32:32,208
That only took twenty fucking years.
597
00:32:32,625 --> 00:32:34,583
One Anchor Being coming right up!
598
00:32:34,750 --> 00:32:36,833
On your left, baby girl.
599
00:32:37,125 --> 00:32:40,458
This Logan has the same
he-can-do-anything-even-musicals look.
600
00:32:40,625 --> 00:32:41,625
And bonus…
601
00:32:41,792 --> 00:32:43,083
he's actually wearing a costume…
602
00:32:43,250 --> 00:32:44,958
like he's not embarrassed to be in
a superhero movie for once.
603
00:32:45,125 --> 00:32:46,458
I don't understand.
604
00:32:46,625 --> 00:32:48,042
You said my universe is dying…
605
00:32:48,208 --> 00:32:50,625
because this sack of nuts
got himself killed.
606
00:32:50,792 --> 00:32:53,333
-Well, problem solved.
-My God.
607
00:32:53,500 --> 00:32:57,500
You actually think
you can replace an Anchor Being…
608
00:32:57,667 --> 00:32:59,083
with this?
609
00:32:59,917 --> 00:33:02,958
I wouldn't have accepted any other Wolverine
BT dubs. But you…
610
00:33:03,125 --> 00:33:06,542
have outdone yourself
and brought me the worst Wolverine!
611
00:33:06,708 --> 00:33:07,667
What do you mean, the worst one?
612
00:33:07,833 --> 00:33:08,792
Mr. Wilson.
613
00:33:09,458 --> 00:33:12,583
This Wolverine let down his entire world.
614
00:33:13,458 --> 00:33:15,333
He's the stuff of legend,
but not in a good way.
615
00:33:15,708 --> 00:33:17,000
And what he did…
616
00:33:17,167 --> 00:33:18,375
well…
617
00:33:18,542 --> 00:33:20,667
some things are just beyond forgiveness.
618
00:33:23,250 --> 00:33:24,083
Okay.
619
00:33:24,250 --> 00:33:26,917
How do I… How do I make this right?
I'll do anything.
620
00:33:27,417 --> 00:33:30,375
I gave you a chance at greatness.
621
00:33:30,542 --> 00:33:32,833
Because my superiors deemed you special.
622
00:33:33,000 --> 00:33:34,500
Clearly not special in a good way.
623
00:33:34,667 --> 00:33:37,500
Apparently you have some
important future purpose to serve.
624
00:33:37,667 --> 00:33:38,792
With Thor. He holds me.
625
00:33:38,958 --> 00:33:42,917
But, I did my duty.
I gave you the opportunity to be somebody.
626
00:33:43,083 --> 00:33:46,292
And instead of accepting my offering
with humility and gratitude…
627
00:33:46,458 --> 00:33:47,292
you broke my nose.
628
00:33:47,667 --> 00:33:50,208
-It looks great.
-And you decimated dozens of my men…
629
00:33:50,375 --> 00:33:52,000
with the exhumed corpse of a hero.
630
00:33:52,167 --> 00:33:54,208
Dishonoring not only his remains
but his memory.
631
00:33:54,375 --> 00:33:55,417
What are you, the Internet?
632
00:33:55,583 --> 00:33:57,750
Your world is dying!
633
00:33:57,917 --> 00:33:58,917
Thank you very much.
634
00:33:59,417 --> 00:34:00,542
And there's no stopping it.
635
00:34:02,833 --> 00:34:04,333
The humane thing to do…
636
00:34:04,500 --> 00:34:05,375
is to make it quick.
637
00:34:05,542 --> 00:34:08,250
Is the thought of vaporizing my universe
making you peckish?
638
00:34:08,417 --> 00:34:09,458
I'm eating my feelings.
639
00:34:09,625 --> 00:34:12,667
I'm about to lose everything that I've
ever cared about because that hairy…
640
00:34:12,833 --> 00:34:14,583
thundercunt from down undercunt…
641
00:34:14,750 --> 00:34:17,792
finally dies
and he's standing right behind me, isn't he?
642
00:34:18,500 --> 00:34:19,792
Welcome to the MCU, by the way.
643
00:34:20,417 --> 00:34:21,833
You're joining at a bit of a low point.
644
00:34:22,667 --> 00:34:24,583
As for you, I wanna talk to your boss.
645
00:34:24,750 --> 00:34:27,917
I want you to get him on the phone
and you tell him, her, or them…
646
00:34:28,083 --> 00:34:30,208
that Marvel H. Christ isn't playing.
647
00:34:35,583 --> 00:34:36,542
Holy shit.
648
00:34:37,417 --> 00:34:41,208
I just heard a symphony
of buttholes clenching all at once.
649
00:34:41,375 --> 00:34:42,250
You're off grid.
650
00:34:42,417 --> 00:34:44,750
Your bosses don't know what you sick fucks
are doing down here.
651
00:34:44,917 --> 00:34:47,958
Well, I'll tell you what.
I have a black belt in Karen…
652
00:34:48,125 --> 00:34:49,417
And I'm gonna go upstairs…
653
00:34:49,583 --> 00:34:51,542
and I'm gonna tell 'em all about
you and your…
654
00:34:52,667 --> 00:34:54,292
Silence is nice, isn't it?
655
00:34:54,458 --> 00:34:55,458
Where the fuck did he go?
656
00:34:55,625 --> 00:34:57,333
To the trash heap. You'll fit right in.
657
00:35:00,583 --> 00:35:01,417
That was close.
658
00:35:22,917 --> 00:35:24,792
Don't just stand there, you ape.
659
00:35:25,417 --> 00:35:26,458
Give me a hand up.
660
00:35:28,250 --> 00:35:30,125
Nope. I'm actually okay.
Thank you very much…
661
00:35:32,667 --> 00:35:33,500
Where the hell are we?
662
00:35:33,667 --> 00:35:36,208
I don't know. Looks kind of Mad Max-y.
663
00:35:36,375 --> 00:35:38,250
But that would be IP infringement, right?
664
00:35:38,417 --> 00:35:39,583
Fucking jokes.
665
00:35:42,958 --> 00:35:44,333
Fuck! Fuck.
666
00:35:44,500 --> 00:35:45,833
Were you even listening back there?
667
00:35:46,000 --> 00:35:48,667
If we don't make it back to that
Mr. Paradox asshole…
668
00:35:49,000 --> 00:35:50,167
everyone I know is gonna die.
669
00:35:50,333 --> 00:35:52,000
Not my fuckin' problem.
670
00:35:52,167 --> 00:35:53,375
Oh, is that all you got?
671
00:35:54,417 --> 00:35:56,417
Is that what you said
when your world went to shit?
672
00:35:58,875 --> 00:35:59,708
Come again?
673
00:35:59,875 --> 00:36:01,250
Yeah, I heard all about you.
674
00:36:01,792 --> 00:36:03,833
How you screwed up everything.
675
00:36:04,000 --> 00:36:06,667
You should be thankin' me
for pulling you out of that bed you shit in.
676
00:36:07,375 --> 00:36:09,083
You back-stabbing son of a bitch!
677
00:36:15,125 --> 00:36:16,542
Are you ready to be calm now?
678
00:36:23,667 --> 00:36:26,167
Rest in pieces, Fox.
679
00:36:40,917 --> 00:36:42,417
I don't want to fight you, peanut.
680
00:36:43,625 --> 00:36:45,083
Doesn't matter what you did.
681
00:36:45,375 --> 00:36:46,417
I just need your help.
682
00:36:48,292 --> 00:36:49,875
I don't fuckin' care.
683
00:36:52,292 --> 00:36:53,125
Uh-oh.
684
00:36:58,625 --> 00:37:01,000
Fuck. This is gonna hurt.
685
00:37:05,167 --> 00:37:06,500
All right.
686
00:37:06,833 --> 00:37:07,667
Fuck it.
687
00:37:08,583 --> 00:37:10,458
Let's give the people what they came for.
688
00:37:11,250 --> 00:37:13,000
Let's fuckin' go.
689
00:37:14,167 --> 00:37:16,167
Get your special sock out, nerds.
690
00:37:16,333 --> 00:37:18,167
It's gonna get good.
691
00:38:11,167 --> 00:38:12,167
Gotcha!
692
00:38:18,750 --> 00:38:19,583
Baby Knife!
693
00:38:24,500 --> 00:38:26,292
Let's see you grow your fuckin' head back.
694
00:38:26,458 --> 00:38:28,500
Wait, wait, wait! I can fix it! I can fix it.
695
00:38:28,667 --> 00:38:30,458
-Fix what?
-Whatever it is that you did.
696
00:38:31,375 --> 00:38:32,750
Whatever made you so bad.
697
00:38:33,250 --> 00:38:37,042
Those, those pricks in the TVA.
You heard him.
698
00:38:38,292 --> 00:38:39,542
They have the power to end my universe…
699
00:38:39,708 --> 00:38:42,792
but they also have the power to change yours.
700
00:38:44,500 --> 00:38:45,583
We get back there…
701
00:38:45,750 --> 00:38:48,792
and we can fix your world. Together.
702
00:38:50,125 --> 00:38:51,208
I promise.
703
00:38:52,708 --> 00:38:53,958
They can fix it.
704
00:38:55,083 --> 00:38:56,333
Hey!
705
00:38:56,500 --> 00:38:58,500
We fight each other, we lose.
706
00:38:58,667 --> 00:38:59,917
Dear God, it's him.
707
00:39:00,083 --> 00:39:02,083
-Who?
-The one.
708
00:39:02,417 --> 00:39:04,792
The superhero equivalent
to comfort food, or Molly.
709
00:39:05,375 --> 00:39:08,708
White guys' answer to all the
disappointments. And another A-lister.
710
00:39:09,375 --> 00:39:10,750
Fair warning, gorgeous.
711
00:39:10,917 --> 00:39:12,875
You're going to encounter
some indelicate language…
712
00:39:13,042 --> 00:39:15,375
a smidge of ass play,
but we've been prohibited…
713
00:39:15,542 --> 00:39:16,917
from using cocaine. On camera.
714
00:39:17,083 --> 00:39:17,917
They're coming.
715
00:39:18,167 --> 00:39:19,667
Who's "they?"
716
00:39:26,250 --> 00:39:27,667
Oh, they're driving angry.
717
00:39:33,500 --> 00:39:35,542
Now that's a superhero landing.
718
00:39:42,500 --> 00:39:43,750
I got this.
719
00:40:07,417 --> 00:40:08,250
Stay close.
720
00:40:08,875 --> 00:40:09,750
Aye, aye, Cap'n.
721
00:40:11,333 --> 00:40:12,292
You got this.
722
00:40:14,625 --> 00:40:18,042
Cassandra is gonna be giddy
when she sees what we caught.
723
00:40:19,083 --> 00:40:20,083
You can't run.
724
00:40:20,250 --> 00:40:21,458
Everybody knows that.
725
00:40:21,625 --> 00:40:23,750
You see anyone runnin', dick for brains?
726
00:40:24,875 --> 00:40:26,542
You're not gonna love what happens next.
727
00:40:26,708 --> 00:40:28,167
Oh. Oh, my God.
728
00:40:28,625 --> 00:40:29,458
Oh, my God.
729
00:40:29,625 --> 00:40:31,833
-Oh, my God, he's gonna say it.
-Ah! Fuck.
730
00:40:32,000 --> 00:40:34,125
-Oh, my God! He's gonna say it!
-Say what?
731
00:40:34,292 --> 00:40:35,292
Avengers, assemble…
732
00:40:35,458 --> 00:40:36,708
-Flame on!
-I'm sorry, what now?
733
00:40:59,833 --> 00:41:00,667
Fuck!
734
00:41:05,500 --> 00:41:06,583
We don't know that guy.
735
00:41:06,750 --> 00:41:07,625
We thought we did.
736
00:41:07,875 --> 00:41:09,292
I know you.
737
00:41:10,042 --> 00:41:10,875
Holy…
738
00:41:13,417 --> 00:41:14,458
Sabretooth.
739
00:41:15,167 --> 00:41:16,000
Your brother.
740
00:41:16,917 --> 00:41:18,875
Ready to die?
741
00:41:19,042 --> 00:41:21,292
Wait, wait, wait!
Time!
742
00:41:22,000 --> 00:41:23,542
You look ridiculous.
743
00:41:23,792 --> 00:41:26,292
People have waited decades for this fight.
744
00:41:26,458 --> 00:41:28,125
It's not gonna be easy.
Baby Knife.
745
00:41:28,292 --> 00:41:30,042
Shoot the double, you take him down.
746
00:41:30,208 --> 00:41:32,208
Side control, then full mount…
747
00:41:32,375 --> 00:41:35,333
and you ground and pound
till he makes no sound because he's dead.
748
00:41:35,500 --> 00:41:36,333
Shut the fuck up!
749
00:41:36,500 --> 00:41:37,458
Oh, my God!
750
00:41:37,625 --> 00:41:39,250
Okay. Good luck. I'm a huge fan.
751
00:41:52,292 --> 00:41:53,375
What is it, girl?
752
00:41:53,542 --> 00:41:54,667
Is there trouble at the well?
753
00:42:00,875 --> 00:42:01,792
Big trouble.
754
00:42:01,958 --> 00:42:03,542
Behold!
755
00:42:03,708 --> 00:42:06,583
The head of your precious queen…
756
00:42:06,750 --> 00:42:07,750
Furiosa!
757
00:42:08,917 --> 00:42:10,583
I have the Wolverine!
758
00:42:10,750 --> 00:42:13,833
I alone control her!
759
00:42:14,000 --> 00:42:15,917
You come for me…
760
00:42:16,417 --> 00:42:18,792
you come for her.
761
00:42:20,542 --> 00:42:24,167
So sorry. I know it's pronounced "him."
I'm gender blind. It's my cross to bear.
762
00:42:24,333 --> 00:42:25,292
Who's next?
763
00:42:25,667 --> 00:42:26,708
Toad!
764
00:42:26,875 --> 00:42:27,750
You're up.
765
00:42:35,500 --> 00:42:37,542
-Uh-oh. Oh, holy…
-Fuck.
766
00:42:48,458 --> 00:42:50,417
God of Thunder.
767
00:42:54,333 --> 00:42:55,625
How long was I asleep?
768
00:42:55,792 --> 00:42:57,583
Not all of you was asleep.
769
00:42:57,750 --> 00:42:59,125
Don't bother.
770
00:42:59,292 --> 00:43:01,083
They're very thorough.
771
00:43:01,542 --> 00:43:03,583
If you know where we are, start talking.
772
00:43:04,333 --> 00:43:05,333
You're in The Void.
773
00:43:05,958 --> 00:43:07,250
Think of it as purgatory.
774
00:43:08,125 --> 00:43:10,542
Reed called it a metaphysical junkyard.
775
00:43:10,708 --> 00:43:13,833
Where anything useless goes
before it gets annihilated forever.
776
00:43:14,375 --> 00:43:18,375
And where the TVA sends people that don't
play nice with the rest of the multiverse.
777
00:43:18,542 --> 00:43:19,958
-Like you?
-And you.
778
00:43:20,125 --> 00:43:21,500
What does the annihilating?
779
00:43:22,083 --> 00:43:22,917
Alioth.
780
00:43:23,083 --> 00:43:26,750
Alioth is in this thing?
From Loki, season one, episode five?
781
00:43:26,917 --> 00:43:28,833
Everyone here is on the run from Alioth.
782
00:43:29,500 --> 00:43:30,958
Most don't make it.
783
00:43:31,125 --> 00:43:32,417
There's a resistance, though.
784
00:43:33,208 --> 00:43:35,958
Other people like us that managed to survive.
785
00:43:36,292 --> 00:43:40,125
They're hidin' out in the borderlands,
trying to find a way the fuck outta here.
786
00:43:40,292 --> 00:43:41,625
Then that's where we go.
787
00:43:41,792 --> 00:43:43,500
"We?" Us? A team?
788
00:43:43,667 --> 00:43:45,458
The answer is yes.
Shake on it.
789
00:43:46,208 --> 00:43:47,458
Fuck! You nicked it.
790
00:43:47,625 --> 00:43:49,458
Just got the tip with
your little steak knife.
791
00:43:49,625 --> 00:43:51,583
These "others" can help us
get back to the TVA.
792
00:43:51,750 --> 00:43:52,667
Make 'em fix things.
793
00:43:54,958 --> 00:43:55,958
Something funny, bub?
794
00:43:56,583 --> 00:43:58,292
She might have somethin' to say about that.
795
00:43:58,458 --> 00:43:59,417
Who's "she?"
796
00:44:00,708 --> 00:44:01,792
In The Void…
797
00:44:02,042 --> 00:44:03,708
you're either food for Alioth…
798
00:44:04,500 --> 00:44:06,542
or you work for her.
799
00:45:18,875 --> 00:45:20,833
Huh. Paul Rudd finally aged.
800
00:45:21,958 --> 00:45:23,333
You must be this year's Juggernaut.
801
00:45:23,708 --> 00:45:25,250
-Thank you.
-I'd keep your voices down.
802
00:45:25,417 --> 00:45:26,542
She don't like the chatter.
803
00:45:26,708 --> 00:45:27,958
She's gonna love you.
804
00:45:44,083 --> 00:45:45,500
Is it… Is that Charles?
805
00:45:45,792 --> 00:45:47,958
Hey… Hey, Chuck! It's us!
806
00:45:48,125 --> 00:45:49,292
That's not Chuck.
807
00:45:49,458 --> 00:45:50,583
Ah, shit.
808
00:45:52,042 --> 00:45:53,500
Oh, ableism. Great.
809
00:45:53,667 --> 00:45:56,083
That's not gonna go over well
with the woke mob.
810
00:45:56,250 --> 00:45:57,708
A Wolverine.
811
00:45:58,208 --> 00:46:00,500
I wondered when I'd get one of you.
812
00:46:01,250 --> 00:46:02,417
You're one of Xavier's.
813
00:46:02,583 --> 00:46:04,042
You-You know him? You know Chuck?
814
00:46:04,208 --> 00:46:05,292
Oh, I knew him.
815
00:46:05,583 --> 00:46:07,083
We shared a womb.
816
00:46:07,292 --> 00:46:10,792
Tried to strangle the sly little fellow
with my umbilical cord.
817
00:46:10,958 --> 00:46:13,958
Amen. I've never loved roommates.
Mine's blind.
818
00:46:14,292 --> 00:46:15,667
Except she can see cocaine.
819
00:46:15,917 --> 00:46:17,417
For some… reason.
820
00:46:17,583 --> 00:46:20,292
You want to chime in, Your Majesty?
I'm dying here.
821
00:46:20,458 --> 00:46:21,583
Who are you?
822
00:46:21,750 --> 00:46:24,458
Charles Xavier's twin, Cassandra Nova.
823
00:46:24,792 --> 00:46:26,167
-Bullshit!
-I was an anal birth.
824
00:46:27,042 --> 00:46:28,250
You two are cute.
825
00:46:29,167 --> 00:46:30,500
I have a good feeling about this.
826
00:46:33,542 --> 00:46:34,667
And I've been trying to catch…
827
00:46:34,833 --> 00:46:36,542
this little firefly for years.
828
00:46:37,333 --> 00:46:38,917
Haven't I, Johnny?
829
00:46:39,083 --> 00:46:42,292
Aw… You picked the wrong time
to make new friends.
830
00:46:42,458 --> 00:46:44,792
Oh, Johnny told us all about you.
831
00:46:44,958 --> 00:46:46,250
-Maybe shut up now.
-Yeah, maybe don't…
832
00:46:46,417 --> 00:46:47,500
We're just talkin' here.
833
00:46:47,667 --> 00:46:50,833
Yeah, Johnny told us
you're a psychotic megalomaniacal asshole.
834
00:46:51,000 --> 00:46:51,750
His words, not mine.
835
00:46:51,917 --> 00:46:54,292
Hellbent on domination and pain.
836
00:46:55,500 --> 00:46:57,458
-You said all that about me?
-No!
837
00:46:57,625 --> 00:47:00,958
-No! I don't… I didn't say any of that!
-Sticks and stones, Johnny!
838
00:47:02,583 --> 00:47:04,583
Don't let her intimidate you.
839
00:47:04,750 --> 00:47:06,333
It's like you said in the convoy.
840
00:47:06,500 --> 00:47:09,333
This finger-lickin' dead-inside
pixie slab of…
841
00:47:09,500 --> 00:47:11,208
third rate dime-store nut-milk…
842
00:47:11,375 --> 00:47:13,167
can eat your delicious cinnamon ring…
843
00:47:13,333 --> 00:47:15,333
-and kick rocks all the way to bald hell.
-Okay.
844
00:47:15,500 --> 00:47:17,333
I have never said any of those words…
845
00:47:17,500 --> 00:47:19,542
-in my entire life!
-Ha! The modesty.
846
00:47:19,708 --> 00:47:22,583
People think I'm a shit talker.
But this guy…
847
00:47:22,958 --> 00:47:23,792
Next level.
848
00:47:23,958 --> 00:47:25,875
What? This… I… We…
849
00:47:26,042 --> 00:47:27,458
I don't even know what half of that means!
850
00:47:27,625 --> 00:47:30,125
-This… I… What? This…
-My hat's off to you, sir. Truly.
851
00:47:30,292 --> 00:47:31,500
I didn't… He's… That's…
852
00:47:32,292 --> 00:47:33,375
I don't…
853
00:47:38,917 --> 00:47:39,833
Not my favorite Chris.
854
00:47:40,000 --> 00:47:42,500
You stupid piece of shit.
You just got him fucking killed!
855
00:47:42,667 --> 00:47:44,417
Hey! We're all grieving!
856
00:47:44,583 --> 00:47:46,625
PS, do you know what
he was doing to the budget?
857
00:47:49,333 --> 00:47:51,167
Alioth is hungry.
858
00:47:52,083 --> 00:47:53,667
There's been some kind of mistake.
859
00:47:53,833 --> 00:47:55,542
Big yellow is a back up Anchor Being…
860
00:47:55,708 --> 00:47:58,125
and I'm Marvel Jesus. MJ, if you're nasty.
861
00:47:58,292 --> 00:47:59,333
This may be hard to hear…
862
00:47:59,500 --> 00:48:02,167
but there's another British villain
who's gonna destroy my universe…
863
00:48:02,333 --> 00:48:03,333
and I'm gonna stop him.
864
00:48:03,500 --> 00:48:06,375
Oh, honey, you don't really strike me as
the world-saving type.
865
00:48:08,917 --> 00:48:09,875
Did I hit a nerve?
866
00:48:10,958 --> 00:48:12,250
I didn't want it to come to this.
867
00:48:13,125 --> 00:48:14,042
Either you help us…
868
00:48:14,208 --> 00:48:17,167
or my friend here is gonna sing
the entire second act of Music Man…
869
00:48:17,333 --> 00:48:18,500
with zero warm-up.
870
00:48:19,375 --> 00:48:20,583
Where'd you get the chair?
871
00:48:20,750 --> 00:48:23,250
Well, once in a while,
I do get a Charles through here.
872
00:48:23,667 --> 00:48:25,042
Never mine, though.
873
00:48:25,208 --> 00:48:28,375
No. He didn't care to find me.
874
00:48:29,542 --> 00:48:32,042
Gen Z and their trauma-bragging!
875
00:48:32,208 --> 00:48:34,750
Can't you just stuff it down,
turn it into accomplishment…
876
00:48:34,917 --> 00:48:36,542
or cancer like the rest of us?
877
00:48:36,708 --> 00:48:38,375
But I'm not like the rest of you.
878
00:48:38,542 --> 00:48:40,292
Except maybe the Wolverine.
879
00:48:40,458 --> 00:48:42,917
Now, we could be truly terrifying together.
880
00:48:43,083 --> 00:48:44,333
You're that scary, huh?
881
00:48:44,500 --> 00:48:46,333
The TVA certainly thought so.
882
00:48:46,917 --> 00:48:49,042
They sent me here before I could walk.
883
00:48:49,500 --> 00:48:52,167
And you know, it's the best thing
that ever happened to me.
884
00:48:52,625 --> 00:48:53,542
I love it here.
885
00:48:53,708 --> 00:48:55,167
You live in a garbage dump.
886
00:48:55,333 --> 00:48:58,083
I think we both know who lives
in the garbage dump.
887
00:48:58,458 --> 00:48:59,917
The Void is a paradise.
888
00:49:00,250 --> 00:49:04,083
I can wield my power here without shame.
889
00:49:04,458 --> 00:49:07,750
Unfortunately I had no Charles Xavier
to teach me temperance.
890
00:49:08,458 --> 00:49:10,292
What about your Charles?
891
00:49:10,458 --> 00:49:11,583
Did he protect you?
892
00:49:12,375 --> 00:49:14,458
Did he make you feel safe?
893
00:49:14,625 --> 00:49:16,542
We're mutants. We're never safe.
894
00:49:24,750 --> 00:49:26,833
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
I don't… I don't want the smoke.
895
00:49:27,500 --> 00:49:30,125
I don't have any beef with you.
I just want to save my friends.
896
00:49:30,292 --> 00:49:31,625
I just… I want to go home.
897
00:49:31,792 --> 00:49:33,458
Well, the thing is, I could get you home.
898
00:49:33,625 --> 00:49:35,208
-Good.
-But I don't want to.
899
00:49:35,375 --> 00:49:36,667
Not good.
900
00:49:39,833 --> 00:49:42,125
What do you want, Wade Wilson?
901
00:49:42,625 --> 00:49:46,000
Your… fingers are inside me,
but not in a good way.
902
00:49:46,167 --> 00:49:49,125
My brother could
enter one's mind with a thought.
903
00:49:49,292 --> 00:49:51,625
I have to get my hands dirty.
904
00:49:54,500 --> 00:49:55,833
I've got you.
905
00:49:58,250 --> 00:49:59,375
I've got you…
906
00:50:02,000 --> 00:50:02,917
What do you mean?
907
00:50:05,083 --> 00:50:07,500
I can't, I can't reach you. You're not here.
908
00:50:07,667 --> 00:50:09,083
I'm right here.
909
00:50:09,542 --> 00:50:12,375
-No, you're not. I can't…
-I'm right here.
910
00:50:12,542 --> 00:50:14,542
Then show me. You got to do something.
911
00:50:15,958 --> 00:50:16,833
Show you what?
912
00:50:17,417 --> 00:50:20,167
Show me you care about
something bigger than you.
913
00:50:21,292 --> 00:50:25,083
Ever since they turned you down,
you took a knee.
914
00:50:25,917 --> 00:50:27,875
Baby, you never got back up.
915
00:50:30,083 --> 00:50:33,667
I know you're going through something.
Let me go through it with you.
916
00:50:35,083 --> 00:50:37,083
-Your crazy matches my crazy.
-Your crazy matches my crazy.
917
00:50:40,708 --> 00:50:41,708
Where'd you go?
918
00:50:42,333 --> 00:50:43,667
Oh, my God.
919
00:50:46,667 --> 00:50:48,333
You just say it. Okay?
920
00:50:49,375 --> 00:50:50,208
Say, "I don't want you.
921
00:50:50,375 --> 00:50:51,667
"I don't want to be with you."
922
00:50:52,833 --> 00:50:54,167
Go ahead. Say it. Say, say, "I don't…"
923
00:50:54,333 --> 00:50:55,417
Say it. You don't wanna be with me.
924
00:50:55,875 --> 00:50:58,208
Tell me that and I'll walk away.
Say, "I don't want you."
925
00:51:05,042 --> 00:51:05,875
Fuck…
926
00:51:06,042 --> 00:51:08,583
You'll never fucking matter.
927
00:51:12,458 --> 00:51:14,167
What?
928
00:51:14,542 --> 00:51:17,292
-You'll never fucking matter.
-Fucking matter.
929
00:51:23,750 --> 00:51:25,625
-You'll…
-You'll…
930
00:51:25,792 --> 00:51:27,167
-never…
-never…
931
00:51:27,750 --> 00:51:28,917
-fucking…
-fucking…
932
00:51:29,083 --> 00:51:31,875
-matter.
-matter…
933
00:51:33,917 --> 00:51:35,292
She never said that.
934
00:51:35,458 --> 00:51:36,417
No.
935
00:51:36,583 --> 00:51:38,458
But I bet she thought it.
936
00:51:40,583 --> 00:51:42,208
You are so mean!
937
00:51:42,375 --> 00:51:45,000
My brain could taste your fingers,
and they tasted like hate!
938
00:51:45,708 --> 00:51:48,208
And where in God's name
is the intimacy coordinator?
939
00:51:48,375 --> 00:51:50,625
You're so lost, Mr. Wilson.
940
00:51:51,167 --> 00:51:53,417
And long before you came here.
941
00:51:54,917 --> 00:51:57,333
This is Baby Knife.
She's gonna fuck you in the face now.
942
00:51:57,583 --> 00:52:00,542
If you want to kill me,
it's going to take more than a little blade.
943
00:52:00,833 --> 00:52:01,708
How about six?
944
00:52:03,708 --> 00:52:05,542
My boy's wicked strong.
945
00:52:06,042 --> 00:52:07,583
That's my big boy.
946
00:52:07,875 --> 00:52:09,208
Yes, you are.
947
00:52:15,042 --> 00:52:16,625
Well, this has been fun.
948
00:52:17,042 --> 00:52:19,208
But the big guy needs to eat
and the rent is due.
949
00:52:22,625 --> 00:52:23,458
By the way…
950
00:52:23,625 --> 00:52:25,042
you're the rent.
951
00:52:45,208 --> 00:52:47,042
Come on! Fuck!
952
00:52:47,208 --> 00:52:48,292
You comin' or what?
953
00:52:48,458 --> 00:52:49,333
Coming!
954
00:53:09,542 --> 00:53:10,542
What you thinkin' 'bout?
955
00:53:10,708 --> 00:53:11,750
Get the fuck off of me!
956
00:53:12,292 --> 00:53:13,167
Almost done.
957
00:53:13,333 --> 00:53:14,417
Almost done what?
958
00:53:14,583 --> 00:53:16,958
Getting my knife out of your buttocks,
pervert!
959
00:53:17,125 --> 00:53:18,042
Fuck!
960
00:53:18,208 --> 00:53:19,917
Get your mind out of my pants!
961
00:53:20,083 --> 00:53:20,917
I'm telling Blake.
962
00:53:21,083 --> 00:53:22,125
New rules.
963
00:53:22,667 --> 00:53:23,500
I talk now.
964
00:53:23,667 --> 00:53:27,083
-That's gonna be very hard on the audience.
-Shut the fuck up!
965
00:53:27,833 --> 00:53:28,708
Let me fuckin' think.
966
00:53:29,000 --> 00:53:30,833
Now we gotta get back to Paradox, right?
967
00:53:32,917 --> 00:53:33,750
Right?
968
00:53:35,625 --> 00:53:38,917
-Am I allowed to speak now or…
-Just nod, asshole.
969
00:53:40,542 --> 00:53:41,458
Right.
970
00:53:41,625 --> 00:53:44,458
Then we find the others that poor kid, Johnny
was talking about before you got him killed!
971
00:53:44,625 --> 00:53:46,250
"Poor kid." He's like fifty!
972
00:53:46,417 --> 00:53:48,917
Yeah, if there's a chance they know
how to get out of here, we find 'em.
973
00:53:49,083 --> 00:53:52,458
And make those TVA fuckers fix my shit
like you fucking promised!
974
00:53:52,625 --> 00:53:53,833
I smell quest.
975
00:53:56,583 --> 00:53:57,583
I smell food.
976
00:54:01,000 --> 00:54:04,333
So what made you finally wear an
honest-to-God costume?
977
00:54:06,042 --> 00:54:08,125
Mine's red so they can't see me bleed.
978
00:54:08,292 --> 00:54:10,958
But I could see how
yellow would be useful too.
979
00:54:11,125 --> 00:54:12,667
Have you been checked for ADHD?
980
00:54:12,833 --> 00:54:13,875
Mm-mm.
981
00:54:14,125 --> 00:54:16,250
But I've had several STDs, which…
982
00:54:16,417 --> 00:54:18,125
were probably caused by ADHD.
983
00:54:18,292 --> 00:54:19,083
Fuck!
984
00:54:20,542 --> 00:54:21,500
What are you looking for?
985
00:54:22,792 --> 00:54:23,792
Thank fuck.
986
00:54:24,833 --> 00:54:26,625
No, no, no. That's rubbing alcohol.
987
00:54:26,792 --> 00:54:29,375
You don't want to drink…
Oh, yeah. There you go. Fuck that liver.
988
00:54:31,083 --> 00:54:32,792
Good. Okay.
989
00:54:33,833 --> 00:54:34,958
What the fuck are those?
990
00:54:36,625 --> 00:54:39,417
Back in civilian life, I wear a toupee,
but nobody knows.
991
00:54:42,500 --> 00:54:44,000
Everybody knows.
992
00:54:46,792 --> 00:54:48,500
Wanna talk about what's haunting you, or…
993
00:54:48,667 --> 00:54:50,583
should we wait for a third act flashback?
994
00:54:51,250 --> 00:54:52,500
Go fuck yourself.
995
00:54:55,833 --> 00:54:56,667
You know…
996
00:54:58,542 --> 00:54:59,958
in my world, you're…
997
00:55:02,000 --> 00:55:03,250
You're well regarded.
998
00:55:03,542 --> 00:55:04,833
Yeah, well, not in mine.
999
00:55:06,042 --> 00:55:09,250
-They don't like me much in mine either.
-You don't say.
1000
00:55:09,500 --> 00:55:11,125
I wanted to be something, you know. I…
1001
00:55:12,208 --> 00:55:13,875
Shit, I wanted to be an Avenger.
1002
00:55:14,125 --> 00:55:15,958
-Fuck the Avengers.
-Yeah.
1003
00:55:16,458 --> 00:55:18,542
I didn't make the cut, though.
Same with the X-Men…
1004
00:55:20,667 --> 00:55:21,667
When my girlfriend left me…
1005
00:55:21,833 --> 00:55:22,958
-and then I just…
-You had a girlfriend?
1006
00:55:23,500 --> 00:55:24,542
Yeah.
1007
00:55:25,042 --> 00:55:25,875
Vanessa.
1008
00:55:26,542 --> 00:55:27,958
When we met, she was a dancer.
1009
00:55:29,167 --> 00:55:30,167
We had a whole life.
1010
00:55:31,458 --> 00:55:32,458
It was good.
1011
00:55:33,250 --> 00:55:34,625
But, oh, boy, I just…
1012
00:55:36,583 --> 00:55:38,083
Fucked that right up.
1013
00:55:38,958 --> 00:55:40,000
But you.
1014
00:55:40,167 --> 00:55:41,292
You were an X-Man.
1015
00:55:41,625 --> 00:55:43,458
Fuck that. You were the X-Man. You…
1016
00:55:45,375 --> 00:55:46,542
The Wolverine.
1017
00:55:48,917 --> 00:55:50,458
He was a hero in my world.
1018
00:55:52,375 --> 00:55:53,208
Yeah, well…
1019
00:55:54,625 --> 00:55:55,792
he ain't shit in mine.
1020
00:56:01,333 --> 00:56:03,833
You said, "Logan was a hero."
What happened?
1021
00:56:04,708 --> 00:56:05,542
He died.
1022
00:56:06,292 --> 00:56:07,125
How?
1023
00:56:08,000 --> 00:56:10,500
Well, technically,
you were chest-fucked by a tree, but…
1024
00:56:10,667 --> 00:56:13,250
really, you just ran out of batteries
trying to save someone.
1025
00:56:13,417 --> 00:56:14,250
Who?
1026
00:56:14,625 --> 00:56:17,917
The shitheels that grew her in a lab
called her "X-23." But…
1027
00:56:18,667 --> 00:56:19,792
she was just a kid.
1028
00:56:20,583 --> 00:56:24,000
A younger, daintier,
somehow meaner version of you.
1029
00:56:24,167 --> 00:56:25,542
You died trying to save her.
1030
00:56:25,917 --> 00:56:26,750
It was beautiful.
1031
00:56:27,500 --> 00:56:29,792
Look, mijo, I know you're hurtin'.
1032
00:56:30,542 --> 00:56:34,167
My blind, elderly, African-American roommate,
Blind Al, always says that…
1033
00:56:34,333 --> 00:56:36,000
pain teaches us who we are.
1034
00:56:36,167 --> 00:56:38,708
Sometimes we need to listen to that pain
instead of running from it.
1035
00:56:38,875 --> 00:56:40,542
-Holy shit.
-Yeah, she's wise.
1036
00:56:40,708 --> 00:56:43,083
No, no, no. That's her name?
You call her "Blind Al?"
1037
00:56:43,250 --> 00:56:44,250
Well, she's blind.
1038
00:57:21,875 --> 00:57:23,125
Look at you!
1039
00:57:23,292 --> 00:57:24,292
She's coming with us.
1040
00:57:24,458 --> 00:57:26,333
-No, she's not. Fuck no!
-Oh, yes, she is.
1041
00:57:26,500 --> 00:57:28,417
-Oh, yes…
-Sorry!
1042
00:57:28,792 --> 00:57:30,167
Sorry about that!
1043
00:57:30,583 --> 00:57:31,708
Come here, girl!
1044
00:57:32,667 --> 00:57:33,875
Who are you?
1045
00:57:34,042 --> 00:57:35,333
Oh, I'm Deadpool.
1046
00:57:35,500 --> 00:57:36,792
And I guess you're Deadpool too.
1047
00:57:36,958 --> 00:57:38,958
But in here, everybody calls me "Nicepool."
1048
00:57:39,375 --> 00:57:42,333
Oh, my goodness. Wait till you see Ladypool.
She is gorgeous.
1049
00:57:42,500 --> 00:57:43,875
She just had a baby too. And…
1050
00:57:44,625 --> 00:57:45,458
Can't even tell.
1051
00:57:45,625 --> 00:57:46,958
I don't think you're supposed to say that.
1052
00:57:47,125 --> 00:57:47,958
That's okay.
1053
00:57:48,625 --> 00:57:50,125
I identify as a feminist.
1054
00:57:50,292 --> 00:57:51,167
Right.
1055
00:57:52,958 --> 00:57:55,958
Are those gold-plated,
.50 caliber Desert Eagle pistoleros?
1056
00:57:56,125 --> 00:57:57,250
'Course.
1057
00:57:57,625 --> 00:57:58,792
To match my ear huggie.
1058
00:57:58,958 --> 00:57:59,833
Can I have 'em?
1059
00:58:00,792 --> 00:58:02,125
Over my dead body.
1060
00:58:02,458 --> 00:58:03,333
You're fun.
1061
00:58:03,500 --> 00:58:07,833
And I guess you've already met Mary Puppins.
AKA Dogpool.
1062
00:58:08,000 --> 00:58:09,042
Careful where you put your hands.
1063
00:58:09,208 --> 00:58:12,042
She's ninety percent g-spot,
and she'll let you know it.
1064
00:58:12,208 --> 00:58:15,625
You let this little flirt out of your sight
for one second and…
1065
00:58:15,792 --> 00:58:17,833
she starts shopping for a new papa.
1066
00:58:18,000 --> 00:58:22,458
If you can't be a responsible pet owner, then
maybe you don't deserve this little unicorn.
1067
00:58:22,750 --> 00:58:24,417
Guilty on all charges, Your Honor.
1068
00:58:24,958 --> 00:58:25,958
Shan't happen again.
1069
00:58:26,125 --> 00:58:27,458
Why are you so nice?
1070
00:58:27,625 --> 00:58:29,000
Oh, it costs nothing to be kind.
1071
00:58:29,167 --> 00:58:30,917
Shutting the fuck up is also free.
1072
00:58:31,583 --> 00:58:32,458
This is Logan.
1073
00:58:32,625 --> 00:58:35,375
He's usually shirtless,
but he's let himself go since the divorce.
1074
00:58:36,708 --> 00:58:38,250
Where's your mask?
1075
00:58:40,958 --> 00:58:41,792
Come on, guys.
1076
00:58:43,458 --> 00:58:44,542
Ugh, this guy.
1077
00:58:44,708 --> 00:58:46,208
We're looking for a group of survivors.
1078
00:58:46,375 --> 00:58:47,208
Oh, they're out there.
1079
00:58:47,375 --> 00:58:50,750
Yeah, but merc to merc, you better hope
that you don't run into the Deadpool corps.
1080
00:58:50,917 --> 00:58:51,875
Yeah, they're crazy.
1081
00:58:52,042 --> 00:58:55,000
They will chop you up into a thousand pieces
and hide you all over The Void.
1082
00:58:55,167 --> 00:58:57,000
If they could only process
their childhood trauma…
1083
00:58:57,167 --> 00:58:58,750
they'd go on one heck of a healing journey.
1084
00:58:58,917 --> 00:58:59,917
Look, we're headed for the borderlands.
1085
00:59:00,083 --> 00:59:01,042
You know where it is?
1086
00:59:01,333 --> 00:59:05,542
Yeah, that… That's twelve klicks due west.
I can lend you my ride, if you like.
1087
00:59:05,708 --> 00:59:07,417
It would be my honor.
1088
00:59:11,083 --> 00:59:13,125
No, no, no. Absolutely not.
1089
00:59:13,292 --> 00:59:15,167
Uh-uh. What the…
No! No!
1090
00:59:15,333 --> 00:59:16,250
Just get in the car.
1091
00:59:16,417 --> 00:59:17,500
This isn't a car.
1092
00:59:17,667 --> 00:59:19,875
This is a Honda fuckin' Odyssey.
1093
00:59:20,042 --> 00:59:21,917
Throttle response sucks a cock.
1094
00:59:22,083 --> 00:59:23,208
Dated infotainment system.
1095
00:59:23,375 --> 00:59:26,000
When Honda saw that untreated chlamydia
was makin' a comeback…
1096
00:59:26,167 --> 00:59:28,958
they invented the Honda Odyssey to compete.
1097
00:59:29,125 --> 00:59:31,833
Get in the fucking car.
1098
00:59:32,167 --> 00:59:33,958
She'll get you there safe and sound.
1099
00:59:34,125 --> 00:59:35,583
Old Betsy always does.
1100
00:59:36,458 --> 00:59:38,375
You're gonna have to
give me my dog back, though.
1101
00:59:38,750 --> 00:59:41,250
I know. Listen. Yes, child.
1102
00:59:41,417 --> 00:59:43,875
If you ever wanna give her up,
or if she needs a new home…
1103
00:59:44,042 --> 00:59:45,917
or if something
should happen to you…
1104
00:59:46,083 --> 00:59:47,292
I'd love to be her papa.
1105
00:59:48,000 --> 00:59:49,625
What would ever happen to me?
1106
00:59:49,792 --> 00:59:50,833
Lots of stuff.
1107
00:59:54,542 --> 00:59:56,792
-Jesus.
-No! We're running away.
1108
00:59:57,833 --> 00:59:59,542
-Give me that.
-The corn was too dense, girl!
1109
00:59:59,708 --> 01:00:00,542
-There.
-Come here!
1110
01:00:00,708 --> 01:00:01,958
-Fuck!
-Hello!
1111
01:00:04,250 --> 01:00:05,250
Bye.
1112
01:00:31,042 --> 01:00:32,042
Okay, I'm just gonna ask…
1113
01:00:32,417 --> 01:00:33,583
What's with the suit?
1114
01:00:33,750 --> 01:00:35,208
First thing I did when I flamed out…
1115
01:00:35,375 --> 01:00:36,375
-I took mine off.
-Drop it.
1116
01:00:36,542 --> 01:00:37,500
It's not that ugly.
1117
01:00:37,667 --> 01:00:39,250
-Stop talking about my suit.
-Did you make it yourself?
1118
01:00:39,417 --> 01:00:40,833
-Been there.
-Quit. Now.
1119
01:00:41,000 --> 01:00:44,083
The X-Men make you wear it?
Those sons of fuckin' bitches.
1120
01:00:44,250 --> 01:00:45,750
They are not your friends,
I'll tell you that.
1121
01:00:45,917 --> 01:00:46,917
Friends don't let friends…
1122
01:00:47,083 --> 01:00:49,958
leave the house lookin' like they
fight crime for the Los Angeles Rams.
1123
01:00:50,125 --> 01:00:51,208
Shut the fuck up about this, or…
1124
01:00:51,375 --> 01:00:53,583
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Watch your frown lines, angel baby.
1125
01:00:53,750 --> 01:00:55,917
-I'm just trying to bond a little bit.
-Yeah, well, then talk about somethin' else.
1126
01:00:56,083 --> 01:00:57,000
Fine.
1127
01:01:04,167 --> 01:01:05,208
Stop it.
1128
01:01:06,917 --> 01:01:07,750
If they can fix your world…
1129
01:01:07,917 --> 01:01:09,542
what's the first thing you're gonna do
when you get out of here?
1130
01:01:09,708 --> 01:01:12,833
Get some rubbing alcohol shots,
maybe a wiper fluid chaser?
1131
01:01:13,000 --> 01:01:13,917
What did you say?
1132
01:01:14,083 --> 01:01:15,708
I said when you get back,
what's the first thing you're gonna do?
1133
01:01:15,875 --> 01:01:17,208
No, no, no. Before that.
1134
01:01:18,458 --> 01:01:20,125
If… they can fix your world?
1135
01:01:24,250 --> 01:01:25,708
What do you mean, "if?"
1136
01:01:26,542 --> 01:01:27,375
-I mean…
-You lied to me.
1137
01:01:27,542 --> 01:01:30,083
You don't have a fucking clue
if they can help me fix things, do you?
1138
01:01:30,250 --> 01:01:31,333
No. I, I mean…
1139
01:01:32,000 --> 01:01:34,792
Fuck! Fuck! I didn't lie!
1140
01:01:34,958 --> 01:01:37,625
-You lied!
-No! I made an educated wish!
1141
01:01:39,500 --> 01:01:40,458
Because I need you.
1142
01:01:41,792 --> 01:01:44,792
This. This is why. Right here.
1143
01:01:45,833 --> 01:01:47,333
'Cause if we don't do something, they die.
1144
01:01:47,750 --> 01:01:49,667
I don't know anything about saving worlds.
1145
01:01:49,833 --> 01:01:51,375
And why would I even care?
1146
01:01:51,542 --> 01:01:54,458
Because my entire world
is right here in this picture.
1147
01:01:54,917 --> 01:01:56,917
It's only nine people…
1148
01:01:57,083 --> 01:01:59,125
and I have no idea how to save it alone.
1149
01:02:00,250 --> 01:02:02,333
I know how to fuck people up for money.
But you…
1150
01:02:02,500 --> 01:02:04,083
you know how to save 'em!
1151
01:02:05,333 --> 01:02:06,542
At least the other Wolverine did.
1152
01:02:07,792 --> 01:02:10,208
Fuck! I guess I'm stuck with the worst one.
1153
01:02:10,375 --> 01:02:12,625
Did you say you made…
1154
01:02:12,792 --> 01:02:16,083
an educated fucking wish?
1155
01:02:16,250 --> 01:02:18,375
They call me "The Merc with the Mouth."
1156
01:02:18,542 --> 01:02:22,417
They don't call me "Truthful Timmy,
the Blowjob Queen of Saskatoon."
1157
01:02:26,292 --> 01:02:27,208
One more word.
1158
01:02:28,500 --> 01:02:29,958
Please give me one.
1159
01:02:33,583 --> 01:02:34,750
Gubernatorial.
1160
01:02:35,500 --> 01:02:36,500
Oh, fuck!
1161
01:02:38,125 --> 01:02:39,542
You know what? You're a fucking joke.
1162
01:02:41,333 --> 01:02:42,750
No wonder the Avengers didn't take you.
1163
01:02:42,917 --> 01:02:45,042
Or the X-Men.
And they'll take fucking anyone.
1164
01:02:45,542 --> 01:02:46,917
I mean, you are…
1165
01:02:47,083 --> 01:02:50,625
a ridiculous, immature, half-wit moron.
1166
01:02:51,250 --> 01:02:52,958
I have never met…
1167
01:02:53,125 --> 01:02:54,333
a sadder…
1168
01:02:54,500 --> 01:02:56,875
more attention-starved,
jabbering little prick…
1169
01:02:57,042 --> 01:03:00,458
in my entire life. And that says a lot,
'cause I've been alive…
1170
01:03:00,625 --> 01:03:04,458
for more than two hundred fuckin' years,
and I'll tell you…
1171
01:03:04,625 --> 01:03:08,833
that bald chick was right about one thing.
You will never save the world!
1172
01:03:09,000 --> 01:03:11,500
You couldn't even save a relationship…
1173
01:03:11,667 --> 01:03:13,542
with a goddamn stripper!
1174
01:03:13,708 --> 01:03:16,167
And motherfucker,
I wish I could say you'd die alone…
1175
01:03:16,333 --> 01:03:19,250
but it's one of God's best jokes
that you can't die…
1176
01:03:19,417 --> 01:03:20,917
except that's on all of us!
1177
01:03:25,000 --> 01:03:27,458
Oh, you got nothing to say, Mouth?
1178
01:03:36,125 --> 01:03:37,792
I'm gonna fight you now.
1179
01:03:40,000 --> 01:03:41,250
Oh, are you?
1180
01:03:51,958 --> 01:03:53,958
Mm. Not talkin' now, are ya?
1181
01:04:00,625 --> 01:04:01,667
You dirty bitch.
1182
01:04:17,375 --> 01:04:18,208
Whoo!
1183
01:04:34,792 --> 01:04:36,000
No, no, no!
1184
01:04:54,833 --> 01:04:55,667
Baby Knife!
1185
01:04:59,417 --> 01:05:02,500
I take it all back.
The Honda Odyssey fucks hard.
1186
01:05:02,917 --> 01:05:04,375
Too bad you don't, needle dick.
1187
01:05:04,542 --> 01:05:05,750
Oh, we're just gettin' started, bub.
1188
01:05:10,333 --> 01:05:11,583
Oh, you… Fuck!
1189
01:06:04,500 --> 01:06:05,333
Thor!
1190
01:06:08,417 --> 01:06:09,333
Where are we?
1191
01:06:09,500 --> 01:06:12,125
No clue, but… I like it here.
1192
01:06:20,292 --> 01:06:22,125
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
1193
01:07:11,167 --> 01:07:12,083
Okay.
1194
01:07:13,000 --> 01:07:15,833
Look at you… all. You must be the others.
1195
01:07:16,542 --> 01:07:17,375
Terrific.
1196
01:07:17,708 --> 01:07:21,042
So just to refresh, you are…
1197
01:07:21,208 --> 01:07:23,583
-Wonder… Elektra? Yes. Who could forget?
-Elektra.
1198
01:07:24,417 --> 01:07:29,125
And you. I was not expecting to see you here.
I thought you were, you know…
1199
01:07:29,292 --> 01:07:30,250
retired.
1200
01:07:31,500 --> 01:07:32,333
Retarded?
1201
01:07:33,833 --> 01:07:34,792
"Retired."
1202
01:07:34,958 --> 01:07:37,167
I'm already in The Void.
I'm not trying to get canceled again.
1203
01:07:37,333 --> 01:07:38,083
I don't like you.
1204
01:07:38,250 --> 01:07:39,083
You never did.
1205
01:07:40,792 --> 01:07:44,500
And who's this succulent reminder
of my own inadequacies?
1206
01:07:44,667 --> 01:07:45,750
Look at you.
1207
01:07:46,417 --> 01:07:48,500
You look like the
superhero version of Hawkeye.
1208
01:07:49,125 --> 01:07:51,917
The name's Remy LeBeau, Le Diable Blanc.
1209
01:07:52,625 --> 01:07:53,583
But you can call me the Gambit.
1210
01:07:53,750 --> 01:07:56,500
It's been a while since I've seen
Sling Blade. Hit me again.
1211
01:07:57,583 --> 01:07:58,542
They call me the Gambit.
1212
01:07:58,708 --> 01:08:01,167
Do they? Are you sure you didn't just
really, really want them to…
1213
01:08:01,333 --> 01:08:02,458
but it never quite worked out?
1214
01:08:05,333 --> 01:08:07,625
You know,
we never had a Wolverine up in here.
1215
01:08:08,417 --> 01:08:11,375
But I can tell you now,
it's just a common courtesy to ask…
1216
01:08:11,542 --> 01:08:13,208
before you drink up all of my liquor.
1217
01:08:13,500 --> 01:08:15,542
Well, it's a good thing I don't give a fuck.
1218
01:08:18,750 --> 01:08:19,582
Fuck.
1219
01:08:22,707 --> 01:08:23,832
So embarrassing.
1220
01:08:26,042 --> 01:08:28,707
Well, now that that's settled, look,
we came a long way to find you three.
1221
01:08:28,875 --> 01:08:29,667
There's four of us.
1222
01:08:29,832 --> 01:08:31,707
There's four… Hey, wait. Is it Magneto?
1223
01:08:32,542 --> 01:08:34,875
Dear sweet God in heaven,
let it be Magneto…
1224
01:08:35,042 --> 01:08:35,917
-because with him…
-He's dead.
1225
01:08:36,082 --> 01:08:37,957
Fuck!
Now Disney gets cheap?
1226
01:08:38,125 --> 01:08:41,250
It's like Pinocchio jammed his face in my ass
and started lying like crazy.
1227
01:08:41,417 --> 01:08:42,500
Ooh, you nasty!
1228
01:08:44,667 --> 01:08:47,375
Not a single word. What do you do exactly?
1229
01:08:47,542 --> 01:08:50,125
Charge the playing cards
and make 'em go boom!
1230
01:08:50,292 --> 01:08:52,250
Your power's close up magic. That's good.
1231
01:08:52,417 --> 01:08:53,832
We're not totally fucked at all.
1232
01:08:54,000 --> 01:08:55,500
So who brought us here?
1233
01:08:55,667 --> 01:08:56,582
That would be me.
1234
01:09:06,917 --> 01:09:07,750
Don't make me regret it.
1235
01:09:10,000 --> 01:09:12,917
Holy shit. Logan. That's her.
That's X-23.
1236
01:09:13,417 --> 01:09:14,917
She's the one I told you about.
1237
01:09:19,457 --> 01:09:21,542
Hey, how did you all get stuck in The Void?
1238
01:09:21,707 --> 01:09:23,082
There was a knock at the door.
1239
01:09:23,250 --> 01:09:25,167
-TVA sent me here.
-Me, too.
1240
01:09:25,332 --> 01:09:27,500
Well, maybe I was born here.
It's, it's hard to know for sure.
1241
01:09:27,832 --> 01:09:30,042
TVA decided our universe was dying.
1242
01:09:31,332 --> 01:09:33,207
And I never even got a chance
to fight for it.
1243
01:09:36,042 --> 01:09:38,125
People like us don't go quietly.
1244
01:09:38,292 --> 01:09:40,125
TVA knows that, so they took us out.
1245
01:09:40,832 --> 01:09:42,832
The answer is yes. I'm in.
1246
01:09:43,000 --> 01:09:44,417
-In what?
-A team.
1247
01:09:45,082 --> 01:09:46,957
Me, you, you, and me. All of us together.
1248
01:09:47,125 --> 01:09:48,207
Let's get the fuck out of this place.
1249
01:09:48,375 --> 01:09:51,792
-Don't listen to him. He's a fucking liar!
-It was an educated wish!
1250
01:09:52,832 --> 01:09:53,667
Look.
1251
01:09:55,208 --> 01:09:56,875
We've been inside Cassandra's lair.
1252
01:09:57,208 --> 01:09:59,750
The only way out of The Void
is through her.
1253
01:09:59,917 --> 01:10:01,667
She can get us home. She told us.
1254
01:10:01,833 --> 01:10:03,375
Wait a minute, you've been inside?
1255
01:10:04,167 --> 01:10:05,958
-And you made it out alive?
-Bullshit.
1256
01:10:06,125 --> 01:10:07,708
-Nobody's ever done that.
-We did.
1257
01:10:07,875 --> 01:10:10,125
Every time one of us
has gone up against her…
1258
01:10:10,542 --> 01:10:11,375
they die.
1259
01:10:11,833 --> 01:10:14,542
The Punisher, The Quicksilver, The Daredevil.
1260
01:10:14,708 --> 01:10:16,042
Daredevil? I'm so sorry.
1261
01:10:16,208 --> 01:10:17,375
-It's fine.
-Okay.
1262
01:10:19,667 --> 01:10:22,125
Even that sweet, baby angel, Johnny Storm.
1263
01:10:22,875 --> 01:10:24,417
He up and gone missing like…
1264
01:10:24,708 --> 01:10:25,708
what, two days ago?
1265
01:10:26,417 --> 01:10:28,125
Ugh. That's so sad.
1266
01:10:28,833 --> 01:10:31,583
Wherever this Johnny fella is,
I'm sure he's thriving.
1267
01:10:32,750 --> 01:10:35,833
Look, there's, there's strength in numbers.
All right? Us…
1268
01:10:36,000 --> 01:10:37,375
plus, you guys. We can put Cassandra…
1269
01:10:37,542 --> 01:10:39,667
over our knee and force her
to let us out of The Void.
1270
01:10:39,833 --> 01:10:41,417
I know what it means to feel self-doubt.
1271
01:10:41,583 --> 01:10:43,000
-I don't feel that at all.
-I'm good.
1272
01:10:43,167 --> 01:10:45,083
Gnawing at your gut like a coked-up tapeworm.
1273
01:10:45,250 --> 01:10:46,917
It's like you're
holding up a mirror to my soul.
1274
01:10:47,083 --> 01:10:49,708
You guys may not have been able to
save your universes.
1275
01:10:49,875 --> 01:10:51,333
But you can avenge them.
1276
01:10:52,125 --> 01:10:53,500
It's what Johnny would have wanted.
1277
01:10:53,667 --> 01:10:56,333
Wait. You knew Johnny?
1278
01:10:57,333 --> 01:10:58,500
Oh, yeah.
1279
01:10:58,667 --> 01:11:00,500
Dickhead here talked him into a team up…
1280
01:11:00,667 --> 01:11:03,042
and Johnny came down
with a little case of the deads.
1281
01:11:03,208 --> 01:11:04,458
No, no, no. We don't know that.
1282
01:11:04,625 --> 01:11:06,750
It was just a flesh wound.
He may have survived.
1283
01:11:06,917 --> 01:11:09,500
If he survived that, he is prayin' for death.
1284
01:11:09,667 --> 01:11:11,958
-Thank you, Doctor Wolverine!
-Spill it!
1285
01:11:12,125 --> 01:11:13,333
What'd you do to Johnny, huh?
1286
01:11:13,500 --> 01:11:14,708
Talk or I'm gonna start dealin'.
1287
01:11:14,875 --> 01:11:16,083
Okay. Okay. Hey, hey, hey.
1288
01:11:16,750 --> 01:11:17,583
Look.
1289
01:11:17,750 --> 01:11:20,042
He ran his fat-ass mouth about Cassandra.
1290
01:11:20,208 --> 01:11:21,917
Then she zip-zapped his skin…
1291
01:11:22,083 --> 01:11:24,125
leaving his organs to
splash crudely onto the ground…
1292
01:11:24,292 --> 01:11:26,833
while the soil greedily drank his blood.
It was horrible.
1293
01:11:27,000 --> 01:11:28,333
He was like a brother to me.
1294
01:11:28,958 --> 01:11:31,958
Look, he died
before he could make a difference. But…
1295
01:11:32,125 --> 01:11:34,458
Look, maybe you couldn't save your worlds,
but…
1296
01:11:34,625 --> 01:11:37,167
but Jesus Christ, you can save mine!
1297
01:11:37,333 --> 01:11:39,792
I don't give a shit about your world, but…
1298
01:11:39,958 --> 01:11:42,875
if these two made it out of there alive,
maybe together…
1299
01:11:43,042 --> 01:11:44,667
we can get back in.
And take her down.
1300
01:11:44,833 --> 01:11:47,375
Where I come from,
we call that suicide, Chère.
1301
01:11:47,833 --> 01:11:51,542
If we can block her psychic powers,
we can get a leg up. I know it.
1302
01:11:51,708 --> 01:11:53,250
Now I know Magneto's dead.
1303
01:11:53,792 --> 01:11:55,708
But I'd venture to guess that his helmet…
1304
01:11:55,875 --> 01:11:58,250
-is lying around here somewhere…
-Cassandra melted the helmet.
1305
01:11:58,417 --> 01:11:59,542
-Fuck!
-After she killed him.
1306
01:11:59,708 --> 01:12:00,625
Fuck!
1307
01:12:00,792 --> 01:12:01,583
She don't play.
1308
01:12:01,750 --> 01:12:04,667
She knows that helmet was the only way
to protect anyone from her powers.
1309
01:12:04,833 --> 01:12:07,167
The only other helmet that strong is
Juggernaut's, but…
1310
01:12:07,333 --> 01:12:09,417
-he works for Cassandra.
-Juggernaut's helmet. That's it.
1311
01:12:09,583 --> 01:12:11,125
Yeah, and we done be knowing
that lid ain't comin' off…
1312
01:12:11,292 --> 01:12:13,583
-without that dome gonna come off wit'it.
-I'm so sorry, beautiful.
1313
01:12:13,750 --> 01:12:17,083
I want this to be gentle.
Who is your dialect coach? The Minions?
1314
01:12:17,250 --> 01:12:20,083
I feel like
we are missing critical exposition here.
1315
01:12:21,583 --> 01:12:24,292
I'm sick of this shit.
I'm sick of hiding.
1316
01:12:25,583 --> 01:12:27,500
Let's face it, our worlds forgot about us.
1317
01:12:27,667 --> 01:12:29,292
Or never learned about us.
1318
01:12:29,458 --> 01:12:30,750
The heroes we were.
1319
01:12:30,917 --> 01:12:32,042
Lives we saved.
1320
01:12:32,208 --> 01:12:33,667
Or wanted to save.
1321
01:12:33,833 --> 01:12:35,500
Maybe these two are our chance.
1322
01:12:37,125 --> 01:12:38,208
To be remembered.
1323
01:12:38,667 --> 01:12:39,750
The way we deserve.
1324
01:12:40,917 --> 01:12:41,875
Yes.
1325
01:12:42,042 --> 01:12:42,958
An ending.
1326
01:12:43,833 --> 01:12:44,958
-Legacy.
-Yes!
1327
01:12:45,125 --> 01:12:46,708
Yes! Let this man cook.
1328
01:12:46,875 --> 01:12:48,125
This is what I'm talking about.
1329
01:12:48,292 --> 01:12:50,125
Big slow-motion fights, sad music.
1330
01:12:50,292 --> 01:12:53,250
Everybody working together. Who knows if you
live or die? That sorta thing.
1331
01:12:53,417 --> 01:12:55,417
-Who's ready?
-I was born ready.
1332
01:12:55,583 --> 01:12:56,583
Yes!
Gambit?
1333
01:12:56,750 --> 01:12:59,667
I ain't know my daddy,
but I'm sure I shot out of his dick ready.
1334
01:12:59,833 --> 01:13:01,583
Jesus Christ, that is graphic.
1335
01:13:01,750 --> 01:13:03,625
Yeah. He was layin' them buttery nuts
all up in my mama…
1336
01:13:03,792 --> 01:13:05,583
and I shot out there and I said,
"What's up, Doc?"
1337
01:13:06,417 --> 01:13:09,625
Johnny must have loved you.
X-23, what's it gonna be?
1338
01:13:10,500 --> 01:13:11,500
The name's Laura.
1339
01:13:11,667 --> 01:13:14,542
-Let's fucking go.
-Let's fucking go!
1340
01:13:14,708 --> 01:13:16,333
-It's on like chicken and corn.
-Yeah!
1341
01:13:16,500 --> 01:13:18,417
-We're doing this.
-You're all fuckin' dead.
1342
01:13:18,583 --> 01:13:20,625
My God! Read the room.
1343
01:13:31,750 --> 01:13:34,667
Hey, hey. I'm not lookin' for company.
Get out of here.
1344
01:13:36,875 --> 01:13:37,917
You remind me of him.
1345
01:13:38,542 --> 01:13:40,000
Angry. Drunk. Mean…
1346
01:13:40,375 --> 01:13:42,333
-Sounds like a great guy…
-Wasn't finished.
1347
01:13:44,333 --> 01:13:45,833
Showed up when it mattered the most.
1348
01:13:48,125 --> 01:13:49,708
Couldn't help it.
1349
01:13:53,125 --> 01:13:54,083
You might not know it, but…
1350
01:13:55,542 --> 01:13:56,667
you're a good man, Logan.
1351
01:13:59,000 --> 01:14:01,708
You might not know it, but apparently,
I'm the worst Logan.
1352
01:14:03,917 --> 01:14:05,542
I got to have a life because of you.
1353
01:14:08,667 --> 01:14:10,083
I got to grow up because of you.
1354
01:14:12,333 --> 01:14:13,417
A lot of kids did.
1355
01:14:14,083 --> 01:14:16,000
A lot of kids didn't grow up because of me.
1356
01:14:18,250 --> 01:14:19,750
Trust me, kid, I'm no hero.
1357
01:14:21,167 --> 01:14:22,625
That suit says different.
1358
01:14:23,292 --> 01:14:24,542
Yeah. Do you like it?
1359
01:14:27,292 --> 01:14:28,917
Scott used to beg me to wear it.
1360
01:14:31,250 --> 01:14:33,750
So did Jean, Storm, Beast.
1361
01:14:35,875 --> 01:14:36,875
All of them.
1362
01:14:38,167 --> 01:14:41,375
They wanted me to be part of the team,
but I wouldn't.
1363
01:14:41,875 --> 01:14:45,000
Told 'em they all look fucking ridiculous.
I mean…
1364
01:14:47,042 --> 01:14:49,500
I couldn't have 'em thinkin'
I wanted to be there.
1365
01:14:55,333 --> 01:14:58,333
And then one day, while I was off on my own,
the humans came…
1366
01:14:59,208 --> 01:15:00,500
and went mutant hunting.
1367
01:15:01,833 --> 01:15:02,917
I can guess the rest.
1368
01:15:03,083 --> 01:15:03,917
No, no, let me…
1369
01:15:05,625 --> 01:15:06,583
Let me say it. I…
1370
01:15:09,375 --> 01:15:10,333
I need to say it.
1371
01:15:13,208 --> 01:15:16,333
By the time I stumbled home
shitfaced from the bar, it was too late.
1372
01:15:20,958 --> 01:15:21,958
They were dead. Every…
1373
01:15:28,667 --> 01:15:31,625
This suit's all I got to remind me of
who they were.
1374
01:15:33,625 --> 01:15:34,500
And what I did.
1375
01:15:47,792 --> 01:15:49,250
We're headed to Cassandra's at sunup.
1376
01:15:50,292 --> 01:15:52,083
Have fun. Not my fight.
1377
01:15:55,583 --> 01:15:56,958
We won't pull this off without you.
1378
01:16:04,250 --> 01:16:07,375
Hey. Whoever you think I am,
you got the wrong guy.
1379
01:16:10,333 --> 01:16:11,458
You were always the wrong guy.
1380
01:16:37,667 --> 01:16:38,500
What?
1381
01:16:38,667 --> 01:16:40,125
Alioth didn't get them.
1382
01:16:41,083 --> 01:16:43,292
Cassandra wanted to
play with them herself first.
1383
01:16:43,458 --> 01:16:44,292
They got away.
1384
01:16:44,458 --> 01:16:46,083
-Did they find the others?
-No.
1385
01:16:46,250 --> 01:16:47,458
Good. All right. Phew.
1386
01:16:47,625 --> 01:16:48,667
The others found them.
1387
01:16:48,833 --> 01:16:51,458
Oh, very cute. Well done, Pyro.
Classic bait and switch.
1388
01:16:51,625 --> 01:16:53,083
-You really got me there.
-Relax.
1389
01:16:54,042 --> 01:16:56,333
If they come after Nova, she'll handle it.
1390
01:16:56,500 --> 01:16:58,542
Cassandra is a lunatic wild card.
1391
01:16:58,708 --> 01:17:00,333
Why do you think we put her there
in the first place?
1392
01:17:00,917 --> 01:17:02,875
Thank God she's never chosen
to leave The Void.
1393
01:17:03,042 --> 01:17:05,583
The Time Ripper is hours away
from completion.
1394
01:17:05,750 --> 01:17:06,875
I cannot take any chances.
1395
01:17:07,042 --> 01:17:08,083
Well, maybe not.
1396
01:17:08,250 --> 01:17:09,333
But I can.
1397
01:17:09,500 --> 01:17:10,458
For a price.
1398
01:17:10,625 --> 01:17:12,083
Why do you have to
say it in that silly voice?
1399
01:17:12,250 --> 01:17:13,333
It's so icky.
1400
01:17:13,500 --> 01:17:14,333
You want it done or not?
1401
01:17:14,500 --> 01:17:15,333
All right. Your price.
1402
01:17:15,500 --> 01:17:16,750
Take her out.
1403
01:17:17,417 --> 01:17:18,958
Ugh. Mutants.
1404
01:17:41,167 --> 01:17:42,250
Ooh! Look at that there!
1405
01:17:42,417 --> 01:17:45,125
You see them biggum hands come closed.
Ain't not a wonna gettin' up inside there.
1406
01:17:45,292 --> 01:17:46,542
I think what Gambit's
trying to say is…
1407
01:17:46,708 --> 01:17:49,417
getting Juggernaut's helmet
ain't gonna be easy.
1408
01:17:49,583 --> 01:17:51,208
I'm just making stuff up at this…
1409
01:17:51,375 --> 01:17:53,083
-Yeah. Tilt up to Blade.
-Gun!
1410
01:17:57,833 --> 01:17:59,042
Where'd he get that little beauty?
1411
01:17:59,500 --> 01:18:01,583
That's Punisher's AT4.
1412
01:18:01,750 --> 01:18:03,750
Which Punisher?
There's been like five of them.
1413
01:18:03,917 --> 01:18:05,208
There's only been one Blade…
1414
01:18:05,792 --> 01:18:07,708
and there's only ever gonna be one Blade.
1415
01:18:11,750 --> 01:18:12,917
Incoming!
1416
01:19:19,625 --> 01:19:21,792
Ooh, this is gonna be good.
1417
01:19:21,958 --> 01:19:24,208
You know how long I've been waiting for this?
1418
01:19:24,375 --> 01:19:26,542
Whoo!
I'm about to make a name for myself here.
1419
01:19:26,708 --> 01:19:28,542
I don't think you guys walk away from this.
1420
01:19:28,708 --> 01:19:30,708
You just make sure
people know what happened here today.
1421
01:19:30,875 --> 01:19:32,833
And when you get out of here,
you have a drink for me, yeah?
1422
01:19:33,000 --> 01:19:35,333
You just stay on our six and get inside.
1423
01:19:35,500 --> 01:19:37,417
We'll make sure you get the package.
1424
01:19:37,917 --> 01:19:39,208
And we'll get our ending.
1425
01:20:49,333 --> 01:20:50,375
And boom!
1426
01:21:22,083 --> 01:21:24,208
Some motherfuckers still trying
to ice skate uphill.
1427
01:21:31,250 --> 01:21:33,167
You two escaping, I could live with.
1428
01:21:33,542 --> 01:21:36,208
But coming back? Willingly?
1429
01:21:37,833 --> 01:21:39,583
Boys are so silly.
1430
01:21:39,750 --> 01:21:40,875
I just need to get home.
1431
01:21:41,042 --> 01:21:43,333
Well, that's not on the menu, I'm afraid.
1432
01:21:43,500 --> 01:21:46,750
It's death or enslavement.
À la carte, of course.
1433
01:21:46,917 --> 01:21:47,917
Upsy-daisy.
1434
01:21:53,750 --> 01:21:54,625
Finally…
1435
01:21:54,792 --> 01:21:56,667
it's nice to give someone else
a chance to talk.
1436
01:21:56,833 --> 01:21:58,250
Not my strong suit.
1437
01:22:16,542 --> 01:22:17,750
You shouldn't have done that.
1438
01:22:41,333 --> 01:22:43,750
You are an interesting one, aren't you?
1439
01:22:44,333 --> 01:22:48,292
I do feel like
you get lost behind all of his…
1440
01:22:50,625 --> 01:22:53,125
Deadpools are
a dime a dozen here in The Void.
1441
01:22:54,083 --> 01:22:55,458
But you…
1442
01:22:55,958 --> 01:22:58,958
What's going on in here?
1443
01:23:12,500 --> 01:23:13,625
Interesting…
1444
01:23:14,792 --> 01:23:16,708
Not what I expected back here.
1445
01:23:17,792 --> 01:23:19,000
Behind the anger.
1446
01:23:23,125 --> 01:23:24,042
You're hiding.
1447
01:23:24,375 --> 01:23:25,208
From them.
1448
01:23:26,417 --> 01:23:28,083
From all the ones you let down.
1449
01:23:30,750 --> 01:23:31,958
So much pain.
1450
01:23:34,542 --> 01:23:35,417
I walked away.
1451
01:23:36,833 --> 01:23:38,375
They called after me and I…
1452
01:23:38,542 --> 01:23:40,333
I walked away.
1453
01:23:40,500 --> 01:23:42,125
I always do.
1454
01:23:42,292 --> 01:23:44,000
-Logan!
-I know.
1455
01:23:45,417 --> 01:23:46,708
That's not all you did.
1456
01:23:46,875 --> 01:23:48,292
Is it?
1457
01:23:51,833 --> 01:23:53,208
You found them.
1458
01:23:54,208 --> 01:23:55,208
The X-Men.
1459
01:24:00,625 --> 01:24:01,625
Dead.
1460
01:24:04,375 --> 01:24:05,583
Piled like wood.
1461
01:24:07,292 --> 01:24:08,458
What did you do?
1462
01:24:11,167 --> 01:24:12,375
I started killing.
1463
01:24:13,167 --> 01:24:15,667
And I couldn't stop. I didn't wanna stop.
1464
01:24:16,958 --> 01:24:19,792
All those bad men.
1465
01:24:23,542 --> 01:24:25,125
It's not just the bad ones.
1466
01:24:26,792 --> 01:24:27,958
My little animal.
1467
01:24:30,833 --> 01:24:33,625
And I turned the whole world
against the X-Men.
1468
01:24:34,000 --> 01:24:35,000
Blade!
1469
01:24:40,583 --> 01:24:41,792
Just once…
1470
01:24:43,750 --> 01:24:46,292
I wanna be the man
that Charles thought I was.
1471
01:24:47,500 --> 01:24:48,625
Logan…
1472
01:24:50,208 --> 01:24:53,875
in The Void you can be what you are.
1473
01:24:56,292 --> 01:24:57,750
I just wanna be free.
1474
01:24:58,542 --> 01:25:00,000
I can set you free.
1475
01:25:11,625 --> 01:25:16,750
I can silence all those voices.
1476
01:25:23,583 --> 01:25:24,583
I've got you.
1477
01:25:27,208 --> 01:25:28,208
I've got you.
1478
01:25:28,958 --> 01:25:29,792
No.
1479
01:25:31,250 --> 01:25:32,292
I got you.
1480
01:25:40,958 --> 01:25:42,583
Get it off!
1481
01:25:42,750 --> 01:25:45,875
You're gonna send us home,
or I'm gonna twist your fucking head off.
1482
01:25:46,042 --> 01:25:47,125
Why are you laughing?
1483
01:25:47,792 --> 01:25:51,583
I can't send you home
unless you get this thing off my head.
1484
01:25:52,167 --> 01:25:53,292
And as soon as you do that…
1485
01:25:53,458 --> 01:25:56,333
I'm going to boil your brains
on an atomic level whilst…
1486
01:25:56,500 --> 01:25:59,083
flicking my bean to the Enya box set.
1487
01:25:59,250 --> 01:26:00,292
There's an Enya box set?
1488
01:26:00,458 --> 01:26:01,708
Either you kill me…
1489
01:26:01,875 --> 01:26:03,000
or I kill you.
1490
01:26:04,083 --> 01:26:05,625
Both wonderful options.
1491
01:26:06,167 --> 01:26:07,000
You want me to do it?
1492
01:26:07,458 --> 01:26:08,333
No, I'll do it.
1493
01:26:08,500 --> 01:26:10,542
I have her neck right here.
It's really no problem.
1494
01:26:10,708 --> 01:26:11,417
You'll screw it up.
1495
01:26:11,583 --> 01:26:14,125
Oh, come on, Mr. PG-13,
except the last one!
1496
01:26:15,000 --> 01:26:16,083
What the fuck?
1497
01:26:18,417 --> 01:26:20,667
You have no idea what it's like!
1498
01:26:20,833 --> 01:26:23,750
Day after day. Shovel the shit.
1499
01:26:23,917 --> 01:26:25,250
Fetch the meats.
1500
01:26:25,417 --> 01:26:27,375
I have spent my entire…
1501
01:26:30,375 --> 01:26:31,875
Not everyone gets a speech.
1502
01:26:33,833 --> 01:26:34,833
She's gonna die.
1503
01:26:35,000 --> 01:26:36,458
Okay. Hey, hey. If I take this helmet off…
1504
01:26:36,625 --> 01:26:38,417
-do you promise you won't kill us?
-Fuck!
1505
01:26:38,583 --> 01:26:39,417
I promise…
1506
01:26:39,583 --> 01:26:41,375
I will kill you first thing.
1507
01:26:41,542 --> 01:26:42,792
Why are you like this?
1508
01:26:42,958 --> 01:26:44,208
I wish I knew.
1509
01:26:44,375 --> 01:26:45,250
Take it off.
1510
01:26:45,417 --> 01:26:46,292
-What?
-Take it off.
1511
01:26:46,458 --> 01:26:47,292
-Why?
-Just take it off.
1512
01:26:47,458 --> 01:26:50,208
-This is our only chance to fix our shit!
-Take it off!
1513
01:26:52,125 --> 01:26:53,375
I am wearing this suit.
1514
01:26:54,583 --> 01:26:56,708
And that means a lot of things,
but most of all…
1515
01:26:58,208 --> 01:26:59,333
it means I'm an X-Man.
1516
01:27:00,458 --> 01:27:01,875
And I know your brother.
1517
01:27:04,208 --> 01:27:05,708
As much as I want to fucking kill you…
1518
01:27:05,875 --> 01:27:08,375
every bone in my body
wants to fucking kill you…
1519
01:27:08,542 --> 01:27:11,542
he would not let me stand here
and watch you die!
1520
01:27:14,000 --> 01:27:15,208
Take your hands off.
1521
01:27:16,875 --> 01:27:18,125
This is for him.
1522
01:27:20,042 --> 01:27:21,292
This is for Charles.
1523
01:27:31,917 --> 01:27:34,542
Hey, no, no, no!
Don't you dare do me like Johnny!
1524
01:27:40,875 --> 01:27:41,958
My brother loved you.
1525
01:27:43,833 --> 01:27:44,917
He loved all of us.
1526
01:27:48,000 --> 01:27:49,083
Must be nice.
1527
01:27:50,208 --> 01:27:51,500
He would've loved you, too.
1528
01:27:54,375 --> 01:27:55,542
If he knew about you…
1529
01:27:57,333 --> 01:27:58,833
if he knew where you were…
1530
01:27:59,000 --> 01:28:02,042
he would've torn a hole in the fucking
universe to bring you home.
1531
01:28:05,875 --> 01:28:06,958
This is my home.
1532
01:28:08,042 --> 01:28:10,292
Well, then at least let us save his.
1533
01:28:14,458 --> 01:28:15,958
You want to hear something crazy?
1534
01:28:17,917 --> 01:28:20,792
An amateur magician
rolled through here a while back.
1535
01:28:21,708 --> 01:28:23,167
I killed him, of course.
1536
01:28:23,875 --> 01:28:26,125
Wore his skin around for four days.
1537
01:28:27,167 --> 01:28:28,000
But…
1538
01:28:28,167 --> 01:28:29,583
I found this…
1539
01:28:29,750 --> 01:28:31,583
little trinket…
1540
01:28:31,750 --> 01:28:33,875
on his lovely fingers.
1541
01:28:34,042 --> 01:28:35,208
Strange!
1542
01:28:38,292 --> 01:28:40,417
-Marvel sparkle circle.
-What is that?
1543
01:28:41,333 --> 01:28:43,250
This is your way home.
1544
01:28:43,417 --> 01:28:46,875
I do owe you for saving my life.
But let's keep things interesting.
1545
01:28:47,042 --> 01:28:50,333
I'd say you have about four seconds
before you're Alioth's food.
1546
01:28:55,208 --> 01:28:56,042
Race ya.
1547
01:30:19,625 --> 01:30:21,208
And as I said
we've got a standard three-year…
1548
01:30:21,375 --> 01:30:22,667
bumper to bumper warranty.
1549
01:30:22,833 --> 01:30:24,583
Glad you gave us a second chance.
1550
01:30:24,750 --> 01:30:28,292
And don't worry. Wade and I are a team,
so I'll see he gets half the commission…
1551
01:30:30,875 --> 01:30:33,083
That feels like a Kia.
1552
01:30:33,250 --> 01:30:34,875
It's a fucking Kia Carnival, isn't it?
1553
01:30:36,750 --> 01:30:39,583
Holy shit. That's Deadpool.
1554
01:30:39,750 --> 01:30:40,875
And that's Wolverine.
1555
01:30:41,042 --> 01:30:42,125
You're damn straight it is.
1556
01:30:42,292 --> 01:30:43,208
Fox killed him.
1557
01:30:43,375 --> 01:30:45,917
Disney brought him back. They're going
to make him do this 'til he's 90.
1558
01:30:46,458 --> 01:30:47,417
Let's go.
1559
01:30:48,208 --> 01:30:49,292
I'll clock you out!
1560
01:30:49,667 --> 01:30:50,875
Forever!
1561
01:30:51,583 --> 01:30:52,583
Forever.
1562
01:30:59,958 --> 01:31:01,167
Wakey-wakey.
1563
01:31:01,333 --> 01:31:02,333
God?
1564
01:31:04,083 --> 01:31:06,792
Now you put all these bullets in my belly…
1565
01:31:07,500 --> 01:31:09,042
and I'm gonna find out why.
1566
01:31:11,458 --> 01:31:12,833
I'll just say it.
1567
01:31:13,542 --> 01:31:15,333
You don't have to stick your fingers in me.
1568
01:31:15,500 --> 01:31:17,750
Jesus, just ask sometimes.
1569
01:31:18,125 --> 01:31:19,167
Fine.
1570
01:31:20,375 --> 01:31:21,375
Really?
1571
01:31:22,042 --> 01:31:23,292
Hands in pockets.
1572
01:31:24,833 --> 01:31:26,000
Guy named Paradox.
1573
01:31:26,917 --> 01:31:28,167
He said he'd get me out of The Void.
1574
01:31:28,333 --> 01:31:30,125
All I know is he works for the TVA.
1575
01:31:30,292 --> 01:31:31,292
The TVA.
1576
01:31:31,458 --> 01:31:32,500
We had an agreement.
1577
01:31:32,792 --> 01:31:34,333
I don't think this guy cares.
1578
01:31:35,625 --> 01:31:36,667
He will.
1579
01:31:37,167 --> 01:31:38,208
Hey, people!
1580
01:31:38,542 --> 01:31:40,667
How much longer
before the Time Ripper is active?
1581
01:31:40,833 --> 01:31:42,667
We're running the final safety checks.
1582
01:31:42,833 --> 01:31:44,792
Okay. All right.
Thanks for all your hard work, Ralph.
1583
01:31:44,958 --> 01:31:46,333
-Take your time.
-Really?
1584
01:31:46,500 --> 01:31:48,042
No, you drooling boob!
1585
01:31:48,208 --> 01:31:49,292
No! We have company.
1586
01:31:49,458 --> 01:31:52,458
Cancel the safety checks.
We need to be live now!
1587
01:31:52,792 --> 01:31:54,250
I hate you so much.
1588
01:31:56,458 --> 01:31:57,458
No! Stop!
1589
01:31:57,625 --> 01:31:59,208
Piss off! You're too late.
1590
01:31:59,375 --> 01:32:01,125
-You're fuckin' done.
-Why was Thor crying?
1591
01:32:01,292 --> 01:32:02,292
How dare you!
1592
01:32:02,458 --> 01:32:04,625
No one comes back from The Void.
1593
01:32:04,792 --> 01:32:06,250
Tell that to Cassandra Nova.
1594
01:32:15,083 --> 01:32:16,875
Paradox.
We have a problem.
1595
01:32:19,958 --> 01:32:21,167
Paradox.
1596
01:32:23,500 --> 01:32:25,958
Well, you are doughier than
you looked in Pyro's head.
1597
01:32:26,125 --> 01:32:27,292
You tried to kill me.
1598
01:32:27,458 --> 01:32:28,458
I literally have no…
1599
01:32:29,417 --> 01:32:33,083
You come for the king,
you better kill the king.
1600
01:32:34,000 --> 01:32:36,375
Welcome to the skull fuck club, Paradox.
1601
01:32:36,542 --> 01:32:38,667
You know she doesn't wash that hand.
1602
01:32:40,417 --> 01:32:41,542
What's this?
1603
01:32:42,875 --> 01:32:44,208
A Time Ripper?
1604
01:32:44,375 --> 01:32:46,083
-Naughty boy.
-Oh, no. We're on it.
1605
01:32:46,250 --> 01:32:47,875
We're gonna head down
and dismantle that thing now.
1606
01:32:48,042 --> 01:32:50,333
We got ya, boo.
You just keep playing those keys.
1607
01:32:50,500 --> 01:32:52,000
I don't want to destroy it.
1608
01:32:52,667 --> 01:32:54,000
I want to use it.
1609
01:32:54,542 --> 01:32:57,042
Now, shoo.
Mummy and Daddy are having a conversation.
1610
01:33:03,750 --> 01:33:05,542
You know, the funny thing is…
1611
01:33:05,708 --> 01:33:07,167
I was happy in The Void.
1612
01:33:08,208 --> 01:33:11,125
You sent your trash to me.
Alioth and I cleaned it up.
1613
01:33:11,292 --> 01:33:13,250
Everyone was happy.
1614
01:33:14,125 --> 01:33:17,208
And then you had to go
and piss on my side of the fence.
1615
01:33:17,375 --> 01:33:19,542
And so now the fence must come down.
1616
01:33:20,250 --> 01:33:22,083
I'm going to use your little Time Ripper.
1617
01:33:22,250 --> 01:33:24,833
And I'm going to destroy this universe…
1618
01:33:25,000 --> 01:33:27,708
and the next and the next and the next…
1619
01:33:27,875 --> 01:33:31,458
until all that's left is The Void.
1620
01:33:31,625 --> 01:33:33,500
And I get to play God.
1621
01:33:34,042 --> 01:33:35,042
Come on.
1622
01:33:35,500 --> 01:33:38,333
Now you're going to show me how
to use this fancy gadget of yours.
1623
01:33:38,500 --> 01:33:41,875
And don't worry, I've called some friends
to make sure we're not disturbed.
1624
01:33:45,458 --> 01:33:48,000
Sorry to bother, madam,
but there's something you need to see.
1625
01:33:48,542 --> 01:33:52,542
We're getting indications of an unsanctioned
Time Ripper activating on Earth-10005.
1626
01:33:54,833 --> 01:33:56,042
Whose district is that?
1627
01:33:56,417 --> 01:33:57,333
Paradox.
1628
01:34:09,375 --> 01:34:11,583
Well, thank you so much
for your help, darling.
1629
01:34:11,750 --> 01:34:14,167
God. Good to get out of that head.
1630
01:34:14,333 --> 01:34:15,833
What a mess!
1631
01:34:23,167 --> 01:34:24,000
Stop!
1632
01:34:24,500 --> 01:34:26,500
Let's give it a beat for the extras to clear.
1633
01:34:26,667 --> 01:34:28,708
Go, go, go!
Oh, my God!
1634
01:34:33,500 --> 01:34:36,167
-Oh. My. God.
-Fuck.
1635
01:34:43,917 --> 01:34:45,292
It's her!
1636
01:34:46,542 --> 01:34:47,667
Come on, girl!
1637
01:34:55,083 --> 01:34:56,292
Come on, girl!
1638
01:35:11,042 --> 01:35:12,167
That's my girl!
1639
01:35:12,333 --> 01:35:15,625
We don't have to be apart ever, ever again.
Never, ever…
1640
01:35:15,792 --> 01:35:16,875
-Sorry!
-Fuck!
1641
01:35:18,000 --> 01:35:19,792
What's Café Gratitude doing here?
1642
01:35:19,958 --> 01:35:21,208
Sorry about that.
1643
01:35:21,375 --> 01:35:24,708
Tremble not, sweet Mary Puppins.
I'll handle him.
1644
01:35:25,333 --> 01:35:26,375
Come here, girl.
Papa's here.
1645
01:35:26,542 --> 01:35:28,958
Hey, do not insult
this animal's autonomy.
1646
01:35:29,667 --> 01:35:31,708
She can decide who her papa is.
1647
01:35:31,875 --> 01:35:32,917
What's it gonna be, girl, huh?
1648
01:35:33,083 --> 01:35:35,583
Original recipe or Van Milder here?
1649
01:35:36,208 --> 01:35:39,083
That's funny.
I can gently tap the fourth wall too.
1650
01:35:39,583 --> 01:35:40,750
The Proposal.
1651
01:35:42,500 --> 01:35:43,500
The fuck was that?
1652
01:35:43,667 --> 01:35:45,833
-Bitch, you think that's what I do?
-Both of you shut up.
1653
01:35:47,333 --> 01:35:48,333
You smell somethin'?
1654
01:35:48,500 --> 01:35:49,333
Yeah, you.
1655
01:35:50,208 --> 01:35:51,792
A lot of you.
1656
01:36:06,958 --> 01:36:09,208
Told you there were
a lot of Deadpools over there.
1657
01:36:20,750 --> 01:36:21,917
That's bad.
1658
01:36:44,417 --> 01:36:45,583
I take it they're not friendly.
1659
01:36:45,750 --> 01:36:46,625
Goodness, no.
1660
01:36:46,792 --> 01:36:48,833
Sorry about this, boys.
Mission over.
1661
01:36:49,000 --> 01:36:51,667
Cause of death,
one hundred kill-thirsty Deadpools.
1662
01:36:51,833 --> 01:36:52,917
They're dumb.
1663
01:36:53,083 --> 01:36:54,833
But they can fight.
Not me, though.
1664
01:36:55,000 --> 01:36:57,208
Would love to get in the mix
but I have low bone density…
1665
01:36:57,375 --> 01:36:58,875
and I have to keep my face safe.
1666
01:36:59,833 --> 01:37:00,833
-Hold, please.
-Oh, God.
1667
01:37:01,000 --> 01:37:02,208
All right. Look.
1668
01:37:02,875 --> 01:37:03,875
Guys!
1669
01:37:05,083 --> 01:37:06,833
Deadpool Prime here.
1670
01:37:07,000 --> 01:37:08,458
-Our fight isn't with you…
-Hey!
1671
01:37:08,625 --> 01:37:12,250
When I want your opinion,
I'll take Wolverine's dick out of your mouth.
1672
01:37:12,417 --> 01:37:14,000
That's Kidpool.
She's the dirtiest.
1673
01:37:14,167 --> 01:37:15,417
Can we just be done?
1674
01:37:15,583 --> 01:37:17,125
We're just getting started.
1675
01:37:17,292 --> 01:37:20,583
No, no, no. With the whole multiverse thing.
1676
01:37:21,500 --> 01:37:22,500
It's not great.
1677
01:37:22,667 --> 01:37:24,125
It's just been miss…
1678
01:37:24,583 --> 01:37:26,083
after miss…
1679
01:37:26,250 --> 01:37:27,958
after miss.
1680
01:37:28,333 --> 01:37:30,667
Look, The Wizard of Oz
did the multiverse first…
1681
01:37:30,833 --> 01:37:33,125
and they did it best.
The gays knew it.
1682
01:37:33,583 --> 01:37:34,833
But we didn't listen.
1683
01:37:35,000 --> 01:37:37,750
Let's just take the L and move on.
1684
01:37:37,917 --> 01:37:40,250
I think it's been steadily great
since Endgame.
1685
01:37:40,417 --> 01:37:41,875
What are you talking about?
1686
01:37:42,042 --> 01:37:43,500
The multiverse is over.
1687
01:37:43,667 --> 01:37:46,542
Cassandy gonna destroy
the fuck outta every timeline.
1688
01:37:46,708 --> 01:37:49,000
-Y'all can't do shit about it.
-Do you not get it?
1689
01:37:49,167 --> 01:37:51,375
If we don't go down to the subway
and stop her, we all die.
1690
01:37:51,542 --> 01:37:53,792
Say, the boss lady don't want
no disturbances.
1691
01:37:53,958 --> 01:37:56,667
You wanna get down to the subway,
you gotta go through us.
1692
01:37:56,833 --> 01:37:57,792
Uzi time, baby.
1693
01:37:58,083 --> 01:37:59,083
Uzi time, baby.
1694
01:37:59,250 --> 01:38:00,250
Look alive!
1695
01:38:09,708 --> 01:38:11,375
-I think I'm hit.
-No shit.
1696
01:38:11,542 --> 01:38:12,458
You did that on purpose.
1697
01:38:12,625 --> 01:38:14,167
I did no such thing!
1698
01:38:14,333 --> 01:38:15,333
Listen to me, gorgeous.
1699
01:38:15,500 --> 01:38:16,750
How long does it take for you to regenerate?
1700
01:38:16,917 --> 01:38:18,167
Regenerate?
1701
01:38:24,375 --> 01:38:26,167
You really are God's perfect idiot,
aren't you?
1702
01:38:26,333 --> 01:38:27,708
-I'm okay.
-How dare you!
1703
01:38:27,875 --> 01:38:29,792
You insensitive son of a bitch!
1704
01:38:29,958 --> 01:38:31,875
How was I supposed to know
he doesn't regenerate?
1705
01:38:32,042 --> 01:38:33,167
I'm not a medicine woman.
1706
01:38:33,625 --> 01:38:34,875
Look. A donut cart.
1707
01:38:35,042 --> 01:38:36,125
-They're practically hospitals.
-What?
1708
01:38:36,292 --> 01:38:38,125
-They sell portable triage units.
-They don't.
1709
01:38:38,292 --> 01:38:39,833
-I'm gonna get you to safety.
-He's not.
1710
01:38:40,000 --> 01:38:41,167
Deep breath.
1711
01:38:49,542 --> 01:38:51,542
Hey, why are we stopping?
1712
01:38:51,708 --> 01:38:52,917
I'm just catching my breath.
1713
01:38:53,083 --> 01:38:55,667
What, are your legs on vacation?
You're dead weight!
1714
01:38:55,833 --> 01:38:57,417
That's because I'm paralyzed.
1715
01:38:57,583 --> 01:38:59,583
We all have problems.
Listen to me.
1716
01:38:59,750 --> 01:39:00,750
You're gonna live.
1717
01:39:01,875 --> 01:39:03,125
Look at me, Nicepool.
1718
01:39:07,083 --> 01:39:08,250
You're gonna live.
1719
01:39:08,958 --> 01:39:10,208
Say it!
1720
01:39:10,750 --> 01:39:12,083
I'm gonna live.
1721
01:39:12,375 --> 01:39:14,417
Say it with me.
You're gonna live.
1722
01:39:14,583 --> 01:39:16,750
I'm gonna live!
1723
01:39:18,083 --> 01:39:20,125
Say it louder!
1724
01:39:20,292 --> 01:39:21,458
I'm gonna live…
1725
01:39:30,375 --> 01:39:31,375
Hold your fire!
1726
01:39:33,708 --> 01:39:35,000
Sweet little puppy.
1727
01:39:45,833 --> 01:39:48,292
God damn it!
I don't think he's gonna make it.
1728
01:39:48,458 --> 01:39:50,542
God, he loved his face.
1729
01:39:50,708 --> 01:39:53,083
I can taste his final thought.
1730
01:39:53,250 --> 01:39:54,792
He was so afraid.
1731
01:39:54,958 --> 01:39:55,917
But he died a hero.
1732
01:39:56,083 --> 01:39:58,000
He died from murder, you dumb fuck.
1733
01:39:58,167 --> 01:39:59,958
And all I have to remember him by…
1734
01:40:00,875 --> 01:40:04,542
are these two gold-plated,
.50 caliber Desert Eagle pistoleros.
1735
01:40:05,000 --> 01:40:05,958
This is for him.
1736
01:40:06,583 --> 01:40:07,750
Are you ready?
1737
01:40:08,333 --> 01:40:10,083
I get to kill a hundred yous?
1738
01:40:10,250 --> 01:40:11,458
Fuck yeah, I'm ready.
1739
01:40:12,542 --> 01:40:13,833
Hey, you don't want to see this, bub.
1740
01:40:14,000 --> 01:40:15,292
That's a good girl.
1741
01:40:52,208 --> 01:40:53,583
Holy shit.
1742
01:40:53,750 --> 01:40:55,833
You save the good stuff
for special occasions?
1743
01:40:56,000 --> 01:40:57,250
Killing mostly.
1744
01:40:57,417 --> 01:40:59,750
What's the wind resistance
on those blowjob handles?
1745
01:41:01,042 --> 01:41:04,292
I'm sorry.
I'm just a catty bitch when I'm jealous.
1746
01:41:04,458 --> 01:41:05,708
All right, let's do this.
1747
01:41:06,083 --> 01:41:07,292
Maximum effort.
1748
01:41:46,958 --> 01:41:48,042
You're dead.
1749
01:42:13,917 --> 01:42:15,167
Motherfucker.
1750
01:42:16,083 --> 01:42:17,708
I wish I were deaf.
1751
01:42:37,542 --> 01:42:39,375
I don't wanna die. I don't wanna die.
1752
01:42:39,542 --> 01:42:40,583
I don't wanna…
1753
01:42:54,250 --> 01:42:55,417
Come on.
1754
01:42:55,583 --> 01:42:56,583
I blew it.
1755
01:42:56,750 --> 01:42:58,792
After all that, the only thing
they're gonna remember…
1756
01:42:58,958 --> 01:43:00,667
is that God awful dismount!
1757
01:43:05,500 --> 01:43:07,000
What you laughing at,
you little fucker?
1758
01:43:07,333 --> 01:43:08,458
Uh-oh.
1759
01:43:08,625 --> 01:43:09,667
Uh-oh.
1760
01:43:13,875 --> 01:43:15,458
I guess these ones regenerate.
1761
01:43:17,583 --> 01:43:19,958
Come on. We don't have time for this.
1762
01:43:20,125 --> 01:43:21,167
Deadpools!
1763
01:43:21,333 --> 01:43:22,417
Stand down.
1764
01:43:32,917 --> 01:43:34,417
This Deadpool's with me.
1765
01:43:34,583 --> 01:43:35,792
Oh, no.
1766
01:43:35,958 --> 01:43:37,167
Holy shit.
1767
01:43:37,333 --> 01:43:38,542
That's fuckin' Peter!
1768
01:43:41,750 --> 01:43:43,583
Wait, you…
You guys know Peter?
1769
01:43:43,750 --> 01:43:45,875
You kidding me? Every Deadpool has a Peter.
1770
01:43:46,042 --> 01:43:49,625
Shit. Peter's a goddamn legend
in every Deadpool's world.
1771
01:43:49,792 --> 01:43:50,875
Peter-san.
1772
01:43:59,250 --> 01:44:01,333
Peter. Peter. Peter.
1773
01:44:07,375 --> 01:44:08,917
Enjoy my Peter.
1774
01:44:36,458 --> 01:44:38,917
Oh, now you're here.
Oh, well, you're too late. It's all over.
1775
01:44:39,083 --> 01:44:39,917
Not yet, it's not.
1776
01:44:40,083 --> 01:44:41,750
Whoa. No, no, no. We're very close.
1777
01:44:41,917 --> 01:44:43,250
Homestretch, folks. Promise.
1778
01:44:43,417 --> 01:44:44,917
Quick, let's up the stakes.
1779
01:44:45,083 --> 01:44:46,417
If she steals the Time Ripper's energy…
1780
01:44:46,583 --> 01:44:49,042
she has the power to
shred the fabric of all realities…
1781
01:44:49,208 --> 01:44:50,833
until there is nothing left but The Void.
1782
01:44:51,000 --> 01:44:51,958
How do we shut it down?
1783
01:44:52,375 --> 01:44:53,292
I don't know.
1784
01:44:55,042 --> 01:44:56,125
How about now?
1785
01:44:56,292 --> 01:44:57,625
The mask is really intimidating, huh?
1786
01:44:57,792 --> 01:44:59,792
It's like Batman,
except he can move his neck.
1787
01:44:59,958 --> 01:45:01,375
Okay, look, look, look.
1788
01:45:02,833 --> 01:45:05,208
The Ripper is fed from
a secure chamber below ground.
1789
01:45:05,375 --> 01:45:09,500
It is powered by twin matter and anti-matter
feeds converging inside the device.
1790
01:45:09,667 --> 01:45:10,792
Now, Cassandra Nova…
1791
01:45:10,958 --> 01:45:13,125
is redirecting the Ripper's power
to eliminate all timelines…
1792
01:45:13,292 --> 01:45:14,292
starting with this one.
1793
01:45:14,458 --> 01:45:15,792
Theoretically, you could stop her…
1794
01:45:15,958 --> 01:45:17,792
by short-circuiting the feeds
in the chamber below.
1795
01:45:17,958 --> 01:45:20,333
One of you were to create a
circuit between the two feeds…
1796
01:45:20,500 --> 01:45:23,708
then the released power
would destroy the machine.
1797
01:45:23,875 --> 01:45:25,667
-But, well, but…
-Come on, man.
1798
01:45:25,833 --> 01:45:27,833
If you're not gonna swallow, spit it out.
1799
01:45:28,000 --> 01:45:31,042
Whoever formed the bridge
would be annihilated.
1800
01:45:31,208 --> 01:45:32,833
-I could live with that.
-Yeah, I could live with that, too, actually.
1801
01:45:33,000 --> 01:45:34,708
You know, we survive anything.
We're like cockroaches.
1802
01:45:34,875 --> 01:45:35,792
Not this time.
1803
01:45:35,958 --> 01:45:38,625
This is matter and anti-matter.
1804
01:45:38,792 --> 01:45:40,708
They do not play nicely with each other.
1805
01:45:40,875 --> 01:45:43,625
When they mix in your body
you will be atomized.
1806
01:45:44,208 --> 01:45:46,208
Trust the laws of physics
if you don't trust me.
1807
01:45:46,375 --> 01:45:48,417
Even if you lived long enough to
make the circuit…
1808
01:45:48,583 --> 01:45:51,125
you will die down there.
1809
01:46:16,458 --> 01:46:17,792
Hold off. Hold.
1810
01:46:17,958 --> 01:46:19,458
You heard that asshole upstairs.
1811
01:46:19,625 --> 01:46:23,667
Even if we pull this off,
we're dead. Permanently.
1812
01:46:24,292 --> 01:46:25,333
That's why it's got to be me.
1813
01:46:25,500 --> 01:46:26,333
What?
1814
01:46:30,250 --> 01:46:31,083
Look, man…
1815
01:46:32,333 --> 01:46:34,083
you didn't ask for any of this.
1816
01:46:34,542 --> 01:46:35,667
You were right.
1817
01:46:36,000 --> 01:46:36,917
I lied.
1818
01:46:37,875 --> 01:46:39,583
I lied right to your face…
1819
01:46:39,750 --> 01:46:41,625
just to get you to help me. And you did.
1820
01:46:42,542 --> 01:46:44,000
You didn't lie.
1821
01:46:46,000 --> 01:46:47,375
You made an educated wish.
1822
01:46:50,458 --> 01:46:51,292
Come on.
1823
01:46:52,708 --> 01:46:54,458
You got a whole world to go back to.
1824
01:46:56,125 --> 01:46:56,958
I got nothin'.
1825
01:46:59,292 --> 01:47:00,125
I got nothin'.
1826
01:47:05,375 --> 01:47:06,208
Give me this.
1827
01:47:13,375 --> 01:47:14,583
Hey.
1828
01:47:19,083 --> 01:47:20,917
I waited a long time for this team up.
1829
01:47:23,208 --> 01:47:24,167
You know something?
1830
01:47:26,208 --> 01:47:27,708
You were the best Wolverine.
1831
01:47:36,583 --> 01:47:38,375
Say hi to your friends for me.
1832
01:47:50,458 --> 01:47:51,542
No!
1833
01:47:51,708 --> 01:47:52,667
Open the door!
1834
01:47:52,833 --> 01:47:55,458
I can't hear you over all the
noble sacrifice.
1835
01:47:55,625 --> 01:47:56,750
Why are you fucking doing this?
1836
01:47:56,917 --> 01:48:00,042
Because I'm Marvel Jesus.
1837
01:48:01,750 --> 01:48:02,750
Or Spock.
1838
01:48:04,000 --> 01:48:05,000
Hard to say.
1839
01:48:09,625 --> 01:48:10,458
Wade!
1840
01:48:11,208 --> 01:48:13,167
You fucking idiot!
1841
01:48:18,333 --> 01:48:19,458
Sorry, I'm just stalling.
1842
01:48:19,625 --> 01:48:21,917
I think I'm nervous about dying.
1843
01:48:22,750 --> 01:48:23,875
This should be me.
1844
01:48:24,583 --> 01:48:26,250
Say hi to my friends for me, peanut.
1845
01:48:26,417 --> 01:48:27,417
Wade!
1846
01:48:27,583 --> 01:48:29,625
You want to be an annoying prick,
do it this side!
1847
01:48:29,792 --> 01:48:31,833
You're gonna die in there,
you dumb fuck!
1848
01:48:38,833 --> 01:48:40,500
Hey! You don't need to do this.
1849
01:48:40,917 --> 01:48:42,542
I'm not doing it 'cause I need it.
1850
01:48:43,583 --> 01:48:45,583
I'm doing it because they do.
1851
01:48:56,542 --> 01:48:57,792
No!
1852
01:49:27,125 --> 01:49:28,625
He's not gonna make it.
1853
01:49:37,333 --> 01:49:38,417
It's over.
1854
01:50:45,875 --> 01:50:47,208
The Wolverine.
1855
01:50:48,292 --> 01:50:50,083
He's a hero in my world.
1856
01:50:52,375 --> 01:50:54,875
Whoever you think I am,
you got the wrong guy.
1857
01:50:56,417 --> 01:50:58,167
You were always the wrong guy…
1858
01:50:59,708 --> 01:51:01,333
till you weren't.
1859
01:51:03,375 --> 01:51:04,875
Wade.
1860
01:51:06,792 --> 01:51:11,375
Wade. You can finally, finally, matter.
1861
01:51:27,417 --> 01:51:28,417
Vanessa.
1862
01:51:30,875 --> 01:51:32,708
I wanna see Vanessa.
1863
01:51:39,000 --> 01:51:43,208
For the first time in my life,
I am proud to wear this suit.
1864
01:51:44,417 --> 01:51:46,083
It means I'm an X-Man.
1865
01:51:48,583 --> 01:51:50,167
I am the X-Man.
1866
01:52:34,208 --> 01:52:35,750
Paradox.
1867
01:52:37,583 --> 01:52:38,750
You've been busy.
1868
01:52:39,167 --> 01:52:40,208
Well, somebody had to be.
1869
01:52:40,375 --> 01:52:42,333
We had some
strange readings from this location.
1870
01:52:42,500 --> 01:52:45,292
You wouldn't know anything about an
unsanctioned Time Ripper, would you?
1871
01:52:46,333 --> 01:52:49,458
No. No. I wouldn't know anything about an
unsanctioned Time Ripper.
1872
01:52:49,625 --> 01:52:51,125
Maybe you should ask Cassandra Nova.
1873
01:52:51,292 --> 01:52:52,208
Because I was assured…
1874
01:52:52,375 --> 01:52:54,875
that she was safely held in The Void.
But no…
1875
01:52:55,042 --> 01:52:57,083
she was here.
And she fondled my brain.
1876
01:52:57,250 --> 01:52:58,167
How did you let this happen?
1877
01:52:58,333 --> 01:52:59,208
You weren't involved at all?
1878
01:52:59,375 --> 01:53:01,875
In stopping her, yes!
Yes. I was.
1879
01:53:02,042 --> 01:53:03,583
But, not nearly enough.
1880
01:53:03,750 --> 01:53:05,958
Not as much as the men
who went down there after her.
1881
01:53:06,625 --> 01:53:07,708
My men.
1882
01:53:08,458 --> 01:53:09,458
My friends.
1883
01:53:10,875 --> 01:53:11,833
I warned them.
1884
01:53:12,000 --> 01:53:15,167
That they would be completely obliterated
if they went. But they went anyway. Like…
1885
01:53:16,958 --> 01:53:18,042
Like heroes.
1886
01:53:20,167 --> 01:53:21,833
Because that's who they were.
1887
01:53:24,708 --> 01:53:26,125
They just did what they had to do.
1888
01:53:27,542 --> 01:53:29,125
With no concern for their own safety.
1889
01:53:32,375 --> 01:53:38,958
The fact that we are all still standing here
is a testament to their heroism.
1890
01:53:42,667 --> 01:53:45,042
Anyway, there's nothing you or I can do
to bring them back now.
1891
01:53:46,875 --> 01:53:48,875
He has risen, baby girl.
1892
01:53:49,042 --> 01:53:49,833
Fuck!
1893
01:54:09,333 --> 01:54:10,542
Found your new Anchor Being.
1894
01:54:11,042 --> 01:54:13,000
And we're doing just fine, you piece of shit.
1895
01:54:13,417 --> 01:54:14,500
Mm. Mm-hmm.
1896
01:54:14,875 --> 01:54:16,333
Fine indeed.
1897
01:54:16,500 --> 01:54:20,500
All right. Put your greasy tits away,
you preening slut.
1898
01:54:21,375 --> 01:54:22,750
I don't understand.
1899
01:54:22,917 --> 01:54:24,083
How are you two still alive?
1900
01:54:24,250 --> 01:54:26,333
You were right.
One of us would have been killed.
1901
01:54:26,500 --> 01:54:29,458
But you put
a Deadpool and a Wolverine together…
1902
01:54:29,625 --> 01:54:31,708
make 'em hold hands
while listening to Madonna…
1903
01:54:31,875 --> 01:54:33,958
indestructible, motherfucker.
1904
01:54:34,458 --> 01:54:36,667
Let's get this Deadpool Variant
back to The Void.
1905
01:54:36,833 --> 01:54:38,667
-Wait, hold on. What?
-Nope. Actually…
1906
01:54:38,833 --> 01:54:40,375
This one's homegrown, like me.
1907
01:54:40,542 --> 01:54:41,625
He belongs here.
1908
01:54:42,083 --> 01:54:43,000
And you are?
1909
01:54:43,167 --> 01:54:45,708
Peterpool. But you can call me Peter.
1910
01:54:47,333 --> 01:54:48,375
And I hope that you do.
1911
01:54:54,875 --> 01:54:56,292
What the fuck is happening here?
1912
01:54:56,458 --> 01:54:58,125
You are under judgment…
1913
01:54:58,292 --> 01:55:00,167
for operating an unsanctioned Time Ripper.
1914
01:55:00,333 --> 01:55:01,417
-Take him.
-I was just doing what…
1915
01:55:01,583 --> 01:55:02,958
you don't have the guts to do.
1916
01:55:03,750 --> 01:55:05,958
Get your insolent hands off me!
1917
01:55:06,125 --> 01:55:06,958
Get off!
1918
01:55:08,208 --> 01:55:09,875
I'm grateful, gentlemen.
1919
01:55:10,708 --> 01:55:11,792
Let's hold the bows.
1920
01:55:11,958 --> 01:55:14,375
You led an
Omega-level mutant to this timeline.
1921
01:55:14,542 --> 01:55:16,125
-You're welcome.
-And you…
1922
01:55:16,292 --> 01:55:18,167
-shouldn't even be near this timeline.
-He's welcome.
1923
01:55:18,458 --> 01:55:21,708
And you look damn good in that suit.
1924
01:55:21,875 --> 01:55:22,875
I'm so sorry.
1925
01:55:27,375 --> 01:55:31,000
I wanna show you something.
Something huge.
1926
01:55:31,167 --> 01:55:33,083
That's what Scoutmaster Kevin used to say.
1927
01:55:34,708 --> 01:55:35,708
Do you see that?
1928
01:55:36,458 --> 01:55:38,208
Your universe is regenerating.
1929
01:55:39,125 --> 01:55:40,458
Whatever you did here…
1930
01:55:40,875 --> 01:55:42,750
you not only saved your world.
1931
01:55:43,292 --> 01:55:45,667
You spared your timeline from extinction.
1932
01:55:47,500 --> 01:55:48,583
I'd rest up.
1933
01:55:48,958 --> 01:55:51,333
I have a feeling your work
is only just getting started.
1934
01:55:51,500 --> 01:55:53,042
Till you're 90.
1935
01:55:53,208 --> 01:55:54,042
Wait!
1936
01:55:55,500 --> 01:55:58,208
We couldn't have made it out of The Void
without some help…
1937
01:55:59,042 --> 01:56:02,917
from some people that the world
kind of forgot.
1938
01:56:03,417 --> 01:56:06,792
Is there any way that you could maybe find
a way to bring them home?
1939
01:56:08,875 --> 01:56:09,958
I'll see what I can do.
1940
01:56:10,708 --> 01:56:12,583
And I promised my friend here…
1941
01:56:13,000 --> 01:56:16,542
that the TVA could undo some
pretty awful shit in his timeline.
1942
01:56:16,708 --> 01:56:17,667
What would you say to that?
1943
01:56:18,000 --> 01:56:19,042
Change the past?
1944
01:56:19,667 --> 01:56:21,625
Well, he did help me save the world.
1945
01:56:21,958 --> 01:56:24,292
And his past made him the man who did it.
1946
01:56:25,375 --> 01:56:27,625
There's nothing to fix, Mr. Wilson.
1947
01:56:29,083 --> 01:56:30,125
Logan.
1948
01:56:33,625 --> 01:56:34,417
Shawarma?
1949
01:56:34,583 --> 01:56:35,417
-I could eat.
-Yeah.
1950
01:56:45,250 --> 01:56:47,542
You know, the Avengers discovered shawarma.
1951
01:56:48,542 --> 01:56:50,167
They'd be lucky to have you.
1952
01:56:57,542 --> 01:56:59,542
-Oh.
-Oh, come on.
1953
01:56:59,708 --> 01:57:00,750
Fuck off!
1954
01:57:01,917 --> 01:57:06,625
Come here, my little cunchkin.
Yes, it's you. You're a survivor.
1955
01:57:08,042 --> 01:57:09,833
Oh, all is right in the world.
1956
01:57:11,125 --> 01:57:12,125
Yes, it is.
1957
01:57:13,917 --> 01:57:15,083
So what are you gonna do next?
1958
01:57:16,708 --> 01:57:18,708
I'll figure it out. I always do.
1959
01:57:19,583 --> 01:57:20,417
All right.
1960
01:57:21,750 --> 01:57:23,000
So I'll probably see you around?
1961
01:57:28,042 --> 01:57:28,875
Probably not.
1962
01:57:32,375 --> 01:57:33,208
See you, bub.
1963
01:57:42,958 --> 01:57:43,958
Logan.
1964
01:57:50,542 --> 01:57:52,208
Al. I'm back.
1965
01:57:52,792 --> 01:57:54,042
About damn time.
1966
01:57:54,417 --> 01:57:55,250
You holdin'?
1967
01:57:55,417 --> 01:57:57,167
I'm all outta devil's dandruff…
1968
01:57:57,333 --> 01:58:00,042
-and I'm shaking like an angry vibrator.
-Thank you, Al.
1969
01:58:00,208 --> 01:58:01,083
We have company.
1970
01:58:01,958 --> 01:58:03,458
Althea, this is…
1971
01:58:04,208 --> 01:58:05,250
This is Logan.
1972
01:58:05,417 --> 01:58:06,458
Nice to meet you, Logan.
1973
01:58:06,625 --> 01:58:07,458
Nice to meet you, too.
1974
01:58:07,625 --> 01:58:11,167
And this little ancient anal shit-knot is
Mary Puppins.
1975
01:58:11,333 --> 01:58:13,625
Or as I like to call her, Dogpool.
1976
01:58:13,792 --> 01:58:15,458
You want to treat yourself
to a little stroke?
1977
01:58:17,125 --> 01:58:20,167
-Get the tongue. There it is.
-Oh, my God! Motherfucker!
1978
01:58:20,333 --> 01:58:24,042
Right? It's like an armadillo
fucked a gremlin, angrily…
1979
01:58:24,208 --> 01:58:25,500
in a bed of gonorrhea…
1980
01:58:25,667 --> 01:58:28,042
-Wow.
-…and didn't stop till the sun came up.
1981
01:58:29,333 --> 01:58:30,917
Everyone wants to matter.
1982
01:58:31,833 --> 01:58:34,458
Turns out that
you don't need to be Marvel Jesus to do it.
1983
01:58:35,292 --> 01:58:37,542
You just need to
open your eyes and look around.
1984
01:58:38,250 --> 01:58:39,250
And if you're lucky…
1985
01:58:40,250 --> 01:58:41,667
you'll find a few friends.
1986
01:58:42,125 --> 01:58:43,250
Old friends…
1987
01:58:44,250 --> 01:58:45,958
and some new ones too.
1988
01:58:50,667 --> 01:58:52,625
Give me the fucking dog. Talk to the girl.
1989
01:59:03,083 --> 01:59:04,208
Well, hi.
1990
01:59:04,375 --> 01:59:05,208
Hi.
1991
01:59:08,042 --> 01:59:09,042
You've been busy.
1992
01:59:12,125 --> 01:59:13,625
I did it for you.
1993
01:59:15,667 --> 01:59:17,958
And even if you don't want me,
I did it for you.
1994
01:59:27,375 --> 01:59:28,375
It turns out…
1995
01:59:29,083 --> 01:59:30,458
I am the world-saving type.
1996
01:59:31,417 --> 01:59:33,417
Just look around this table
if you want proof.
1997
01:59:34,417 --> 01:59:35,375
And the best part?
1998
01:59:36,333 --> 01:59:38,083
Sometimes the people we save…
1999
01:59:39,125 --> 01:59:41,292
well, they save us right back.
2000
02:00:20,750 --> 02:00:22,875
You're not the only one with gifts.
2001
02:00:23,042 --> 02:00:24,208
What is this place?
2002
02:00:53,208 --> 02:00:54,042
Nice suit.
2003
02:00:54,208 --> 02:00:55,083
Zip it, Stan Lee.
2004
02:01:04,000 --> 02:01:06,542
I really like the,
the art in the Deadpool comics.
2005
02:01:06,708 --> 02:01:08,958
You know, I just always felt a
kind of a kinship to him.
2006
02:01:09,125 --> 02:01:11,833
And I just thought,
I'd like to play that guy someday.
2007
02:01:40,625 --> 02:01:43,125
I was there for three weeks
before I shot a single thing.
2008
02:01:43,542 --> 02:01:45,083
At our first day of shooting…
2009
02:01:45,625 --> 02:01:47,125
I was so nervous, man.
2010
02:01:47,708 --> 02:01:49,792
Everyone was sort of going,
"Who's this guy?"
2011
02:01:49,958 --> 02:01:51,792
You know, there was a lot of that and…
2012
02:01:51,958 --> 02:01:55,417
you know, "Is he gonna deliver or not?"
You can feel all that kind of pressure.
2013
02:01:56,750 --> 02:02:00,000
It's always the suit's fault.
Never the actor.
2014
02:02:08,792 --> 02:02:10,167
-This is…
-The only way.
2015
02:02:19,583 --> 02:02:21,500
So this is what it feels like.
2016
02:02:24,042 --> 02:02:25,667
And there's the lights.
2017
02:02:25,833 --> 02:02:27,083
For medical research.
2018
02:02:27,708 --> 02:02:29,625
-Bye-bye, video.
-Bye.
2019
02:06:43,417 --> 02:06:47,292
I'm tired of these absolutely vile rumors
that I got Johnny killed.
2020
02:06:48,375 --> 02:06:49,417
Let's look at the tape.
2021
02:06:50,625 --> 02:06:51,833
In The Void…
2022
02:06:52,000 --> 02:06:53,792
you're either food for Alioth…
2023
02:06:53,958 --> 02:06:55,083
or you work for her.
2024
02:06:58,250 --> 02:06:59,167
Go on, Johnny.
2025
02:06:59,708 --> 02:07:00,833
And I'll tell you who "her" is.
2026
02:07:01,333 --> 02:07:02,208
Cassandra Nova.
2027
02:07:02,375 --> 02:07:04,542
A megalomaniacal, psychotic asshole.
2028
02:07:04,708 --> 02:07:08,417
A finger licking dead-inside pixie slab of
third rate dime-store nut-milk.
2029
02:07:08,583 --> 02:07:10,125
-And I'll tell you what she can do.
-I'm listening.
2030
02:07:10,292 --> 02:07:13,833
She can lick my goddamn cinnamon ring clean
and kick rocks all the way to bald hell.
2031
02:07:14,000 --> 02:07:16,208
In fact, I don't give a shit if she removes
all my skin and…
2032
02:07:16,375 --> 02:07:18,250
pops me like some nightmarish blood balloon.
2033
02:07:18,417 --> 02:07:21,375
If the last thing I do in this godforsaken
cum-gutter existence…
2034
02:07:21,542 --> 02:07:24,292
is light that fuck-box on fire,
I still won't die happy.
2035
02:07:24,458 --> 02:07:26,208
Holy shit, girl. You crazy.
2036
02:07:26,375 --> 02:07:28,000
That's right, Wade.
I won't be happy until…
2037
02:07:28,167 --> 02:07:31,917
I've urinated on her freshly barbecued corpse
and husk-fucked the charred remains…
2038
02:07:32,083 --> 02:07:33,833
while gargling Juggernaut's juggernuts.
2039
02:07:34,000 --> 02:07:35,375
-Wow!
-And you can quote me.
2040
02:07:35,542 --> 02:07:36,375
'Kay.
2041
02:07:37,125 --> 02:07:38,417
Got you, fuckface.