1 00:00:04,006 --> 00:00:06,836 MALE NARRATOR: Police Squad! In color. 2 00:00:13,949 --> 00:00:16,079 Starring Leslie Nielsen. 3 00:00:20,855 --> 00:00:23,055 Also starring Alan North. 4 00:00:23,124 --> 00:00:24,524 (GUNS FIRING) 5 00:00:27,029 --> 00:00:29,799 And Rex Hamilton as Abraham Lincoln. 6 00:00:29,864 --> 00:00:31,304 (GUN FIRING) 7 00:00:34,402 --> 00:00:38,072 Tonight's special guest star, William Conrad. 8 00:00:41,676 --> 00:00:44,136 (GROANING) 9 00:00:44,212 --> 00:00:47,652 Tonight's episode, Dead Men Don't Laugh. 10 00:01:01,229 --> 00:01:04,059 And all the rabbits just kept hopping along. 11 00:01:04,132 --> 00:01:05,602 (AUDIENCE LAUGHING) 12 00:01:06,235 --> 00:01:07,725 (LAUGHS) 13 00:01:07,802 --> 00:01:09,842 Well, things are really rough all over though. 14 00:01:09,904 --> 00:01:12,054 Last week I took my family to Disneyland. We get off the freeway. 15 00:01:12,073 --> 00:01:14,713 Sign said "Disneyland left," so we went home. 16 00:01:14,776 --> 00:01:16,776 (AUDIENCE LAUGHING) 17 00:01:16,844 --> 00:01:18,854 Well, on behalf of the management, 18 00:01:18,914 --> 00:01:21,924 and I'd like to be half of the management, 19 00:01:21,984 --> 00:01:25,354 please drink up, enjoy yourselves and I'll see you later. 20 00:01:25,420 --> 00:01:27,350 21 00:01:27,422 --> 00:01:29,592 (MAN WHISTLING) 22 00:01:29,658 --> 00:01:31,958 That's a very good show, Joey. 23 00:01:33,061 --> 00:01:34,731 Boss wants to see you. 24 00:01:34,796 --> 00:01:35,996 Oh, yeah. 25 00:01:41,936 --> 00:01:44,166 VERONICA: Vic tells me that some of the money I gave you 26 00:01:44,239 --> 00:01:46,309 to pay the Frenchman was missing. 27 00:01:47,976 --> 00:01:50,376 (CHAIR CREAKING) 28 00:01:51,446 --> 00:01:53,946 The Frenchman was very upset. 29 00:01:57,185 --> 00:01:58,775 Let me take your coat. 30 00:02:01,256 --> 00:02:03,086 And when he's upset, 31 00:02:06,895 --> 00:02:08,995 I'm upset. 32 00:02:09,064 --> 00:02:13,534 Look, I... I don't care what they say. I didn't steal a thing. 33 00:02:13,602 --> 00:02:15,272 So what do I tell the Frenchman? 34 00:02:16,004 --> 00:02:17,474 Just tell him... 35 00:02:18,439 --> 00:02:19,769 (GULPING) 36 00:02:21,109 --> 00:02:23,179 I'll take care of everything. 37 00:02:33,622 --> 00:02:37,622 Veronica, I'd never double-cross you. I swear on my life. 38 00:02:37,693 --> 00:02:41,063 Listen, Joey, that's good enough for me. 39 00:02:41,129 --> 00:02:44,499 Come on, let's have a drink and forget about it. 40 00:02:45,601 --> 00:02:48,541 Hey, w-we make a great team, don't we? 41 00:02:48,604 --> 00:02:50,474 Let's toast to it. 42 00:02:53,375 --> 00:02:56,305 Here's to your health. 43 00:03:04,219 --> 00:03:07,919 has me in its spell 44 00:03:07,989 --> 00:03:12,659 that you weave so well 45 00:03:12,728 --> 00:03:15,158 46 00:03:18,367 --> 00:03:22,137 VERONICA: Just tell the Frenchman I'll take care of everything. 47 00:03:38,486 --> 00:03:40,716 (PEOPLE SCREAMING) 48 00:03:42,857 --> 00:03:44,717 Put up your hands. Oh. 49 00:03:44,793 --> 00:03:48,063 (YELPING) 50 00:03:53,167 --> 00:03:55,997 (CAR CRASHING) 51 00:04:00,742 --> 00:04:02,382 My name is Sergeant Frank Drebin, 52 00:04:02,443 --> 00:04:04,413 Detective Lieutenant Police Squad. 53 00:04:04,479 --> 00:04:06,749 I was driving home Mary, the boss' wife, 54 00:04:06,814 --> 00:04:09,324 when I received an urgent call to report to the city morgue. 55 00:04:09,417 --> 00:04:10,947 I raced over. 56 00:04:11,019 --> 00:04:14,219 What had originally appeared to be a routine drunk driving fatality 57 00:04:14,289 --> 00:04:17,689 was now developing into a somewhat more involved situation. 58 00:04:17,759 --> 00:04:20,659 Even though the reported crash had been a sizable one, 59 00:04:20,728 --> 00:04:24,028 various elements of the victim's bloodstream had led the police coroner 60 00:04:24,066 --> 00:04:25,966 to suspect something more. 61 00:04:26,034 --> 00:04:28,374 And we didn't need this kind of tsuris. 62 00:04:28,437 --> 00:04:32,237 A battery of pathologists and reconstruction experts were assigned to the case. 63 00:04:32,307 --> 00:04:35,507 Crime can be a terrifying threat to members of a community. 64 00:04:35,577 --> 00:04:39,947 And we had no intention of letting this or any other go unchecked. 65 00:04:40,015 --> 00:04:42,345 When I arrived at the morgue, my boss had already begun 66 00:04:42,417 --> 00:04:44,317 to investigate the physical evidence. 67 00:04:44,386 --> 00:04:48,016 As was our custom in such cases, we began to talk. 68 00:04:48,089 --> 00:04:49,959 This is disgusting. 69 00:04:50,025 --> 00:04:52,855 Yeah, I can't take looking at that sort of thing. 70 00:04:54,128 --> 00:04:55,958 (HOCKEN GAGGING) 71 00:04:58,767 --> 00:05:01,427 Don, where have you got the body of Joey Koldys? 72 00:05:01,503 --> 00:05:02,903 Oh, right here. Excuse me. 73 00:05:05,306 --> 00:05:07,336 It's a typical 415. 74 00:05:08,009 --> 00:05:10,079 415? Yes. 75 00:05:10,144 --> 00:05:12,954 The body was found 415 feet from the car. 76 00:05:13,014 --> 00:05:14,014 Oh? 77 00:05:15,550 --> 00:05:17,650 DREBIN: It must have been a terrible accident. 78 00:05:17,753 --> 00:05:19,123 Yes. 79 00:05:19,187 --> 00:05:22,087 But the crash didn't kill him. Oh? 80 00:05:22,157 --> 00:05:24,957 This man died of a drug overdose. 81 00:05:25,026 --> 00:05:29,426 Not only that, gentlemen, but the quantity involved was so massive 82 00:05:29,497 --> 00:05:31,827 that it is my opinion Mr. Koldys' death 83 00:05:31,900 --> 00:05:35,530 was either suicide or murder. 84 00:05:35,603 --> 00:05:37,873 Now, gentlemen, if you'll excuse me. 85 00:05:37,939 --> 00:05:41,209 You know, Frank, there's another thing about Joey Koldys. 86 00:05:41,276 --> 00:05:45,536 He was a courier for a major drug running operation and a police informant. 87 00:05:45,613 --> 00:05:47,283 I think he was murdered. 88 00:05:47,348 --> 00:05:49,328 Well, you think he was killed because he was a stoolie? 89 00:05:49,350 --> 00:05:50,720 Maybe. 90 00:05:50,785 --> 00:05:53,415 He was always bragging about all the big money he handled. 91 00:05:53,487 --> 00:05:55,957 Maybe he got stupid and tried to rip some off. 92 00:05:56,024 --> 00:05:59,134 Thanks again, Don. Oh, you're welcome. 93 00:05:59,194 --> 00:06:02,864 Multiple bruises of the upper torso, 94 00:06:02,931 --> 00:06:06,131 some indication of cardiovascular failure. 95 00:06:06,968 --> 00:06:08,468 Turning to the weather, 96 00:06:08,536 --> 00:06:10,536 we have a cold front moving in from the west 97 00:06:10,604 --> 00:06:13,014 that'll bring us some showers tonight. 98 00:06:13,074 --> 00:06:15,814 Now, here's the latest from Neil Diamond, 99 00:06:15,877 --> 00:06:18,407 going out to Margot from Barry. 100 00:06:18,480 --> 00:06:21,920 101 00:06:23,517 --> 00:06:25,187 Ed? Frank. 102 00:06:25,253 --> 00:06:26,423 File on Koldys? 103 00:06:26,487 --> 00:06:29,057 Yeah, yeah, it's a complete detailed report. 104 00:06:29,124 --> 00:06:31,564 Born 1942 in Philadelphia. 105 00:06:31,626 --> 00:06:34,826 In and out of foster homes till the age of 15. 106 00:06:34,896 --> 00:06:36,856 Then he moved into Smith's home. 107 00:06:36,932 --> 00:06:38,732 He wasn't happy there either. 108 00:06:38,800 --> 00:06:40,700 Then he fought Larry Holmes. 109 00:06:40,768 --> 00:06:45,268 Last known address was a mobile home in Alabama. 110 00:06:45,340 --> 00:06:47,910 Married one child. That didn't work out, 111 00:06:47,976 --> 00:06:49,486 (ELEVATOR BELL DINGS) so he married a grown woman. 112 00:06:49,510 --> 00:06:50,510 Hmm. 113 00:06:52,347 --> 00:06:55,047 I wonder how Joey got involved with a dope ring. 114 00:06:55,116 --> 00:06:58,576 He was a comedian at a nightclub called Mr. V's. 115 00:06:58,652 --> 00:07:02,722 The place was a front for a dealer named Veronica Rivers. 116 00:07:02,790 --> 00:07:07,060 Unfortunately, our contact in the organization is gone now, Frank. 117 00:07:07,128 --> 00:07:10,598 And what's worse is we don't have a line on the supplier, 118 00:07:10,664 --> 00:07:12,304 some guy called the Frenchman. 119 00:07:12,367 --> 00:07:14,827 Hmm. Until we get him, there's no sense going after the little fish. 120 00:07:14,836 --> 00:07:17,366 (NATIVES HOOTING) That's right. And to get the big fish, 121 00:07:17,438 --> 00:07:19,038 (GUN FIRING) we're gonna need some bait. 122 00:07:19,107 --> 00:07:21,337 Can we get anyone else on the inside? 123 00:07:21,376 --> 00:07:24,636 Well, there is a job at Mr. V's open right now. 124 00:07:25,346 --> 00:07:27,876 Joey's. 125 00:07:27,949 --> 00:07:31,349 DREBIN: Mr. V's is a high-class operation in the exclusive Shorewood area 126 00:07:31,419 --> 00:07:34,749 that had launched the careers of some of the biggest names in show business. 127 00:07:34,823 --> 00:07:36,493 Although alleged to be a mob hangout 128 00:07:36,558 --> 00:07:38,488 by Ricky "The Weasel" Saltstein, 129 00:07:38,560 --> 00:07:41,090 we had no hard evidence against the club. 130 00:07:41,162 --> 00:07:44,262 I decided to put in my application for Joey Koldys' job. 131 00:07:44,332 --> 00:07:47,272 132 00:07:47,335 --> 00:07:48,595 Madam. 133 00:07:57,946 --> 00:07:59,606 Excuse me. You the manager? Uh, yes. 134 00:07:59,614 --> 00:08:02,094 I'm an entertainer from out of town. I hear you have an opening. 135 00:08:02,150 --> 00:08:03,580 Sorry, pal, we filled it. 136 00:08:03,652 --> 00:08:06,062 Nicky, where have you been? Hurry up, will you? You're almost on! 137 00:08:06,087 --> 00:08:07,487 I missed the bus. 138 00:08:07,555 --> 00:08:09,085 Look, we already got an entertainer. 139 00:08:09,157 --> 00:08:10,767 Why don't you come back in a couple of weeks? 140 00:08:10,791 --> 00:08:12,291 You Nicky McBreen? Yeah. 141 00:08:12,359 --> 00:08:14,159 You're under arrest. For what? 142 00:08:14,296 --> 00:08:16,726 For reproducing the accounts, pictures or descriptions 143 00:08:16,798 --> 00:08:18,128 of a major league baseball game 144 00:08:18,199 --> 00:08:20,399 without the express written consent of the commissioner. 145 00:08:20,435 --> 00:08:22,165 Okay, so I taped the game. 146 00:08:22,237 --> 00:08:23,867 All right, let's go. 147 00:08:23,938 --> 00:08:27,368 I had a few friends over, but I... but I didn't charge them. 148 00:08:27,441 --> 00:08:29,111 All right, a couple of bucks a head. 149 00:08:29,176 --> 00:08:31,376 Hey, what're you doing? Without him, I got no show! 150 00:08:31,445 --> 00:08:33,945 Hey, what about me? I'm hot and ready to go. 151 00:08:35,316 --> 00:08:37,846 Looks like I got no choice. What's your name? 152 00:08:37,919 --> 00:08:40,519 DeWonderful. Tony DeWonderful. 153 00:08:40,588 --> 00:08:42,588 Tony. You're on. 154 00:08:44,191 --> 00:08:46,031 (PEOPLE CHATTERING) 155 00:08:48,663 --> 00:08:51,763 Ladies and gentlemen, the Johnny Friendly Trio. 156 00:08:54,135 --> 00:08:56,995 Well, I just flew in from out of town and a guy in the airport 157 00:08:57,072 --> 00:08:59,612 came up to me and says, "Give me $5 till payday," 158 00:08:59,674 --> 00:09:01,344 and I said, "Well, when's payday?" 159 00:09:01,409 --> 00:09:04,179 And he said, "How do I know? You got the job." 160 00:09:04,279 --> 00:09:06,559 I got a bad back, you know. My father has a bad back, too. 161 00:09:06,614 --> 00:09:08,284 So I guess it runs in the family. 162 00:09:08,349 --> 00:09:11,719 In 50 years, I haven't seen him pick up a check. 163 00:09:11,786 --> 00:09:14,386 But you know, seriously, I mean it. 164 00:09:14,455 --> 00:09:16,455 We did come from a poor family. 165 00:09:16,524 --> 00:09:19,534 Uh, the health department wouldn't condemn our house until we had it painted. 166 00:09:19,594 --> 00:09:20,834 (DRUM ROLL) 167 00:09:21,963 --> 00:09:23,903 (AUDIENCE LAUGHING) 168 00:09:23,965 --> 00:09:26,995 Anyway, s-seriously, seriously now, seriously, hold it, 169 00:09:27,068 --> 00:09:28,868 hold it now, seriously. 170 00:09:28,937 --> 00:09:32,137 Anyway, the gal came back from her honeymoon. 171 00:09:32,206 --> 00:09:33,706 (SPEAKING JAPANESE) 172 00:09:33,774 --> 00:09:37,014 She was alone and her parents welcomed her with open arms 173 00:09:37,078 --> 00:09:39,008 and they said to her... 174 00:09:39,080 --> 00:09:40,110 (SPEAKING GERMAN) 175 00:09:40,181 --> 00:09:41,751 (AUDIENCE LAUGHING) 176 00:09:43,484 --> 00:09:45,654 (QUOTING PUNCHLINE IN GERMAN) 177 00:09:45,720 --> 00:09:46,720 (ALL LAUGHING) 178 00:09:51,459 --> 00:09:53,689 Well, anyway, the guy looked up at her and he said, 179 00:09:53,761 --> 00:09:56,831 "Lady, I don't think I can take 67 more of those." 180 00:09:56,897 --> 00:09:58,297 (AUDIENCE LAUGHING) 181 00:10:08,142 --> 00:10:10,242 You know, my sister was so ugly, 182 00:10:10,311 --> 00:10:13,311 they used to put a pork chop around her neck to get the dog to play with her. 183 00:10:17,985 --> 00:10:20,645 She was also so dumb she came in one time with hot tar on her hand 184 00:10:20,721 --> 00:10:22,621 and she said, "Look what I almost stepped in." 185 00:10:22,690 --> 00:10:24,020 (DRUM ROLL) 186 00:10:24,892 --> 00:10:26,562 (MAN WHISTLING) 187 00:10:26,627 --> 00:10:28,927 (LAUGHING) 188 00:10:28,997 --> 00:10:30,957 Hey, that's some laughter here. 189 00:10:31,032 --> 00:10:33,532 Is that your wife beside you or you just throw up on the seat? 190 00:10:48,950 --> 00:10:51,650 No, no, no, no, just a minute now. Hold on. 191 00:10:51,753 --> 00:10:53,593 No, really, time to get in tune. 192 00:10:53,654 --> 00:10:55,764 I'd like now to do for you 193 00:10:56,724 --> 00:10:58,224 my tribute 194 00:10:59,660 --> 00:11:03,260 to that fantastic performer, a great lady, 195 00:11:04,231 --> 00:11:05,671 Judy. 196 00:11:05,733 --> 00:11:09,173 197 00:11:09,237 --> 00:11:11,867 (AUDIENCE SIGHING) 198 00:11:11,939 --> 00:11:15,369 went the trolley 199 00:11:15,443 --> 00:11:18,683 went the bell 200 00:11:18,746 --> 00:11:22,046 went my heartstrings 201 00:11:22,116 --> 00:11:26,716 yes, I do 202 00:11:26,788 --> 00:11:28,958 203 00:11:29,023 --> 00:11:32,763 give me what I cry for 204 00:11:32,827 --> 00:11:37,027 of kisses that I die for 205 00:11:40,602 --> 00:11:45,242 bluebirds fly 206 00:11:46,007 --> 00:11:48,907 207 00:11:48,977 --> 00:11:51,937 208 00:11:52,012 --> 00:11:55,482 209 00:11:58,152 --> 00:12:00,522 (ALL CHEERING) 210 00:12:00,588 --> 00:12:02,348 (MAN WHISTLING) 211 00:12:15,936 --> 00:12:18,866 212 00:12:21,275 --> 00:12:25,035 I've seen the greatest. Sinatra, Wayne Newton, Carl Yastrzemski. 213 00:12:25,113 --> 00:12:27,223 That was the greatest performance I've ever seen in my life. 214 00:12:27,248 --> 00:12:29,078 Oh, not really. Oh, yeah. 215 00:12:29,150 --> 00:12:31,920 Listen, the boss is here. She wants to meet you. 216 00:12:31,986 --> 00:12:33,916 217 00:12:33,987 --> 00:12:35,947 Have a seat, Mr. DeWonderful. 218 00:12:37,659 --> 00:12:38,759 Thank you. 219 00:12:41,362 --> 00:12:42,362 Thanks, Vic. 220 00:12:43,031 --> 00:12:44,231 Right. 221 00:12:44,298 --> 00:12:45,898 (PEOPLE CHATTERING) 222 00:12:54,909 --> 00:12:56,879 You looked pretty good up there. 223 00:12:56,944 --> 00:12:58,714 How'd you like a job at my club? 224 00:12:58,780 --> 00:13:01,110 So you must be Mr. V? 225 00:13:01,182 --> 00:13:05,552 Veronica Rivers. You work this room real well. 226 00:13:05,620 --> 00:13:08,890 I heard about it from a friend of mine, Joey Koldys. 227 00:13:15,363 --> 00:13:17,733 Terrible thing that happened to him. Hmm. 228 00:13:21,469 --> 00:13:22,699 Would you like a drink? 229 00:13:22,770 --> 00:13:24,270 Why not? 230 00:13:24,339 --> 00:13:28,209 Good. I took the liberty of ordering you our house special. 231 00:13:32,914 --> 00:13:34,384 To your health, kid. 232 00:13:40,355 --> 00:13:41,945 (SPUTTERING) 233 00:13:52,667 --> 00:13:54,127 (COUGHING) 234 00:13:56,203 --> 00:13:57,943 Tony, are you okay? 235 00:14:00,608 --> 00:14:01,838 (GROANS) 236 00:14:05,780 --> 00:14:08,550 Went down the wrong pipe. 237 00:14:08,616 --> 00:14:10,246 Oh. 238 00:14:10,318 --> 00:14:12,948 Listen, uh, if you're gonna work here, you'll need a contract. 239 00:14:13,020 --> 00:14:16,050 So, why don't we go over to my office, and you can sign one, hmm? 240 00:14:16,123 --> 00:14:17,163 Fine. 241 00:14:22,830 --> 00:14:24,600 Hold it right there, Rivers! 242 00:14:24,665 --> 00:14:25,725 Who are you? 243 00:14:25,800 --> 00:14:27,570 My name is Jerry Layne. This is Lester. 244 00:14:27,635 --> 00:14:29,735 We came here before. You wouldn't even watch our act. 245 00:14:29,803 --> 00:14:31,653 Well, now I'm gonna force you to give us an audition. 246 00:14:31,672 --> 00:14:33,772 Sit down, both of you. 247 00:14:33,841 --> 00:14:36,941 Now, Jerry, you'll never get away with this. 248 00:14:37,011 --> 00:14:38,721 Why don't you give me that gun and we'll forget about it. 249 00:14:38,746 --> 00:14:40,376 Sit down and shut up! 250 00:14:42,116 --> 00:14:44,176 Now, here's my act. 251 00:14:44,252 --> 00:14:45,892 Lester, I heard you had a girlfriend. 252 00:14:45,953 --> 00:14:47,153 Yes. Is she pretty? 253 00:14:47,221 --> 00:14:49,221 Try repulsive. Repulsive. 254 00:14:49,289 --> 00:14:51,619 No, but you're getting close. 255 00:14:51,692 --> 00:14:55,362 And now, I'm gonna do an imitation of a priest eating potato chips. 256 00:14:55,430 --> 00:14:58,540 Stay where you are, mister. You better do what he says. He'll blow your brains out. 257 00:14:58,566 --> 00:15:00,426 Jerry, all I wanna do is tell you that 258 00:15:00,501 --> 00:15:02,271 I... I think that your act is really good. 259 00:15:02,336 --> 00:15:04,036 You do? No, he doesn't. 260 00:15:04,104 --> 00:15:06,674 No, I do. I really do. 261 00:15:06,740 --> 00:15:09,040 It's a very good act. Now just relax. 262 00:15:10,411 --> 00:15:11,711 Cigarette? 263 00:15:11,779 --> 00:15:13,079 Yes, I know. 264 00:15:14,248 --> 00:15:17,448 Well, I think that, uh, 265 00:15:17,518 --> 00:15:20,688 Thursday night here, the 8:00 spot would be good for you. 266 00:15:20,754 --> 00:15:21,954 Do you really? 267 00:15:22,089 --> 00:15:24,889 No, he doesn't. It's just a trick, stupid. 268 00:15:24,925 --> 00:15:26,855 Yeah, how do I know you'll come through? 269 00:15:26,927 --> 00:15:29,487 Well, that's easy. All you have to... Look out! 270 00:15:37,438 --> 00:15:39,368 Say, that was nice work. 271 00:15:39,439 --> 00:15:41,739 You took a big chance doing that. 272 00:15:41,809 --> 00:15:45,539 Well, you take a chance getting up in the morning, crossing the street 273 00:15:45,613 --> 00:15:47,813 or sticking your face in a fan. 274 00:15:47,882 --> 00:15:49,752 Well, I like the way you did that. 275 00:15:49,817 --> 00:15:52,177 I could use a man like you around here. 276 00:15:58,726 --> 00:16:01,086 How'd you like to make a little extra cash? 277 00:16:02,029 --> 00:16:03,559 What do I have to do? 278 00:16:03,630 --> 00:16:04,760 Just a little errand. 279 00:16:04,832 --> 00:16:06,902 Pick up my car tomorrow morning. 280 00:16:07,835 --> 00:16:09,365 It's down at the docks. 281 00:16:11,405 --> 00:16:15,535 DREBIN: When I got to the doc's, everything was in order as Veronica had said. 282 00:16:15,610 --> 00:16:19,440 Drug trafficking is the heart and soul of criminal activity in the city, 283 00:16:19,513 --> 00:16:21,583 and I knew we had tapped the source. 284 00:16:21,649 --> 00:16:23,549 But now to find the evidence. 285 00:16:23,617 --> 00:16:27,117 I dropped the car off at the lab for a more thorough investigation. 286 00:16:27,187 --> 00:16:29,187 So you see, Katie, 287 00:16:29,290 --> 00:16:32,220 objects get their shape from the arrangement of their molecules. 288 00:16:32,293 --> 00:16:34,633 If you apply force to these molecules, 289 00:16:34,695 --> 00:16:38,925 their arrangement is altered, and the shape of the object is changed. 290 00:16:39,000 --> 00:16:41,300 Now, did you bring me your Crying Judy doll? 291 00:16:41,369 --> 00:16:43,069 Here she is, Mr. Olson. 292 00:16:44,305 --> 00:16:46,005 All right. 293 00:16:46,073 --> 00:16:49,783 Let's see what happens when we put Crying Judy in the trash compactor. 294 00:16:52,713 --> 00:16:55,923 (DOLL CRYING) 295 00:16:55,983 --> 00:16:57,323 Oh, hi, Frank. 296 00:17:04,224 --> 00:17:06,664 Katie, why don't you run along now? 297 00:17:06,727 --> 00:17:09,827 Next week we'll learn why cows look forward to giving milk. 298 00:17:09,897 --> 00:17:11,957 KATIE: Gee, thanks, Mr. Olson. Bye. 299 00:17:12,966 --> 00:17:14,166 What'd you come up with, Ted? 300 00:17:14,234 --> 00:17:15,734 The boys are working on the car. 301 00:17:15,836 --> 00:17:17,496 They haven't found anything yet. 302 00:17:17,571 --> 00:17:19,541 Let me show you what we're doing. 303 00:17:21,609 --> 00:17:25,039 Now, Ed, I know the car is dirty. 304 00:17:26,046 --> 00:17:28,746 There's got to be drugs here somewhere. 305 00:17:46,300 --> 00:17:48,900 ALL: 306 00:17:48,970 --> 00:17:50,970 307 00:17:52,206 --> 00:17:54,906 308 00:17:54,976 --> 00:17:56,736 309 00:18:11,091 --> 00:18:14,761 Oh, I don't know, Frank. The pieces don't get much smaller. 310 00:18:16,397 --> 00:18:19,257 We got it! We got it! 311 00:18:23,870 --> 00:18:25,870 It was in the glove compartment. 312 00:18:27,341 --> 00:18:30,211 Well, look what we've got here. 313 00:18:30,277 --> 00:18:31,957 HOCKEN: Are you sure that's the real thing? 314 00:18:32,079 --> 00:18:34,649 There's only one way to find out. 315 00:18:34,715 --> 00:18:37,345 Frank, you know we've had this car over six hours. 316 00:18:37,418 --> 00:18:39,118 Yeah, Veronica's gonna get suspicious. 317 00:18:39,186 --> 00:18:41,986 Let's get this car back together fast. Right. 318 00:18:48,328 --> 00:18:51,228 319 00:18:54,168 --> 00:18:57,038 glimmer, glimmer 320 00:18:57,071 --> 00:18:59,541 glimmer... 321 00:18:59,606 --> 00:19:03,676 glimmer, glimmer 322 00:19:03,744 --> 00:19:06,314 Wow, these guys are incredible! 323 00:19:06,380 --> 00:19:08,210 Ed, we know how Veronica gets this stuff. 324 00:19:08,282 --> 00:19:10,652 Now we gotta flush out the source, the Frenchman. 325 00:19:10,718 --> 00:19:14,588 To do that, Frank, we're gonna have to find out when the next drop will be. 326 00:19:14,655 --> 00:19:17,015 The car is all back together. 327 00:19:17,090 --> 00:19:18,520 We did the best we could. 328 00:19:18,593 --> 00:19:20,693 There were a few pieces left over. 329 00:19:21,995 --> 00:19:23,655 You know, Frank, 330 00:19:23,731 --> 00:19:27,271 I'll bet that doctor who gave you the car could give us some answers. 331 00:19:27,334 --> 00:19:29,304 You're right. Let's go. 332 00:19:35,709 --> 00:19:36,739 (CHATTERING) 333 00:19:36,810 --> 00:19:39,540 Sponge on this side, please. 334 00:19:39,613 --> 00:19:41,853 (CARDIOGRAPH BEEPING) 335 00:19:43,183 --> 00:19:45,223 All right, take him! 336 00:19:45,286 --> 00:19:47,946 DREBIN: After I returned the car, my boss and I grabbed the doctor 337 00:19:48,021 --> 00:19:50,361 and booked him for drug trafficking. What's going on here? 338 00:19:50,424 --> 00:19:53,434 After a lengthy interrogation, he told us the next drop-off 339 00:19:53,494 --> 00:19:56,704 was going to be that night, but he didn't know where. 340 00:19:56,764 --> 00:19:59,504 I decided to see if one of my sources knew anything. 341 00:20:06,940 --> 00:20:11,240 Johnny, what do you know about illegal narcotics? 342 00:20:14,181 --> 00:20:18,281 The city's been bone-dry because of the unstable political situation 343 00:20:18,351 --> 00:20:22,291 in the drug-producing countries of Latin America. 344 00:20:22,356 --> 00:20:25,456 I understand there's gonna be a drop tonight. Do you know where? 345 00:20:28,362 --> 00:20:32,432 Word on the street has it the action's happening at Mr. V's. 346 00:20:33,734 --> 00:20:34,774 Thanks, Johnny. 347 00:20:42,342 --> 00:20:45,342 Johnny, uh, some kids on the show yesterday 348 00:20:45,413 --> 00:20:48,583 mentioned a new kind of music, ska. 349 00:20:48,649 --> 00:20:50,949 Do you know anything about it? How should I know? 350 00:20:54,855 --> 00:20:57,485 Nothing but a modern offshoot of reggae, 351 00:20:57,558 --> 00:21:02,058 updated white rock influences, definitely upbeat. 352 00:21:02,129 --> 00:21:04,029 It'll never become really popular 353 00:21:04,097 --> 00:21:07,797 because even though they've made the back beat more conventional, 354 00:21:07,868 --> 00:21:10,668 it's still too exotic for mass acceptance. 355 00:21:12,706 --> 00:21:16,236 Johnny, I need some more of that secret formula youth cream. 356 00:21:25,218 --> 00:21:26,548 Thanks, Johnny. 357 00:21:29,690 --> 00:21:31,990 Everything's all set, Frank. 358 00:21:32,058 --> 00:21:34,088 We've got men covering all the exits. 359 00:21:36,530 --> 00:21:38,260 Well, the Frenchman's gotta be here tonight. 360 00:21:38,331 --> 00:21:39,901 Don't worry, I'll flush him out. 361 00:21:39,967 --> 00:21:42,247 It shouldn't be too hard to find a Frenchman in this crowd. 362 00:21:42,302 --> 00:21:44,302 Tony? Showtime. 363 00:21:44,371 --> 00:21:46,001 All right, here you go. 364 00:21:47,307 --> 00:21:48,467 Gotta go. 365 00:21:48,542 --> 00:21:50,342 Good luck, Mr. DeWonderful. 366 00:21:51,412 --> 00:21:52,742 (AUDIENCE APPLAUDING) 367 00:21:52,812 --> 00:21:55,912 368 00:22:01,322 --> 00:22:05,762 just right for the kissin' 369 00:22:05,826 --> 00:22:10,156 to kiss me a few! 370 00:22:10,231 --> 00:22:15,071 what they're missin' 371 00:22:15,135 --> 00:22:19,795 of living to do! 372 00:22:21,208 --> 00:22:22,908 Hey, thank you. 373 00:22:22,976 --> 00:22:24,576 Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. 374 00:22:24,645 --> 00:22:25,705 (MAN WHISTLING) 375 00:22:25,779 --> 00:22:28,509 Thank you. Thank you. 376 00:22:28,582 --> 00:22:30,682 Where do you live, lady? Right here. 377 00:22:30,751 --> 00:22:33,351 At the table? Where'd you put your car? In the coat room? 378 00:22:33,420 --> 00:22:34,520 (DRUM ROLL) 379 00:22:35,422 --> 00:22:36,962 What do you do, sir? 380 00:22:37,024 --> 00:22:39,064 MAN 1: Nothing. How do you know when you're done? 381 00:22:39,126 --> 00:22:41,086 (AUDIENCE LAUGHING) 382 00:22:41,161 --> 00:22:44,101 How about you, sir. What do you do? MAN 2: I'm an engineer. 383 00:22:44,164 --> 00:22:45,504 Lionel or HO? 384 00:22:45,565 --> 00:22:47,125 (DRUM ROLL) 385 00:22:47,200 --> 00:22:49,130 How about you, sir? What do you do? 386 00:22:49,202 --> 00:22:52,042 Uh... Ah, now be careful. Don't get it wrong. 387 00:22:52,105 --> 00:22:53,665 (AUDIENCE LAUGHING) 388 00:22:53,740 --> 00:22:55,670 Where are you from? Baldymore? 389 00:22:55,742 --> 00:22:57,742 (DRUM ROLL) 390 00:22:57,812 --> 00:23:00,212 (AUDIENCE LAUGHING) 391 00:23:00,280 --> 00:23:02,250 Where are you from, sir? MAN 3: Milwaukee. 392 00:23:02,316 --> 00:23:06,316 Hey! Why, that's my hometown. 393 00:23:06,386 --> 00:23:08,486 Where... Where are you from? WOMAN: Seattle. 394 00:23:08,556 --> 00:23:11,086 Hey, why that's my hometown. 395 00:23:11,225 --> 00:23:12,925 (DRUM ROLL) 396 00:23:12,993 --> 00:23:15,033 Where are you from? MAN 4: Chicago. 397 00:23:15,096 --> 00:23:17,296 Hey! Why, that's your hometown. 398 00:23:17,364 --> 00:23:18,634 (DRUM ROLL) 399 00:23:18,699 --> 00:23:20,699 (AUDIENCE APPLAUDING) 400 00:23:20,768 --> 00:23:23,738 Now I'd like to tell you about my dumb sister. 401 00:23:23,804 --> 00:23:26,304 She was so dumb that she thought that a zebra 402 00:23:26,373 --> 00:23:28,913 was the largest size it came in. 403 00:23:28,976 --> 00:23:32,036 All right, Frenchman, the ruse is up! 404 00:23:32,112 --> 00:23:33,852 (AUDIENCE LAUGHING) 405 00:23:39,586 --> 00:23:41,986 (AUDIENCE CHEERING) 406 00:23:49,830 --> 00:23:51,230 You got nothing on us! 407 00:23:51,298 --> 00:23:52,358 I do now. 408 00:23:54,634 --> 00:23:56,874 (AUDIENCE CHEERING) 409 00:24:05,845 --> 00:24:08,175 Well, Frank, this case is all wrapped up. 410 00:24:08,248 --> 00:24:11,078 Veronica Rivers confessed to killing Joey Koldys, 411 00:24:11,151 --> 00:24:14,491 and we've got her and Vic and the Frenchman on the dope smuggling rap. 412 00:24:14,555 --> 00:24:16,445 Yeah, from now on they'll all be up there 413 00:24:16,523 --> 00:24:18,163 together in the Stateville Prison. 414 00:24:18,225 --> 00:24:22,655 Yep, along with Martin and Dutch and Lana, Thames and Sally Decker. 415 00:24:22,729 --> 00:24:25,229 Captain, can I use your phone a minute? Yeah, go ahead. 416 00:24:25,299 --> 00:24:29,329 And you know, Ed, what all this goes to show is that the only real dope 417 00:24:29,403 --> 00:24:31,543 is the one who sells it or buys it.