1
00:00:04,105 --> 00:00:06,835
<i>MALE NARRATOR: Police Squad! In color.</i>

2
00:00:13,815 --> 00:00:15,775
<i>Starring Leslie Nielsen.</i>

3
00:00:21,122 --> 00:00:23,092
<i>Also starring Alan North.</i>

4
00:00:23,158 --> 00:00:24,788
(GUNS FIRING)

5
00:00:25,827 --> 00:00:27,457
(SCREAMING)

6
00:00:27,496 --> 00:00:30,326
<i>And Rex Hamilton
as Abraham Lincoln.</i>

7
00:00:30,399 --> 00:00:31,759
(GUN FIRING)

8
00:00:34,035 --> 00:00:37,065
<i>Tonight's special guest star,
Robert Goulet.</i>

9
00:00:37,939 --> 00:00:40,609
MAN: Ready, aim, fire!

10
00:00:40,675 --> 00:00:41,935
(GUN FIRES)
Ow!

11
00:00:47,782 --> 00:00:49,582
<i>Tonight's episode,
A Bird in the Hand.</i>

12
00:00:59,294 --> 00:01:01,564


13
00:01:01,629 --> 00:01:03,259
(PEOPLE CHATTERING)

14
00:01:50,245 --> 00:01:51,975
Kingsley,

15
00:01:52,047 --> 00:01:54,817
mind if I dance
with my daughter?

16
00:01:54,883 --> 00:01:56,623
Of course not,
Mr. Burton.

17
00:02:05,427 --> 00:02:09,927
You know, Terri, this song is
awfully difficult to dance to.

18
00:02:09,998 --> 00:02:12,128
Let's get them to
play something else.

19
00:02:14,937 --> 00:02:17,897
Fellas, could you play
something different?

20
00:02:20,542 --> 00:02:25,282
ALL:

21
00:02:25,313 --> 00:02:30,183


22
00:02:30,252 --> 00:02:34,552


23
00:02:35,623 --> 00:02:39,993


24
00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:47,400
Make a wish.

25
00:02:58,346 --> 00:02:59,976
Cake, everyone?

26
00:03:02,517 --> 00:03:03,747
Terri.

27
00:03:04,586 --> 00:03:06,516
Can I talk to you in private?

28
00:03:06,588 --> 00:03:08,318
Of course.

29
00:03:08,390 --> 00:03:10,990
Uh, let's go out
in the Japanese garden.

30
00:03:15,597 --> 00:03:17,627
(CRICKETS CHIRPING)

31
00:03:20,868 --> 00:03:22,098
What is it, Kingsley?

32
00:03:22,170 --> 00:03:23,840
I just wanted to ask you,

33
00:03:23,905 --> 00:03:26,205
have you made up your mind
about marrying me yet?

34
00:03:26,274 --> 00:03:28,114
I need more time.

35
00:03:28,176 --> 00:03:30,906
But you said you'd give me
an answer by tonight.

36
00:03:30,979 --> 00:03:33,479
I'm not ready to give you
an answer.

37
00:03:38,886 --> 00:03:40,546
I love you, Terri.

38
00:03:43,391 --> 00:03:45,221
And I love you, too, Kingsley.

39
00:03:45,293 --> 00:03:46,593
(SCREAMING)

40
00:03:59,841 --> 00:04:01,671
<i>My name is
Sergeant Frank Drebin,</i>

41
00:04:01,743 --> 00:04:03,483
<i>Detective Lieutenant,
Police Squad,</i>

42
00:04:03,545 --> 00:04:06,105
<i>a special division
of the police department.</i>

43
00:04:06,180 --> 00:04:08,880
<i>There had been a recent wave
of murders at the city zoo.</i>

44
00:04:08,950 --> 00:04:10,520
<i>I was bringing in a suspect</i>

45
00:04:10,585 --> 00:04:11,975
<i>when I got a call
from headquarters</i>

46
00:04:12,053 --> 00:04:13,993
<i>about the kidnapping
of Terri Burton.</i>

47
00:04:14,055 --> 00:04:16,185
<i>I headed for the Burton mansion.</i>

48
00:04:22,897 --> 00:04:24,197
Good evening.

49
00:04:24,266 --> 00:04:27,396
Evening. Is this
808 Garboniforus Road?

50
00:04:31,339 --> 00:04:33,609
Maple Street?
Yes, sir, it is.

51
00:04:33,675 --> 00:04:35,105
I'm from Police Squad.

52
00:04:35,177 --> 00:04:36,777
I'd like to see Captain Hocken.

53
00:04:36,844 --> 00:04:39,214
Of course,
Lieutenant, uh, Flebner.

54
00:04:41,249 --> 00:04:43,179
Uh, Drebin.
Do come in.

55
00:04:49,724 --> 00:04:51,494
Her name is Terri Burton.

56
00:04:51,559 --> 00:04:52,989
Excuse me.

57
00:04:53,061 --> 00:04:55,461
Frank, I'm glad you're here.

58
00:04:55,530 --> 00:04:57,500
DREBIN: What do you got, Ed?
Uh, nothing so far.

59
00:04:57,565 --> 00:04:59,525
Nobody's seen or heard anything.

60
00:04:59,600 --> 00:05:01,270
(PEOPLE CLAPPING)

61
00:05:03,571 --> 00:05:04,841
Is there a ransom note?

62
00:05:04,906 --> 00:05:06,506
Yes, the butler found it.

63
00:05:06,574 --> 00:05:10,014
It was tied to this window and
thrown into the rock garden.

64
00:05:10,078 --> 00:05:12,248
I sent the note to the lab.

65
00:05:12,314 --> 00:05:14,484
They're demanding $1 million.

66
00:05:14,549 --> 00:05:16,519
Why would the lab
demand a million dollars?

67
00:05:16,584 --> 00:05:18,694
The kidnappers made
the demand, Frank.

68
00:05:19,121 --> 00:05:20,391
Oh.

69
00:05:20,455 --> 00:05:22,045
Uh, if you don't mind, Ed,

70
00:05:22,123 --> 00:05:24,193
I'd like to see
the scene of the abduction.

71
00:05:24,258 --> 00:05:25,858
Sure, right here.

72
00:05:29,964 --> 00:05:32,304
<i>MAN: The Abduction.
Scene one, take three.</i>

73
00:05:33,635 --> 00:05:35,795
<i>And I love you, too, Kingsley.</i>

74
00:05:35,871 --> 00:05:37,241
<i>(SCREAMING)</i>

75
00:05:40,475 --> 00:05:41,665
Who's the guy?

76
00:05:41,743 --> 00:05:45,113
His name's Kingsley Addison,
Terri's boyfriend.

77
00:05:45,180 --> 00:05:49,120
I sent him home, Frank.
He had a nasty bump on the head.

78
00:05:49,184 --> 00:05:52,124
Would you like to meet the
parents of the kidnapped girl?

79
00:05:52,253 --> 00:05:53,593
Of course.

80
00:05:56,057 --> 00:05:58,387
Oh, Frank, the pate's exquisite.

81
00:06:03,965 --> 00:06:05,865
Excuse me,
Mr. and Mrs. Burton,

82
00:06:05,934 --> 00:06:07,804
Lieutenant Drebin.
Mr. Drebin.

83
00:06:07,869 --> 00:06:09,439
The feeling is mutual.

84
00:06:09,504 --> 00:06:12,044
I know this is trying,
but we've got to ask you a few questions.

85
00:06:12,107 --> 00:06:13,567
(PHONE RINGING)
By all means.

86
00:06:13,641 --> 00:06:15,781
Could you tell me,
did your daughter receive any threats

87
00:06:15,777 --> 00:06:17,407
on her safety recently?
No, she didn't.

88
00:06:17,479 --> 00:06:19,509
This whole thing came
as a total shock to us.

89
00:06:19,580 --> 00:06:20,750
Hello.

90
00:06:20,849 --> 00:06:21,749
<i>(MAN MUMBLING)</i>

91
00:06:21,816 --> 00:06:23,076
It's the kidnappers.

92
00:06:23,151 --> 00:06:25,691
Please,
let me speak to my daughter.

93
00:06:25,753 --> 00:06:27,023
All right, relax.
Keep calm.

94
00:06:27,089 --> 00:06:28,169
Norberg, get a tap to the phone.

95
00:06:28,189 --> 00:06:29,189
Yes, sir.
What'll I do?

96
00:06:29,257 --> 00:06:30,427
Keep the kidnapper on the phone

97
00:06:30,458 --> 00:06:31,818
so we can trace the call.
Go ahead.

98
00:06:31,859 --> 00:06:34,329
Where is my daughter?
Is she all right?

99
00:06:35,429 --> 00:06:37,959
Okay. I understand.

100
00:06:38,032 --> 00:06:39,702
No, no, please, don't hang up!

101
00:06:39,767 --> 00:06:41,897
Oh, oh, please,
don't hurt my daughter.

102
00:06:41,970 --> 00:06:44,170
I love her so much.

103
00:06:44,238 --> 00:06:46,108
Terri is safe, isn't she?

104
00:06:46,173 --> 00:06:48,843
No, don't hang up.
Please don't hang up.

105
00:06:48,910 --> 00:06:50,510
Oh, is it cold where you are?

106
00:06:50,578 --> 00:06:51,878
<i>(MAN MUMBLING)</i>

107
00:06:51,947 --> 00:06:53,407
It's warm here.

108
00:06:53,481 --> 00:06:56,621
Oh, uh, who do you think will win
the NBA Pacific Division this year?

109
00:06:57,919 --> 00:07:01,089
Who do I think?
Oh, I go with LA.

110
00:07:01,156 --> 00:07:02,716
Oh, they need a little
deeper bench,

111
00:07:02,791 --> 00:07:05,691
but they have a really
strong, solid starting five.

112
00:07:05,760 --> 00:07:07,130
No, wait!

113
00:07:07,195 --> 00:07:09,225
Well, uh, oh...

114
00:07:09,297 --> 00:07:11,127
If a train leaves New York

115
00:07:11,198 --> 00:07:12,868
traveling 120 miles an hour

116
00:07:12,934 --> 00:07:14,404
and another train
leaves Pittsburgh

117
00:07:14,468 --> 00:07:16,568
driving 115 miles per hour,

118
00:07:16,637 --> 00:07:19,937
(NORBERG HAMMERING PHONE) what train do
you suppose will arrive in Chicago first?

119
00:07:20,007 --> 00:07:21,467
<i>(MAN MUMBLING)</i>

120
00:07:21,543 --> 00:07:22,783
That's right.

121
00:07:23,812 --> 00:07:25,682
Uh, wait, uh...

122
00:07:25,747 --> 00:07:28,917
Why do ducks and geese
fly south for the winter?

123
00:07:31,953 --> 00:07:34,493
(LAUGHS) Because it
takes too long to walk.

124
00:07:34,555 --> 00:07:35,915
<i>(DIAL TONE DRONING)</i>
Hello?

125
00:07:35,991 --> 00:07:37,361
Hello?

126
00:07:37,425 --> 00:07:38,785
He hung up.

127
00:07:38,860 --> 00:07:40,230
It was a tough question.

128
00:07:40,294 --> 00:07:42,904
Norberg, did you get the
tap on the phone? Yes,

129
00:07:42,964 --> 00:07:45,764
but the kidnapper wasn't on
long enough to get a trace.

130
00:07:46,701 --> 00:07:48,701
Oh, and Mrs. Burton,

131
00:07:48,769 --> 00:07:50,439
what time did
the first train leave?

132
00:07:50,472 --> 00:07:52,012
(CRYING)

133
00:07:52,073 --> 00:07:54,843
DREBIN: Just relax.
Everything's going to be all right.

134
00:07:54,909 --> 00:07:56,909
Mrs. Burton,
what did he say?

135
00:07:56,978 --> 00:07:59,778
"Just relax.
Everything's going to be all right."

136
00:07:59,781 --> 00:08:02,211
No, the kidnapper.

137
00:08:02,283 --> 00:08:05,383
He said he'll call us soon with
instructions for the money drop

138
00:08:05,453 --> 00:08:08,423
and if we don't do what he
says, he'll kill Terri.

139
00:08:08,489 --> 00:08:10,289
(SOBBING)

140
00:08:10,358 --> 00:08:12,658
Lieutenant Drebin, what do I do?

141
00:08:13,361 --> 00:08:15,331
Well, as I understand it,

142
00:08:15,396 --> 00:08:16,756
you're in the textile business.

143
00:08:16,831 --> 00:08:19,471
I mean, I don't want
the police involved in this.

144
00:08:19,533 --> 00:08:23,143
Now, we've all got to work
together to capture this kidnapper.

145
00:08:23,205 --> 00:08:26,205
I'll pay whatever ransom is
necessary to get Terri back.

146
00:08:26,274 --> 00:08:28,174
No, that'd be giving in to them.

147
00:08:28,243 --> 00:08:30,613
These people are
emotionally unstable.

148
00:08:30,678 --> 00:08:31,978
Had a case like this, similar.

149
00:08:32,046 --> 00:08:33,806
The kidnappers cut
the victim's ear off

150
00:08:33,881 --> 00:08:35,521
(EXCLAIMING) and sent
it to the family.

151
00:08:35,583 --> 00:08:37,553
So you see,
you've got to let us help you.

152
00:08:37,619 --> 00:08:39,499
Not the whole ear, of course.
Just a piece of it.

153
00:08:39,520 --> 00:08:40,720
(CRYING)

154
00:08:40,788 --> 00:08:42,788
And when this whole
thing blows over,

155
00:08:42,857 --> 00:08:45,117
we'll return Terri's ear,
if she's still alive.

156
00:08:45,192 --> 00:08:47,492
(CRYING)

157
00:08:47,561 --> 00:08:49,661
She's taking it hard.
Yeah.

158
00:08:49,731 --> 00:08:51,801
We'd better go, Frank.

159
00:08:51,867 --> 00:08:53,397
We'll leave
Officer Norberg here.

160
00:08:53,468 --> 00:08:55,598
If you need anything,
just ask him.

161
00:08:55,670 --> 00:08:57,070
We'll be in touch.

162
00:08:57,138 --> 00:08:59,008
After we go,
I want you to nose around.

163
00:08:59,074 --> 00:09:00,674
And keep an eye out for the ear.

164
00:09:00,742 --> 00:09:02,512
Yes, sir.

165
00:09:02,577 --> 00:09:04,207
Don't you worry,
Mrs. Burton.

166
00:09:04,279 --> 00:09:06,009
If Terri's ear comes,
I'll handle it.

167
00:09:06,080 --> 00:09:07,750
(WAILING)

168
00:09:11,953 --> 00:09:13,723
<i>DREBIN: The next day,
I decided to talk</i>

169
00:09:13,788 --> 00:09:16,418
<i>with the one witness to the
kidnapping, Kingsley Addison.</i>

170
00:09:17,992 --> 00:09:19,962
<i>Kingsley played basketball
every afternoon</i>

171
00:09:20,027 --> 00:09:21,827
<i>at the Shorwood
High School playground.</i>

172
00:09:21,896 --> 00:09:23,496
<i>I'd talk to him there.</i>

173
00:09:23,565 --> 00:09:25,195
(TIRES SCREECHING)

174
00:09:31,672 --> 00:09:33,542
MAN 1: Over here!
MAN 2: Come on!

175
00:09:33,608 --> 00:09:35,638
MAN 2: Come on, give it up,
give it up, come on!

176
00:09:35,710 --> 00:09:37,180
MAN 1: Now, now!

177
00:09:37,245 --> 00:09:38,705
(ALL CHATTERING)

178
00:09:40,181 --> 00:09:42,321
Uh, Kingsley Addison?
Yeah.

179
00:09:42,384 --> 00:09:45,054
I'm Lieutenant Drebin, Police Squad.
What do you want?

180
00:09:45,119 --> 00:09:46,819
Well, I'd like to ask you
a few questions.

181
00:09:46,888 --> 00:09:48,988
About last night? That's right.
What happened?

182
00:09:49,057 --> 00:09:50,817
Well, I remember
Terri was grabbed.

183
00:09:50,891 --> 00:09:52,331
Then I got hit.
Uh-huh.

184
00:09:52,393 --> 00:09:54,293
That's all I remember.
Honest. Uh-huh.

185
00:09:57,398 --> 00:09:59,998
Well, I understand you and
Terri were gonna get married.

186
00:10:00,068 --> 00:10:01,928
Yeah, I wanted to marry her.
She, uh,

187
00:10:02,003 --> 00:10:04,403
just hadn't quite made up
her mind yet, that's all.

188
00:10:04,472 --> 00:10:05,942
Well, it doesn't sound to me

189
00:10:06,007 --> 00:10:08,507
like you were very sure
Terri was gonna say yes.

190
00:10:09,210 --> 00:10:10,880
(ALL CHEERING)

191
00:10:11,679 --> 00:10:13,709
(MEN CHATTERING)

192
00:10:16,384 --> 00:10:18,884
Terri comes from
a large amount of money.

193
00:10:18,953 --> 00:10:20,393
Do you think you make enough

194
00:10:20,455 --> 00:10:22,415
to keep her in the lifestyle
she's accustomed to?

195
00:10:22,490 --> 00:10:24,460
Of course. I have a job.

196
00:10:24,526 --> 00:10:26,726
Well, I've done
a little checking on that.

197
00:10:26,794 --> 00:10:29,134
You owe a lot of money
to a lot of people.

198
00:10:29,197 --> 00:10:30,797
You need more than a job.

199
00:10:30,865 --> 00:10:32,625
You think I'd marry Terri
for her money?

200
00:10:32,700 --> 00:10:33,930
I didn't say that.

201
00:10:37,004 --> 00:10:38,444
All right!

202
00:10:38,506 --> 00:10:39,866
(ALL WHOOPING)

203
00:10:42,710 --> 00:10:45,740
<i>DREBIN: It was too early to dismiss
Kingsley as the primary suspect.</i>

204
00:10:45,813 --> 00:10:47,483
<i>He needed money.</i>

205
00:10:47,548 --> 00:10:49,678
<i>An earlier check indicated
he was often seen socially</i>

206
00:10:49,750 --> 00:10:52,550
<i>with Joe Cooke and other
members of the Freddy Segal mob.</i>

207
00:10:52,620 --> 00:10:55,490
<i>By marrying Terri,
he would come into a fortune,</i>

208
00:10:55,556 --> 00:10:57,616
<i>cementing his relationship
with the elite</i>

209
00:10:57,691 --> 00:11:00,661
<i>and forever ensuring
a most luxurious lifestyle.</i>

210
00:11:00,728 --> 00:11:02,088
<i>I was en route to Police Squad,</i>

211
00:11:02,163 --> 00:11:04,033
<i>when I got a call from dispatch.</i>

212
00:11:04,099 --> 00:11:05,729
<i>There was a new wrinkle.</i>

213
00:11:05,799 --> 00:11:08,129
<i>The kidnapper had contacted
the Burton family</i>

214
00:11:08,202 --> 00:11:10,272
<i>with some additional
information.</i>

215
00:11:10,338 --> 00:11:12,338
<i>When I arrived at
the Burton mansion,</i>

216
00:11:12,407 --> 00:11:15,607
<i>Norberg and my boss
were already on the scene.</i>

217
00:11:15,676 --> 00:11:17,406
HOCKEN: Frank,
I'm glad to see you.

218
00:11:17,478 --> 00:11:18,708
What do you got, Ed?

219
00:11:18,779 --> 00:11:20,479
I want you to give this
a listen.

220
00:11:20,548 --> 00:11:22,448
This came in the mail.

221
00:11:22,517 --> 00:11:24,717
<i>TERRI: Mommy, Daddy.
Please do what he wants.</i>

222
00:11:24,786 --> 00:11:26,946
<i>Give him the money.
I'm scared! I wanna...</i>

223
00:11:27,021 --> 00:11:30,021
<i>MAN: That's enough. Further
instructions on the size of the ransom</i>

224
00:11:30,091 --> 00:11:31,961
<i>and where to deliver it
will follow.</i>

225
00:11:33,161 --> 00:11:35,131
Oh, my baby.

226
00:11:35,196 --> 00:11:37,996
(SOBBING)
My poor baby.

227
00:11:38,066 --> 00:11:40,196
Well, what do you think?

228
00:11:40,267 --> 00:11:43,767
Seems to be a little too much wow
and flutter from the right speaker.

229
00:11:43,838 --> 00:11:45,138
You know, Frank,

230
00:11:45,206 --> 00:11:48,166
we don't even have the spot
for the ransom drop yet.

231
00:11:48,242 --> 00:11:49,642
(CHARLOTTE EXCLAIMING)

232
00:11:51,879 --> 00:11:53,179
(GASPS)

233
00:12:02,957 --> 00:12:04,817
All right, buddy, talk.

234
00:12:05,659 --> 00:12:07,589
Talk!

235
00:12:07,661 --> 00:12:10,001
He can't, Frank.
Can't you see? He's a mime.

236
00:12:10,064 --> 00:12:11,734
Huh?

237
00:12:11,799 --> 00:12:14,029
All right, what do you got?

238
00:12:14,102 --> 00:12:16,072
What's this?
It's charades, Frank.

239
00:12:16,137 --> 00:12:18,737
Oh, great!
What's the teams?

240
00:12:18,806 --> 00:12:20,036
HOCKEN: Five words.

241
00:12:20,875 --> 00:12:22,275
Finger.
First word.

242
00:12:22,343 --> 00:12:23,883
Good, Captain.

243
00:12:23,945 --> 00:12:27,605
DREBIN: (STAMMERING) Uh,
you're getting on something?

244
00:12:27,682 --> 00:12:30,222
A shirt!
A car.

245
00:12:30,284 --> 00:12:32,524
DREBIN: Uh, woman, woman!
Woman!

246
00:12:32,586 --> 00:12:35,386
Uh, a bust.
Sounds like bust. A bus!

247
00:12:35,456 --> 00:12:36,956
Bus!
Of course.

248
00:12:37,024 --> 00:12:39,594
DREBIN: (STAMMERING) You're
driving around in the bus.

249
00:12:39,660 --> 00:12:41,660
You're going around on the bus.
You're looking...

250
00:12:41,729 --> 00:12:44,259
You... You...
You're going somewhere! To Iowa!

251
00:12:44,331 --> 00:12:46,771
DREBIN: (STAMMERING) You're
in the bus and you're...

252
00:12:46,834 --> 00:12:49,504
HOCKEN: You're parking the bus.
It's a song title.

253
00:12:49,570 --> 00:12:51,140
Theme from <i>A Summer Place.</i>

254
00:12:51,205 --> 00:12:54,705
(STAMMERING) You're driving around
and you're looking for a place,

255
00:12:54,775 --> 00:12:56,905
(STUTTERING)
in a... In the...

256
00:12:56,978 --> 00:12:59,678
In a bus... bus depot, depot!

257
00:12:59,747 --> 00:13:01,447
NORBERG: Uh, a drink?

258
00:13:01,516 --> 00:13:03,846
A protein shake!
Thirsty.

259
00:13:04,552 --> 00:13:05,752
Thirst.

260
00:13:06,520 --> 00:13:08,020
Thirst. You're tired.

261
00:13:08,089 --> 00:13:09,629
You say it's nighttime.
You're going to sleep.

262
00:13:09,657 --> 00:13:11,957
You're in bed.
Your hand is shaking. Alarm.

263
00:13:12,026 --> 00:13:13,526
The alarm is...
You're waking up!

264
00:13:13,594 --> 00:13:16,234
In a hotel room.
No. In a motel room.

265
00:13:16,231 --> 00:13:18,301
No, no, I got it!
In your aunt's house.

266
00:13:18,366 --> 00:13:20,226
You're waking up in the morning.
In the morning.

267
00:13:20,301 --> 00:13:21,671
ALL: Day. Day!

268
00:13:21,735 --> 00:13:22,935
HOCKEN: Thirst day.
Thursday.

269
00:13:23,003 --> 00:13:24,403
Thirst day.
Thursday.

270
00:13:24,472 --> 00:13:26,412
Thirst... Thursday.

271
00:13:26,474 --> 00:13:28,974
Thursday at the bus depot.

272
00:13:29,043 --> 00:13:31,243
At 10:00.
We win!

273
00:13:32,113 --> 00:13:33,683
We did it, Captain!

274
00:13:33,747 --> 00:13:35,477
Not now, Norberg.

275
00:13:41,055 --> 00:13:42,915
We better get our ears
to the grindstone.

276
00:13:42,990 --> 00:13:44,790
We don't have too much time.
Right.

277
00:13:55,169 --> 00:13:59,339
<i>DREBIN: The kidnappers finally contacted the
Burtons with specific ransom instructions.</i>

278
00:13:59,407 --> 00:14:01,667
<i>Our only hope of finding Terri
before the deadline</i>

279
00:14:01,742 --> 00:14:03,942
<i>was to get some clues
from the physical evidence.</i>

280
00:14:04,011 --> 00:14:05,981
<i>I decided to return
to Police Squad</i>

281
00:14:06,047 --> 00:14:07,977
<i>to see what the lab boys
had turned up.</i>

282
00:14:08,048 --> 00:14:09,308
So you see, Billy,

283
00:14:09,383 --> 00:14:11,523
this experiment will prove
the Earth's gravity

284
00:14:11,586 --> 00:14:14,116
exerts the same pulling
force on any object,

285
00:14:14,188 --> 00:14:15,988
no matter what size or weight.

286
00:14:16,057 --> 00:14:19,027
Gee! Let me show
you what I've done.

287
00:14:19,093 --> 00:14:21,593
The bowling ball
weighs 10 pounds.

288
00:14:21,663 --> 00:14:23,663
(PULLEY SQUEAKING)

289
00:14:23,731 --> 00:14:27,401
Your next door neighbor,
Dr. Maurice Shoenbaum, weighs 175 pounds.

290
00:14:27,468 --> 00:14:29,298
Are you ready,
Dr. Shoenbaum?

291
00:14:30,437 --> 00:14:32,297
Now, Billy, I'll set this timer

292
00:14:32,372 --> 00:14:35,642
to drop the bowling ball and
Dr. Shoenbaum in one minute

293
00:14:35,710 --> 00:14:38,210
so that we can watch
from a safe distance.

294
00:14:38,279 --> 00:14:40,149
Oh, hi, Frank.

295
00:14:40,214 --> 00:14:41,814
Why don't you run
along now, Billy,

296
00:14:41,882 --> 00:14:43,122
and next week we'll discuss

297
00:14:43,183 --> 00:14:44,333
10 things you can do
with a carrot.

298
00:14:44,351 --> 00:14:45,821
Great.
Bye, Mr. Olson.

299
00:14:47,221 --> 00:14:48,951
What'd you come up with, Ted?

300
00:14:49,023 --> 00:14:52,493
I've been analyzing that
voice tape of Terri Burton.

301
00:14:52,560 --> 00:14:55,460
I've managed to
isolate her voice

302
00:14:55,530 --> 00:14:57,030
from the noises
in the background.

303
00:14:57,097 --> 00:14:58,527
(COMPUTER BEEPING)

304
00:14:58,599 --> 00:14:59,799
Listen.

305
00:14:59,867 --> 00:15:02,067
<i>TERRI: Mommy, Daddy,
please do what he wants.</i>

306
00:15:02,136 --> 00:15:03,966
<i>Give him the money.
I'm scared. I wanna...</i>

307
00:15:04,038 --> 00:15:05,398
<i>MAN: That's enough.</i>

308
00:15:05,472 --> 00:15:07,172
What do you make of it?

309
00:15:07,241 --> 00:15:10,341
Of course, I can't be
absolutely certain about this,

310
00:15:10,411 --> 00:15:12,951
but it sounds like
a bell and a foghorn.

311
00:15:13,013 --> 00:15:14,313
(SHOENBAUM SCREAMING)

312
00:15:14,381 --> 00:15:17,521
(CRASHING)

313
00:15:17,584 --> 00:15:20,594
The kind of sound you'd
associate with the ocean.

314
00:15:20,655 --> 00:15:22,485
Or the lakefront.

315
00:15:22,557 --> 00:15:23,887
Could be.

316
00:15:33,867 --> 00:15:36,197
How's it going, Frank?
Just came from the lab.

317
00:15:36,270 --> 00:15:38,240
They come up with anything?
No, nothing definite.

318
00:15:38,305 --> 00:15:39,715
Olson's come up
with a couple of clues

319
00:15:39,740 --> 00:15:41,810
that might indicate where
Terri Burton is being held.

320
00:15:41,876 --> 00:15:44,136
He's isolated the sound of
a foghorn and a ringing buoy

321
00:15:44,211 --> 00:15:45,541
on the ransom tape.

322
00:15:45,613 --> 00:15:47,323
We're gonna have to scour
the entire waterfront.

323
00:15:47,348 --> 00:15:48,808
What about your end?

324
00:15:48,883 --> 00:15:51,623
Well, Warner Burton is trying
to raise the ransom money.

325
00:15:51,686 --> 00:15:55,286
But putting together a million
dollars in small bills,

326
00:15:55,356 --> 00:15:57,216
that's a mean feat, Frank.

327
00:15:58,225 --> 00:15:59,885
Let me tell you something else.

328
00:15:59,961 --> 00:16:03,001
The hoodlums who trade
in this kind of terror

329
00:16:03,064 --> 00:16:05,034
really make my skin crawl.

330
00:16:06,033 --> 00:16:08,003
You think you're
gonna arrest me, don't you?

331
00:16:08,069 --> 00:16:09,569
Well, you're not!

332
00:16:09,637 --> 00:16:11,237
'Cause I got the gun now.

333
00:16:11,305 --> 00:16:13,735
And I'm gonna kill all of you,

334
00:16:13,807 --> 00:16:15,107
one by one.

335
00:16:18,178 --> 00:16:19,548
OFFICER: Nice work, Frank.

336
00:16:20,548 --> 00:16:22,078
What?
Al?

337
00:16:23,851 --> 00:16:25,421
I want you to throw a dragnet

338
00:16:25,486 --> 00:16:27,816
around the entire
lakefront district.

339
00:16:27,888 --> 00:16:30,958
Call Tactical, have them send
you a few more backup units.

340
00:16:31,025 --> 00:16:32,385
Right away, sir.

341
00:16:32,460 --> 00:16:34,690
By the way, Al,
you're out of uniform again.

342
00:16:34,762 --> 00:16:37,162
Regulation headgear only.
You know that.

343
00:16:37,231 --> 00:16:38,531
Sorry, Captain.

344
00:16:40,634 --> 00:16:42,334
You know, Frank,

345
00:16:42,403 --> 00:16:44,073
the fate of Terri Burton rests

346
00:16:44,138 --> 00:16:46,198
on our finding a foghorn,

347
00:16:46,273 --> 00:16:48,873
a ringing buoy
and one scared girl.

348
00:16:50,845 --> 00:16:52,475
ALL: One, two, three...

349
00:16:52,547 --> 00:16:54,157
<i>DREBIN: Now, police
investigation involves</i>

350
00:16:54,181 --> 00:16:55,881
<i>meticulous attention to detail</i>

351
00:16:55,950 --> 00:16:57,580
<i>and tireless attention
to every clue</i>

352
00:16:57,652 --> 00:16:59,622
<i>and the path to which it leads.</i>

353
00:16:59,686 --> 00:17:02,286
<i>The sound of a buoy
or foghorn on the ransom tape</i>

354
00:17:02,356 --> 00:17:04,056
<i>led me to the lakefront,
where interviews</i>

355
00:17:04,125 --> 00:17:06,725
<i>with several locals
proved unsuccessful.</i>

356
00:17:06,793 --> 00:17:08,493
<i>We were working
against a deadline,</i>

357
00:17:08,562 --> 00:17:12,132
<i>and with each passing minute,
Terri's destiny became more precarious.</i>

358
00:17:12,199 --> 00:17:14,029
<i>I had arrived at Police Squad</i>

359
00:17:14,101 --> 00:17:16,301
<i>when Warner Burton arrived.</i>

360
00:17:16,370 --> 00:17:18,600
Captain Hocken,
Lieutenant Drebin.

361
00:17:18,672 --> 00:17:20,372
Did you raise the ransom money?

362
00:17:20,441 --> 00:17:22,811
I have it right here.
Good.

363
00:17:22,877 --> 00:17:24,637
I'm getting nervous, Lieutenant.

364
00:17:24,712 --> 00:17:28,252
Time is running out
for my little girl.

365
00:17:28,315 --> 00:17:31,215
I've got to know.
Where is she? Where is she?

366
00:17:31,285 --> 00:17:33,215
Gesundheit.
Everything is fine, Mr. Burton.

367
00:17:33,287 --> 00:17:34,847
Here, sit down, sit down.

368
00:17:34,922 --> 00:17:36,422
Relax. Coffee?

369
00:17:36,491 --> 00:17:38,091
Yes, I know.

370
00:17:38,158 --> 00:17:41,258
Well, now, Mr. Burton, we have men
combing the entire lakefront area.

371
00:17:41,328 --> 00:17:42,928
If your daughter's close,
we'll find her.

372
00:17:42,963 --> 00:17:45,063
The lakefront! My God!

373
00:17:45,132 --> 00:17:47,572
Do you know how
big that area is?

374
00:17:47,635 --> 00:17:49,425
My daughter's
a needle in a haystack!

375
00:17:49,503 --> 00:17:51,003
That's not true.

376
00:17:51,071 --> 00:17:53,041
I've seen a picture of her.
She's very attractive.

377
00:17:53,106 --> 00:17:54,936
Maybe a little thin.

378
00:17:55,009 --> 00:17:57,639
But don't you worry.
We've got everything under control.

379
00:17:57,711 --> 00:18:00,351
Mr. Burton, we have men
working around the clock

380
00:18:00,414 --> 00:18:02,154
trying to locate your daughter.

381
00:18:03,984 --> 00:18:05,724
<i>DREBIN: Warner Burton's
fears were real.</i>

382
00:18:05,787 --> 00:18:07,747
<i>Time was running out for Terri.</i>

383
00:18:07,822 --> 00:18:10,692
<i>Ed and I drove around for
hours for no particular reason.</i>

384
00:18:10,758 --> 00:18:12,158
<i>We came up empty.</i>

385
00:18:18,199 --> 00:18:19,359
(BELL DINGS)

386
00:18:21,568 --> 00:18:22,898
Fill her up.

387
00:18:25,606 --> 00:18:26,706
(BELL DINGS)

388
00:18:26,774 --> 00:18:27,844
Hey, Ed?
Huh?

389
00:18:27,909 --> 00:18:29,309
You hear that?
What?

390
00:18:29,376 --> 00:18:31,176
The ring. Oh,
that's just the gas station hose.

391
00:18:31,245 --> 00:18:32,975
No, no, no.

392
00:18:33,047 --> 00:18:35,447
Sounds like the bell
on Terri's tape.

393
00:18:35,516 --> 00:18:37,546
You mean, we've been looking
in the wrong place?

394
00:18:37,618 --> 00:18:38,718
Exactly.

395
00:18:38,786 --> 00:18:40,816
Then what's the foghorn?

396
00:18:40,888 --> 00:18:42,718
Don't think foghorn.
You still got that tape

397
00:18:42,790 --> 00:18:44,390
that Norberg gave you for Christmas?
Yeah.

398
00:18:44,458 --> 00:18:46,088
It's in the glove compartment.

399
00:19:01,275 --> 00:19:03,175
<i>

400
00:19:06,914 --> 00:19:08,784
That's not a foghorn.
That's a tuba.

401
00:19:08,850 --> 00:19:10,180
Right.

402
00:19:10,250 --> 00:19:13,850
Come on, Ed.
We got a job to do.

403
00:19:13,921 --> 00:19:17,621
We're gonna have to check every tuba
rental, sales and repair shop in town

404
00:19:17,692 --> 00:19:19,522
that's close
to a filling station.

405
00:19:21,162 --> 00:19:24,502
That's gonna be
a mighty tall order, Frank.

406
00:19:24,565 --> 00:19:27,065
This city is the tuba capital
of the world.

407
00:19:27,134 --> 00:19:29,504
I know, Ed.
It's the only chance we got.

408
00:19:33,273 --> 00:19:35,443
Ed, you find anything?
No, nothing.

409
00:19:35,509 --> 00:19:37,229
Frank, we've been
through hundreds of these.

410
00:19:37,277 --> 00:19:40,877
Acme Tuba, Tuba World,
Tubas Are Us...

411
00:19:40,948 --> 00:19:42,448
Can you take a phone call,
Captain?

412
00:19:42,516 --> 00:19:44,446
Not now, Al!

413
00:19:44,518 --> 00:19:46,848
International House of Tubas,

414
00:19:46,921 --> 00:19:48,951
Tuba or Not Tuba,

415
00:19:49,023 --> 00:19:50,623
Tuba Legation.

416
00:19:50,691 --> 00:19:52,831
Ah, we've come to a dead end,
Frank.

417
00:19:52,893 --> 00:19:54,963
I thought sure we'd come
up with something by now.

418
00:19:55,029 --> 00:19:56,429
You're too hard on yourself, Ed.

419
00:19:56,496 --> 00:19:58,296
We've only got an hour
to rescue Terri.

420
00:19:58,365 --> 00:20:00,725
You'd better check
your sources, Frank.

421
00:20:00,801 --> 00:20:03,041
Find out what
the word on the street is.

422
00:20:03,104 --> 00:20:05,204
Frankly, I think
that's our only chance.

423
00:20:18,285 --> 00:20:19,415
Johnny?

424
00:20:19,486 --> 00:20:21,816
Now, I need some information
and I need it fast.

425
00:20:21,889 --> 00:20:24,859
You mean about this
kidnapped girl, Terri Burton?

426
00:20:24,925 --> 00:20:28,385
What do you know about tuba
stores located near gas stations?

427
00:20:28,462 --> 00:20:29,592
Nothing.

428
00:20:29,663 --> 00:20:31,633
But they just opened up
a new tuba club

429
00:20:31,698 --> 00:20:33,368
and that's near a gas station.

430
00:20:34,068 --> 00:20:36,168
Where is it?

431
00:20:36,236 --> 00:20:38,666
It's called
the El Tubadero Club.

432
00:20:38,739 --> 00:20:40,509
It's near Fifth and National.

433
00:20:40,574 --> 00:20:41,944
Thanks, Johnny.

434
00:20:50,284 --> 00:20:52,354
It's my pitching, Johnny.

435
00:20:52,419 --> 00:20:54,719
Do you think I need
another starter?

436
00:20:54,789 --> 00:20:56,119
How should I know?

437
00:21:00,193 --> 00:21:01,663
The rigors of a full season

438
00:21:01,762 --> 00:21:04,562
on a four man rotation
are just too demanding.

439
00:21:05,432 --> 00:21:07,632
You need a left-handed swing man

440
00:21:07,701 --> 00:21:10,471
to fill your long relief spot.

441
00:21:10,538 --> 00:21:11,838
Give him an occasional start

442
00:21:11,906 --> 00:21:13,836
and it'll round out
your staff nicely.

443
00:21:13,907 --> 00:21:16,337
You're talking about a guy like
Gossage, aren't you, Johnny?

444
00:21:16,410 --> 00:21:18,740
Oh, come on, Tommy,
use your head!

445
00:21:18,812 --> 00:21:20,982
Gossage is right-handed
and besides,

446
00:21:21,048 --> 00:21:22,878
he can't throw
more than two innings.

447
00:21:24,351 --> 00:21:26,521
Here's the names
of five southpaws

448
00:21:26,587 --> 00:21:29,917
with career ERA's under 2.93.

449
00:21:31,358 --> 00:21:32,798
And you wouldn't
have been in this mess

450
00:21:32,826 --> 00:21:34,486
if you hadn't
given up Tommy John.

451
00:21:54,348 --> 00:21:55,608
(EXCLAIMING)

452
00:21:58,085 --> 00:21:59,345
<i>This is the police.</i>

453
00:21:59,419 --> 00:22:01,049
<i>Put your gun down and surrender.</i>

454
00:22:01,121 --> 00:22:02,591
(GUN FIRING)

455
00:22:02,690 --> 00:22:04,060
(TERRI SCREAMING)

456
00:22:08,529 --> 00:22:09,899
(WOMAN SCREAMING)

457
00:22:24,311 --> 00:22:26,481
He's holding the girl hostage.

458
00:22:26,547 --> 00:22:29,107
I'm going over there, Frank,
and try to get behind him.

459
00:22:29,182 --> 00:22:30,452
Cover me.

460
00:23:00,014 --> 00:23:02,314
<i>Come down with your hands up.</i>

461
00:23:02,382 --> 00:23:04,882
<i>You'll never take me alive.</i>

462
00:23:06,854 --> 00:23:09,154
Oh, you wanna
play it tough, huh?

463
00:23:09,222 --> 00:23:10,922
Well, two can play at that game.

464
00:23:10,991 --> 00:23:12,261
(SCREAMS)

465
00:23:23,737 --> 00:23:24,937
All right.

466
00:23:25,639 --> 00:23:27,009
Get up!

467
00:23:27,074 --> 00:23:28,244
Oh.

468
00:23:28,309 --> 00:23:29,909
Oh, thank you!
Thank you!

469
00:23:29,977 --> 00:23:31,707
You saved my life!

470
00:23:31,779 --> 00:23:34,179
It's all right.
It's all right now.

471
00:23:34,247 --> 00:23:35,847
(POLICE SIREN WAILING)

472
00:23:37,150 --> 00:23:38,420
TERRI: Thames!

473
00:23:38,919 --> 00:23:40,289
Why?

474
00:23:42,490 --> 00:23:44,260
Because I needed the money.

475
00:23:45,058 --> 00:23:46,488
HOCKEN: Frank,

476
00:23:46,559 --> 00:23:48,159
the black and white is here.

477
00:23:59,339 --> 00:24:00,739
HOCKEN: Thank you,
Commissioner,

478
00:24:00,807 --> 00:24:02,017
but I can't take all the credit.

479
00:24:02,042 --> 00:24:04,312
The entire Police Squad
was in on this one.

480
00:24:04,378 --> 00:24:05,938
Right.

481
00:24:06,012 --> 00:24:07,682
Well, Frank,
it's been a good day.

482
00:24:07,747 --> 00:24:09,807
We got a confession
out of old zoo breath.

483
00:24:09,883 --> 00:24:11,023
What? Oh.

484
00:24:11,085 --> 00:24:12,575
(LAUGHING)
Good.

485
00:24:12,652 --> 00:24:15,052
I was just going over
the arraignment report.

486
00:24:15,122 --> 00:24:16,792
It looks like the butler Thames

487
00:24:16,856 --> 00:24:19,616
will be doing his serving from now
on up in the Stateville Prison.

488
00:24:19,693 --> 00:24:24,103
Along with Martin, Dutch
Gunderson, Lana and Sally Decker.

489
00:24:24,164 --> 00:24:27,204
Frank, when will people
learn that crime doesn't pay?

490
00:24:27,267 --> 00:24:29,627
Well, I suppose
if they do learn,

491
00:24:29,703 --> 00:24:31,203
we'll be out of a job.

492
00:24:48,422 --> 00:24:51,222
<i>MALE NARRATOR: Be sure to tune in
next week for another exciting story</i>

493
00:24:51,291 --> 00:24:53,891
<i>from the files of</i> Police Squad!