1 00:00:22,123 --> 00:00:25,573 [cheery music playing] 2 00:00:34,935 --> 00:00:35,969 [sighs] 3 00:00:36,003 --> 00:00:37,603 -[gasps] -[glass shatters] 4 00:00:37,637 --> 00:00:38,973 Oh, that was awesome! 5 00:00:39,006 --> 00:00:40,932 Everyone brought their A-game! 6 00:00:40,932 --> 00:00:43,444 I mean, Psycho, when you made those T-Rex bones just come to life 7 00:00:43,444 --> 00:00:45,000 and then chase that guard... Mwah! 8 00:00:45,000 --> 00:00:47,381 Wait, did you just steal King Tut's body? 9 00:00:47,414 --> 00:00:49,149 Ugh, I was going to see that on Sunday. 10 00:00:49,182 --> 00:00:51,185 See it? Now you can touch it. 11 00:00:51,219 --> 00:00:52,554 [Clayface gasps] 12 00:00:52,554 --> 00:00:54,322 Yeah, but I've never been, like, in a museum 13 00:00:54,322 --> 00:00:56,689 and thought, "Oh, I wish I could touch this dead body." 14 00:00:56,723 --> 00:00:58,024 Uh, well, someone must wanna 15 00:00:58,024 --> 00:00:59,326 'cause it was under heavy guard. 16 00:00:59,359 --> 00:01:03,030 And, we needed a new ottoman. 17 00:01:03,064 --> 00:01:04,197 We'll get used to it. 18 00:01:04,231 --> 00:01:05,766 The news must be all over this. 19 00:01:05,799 --> 00:01:09,003 Let's see what they're sayin' about us on Villainy.evil. 20 00:01:09,036 --> 00:01:10,572 Wait... What? 21 00:01:10,605 --> 00:01:13,174 KGBeast's getting nominated for the Legion of Doom? 22 00:01:13,206 --> 00:01:14,709 I'm way better than him. 23 00:01:14,742 --> 00:01:17,144 People must be freaking out in the comments. 24 00:01:17,177 --> 00:01:19,647 "This was long overdue. Yay." 25 00:01:19,680 --> 00:01:21,915 "Worked with him on three assassinations. 26 00:01:21,948 --> 00:01:23,216 So professional. 27 00:01:23,251 --> 00:01:24,951 Couldn't have happened to a better guy." 28 00:01:24,984 --> 00:01:26,319 Screw you, better guy. 29 00:01:26,353 --> 00:01:28,155 What the hell does it take to get nominated? 30 00:01:28,188 --> 00:01:30,024 Ooh, look, here's one about you, 31 00:01:30,057 --> 00:01:32,393 "Why's no one talking about Harley Quinn? 32 00:01:32,427 --> 00:01:35,162 I'd like to nominate her to sit on my face." 33 00:01:35,195 --> 00:01:37,131 Okay, well, that... Mm. 34 00:01:37,164 --> 00:01:39,599 Should have read it through. 35 00:01:39,632 --> 00:01:41,902 [screams] 36 00:01:41,936 --> 00:01:43,337 [grunts] 37 00:01:43,370 --> 00:01:45,640 Um, do you wanna just, like, use your words? 38 00:01:45,640 --> 00:01:49,543 I've been busting my ass to get noticed by the Legion for the last two months. 39 00:01:49,576 --> 00:01:51,212 I've done everything there is to do. 40 00:01:51,245 --> 00:01:52,546 You mean we've done? 41 00:01:52,579 --> 00:01:54,180 Yeah, I was using the royal "I." 42 00:01:54,215 --> 00:01:56,150 Sorry for the rant. I'm, I'm, I'm fine now. 43 00:01:56,183 --> 00:01:58,052 -[growls, grunts] -[others gasp and grunt] 44 00:01:58,084 --> 00:02:00,888 Okay, now I'm fine. 45 00:02:00,921 --> 00:02:05,025 Hey, so, I can't help but notice you're being extra Harley today. 46 00:02:05,058 --> 00:02:06,727 And I just, honestly, 47 00:02:06,760 --> 00:02:08,896 I don't understand your obsession with the Legion of Doom. 48 00:02:08,930 --> 00:02:11,799 I mean, those guys are genuinely pieces of shit. 49 00:02:11,799 --> 00:02:13,768 Uh, yeah. Obviously. 50 00:02:13,801 --> 00:02:16,871 But those pieces of shit are the only people Joker ever treated as equals. 51 00:02:16,905 --> 00:02:19,340 I'll never match up to him unless I'm in the Legion, too. 52 00:02:19,372 --> 00:02:21,108 Okay, so, what you're saying is 53 00:02:21,141 --> 00:02:22,509 you're not over your ex, 54 00:02:22,509 --> 00:02:24,544 and you wanna throw your success in his face. 55 00:02:24,578 --> 00:02:25,578 Exactly. 56 00:02:25,578 --> 00:02:27,649 Honestly, that might be the most relatable thing you've ever said. 57 00:02:27,681 --> 00:02:29,550 All right, people, listen, I want ideas. 58 00:02:29,550 --> 00:02:31,618 Somethin' that's gonna get us on the Legion of Doom's radar. 59 00:02:31,618 --> 00:02:33,824 I could call my old pal Hank Kissinger. 60 00:02:33,824 --> 00:02:37,024 I'm sure he hasa few war crimes he never pulled off. 61 00:02:37,056 --> 00:02:38,359 I know we're criminals, 62 00:02:38,391 --> 00:02:40,394 but are we really war criminals? 63 00:02:40,427 --> 00:02:41,962 No one thinks they're a war criminal, 64 00:02:41,997 --> 00:02:44,164 then you find yourself aiding a separatist movement 65 00:02:44,198 --> 00:02:45,966 to overthrow a democratically elected leader 66 00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:48,201 and boom, you're a war criminal. 67 00:02:48,201 --> 00:02:49,804 Maybe we could steal some new computers 68 00:02:49,804 --> 00:02:52,272 'cause that one you smashed was mine. 69 00:02:52,272 --> 00:02:53,508 That's it. WayneTech. 70 00:02:53,540 --> 00:02:55,842 You wanna legally purchase computers? 71 00:02:55,842 --> 00:02:57,044 I wasn't thinkin' legal, 72 00:02:57,076 --> 00:02:59,212 and I wasn't thinking computers. 73 00:03:01,080 --> 00:03:02,716 We're gonna rob Bruce Wayne. 74 00:03:02,748 --> 00:03:06,049 [theme music playing] 75 00:03:09,691 --> 00:03:12,026 All right, this is what we're going after. 76 00:03:12,058 --> 00:03:14,328 [gasps] It's beautiful. 77 00:03:14,361 --> 00:03:15,929 And on the 26th floor. 78 00:03:15,962 --> 00:03:17,532 Cool. How we gonna get it down? 79 00:03:17,564 --> 00:03:20,268 We'll Fast and Furious 7 it. 80 00:03:20,300 --> 00:03:22,270 Guys, that's the one where they shoot a car 81 00:03:22,302 --> 00:03:24,572 from one skyscraper into another skyscraper. 82 00:03:24,605 --> 00:03:27,108 But, you know, ultimately, they're just all about family. 83 00:03:27,140 --> 00:03:30,277 Clayface, activate "Operation Douche." 84 00:03:30,311 --> 00:03:32,847 Uh, sir, please, have you seen my daughter? 85 00:03:32,881 --> 00:03:34,782 I mean well, technically, I'm not her father. 86 00:03:34,816 --> 00:03:39,219 I mean, you see, the Lord hath cursed me with empathy, it's... 87 00:03:39,252 --> 00:03:41,020 for my wife strayed. 88 00:03:41,055 --> 00:03:42,590 It's an emotionally complex tale, 89 00:03:42,623 --> 00:03:45,727 that, if you have two hours to spare, 90 00:03:45,759 --> 00:03:48,429 I can burden you with my tale of woe. 91 00:03:48,462 --> 00:03:51,331 Harley, thank you for letting me use my brains, for once. 92 00:03:51,365 --> 00:03:53,834 Most people don't let me be who I am. 93 00:03:53,866 --> 00:03:55,302 [growls] 94 00:03:55,302 --> 00:03:56,704 Ooh, okay, I see what we're workin' with here. 95 00:03:56,704 --> 00:03:58,673 I can hack the first three doors, 96 00:03:58,705 --> 00:04:01,492 but the retinal scanner at the entrance to the room is on you. 97 00:04:02,810 --> 00:04:04,110 -[humming] -24, 98 00:04:04,145 --> 00:04:05,145 25, 99 00:04:05,179 --> 00:04:06,780 26. 100 00:04:06,813 --> 00:04:08,848 [gasps] Here we go. 101 00:04:08,882 --> 00:04:10,318 [Dr. Psycho screams] 102 00:04:10,350 --> 00:04:11,686 Oh, shit. 103 00:04:11,718 --> 00:04:14,256 Now why was she put down so gently? 104 00:04:14,256 --> 00:04:17,824 Um, because she's not a misogynist troll that should be living in a well? 105 00:04:17,824 --> 00:04:22,163 Psycho, focus. 106 00:04:22,196 --> 00:04:25,199 [grunting] 107 00:04:25,232 --> 00:04:26,581 [groans] 108 00:04:32,372 --> 00:04:34,709 [Harley gasps in awe] 109 00:04:34,742 --> 00:04:36,778 It's even more beautiful in person. 110 00:04:36,810 --> 00:04:39,146 Listen, could you do your dumb twisty twirls and get the bike, 111 00:04:39,146 --> 00:04:44,146 so we can get the hell out of here? 112 00:04:46,521 --> 00:04:48,689 Hello, what the hell are you doing? 113 00:04:48,723 --> 00:04:51,324 Stealing whatever's in here, it's "even more restricted." 114 00:04:51,358 --> 00:04:52,528 Oh, perfect. 115 00:04:52,560 --> 00:04:54,394 "Even more restricted." 116 00:04:54,427 --> 00:04:56,230 You're the psycho. 117 00:04:56,264 --> 00:04:59,165 [Clayface] Mind you, that wasn't the first time I was cuckolded-- 118 00:04:59,199 --> 00:05:00,735 [explosion] 119 00:05:00,767 --> 00:05:04,103 I called an audible. Let's get the hell out of here. 120 00:05:04,137 --> 00:05:06,387 [alarm blares] 121 00:05:12,213 --> 00:05:13,747 [grunts] 122 00:05:13,779 --> 00:05:15,815 [screams] 123 00:05:15,815 --> 00:05:16,817 My arm. 124 00:05:16,817 --> 00:05:17,985 It's too late. We got to go. 125 00:05:18,017 --> 00:05:19,019 But my arm. 126 00:05:19,019 --> 00:05:20,555 You just called an audible. 127 00:05:20,588 --> 00:05:22,757 Can't we call another one and get my limb? 128 00:05:22,790 --> 00:05:24,559 Can't you just grow a new one? 129 00:05:24,591 --> 00:05:26,293 And where the fuck is Psycho? 130 00:05:26,326 --> 00:05:28,262 [cackling] 131 00:05:28,295 --> 00:05:29,564 Is that the... 132 00:05:29,596 --> 00:05:33,100 -I am a golden god. -[bike revving] 133 00:05:33,132 --> 00:05:34,168 Ah. Damn it. 134 00:05:34,201 --> 00:05:35,572 [screams] 135 00:05:35,605 --> 00:05:38,672 Fuckin' hell. 136 00:05:38,672 --> 00:05:39,540 [grunts] 137 00:05:39,540 --> 00:05:41,875 Oh, you little bitch. 138 00:05:41,908 --> 00:05:43,642 Oh, don't you-- 139 00:05:43,677 --> 00:05:46,213 [screams] 140 00:05:46,247 --> 00:05:47,514 [tires screeching] 141 00:05:47,548 --> 00:05:49,716 [police sirens blaring] 142 00:05:51,017 --> 00:05:52,086 Jim, what's wrong? 143 00:05:52,119 --> 00:05:53,922 [groans] Ah... It's Barb. 144 00:05:53,922 --> 00:05:55,790 You know, she's sleeping with someone else. 145 00:05:55,822 --> 00:05:57,425 And the worst part, I can't blame her. 146 00:05:57,458 --> 00:05:59,026 I mean, a woman can only go so long 147 00:05:59,026 --> 00:06:01,327 watching the dead eyes of her lover thrust atop her, 148 00:06:01,362 --> 00:06:03,197 before she looks for something new. 149 00:06:03,230 --> 00:06:05,899 So, you didn't call me about the break-in at Wayne Enterprises? 150 00:06:05,932 --> 00:06:07,134 What? No. 151 00:06:07,168 --> 00:06:09,269 Oh, this is about the break-down of my marriage. 152 00:06:09,302 --> 00:06:11,271 The signal is for emergencies. 153 00:06:11,305 --> 00:06:12,939 -Well... -Emergencies. 154 00:06:12,973 --> 00:06:14,300 You've abused it. 155 00:06:14,300 --> 00:06:16,076 Look, my personal life is a mess right now, 156 00:06:16,076 --> 00:06:18,845 and I thought I could talk about that with my friend. 157 00:06:18,845 --> 00:06:20,449 We're co-workers. 158 00:06:20,449 --> 00:06:22,716 Harley stole some highly sensitive tech from Wayne Enterprises. 159 00:06:22,750 --> 00:06:25,017 In her hands, it could be catastrophic. 160 00:06:25,052 --> 00:06:26,855 Oh, well, then, I'm on it, 161 00:06:26,889 --> 00:06:28,555 co-worker. 162 00:06:28,588 --> 00:06:30,223 Here, evidence from the crime scene. 163 00:06:30,257 --> 00:06:31,959 -Yeah, what's that? -Ask it yourself. 164 00:06:31,992 --> 00:06:34,060 You used to be such a damn good cop. 165 00:06:34,093 --> 00:06:35,795 I damn still am. 166 00:06:35,829 --> 00:06:40,600 Prove it. 167 00:06:40,634 --> 00:06:41,670 [The Arm whimpering] 168 00:06:41,704 --> 00:06:45,372 [gasps] 169 00:06:45,406 --> 00:06:46,708 Oh, that was awesome. 170 00:06:46,740 --> 00:06:48,343 Everyone kicked major ass. 171 00:06:48,377 --> 00:06:51,678 I mean, Psycho, when you froze that security guard, mwah! 172 00:06:51,713 --> 00:06:55,249 Ah-uh. Don't you dare Italian chef finger kiss 173 00:06:55,281 --> 00:06:57,084 any part of that disaster. 174 00:06:57,117 --> 00:06:58,685 You screwed up the plan. 175 00:06:58,720 --> 00:07:00,654 I'm ready for the heist, 176 00:07:00,687 --> 00:07:04,891 and it's-a gonna be-a delicious. 177 00:07:04,925 --> 00:07:06,427 [laughs] Hm. 178 00:07:06,459 --> 00:07:10,497 [mechanical whirring] 179 00:07:10,531 --> 00:07:14,401 [grunts] Aye, aye, aye, aye, aye, oye. 180 00:07:14,435 --> 00:07:17,471 [groaning] Aye. 181 00:07:17,504 --> 00:07:18,740 [kisses] 182 00:07:18,740 --> 00:07:20,795 Shit. I missed the heist, didn't I? 183 00:07:20,795 --> 00:07:22,175 If you could call it that. 184 00:07:22,209 --> 00:07:23,976 Clayface lost his arm. 185 00:07:24,011 --> 00:07:25,812 No, no, it's fine. 186 00:07:25,812 --> 00:07:29,050 I'll just play one-armed characters for the rest of my career. 187 00:07:29,084 --> 00:07:32,218 Perhaps they'll make a sequel to 127 Hours. 188 00:07:32,218 --> 00:07:33,620 There has been light buzz. 189 00:07:33,620 --> 00:07:35,156 You guys are thinkin' small-time, all right? 190 00:07:35,156 --> 00:07:37,557 This is a way bigger score than that bike. 191 00:07:37,591 --> 00:07:39,726 This, this thing is a... 192 00:07:39,726 --> 00:07:42,850 a highly classified technological device 193 00:07:42,850 --> 00:07:45,466 that's gonna blow the minds of the Legion of Doom. 194 00:07:45,466 --> 00:07:47,334 You have no idea what that does, do you? 195 00:07:47,334 --> 00:07:48,334 Yes, I do. 196 00:07:48,334 --> 00:07:49,536 Something... 197 00:07:49,569 --> 00:07:51,000 Something button related? 198 00:07:51,004 --> 00:07:53,406 Look, either way, it is obviously important. 199 00:07:53,440 --> 00:07:55,742 I bet you this heist's all over the news. 200 00:07:55,776 --> 00:07:57,812 I mean, look, this is what I'm talkin' about. 201 00:07:57,812 --> 00:07:59,514 We even got reviewed by The Cowled Critic. 202 00:07:59,514 --> 00:08:02,182 I mean, he's like the only reviewer the Legion of Doom reads. 203 00:08:02,216 --> 00:08:04,017 [laugh] 204 00:08:04,052 --> 00:08:07,088 All right, I learned something today, Cowlheads, 205 00:08:07,122 --> 00:08:12,425 and that is Harley Quinn and her crew aren't worthy of Legionnaires' disease, 206 00:08:12,425 --> 00:08:14,028 let alone the Legion of Doom. 207 00:08:14,062 --> 00:08:16,197 -Wait, what? -But what should I have expected 208 00:08:16,230 --> 00:08:20,367 when the crew has the universally hated Dr. Psycho, 209 00:08:20,401 --> 00:08:23,202 -and his hussy new girlfriend, Poison Ivy. -[woman moans] 210 00:08:23,237 --> 00:08:24,672 Oh, fuck off. 211 00:08:24,704 --> 00:08:26,641 That is completely out of context. 212 00:08:26,641 --> 00:08:28,440 I knew I should've let you fall to your death. 213 00:08:28,442 --> 00:08:30,877 And the piece de resistance? 214 00:08:30,911 --> 00:08:33,014 Harley Quinn is so inept, 215 00:08:33,047 --> 00:08:35,350 she left behind a member of her own team 216 00:08:35,383 --> 00:08:38,052 who is now in the hands of the Gotham Police. 217 00:08:38,086 --> 00:08:39,586 What the hell's he talkin' about? 218 00:08:39,620 --> 00:08:41,221 We all made it back in one piece. 219 00:08:41,254 --> 00:08:44,524 Not exactly. 220 00:08:44,557 --> 00:08:46,159 Tell me where Harley Quinn is. 221 00:08:46,192 --> 00:08:47,894 [whimpering] 222 00:08:47,928 --> 00:08:50,431 I just wanna get back to my dad. 223 00:08:50,464 --> 00:08:51,633 All right. Okay, okay. 224 00:08:51,667 --> 00:08:53,600 Well, okay. 225 00:08:53,634 --> 00:08:55,702 How about if you tell me about him? 226 00:08:55,735 --> 00:08:58,572 I can't, 'cause I'm not supposed to talk to strangers. 227 00:08:58,605 --> 00:09:00,740 Oh, but I'm not a stranger. 228 00:09:00,774 --> 00:09:02,677 No, my name is Jim. 229 00:09:02,710 --> 00:09:05,745 I'm a hardworking detective with a beautiful wife 230 00:09:05,779 --> 00:09:08,148 who won't touch me even though I treat her like a queen 231 00:09:08,182 --> 00:09:09,249 and do everything for her. 232 00:09:09,283 --> 00:09:10,283 -Everything! -[whimpers] 233 00:09:10,283 --> 00:09:11,753 But that's not your problem. 234 00:09:11,787 --> 00:09:14,655 Well, she doesn't sound like a friend to me. 235 00:09:14,690 --> 00:09:17,291 That's exactly what I've been saying to anyone who would listen to me. 236 00:09:17,323 --> 00:09:18,725 Which is no one. 237 00:09:18,759 --> 00:09:20,827 But that's not what we're here to talk about. 238 00:09:20,861 --> 00:09:24,498 But maybe it should be, Jim. 239 00:09:24,532 --> 00:09:26,634 My God, you're right... 240 00:09:26,667 --> 00:09:29,235 So, it knows everything you know? 241 00:09:29,269 --> 00:09:30,804 Yes, we've been over this. 242 00:09:30,837 --> 00:09:32,173 My arm is a piece of me. 243 00:09:32,206 --> 00:09:33,841 But it wouldn't give away our location, 244 00:09:33,875 --> 00:09:35,909 turn us in, testify against us, would it? 245 00:09:35,942 --> 00:09:37,812 Who knows? It's like a kid. 246 00:09:37,845 --> 00:09:39,113 It'll do anything for approval. 247 00:09:39,147 --> 00:09:41,081 Huh, wonder where it got that from. 248 00:09:41,115 --> 00:09:43,051 Ugh, if he squeals, the Cowled Critic will have a field day, 249 00:09:43,051 --> 00:09:45,086 and the Legion of Doom will never take me. 250 00:09:45,119 --> 00:09:47,922 But, mostly, we'll all be in prison for the rest of our lives. 251 00:09:47,955 --> 00:09:49,346 Oh, yeah, that, that too. 252 00:09:49,346 --> 00:09:52,458 And I'll never get my lost, little right hand man back. 253 00:09:52,493 --> 00:09:54,062 Yeah, that, that, that too, too. 254 00:09:54,062 --> 00:09:55,662 Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, you know what, 255 00:09:55,663 --> 00:09:57,133 I think I speak for everyone when I say 256 00:09:57,133 --> 00:09:59,866 that this is completely fucking stupid. 257 00:09:59,866 --> 00:10:01,604 Can you please fire me now, so I can get some unemployment? 258 00:10:01,604 --> 00:10:03,703 Okay. No one's going anywhere. 259 00:10:03,703 --> 00:10:05,407 'Cause we're gonna rescue your arm. 260 00:10:05,440 --> 00:10:09,177 We are gonna break into the Gotham City Police Department. 261 00:10:09,210 --> 00:10:13,014 If we pull it off, the Legion'll call us in no time. 262 00:10:13,047 --> 00:10:14,782 Oh, and Clayface will have two arms. 263 00:10:14,782 --> 00:10:16,851 Look, I'd love to come along, and support you but-- 264 00:10:16,884 --> 00:10:19,386 But ya wanna find the critic that said you're the biggest fuck up on my crew 265 00:10:19,386 --> 00:10:20,955 and tear him a new asshole, I get it, I get it. 266 00:10:20,955 --> 00:10:22,456 I will not be slandered. 267 00:10:22,490 --> 00:10:25,292 I'll help. I'll help you smack him around a little bit. 268 00:10:25,326 --> 00:10:27,004 What? For you. Obviously. 269 00:10:27,004 --> 00:10:29,529 I mean, I can't let this anonymous asshole talk shit about my best friend, right? 270 00:10:29,529 --> 00:10:31,835 Aw, Ive, you'd hurt him for me? 271 00:10:31,868 --> 00:10:33,868 Yes. Absolutely. 272 00:10:33,900 --> 00:10:36,403 And because he claimed I'm fucking Psycho. 273 00:10:36,437 --> 00:10:37,738 But mostly for you, babe. 274 00:10:37,772 --> 00:10:38,905 But also for me. 275 00:10:38,905 --> 00:10:40,340 But for you. For us. 276 00:10:40,341 --> 00:10:41,943 It's fine. Let's go. 277 00:10:44,178 --> 00:10:48,182 I can't believe that bad old Batman took away your special signal. 278 00:10:48,216 --> 00:10:50,518 After all the cases I've helped him solve. 279 00:10:50,518 --> 00:10:52,019 I'm the one that does the grunt work. 280 00:10:52,019 --> 00:10:53,988 All I ask is that occasionally 281 00:10:53,988 --> 00:10:56,823 when my wife is emotionally distant during sex, he listens. 282 00:10:56,857 --> 00:10:58,058 Not to the sex, 283 00:10:58,091 --> 00:10:59,426 But, to me, talking about the... 284 00:10:59,460 --> 00:11:00,760 Yeah. 285 00:11:00,794 --> 00:11:03,062 Jim, you sound like a really good cop. 286 00:11:03,096 --> 00:11:04,832 [gasps] 287 00:11:04,832 --> 00:11:09,068 You know, it's just been so long since I've heard someone else say that, I was... 288 00:11:09,068 --> 00:11:11,038 I was just starting to wonder if it was really true. 289 00:11:11,038 --> 00:11:13,908 It's true to me... friend. 290 00:11:13,941 --> 00:11:17,390 [cheery music playing] 291 00:11:48,576 --> 00:11:50,912 [thuds and grunts] 292 00:11:50,945 --> 00:11:53,345 [muffled cries] 293 00:11:56,083 --> 00:12:00,053 A one armed officer... The stories my mind is weaving. 294 00:12:00,087 --> 00:12:02,956 Ooh. How could he lose it? A shootout? Maybe. 295 00:12:02,990 --> 00:12:06,594 An explosion? Perhaps! I know, diabetes! 296 00:12:06,626 --> 00:12:08,962 So, when they arrest me, I go full shark 297 00:12:08,995 --> 00:12:10,764 and start a riot to cause a distraction? 298 00:12:10,764 --> 00:12:12,231 [Harley] Yep! Easy as one, two-- 299 00:12:12,231 --> 00:12:14,567 Shark! 300 00:12:14,601 --> 00:12:17,403 [grunting] 301 00:12:17,437 --> 00:12:20,240 [tires screeching] 302 00:12:20,274 --> 00:12:22,909 [camera clicks] 303 00:12:22,943 --> 00:12:26,114 Okay, okay. Plan B. Clayface, you gotta distract 'em. 304 00:12:26,147 --> 00:12:29,317 Brilliant! Hm, what do cops love? 305 00:12:29,350 --> 00:12:32,086 It is I again, your fellow officer. 306 00:12:32,120 --> 00:12:35,089 Hello, chums. I come baring horrible news! 307 00:12:35,123 --> 00:12:37,625 Joker has kidnapped Bruce Springsteen. 308 00:12:37,658 --> 00:12:40,293 Some rat fuck stole The Boss! 309 00:12:40,326 --> 00:12:41,427 Don't worry, The Boss. 310 00:12:41,461 --> 00:12:43,697 We're coming for you, Boss! 311 00:12:43,730 --> 00:12:45,466 -[tires screeching] -[sirens blaring] 312 00:12:45,466 --> 00:12:47,335 [woman on phone] Hello? My husband's been murdered 313 00:12:47,335 --> 00:12:50,065 and the killer's still in the ho-- 314 00:12:54,442 --> 00:12:57,671 Come on. Just tell me where Harley's lair is. 315 00:12:57,671 --> 00:13:00,748 I'm your friend, not them. You said it yourself. 316 00:13:00,780 --> 00:13:02,515 You mean that? 317 00:13:02,548 --> 00:13:03,985 You're not just pretending? 318 00:13:03,985 --> 00:13:05,253 Well, I'm not gonna lie to you. 319 00:13:05,285 --> 00:13:08,822 I was, but then you listened to me 320 00:13:08,855 --> 00:13:11,024 graphically explain the problematic intercourse 321 00:13:11,057 --> 00:13:12,928 I'm having with my wife and... 322 00:13:12,961 --> 00:13:15,395 Well, gosh darn it, you didn't judge me. 323 00:13:15,429 --> 00:13:18,732 Well, Jim, you can't judge what you don't understand. 324 00:13:18,765 --> 00:13:20,067 God, you're so wise. 325 00:13:20,100 --> 00:13:22,070 Aw, thanks, friend. 326 00:13:22,102 --> 00:13:25,272 You know what? I'm gonna tell you where the lair is. 327 00:13:25,272 --> 00:13:26,274 The lair is on-- 328 00:13:26,274 --> 00:13:27,908 -Don't tell him anything! -My child! 329 00:13:27,942 --> 00:13:30,510 Give us The Arm, Gordon. Now! 330 00:13:30,543 --> 00:13:32,147 Oh, Jim, don't let 'em take me. 331 00:13:32,181 --> 00:13:36,283 You need me, right? 'Cause I'm... I'm epidence? 332 00:13:36,317 --> 00:13:38,419 Ho-ho-hold on there, crazy guy. 333 00:13:38,452 --> 00:13:41,423 You're a lot more than just "epidence." 334 00:13:41,456 --> 00:13:43,424 And I'm not going to let these animals touch you. 335 00:13:43,457 --> 00:13:46,226 If you've got ears, stick your fingers in 'em right now 336 00:13:46,260 --> 00:13:47,995 because I'm about to work blue. 337 00:13:47,995 --> 00:13:50,865 I'm gonna fuck you to death with bullets! 338 00:13:50,898 --> 00:13:54,048 [Clayface screaming] 339 00:13:56,037 --> 00:13:59,374 So, you found The Cowled Critic's house because you-- 340 00:13:59,407 --> 00:14:03,110 Heard it through the grapevine. Yeah, it is a real thing. 341 00:14:03,144 --> 00:14:07,548 [Dr. Psycho] Oh, shit. It's you. Of course, it's you! 342 00:14:07,581 --> 00:14:09,216 -Who's she? -My ex-wife. 343 00:14:09,250 --> 00:14:11,418 Why are you at my boyfriend's house? 344 00:14:11,452 --> 00:14:14,421 Quick side bar. How did this work... sexually? 345 00:14:14,455 --> 00:14:16,686 Not great! 346 00:14:17,258 --> 00:14:18,993 Oh, I should have called this! 347 00:14:19,025 --> 00:14:21,129 I know you're The Cowled Critic! 348 00:14:21,162 --> 00:14:22,863 You gave that review sayin' 349 00:14:22,897 --> 00:14:24,466 me and chick weed here are a couple. 350 00:14:24,466 --> 00:14:28,101 You think I care about you and your jolly green whore? 351 00:14:28,101 --> 00:14:29,336 Okay. I'm standing right here. 352 00:14:29,370 --> 00:14:31,538 I don't have time to give some review. 353 00:14:31,572 --> 00:14:34,509 I'm too busy getting cunnilingus from my new boyfriend, 354 00:14:34,542 --> 00:14:37,443 -Brad, who's amazing at it. -[Dr. Psycho] Oh, come on. 355 00:14:37,477 --> 00:14:39,046 Only weak men do that. 356 00:14:39,080 --> 00:14:41,481 [laughs nervously] Oh, fuckin' hell! 357 00:14:41,514 --> 00:14:42,984 Call me. In other news, 358 00:14:43,017 --> 00:14:45,485 if you didn't write the review, who did? 359 00:14:45,485 --> 00:14:46,485 Father. 360 00:14:46,485 --> 00:14:47,687 Herman? 361 00:14:47,721 --> 00:14:50,224 [gun clicks] 362 00:14:50,224 --> 00:14:52,025 Just give us The Arm, Gordon. 363 00:14:52,058 --> 00:14:53,726 You'll have to kill me first! 364 00:14:53,760 --> 00:14:55,796 He's my friend. My only friend! 365 00:14:55,796 --> 00:14:56,764 What about Batman? 366 00:14:56,764 --> 00:14:58,365 He's no friend. 367 00:14:58,365 --> 00:15:00,399 Now that Batman's abandoned me, this hand is all I have. 368 00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:05,273 So, you'll have to pry this hand out of my cold dead... hand. 369 00:15:05,306 --> 00:15:08,075 Why can't you just leave us alone? 370 00:15:08,075 --> 00:15:09,110 What he said! 371 00:15:09,143 --> 00:15:10,378 Okay. He's sidin' with Gordon. 372 00:15:10,410 --> 00:15:12,212 He's gonna snitch and ruin everything, 373 00:15:12,245 --> 00:15:14,149 and I will never get into the Legion. 374 00:15:14,183 --> 00:15:16,116 -And I'd like to have two arms. -Oh. 375 00:15:16,149 --> 00:15:17,618 Yeah, that too. 376 00:15:17,650 --> 00:15:19,019 All right. Two options, Gordy. 377 00:15:19,052 --> 00:15:20,821 Give us The Arm and we leave, 378 00:15:20,855 --> 00:15:22,255 or I press this button 379 00:15:22,289 --> 00:15:25,225 and blow this whole fuckin' place sky-high. 380 00:15:25,259 --> 00:15:26,561 Harley, this wasn't the plan. 381 00:15:26,594 --> 00:15:28,562 We have no idea what that button does. 382 00:15:28,596 --> 00:15:31,164 I gotta do something crazy and in the chaos we'll grab The Arm. 383 00:15:31,198 --> 00:15:32,932 Okay. You winked. Is that a wink? 384 00:15:32,932 --> 00:15:34,501 That-- "No, I'm not going to press the button?" 385 00:15:34,501 --> 00:15:36,370 Is that a wink? "I am going to press the button?" 386 00:15:36,370 --> 00:15:37,171 What's the plan? 387 00:15:37,171 --> 00:15:38,572 -Exactly. -What? 388 00:15:38,572 --> 00:15:40,207 You've got three seconds to put that button down 389 00:15:40,207 --> 00:15:42,809 or I'll pull this trigger. So help me God. 390 00:15:42,842 --> 00:15:46,379 Three... two... one. 391 00:15:46,413 --> 00:15:47,913 [gunshot] 392 00:15:51,585 --> 00:15:54,884 [electricity buzzing] 393 00:15:57,356 --> 00:15:58,393 Ah... 394 00:15:58,426 --> 00:16:03,426 Uh, well, I wasn't expecting that. 395 00:16:04,597 --> 00:16:07,067 What the hell? [screaming] 396 00:16:07,100 --> 00:16:08,403 -[thuds] -[Harley grunting] 397 00:16:08,437 --> 00:16:10,803 [groans] 398 00:16:10,837 --> 00:16:13,139 [screaming] 399 00:16:13,173 --> 00:16:16,143 [Batman] So, Quinn, you pressed the button. 400 00:16:16,177 --> 00:16:18,477 Yeah, I don't think you got all the kinks worked out. 401 00:16:18,511 --> 00:16:19,847 It's in beta. 402 00:16:19,880 --> 00:16:23,116 Wow! I always wondered what the Batcave looked like. 403 00:16:23,149 --> 00:16:24,785 So this must be where you fuck the bats. 404 00:16:24,818 --> 00:16:26,687 -Hmm. -[Harley] Are you gonna help me or what? 405 00:16:26,720 --> 00:16:28,121 You've seen the Batcave. 406 00:16:28,154 --> 00:16:30,691 Give me one reason why I shouldn't let you drop. 407 00:16:30,724 --> 00:16:32,427 Um... Uh... 408 00:16:32,460 --> 00:16:34,596 Hey, Bats, yeah, I'm here on a mercy mission, okay? 409 00:16:34,629 --> 00:16:36,663 Gordon's on the roof of the police department. 410 00:16:36,697 --> 00:16:38,399 He's lost his mind. 411 00:16:38,399 --> 00:16:41,535 I mean, I think he's suicidal. He-- He said you abandoned him. 412 00:16:41,568 --> 00:16:43,136 I don't know what he wants from me. 413 00:16:43,171 --> 00:16:45,940 We're co-workers. 414 00:16:45,972 --> 00:16:47,740 My screensaver just kicked in, didn't it? 415 00:16:47,774 --> 00:16:49,200 Yeah. It sure did. 416 00:16:49,200 --> 00:16:51,044 I mean, he said you put your work before your friendship. 417 00:16:51,077 --> 00:16:55,015 That's real... Selfish. 418 00:16:55,048 --> 00:16:57,018 You know, Bats, now that I think about it, 419 00:16:57,018 --> 00:16:58,285 you and I ain't that different. 420 00:16:58,318 --> 00:16:59,687 We're completely different. 421 00:16:59,687 --> 00:17:01,822 We're both bad asses who look good in spandex. 422 00:17:01,822 --> 00:17:05,026 This polymer body armor is made from indestructible micro-fiber. 423 00:17:05,058 --> 00:17:06,492 Yeah, no, it looks like spandex. 424 00:17:06,527 --> 00:17:09,029 [screaming] 425 00:17:09,063 --> 00:17:10,131 [crashes] 426 00:17:10,163 --> 00:17:13,034 [Harley] [groans] 427 00:17:13,067 --> 00:17:15,068 My friend just lost his arm 428 00:17:15,102 --> 00:17:17,471 and, instead of helpin' him get it back, 429 00:17:17,505 --> 00:17:20,840 I did what would help me get into the Legion of Doom. 430 00:17:20,875 --> 00:17:22,442 I let him down. 431 00:17:22,477 --> 00:17:25,880 Just like you let Gordon down. 432 00:17:25,913 --> 00:17:27,948 Not good at... emotion. 433 00:17:27,981 --> 00:17:29,049 Or... 434 00:17:29,083 --> 00:17:30,451 [in Batman's voice] Vocabulary. 435 00:17:30,451 --> 00:17:32,286 But hey, you got a chance to repair it, okay? 436 00:17:32,286 --> 00:17:34,422 We need to get Gordon before he does somethin' crazy. 437 00:17:34,422 --> 00:17:37,057 Your friend needs you now. 438 00:17:37,090 --> 00:17:39,125 Hmm. 439 00:17:39,160 --> 00:17:40,994 Herman, my sweet Herman. 440 00:17:41,028 --> 00:17:43,431 Listen, I understand your monster mom 441 00:17:43,463 --> 00:17:47,268 saying those things about me, but my brood, my own kin? 442 00:17:47,268 --> 00:17:50,505 You made my entire life a living hell. 443 00:17:50,538 --> 00:17:53,106 You locked me in the basement for days... 444 00:17:53,140 --> 00:17:56,411 -Mm-hmm. -...killed anyone who seemed to like me... 445 00:17:56,443 --> 00:17:58,981 -That's true. -...never bought me a WayneStation4... 446 00:17:58,981 --> 00:18:02,250 -All right. -Fuck! You named me Herman! 447 00:18:02,282 --> 00:18:04,218 You're the worst father ever! 448 00:18:04,251 --> 00:18:06,386 Okay. Can we just take a step back? 449 00:18:06,421 --> 00:18:09,624 I made your life a living hell... 450 00:18:09,656 --> 00:18:12,192 -because I care about you. -What? 451 00:18:12,226 --> 00:18:15,328 Supervillains don't come from happy homes. 452 00:18:15,363 --> 00:18:18,933 and I saw so much evil potential in you. 453 00:18:18,933 --> 00:18:21,903 If I didn't think you could become the worst person in the world, 454 00:18:21,936 --> 00:18:24,971 I wouldn't have tried so hard to make your life awful. 455 00:18:25,005 --> 00:18:26,240 I... 456 00:18:26,273 --> 00:18:27,977 I only ever wanted to impress you, 457 00:18:28,009 --> 00:18:31,077 but I never thought I was evil enough. 458 00:18:31,112 --> 00:18:33,717 Uh-uh-uh. Nuh-uh. No. Don't cry. Don't cry. 459 00:18:33,717 --> 00:18:36,284 You're gonna make me cry because I thought I failed as a father, 460 00:18:36,284 --> 00:18:39,119 and you ended up happy, and heroic. 461 00:18:39,153 --> 00:18:40,354 But look at you. 462 00:18:40,387 --> 00:18:43,190 You're more evil than I could've dreamed. 463 00:18:43,223 --> 00:18:47,428 I couldn't be more proud of you, my terrible son. 464 00:18:47,461 --> 00:18:50,000 I hate you, Dad. [sniffling] I hate you so much. 465 00:18:50,032 --> 00:18:52,833 I hate you too, son. 466 00:18:52,865 --> 00:18:54,835 This is so fucked up, 467 00:18:54,867 --> 00:18:56,869 but weirdly really moving. 468 00:18:56,903 --> 00:18:58,239 [Herman sobbing] 469 00:18:58,271 --> 00:18:59,873 All right, I'm going to let you guys go. 470 00:18:59,873 --> 00:19:01,709 I'm going to go find Brad. 471 00:19:01,742 --> 00:19:04,778 If you want to stay with Gordon, I understand. [sniffling] 472 00:19:04,778 --> 00:19:07,315 [in shaky voice] I only want you to be safe and... 473 00:19:07,315 --> 00:19:08,348 [sniffling] 474 00:19:08,382 --> 00:19:12,653 Safe and happy. 475 00:19:12,686 --> 00:19:15,221 -Holy shit! Can we do that again? -No. 476 00:19:15,256 --> 00:19:16,423 Oh, so you came back. 477 00:19:16,457 --> 00:19:18,291 Well, I've got a new friend now 478 00:19:18,326 --> 00:19:19,993 -so there's nothing you can say-- -I'm sorry, Jim. 479 00:19:19,993 --> 00:19:21,394 I'm sorry, too. 480 00:19:21,394 --> 00:19:22,864 I knew you'd realize our friendship means 481 00:19:22,864 --> 00:19:25,066 more than just our day-to-day crime fighting. 482 00:19:25,099 --> 00:19:29,970 And that we can lean on each other for our most intimate emotional needs. 483 00:19:30,003 --> 00:19:34,275 Sure. 484 00:19:34,307 --> 00:19:35,609 A damn good bat signal. 485 00:19:35,643 --> 00:19:37,711 -[Gordon] Well... -For a damn good cop. 486 00:19:37,711 --> 00:19:38,645 Aw... 487 00:19:38,645 --> 00:19:42,855 [The Arm sniffling and whining] 488 00:19:42,855 --> 00:19:46,287 Thank you for everything, The Arm. 489 00:19:46,319 --> 00:19:48,255 But I've got my real friend back now, 490 00:19:48,288 --> 00:19:49,757 so you can go on. 491 00:19:49,790 --> 00:19:51,758 Go get reabsorbed back into your daddy. 492 00:19:51,791 --> 00:19:55,429 [whining] 493 00:19:55,462 --> 00:19:56,762 Aw, don't do that. 494 00:19:56,797 --> 00:19:58,164 [sniffling] 495 00:19:58,164 --> 00:19:59,400 Don't make this harder than it needs to be. 496 00:19:59,401 --> 00:20:00,667 [sniffles] 497 00:20:00,701 --> 00:20:03,707 Oh, Jim. I'll never forget yo-- 498 00:20:03,707 --> 00:20:06,040 [exclaims] Well done! 499 00:20:06,074 --> 00:20:08,442 All right, Quinn. Time for me to take you to Arkham. 500 00:20:08,476 --> 00:20:10,344 Wait, what? I just repaired 501 00:20:10,377 --> 00:20:12,080 your most important adult relationship. 502 00:20:12,115 --> 00:20:14,481 [Harley grunts] 503 00:20:14,515 --> 00:20:17,815 [electricity buzzing] 504 00:20:19,686 --> 00:20:21,489 -[cop 1] Everybody hands up! -[cop 2] Hands in the air. 505 00:20:21,489 --> 00:20:24,724 -[cop 1] You're under arrest! -Not so fast, gentlemen. 506 00:20:24,758 --> 00:20:25,960 Dance, coppers! 507 00:20:25,992 --> 00:20:28,061 [cops exclaiming] 508 00:20:28,095 --> 00:20:32,701 Let's go. Let's get outta here. 509 00:20:32,736 --> 00:20:34,568 [sighs] 510 00:20:34,602 --> 00:20:38,406 [Dr. Psycho] What a pussy! 511 00:20:38,440 --> 00:20:41,775 ...and so it is with a humble heart, 512 00:20:41,808 --> 00:20:45,846 that I come to, Cowlheads, retracting my previous review. 513 00:20:45,880 --> 00:20:48,715 Harley Quinn and her crew have more than proven themselves. 514 00:20:48,750 --> 00:20:52,319 Look, look, obviously I want to get into the Legion of Doom super bad. 515 00:20:52,353 --> 00:20:53,721 It's incredibly important to me, 516 00:20:53,755 --> 00:20:56,257 but not more important than you guys. 517 00:20:56,289 --> 00:20:58,093 Check this out, everybody! 518 00:20:58,125 --> 00:21:01,663 And I want to give a special shout out to Dr. Psycho, 519 00:21:01,695 --> 00:21:04,064 who I slandered in my last review. 520 00:21:04,097 --> 00:21:05,666 Feeling really bad about that. 521 00:21:05,700 --> 00:21:09,636 Using his amazing brain powers, he made Batman vanish. 522 00:21:09,671 --> 00:21:11,839 His super cool son must be so proud. 523 00:21:11,839 --> 00:21:13,875 -Uh... That's not what-- -Let him have this. 524 00:21:13,907 --> 00:21:15,809 Also want to apologize for saying 525 00:21:15,844 --> 00:21:18,445 Poison Ivy and Dr. Psycho are a couple. 526 00:21:18,479 --> 00:21:19,513 That one's on me. 527 00:21:19,547 --> 00:21:21,148 -Ah, thank God. -Finally. 528 00:21:21,182 --> 00:21:24,085 Harley Quinn and her crew are worthy of being nominated 529 00:21:24,118 --> 00:21:27,288 for this year's class of the Legion of Doom. 530 00:21:27,288 --> 00:21:30,365 if she could only just stop leaving crew members behind. 531 00:21:30,365 --> 00:21:31,758 We didn't leave anybody-- 532 00:21:31,791 --> 00:21:33,093 Oh, shit! 533 00:21:33,126 --> 00:21:34,428 [slurping] Mm. 534 00:21:34,461 --> 00:21:36,829 [smacks lips] Mm. 535 00:21:36,864 --> 00:21:38,499 [giggles] 536 00:21:38,532 --> 00:21:41,469 Darrell, if you ever bring me inferior toilet wine again, 537 00:21:41,501 --> 00:21:43,436 I'll be forced to shank you in the showers 538 00:21:43,471 --> 00:21:45,573 and you know I don't want to do that. 539 00:21:45,605 --> 00:21:47,309 I like being "cool boss." 540 00:21:47,343 --> 00:21:50,979 [explosion] 541 00:21:51,011 --> 00:21:54,347 Hey, King. I am so sorry for leavin' ya here for so long. 542 00:21:54,347 --> 00:21:55,717 -Oh, no problem. -[distant sirens] 543 00:21:55,717 --> 00:21:57,518 It allowed me to experience firsthand 544 00:21:57,551 --> 00:21:59,921 the failings of the prison industrial complex. 545 00:21:59,953 --> 00:22:03,523 -[prisoner 1] Yeah! Fresh fish! -[prisoner 2] Here fishy, fishy, fishy, fishy. 546 00:22:03,557 --> 00:22:05,059 [laughing and kissing] 547 00:22:05,093 --> 00:22:07,096 Now, fellas, look, I know it's just in fun, but... 548 00:22:07,130 --> 00:22:10,597 [yelling] What the fuck did I tell you about that word? 549 00:22:10,631 --> 00:22:13,166 -Oh, yeah. Sorry, King. -Ooh. Sorry about that. 550 00:22:13,200 --> 00:22:15,201 Oh. They're learning. 551 00:22:15,236 --> 00:22:17,038 Baby steps, right, Harley? 552 00:22:17,071 --> 00:22:19,874 [yelling] I will kill each and every one of you 553 00:22:19,907 --> 00:22:23,477 with my bare hands if I have to! 554 00:22:23,510 --> 00:23:49,933 [theme music playing]