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00:02:27,899 --> 00:02:32,821
Manhattan Island derives its name
from its earliest inhabitants...
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00:02:33,071 --> 00:02:35,406
...the Manhattan Indians.
3
00:02:35,740 --> 00:02:40,537
They were a peaceful tribe,
setting traps, fishing, hunting.
4
00:02:40,745 --> 00:02:43,248
There was a custom among them:
5
00:02:43,540 --> 00:02:47,168
Every July, when the heat
became unbearable...
6
00:02:47,377 --> 00:02:51,089
...they would send their
wives and children away.
7
00:02:51,339 --> 00:02:53,424
Up the river to the highlands...
8
00:02:53,716 --> 00:02:57,762
...or, if they could afford
it, to the seashore.
9
00:02:58,054 --> 00:03:02,600
The husbands remained behind
to attend to business:
10
00:03:02,851 --> 00:03:07,272
Setting traps,
fishing and hunting.
11
00:03:13,027 --> 00:03:17,532
Our story has nothing
whatsoever to do with Indians.
12
00:03:17,782 --> 00:03:21,244
It plays 500 years later.
13
00:03:21,452 --> 00:03:26,624
Portland, Rockland,
Plymouth and Bar Harbor.
14
00:03:26,791 --> 00:03:28,751
Departing at 6:30...
15
00:03:28,960 --> 00:03:33,256
We brought up the subject to
show how nothing has changed.
16
00:03:33,464 --> 00:03:37,302
Manhattan wives and children are
still sent away in the summer.
17
00:03:37,468 --> 00:03:40,763
Husbands remain behind
to attend to business:
18
00:03:40,972 --> 00:03:43,975
Setting traps,
fishing and hunting.
19
00:03:44,267 --> 00:03:48,730
We want you to meet a
typical Manhattan husband.
20
00:03:48,980 --> 00:03:54,819
This is Mr. Richard Sherman, his
wife, Helen, and son, Ricky.
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00:03:55,570 --> 00:03:57,989
Ricky, what are you doing?
22
00:03:58,239 --> 00:04:02,160
He's an interplanetary spy.
I blasted him into dust.
23
00:04:02,410 --> 00:04:06,831
Cut it out. You're going to Maine,
not to Mars. Goodbye, Helen.
24
00:04:07,081 --> 00:04:10,793
- Goodbye, Richard.
- Why can't Daddy come up with us?
25
00:04:11,002 --> 00:04:15,924
- Daddy has to stay and make money
- Don't worry. I'll be fine.
26
00:04:16,174 --> 00:04:20,303
- How will I get my allowance?
- I'll mail it to you.
27
00:04:20,511 --> 00:04:24,307
You promised to eat
properly and not smoke.
28
00:04:24,515 --> 00:04:27,852
And you promised not to drink.
29
00:04:28,144 --> 00:04:31,356
- I'll call you tonight at 10.
- Goodbye, Helen.
30
00:04:31,606 --> 00:04:35,693
Goodbye, Ricky. Let me kiss you.
31
00:04:35,860 --> 00:04:39,447
- Take that thing off.
- He's shutting off my oxygen!
32
00:04:39,697 --> 00:04:42,116
Come on, we'll miss the train.
33
00:04:46,162 --> 00:04:49,874
Helen, Ricky, the paddle!
You forgot the paddle!
34
00:04:50,124 --> 00:04:53,878
- Ticket, mister?
- My son forgot the paddle.
35
00:04:54,128 --> 00:04:59,550
Sorry, only those holding tickets
admitted through the gates.
36
00:05:11,813 --> 00:05:15,066
Oh, no, not me.
37
00:05:15,566 --> 00:05:17,735
And I'm not gonna smoke either.
38
00:05:18,027 --> 00:05:23,241
Look at them. Awful. The train
isn't even out of the station.
39
00:05:24,200 --> 00:05:27,996
Gotta get back to the office.
Man, is this hot!
40
00:05:29,247 --> 00:05:32,417
A few more facts about Mr.
Sherman:
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00:05:32,709 --> 00:05:35,586
He works for a publishing
firm, Brady and Company.
42
00:05:35,837 --> 00:05:40,550
They publish those pocket editions,
two bits in any drugstore.
43
00:05:40,758 --> 00:05:45,722
Old Mr. Brady is the boss, but Mr.
Sherman is the key man.
44
00:05:45,930 --> 00:05:48,599
He keeps the whole
operation together.
45
00:05:48,766 --> 00:05:51,936
In the 25-cent book business,
you can sell anything.
46
00:05:52,228 --> 00:05:54,939
Even the old, dreary classics.
47
00:05:55,189 --> 00:05:57,859
The trick is to soup
up the title...
48
00:05:58,109 --> 00:06:01,279
...and get an interesting cover.
49
00:06:01,571 --> 00:06:04,782
It's all a question
of imagination...
50
00:06:04,949 --> 00:06:08,453
...and Mr. Sherman has
a lot of imagination.
51
00:06:11,914 --> 00:06:14,292
That'll be all, Miss Morris.
52
00:06:16,961 --> 00:06:21,132
Oh, no, not me. Not me.
53
00:06:23,051 --> 00:06:25,303
And I'm not gonna smoke either.
54
00:06:26,137 --> 00:06:30,141
Some husbands run wild because
their wives are away.
55
00:06:30,308 --> 00:06:32,477
Do anything they want.
56
00:06:32,727 --> 00:06:35,897
Like Charlie Lederer. Annie
was gone two days...
57
00:06:36,147 --> 00:06:38,649
...when Charlie got
himself tattooed.
58
00:06:38,900 --> 00:06:42,570
Green dragon on his chest,
butterfly on the shoulders.
59
00:06:42,820 --> 00:06:46,407
Not me. Oh, no, work, work...
60
00:06:47,116 --> 00:06:51,162
I'll work till 6, then have
dinner at the saloon...
61
00:06:51,412 --> 00:06:55,500
No! No saloon, no drinking like Dr.
Summers said.
62
00:06:55,792 --> 00:06:59,629
I know, I'll try that
vegetarian restaurant.
63
00:06:59,837 --> 00:07:02,256
Health food, that's the stuff.
64
00:07:02,507 --> 00:07:06,177
The human body is a
very delicate machine.
65
00:07:06,469 --> 00:07:09,263
You can't run it on
martinis and goulash.
66
00:07:09,514 --> 00:07:11,849
Especially in this hot weather.
67
00:07:13,017 --> 00:07:17,188
- Miss, may I have the check, please?
- Yes, sir.
68
00:07:17,522 --> 00:07:21,859
Let's see. We had the special,
the soybean hamburger...
69
00:07:22,151 --> 00:07:23,861
...with French-fried soybeans.
70
00:07:24,153 --> 00:07:26,864
Soybean sherbet and
peppermint tea.
71
00:07:27,532 --> 00:07:29,200
I had a cocktail to start.
72
00:07:29,492 --> 00:07:33,037
Yes, we had the sauerkraut
juice on the rocks.
73
00:07:33,329 --> 00:07:37,959
You'll be proud to know that the
meal was only 260 calories.
74
00:07:38,209 --> 00:07:39,710
I am proud.
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00:07:40,044 --> 00:07:43,464
That'll be $1.27.
76
00:07:43,714 --> 00:07:47,218
- Keep the change.
- We don't permit tipping.
77
00:07:47,510 --> 00:07:50,138
I can put it in our
nudist camp fund.
78
00:07:50,388 --> 00:07:52,557
- You do that.
- Oh, thank you, sir.
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00:07:52,807 --> 00:07:57,353
It's a worthy cause. We must
bring the message to the people.
80
00:07:57,562 --> 00:08:02,567
To unmask our suffocating bodies
and let them breathe again.
81
00:08:02,900 --> 00:08:07,405
Without clothes there'd be
no sickness and no war.
82
00:08:07,697 --> 00:08:11,576
Can you imagine two armies
on the battlefield...
83
00:08:11,826 --> 00:08:14,078
...no uniforms, completely nude?
84
00:08:14,370 --> 00:08:19,083
No way of telling friend from
foe, all brothers together.
85
00:08:19,333 --> 00:08:23,379
Just a moment, sir. You
forgot your paddle.
86
00:08:24,881 --> 00:08:26,257
Thank you.
87
00:08:40,104 --> 00:08:41,856
I like this house.
88
00:08:42,064 --> 00:08:45,359
Why does Helen want to
move into one of those...
89
00:08:45,610 --> 00:08:48,446
...buildings out of
Riot in Cellblock 11?
90
00:08:48,613 --> 00:08:51,616
So much nicer here.
Just three apartments.
91
00:08:51,866 --> 00:08:53,784
Ours, Kaufmans upstairs...
92
00:08:54,035 --> 00:08:59,040
...and two guys on the top,
interior decorators or something.
93
00:09:10,968 --> 00:09:15,306
It's peaceful with everybody gone.
Sure is peaceful.
94
00:09:15,598 --> 00:09:19,143
No Howdy Doody.
No Captain Video.
95
00:09:19,393 --> 00:09:23,606
No smell of cooking. No "What
happened at the office?"
96
00:09:23,814 --> 00:09:28,653
I shot Mr. Brady in the head, made
violent love to Miss Morris...
97
00:09:28,903 --> 00:09:34,909
...and set fire to 300,000 copies of
Little Women. That's what happened.
98
00:09:36,244 --> 00:09:41,415
What can happen at the office?
It sure is peaceful.
99
00:09:48,089 --> 00:09:50,424
"Use the opener, Richard."
100
00:10:04,438 --> 00:10:07,650
"Carbonated water, citric
acid, corn syrup..."
101
00:10:07,900 --> 00:10:10,361
...artificial raspberry
flavoring...
102
00:10:10,611 --> 00:10:13,572
"...vegetable colors
and preservative."
103
00:10:13,823 --> 00:10:17,326
Why is this stuff
better for you...
104
00:10:17,576 --> 00:10:20,579
...than a little scotch
and a twist of lemon?
105
00:10:20,830 --> 00:10:22,707
I'd really like to know.
106
00:10:23,916 --> 00:10:26,877
Helen's gonna call at 10.
107
00:10:27,461 --> 00:10:30,548
I guess I better do
a little reading.
108
00:10:30,798 --> 00:10:34,510
I brought Dr. Brubaker's
manuscript home with me...
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00:10:41,142 --> 00:10:43,185
Ricky!
110
00:10:43,436 --> 00:10:48,441
Okay, where is it? Where
is the other one?
111
00:10:48,691 --> 00:10:52,111
I know it's lurking here
somewhere to get me.
112
00:10:52,320 --> 00:10:55,531
Where is Captain Video's
other roller skate?
113
00:10:59,327 --> 00:11:01,078
Now, who's that?
114
00:11:16,552 --> 00:11:19,680
- Yes, what is it?
- I'm sorry to bother you.
115
00:11:19,930 --> 00:11:23,476
I forgot my key, so I
had to ring your bell.
116
00:11:24,643 --> 00:11:26,729
It's perfectly all right.
117
00:11:28,147 --> 00:11:32,151
Anytime. Anything else
I can do for you?
118
00:11:32,360 --> 00:11:34,779
Would you mind
pressing it again?
119
00:11:35,029 --> 00:11:37,448
My fan's caught in the door.
120
00:11:37,698 --> 00:11:40,701
Oh, of course.
121
00:11:41,744 --> 00:11:44,330
- Thanks.
- Do you live in our building?
122
00:11:44,580 --> 00:11:48,334
In the Kaufmans' apartment.
They're in Europe.
123
00:11:48,626 --> 00:11:53,130
I know you'll be happy here.
It's a very quiet building.
124
00:11:53,381 --> 00:11:56,884
No dogs, no children, just
two interior decorators.
125
00:11:57,093 --> 00:11:59,261
And you, and of course, me.
126
00:12:01,097 --> 00:12:04,642
- You all right?
- Oh, sure, fine.
127
00:12:04,892 --> 00:12:06,352
Well, good night.
128
00:12:07,895 --> 00:12:09,480
Good night.
129
00:12:17,571 --> 00:12:19,490
Well, now.
130
00:12:21,742 --> 00:12:25,496
Maybe I should have asked
her in for a drink.
131
00:12:25,746 --> 00:12:30,292
Make her feel at home. After
all, we're one big family here.
132
00:12:33,963 --> 00:12:35,756
Oh, no, no.
133
00:12:57,778 --> 00:13:01,824
I've got to get to work
on the Brubaker book.
134
00:13:02,074 --> 00:13:05,703
I'm gonna talk to him about
it tomorrow, so I better.
135
00:13:05,953 --> 00:13:10,207
Of Man and the Unconscious, by Dr.
Ludwig Brubaker.
136
00:13:10,499 --> 00:13:11,584
Some title.
137
00:13:11,876 --> 00:13:16,046
We'll have to soup this
one up, that's for sure.
138
00:13:22,595 --> 00:13:24,597
Ten o'clock.
139
00:13:25,055 --> 00:13:28,350
Helen's not gonna
call till 10:00.
140
00:13:28,684 --> 00:13:32,938
I hope this thing keeps
me awake till 10:00.
141
00:13:34,815 --> 00:13:37,067
Chapter three:
142
00:13:37,318 --> 00:13:40,446
"The Repressed Urge in
the Middle-Aged Male.
143
00:13:40,654 --> 00:13:43,365
Its Roots and Its Consequences."
144
00:13:44,909 --> 00:13:47,870
Helen has a lot of nerve
calling me at 10:00.
145
00:13:48,120 --> 00:13:51,207
It shows a definite
lack of trust.
146
00:13:51,499 --> 00:13:56,212
What does she think I'm gonna do?
Start smoking? Get drunk?
147
00:13:56,504 --> 00:14:01,300
Or tattooed? Charlie...
Big, green dragon.
148
00:14:02,343 --> 00:14:05,513
I bet she thinks I'll
have girls up here.
149
00:14:05,763 --> 00:14:07,348
That's terrible.
150
00:14:07,598 --> 00:14:12,520
Seven years we've been married.
I've never done anything like that.
151
00:14:12,770 --> 00:14:18,025
Don't think I couldn't have either.
Because I could have, plenty.
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Plenty.
153
00:14:25,032 --> 00:14:26,909
Don't laugh, Helen.
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00:14:27,117 --> 00:14:30,621
I happen to be very
attractive to women.
155
00:14:30,871 --> 00:14:34,250
You're attractive to me,
but I'm used to you.
156
00:14:34,458 --> 00:14:37,878
This isn't a thing one
likes to tell his wife...
157
00:14:38,128 --> 00:14:43,467
...but women have been throwing
themselves at me for years.
158
00:14:43,717 --> 00:14:47,638
That's right, beautiful
ones, plenty of them.
159
00:14:48,055 --> 00:14:51,350
- Acres and acres of them.
- Name one.
160
00:14:51,600 --> 00:14:56,355
It's hard just offhand, but
there have been plenty of them.
161
00:14:56,772 --> 00:15:00,568
You asked for it. Take my
secretary, for instance.
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00:15:00,818 --> 00:15:05,656
To you, she's just Miss Morris,
a piece of office furniture.
163
00:15:05,906 --> 00:15:08,075
Ten fingers to type my letters.
164
00:15:08,325 --> 00:15:10,953
Well, let me tell you.
165
00:15:11,453 --> 00:15:14,456
- Did you type this letter?
- Yes, Mr. Sherman.
166
00:15:14,748 --> 00:15:18,168
There are six errors in
the first paragraph.
167
00:15:18,419 --> 00:15:20,546
What is the matter with you?
168
00:15:20,796 --> 00:15:25,384
- What's the matter with you?
- I'll tell you what's the matter.
169
00:15:25,634 --> 00:15:30,431
I'm in love with you. I have
been since the day I came here.
170
00:15:30,681 --> 00:15:34,393
Deeply, madly, desperately,
all-consumingly.
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00:15:34,685 --> 00:15:38,147
And to you I'm nothing,
just a piece of furniture.
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00:15:38,397 --> 00:15:41,150
Ten fingers to type
your letters with.
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00:15:41,400 --> 00:15:46,280
Mr. Sherman, take a look at me.
I'm a woman, do you hear?
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00:15:46,530 --> 00:15:49,491
With flesh and blood and
nerves and feelings!
175
00:15:49,742 --> 00:15:55,122
I'm in love with you. I need
you, I want you. I want you
176
00:16:00,836 --> 00:16:03,297
That will be all, Miss Morris.
177
00:16:15,851 --> 00:16:20,981
You remember that torn shirt, Helen?
Now you know how it happened.
178
00:16:22,441 --> 00:16:27,780
It got torn at the laundry, that's how
it happened. What an imagination!
179
00:16:28,405 --> 00:16:31,241
You don't realize this
about women and me:
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00:16:31,492 --> 00:16:34,203
I walk into a room
and they sense it.
181
00:16:34,453 --> 00:16:37,915
I arouse something in
them, I bother them.
182
00:16:38,207 --> 00:16:42,711
It's a kind of animal thing I've got.
It's quite extraordinary.
183
00:16:42,961 --> 00:16:46,256
The only extraordinary
thing is your imagination.
184
00:16:46,507 --> 00:16:49,760
Last winter when I had
my appendix out...
185
00:16:49,927 --> 00:16:52,221
...do you remember the nurse?
186
00:16:52,471 --> 00:16:56,558
That sweet, little old
lady with the gray hair?
187
00:16:56,850 --> 00:16:59,061
That was the day nurse.
188
00:16:59,269 --> 00:17:04,358
You never saw the night
nurse, a certain Miss Finch.
189
00:17:04,566 --> 00:17:09,029
Poor Miss Finch. She fought
it as long as she could.
190
00:17:09,279 --> 00:17:12,616
- But then one night...
- Richard!
191
00:17:12,866 --> 00:17:16,495
Miss Finch, please,
not again tonight.
192
00:17:18,497 --> 00:17:20,624
We have so little time.
193
00:17:20,916 --> 00:17:26,130
Soon they'll take out your stitches
and I'll have lost you forever.
194
00:17:27,297 --> 00:17:31,468
Please, Miss Finch. There
is such a thing as ethics.
195
00:17:31,593 --> 00:17:34,596
Remember, you are a
registered nurse.
196
00:17:34,847 --> 00:17:40,185
Ethics? Once I had ethics.
Once I was young.
197
00:17:40,477 --> 00:17:45,315
Once I had ideals. I was registered!
And then you happened.
198
00:17:45,566 --> 00:17:50,279
Miss Finch, for five nights now
you've been taking my pulse.
199
00:17:50,529 --> 00:17:54,533
Have you never noticed
this simple band of gold?
200
00:17:54,783 --> 00:18:00,164
You've bothered me since they wheeled
you into the operating room.
201
00:18:00,372 --> 00:18:05,252
I can't understand it. There's
this animal thing about you.
202
00:18:07,129 --> 00:18:09,590
Please, Miss Finch,
my adhesions.
203
00:18:09,840 --> 00:18:13,594
Let's crash out of here.
Let's steal an ambulance.
204
00:18:13,886 --> 00:18:17,723
You're not fit to
wear that uniform.
205
00:18:18,015 --> 00:18:20,225
You're rotten to the core.
206
00:18:21,435 --> 00:18:25,439
Beat me till your arms ache.
207
00:18:25,689 --> 00:18:28,817
I'll only come crawling
back for more.
208
00:18:29,318 --> 00:18:32,738
You're forcing me
to take measures...
209
00:18:32,946 --> 00:18:35,032
...to protect you from yourself.
210
00:18:39,828 --> 00:18:43,165
No, no!
211
00:18:43,415 --> 00:18:47,169
Put me down! Put me down!
212
00:18:54,635 --> 00:18:57,721
The moth and the flame,
that's what it was.
213
00:18:57,971 --> 00:19:02,601
Poor Miss Finch. I hope I didn't
singe her wings too badly.
214
00:19:02,851 --> 00:19:06,688
You read too many books
and see too many movies.
215
00:19:08,690 --> 00:19:14,029
For instance, take Elaine. Your
best friend, your bridesmaid.
216
00:19:14,279 --> 00:19:18,408
Let me tell you about that
weekend in Westport last summer.
217
00:19:18,659 --> 00:19:22,371
You were playing canasta,
suspecting nothing.
218
00:19:22,663 --> 00:19:25,874
Elaine and I went for a walk.
Walk!
219
00:19:26,083 --> 00:19:30,087
We went swimming,
moonlight swimming.
220
00:19:41,056 --> 00:19:46,311
What is this strange animal thing you have?
It bothers me.
221
00:19:46,603 --> 00:19:50,023
It's bothered me since the
first time I saw you.
222
00:19:50,274 --> 00:19:54,695
And it'll bother me always,
from here to eternity.
223
00:20:01,243 --> 00:20:06,039
You must fight it, Elaine.
Remember, I belong to another.
224
00:20:06,290 --> 00:20:07,499
Richard!
225
00:20:07,708 --> 00:20:13,046
This can never be. I have a
devoted, trusting wife at home.
226
00:20:13,297 --> 00:20:17,259
And a freckle-faced
little space cadet.
227
00:20:17,843 --> 00:20:19,970
Richard!
228
00:20:37,779 --> 00:20:41,408
So, Helen, in light of
the circumstances...
229
00:20:41,658 --> 00:20:44,870
...I resent your calling
to check up on me.
230
00:20:45,120 --> 00:20:46,914
Don't worry about me.
231
00:20:47,164 --> 00:20:51,418
Although I have tremendous
personal magnetism...
232
00:20:51,710 --> 00:20:54,421
...I also have
strength of character.
233
00:20:54,671 --> 00:20:57,090
And tremendous imagination.
234
00:20:57,341 --> 00:21:02,763
You've begun to imagine it
Cinemascope, with stereophonic sound.
235
00:21:05,349 --> 00:21:06,725
Well...
236
00:21:08,018 --> 00:21:09,436
...back to work.
237
00:21:11,188 --> 00:21:13,398
Chapter three:
238
00:21:14,274 --> 00:21:20,155
"The Repressed Urge in the Middle-Aged
Male. Its Roots and Its Consequences."
239
00:21:22,991 --> 00:21:26,620
Helen is worried. I
just know she is.
240
00:21:26,870 --> 00:21:29,539
She plays it cool, but
she can't fool me.
241
00:21:29,790 --> 00:21:33,752
Why else would she call in
the middle of the night?
242
00:21:34,002 --> 00:21:38,757
She probably figures she isn't
as young as she was. She's 31.
243
00:21:39,007 --> 00:21:42,844
One day she'll wake up and
find her looks are gone.
244
00:21:43,095 --> 00:21:45,138
No wonder she's worried.
245
00:21:45,389 --> 00:21:48,767
I don't look different
than I did when I was 28.
246
00:21:49,059 --> 00:21:53,063
It's not my fault, it's just
a simple biological fact.
247
00:21:53,271 --> 00:21:55,691
Women age quicker than men.
248
00:21:55,941 --> 00:22:01,029
I won't look different when I'm 60.
I have that kind of a face.
249
00:22:01,279 --> 00:22:04,533
Everybody'll think
she's my mother.
250
00:22:14,001 --> 00:22:15,544
Hello, Mother?
251
00:22:16,003 --> 00:22:17,963
Oh, Helen!
252
00:22:18,130 --> 00:22:22,467
I wasn't expecting you to call till 10.
Everything all right?
253
00:22:22,759 --> 00:22:27,431
Everything's fine here. Seems
pretty empty without you, though.
254
00:22:27,723 --> 00:22:30,600
Just sitting out
on the terrace...
255
00:22:30,767 --> 00:22:34,730
...drinking, getting
fractured on raspberry soda.
256
00:22:36,106 --> 00:22:39,609
Little Ricky okay? Oh, he did?
257
00:22:39,901 --> 00:22:43,613
He hasn't done that for a long time.
It's the excitement.
258
00:22:44,948 --> 00:22:46,783
That's nice.
259
00:22:49,745 --> 00:22:53,623
Who did you meet on the train?
Tom MacKenzie?
260
00:22:54,124 --> 00:22:56,126
What's he doing up there?
261
00:22:57,335 --> 00:23:00,464
My advice is to avoid
Tom like the plague.
262
00:23:00,630 --> 00:23:03,967
I don't want him
carrying Ricky's kayak.
263
00:23:04,217 --> 00:23:07,721
If anybody carries Ricky's
kayak, it's gonna be you.
264
00:23:07,971 --> 00:23:09,806
How's the weather? Cool?
265
00:23:10,724 --> 00:23:14,686
It's steaming here,
like an oven.
266
00:23:15,062 --> 00:23:17,981
Yeah, I'm pretty tired myself.
267
00:23:18,482 --> 00:23:21,234
Night. Good night, darling.
268
00:23:27,824 --> 00:23:29,993
Chapter three:
269
00:23:30,160 --> 00:23:33,163
"The Repressed Urge in
the Middle-Aged Male.
270
00:23:33,413 --> 00:23:37,209
Its Roots and Its Consequences."
271
00:23:38,335 --> 00:23:42,923
Maybe a twist of lemon would help
this, or a shot of Worcestershire.
272
00:23:59,106 --> 00:24:02,734
Hey, what's the big idea?!
You wanna kill somebody?
273
00:24:03,360 --> 00:24:07,531
- What's the matter?
- This great cast-iron pot...
274
00:24:07,739 --> 00:24:09,783
...practically killed me.
275
00:24:10,033 --> 00:24:13,787
Oh, it's you. Well, hello again.
276
00:24:14,037 --> 00:24:17,374
What happened? Oh, the
tomato plant fell over!
277
00:24:17,707 --> 00:24:18,875
It sure did.
278
00:24:19,084 --> 00:24:21,920
- I'm terribly sorry.
- It's nothing.
279
00:24:22,129 --> 00:24:24,381
Look at that poor chair!
280
00:24:24,631 --> 00:24:28,552
I'll pay for it. I hope it's
not some priceless antique.
281
00:24:28,885 --> 00:24:33,932
- It's just early Sears, Roebuck.
- If there's anything I can do...
282
00:24:34,224 --> 00:24:37,769
Do what? There's nothing
to worry about.
283
00:24:38,061 --> 00:24:42,315
I'm certainly glad you're not mad.
Now don't touch it.
284
00:24:42,566 --> 00:24:45,068
I'll have the janitor
come down...
285
00:24:45,318 --> 00:24:48,238
...and take care of it.
Good night.
286
00:24:48,488 --> 00:24:50,740
- Hey there! Wait a minute.
- Yes?
287
00:24:50,991 --> 00:24:53,785
I'll tell you one
thing you could do.
288
00:24:54,077 --> 00:24:57,455
If you're not doing anything
else more important.
289
00:24:57,747 --> 00:25:00,417
Would you have a drink with me?
290
00:25:00,792 --> 00:25:03,628
- Thanks, I'd love it.
- You would?
291
00:25:03,837 --> 00:25:05,172
Sure, it'd be fun.
292
00:25:05,422 --> 00:25:10,760
Let me just go and put something on.
I get dressed in the kitchen.
293
00:25:11,011 --> 00:25:15,932
When it's hot like this, I
keep my undies in the icebox.
294
00:25:17,017 --> 00:25:20,103
- In the icebox?
- See you in a minute.
295
00:25:22,814 --> 00:25:26,193
In the icebox!
296
00:26:00,685 --> 00:26:04,314
I really need it, Dr. Murphy.
Honest I do.
297
00:26:07,317 --> 00:26:10,987
Don't worry, Dr. Murphy
Just one, that's all.
298
00:26:24,167 --> 00:26:28,213
All those lovely injurious
tars and resins.
299
00:26:28,505 --> 00:26:31,883
And now a small concession from Dr.
Summers?
300
00:26:44,229 --> 00:26:48,900
Doctor, let's be reasonable.
Can't fly on one wing.
301
00:26:49,192 --> 00:26:52,195
Okay, I'll put some soda in it.
302
00:27:01,413 --> 00:27:05,041
"Do you want to come in for
a drink?" "I'd love it."
303
00:27:05,250 --> 00:27:06,876
Just like that.
304
00:27:08,712 --> 00:27:13,758
A beautiful girl too. Must
be a model or actress.
305
00:27:33,111 --> 00:27:36,614
Atmosphere. I need a
little atmosphere.
306
00:27:40,327 --> 00:27:42,579
Tomato plant.
307
00:27:43,246 --> 00:27:45,582
Fan caught in the door.
308
00:27:48,752 --> 00:27:52,339
What am I doing? This is
absolutely ridiculous.
309
00:27:52,630 --> 00:27:56,968
The first night Helen leaves,
I'm bringing dames in here.
310
00:28:06,770 --> 00:28:07,771
Take it easy.
311
00:28:07,979 --> 00:28:13,443
There's nothing wrong with asking
a neighbor down for a drink.
312
00:28:14,069 --> 00:28:16,780
I hope she doesn't
get the wrong idea.
313
00:28:16,946 --> 00:28:21,951
If this dame thinks she's in for a
big time, she's in for a surprise.
314
00:28:22,160 --> 00:28:25,663
One drink and out! I'm
a happily married man.
315
00:28:26,289 --> 00:28:28,583
Maybe a little soft music.
316
00:28:29,959 --> 00:28:32,462
She's probably getting
all fixed up.
317
00:28:32,796 --> 00:28:36,800
She'll probably wear some
ice-cold evening dress.
318
00:28:37,008 --> 00:28:42,347
Let's see. Debussy, Ravel.
319
00:28:42,639 --> 00:28:46,768
Stravinsky. Stravinsky'd
only scare her.
320
00:28:47,769 --> 00:28:51,773
Here's the baby, Rachmaninoff.
Give her the full treatment.
321
00:28:51,981 --> 00:28:54,275
Come in like gangbusters.
322
00:29:01,825 --> 00:29:03,159
Good old Rachmaninoff.
323
00:29:03,493 --> 00:29:07,664
The Second Piano Concerto.
Never misses.
324
00:29:38,403 --> 00:29:41,823
You came. I'm so glad.
325
00:29:45,577 --> 00:29:50,331
- Rachmaninoff.
- The Second Piano Concerto.
326
00:29:50,665 --> 00:29:54,502
- It isn't fair.
- Not fair? Why?
327
00:29:55,211 --> 00:29:58,923
- Every time I hear it, I go to pieces.
- Oh?
328
00:30:02,218 --> 00:30:04,512
May I sit next to you?
329
00:30:06,264 --> 00:30:08,057
Please do.
330
00:30:31,247 --> 00:30:34,125
It shakes me, it quakes me.
331
00:30:34,375 --> 00:30:37,086
It makes me
goose-pimply all over.
332
00:30:37,295 --> 00:30:42,300
I don't know where I am, or
who I am, or what I'm doing.
333
00:30:42,592 --> 00:30:47,555
Don't stop, don't stop.
Don't ever stop.
334
00:30:49,224 --> 00:30:53,603
- Why did you stop?
- You know why I stopped.
335
00:30:53,895 --> 00:30:56,940
- Why?
- Because.
336
00:30:57,148 --> 00:31:00,568
Because now I'm going
to kiss you...
337
00:31:00,777 --> 00:31:03,571
...very quickly and very hard.
338
00:31:25,635 --> 00:31:27,512
One moment, my dear.
339
00:31:32,767 --> 00:31:34,352
You came.
340
00:31:35,186 --> 00:31:37,981
Yeah, I came for the rugs.
341
00:31:38,189 --> 00:31:40,817
The rugs? What is it you want?
342
00:31:41,109 --> 00:31:43,945
The bedroom rugs. I promised Mrs.
Sherman.
343
00:31:44,153 --> 00:31:45,280
Mr. Kruhulik...
344
00:31:45,363 --> 00:31:48,950
- It's on account of the moths.
- Forget the rugs.
345
00:31:49,158 --> 00:31:53,621
Your wife is gonna find them
full of big, gaping holes.
346
00:31:53,830 --> 00:31:56,332
Who'll get blamed? The janitor.
347
00:31:56,541 --> 00:32:00,211
Pick them up tomorrow
while I'm at the office.
348
00:32:00,503 --> 00:32:05,550
I can't. I'm taking the missus
and the kids to the train.
349
00:32:05,842 --> 00:32:10,847
- They're going to the country.
- All right, in the afternoon then.
350
00:32:11,055 --> 00:32:16,477
I can't do it then. I'm going
to the barber in the afternoon.
351
00:32:16,686 --> 00:32:21,858
I'm gonna take a shave, haircut,
manicure, the whole works.
352
00:32:22,025 --> 00:32:26,529
I couldn't care less. Come
tomorrow evening, just not now.
353
00:32:26,738 --> 00:32:31,868
Tomorrow evening? Do you
know the maid from 531 Park?
354
00:32:32,076 --> 00:32:37,248
You must've seen her walking down
the street with her fat poodle.
355
00:32:37,540 --> 00:32:38,541
What?
356
00:32:38,708 --> 00:32:43,546
Come now, we're both summer bachelors.
Don't let's be naive.
357
00:32:43,838 --> 00:32:45,715
Good night, Mr. Kruhulik!
358
00:32:46,716 --> 00:32:50,386
Big, fat poodle!
He's got four kids.
359
00:32:50,595 --> 00:32:55,224
Something happens to people in the summer.
It's disgraceful.
360
00:32:55,558 --> 00:33:00,396
It's late. Where is she?
This is ridiculous.
361
00:33:00,563 --> 00:33:04,901
She could've been here, had her
drink and gone home already.
362
00:33:05,109 --> 00:33:07,111
Ice, we'll need ice.
363
00:33:11,949 --> 00:33:13,409
Coming!
364
00:33:25,922 --> 00:33:27,382
Coming, coming!
365
00:33:32,637 --> 00:33:34,055
Hi!
366
00:33:34,555 --> 00:33:36,766
It's me. Don't you remember?
367
00:33:37,058 --> 00:33:39,102
The tomato from upstairs.
368
00:33:39,310 --> 00:33:42,605
Of course, the tomato.
Come in, please.
369
00:33:42,814 --> 00:33:45,483
Honestly, I don't
know how it happened.
370
00:33:45,775 --> 00:33:49,821
I was watering the plants. I
promised the Kaufmans I would.
371
00:33:50,113 --> 00:33:54,409
I was using the cocktail shaker.
It's the only thing I found.
372
00:33:54,617 --> 00:33:59,414
A little silver one. Then there
was this terrible crash.
373
00:33:59,664 --> 00:34:04,502
You could've been killed. It's
probably criminal negligence.
374
00:34:04,794 --> 00:34:07,964
You could've sued somebody.
Me, probably.
375
00:34:08,256 --> 00:34:12,844
Well, not you. You'd have been dead.
Your lawyers could have.
376
00:34:13,136 --> 00:34:16,472
Case dismissed. What
would you like to drink?
377
00:34:16,639 --> 00:34:21,352
I don't know. Anything. You
have a nice place here.
378
00:34:21,644 --> 00:34:25,982
- You live here alone?
- Yes, I live here alone. All alone.
379
00:34:28,192 --> 00:34:32,196
- It's a roller skate. Mine, you know.
- Yours?
380
00:34:32,488 --> 00:34:37,535
It's adjustable. I skate a lot.
What would you like to drink?
381
00:34:37,827 --> 00:34:41,122
- You do drink?
- Sure, I drink like a fish.
382
00:34:41,330 --> 00:34:45,460
- Do you have gin?
- Of course. You mean straight gin?
383
00:34:45,710 --> 00:34:49,338
No, gin and soda, I guess.
384
00:34:49,547 --> 00:34:54,552
- Gin and soda?
- That's wrong. How do you drink gin?
385
00:34:54,844 --> 00:34:59,974
There's gin and tonic, and gin
and vermouth, that's a martini.
386
00:35:00,183 --> 00:35:05,188
That sounds cool. I'll have a
glass of that. A big, tall one.
387
00:35:07,023 --> 00:35:09,525
Big, tall martini.
388
00:35:22,747 --> 00:35:26,167
This is a nicer apartment
than the Kaufmans'.
389
00:35:26,417 --> 00:35:29,378
For instance, the
Kaufmans have no stairs.
390
00:35:30,087 --> 00:35:33,841
- Hey, where do they lead to?
- No place.
391
00:35:34,050 --> 00:35:38,930
No place? A stairway to nowhere.
That's elegant.
392
00:35:39,222 --> 00:35:43,893
I wouldn't say elegant. You
see, this used to be a duplex.
393
00:35:44,185 --> 00:35:49,524
The landlord made two apartments out
of it by boarding up your floor.
394
00:35:50,358 --> 00:35:54,028
Oh, yes, I remember that
patch in the floor.
395
00:35:54,237 --> 00:35:57,073
I dropped my cuticle
pusher down the crack.
396
00:35:57,365 --> 00:35:59,575
Cuticle pusher. Yeah.
397
00:35:59,867 --> 00:36:03,746
Well, here you are.
Big, tall martini.
398
00:36:04,038 --> 00:36:07,250
- Thanks.
- You're welcome.
399
00:36:08,960 --> 00:36:11,754
Very good. Maybe it
needs a bit more sugar.
400
00:36:11,963 --> 00:36:15,758
I'd strongly advise against
putting sugar in a martini.
401
00:36:16,050 --> 00:36:19,220
- You would? Why?
- Well...
402
00:36:19,637 --> 00:36:23,266
Take my word for it.
No sugar in a martini.
403
00:36:23,474 --> 00:36:26,727
Back home they put
sugar in martinis.
404
00:36:26,936 --> 00:36:31,107
- Back home? Where?
- Denver, Colorado.
405
00:36:31,440 --> 00:36:34,277
Hey, you've got
air conditioning!
406
00:36:35,278 --> 00:36:38,322
- How does it work? Put it on.
- Sure!
407
00:36:38,656 --> 00:36:43,244
I got air conditioning in every room.
Don't the Kaufmans?
408
00:36:43,452 --> 00:36:48,958
No, it's just terrible up there.
That's why I bought the electric fan.
409
00:36:49,917 --> 00:36:54,672
This feels just elegant. I'm
just not made for the heat.
410
00:36:54,964 --> 00:36:58,634
It's my first summer in New
York, and it's killing me.
411
00:36:58,843 --> 00:37:02,638
Yesterday, I tried to
sleep in the bathtub.
412
00:37:02,847 --> 00:37:05,600
Just lying up to my
neck in cold water.
413
00:37:05,808 --> 00:37:07,351
Good idea.
414
00:37:07,643 --> 00:37:12,273
But the faucet kept dripping.
It was keeping me awake.
415
00:37:12,523 --> 00:37:17,320
You know what I did? I pushed
my big toe up the faucet.
416
00:37:17,987 --> 00:37:20,156
They call that
American know-how.
417
00:37:20,448 --> 00:37:24,452
Then my toe got stuck and I
couldn't get it out again.
418
00:37:24,660 --> 00:37:25,828
You couldn't?
419
00:37:26,120 --> 00:37:31,042
But there's a phone in the bathroom.
I was able to call the plumber.
420
00:37:31,334 --> 00:37:32,460
You called him?
421
00:37:32,668 --> 00:37:36,631
He was very nice, even
though it was Sunday.
422
00:37:36,839 --> 00:37:39,967
He rushed right over.
423
00:37:41,010 --> 00:37:42,553
Everything come out okay?
424
00:37:42,845 --> 00:37:47,683
- Sure. But it was embarrassing.
- I can see how it might've been.
425
00:37:47,975 --> 00:37:50,186
Honestly, I almost died.
426
00:37:50,394 --> 00:37:53,314
There I was with a
strange plumber...
427
00:37:53,522 --> 00:37:56,192
...and no polish on my toenails.
428
00:38:03,074 --> 00:38:07,203
- You got a cigarette around?
- A cigarette? Sure.
429
00:38:07,536 --> 00:38:09,080
Coming UP-
430
00:38:26,430 --> 00:38:30,226
- Here you are.
- Are you afraid of burglars?
431
00:38:30,434 --> 00:38:33,729
I'm just trying not to smoke.
The theory is:
432
00:38:34,063 --> 00:38:38,734
If you don't see them, you
don't think about them.
433
00:38:40,736 --> 00:38:44,573
It's not 100% foolproof.
It's only a theory.
434
00:38:44,865 --> 00:38:49,787
All you do is spend half your life
dragging ladders back and forth.
435
00:38:50,079 --> 00:38:53,541
You could break a leg.
It's just ridiculous.
436
00:38:53,749 --> 00:38:57,253
At the club we had this girl
who only smoked cigars.
437
00:38:57,461 --> 00:39:01,257
She only did it to make
herself look older.
438
00:39:04,093 --> 00:39:07,596
- What club was that?
- This club I lived at.
439
00:39:07,888 --> 00:39:10,808
I hated it. You had
to be in by 1 a.m.
440
00:39:11,100 --> 00:39:13,769
Now I can stay out all night.
441
00:39:13,936 --> 00:39:18,441
I was glad when they
practically asked me to leave.
442
00:39:18,774 --> 00:39:22,111
- Why did they ask you to leave?
- It was so silly.
443
00:39:22,319 --> 00:39:27,575
I posed for a picture in U. S.
Camera and they got all upset.
444
00:39:27,783 --> 00:39:29,827
What was wrong with the picture?
445
00:39:30,119 --> 00:39:34,999
I was... It was one of
these artistic pictures.
446
00:39:36,834 --> 00:39:39,128
On the beach, with driftwood.
447
00:39:39,336 --> 00:39:42,965
- It got honorable mention.
- In U. S. Camera?
448
00:39:43,132 --> 00:39:47,428
It was called "Textures." You'd
see three different kinds.
449
00:39:47,636 --> 00:39:51,682
The driftwood, the sand and me.
I got $25 an hour.
450
00:39:51,974 --> 00:39:56,520
- It took hours and hours.
- Very interesting line of work.
451
00:39:56,812 --> 00:40:01,984
I don't do modeling any more.
Now I'm on TV every other week.
452
00:40:02,276 --> 00:40:05,321
- The Dazzledent Toothpaste Hour.
- You're an actress?
453
00:40:05,613 --> 00:40:08,157
Sort of. I do the
commercial part.
454
00:40:08,365 --> 00:40:12,203
It's a good part. They put
gray makeup on my teeth...
455
00:40:12,495 --> 00:40:15,164
...to show ordinary toothpaste.
456
00:40:15,372 --> 00:40:19,001
Then they wipe it off to
show how Dazzledent works.
457
00:40:19,210 --> 00:40:22,838
I sit like this for
about 14 seconds...
458
00:40:23,047 --> 00:40:25,633
...and I get to speak lines too.
459
00:40:25,841 --> 00:40:29,678
"I had onions at lunch, I had
garlic dressing at dinner."
460
00:40:29,845 --> 00:40:33,724
But he'll never know. I
stay kissing-sweet...
461
00:40:34,016 --> 00:40:37,019
"...the new Dazzledent way."
462
00:40:39,313 --> 00:40:42,149
- You do that beautifully.
- Thank you.
463
00:40:42,358 --> 00:40:46,320
People don't realize, but
when I show my teeth on
464
00:40:46,529 --> 00:40:48,739
...I appear before
more people...
465
00:40:48,989 --> 00:40:53,244
...than Sarah Bernhardt ever did.
Something to think about.
466
00:40:53,536 --> 00:40:55,538
It certainly is.
467
00:40:56,038 --> 00:41:00,543
Wish I were old enough to have seen her.
Was she magnificent?
468
00:41:02,878 --> 00:41:06,006
I wouldn't know. I'm
not that old myself.
469
00:41:06,257 --> 00:41:08,092
I guess you're not really.
470
00:41:08,384 --> 00:41:11,846
I'm 39. I will be in August.
At the moment I'm 38.
471
00:41:12,096 --> 00:41:15,766
Thirty-eight? I was 22,
day before yesterday.
472
00:41:16,016 --> 00:41:19,520
I didn't do anything about it.
I didn't tell anyone.
473
00:41:19,728 --> 00:41:22,523
I did buy a bottle of champagne.
474
00:41:22,731 --> 00:41:25,776
I thought I'd sit there,
drink it by myself.
475
00:41:26,068 --> 00:41:29,196
- That sounds absolutely sad.
- Oh, no!
476
00:41:29,405 --> 00:41:34,201
It would've been just elegant, lying
in a bath, drinking champagne.
477
00:41:34,410 --> 00:41:39,790
- But I couldn't get the bottle open.
- You couldn't? There's nothing to it.
478
00:41:40,291 --> 00:41:42,793
You think you could get it open?
479
00:41:43,043 --> 00:41:45,296
I'm pretty sure I could.
480
00:41:45,546 --> 00:41:48,465
I've got an idea. I'll
go up and get it.
481
00:41:48,757 --> 00:41:51,385
It's in the icebox with the
potato chips and my underwear.
482
00:41:51,594 --> 00:41:54,221
- Do you have champagne glasses?
- Yes.
483
00:41:54,430 --> 00:41:57,099
Good! We'll have a
wonderful time.
484
00:41:57,308 --> 00:42:00,436
The man says it's
very good champagne.
485
00:42:02,897 --> 00:42:08,110
- Shall I bring the potato chips too?
- Sure, let's shoot the works.
486
00:42:11,655 --> 00:42:15,492
Honorable mention in U.S.
Camera.
487
00:42:21,248 --> 00:42:23,959
U. S. Camera.
488
00:42:30,591 --> 00:42:35,304
"News Events. Children and Animals.
The Human Body."
489
00:42:54,949 --> 00:42:58,786
Champagne glasses.
Champagne glasses.
490
00:43:22,309 --> 00:43:24,853
Phone, phone. Where's the phone?
491
00:43:28,732 --> 00:43:31,026
Hello? Who is it?
492
00:43:31,318 --> 00:43:34,571
Oh, Helen. Well,
this is a surprise!
493
00:43:34,863 --> 00:43:38,367
And a pleasant one. How are you?
494
00:43:38,659 --> 00:43:42,162
Sure, I'm all right. Why
shouldn't I be all right?
495
00:43:42,371 --> 00:43:46,500
In what way do I sound funny?
Everything is just fine.
496
00:43:46,709 --> 00:43:50,838
What's your problem? Did I
know Ricky forgot his paddle?
497
00:43:51,088 --> 00:43:55,384
I've been dragging that thing all
over New York. Sure, I will.
498
00:43:55,676 --> 00:43:59,388
I'll send it off first thing.
Good night.
499
00:43:59,680 --> 00:44:04,184
Who? Who dropped in after dinner?
Tom MacKenzie?
500
00:44:04,435 --> 00:44:07,187
Good old Tom. How is he?
501
00:44:07,604 --> 00:44:12,234
Drinking? Who, me? Whatever
gave you that idea?
502
00:44:12,526 --> 00:44:16,572
I was sitting here reading
a book about driftwood.
503
00:44:16,864 --> 00:44:21,452
We may publish it. It's interesting.
Some of the formations are...
504
00:44:23,370 --> 00:44:27,750
I'd better hang up. The
bathtub is running over.
505
00:44:28,042 --> 00:44:30,753
Good night. Night!
506
00:44:34,381 --> 00:44:39,720
Sorry, I was on the phone. A
friend of mine in the country...
507
00:44:39,928 --> 00:44:42,765
Oh, say!
508
00:44:43,098 --> 00:44:45,768
It isn't right to drink
champagne in pants.
509
00:44:46,060 --> 00:44:48,645
Would you mind
fastening my straps?
510
00:44:48,979 --> 00:44:52,232
Oh, sure. Sure.
511
00:44:53,233 --> 00:44:58,280
Potato chips, champagne. You
really think you can get it open?
512
00:44:58,822 --> 00:45:04,119
Oh, yeah. I've opened one
or two before in my life.
513
00:45:04,286 --> 00:45:08,457
It's simply a matter of
pressure and counter-pressure.
514
00:45:08,749 --> 00:45:12,169
- There she goes.
- You've sure got powerful thumbs.
515
00:45:12,461 --> 00:45:16,465
I used to play a lot of badminton.
Get the glasses.
516
00:45:17,633 --> 00:45:19,301
Quick, quick! The glasses!
517
00:45:22,262 --> 00:45:24,765
- Pour it.
- Seems to be stuck.
518
00:45:24,973 --> 00:45:27,684
That's silly. Give
it a good yank.
519
00:45:29,645 --> 00:45:31,355
This never happened before.
520
00:45:31,647 --> 00:45:35,275
It must be the vacuum. The
bubbles create a vacuum.
521
00:45:35,484 --> 00:45:37,486
Let me see if I can do it.
522
00:45:40,447 --> 00:45:42,282
I'll try to twist it.
523
00:45:45,202 --> 00:45:48,622
- You're married!
- I am? Yes, lam.
524
00:45:48,831 --> 00:45:52,668
I knew it. I could tell.
You look married.
525
00:45:54,545 --> 00:45:57,965
Actually, my wife and
I are separated.
526
00:45:58,340 --> 00:46:02,219
Separated in the sense that
she went away for the summer.
527
00:46:02,511 --> 00:46:06,849
- Any children?
- No. Well, just one very little one.
528
00:46:07,141 --> 00:46:09,643
It's cold in there.
Finger's getting numb.
529
00:46:09,852 --> 00:46:12,855
I could call the plumber.
He's very good at this.
530
00:46:13,147 --> 00:46:15,858
No, let's keep the
plumber out of it.
531
00:46:16,066 --> 00:46:18,402
Grab hold of the piano.
532
00:46:19,194 --> 00:46:22,072
Careful, I had my
appendix out last year.
533
00:46:26,326 --> 00:46:28,871
- Are you all right?
- Fine.
534
00:46:31,206 --> 00:46:34,918
Do you wanna waste it now
that you know I'm married?
535
00:46:35,210 --> 00:46:39,882
I think it's wonderful that you're married.
Just elegant.
536
00:46:40,090 --> 00:46:41,675
- You do?
- Of course.
537
00:46:41,925 --> 00:46:47,264
I wouldn't be lying on the floor
with some man if he wasn't married.
538
00:46:47,514 --> 00:46:50,058
That's an interesting
line of reasoning.
539
00:46:50,350 --> 00:46:53,061
With a married man
it's so simple.
540
00:46:53,353 --> 00:46:56,773
I mean, it can't possibly
ever get drastic.
541
00:47:02,946 --> 00:47:08,410
- Have a potato chip.
- In what sense can't it get drastic?
542
00:47:08,619 --> 00:47:13,081
- People keep falling in love with me.
- I can believe it.
543
00:47:13,373 --> 00:47:18,378
- They get this strange idea.
- I believe that too.
544
00:47:18,629 --> 00:47:20,631
They ask me to marry them.
545
00:47:20,881 --> 00:47:24,259
All the time. I don't
know why they do it.
546
00:47:24,551 --> 00:47:28,639
- Maybe it's a kind of nervousness.
- Maybe.
547
00:47:28,931 --> 00:47:32,309
I don't wanna get married.
Not yet, anyway.
548
00:47:33,268 --> 00:47:36,605
That'd be worse than
living at the club.
549
00:47:36,813 --> 00:47:38,941
I'd have to get in by 1 again.
550
00:47:39,274 --> 00:47:42,402
Very true, you would.
At least occasionally.
551
00:47:42,611 --> 00:47:45,739
That's what's wonderful
about a married man.
552
00:47:45,989 --> 00:47:49,117
No matter what, he can't
ask you to marry him.
553
00:47:49,326 --> 00:47:52,621
- He's married already. Right?
- Right.
554
00:47:56,416 --> 00:48:01,964
You certainly don't have to worry about me.
Am I ever a married man!
555
00:48:02,256 --> 00:48:06,677
I'm the most married man you'll ever know.
And I promise...
556
00:48:06,927 --> 00:48:12,307
...I will never ask you to
marry me, come what may.
557
00:48:13,433 --> 00:48:16,353
- Well, how about some music?
- Fine.
558
00:48:16,645 --> 00:48:20,482
Let's see what we've got here.
559
00:48:20,774 --> 00:48:25,028
Debussy, Ravel, Stravinsky.
560
00:48:25,320 --> 00:48:27,155
Hey, how about this one?
561
00:48:27,447 --> 00:48:30,701
Rachmaninoff, the
Second Piano Concerto.
562
00:48:30,993 --> 00:48:34,663
You look to me like a
big Rachmaninoff girl.
563
00:48:34,871 --> 00:48:38,792
I do? Funny, I don't know
anything about music.
564
00:48:39,001 --> 00:48:44,172
You don't have to. Just
listen to it, that's all.
565
00:48:53,056 --> 00:48:58,186
This is classical music, isn't it?
I can tell. There's no vocal.
566
00:49:01,815 --> 00:49:03,317
Don't talk.
567
00:49:04,318 --> 00:49:06,028
Don't fight it.
568
00:49:06,194 --> 00:49:09,531
Relax. Go limp.
569
00:49:10,407 --> 00:49:13,160
- Like this?
- Yes.
570
00:49:13,368 --> 00:49:16,038
Let it sweep over you.
571
00:49:26,381 --> 00:49:29,760
I got the biggest thing
for Eddie Fisher.
572
00:49:33,722 --> 00:49:37,851
Frequently, people go to
pieces listening to this.
573
00:49:38,101 --> 00:49:40,520
- No kidding?
- Yes.
574
00:49:40,937 --> 00:49:45,067
It quakes them. It shakes them.
575
00:49:45,359 --> 00:49:49,404
Makes them
goose-pimply all over.
576
00:49:49,905 --> 00:49:52,741
Did you ever dunk a
potato chip in champagne?
577
00:49:52,949 --> 00:49:57,412
It's real crazy. Here.
578
00:49:57,704 --> 00:50:02,292
- Isn't that crazy?
- Yeah, pretty crazy.
579
00:50:02,542 --> 00:50:07,589
We'd better send Rachmaninoff off.
This wasn't such a good idea.
580
00:50:07,881 --> 00:50:10,926
Don't worry, everything's fine.
581
00:50:11,218 --> 00:50:14,054
A married man, air
conditioning...
582
00:50:14,262 --> 00:50:18,892
...champagne and potato chips.
It's a wonderful party.
583
00:50:19,101 --> 00:50:23,313
Hey! Look, you've got U.S.
Camera!
584
00:50:23,605 --> 00:50:26,733
I do? How about that!
585
00:50:27,275 --> 00:50:28,985
I've got U. S. Camera.
586
00:50:29,277 --> 00:50:34,616
I bought a dozen copies of this
but people kept stealing them.
587
00:50:34,825 --> 00:50:36,952
Why would they do that?
588
00:50:37,786 --> 00:50:40,747
That's me, right
there on the beach.
589
00:50:41,456 --> 00:50:45,252
My hair was a little longer then.
Did you notice?
590
00:50:45,460 --> 00:50:49,172
No, I didn't. Let me
ask you something.
591
00:50:49,464 --> 00:50:53,427
When they took this, there
must've been some passersby.
592
00:50:53,635 --> 00:50:57,472
Other people around. How did
they keep the crowd back?
593
00:50:57,639 --> 00:51:01,810
It was taken early in the morning.
Nobody was up.
594
00:51:01,977 --> 00:51:06,982
- Except... You see that shadow?
- Is it a sea gull?
595
00:51:07,274 --> 00:51:11,445
No, a coast guard helicopter.
He kept buzzing the beach.
596
00:51:11,653 --> 00:51:15,323
Maybe you'd like me to
autograph this before I leave.
597
00:51:15,615 --> 00:51:18,160
You're not leaving yet, are you?
598
00:51:18,452 --> 00:51:21,621
- How about more champagne?
- Love some.
599
00:51:24,207 --> 00:51:26,168
Just freshen it.
600
00:51:28,879 --> 00:51:30,797
Oh, I'm awfully sorry.
601
00:51:31,006 --> 00:51:32,466
Here.
602
00:51:35,719 --> 00:51:39,347
We should have some music.
Do you play the piano?
603
00:51:39,639 --> 00:51:44,352
Not really. Not any more. I used to.
Just a little as a child.
604
00:51:44,519 --> 00:51:48,690
- Go ahead, play something.
- Well, all right.
605
00:51:52,319 --> 00:51:56,323
Let's see if I remember this.
It's a little tricky.
606
00:52:16,384 --> 00:52:20,555
"Chopsticks"! I can play that too.
Shove over.
607
00:52:42,869 --> 00:52:47,624
I don't know about that Rachmaninoff,
but this really gets me.
608
00:52:47,916 --> 00:52:50,252
- It does?
- And how.
609
00:52:59,261 --> 00:53:03,390
- I can feel the goose pimples.
- Goose pimples?
610
00:53:08,603 --> 00:53:10,438
Don't stop.
611
00:53:11,106 --> 00:53:12,482
Don't stop.
612
00:53:13,733 --> 00:53:17,153
- Why do you stop?
- You know why.
613
00:53:17,404 --> 00:53:22,659
Because now I'm going to take
you in my arms and kiss you...
614
00:53:22,951 --> 00:53:25,745
...very quickly and very hard.
615
00:53:25,954 --> 00:53:27,956
Hey, wait a minute!
616
00:53:33,962 --> 00:53:38,174
- What happened? I lost track.
- I don't know.
617
00:53:38,466 --> 00:53:41,636
This is terrible. There's
nothing I can say.
618
00:53:41,928 --> 00:53:45,140
Except that I'm terribly sorry.
619
00:53:45,348 --> 00:53:47,976
Nothing like this ever
happened to me before.
620
00:53:48,310 --> 00:53:51,688
This happens to me all the time.
621
00:53:52,147 --> 00:53:53,607
This is unforgivable.
622
00:53:53,815 --> 00:53:58,028
The only possible excuse is that
I'm not quite myself tonight.
623
00:53:58,320 --> 00:54:01,865
Maybe it'd be better
if you would just go.
624
00:54:02,157 --> 00:54:07,495
- Why? You're being silly.
- Please go. I must insist.
625
00:54:10,290 --> 00:54:12,792
Take your potato chips and go.
626
00:54:14,961 --> 00:54:18,173
All right, if you
really want me to.
627
00:54:22,344 --> 00:54:24,471
- Good night.
- Good night.
628
00:54:27,140 --> 00:54:29,309
I think you're very nice.
629
00:54:34,814 --> 00:54:39,027
Nice! You're not nice. You're
crazy, that's what you are.
630
00:54:39,319 --> 00:54:43,657
Helen's gone for one day
and you're running amuck.
631
00:54:43,865 --> 00:54:49,371
Smoking, drinking, picking up
girls, playing "Chopsticks."
632
00:54:51,331 --> 00:54:56,044
You're not gonna live through this summer.
Not like this.
633
00:55:01,049 --> 00:55:02,926
Look at those bloodshot eyes.
634
00:55:03,218 --> 00:55:06,846
Look at that face,
ravaged, dissipated, evil.
635
00:55:07,138 --> 00:55:10,517
One morning you'll look in
the mirror and that's all.
636
00:55:10,725 --> 00:55:13,228
The Portrait of Dorian Gray.
637
00:55:35,417 --> 00:55:39,754
- Good morning, Mr. Sherman.
- Good morning, Miss Morris.
638
00:55:41,339 --> 00:55:44,843
- Mr. Brady get in yet?
- Yes, he came in early.
639
00:55:45,093 --> 00:55:49,264
- I wanna see him. Put this on my desk.
- Of course.
640
00:55:49,431 --> 00:55:52,600
Would you like me to get
coffee and a doughnut?
641
00:55:52,892 --> 00:55:53,935
No, thank you.
642
00:55:54,185 --> 00:55:57,439
Have you had breakfast,
with the family away?
643
00:55:57,731 --> 00:56:00,859
I'm capable of fixing
my own breakfast.
644
00:56:01,109 --> 00:56:05,780
I had a peanut butter sandwich
and two whiskey sours.
645
00:56:11,119 --> 00:56:14,456
- Mr. Brady.
- Oh, Sherman, come in.
646
00:56:16,541 --> 00:56:17,792
Well, what is it?
647
00:56:18,084 --> 00:56:23,465
I've been with this company for years,
and I've never asked for a favor.
648
00:56:23,798 --> 00:56:27,469
- You had a raise in February.
- I'm not talking about that.
649
00:56:27,719 --> 00:56:29,804
This is more important
than money.
650
00:56:30,096 --> 00:56:34,976
I want two weeks off to join my
wife and son in the country.
651
00:56:35,226 --> 00:56:39,898
This is our busy season. We're
preparing our fall list.
652
00:56:40,148 --> 00:56:41,816
I'm very tense and upset.
653
00:56:42,108 --> 00:56:46,946
I'm on the verge of a breakdown. If
I could get back with my wife...
654
00:56:47,155 --> 00:56:50,158
- How long have you been married?
- Seven years.
655
00:56:50,450 --> 00:56:54,996
In a few years, you'll be delighted
to get rid of them for the summer.
656
00:56:55,246 --> 00:56:59,667
Shipped them to Nantucket
yesterday afternoon...
657
00:56:59,918 --> 00:57:02,629
...and I haven't
been to bed since.
658
00:57:05,131 --> 00:57:10,345
Drank bourbon, smoked cigars,
played poker till this morning.
659
00:57:10,678 --> 00:57:13,848
Came to the office. Never
felt better in my life.
660
00:57:14,140 --> 00:57:20,188
I may not go to bed at all till the
family gets back in September.
661
00:57:20,688 --> 00:57:22,482
If I stay in New York alone...
662
00:57:22,690 --> 00:57:26,611
...there's a chance I may
not live to see September.
663
00:57:26,861 --> 00:57:31,199
That's ridiculous, Sherman.
You're just a little lonely.
664
00:57:31,533 --> 00:57:35,829
What about us teaming up tonight,
seeing if we can get lucky?
665
00:57:36,037 --> 00:57:38,540
It doesn't have
to be just poker.
666
00:57:38,873 --> 00:57:42,377
We'll cut loose and have
us a real hootenanny.
667
00:57:42,710 --> 00:57:47,882
It's very kind of you, but I don't think...
No hootenannies.
668
00:57:48,174 --> 00:57:53,388
Suit yourself, but I've been
thinking about that fall list.
669
00:57:53,638 --> 00:57:57,475
What would you think of
a 25-cent reprint...
670
00:57:57,725 --> 00:58:01,896
- ...of The Portrait of Dorian Gray?
- Dorian Gray?
671
00:58:02,147 --> 00:58:06,401
Look what we'll be giving
them for a quarter!
672
00:58:06,651 --> 00:58:10,530
Vice, lust and corruption.
The story of a young man:
673
00:58:10,738 --> 00:58:14,576
On the surface, clear-eyed
and healthy, just like you.
674
00:58:14,868 --> 00:58:17,662
But underneath, dry rot.
675
00:58:17,912 --> 00:58:23,209
The termites of sin and
depravity, gnawing at his soul.
676
00:58:23,501 --> 00:58:25,753
How does that strike you?
677
00:58:26,254 --> 00:58:29,549
No, no. No.
678
00:58:30,925 --> 00:58:32,177
Chapter six:
679
00:58:32,385 --> 00:58:36,598
"The Infidelity Pattern
in the Married Male..."
680
00:58:36,890 --> 00:58:38,558
...or the 'seven-year itch.'
681
00:58:38,766 --> 00:58:43,438
A study of 18,000 marriages
conducted by myself...
682
00:58:43,688 --> 00:58:47,775
...leads us to believe that the
'urge curve' in the husband...
683
00:58:48,026 --> 00:58:51,029
...rises sharply during
the seventh year.
684
00:58:51,279 --> 00:58:54,449
This phenomenon is humorously...
685
00:58:54,782 --> 00:58:57,785
...referred to as the
seven-year itch.
686
00:58:58,244 --> 00:59:01,581
Far from humorous, this
unfortunate urge...
687
00:59:01,789 --> 00:59:06,294
...strikes 84.6% of the
married male population...
688
00:59:06,544 --> 00:59:11,382
"...rising to an alarming 91.8%
during the summer months."
689
00:59:20,975 --> 00:59:22,810
Changed my mind.
690
00:59:32,570 --> 00:59:37,659
"Case history A: Gustaf Meyerheim,
the mad lover of Leipzig."
691
00:59:40,495 --> 00:59:45,166
An extreme, but not unusual
case of the seven-year itch...
692
00:59:45,333 --> 00:59:48,503
...occurred in Leipzig,
Germany in 1912.
693
00:59:48,670 --> 00:59:52,840
Gustaf Meyerheim, happily
married for seven years...
694
00:59:53,091 --> 00:59:56,010
"...suddenly..." Seven years!
695
01:00:01,808 --> 01:00:06,479
- Dr. Brubaker to see Mr. Sherman.
- Doctor, you're early.
696
01:00:06,771 --> 01:00:10,692
Yes, my 3:00 patient
jumped out of the window.
697
01:00:10,984 --> 01:00:13,820
So I'm ahead of schedule.
Which door?
698
01:00:14,112 --> 01:00:15,905
This one.
699
01:00:19,200 --> 01:00:22,829
- Good afternoon, Mr. Sherman.
- Dr. Brubaker.
700
01:00:23,037 --> 01:00:26,207
I see you've been
working on my book.
701
01:00:26,416 --> 01:00:29,711
It's a wonderful book.
Very important.
702
01:00:29,877 --> 01:00:32,255
- It has something for everyone.
- Yes.
703
01:00:32,547 --> 01:00:37,218
You'll be happy to know that
we're giving it a big promotion.
704
01:00:37,510 --> 01:00:41,681
You'll be seeing this in
every drugstore in America.
705
01:00:41,931 --> 01:00:46,060
- "Of Sex and Violence"?
- We had to soup up the title.
706
01:00:46,352 --> 01:00:48,730
What does this represent?
707
01:00:49,022 --> 01:00:52,734
Gustaf Meyerheim, the
mad lover of Leipzig...
708
01:00:52,942 --> 01:00:56,404
...terrorizing one of his victims.
Isn't that sensational?
709
01:00:56,696 --> 01:01:01,451
May I remind you that Meyerheim
was small, with a red beard?
710
01:01:01,743 --> 01:01:03,411
Nobody knows that.
711
01:01:03,703 --> 01:01:05,413
They know it in Leipzig.
712
01:01:05,621 --> 01:01:09,292
And all his victims
were middle-aged women.
713
01:01:09,584 --> 01:01:12,962
Don't you think it'd
be more effective...
714
01:01:13,254 --> 01:01:16,883
...to show a man terrorizing
a young girl, sales-wise?
715
01:01:17,091 --> 01:01:21,596
I'm not a salesman. I'm a doctor.
I heal sick minds.
716
01:01:21,804 --> 01:01:27,268
I find ways to root out insecurities,
neuroses, inner tensions...
717
01:01:28,478 --> 01:01:32,273
- What is it? What are you looking at?
- Nothing.
718
01:01:34,317 --> 01:01:39,447
- Does that mean something, doctor?
- No, nothing serious.
719
01:01:39,655 --> 01:01:44,243
- Dark clouds on the psychic horizon.
- That's preposterous.
720
01:01:44,452 --> 01:01:47,955
A twitch in a thumb,
a nerve or a muscle.
721
01:01:48,247 --> 01:01:53,419
You psychiatrists make a case out of it.
Of all the ridiculous...
722
01:01:53,628 --> 01:01:56,339
- Are you very expensive?
- Very.
723
01:01:56,631 --> 01:01:59,342
- I'm sure you make exceptions.
- Never.
724
01:01:59,634 --> 01:02:02,303
If a case really interests you?
725
01:02:02,470 --> 01:02:05,473
At $50 an hour, all
my cases interest me.
726
01:02:05,640 --> 01:02:10,436
If you run into something spectacular,
another Gustaf Meyerheim...
727
01:02:10,686 --> 01:02:14,023
You wouldn't believe
this, but last night...
728
01:02:14,315 --> 01:02:19,487
...I found myself
terrorizing a young lady.
729
01:02:19,695 --> 01:02:22,532
That could account
for the thumb.
730
01:02:22,824 --> 01:02:27,370
Actually, it wasn't that bad.
I just made a little boo-boo.
731
01:02:27,620 --> 01:02:31,165
Psychoanalysis doesn't
recognize the boo-boo as such.
732
01:02:31,499 --> 01:02:33,709
Everything is unconscious.
733
01:02:33,960 --> 01:02:36,003
I was completely conscious.
734
01:02:36,212 --> 01:02:39,715
I told her to take her
potato chips and go.
735
01:02:40,007 --> 01:02:43,970
- Potato chips. If you please...
- All right, doctor.
736
01:02:47,473 --> 01:02:50,309
I'm in serious trouble.
I'm married.
737
01:02:50,977 --> 01:02:54,856
"Serious trouble.
Married." So far, normal.
738
01:02:55,106 --> 01:02:57,358
I've been married
for seven years.
739
01:02:57,650 --> 01:03:01,696
I'm coming down with what you
call the seven-year itch.
740
01:03:01,946 --> 01:03:06,659
- What am I going to do?
- If something itches, scratch.
741
01:03:06,868 --> 01:03:11,122
I scratched. There was this lady.
Everything went black.
742
01:03:11,372 --> 01:03:14,876
I terrorized her, I
attempted to terrorize her.
743
01:03:15,168 --> 01:03:17,545
The attempt was unsuccessful?
744
01:03:17,795 --> 01:03:22,967
Definitely. All I did was knock
us both off the piano bench.
745
01:03:23,217 --> 01:03:26,345
Let me understand. You
attempted to terrorize...
746
01:03:26,554 --> 01:03:29,515
...a young lady
on a piano bench?
747
01:03:30,391 --> 01:03:31,726
Yes.
748
01:03:32,435 --> 01:03:36,522
And on whose person was
this attempt committed?
749
01:03:37,106 --> 01:03:40,693
Here, doctor. I
brought this with me.
750
01:03:40,902 --> 01:03:44,447
I didn't wanna leave it
lying around the house.
751
01:03:44,906 --> 01:03:46,866
That's her.
752
01:03:47,074 --> 01:03:49,952
Her hair was a
little longer then.
753
01:03:54,457 --> 01:03:59,712
It's called "Textures" because you
can see three different textures.
754
01:03:59,921 --> 01:04:01,380
It got honorable mention.
755
01:04:01,589 --> 01:04:05,551
Splendid. I congratulate
you on your good taste.
756
01:04:05,760 --> 01:04:08,888
Interesting driftwood
formation too.
757
01:04:09,096 --> 01:04:13,267
I'll give you my advice.
Do not attempt it again.
758
01:04:13,601 --> 01:04:16,979
But if you should, give
yourself room to work in.
759
01:04:17,230 --> 01:04:21,108
Do not attempt it balanced
on a piano bench.
760
01:04:21,275 --> 01:04:23,110
Such an attempt is doomed.
761
01:04:23,277 --> 01:04:26,739
- I love my wife.
- Don't we all? Your time is up.
762
01:04:26,948 --> 01:04:32,161
If you find yourself in need of
further analysis, phone my office.
763
01:04:32,453 --> 01:04:37,124
As for my book, we'll resume
discussion as your... has subsided.
764
01:04:37,416 --> 01:04:42,672
If she tells anybody about this,
I'll kill her with my bare hands.
765
01:04:42,964 --> 01:04:44,465
A possible solution.
766
01:04:44,674 --> 01:04:48,928
But murder is the most
difficult crime to commit.
767
01:04:49,136 --> 01:04:52,306
Until you can commit a
simple act of terror...
768
01:04:52,473 --> 01:04:57,311
...I strongly advise you to
avoid anything so complex.
769
01:04:57,645 --> 01:05:01,774
One must learn to walk
before one can run. Goodbye.
770
01:05:08,948 --> 01:05:10,950
I'm in big trouble.
771
01:05:11,951 --> 01:05:14,870
Girls like this can't
keep their mouths shut.
772
01:05:15,162 --> 01:05:17,790
This'll be all over New York.
773
01:05:17,999 --> 01:05:22,670
I bet right this minute she's
telling someone about it.
774
01:05:23,045 --> 01:05:28,175
He lured me in his apartment. He
made me sit on his piano bench.
775
01:05:28,384 --> 01:05:32,346
He made me play "Chopsticks."
Then he turned on me.
776
01:05:32,555 --> 01:05:35,182
He was frothing at the mouth...
777
01:05:36,183 --> 01:05:40,062
...just like the creature
from the Black Lagoon!
778
01:05:41,355 --> 01:05:43,524
I knew it. I knew it!
779
01:05:43,733 --> 01:05:48,529
That's how these stories get started.
Big blabbermouth.
780
01:05:48,738 --> 01:05:51,532
Then he lured her
into his apartment...
781
01:05:51,741 --> 01:05:56,746
...pretended he wasn't married. He
forced her onto the piano bench.
782
01:05:57,038 --> 01:06:01,667
I know him very well. He was in
here for dinner, 260 calories.
783
01:06:01,876 --> 01:06:05,046
He forced her to sit
on the piano bench...
784
01:06:05,338 --> 01:06:09,008
...and then he made her
play "Chopsticks."
785
01:06:10,676 --> 01:06:16,057
The word is spreading. It's spreading.
It's like jungle drums.
786
01:06:16,515 --> 01:06:20,394
Everybody knows about it.
Everybody's talking about it.
787
01:06:21,562 --> 01:06:25,232
Television! I forgot
she's on television.
788
01:06:25,524 --> 01:06:28,069
50 million TV sets in America.
789
01:06:28,361 --> 01:06:31,280
And now with the
coaxial cable...!
790
01:06:32,239 --> 01:06:36,744
I had onions at lunch. I had
garlic dressing at dinner.
791
01:06:37,036 --> 01:06:38,996
But he'll never know...
792
01:06:39,205 --> 01:06:45,294
...because I stay kissing-sweet
the new Dazzledent way.
793
01:06:48,422 --> 01:06:52,885
Now that I have your attention,
I want to warn all you girls...
794
01:06:53,094 --> 01:06:56,555
...about an evil,
dangerous, married man...
795
01:06:56,806 --> 01:06:59,100
...living downstairs
in my building.
796
01:06:59,392 --> 01:07:02,436
His name is Richard Sherman.
797
01:07:02,770 --> 01:07:06,148
S-H-E-R-M-A-N.
798
01:07:06,399 --> 01:07:09,276
While his wife and
son are in Maine...
799
01:07:09,485 --> 01:07:13,280
...this monster is terrorizing
the girls of New York.
800
01:07:13,572 --> 01:07:17,159
Mommy, come quick! They're
talking about Daddy.
801
01:07:17,451 --> 01:07:20,579
He makes them sit on
the piano bench...
802
01:07:20,830 --> 01:07:23,332
...and makes them
play "Chopsticks."
803
01:07:23,624 --> 01:07:26,502
Then suddenly he
turns on them...
804
01:07:26,794 --> 01:07:30,464
just like the creature
from the Black Lagoon!
805
01:07:33,634 --> 01:07:35,970
Well, I might as well face it.
806
01:07:36,846 --> 01:07:41,142
She knows everything. She
knows, she knows, she knows.
807
01:07:41,976 --> 01:07:46,689
But maybe she doesn't. Maybe
there isn't any TV up in Maine.
808
01:07:46,939 --> 01:07:51,152
I can't go on like this. Why
don't I just call Helen?
809
01:07:51,444 --> 01:07:56,198
The minute I heard her voice, I
could tell if she knew anything.
810
01:07:56,449 --> 01:07:58,659
All right, call her.
811
01:08:02,705 --> 01:08:06,625
Hello, long distance? I
want Ogunquit, Maine.
812
01:08:06,834 --> 01:08:11,630
Ogunquit-42831 J. Yeah, thanks.
813
01:08:12,548 --> 01:08:18,012
What's taking so long? Maybe she's
talking to the lawyers already.
814
01:08:18,345 --> 01:08:23,392
Hello, hello? Helen?
Bad connection.
815
01:08:23,684 --> 01:08:26,854
Who? Who is this?
816
01:08:27,146 --> 01:08:29,815
I wanna talk to Mrs. Sherman.
817
01:08:30,024 --> 01:08:34,862
Who is this? Oh, the babysitter.
818
01:08:35,154 --> 01:08:39,241
Look, this is Mr. Sherman.
Where is Mrs. Sherman?
819
01:08:39,658 --> 01:08:42,745
What do you mean
she's on a hayride?
820
01:08:43,037 --> 01:08:45,915
With whom is she on a hayride?
821
01:08:46,415 --> 01:08:48,876
Mr. MacKenzie and some people?
822
01:08:50,211 --> 01:08:51,754
What people?
823
01:08:53,464 --> 01:08:58,052
She did leave a message?
What was the message?
824
01:08:59,637 --> 01:09:04,892
Ricky's paddle. No, I
forgot Something came up.
825
01:09:05,142 --> 01:09:08,979
I'll send it first thing
in the morning. Goodbye!
826
01:09:09,271 --> 01:09:12,316
- Mr. Sherman?
- What is it, Miss Morris?
827
01:09:12,566 --> 01:09:15,820
It's after 6. Do you need
me any more tonight?
828
01:09:16,070 --> 01:09:19,740
No. We've come to the
end of a perfect day.
829
01:09:19,949 --> 01:09:23,452
Let's go home and enjoy
the simple things.
830
01:09:23,661 --> 01:09:28,749
The good things, the real things.
The laughter of a child.
831
01:09:28,916 --> 01:09:33,003
A flight of swallows winging
their way back home.
832
01:09:33,254 --> 01:09:36,090
Life can be beautiful,
Miss Morris.
833
01:09:52,273 --> 01:09:53,482
Hey!
834
01:09:54,525 --> 01:09:55,818
Good evening.
835
01:09:56,777 --> 01:09:58,654
I just washed my hair.
836
01:09:59,947 --> 01:10:03,200
That's nice. Goodbye.
837
01:10:07,955 --> 01:10:12,126
Oh, no, not tonight.
This girl's a pistol.
838
01:10:12,334 --> 01:10:15,629
Got away with it once.
Why press my luck?
839
01:10:20,134 --> 01:10:24,972
It's gonna be quiet around here tonight.
I promise you that.
840
01:10:25,180 --> 01:10:31,020
Take a shower, poach an egg,
rinse a shirt, hit the sack...
841
01:10:31,562 --> 01:10:32,980
...and that's all.
842
01:10:54,043 --> 01:10:58,505
If she was washing her hair
for me, is she kidding?
843
01:11:01,050 --> 01:11:04,929
Helen, what a wife! How
lucky can you get?
844
01:11:05,179 --> 01:11:07,556
I'm glad she's
having a good time.
845
01:11:07,848 --> 01:11:12,186
People to go outwith,
take her on hayrides.
846
01:11:14,104 --> 01:11:19,026
One thing, though. What's she doing
on a hayride with MacKenzie?
847
01:11:19,360 --> 01:11:22,696
I wish she wouldn't hang
around people like that.
848
01:11:22,947 --> 01:11:25,074
He's capable of
making a pass at her.
849
01:11:25,366 --> 01:11:28,702
She'll probably like it.
She's getting older.
850
01:11:28,869 --> 01:11:33,123
I'm probably very dull. And
MacKenzie is a writer.
851
01:11:33,374 --> 01:11:37,628
A lousy writer. That
last book of his!
852
01:11:37,920 --> 01:11:41,131
All that downwardly pulsating...
853
01:11:41,382 --> 01:11:44,301
...and hair spilled
across the pillow.
854
01:11:44,551 --> 01:11:49,473
No woman is safe around a guy
who writes stuff like that.
855
01:12:04,655 --> 01:12:08,409
No, Tom, please.
The other people!
856
01:12:08,659 --> 01:12:12,413
I have a confession to make.
Look around.
857
01:12:15,290 --> 01:12:19,294
- There are no other people.
- Don't be angry.
858
01:12:19,628 --> 01:12:21,338
I should be.
859
01:12:22,006 --> 01:12:25,009
No, Tom. What about the driver?
860
01:12:25,259 --> 01:12:29,263
- There is no driver.
- No driver?
861
01:12:29,513 --> 01:12:33,600
I thought of everything. Even the
horses are wearing blinkers.
862
01:12:34,101 --> 01:12:38,480
- Tom, I'm afraid.
- Afraid? Of me?
863
01:12:38,772 --> 01:12:41,775
No, of me.
864
01:12:42,943 --> 01:12:46,947
Oh, darling! Downwardly,
pulsating, striving.
865
01:12:47,197 --> 01:12:50,451
Now together, ending
and unending.
866
01:12:50,701 --> 01:12:54,496
Now, now, now!
867
01:12:55,205 --> 01:12:59,334
What a cornball.
Okay, good luck.
868
01:12:59,543 --> 01:13:04,506
If that's the way you wanna play
it, I can play it that way too!
869
01:13:15,392 --> 01:13:18,145
Kaufman. Kaufman. Kaufman.
870
01:13:31,867 --> 01:13:37,247
Hi! Did you know you left your
tomato plant down here last night?
871
01:13:39,333 --> 01:13:41,668
I'd be glad to bring it up.
872
01:13:43,504 --> 01:13:46,673
Maybe you'd like to have dinner.
873
01:13:48,509 --> 01:13:52,262
Then maybe we could go to
an air-conditioned movie.
874
01:14:08,529 --> 01:14:11,740
Didn't you love the picture?
I did.
875
01:14:12,032 --> 01:14:16,370
But I just felt so sorry for
the creature at the end.
876
01:14:16,578 --> 01:14:20,707
Sorry? What, did you want
him to marry the girl?
877
01:14:20,916 --> 01:14:25,462
He was scary-looking, but
he wasn't really all bad.
878
01:14:25,712 --> 01:14:28,465
He just craved a
little affection.
879
01:14:28,757 --> 01:14:32,719
A sense of being loved
and needed and wanted.
880
01:14:32,970 --> 01:14:35,722
That's an interesting
point of view.
881
01:14:36,140 --> 01:14:38,725
Do you feel the breeze
from the subway?
882
01:14:38,934 --> 01:14:41,061
Isn't it delicious?
883
01:14:46,400 --> 01:14:51,238
Sort of cools the ankles.
What would be fun to do now?
884
01:14:51,446 --> 01:14:54,449
- It's getting pretty late.
- Not that late.
885
01:14:54,741 --> 01:14:58,245
I have this big day tomorrow.
I have to get to sleep.
886
01:14:58,453 --> 01:14:59,663
What's the big day?
887
01:14:59,913 --> 01:15:04,751
Tomorrow I'm on TV. I told
you, The Dazzledent Hour.
888
01:15:05,752 --> 01:15:07,963
Oh, here comes another one.
889
01:15:13,343 --> 01:15:17,931
Tell me, Dazzledent toothpaste,
I don't think I ever tried it.
890
01:15:18,182 --> 01:15:22,477
You should. It's excellent.
Oh, yes, I use it myself.
891
01:15:22,769 --> 01:15:26,440
- Then you do recommend it?
- Definitely.
892
01:15:26,607 --> 01:15:31,945
It costs a little more, but 8
out of 10 oral hygienists...
893
01:15:32,196 --> 01:15:36,116
You sound like a commercial.
If I believed commercials...
894
01:15:36,366 --> 01:15:40,037
- You can believe this one.
- What's that you say?
895
01:15:40,287 --> 01:15:45,459
"He'll never know. I stay kissing-
sweet the new Dazzledent way"?
896
01:15:45,667 --> 01:15:50,297
- Now really.
- It's true! I'll prove it to you.
897
01:15:53,800 --> 01:15:55,302
Well?
898
01:15:55,510 --> 01:15:59,306
My faith in the integrity
of advertising is restored.
899
01:15:59,640 --> 01:16:05,229
However, before I switch brands,
I wanna make absolutely certain.
900
01:16:10,484 --> 01:16:14,321
A successful businessman
like Kaufman...
901
01:16:14,529 --> 01:16:16,323
...probably makes 15,000 a year.
902
01:16:16,490 --> 01:16:21,662
Spends a fortune on sculptures but
will not put in air conditioning.
903
01:16:21,870 --> 01:16:25,249
I bet it was 95 in the
bedroom last night.
904
01:16:25,540 --> 01:16:27,668
Poor kid, it's awful.
905
01:16:30,170 --> 01:16:31,171
Good night.
906
01:16:31,421 --> 01:16:34,883
If you wanted to drop by
my place to cool off...
907
01:16:35,175 --> 01:16:38,512
...before you face that
Turkish bath up there...
908
01:16:38,762 --> 01:16:43,433
I left the air conditioning on full blast.
It's cold in there.
909
01:16:43,684 --> 01:16:48,730
- Maybe for a few minutes.
- To bring the body temperature down.
910
01:16:49,523 --> 01:16:52,567
I feel no matter how
much it costs...
911
01:16:52,859 --> 01:16:56,071
...if you've got to
sell the kids' bonds...
912
01:16:56,363 --> 01:16:59,199
...I say in the
summertime in New York...
913
01:16:59,408 --> 01:17:02,369
...you've got to have
air conditioning.
914
01:17:03,787 --> 01:17:05,372
Just feel that.
915
01:17:11,211 --> 01:17:15,465
I didn't tell you, but I have
air conditioning in every room.
916
01:17:15,757 --> 01:17:18,760
The kitchen, the
bathroom, the bedroom.
917
01:17:19,052 --> 01:17:22,055
- Heaven!
- You just relax.
918
01:17:22,306 --> 01:17:27,102
I'll fix two drinks, and we'll
have a nice, quiet talk.
919
01:17:38,947 --> 01:17:41,283
This is really the most!
920
01:17:43,243 --> 01:17:45,912
Well, what shall we talk about?
921
01:17:46,121 --> 01:17:48,999
How about psychoanalysis?
922
01:17:49,416 --> 01:17:54,588
I don't know how much you know about
it, but it's a hobby of mine.
923
01:17:54,796 --> 01:17:59,092
I like to wander through the
labyrinth of the human mind.
924
01:17:59,301 --> 01:18:03,638
What gets me is spending $3.95
for that miserable fan.
925
01:18:03,930 --> 01:18:05,807
It's absolutely useless.
926
01:18:06,016 --> 01:18:09,686
I'll take it back to the
store to get my money back.
927
01:18:09,936 --> 01:18:13,440
Just hope I didn't
lose the sales slip.
928
01:18:14,274 --> 01:18:16,443
Two days ago we
were strangers...
929
01:18:16,693 --> 01:18:19,821
...and now you're
here alone with me.
930
01:18:20,489 --> 01:18:23,283
How did it happen?
Why did we meet?
931
01:18:23,533 --> 01:18:26,620
The answer lies in
the unconscious.
932
01:18:27,287 --> 01:18:32,125
If they won't take back the fan,
the larger size is only $3 more.
933
01:18:32,793 --> 01:18:37,881
But what about tonight? I've
just got to get some sleep.
934
01:18:38,131 --> 01:18:43,387
You think that plant fell by itself?
There are no accidents.
935
01:18:43,637 --> 01:18:46,515
Nothing happens by itself.
We make it happen.
936
01:18:46,723 --> 01:18:51,019
You didn't accidentally brush
the plant, you pushed it.
937
01:18:51,311 --> 01:18:56,358
Maybe if I took the fan,
put it in the icebox...
938
01:18:56,650 --> 01:18:58,652
...and left the door open...
939
01:18:58,902 --> 01:19:04,574
...then left the bedroom door open and
soaked the sheets in ice water...
940
01:19:04,825 --> 01:19:07,536
No, that's too icky.
941
01:19:07,744 --> 01:19:10,163
Your behavior is obvious.
942
01:19:10,414 --> 01:19:13,333
You pushed the plant
down to kill me.
943
01:19:13,583 --> 01:19:16,086
And why do you suppose
you wanted to?
944
01:19:16,378 --> 01:19:21,174
Could it be, could it possibly
be because you love me?
945
01:19:24,761 --> 01:19:30,100
Of course I could simply ask him if...
I'm sure he wouldn't mind.
946
01:19:31,351 --> 01:19:33,687
He's such a nice man.
947
01:19:34,229 --> 01:19:39,234
Nothing to be ashamed of. Under
this veneer we're all savages.
948
01:19:39,526 --> 01:19:42,863
Man, woman, hopelessly enmeshed.
949
01:19:43,113 --> 01:19:47,409
We're on a toboggan, we can't stop.
It's too late to run.
950
01:19:47,701 --> 01:19:49,953
The beguine has begun.
951
01:19:50,871 --> 01:19:53,081
What are we going to do?
952
01:19:55,125 --> 01:19:58,920
I've been thinking
about it and I...
953
01:19:59,212 --> 01:20:00,881
Yes?
954
01:20:01,047 --> 01:20:04,301
I'd like to stay here
with you tonight.
955
01:20:05,093 --> 01:20:07,220
I'd like to sleep here.
956
01:20:11,475 --> 01:20:15,228
- Are you sure?
- That is, if you don't mind.
957
01:20:16,313 --> 01:20:20,942
It's not a question of minding.
We don't wanna rush into this.
958
01:20:21,234 --> 01:20:25,906
There are savages, and savages.
This may be too savage.
959
01:20:26,114 --> 01:20:28,283
If you want to stay...
960
01:20:28,909 --> 01:20:31,912
Don't make me go to
that hot apartment.
961
01:20:32,078 --> 01:20:37,292
I haven't slept in three nights.
I'd like to look good tomorrow.
962
01:20:37,584 --> 01:20:40,837
I could sleep right
here in this chair.
963
01:20:41,129 --> 01:20:45,759
I'll be as quiet as a mouse. You
won't know I'm around. Please?
964
01:20:47,844 --> 01:20:53,266
Well, that's different. Of
course you can sleep here.
965
01:20:53,475 --> 01:20:56,603
We're not savages. We're
civilized people.
966
01:20:56,853 --> 01:21:01,107
- Thank you. What time do you get up?
- About 8, I guess.
967
01:21:01,316 --> 01:21:06,154
- I'll fix you breakfast.
- Fix my breakfast... Wait a minute.
968
01:21:06,363 --> 01:21:10,825
Suppose someone sees you
leaving the apartment at 8.
969
01:21:11,117 --> 01:21:13,620
Just one person sees
you, and we're dead.
970
01:21:13,828 --> 01:21:18,875
All right then, I could get
up at 6 and sneak upstairs.
971
01:21:19,125 --> 01:21:21,628
Get up at 6 and sneak... Sneak!
972
01:21:21,878 --> 01:21:25,966
Even worse. Suppose someone
sees you sneaking out?
973
01:21:26,174 --> 01:21:28,385
We're not doing anything wrong.
974
01:21:28,635 --> 01:21:33,306
Certainly, but there's such a
thing as society, laws, rules.
975
01:21:33,473 --> 01:21:36,685
But after all, no
man is an island.
976
01:21:43,316 --> 01:21:47,571
- Who is it?
- It's me, Mr. Kruhulik.
977
01:22:02,043 --> 01:22:04,921
- What is it?
- I was just coming home.
978
01:22:05,171 --> 01:22:09,509
Went out with a lady, the one
with the big, fat poodle.
979
01:22:09,718 --> 01:22:14,848
I saw your light. I thought it might
be a good time to pick up the rugs.
980
01:22:15,056 --> 01:22:18,226
At 1:30 in the morning?
Are you out of your mind?
981
01:22:18,435 --> 01:22:20,353
I promised your wife.
982
01:22:20,520 --> 01:22:25,609
Those moths are probably right now
chewing away big, gaping holes.
983
01:22:25,859 --> 01:22:28,570
Stop worrying. I
give you my word...
984
01:22:28,778 --> 01:22:31,364
...the moths are not
eating anything.
985
01:22:31,573 --> 01:22:35,535
Come tomorrow, early, before
they have their breakfast.
986
01:22:35,744 --> 01:22:38,747
You can't trust a moth, Mr.
Sherman.
987
01:22:39,039 --> 01:22:40,790
They get hungry at night...
988
01:22:41,041 --> 01:22:44,878
...so they start looking
around for a snack and...
989
01:22:51,301 --> 01:22:55,055
- Oh, I wish I was dead
- What's the matter?
990
01:22:55,305 --> 01:22:59,434
I'm sorry. I didn't quite
understand the situation.
991
01:22:59,726 --> 01:23:03,313
In a situation like this,
who cares about moths?
992
01:23:03,563 --> 01:23:06,566
Situation, Mr. Kruhulik?
What situation?
993
01:23:10,987 --> 01:23:13,657
Moths? Let them eat the rugs.
994
01:23:13,907 --> 01:23:16,785
Let them eat the curtains.
Who cares?
995
01:23:17,494 --> 01:23:19,913
Go, man, go.
996
01:23:21,414 --> 01:23:25,418
I'd like to explain this.
This may seem unusual.
997
01:23:25,627 --> 01:23:29,422
- But it's the most natural thing.
- I'll say.
998
01:23:29,673 --> 01:23:34,844
"Summertime, and the living is easy
Fish are jumping, cotton is high."
999
01:23:35,095 --> 01:23:39,432
That's enough! The young
lady lives in this building.
1000
01:23:39,641 --> 01:23:42,602
- There's been a terrible accident.
- Hi.
1001
01:23:43,269 --> 01:23:46,189
Well, hello!
1002
01:23:47,607 --> 01:23:50,819
Isn't she a living doll?
1003
01:23:51,319 --> 01:23:54,197
This lady's tomato
plant fell down.
1004
01:23:54,447 --> 01:23:58,034
Sorry to disappoint, but
that's all there is to it.
1005
01:23:58,284 --> 01:24:00,995
In fact, I'm glad
you dropped in.
1006
01:24:01,705 --> 01:24:05,500
You can help her take the plant upstairs.
It's here.
1007
01:24:05,709 --> 01:24:08,712
I watered the garden
with a cocktail shaker.
1008
01:24:08,962 --> 01:24:10,630
A little silver shaker.
1009
01:24:10,880 --> 01:24:14,175
You can see your insinuations
are preposterous.
1010
01:24:14,467 --> 01:24:17,387
A natural mistake, Mr. Sherman.
1011
01:24:17,637 --> 01:24:22,475
And my apologies to you, dear lady.
What a doll!
1012
01:24:22,726 --> 01:24:26,563
- Right out here, Mr. Kruhulik.
- What a shambles.
1013
01:24:26,855 --> 01:24:31,067
It's all right. We're covered.
I have a policy.
1014
01:24:33,319 --> 01:24:36,197
Thank you, Mr. Kruhulik,
and good night.
1015
01:24:36,489 --> 01:24:40,076
Good night, Miss...
Whatever your name is.
1016
01:24:40,368 --> 01:24:43,204
Be careful, it's heavy.
Don't strain anything.
1017
01:24:43,496 --> 01:24:45,039
I'm strained already...
1018
01:24:45,331 --> 01:24:50,670
...from carrying that big, fat
poodle around. I wish I was dead!
1019
01:24:51,921 --> 01:24:55,675
- Well, good night.
- Good night.
1020
01:24:56,843 --> 01:25:00,513
I'm sorry. But you
can see how it is.
1021
01:25:00,764 --> 01:25:04,184
I understand. No
man is an island.
1022
01:25:13,526 --> 01:25:14,861
Normal.
1023
01:25:17,405 --> 01:25:20,116
Everything is absolutely normal.
1024
01:25:20,408 --> 01:25:22,702
Sleep. Go to sleep.
1025
01:25:22,911 --> 01:25:25,246
How can I possibly sleep?
1026
01:25:26,247 --> 01:25:27,749
What'll I do?
1027
01:25:29,459 --> 01:25:34,464
Helen. Write to Helen. Write
a long letter to Helen.
1028
01:25:35,882 --> 01:25:39,719
Paddle, that's it. I've
got to send the paddle.
1029
01:25:39,928 --> 01:25:44,140
Little Ricky out there on
the lake without a paddle.
1030
01:25:44,390 --> 01:25:48,978
Wrap the paddle and send it off
in the morning. Ricky needs it.
1031
01:25:49,229 --> 01:25:54,609
Going to get his paddle. How
do you wrap a paddle, anyway?
1032
01:25:54,901 --> 01:25:57,403
Paper and string, what else?
1033
01:25:58,571 --> 01:26:01,950
I need a piece of paper
the shape of a paddle.
1034
01:26:12,085 --> 01:26:14,254
All right, nothing.
1035
01:26:16,005 --> 01:26:20,134
Hey, there's some gauze
in the bathroom.
1036
01:26:20,343 --> 01:26:24,347
I can bandage the whole thing,
put some tape on it and...
1037
01:26:24,597 --> 01:26:28,268
And what, send it
up in an ambulance?
1038
01:26:30,937 --> 01:26:33,106
This is ridiculous.
1039
01:26:33,314 --> 01:26:37,277
People send paddles every day.
The mails are full of them.
1040
01:26:37,527 --> 01:26:39,696
How do they do it?
1041
01:26:42,156 --> 01:26:45,493
That's it, old newspapers!
1042
01:26:45,869 --> 01:26:48,288
Big deal, old newspapers.
1043
01:26:48,454 --> 01:26:52,292
Get a lot of string,
slap it together...
1044
01:27:11,144 --> 01:27:12,478
Hi.
1045
01:27:15,648 --> 01:27:20,987
Forgot about the stairs. It was so easy.
I pulled out the nails.
1046
01:27:23,197 --> 01:27:26,868
You know what? We can
do this all summer.
1047
01:28:18,252 --> 01:28:20,546
Miss. Young lady.
1048
01:28:21,381 --> 01:28:25,551
I've got to take a shower.
Got to get to the office.
1049
01:28:25,802 --> 01:28:30,890
Please, lady, get up, go home
so I can get to the office.
1050
01:28:31,474 --> 01:28:34,435
Please, lady? No?
1051
01:29:26,779 --> 01:29:30,491
Poor kid, working in
New York in this heat.
1052
01:29:30,783 --> 01:29:35,455
And on television! Standing
there under those hot lights.
1053
01:29:38,791 --> 01:29:41,544
She must need money real bad.
1054
01:29:41,794 --> 01:29:46,841
Lives in an expensive apartment.
I know what clothes cost.
1055
01:29:47,133 --> 01:29:49,719
Buys imported champagne.
1056
01:29:50,470 --> 01:29:53,139
How can she possibly afford...?
1057
01:29:53,347 --> 01:29:55,808
She must have other
sources of income.
1058
01:29:56,809 --> 01:30:01,731
Plenty of ways a girl can get money
if she's unscrupulous enough.
1059
01:30:01,981 --> 01:30:07,195
She could get herself some
foolish, well-to-do married man.
1060
01:30:07,487 --> 01:30:09,989
Trap him into some situation.
1061
01:30:10,198 --> 01:30:15,161
Bleed him till he's white,
squeeze him till he's dry...
1062
01:30:16,746 --> 01:30:21,834
They have a word for this.
They call it "blackmail."
1063
01:30:32,678 --> 01:30:35,765
Where is she? She's
with Kruhulik.
1064
01:30:36,015 --> 01:30:40,186
They're down at the bank going
through my safe-deposit box.
1065
01:30:46,859 --> 01:30:49,946
Hello, are you in there?
1066
01:30:50,196 --> 01:30:55,201
Hi, good morning! Just taking a shower.
Be out in a minute.
1067
01:31:00,540 --> 01:31:04,460
Taking a shower, she'll be
out in a minute, that's all.
1068
01:31:04,710 --> 01:31:09,132
I should get one of the new
towels and take it to her.
1069
01:31:11,384 --> 01:31:15,221
That would very definitely
be another boo-boo.
1070
01:31:17,390 --> 01:31:21,894
If anyone were to walk in, would
they ever get the wrong idea.
1071
01:31:22,145 --> 01:31:27,400
Cinnamon toast for two, strange
blond in the shower. Explain that.
1072
01:31:27,650 --> 01:31:31,445
Tell them you spent the
night wrapping a paddle.
1073
01:31:35,324 --> 01:31:37,076
Anybody walk in here!
1074
01:31:37,285 --> 01:31:42,498
Who's gonna walk in here? J. Edgar Hoover?
Arthur Godfrey?
1075
01:31:42,748 --> 01:31:44,500
Helen, maybe?
1076
01:31:50,631 --> 01:31:54,760
She's in Maine. How
could she get here?
1077
01:31:56,762 --> 01:32:01,684
On the train, that's how.
On the early morning train.
1078
01:32:01,934 --> 01:32:06,564
Why would she be coming to New York?
Because she knows something.
1079
01:32:06,814 --> 01:32:10,693
Because someone tipped her off.
Who could've tipped...?
1080
01:32:10,943 --> 01:32:13,988
Kruhulik! He saw the
girl here last night
1081
01:32:14,238 --> 01:32:18,492
...called Helen long distance
and told her everything.
1082
01:32:18,743 --> 01:32:23,873
She's on the train, I know it.
Early morning train's in already.
1083
01:32:24,081 --> 01:32:29,170
She's in a cab. She's on her way here.
She'll be here any second!
1084
01:32:37,428 --> 01:32:41,098
There's a woman in this apartment.
I know there is.
1085
01:32:41,349 --> 01:32:45,895
- No, Helen, it's not true.
- Don't lie to me, Richard.
1086
01:32:46,145 --> 01:32:49,482
Who told you? Was it Kruhulik?
1087
01:32:49,774 --> 01:32:54,362
That's right. I've had him
watching you for months.
1088
01:32:54,987 --> 01:33:00,409
His name's not Kruhulik. He's a
private eye named Johnny Dollar.
1089
01:33:00,618 --> 01:33:04,038
- What are you going to do?
- I'm going to shoot you.
1090
01:33:04,288 --> 01:33:08,167
I can explain everything. The
cinnamon toast, the shower.
1091
01:33:08,459 --> 01:33:09,919
This girl's from Denver.
1092
01:33:10,169 --> 01:33:15,216
The Kaufmans have no air conditioning.
Spend a fortune on sculpture.
1093
01:33:15,466 --> 01:33:19,929
The drugstore wouldn't take back
her fan, she lost the slip.
1094
01:33:20,179 --> 01:33:25,476
So I let her sleep in our bed. I
was just wrapping the paddle.
1095
01:33:26,477 --> 01:33:30,856
At least have the decency to
keep the paddle of a child...
1096
01:33:31,107 --> 01:33:32,817
...out of this sordid mess.
1097
01:33:34,610 --> 01:33:37,697
You're mad. You'll never
get away with this.
1098
01:33:37,989 --> 01:33:42,410
Yes, I will. There's such a
thing as the unwritten law.
1099
01:33:42,660 --> 01:33:44,370
Goodbye, Richard.
1100
01:33:47,373 --> 01:33:51,585
- Give me another chance!
- They'll give me a medal.
1101
01:33:51,794 --> 01:33:55,214
The wives of America
will give me a medal!
1102
01:34:07,727 --> 01:34:12,398
Helen, I'm going fast.
Give me a cigarette.
1103
01:34:12,648 --> 01:34:18,029
A cigarette! You know what Dr.
Murphy told you about smoking.
1104
01:34:21,615 --> 01:34:23,367
A cigarette.
1105
01:34:26,162 --> 01:34:28,748
Just one more cigarette, Dr.
Murphy.
1106
01:34:29,707 --> 01:34:31,959
One more for the road.
1107
01:34:32,293 --> 01:34:34,628
For the long, long road.
1108
01:34:36,922 --> 01:34:38,132
Hi.
1109
01:34:39,842 --> 01:34:43,471
- What are you doing?
- I need a cigarette.
1110
01:34:43,679 --> 01:34:46,724
They're right there
on the table.
1111
01:34:48,017 --> 01:34:51,687
- What's the matter with you?
- I'm all shot.
1112
01:34:51,937 --> 01:34:56,108
It's because I took your bed
and you slept on the couch.
1113
01:34:56,359 --> 01:34:59,153
I knew I should've
taken the couch.
1114
01:34:59,445 --> 01:35:01,697
It's not the couch,
it's my wife.
1115
01:35:01,947 --> 01:35:05,659
- She found out about us and shot me.
- She what?
1116
01:35:05,868 --> 01:35:09,830
Five times in the back
and twice in the belly.
1117
01:35:10,206 --> 01:35:12,792
You're just having a bad dream.
1118
01:35:13,709 --> 01:35:16,504
Yeah, I guess so.
1119
01:35:17,755 --> 01:35:21,175
Come on now. Everything's fine.
1120
01:35:21,467 --> 01:35:26,764
It's just my imagination.
Some people have flat feet.
1121
01:35:27,014 --> 01:35:31,894
- I have this appalling imagination.
- I think it's just elegant.
1122
01:35:32,144 --> 01:35:37,191
I just have no imagination at all.
I have lots of other things.
1123
01:35:37,566 --> 01:35:41,320
I was standing in the kitchen.
Then it occurred to me.
1124
01:35:41,570 --> 01:35:46,617
If my wife walked in with you in the
shower, she'd probably shoot me.
1125
01:35:46,867 --> 01:35:49,620
Of course. If I was married...
1126
01:35:49,870 --> 01:35:55,292
...and came in on my husband making
toast for a blond, I'd shoot him.
1127
01:35:55,709 --> 01:35:58,421
- You would?
- Bang, bang, bang!
1128
01:35:58,671 --> 01:36:00,506
Right in the head.
1129
01:36:01,507 --> 01:36:03,551
Come on now, relax.
1130
01:36:03,801 --> 01:36:07,763
- You're just making this all up.
- That's right.
1131
01:36:08,013 --> 01:36:12,309
I don't suppose if she had
come in she'd shoot me.
1132
01:36:12,518 --> 01:36:16,188
She'd be mad, maybe
throw an ashtray.
1133
01:36:16,439 --> 01:36:19,817
- Just that?
- She probably wouldn't even do that.
1134
01:36:20,067 --> 01:36:22,445
If she found you
in the shower...
1135
01:36:22,695 --> 01:36:25,698
...she'd probably think
you were the plumber.
1136
01:36:26,699 --> 01:36:30,953
- A blond plumber?
- Absolutely. She trusts me implicitly.
1137
01:36:31,203 --> 01:36:34,498
- Doesn't she love you?
- Oh, she loves me.
1138
01:36:34,748 --> 01:36:36,250
She worries about me.
1139
01:36:36,500 --> 01:36:40,588
I had a cough, and she
made me stop smoking.
1140
01:36:40,796 --> 01:36:43,716
- She loves me, all right.
- Isn't she jealous?
1141
01:36:43,924 --> 01:36:50,222
Not really. How can anybody be jealous
of somebody with a briefcase...
1142
01:36:50,431 --> 01:36:55,269
...who's getting a little pot and
can't keep his eyes open past 9?
1143
01:36:55,478 --> 01:36:58,856
She trusts me. It'd never
occur to her that I...
1144
01:36:59,106 --> 01:37:03,152
Last Christmas, I came home
with lipstick on my collar.
1145
01:37:03,402 --> 01:37:07,990
Helen said, "What's that on
your collar, cranberry sauce?"
1146
01:37:09,408 --> 01:37:14,163
- That's bad.
- You know who kissed me? Mrs. Brady.
1147
01:37:14,413 --> 01:37:18,626
Face it, no pretty girl wants
me, she wants Gregory Peck.
1148
01:37:18,918 --> 01:37:22,713
Is that so? How do you know
what a pretty girl wants?
1149
01:37:22,963 --> 01:37:25,090
I don't know, but I imagine...
1150
01:37:25,341 --> 01:37:29,178
Your imagination! You think
every girl's a dope.
1151
01:37:29,428 --> 01:37:33,641
You think a girl goes to a
party and there's some guy...
1152
01:37:33,849 --> 01:37:37,561
...in a fancy striped
vest strutting around...
1153
01:37:37,811 --> 01:37:42,441
...giving you that I'm-so-handsome-
you-can't-resist-me look.
1154
01:37:42,691 --> 01:37:46,111
From this she's supposed
to fall flat on her face.
1155
01:37:46,362 --> 01:37:49,240
Well, she doesn't
fall on her face.
1156
01:37:50,449 --> 01:37:54,703
But there's another guy in the
room, over in the corner.
1157
01:37:54,954 --> 01:37:58,666
Maybe he's nervous and shy
and perspiring a little.
1158
01:37:58,916 --> 01:38:00,960
First, you look past him.
1159
01:38:01,168 --> 01:38:05,965
But then you sense that he's
gentle and kind and worried.
1160
01:38:06,215 --> 01:38:11,053
That he'll be tender with
you, nice and sweet.
1161
01:38:11,387 --> 01:38:14,306
That's what's really exciting.
1162
01:38:17,601 --> 01:38:21,814
If I were your wife, I'd
be very jealous of you
1163
01:38:22,398 --> 01:38:25,568
I'd be very, very jealous
1164
01:38:31,532 --> 01:38:34,118
I think you're just elegant.
1165
01:38:36,287 --> 01:38:37,830
Thank you.
1166
01:38:39,290 --> 01:38:41,000
Aren't you going to answer it?
1167
01:38:41,250 --> 01:38:44,086
- Answer what?
- The doorbell.
1168
01:38:45,170 --> 01:38:48,465
Go ahead, I'll put the
cinnamon on the toast.
1169
01:39:01,854 --> 01:39:04,398
Tom MacKenzie!
1170
01:39:04,648 --> 01:39:07,776
- Morning, Dickie-boy.
- What are you doing here?
1171
01:39:08,027 --> 01:39:11,989
- Don't call me "Dickie-boy."
- Got a date with my agent.
1172
01:39:12,239 --> 01:39:14,491
- Is that coffee I smell?
- No.
1173
01:39:14,742 --> 01:39:19,788
I'm glad I caught you. We've got
important family business to discuss.
1174
01:39:20,039 --> 01:39:23,834
- Are you sure that's not coffee?
- Positive. My family?
1175
01:39:24,084 --> 01:39:28,631
I was driving down and Helen asked
me to stop by and ask you...
1176
01:39:28,881 --> 01:39:32,009
She did? I'm glad she did...
1177
01:39:32,301 --> 01:39:34,553
...because I wanna talk to you.
1178
01:39:34,803 --> 01:39:37,765
What's the matter, Dickie-boy?
1179
01:39:37,973 --> 01:39:42,561
You think you're pretty fancy
with the blinkers on the horses.
1180
01:39:42,811 --> 01:39:45,230
What blinkers? What horses?
1181
01:39:45,481 --> 01:39:48,817
And no driver and
no other people.
1182
01:39:49,109 --> 01:39:52,404
- You drunk or something?
- No, I'm not drunk.
1183
01:39:52,613 --> 01:39:57,159
- You took Helen on a hayride.
- No, in fact, I didn't.
1184
01:39:57,409 --> 01:40:01,288
She went with the other people.
And it was like a bus.
1185
01:40:01,538 --> 01:40:05,167
- That's your story.
- I have terrible hay fever.
1186
01:40:05,417 --> 01:40:08,087
I've had it ever since the Army.
1187
01:40:08,295 --> 01:40:13,092
This doctor took a wad of cotton.
He went in and down...
1188
01:40:13,342 --> 01:40:17,888
In and down. "inwardly,
downwardly pulsating!"
1189
01:40:18,138 --> 01:40:23,435
"Now together, ending and unending!
Now, now!" I know all about it.
1190
01:40:23,727 --> 01:40:25,354
- You're drunk.
- Get out!
1191
01:40:25,604 --> 01:40:28,899
- If Helen sent you to get a divorce...
- Divorce?
1192
01:40:29,149 --> 01:40:31,485
I absolutely refuse!
1193
01:40:31,777 --> 01:40:35,989
- She sent me for the paddle.
- I'll fight it in every court!
1194
01:40:36,240 --> 01:40:40,285
I can explain the stairs,
the blond in the kitchen.
1195
01:40:40,536 --> 01:40:45,708
- Wait, what blond in the kitchen?
- Wouldn't you like to know?
1196
01:40:45,916 --> 01:40:48,168
Maybe it's Marilyn Monroe!
1197
01:40:48,794 --> 01:40:52,381
Blind, stinking drunk
at 8:30 in the morning!
1198
01:40:52,631 --> 01:40:57,177
I'll get six lawyers, I'll
bribe judges, but no divorce!
1199
01:40:57,386 --> 01:41:01,056
Listen to me. Helen does
not want a divorce!
1200
01:41:01,306 --> 01:41:05,060
All she wants is Ricky's paddle!
1201
01:41:06,395 --> 01:41:10,274
- Ricky's paddle?
- The other kids are out on the lake.
1202
01:41:10,566 --> 01:41:15,487
But Ricky has to stay on the dock.
You wouldn't send his paddle!
1203
01:41:15,779 --> 01:41:20,284
If anybody is gonna take
Ricky's paddle back...
1204
01:41:20,534 --> 01:41:22,327
...I'm gonna take it back.
1205
01:41:22,578 --> 01:41:25,581
And I've got a good
mind to punch you.
1206
01:41:25,831 --> 01:41:29,001
- Why?
- Because you're a love you.
1207
01:41:29,293 --> 01:41:33,797
Strutting around in your vest
with that I'm-so-handsome look.
1208
01:41:34,047 --> 01:41:38,552
- Let me tell you, Helen loves me.
- Sure, she loves you!
1209
01:41:38,802 --> 01:41:43,307
She loves me because I'm sweet
and gentle and worried...
1210
01:41:43,557 --> 01:41:46,727
...and nervous and
shy and tender!
1211
01:41:55,778 --> 01:41:57,446
Breakfast is ready.
1212
01:41:59,907 --> 01:42:03,118
- Anybody you know?
- Meet Tom MacKenzie.
1213
01:42:03,368 --> 01:42:06,705
- How do you do?
- He came for Ricky's paddle.
1214
01:42:06,955 --> 01:42:11,502
- I'm taking it to him.
- Is this a good time to pick up the...?
1215
01:42:11,794 --> 01:42:15,255
- I wish I was dead.
- Wait a minute, Kruhulik.
1216
01:42:15,464 --> 01:42:19,051
If you wanna pick up
something, pick up this.
1217
01:42:19,343 --> 01:42:22,137
What do you want
me to do with him?
1218
01:42:22,387 --> 01:42:27,267
I don't care. Put him in mothballs.
Just get him out of here.
1219
01:42:27,518 --> 01:42:30,896
Boy, I'm telling you,
lug the fat poodle...
1220
01:42:31,146 --> 01:42:34,316
...lug the tomato
plant, now lug this.
1221
01:42:34,566 --> 01:42:39,154
I'll be glad when the wives get
home and things settle down.
1222
01:42:40,364 --> 01:42:43,951
The 8:47, I can still
make the 8:47.
1223
01:42:44,201 --> 01:42:46,662
I can't stay for
breakfast, I'm sorry.
1224
01:42:46,912 --> 01:42:48,872
Don't ever be sorry.
1225
01:42:49,122 --> 01:42:51,875
Do me a favor. Call
Brady and Company.
1226
01:42:52,125 --> 01:42:57,756
Tell Mr. Brady I'm taking two weeks
off, whether he likes it or not.
1227
01:42:59,174 --> 01:43:02,719
Why don't you stay here?
You've got your own duplex.
1228
01:43:02,970 --> 01:43:06,139
Big, tall martinis,
air conditioning.
1229
01:43:06,390 --> 01:43:10,644
- Thank you.
- Well, I guess that's all.
1230
01:43:11,270 --> 01:43:13,313
- Just one more thing.
- What?
1231
01:43:13,522 --> 01:43:16,358
I have a message for your wife.
1232
01:43:24,575 --> 01:43:26,368
Don't wipe it off.
1233
01:43:26,577 --> 01:43:28,787
If she thinks it's
cranberries...
1234
01:43:28,996 --> 01:43:32,583
...tell her she's got
cherry pits in her head.
1235
01:43:34,585 --> 01:43:35,836
Wait!
1236
01:43:42,718 --> 01:43:44,177
Hey!