1
00:02:35,084 --> 00:02:38,884
<i>The seminar will begin in flve minutes.</i>

2
00:02:38,955 --> 00:02:41,753
<i>It will be in room "C".</i>

3
00:02:41,824 --> 00:02:45,555
<i>So, uh, how about Chow Yun Fat?</i>

4
00:02:45,628 --> 00:02:48,995
I don't know.
I love Chow Yun Fat.

5
00:02:49,065 --> 00:02:51,260
- I just don't see him playing Madman.
- Awesome.

6
00:02:51,334 --> 00:02:53,734
Thank you.

7
00:02:59,108 --> 00:03:03,374
Could you sign it:
"To a really big fan"?

8
00:03:05,214 --> 00:03:07,182
Uh, you bet.

9
00:03:07,250 --> 00:03:09,741
I love this book, man.
This shit is awesome!

10
00:03:09,819 --> 00:03:11,753
I wish I was like these guys.
Gettin' stoned,

11
00:03:11,821 --> 00:03:15,382
talkin' all raw about chicks
and flghtin' supervillains!

12
00:03:15,458 --> 00:03:19,394
I love these guys! You know what.
They're like Bill and Ted...

13
00:03:19,462 --> 00:03:21,555
meet Cheech and Chong!

14
00:03:21,631 --> 00:03:23,758
Yeah. I kind of
like to think of them...

15
00:03:23,833 --> 00:03:26,393
as Rosencrantz and Guildenstern
meet Vladimir and Estragon.

16
00:03:26,469 --> 00:03:29,404
Yes! Who?

17
00:03:31,274 --> 00:03:33,902
So, do you, like,
draw this or something?

18
00:03:36,746 --> 00:03:39,374
I ink it, and I'm also the colorist.
The guy next to me draws it.

19
00:03:39,449 --> 00:03:41,917
But we both came up
with the characters. Next!

20
00:03:41,984 --> 00:03:43,417
What does that mean,
you "ink it"?

21
00:03:43,486 --> 00:03:46,319
Well, it means that Holden
draws the pictures in pencil.

22
00:03:46,389 --> 00:03:49,290
And then he gives it to me
to go over in ink. Next!

23
00:03:49,358 --> 00:03:51,588
So, basically,
you just trace.

24
00:03:51,661 --> 00:03:55,961
It's, uh, it's not tracing,
all right?

25
00:03:56,032 --> 00:03:58,933
I add depth and shading to give
the image more deflnition.

26
00:03:59,001 --> 00:04:01,834
Only then does the drawing
truly take shape.

27
00:04:01,904 --> 00:04:07,171
No, no, no. You go over what he draws
with a pen, all right? That's tracing.

28
00:04:07,243 --> 00:04:10,110
Not really. Next.

29
00:04:12,215 --> 00:04:15,048
Hey, man,
let me ask you somethin'.

30
00:04:15,118 --> 00:04:18,485
Somebody draws something
and then you draw the exact same thing,

31
00:04:18,554 --> 00:04:22,115
<i>like, right on top of it without going
outside the original designated art.</i>

32
00:04:22,191 --> 00:04:24,159
What do you call that?

33
00:04:24,227 --> 00:04:26,821
- I don't know, man. Tracing?
- See?

34
00:04:26,896 --> 00:04:28,420
You want your book signed
or what?

35
00:04:28,498 --> 00:04:30,625
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!

36
00:04:30,700 --> 00:04:34,966
<i>Don't get all testy just because you
got a problem with your station in life.</i>

37
00:04:35,037 --> 00:04:36,368
Oh, I'm secure
with what I do.

38
00:04:36,439 --> 00:04:39,533
Then just say it.
You're a tracer.

39
00:04:39,609 --> 00:04:40,837
How should I sign this?

40
00:04:40,910 --> 00:04:42,844
I don't want you
to sign it, man.

41
00:04:42,912 --> 00:04:45,176
<i>I want the guy who draws Bluntman
and Chronic to sign it.</i>

42
00:04:45,248 --> 00:04:48,843
- You're just the tracer.
- Tell him, little shaver.

43
00:04:48,918 --> 00:04:52,820
<i>Who do I sign it to?</i>

44
00:04:52,889 --> 00:04:55,289
You fuckin' tracer!

45
00:04:55,358 --> 00:04:59,158
I'll trace a chalk line around
your dead fuckin' body, you fuck!

46
00:04:59,228 --> 00:05:01,162
Would you get him
outta here?

47
00:05:01,230 --> 00:05:05,929
Hey, wait a second! He jumped me!
You fuckin' tracer!

48
00:05:06,002 --> 00:05:08,266
Your mother's a tracer!

49
00:05:08,337 --> 00:05:10,305
Can I explain the audience
principle to you?

50
00:05:10,373 --> 00:05:12,307
If you assault and accost them,
then we have no audience.

51
00:05:12,375 --> 00:05:16,038
He started it,
fuckin' cock-knocker!

52
00:05:16,112 --> 00:05:20,173
He's lucky I didn't put
my pen through his thorax!

53
00:05:20,249 --> 00:05:24,185
Need I remind you?
Curtain's in ten minutes. Okay?

54
00:05:24,253 --> 00:05:27,518
<i>The Word's Up. Minority
Voices in Comics panel discussion...</i>

55
00:05:27,590 --> 00:05:30,753
<i>- All right.
- is about to begin in room "F."</i>

56
00:05:30,927 --> 00:05:34,693
For years in this industry...

57
00:05:34,764 --> 00:05:37,858
<i>whenever an African-American
character... hero or villain...</i>

58
00:05:37,934 --> 00:05:42,200
<i>was introduced, usually,
by white artists and writers,</i>

59
00:05:42,271 --> 00:05:45,331
<i>they got slapped
with racist names...</i>

60
00:05:45,408 --> 00:05:47,842
that singled them out
as Negroes.

61
00:05:50,313 --> 00:05:53,214
<i>Now, my book...</i>

62
00:05:53,282 --> 00:05:56,217
<i>White Hatin'Coon...</i>

63
00:05:56,285 --> 00:05:58,378
don't have none
of that bullshit.

64
00:05:58,454 --> 00:06:01,480
The hero's name is Maleekwa,
a descendant from the black tribe...

65
00:06:01,557 --> 00:06:04,549
that established
the flrst society on the planet,

66
00:06:04,627 --> 00:06:07,687
while you European motherfuckers
were still hidin' in caves and shit,

67
00:06:07,763 --> 00:06:10,129
<i>all terrifled of the sun.</i>

68
00:06:10,199 --> 00:06:14,932
<i>He's a strong role model that
a young black reader can look up to,</i>

69
00:06:15,004 --> 00:06:19,498
'cause I'm here to tell ya: The chickens
is comin' home to roost, y'all.

70
00:06:19,575 --> 00:06:23,739
The black man's no longer gonna play the
minstrel in comics and sci-fl fantasy.

71
00:06:23,813 --> 00:06:28,716
We keepin' it real, and we gonna
get respect by any means necessary.

72
00:06:28,784 --> 00:06:32,151
Ah, come on!
That's a bunch of horseshit!

73
00:06:32,221 --> 00:06:34,951
Lando Calrissian
was a black guy, you know.

74
00:06:35,024 --> 00:06:37,458
<i>He got to fly the Millennium Falcon.
What's the matter with you?</i>

75
00:06:37,526 --> 00:06:40,154
<i>- Who said that?
- I did.</i>

76
00:06:40,229 --> 00:06:44,563
Lando Calrissian is a positive role
model in science-flction fantasy.

77
00:06:44,634 --> 00:06:47,660
Fuck Lando Calrissian!
Uncle Tom nigger!

78
00:06:47,737 --> 00:06:50,797
<i>Always some white boy
gotta invoke the holy trilogy.</i>

79
00:06:50,873 --> 00:06:56,209
Those movies are about how the
white man keeps the brother man down...

80
00:06:56,279 --> 00:06:59,305
even in a galaxy
far, far away.

81
00:06:59,382 --> 00:07:03,284
Check this shit. You got
cracker farm boy Luke Skywalker...

82
00:07:03,352 --> 00:07:05,343
Nazi poster boy...
blond hair, blue eyes...

83
00:07:05,421 --> 00:07:07,355
and then you got
Darth Vader.

84
00:07:07,423 --> 00:07:10,017
The blackest brother
in the galaxy... Nubian guy.

85
00:07:10,092 --> 00:07:13,687
- What's a Nubian?
- Shut the fuck up!

86
00:07:15,865 --> 00:07:19,198
Now, Vader, he's a spiritual
brother, you know.

87
00:07:19,268 --> 00:07:21,498
Down with the force
and all that good shit.

88
00:07:21,570 --> 00:07:24,835
Then this cracker... Skywalker...
gets his hands on a light saber,

89
00:07:24,907 --> 00:07:27,239
and the boy decides he's gonna
run the fuckin' universe.

90
00:07:27,310 --> 00:07:30,211
Gets a whole Klan
of whites together.

91
00:07:30,279 --> 00:07:33,339
And they gonna bust up
Vader's hood, the Death Star.

92
00:07:33,416 --> 00:07:35,350
Now, what the fuck
do you call that?

93
00:07:35,418 --> 00:07:38,717
- Intergalactic civil war?
- Gentriflcation!

94
00:07:40,589 --> 00:07:44,218
<i>They gonna drive out
the black element...</i>

95
00:07:44,293 --> 00:07:47,387
to make the galaxy
"safe" for white folks.

96
00:07:47,463 --> 00:07:51,092
<i>And Jedi's the most
insulting installment!</i>

97
00:07:51,167 --> 00:07:54,762
<i>Because Vader's beautiful
black visage is sullied...</i>

98
00:07:54,837 --> 00:07:59,934
when he pulls off his mask to reveal
a feeble, crusty, old white man.

99
00:08:00,009 --> 00:08:04,537
<i>They're tryin'to tell us that deep
inside we all wants to be white!</i>

100
00:08:06,048 --> 00:08:08,209
Well, isn't that true?

101
00:08:17,660 --> 00:08:18,854
<i>Black rage!</i>

102
00:08:18,928 --> 00:08:21,055
Black rage!
I'll kill any white folks...

103
00:08:21,130 --> 00:08:25,726
<i>I lay my motherfuckin'eyes on!</i>

104
00:08:50,226 --> 00:08:53,923
"What's a Nubian?"
Bitch, you almost made me laugh.

105
00:08:53,996 --> 00:08:56,726
Man, what about you? You didn't tell
me you were gonna scream, "Black rage!"

106
00:08:56,799 --> 00:08:58,733
I nearly pissed myself.

107
00:08:58,801 --> 00:09:00,735
How do you manage to get away
with this all the time?

108
00:09:00,803 --> 00:09:03,363
I mean, shouldn't the cops be busting
your head open right about now?

109
00:09:03,439 --> 00:09:07,307
- Wrong coast.
- Well, this here, she full of blanks.

110
00:09:07,376 --> 00:09:12,814
And, uh, Opiate gets all sorts
of legal clearances before I go on.

111
00:09:12,882 --> 00:09:14,941
So your publisher actually
condones these theatrics?

112
00:09:15,017 --> 00:09:19,454
Condones? Honey, they insist. I need
to sell the image to sell the book.

113
00:09:19,522 --> 00:09:21,717
Would the audience still buy
the whole black rage angle...

114
00:09:21,791 --> 00:09:25,625
if they found out the book
was written by a, a... you know.

115
00:09:25,694 --> 00:09:28,219
- Faggot?
- When you say it, it sounds so sexy.

116
00:09:28,297 --> 00:09:33,325
Hey, hey, hey! I'll play your victim,
but not your catcher, all right?

117
00:09:33,402 --> 00:09:36,929
<i>Hooper, how come you sound like Minister
Farrakhan when you're onstage...</i>

118
00:09:37,006 --> 00:09:39,998
and the king of pop
when you're not?

119
00:09:40,076 --> 00:09:42,010
Look out, boys!
This kitten has a whip!

120
00:09:42,078 --> 00:09:44,012
Always before
I get to speak, you dick.

121
00:09:44,080 --> 00:09:46,139
I swear! Jesus!

122
00:09:46,215 --> 00:09:49,082
The next con I attend, and they
ask me to be on the minority panel,

123
00:09:49,151 --> 00:09:52,985
if I see your name anywhere
near that list, I'm passing!

124
00:09:53,055 --> 00:09:57,151
<i>Holden, Banky, this pile
of P.M.S. is Alyssa Jones.</i>

125
00:09:57,226 --> 00:09:59,194
<i>She does that book,
/diosyncratic Routine.</i>

126
00:09:59,261 --> 00:10:05,097
Oh, I've read your book. It's cute.
Chick stuff, but cute. What?

127
00:10:05,167 --> 00:10:07,569
Sorry about him. He's, uh,
he's dealing with being an inker.

128
00:10:07,702 --> 00:10:10,193
Oh. You trace.

129
00:10:10,271 --> 00:10:15,641
I really like your book. I'm surprised
we never met at any other cons before.

130
00:10:15,710 --> 00:10:18,235
Yeah, well, lose the dick
or change the skin tone,

131
00:10:18,313 --> 00:10:21,305
and we can get to know
each other on panel after panel.

132
00:10:21,382 --> 00:10:25,751
<i>These boys do Bluntman and Chronic, which
outsells both of our books put together.</i>

133
00:10:25,820 --> 00:10:29,256
Hence, they're never on the panel
with the likes of us.

134
00:10:29,324 --> 00:10:31,019
They slummin' it right now.

135
00:10:32,293 --> 00:10:34,386
I promised Alyssa
I'd buy her a post-rave drink.

136
00:10:34,462 --> 00:10:36,760
Do the Garden Staters have
to sprint to the Lincoln Tunnel,

137
00:10:36,831 --> 00:10:39,629
or can you stay for a round
in the big, scary city?

138
00:10:39,701 --> 00:10:41,794
- We're gonna go...
- We'll take...

139
00:10:44,405 --> 00:10:47,067
We'll go.

140
00:10:49,811 --> 00:10:51,745
<i>Archie. All right?</i>

141
00:10:51,813 --> 00:10:55,374
Archie and the Riverdale gang were
a pure and fun-lovin' bunch.

142
00:10:55,450 --> 00:10:59,352
You can't flnd dysfunction in those
comics. They were fat-out wholesome.

143
00:10:59,420 --> 00:11:02,253
- Archie and Jughead were lovers.
- Shut the fuck up!

144
00:11:02,323 --> 00:11:06,623
<i>/t's true. Archie was the bitch,
andJughead was the butch.</i>

145
00:11:06,694 --> 00:11:10,221
That's whyJughead wears
that crown-lookin' hat all the time.

146
00:11:10,298 --> 00:11:13,358
He the king of
Queen Archie's world.

147
00:11:13,434 --> 00:11:15,368
Man, I feel
a hate crime comin' on.

148
00:11:15,436 --> 00:11:17,768
Well, you know,
he does have a point.

149
00:11:17,839 --> 00:11:19,932
I mean, Archie never did quite
settle on Betty or Veronica.

150
00:11:20,008 --> 00:11:23,034
'Cause he wanted them both
at the same time, you assholes!

151
00:11:23,111 --> 00:11:26,478
He didn't choose one, because he was
trying to get them into a three-way.

152
00:11:26,547 --> 00:11:29,914
- Here.
- What?

153
00:11:29,984 --> 00:11:33,943
I want you to go down to the corner
store and buy yourself a clue.

154
00:11:34,022 --> 00:11:36,422
<i>- Go on.
- Eat it, Urkel.</i>

155
00:11:36,491 --> 00:11:39,585
Uh! I done told you to
watch it with that Urkel shit.

156
00:11:39,661 --> 00:11:42,721
Face it, girl.
Archie's a sister.

157
00:11:45,466 --> 00:11:49,596
<i>- That's it. You!
- Moi?</i>

158
00:11:49,671 --> 00:11:53,539
Yeah, you. You are marching
back across the street with me,

159
00:11:53,608 --> 00:11:56,304
and we're gonna pick up
a shitload of Archie books.

160
00:11:56,377 --> 00:11:59,278
And I'm going to prove to you
beyond the shadow of a doubt...

161
00:11:59,347 --> 00:12:01,872
that Archie
is all about pussy.

162
00:12:01,949 --> 00:12:03,849
Come on!

163
00:12:03,918 --> 00:12:06,182
This boy is conficted.

164
00:12:07,655 --> 00:12:10,146
I shall play
mother therapist for him.

165
00:12:10,224 --> 00:12:13,455
You two sit tight.
We shall return promptly.

166
00:12:16,798 --> 00:12:19,198
Is he always like that?

167
00:12:19,267 --> 00:12:22,532
Who, him? Yeah.
Ever since the third grade.

168
00:12:22,603 --> 00:12:25,595
This, uh, this nun was teaching us
about the Blessed Trinity, you know?

169
00:12:25,673 --> 00:12:28,699
She was going on and on about
the three persons in one God thing.

170
00:12:28,776 --> 00:12:30,801
Father, Son,
the Holy Spirit.

171
00:12:30,878 --> 00:12:34,541
Banky just goes ballistic on her.
They got in this huge flght.

172
00:12:34,615 --> 00:12:38,210
An eight-year-old kid?
How bad could it have been?

173
00:12:38,286 --> 00:12:41,312
Well, have you ever seen a nun call
a small child a "fucking cunt-rag"?

174
00:12:41,389 --> 00:12:44,381
It wasn't pretty.
Shit like that's bound to happen...

175
00:12:44,459 --> 00:12:47,428
when you make a kid wear
a matching tie and slacks every day.

176
00:12:47,495 --> 00:12:51,864
Right. And your parochial
school misadventures?

177
00:12:51,933 --> 00:12:55,699
Oh, mostly limited to
wine-tasting prior to mass.

178
00:12:55,770 --> 00:12:58,295
Turned me into a grade school
alcoholic altar boy though.

179
00:12:58,372 --> 00:13:00,499
Can't tell you how many mornings
after serious benders...

180
00:13:00,575 --> 00:13:02,941
I'd wake up next
to strange priests.

181
00:13:03,010 --> 00:13:05,843
- Aren't you the sharp wit?
- Sharp? No.

182
00:13:05,913 --> 00:13:08,905
I'm just a fan of
clergy-molestation humor.

183
00:13:08,983 --> 00:13:14,011
Probably why the extended family quit
inviting me to flrst communion parties.

184
00:13:16,257 --> 00:13:18,817
Tsk. You play darts?

185
00:13:18,893 --> 00:13:23,489
Uh, not professionally.
You know, only in bars.

186
00:13:23,564 --> 00:13:25,759
<i>I don't know.</i>

187
00:13:25,833 --> 00:13:29,826
<i>Maybe I should just sign one of those
exclusive deals like you guys.</i>

188
00:13:29,904 --> 00:13:31,838
Your new book seems
to be selling like mad.

189
00:13:31,906 --> 00:13:36,639
Well, it all goes back to somethin'
my grandmother told me when I was a kid.

190
00:13:36,711 --> 00:13:41,011
"Holden," she said, "the big bucks
are in dick and fart jokes. "

191
00:13:41,082 --> 00:13:43,414
- She was a churchgoer.
- Oh!

192
00:13:43,484 --> 00:13:47,477
The cry from the heart of a real artist
trapped in commercial hell,

193
00:13:47,555 --> 00:13:49,989
pitying his good fortune.

194
00:13:50,057 --> 00:13:53,424
I'm sure you can dry your eyes
on all those fat checks you rake in.

195
00:13:53,494 --> 00:13:57,590
Oh, I'm sorry. What was that? Did I
detect a note of bitter envy in there?

196
00:13:57,665 --> 00:14:00,532
No, I'm happy my stuff
gets read at all.

197
00:14:00,601 --> 00:14:02,796
There's very little market
for hearts and fowers...

198
00:14:02,870 --> 00:14:07,000
in this spandex-clad, big pecs,
big tits, big guns fleld.

199
00:14:07,074 --> 00:14:10,168
If I sell two issues,
I feel likeJohn Grisham.

200
00:14:10,244 --> 00:14:12,212
Well, it's all
about marketing.

201
00:14:12,280 --> 00:14:17,308
Over- or underweight guys that don't
get laid. They're our bread and butter.

202
00:14:17,385 --> 00:14:20,616
People like those two outside
should be yours.

203
00:14:20,688 --> 00:14:23,623
<i>And sadly, there are more
of our core audience.</i>

204
00:14:23,691 --> 00:14:27,286
Kind of gives you a charge though.
See two people like that in love.

205
00:14:27,361 --> 00:14:29,659
And all over
Banky's car, no less.

206
00:14:29,730 --> 00:14:32,426
You know, that car's seeing more action
right now than it's seen in years.

207
00:14:32,500 --> 00:14:37,164
- Bubbly guy. It's hard to flgure out.
- Yeah.

208
00:14:37,238 --> 00:14:40,366
You gotta respect that kind of display
of affection. You know what I mean?

209
00:14:40,441 --> 00:14:43,001
Sure, it's crazy.
It's rude. It's self-absorbed.

210
00:14:43,077 --> 00:14:46,308
But, uh, you know,
it's love.

211
00:14:46,380 --> 00:14:49,349
- It's not love.
- Oh, says you.

212
00:14:49,417 --> 00:14:52,409
That out there?
That's feeting.

213
00:14:52,486 --> 00:14:55,614
<i>- Fleeting?
- Mm-hmm. Well, I gotta split.</i>

214
00:14:55,690 --> 00:14:59,319
It was really nice meeting you.
Good luck with your book.

215
00:14:59,393 --> 00:15:04,228
Tell Hooper I'll call him later.
And... tell your friend to calm down.

216
00:15:09,904 --> 00:15:12,338
<i>Shut up already.</i>

217
00:15:12,406 --> 00:15:15,136
<i>You shut up!
You're insane.</i>

218
00:15:15,209 --> 00:15:17,973
Archie is not fucking
Mr. Weatherbee!

219
00:15:18,045 --> 00:15:21,503
Deny, deny, deny.

220
00:15:21,582 --> 00:15:25,575
- Where's Alyssa?
- She left, said she'd call you later.

221
00:15:25,653 --> 00:15:28,315
Look, he's just offering to help Archie
with his fuckin' homework!

222
00:15:28,389 --> 00:15:30,687
Read between
the lines, bitch.

223
00:15:30,758 --> 00:15:34,057
Fuck this. Let's go.
Trafflc.

224
00:15:34,128 --> 00:15:36,688
- Holden!
- What?

225
00:15:36,764 --> 00:15:40,860
- Let's go!
- See that dent in the hood of your car?

226
00:15:40,935 --> 00:15:42,732
Son of a bitch!

227
00:15:47,174 --> 00:15:50,234
Let me guess.
You like her.

228
00:15:50,311 --> 00:15:52,711
- Who?
- Miss Alyssa Jones.

229
00:15:55,583 --> 00:15:59,280
- She's all right.
- As long as that's all.

230
00:16:23,778 --> 00:16:26,713
This is one of the best streetlights
you've ever drawn.

231
00:16:26,781 --> 00:16:28,908
It's the one from across the street
from the post offlce.

232
00:16:28,983 --> 00:16:31,747
- Looks just like it.
- Thanks.

233
00:16:31,819 --> 00:16:35,255
So, uh, what do you want
to do tonight?

234
00:16:35,323 --> 00:16:38,724
<i>I don't know. Get a pizza.
Watch DegrassiJunior High.</i>

235
00:16:38,793 --> 00:16:41,523
You got a weird thing
for Canadian melodrama.

236
00:16:41,595 --> 00:16:44,223
I got a weird thing
for girls who say "aboot. "

237
00:16:44,298 --> 00:16:48,530
Bank Holdup.

238
00:16:48,602 --> 00:16:53,801
Hooper here. Listen, I know how
you 'burb flends hate the city,

239
00:16:53,874 --> 00:16:57,275
but there's a club shindig goin' down
tonight I think you'd really get into.

240
00:16:57,345 --> 00:17:01,179
- Where is it?
- Meow Mix. I'm temping as barkeep.

241
00:17:01,248 --> 00:17:04,411
Oh, I don't know, Hoop.

242
00:17:04,485 --> 00:17:07,318
We're prepping the next issue. We got
that stupid meeting in the morning.

243
00:17:07,388 --> 00:17:10,323
- I told her you wouldn't be interested.
- Told who?

244
00:17:11,625 --> 00:17:13,354
Alyssa.

245
00:17:13,427 --> 00:17:15,395
Alyssa from last night Alyssa?

246
00:17:15,463 --> 00:17:17,795
How do you begin and end a question
with the same word like that?

247
00:17:17,865 --> 00:17:20,800
You got skill.
Yes, that one!

248
00:17:20,868 --> 00:17:23,302
She asked me to invite you.
Now, here's the part where you say...

249
00:17:23,371 --> 00:17:28,741
- I'll be there.
- Thought so. 10:00. Later.

250
00:17:28,809 --> 00:17:34,042
- Who was that?
- Hooper. He invited me to a club.

251
00:17:34,115 --> 00:17:37,744
Man, when's that faggot gonna learn?
You like chicks.

252
00:17:37,818 --> 00:17:40,878
- Not that kind of club.
- So when we leavin'?

253
00:17:40,955 --> 00:17:45,085
We? You can't go.
He's hookin' me up with Alyssa.

254
00:17:45,159 --> 00:17:48,560
- And?
- And I don't want you messing it up.

255
00:17:48,629 --> 00:17:51,996
I care about your shit.
Maybe I'll hook up myself.

256
00:17:52,066 --> 00:17:54,364
I told you. It's not
that kind of club.

257
00:17:55,469 --> 00:17:58,529
How does one man
get to be so funny?

258
00:17:58,606 --> 00:18:03,009
<i>Look, how you gonna get
home when I hook up, huh?</i>

259
00:18:03,077 --> 00:18:07,480
- Like that'll happen.
- Let me explain, my witless chum.

260
00:18:07,548 --> 00:18:09,880
The other night, we two,
Alyssa and I,

261
00:18:09,950 --> 00:18:12,384
we, uh, well,
we shared a moment.

262
00:18:12,453 --> 00:18:15,718
- Oh, you had a moment.
- No.

263
00:18:15,790 --> 00:18:18,520
<i>We shared a moment,
all right?</i>

264
00:18:18,592 --> 00:18:24,030
And in that moment, one thing
was made abundantly clear.

265
00:18:24,098 --> 00:18:27,534
This girl loves me,
my friend.

266
00:18:27,601 --> 00:18:31,332
Loves me. You know
what I'm sayin'?

267
00:18:31,405 --> 00:18:33,896
Ah, who's your daddy now

268
00:18:33,974 --> 00:18:36,238
Come on. Mmm.

269
00:18:36,310 --> 00:18:38,244
- Ah
- Shut up!

270
00:18:38,312 --> 00:18:42,112
It's your birthday
It's your birthday

271
00:18:42,249 --> 00:18:46,618
<i>
Go, Sheila, it's your birthday</i>

272
00:18:46,687 --> 00:18:49,952
All right.
Bring on the free hootch.

273
00:18:50,024 --> 00:18:53,619
<i>Free? I didn't invite your tired ass.
So, where's your better half?</i>

274
00:18:53,694 --> 00:18:56,788
Takin' a piss. The guy's got
a bladder like an infant.

275
00:18:56,864 --> 00:18:59,662
That's funny. He says
you're hung like an infant.

276
00:18:59,733 --> 00:19:02,429
Does his mother
tell him everything?

277
00:19:02,503 --> 00:19:05,233
- Hey!
- What'd you do, fall in love?

278
00:19:05,306 --> 00:19:07,337
- Where is she?
- Over there.

279
00:19:07,470 --> 00:19:12,498
<i>Look at her in her net shirt. Been
dancin'for an hour. Hasn't stopped yet.</i>

280
00:19:12,575 --> 00:19:15,567
She ain't no Deney Terrio,
I'll say that.

281
00:19:15,645 --> 00:19:19,581
Listen, if I'm not back by Tuesday,
call my mother. All right?

282
00:19:19,649 --> 00:19:23,312
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
There's somethin' you should know.

283
00:19:23,386 --> 00:19:26,048
- She got a boyfriend?
- Well, no.

284
00:19:26,122 --> 00:19:30,422
Then what's to know, my friend?
What's to know?

285
00:19:39,802 --> 00:19:42,669
Hey, lady! You fucked up
my cabbage patch!

286
00:19:42,739 --> 00:19:47,267
Well, well, well, if it isn't Bluntman
himself, or should I call you Chronic?

287
00:19:47,343 --> 00:19:51,473
Call me fattered. I heard you sent me
the invite to this little soiree.

288
00:19:51,547 --> 00:19:55,210
From a former hometown girl
to Mr. Hometown himself.

289
00:19:55,284 --> 00:19:57,912
- You're saying you're from the 'burbs?
- Middletown, New Jersey

290
00:19:57,987 --> 00:20:01,286
- Get outta here! I'm from Highlands!
- I know. Hooper told me.

291
00:20:01,357 --> 00:20:03,291
How is it that we never
ran into one another?

292
00:20:03,359 --> 00:20:05,293
- Did you graduate from Hudson?
- Yeah, '88.

293
00:20:05,361 --> 00:20:08,421
- I went to North.
- What a small fuckin' world.

294
00:20:08,498 --> 00:20:10,796
- So you know the tri-town area?
- Quiz me.

295
00:20:10,867 --> 00:20:12,858
- Miller Hill?
- I wrote my name on the wall.

296
00:20:12,935 --> 00:20:15,597
- Sandy Hook?
- Lost my virginity there.

297
00:20:15,671 --> 00:20:19,004
- This is so cool. The mall?
- Eton preppy or Menlo Park?

298
00:20:19,075 --> 00:20:22,340
Oh, no. Here's the big test.
Quick Stop?

299
00:20:22,412 --> 00:20:25,313
My best friend fucked
a dead guy in the bathroom.

300
00:20:25,381 --> 00:20:28,475
- You know that girl?
- I did, before she was committed.

301
00:20:31,220 --> 00:20:34,519
There's a lot of chicks
in this place.

302
00:20:34,590 --> 00:20:38,651
Chicks? You're such a man.

303
00:20:38,728 --> 00:20:41,697
You know what this is?
This is fate.

304
00:20:41,764 --> 00:20:45,928
No, this is "The Rog. "

305
00:20:46,002 --> 00:20:48,562
I'm talking about us meeting.
What are the chances?

306
00:20:48,638 --> 00:20:52,335
Pretty slim. I haven't been back
to the 'burbs since my friend's funeral.

307
00:20:52,408 --> 00:20:55,309
- The Quick Stop girl died?
- Uh-uh. Another girl.

308
00:20:55,378 --> 00:20:57,938
- Julie Dwyer. She died in the...
- The YMCA pool! Damn!

309
00:20:58,014 --> 00:21:00,278
- You knew her too?
- So well.

310
00:21:00,349 --> 00:21:03,750
Wow! One friend in the asylum,
the other friend in the grave.

311
00:21:03,820 --> 00:21:06,755
- You're a dangerous person to know.
- Ah, but I can tap.

312
00:21:08,891 --> 00:21:11,758
- That's the Buffalo two-step.
- Yeah, well, it's very solid.

313
00:21:11,828 --> 00:21:14,695
That's what six years
of tap lessons yields.

314
00:21:14,764 --> 00:21:18,097
Two towns away from each other
for years, we had to meet in New York.

315
00:21:18,167 --> 00:21:21,694
Could have been worse.
Could have not met at all.

316
00:21:27,310 --> 00:21:30,177
Okay, we're back.

317
00:21:30,246 --> 00:21:32,339
<i>Thank you. Thank you.</i>

318
00:21:32,415 --> 00:21:35,441
So, a long time ago, we used
to have this bass player,

319
00:21:35,518 --> 00:21:38,851
who took off one day to draw
funny books or something.

320
00:21:38,921 --> 00:21:42,015
<i>Maybe you've heard of her stuff?
/diosyncratic Routine?</i>

321
00:21:45,495 --> 00:21:47,759
<i>But what a lot of people
don't know...</i>

322
00:21:47,830 --> 00:21:50,765
is that she used to harbor
these delusions that she could sing,

323
00:21:50,833 --> 00:21:54,860
and she used to subject us to throaty
renditions of Debbie Gibson tunes.

324
00:21:57,306 --> 00:22:00,833
So, she's here tonight,
and I think if we all beg her...

325
00:22:00,910 --> 00:22:03,572
or maybe offer her
some "X,"

326
00:22:03,646 --> 00:22:06,206
she'll come up here and treat us
to some of her vocal stylings.

327
00:22:06,282 --> 00:22:08,216
What do ya say, Alyssa?

328
00:22:08,284 --> 00:22:11,253
Yeah!

329
00:22:11,320 --> 00:22:14,949
Oh, she's shy!

330
00:22:15,024 --> 00:22:17,891
Get up here and sing, bitch!

331
00:22:17,960 --> 00:22:21,760
All right!
Go. Go up there.

333
00:22:23,833 --> 00:22:28,133
Whoo! Yea!

334
00:22:28,204 --> 00:22:32,732
What am I doing here?
This is so fucking gay.

335
00:22:36,445 --> 00:22:40,313
She is such a cunt.

336
00:22:40,383 --> 00:22:44,319
You guys know the one
I wanna do, right?

337
00:22:44,387 --> 00:22:47,515
All right. I should
dedicate this, right?

338
00:22:49,258 --> 00:22:53,592
This is for that
someone special out there.

339
00:22:53,663 --> 00:22:56,097
<i>Ready?</i>

340
00:22:56,165 --> 00:23:00,795
I'm feelin' awful

341
00:23:00,870 --> 00:23:04,237
But all alone

342
00:23:04,307 --> 00:23:08,801
Just missin' someone

343
00:23:08,878 --> 00:23:12,609
<i>

344
00:23:12,682 --> 00:23:16,311
<i>

345
00:23:16,385 --> 00:23:20,287
I'll wait patiently

346
00:23:20,356 --> 00:23:25,123
Just feelin' nothin'

347
00:23:25,194 --> 00:23:27,992
Inside of me

348
00:23:28,064 --> 00:23:31,966
And where are you, baby

349
00:23:32,034 --> 00:23:34,969
<i>

350
00:23:35,037 --> 00:23:39,770
Why aren't you here

351
00:23:39,842 --> 00:23:42,868
Lovin' me

352
00:23:42,945 --> 00:23:46,642
'Cause I want to kiss you

353
00:23:46,716 --> 00:23:50,743
<i>

354
00:23:50,820 --> 00:23:54,347
<i>

355
00:23:54,423 --> 00:23:57,688
<i>

356
00:23:57,760 --> 00:24:01,526
And I wanna feel passion
I wanna feel pain

357
00:24:01,597 --> 00:24:05,158
I wanna weep at
the sound of your name

358
00:24:05,234 --> 00:24:08,726
Come make me laugh
or come make me cry

359
00:24:08,804 --> 00:24:15,710
Just make me feel alive

360
00:24:15,778 --> 00:24:19,475
<i>

361
00:24:19,548 --> 00:24:23,109
For that glorious day

362
00:24:23,185 --> 00:24:26,348
When the one I dream of

363
00:24:26,422 --> 00:24:30,916
<i>

364
00:24:30,993 --> 00:24:34,485
<i>

365
00:24:34,563 --> 00:24:38,329
<i>

366
00:24:38,401 --> 00:24:42,667
I know I'll feel
somethin'

367
00:24:42,738 --> 00:24:48,506
<i>

368
00:24:48,577 --> 00:24:52,843
I wanna feel passion
I wanna feel pain

369
00:24:52,915 --> 00:24:56,442
I wanna weep at
the sound of your name

370
00:24:56,519 --> 00:24:59,886
<i>
or come make me cry</i>

371
00:24:59,955 --> 00:25:04,187
<i>

372
00:25:04,260 --> 00:25:07,559
Alive

373
00:25:10,266 --> 00:25:13,258
Yeah!

375
00:26:05,020 --> 00:26:06,954
Hot!

376
00:26:11,093 --> 00:26:15,894
Now, that, my friend,
is a shared moment.

377
00:26:31,979 --> 00:26:33,742
- What?
- It's rude.

378
00:26:33,814 --> 00:26:37,511
When are we gonna get a chance to see
this shit live without payin' for it?

379
00:26:39,320 --> 00:26:44,019
- Sorry. It's just new to him.
- Oh, and you're an old hand at this?

380
00:26:44,091 --> 00:26:49,154
No, no, I should apologize. I don't
normally get all mushy in public,

381
00:26:49,230 --> 00:26:52,256
but it's been a while
since I've seen Kim here.

382
00:26:52,333 --> 00:26:54,699
You know what?
I wanna dance.

383
00:26:54,769 --> 00:26:57,101
Go ahead.
I'll watch from here.

384
00:26:57,171 --> 00:26:59,833
No!
I wanna dance with you!

385
00:26:59,907 --> 00:27:04,367
<i>Don't be a rag. I have to sit here and
work up the desire to fuck you later.</i>

386
00:27:06,113 --> 00:27:08,877
Please!

387
00:27:13,788 --> 00:27:14,720
Yes?

388
00:27:14,789 --> 00:27:17,121
You said "fuck. "
She said "fuck. "

389
00:27:17,191 --> 00:27:19,523
You said "fuck" to that girl.
You said that you'd fuck her.

390
00:27:19,593 --> 00:27:22,323
- And?
- How can a girl fuck another girl?

391
00:27:22,396 --> 00:27:24,330
Were you talking about
strap-ons or something?

392
00:27:24,398 --> 00:27:26,332
- Oh, Jesus. Would you shut up?
- What?

393
00:27:26,400 --> 00:27:27,799
It's okay.

394
00:27:27,868 --> 00:27:30,666
I don't know how many times
I can apologize for him.

395
00:27:30,738 --> 00:27:34,299
No, Banky, I've never
used a strap-on.

396
00:27:34,375 --> 00:27:36,309
Then what's with
saying "fuck"?

397
00:27:36,377 --> 00:27:41,007
Shouldn't you say "eat her out" or
modify the term "fuck" with "flst"?

398
00:27:41,081 --> 00:27:45,245
Let me ask you a question.
Can men fuck each other?

399
00:27:45,319 --> 00:27:49,312
- You asking for my permission?
- In your estimation.

400
00:27:49,390 --> 00:27:51,415
Sure.

401
00:27:51,492 --> 00:27:54,950
So, for you,
to fuck is to penetrate.

402
00:27:55,029 --> 00:27:57,930
You're used to the more
traditional deflnition.

403
00:27:57,998 --> 00:28:01,695
You, inside some girl you've
duped, jackhammerin' away,

404
00:28:01,769 --> 00:28:03,737
not noticing that
bored look in her eyes.

405
00:28:03,804 --> 00:28:08,400
Hey, I always notice that bored look
in their eyes, all right?

406
00:28:08,475 --> 00:28:11,933
Fucking is not limited
to penetration, Banky.

407
00:28:12,012 --> 00:28:16,449
For me, it describes any sex
when it's not totally about love.

408
00:28:16,517 --> 00:28:19,418
I don't love Kim,
but I'll fuck her.

409
00:28:19,486 --> 00:28:21,420
I'm sure you don't love
every girl you sleep with.

410
00:28:21,488 --> 00:28:23,581
Some of them
I downright loathe.

411
00:28:23,657 --> 00:28:27,058
Aha, but I'll bet it's different
with the ones you do love.

412
00:28:27,127 --> 00:28:29,061
<i>Like, you'll go down
on 'em longer.</i>

413
00:28:29,129 --> 00:28:30,721
- Here we go.
- I don't do that.

414
00:28:30,798 --> 00:28:33,995
- What?
- I stopped. It got to be frustrating.

415
00:28:34,068 --> 00:28:37,697
As stupid as you usually come off
during this little diatribe of yours,

416
00:28:37,771 --> 00:28:39,864
you're gonna come off ten times
as stupid on this occasion.

417
00:28:39,940 --> 00:28:42,909
I lost my tolerance for the baggage
that comes with eating girls out.

418
00:28:42,977 --> 00:28:44,911
What's the big deal?

419
00:28:44,979 --> 00:28:47,743
If you say the smell,
so help me, I will slug you.

420
00:28:47,815 --> 00:28:49,840
Not the smell.
The smell is good.

421
00:28:49,917 --> 00:28:52,579
I'm talkin' about not being
able to do it properly.

422
00:28:52,653 --> 00:28:54,587
My mother
brought me up to believe...

423
00:28:54,655 --> 00:28:57,385
if I can't do something right,
I shouldn't do it at all.

424
00:28:57,458 --> 00:29:00,985
Of course, my father told me she gave
lousy head, but that's beside the point.

425
00:29:01,061 --> 00:29:04,497
Well, at least you blame yourself
for your sexual inadequacies.

426
00:29:04,565 --> 00:29:06,795
No. I blame them.

427
00:29:06,867 --> 00:29:11,600
Chicks never help you out.
They never tell you what to do, right?

428
00:29:11,672 --> 00:29:15,301
And most of them are all self-conscious
about the smell factor.

429
00:29:15,376 --> 00:29:19,836
<i>And, so, most of the time, they just lay
there frozen like a deer in headlights.</i>

430
00:29:19,914 --> 00:29:22,542
I mean, not for nothin',
but when a chick goes down on me,

431
00:29:22,616 --> 00:29:25,710
I let her know where to go
and what the status is.

432
00:29:25,786 --> 00:29:29,813
You gotta handle it like
CNN and the Weather Channel.

433
00:29:29,890 --> 00:29:32,017
Constant updates.

434
00:29:32,092 --> 00:29:34,253
You are such an idiot.

435
00:29:34,328 --> 00:29:37,786
No, no, he's got a point.
I mean, that's how I was in high school.

436
00:29:37,865 --> 00:29:41,494
You know, all nervous and
inhibited about being eaten out.

437
00:29:41,568 --> 00:29:45,026
But by the time I got
to college, that all changed.

438
00:29:45,105 --> 00:29:47,198
<i>I've loosened up.</i>

439
00:29:47,274 --> 00:29:49,799
I was like one of those guys at
the airport with those big fashlights,

440
00:29:49,877 --> 00:29:53,813
wavin' 'em this way, directin' 'em
that way, tellin' 'em when to stop.

441
00:29:53,881 --> 00:29:57,339
And that's all I'm sayin'. It would
be different if chicks helped out.

442
00:29:57,418 --> 00:29:59,852
You know, pointed a guy
in the right direction.

443
00:29:59,920 --> 00:30:05,358
There'd be no bullshit, no wasted time
and no chance for permanent injuries.

444
00:30:05,426 --> 00:30:07,360
Permanent injuries?

445
00:30:07,428 --> 00:30:11,023
Sure. You wanna see
somethin' permanent?

446
00:30:11,098 --> 00:30:13,225
- See that?
- Uh-huh.

447
00:30:13,300 --> 00:30:16,064
I got that from Nina Rollins,
sophomore year.

448
00:30:16,136 --> 00:30:18,070
I'm goin' down on her,
right?

449
00:30:18,138 --> 00:30:20,368
<i>Out of nowhere, her cat jumps on her.</i>

450
00:30:20,441 --> 00:30:25,845
She does this big pelvic thrust, cracks
my tooth and sends it down my throat.

451
00:30:25,913 --> 00:30:28,882
I had to get a crown
for the stub.

452
00:30:30,217 --> 00:30:33,345
I got that beat.
I got that beat.

453
00:30:33,420 --> 00:30:38,289
<i>Junior year, I'm goin'down
on Cynthia Slater in her dorm room.</i>

454
00:30:38,359 --> 00:30:43,558
I'm totally drunk, and in the middle
of it, I fall asleep right in her lap.

455
00:30:43,630 --> 00:30:45,564
<i>She got so mad,
she digs her heel into my back.</i>

456
00:30:45,632 --> 00:30:49,932
- Ow!
- Right there. That's permanent.

457
00:30:50,004 --> 00:30:53,701
<i>All right. All right.
See this?</i>

458
00:30:55,776 --> 00:30:58,244
That's the farthest I can
move my neck to the right.

459
00:30:58,312 --> 00:31:02,442
Again, sophomore year,
I'm goin' out with Brandy Svining.

460
00:31:02,516 --> 00:31:06,316
And for six months, I'm goin' down
on her. Not a damn thing's happening.

461
00:31:06,387 --> 00:31:10,084
So, one night, I change a position
or vary my lapping speed,

462
00:31:10,157 --> 00:31:14,355
and suddenly it's
a whole new world.

463
00:31:14,428 --> 00:31:17,397
She's movin' around,
convulsing, breathing heavy,

464
00:31:17,464 --> 00:31:20,092
and her legs are pressed up
against my ears so tightly...

465
00:31:20,167 --> 00:31:24,069
<i>that I don't hear her father
come into the room.</i>

466
00:31:24,138 --> 00:31:27,232
He grabs my hair and
pulls me way back, hard.

467
00:31:32,012 --> 00:31:35,140
Senior year,
spring formal.

468
00:31:35,215 --> 00:31:38,150
I'm eatin' out Missy Kurt
in her brother's car.

469
00:31:38,218 --> 00:31:42,678
She's layin' across the backseat. I'm
half hangin' out, knees on the ground.

470
00:31:42,756 --> 00:31:47,625
She's failin' around, and she...
she knocks the parking brake off.

471
00:31:47,694 --> 00:31:52,097
The car starts
rolling down the hill.

472
00:31:52,166 --> 00:31:55,329
And my left knee
is cut up to shit...

473
00:31:55,402 --> 00:32:00,999
like a kiddy's scissors class
cut it up for paper dolls!

474
00:32:16,223 --> 00:32:18,191
Whoa! Hey!
Look at the time.

475
00:32:18,258 --> 00:32:20,192
We gotta... We gotta
beat that trafflc, huh?

476
00:32:20,260 --> 00:32:22,490
What trafflc?
It's 1:30 in the morning.

477
00:32:22,563 --> 00:32:26,090
<i>And rush hour
starts in six hours. Let's go.</i>

478
00:32:26,166 --> 00:32:30,466
Uh, thanks for inviting us out.
It was educational.

479
00:32:30,537 --> 00:32:32,471
Come on.

480
00:32:37,644 --> 00:32:39,578
Since you like
chicks, right,

481
00:32:39,646 --> 00:32:42,308
you just look at yourself naked
in the mirror all the time?

482
00:32:51,592 --> 00:32:53,526
<i>Look, here's the deal.</i>

483
00:32:53,594 --> 00:32:55,994
<i>When we get in there, don't be a
complete Potzer, like last night.</i>

484
00:32:56,063 --> 00:32:58,031
<i>This is business now, okay?</i>

485
00:32:58,098 --> 00:33:02,432
Oh, why are you in such a bad mood?
Still dwelling on that dyke?

486
00:33:02,503 --> 00:33:04,630
- Hey, knock it off, will you?
- What'd I tell you?

487
00:33:04,705 --> 00:33:07,230
She just needs
the right guy.

488
00:33:07,307 --> 00:33:12,142
All every woman really wants
is some serious deep-dicking.

489
00:33:12,212 --> 00:33:15,739
<i>Sorry.</i>

490
00:33:17,317 --> 00:33:20,252
See, that's why
I can't buy lesbians.

491
00:33:20,320 --> 00:33:22,515
Everyone needs dick.

492
00:33:22,589 --> 00:33:25,217
See, I can buy fags,
a bunch of guys that need dick.

493
00:33:25,292 --> 00:33:28,159
You know, just plain need it.
That I get.

494
00:33:28,228 --> 00:33:32,062
Dykes?
Bullshit posturing.

495
00:33:32,132 --> 00:33:34,498
But, live and let live,
I guess.

496
00:33:34,568 --> 00:33:37,401
I'm sure the gay community
appreciates your support.

497
00:33:37,471 --> 00:33:41,407
We'd like to start off by saying that it
is a real pleasure to flnally meet you.

498
00:33:41,475 --> 00:33:43,739
Absolute pleasure.

499
00:33:43,810 --> 00:33:46,677
<i>One of the reasons we started this whole
thing was to filnally meet the guys...</i>

500
00:33:46,747 --> 00:33:49,113
<i>that do Bluntman and Chronic.</i>

501
00:33:49,183 --> 00:33:51,117
- Snootchie bootchies!
- Huh?

502
00:33:51,185 --> 00:33:54,552
<i>Which now brings us
to our proposal.</i>

503
00:33:54,621 --> 00:33:57,317
<i>Look, fellas, the days
of Butt-Head are over.</i>

504
00:33:57,391 --> 00:34:02,055
<i>We're interested in doing 12 half-hour
Bluntman and Chronic cartoons.</i>

505
00:34:02,129 --> 00:34:04,697
<i>What do you say?</i>

506
00:34:04,830 --> 00:34:07,298
Are we in business?

507
00:34:10,869 --> 00:34:12,996
<i>The boy wonder.</i>

508
00:34:13,072 --> 00:34:17,805
<i>Batman and Robin, the dynamic
duo against crime and corruption.</i>

509
00:34:17,876 --> 00:34:20,777
Yeah, hi. Somebody told me
they make comic books here,

510
00:34:20,846 --> 00:34:24,475
<i>which is so weird, because I have
this great idea for a story.</i>

511
00:34:24,550 --> 00:34:27,747
It's about a guy who comes
to this club and...

512
00:34:27,820 --> 00:34:29,913
hightails it
when he flnds out...

513
00:34:29,988 --> 00:34:31,580
Ready for this?

514
00:34:33,826 --> 00:34:36,624
This girl is gay.

515
00:34:38,764 --> 00:34:42,825
Any interest
in a story like that?

516
00:34:42,901 --> 00:34:45,028
- An animated series?
- Twelve episodes.

517
00:34:45,104 --> 00:34:48,505
- Well, that's great, isn't it?
- Banky seems to think so.

518
00:34:48,574 --> 00:34:51,099
- But you don't.
- Well, I...

519
00:34:51,176 --> 00:34:54,168
I don't know if that's the perception
I want people to have of our work.

520
00:34:54,246 --> 00:34:56,339
I know this sounds pretentious
as hell, but...

521
00:34:56,415 --> 00:34:58,542
I'd like to think of us
as artists, you know?

522
00:34:58,617 --> 00:35:01,643
I'd like to get back to doing something
more personal, like our flrst book.

523
00:35:01,720 --> 00:35:05,156
Well, when are you
gonna do that?

524
00:35:05,224 --> 00:35:08,625
When we have something
personal to say.

525
00:35:08,694 --> 00:35:11,185
I weirded you out
the other night.

526
00:35:11,263 --> 00:35:14,027
Uh, no, not really.

527
00:35:14,099 --> 00:35:17,091
- Oh, come on!
- Well, it's just...

528
00:35:17,169 --> 00:35:19,399
I'd never seen that kind of thing
up close and personal before.

529
00:35:19,471 --> 00:35:21,439
It just took a while
to process.

530
00:35:21,507 --> 00:35:23,532
You wanna talk about it?

531
00:35:23,609 --> 00:35:25,702
If you want to.

532
00:35:25,778 --> 00:35:28,576
I like you, Holden.

533
00:35:28,647 --> 00:35:30,945
I haven't liked a man
in a long time.

534
00:35:31,016 --> 00:35:35,680
And it's not because I'm a man-hater
or something like that.

535
00:35:35,754 --> 00:35:39,383
<i>/t's just been some time since I've
been exposed to a man that didn't...</i>

536
00:35:39,458 --> 00:35:42,985
immediately live into
a stereotype of some sort.

537
00:35:43,061 --> 00:35:45,689
And I want you to feel
comfortable with me,

538
00:35:45,764 --> 00:35:48,756
because I'd really like us
to be friends.

539
00:35:48,834 --> 00:35:52,235
So if there's anything you
wanna know, it's okay to ask me.

540
00:35:52,304 --> 00:35:55,535
- Okay.
- Okay.

541
00:35:55,607 --> 00:35:58,906
Okay. Why girls?

542
00:36:00,612 --> 00:36:03,809
- Why men?
- Well, because that's the standard.

543
00:36:03,882 --> 00:36:06,908
If that's the only reason
you're attracted to women...

544
00:36:06,985 --> 00:36:09,044
No, it's more than that.

545
00:36:09,121 --> 00:36:11,248
So you've never been
curious about men?

546
00:36:11,323 --> 00:36:15,760
<i>Curious? Well, I always wondered
why my father watched Hee Haw, but...</i>

547
00:36:15,828 --> 00:36:18,058
- You know what I mean.
- No.

548
00:36:18,130 --> 00:36:20,064
- Why not?
- No interest.

549
00:36:20,132 --> 00:36:22,896
- Because?
- Girls feel right.

550
00:36:22,968 --> 00:36:27,268
Well, that's how I feel. You know,
I've never really been attracted to men.

551
00:36:27,339 --> 00:36:30,900
- Well, so, you're still a virgin then?
- No.

552
00:36:30,976 --> 00:36:32,910
But you've only
been with girls.

553
00:36:32,978 --> 00:36:34,912
So you're saying
a person is a virgin...

554
00:36:34,980 --> 00:36:37,949
until they've had intercourse
with a member of the opposite sex.

555
00:36:38,016 --> 00:36:40,348
Isn't that
the standard deflnition?

556
00:36:40,419 --> 00:36:42,546
Again with your standards.

557
00:36:42,621 --> 00:36:46,022
I think virginity is lost
when you make love for the flrst time.

558
00:36:46,091 --> 00:36:48,889
- With a member of the opposite sex.
- Why? Why only then?

559
00:36:48,961 --> 00:36:51,896
Because that's the standard.
What do you want me to tell ya?

560
00:36:51,964 --> 00:36:56,230
So if a virgin is raped,
then she's still a virgin?

561
00:36:56,301 --> 00:36:58,792
- No, of course not.
- But rape is not the standard.

562
00:36:58,871 --> 00:37:02,136
So she's had sex, but not
the standard idea of sex.

563
00:37:02,207 --> 00:37:05,040
Hence, according to your deflnition,
she'd still be a virgin.

564
00:37:05,110 --> 00:37:07,908
- Okay, flne, I'll revise.
- Uh-huh.

565
00:37:07,980 --> 00:37:11,074
Virginity is
lost when the hymen is broken.

566
00:37:11,149 --> 00:37:14,380
<i>- Then I lost my virginity at ten.
- Really?</i>

567
00:37:14,453 --> 00:37:18,048
'Cause, see, I fell on a fence post
when I was ten, and it broke my hymen.

568
00:37:18,123 --> 00:37:21,183
Okay. Second revision.

569
00:37:21,260 --> 00:37:23,888
Virginity is lost
through penetration.

570
00:37:23,962 --> 00:37:26,328
Physical penetration
or emotional.

571
00:37:26,398 --> 00:37:28,332
- Emotional penetration?
- Mmm.

572
00:37:28,400 --> 00:37:31,494
I fell in love hard with Caitlin Bree
when we were in high school.

573
00:37:31,570 --> 00:37:32,662
Physical penetration.

574
00:37:32,738 --> 00:37:35,400
- We had sex.
- Yeah, but not real sex.

575
00:37:37,409 --> 00:37:40,503
I move to have that remark
stricken from the record,

576
00:37:40,579 --> 00:37:44,675
on account of it makes you come off
as completely naive and infantile.

577
00:37:44,750 --> 00:37:47,947
Well, where's the penetration
in lesbian sex? I...

578
00:37:48,020 --> 00:37:52,582
A flnger? I've had my flnger up my
ass. I wouldn't say I've had anal sex.

579
00:37:54,660 --> 00:37:56,594
Observe.

580
00:37:59,665 --> 00:38:04,432
You're kidding me!
How?

581
00:38:04,503 --> 00:38:07,199
Our bodies are built to pass
a child, for Christ's sake.

582
00:38:07,272 --> 00:38:09,763
<i>Yeah, but I mean... Jesus!
Doesn't that hurt?</i>

583
00:38:09,841 --> 00:38:13,140
<i>- Sure, but in that good way.
- Oh.</i>

584
00:38:13,211 --> 00:38:17,272
And it's only a once-in-a-while thing
reserved for really special occasions.

585
00:38:17,349 --> 00:38:21,445
- How about not-so-special occasions?
- Tongue only.

586
00:38:21,520 --> 00:38:24,785
Well, but see... Come on.
That's what I'm sayin'.

587
00:38:24,856 --> 00:38:28,121
It's like, how can that be enough?
How big can a tongue really get?

588
00:38:32,097 --> 00:38:34,031
My God.

589
00:38:34,099 --> 00:38:38,866
Let's go.

590
00:38:41,273 --> 00:38:43,571
Come on. Come on.

591
00:38:43,642 --> 00:38:46,133
You're really gonna have
to give me a minute, I think.

592
00:38:46,278 --> 00:38:49,076
<i>Would you stop futzing with
your fuckin'bag? We're late already.</i>

593
00:38:49,147 --> 00:38:51,308
<i>- I have to get something.
- Look, man, we miss this train,</i>

594
00:38:51,383 --> 00:38:54,944
<i>I'm gonna shitcan you
and just hire Charles Schulz.</i>

595
00:38:55,020 --> 00:38:58,319
<i>Oh, my God. Who are you?
Larry Fucking Flynt?</i>

596
00:38:58,390 --> 00:39:01,018
- What are you gonna do with all those?
- Read the articles.

597
00:39:01,093 --> 00:39:04,961
What do you think I'm gonna do
with 'em? They're stroke books, stupid.

598
00:39:05,030 --> 00:39:08,022
You got, like, 30 books in there.
We're only gonna be gone for two days.

599
00:39:08,100 --> 00:39:10,933
Variety is the spice of life.
I like a wide selection.

600
00:39:11,003 --> 00:39:13,267
Sometimes I'm in the mood
for nasty close-ups.

601
00:39:13,338 --> 00:39:15,636
Sometimes I like 'em
arty and airbrushed.

602
00:39:15,707 --> 00:39:17,971
Sometimes it's a spread
brown-eye kind of night.

603
00:39:18,043 --> 00:39:20,443
<i>Sometimes it's girl-on-girl time.</i>

604
00:39:20,512 --> 00:39:22,446
Sometimes
a steamy letter will do.

605
00:39:22,514 --> 00:39:25,449
Sometimes, not often,
but sometimes...

606
00:39:25,517 --> 00:39:29,783
I like the idea
of a chick with a horse.

607
00:39:29,855 --> 00:39:32,346
Go get our tickets.
I gotta call Alyssa.

608
00:39:32,424 --> 00:39:35,188
- His master's voice.
- Put that stuff away!

609
00:39:44,503 --> 00:39:46,437
Hi.

610
00:40:03,688 --> 00:40:08,125
One minute, flve seconds.
Ah, you are such my bitch.

611
00:40:08,193 --> 00:40:10,127
What's up?
I'm about to get on a train.

612
00:40:10,195 --> 00:40:13,392
- Oh! Why?
- Last-minute invite to the Boston Con.

613
00:40:13,465 --> 00:40:17,299
- Shit.
- What?

614
00:40:17,369 --> 00:40:20,031
Well, my sister's at my parents',
and I was gonna go see her.

615
00:40:20,105 --> 00:40:22,039
- The one that wrote the book?
- Yeah.

616
00:40:22,107 --> 00:40:26,669
But I was stayin' all weekend. I
wanted to hang out with you. This sucks.

617
00:40:26,745 --> 00:40:30,977
You know, um, both of us
don't have to go.

618
00:40:31,049 --> 00:40:33,017
- Really?
- Yeah. Banky can do this by himself.

619
00:40:33,085 --> 00:40:36,282
I mean, you know, it's not like we're on
a panel. It's just a signing appearance.

620
00:40:36,354 --> 00:40:39,118
If you come pick me up,
I'll be your best friend.

621
00:40:39,191 --> 00:40:41,421
Where's your apartment?

622
00:40:41,493 --> 00:40:45,429
And then Black Beauty
couldn't take it any longer,

623
00:40:45,497 --> 00:40:50,958
and he flnally did
some of his own mounting.

624
00:40:51,036 --> 00:40:53,004
What are you doing?

625
00:40:53,071 --> 00:40:55,232
I think I want kids of my own
one day. They're fun.

626
00:40:55,307 --> 00:40:58,674
Listen to me. I'm not going. You're
gonna have to do this one by yourself.

627
00:40:58,743 --> 00:41:00,734
- What? Why?
- Alyssa's comin' down for the weekend.

628
00:41:00,812 --> 00:41:03,246
I'm gonna hang out with her.
You don't need me for this.

629
00:41:03,315 --> 00:41:06,307
Look, I'll take the bags.
You can, uh, keep the fllth.

630
00:41:06,384 --> 00:41:08,318
I'll pick you up
at 9:00 Sunday night.

631
00:41:08,386 --> 00:41:11,253
Don't forget to plug the annual,
and don't mention the TV show, okay?

632
00:41:11,323 --> 00:41:13,814
Call me if you get bored.

633
00:41:13,892 --> 00:41:15,860
<i>All aboard!</i>

634
00:41:18,463 --> 00:41:20,727
Explain this again.

635
00:41:20,799 --> 00:41:23,267
How could you have grown up
on the shore and never played skee-ball?

636
00:41:23,335 --> 00:41:25,326
What did you do
with your youth?

637
00:41:25,403 --> 00:41:27,837
Stayed out late,
smoked pot, screwed around.

638
00:41:27,906 --> 00:41:29,999
Not your grade school years,
your high school years.

639
00:41:30,075 --> 00:41:33,602
- This looks complicated.
- Jesus. Potzer, uh...

640
00:41:33,678 --> 00:41:36,306
- The premise is very basic, okay?
- Uh-huh.

641
00:41:36,381 --> 00:41:39,509
<i>You roll the ball up the rampart in an
effort to pop it into the score circle.</i>

642
00:41:39,584 --> 00:41:41,142
<i>The higher the score,
the more prize tickets you get.</i>

643
00:41:41,219 --> 00:41:43,187
Well, what do you do
with the prize tickets?

644
00:41:43,255 --> 00:41:45,689
You trade them in
for prizes,

645
00:41:45,757 --> 00:41:48,851
which are not worth nearly as much
as you've paid to play the game.

646
00:41:48,927 --> 00:41:52,226
- Well, what's the point?
- It's fun.

647
00:41:52,297 --> 00:41:55,130
And you question
my lifestyle.

648
00:41:55,200 --> 00:41:58,397
<i>Observe.</i>

649
00:42:04,108 --> 00:42:05,905
See? It's just that simple.

650
00:42:05,977 --> 00:42:08,639
Well, why not just walk up there
and put it in the 50 every time...

651
00:42:08,713 --> 00:42:12,877
- Well, where's the skill in that?
- Oh, this is a skill.

652
00:42:12,950 --> 00:42:15,282
I'm sorry.
I had no idea.

653
00:42:15,353 --> 00:42:17,287
Just toss one.

654
00:42:22,193 --> 00:42:26,926
Uh, I'm sorry there, man.
She's a little new at this.

655
00:42:26,998 --> 00:42:29,466
Thanks. Thanks a lot.

656
00:42:29,533 --> 00:42:32,161
Underhand, okay?
Throw it underhand.

657
00:42:32,236 --> 00:42:34,761
And this is where you take
straight chicks on dates.

658
00:42:34,839 --> 00:42:36,773
This place is like Spanish fy.

659
00:42:36,841 --> 00:42:39,207
This will probably be the flrst time
I don't score afterward.

660
00:42:39,276 --> 00:42:42,211
I don't know. I'm starting to get
a tingle in my bottom.

661
00:42:45,549 --> 00:42:47,380
- Ten.
- Very nice.

662
00:42:47,451 --> 00:42:49,385
- So, what'd you do last night?
- Got laid.

663
00:42:53,791 --> 00:42:57,158
Some more of that, uh, skill
you were tellin' me about?

664
00:42:57,228 --> 00:43:00,823
<i>

665
00:43:00,898 --> 00:43:03,423
<i>
Never will regret this</i>

666
00:43:03,501 --> 00:43:05,435
<i>

667
00:43:05,503 --> 00:43:10,031
<i>
Never will regret this</i>

668
00:43:18,682 --> 00:43:23,051
<i>
and I'm not scared to say</i>

669
00:43:23,120 --> 00:43:25,987
<i>

670
00:43:26,057 --> 00:43:28,719
<i>
a couple of hesitations</i>

671
00:43:28,793 --> 00:43:31,091
<i>

672
00:43:31,162 --> 00:43:35,496
<i>
if she might come in</i>

673
00:43:35,566 --> 00:43:40,868
<i>
an invitation now</i>

674
00:43:40,938 --> 00:43:45,034
<i>
really something today</i>

675
00:43:45,109 --> 00:43:49,341
<i>
a little spark, hey</i>

676
00:43:49,413 --> 00:43:52,382
<i>Are you sure that
control is working, Banky?</i>

677
00:43:52,450 --> 00:43:55,886
I thought you lived
in the city.

678
00:43:55,953 --> 00:43:57,887
It's like the umpteenth time
I've seen ya here.

679
00:43:57,955 --> 00:44:01,288
Isn't that grounds for the little pink
mafla to throw you outta their club?

680
00:44:01,358 --> 00:44:03,223
Hey! That's
the last time.

681
00:44:03,294 --> 00:44:07,060
<i>
a little spark, hey</i>

682
00:44:07,131 --> 00:44:10,498
<i>
Never will forget this</i>

683
00:44:10,568 --> 00:44:13,503
<i>
Never will forget this</i>

684
00:44:13,571 --> 00:44:15,903
<i>

685
00:44:15,973 --> 00:44:18,703
<i>
Never will forget this</i>

686
00:44:18,776 --> 00:44:20,971
<i>

687
00:44:21,045 --> 00:44:23,775
<i>
Never will forget this</i>

688
00:44:23,848 --> 00:44:26,043
<i>

689
00:44:26,117 --> 00:44:28,381
<i>
Never will forget this</i>

690
00:44:34,425 --> 00:44:37,792
<i>Wow. How bad do you suck?</i>

691
00:44:37,862 --> 00:44:41,889
<i>How was your pseudo date?</i>

692
00:44:41,966 --> 00:44:44,059
- Leave it alone.
- That chick bugs me.

693
00:44:44,135 --> 00:44:47,696
- No, everyone bugs you.
- Get off!

694
00:44:47,771 --> 00:44:51,332
<i>Fuckin' faggot. Did you see that?</i>

695
00:44:51,408 --> 00:44:55,902
Your dyke-courting ass
just got me scored on.

696
00:44:55,980 --> 00:44:58,813
You know, you should
watch that, man.

697
00:44:58,883 --> 00:45:01,681
If you're gonna get so bent
outta shape while playing the game...

698
00:45:01,752 --> 00:45:04,778
so much so that you feel
the need to curse the TV...

699
00:45:04,855 --> 00:45:07,153
try not to gay bash it,
all right?

700
00:45:07,224 --> 00:45:09,419
You're not
that kind of guy.

701
00:45:09,493 --> 00:45:14,294
And don't call her a dyke.
She's a lesbian. Okay?

702
00:45:21,138 --> 00:45:24,232
What the fuck
is goin' on here?

703
00:45:24,308 --> 00:45:26,606
- I'm starting a new page?
- Not with this shit! With you!

704
00:45:26,677 --> 00:45:28,645
What the fuck is goin' on
with you and that girl?

705
00:45:28,712 --> 00:45:31,875
- We're just friends!
- She's programming you!

706
00:45:31,949 --> 00:45:33,883
I beg your pardon?
Programming?

707
00:45:33,951 --> 00:45:36,442
Yeah, and apparently you don't
even fuckin' realize it.

708
00:45:36,520 --> 00:45:39,250
What does it matter
if I refer to her as a dyke?

709
00:45:39,323 --> 00:45:42,986
Or if I call the Whalers faggots
in the privacy of my own offlce...

710
00:45:43,060 --> 00:45:45,927
far from the sensitive ears
of the rest of the world?

711
00:45:45,996 --> 00:45:49,625
Look, man, it's
passive-aggressive gay bashing.

712
00:45:49,700 --> 00:45:51,725
And I know you're not really
prejudiced at heart.

713
00:45:51,802 --> 00:45:57,707
I think you should flnd some other way
to express your anger is all I'm saying.

714
00:46:10,120 --> 00:46:12,680
What are you doing?

715
00:46:12,756 --> 00:46:18,490
Just bear with me here. I want to
put you through this little exercise.

716
00:46:26,003 --> 00:46:30,099
All right, now, see this?
This is a four-way road, okay?

717
00:46:30,174 --> 00:46:34,668
And dead in the center is a crisp,
new hundred-dollar bill.

718
00:46:34,745 --> 00:46:38,772
Now, at the end of each of these streets
are four people. Okay? You following?

719
00:46:38,849 --> 00:46:40,783
- Yeah.
- Good.

720
00:46:40,851 --> 00:46:44,014
Over here we have a male-affectionate,
easy-to-get-along-with,

721
00:46:44,088 --> 00:46:46,886
nonpolitical-agenda
lesbian.

722
00:46:46,957 --> 00:46:50,916
Down here we have
a man-hating, angry-as-fuck,

723
00:46:50,995 --> 00:46:54,453
agenda-of-rage,
bitter dyke.

724
00:46:54,531 --> 00:46:59,366
Over here we got Santa Claus,
and up here, the Easter Bunny.

725
00:46:59,436 --> 00:47:04,032
Which one is going to get
to the hundred-dollar bill flrst?

726
00:47:04,108 --> 00:47:06,042
- What is this supposed to prove?
- No, I'm serious.

727
00:47:06,110 --> 00:47:09,136
This is a serious exercise.
It's like an S.A.T. question.

728
00:47:09,213 --> 00:47:12,307
Which one is going to get
to the hundred-dollar bill flrst?

729
00:47:12,383 --> 00:47:15,250
<i>The male-friendly lesbian?
The man-hating dyke?</i>

730
00:47:15,319 --> 00:47:17,253
<i>Santa Claus
or the Easter Bunny?</i>

731
00:47:17,321 --> 00:47:20,051
- The man-hating dyke.
- Good.

732
00:47:20,124 --> 00:47:22,058
- Why?
- I don't know.

733
00:47:22,126 --> 00:47:26,062
Because the other three are flgments
of your fucking imagination!

734
00:47:26,130 --> 00:47:29,190
I don't need this. I'll be hiding
from your fuckin' shit in my room.

735
00:47:29,266 --> 00:47:31,928
- What?
- What is it about this girl, man?

736
00:47:32,002 --> 00:47:34,766
You know you have no shot
at getting her into bed!

737
00:47:34,838 --> 00:47:37,272
Why do you bother
wasting time with her?

738
00:47:37,341 --> 00:47:40,310
<i>- Because you're Holden Fucking McNeil.
- Right.</i>

739
00:47:40,377 --> 00:47:44,939
<i>Most persistent traveler on the road.
That's not the path of least resistance.</i>

740
00:47:45,015 --> 00:47:47,449
Everything's gotta be
a fuckin' challenge for you.

741
00:47:47,518 --> 00:47:49,884
<i>And this little relationship
with that bitch...</i>

742
00:47:49,953 --> 00:47:52,979
is a prime example
of your fucking condition.

743
00:47:53,057 --> 00:47:55,355
Well, I don't need a magic eight ball
to look into your future.

744
00:47:55,426 --> 00:48:00,227
You want a forecast? Here.
Will Holden ever fuck Alyssa?

745
00:48:00,297 --> 00:48:03,266
Oh, what a shock.
Not fucking likely.

746
00:48:03,334 --> 00:48:07,361
This relationship is affecting you,
our work and our friendship.

747
00:48:07,438 --> 00:48:10,965
The time's gonna come when I throw down
the gauntlet and say, "It's me or her. "

748
00:48:11,041 --> 00:48:13,009
- Then what are you gonna say?
- I say you should let this one go!

749
00:48:13,077 --> 00:48:16,945
No. What would you say? Would you
trash 20 years of fuckin' friendship...

750
00:48:17,014 --> 00:48:19,278
because you've got
some idiotic notion...

751
00:48:19,350 --> 00:48:22,786
that this chick would even let you
sniff her panties, let alone fuck her?

752
00:48:22,853 --> 00:48:26,050
Look, fuckin' asshole,
I'm telling you, okay? Let it go!

753
00:48:26,123 --> 00:48:28,057
What the fuck, man?

754
00:48:28,125 --> 00:48:30,116
What the fuck makes this bitch
all that important?

755
00:48:30,194 --> 00:48:33,391
'Cause I'm fuckin' in love
with her, man, okay?

756
00:48:39,703 --> 00:48:41,637
Fuck.

757
00:48:47,211 --> 00:48:51,614
<i>- Well, I thought it was love
- Thought it was love</i>

758
00:48:51,682 --> 00:48:53,843
<i>

759
00:48:58,122 --> 00:49:00,852
Wish you were the one being
pursued for the cartoon.

760
00:49:00,924 --> 00:49:02,516
Oh, really?

761
00:49:02,593 --> 00:49:06,723
Yeah, then maybe you could sell out and
pick up a check every once in a while.

762
00:49:06,797 --> 00:49:08,731
We're leaving?

763
00:49:08,799 --> 00:49:11,734
Well, it's not like
this is a bed and breakfast.

764
00:49:11,802 --> 00:49:14,635
I've got a little business
to conduct.

765
00:49:20,244 --> 00:49:24,476
Hello there.
Let me ask you a question.

766
00:49:24,548 --> 00:49:28,951
Are you an authorized deal maker
in this establishment?

767
00:49:29,019 --> 00:49:31,988
Do you have the power
to negotiate?

768
00:49:32,055 --> 00:49:34,990
You wanna haggle over the price
of your French dip?

769
00:49:35,058 --> 00:49:40,394
No, I wanna haggle
over the price of flne art.

770
00:49:40,464 --> 00:49:43,558
- What do you mean?
- There. By the kitchen.

771
00:49:43,634 --> 00:49:46,899
<i>See? That painting.</i>

772
00:49:46,970 --> 00:49:51,373
- What about it?
- The price tag says 75.

773
00:49:51,442 --> 00:49:54,605
- So?
- Tell me you're kidding.

774
00:49:54,678 --> 00:49:59,172
I'll give you 50.

775
00:50:03,153 --> 00:50:08,491
Manuel, could you bring the Dyksiezski
down off the wall, please?

776
00:50:08,624 --> 00:50:11,286
My new Dyksiezski.

777
00:50:11,360 --> 00:50:15,228
- Where are you gonna hang it?
- I'm not. You are.

778
00:50:15,297 --> 00:50:17,231
Oh? You want me
to hang it for you?

779
00:50:17,299 --> 00:50:19,233
You better hope it doesn't
get out to the girl nation...

780
00:50:19,301 --> 00:50:21,235
you needed a man
to help you hang a picture.

781
00:50:21,303 --> 00:50:25,137
No, no, no. You're going
to hang it in your house.

782
00:50:25,207 --> 00:50:28,643
- Yeah, right.
- I'm serious.

783
00:50:33,282 --> 00:50:36,911
- Why?
- Because it's captured the moment.

784
00:50:36,986 --> 00:50:39,819
It'll be a constant reminder,
not just of tonight,

785
00:50:39,889 --> 00:50:44,553
but of our introduction, of the building
of our friendship, everything.

786
00:50:44,627 --> 00:50:49,121
Make no mistake about it, my friend,
it is a gift from me to you,

787
00:50:49,198 --> 00:50:52,463
so you'll always
remember us.

788
00:51:05,214 --> 00:51:07,148
Why are we stopping?

789
00:51:07,216 --> 00:51:10,447
- Because I can't take this.
- Can't take what?

790
00:51:10,519 --> 00:51:13,147
I love you.

791
00:51:20,296 --> 00:51:22,457
You love me?

792
00:51:22,531 --> 00:51:26,297
I love you and not,
not in a friendly way.

793
00:51:26,368 --> 00:51:28,529
Although, I think
we're great friends.

794
00:51:28,604 --> 00:51:31,971
And not in a misplaced
affection, puppy dog way.

795
00:51:32,041 --> 00:51:34,134
Although, I'm sure
that's what you'll call it.

796
00:51:34,209 --> 00:51:37,667
<i>I love you. Very...</i>

797
00:51:37,746 --> 00:51:41,079
Very simple.
Very truly.

798
00:51:41,150 --> 00:51:45,951
You are the epitome of everything I have
ever looked for in another human being.

799
00:51:46,021 --> 00:51:48,012
And I know that you think of me
as just a friend,

800
00:51:48,090 --> 00:51:50,558
and crossing that line is the furthest
thing from an option...

801
00:51:50,626 --> 00:51:52,491
you would ever consider,

802
00:51:52,561 --> 00:51:57,464
but...
I had to say it.

803
00:51:57,533 --> 00:51:59,524
I just...
I can't take this anymore.

804
00:51:59,602 --> 00:52:02,628
<i>I can't stand next to you
without wanting to hold you.</i>

805
00:52:02,705 --> 00:52:05,071
<i>I can't... I can't look into
your eyes without feeling that...</i>

806
00:52:05,140 --> 00:52:08,200
<i>that longing you only read about
in trashy romance novels.</i>

807
00:52:08,277 --> 00:52:13,977
I can't talk to you without wanting to
express my love for everything you are.

808
00:52:14,049 --> 00:52:19,510
And I know this will probably queer
our friendship... no pun intended...

809
00:52:19,588 --> 00:52:25,220
<i>but I had to say it.</i>

810
00:52:25,294 --> 00:52:28,730
'Cause I've never
felt this way before.

811
00:52:28,797 --> 00:52:34,201
And I don't care.
I like who I am because of it.

812
00:52:34,269 --> 00:52:37,670
And if bringing this to light
means we can't hang out anymore,

813
00:52:37,740 --> 00:52:40,903
then that hurts me.

814
00:52:40,976 --> 00:52:43,444
But, God, I just... I couldn't
allow another day to go by...

815
00:52:43,512 --> 00:52:47,414
<i>without just getting it out there,
regardless of the outcome,</i>

816
00:52:47,483 --> 00:52:53,012
which, by the look on your face,
is to be the inevitable...

817
00:52:53,088 --> 00:52:55,818
shoot down.

818
00:52:55,891 --> 00:53:01,158
And, you know,
I'll accept that.

819
00:53:01,230 --> 00:53:05,064
But I know... I know that some part
of you is hesitating for a moment.

820
00:53:05,134 --> 00:53:08,797
<i>And if there's a moment of hesitation,
then that means you feel something too.</i>

821
00:53:08,871 --> 00:53:10,805
And all I ask, please,
is that you just...

822
00:53:10,873 --> 00:53:16,311
you just not dismiss that and try
to dwell in it for just ten seconds.

823
00:53:17,680 --> 00:53:19,614
Ah.

824
00:53:20,916 --> 00:53:23,214
<i>Alyssa.</i>

825
00:53:23,285 --> 00:53:28,814
There isn't another soul
on this fucking planet...

826
00:53:28,891 --> 00:53:33,260
who has ever made me half the person
I am when I'm with you.

827
00:53:33,328 --> 00:53:37,424
And I would risk this friendship for the
chance to take it to the next plateau,

828
00:53:37,499 --> 00:53:39,558
because it is there
between you and me.

829
00:53:39,635 --> 00:53:43,435
<i>You can't deny that.</i>

830
00:53:51,880 --> 00:53:55,008
Even if, you know...

831
00:53:58,587 --> 00:54:02,546
Even if we never talk again
after tonight,

832
00:54:02,624 --> 00:54:07,084
please know that
I am forever changed...

833
00:54:07,162 --> 00:54:11,565
because of who you are
and what you've meant to me,

834
00:54:11,633 --> 00:54:15,729
which, while I do
appreciate it,

835
00:54:15,804 --> 00:54:21,333
I'd never need a painting of birds
bought at a diner to remind me of.

836
00:54:36,191 --> 00:54:39,251
Oh, God.

837
00:54:39,328 --> 00:54:42,764
Was it something I said?

838
00:54:42,831 --> 00:54:45,732
Fuck.

839
00:54:50,672 --> 00:54:53,368
- What are you doing?
- Get in the car and get outta here!

840
00:54:53,442 --> 00:54:55,672
- You're gonna hitch to New York?
- Yep!

841
00:54:55,744 --> 00:54:58,941
- Aren't you at least gonna comment?
- Here's my comment: Fuck you!

842
00:54:59,014 --> 00:55:00,982
- Why?
- That was so unfair.

843
00:55:01,049 --> 00:55:02,414
You know how unfair that was.

844
00:55:02,484 --> 00:55:04,418
What? It's unfair
that I'm in love with you?

845
00:55:04,486 --> 00:55:06,954
No, it's unfortunate
that you're in love with me.

846
00:55:07,022 --> 00:55:10,458
It's unfair you felt the fuckin' need
to unburden your soul about it.

847
00:55:10,526 --> 00:55:13,791
Do you remember for
one fucking second who I am?

848
00:55:13,862 --> 00:55:16,194
So? I mean, you know,
people change.

849
00:55:16,265 --> 00:55:18,199
Oh! Oh!
It's that simple!

850
00:55:18,267 --> 00:55:21,065
You fall in love with me and
want a romantic relationship.

851
00:55:21,136 --> 00:55:23,070
Nothing changes for you...

852
00:55:23,138 --> 00:55:25,629
with the exception of feeling
hunky-dory all the time.

853
00:55:25,707 --> 00:55:29,643
But what about me, Holden?
It's not that simple!

854
00:55:29,711 --> 00:55:32,111
I just can't get into
a relationship with you...

855
00:55:32,181 --> 00:55:35,309
without throwing my whole
fucking world into upheaval.

856
00:55:35,384 --> 00:55:39,616
That's every relationship. There's
always gonna be a period of adjustment.

857
00:55:39,688 --> 00:55:42,248
Period of adjustment?

858
00:55:42,324 --> 00:55:46,658
There's no period of adjustment,
Holden! I am fucking gay!

859
00:55:46,728 --> 00:55:48,753
That's who I am!

860
00:55:48,831 --> 00:55:54,736
You assume I can turn all that around
because you've got a fucking crush?

861
00:55:56,805 --> 00:55:58,739
If this is a crush,

862
00:55:58,807 --> 00:56:02,504
I don't think I could take it
if the real thing ever happened.

863
00:56:02,578 --> 00:56:05,046
Go home, Holden.

864
00:57:32,915 --> 00:57:37,113
<i>You're back with
Chaz and Stu and the New Zoo Review.</i>

865
00:57:37,186 --> 00:57:41,122
<i>As always behind us we got wacky...</i>

866
00:57:59,808 --> 00:58:02,538
I take it
that's not good.

867
00:58:02,611 --> 00:58:06,138
Stay here.

868
00:58:06,215 --> 00:58:09,810
Be right back.

869
00:58:28,971 --> 00:58:32,099
Catholic schoolgirls.

870
00:58:32,174 --> 00:58:37,237
<i>The uniform's
what does it for me.</i>

871
00:58:37,313 --> 00:58:41,147
<i>I wish I'd went with more
Catholic schoolgirls when I was a kid.</i>

872
00:58:41,216 --> 00:58:46,745
As it stands, I have no "And then she
unzipped her jumper" stories.

873
00:58:47,823 --> 00:58:51,122
You seemed
weirded-out back there.

874
00:58:51,193 --> 00:58:55,755
- That's my couch you were fucking on.
- Sorry.

875
00:58:55,831 --> 00:58:59,130
I wanted to watch some TV.
Hard to do when your best friend is...

876
00:58:59,201 --> 00:59:03,297
wrapped around a naked
rug-muncher on your couch.

877
00:59:03,372 --> 00:59:05,897
She had boxers on.

878
00:59:09,445 --> 00:59:13,882
- This is all gonna end badly.
- You don't know that.

879
00:59:13,949 --> 00:59:17,612
I know you. You're way
too conservative for that girl.

880
00:59:17,686 --> 00:59:22,214
She's been around and seen things
we've only read about in books.

881
00:59:22,291 --> 00:59:26,057
We have read about them,
so we're prepared.

882
00:59:26,128 --> 00:59:29,393
There's no "we" here.

883
00:59:31,133 --> 00:59:33,658
You're gonna have to
go through this alone.

884
00:59:33,736 --> 00:59:35,704
It's one thing
to read about shit,

885
00:59:35,771 --> 00:59:39,901
something different when you're forced
to deal with it on a regular basis.

886
00:59:39,975 --> 00:59:43,775
When you are walking in a mall and your
heads turn at a nice-looking chick,

887
00:59:43,846 --> 00:59:46,906
it's gonna eat you up
inside.

888
00:59:46,982 --> 00:59:51,544
You'll spend most of your time wondering
when the other shoe's gonna drop.

889
00:59:51,620 --> 00:59:55,647
'Cause for you this isn't
about cool, weird sex stuff.

890
00:59:55,724 --> 00:59:57,988
It's about love.

891
00:59:58,060 --> 01:00:01,188
Maybe it is
for her as well.

892
01:00:01,263 --> 01:00:04,494
Somehow I doubt it.

893
01:00:04,566 --> 01:00:07,399
Everybody's not out
to get someone in life, Bank.

894
01:00:07,469 --> 01:00:11,337
Everybody has an agenda,
all right? Everyone.

895
01:00:11,407 --> 01:00:13,034
Yourself?

896
01:00:13,108 --> 01:00:16,043
- My agenda is to watch your back.
- To what end?

897
01:00:16,111 --> 01:00:19,046
To insure that all this time we've
spent together, building something,

898
01:00:19,114 --> 01:00:20,206
wasn't wasted.

899
01:00:20,282 --> 01:00:24,343
Oh, she's not gonna
ruin the comic.

900
01:00:26,822 --> 01:00:29,450
I wasn't talkin'
about the comic.

901
01:00:31,460 --> 01:00:34,258
I'm gonna go get a bagel.

902
01:00:34,329 --> 01:00:38,026
Clean off my fucking couch
so I can watch TV.

903
01:00:48,944 --> 01:00:51,105
From what I understand,
when you sign with a publisher...

904
01:00:51,180 --> 01:00:53,978
someone else does all this work for you,
and you just sit back and collect.

905
01:00:54,049 --> 01:00:57,416
And miss these late-night cram sessions
with my nearest and dearest?

906
01:00:57,486 --> 01:00:59,886
<i>- Never.
- I don't know what she's bitching about.</i>

907
01:00:59,955 --> 01:01:02,549
All she's done since
we got here is pound Merlot.

908
01:01:02,624 --> 01:01:03,716
Yeah, you're a real help.

909
01:01:03,792 --> 01:01:06,454
I'd like to know
why we're here at all...

910
01:01:06,528 --> 01:01:08,462
when we haven't seen
Princess Funny Book in a month.

911
01:01:08,530 --> 01:01:13,467
- Yeah. Who you shackin' up with?
- "Shacking up with"? Please.

912
01:01:15,204 --> 01:01:17,434
I'm so in love!

913
01:01:17,506 --> 01:01:19,736
Ohh!

914
01:01:19,808 --> 01:01:24,177
<i>I know, I know. I feel like such a goon,
but I can't help it.</i>

915
01:01:24,246 --> 01:01:27,181
- We have such a great time together.
- Who is it?

916
01:01:27,249 --> 01:01:29,183
Someone you guys don't know.

917
01:01:29,251 --> 01:01:31,242
That chick you left
the restaurant with that night.

918
01:01:31,320 --> 01:01:33,254
They're not from around here.

919
01:01:33,322 --> 01:01:35,256
Don't even tell me
you met her down the shore.

920
01:01:35,324 --> 01:01:37,986
Ew, a bridge-and-tunnel
Jersey dyke.

921
01:01:38,060 --> 01:01:40,585
With huge hair and acid-washed jeans.

922
01:01:40,662 --> 01:01:44,689
For your information, they don't have
big hair or wear acid-wash.

923
01:01:44,766 --> 01:01:46,757
They're from my hometown.

924
01:01:51,540 --> 01:01:53,701
Why are you playing
the pronoun game?

925
01:01:53,775 --> 01:01:57,506
<i>- What are you talking about? I'm not.
- You are.</i>

926
01:01:57,579 --> 01:02:02,949
I met "someone. " "We" have a great
time. "They're" from my hometown.

927
01:02:03,018 --> 01:02:05,213
Doesn't this tube
of wonderful have a name?

928
01:02:12,427 --> 01:02:14,657
Holden.

929
01:02:29,244 --> 01:02:31,337
Well...

930
01:02:34,183 --> 01:02:36,151
here's to the both of you.

931
01:02:39,821 --> 01:02:42,346
Another one bites the dust.

932
01:02:51,099 --> 01:02:53,533
Can I ask you a question?

933
01:02:53,602 --> 01:02:57,333
Don't even tell me
you want to do it again.

934
01:02:59,608 --> 01:03:04,045
Why me?
You know? Why now?

935
01:03:04,112 --> 01:03:07,604
Well, because you were givin' me
that look and I got all wet.

936
01:03:07,683 --> 01:03:09,878
You know what I mean.

937
01:03:09,952 --> 01:03:12,443
<i>Why not you?</i>

938
01:03:12,521 --> 01:03:17,652
Well, I'm a guy. I mean...
you're attracted to girls.

939
01:03:17,726 --> 01:03:20,251
I see you've been
taking notes.

940
01:03:20,329 --> 01:03:23,526
Historically, yes.
That's true.

941
01:03:23,599 --> 01:03:26,397
Then why this?

942
01:03:30,939 --> 01:03:34,272
Well, I've given that
a lot of thought, you know.

943
01:03:34,343 --> 01:03:37,312
Now that I'm being ostracized
by my friends,

944
01:03:37,379 --> 01:03:39,313
I've had plenty of time
to think about it.

945
01:03:39,381 --> 01:03:42,782
<i>And what I've come up with
is really simple.</i>

946
01:03:44,186 --> 01:03:47,519
I came to this
on my own terms.

947
01:03:47,589 --> 01:03:50,490
You know, I didn't just
heed what I was taught:

948
01:03:50,559 --> 01:03:54,427
Men and women should be
together, it's the natural way,

949
01:03:54,496 --> 01:03:56,430
that kind of thing.

950
01:03:56,498 --> 01:04:00,730
<i>I'm not with you because of
what family, society, life...</i>

951
01:04:00,802 --> 01:04:04,294
<i>tried to instill in me
from day one.</i>

952
01:04:06,308 --> 01:04:08,606
The way the world is,

953
01:04:08,677 --> 01:04:13,705
how seldom it is that you meet
that one person who...

954
01:04:13,782 --> 01:04:16,342
<i>just gets you.</i>

955
01:04:16,418 --> 01:04:18,818
It's so rare.

956
01:04:18,887 --> 01:04:21,981
My parents didn't
really have it.

957
01:04:22,057 --> 01:04:27,518
There were no examples set for me in
the world of male-female relationships.

958
01:04:27,596 --> 01:04:31,760
And to cut oneself off
from flnding that person...

959
01:04:31,833 --> 01:04:36,167
to immediately halve your options
by eliminating the possibility...

960
01:04:36,238 --> 01:04:39,935
of flnding that one person
within your own gender...

961
01:04:40,008 --> 01:04:42,135
that just seemed stupid
to me.

962
01:04:42,210 --> 01:04:45,043
<i>So I didn't.</i>

963
01:04:45,113 --> 01:04:48,344
But then you came along.

964
01:04:48,417 --> 01:04:52,376
You, the one least likely.
I mean, you were a guy.

965
01:04:52,454 --> 01:04:54,888
Still am.

966
01:04:54,956 --> 01:05:00,053
And while I was falling for you
I put a ceiling on that,

967
01:05:00,128 --> 01:05:02,926
<i>because you were a guy.</i>

968
01:05:02,998 --> 01:05:07,833
Until I remembered why I opened the door
to women in the flrst place:

969
01:05:07,903 --> 01:05:12,203
To not limit the likelihood
of flnding that one person who'd...

970
01:05:12,274 --> 01:05:14,640
complement me so completely.

971
01:05:18,947 --> 01:05:22,041
So, here we are.

972
01:05:22,117 --> 01:05:24,483
I was thorough
when I looked for you.

973
01:05:26,620 --> 01:05:30,249
And I feel justifled
lying in your arms...

974
01:05:30,324 --> 01:05:34,021
'cause I got here
on my own terms,

975
01:05:34,094 --> 01:05:38,861
and I have no question there was
someplace I didn't look.

976
01:05:38,932 --> 01:05:41,662
For me that makes
all the difference.

977
01:05:57,885 --> 01:06:00,979
Can I at least tell people all you
needed was some serious deep-dicking?

978
01:06:07,861 --> 01:06:10,455
- Move!
- Stop!

979
01:06:23,343 --> 01:06:26,244
- What?
- Check out page 48.

980
01:06:38,425 --> 01:06:41,360
- So?
- Did you see the nickname?

981
01:06:43,764 --> 01:06:46,494
- "Finger Cuffs. "
- And?

982
01:06:46,567 --> 01:06:51,004
<i>- Weird nickname. What's your point?
- Do you know why it's "Finger Cuffs"?</i>

983
01:06:51,071 --> 01:06:54,336
- No. I suppose you do.
- I do.

984
01:06:56,910 --> 01:07:01,506
Remember Cohee Lundin? Left Hudson
and went to North our senior year?

985
01:07:01,582 --> 01:07:03,516
Yeah.

986
01:07:03,584 --> 01:07:06,747
Well, asshole, I ran into him
at the stores the other day.

987
01:07:06,820 --> 01:07:09,288
God, it's been ages
since I've seen him.

988
01:07:09,356 --> 01:07:12,848
- Mentioned you were dating Alyssa.
- Did you?

989
01:07:12,926 --> 01:07:15,156
Yeah. Funny thing is,
you know what he said?

990
01:07:15,228 --> 01:07:19,995
<i>Shit, I know Alyssa Jones.
I mean, I know Alyssa Jones.</i>

991
01:07:20,067 --> 01:07:24,163
Me and Rick Derris used to hang
around her house after school...

992
01:07:24,237 --> 01:07:26,865
and shit, 'cause her parents were,
like, never home and shit, right?

993
01:07:26,940 --> 01:07:29,670
But one day Rick whips it out and
starts rubbin' it on her leg and shit,

994
01:07:29,743 --> 01:07:31,904
chasin' her around the living room;
I was dyin'.

995
01:07:31,979 --> 01:07:34,675
You know what the crazy bitch did?
She fuckin' drops to her knees...

996
01:07:34,748 --> 01:07:37,615
and starts suckin' him off right in
front of me, like I wasn't even there.

997
01:07:37,684 --> 01:07:39,982
I almost died.
But that's not the fucked-up part.

998
01:07:40,053 --> 01:07:44,012
The fucked-up part was Rick, right
in the middle of it, pointin' at her,

999
01:07:44,091 --> 01:07:46,423
and he says "Cohee,"
just like that, "Cohee. "

1000
01:07:46,493 --> 01:07:48,427
So I'm like, "Yo,
I'll give it a shot. "

1001
01:07:48,495 --> 01:07:51,293
I start pullin' her pants down and shit,
all slow 'cause I flgure any second...

1002
01:07:51,365 --> 01:07:53,492
she's gonna turn around
and belt me in the mouth, right?

1003
01:07:53,567 --> 01:07:57,059
But she's all into it, man!
She don't try to stop me or nothin'!

1004
01:07:57,137 --> 01:07:59,970
She's all wet and I just start goin'
to work, you know what I'm sayin'?

1005
01:08:00,040 --> 01:08:02,873
Me and Rick are goin' to town on
this crazy bitch, and she's lovin' it,

1006
01:08:02,943 --> 01:08:04,877
all moaning and shit.

1007
01:08:04,945 --> 01:08:06,810
It was fucked-up. So Rick
came up with the nickname.

1008
01:08:06,880 --> 01:08:11,476
That day she had us locked in from
both sides like Chinese flnger cuffs.

1009
01:08:11,551 --> 01:08:12,813
He's full of shit.

1010
01:08:12,886 --> 01:08:15,821
Cohee's a lot of things,
but an exaggerator he's not.

1011
01:08:15,889 --> 01:08:17,948
- The dude's Catholic.
- She's never even been with a guy.

1012
01:08:18,025 --> 01:08:21,222
<i>That's what she says.
But I say her on her hands and knees...</i>

1013
01:08:21,294 --> 01:08:24,559
getting fllled out like an application
constitutes "being with a guy. "

1014
01:08:24,631 --> 01:08:27,623
Look, man. Cohee Lundin is
pulling your chain, okay?

1015
01:08:27,701 --> 01:08:30,795
The fact you even believe him makes you
look like a complete fuckin' idiot.

1016
01:08:30,871 --> 01:08:33,135
I'm getting your back,
asshole!

1017
01:08:33,206 --> 01:08:35,800
People don't forget shit
like "Finger Cuffs. "

1018
01:08:35,876 --> 01:08:39,437
What if it got out that she's queer as
well? How's that gonna make you look?

1019
01:08:39,513 --> 01:08:42,846
- Well, I give a shit what people think.
- Fuck!

1020
01:08:42,916 --> 01:08:46,044
All right.
What if she's carrying a disease?

1021
01:08:46,119 --> 01:08:48,087
- Fuck you!
- What?

1022
01:08:48,155 --> 01:08:51,318
Oh, it's not possible
that she's all crudded-up?

1023
01:08:51,391 --> 01:08:54,918
Cohee I can vouch for is clean.
The dude never got laid in high school.

1024
01:08:54,995 --> 01:08:57,828
But Derris?
He's an arch-fucking-bushman!

1025
01:08:57,898 --> 01:09:01,629
<i>Name me one chick in our senior class
that he didn't nail, for Christ's sake!</i>

1026
01:09:01,702 --> 01:09:04,933
Let it go, okay? I'm telling you,
she's never even been with a guy,

1027
01:09:05,005 --> 01:09:07,030
much less these two
fuckin' zeroes.

1028
01:09:07,107 --> 01:09:10,736
<i>And the bitch could be a bigger germ
farm than that monkey in Outbreak!</i>

1029
01:09:10,811 --> 01:09:14,747
Would you let it go, okay?
I'm fuckin' tired of this shit!

1030
01:09:14,815 --> 01:09:19,809
She's my goddamn girlfriend!
Show a little fuckin' respect!

1031
01:09:19,886 --> 01:09:23,083
And I swear to God, if I ever hear you
so much as fucking mention...

1032
01:09:23,156 --> 01:09:28,184
Alyssa looks a little peaked, I'll put
your fucking teeth down your throat!

1033
01:09:31,164 --> 01:09:33,997
<i>Maybe I'll put your fuckin'
teeth down your throat.</i>

1034
01:09:34,067 --> 01:09:36,627
Yeah, maybe.

1035
01:09:41,541 --> 01:09:44,237
I've been workin' out,
ya know!

1036
01:09:45,312 --> 01:09:48,440
You better be ready
to make that deal.

1037
01:09:50,684 --> 01:09:53,619
So, where's that bitch partner
of yours been?

1038
01:09:53,687 --> 01:09:54,915
Sulking.

1039
01:09:54,988 --> 01:09:57,013
He's having a real problem
with this Alyssa thing.

1040
01:09:57,090 --> 01:10:01,356
I think it's more like Banky's having a
real problem with all things not hetero,

1041
01:10:01,428 --> 01:10:04,295
and I'm just another paradigm
of said aberration.

1042
01:10:04,364 --> 01:10:09,597
<i>- Banky does not hate gays.
- But he is a bit homophobic.</i>

1043
01:10:09,669 --> 01:10:13,230
This latest episode between you
and Miss Thing has tapped into that.

1044
01:10:13,306 --> 01:10:17,800
In his warped perception, he lost you
to the "dark side," which is she.

1045
01:10:17,878 --> 01:10:19,812
You make it sound like
me and him were dating.

1046
01:10:19,880 --> 01:10:21,211
Don't kid yourself.

1047
01:10:21,281 --> 01:10:24,250
That boy loves you in a way
that he ain't ready to deal with.

1048
01:10:28,255 --> 01:10:33,488
- He's been digging up dirt on Alyssa.
- Uh-uh, honey!

1049
01:10:33,560 --> 01:10:39,465
And just what has Mr. Angela Lansbury
uncovered about your lady fair?

1050
01:10:39,533 --> 01:10:42,263
He heard some bullshit
story that she took on two guys.

1051
01:10:42,335 --> 01:10:44,394
Really?

1052
01:10:44,471 --> 01:10:48,430
Then he's barkin' up the wrong tree
if he wants to split you up, isn't he?

1053
01:10:48,508 --> 01:10:50,942
He's not gonna make you see
the error of your ways...

1054
01:10:51,011 --> 01:10:53,104
by pointing out
how truly gay she's not.

1055
01:10:53,180 --> 01:10:56,013
- This one?
- I have it.

1056
01:10:56,082 --> 01:11:01,145
- Actually, it has kinda gotten to me.
- How so?

1057
01:11:01,221 --> 01:11:03,712
Well, Banky's got
a pretty good bullshit detector.

1058
01:11:03,790 --> 01:11:06,122
- He's not known for misinformation.
- So what if it is true?

1059
01:11:06,193 --> 01:11:08,753
- Would that bother you?
- Sex with multiple partners?

1060
01:11:08,829 --> 01:11:10,763
At the same time?

1061
01:11:10,831 --> 01:11:12,765
Ah! Ooh!

1062
01:11:12,833 --> 01:11:15,461
Thanks for being so comforting.
I appreciate it.

1063
01:11:15,535 --> 01:11:17,469
So, what do you care?

1064
01:11:17,537 --> 01:11:19,732
That's just it, you know?
I shouldn't care.

1065
01:11:19,806 --> 01:11:21,740
- But it just... It gets to me.
- Look,

1066
01:11:21,808 --> 01:11:24,606
the kind of gal Alyssa is, you don't
think she's been in the middle...

1067
01:11:24,678 --> 01:11:27,078
of an all-girl group grope?

1068
01:11:29,816 --> 01:11:33,308
<i>You see, that doesn't bother me, right?
But just the thought of her with guys...</i>

1069
01:11:33,386 --> 01:11:37,015
Oh, Holden, I beg you, please. Don't
drop 50 stories in my opinion of you...

1070
01:11:37,090 --> 01:11:40,150
by falling prey
to that latest of trendy beasts.

1071
01:11:40,227 --> 01:11:42,286
- Which is?
- Lesbian chic.

1072
01:11:42,362 --> 01:11:46,696
It's oh-so acceptable to be a gay girl
nowadays. People think it's cute.

1073
01:11:46,766 --> 01:11:50,167
Got this fool picture of lipstick
lesbians in their heads,

1074
01:11:50,237 --> 01:11:54,298
like they all resemble Alyssa,
while most of'em look more like you.

1075
01:11:54,374 --> 01:11:57,275
Do I detect a little
intersubculture cattiness here?

1076
01:11:57,344 --> 01:11:59,676
Gay or straight,
ugly's still ugly.

1077
01:11:59,746 --> 01:12:02,374
And most of those boys are scary.

1078
01:12:02,449 --> 01:12:04,383
I thought you fags were all
supersupportive of one another.

1079
01:12:04,451 --> 01:12:06,316
Screw that all-for-one shit.

1080
01:12:06,386 --> 01:12:09,014
I gotta deal with bein' a minority
in the minority of the minority,

1081
01:12:09,089 --> 01:12:11,250
and nobody's supportin'
my ass.

1082
01:12:11,324 --> 01:12:14,657
While the whole of society's
fawning over girls-on-girls,

1083
01:12:14,728 --> 01:12:16,662
here I sit, a reviled gay man.

1084
01:12:16,730 --> 01:12:19,164
And to top that off,
I'm a gay black man,

1085
01:12:19,232 --> 01:12:21,166
notoriously, the most
swishy of the bunch.

1086
01:12:21,234 --> 01:12:23,225
- Three strikes...
- Hey, hey! There's a line.

1087
01:12:23,303 --> 01:12:26,238
<i>Are you Hooper X?</i>

1088
01:12:29,476 --> 01:12:33,606
<i>- Salaam alaykem, little brother.
- Could you sign my comic?</i>

1089
01:12:38,151 --> 01:12:40,244
Hey. You see
that man right there?

1090
01:12:41,588 --> 01:12:45,319
He the devil.
Understand?

1091
01:12:45,392 --> 01:12:48,327
<i>Never take your eye
off the Man.</i>

1092
01:12:54,734 --> 01:12:58,067
- Fight the power, little G.
- Word is bond.

1093
01:12:58,138 --> 01:13:00,402
Word is bond.

1094
01:13:04,678 --> 01:13:07,977
Look at what I have to resort to
for professional respect.

1095
01:13:08,047 --> 01:13:11,380
What is it about gay men
that terrifles the rest of the world?

1096
01:13:13,453 --> 01:13:17,219
<i>- As for this hang-up with Alyssa's past,
- Um-hm.</i>

1097
01:13:17,290 --> 01:13:21,226
maybe what's troubling you is that
your fragile fantasy might not be true.

1098
01:13:21,294 --> 01:13:24,559
- What does that mean?
- Holden, don't even try to come off...

1099
01:13:24,631 --> 01:13:26,724
like you don't know
what I'm sayin'.

1100
01:13:26,799 --> 01:13:31,498
Men need to believe that they're
Marco-fuckin'- Polo when it comes to sex.

1101
01:13:31,571 --> 01:13:34,233
Like they're the only ones
who've ever explored new territory.

1102
01:13:34,307 --> 01:13:36,901
And it's hard
not to let 'em believe it.

1103
01:13:36,976 --> 01:13:39,342
I let my boys run with it for a while.

1104
01:13:39,412 --> 01:13:42,108
Feed 'em some of that "I've never
done this before" bullshit...

1105
01:13:42,182 --> 01:13:44,616
and let them labor under the delusion
that they're rockin' my world...

1106
01:13:44,684 --> 01:13:47,551
until I can't stand 'em no more,
then I hit 'em with the truth.

1107
01:13:47,620 --> 01:13:49,554
It's a sick game.

1108
01:13:49,622 --> 01:13:51,556
The world would be
a better place...

1109
01:13:51,624 --> 01:13:53,649
if people would just accept
there's nothin' new under the sun,

1110
01:13:53,726 --> 01:13:55,660
and anything you can do
with a person...

1111
01:13:55,728 --> 01:13:58,629
has probably been done
long before you got there.

1112
01:13:58,698 --> 01:14:02,134
<i>- Hey, I can accept that.
- Honey, that almost sounded convincing.</i>

1113
01:14:02,202 --> 01:14:06,935
Do yourself a favor: Just ask the girl
about her past point-blank.

1114
01:14:07,006 --> 01:14:09,941
Get it out of the way before it gets
too big for both of y'all to move.

1115
01:14:10,009 --> 01:14:11,943
Ooh! Yanni!

1116
01:14:24,791 --> 01:14:28,352
Boo! Boo!

1117
01:14:31,364 --> 01:14:33,832
Since most of these people
are rooting for the home team,

1118
01:14:33,900 --> 01:14:35,834
I'm going to cheer
for the visitors.

1119
01:14:35,902 --> 01:14:38,166
I'm a big visitors fan.

1120
01:14:38,238 --> 01:14:41,799
Especially the kind that make coffee
for you in the morning before they go.

1121
01:14:43,810 --> 01:14:46,973
That was a joke.
Bah-dum-bah.

1122
01:14:47,046 --> 01:14:50,106
A little wacky wordplay.

1123
01:14:50,183 --> 01:14:52,913
Wha-What do you mean,
"visitors"?

1124
01:14:52,986 --> 01:14:54,977
Was I being
too obscure?

1125
01:14:55,054 --> 01:15:00,219
The kind that, until recently,
had no dicks and would stay the night.

1126
01:15:01,494 --> 01:15:05,453
So, uh, that was
until recently, right?

1127
01:15:05,531 --> 01:15:07,590
Uh, yeah.

1128
01:15:13,506 --> 01:15:17,602
Hey! Foul! Foul!
He was traveling or something.

1129
01:15:17,677 --> 01:15:21,977
So, nobody but me has spent the night
at your place since we got together?

1130
01:15:22,048 --> 01:15:23,982
Somethin' on your mind,
Holden?

1131
01:15:24,050 --> 01:15:28,453
- Just wondering.
- If I've been faithful or something?

1132
01:15:28,521 --> 01:15:31,957
I was just asking.

1133
01:15:32,025 --> 01:15:35,324
Oh, sweetie.

1134
01:15:35,395 --> 01:15:38,796
I only have eyes for you.

1135
01:15:43,369 --> 01:15:48,136
If you don't start usin' that whistle,
I'm gonna jam it straight up your ass!

1136
01:15:48,207 --> 01:15:50,141
Right?

1137
01:15:51,644 --> 01:15:54,636
What's uh...
What's with "Finger Cuffs"?

1138
01:16:08,261 --> 01:16:10,195
"Finger Cuffs"?

1139
01:16:10,263 --> 01:16:15,132
In your senior yearbook your nickname
was Finger Cuffs. What does that mean?

1140
01:16:15,201 --> 01:16:17,897
- It was?
- Yeah.

1141
01:16:17,970 --> 01:16:21,667
Shit.
Damned if I can remember.

1142
01:16:21,741 --> 01:16:24,938
I'd look it up, but I threw
all that shit out years ago.

1143
01:16:25,011 --> 01:16:27,878
- Where'd you see a North yearbook?
- Do you know a Rick Derris?

1144
01:16:30,049 --> 01:16:32,950
- Rick Derris?
- Yeah.

1145
01:16:35,221 --> 01:16:38,247
Sure. We used to
hang out in high school.

1146
01:16:38,324 --> 01:16:40,690
Punch him in the fuckin' neck,
number 12!

1147
01:16:40,760 --> 01:16:43,991
Come on. Come on!

1148
01:16:44,063 --> 01:16:46,497
Did you guys, like,
date or something?

1149
01:16:46,566 --> 01:16:50,832
Date Rick Derris?
No, no. We just hung out a lot.

1150
01:16:50,903 --> 01:16:53,337
Just-Just you and Rick.

1151
01:16:53,406 --> 01:16:57,433
No. Me, Rick and, um...

1152
01:16:57,510 --> 01:16:59,705
God, what was his name?

1153
01:16:59,779 --> 01:17:02,077
Um... What was his name?

1154
01:17:02,148 --> 01:17:04,616
<i>- What was his name?
- Cohee.</i>

1155
01:17:04,684 --> 01:17:06,948
<i>Yes! Cohee! Cohee Lundin!</i>

1156
01:17:07,019 --> 01:17:09,249
God, I haven't thought
about that name in years.

1157
01:17:12,492 --> 01:17:15,984
Those guys used to come over to my house
almost every day after school.

1158
01:17:16,062 --> 01:17:20,192
They'd bug my sisters, look through
my dad's closet for porno tapes,

1159
01:17:20,266 --> 01:17:22,359
raid the fridge.

1160
01:17:22,435 --> 01:17:25,529
They really took advantage
of my parents' never being home.

1161
01:17:29,008 --> 01:17:30,942
This one day,

1162
01:17:31,010 --> 01:17:34,969
Rick pulled his dick out and started
chasing me around the house with it.

1163
01:17:35,047 --> 01:17:37,208
Right in front of Cohee, man.
I couldn't believe it.

1164
01:17:40,653 --> 01:17:43,622
Rick pulled his dick out?
Really?

1165
01:17:43,689 --> 01:17:46,249
<i>What did you do?</i>

1166
01:17:46,325 --> 01:17:48,953
I blew him
while Cohee fucked me!

1167
01:17:54,033 --> 01:17:57,161
- Excuse me?
- That's what you wanted to hear.

1168
01:17:57,236 --> 01:18:02,264
That's what this little
cross-examination of your is all about?

1169
01:18:02,341 --> 01:18:04,809
Well, next time try not to
make it so obvious, all right?

1170
01:18:04,877 --> 01:18:09,280
There's subtler ways
of badgering a witness. Am I right?

1171
01:18:09,348 --> 01:18:12,613
Geez, man. Even I knew
what you were gettin' at.

1172
01:18:12,685 --> 01:18:16,121
If you wanted background information
on me, all you had to do was ask.

1173
01:18:16,189 --> 01:18:18,157
<i>I would have gladly
volunteered it.</i>

1174
01:18:18,224 --> 01:18:20,749
You didn't have to go playing
Hercule-fucking-Poirot.

1175
01:18:26,899 --> 01:18:28,833
Told ya these were
good seats.

1176
01:18:38,611 --> 01:18:41,512
Hey. Hey!

1177
01:18:43,549 --> 01:18:45,847
- Hey, would you wait a minute?
- Get the fuck off me!

1178
01:18:45,918 --> 01:18:50,014
- So it's true, right?
- Is that what you wanna hear?

1179
01:18:50,089 --> 01:18:52,023
Yeah, Holden, it's true.

1180
01:18:52,091 --> 01:18:56,050
In fact, everything you heard
or dug up on me is probably true.

1181
01:18:56,128 --> 01:18:58,528
Yeah, I took on
two guys at once!

1182
01:18:58,598 --> 01:19:02,056
You wanna hear some gems
you might not have unearthed?

1183
01:19:02,134 --> 01:19:05,194
I took a 26-year-old guy
to my senior prom...

1184
01:19:05,271 --> 01:19:09,674
and left to have sex with him
and Gwen Turner in the back of a limo.

1185
01:19:09,742 --> 01:19:14,805
<i>How about in college when I let Shannon
Hamilton videotape us having sex,</i>

1186
01:19:14,881 --> 01:19:19,511
only to flnd out he broadcast it
on the campus cable station.

1187
01:19:19,585 --> 01:19:24,545
<i>They're all true. Didn't you know?
I am the queen of suburban legend!</i>

1188
01:19:24,624 --> 01:19:26,854
Did you somehow fuckin' fail
to mention this to me?

1189
01:19:26,926 --> 01:19:29,190
What the fuck's wrong with you?
How could you do all those things?

1190
01:19:29,262 --> 01:19:30,786
Easily!

1191
01:19:30,863 --> 01:19:35,732
Some I did out of stupidity, some
I did out of what I thought was love.

1192
01:19:35,801 --> 01:19:38,827
<i>But good or bad,
they are my choices,</i>

1193
01:19:38,905 --> 01:19:41,965
<i>and I am not making
apologies for them now!</i>

1194
01:19:42,041 --> 01:19:45,408
Not to you,
or not to anyone!

1195
01:19:45,478 --> 01:19:50,347
And how dare you lay a guilt trip on me
about it, in public, no less?

1196
01:19:50,416 --> 01:19:53,977
<i>Who the fuck do you think
you are, you judgmental prick?</i>

1197
01:19:54,053 --> 01:19:56,317
How the fuck am I supposed
to feel about all this?

1198
01:19:56,389 --> 01:19:58,550
How are you supposed to
feel about it?

1199
01:19:58,624 --> 01:20:02,458
Feel whatever the fuck you want
to about it, all right?

1200
01:20:02,528 --> 01:20:06,862
<i>The only thing that matters
is how you feel about me.</i>

1201
01:20:08,768 --> 01:20:10,998
- I don't know how I feel about you now.
- Why? Why?

1202
01:20:11,070 --> 01:20:13,766
<i>- Because I had some sex?
- Some sex?</i>

1203
01:20:13,839 --> 01:20:18,367
Yes, Holden.
That's all it was, some sex.

1204
01:20:18,444 --> 01:20:20,776
Most of it
stupid high school sex.

1205
01:20:20,846 --> 01:20:23,314
Like you never had sex
in high school.

1206
01:20:23,382 --> 01:20:27,682
There is a world of fucking difference
between typical high school sex...

1207
01:20:27,753 --> 01:20:31,621
and getting fucked by two fuckin' guys
at the same time!

1208
01:20:31,691 --> 01:20:35,991
- They fuckin' used you.
- No! I used them!

1209
01:20:36,062 --> 01:20:40,396
You don't think I would have let it
happen if I hadn't wanted to, do you?

1210
01:20:40,466 --> 01:20:44,562
I was an experimental girl,
for Christ's sake!

1211
01:20:44,637 --> 01:20:48,937
Maybe you knew early on
that your track was from point A to B,

1212
01:20:49,008 --> 01:20:52,842
but, unlike you, I was not given
a fucking map at birth.

1213
01:20:52,912 --> 01:20:55,107
So I tried it all.

1214
01:20:55,181 --> 01:21:00,380
<i>That is until we...
that's you and I... got together.</i>

1215
01:21:00,453 --> 01:21:03,445
And suddenly I was sated.

1216
01:21:03,522 --> 01:21:07,083
Can't you take
some fucking comfort in that?

1217
01:21:07,159 --> 01:21:11,152
You turned out to be
all I was looking for,

1218
01:21:11,230 --> 01:21:15,599
the missing piece
in the big fucking puzzle.

1219
01:21:20,206 --> 01:21:24,802
Look, I'm sorry I let you believe you
were the only guy I'd ever been with.

1220
01:21:24,877 --> 01:21:27,937
I should have been
more honest.

1221
01:21:28,014 --> 01:21:32,212
But it just didn't... It seemed
to make you feel special in a way...

1222
01:21:32,284 --> 01:21:38,189
that me telling you over and over how
incredible you are wouldn't get across.

1223
01:21:39,258 --> 01:21:42,284
Holden, I'm sorry.

1224
01:21:42,361 --> 01:21:44,352
Just don't do that.

1225
01:21:47,633 --> 01:21:52,661
Do you mean to tell me that,
while you have zero problem...

1226
01:21:52,738 --> 01:21:55,707
with me sleeping with
half the women in New York City,

1227
01:21:55,775 --> 01:21:59,233
you have some sort of half-assed,
mealy-mouthed objection...

1228
01:21:59,311 --> 01:22:03,008
to pubescent antics that took place
almost ten years ago?

1229
01:22:03,082 --> 01:22:06,347
What the fuck
is your problem?

1230
01:22:07,853 --> 01:22:10,413
I want us to be something
that we can't be.

1231
01:22:10,489 --> 01:22:12,423
And what's that?

1232
01:22:12,491 --> 01:22:14,925
A normal couple.

1233
01:22:16,796 --> 01:22:20,755
<i>
your little voice a rest</i>

1234
01:22:20,833 --> 01:22:23,927
<i>- Fuck!
- Come on up inside my bed</i>

1235
01:22:24,003 --> 01:22:27,700
<i>

1236
01:22:29,442 --> 01:22:34,045
<i>
about what you know</i>

1237
01:22:34,178 --> 01:22:39,775
<i>
I've been sufferin'</i>

1238
01:22:41,485 --> 01:22:45,444
<i>
your only one</i>

1239
01:22:45,523 --> 01:22:48,515
<i>

1240
01:22:48,592 --> 01:22:52,790
<i>

1241
01:22:54,298 --> 01:22:58,758
<i>

1242
01:22:58,836 --> 01:23:03,296
<i>

1243
01:23:04,875 --> 01:23:06,775
<i>
roll away from me</i>

1244
01:23:06,844 --> 01:23:08,311
The girl?

1245
01:23:10,714 --> 01:23:12,648
<i>

1246
01:23:12,716 --> 01:23:17,016
<i>

1247
01:23:17,088 --> 01:23:19,056
<i>

1248
01:23:25,863 --> 01:23:29,299
<i>Well, look at this
morose motherfucker right here.</i>

1249
01:23:32,436 --> 01:23:35,928
Smells like someone shit
in his cereal. Nooch.

1250
01:23:36,006 --> 01:23:38,406
What took you guys so long?
What are you, at the mall again?

1251
01:23:38,476 --> 01:23:42,936
Bitch, don't even start, all right?
We stopped that shit years ago.

1252
01:23:43,013 --> 01:23:44,947
Toss the salad.

1253
01:23:50,888 --> 01:23:53,948
Damn, this likeness rights shit
is more profltable than sellin' smoke.

1254
01:23:55,559 --> 01:23:58,027
How did a dirt merchant like you
ever learn about likeness rights?

1255
01:23:58,095 --> 01:24:01,587
We deal to a lot of lawyers.
You know what I'm sayin'?

1256
01:24:01,665 --> 01:24:05,328
Speaking of which...
A little signin' bonus and shit?

1257
01:24:05,402 --> 01:24:11,204
No, I'll pass.
Did you guys take a look at the issue?

1258
01:24:11,275 --> 01:24:13,835
Yeah.

1259
01:24:13,911 --> 01:24:18,143
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

1260
01:24:18,215 --> 01:24:20,342
You need to throw some pussy
in that book, man.

1261
01:24:20,417 --> 01:24:23,250
Like, throw some supervillain
with big fuckin' tits...

1262
01:24:23,320 --> 01:24:26,187
that shoot milk or somethin',
and I'll just, like, suck her dry...

1263
01:24:26,257 --> 01:24:28,885
and bust some moves
on her.

1264
01:24:32,830 --> 01:24:36,197
Then she has to fuck me.
I mean, fuck us.

1265
01:24:36,267 --> 01:24:38,827
I'll see what I can do.

1266
01:24:40,804 --> 01:24:44,740
<i>- All right, boys. What'll it be?
- I'm all set, thanks.</i>

1267
01:24:44,808 --> 01:24:48,972
Yo, Flo. Tell Mel to whip me up
a toasted bagel with cream cheese.

1268
01:24:49,046 --> 01:24:54,109
You want one too? Make that two,
and kiss my grits. Nooch.

1269
01:24:55,853 --> 01:24:59,516
<i>Did you ever watch that show, Alice?
That show was funny as hell, man.</i>

1270
01:24:59,590 --> 01:25:04,084
<i>So why the long face, horse?
Banky on the rag?</i>

1271
01:25:04,161 --> 01:25:07,392
I'm just, uh... I'm just havin'
a little girl trouble.

1272
01:25:07,464 --> 01:25:10,024
Bitch pressin' charges?
I get that a lot.

1273
01:25:10,100 --> 01:25:13,729
No. I'm just, uh...

1274
01:25:15,172 --> 01:25:17,367
I'm just at a point where
I don't really know what to do.

1275
01:25:17,441 --> 01:25:21,172
Kick her to the fuckin' curb.
Girls get to be too much trouble.

1276
01:25:21,245 --> 01:25:24,408
There's always the band... of the hand.

1277
01:25:25,950 --> 01:25:28,783
Can't do it, G.
I'm in love.

1278
01:25:28,852 --> 01:25:32,913
Nah, there ain't no such thing. You
got to boil it down to the essentials.

1279
01:25:32,990 --> 01:25:37,757
It's like Cube says: Life ain't
nothin' but bitches and money

1280
01:25:39,430 --> 01:25:42,888
Thanks, guys. That's just what I needed.
Advice from the 'hood.

1281
01:25:42,967 --> 01:25:47,631
- So who is this girl?
- Oh, I don't think you know her.

1282
01:25:48,872 --> 01:25:51,705
<i>Come on, man.
I'm people who know people.</i>

1283
01:25:51,775 --> 01:25:53,709
You sound
like Barbra Streisand.

1284
01:25:53,777 --> 01:25:56,541
Maybe 'cause I got this tubby bitch
playin' her greatest hits tape...

1285
01:25:56,614 --> 01:25:58,548
in my ear all the time.

1286
01:25:58,616 --> 01:26:02,848
You gotta see it. When she starts
singin' "You Don't Bring Me Flowers,"

1287
01:26:02,920 --> 01:26:06,048
this faggot starts cryin' like a little
girl with a skinned knee and shit.

1288
01:26:06,123 --> 01:26:09,991
Big fuckin' softie.
So what's the skirt's name?

1289
01:26:10,060 --> 01:26:12,460
I'm tellin' ya, man.
You don't know the girl.

1290
01:26:12,529 --> 01:26:16,829
I ain't playin', man.
Come on, tell me her name, Mysterio.

1291
01:26:18,535 --> 01:26:20,469
Alyssa Jones.

1292
01:26:22,740 --> 01:26:25,641
Holy fuckin' shit.
Finger Cuffs?

1293
01:26:25,709 --> 01:26:30,373
<i>You're dating Finger Cuffs,
you silly son of a bitch?</i>

1294
01:26:30,447 --> 01:26:32,642
Wait a second.
I thought she was all gay and shit.

1295
01:26:32,716 --> 01:26:35,617
She was, or she is.
I don't know.

1296
01:26:35,686 --> 01:26:38,780
And you're dating her.
Man, you're a lucky fuck.

1297
01:26:38,856 --> 01:26:40,790
She ever bring bitches to bed
with you?

1298
01:26:40,858 --> 01:26:43,053
Get a little of that
Filet-O-Fish sandwich goin' on?

1299
01:26:43,127 --> 01:26:45,652
Yeah, you know what
I'm talkin' about, baby. Right?

1300
01:26:45,729 --> 01:26:49,597
What's up? Yeah.
So four tits and what?

1301
01:26:49,667 --> 01:26:53,364
- No, man. It's not like that.
- What's it like, then?

1302
01:26:53,437 --> 01:26:57,305
Right now?
I don't know.

1303
01:26:57,374 --> 01:27:00,366
I love her, you know?
But, uh, she has a past.

1304
01:27:00,444 --> 01:27:04,346
I'll say. Stuffln' two guys,
eatin' chicks out and shit.

1305
01:27:04,415 --> 01:27:06,713
You know, I heard
one time she had this dog...

1306
01:27:06,784 --> 01:27:09,981
Eat your fuckin' bagel already
and shut up.

1307
01:27:10,054 --> 01:27:13,990
Look at this touchy
motherfucker right here.

1308
01:27:14,058 --> 01:27:16,526
So if you're all in love and shit,
what's the problem?

1309
01:27:16,593 --> 01:27:20,256
The problem is
stupid shit like that.

1310
01:27:20,331 --> 01:27:22,162
It was bad enough when it was
just girls, you know?

1311
01:27:22,232 --> 01:27:26,168
You throw guys into the mix...
two guys at once, no less...

1312
01:27:26,236 --> 01:27:29,330
All that experience, you know?
What am I supposed to think?

1313
01:27:29,406 --> 01:27:34,343
Think "good," ya fuckin' ninny shithead,
'cause now she'll be all true and blue.

1314
01:27:34,411 --> 01:27:39,246
Bitch tasted life. Now she's settlin'
for your borin' funny-book-makin' ass.

1315
01:27:39,316 --> 01:27:42,513
Settling for my boring ass.
That's comforting. Thanks, Jay.

1316
01:27:42,586 --> 01:27:47,580
- That's what I'm here for.
- I'm just havin' a problem with it.

1317
01:27:47,658 --> 01:27:51,856
It's like I can't get these visuals out
of my head of her doing all this shit.

1318
01:27:51,929 --> 01:27:56,332
And I don't know why I can't let
it go, 'cause I'm crazy about this girl.

1319
01:27:56,400 --> 01:28:00,427
- I look at her, I see kids, grandkids...
- You're scarin' me.

1320
01:28:00,504 --> 01:28:03,132
Yeah, well, I'm scarin' myself
'cause I think so much of this girl...

1321
01:28:03,207 --> 01:28:06,233
that I can't get stupid shit
like "Finger Cuffs" out of my head.

1322
01:28:07,878 --> 01:28:11,609
I don't know.
I don't know what I'm doin'.

1323
01:28:15,152 --> 01:28:17,086
Chasin' Amy.

1324
01:28:18,922 --> 01:28:22,085
What?
What did you say?

1325
01:28:24,294 --> 01:28:27,457
- You're chasing Amy.
- What do you look so shocked for, man?

1326
01:28:27,531 --> 01:28:31,490
<i>Fat bastard does this all the time. He
thinks 'cause he don't say anything...</i>

1327
01:28:31,568 --> 01:28:34,230
it'll have some huge impact
when he does open his fuckin' mouth.

1328
01:28:34,304 --> 01:28:36,238
Jesus Christ,
why don't you shut up?

1329
01:28:36,306 --> 01:28:40,743
Always yap-yap-yapping all the time.
Give me a fuckin' headache.

1330
01:28:40,811 --> 01:28:43,644
I went through somethin' like what
you're talkin' about a couple years ago.

1331
01:28:43,714 --> 01:28:46,012
- This chick named Amy.
- When?

1332
01:28:47,418 --> 01:28:49,648
A couple of years ago.

1333
01:28:49,720 --> 01:28:51,915
What, she live in Canada or something?
Why don't I remember this?

1334
01:28:51,989 --> 01:28:53,957
<i>Bitch, what you don't
know about me...</i>

1335
01:28:54,024 --> 01:28:55,958
I could just about squeeze
in the Grand-fucking-Canyon.

1336
01:28:56,026 --> 01:29:00,429
Did you know I always wanted to be
a dancer in Vegas? Huh?

1337
01:29:00,497 --> 01:29:04,228
Bet you didn't even know
that shit, did you?

1338
01:29:04,301 --> 01:29:07,134
Just tell your fuckin' story so
we can get out of here and smoke this.

1339
01:29:08,906 --> 01:29:13,775
So there's me and Amy. And we're
inseparable. Just big-time in love.

1340
01:29:13,844 --> 01:29:16,779
Then four months down the road
the idiot gear kicks in,

1341
01:29:16,847 --> 01:29:20,305
and I ask about the ex-boyfriend which,
as we all know, is a really dumb move.

1342
01:29:20,384 --> 01:29:23,785
<i>But you know how it is: You don't want
to know, but you just have to know.</i>

1343
01:29:23,854 --> 01:29:25,788
Stupid guy bullshit.

1344
01:29:25,856 --> 01:29:28,347
So, anyway, she starts
tellin' me about him.

1345
01:29:28,425 --> 01:29:32,725
They fell in love, went out for
a couple of years, lived together.

1346
01:29:32,796 --> 01:29:36,698
Her mother likes me better,
blah, blah, blah, blah. And I'm okay.

1347
01:29:36,767 --> 01:29:39,793
<i>But then she drops the bomb on me,
and the bomb is this.</i>

1348
01:29:39,870 --> 01:29:43,169
It seems that a couple of times,
while they were goin' out,

1349
01:29:43,240 --> 01:29:45,538
he brought some people
to bed with them.

1350
01:29:45,609 --> 01:29:47,975
Menage a trois,
I believe it's called.

1351
01:29:48,045 --> 01:29:51,537
Now this just blows my mind, right?
I'm not used to this sort of thing.

1352
01:29:51,615 --> 01:29:55,984
- I was raised Catholic, for God's sakes.
- Saint Shithead.

1353
01:29:56,053 --> 01:29:57,987
Do somethin'.

1354
01:29:58,055 --> 01:30:01,320
So I'm totally weirded out by this,
right? And I just start blastin' her.

1355
01:30:01,391 --> 01:30:04,155
I don't know how to deal with what I'm
feelin', so I flgure the best way is...

1356
01:30:04,228 --> 01:30:07,220
if call her "slut," right,
and tell her she was used.

1357
01:30:07,297 --> 01:30:10,357
I'm out for blood.
I really want to hurt this girl.

1358
01:30:10,434 --> 01:30:14,302
"What the fuck is your problem?"
And she's just calmly trying to tell me,

1359
01:30:14,371 --> 01:30:18,307
"It was that time, that place," and she
doesn't think she should apologize...

1360
01:30:18,375 --> 01:30:20,468
because she doesn't feel
that she's done anything wrong.

1361
01:30:20,544 --> 01:30:25,345
I'm like, "Oh, really?" I look her in
the eye and tell her it's over. I walk.

1362
01:30:27,149 --> 01:30:29,242
Fuckin' A.

1363
01:30:29,318 --> 01:30:32,048
No, idiot.
It was a mistake.

1364
01:30:32,121 --> 01:30:34,180
I wasn't disgusted with her,
I was afraid.

1365
01:30:34,256 --> 01:30:38,022
<i>You know, at that moment I felt small,
like I'd lacked experience,</i>

1366
01:30:38,093 --> 01:30:42,621
like I'd never be on her level, never be
enough for her or something like that.

1367
01:30:42,698 --> 01:30:46,134
But what I did not get,
she didn't care.

1368
01:30:46,201 --> 01:30:50,763
She wasn't lookin' for that guy anymore,
she was lookin' for me, for the Bob.

1369
01:30:50,839 --> 01:30:56,038
But by the time I flgured this all
out, it's too late, man. She moved on.

1370
01:30:56,111 --> 01:30:59,945
<i>All I had to show for it was foolish
pride which then gave way to regret.</i>

1371
01:31:01,550 --> 01:31:05,884
She was the girl.
I know that now.

1372
01:31:05,954 --> 01:31:08,752
But...

1373
01:31:10,325 --> 01:31:12,850
I pushed her away.

1374
01:31:18,867 --> 01:31:23,167
So I've spent every day
since then chasing Amy.

1375
01:31:25,240 --> 01:31:27,208
So to speak.

1376
01:31:27,276 --> 01:31:32,043
Enough of this fuckin' melodrama.
My advice? Forget her, dude.

1377
01:31:32,114 --> 01:31:36,517
There's one bitch in the world,
one bitch with many faces.

1378
01:31:36,585 --> 01:31:41,113
Get up, tons of fun.
We gotta book.

1379
01:31:41,190 --> 01:31:44,921
<i>- Catchin'a bus to Chi-town.
- Why? What's there?</i>

1380
01:31:44,993 --> 01:31:48,724
Business, yo. How many more of those
fat envelopes we get comin' to us?

1381
01:31:48,797 --> 01:31:51,630
Uh, I don't know.

1382
01:31:51,700 --> 01:31:54,168
I don't know how much longer
the book's gonna be around.

1383
01:31:54,236 --> 01:31:57,330
Yeah, good.
I'll be glad as shit when it's gone.

1384
01:31:57,406 --> 01:32:01,570
There's a million people who'd love
to see themself in a comic book.

1385
01:32:01,643 --> 01:32:04,373
But that ain't like us at all,
all slapsticky and shit,

1386
01:32:04,446 --> 01:32:06,107
runnin' around like
a couple of dickheads.

1387
01:32:06,181 --> 01:32:09,082
Sayin'... What's that shit
he got us sayin'?

1388
01:32:09,151 --> 01:32:12,484
Oh, um...
"snootchie-bootchies. "

1389
01:32:12,554 --> 01:32:17,958
"Snootchie-bootchies. " Who the fuck
talks like that? That is baby talk.

1390
01:32:19,695 --> 01:32:22,892
It's a big world, G.
We're bound to run into you again.

1391
01:32:22,965 --> 01:32:26,833
- Till then, keep your unit on ya.
- I'll try.

1392
01:32:26,902 --> 01:32:30,360
No, no, no, no, no.
Do or do not. There is no try...

1393
01:32:30,439 --> 01:32:34,739
Knock that shit off!
We got a bus to catch.

1394
01:32:34,810 --> 01:32:38,769
Jedi bitch. Man, what do you always have
to tell that fuckin' gay story for?

1395
01:32:38,847 --> 01:32:40,747
<i>- Man, shut up.
- You shut up, you fat fuck.</i>

1396
01:33:30,032 --> 01:33:32,000
Okay.

1397
01:33:32,067 --> 01:33:36,629
You guys are probably wondering
why I asked you here at the same time...

1398
01:33:36,705 --> 01:33:40,436
knowing that we have shit
to settle between us separately.

1399
01:33:40,509 --> 01:33:43,774
I just flgured you wanted
to kill two birds with one stone.

1400
01:33:43,845 --> 01:33:46,678
You know, by telling her
to fuck off with me here...

1401
01:33:46,748 --> 01:33:49,216
so you wouldn't have to
go through the story again later on.

1402
01:33:49,284 --> 01:33:52,685
- Fuck you.
- Not even if you let me videotape it.

1403
01:33:52,754 --> 01:33:55,746
Okay, enough.
All right?

1404
01:33:57,159 --> 01:34:00,185
Enough.

1405
01:34:00,262 --> 01:34:04,221
Now, I've been going over and
over and over this whole thing,

1406
01:34:04,299 --> 01:34:06,927
and I've dissected it
a thousand different ways.

1407
01:34:07,002 --> 01:34:10,699
Banky, there's tension between you and I
for the flrst time in our lives.

1408
01:34:10,772 --> 01:34:15,539
You hate me dating Alyssa and you want
me to sign off on this cartoon thing.

1409
01:34:15,611 --> 01:34:17,772
How perceptive.

1410
01:34:17,846 --> 01:34:22,078
Alyssa,

1411
01:34:22,150 --> 01:34:24,209
you and I have hit a wall...

1412
01:34:24,286 --> 01:34:28,746
'cause I don't know how to deal
with your, uh, your past, I guess.

1413
01:34:28,824 --> 01:34:30,758
That's a nice way
of putting it.

1414
01:34:30,826 --> 01:34:32,817
I'd have said
"the whole double stuff' thing.

1415
01:34:39,401 --> 01:34:42,996
I'm only gonna
tell you this once: Shut up.

1416
01:34:45,407 --> 01:34:47,341
<i>Now,</i>

1417
01:34:47,409 --> 01:34:51,470
I know I'm to blame one way
or another on both accounts.

1418
01:34:51,546 --> 01:34:55,505
Alyssa, with you
because... I feel inadequate,

1419
01:34:55,584 --> 01:34:58,815
<i>because you've had such a big life
and so much experience,</i>

1420
01:34:58,887 --> 01:35:01,617
and my life's been
pretty small in comparison.

1421
01:35:01,690 --> 01:35:04,887
- That doesn't matter to me.
- Please.

1422
01:35:04,960 --> 01:35:08,259
I have to get
through this, okay?

1423
01:35:08,330 --> 01:35:13,097
Banky, I know why you're having such
a hard time with me and Alyssa.

1424
01:35:13,168 --> 01:35:16,103
<i>/t's something that's been
obvious forever and I guess...</i>

1425
01:35:16,171 --> 01:35:19,334
I guess I just didn't
acknowledge it.

1426
01:35:20,909 --> 01:35:22,843
You're in love with me.

1427
01:35:25,113 --> 01:35:27,047
What?

1428
01:35:27,115 --> 01:35:31,916
You're attracted to me. Just as, in
a way, I guess I'm... attracted to you.

1429
01:35:31,987 --> 01:35:34,683
It makes sense. We've been together
so long, we have so much in common.

1430
01:35:34,756 --> 01:35:37,691
Well, I gotta get goin'.

1431
01:35:37,759 --> 01:35:40,319
<i>I gotta catch the last few minutes
of Little House.</i>

1432
01:35:48,904 --> 01:35:51,566
It's somethin' you're
gonna have to deal with, Bank.

1433
01:35:53,041 --> 01:35:55,271
And that would explain
your jealousy of Alyssa,

1434
01:35:55,344 --> 01:35:58,006
your homophobia,
your sense of humor...

1435
01:35:58,080 --> 01:36:00,844
Jesus, just 'cause a guy's
got a predilection toward dick jokes...

1436
01:36:00,916 --> 01:36:03,612
Bank. Stop.

1437
01:36:03,685 --> 01:36:06,711
Deal with it.
You'll feel much better.

1438
01:36:09,091 --> 01:36:11,321
<i>Okay.</i>

1439
01:36:16,365 --> 01:36:20,267
Now, you guys are probably
asking yourselves the same question...

1440
01:36:20,335 --> 01:36:24,294
that I've been going over and over
in my head the past few weeks:

1441
01:36:24,373 --> 01:36:26,307
What does one have
to do with the other?

1442
01:36:26,375 --> 01:36:27,603
Don't.

1443
01:36:27,676 --> 01:36:31,237
And when I did some
serious soul-searching,

1444
01:36:31,313 --> 01:36:33,577
it came to me
from outta nowhere.

1445
01:36:33,648 --> 01:36:38,745
And it all made sense.
And a calm came over me.

1446
01:36:38,820 --> 01:36:41,880
I know what we have to do.

1447
01:36:41,957 --> 01:36:46,223
And then you, Banky,
you, Alyssa, and I...

1448
01:36:46,294 --> 01:36:51,231
all of us...
can flnally be... all right.

1449
01:36:51,299 --> 01:36:53,529
Please don't say it.

1450
01:36:56,138 --> 01:36:59,073
We've all gotta
have sex together.

1451
01:37:08,383 --> 01:37:10,317
I mean, look,
don't you see?

1452
01:37:10,385 --> 01:37:14,116
That would take care
of everything.

1453
01:37:14,189 --> 01:37:17,215
Alyssa, with you, I won't feel
too inadequate or conservative anymore,

1454
01:37:17,292 --> 01:37:20,489
because I'll have done something
on a par with all your experience.

1455
01:37:20,562 --> 01:37:25,261
And it will be with you, which will
make it that much more powerful.

1456
01:37:25,333 --> 01:37:27,267
Banky, you can take that leap...

1457
01:37:27,335 --> 01:37:29,667
that everyone else but you
sees you should take.

1458
01:37:29,738 --> 01:37:33,105
And it'll be with me,
your best friend for years.

1459
01:37:33,175 --> 01:37:35,143
We've been everything to each other
but intimates,

1460
01:37:35,210 --> 01:37:37,804
and now we'll have been
through that together too.

1461
01:37:37,879 --> 01:37:40,643
And it won't be a total leap for you
because a woman will be involved.

1462
01:37:40,715 --> 01:37:44,811
And when it's over, all that hostility
you feel toward Alyssa will be gone...

1463
01:37:44,886 --> 01:37:47,684
because you'll have shared in something
beautiful with the woman I love.

1464
01:37:47,756 --> 01:37:50,486
<i>/t'll be cathartic.</i>

1465
01:37:50,559 --> 01:37:53,460
This will keep us together.

1466
01:38:03,104 --> 01:38:05,538
What do ya say?

1467
01:38:20,053 --> 01:38:21,987
Sure.

1468
01:38:37,871 --> 01:38:40,840
You know I need this.

1469
01:38:40,907 --> 01:38:43,501
You know it'll help.

1470
01:38:43,577 --> 01:38:45,909
No.

1471
01:38:45,979 --> 01:38:48,140
Thank Christ.

1472
01:38:50,750 --> 01:38:53,048
Sorry.

1473
01:38:58,959 --> 01:39:02,918
No? I thought
you'd be into this.

1474
01:39:02,996 --> 01:39:07,399
You did?
What does that say about me?

1475
01:39:07,467 --> 01:39:10,561
Sweetheart, you've done stuff
like this before.

1476
01:39:10,637 --> 01:39:12,571
This should be
no big deal for you.

1477
01:39:12,639 --> 01:39:17,008
You don't want this.
You really don't want this.

1478
01:39:17,077 --> 01:39:22,777
<i>No, I do want this. This has
to happen. Can't you see that?</i>

1479
01:39:22,849 --> 01:39:27,445
<i>I mean, how can you not? No?
What does that say about me?</i>

1480
01:39:27,521 --> 01:39:29,853
You can take it from two guys
whose names you can hardly remember,

1481
01:39:29,923 --> 01:39:34,121
but I ask you to share an experience
about intimacy, and you say no?

1482
01:39:34,194 --> 01:39:38,688
- I can't.
- Baby, yes, you can.

1483
01:39:38,765 --> 01:39:42,997
I'll be there. And when it's over we'll
be the strongest we've ever been...

1484
01:39:43,069 --> 01:39:45,003
'cause we'll have been
through this together.

1485
01:39:45,071 --> 01:39:49,064
Then we'll be on the same level and
there'll be nothing we can't accomplish.

1486
01:39:49,142 --> 01:39:52,270
Oh, Holden.

1487
01:39:54,614 --> 01:39:56,775
That time is over for me.

1488
01:39:56,850 --> 01:39:58,784
I've been there
and I've done it...

1489
01:39:58,852 --> 01:40:02,754
and I didn't flnd
what I was looking for in any of it.

1490
01:40:02,822 --> 01:40:06,758
I found that it you.
In us.

1491
01:40:06,826 --> 01:40:10,489
Doing this won't help you forget
about the things you're hung up on.

1492
01:40:10,564 --> 01:40:14,967
- It'll create more.
- No. I've thought about all that.

1493
01:40:15,035 --> 01:40:18,004
Yes, it will!

1494
01:40:20,840 --> 01:40:25,038
Maybe you'll see me
differently from then on.

1495
01:40:25,111 --> 01:40:30,310
Maybe you'll despise me for going along
with it once you're in the moment.

1496
01:40:30,383 --> 01:40:32,317
Maybe I'll moan differently,

1497
01:40:32,385 --> 01:40:36,287
and then you'll resent Banky
and become suspicious of us.

1498
01:40:36,356 --> 01:40:39,348
Or you'll alienate him
because of it.

1499
01:40:39,426 --> 01:40:45,092
You'll grow to blame and hate me for
the deterioration of your friendship.

1500
01:40:45,165 --> 01:40:48,396
Or what if... and God,
I sincerely doubt it...

1501
01:40:48,468 --> 01:40:52,632
but what if I saw something
in Banky that I've never seen before,

1502
01:40:52,706 --> 01:40:56,836
<i>you know, and I fell in love
with him and left you?</i>

1503
01:40:57,911 --> 01:41:02,041
I've been down roads
like this before.

1504
01:41:02,115 --> 01:41:04,049
Many times.

1505
01:41:07,087 --> 01:41:11,649
I know you feel doing this
will broaden your horizons...

1506
01:41:11,725 --> 01:41:15,024
and give you experience.

1507
01:41:15,095 --> 01:41:19,930
But I've had
those experiences, on my own.

1508
01:41:20,000 --> 01:41:23,561
And I can't accompany you
on yours.

1509
01:41:23,637 --> 01:41:26,197
I'm past that now.

1510
01:41:31,878 --> 01:41:35,405
Or maybe I just love you
too much.

1511
01:41:35,482 --> 01:41:40,943
And I feel hurt and let down that you
would want to share me with anyone.

1512
01:41:42,055 --> 01:41:45,422
Because I would never
want to share you.

1513
01:41:57,537 --> 01:42:00,301
Regardless,

1514
01:42:00,373 --> 01:42:03,206
I can't be
a part of this.

1515
01:42:03,276 --> 01:42:07,770
Or you.
Not anymore.

1516
01:42:09,916 --> 01:42:14,012
I love you.

1517
01:42:14,087 --> 01:42:16,555
I always will.

1518
01:42:16,623 --> 01:42:19,558
Know that.

1519
01:42:26,099 --> 01:42:29,262
But I'm not
your fucking whore.

1520
01:42:34,307 --> 01:42:36,241
He's yours again.

1521
01:43:34,868 --> 01:43:36,802
A blast from the past.

1522
01:43:36,870 --> 01:43:39,634
Do you know how much it's
going for these days? $110.

1523
01:43:39,706 --> 01:43:41,697
You sign it, it'll
push that up even higher.

1524
01:43:41,775 --> 01:43:44,505
You sell it
I want a kickback.

1525
01:43:44,577 --> 01:43:46,010
I don't know if it's true,

1526
01:43:46,079 --> 01:43:48,206
but I heard once there was
going to be an animated series?

1527
01:43:48,281 --> 01:43:50,545
<i>- There was going to be.
- What happened?</i>

1528
01:43:50,617 --> 01:43:53,643
You're lookin' at it.
No Chronic, no cartoon.

1529
01:43:53,720 --> 01:43:57,053
- That would have been awesome!
- Tell me about it.

1530
01:43:57,123 --> 01:43:59,887
So is that what happened
with you and Holden McNeil?

1531
01:43:59,959 --> 01:44:02,484
You got into a flght over
the rights or something?

1532
01:44:02,562 --> 01:44:05,861
- It was more complicated than that.
- Whatever happened to that guy?

1533
01:44:05,932 --> 01:44:08,730
I don't know.
Quit the biz, I guess.

1534
01:44:08,802 --> 01:44:10,793
So, you guys don't
talk anymore?

1535
01:44:10,870 --> 01:44:14,829
No. Not really.

1536
01:44:14,908 --> 01:44:19,242
<i>Yeah. That happened to me once.
Me and this guy started a comic club.</i>

1537
01:44:19,312 --> 01:44:24,340
<i>And we got into a flght over who looked
better in bare legs, Electra or Robin.</i>

1538
01:44:24,417 --> 01:44:30,151
<i>Anyway, I disbanded the club and struck
out on my own, kinda like Nomad.</i>

1539
01:44:30,223 --> 01:44:33,886
<i>I'm rambling on now.
What I meant to say is...</i>

1540
01:44:33,960 --> 01:44:36,656
that you probably shouldn't
have killed off Chronic.

1541
01:44:36,729 --> 01:44:41,132
Guess not. Some doors just
shouldn't be opened.

1542
01:44:41,201 --> 01:44:43,897
<i>Oh, like the door to death
in Baby Dave's Winter Special,</i>

1543
01:44:43,970 --> 01:44:45,904
<i>which you did on your own.</i>

1544
01:44:45,972 --> 01:44:50,204
<i>See? You don't need that McNeil guy,
anyway. You do great work on your own.</i>

1545
01:44:50,276 --> 01:44:54,372
<i>Look at your line work. Look at all the
detail in this douche bag on page 18.</i>

1546
01:44:54,447 --> 01:44:56,210
Look at how you draw a fart.

1547
01:44:56,282 --> 01:44:59,615
<i>And tell me you're not better off
without Holden McNeil.</i>

1548
01:44:59,686 --> 01:45:02,280
<i>I mean, you were just carrying
that guy like a brown-bag lunch,</i>

1549
01:45:02,355 --> 01:45:04,289
<i>you know what I'm saying?</i>

1550
01:45:04,357 --> 01:45:08,123
<i>- You're so right.
- Yeah, well, the true fans always are.</i>

1551
01:45:08,194 --> 01:45:13,188
<i>Well, keep up the good work, man.
Love those dick jokes. Love 'em.</i>

1552
01:45:15,535 --> 01:45:17,469
<i>See ya.</i>

1553
01:45:19,973 --> 01:45:21,907
Yeah.

1554
01:45:24,210 --> 01:45:26,144
Bye.

1555
01:45:37,891 --> 01:45:40,086
Okay. Who's next?

1556
01:45:41,861 --> 01:45:43,795
<i>Hi.</i>

1557
01:45:50,003 --> 01:45:52,904
Thanks for readin' it.

1558
01:45:52,972 --> 01:45:55,964
I can't believe this place.
These people are so weird.

1559
01:45:56,042 --> 01:45:57,976
You wanted to come.

1560
01:45:58,044 --> 01:46:00,376
God, I can't believe you call
these people contemporaries.

1561
01:46:00,446 --> 01:46:03,006
Look at this guy over here
with the pointy ears? What's that?

1562
01:46:03,082 --> 01:46:05,016
- He's a Vulcan.
- A what?

1563
01:46:05,084 --> 01:46:07,450
A Vulcan. Jesus, potzer.

1564
01:46:07,520 --> 01:46:10,011
Why don't you take a walk
and get us something to drink?

1565
01:46:10,089 --> 01:46:11,522
Okay, I will.

1566
01:46:30,408 --> 01:46:32,433
Um, this isn't
one of mine.

1567
01:46:32,510 --> 01:46:34,444
<i>/t's mine.</i>

1568
01:46:36,081 --> 01:46:38,276
I saved you a copy.

1569
01:46:41,553 --> 01:46:45,489
Hi.

1570
01:46:45,557 --> 01:46:47,889
How've you been?

1571
01:46:47,959 --> 01:46:52,396
Uh, good. Really good.
Yourself?

1572
01:46:52,464 --> 01:46:54,398
Good.

1573
01:47:01,106 --> 01:47:04,701
The new issue's selling
like crazy, for some reason.

1574
01:47:04,776 --> 01:47:08,507
Yeah, well, it's because it's
really good. I liked it a lot.

1575
01:47:08,580 --> 01:47:10,514
Thank you.

1576
01:47:13,118 --> 01:47:15,814
I haven't even seen this yet.
Did it just come out?

1577
01:47:15,887 --> 01:47:19,414
Uh, oh, about a month ago.
I did a really small run.

1578
01:47:19,491 --> 01:47:21,584
Self-flnanced,
only about 500 issues.

1579
01:47:21,660 --> 01:47:24,322
Will I enjoy it?

1580
01:47:25,530 --> 01:47:28,021
You might.
It's familiar subject matter.

1581
01:47:45,550 --> 01:47:49,350
Looks like
a very personal story.

1582
01:47:52,490 --> 01:47:56,586
I flnally had
something personal to say.

1583
01:48:01,599 --> 01:48:05,126
Well, I'm gonna go.
I don't wanna hold up your line here.

1584
01:48:05,203 --> 01:48:07,763
Yeah.

1585
01:48:07,839 --> 01:48:11,775
I mean, it can get ugly. I just saw
this nun call a small child a cunt-rag.

1586
01:48:20,218 --> 01:48:22,618
You know, read that,
if you have a minute.

1587
01:48:22,687 --> 01:48:25,155
I will.

1588
01:48:28,893 --> 01:48:33,796
If you get the chance, call me. I'd like
to hear your thoughts, or... whatever.

1589
01:48:33,865 --> 01:48:36,629
Okay.

1590
01:48:38,203 --> 01:48:40,137
Okay.

1591
01:48:42,474 --> 01:48:44,601
It was really nice
seeing you again.

1592
01:48:44,676 --> 01:48:47,907
It was really nice
to see you too.

1593
01:49:01,426 --> 01:49:04,725
- Who was that?
- Huh?

1594
01:49:04,796 --> 01:49:06,661
<i>Who was that?</i>

1595
01:49:16,574 --> 01:49:20,670
Oh, just some guy I knew.

1596
01:49:33,992 --> 01:49:37,792
Next. So, what do you want
to do tonight?

1597
01:49:39,097 --> 01:49:44,592
<i>
on a Friday night</i>

1598
01:49:44,669 --> 01:49:49,629
<i>
I was pushed aside</i>

1599
01:49:49,707 --> 01:49:54,644
<i>
No, no, no one pushes me</i>

1600
01:49:54,712 --> 01:49:59,649
<i>
with a woman I admired</i>

1601
01:49:59,717 --> 01:50:02,186
<i>

1602
01:50:02,319 --> 01:50:04,651
<i>I could not believe</i>

1603
01:50:04,721 --> 01:50:09,852
<i>
I wanted to leave</i>

1604
01:50:12,262 --> 01:50:17,529
<i>
is offset by sorrow</i>

1605
01:50:17,601 --> 01:50:22,402
<i>
you might regret tomorrow</i>

1606
01:50:22,472 --> 01:50:25,100
<i>
and defensive</i>

1607
01:50:25,175 --> 01:50:27,507
<i>

1608
01:50:27,578 --> 01:50:32,481
<i>
tolerance that you borrowed</i>

1609
01:50:32,549 --> 01:50:37,714
<i>
sinks right off the pier</i>

1610
01:50:37,788 --> 01:50:42,384
<i>
/t's faded but clear</i>

1611
01:50:44,895 --> 01:50:49,332
<i>
and she ain't too fond of me</i>

1612
01:50:49,399 --> 01:50:55,099
<i>
it was meant to be</i>

1613
01:50:55,172 --> 01:51:00,075
<i>
just we three</i>

1614
01:51:00,143 --> 01:51:03,806
<i>

1615
01:51:26,903 --> 01:51:31,840
<i>
You two just met</i>

1616
01:51:31,908 --> 01:51:36,470
<i>
how fast we forget</i>

1617
01:51:36,546 --> 01:51:41,677
<i>
my self-righteous greed</i>

1618
01:51:41,752 --> 01:51:46,519
<i>
I'm too farsighted to read</i>

1619
01:51:46,590 --> 01:51:51,584
<i>
but sometimes feel the need</i>

1620
01:51:51,662 --> 01:51:55,860
<i>
Remember me</i>

1621
01:51:58,368 --> 01:52:03,772
<i>
as far as we can see</i>

1622
01:52:03,840 --> 01:52:08,743
<i>
the way she looks at me</i>

1623
01:52:08,812 --> 01:52:13,909
<i>
just we three</i>

1624
01:52:13,984 --> 01:52:18,478
<i>

1625
01:52:20,791 --> 01:52:25,626
<i>
it's gettin'harder to see</i>

1626
01:52:25,696 --> 01:52:30,497
<i>
Better just let her be</i>

1627
01:52:30,567 --> 01:52:35,766
<i>
you come looking for me</i>

1628
01:52:49,886 --> 01:52:52,411
<i>Man, what do you always have
to tell that fuckin'gay story for?</i>

1629
01:52:52,489 --> 01:52:55,083
<i>- Man, shut up.
- You shut up, you fat fuck.</i>