1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:02,540 Good night, sweetheart. 2 00:00:03,280 --> 00:00:10,180 All my prayers are for you. Good night, sweetheart. 3 00:00:10,580 --> 00:00:14,640 I'll be watching over you. 4 00:00:15,000 --> 00:00:20,820 Tears and cutting may make us alone. 5 00:00:21,920 --> 00:00:24,600 But with the dawn, 6 00:00:25,360 --> 00:00:27,540 a new day will come. 7 00:00:32,170 --> 00:00:36,130 Lords and ladies know, this is the first time I have been in a noble chamber. 8 00:00:36,550 --> 00:00:40,310 Indeed, this is the first time I have been in a chamber of any sort. 9 00:00:40,710 --> 00:00:45,310 And I may say that if one is to share a chamber, then there can be no greater 10 00:00:45,310 --> 00:00:49,010 honour than to share it with noble lords and ladies. 11 00:00:49,970 --> 00:00:53,350 Well, good morning, your utter nobleness. Permit me to kiss your foot. 12 00:00:55,010 --> 00:00:56,070 When did I arrive? 13 00:00:56,410 --> 00:00:58,030 By courier, about ten minutes ago. 14 00:00:58,270 --> 00:00:59,350 How do I look? 15 00:00:59,650 --> 00:01:00,830 Regal. How do you feel? 16 00:01:01,240 --> 00:01:03,660 Regal? Regal and a touch noble. 17 00:01:03,960 --> 00:01:04,960 Exactly. 18 00:01:05,180 --> 00:01:08,080 Regal, a touch noble and just a trifle ladylike. 19 00:01:09,040 --> 00:01:10,960 Precisely. And a bit of a prat. 20 00:01:12,400 --> 00:01:17,100 Gary, as one goes into the chamber, one must be dressed as all noble lords and 21 00:01:17,100 --> 00:01:18,100 ladies are dressed. 22 00:01:18,240 --> 00:01:23,060 Fully robed, robed up. One simply cannot go into a chamber if one is disrobed. 23 00:01:23,840 --> 00:01:25,620 Disrobed? Now, there's a thought. 24 00:01:27,880 --> 00:01:33,360 Tell me, your nobleness, what does a noble lady wear under her noble robes? I 25 00:01:33,360 --> 00:01:34,360 put it on in a hurry. 26 00:01:34,520 --> 00:01:35,458 Did you? 27 00:01:35,460 --> 00:01:36,740 Don't you just go out on the bath? 28 00:01:37,240 --> 00:01:41,020 I thought you were supposed to be going over to Ron's on a mission of mercy. 29 00:01:41,380 --> 00:01:44,120 That's plenty of time. Just another one of Ron's wrecked romances. 30 00:01:44,700 --> 00:01:46,820 Come along then, Baroness Sparrow. 31 00:01:47,040 --> 00:01:49,760 How about some noble nookie in your noble robes? 32 00:01:50,320 --> 00:01:53,120 If you want any treason, we'd get sent to the tower. 33 00:01:53,380 --> 00:01:55,730 Yeah? Fancy checking out the crown jewels, eh? 34 00:01:57,370 --> 00:02:00,270 Gary, I can't. I'm due for a photo call. 35 00:02:00,590 --> 00:02:03,810 They're doing a mock -up of a poster of me sitting on the Millennium Dome, 36 00:02:03,850 --> 00:02:04,910 beckoning people in. 37 00:02:05,670 --> 00:02:07,050 Mock -up's about right. 38 00:02:07,850 --> 00:02:09,509 Sparrow sitting on a white elephant. 39 00:02:10,289 --> 00:02:14,310 You may sneer, Gary, but what do you imagine the man in the street will be 40 00:02:14,310 --> 00:02:18,650 thinking when he begins his Millennium Dome experience by ascending the giant 41 00:02:18,650 --> 00:02:20,430 perspex Baroness Sparrow? 42 00:02:21,810 --> 00:02:22,810 Where's the gent? 43 00:02:27,020 --> 00:02:28,020 Yvonne's obsessed. 44 00:02:28,280 --> 00:02:32,200 Ever since she became Baroness Sparrow of Lombard, I hardly get to see her. 45 00:02:32,520 --> 00:02:35,960 What, with her all -day mill -dome meetings and nights on the town with 46 00:02:35,960 --> 00:02:37,080 Cook and Mrs Merton? 47 00:02:37,980 --> 00:02:39,060 I'm not sick. 48 00:02:39,640 --> 00:02:41,180 Well, you know, lovesick. 49 00:02:42,480 --> 00:02:43,940 Different kind of sick. 50 00:02:44,640 --> 00:02:46,760 Sick of being humped and done sick of life. 51 00:02:47,360 --> 00:02:49,440 You don't buy grapes for that sort of sick. 52 00:02:50,740 --> 00:02:53,120 You know, I never really thought of myself as a commoner before. 53 00:02:53,440 --> 00:02:54,418 I'm not sick. 54 00:02:54,420 --> 00:02:55,420 I'm suicidal. 55 00:02:55,800 --> 00:02:58,560 A good stout rope, that would have been more use than bloody grapes. 56 00:02:59,880 --> 00:03:02,520 She's a high flyer, you see, and I'm a low achiever. 57 00:03:03,240 --> 00:03:05,360 I'm the statue, she's the pigeon. 58 00:03:05,780 --> 00:03:07,680 Love story, Romeo and Juliet. 59 00:03:08,540 --> 00:03:09,760 I thought they might cheer you up. 60 00:03:10,580 --> 00:03:12,060 Well, you know, there's someone worse off than yourself. 61 00:03:13,380 --> 00:03:17,640 Gary. I lie here, as you can see, unwashed, unshaved, unhappy. 62 00:03:17,940 --> 00:03:21,500 My couch an island of despair amidst a glittering sea of lager cans. 63 00:03:21,900 --> 00:03:26,260 My sense of optimism is hardly likely to be improved by stories in which star 64 00:03:26,260 --> 00:03:30,740 -crossed lovers stab themselves, take poison, or contract fatal diseases. 65 00:03:34,620 --> 00:03:35,620 What's that? 66 00:03:36,000 --> 00:03:37,900 Pick and mix, mostly wine gums. 67 00:03:39,560 --> 00:03:41,900 No, that thing that looks like a colostomy bag. 68 00:03:45,480 --> 00:03:47,820 It's a large purple wildebeest, obviously. 69 00:03:49,520 --> 00:03:51,420 Flick's large purple wildebeest. 70 00:03:51,780 --> 00:03:53,480 It was grazing under the bed. 71 00:03:54,940 --> 00:03:56,360 Very unhealthy, Ross. 72 00:03:57,000 --> 00:03:58,300 Looks fit enough to me. 73 00:03:59,020 --> 00:04:01,360 Hanging on to Flick's things is very unhealthy. 74 00:04:02,100 --> 00:04:05,080 Hanging on to Flick's things is what I love most in life. 75 00:04:06,120 --> 00:04:09,900 But the reason I'm in that window and considering jumping is because from now 76 00:04:09,900 --> 00:04:12,680 on, some other bastard's going to be hanging on to Flick's things. 77 00:04:14,070 --> 00:04:16,829 Ron, don't you dare talk about chucking yourself out the window. 78 00:04:17,070 --> 00:04:18,290 Cos I know you won't do it. 79 00:04:18,709 --> 00:04:21,769 You have an irrational fear of heights. I once had to talk you down off a high 80 00:04:21,769 --> 00:04:22,770 curb. 81 00:04:23,550 --> 00:04:26,090 I see that window as an easy way out. 82 00:04:26,450 --> 00:04:28,190 Well, it's quicker than the stairs, that's for sure. 83 00:04:29,710 --> 00:04:31,650 Oh, come on, stop wallowing. 84 00:04:32,230 --> 00:04:35,410 Look, I told Yvonne I'm going to a trade fair in Guernsey, OK? Just so our 85 00:04:35,410 --> 00:04:36,410 stories match. 86 00:04:36,690 --> 00:04:38,130 Why should I help you out, Gary? 87 00:04:38,830 --> 00:04:40,930 I'm a man who's been kneed in the knackers. 88 00:04:42,300 --> 00:04:47,920 You're a man with two wives, two pairs of eyes to gaze into, two pairs of lips 89 00:04:47,920 --> 00:04:51,080 to kiss, and two full sets of everything else. 90 00:04:52,780 --> 00:04:54,540 Do you think it's easy, the life I lead? 91 00:04:54,980 --> 00:04:57,920 You may not know this, Ron, but there are times when I actually envy you. 92 00:04:59,900 --> 00:05:01,320 I mean, now isn't one of them. 93 00:05:02,420 --> 00:05:05,900 Oh, come on, use your routine, OK? Just in case Yvonne misses me, however 94 00:05:05,900 --> 00:05:07,000 unlikely that may seem. 95 00:05:07,300 --> 00:05:10,100 You may not have noticed, Gary, but I'm the one in need of support. 96 00:05:10,830 --> 00:05:13,670 Look, I just want to spend a couple of days back in 1945, OK? 97 00:05:14,150 --> 00:05:16,610 Back in a time where I'm a highly appreciated husband. 98 00:05:17,550 --> 00:05:18,550 Not to mention father. 99 00:05:19,410 --> 00:05:20,410 Secret agent. 100 00:05:20,870 --> 00:05:22,090 Supernaturally talented songwriter. 101 00:05:23,250 --> 00:05:24,310 Well, off you go, then. 102 00:05:24,950 --> 00:05:27,910 We'll stay here, down at the end of Lonely Street. 103 00:05:29,410 --> 00:05:30,410 Look, 104 00:05:30,730 --> 00:05:31,730 mate. 105 00:05:32,470 --> 00:05:34,430 It's just like having a bad cold, you know? 106 00:05:35,130 --> 00:05:37,430 You wake up one day and you start to feel better. 107 00:05:40,010 --> 00:05:41,010 A bad cold. 108 00:05:42,210 --> 00:05:43,850 The woman I worshipped. 109 00:05:44,150 --> 00:05:45,590 The woman I believed in. 110 00:05:45,870 --> 00:05:48,710 The woman who took her clothes off solely for my benefit. 111 00:05:49,310 --> 00:05:52,930 This woman has left me forever, and you think all I need is a bottle of Lucozade 112 00:05:52,930 --> 00:05:53,930 and a vapour rub. 113 00:05:54,910 --> 00:05:56,350 She was that kind of girl. 114 00:05:56,770 --> 00:05:59,910 She moves in for a while, then she's off, along with her spare knickers. 115 00:06:01,690 --> 00:06:03,070 Oh, no, I've still got them. 116 00:06:05,990 --> 00:06:07,310 Oh, no, that is sad. 117 00:06:08,140 --> 00:06:10,220 It's a lost cause, Ron. Send them back. 118 00:06:10,460 --> 00:06:13,360 No. They're all that's left of everlasting love. 119 00:06:13,880 --> 00:06:17,740 Look, it's morbid. Put them in a padded envelope. I'll post them as I leave. 120 00:06:18,000 --> 00:06:19,440 I can't. You must. 121 00:06:19,760 --> 00:06:20,760 No. Why not? 122 00:06:21,160 --> 00:06:22,260 I'm wearing them. 123 00:06:26,160 --> 00:06:31,220 In the meadow, in a little bitty pool, swam three little fishes and a mama fish 124 00:06:31,220 --> 00:06:32,220 or two. 125 00:06:32,460 --> 00:06:37,120 Swim, said the mama fish, you swim if you can. And they swam and they swam all 126 00:06:37,120 --> 00:06:38,240 over the dam. 127 00:06:38,480 --> 00:06:42,160 A -boop -boop -dee -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da. A -boop 128 00:06:42,160 --> 00:06:45,180 -boop -dee -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da. A -boop 129 00:06:45,180 --> 00:06:48,740 -boop -dee -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da. A -boop -boop 130 00:06:48,740 --> 00:06:50,700 -dee -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da. 131 00:06:54,510 --> 00:06:56,410 I like that song. It's a funny song. 132 00:06:56,670 --> 00:06:58,450 Makes me laugh every time I hear it. 133 00:06:58,670 --> 00:07:02,090 Sorry, gents, did I leave the door open? The thing is, we don't open till eight. 134 00:07:02,450 --> 00:07:05,050 Oh, we thought we'd just pop in and show our faces. 135 00:07:05,690 --> 00:07:07,250 We're your insurance men. 136 00:07:07,590 --> 00:07:10,130 I'm Mr Smith. And I'm Mr Jones. 137 00:07:10,790 --> 00:07:14,250 Insurance? No, no, no, that's already taken care of. Thanks all the same. 138 00:07:14,770 --> 00:07:15,930 He doesn't understand. 139 00:07:16,350 --> 00:07:19,110 He does seem to have the wrong end of the stick, all right. 140 00:07:19,370 --> 00:07:20,450 We'll explain, shall we? 141 00:07:21,530 --> 00:07:22,890 Insurance against... 142 00:07:26,000 --> 00:07:27,000 The breakages. 143 00:07:27,040 --> 00:07:28,040 Yeah, watch out. 144 00:07:28,140 --> 00:07:29,940 Insurance against flood damage. 145 00:07:30,220 --> 00:07:31,320 Yeah, yeah, what's your game? 146 00:07:31,800 --> 00:07:33,480 Insurance against damage. 147 00:07:34,000 --> 00:07:35,000 By fire. 148 00:07:35,260 --> 00:07:38,880 Yeah, watch out, watch out. The old place will go up. By George, you're 149 00:07:39,180 --> 00:07:41,680 I mean, accidents can happen so easily, can't they? 150 00:07:43,520 --> 00:07:45,480 Good idea to be insured, eh? 151 00:07:46,380 --> 00:07:50,800 Right, I've got it. You're members of the criminal fraternity. 152 00:07:53,880 --> 00:07:56,080 Demanding money with menace aforethought. 153 00:07:56,360 --> 00:08:00,200 Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you, me old mates, but you have just made a 154 00:08:00,200 --> 00:08:01,200 terrible mistake. 155 00:08:01,480 --> 00:08:07,160 I am ex -PC Reginald Dedman of the Metropolitan Police, currently holding 156 00:08:07,160 --> 00:08:08,660 rank of Sergeant Commissioner. 157 00:08:12,480 --> 00:08:15,900 Yes. I thought that put the fear of God into you. 158 00:08:17,310 --> 00:08:20,210 That does give us pause for thought, Sergeant Dedman, yes. 159 00:08:20,470 --> 00:08:22,190 That is very worrying indeed. 160 00:08:22,650 --> 00:08:24,350 It looks like the game's up, Mr Jones. 161 00:08:24,670 --> 00:08:28,470 Right. Now, I could run you in for malicious breakage and spillage, so 162 00:08:28,470 --> 00:08:29,449 yourselves lucky. 163 00:08:29,450 --> 00:08:33,450 But if I have any more trouble, I shall come down on you like a ton of bricks. 164 00:08:34,110 --> 00:08:35,429 Do I make myself clear? 165 00:08:35,630 --> 00:08:38,650 Oh, that is clear enough to me. Is that clear to you, Mr Smith? 166 00:08:38,870 --> 00:08:40,230 Every word is crystal. 167 00:08:40,630 --> 00:08:41,630 On your way, then. 168 00:08:43,010 --> 00:08:44,590 Don't let me see you in here again. 169 00:08:44,890 --> 00:08:46,410 Oh, you won't see us, Sergeant Dedman. 170 00:08:49,160 --> 00:08:50,320 He won't see us. 171 00:08:50,860 --> 00:08:52,540 Bad luck, me old mates. 172 00:08:54,420 --> 00:08:57,120 All the bars in all the world. 173 00:08:57,420 --> 00:08:59,280 And a walk in the mine. 174 00:09:05,160 --> 00:09:11,620 This is the story of a young girl who was the Einstein 175 00:09:11,620 --> 00:09:12,900 of the band. 176 00:09:29,790 --> 00:09:31,150 Hello, Sergeant Dedman. 177 00:09:31,370 --> 00:09:33,930 Looks like you've got a bit of a problem with your electrics. 178 00:09:35,170 --> 00:09:36,350 Oi, who the hell are you? 179 00:09:36,590 --> 00:09:38,610 What's going on? Right, you've had your warning. 180 00:09:38,910 --> 00:09:39,970 You're under arrest. 181 00:09:41,170 --> 00:09:42,290 Gary, he's hurt, he breaks. 182 00:09:42,710 --> 00:09:46,950 Get your hands off her. Any closer and I'll break her arm. 183 00:09:47,230 --> 00:09:48,630 Right, you're both under arrest. 184 00:09:51,470 --> 00:09:52,650 All right, you are in trouble now. 185 00:09:52,850 --> 00:09:55,450 Oh, we can see that. My knees are knocking. 186 00:09:55,710 --> 00:09:57,310 I feel quite faint, to be honest. 187 00:09:57,670 --> 00:09:58,950 Just tell us what you want. 188 00:09:59,270 --> 00:10:00,570 Oh, it's ever so simple. 189 00:10:00,890 --> 00:10:06,790 We want you and your clientele to enjoy the benefits of our fully comprehensive 190 00:10:06,790 --> 00:10:08,470 insurance policy. 191 00:10:08,730 --> 00:10:12,970 It's relatively inexpensive and guarantees evenings free from travel and 192 00:10:12,970 --> 00:10:17,770 disruption. Regular payments to be made the first of each month. 193 00:10:18,150 --> 00:10:20,750 And if we don't? Please, no bad thoughts. 194 00:10:21,200 --> 00:10:22,200 Just pay up, eh? 195 00:10:22,460 --> 00:10:25,060 Otherwise this little songbird might lose her voice permanently. 196 00:10:30,900 --> 00:10:31,859 Are you all right? 197 00:10:31,860 --> 00:10:32,860 What are we going to do? 198 00:10:33,200 --> 00:10:36,140 Not let them get away with it. Gary, they're dangerous men. 199 00:10:36,380 --> 00:10:37,660 They had the benefit of the prize. 200 00:10:37,880 --> 00:10:43,480 It won't be so easy for them next time, will it, Reg? I took 201 00:10:43,480 --> 00:10:47,860 this one over outside Emporio Armani. 202 00:10:49,640 --> 00:10:52,720 You can see her platinum credit card flashing in the sun. 203 00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:01,400 You miss her too. 204 00:11:03,280 --> 00:11:04,600 I know, it's hell. 205 00:11:09,460 --> 00:11:11,760 You feel like throwing yourself out the window. 206 00:11:13,660 --> 00:11:14,660 Good idea. 207 00:11:15,240 --> 00:11:16,280 I'll go first. 208 00:11:19,080 --> 00:11:20,620 Unless you'd like to go first. 209 00:11:22,580 --> 00:11:23,580 Let's go together. 210 00:11:30,960 --> 00:11:32,320 Look, you run a nightclub. 211 00:11:32,720 --> 00:11:34,560 You have to expect some rough customers. 212 00:11:35,060 --> 00:11:38,680 They weren't customers, Inspector Priestley. They were villains, thugs. 213 00:11:38,680 --> 00:11:39,579 threatened us. 214 00:11:39,580 --> 00:11:40,720 They offered us insurance. 215 00:11:41,480 --> 00:11:43,440 Well, it's no crime to work for the Prue, Mrs Sparrow. 216 00:11:44,620 --> 00:11:46,140 They were physically violent. 217 00:11:46,760 --> 00:11:48,360 Offer any provocation, did you? 218 00:11:48,650 --> 00:11:50,050 These were criminals. 219 00:11:50,510 --> 00:11:53,110 Even Sergeant Deadman was powerless against them. 220 00:11:56,510 --> 00:11:57,670 Well, yes, all right. 221 00:11:57,870 --> 00:12:00,690 But they were extorting money and they threatened my wife. 222 00:12:01,050 --> 00:12:03,930 Drink -taking, was it? Taken by both parties, perhaps? 223 00:12:04,350 --> 00:12:06,050 There was no drinking involved. 224 00:12:06,490 --> 00:12:09,090 They twisted me arm up my back. Look, like this. 225 00:12:09,710 --> 00:12:11,250 Yes, thank you. 226 00:12:12,530 --> 00:12:13,530 We need protection. 227 00:12:14,240 --> 00:12:17,700 Oh, I'm sorry, Mr Sparrow, but until there's some hard evidence, there's 228 00:12:17,700 --> 00:12:18,539 we can do. 229 00:12:18,540 --> 00:12:23,320 In a place like a nightclub where intoxicants are freely available and low 230 00:12:23,320 --> 00:12:26,200 tend to congregate, matters can get out of hand. 231 00:12:26,480 --> 00:12:28,840 Low? You take that back. Sergeant! 232 00:12:30,800 --> 00:12:34,080 Shall these people out, will you? And try to ensure they don't fall down the 233 00:12:34,080 --> 00:12:35,080 steps as they leave. 234 00:12:48,810 --> 00:12:49,629 It's obvious. 235 00:12:49,630 --> 00:12:51,470 But he's a policeman, Gary. 236 00:12:52,270 --> 00:12:55,270 Phoebe, Father Christmas was really your dad, OK? 237 00:12:56,070 --> 00:12:58,730 And you can clap as much as you like. You're not going to save Tinkerbell. 238 00:13:00,130 --> 00:13:01,990 Without it, then? Well, not necessarily. 239 00:13:02,450 --> 00:13:06,130 We may find that we don't get any more visits from insurance salesmen if we can 240 00:13:06,130 --> 00:13:07,990 prove that Inspector Priestley is on the payroll. 241 00:13:08,470 --> 00:13:09,630 I was supposed to do that. 242 00:13:10,370 --> 00:13:13,770 You forget that I'm a highly trained MI5 field operative, Phoebe. 243 00:13:14,530 --> 00:13:17,150 And all you need is a field to operate in. 244 00:13:18,730 --> 00:13:20,130 You just leave it to me. 245 00:13:22,010 --> 00:13:24,490 You wouldn't ever think of trying it again, would you, Ron? 246 00:13:24,970 --> 00:13:26,890 No, I've got the wildebeest to think of. 247 00:13:28,170 --> 00:13:29,690 I was never going to jump anyway. 248 00:13:30,230 --> 00:13:32,110 I just went out for some fresh air. 249 00:13:33,030 --> 00:13:35,870 Decided to stay for a while, enjoy the view, think things through. 250 00:13:36,570 --> 00:13:38,390 When someone saw me and called the police. 251 00:13:40,770 --> 00:13:42,570 If only one of us had been there. 252 00:13:43,050 --> 00:13:44,170 One of you were there. 253 00:13:46,320 --> 00:13:48,580 He was here, then he left. Better things to do. 254 00:13:49,040 --> 00:13:50,660 Well, didn't he see how upset you were? 255 00:13:50,980 --> 00:13:52,580 He didn't seem to be paying much attention. 256 00:13:53,580 --> 00:13:54,580 Callous sod! 257 00:13:55,140 --> 00:13:56,820 You wait till I see him. 258 00:13:57,180 --> 00:13:58,180 What are you going to say? 259 00:13:59,220 --> 00:14:00,500 What do you want me to say? 260 00:14:01,080 --> 00:14:02,740 Wind him up. He deserves it. 261 00:14:03,420 --> 00:14:04,420 OK, I will. 262 00:14:05,380 --> 00:14:07,020 Where is Gary, by the way? Do you know? 263 00:14:08,500 --> 00:14:09,800 Yes, I do know, Yvonne. 264 00:14:10,000 --> 00:14:12,120 I know exactly where Gary is. 265 00:14:12,740 --> 00:14:13,740 So tell me. 266 00:14:15,780 --> 00:14:17,180 Trade fair in Guernsey. 267 00:14:19,160 --> 00:14:20,640 Typical, never here when he's needed. 268 00:14:22,100 --> 00:14:24,640 You didn't just want to get back at Gary, though. You were depressed. 269 00:14:25,280 --> 00:14:26,280 Of course I was depressed. 270 00:14:26,860 --> 00:14:28,920 The love of my life had walked out on me. 271 00:14:29,720 --> 00:14:32,700 Don't you ever remember being so much in love your teeth ache? 272 00:14:33,520 --> 00:14:34,660 I didn't. 273 00:14:36,320 --> 00:14:42,620 Ron, do you think what with me being made a baroness and mixing in high 274 00:14:42,620 --> 00:14:44,400 and the Mill Dome star... 275 00:14:44,780 --> 00:14:45,940 Do you think I'm leaving Gary behind? 276 00:14:46,500 --> 00:14:49,200 Yeah. By about half a century or more. 277 00:14:55,080 --> 00:14:55,680 All 278 00:14:55,680 --> 00:15:05,040 right. 279 00:15:05,200 --> 00:15:06,200 How much? 280 00:15:06,360 --> 00:15:08,160 50 quid. Per calendar month. 281 00:15:08,420 --> 00:15:09,420 Starting now. 282 00:15:09,660 --> 00:15:10,660 50 quid? 283 00:15:11,230 --> 00:15:14,490 We don't keep that sort of money in the till. And I don't want you coming round 284 00:15:14,490 --> 00:15:16,450 here again, my husband. We'd never agree to pay. 285 00:15:17,690 --> 00:15:19,350 There'd have to be a secret between us. 286 00:15:20,690 --> 00:15:21,690 All right. 287 00:15:21,950 --> 00:15:22,950 It's in Greenwich. 288 00:15:23,150 --> 00:15:25,210 You bring it there tomorrow, 1 .30 sharp. 289 00:15:26,210 --> 00:15:27,430 Let's speak to it, shall we? 290 00:15:31,110 --> 00:15:34,750 Oh, dear. 291 00:15:35,390 --> 00:15:37,430 I was taking some stains off the bar. 292 00:15:38,730 --> 00:15:40,130 That was liquid paraffin. 293 00:15:57,870 --> 00:16:00,650 We're all going to plan now for the booby trap. 294 00:16:01,210 --> 00:16:02,650 All I need is a booby. 295 00:16:03,350 --> 00:16:04,350 I have to do it all. 296 00:16:07,280 --> 00:16:08,600 They seem to be in a bit of a hurry. 297 00:16:08,840 --> 00:16:09,900 Have the trots, did they? 298 00:16:10,560 --> 00:16:11,700 What do they want this time? 299 00:16:12,600 --> 00:16:14,660 £100 or accidents start to happen. 300 00:16:15,100 --> 00:16:17,420 £100 quid? £100 every month. 301 00:16:17,840 --> 00:16:19,840 You get a different class of criminal up west. 302 00:16:20,160 --> 00:16:23,280 Damn Marlene, it was a bowl of jelly the eel, so we'll let your bike tyres down. 303 00:16:24,420 --> 00:16:25,860 What did Inspector Priestley say? 304 00:16:26,180 --> 00:16:28,520 No evidence, Reg. And why did he believe us? 305 00:16:29,080 --> 00:16:32,000 If only we had someone on our side with a bit of influence, you know? 306 00:16:32,240 --> 00:16:34,160 Someone who the police could take at their word. 307 00:16:43,470 --> 00:16:44,490 A hundred quid? 308 00:16:44,770 --> 00:16:45,749 Every month. 309 00:16:45,750 --> 00:16:46,669 Not fifty? 310 00:16:46,670 --> 00:16:47,489 A hundred. 311 00:16:47,490 --> 00:16:49,070 First of the month. On the dot. 312 00:16:49,350 --> 00:16:50,350 A hundred, eh? 313 00:16:50,870 --> 00:16:52,090 Right, thank you, Constable. 314 00:16:52,370 --> 00:16:54,210 It's Sergeant there, sir. 315 00:16:55,390 --> 00:16:56,770 Smith and Jones, you say? 316 00:16:57,050 --> 00:16:58,250 Well, that's what they said. 317 00:16:58,590 --> 00:17:01,870 But if you want my opinion, they are using false names. 318 00:17:04,930 --> 00:17:07,050 Not much gets past you, does it, Constable? 319 00:17:08,170 --> 00:17:10,010 It's Sergeant there, sir, if you notice. 320 00:17:10,270 --> 00:17:12,030 Right, thank you. Well done. Leave it with me. 321 00:17:13,130 --> 00:17:14,130 A hundred quid. 322 00:17:14,670 --> 00:17:15,670 Bastards! No, 323 00:17:17,490 --> 00:17:18,490 not you, Constable. 324 00:17:18,970 --> 00:17:21,230 It's Sargent now, sir. It's Chargent, if you notice. 325 00:17:22,569 --> 00:17:23,569 Piss off, Deadman. 326 00:17:42,850 --> 00:17:44,610 Yvonne, I thought you were a ghastly. 327 00:17:45,330 --> 00:17:46,330 Wind, Gary. 328 00:17:46,630 --> 00:17:48,330 I usually suck a strong mint. 329 00:17:49,390 --> 00:17:51,530 Wind, breath, fitness. 330 00:17:52,070 --> 00:17:56,610 Later on today, I shall be hosting a celebrity event at Mill Dome, the first 331 00:17:56,610 --> 00:17:58,970 foray into the Perspex Baroness Sparrow. 332 00:17:59,430 --> 00:18:03,470 All day long, I shall be guiding people of prominence around the highways and 333 00:18:03,470 --> 00:18:04,750 byways of my inner being. 334 00:18:04,990 --> 00:18:05,569 Mm -hm. 335 00:18:05,570 --> 00:18:06,830 Up yourself, as usual. 336 00:18:08,210 --> 00:18:09,830 It's no small honour, Gary. 337 00:18:10,830 --> 00:18:14,330 Opening, I shall be entered simultaneously by the entire cabinet. 338 00:18:17,770 --> 00:18:19,730 By the way, Ron tried to commit suicide. 339 00:18:20,390 --> 00:18:24,090 Look, Yvonne, don't you think you're just being a tiny bit pompous about... 340 00:18:24,090 --> 00:18:25,090 do you mean, suicide? 341 00:18:25,290 --> 00:18:27,230 Suicide. What kind of suicide? 342 00:18:28,170 --> 00:18:29,830 Well, the kind where you try and kill yourself. 343 00:18:30,590 --> 00:18:34,290 The police were called, you were away in God knows where, so I went round to 344 00:18:34,290 --> 00:18:35,269 comfort him. 345 00:18:35,270 --> 00:18:36,610 Him and the wildebeest. 346 00:18:37,390 --> 00:18:38,390 No, you can't. 347 00:18:38,830 --> 00:18:39,830 He wouldn't... 348 00:18:40,740 --> 00:18:42,820 Oh, God, he didn't try and chuck himself out of a window, did he? 349 00:18:43,520 --> 00:18:44,520 How do you know? 350 00:18:44,900 --> 00:18:45,799 I didn't. 351 00:18:45,800 --> 00:18:47,900 I had no idea. Certainly not, no. Did he? 352 00:18:48,780 --> 00:18:52,640 Yeah. Yeah, well, you know, I thought if he was going to attempt it, that's the 353 00:18:52,640 --> 00:18:53,860 way he would do it. 354 00:18:54,860 --> 00:18:55,860 Why? 355 00:18:56,700 --> 00:18:59,140 Well, it's less effort, isn't it? Gravity's straight down, whoosh, piece 356 00:18:59,140 --> 00:19:00,099 cake. 357 00:19:00,100 --> 00:19:01,140 But he's all right, isn't he? 358 00:19:01,700 --> 00:19:04,740 Well, he's not dead, if that's what you mean. No, no, he's not dead. That's the 359 00:19:04,740 --> 00:19:05,740 best way to be, isn't it? 360 00:19:06,080 --> 00:19:09,180 Right, I'll pop round and see him, then. I expect he'll be pleased to see me. 361 00:19:09,900 --> 00:19:13,070 Possibly. On the other hand, he might think of you as the callous bastard with 362 00:19:13,070 --> 00:19:14,310 the grapes and the depressing videos. 363 00:19:20,510 --> 00:19:21,510 Ron? 364 00:19:23,310 --> 00:19:24,310 Ron! 365 00:19:28,730 --> 00:19:29,730 Well, 366 00:19:32,470 --> 00:19:33,670 he wouldn't go anywhere without this. 367 00:19:40,490 --> 00:19:42,150 Can't take any more of this. I'm going. 368 00:19:43,630 --> 00:19:44,630 Oh, my God. 369 00:19:44,870 --> 00:19:45,870 Ron! 370 00:19:46,730 --> 00:19:47,890 Ron! What? 371 00:19:50,610 --> 00:19:51,890 What are you doing with that suitcase? 372 00:19:52,310 --> 00:19:55,130 What use is a suitcase if you're trying to top yourself? That's bloody 373 00:19:55,130 --> 00:19:56,530 ridiculous. Top myself? 374 00:19:57,090 --> 00:19:59,310 I saw the note. I can't take any more. I'm going. 375 00:19:59,850 --> 00:20:01,450 I hadn't finished writing it. 376 00:20:01,830 --> 00:20:02,930 Going to Liverpool. 377 00:20:03,650 --> 00:20:04,970 See my auntie. 378 00:20:05,230 --> 00:20:07,210 Fried breakfast, hot water bottles. 379 00:20:07,510 --> 00:20:08,570 Bit of looking after. 380 00:20:09,180 --> 00:20:10,360 No -one here wants the job. 381 00:20:11,500 --> 00:20:14,480 I'd be obliged if you'd pass me my large purple wildebeest. 382 00:20:17,260 --> 00:20:18,480 Yvonne said you were desperate. 383 00:20:19,460 --> 00:20:21,560 Desperate to have my best mate take me seriously. 384 00:20:23,360 --> 00:20:24,360 I'm sorry. 385 00:20:25,100 --> 00:20:26,100 Can you forgive me? 386 00:20:26,680 --> 00:20:27,680 No. 387 00:20:28,280 --> 00:20:30,120 I didn't realise you'd take it so hard. 388 00:20:30,800 --> 00:20:32,160 I mean, you have been done before. 389 00:20:33,360 --> 00:20:36,640 Oh, look, I'm sorry. I should have been there for you, and I hate myself. 390 00:20:37,020 --> 00:20:38,040 I hate you more. 391 00:20:38,620 --> 00:20:41,540 Not really. I feel terrible. I'm going to make it up to you, all right? 392 00:20:42,080 --> 00:20:43,080 You know, you and me. 393 00:20:43,600 --> 00:20:44,600 Out on the road. 394 00:20:44,720 --> 00:20:45,720 Eh? Eh? 395 00:20:46,400 --> 00:20:48,120 Hope you forget... What's her name? 396 00:20:49,260 --> 00:20:50,400 Who? See? 397 00:20:51,620 --> 00:20:52,620 Forgotten already. 398 00:20:53,260 --> 00:20:54,260 Yeah, all right, then. 399 00:20:54,580 --> 00:20:56,220 I didn't want to go to Liverpool anyway. 400 00:20:57,000 --> 00:20:59,220 Come on. First 25 pints are on you. 401 00:20:59,660 --> 00:21:01,580 Absolutely. But not tonight. 402 00:21:03,000 --> 00:21:05,120 I've got to get back to 1945, mate. 403 00:21:05,720 --> 00:21:08,300 Got a spot of bother with some gangland villains, you know. 404 00:21:10,020 --> 00:21:13,960 Actually, I was on the lookout for a really good camera. 405 00:21:14,660 --> 00:21:16,760 I mean, I was coming round to see you anyway, obviously. 406 00:21:17,320 --> 00:21:18,320 See how you are? 407 00:21:18,840 --> 00:21:25,820 But I just thought, you know, seeing as it's there, I could just borrow 408 00:21:25,820 --> 00:21:30,080 it. And I'll be back soon. I mean, ever so soon. And then we'll do it, OK? 409 00:21:30,200 --> 00:21:33,520 Definitely. You, me, lots of beer, curry, club. 410 00:21:33,920 --> 00:21:35,140 Eh? Just the two of us, right? 411 00:21:35,900 --> 00:21:37,280 Well, I mean, you can bring the wildebeest. 412 00:21:38,940 --> 00:21:41,200 So, sir, it's all right about the camera. 413 00:21:48,920 --> 00:21:50,660 Secret Military Intelligence Unit. 414 00:21:51,220 --> 00:21:54,260 We believe a nest of spies are having their meetings in the house opposite. 415 00:21:54,840 --> 00:21:57,820 I want to ask permission to take photographs from the vantage point of 416 00:21:57,820 --> 00:21:58,820 front bedroom. 417 00:21:59,120 --> 00:22:00,480 It's crucial to the war effort. 418 00:22:00,760 --> 00:22:02,220 British lives depend on it. 419 00:22:03,280 --> 00:22:04,280 Bugger off. 420 00:22:09,400 --> 00:22:11,380 All right, I'll come clean. I'm from the news of the world. 421 00:22:11,700 --> 00:22:14,780 I'm trying to get intimate shots of a sex ring involving Call Girl, the 422 00:22:14,780 --> 00:22:17,100 Scoutmaster and the Bishop of Tootingbeck. 423 00:22:30,570 --> 00:22:33,210 I wouldn't normally allow a man into my boudoir. 424 00:22:33,970 --> 00:22:35,590 Except my husband, of course. 425 00:22:35,970 --> 00:22:39,190 He comes in to decorate once a year. 426 00:22:39,630 --> 00:22:41,130 That's very kind of you, Mrs Green. 427 00:22:41,410 --> 00:22:42,410 How kind. 428 00:22:46,290 --> 00:22:47,290 How kind. 429 00:22:48,730 --> 00:22:50,650 Oh, that's a big one. 430 00:22:51,550 --> 00:22:54,170 I've never had anything that size in my boudoir before. 431 00:22:54,850 --> 00:22:56,710 Not poking out your window, anyway. 432 00:23:00,010 --> 00:23:01,009 Are they in there? 433 00:23:01,010 --> 00:23:01,949 Oh, yes. 434 00:23:01,950 --> 00:23:03,090 They're in there, all right. 435 00:23:04,210 --> 00:23:05,270 Come on, Phoebe. 436 00:23:06,150 --> 00:23:07,810 She one of the tarts, is she? 437 00:23:08,290 --> 00:23:15,270 Phoebe. One of the... Um, yes. Yes, she's one of the... Great. Right on 438 00:23:16,630 --> 00:23:17,630 Is she going in? 439 00:23:18,890 --> 00:23:21,310 I expect they'll be here any minute. 440 00:23:24,770 --> 00:23:27,610 Are they at it? 441 00:23:28,070 --> 00:23:29,070 Are they? 442 00:23:29,520 --> 00:23:31,420 Are they touching each other's bits and pieces? 443 00:23:34,620 --> 00:23:36,480 And here comes the Patsy. 444 00:23:37,140 --> 00:23:38,140 Patsy? 445 00:23:38,380 --> 00:23:40,840 Patsy? She's another floozy, I suppose. 446 00:23:41,940 --> 00:23:43,100 Oh, my God. 447 00:23:43,520 --> 00:23:44,540 It's an orgy. 448 00:23:45,160 --> 00:23:47,220 I think we'll have to go and have a lie down on the bed. 449 00:24:02,000 --> 00:24:03,000 Oh, my God, they've seen me. 450 00:24:03,500 --> 00:24:04,500 They're coming over. 451 00:24:05,140 --> 00:24:06,140 Coming over? 452 00:24:06,500 --> 00:24:07,500 The orgy? 453 00:24:08,100 --> 00:24:10,960 Don't tell them I'm in the second bedroom on the left. 454 00:24:17,300 --> 00:24:18,440 I'll get you. 455 00:24:18,820 --> 00:24:20,860 Sparred on an officer of the law, Mr Sparrow. 456 00:24:21,120 --> 00:24:24,400 This leads me to the inevitable conclusion you must be an enemy agent. 457 00:24:25,000 --> 00:24:27,260 Firing squad, most likely. Hard luck. 458 00:24:29,840 --> 00:24:30,840 Flying bomb. 459 00:24:31,130 --> 00:24:32,370 It's all right if you can still hear it. 460 00:24:32,650 --> 00:24:34,550 It's only when they cut out that you can... 461 00:24:34,550 --> 00:24:41,330 Which... 462 00:24:41,330 --> 00:24:45,990 Which... Which... Which... Which... Which... Which... Which... 463 00:24:45,990 --> 00:24:58,110 Which... 464 00:24:57,950 --> 00:25:01,410 Now, I promised you a night on the town, and tonight's the night. 465 00:25:01,650 --> 00:25:03,690 What we're going to do, we're going to get a few drinks in here... Oh, shut it! 466 00:25:03,870 --> 00:25:06,450 And shut it. Yep, OK, you're right. What use a word? 467 00:25:06,650 --> 00:25:07,730 I'm going to make... Well, 468 00:25:08,770 --> 00:25:11,590 yes, you were, but I think you've just got to put all that behind you now. Flix 469 00:25:11,590 --> 00:25:14,090 fool! Her father's horse. It's running a toaster. 470 00:25:14,750 --> 00:25:17,490 I've got 50 quid on a 25 to 1. It's make or break. 471 00:25:17,750 --> 00:25:20,090 If this comes in, I'm convalescing in Florida. 472 00:25:20,310 --> 00:25:24,210 If not, I'm out the window. We interrupt racing from toaster to bring you this 473 00:25:24,210 --> 00:25:25,210 newsflash. 474 00:25:25,710 --> 00:25:28,250 Reports are coming in of a major explosion at Greenwich. 475 00:25:28,910 --> 00:25:33,850 Early indications are that an unexploded wartime bomb has detonated, setting off 476 00:25:33,850 --> 00:25:36,850 a chain reaction in the electrical systems of the Millennium Dome. 477 00:25:37,390 --> 00:25:40,890 The blast has virtually destroyed the dome's entire structure. 478 00:25:42,030 --> 00:25:46,630 However, eyewitness reports state that the dome was unoccupied at the time of 479 00:25:46,630 --> 00:25:50,710 the blast, and it's clear that despite the extent of the damage, no one was 480 00:25:50,710 --> 00:25:51,710 hurt. Gary! 481 00:25:52,170 --> 00:25:53,830 That's the end of this newsflash. 482 00:25:54,480 --> 00:25:56,260 And now we return you to Toaster. 483 00:25:59,600 --> 00:26:00,600 Yes! 484 00:26:03,560 --> 00:26:08,160 Florida, here we come. Where sun and sand will banish sorrow. 485 00:26:10,740 --> 00:26:14,300 Oh, thank God you're safe. 486 00:26:14,780 --> 00:26:17,920 I've just come back from the dorm. The whole thing is flattened. There's just 487 00:26:17,920 --> 00:26:22,300 rubble and twisted metal and a huge pile of shattered... Toaster. 488 00:26:24,750 --> 00:26:25,910 that's left of me, Gary. 489 00:26:26,750 --> 00:26:31,470 One minute I was a proud monument to Britain's drive and enterprise and then, 490 00:26:31,510 --> 00:26:34,570 boom, I disintegrated. 491 00:26:34,890 --> 00:26:41,570 I had this vision, Gary, of people from all over the world coming to visit the 492 00:26:41,570 --> 00:26:48,050 dome and looking up at the statue in wonder, saying, oh, look, there's 493 00:26:48,050 --> 00:26:49,610 Sparrow of Lombard. 494 00:26:50,090 --> 00:26:52,930 Look, your face, that's the most important thing. 495 00:26:54,670 --> 00:26:56,410 What about the mockers and knockers? 496 00:26:57,130 --> 00:26:58,130 The press? 497 00:26:58,830 --> 00:27:00,370 What am I going to say to them? 498 00:27:00,610 --> 00:27:01,690 Don't say anything. 499 00:27:04,030 --> 00:27:05,270 Just give them the finger. 500 00:27:13,670 --> 00:27:14,690 I got him! 501 00:27:14,930 --> 00:27:15,950 I got him! 502 00:27:18,170 --> 00:27:20,070 Top copper comes a cropper. 503 00:27:20,430 --> 00:27:23,270 Anonymous source reveals police link with criminal gang. 504 00:27:26,980 --> 00:27:27,980 executed them? 505 00:27:28,160 --> 00:27:30,120 Phoebe, they've got coats over their heads. 506 00:27:35,020 --> 00:27:39,260 That Inspector Priestley, you never can tell with people. Do you know, he once 507 00:27:39,260 --> 00:27:42,900 said to me, Deadman, you cheer people up just by walking out the door. 508 00:27:44,780 --> 00:27:47,080 But I don't think he liked me, really. 509 00:27:47,860 --> 00:27:50,160 There's no mention of that unexploded bomb in here. 510 00:27:50,400 --> 00:27:52,660 Really? Maybe it came down in Westland. 511 00:27:53,020 --> 00:27:54,740 We ought to tell the authorities, Gary. 512 00:27:55,260 --> 00:27:59,640 They could lie there for years and years and then suddenly just go off. You're 513 00:27:59,640 --> 00:28:01,800 right. Don't worry, I'll let them know. 514 00:28:02,080 --> 00:28:03,080 You won't forget? 515 00:28:03,200 --> 00:28:04,200 No, no. 516 00:28:04,960 --> 00:28:06,020 I won't forget. 517 00:28:07,600 --> 00:28:09,960 Good night, sweetheart. 518 00:28:10,900 --> 00:28:14,000 Sleep will banish sorrow. 519 00:28:14,780 --> 00:28:17,860 Good night, sweetheart. 520 00:28:18,740 --> 00:28:21,120 Till we meet tomorrow. 521 00:28:32,360 --> 00:28:33,360 Sweetheart.