1 00:00:00,010 --> 00:00:02,590 Good night, sweetheart. 2 00:00:03,250 --> 00:00:09,250 All my prayers are for you. Good night, 3 00:00:09,250 --> 00:00:14,850 sweetheart. I'll be watching over you. 4 00:00:15,170 --> 00:00:20,990 Tears and parting may make us alone. 5 00:00:21,770 --> 00:00:27,610 But with the coming a new day. 6 00:00:33,450 --> 00:00:37,910 And here we are, back in the living space, which is the front room to normal 7 00:00:37,910 --> 00:00:38,910 people. 8 00:00:39,270 --> 00:00:40,890 I love your new home, Yvonne. 9 00:00:41,150 --> 00:00:45,390 A balcony indoors, that's class, that is. You don't have to go out to hang up 10 00:00:45,390 --> 00:00:46,390 your washing. 11 00:00:46,630 --> 00:00:47,630 There is, Ron. 12 00:00:48,570 --> 00:00:49,570 Excuse me. 13 00:00:51,570 --> 00:00:52,710 So what's going on? 14 00:00:53,350 --> 00:00:54,289 What do you mean? 15 00:00:54,290 --> 00:00:57,830 Well, she's got the hump and you're in the spare room. I spotted your Baywatch 16 00:00:57,830 --> 00:00:59,410 pyjamas tucked underneath the pillow. 17 00:01:00,170 --> 00:01:01,490 The usual, isn't it? 18 00:01:01,880 --> 00:01:04,920 Because I'm away a lot, Yvonne is saying I'm not properly committed to this 19 00:01:04,920 --> 00:01:07,240 marriage. Strange thing to say to a bigamist. 20 00:01:08,260 --> 00:01:09,480 Gary, that was Clive. 21 00:01:09,680 --> 00:01:11,240 We've been invited to a party tonight. 22 00:01:12,100 --> 00:01:13,380 Oh. What? 23 00:01:13,720 --> 00:01:16,340 Um, why I was going out with Ron for a drink. 24 00:01:16,620 --> 00:01:17,960 Well, I'm sure Ron wouldn't mind. 25 00:01:18,400 --> 00:01:20,340 No, of course I don't mind. 26 00:01:20,720 --> 00:01:23,620 Yvonne, this is my best mate. I can't let him down. 27 00:01:24,780 --> 00:01:25,780 Fine. 28 00:01:28,780 --> 00:01:30,340 Gary, go with Yvonne. 29 00:01:30,840 --> 00:01:34,120 We can go for a drink any time. I'm not going for a drink with you. That was 30 00:01:34,120 --> 00:01:35,120 just an excuse. 31 00:01:35,220 --> 00:01:36,220 Phoebe's expecting me. 32 00:01:37,420 --> 00:01:39,000 There's a nasty side to you, Sparrow. 33 00:01:51,720 --> 00:01:54,680 I wish you didn't have to go back to work tonight. 34 00:01:54,980 --> 00:01:55,779 Yeah, sorry. 35 00:01:55,780 --> 00:01:58,000 Got to go in. Bit of trouble with the boss. 36 00:01:58,380 --> 00:01:58,859 You know. 37 00:01:58,860 --> 00:02:01,460 If only I could split myself in two, eh? Everything would be fine. 38 00:02:03,780 --> 00:02:05,040 It's shocking out there. 39 00:02:05,400 --> 00:02:07,260 My old tip ain't going to be much good in this. 40 00:02:07,660 --> 00:02:10,199 Flipping rationing. Can't get a new one for love nor money. 41 00:02:10,680 --> 00:02:12,540 Where's your umbrella, Gary? Oh, thanks, Rich. 42 00:02:12,800 --> 00:02:14,020 Titchy little thing, isn't it? Mm. 43 00:02:14,380 --> 00:02:15,299 It's automatic. 44 00:02:15,300 --> 00:02:16,159 Wait a second. 45 00:02:16,160 --> 00:02:17,820 Well, you just push a button on the handle. 46 00:02:18,060 --> 00:02:19,920 What? Oh, this one. Oh! 47 00:02:22,880 --> 00:02:25,920 Well, I... I never. What will they think of next? 48 00:02:26,200 --> 00:02:27,200 Will you be careful? 49 00:02:27,240 --> 00:02:28,360 I want more children. 50 00:02:28,640 --> 00:02:29,640 Not right now. 51 00:02:36,060 --> 00:02:37,380 Night, Barry. I'm here. 52 00:03:16,060 --> 00:03:17,060 Sir. 53 00:03:20,220 --> 00:03:21,500 Wrong. All right? 54 00:03:26,080 --> 00:03:29,900 Very frosty. Stick a pair of kippers up a jumper, they'd stay fresh for a 55 00:03:29,900 --> 00:03:30,900 fortnight. 56 00:03:31,080 --> 00:03:34,640 And what a shocking waste it is, too. I mean, fit or what? 57 00:03:36,120 --> 00:03:38,860 You know, three times I tried her bedroom door last night. 58 00:03:39,100 --> 00:03:40,100 Locked every time. 59 00:03:40,560 --> 00:03:44,780 That girl is right at the top of my to -do list, if you get my meaning. 60 00:03:45,840 --> 00:03:47,720 Why have you turned into Jeremy Clarkson? 61 00:03:48,780 --> 00:03:50,320 I just decided to lighten up. 62 00:03:51,320 --> 00:03:53,220 Why has Yvonne got such a downer on me? 63 00:03:54,160 --> 00:03:57,060 It's because up till now, I've been inconsiderate and dull. 64 00:03:57,880 --> 00:04:01,140 But from here on in, there's a whole new me on the block. 65 00:04:02,400 --> 00:04:04,580 Really? Oh, you have no idea. 66 00:04:05,240 --> 00:04:08,660 From now on in, it's going to be fun, fun, fun. 67 00:04:10,380 --> 00:04:11,380 Yvonne. 68 00:04:11,900 --> 00:04:13,680 I am late for work. 69 00:04:14,040 --> 00:04:14,799 I know. 70 00:04:14,800 --> 00:04:15,800 I want to make it up to you. 71 00:04:16,220 --> 00:04:17,579 Let me take you out to dinner tonight. 72 00:04:18,519 --> 00:04:22,960 Our marriage is heading for disaster, and you think a pathetic gesture like 73 00:04:22,960 --> 00:04:27,400 taking me for some indifferent bolognese in some tatty trattoria is going to fix 74 00:04:27,400 --> 00:04:28,400 it? 75 00:04:28,880 --> 00:04:30,060 Yeah, you're absolutely right. 76 00:04:30,820 --> 00:04:32,900 Though it wasn't actually an Italian I had in mind. 77 00:04:34,000 --> 00:04:37,280 I'd booked it on the 230 Eurostar. We'd arrive in Paris about six. 78 00:04:38,220 --> 00:04:41,680 Spot a sightseeing, dinner at Maxim's, and then stay over. 79 00:04:42,680 --> 00:04:46,140 I hadn't fixed a hotel. I thought it might be fun to take potluck. 80 00:04:46,840 --> 00:04:47,840 Who knows? 81 00:04:48,280 --> 00:04:51,440 We could end up snuggled together on the banks of the Seine under the moonlight. 82 00:04:52,920 --> 00:04:55,340 But, like you say, pathetic gesture. 83 00:04:57,240 --> 00:04:59,900 No, no, no, no, no. That is a very good gesture. 84 00:05:00,980 --> 00:05:01,980 Meet you here at one? 85 00:05:03,340 --> 00:05:04,340 Fine. 86 00:05:10,740 --> 00:05:12,930 What? have you done to yourself? 87 00:05:13,690 --> 00:05:15,150 Tell me, I want to do it to me. 88 00:05:15,950 --> 00:05:16,950 I can't stop. 89 00:05:17,870 --> 00:05:21,170 I'm off to a little pub, I know, where the beer is topped and take me a pint 90 00:05:21,170 --> 00:05:22,270 the landlady fancies me. 91 00:05:23,970 --> 00:05:25,550 I've got the best life or what. 92 00:05:30,990 --> 00:05:32,190 Great, customers waiting. 93 00:05:32,530 --> 00:05:33,730 Oh, right, yeah. Richard, Richard, Richard. 94 00:05:34,370 --> 00:05:37,710 I told you the one about this bloke had a thing about service women, right? So 95 00:05:37,710 --> 00:05:38,710 he started going out with a whack. 96 00:05:38,930 --> 00:05:39,930 No, no, go on. 97 00:05:40,010 --> 00:05:43,710 Well, you know what WAC stands for, don't you? Yeah, Women's Auxiliary. No, 98 00:05:43,730 --> 00:05:45,630 no, no, no. Want a cuddle, right? 99 00:05:46,550 --> 00:05:48,090 So now he's looking for a WAF. 100 00:05:51,970 --> 00:05:52,970 Oh, I'm sorry. 101 00:05:53,390 --> 00:05:54,390 It's a bit near. 102 00:05:55,550 --> 00:05:56,550 Great customers. 103 00:05:58,750 --> 00:05:59,750 You ready, then? 104 00:05:59,930 --> 00:06:00,829 What for? 105 00:06:00,830 --> 00:06:03,650 Go upstairs. I told you I can't. I'm too busy. 106 00:06:04,450 --> 00:06:06,370 I've been waiting all lunchtime. 107 00:06:06,690 --> 00:06:07,690 Too bad. 108 00:06:07,820 --> 00:06:08,860 What's got into you today? 109 00:06:09,100 --> 00:06:11,960 You drank enough to float a battleship when you never normally drink during the 110 00:06:11,960 --> 00:06:12,960 day. 111 00:06:12,980 --> 00:06:16,180 You're obsessed with getting me upstairs for a bit of as your father, which is 112 00:06:16,180 --> 00:06:18,740 something else you never normally do during the day. Oh, well, maybe I've 113 00:06:18,740 --> 00:06:20,100 changed. Come on, let's go upstairs. 114 00:06:21,200 --> 00:06:22,760 You're starting to annoy me now, Gary. 115 00:06:23,820 --> 00:06:24,820 Are you? 116 00:06:25,820 --> 00:06:26,820 Everything all right? 117 00:06:27,940 --> 00:06:29,020 Yeah, fine, Rich. 118 00:06:29,460 --> 00:06:31,720 Go, look at that. Should have been somewhere half an hour ago. 119 00:06:32,160 --> 00:06:34,420 Well, that's the good thing about having two strings to your bow. 120 00:06:34,700 --> 00:06:37,520 When one isn't playing... You can always pluck the other one. 121 00:07:36,720 --> 00:07:38,740 I'm going to have to think about something to do with you, aren't I? 122 00:07:40,700 --> 00:07:41,700 What do you fancy, eh? 123 00:07:42,500 --> 00:07:44,220 A quick trip off a tall building? 124 00:07:45,000 --> 00:07:46,820 A nice soak in a bath of acid? 125 00:07:47,140 --> 00:07:51,440 Well, I'll make up my mind and let you know tomorrow. 126 00:07:55,440 --> 00:07:58,620 If it's now, I'm taking everyone to dinner. 127 00:08:11,050 --> 00:08:15,890 of him yet? No, an hour and a half I've been waiting with Mr Eurostar after all 128 00:08:15,890 --> 00:08:18,890 of his promises and he doesn't give a toss about this bloody marriage. 129 00:08:23,610 --> 00:08:24,610 You're late. 130 00:08:24,690 --> 00:08:27,450 Oh, am I glad you said that. It means I've beaten him back here. 131 00:08:27,810 --> 00:08:31,190 Where's Yvonne? She's upstairs and I'm warning you, she is on the verge of 132 00:08:31,190 --> 00:08:32,190 storming out. 133 00:08:32,230 --> 00:08:33,350 Excellent. What? 134 00:08:33,690 --> 00:08:35,470 I've got to get rid of her before he gets here. 135 00:08:35,950 --> 00:08:36,950 Before... 136 00:08:39,470 --> 00:08:41,090 a bloody good excuse for standing me up. 137 00:08:41,610 --> 00:08:43,350 Um, gas masks. 138 00:08:43,610 --> 00:08:45,910 What? I had a delivery. Had to sort them out. 139 00:08:46,850 --> 00:08:49,990 You ruined our trip to Paris for a load of smelly old rubber. 140 00:08:50,410 --> 00:08:55,490 A trip to... Um, yeah, yeah. You must hate me. I know I would. 141 00:08:56,090 --> 00:08:58,170 Just get out of my way. 142 00:09:01,110 --> 00:09:03,950 What are you doing? I had to get rid of her. 143 00:09:04,510 --> 00:09:05,570 Look, you've got to help me. 144 00:09:06,330 --> 00:09:07,970 I've got a double. A duplicate. 145 00:09:08,550 --> 00:09:09,770 There's two of me wrong. 146 00:09:11,490 --> 00:09:12,770 What's the matter? Don't you believe me? 147 00:09:13,110 --> 00:09:13,969 Strangely, no. 148 00:09:13,970 --> 00:09:17,530 It's true. I have been cloned. You've lost it, mate. 149 00:09:18,010 --> 00:09:20,310 It's all this flipping between time zones. 150 00:09:20,930 --> 00:09:23,090 Housemates do the knees, tennis players the elbows. 151 00:09:23,410 --> 00:09:25,230 You've got time travellers nuts. 152 00:09:39,060 --> 00:09:42,780 What? How long do I have to do this for? Until you stop hyperventilating. 153 00:09:43,000 --> 00:09:45,200 I don't think that'll be this sad in the next millennium. 154 00:09:45,940 --> 00:09:51,040 You know, I reckon he's a temporal manifestation caused by you getting hit 155 00:09:51,040 --> 00:09:52,880 lightning as you came through the time portal. 156 00:09:53,760 --> 00:09:55,640 You're not expecting me to argue with that, are you? 157 00:09:56,060 --> 00:09:59,400 My knowledge of physics starts and stops with the apple hitting Galileo on the 158 00:09:59,400 --> 00:10:00,640 head. It was Newton. 159 00:10:00,980 --> 00:10:02,880 All right, when Newton hit Galileo on the head. 160 00:10:03,780 --> 00:10:06,840 I don't give a toss how it happened. I just want to know what to do next. 161 00:10:07,500 --> 00:10:10,360 I mean, you must have had some suspicion that he wasn't me. No. 162 00:10:11,060 --> 00:10:12,860 Looks -wise, he's an exact copy. 163 00:10:13,180 --> 00:10:14,340 Well, what about in other ways? 164 00:10:15,020 --> 00:10:18,000 I wasn't with him for long, but there was something. 165 00:10:19,480 --> 00:10:20,580 I'd rather not say. 166 00:10:21,440 --> 00:10:23,020 Ron, this could be important. 167 00:10:24,480 --> 00:10:25,660 He was more fun. 168 00:10:26,860 --> 00:10:27,860 You ask? 169 00:10:28,720 --> 00:10:30,800 He left me tied up in a toilet. 170 00:10:31,140 --> 00:10:33,800 He is not fun. He is pathologically evil. 171 00:10:35,080 --> 00:10:37,900 And this could not happen at a worse time for me, the state of my marriage to 172 00:10:37,900 --> 00:10:41,240 Yvonne being as bad as it is. Oh, I wouldn't worry about that. She seems to 173 00:10:41,240 --> 00:10:42,240 prefer him as well. 174 00:10:45,160 --> 00:10:46,160 Sorry. 175 00:10:52,340 --> 00:10:53,340 Lively in here tonight? 176 00:10:54,480 --> 00:10:57,220 It's a birthday party for one of the girls from the munitions factory. 177 00:10:58,180 --> 00:10:59,680 Look, I'm sorry about this afternoon. 178 00:11:00,020 --> 00:11:01,020 So you should be. 179 00:11:01,460 --> 00:11:04,440 Well, it's your own fault for being so fanciful. 180 00:11:06,220 --> 00:11:09,880 Well, I've got no plans for the rest of the evening, so I can wait until last 181 00:11:09,880 --> 00:11:10,880 ordered. 182 00:11:10,960 --> 00:11:14,140 Don't start again. I've been on my feet all day. There's still another four 183 00:11:14,140 --> 00:11:15,039 hours to go. 184 00:11:15,040 --> 00:11:18,000 The last thing I'm going to feel like I'm closing time is a roll in the hay. 185 00:11:23,220 --> 00:11:25,140 Terry, will you give us one of your songs? 186 00:11:28,240 --> 00:11:30,340 Yeah, no problem. You could do that one I like. 187 00:11:30,670 --> 00:11:34,670 Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away. 188 00:11:34,990 --> 00:11:37,890 I tell you what, Reg, I'll do one you haven't heard before. 189 00:12:01,740 --> 00:12:03,680 I think his usual stuff, but more of a melody. 190 00:12:06,560 --> 00:12:12,620 I thought 191 00:12:12,620 --> 00:12:19,540 you 192 00:12:19,540 --> 00:12:20,540 were going to the shop. 193 00:12:21,620 --> 00:12:22,620 Changed my mind. 194 00:12:24,640 --> 00:12:26,540 Don't you dare look at me like that. 195 00:12:27,100 --> 00:12:28,160 You've got no chance. 196 00:13:02,570 --> 00:13:03,570 I'm going out again. 197 00:13:04,050 --> 00:13:05,770 Help someone who gives a toss. 198 00:13:07,130 --> 00:13:09,670 You know, if I didn't have to go... Yeah, what? 199 00:13:34,030 --> 00:13:35,910 The sex pistols. Oh, yeah. 200 00:13:36,550 --> 00:13:40,150 He followed that up with a rendition of Smack My Bitch Up. 201 00:13:40,730 --> 00:13:42,930 Then got totally hammered and threw up in the snow. 202 00:13:43,290 --> 00:13:46,750 Of course, I am the one who strolls in there in all innocence this morning and 203 00:13:46,750 --> 00:13:50,230 gets it in the neck from Phoebe. So now both of my wives aren't talking to me. 204 00:13:50,710 --> 00:13:51,710 He's a lad. 205 00:13:52,710 --> 00:13:53,710 A lad? 206 00:13:53,750 --> 00:13:55,610 Oh, yes, of course, I was forgetting. 207 00:13:55,890 --> 00:13:57,850 Mate of yours, isn't he? A good laugh. 208 00:13:58,130 --> 00:13:59,130 Don't be pathetic. 209 00:13:59,670 --> 00:14:02,210 Will you understand that he is an evil aberration? 210 00:14:02,890 --> 00:14:03,890 But he's... 211 00:14:07,050 --> 00:14:09,870 I said you had a nasty side to you. It's just been brought to life. 212 00:14:10,250 --> 00:14:13,210 He is no part of me. He is out to destroy me. 213 00:14:13,930 --> 00:14:16,190 And what happens if Phoebe or Yvonne see us together? 214 00:14:16,650 --> 00:14:20,130 How do I explain that away? An identical twin I forgot to mention? 215 00:14:22,450 --> 00:14:23,750 That might work, mightn't it? 216 00:14:24,770 --> 00:14:26,550 Oh. Oh, hi. 217 00:14:26,850 --> 00:14:29,150 Why did you have to come wimping back and spoil it? 218 00:14:29,710 --> 00:14:32,650 I mean, the way you kissed me and ran out just then. 219 00:14:42,030 --> 00:14:43,750 My guess is he's on his way back to 1944. 220 00:14:44,310 --> 00:14:45,630 And what exactly are we doing? 221 00:14:45,830 --> 00:14:47,010 Trying to catch him, of course. 222 00:14:47,210 --> 00:14:49,830 He can only be a couple of minutes ahead of us. She heard what he wanted. He 223 00:14:49,830 --> 00:14:50,870 only just kissed her. 224 00:14:52,890 --> 00:14:53,890 Bastard. 225 00:14:56,690 --> 00:14:57,690 Where's my cup? 226 00:15:14,960 --> 00:15:15,579 Heck, again? 227 00:15:15,580 --> 00:15:18,060 You keep backwards and forwards like this, you'll make yourself go in. 228 00:15:18,260 --> 00:15:19,800 All right, Reg, stupid question. 229 00:15:20,220 --> 00:15:23,040 Are you saying that I just left? About five minutes ago. 230 00:15:23,600 --> 00:15:25,160 Dammit. So what was the stupid question? 231 00:15:25,800 --> 00:15:28,260 What was it? Oh, that's not stupid. 232 00:15:28,580 --> 00:15:30,740 I'm always forgetting what I did five minutes ago. 233 00:15:31,020 --> 00:15:33,860 Margie says I've got a memory like a... Oh, what's it known? 234 00:15:34,160 --> 00:15:35,160 Oh, what are they called? 235 00:15:35,340 --> 00:15:37,060 Fish. Gold -coloured. 236 00:15:38,120 --> 00:15:39,120 Goldfish? 237 00:15:39,820 --> 00:15:40,820 That's them. 238 00:15:41,020 --> 00:15:42,520 Now, what were we talking about? 239 00:15:42,740 --> 00:15:43,740 We finished, Reg. 240 00:15:46,270 --> 00:15:47,290 Two nuns, eh? 241 00:15:52,190 --> 00:15:53,190 What? 242 00:15:53,390 --> 00:15:57,730 That joke you told me just now. I've got to say, Gary, you are becoming a bit of 243 00:15:57,730 --> 00:15:59,510 a card lately. Everyone's noticed it. 244 00:15:59,890 --> 00:16:00,890 Have they really? 245 00:16:01,050 --> 00:16:03,150 You were certainly making Phoebe giggle upstairs just now. 246 00:16:04,070 --> 00:16:05,070 What? 247 00:16:05,390 --> 00:16:06,710 Thought you'd gone, lover boy. 248 00:16:07,590 --> 00:16:09,010 Thanks again for this necklace. 249 00:16:09,290 --> 00:16:10,670 Looks lovely, doesn't it? 250 00:16:11,350 --> 00:16:15,230 Still. I bet you think it looked better 15 minutes ago and it was the only thing 251 00:16:15,230 --> 00:16:16,230 I was wearing. 252 00:16:23,430 --> 00:16:24,430 Gary? 253 00:16:25,250 --> 00:16:26,250 Gary! 254 00:16:27,550 --> 00:16:28,550 Come on! 255 00:16:34,330 --> 00:16:35,330 Come, sweetheart. 256 00:16:40,790 --> 00:16:44,540 What the hell? is going on. You told my secretary that there was a fire. 257 00:16:44,740 --> 00:16:45,740 There is a fire. 258 00:16:46,320 --> 00:16:47,320 Here. 259 00:16:51,140 --> 00:16:51,580 I 260 00:16:51,580 --> 00:16:58,820 don't 261 00:16:58,820 --> 00:17:02,440 know where you learnt to do that, but... Now, where are we going? 262 00:17:03,180 --> 00:17:04,720 Veteran. Oh, no, no, no. 263 00:17:06,200 --> 00:17:07,200 Let's do it here. 264 00:17:22,920 --> 00:17:24,599 What is it about me saying the other you was more fun? 265 00:17:25,319 --> 00:17:26,900 Sorry, I thought that door was locked. 266 00:17:27,660 --> 00:17:28,700 What are you doing with that? 267 00:17:29,140 --> 00:17:30,140 You don't want to know. 268 00:17:30,840 --> 00:17:32,100 What's happened? What's he done? 269 00:17:32,440 --> 00:17:35,820 Well, let's just say he's taken a few more liberties than a man can tolerate 270 00:17:35,820 --> 00:17:37,160 forced me to listen to them. 271 00:17:37,900 --> 00:17:40,840 These liberties, would they involve... I don't want to talk about it. I 272 00:17:40,840 --> 00:17:41,840 understand. 273 00:17:42,360 --> 00:17:43,360 So where did you get the shooter? 274 00:17:43,740 --> 00:17:44,740 1944. 275 00:17:45,080 --> 00:17:47,360 Guns were about the only thing not on the ration during the war. 276 00:17:47,900 --> 00:17:50,080 Do you know, this cost me two pounds of pork chops. 277 00:17:51,210 --> 00:17:53,850 If I'd have thrown in some sirloin, I could have got a bazooka as well. 278 00:17:54,250 --> 00:17:55,910 But you didn't want to raise the stake. 279 00:17:57,970 --> 00:18:01,270 I know. I just thought a bazooka might look a little conspicuous under my 280 00:18:01,270 --> 00:18:02,270 jacket. 281 00:18:02,310 --> 00:18:03,990 I'm making jokes because I'm nervous. 282 00:18:04,650 --> 00:18:07,050 I realise you're upset, but go in after him with a gun. 283 00:18:07,470 --> 00:18:09,770 He is not a him. He is an it. 284 00:18:10,010 --> 00:18:13,410 An unnatural, evil aberration who's already threatened to drop me in a bath 285 00:18:13,410 --> 00:18:18,310 acid. And I tell you, he is not going to screw my... life up anymore. 286 00:18:19,670 --> 00:18:20,900 Right. Take this hand grenade. 287 00:18:21,640 --> 00:18:25,360 It's a key ring for the spare shop keys. 288 00:18:26,700 --> 00:18:27,800 Lock up when you go. 289 00:18:34,040 --> 00:18:35,040 All right, sir. 290 00:18:35,220 --> 00:18:37,680 Brian. Here's your black tie and dinner jacket. 291 00:18:38,520 --> 00:18:40,320 I usually save that for the saloon bar. 292 00:18:43,340 --> 00:18:44,380 Have I forgotten something? 293 00:18:45,280 --> 00:18:47,280 It's opening night of Richard III with Laurence Olivier. 294 00:18:47,840 --> 00:18:49,040 Noel Coward invited us. 295 00:18:49,710 --> 00:18:50,730 Are you sure you told me? 296 00:18:51,490 --> 00:18:52,590 You took the phone call. 297 00:18:53,630 --> 00:18:55,230 Oh, yeah, right, sorry. 298 00:18:55,570 --> 00:18:57,690 Forgot. How could you? 299 00:18:57,970 --> 00:18:59,570 You knew how excited I was. 300 00:19:00,470 --> 00:19:02,510 And there's something else I want to have a word with you about. 301 00:19:03,270 --> 00:19:06,630 One of the girls from the factory asked me to give you some money for the nylons 302 00:19:06,630 --> 00:19:07,630 you got them. 303 00:19:07,670 --> 00:19:08,669 What's going on? 304 00:19:08,670 --> 00:19:10,410 You're selling your stuff on a black market now? 305 00:19:10,650 --> 00:19:11,650 You're under arrest. 306 00:19:12,929 --> 00:19:16,530 I'm sorry, Gary, but in my book, black marketeers are the scourge of the war 307 00:19:16,530 --> 00:19:19,570 effort, them and the people who buy off them. Me and the law make no 308 00:19:19,570 --> 00:19:23,210 distinction. I shall have to ask you to accompany me to the station. 309 00:19:23,970 --> 00:19:26,670 Fred, where did you get the new hat? 310 00:19:26,930 --> 00:19:27,930 You sold it to me. 311 00:19:29,830 --> 00:19:30,830 Flippin' heck. 312 00:19:30,990 --> 00:19:32,610 I shall have to arrest meself now. 313 00:19:32,810 --> 00:19:34,270 I'm supposed to be working here tonight. 314 00:19:35,710 --> 00:19:38,990 I suppose I could let us both off with a stiff warning. 315 00:19:39,930 --> 00:19:40,930 Watch it. 316 00:19:41,290 --> 00:19:42,290 And you. 317 00:19:45,510 --> 00:19:46,750 What is going on? 318 00:19:46,970 --> 00:19:49,970 The way you're behaving lately, there's times when I feel I don't know you at 319 00:19:49,970 --> 00:19:50,970 all. 320 00:19:51,030 --> 00:19:52,030 It's complicated. 321 00:19:52,430 --> 00:19:55,650 You're so cold and hard. We never talk anymore. 322 00:19:55,970 --> 00:19:57,770 And you totally ignore little Michael. 323 00:19:58,070 --> 00:20:00,630 He's like a stranger to you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Come here. 324 00:20:01,050 --> 00:20:02,050 No. 325 00:20:02,510 --> 00:20:04,910 You want me, you better start showing me first. 326 00:20:05,910 --> 00:20:08,390 Now, there's a cab outside and I'm going to this play. 327 00:20:09,020 --> 00:20:10,760 You can stay here and help Reg behind the bar. 328 00:20:29,920 --> 00:20:30,920 Gary? 329 00:20:34,440 --> 00:20:35,440 Gary? 330 00:20:36,160 --> 00:20:37,160 What? 331 00:20:44,929 --> 00:20:46,850 What? You went out that door with a gun. 332 00:20:47,470 --> 00:20:48,950 No, I didn't. You did? 333 00:20:49,350 --> 00:20:50,650 Well, how could I? I'm here. 334 00:20:51,350 --> 00:20:53,050 I could have sworn. 335 00:20:53,930 --> 00:20:55,650 That's your eyes playing tricks on you, Reg. 336 00:20:55,950 --> 00:20:57,310 You need a drop of brandy. 337 00:20:58,150 --> 00:21:02,190 In fact, I think I'll get myself a double. 338 00:21:07,310 --> 00:21:11,010 You knew that lunatic had a gun and you didn't tell me? Well, I thought... was 339 00:21:11,010 --> 00:21:12,330 you. You know, the real you. 340 00:21:12,690 --> 00:21:16,470 Guns are hardly my style, are they, Ron? I suppose it was a bit too macho move 341 00:21:16,470 --> 00:21:19,990 for you, but it was very convincing, the way he went on about the liberties that 342 00:21:19,990 --> 00:21:22,750 had been taken with Yvonne. I don't want to talk about that. That's exactly what 343 00:21:22,750 --> 00:21:25,870 he said in exactly the same way. How was I to know who he was talking to? 344 00:21:26,210 --> 00:21:27,950 Well, we've got to get rid of him, and fast. 345 00:21:28,330 --> 00:21:31,670 We? I'm not sure I want to be part of this. There's guns involved. 346 00:21:32,130 --> 00:21:33,130 Well, you've got to help. 347 00:21:33,210 --> 00:21:35,850 I can hardly go to the police, can I? What am I supposed to say to them? 348 00:21:36,310 --> 00:21:39,170 Excuse me, officer, someone's trying to kill me. Oh, yes, and who would that be, 349 00:21:39,210 --> 00:21:40,250 sir? Well, it's me, actually. 350 00:21:41,270 --> 00:21:43,470 And then there's my Mayfair flat I'll let you live in. 351 00:21:43,890 --> 00:21:44,869 What about it? 352 00:21:44,870 --> 00:21:46,650 Oh, you don't think he's going to let you stay there, do you? 353 00:21:46,990 --> 00:21:50,030 No, you'll be out in the streets when he turns that into his West End passion 354 00:21:50,030 --> 00:21:51,030 parlour. 355 00:21:51,370 --> 00:21:52,370 Let's get him. 356 00:21:54,150 --> 00:21:54,989 That's him. 357 00:21:54,990 --> 00:21:55,990 That's him coming back. 358 00:21:56,970 --> 00:21:59,310 I'll be the bait. You hide. When he comes in, jump him. 359 00:22:06,540 --> 00:22:07,620 You're lazy for me, are you? 360 00:22:08,560 --> 00:22:10,280 You're more stupid than we look. 361 00:22:13,160 --> 00:22:15,460 Rob, what are you doing? It's me. Let go. 362 00:22:15,820 --> 00:22:18,040 Oh, no. You fooled me once. 363 00:22:19,240 --> 00:22:20,240 Twice. 364 00:22:27,820 --> 00:22:28,820 Oops. 365 00:22:29,800 --> 00:22:32,800 You've just given a gun to a sociopathic replicant. 366 00:22:33,000 --> 00:22:35,240 I don't think oops really covers it, do you? 367 00:22:36,100 --> 00:22:37,200 Oh, don't be hard on him. 368 00:22:37,520 --> 00:22:39,920 It wasn't too difficult to convince him I was you. 369 00:22:40,800 --> 00:22:43,500 He didn't think you had the bottle to get yourself a gun. 370 00:22:44,380 --> 00:22:47,860 Oh, so I'm with you as well as no fun. I'm surprised you put up with me. 371 00:22:48,220 --> 00:22:50,420 You won't get away with this. What are you going to do? 372 00:22:51,880 --> 00:22:54,940 I'll get rid of Gary, but ooh, Gary's still here. 373 00:22:56,580 --> 00:22:57,760 That's a victimless crime. 374 00:22:59,400 --> 00:23:01,200 Well, you'll understand if I don't see it that way. 375 00:23:02,480 --> 00:23:05,160 You know, I seriously consider going 50 -50 with you. 376 00:23:05,900 --> 00:23:07,400 Could have been the ultimate timeshare. 377 00:23:07,680 --> 00:23:10,300 You in the past for a while, me in the present, then we switch. 378 00:23:11,480 --> 00:23:12,620 Wouldn't have worked, though, would it? 379 00:23:13,080 --> 00:23:14,300 Because we're too different. 380 00:23:16,020 --> 00:23:20,920 Now, once you're out of the way, I'm going to really enjoy myself. 381 00:23:22,100 --> 00:23:24,920 It's always amazed me how little you made of this time -travelling lark. 382 00:23:26,920 --> 00:23:28,460 Just one bird in each era. 383 00:23:30,580 --> 00:23:32,500 Scratching a living, selling bits of junk. 384 00:23:33,180 --> 00:23:34,180 Oh, no. 385 00:23:36,460 --> 00:23:38,660 I think I'm going to do me some tampering with history. 386 00:23:39,680 --> 00:23:42,640 This time next week, every bird in the country is going to be buying her 387 00:23:42,640 --> 00:23:44,100 knickers from Marks and Sparrow. 388 00:23:46,020 --> 00:23:48,160 You can't. The repercussions. 389 00:23:48,840 --> 00:23:51,240 Won't bother you, woosh boy, because you won't be around. 390 00:23:52,640 --> 00:23:53,640 Sorry. 391 00:23:54,600 --> 00:23:56,820 This time ain't big enough for the both of us. 392 00:23:58,240 --> 00:23:59,860 Looks like I got here just in time. 393 00:24:06,480 --> 00:24:07,660 What is going on here? 394 00:24:07,880 --> 00:24:10,360 I mean, what is this? A Gary Sparrow convention? 395 00:24:11,060 --> 00:24:12,720 Just how many more of you are there? 396 00:24:13,160 --> 00:24:14,160 Half a dozen. 397 00:24:15,100 --> 00:24:16,100 I'm joking. 398 00:24:16,320 --> 00:24:17,320 And the last. 399 00:24:17,840 --> 00:24:21,300 When the lightning struck, I was formed on the other side of the time portal. 400 00:24:21,840 --> 00:24:23,860 So what have you been doing for the last three days? 401 00:24:24,640 --> 00:24:28,940 Well, I was about to make myself known to you when a doodlebug landed a couple 402 00:24:28,940 --> 00:24:32,520 of streets away, so naturally I pitched in with the emergency services. 403 00:24:33,870 --> 00:24:37,890 I spent the last three days tirelessly digging through rubble with my bare 404 00:24:37,890 --> 00:24:39,450 and no thought for my personal safety. 405 00:24:40,630 --> 00:24:42,810 At last count, it was six people I'd rescued. 406 00:24:44,110 --> 00:24:45,590 You're good, Gary, aren't you? 407 00:24:46,290 --> 00:24:47,430 Any logical, really. 408 00:24:48,090 --> 00:24:52,290 If there was a bad Gary, it stands to reason, it'd be a good one. 409 00:24:52,890 --> 00:24:54,150 I'd always assume that was me. 410 00:24:54,570 --> 00:24:57,990 The size of your ego never ceases to amaze me. 411 00:24:59,170 --> 00:25:00,170 Of course, right. 412 00:25:01,190 --> 00:25:03,420 With... Rugged good looks. I like you. 413 00:25:05,060 --> 00:25:10,040 As well as being good, Gary, would you also be ever so slightly gay, Gary? 414 00:25:10,880 --> 00:25:12,920 I don't do anything slightly. 415 00:25:13,840 --> 00:25:14,920 You mean he's a poof? 416 00:25:15,380 --> 00:25:17,460 No, thank you. Keep a civil tongue in your head. 417 00:25:18,340 --> 00:25:22,260 Look, as much as I'm enjoying my own company, has anyone got any ideas how we 418 00:25:22,260 --> 00:25:23,119 resolve this? 419 00:25:23,120 --> 00:25:25,680 I do not want to spend the rest of my life as one of the Beverley sisters. 420 00:25:26,480 --> 00:25:29,600 On the basis of what tour you were under ought to put you back together again. 421 00:25:30,190 --> 00:25:33,870 If the three of you go through the time portal at the same time, chances are 422 00:25:33,870 --> 00:25:35,170 you'll merge back into one. 423 00:25:35,890 --> 00:25:38,970 Well, unless anyone's got Stephen Hawking's phone number, I say we give it 424 00:25:38,970 --> 00:25:39,970 try. 425 00:25:40,130 --> 00:25:41,450 I think we should hold hands. 426 00:25:43,150 --> 00:25:44,150 I won't be coming. 427 00:25:47,750 --> 00:25:48,750 Damn this war. 428 00:25:49,410 --> 00:25:50,470 Let's get on with it, then. 429 00:25:56,350 --> 00:25:57,350 Look, 430 00:25:58,050 --> 00:25:59,250 I'll do a deal with you. 431 00:25:59,710 --> 00:26:01,650 You let me go, I'll make you a rich man. 432 00:26:02,370 --> 00:26:04,710 Rolls -Royce, forget it. How about Rolls -Royce? 433 00:26:05,250 --> 00:26:06,250 Oh, no. 434 00:26:06,370 --> 00:26:07,710 He'll throw me out of my flat. 435 00:26:07,930 --> 00:26:08,930 Who says? 436 00:26:09,070 --> 00:26:10,070 You did. 437 00:26:10,710 --> 00:26:11,870 Oh, yeah, I did, didn't I? 438 00:26:20,010 --> 00:26:22,210 Oh, thank God it worked. 439 00:26:22,810 --> 00:26:24,150 Where did you spring from? 440 00:26:25,970 --> 00:26:28,770 What are you doing out here on your own at this time of night? 441 00:26:29,360 --> 00:26:31,340 I had a bit of an headache when I got back from the play. 442 00:26:31,880 --> 00:26:35,040 Them first -night parties are all right, but being charming and sophisticated 443 00:26:35,040 --> 00:26:36,540 and half -bleeding knackering. 444 00:26:37,820 --> 00:26:39,120 Anyway, get lost. 445 00:26:39,360 --> 00:26:40,360 I'm not talking to you. 446 00:26:40,580 --> 00:26:41,580 Oh, no, Phoebe, look. 447 00:26:42,380 --> 00:26:45,480 I'm really sorry about the way I've been behaving lately, and it won't happen 448 00:26:45,480 --> 00:26:46,480 again, I promise. 449 00:26:47,280 --> 00:26:48,300 How do I know that? 450 00:26:48,800 --> 00:26:53,260 Because I... Because I've pulled myself together. 451 00:27:08,620 --> 00:27:10,080 Give us another one of those kisses. 452 00:27:13,280 --> 00:27:14,280 What's the matter? 453 00:27:14,780 --> 00:27:15,780 Nothing. 454 00:27:18,660 --> 00:27:20,900 No, no, no, no, no. Do it like you did before. 455 00:27:21,360 --> 00:27:23,000 Look, Yvonne, we need to talk. 456 00:27:23,300 --> 00:27:24,520 No, we can do that later. 457 00:27:24,800 --> 00:27:25,800 No, listen, really. 458 00:27:26,480 --> 00:27:28,060 The way I've been with you lately. 459 00:27:28,960 --> 00:27:29,960 Exciting. 460 00:27:30,220 --> 00:27:33,900 Passionate. Well, yeah, but surely not too different from the usual me. 461 00:27:35,080 --> 00:27:36,520 Only, like, completely. 462 00:27:38,190 --> 00:27:39,350 But I've been horrible to you. 463 00:27:39,670 --> 00:27:44,190 Well, it's a small price to pay for fist -clenching, teeth -loosening, scream 464 00:27:44,190 --> 00:27:45,550 -the -hells -down sex. 465 00:27:47,490 --> 00:27:48,510 Wasn't that good, was it? 466 00:27:48,770 --> 00:27:49,890 Well, you should know. You were there. 467 00:27:50,230 --> 00:27:51,230 Well, yes, yes. 468 00:27:53,270 --> 00:27:54,410 Yes, I was, wasn't I? 469 00:27:55,910 --> 00:27:59,030 Well, I'm sorry, Yvonne, but the new Gary has gone and he won't be coming 470 00:27:59,970 --> 00:28:00,970 What are you talking about? 471 00:28:01,270 --> 00:28:02,830 Well, it just wasn't really me. 472 00:28:04,940 --> 00:28:07,640 expect you to be like it every minute of every day, but you don't know anything. 473 00:28:07,880 --> 00:28:10,080 No, I'm sorry, Yvonne, I just can't. 474 00:28:11,960 --> 00:28:14,140 You really don't want this marriage to work, do you? 475 00:28:18,220 --> 00:28:19,620 Well, you know where the spare room is. 476 00:28:20,980 --> 00:28:27,120 Why couldn't she have met the gay one?