1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:02,500 Good night, sweetheart. 2 00:00:03,440 --> 00:00:07,100 All my prayers are for you. 3 00:00:07,300 --> 00:00:10,280 Good night, sweetheart. 4 00:00:10,740 --> 00:00:14,760 I'll be watching over you. 5 00:00:15,140 --> 00:00:20,940 Tears and parting may make us alone. 6 00:00:21,820 --> 00:00:28,500 But with the coming, a new day is born. 7 00:00:38,470 --> 00:00:39,750 Oh, you're not going like that, are you? 8 00:00:40,050 --> 00:00:42,290 I'm going straight to the shop afterwards. 9 00:00:42,910 --> 00:00:45,490 Why, you're not ashamed to be seen with me like this, are you? A little word. 10 00:00:46,290 --> 00:00:49,190 Starting in N and ending in O? Starting with Y and ending in S. 11 00:00:49,750 --> 00:00:52,030 That's the big deal. All we're going to do is look round a flat. 12 00:00:52,550 --> 00:00:54,050 Apartments! Well, there's a difference. 13 00:00:54,310 --> 00:00:57,690 Oh, Gary, it's the prize -winning warehouse conversion of a lifted 14 00:00:58,430 --> 00:01:00,370 Anyway, the money we're paying for it, it is an apartment. 15 00:01:00,910 --> 00:01:04,330 It's got a swimming pool. And we'll have use of our own private gym. Imagine 16 00:01:04,330 --> 00:01:05,710 that! Rather not. 17 00:01:07,370 --> 00:01:09,250 Anyway, it's all academic, isn't it? What is? 18 00:01:09,510 --> 00:01:10,550 Moving to this new flat. 19 00:01:10,750 --> 00:01:11,750 Oh, sorry, apartment. 20 00:01:12,350 --> 00:01:14,710 I thought we were caught up in the negative equity trap. 21 00:01:14,950 --> 00:01:18,150 We're all caught up in the negative equity trap, Gary. That's the beauty of 22 00:01:18,250 --> 00:01:20,590 If everybody lowers the price enough, then we can all move. 23 00:01:21,090 --> 00:01:23,150 I thought this government didn't know what it was doing. 24 00:01:23,870 --> 00:01:24,870 Poor fools. 25 00:01:25,190 --> 00:01:27,510 It's a bit small, though, isn't it? You know, just one bedroom. 26 00:01:27,850 --> 00:01:29,670 What happens if we decide to start a family? 27 00:01:30,030 --> 00:01:32,970 Well, it's hardly likely, is it, Gary? After we've been trying this long. 28 00:01:33,550 --> 00:01:36,450 No, I'm afraid we're going to have to learn to live with your low sperm count. 29 00:01:37,180 --> 00:01:38,620 I'd start all that again. 30 00:01:38,960 --> 00:01:43,440 I'm not saying it's your fault, Gary. I mean, it's nature. You probably overdid 31 00:01:43,440 --> 00:01:44,440 it when you were younger. 32 00:01:46,180 --> 00:01:48,840 How could I? I only went out with a couple of girls before I met you. 33 00:01:49,580 --> 00:01:52,440 It doesn't necessarily take two to tango, does it, Gary? 34 00:01:57,000 --> 00:02:00,600 Some women... No, some women would think I look quite sexy. 35 00:02:00,900 --> 00:02:02,380 Yeah? Name one. 36 00:02:03,520 --> 00:02:07,880 If I'm still master enough of my own destiny to decide what I'm going to wear 37 00:02:07,880 --> 00:02:09,520 before I venture out, thank you very much. 38 00:02:12,540 --> 00:02:13,580 Come on, go and change then. 39 00:02:17,780 --> 00:02:18,820 Look at it, Gary. 40 00:02:19,540 --> 00:02:22,660 Doesn't it make you feel like getting into your exercise gear and joining 41 00:02:23,080 --> 00:02:25,420 Oh, sorry, I forgot who I was talking to. 42 00:02:26,200 --> 00:02:27,200 You got a dartboard? 43 00:02:27,880 --> 00:02:30,160 Is that you being flippant or is that you being stupid? 44 00:02:31,300 --> 00:02:32,259 Bit of both. 45 00:02:32,260 --> 00:02:34,020 Oh, Gary, we could... work out together. 46 00:02:34,580 --> 00:02:35,920 We do work out together. 47 00:02:37,040 --> 00:02:38,600 We worked out together last night. 48 00:02:40,420 --> 00:02:41,840 Burned off a few calories, eh? 49 00:02:42,100 --> 00:02:43,260 That was sex, Gary. 50 00:02:43,500 --> 00:02:44,500 There's a difference. 51 00:02:48,460 --> 00:02:49,740 I don't know which I prefer. 52 00:03:00,989 --> 00:03:04,350 Well, if it's our own private swimming pool, what are all these people doing in 53 00:03:04,350 --> 00:03:05,189 it? 54 00:03:05,190 --> 00:03:07,030 Come on out! 55 00:03:07,910 --> 00:03:10,190 You're embarrassing these people. They're going to be our new neighbours. 56 00:03:11,030 --> 00:03:12,670 Yvonne, it's an elephant graveyard. 57 00:03:13,470 --> 00:03:15,950 This is a place where all the yuppies come to die. 58 00:03:16,670 --> 00:03:19,430 You can't seriously expect us to move to a place like this. 59 00:03:20,070 --> 00:03:22,790 And your job's in Hatfield. You'll have even further to go. 60 00:03:23,090 --> 00:03:25,630 And you, Benira, you're sharp. So what's that got to do with anything? 61 00:03:29,670 --> 00:03:30,670 How much is it again? 62 00:03:37,030 --> 00:03:38,030 All right. 63 00:03:38,370 --> 00:03:40,450 Thanks very much, Gary. 64 00:03:41,150 --> 00:03:42,650 Start all over again now. 65 00:03:42,950 --> 00:03:43,689 Oh, I'm sorry. 66 00:03:43,690 --> 00:03:45,930 Who are you writing to? Number 10 Downing Street. 67 00:03:46,970 --> 00:03:47,789 What about? 68 00:03:47,790 --> 00:03:48,790 The allotment. 69 00:03:51,630 --> 00:03:55,190 OK, I give up. Why are you writing to 10 Downing Street about your allotment? 70 00:03:55,270 --> 00:03:56,670 Because somebody's stolen it. 71 00:03:59,050 --> 00:04:02,650 Someone's stolen your allotment? It was going to be a bumper crop and all. I'm 72 00:04:02,650 --> 00:04:04,370 renowned round here for me green fingers. 73 00:04:04,690 --> 00:04:08,210 You should have heard the gasps when I showed the Women's Institute my marrow. 74 00:04:10,670 --> 00:04:13,170 Mrs. Bloss pinned a rosette on it. 75 00:04:13,890 --> 00:04:15,210 Just about 30 rows. 76 00:04:16,250 --> 00:04:18,730 I'm sorry, Gary. I've failed to see anything amusing. 77 00:04:19,190 --> 00:04:22,170 I'm working all hours on the beat, and when I'm not working, I'm here helping 78 00:04:22,170 --> 00:04:24,750 Phoebe behind the bar. The only enjoyment I'll get... 79 00:04:25,210 --> 00:04:28,130 along with helping out with the war effort, of course, is spending a few 80 00:04:28,130 --> 00:04:29,130 down at me allotment. 81 00:04:29,330 --> 00:04:33,970 I go down there, first thing, birds are singing, got me can of tea, me spam 82 00:04:33,970 --> 00:04:36,090 sandwiches, all is right with the world. 83 00:04:36,730 --> 00:04:37,810 And what do I find? 84 00:04:38,210 --> 00:04:39,210 Me allotment? 85 00:04:39,730 --> 00:04:40,730 Gone. 86 00:04:41,290 --> 00:04:45,610 Greg, how can somebody steal an allotment? I'll tell you. The ARP have 87 00:04:45,610 --> 00:04:46,730 stuck a shit on it. 88 00:04:47,190 --> 00:04:48,190 Blooming cheek. 89 00:04:48,770 --> 00:04:49,770 Hence this. 90 00:04:49,830 --> 00:04:52,430 I want Winston Churchill to come down here personally. 91 00:04:52,670 --> 00:04:54,510 I want him to stand on my allotment. 92 00:04:54,940 --> 00:04:56,440 Or where my allotment used to be. 93 00:04:56,760 --> 00:04:57,760 What, in the shed? 94 00:04:57,860 --> 00:04:59,140 What, there or thereabouts. 95 00:04:59,480 --> 00:05:03,460 I want him to stand there in his siren suit and I want him to give a speech 96 00:05:03,460 --> 00:05:06,940 imploring the authorities to return what is rightfully mine back to me. 97 00:05:07,580 --> 00:05:09,780 And you know, Reg, I think he might just do it. 98 00:05:10,500 --> 00:05:11,600 Of course he will. 99 00:05:11,860 --> 00:05:13,120 Of course he will. 100 00:05:13,720 --> 00:05:16,160 When he likes vegetables, he'll understand. 101 00:05:20,420 --> 00:05:21,560 And Gary... 102 00:05:22,190 --> 00:05:27,510 If an ARP warden sidles up to you with an unusually large root vegetable, you 103 00:05:27,510 --> 00:05:28,510 just remember. 104 00:05:28,670 --> 00:05:31,610 Kind words butter no parsnips, eh, Red? 105 00:05:35,870 --> 00:05:37,310 That's very encouraging. 106 00:05:55,080 --> 00:05:58,020 I had a sheep's heart for my tea last night, and I think it might have been a 107 00:05:58,020 --> 00:05:59,020 bit off. 108 00:05:59,980 --> 00:06:01,340 You had a sheep's heart? 109 00:06:01,640 --> 00:06:03,960 Yeah. It's ever so nice, spread on toast. 110 00:06:05,300 --> 00:06:07,060 Pop a little Linda McCartney, aren't you? 111 00:06:08,840 --> 00:06:10,000 No, no, no. 112 00:06:11,100 --> 00:06:13,380 But you're OK? Oh, yes, I'm fine, fine. 113 00:06:14,440 --> 00:06:15,440 Never felt better. 114 00:06:16,300 --> 00:06:19,720 I got a letter from Donald today. Would you like to have a look? 115 00:06:20,200 --> 00:06:21,220 Well, may I? Oh, yes. 116 00:06:25,740 --> 00:06:31,560 Dear Phoebe, I have been sent to... Oh, that black line means that that bit's 117 00:06:31,560 --> 00:06:33,700 been censored, you know, for security reasons. 118 00:06:34,040 --> 00:06:40,140 Oh, right. I have been sent to a little place called Censored, which is good 119 00:06:40,140 --> 00:06:44,000 luck for me because I was worried we might be posted to Censored. 120 00:06:44,920 --> 00:06:50,620 Me and some of the lads have been given 48 hours leave, so we went to Censored 121 00:06:50,620 --> 00:06:52,560 and then went to Censored. 122 00:06:54,190 --> 00:06:55,470 To see the pyramids. 123 00:06:59,070 --> 00:07:04,790 Tomorrow, we are going to see Shensford at Shensford before we go to Shensford. 124 00:07:05,150 --> 00:07:06,150 Love, Donald. 125 00:07:07,910 --> 00:07:08,910 Funny. 126 00:07:09,170 --> 00:07:13,510 When he was here, we seemed like strangers and I wanted him to go and... 127 00:07:13,530 --> 00:07:17,570 now he's gone, I miss him. Well, no, I don't miss him so much as I worry about 128 00:07:17,570 --> 00:07:19,170 him. Well, it's only natural. 129 00:07:19,950 --> 00:07:21,330 Don't love him, though, do I? 130 00:07:21,550 --> 00:07:24,330 Nope. That was somebody else, didn't I? Yep. 131 00:07:24,690 --> 00:07:26,370 A tall, handsome stranger, maybe? 132 00:07:26,770 --> 00:07:27,910 Well, he's quite tall. 133 00:07:28,130 --> 00:07:30,990 I'd certainly say he was a stranger. I mean, I hardly see him from one day to 134 00:07:30,990 --> 00:07:31,529 the next. 135 00:07:31,530 --> 00:07:34,230 Phoebe. I'm only joking. Come here and give me a kiss. 136 00:07:36,510 --> 00:07:37,510 And, uh, 137 00:07:38,170 --> 00:07:39,850 handsome. You missed out the handsome bit. 138 00:07:40,770 --> 00:07:43,870 You don't half fancy yourself, Gary Sparrow. 139 00:07:45,350 --> 00:07:48,090 Gary, look, it's always quiet on a Monday. Why don't we go out for a couple 140 00:07:48,090 --> 00:07:49,390 hours? Ah. 141 00:07:50,190 --> 00:07:51,190 Same old story. 142 00:07:51,750 --> 00:07:55,670 Well, can we fix another day this week? No, I'm working all week. Sunday, let's 143 00:07:55,670 --> 00:07:56,609 go out then. 144 00:07:56,610 --> 00:07:57,610 Sunday's difficult. 145 00:07:57,910 --> 00:08:01,910 Sorry, did I say difficult? I meant fine. Sunday sounds absolutely fine. 146 00:08:02,810 --> 00:08:07,250 Go for a walk in the afternoon. I mean, I really could get out of this place for 147 00:08:07,250 --> 00:08:10,530 a couple of hours. In fact, Gary, do you know, I've been really thinking of 148 00:08:10,530 --> 00:08:11,529 moving. 149 00:08:11,530 --> 00:08:12,530 Moving? 150 00:08:12,970 --> 00:08:13,990 But this is your home. 151 00:08:14,230 --> 00:08:15,390 You can't leave the Royal Oak. 152 00:08:15,870 --> 00:08:18,670 I could still run the place. I could just live somewhere else, that's all I'm 153 00:08:18,670 --> 00:08:21,110 saying. Somewhere where we can be a bit more settled, more of a family. 154 00:08:21,810 --> 00:08:22,810 More just the two of us? 155 00:08:23,590 --> 00:08:24,590 Yes, sort of. 156 00:08:24,730 --> 00:08:26,150 Phoebe, the draymen are outside. 157 00:08:26,430 --> 00:08:27,430 Unlock the cellar, would you? 158 00:08:27,630 --> 00:08:29,590 God, I told them not to come till Wednesday. 159 00:08:29,790 --> 00:08:30,790 I phoned them for you. 160 00:08:31,170 --> 00:08:32,330 Maybe they didn't get the message. 161 00:08:32,610 --> 00:08:34,230 Yeah, not the only ones. 162 00:08:35,630 --> 00:08:36,549 Oh, no. 163 00:08:36,549 --> 00:08:37,549 See you in two weeks. 164 00:08:37,549 --> 00:08:38,549 All right. 165 00:08:42,760 --> 00:08:46,260 University Don's daughter is high -class hooker queen of kinky campers. 166 00:08:47,320 --> 00:08:52,480 Whether procuring a proctor or leching at a lecturer, Candida certainly merits 167 00:08:52,480 --> 00:08:55,100 the close attentions of the vice -chancellor. 168 00:08:55,480 --> 00:08:56,920 That is rubbish. 169 00:08:57,160 --> 00:08:59,460 That is absolute rubbish. 170 00:09:00,280 --> 00:09:02,420 Well, stop reading it, then. I will. 171 00:09:02,620 --> 00:09:03,359 I will. 172 00:09:03,360 --> 00:09:04,360 In a minute. 173 00:09:04,520 --> 00:09:06,880 Gary, surely you can't want this? 174 00:09:08,060 --> 00:09:09,060 Excuse me? 175 00:09:09,340 --> 00:09:13,670 Chief... runner -up Red Cross Street Junior School Table Tennis Championship. 176 00:09:15,090 --> 00:09:16,090 1970. 177 00:09:16,370 --> 00:09:17,870 Ah, that's my proudest moment. 178 00:09:18,530 --> 00:09:21,550 Gary, you're 34. Surely you've got more to show for your life than this. 179 00:09:22,750 --> 00:09:26,430 OK, OK, you can keep it. But I don't want the new place being cluttered by 180 00:09:26,430 --> 00:09:27,430 your old rubbish. 181 00:09:29,170 --> 00:09:32,010 Gary, let's get in the car and drive past it again. 182 00:09:32,290 --> 00:09:34,710 Oh, we've done that every night this week. 183 00:09:35,350 --> 00:09:37,950 Calm down, will you? I haven't accepted our offer yet. 184 00:09:38,510 --> 00:09:40,450 Then we've got the small detail of trying to sell this place. 185 00:09:40,810 --> 00:09:42,950 Well, let's go out, then, for a walk or something. 186 00:09:43,330 --> 00:09:44,370 Take my mind off it. 187 00:09:44,610 --> 00:09:45,610 Ah, difficult. 188 00:09:46,030 --> 00:09:48,730 Oh, yes, I was forgetting your Premier League debut. 189 00:09:49,190 --> 00:09:50,550 Which stadium are you gracing? 190 00:09:53,790 --> 00:09:55,930 It's Wormwood Scrubs, pitch 137. 191 00:09:56,910 --> 00:09:58,590 Is that the one with the under -soil heating? 192 00:09:58,950 --> 00:10:03,250 Look, can you help me? If Ron phones me up and says he needs me, he's a man 193 00:10:03,250 --> 00:10:05,370 short, he's going to be here any minute. 194 00:10:05,910 --> 00:10:08,110 He said he was desperate. 195 00:10:10,130 --> 00:10:11,130 Oh, he must be. 196 00:10:11,490 --> 00:10:14,530 I've never noticed before, Gary, but have your legs always been like that? 197 00:10:15,050 --> 00:10:18,850 I mean, were you born like that or did you have an accident later on in life? 198 00:10:19,650 --> 00:10:22,210 Meaning? Meaning you couldn't stop a pig in a passage. 199 00:10:27,150 --> 00:10:29,030 I think it's all over. 200 00:10:41,930 --> 00:10:43,690 You could say that. Not at all. 201 00:10:44,270 --> 00:10:45,950 There's a perfectly simple explanation. 202 00:10:46,350 --> 00:10:47,350 Which is? 203 00:10:48,310 --> 00:10:54,730 Well... After Gary has had his football trial for next season, because even 204 00:10:54,730 --> 00:10:58,170 though the most tretanous and retarded of memorabilia salesmen should know, 205 00:10:58,170 --> 00:11:01,490 season has faded into the mellow mists of memory and the rantings of the 206 00:11:01,490 --> 00:11:05,510 partisan terraces has given way to the muted sounds of leather upon willow 207 00:11:05,510 --> 00:11:07,330 floating hazily across the green sward. 208 00:11:08,530 --> 00:11:09,530 Well, then... 209 00:11:10,120 --> 00:11:14,960 The dog and trumpet, second eleven, will lay claim to Gary's hitherto unheralded 210 00:11:14,960 --> 00:11:21,160 skills at cover drive, cut and googly, and we can get on with the cricket 211 00:11:22,560 --> 00:11:23,560 Yes. 212 00:11:23,800 --> 00:11:28,320 And it's a good job that Ron keeps a spare set of cricket funnels in the car. 213 00:11:28,580 --> 00:11:31,560 Oh, yeah, and flannel is one thing that Ron's never short of. 214 00:11:35,100 --> 00:11:37,560 I'm getting a bit sick of bailing you out all the time, mate. 215 00:11:37,960 --> 00:11:40,680 Coming up with excuses so you can go back to the Blitz and have a good time. 216 00:11:40,940 --> 00:11:41,819 Is that it? 217 00:11:41,820 --> 00:11:44,320 Is that all I am to you? Is that all our friendship is about? 218 00:11:45,360 --> 00:11:47,260 Yes. Fair enough, as long as I know. 219 00:11:47,740 --> 00:11:49,660 Gary, they've accepted our offer. 220 00:11:50,260 --> 00:11:51,260 The food's on. 221 00:11:53,600 --> 00:11:57,300 Your leg's always been like that. 222 00:12:03,120 --> 00:12:07,060 Makes a change from the Royal Oak, doesn't it? Yeah, yeah, it's nice, just 223 00:12:07,060 --> 00:12:08,060 two of us. 224 00:12:08,110 --> 00:12:09,110 Yeah. 225 00:12:09,690 --> 00:12:11,110 Just the two of us. 226 00:12:12,170 --> 00:12:13,170 Something wrong? 227 00:12:13,190 --> 00:12:14,190 No, Anna. 228 00:12:14,930 --> 00:12:15,930 Oh. 229 00:12:17,110 --> 00:12:18,350 Isn't he lovely, Gary? 230 00:12:18,990 --> 00:12:20,910 He? How do you know it's a he? 231 00:12:21,630 --> 00:12:24,590 Well, it's blue for a boy and pink for a girl. 232 00:12:25,030 --> 00:12:26,170 So you know anything. 233 00:12:31,110 --> 00:12:32,110 Michael. 234 00:12:32,590 --> 00:12:33,590 What? 235 00:12:33,790 --> 00:12:37,270 Michael. I've always liked it, you know, as a name. 236 00:12:37,850 --> 00:12:38,850 It's a name for what? 237 00:12:39,170 --> 00:12:40,170 For a baby. 238 00:12:40,590 --> 00:12:41,590 What baby? 239 00:12:42,030 --> 00:12:43,830 You know, a baby. 240 00:12:44,090 --> 00:12:47,350 I'm not talking about a particular baby. Just, you know, a baby. 241 00:12:48,410 --> 00:12:50,430 You know, I think all this fresh air's gone to your head. 242 00:12:50,790 --> 00:12:51,790 Better get me back. 243 00:12:57,990 --> 00:12:59,250 No, no. 244 00:13:00,050 --> 00:13:01,670 That's not how you do it. 245 00:13:01,930 --> 00:13:06,960 Look, I said, didn't I say, the bed... dead and then the piano. Not the piano 246 00:13:06,960 --> 00:13:08,060 and then the bed's dead. 247 00:13:08,300 --> 00:13:12,360 If brains were dynamite, you two wouldn't have enough to blow your hats 248 00:13:12,620 --> 00:13:13,620 Are you moving? 249 00:13:13,820 --> 00:13:17,660 No. I'm going to Blackpool for the day. Of course I'm moving. 250 00:13:18,100 --> 00:13:22,220 I'm going to stay with my sister in Devon until this rotten mess is over. 251 00:13:22,220 --> 00:13:23,220 do you think I'm doing? 252 00:13:23,540 --> 00:13:24,540 Come on, Gary. 253 00:13:27,740 --> 00:13:28,740 Why? 254 00:13:29,800 --> 00:13:31,600 Not thinking of renting, are you? 255 00:13:40,330 --> 00:13:42,550 Oh, Gary, it was... I know, I know. 256 00:13:43,210 --> 00:13:44,210 It's lovely. 257 00:13:44,330 --> 00:13:45,149 I know. 258 00:13:45,150 --> 00:13:46,370 Well, it was only a night. 259 00:13:46,670 --> 00:13:47,670 What? 260 00:13:47,890 --> 00:13:50,490 There's just some drawers next to the tall boy. 261 00:13:50,870 --> 00:13:51,870 Didn't I say? 262 00:13:52,050 --> 00:13:54,150 Didn't I say? Oh, yes, love. 263 00:13:55,230 --> 00:13:56,810 Well, what do you think? 264 00:13:57,470 --> 00:13:58,349 Where is it? 265 00:13:58,350 --> 00:14:02,530 Along the lines of what we were looking for. It's got a walk -in larder. 266 00:14:03,550 --> 00:14:05,350 Its own walk -in larder. 267 00:14:06,770 --> 00:14:09,110 Gary, I've always wanted my own walk -in larder. 268 00:14:09,980 --> 00:14:11,460 I don't know. Where's it going to end, eh? 269 00:14:11,700 --> 00:14:14,380 You'll be wanting a gymnasium and your own private swimming pool next. 270 00:14:17,300 --> 00:14:18,740 So, how much is the rent? 271 00:14:19,060 --> 00:14:20,780 Well, I can't give it away. 272 00:14:21,160 --> 00:14:22,260 It's a nice house. 273 00:14:22,640 --> 00:14:23,640 Two bedrooms. 274 00:14:23,880 --> 00:14:26,920 And as I said before, it's got its own... A walk -in larder, yeah. 275 00:14:27,500 --> 00:14:28,500 Sir, how much? 276 00:14:29,360 --> 00:14:30,820 Two pounds, two and six a week. 277 00:14:31,080 --> 00:14:34,400 Two pounds, two and six a week? And that's me giving it away, mind. 278 00:14:34,620 --> 00:14:36,420 And we've hardly ever seen a bomber. 279 00:14:37,150 --> 00:14:38,550 But you're still going off to Devon? 280 00:14:38,770 --> 00:14:41,870 Ah, well, perhaps we've been lucky so far. 281 00:14:42,170 --> 00:14:44,810 Oh, it's lovely and quiet around here. 282 00:14:45,590 --> 00:14:46,670 Oh, no! 283 00:14:47,970 --> 00:14:51,610 No, not my affidavit. Don't you wait till I get out there. 284 00:14:51,950 --> 00:14:54,650 It's got nothing to do with luck, you know. I think the Germans keep away 285 00:14:54,650 --> 00:14:55,810 because they've heard her shouting the odds. 286 00:14:57,370 --> 00:15:01,670 Well, two pounds, two shillings and sixpence a week, eh? Mm. 287 00:15:02,150 --> 00:15:03,150 I know. 288 00:15:03,690 --> 00:15:05,170 I really liked it, Gary. 289 00:15:05,970 --> 00:15:06,970 What? 290 00:15:07,160 --> 00:15:11,060 Oh, £2, £2 .60 a week's even our robber. I'm not paying her that sort of money. 291 00:15:11,960 --> 00:15:14,440 Phoebe, I think I can help out with the money side. 292 00:15:14,720 --> 00:15:17,560 And after all, it has got its own walking matter. 293 00:15:19,240 --> 00:15:21,820 And two bedrooms. 294 00:15:23,100 --> 00:15:24,100 What? 295 00:15:24,800 --> 00:15:27,480 Two bedrooms. It's got two bedrooms. 296 00:15:27,780 --> 00:15:29,280 Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's got two bedrooms. 297 00:15:30,040 --> 00:15:31,600 Hey, you'll be having people to stay. 298 00:15:32,760 --> 00:15:34,220 Don't want people over to stay. 299 00:15:35,160 --> 00:15:36,380 Well, I'll lodge you. 300 00:15:37,020 --> 00:15:38,460 You know, you could take in a lodger. 301 00:15:39,220 --> 00:15:40,220 Don't want a lodger. 302 00:15:41,760 --> 00:15:43,040 So what do you need two bedrooms for? 303 00:15:44,160 --> 00:15:45,160 Because I'm pregnant. 304 00:15:46,500 --> 00:15:48,520 I'm going to need another room for the baby, aren't I? 305 00:15:53,960 --> 00:15:54,980 Well, why didn't you tell me? 306 00:15:55,220 --> 00:15:57,020 Oh, Kerry, I've been trying to tell you all along. 307 00:15:57,820 --> 00:16:00,600 I tried to tell you on Monday. I tried to tell you this afternoon, but you 308 00:16:00,600 --> 00:16:04,540 weren't listening and I've been stuck at home all week, going over it in my head 309 00:16:04,540 --> 00:16:07,280 night after night with no -one else to talk to about it. 310 00:16:08,280 --> 00:16:09,620 Oh, Phoebe, I'm such an idiot. 311 00:16:11,500 --> 00:16:12,500 But look, it's OK. 312 00:16:12,600 --> 00:16:15,140 It's OK. It's going to be fine. We can deal with this. 313 00:16:15,920 --> 00:16:16,920 Deal with it? 314 00:16:17,580 --> 00:16:20,040 Kerry, don't you want to have this baby? I thought you'd be pleased. 315 00:16:20,560 --> 00:16:23,460 Oh, good God, no, I didn't mean that. Kerry, it's not my fault, you know. I 316 00:16:23,460 --> 00:16:25,900 couldn't help it. No, no, no, Phoebe, what are you talking about? It's not 317 00:16:25,900 --> 00:16:26,900 anybody's fault. 318 00:16:27,520 --> 00:16:30,780 These things... We can manage. 319 00:16:31,800 --> 00:16:32,800 Yeah. 320 00:16:33,640 --> 00:16:34,640 Absolutely. 321 00:16:34,900 --> 00:16:35,900 Oh, Gary. 322 00:16:42,500 --> 00:16:43,500 I'll put the kettle on. 323 00:16:45,280 --> 00:16:46,820 You look like you could do with a cuppa. 324 00:16:47,580 --> 00:16:48,860 No, I'm fine, I'm fine. 325 00:16:49,620 --> 00:16:51,060 Just thinking about it, you know. 326 00:16:51,740 --> 00:16:53,560 It'd be funny, being a father. 327 00:16:55,120 --> 00:16:56,220 Being called Dad. 328 00:16:57,360 --> 00:16:58,560 Yeah, but you won't be, will you? 329 00:17:00,340 --> 00:17:01,340 Why not? 330 00:17:01,940 --> 00:17:03,600 Because everyone will think it's Donald's. 331 00:17:05,900 --> 00:17:06,900 Of course. 332 00:17:08,740 --> 00:17:12,819 And it'll always be like that, won't it? It'll always be Phoebe and Donald's 333 00:17:12,819 --> 00:17:14,960 baby. Yeah, but we'll know the truth, Gary. 334 00:17:15,680 --> 00:17:19,520 I mean, once the war's over, I can sort things out with Donald and we can start 335 00:17:19,520 --> 00:17:20,520 being a proper family. 336 00:17:20,839 --> 00:17:24,240 After the war, that's going to take years. Oh, come on, Gary, you don't know 337 00:17:24,240 --> 00:17:25,240 that. It could end tomorrow. 338 00:17:35,310 --> 00:17:36,129 What's that you're hiding? 339 00:17:36,130 --> 00:17:37,930 A piece of 1940s erotica? 340 00:17:38,890 --> 00:17:40,310 No, it's just a book. 341 00:17:40,950 --> 00:17:41,950 Well? 342 00:17:42,590 --> 00:17:43,429 Now what? 343 00:17:43,430 --> 00:17:45,490 Well, come on, pal, I haven't seen you all week. 344 00:17:46,050 --> 00:17:47,070 Is it something I've said? 345 00:17:47,370 --> 00:17:50,490 Is it something I've done? Is it a personal hygiene problem I should know 346 00:17:50,830 --> 00:17:53,750 No, it's nothing to do with you, mate. I just needed some time to think. 347 00:17:54,470 --> 00:17:55,810 Something to do with Yvonne? 348 00:17:56,210 --> 00:17:57,510 No, no, Yvonne's fine. 349 00:17:58,130 --> 00:18:01,230 We've had an offer on our place, you know. If all goes according to plan, 350 00:18:01,230 --> 00:18:02,730 soon be moving into yuppie heaven. 351 00:18:03,280 --> 00:18:07,100 I take it I can still consider myself your bestest mate in the whole world and 352 00:18:07,100 --> 00:18:08,820 have access to your own private swimming pool? 353 00:18:09,380 --> 00:18:10,380 No. 354 00:18:11,040 --> 00:18:12,800 Oh, come on, I'll behave myself. 355 00:18:13,460 --> 00:18:16,000 I'll go to the toilet in the appropriate time and place. 356 00:18:17,380 --> 00:18:20,300 Well, all right, but you can't bring that blue hippo Lilo with you. 357 00:18:21,260 --> 00:18:22,260 You can't. 358 00:18:23,480 --> 00:18:26,020 So, how goes it in World War II? 359 00:18:26,900 --> 00:18:27,920 Fine, fine. 360 00:18:28,240 --> 00:18:29,240 And Phoebe? 361 00:18:30,400 --> 00:18:32,600 Yeah, yeah, she's fine, she's fine. 362 00:18:34,250 --> 00:18:35,250 She's pregnant. 363 00:18:37,570 --> 00:18:38,570 Oh. 364 00:18:39,230 --> 00:18:40,350 The penny drops. 365 00:18:41,910 --> 00:18:45,570 Phoebe's husband Donald returns from his Italian incarceration for a few days, 366 00:18:45,690 --> 00:18:48,830 and in a moment of frenzied passion... It's not Donald, baby. 367 00:18:49,750 --> 00:18:50,750 It's mine. 368 00:18:52,210 --> 00:18:53,270 How can you be sure? 369 00:18:54,050 --> 00:18:55,390 Because Donald is gay. 370 00:18:58,430 --> 00:18:59,430 That's a new bit. 371 00:19:00,330 --> 00:19:03,530 Well, they never... When they were together, they never... 372 00:19:03,920 --> 00:19:04,920 Did it. 373 00:19:05,360 --> 00:19:08,000 Well, not very elegantly put, Ron, but yes, they never did it. 374 00:19:08,420 --> 00:19:10,840 Can I just reiterate a few of the salient points here? 375 00:19:11,560 --> 00:19:14,480 Phoebe's pregnant and it's your kid because her husband Donald is gay. 376 00:19:14,580 --> 00:19:16,820 Meanwhile, back here, you and Yvonne are about to move house. 377 00:19:17,300 --> 00:19:19,840 Phoebe and I are moving as well. And Phoebe and you're another new bit. 378 00:19:20,580 --> 00:19:22,420 You keep coming out with new bits. 379 00:19:23,660 --> 00:19:25,800 We've rented a place and she moves in next week. 380 00:19:27,320 --> 00:19:30,040 With the baby on the way, she's going to need a lot more support, isn't she? I 381 00:19:30,040 --> 00:19:32,860 mean, I can't just make the odd day trip back like I have been doing, so... 382 00:19:33,730 --> 00:19:36,750 I'm aiming to spend three or four days a week with Phoebe and the rest with 383 00:19:36,750 --> 00:19:39,450 Yvonne. And Yvonne's aware of your master plan, is she? 384 00:19:40,210 --> 00:19:42,870 Ron, Phoebe needs me more than Yvonne right now. 385 00:19:45,010 --> 00:19:49,110 Anyway, Yvonne and I lead more or less separate lives, don't we? 386 00:19:50,010 --> 00:19:53,610 I reckon once she's moved into the new place, she'll meet new people, make new 387 00:19:53,610 --> 00:19:54,610 friends. 388 00:19:55,550 --> 00:19:58,550 She won't need me any more, will she? Can I just cut in here for a moment? 389 00:19:59,490 --> 00:20:01,590 Hard -hearted cynic that I undoubtedly am. 390 00:20:02,140 --> 00:20:04,020 Do I detect an underlying subtext? 391 00:20:05,560 --> 00:20:06,399 Such as? 392 00:20:06,400 --> 00:20:07,460 You're going to dump Yvonne. 393 00:20:08,560 --> 00:20:09,560 Did I say that? 394 00:20:10,180 --> 00:20:11,280 It's what it sounded like. 395 00:20:11,860 --> 00:20:15,800 Look, Ron, I can't leave Phoebe on her own with a kid to bring up and a pub to 396 00:20:15,800 --> 00:20:18,540 run. And I can't live permanently in the past. I've tried that. 397 00:20:20,200 --> 00:20:23,560 I'll be there for Yvonne if and when she needs me, but I have to have different 398 00:20:23,560 --> 00:20:24,560 priorities now. 399 00:20:27,240 --> 00:20:29,320 You know what the biggest problem is? 400 00:20:30,200 --> 00:20:31,200 What? 401 00:20:33,160 --> 00:20:34,440 He won't be able to call me Daddy. 402 00:20:38,380 --> 00:20:39,380 Listen, pal. 403 00:20:40,920 --> 00:20:43,860 It's far too early to know if he's going to have a speech impediment. 404 00:20:48,280 --> 00:20:51,600 Ron, I mean, we're going to have to pretend it's Donald's baby, aren't we? 405 00:20:52,360 --> 00:20:55,460 And when it's born and when I go back and see Phoebe, even when I push it 406 00:20:55,460 --> 00:20:59,640 in his pram, people will always point and say that's Phoebe and Donald's baby. 407 00:20:59,720 --> 00:21:00,720 Well, not necessarily. 408 00:21:01,680 --> 00:21:03,320 No. Well, it could be twins. 409 00:21:06,660 --> 00:21:08,300 You're not helping me, Ron. Oh, sorry. 410 00:21:10,400 --> 00:21:13,400 So, how do you feel to be a dad? 411 00:21:14,180 --> 00:21:15,200 Do you feel any different? 412 00:21:16,820 --> 00:21:17,960 I don't know how I feel. 413 00:21:19,660 --> 00:21:22,600 I bought him this. 414 00:21:29,960 --> 00:21:31,140 Hours of fun, eh, Ray? 415 00:21:32,920 --> 00:21:35,440 No, kids don't want this sort of stuff nowadays. 416 00:21:35,640 --> 00:21:39,820 They want computer games and mountain bikes. Ron, it won't be nowadays. It'll 417 00:21:39,820 --> 00:21:40,820 1942. 418 00:21:41,800 --> 00:21:44,060 My child's going to be born into this. 419 00:21:45,420 --> 00:21:48,700 It'll be growing up in a world where children got diphtheria, rickets, 420 00:21:48,920 --> 00:21:49,920 tuberculosis. 421 00:21:50,380 --> 00:21:55,180 And then in 44, we've got flying bombs to look forward to. Try and look on the 422 00:21:55,180 --> 00:21:56,059 bright side. 423 00:21:56,060 --> 00:21:57,660 Ron, there is no bright side. 424 00:21:58,280 --> 00:22:00,600 My child is 20 years older than me. 425 00:22:01,440 --> 00:22:03,620 By now, he's going to be the same age as my father. 426 00:22:07,400 --> 00:22:10,440 Ron, let's not even think about it. 427 00:22:15,320 --> 00:22:16,320 Hello, Gary. 428 00:22:16,440 --> 00:22:18,660 What are you having? This one's on me. Half all right? 429 00:22:19,040 --> 00:22:22,380 No, nothing for me, thanks, Reg. I've just popped in to see Phoebe. Go on, I'm 430 00:22:22,380 --> 00:22:25,180 celebrating. Well, don't tell me somebody's found your allotment. 431 00:22:25,420 --> 00:22:27,120 No, better than that. 432 00:22:27,580 --> 00:22:31,000 I have in my hand a piece of paper from Mr Churchill himself. 433 00:22:31,780 --> 00:22:32,459 Oh, Matthew. 434 00:22:32,460 --> 00:22:35,940 Hold on. This is a hair loom, this is. I'm going to pass this on to little 435 00:22:35,940 --> 00:22:36,940 Frankie. 436 00:22:37,060 --> 00:22:40,200 So how do I know what it says if you won't show it to me? Because I've 437 00:22:40,200 --> 00:22:41,179 it to memory. 438 00:22:41,180 --> 00:22:44,080 You should have heard the ush in the bar last night when I recited it. 439 00:22:45,180 --> 00:22:46,280 On several occasions. 440 00:22:48,580 --> 00:22:49,580 Go on then, Rush. 441 00:22:50,980 --> 00:22:52,700 Dear Constable Dedman. 442 00:22:53,680 --> 00:22:56,860 See, that's Winnie calling me by my name. 443 00:22:57,870 --> 00:23:01,250 I am writing to thank you for your communication. 444 00:23:01,730 --> 00:23:03,890 That means letter, Gary. Yes. 445 00:23:04,950 --> 00:23:08,210 Communication of the 14th Inst. 446 00:23:09,650 --> 00:23:12,410 It is receiving attention. 447 00:23:13,510 --> 00:23:19,550 Yours sincerely, Mrs Beryl Spinks PP, Winston 448 00:23:19,550 --> 00:23:20,590 Churchill. 449 00:23:21,990 --> 00:23:23,410 I'm going to have it framed. 450 00:23:23,970 --> 00:23:26,430 Well done, Reg. But what about the allotment? 451 00:23:26,810 --> 00:23:27,910 What's done is done, eh? 452 00:23:29,130 --> 00:23:30,130 Yeah. 453 00:23:30,810 --> 00:23:31,810 Afternoon, Jake. 454 00:23:32,010 --> 00:23:36,970 Now, I've got something that may be of interest to you concerning vegetables. 455 00:23:38,770 --> 00:23:40,710 Dear Constable Dittman. 456 00:23:46,730 --> 00:23:47,730 Cheer up. 457 00:23:48,850 --> 00:23:50,550 I feel like I'm being evacuated. 458 00:23:51,850 --> 00:23:52,930 Shall I write you a label? 459 00:23:54,550 --> 00:23:55,830 Look, it's only down the road. 460 00:23:58,250 --> 00:23:59,250 Is this it? 461 00:23:59,270 --> 00:24:00,270 Yeah. 462 00:24:01,350 --> 00:24:02,850 Not much to show, is it? 463 00:24:03,390 --> 00:24:04,790 Not for 27 years. 464 00:24:06,190 --> 00:24:07,190 Bloody hell. 465 00:24:07,730 --> 00:24:10,970 A year's time when me mum bought me from Blackton when I was eight. 466 00:24:13,350 --> 00:24:15,210 Do you know, Gary, it never works. 467 00:24:16,050 --> 00:24:19,930 We tried it loads of times and they always came out hard as iron. And me dad 468 00:24:19,930 --> 00:24:20,930 liked them soft -boiled. 469 00:24:24,110 --> 00:24:27,490 everywhere. Look, it doesn't matter. We'll get you another egg timer. I'm not 470 00:24:27,490 --> 00:24:29,490 worried about the bloody egg timer. 471 00:24:30,670 --> 00:24:31,670 The baby? 472 00:24:31,970 --> 00:24:33,770 No. Baby's fine. 473 00:24:34,330 --> 00:24:35,830 Went to the doctor this morning. 474 00:24:36,610 --> 00:24:37,670 Like this now. 475 00:24:38,470 --> 00:24:39,930 Must have it gets a bit bigger, eh? 476 00:24:40,730 --> 00:24:42,570 I'm going to get picked on at school, don't I? 477 00:24:43,990 --> 00:24:44,990 Stupid. 478 00:24:46,370 --> 00:24:48,130 So, what is it then? 479 00:24:49,690 --> 00:24:52,270 Oh, Gary, I'm sorry. I can't move. 480 00:24:53,500 --> 00:24:57,020 Gary, I was born here. It's all I know. Phoebe. No, please. I know we've made 481 00:24:57,020 --> 00:25:00,140 all these arrangements for the baby's sake, but I can't do it. I want to stay. 482 00:25:00,660 --> 00:25:02,120 I mean, the baby will be all right. 483 00:25:02,600 --> 00:25:06,920 I was born here. It hasn't done me any harm, has it? Well, part of the fact I 484 00:25:06,920 --> 00:25:08,320 actually in the club, but... Phoebe. 485 00:25:08,540 --> 00:25:09,540 What? 486 00:25:10,460 --> 00:25:11,460 Just come here. 487 00:25:11,840 --> 00:25:12,840 Gary. 488 00:25:13,820 --> 00:25:14,840 Such a mess. 489 00:25:16,600 --> 00:25:18,760 A kid you won't even be able to call your own. 490 00:25:20,340 --> 00:25:22,280 It's ever so unfair when you think about it. 491 00:25:23,500 --> 00:25:26,340 You will still love it, won't you, Gary? Of course I will. 492 00:25:27,440 --> 00:25:28,440 And it's Mum. 493 00:25:29,000 --> 00:25:30,680 And you don't mind about me not moving? 494 00:25:31,180 --> 00:25:32,180 Of course not. 495 00:25:32,840 --> 00:25:34,640 Do you know, I thought you'd be ever so cross. 496 00:25:34,960 --> 00:25:38,220 I mean, we paid a month's rent in advance. That's nearly nine quid down 497 00:25:38,220 --> 00:25:40,540 drain. Oh, hang the expense, eh? 498 00:25:41,760 --> 00:25:44,640 Look, as long as you're happy, I'm happy. 499 00:25:56,520 --> 00:25:57,520 I'm unpacking. 500 00:25:57,820 --> 00:25:58,820 You just packed. 501 00:25:58,940 --> 00:26:00,080 And now I'm unpacking. 502 00:26:02,380 --> 00:26:03,860 Damn! What was that? 503 00:26:04,340 --> 00:26:07,640 That certificate you got for being Rumbelow's third fastest square aerial 504 00:26:07,640 --> 00:26:08,640 erector. 505 00:26:10,180 --> 00:26:13,420 Yeah, it doesn't have quite the same emotional resonance as an egg timer that 506 00:26:13,420 --> 00:26:16,080 your mum bought you in Clacton when you were eight, does it? Gary, have you been 507 00:26:16,080 --> 00:26:17,460 drinking? No. 508 00:26:18,640 --> 00:26:20,600 So, the move's off, is it? Yeah. 509 00:26:21,400 --> 00:26:23,000 Don't tell me. Somebody in the chain dropped out. 510 00:26:23,800 --> 00:26:26,460 I'm the one that phoned the estate agent and told them we're taking the house 511 00:26:26,460 --> 00:26:27,460 off the market. 512 00:26:28,000 --> 00:26:32,040 Well, this is going to sound awful, I know. I mean, it's such a cliche, and 513 00:26:32,040 --> 00:26:34,980 know I've never been very good with words, have I? I always had the tendency 514 00:26:34,980 --> 00:26:39,240 state the blindingly obvious, but no, I can't think of another way of phrasing 515 00:26:39,240 --> 00:26:40,240 it, so why? 516 00:26:41,560 --> 00:26:45,220 I really thought about it, Gary, and it was too small, wasn't it? 517 00:26:46,020 --> 00:26:48,820 Hardly room for a swinger cat. I mean, one bedroom, we'd have been on top of 518 00:26:48,820 --> 00:26:49,820 each other all the time. 519 00:26:50,280 --> 00:26:51,280 What could have been worse? 520 00:26:53,220 --> 00:26:56,160 Look, Yvonne, it really doesn't matter. 521 00:26:57,000 --> 00:26:58,840 Oh, Gary, I thought you'd be able to cross. 522 00:26:59,340 --> 00:27:03,620 No. What about all the money we've spent on surveys and solicitor's fees? 523 00:27:04,200 --> 00:27:06,120 Nearly 500 quid down the drain. 524 00:27:06,340 --> 00:27:08,720 Oh, hang the exp... How much? 525 00:27:09,840 --> 00:27:10,840 I'll make it up to you. 526 00:27:11,280 --> 00:27:12,280 There's no need. 527 00:27:13,440 --> 00:27:15,440 Look, as long as you're happy, Yvonne. 528 00:27:16,920 --> 00:27:20,320 And anyway, I'm... Well, I'm not here all that much, am I? 529 00:27:21,419 --> 00:27:24,840 And with the way things are going at the shop, I'm going to have to travel more. 530 00:27:24,960 --> 00:27:26,440 Just for a while, you know. 531 00:27:27,660 --> 00:27:29,960 But you've got your job, you've got your friends. 532 00:27:30,220 --> 00:27:31,220 I've got great friends. 533 00:27:31,980 --> 00:27:33,000 And a great husband. 534 00:27:33,920 --> 00:27:37,440 Gary, let's go to San Marcos for a romantic meal. 535 00:27:38,200 --> 00:27:39,200 My treat. 536 00:27:39,340 --> 00:27:40,340 Yeah, lovely. 537 00:27:40,800 --> 00:27:41,840 Any particular reason? 538 00:27:42,800 --> 00:27:44,220 I've got something else to tell you. 539 00:27:47,000 --> 00:27:48,000 What? 540 00:27:48,340 --> 00:27:49,340 It's about the flat. 541 00:27:50,030 --> 00:27:51,030 The apartment. 542 00:27:52,650 --> 00:27:56,110 The one -bedroomed apartment that is suddenly too small. 543 00:27:57,210 --> 00:27:58,210 Yes. 544 00:28:00,270 --> 00:28:01,270 Go on. 545 00:28:01,730 --> 00:28:03,510 I ordered us a new three -piece suite. 546 00:28:04,630 --> 00:28:07,930 Now, I've already paid for it. I can't get the money back. It was £899. 547 00:28:08,150 --> 00:28:09,150 I'm sorry. 548 00:28:11,230 --> 00:28:12,230 Oh! 549 00:28:12,970 --> 00:28:14,550 It's... It's OK. 550 00:28:15,390 --> 00:28:16,390 No, it's OK. 551 00:28:17,330 --> 00:28:18,330 Like I think. 552 00:28:18,490 --> 00:28:22,710 As long as you're happy, I'm happy. Good. 553 00:28:23,110 --> 00:28:24,890 Because I'm pregnant. 554 00:28:26,850 --> 00:28:29,690 Good night, sweetheart. 555 00:28:30,270 --> 00:28:33,670 Sleep will banish sorrow. 556 00:28:34,010 --> 00:28:37,610 Good night, sweetheart. 557 00:28:38,330 --> 00:28:41,030 Till we meet tomorrow. 558 00:28:52,620 --> 00:28:53,620 talk.