1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:02,560 Good night, sweetheart. 2 00:00:03,660 --> 00:00:07,140 All my prayers are for you. 3 00:00:07,360 --> 00:00:10,320 Good night, sweetheart. 4 00:00:10,760 --> 00:00:14,840 I'll be watching over you. 5 00:00:15,100 --> 00:00:20,980 Tears and cutting may make us alone. 6 00:00:22,120 --> 00:00:28,560 But with the dawn, a new day is born. 7 00:00:31,839 --> 00:00:32,839 Here. 8 00:00:33,620 --> 00:00:35,340 Whatever you do, haggle with him. 9 00:00:35,780 --> 00:00:36,780 See this? 10 00:00:37,700 --> 00:00:39,100 1939 teapot. 11 00:00:39,420 --> 00:00:43,140 Mass produced to replace all the aluminium ones given up for the war 12 00:00:43,700 --> 00:00:44,700 Mint condition. 13 00:00:45,640 --> 00:00:47,460 He let me have it for 100 quid. 14 00:00:48,520 --> 00:00:50,280 That's 20 quid and a catalogue. 15 00:00:53,560 --> 00:00:55,140 Do you know what that guy just sold me? 16 00:00:55,440 --> 00:00:59,120 That I'd undercharged him on account of that teapot being rarer than wedding 17 00:00:59,120 --> 00:01:00,240 tackle on an action man. 18 00:01:01,420 --> 00:01:02,420 That was the gist, yeah. 19 00:01:04,120 --> 00:01:05,720 I got another 20 of these. 20 00:01:06,300 --> 00:01:09,060 They cost me the equivalent of £4 .57p. 21 00:01:09,480 --> 00:01:11,900 If I charged more than 100 quid, I couldn't sleep nights. 22 00:01:12,520 --> 00:01:15,520 There's not much wrong with your life, is there? Well, if there is wrong, I 23 00:01:15,520 --> 00:01:16,520 can't find it. 24 00:01:18,780 --> 00:01:20,360 It's 9 .30 in the morning. 25 00:01:20,980 --> 00:01:23,020 Personal tragedy has no timetable. 26 00:01:23,560 --> 00:01:25,000 Your marriage still a war zone. 27 00:01:25,220 --> 00:01:26,920 I'm expecting Kate Adie any day. 28 00:01:28,720 --> 00:01:32,720 Sex thing still a problem, is it? Amongst other things, I know my attitude 29 00:01:32,720 --> 00:01:36,200 things carnal is a little conservative, but I'm the product of a strict Catholic 30 00:01:36,200 --> 00:01:40,060 schooling. Sister Conceptor wielded that rosary like a cat o' nine tails. 31 00:01:40,380 --> 00:01:43,180 If you saw your hand going into your pocket, it had better be for your hanky. 32 00:01:44,400 --> 00:01:46,840 Have you tried softening Stella up with little treats? 33 00:01:47,040 --> 00:01:48,320 You know, surprise nights out. 34 00:01:48,560 --> 00:01:49,560 Nothing will win her round. 35 00:01:49,940 --> 00:01:50,919 Been to the pictures. 36 00:01:50,920 --> 00:01:52,460 I arranged an intimate meal for two. 37 00:01:52,660 --> 00:01:55,980 We are talking about a proper meal here, aren't we? Not a KFC bargain bucket. 38 00:01:56,780 --> 00:01:58,240 There's a poker Italian restaurant. 39 00:01:58,960 --> 00:02:01,610 Candles. Knives, forks, the work. 40 00:02:02,470 --> 00:02:05,350 Have you ever considered there might be another man? 41 00:02:05,830 --> 00:02:06,850 Yeah, like who? 42 00:02:07,390 --> 00:02:08,389 Someone at work. 43 00:02:08,970 --> 00:02:09,970 A boss. 44 00:02:10,070 --> 00:02:11,070 You know, maybe. 45 00:02:11,450 --> 00:02:15,370 Authority can be a powerful aphrodisiac. Ken's no threat. He's a social worker. 46 00:02:16,750 --> 00:02:22,230 So? So he's a motorway -hating, politically correct, eco -friendly tree 47 00:02:22,550 --> 00:02:26,050 You can't just dismiss people as stereotypes. He wants Baywatch banned. 48 00:02:28,400 --> 00:02:29,600 Yeah, he's no threat, is he? 49 00:02:31,140 --> 00:02:32,140 Come on, pal. 50 00:02:33,140 --> 00:02:36,600 I tell you, pal, I'm getting so desperate, I'm even thinking of asking 51 00:02:36,600 --> 00:02:39,680 advice. Yeah, well, you could do worse than come to me, you know? 52 00:02:40,200 --> 00:02:44,120 Coping with two women has made me... I don't want to use the word expert. 53 00:02:44,500 --> 00:02:45,500 Oh, I think you do. 54 00:02:46,480 --> 00:02:47,480 No, that's not fair. 55 00:02:48,160 --> 00:02:52,600 Yes, I keep two gorgeous women, happy and contented in every respect. 56 00:02:53,000 --> 00:02:54,500 But I've never let that go to my head. 57 00:02:59,280 --> 00:03:01,120 I needed a mug. It was the last one in the shop. 58 00:03:02,620 --> 00:03:04,140 But what am I apologising for? 59 00:03:04,560 --> 00:03:07,680 Yes, I am rather pleased with myself at the moment. Can you blame me? 60 00:03:07,900 --> 00:03:11,540 I've got the gift of time travel, a lucrative business and the love of two 61 00:03:11,540 --> 00:03:12,499 terrific women. 62 00:03:12,500 --> 00:03:14,660 If I can't be a little bit cocky, who the hell can? 63 00:03:15,600 --> 00:03:16,620 Fair enough, maestro. 64 00:03:17,020 --> 00:03:18,520 Lay your words of wisdom on me. 65 00:03:19,040 --> 00:03:22,120 Well, ask yourself why Phoebe and Yvonne are both in love with me. 66 00:03:22,560 --> 00:03:27,220 Well, it's wartime where Phoebe is, so in her case, shell shock's an option. 67 00:03:29,040 --> 00:03:30,400 It's because I'm exciting. 68 00:03:31,060 --> 00:03:32,060 Yeah, right. 69 00:03:32,280 --> 00:03:35,960 Yeah. Well, them not being absolutely sure where I am all the time gives me an 70 00:03:35,960 --> 00:03:36,960 air of mystery. 71 00:03:37,480 --> 00:03:39,320 You should take a leaf out of my book, you know. 72 00:03:40,220 --> 00:03:41,720 You should stay out all night. 73 00:03:42,020 --> 00:03:43,020 Get her guessing. 74 00:03:43,520 --> 00:03:44,520 She'll miss you. 75 00:03:44,820 --> 00:03:48,000 She'll realise how much she needs you. She'll fall into your arms. 76 00:03:48,400 --> 00:03:49,400 Everything's tickety -boo. 77 00:03:49,780 --> 00:03:50,960 That's a guarantee, is it? 78 00:03:51,680 --> 00:03:53,260 Take it from one who knows, eh? 79 00:03:57,260 --> 00:03:58,260 I'll choose. 80 00:04:00,720 --> 00:04:02,040 Albert! Albert! 81 00:04:02,960 --> 00:04:06,860 He's got a two -leg, a glass eye and a metal hook where his right hand ought to 82 00:04:06,860 --> 00:04:10,240 be. Well, he may not be much got while he's alive, but when he snuffs it, I can 83 00:04:10,240 --> 00:04:11,240 flog him for scrap. 84 00:04:12,940 --> 00:04:16,200 Oh, do you want another drink? 85 00:04:17,360 --> 00:04:18,360 Have you seen the time? 86 00:04:19,000 --> 00:04:21,060 Oh, blimey, I better get this lot out. 87 00:04:21,480 --> 00:04:23,720 Or shall I tell Albert to hang around for you? 88 00:04:24,620 --> 00:04:25,820 Time, gentlemen, please. 89 00:04:26,280 --> 00:04:27,280 Come on. 90 00:04:29,520 --> 00:04:31,400 Laying on clothing, I told you, didn't I? 91 00:04:31,660 --> 00:04:32,660 Hi. Hi. 92 00:04:32,920 --> 00:04:34,140 Can I have your glasses, please? 93 00:04:34,480 --> 00:04:38,320 Oh, come on. Summing up? No. Why should there be? You know Violet, don't you? 94 00:04:38,520 --> 00:04:40,560 Oh, yes, yes. You go out with the tank driver. 95 00:04:41,240 --> 00:04:42,520 And the submariner. 96 00:04:43,440 --> 00:04:47,860 The Canadian sergeant, the ACAC gunner, and the able seaman. 97 00:04:48,120 --> 00:04:50,000 You remember them better than I do. 98 00:04:50,300 --> 00:04:53,060 It's not my fault. As quick as I find them, they get posted overseas. 99 00:04:53,600 --> 00:04:54,900 Sure they don't volunteer. 100 00:05:00,880 --> 00:05:03,260 What are you doing down there? Building a model for his little boy's birthday. 101 00:05:03,880 --> 00:05:04,920 Didn't know he had a little boy. 102 00:05:05,140 --> 00:05:07,080 No, but it is his wife. That's why he's building it here. 103 00:05:07,320 --> 00:05:08,320 Carrie? 104 00:05:08,420 --> 00:05:11,460 I didn't know he had it in him. Nought had rest till the other week. 105 00:05:11,880 --> 00:05:12,880 Carrie? 106 00:05:13,040 --> 00:05:14,580 Keep it to yourself, won't you, Vi? 107 00:05:15,980 --> 00:05:17,080 Evening, Matt. Evening, all. 108 00:05:17,540 --> 00:05:18,540 Sorry about the noise. 109 00:05:18,940 --> 00:05:20,180 Bet you thought we had mice. 110 00:05:20,920 --> 00:05:24,700 Yes. Yes, I heard the hammering and the soaring. I immediately suspected 111 00:05:24,700 --> 00:05:25,700 rodents. 112 00:05:26,540 --> 00:05:28,260 Well, they did build the pyramids, you know. 113 00:05:32,590 --> 00:05:33,990 So, what did you decide to make little Frankie? 114 00:05:34,350 --> 00:05:35,350 Oh, it's all right, Reg. 115 00:05:35,610 --> 00:05:37,970 We told Violet about your nephew. 116 00:05:40,470 --> 00:05:42,010 Oh, nephew. 117 00:05:42,550 --> 00:05:43,550 Right. 118 00:05:45,690 --> 00:05:46,930 So, what are you making him? 119 00:05:47,410 --> 00:05:49,290 Well, I thought I'd make more nephew. 120 00:05:50,350 --> 00:05:52,250 A scale model of Buckingham Palace. 121 00:05:52,950 --> 00:05:55,590 Well, wouldn't it be something special? After all, I am his dad. 122 00:05:55,790 --> 00:05:56,790 Uncle. Uncle! 123 00:05:57,250 --> 00:05:58,250 Uncle! Uncle! 124 00:05:58,570 --> 00:06:00,290 I think she noticed. 125 00:06:00,750 --> 00:06:01,750 Oh, not for a second. 126 00:06:01,810 --> 00:06:06,470 Reg, you've only got five days, and Buckingham Palace has got over 600 127 00:06:06,790 --> 00:06:07,790 Better get cracking, then. 128 00:06:07,910 --> 00:06:11,090 No, no, Reg, I think you're being too ambitious. Try something simpler. 129 00:06:11,570 --> 00:06:14,250 Something a little boy would like to play with. What did you play with when 130 00:06:14,250 --> 00:06:14,829 were five? 131 00:06:14,830 --> 00:06:15,830 Coal. 132 00:06:17,690 --> 00:06:18,690 Coal? 133 00:06:18,850 --> 00:06:19,850 Were you very poor? 134 00:06:19,970 --> 00:06:22,770 Do you think if we'd have been poor, there'd have been spare coal for the 135 00:06:22,770 --> 00:06:23,770 of me to play with? 136 00:06:25,350 --> 00:06:26,350 Help me. 137 00:06:26,620 --> 00:06:29,500 Oh, build them a fort. All little boys love forts. 138 00:06:29,820 --> 00:06:30,820 Come on, Reg. 139 00:06:31,080 --> 00:06:33,200 You can think about it as you walk us through the blackout. 140 00:06:33,560 --> 00:06:34,880 Now, now, Violet Bigby. 141 00:06:35,480 --> 00:06:36,780 I'm a married man, remember? 142 00:06:38,680 --> 00:06:39,680 Well, 143 00:06:42,740 --> 00:06:45,080 I'll start collecting the glasses, shall I? Oh, don't put yourself out. 144 00:06:45,680 --> 00:06:48,080 Thanks for coming, Violet. It's been a real tonic. 145 00:06:48,660 --> 00:06:52,340 Reg, has Phoebe got the hunt with me? Probably time in a month. 146 00:06:52,910 --> 00:06:53,910 No, I don't think it's that. 147 00:06:54,130 --> 00:06:55,970 Oh, I think it is. Used to get her dad the same. 148 00:06:59,370 --> 00:07:00,770 No, you mean her mum? 149 00:07:01,030 --> 00:07:03,250 No, don't think her mum ever did the monthly accounts. 150 00:07:05,110 --> 00:07:05,849 Night, Reg. 151 00:07:05,850 --> 00:07:06,850 Night, Gary. 152 00:07:08,790 --> 00:07:09,729 Night, Reg. 153 00:07:09,730 --> 00:07:10,730 Night, Phoebe. 154 00:07:11,610 --> 00:07:13,930 Hey, I said I'd do that. Yeah, and I told you not to bother. 155 00:07:15,850 --> 00:07:17,670 Phoebe, why are you being so short with me? 156 00:07:21,000 --> 00:07:22,780 How would you describe the way we are together? 157 00:07:23,400 --> 00:07:24,400 Our relationship? 158 00:07:24,720 --> 00:07:27,380 Deep, tender, unique. 159 00:07:27,900 --> 00:07:30,700 So the words bloody awful don't spring to mind? 160 00:07:31,340 --> 00:07:33,440 No. What's brought all this on? 161 00:07:33,900 --> 00:07:38,200 Well, Gary, when we first started seeing each other, you used to bring me 162 00:07:38,200 --> 00:07:41,980 presents. You used to take me out. You courted me. You romanced me. 163 00:07:42,300 --> 00:07:46,560 Now you treat me as a convenience. In fact, Gary, the only reason why you 164 00:07:46,560 --> 00:07:48,260 showing up here is for a bit of the other. 165 00:07:48,700 --> 00:07:52,420 That is not true. Oh, no? So why else do you bother showing up here two minutes 166 00:07:52,420 --> 00:07:53,420 before closing? 167 00:07:56,360 --> 00:08:01,720 Actually, I popped in to tell you that because it was so late, I wouldn't be 168 00:08:01,720 --> 00:08:02,720 coming in tonight. 169 00:08:03,300 --> 00:08:06,080 Because otherwise it would look like I was only coming around for one thing. 170 00:08:07,880 --> 00:08:11,020 So you popped in to tell me you wouldn't be popping in? 171 00:08:14,000 --> 00:08:16,640 Yes. I know it sounds strange. 172 00:08:17,370 --> 00:08:19,410 Except to someone who knows and loves me. 173 00:08:20,410 --> 00:08:22,290 Right, well, now you've told me. 174 00:08:22,890 --> 00:08:23,890 Bye -bye. 175 00:08:26,170 --> 00:08:30,030 Well, it seems a bit silly to go now I'm here. Oh, God, you've gone just like 176 00:08:30,030 --> 00:08:33,549 Donald. He couldn't do enough of me on my honeymoon. Then as soon as we got 177 00:08:33,549 --> 00:08:37,230 home, it was, where's my dinner? And a quick fumble on Christmases and 178 00:08:37,230 --> 00:08:39,590 birthdays. Well, I'm not going to put up with it from you, Gary. 179 00:08:39,830 --> 00:08:40,830 Well, I still bring you things. 180 00:08:41,409 --> 00:08:45,290 Look, a pound of streaky and half a dozen eggs. 181 00:08:45,530 --> 00:08:46,530 Oh, look. 182 00:08:47,109 --> 00:08:49,190 gone and brought your own breakfast and all, eh? 183 00:08:50,470 --> 00:08:53,050 Well, I'm sorry, Gary, but the hotel's closed for tonight. 184 00:09:25,290 --> 00:09:26,930 Condition? Well, you could have phoned. 185 00:09:27,510 --> 00:09:30,470 Oh, Gary, pour me a drink. My heart's doing cartwheels. 186 00:09:32,330 --> 00:09:34,590 And what are you going to do with this? Give me a nasty polish? 187 00:09:39,330 --> 00:09:42,790 Yvonne, you're happy with things, aren't you? 188 00:09:43,130 --> 00:09:44,130 Hmm? 189 00:09:44,310 --> 00:09:46,650 I said, you're happy? Yeah. 190 00:09:48,050 --> 00:09:49,050 Good, good. 191 00:09:51,570 --> 00:09:52,570 Really happy? 192 00:09:52,990 --> 00:09:54,150 I just said so, didn't I? 193 00:09:55,930 --> 00:09:57,050 Well, how happy, exactly? 194 00:09:57,890 --> 00:09:59,150 I'm fabulously happy. 195 00:09:59,690 --> 00:10:03,950 Stupendously happy. I breathe happy air. I swim in lake happy. I am happy. 196 00:10:05,510 --> 00:10:07,690 Sorry, I just needed to be sure you were happy with us. 197 00:10:08,350 --> 00:10:09,350 Oh, with us? 198 00:10:09,610 --> 00:10:10,589 Oh, I'm sorry. 199 00:10:10,590 --> 00:10:11,990 I thought it was a general question. 200 00:10:12,890 --> 00:10:14,430 Well, that makes a difference, doesn't it? 201 00:10:14,730 --> 00:10:15,730 Oh, yeah. 202 00:10:17,290 --> 00:10:18,290 All right. 203 00:10:18,410 --> 00:10:19,910 Come on, then. Give it to me. 204 00:10:22,470 --> 00:10:24,630 How can I be happy with something that doesn't exist? 205 00:10:25,880 --> 00:10:29,000 You have your shop, I have my career. We lead separate lives. 206 00:10:29,880 --> 00:10:32,560 I wish we could be more together, but you don't seem to have the time. 207 00:10:33,140 --> 00:10:37,580 OK, so our social life isn't... Precisely, Gary. My social life is a 208 00:10:38,000 --> 00:10:39,040 Yours, who knows? 209 00:10:39,560 --> 00:10:40,580 But ours isn't. 210 00:10:41,020 --> 00:10:41,859 A blast? 211 00:10:41,860 --> 00:10:43,940 Your social life is a blast? 212 00:10:44,720 --> 00:10:46,400 Are you saying you go out with other people? 213 00:10:47,080 --> 00:10:48,080 No, dearest. 214 00:10:48,200 --> 00:10:52,020 While you're out four nights a week, I sit down in your socks whilst keeping a 215 00:10:52,020 --> 00:10:53,620 welcoming light burning in the window. 216 00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:55,460 Yes! Real Gary. 217 00:10:55,720 --> 00:10:59,220 There isn't a nightclub within a ten mile radius that hasn't got Yvonne 218 00:10:59,220 --> 00:11:00,220 on its membership. 219 00:11:00,520 --> 00:11:01,520 So where did you go then? 220 00:11:02,080 --> 00:11:03,080 Friends. 221 00:11:03,900 --> 00:11:04,900 Look. 222 00:11:07,160 --> 00:11:08,860 Here's us at the opening night of the Cobra Room. 223 00:11:10,220 --> 00:11:11,800 And there we are at Club Indigo, you see. 224 00:11:12,840 --> 00:11:13,840 That's me. 225 00:11:15,020 --> 00:11:16,420 I don't know any of these people. 226 00:11:16,680 --> 00:11:18,340 Well, I met most of them at Steve and Chris's wedding. 227 00:11:18,800 --> 00:11:21,840 I was at Steve and Chris's wedding. Only up until the vicar pronounced them man 228 00:11:21,840 --> 00:11:22,649 and wife. 229 00:11:22,650 --> 00:11:25,510 Then you were raping them back down the aisle to go after some collector's fair 230 00:11:25,510 --> 00:11:27,110 in Frankfurt or wherever. 231 00:11:27,710 --> 00:11:28,710 This is incredible. 232 00:11:29,470 --> 00:11:30,970 You have a secret life too. 233 00:11:32,250 --> 00:11:35,130 It's too amazing for words, isn't it? 234 00:11:35,630 --> 00:11:37,130 No, it's not amazing, Gareth. 235 00:11:37,810 --> 00:11:38,910 It's just very sad. 236 00:11:41,410 --> 00:11:44,130 Look, maybe I've been deluding myself. 237 00:11:45,330 --> 00:11:46,710 But things are going to change. 238 00:11:47,250 --> 00:11:50,230 For a start, you and me are going to be us again. 239 00:11:50,700 --> 00:11:54,660 We're going to be a real couple. We'll be linked together like Romeo and 240 00:11:54,860 --> 00:11:57,120 Richard and Judy, Adolf and Eva. 241 00:11:58,540 --> 00:11:59,980 Yeah, well, maybe not Richard and Judy. 242 00:12:01,960 --> 00:12:02,960 Let's have a party. 243 00:12:03,460 --> 00:12:06,140 Celebrate the new us. Gary, you're no good at giving parties. 244 00:12:06,420 --> 00:12:10,160 Just as we get going, you insist on playing blind lemon meringue blues 245 00:12:10,160 --> 00:12:11,160 or some other rubbish. 246 00:12:11,800 --> 00:12:13,780 Everybody gets fed up and they all go down the pub. 247 00:12:13,980 --> 00:12:17,280 OK, I promise not to interfere with the music till the pubs are shut. 248 00:12:17,920 --> 00:12:18,920 Oh, come on! 249 00:12:19,210 --> 00:12:20,950 You can invite all your new nightclub friends. 250 00:12:21,610 --> 00:12:23,050 I do know you're married, I suppose. 251 00:12:27,250 --> 00:12:28,250 Yvonne? 252 00:12:31,530 --> 00:12:33,090 Good morning. Good morning. 253 00:12:33,690 --> 00:12:34,690 Special delivery. 254 00:12:34,930 --> 00:12:37,490 Mark the 15th in your diary. Yvonne and I are having a party. 255 00:12:37,710 --> 00:12:38,710 Yeah? Oh, great. 256 00:12:38,890 --> 00:12:40,190 You sound happier today. 257 00:12:40,530 --> 00:12:43,310 Oh, that's because I'm expecting an upturn in the state of my marriage. 258 00:12:43,650 --> 00:12:45,050 Took your advice, maestro. 259 00:12:45,570 --> 00:12:47,450 Stayed out the whole of last night. 260 00:12:48,040 --> 00:12:51,940 You listen to me. Well, as you so eloquently pointed out, I'd be a fool to 261 00:12:51,940 --> 00:12:55,460 ignore the advice of the man who has two happy women in his life. Yeah, Ron, 262 00:12:55,620 --> 00:12:58,860 I... I thought you'd have come skulking back here by now. Where have you been 263 00:12:58,860 --> 00:12:59,519 all night? 264 00:12:59,520 --> 00:13:00,520 Out. 265 00:13:01,120 --> 00:13:02,120 You miss me? 266 00:13:02,760 --> 00:13:04,780 Like the nation misses smallpox. 267 00:13:05,040 --> 00:13:09,160 In fact, not having you around made me realise just how much you irritate me 268 00:13:09,160 --> 00:13:10,160 when you are there. 269 00:13:10,220 --> 00:13:13,940 So if there's any chance of you staying out again, I'd be grateful. 270 00:13:16,750 --> 00:13:18,270 It's not quite what you said would happen. 271 00:13:22,870 --> 00:13:25,590 A hell of a right hand on her for someone in a caring profession. 272 00:13:26,730 --> 00:13:29,950 What can I say? I was arrogant. I was wrong. 273 00:13:31,050 --> 00:13:33,450 I've suffered by my own hands as well, you know. 274 00:13:33,670 --> 00:13:36,670 Thanks to my conceit, both Yvonne and Phoebe are very fed up with me. 275 00:13:36,970 --> 00:13:39,690 I know that's no consolation to you because you're not an indicative man. 276 00:13:40,150 --> 00:13:41,810 Oh, how little you know me. 277 00:13:42,510 --> 00:13:45,770 Come on, Ron, we're in the same boat now. We should be supporting each other 278 00:13:45,770 --> 00:13:50,170 here. God, you're pathetic. You want support because you've got a couple of 279 00:13:50,170 --> 00:13:53,730 birds who are fed up with you. Very fed up. Yeah, and are you born? 280 00:13:54,490 --> 00:13:58,090 Can you imagine the pain you feel when your wife turns round and tells you that 281 00:13:58,090 --> 00:14:00,390 every orgasm she's ever had was faked? 282 00:14:01,090 --> 00:14:02,290 Stella told you that? 283 00:14:02,570 --> 00:14:05,510 I didn't mention Stella's name. I just said, could you imagine? 284 00:14:05,790 --> 00:14:09,770 Oh, no, I'm really sorry. Look, she didn't say it, all right? I was speaking 285 00:14:09,770 --> 00:14:11,690 hypothetically. No, 286 00:14:12,650 --> 00:14:13,870 I just meant about the bad advice. 287 00:14:14,150 --> 00:14:15,150 Oh. 288 00:14:16,100 --> 00:14:17,140 Well, so you should be. 289 00:14:18,240 --> 00:14:21,820 I know that fed up doesn't sound very much, but these things are multiplied 290 00:14:21,820 --> 00:14:24,180 tenfold when you're a... An adulterer? 291 00:14:25,160 --> 00:14:26,800 That wasn't the word I was going to use. 292 00:14:27,100 --> 00:14:28,140 Two -timing skunk? 293 00:14:29,140 --> 00:14:30,140 Philandering lowlife? 294 00:14:30,760 --> 00:14:32,060 Womanising? Yes, thank you. 295 00:14:32,940 --> 00:14:36,120 But the only way I could live with the guilt was by believing that at least 296 00:14:36,120 --> 00:14:37,120 were both happy. 297 00:14:37,180 --> 00:14:39,500 Now I can feel the guilt piling up on me again. 298 00:14:40,960 --> 00:14:43,020 Have you got any more scotch left in that hip flask? 299 00:14:43,240 --> 00:14:45,100 I think things have moved on since then. 300 00:14:46,370 --> 00:14:47,650 Ah, good man. 301 00:14:49,430 --> 00:14:51,170 I was reading an article the other day. 302 00:14:51,790 --> 00:14:55,770 Apparently Professor Stephen Hawking, you know, the chap who wrote Brief 303 00:14:55,770 --> 00:14:57,090 of Time. Yeah, I read it. 304 00:14:58,170 --> 00:14:59,170 Well, I bought it. 305 00:15:00,310 --> 00:15:03,030 Well, he now believes that time travel may be possible. 306 00:15:03,450 --> 00:15:04,550 Big news, eh? 307 00:15:04,990 --> 00:15:05,990 Cheers. Cheers. 308 00:15:06,670 --> 00:15:10,510 Yeah, you have to combine Einstein's general theory of relativity with 309 00:15:10,510 --> 00:15:14,210 theory, and have an energy supply greater than anything currently known or 310 00:15:14,210 --> 00:15:15,510 envisaged, and Bob's your uncle. 311 00:15:15,930 --> 00:15:19,130 I thought, well, that's the easy bit. Now explain why time travel gives me 312 00:15:20,210 --> 00:15:23,610 Well, that's the thing with scientists and inventors, isn't it? They never take 313 00:15:23,610 --> 00:15:24,830 into account the human aspects. 314 00:15:25,210 --> 00:15:29,410 I mean, nobody could have legislated for road rage when they jumped up the car. 315 00:15:30,170 --> 00:15:33,750 The creator of the typewriter never considered repetitive strain injury. 316 00:15:34,480 --> 00:15:38,060 And who could have envisaged the cold sweats and tightening of the chest 317 00:15:38,060 --> 00:15:39,060 by Velcro? 318 00:15:41,720 --> 00:15:42,820 It's a personal thing. 319 00:15:50,500 --> 00:15:51,500 Job! 320 00:15:52,940 --> 00:15:53,940 Hello there. 321 00:15:53,960 --> 00:15:57,540 Just thought I'd get in a quick five minutes on my nephew's fort. 322 00:15:58,480 --> 00:15:59,480 How's it going? 323 00:15:59,580 --> 00:16:03,240 I'm in a bit of a pickle with a flagpole. Get it up. I just can't keep 324 00:16:05,359 --> 00:16:07,420 Here's something that may just help you. 325 00:16:08,420 --> 00:16:09,420 Super glue. 326 00:16:09,740 --> 00:16:14,140 Now, giving you that could be the biggest mistake since Old Mar Thornby 327 00:16:14,140 --> 00:16:15,380 George his first banjo. 328 00:16:16,100 --> 00:16:19,740 Now, I want you to promise to be careful with it. It's very powerful stuff. 329 00:16:19,980 --> 00:16:22,200 I don't want to come back and find you've glued your knees together. 330 00:16:23,080 --> 00:16:24,520 Message received and understood. 331 00:16:25,060 --> 00:16:27,180 It's one of your secret contraptions, is it? 332 00:16:27,440 --> 00:16:29,220 Definitely, yeah. Looks a bit gummed up. 333 00:16:29,540 --> 00:16:31,580 Reg, Reg, that's not being careful. 334 00:16:32,280 --> 00:16:33,219 Thanks, Phoebe. 335 00:16:33,220 --> 00:16:34,360 Got a surprise for her. 336 00:16:34,680 --> 00:16:35,680 Thought I'd take her up west. 337 00:16:35,720 --> 00:16:36,679 Oh, dear. 338 00:16:36,680 --> 00:16:39,880 I'm afraid you're out of luck. She's already gone out. You should have told 339 00:16:39,880 --> 00:16:40,920 you were going to surprise her. 340 00:16:43,080 --> 00:16:46,160 Well, where's she gone? She's gone out to Palli di Danza with young Violet. 341 00:16:46,880 --> 00:16:48,300 Flirty something Violet? 342 00:16:48,860 --> 00:16:51,600 Violet, I've had more men under me than Montgomery Bigby. 343 00:16:52,380 --> 00:16:53,560 You'd better get going, then. 344 00:16:54,060 --> 00:16:56,900 Don't let anybody else see that glue. You can rely on me. 345 00:16:58,120 --> 00:16:59,120 Gary? 346 00:17:04,300 --> 00:17:05,300 Thanks very much. 347 00:17:36,960 --> 00:17:37,960 Whoops! 348 00:17:38,260 --> 00:17:39,380 Well, this is a surprise. 349 00:17:39,960 --> 00:17:42,460 Obviously. Well, who's this, then? Her boyfriend. 350 00:17:42,940 --> 00:17:43,940 Would you excuse us? 351 00:17:46,340 --> 00:17:49,280 You've got no right to follow me here. I have every right. 352 00:17:49,760 --> 00:17:53,080 You said you wanted me to take you out more, so I made arrangements for a nice 353 00:17:53,080 --> 00:17:56,340 romantic evening, only to find you're already out on the town with Biggles. 354 00:17:56,580 --> 00:17:58,060 Oh, and what am I supposed to do? 355 00:17:58,620 --> 00:18:01,820 Sitting up, I'm waiting for you to decide to turn up. Look, I told you 356 00:18:01,940 --> 00:18:03,840 Gary Sparrow, I am not there for your convenience. 357 00:18:04,260 --> 00:18:07,220 All right, come on, let's forget it. I'll buy you a drink. No, I am with 358 00:18:08,160 --> 00:18:09,160 Phoebe, what's going on? 359 00:18:09,260 --> 00:18:10,280 Are you blowing me up? 360 00:18:10,900 --> 00:18:12,920 What? Are you giving me the brush off? 361 00:18:13,340 --> 00:18:14,340 No. 362 00:18:14,920 --> 00:18:20,820 No, Gary, don't be silly. Look, there's just a couple of flyboys a long way from 363 00:18:20,820 --> 00:18:23,960 home. They're going on a dangerous bombing mission tomorrow. They just want 364 00:18:23,960 --> 00:18:24,960 bit of company. 365 00:18:25,400 --> 00:18:26,400 I'll bet. 366 00:18:26,430 --> 00:18:29,310 Ladies and gentlemen, will you take your partners for a ballet guide? 367 00:19:04,140 --> 00:19:06,500 We run straight into a solid lump of blitz. 368 00:19:06,700 --> 00:19:08,740 Not only that, but it's black everywhere. 369 00:19:09,140 --> 00:19:11,240 And my starboard fan's about to pack up. 370 00:19:11,880 --> 00:19:15,540 And of course, as you can imagine, everyone's in a right two and eight. 371 00:19:15,760 --> 00:19:19,120 I thought to myself, Tom, I thought, you've got to get cracking here, old 372 00:19:19,540 --> 00:19:24,780 So, I caught screws off Paul and give Darry here, who's our tail end Charlie, 373 00:19:24,780 --> 00:19:27,160 clear shot at half a dozen Messerschmitts. 374 00:19:27,420 --> 00:19:30,800 Well, with one quick squirt, he's hit all six of them. 375 00:19:31,020 --> 00:19:33,540 Then, I looped under the flak, dropped our load. 376 00:19:34,040 --> 00:19:35,040 Bang on, Target. 377 00:19:35,320 --> 00:19:37,460 We're back over to Whitecliff in time for bread and jam. 378 00:19:38,140 --> 00:19:39,780 Aren't they brave, Steve? 379 00:19:40,220 --> 00:19:41,220 Yeah, ever so. 380 00:19:41,320 --> 00:19:44,920 Oh, no. It's not a question of being brave, girls. It's just a job that's got 381 00:19:44,920 --> 00:19:45,619 be done. 382 00:19:45,620 --> 00:19:48,400 Too right, old son. Well, I still think it's brave. 383 00:19:48,880 --> 00:19:52,560 Ladies and gentlemen, the anniversary of our... Excuse us a minute while we 384 00:19:52,560 --> 00:19:54,260 pound through our notes. Come on, Steve. 385 00:19:54,460 --> 00:19:55,460 Won't be long, boy. 386 00:20:06,410 --> 00:20:09,430 I'm sorry to write you out, right, but you don't have a chance, will you, do 387 00:20:09,430 --> 00:20:11,150 you? It's a uniform, you see. 388 00:20:11,570 --> 00:20:14,010 They always go for the blokes in uniform, don't they? 389 00:20:14,790 --> 00:20:16,210 How do you work your ticket, eh? 390 00:20:16,950 --> 00:20:17,950 Flat feet, was it? 391 00:20:18,250 --> 00:20:21,510 Well, it wasn't because he was overweight, was it? I mean, look at him. 392 00:20:21,510 --> 00:20:22,570 seen more meat on the ration. 393 00:20:24,390 --> 00:20:26,090 Actually, I am involved in war work. 394 00:20:26,630 --> 00:20:27,750 Intelligence. Oh, no. 395 00:20:28,350 --> 00:20:29,750 He's a pen pusher, isn't he, Harry? 396 00:20:30,510 --> 00:20:31,510 It's very interesting. 397 00:20:31,830 --> 00:20:33,270 We're taught to be observant. 398 00:20:33,790 --> 00:20:35,870 You can learn a lot about people by observing them. 399 00:20:36,170 --> 00:20:37,170 Really? 400 00:20:38,110 --> 00:20:41,870 Shall I tell you what I've observed about you two? Oh, yeah, do. Go on. 401 00:20:42,550 --> 00:20:47,370 The insignia on your uniform, which tells me, despite all the fanciful 402 00:20:47,690 --> 00:20:49,130 you're just a couple of irks. 403 00:20:49,670 --> 00:20:50,950 Leading aircraftmen. 404 00:20:51,430 --> 00:20:54,590 The only chance you'd have of flying would be if an aircraft took off while 405 00:20:54,590 --> 00:20:57,070 were checking its tyres and you got your braces caught in the undercarriage. 406 00:20:58,330 --> 00:20:59,650 Don't need to broadcast it, is there? 407 00:20:59,870 --> 00:21:03,830 No. No, I'm sure your CO would take a very dim view if he found out. 408 00:21:04,350 --> 00:21:05,339 All right. 409 00:21:05,340 --> 00:21:06,340 You've made your point. 410 00:21:07,080 --> 00:21:12,200 Look, mate, if we just clear out of here, we say no more about it, eh? 411 00:21:12,640 --> 00:21:14,640 Oh, I think I could live with that, mate. 412 00:21:15,580 --> 00:21:16,580 Come on. 413 00:21:21,940 --> 00:21:22,940 Where did Boris go? 414 00:21:23,340 --> 00:21:24,660 Oh, they had to get back to base. 415 00:21:24,900 --> 00:21:27,920 You know how it is. A war hero's work is never done. 416 00:21:29,740 --> 00:21:31,580 Whatever you've done, Gary Sparrow. 417 00:21:33,320 --> 00:21:34,560 Will Violet be very disappointed? 418 00:21:35,200 --> 00:21:37,200 Oh, if that violet will even notice. 419 00:21:40,420 --> 00:21:43,480 Well, seeing as we're alone, would you like a dance? 420 00:21:45,220 --> 00:21:46,220 Might as well. 421 00:21:46,940 --> 00:21:48,880 Seeing as all the decent loads have been taken. 422 00:22:04,460 --> 00:22:07,060 You know those two airmen were just spinning you a line, don't you? 423 00:22:07,300 --> 00:22:08,300 Of course, Gary. 424 00:22:09,440 --> 00:22:12,960 Besides, they were never going to fool us with vile, intimate knowledge of 425 00:22:12,960 --> 00:22:13,960 military badges. 426 00:22:14,440 --> 00:22:15,660 So why did you stay with them? 427 00:22:15,880 --> 00:22:16,880 To make me jealous? 428 00:22:17,360 --> 00:22:18,360 No, Gary. 429 00:22:19,180 --> 00:22:22,060 Just to teach you that you're not the only bloke on God's earth. 430 00:22:23,100 --> 00:22:27,400 I'm sorry if I overreacted. It's just why I had this evening all planned out. 431 00:22:28,420 --> 00:22:29,920 What were your plans exactly? 432 00:22:30,740 --> 00:22:31,740 The movies. 433 00:22:32,120 --> 00:22:33,520 Supper at a West End hotel. 434 00:22:34,300 --> 00:22:35,800 Then... Oh, let me guess, eh? 435 00:22:36,440 --> 00:22:40,560 Then back to my place for a few hours under the eiderdown before you have to 436 00:22:40,560 --> 00:22:41,560 dash off again. 437 00:22:42,800 --> 00:22:45,140 Didn't you listen to what I said the other night, Gary? 438 00:22:46,040 --> 00:22:49,340 Just flushing your money about won't fix it. If you're going to take me out, 439 00:22:49,360 --> 00:22:51,960 Gary, you do it because you want to be with me. 440 00:22:52,560 --> 00:22:54,160 Not as a bribe for you -know -what. 441 00:22:55,400 --> 00:23:00,100 As I was saying, after supper, I thought we could take a taxi and a bottle of 442 00:23:00,100 --> 00:23:01,840 champagne to the top of Highgate Hill. 443 00:23:02,540 --> 00:23:06,220 Where we could just sit and chat and watch the dawn come up over London. 444 00:23:08,080 --> 00:23:09,080 In February. 445 00:23:10,320 --> 00:23:12,100 I am trying, Phoebe. 446 00:23:12,660 --> 00:23:16,540 And I did listen to what you said the other day. And I promise you things will 447 00:23:16,540 --> 00:23:18,400 go back to the way they were between us. 448 00:23:19,340 --> 00:23:22,800 I don't know, maybe I've just been too complacent towards the women in my life. 449 00:23:23,260 --> 00:23:24,260 The women? 450 00:23:25,680 --> 00:23:28,060 Yeah, I forgot my aunt's birthday the other day as well. 451 00:23:28,500 --> 00:23:31,400 And now, by special request, another... 452 00:23:35,500 --> 00:23:38,760 I can't do it again. I looked like a dying duck in a thunderstorm last time. 453 00:23:38,980 --> 00:23:40,020 Oh, stop moaning. 454 00:23:40,780 --> 00:23:42,940 I don't suppose you know the birdie dance, do you? 455 00:23:46,240 --> 00:23:48,740 Reg? I think I've developed a bunion now. 456 00:23:49,080 --> 00:23:50,260 Oh, you found each other then. 457 00:23:50,580 --> 00:23:51,640 Good news this end. 458 00:23:51,980 --> 00:23:53,700 I've finished little Frankie's fort. 459 00:23:54,220 --> 00:23:55,220 Would you like to see it? 460 00:23:56,940 --> 00:23:57,940 Ta -da! 461 00:23:59,960 --> 00:24:01,280 Reg, it's... It's good. 462 00:24:01,770 --> 00:24:04,790 Well, I wouldn't have started if I hadn't known I could make a good job. 463 00:24:04,790 --> 00:24:05,790 you think I am, stupid? 464 00:24:08,450 --> 00:24:10,210 Right, I'd better be off. 465 00:24:12,610 --> 00:24:13,650 Here's your stupid glue. 466 00:24:13,910 --> 00:24:14,910 Oh, right. 467 00:24:14,930 --> 00:24:16,210 No more little accidents. 468 00:24:16,610 --> 00:24:19,710 Well, it could have been a nasty moment when I went to the toilet, but I was 469 00:24:19,710 --> 00:24:20,710 extra careful. 470 00:24:21,590 --> 00:24:22,389 Night, all. 471 00:24:22,390 --> 00:24:23,390 Night, Reg. 472 00:24:23,790 --> 00:24:24,790 Well, 473 00:24:25,590 --> 00:24:26,710 I suppose I'd better be going, too. 474 00:24:27,130 --> 00:24:29,910 Wouldn't want you to think I was hanging around with any ulterior motive. 475 00:24:30,460 --> 00:24:32,100 No, it's all right. I want you to stay. 476 00:24:33,060 --> 00:24:36,740 I've got a couple of hours to kill before I'm on duty with the WVS. 477 00:24:36,980 --> 00:24:37,980 Oh, I see. 478 00:24:38,120 --> 00:24:41,020 So it's all right for you to use me at your convenience? 479 00:24:41,520 --> 00:24:42,520 Oh, absolutely. 480 00:24:44,260 --> 00:24:45,700 Oh, come on then, Gary. 481 00:24:58,990 --> 00:25:00,430 Help yourself to some food in the kitchen. 482 00:25:01,290 --> 00:25:04,550 That's a great costume, isn't it? I know, some people really make the 483 00:25:04,650 --> 00:25:05,650 don't they? Yeah. 484 00:25:06,410 --> 00:25:07,970 Well, I bet you can't be bothered. 485 00:25:08,330 --> 00:25:10,750 Oh, you did know it was a fancy dress party, didn't you, Ron? 486 00:25:11,630 --> 00:25:12,750 I'm in fancy dress. 487 00:25:13,410 --> 00:25:14,670 I'm Saddam Hussein. 488 00:25:16,850 --> 00:25:20,490 Granted, my ensemble has lost some of its mystique since my false moustache 489 00:25:20,490 --> 00:25:21,490 down the toilet. 490 00:25:22,550 --> 00:25:23,630 So where's my host? 491 00:25:24,050 --> 00:25:25,150 He's still getting changed. 492 00:25:25,410 --> 00:25:27,250 He wants to surprise us all with his costume. 493 00:25:28,219 --> 00:25:29,460 Oh, you're drunk. 494 00:25:29,720 --> 00:25:34,680 Me? Why would I need to get drunk, my sweet, when my life is such a bowl of 495 00:25:34,680 --> 00:25:35,680 cherries? 496 00:25:36,000 --> 00:25:37,000 Ta -da! 497 00:25:40,920 --> 00:25:41,920 Good, eh? 498 00:25:42,020 --> 00:25:43,020 You're ridiculous. 499 00:25:43,360 --> 00:25:44,640 Who the hell are you supposed to be? 500 00:25:45,160 --> 00:25:46,280 Well, can't anyone guess? 501 00:25:48,700 --> 00:25:49,700 You're Robin Hood. 502 00:26:04,140 --> 00:26:09,220 Green tunic hanging up in her wardrobe, so I just naturally assumed that... Best 503 00:26:09,220 --> 00:26:10,220 laid plans, eh? 504 00:26:10,660 --> 00:26:13,640 I mean, you know, Robin Hood, Maid Marian, we're one of life's all -time 505 00:26:13,640 --> 00:26:15,560 couples. That's why I wanted all these people to see us. 506 00:26:16,640 --> 00:26:18,120 Your right breast has slipped. 507 00:26:19,680 --> 00:26:20,680 Ron! 508 00:26:20,820 --> 00:26:21,820 Oh, Ron. 509 00:26:22,320 --> 00:26:25,120 Gary, this is Stella's boss, Ken. 510 00:26:25,360 --> 00:26:26,720 Remember me telling you about him. 511 00:26:27,790 --> 00:26:29,050 Oh, the tree. Yeah. Hi. 512 00:26:29,270 --> 00:26:30,530 Nice to meet you. Likewise. 513 00:26:30,830 --> 00:26:35,110 This is my life partner, Gillian. Sorry we're late. We got involved in our 514 00:26:35,110 --> 00:26:39,210 animal welfare work. We're saving whales at the moment. Well, they certainly 515 00:26:39,210 --> 00:26:40,490 need all the help they can get. 516 00:26:41,210 --> 00:26:43,490 Any team that calls up Benny Jones has got to be desperate. 517 00:26:49,330 --> 00:26:53,950 He's a footballer. He plays for Wales. It's a very serious issue, you know. 518 00:26:53,970 --> 00:26:54,929 Yes, I'm sorry. 519 00:26:54,930 --> 00:26:56,350 Oh, you made it, Kent. 520 00:26:58,110 --> 00:27:01,230 Gillian? Oh, I want to introduce you to Yvonne, so come with me. 521 00:27:01,610 --> 00:27:02,790 We'll leave the boys to chat. 522 00:27:04,550 --> 00:27:08,550 Are you ovulating at the moment? Oh, no, my costume's just too tight. 523 00:27:08,930 --> 00:27:12,430 Do you know who I am? Because I am, and I think it's a wonderful time for 524 00:27:12,430 --> 00:27:13,430 Sisters de Bond. 525 00:27:13,970 --> 00:27:16,250 Well, Yvonne knows everyone better than I do. 526 00:27:20,210 --> 00:27:21,310 Feel more like a couple? 527 00:27:21,570 --> 00:27:22,570 Very odd one. 528 00:27:23,270 --> 00:27:25,110 I think my costume's gone down rather well. 529 00:27:25,770 --> 00:27:27,290 A lot of people find it very amusing. 530 00:27:27,490 --> 00:27:30,070 Yeah, well, you certainly got a good laugh when you came out of the toilet 531 00:27:30,070 --> 00:27:31,410 your dress tucked into your box. 532 00:27:32,530 --> 00:27:33,530 Oh, 533 00:27:34,810 --> 00:27:36,910 for God's sake, where's Stella? 534 00:27:37,130 --> 00:27:37,829 I don't know. 535 00:27:37,830 --> 00:27:39,590 Well, you'll have to look after him. 536 00:27:39,870 --> 00:27:42,470 Quick, Gary, before he throws up all over the action instead. 537 00:27:42,890 --> 00:27:44,170 Come on, come on, mate. 538 00:27:45,730 --> 00:27:46,970 Stella, can you feel? 539 00:27:47,250 --> 00:27:50,110 Yes, yes, come on, give me a nice drop of fresh air. 540 00:27:51,130 --> 00:27:55,680 Oh, no, it's too crowded. out here. Let's go inside. 541 00:27:55,980 --> 00:27:59,280 No, it's not. Look, you're the only two out here except for Ken and Stella. 542 00:28:00,180 --> 00:28:01,180 Yeah, 543 00:28:01,980 --> 00:28:04,840 you're right. It's like Piccadilly Circus. Come on, mate. He's snogging my 544 00:28:04,840 --> 00:28:05,840 witch. 545 00:28:06,840 --> 00:28:08,180 Ron, Ron, no! 546 00:28:13,020 --> 00:28:14,020 You're not Stella. 547 00:28:14,260 --> 00:28:15,260 Meat eater. 548 00:28:18,360 --> 00:28:19,360 Oh, I don't understand. 549 00:28:19,800 --> 00:28:22,380 Well, we swapped costumes because mine was too tight, you idiot. 550 00:28:36,679 --> 00:28:43,340 Good night, sweetheart, till we meet 551 00:28:43,340 --> 00:28:44,340 tomorrow.