1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:02,460 Good night, sweetheart. 2 00:00:02,940 --> 00:00:07,060 All my prayers are for you. 3 00:00:07,260 --> 00:00:10,240 Good night, sweetheart. 4 00:00:10,680 --> 00:00:14,720 I'll be watching over you. 5 00:00:15,060 --> 00:00:20,920 Tears and parting may make us alone. 6 00:00:21,680 --> 00:00:24,720 But with the dawn, 7 00:00:25,480 --> 00:00:28,480 a new day is born. 8 00:00:40,620 --> 00:00:41,620 You going like that? 9 00:00:42,220 --> 00:00:43,220 Yeah. 10 00:00:43,920 --> 00:00:45,660 It's Sunday lunchtime at the local. 11 00:00:45,960 --> 00:00:48,320 There's definitely more lager top than lager fell. 12 00:00:48,660 --> 00:00:52,020 The king's head is the hottest vibe in Cricklewood come the Sabbath. 13 00:00:52,300 --> 00:00:55,980 It is packed tight with the hip posse who spend Saturday nights on a dance 14 00:00:56,380 --> 00:00:59,860 Are we talking about the same king's head that boasts a buffo the clown play 15 00:00:59,860 --> 00:01:02,020 area and free lemonade for the under -7s? 16 00:01:02,320 --> 00:01:04,500 We should still legislate for the unexpected. 17 00:01:05,099 --> 00:01:07,840 We are two caballeros off the marital leash. 18 00:01:08,400 --> 00:01:11,720 We could easily be propositioned by a couple of nubile ladies. Yeah, Ron. Then 19 00:01:11,720 --> 00:01:15,500 spend the afternoon being whisked around the Surrey countryside in an open -top 20 00:01:15,500 --> 00:01:19,880 cabriolet, ending up with a light champagne supper in some noted West End 21 00:01:19,880 --> 00:01:24,000 spot. Ron. For I am armed and we are dangerous. 22 00:01:25,980 --> 00:01:27,420 Ron, Yvonne's coming with us. 23 00:01:31,280 --> 00:01:34,080 Five miles I drove to find a chemist open on a Sunday. 24 00:01:35,699 --> 00:01:39,880 Well, surely Cricklewood's hottest vibe had a buy -me -and -stop -one machine in 25 00:01:39,880 --> 00:01:40,559 the gents. 26 00:01:40,560 --> 00:01:41,560 Of course. 27 00:01:41,780 --> 00:01:44,040 But the Saturday night swingers always empty it out. 28 00:01:44,880 --> 00:01:47,900 You sound like a man who hasn't sunk a putt in a long, long while. 29 00:01:49,160 --> 00:01:52,040 No, no, no. Nor are we likely to. 30 00:01:52,720 --> 00:01:55,440 So I thought if she doesn't want me, there's plenty out there who will, 31 00:01:55,740 --> 00:01:57,020 Yes, hundreds. 32 00:02:00,160 --> 00:02:03,540 Look, if there's anything I can ever do... How volunteering to stand in for 33 00:02:03,580 --> 00:02:04,329 are you? 34 00:02:04,330 --> 00:02:07,090 Well, just because you've got two birds on the go, it doesn't make you Don Juan. 35 00:02:07,630 --> 00:02:08,630 All right. 36 00:02:08,690 --> 00:02:10,509 Take it easy. No need to be bitter. 37 00:02:10,710 --> 00:02:11,750 I'm not bitter. I'm jealous. 38 00:02:12,430 --> 00:02:13,550 You need to talk. 39 00:02:13,830 --> 00:02:14,789 With you? 40 00:02:14,790 --> 00:02:15,790 Fat chance. 41 00:02:16,010 --> 00:02:17,670 Have you ever listened to one of our conversations? 42 00:02:18,350 --> 00:02:22,270 30 seconds on me, then it's straight into your latest tidings from Wartorn 43 00:02:22,730 --> 00:02:25,290 Oh, that reminds me. Did you print up that 1940s currency? 44 00:02:25,670 --> 00:02:26,289 You see? 45 00:02:26,290 --> 00:02:28,570 What? I'm a time traveller. It tends to dominate. 46 00:02:29,050 --> 00:02:30,870 A hundred quid in mixed notes. 47 00:02:31,420 --> 00:02:34,540 Five ones and ten bobs. Ah, you are a star. 48 00:02:34,800 --> 00:02:35,499 Hi, Ron. 49 00:02:35,500 --> 00:02:37,920 Don't mind me crashing you little boys out, indeed, yeah? 50 00:02:39,320 --> 00:02:40,420 No, of course not. 51 00:02:40,620 --> 00:02:44,100 Probably be my last chance to relax for a week. Oh, yeah, and your job's sending 52 00:02:44,100 --> 00:02:44,959 her on a course. 53 00:02:44,960 --> 00:02:49,520 Gary, course is a very simplistic and outmoded term for what these days is an 54 00:02:49,520 --> 00:02:53,500 invaluable job -orientated interactive programme for groups. Well, stroke, 55 00:02:53,560 --> 00:02:55,160 individuals within the work experience. 56 00:02:57,180 --> 00:02:58,180 Pardon? 57 00:03:00,110 --> 00:03:01,110 on a course, Ron. 58 00:03:02,250 --> 00:03:03,250 How's Stella? 59 00:03:03,750 --> 00:03:05,170 Well, you should know better than me. 60 00:03:05,610 --> 00:03:07,890 You were the one on the phone for an hour and a half this morning. 61 00:03:08,690 --> 00:03:11,770 Look, I've changed my mind about going. I'll see you, OK? 62 00:03:12,030 --> 00:03:13,030 Yeah. 63 00:03:14,450 --> 00:03:17,810 Was that Ron you were talking to Stella about this morning? Who do you think I 64 00:03:17,810 --> 00:03:18,810 was talking about? 65 00:03:18,870 --> 00:03:21,370 One of those sad people you read about on the problem pages. 66 00:03:22,990 --> 00:03:24,770 That boy needs help. 67 00:03:59,740 --> 00:04:03,700 That's a bloody fine cue, boy. I'd be teaching that to all my buckies back 68 00:04:03,900 --> 00:04:05,660 Yeah, I've got an idea. I'll go down big with the Welsh. 69 00:04:06,020 --> 00:04:08,260 Let's have a little one. Only catawalling. 70 00:04:08,520 --> 00:04:10,620 What's the time you can come in here for a quiet drink? 71 00:04:10,960 --> 00:04:12,060 How about a laughing policeman? 72 00:04:13,460 --> 00:04:14,460 Cheer up, Reg. 73 00:04:14,680 --> 00:04:18,060 Oh, miserable bugger, taking a long to stop you. How about another drink? No, 74 00:04:18,079 --> 00:04:19,839 no, no, my shot. When you're ready, Phoebe. 75 00:04:20,100 --> 00:04:21,640 I've only got one pair of hands. 76 00:04:22,800 --> 00:04:25,180 Oh, it's a nice crisp new pile of notes you've got there, boy. 77 00:04:26,160 --> 00:04:27,500 The print of this morning, did you? 78 00:04:29,360 --> 00:04:31,300 So, what, you make a decent living, do you, selling brushes? 79 00:04:31,660 --> 00:04:35,560 Oh, well, I make a crust, you know, and I like being on the road, you know. I 80 00:04:35,560 --> 00:04:37,340 like moving about, and it has its perks. 81 00:04:37,600 --> 00:04:40,140 I mean, you wouldn't believe what some women would do for a decent quality 82 00:04:40,140 --> 00:04:41,140 hairbrush these days. 83 00:04:42,300 --> 00:04:45,420 So there's no Mrs Jones to mind you've been away from home so much? Oh, no, no, 84 00:04:45,460 --> 00:04:48,740 no. It's a long time since I've worn my feet on Gladys's back. She ran off with 85 00:04:48,740 --> 00:04:50,080 a cord wailer from Aberystwyth. 86 00:04:51,140 --> 00:04:56,320 Yes, good riddance, you know. No, life's my wife now, and fun's my mistress. 87 00:04:57,700 --> 00:05:01,360 So come on, Phoebe Cariad, where's my drink? Yes, same again, Phoebe. Well, 88 00:05:01,360 --> 00:05:04,720 if you've got your glasses. I've got no time to wash any up. Oh, what a day. 89 00:05:04,780 --> 00:05:05,780 Who's that blind? 90 00:05:05,960 --> 00:05:08,200 I don't know. First my country, now my beer glass. 91 00:05:09,440 --> 00:05:12,780 Bloody sight, thanks. You English, you'll nick anything if it's not nailed 92 00:05:14,220 --> 00:05:15,500 Oh, fair dues, girls. 93 00:05:16,500 --> 00:05:17,500 Who's that madman? 94 00:05:18,140 --> 00:05:20,160 I could do with an hand behind the bar, you know. 95 00:05:20,440 --> 00:05:21,439 Well, I'll thread you. 96 00:05:21,440 --> 00:05:22,319 Maybe even. 97 00:05:22,320 --> 00:05:24,540 He's got a face on him that'll curdle the milk stout. 98 00:05:25,200 --> 00:05:26,200 Talk to him, Gary. 99 00:05:26,380 --> 00:05:27,380 Why would I want to do that? 100 00:05:27,860 --> 00:05:29,260 He's your friend. He needs to talk. 101 00:05:29,780 --> 00:05:33,180 Why does it suddenly all my friends need to talk? You either talk to him or you 102 00:05:33,180 --> 00:05:34,180 help me behind the bar. 103 00:05:36,160 --> 00:05:38,740 You're frightened of the girls from the munitions factory, aren't you? 104 00:05:39,320 --> 00:05:40,320 No. You are. 105 00:05:40,540 --> 00:05:41,600 They embarrass you. 106 00:05:42,340 --> 00:05:43,340 Nonsense. 107 00:05:44,080 --> 00:05:47,060 Girls, Gary's going to come and help me behind the bar. 108 00:05:48,360 --> 00:05:53,360 If anybody wants me, I'll be over there with Reg. 109 00:05:55,240 --> 00:05:56,240 Mind if I join you, Reg? 110 00:05:56,440 --> 00:05:57,440 Suit yourself, son. 111 00:05:57,580 --> 00:06:00,360 I've got to warn you, I'm not very good company. I'm a bit brand off at the 112 00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:01,360 minute. 113 00:06:02,180 --> 00:06:03,820 Blooming Welsh windbag! 114 00:06:05,480 --> 00:06:06,480 Owen, what's he done? 115 00:06:06,720 --> 00:06:08,040 He's been hanging round my mini. 116 00:06:08,440 --> 00:06:11,160 And I think they've been doing more than discussing the price of his yard 117 00:06:11,160 --> 00:06:12,480 brooms, if you get my drift. 118 00:06:12,920 --> 00:06:14,120 What, you think they're sleeping together? 119 00:06:14,400 --> 00:06:16,400 You don't mind coming out with it, do you? 120 00:06:17,380 --> 00:06:21,000 If that weren't enough for a mortal soul to bear, I've got the inspector hauling 121 00:06:21,000 --> 00:06:22,000 me over the coals. 122 00:06:22,260 --> 00:06:23,960 And you don't want to listen to my problems. 123 00:06:25,400 --> 00:06:26,400 Of course I do. 124 00:06:28,340 --> 00:06:30,720 He's insisting I'll get my annual arrest rate up. 125 00:06:31,040 --> 00:06:32,860 To what? If just one had been nice. 126 00:06:34,160 --> 00:06:36,420 I appreciate I may be a bit of a gurker. 127 00:06:37,200 --> 00:06:38,990 Sorry? I'll take no prisoners. 128 00:06:41,070 --> 00:06:43,410 I've got other qualities. Well, of course you have. 129 00:06:45,370 --> 00:06:46,370 Just remind me. 130 00:06:47,210 --> 00:06:49,790 The uniform's always freshly pressed. 131 00:06:50,710 --> 00:06:51,710 Presentation's very important. 132 00:06:52,090 --> 00:06:54,650 Of course, you don't help me to look good when I've got someone on me beat 133 00:06:54,650 --> 00:06:55,930 -passing their counterfeit notes. 134 00:06:58,850 --> 00:06:59,709 Like what? 135 00:06:59,710 --> 00:07:03,170 I know, you wouldn't credit it, would you? I've been told to sort the bloke to 136 00:07:03,170 --> 00:07:04,089 look out for. 137 00:07:04,090 --> 00:07:05,170 Fairly new to the area. 138 00:07:05,390 --> 00:07:06,390 Like yourself. 139 00:07:06,720 --> 00:07:07,720 Quite young. 140 00:07:08,020 --> 00:07:09,020 Like yourself. 141 00:07:09,280 --> 00:07:11,660 Someone who's not short of a few, Bob. Like yourself. 142 00:07:13,620 --> 00:07:14,620 Any suspects? 143 00:07:14,740 --> 00:07:18,320 No! I've been racking my brains. I can't think of anyone who fits the bill. 144 00:07:18,940 --> 00:07:21,340 Your round comes to one and nine. Get your money out. 145 00:07:21,560 --> 00:07:22,560 No. 146 00:07:22,700 --> 00:07:24,920 I mean, put it on the plate. I'll pay you later. 147 00:07:25,860 --> 00:07:26,860 All right. 148 00:07:31,800 --> 00:07:35,500 I mean, in the middle of a pub full of people, people who look up to me, people 149 00:07:35,500 --> 00:07:39,140 who respect... me, I find that the pound in my pocket is straight from the bank 150 00:07:39,140 --> 00:07:40,019 of Toy Town. 151 00:07:40,020 --> 00:07:41,400 I was sure these were perfect. 152 00:07:42,100 --> 00:07:43,800 Well, that bit doesn't look right. It's fine. 153 00:07:44,640 --> 00:07:46,920 And what's that supposed to be then? It's part of the design. 154 00:07:47,620 --> 00:07:48,619 Looks like an ear. 155 00:07:48,620 --> 00:07:49,620 It's not an ear. 156 00:07:50,440 --> 00:07:51,700 Are you sure? Gary. 157 00:07:53,540 --> 00:07:56,480 And there are two L's in shilling, aren't there? Maybe you'd like to go and 158 00:07:56,480 --> 00:07:57,840 down. I'm just trying to help. 159 00:07:58,300 --> 00:08:01,340 With respect, you don't know a lot about printing. Yeah, well, I'm not sure you 160 00:08:01,340 --> 00:08:02,340 do, no. 161 00:08:03,320 --> 00:08:04,980 I am by no means perfect. 162 00:08:06,260 --> 00:08:08,120 Sparkling repartee does not float from my lips. 163 00:08:08,520 --> 00:08:12,120 Women have never swooned when I walk into a room, and I'm inclined to belch 164 00:08:12,120 --> 00:08:13,160 loudly after eating pizza. 165 00:08:13,940 --> 00:08:17,200 But there is one land in which I am lord and king, all -knowing and infallible, 166 00:08:17,300 --> 00:08:21,240 the land of precious plates and hot metal. In short, the land of printing. 167 00:08:21,260 --> 00:08:23,760 I'm very sorry, Your Royal Highness, but you cocked up somewhere. 168 00:08:24,300 --> 00:08:25,520 Unless you did it on purpose. 169 00:08:27,700 --> 00:08:29,980 You admitted you were jealous of my double wife. 170 00:08:30,420 --> 00:08:33,539 Maybe you tried to scupper it by supplying me with detectable forgeries. 171 00:08:34,270 --> 00:08:37,030 How can you think me so contemptible? You're not my wife. 172 00:08:37,650 --> 00:08:38,970 I'm serious, Ron. 173 00:08:39,510 --> 00:08:42,510 I daren't go back there until this is sorted out. If they start asking me 174 00:08:42,510 --> 00:08:44,650 questions, I've had it. I'm a terrible liar. Oh, yeah? 175 00:08:45,030 --> 00:08:45,789 When's that? 176 00:08:45,790 --> 00:08:48,130 When you're deceiving Phoebe or when you're deceiving Yvonne? 177 00:08:48,370 --> 00:08:49,370 You see? 178 00:08:49,570 --> 00:08:52,910 You're upset with my love life because you haven't got one of your own. Just 179 00:08:52,910 --> 00:08:53,910 consider the evidence. 180 00:08:54,130 --> 00:08:57,710 Right now, all I'm considering is how to shut you up so I can sort out what's 181 00:08:57,710 --> 00:09:00,890 happened. I know what happened. I made the mistake of relying on printing's 182 00:09:00,890 --> 00:09:01,930 equivalent of Mr Bean. 183 00:09:04,880 --> 00:09:05,880 Get out. 184 00:09:07,500 --> 00:09:08,399 Make me. 185 00:09:08,400 --> 00:09:09,460 I mean it. Get out. 186 00:09:10,060 --> 00:09:11,320 And I mean make me. 187 00:09:11,960 --> 00:09:13,060 Oh, Gary, grow up. 188 00:09:13,280 --> 00:09:14,219 Oh, come on. 189 00:09:14,220 --> 00:09:15,900 Big man, throw me out of your office. 190 00:09:16,140 --> 00:09:17,500 Oh, Gary, come on. Gary. 191 00:09:17,920 --> 00:09:18,920 Oh, hi, Stella. 192 00:09:21,080 --> 00:09:23,120 Gary! You hurt yourself. 193 00:09:23,420 --> 00:09:24,420 Oh, yeah. 194 00:09:25,600 --> 00:09:26,600 Wait a minute. 195 00:09:26,700 --> 00:09:27,820 Oh, you've had enough, have you? 196 00:09:31,640 --> 00:09:33,420 That's not fair. You're using your weight. 197 00:09:33,620 --> 00:09:34,620 It's a fight. 198 00:09:36,910 --> 00:09:37,910 Bite your wuss! 199 00:09:39,890 --> 00:09:41,170 Where did you get this note? 200 00:09:41,390 --> 00:09:42,390 From you. 201 00:09:42,450 --> 00:09:44,370 Not this one you didn't. Feel it. 202 00:09:47,470 --> 00:09:48,470 Sorry. 203 00:09:50,490 --> 00:09:52,730 You were that close to... Look. 204 00:09:53,690 --> 00:09:56,910 See how thin it feels compared to mine. And look at the colours. 205 00:09:57,850 --> 00:09:58,970 Yeah, they're all washed out. 206 00:10:00,290 --> 00:10:01,470 So where'd it come from, then? 207 00:10:01,710 --> 00:10:03,150 You must have got it in your change. 208 00:10:03,730 --> 00:10:04,730 You mean... 209 00:10:05,160 --> 00:10:07,200 Somebody else is passing counterfeit money. 210 00:10:07,900 --> 00:10:09,200 Another time traveller? 211 00:10:09,540 --> 00:10:10,540 No. 212 00:10:11,000 --> 00:10:17,480 Judging by the shoddy handiwork on this travesty the forgers are, I'd say... I'd 213 00:10:17,480 --> 00:10:18,780 say there's a spy in your myth. 214 00:10:19,080 --> 00:10:20,080 A spy? 215 00:10:20,840 --> 00:10:22,520 That's a bit overdramatic, isn't it? 216 00:10:23,260 --> 00:10:24,260 Not at all. 217 00:10:24,900 --> 00:10:28,560 In 1943, the Germans launched Operation Bernhard. 218 00:10:29,000 --> 00:10:32,040 Near -perfect forgeries flooded the country, almost wrecking the British 219 00:10:32,040 --> 00:10:33,040 economy. 220 00:10:33,240 --> 00:10:35,420 But up until then, their attempts were dead crude. 221 00:10:35,880 --> 00:10:38,880 And only used to pay off Natalie agents who were too greedy to know the 222 00:10:38,880 --> 00:10:40,020 difference. A spy. 223 00:10:41,180 --> 00:10:42,820 That's amazing. Are you really sure? 224 00:10:43,260 --> 00:10:44,860 Ron's my name, Princeton's my game. 225 00:10:45,920 --> 00:10:49,100 I could win Mastermind if it wasn't for that stupid general knowledge section. 226 00:10:50,540 --> 00:10:52,080 I've got to get back. He'll catch him. 227 00:10:52,580 --> 00:10:55,360 Left a wretched dead man. He won't get caught until he's deposed Churchill and 228 00:10:55,360 --> 00:10:56,360 married the Queen. 229 00:10:56,680 --> 00:10:58,220 Hey, what am I saying? It might be a woman. 230 00:10:58,560 --> 00:10:59,560 No. 231 00:10:59,740 --> 00:11:00,740 Spying's a man's job. 232 00:11:01,480 --> 00:11:03,660 learning to live on your wits in a hostile environment. 233 00:11:04,800 --> 00:11:06,020 Marriage trains us for it. 234 00:11:07,460 --> 00:11:11,680 Yeah, look... Look, I'm really sorry about accusing you of giving me a 235 00:11:11,680 --> 00:11:14,640 doctorate. No, no, I was out of order and I feel really bad about it. 236 00:11:15,720 --> 00:11:20,420 Look, whatever problems you're having with Stella, I... Well, I'll be there 237 00:11:20,420 --> 00:11:21,420 you, OK? 238 00:11:24,359 --> 00:11:26,260 Maybe you'd like to go out for a drink and a chat tonight. 239 00:11:26,480 --> 00:11:27,379 Yeah, yeah. 240 00:11:27,380 --> 00:11:30,900 Yeah, no problem. I'll call round for you about seven, shall I? You can, but 241 00:11:30,900 --> 00:11:34,440 with Stella currently sporting a highly jaundiced view of the male population, I 242 00:11:34,440 --> 00:11:35,500 cannot guarantee your safety. 243 00:11:37,220 --> 00:11:38,320 Yeah, you call round for me. 244 00:11:44,560 --> 00:11:45,840 What time is he supposed to be here? 245 00:11:46,280 --> 00:11:49,400 Seven. Oh, he's probably gone to one of those memorabilia fairs. 246 00:11:49,620 --> 00:11:51,100 He's always late when he goes to one of those. 247 00:11:52,240 --> 00:11:54,800 Going out for a drink and a chat, are you? Yeah, that's right. 248 00:11:55,040 --> 00:11:57,200 Don't you think you'd be better off talking to Stella? 249 00:11:57,780 --> 00:12:00,320 I worry about her. She's my best friend. 250 00:12:00,580 --> 00:12:01,580 And you're her husband. 251 00:12:02,360 --> 00:12:03,960 So it's no wonder I worry about her. 252 00:12:04,800 --> 00:12:06,760 I'm sorry, Yvonne, but you don't know the whole story. 253 00:12:07,060 --> 00:12:08,060 Yes, I do. 254 00:12:08,200 --> 00:12:10,700 You're not a bad man, Ron. You're just a very dull one. 255 00:12:11,360 --> 00:12:14,160 She only wants a bit of excitement to be taken out more. 256 00:12:14,500 --> 00:12:17,160 No, being taken out more is not all she wants, actually. 257 00:12:17,840 --> 00:12:21,120 Well, a request for the occasional bout of sex outside the bedroom isn't exactly 258 00:12:21,120 --> 00:12:22,120 demanding. 259 00:12:22,440 --> 00:12:24,440 Oh, God, she's told you the lot. 260 00:12:26,200 --> 00:12:28,600 I just think there's a time and a place for everything. 261 00:12:29,540 --> 00:12:31,340 We eat off that kitchen table. 262 00:12:33,240 --> 00:12:37,800 Ron, can't you let your inhibitions drop once in a while? Isn't it worth it to 263 00:12:37,800 --> 00:12:38,739 make her happy? 264 00:12:38,740 --> 00:12:40,760 I mean, I'm sure when she's happy, you're happy. 265 00:12:41,100 --> 00:12:42,100 Not at all. 266 00:12:42,360 --> 00:12:45,600 I'm not saying I have to be miserable before she's happy, but I think it 267 00:12:46,620 --> 00:12:47,620 Hi! 268 00:12:49,900 --> 00:12:50,839 What's up? 269 00:12:50,840 --> 00:12:52,100 Nothing. You OK? 270 00:12:52,540 --> 00:12:53,620 Fine. Great. 271 00:12:54,060 --> 00:12:55,200 Coffee? Yeah. 272 00:12:55,780 --> 00:12:56,780 Decaf, I think. 273 00:12:58,660 --> 00:12:59,639 Wrong, wrong. 274 00:12:59,640 --> 00:13:01,340 You should have seen what happened today. You're late. 275 00:13:01,800 --> 00:13:03,940 Eh? We were going out, remember? 276 00:13:04,440 --> 00:13:05,379 What, are we married? 277 00:13:05,380 --> 00:13:06,380 I caught the spy. 278 00:13:06,900 --> 00:13:08,480 This was important to me. 279 00:13:08,900 --> 00:13:11,700 I need to talk to someone before my marriage goes down the toilet. 280 00:13:11,920 --> 00:13:13,000 Oh, that's a bit over the top. 281 00:13:13,340 --> 00:13:16,120 From what I hear, all you've got to do is slip one over the bread bit and 282 00:13:16,120 --> 00:13:17,120 everything's going to be fine. 283 00:13:20,509 --> 00:13:21,509 Your problems. 284 00:13:22,130 --> 00:13:24,150 They always have to come first, don't they? 285 00:13:24,410 --> 00:13:28,510 Any concerns of mine are just there to be laughed at. Oh, Ron, don't get upset 286 00:13:28,510 --> 00:13:31,630 again. I haven't told you how I caught the spy yet. You're the only one I can 287 00:13:31,630 --> 00:13:32,630 tell. 288 00:13:32,710 --> 00:13:35,270 It's a real pain when your mates aren't there for you, isn't it? 289 00:13:37,370 --> 00:13:38,370 Ron! 290 00:13:38,790 --> 00:13:39,830 Gary, what's happened? 291 00:13:41,030 --> 00:13:43,110 I upset him. 292 00:13:43,550 --> 00:13:45,550 Oh, he's a mixed -up boy, that one. 293 00:13:59,150 --> 00:14:03,850 Nothing. Well, since you're not going to ask, I will just go ahead and I'll tell 294 00:14:03,850 --> 00:14:04,870 you about my day, shall I? 295 00:14:05,370 --> 00:14:06,870 Sorry. Good one? No. 296 00:14:07,490 --> 00:14:09,070 Am I in any way to blame? No. 297 00:14:09,310 --> 00:14:10,790 It's that stupid course. 298 00:14:11,370 --> 00:14:12,370 Course? 299 00:14:12,550 --> 00:14:16,270 Surely you mean your invaluable, job -orientated, interactive... I can make 300 00:14:16,270 --> 00:14:17,390 your fault if you want me to. 301 00:14:18,110 --> 00:14:22,050 It's just a load of L .A. psycho babble. It's just totally irrelevant to the 302 00:14:22,050 --> 00:14:23,970 job. I've got to write a story tonight. 303 00:14:24,210 --> 00:14:27,220 It's supposed to... test my powers of creativity and resourcefulness. 304 00:14:27,660 --> 00:14:30,180 Oh, I haven't written a story since I was at primary school. 305 00:14:31,880 --> 00:14:32,880 You can help me. 306 00:14:33,320 --> 00:14:36,820 Me? I'm the practical one. You're the one with the wild, useless imagination. 307 00:14:37,640 --> 00:14:43,360 I can't just make up a story just like that. I need to have... Well, no, maybe 308 00:14:43,360 --> 00:14:44,360 can. 309 00:14:44,940 --> 00:14:49,180 I was at this memorabilia fair today and somebody told me this wartime spy 310 00:14:49,180 --> 00:14:50,540 story. It sounds perfect. 311 00:14:51,340 --> 00:14:52,640 Well, it seems there was this... 312 00:14:53,100 --> 00:14:54,500 East End barmaid called Phoebe. 313 00:14:54,960 --> 00:14:58,120 Policeman called Reg, and this young chap who claimed to work for 314 00:14:58,120 --> 00:14:59,180 called Barry. 315 00:14:59,460 --> 00:15:02,280 Ooh, good -looking and dashing one. Oh, absolutely, yeah. 316 00:15:02,860 --> 00:15:08,440 Anyway, this wartime spy was passing counterfeit notes, so Barry decided to 317 00:15:08,440 --> 00:15:09,440 a trap. 318 00:15:24,370 --> 00:15:26,470 Well, all the local shopkeepers have been alerted. 319 00:15:26,750 --> 00:15:29,510 If the spy tries to pass any more fake notes, we'll have him. 320 00:15:30,670 --> 00:15:31,670 What do you reckon? 321 00:15:31,950 --> 00:15:35,210 Not mad on women in hats, but in your case, I'll make an exception. 322 00:15:36,090 --> 00:15:38,490 Dad said my mum wasn't dressed unless she had a hat on. 323 00:15:38,950 --> 00:15:39,950 What, just a hat? 324 00:15:40,090 --> 00:15:44,210 Gary, my dad never saw my mum naked. It wasn't done in them days. 325 00:15:44,650 --> 00:15:45,650 Well, how did they get you? 326 00:15:45,850 --> 00:15:46,850 In the dark. 327 00:15:48,790 --> 00:15:49,790 Hello. 328 00:15:50,070 --> 00:15:52,370 It's all right, Mrs Bloss. No -one fainted this time. 329 00:15:52,850 --> 00:15:53,850 What are you doing? 330 00:15:54,200 --> 00:15:55,119 I'm undercover. 331 00:15:55,120 --> 00:15:58,580 Pretty devious, I thought. If the spy comes in here, I shall be able to leap 332 00:15:58,580 --> 00:16:00,000 and nab him before he... Before what? 333 00:16:00,360 --> 00:16:01,940 He dies of a heart attack? 334 00:16:02,660 --> 00:16:05,440 There are times when you're a right silly bugger, Reg. 335 00:16:06,160 --> 00:16:08,260 I'm going to look at the scars. 336 00:16:09,480 --> 00:16:12,940 I suppose it's a bit much for the fairer sex, the cloak -and -dagger world of 337 00:16:12,940 --> 00:16:17,000 espionage. You're certainly throwing yourself into it. Could be a real 338 00:16:17,000 --> 00:16:20,920 in my cap if we can catch this blighter. Could mean me getting three stripes up. 339 00:16:21,160 --> 00:16:22,900 I'm not sure I can be responsible for that. 340 00:16:24,520 --> 00:16:27,120 Constable Dedman, I've got one. I've got one. 341 00:16:28,440 --> 00:16:29,440 Yep, 342 00:16:32,220 --> 00:16:33,219 it's a fake, all right. 343 00:16:33,220 --> 00:16:35,320 You'll have to come with me, I'm afraid, Mrs Snow. 344 00:16:35,680 --> 00:16:37,400 Who'd have thought it of a vicar's wife? 345 00:16:37,700 --> 00:16:39,420 It wasn't Mrs Snow, Reg. 346 00:16:39,820 --> 00:16:45,000 It was Mrs Banford. She tried to pay for this scarf with that note. 347 00:16:45,260 --> 00:16:48,420 It's no good denying it. I've no intention of denying it. 348 00:16:48,620 --> 00:16:50,780 I'm very disappointed in you, Phoebe. 349 00:16:51,210 --> 00:16:54,750 If you were short of money, why didn't you come to me instead of making your 350 00:16:54,750 --> 00:16:56,610 own? Don't be silly, Reg. 351 00:16:57,350 --> 00:16:59,890 Phoebe unwittingly took this note over the counter, didn't you? 352 00:17:00,610 --> 00:17:01,610 No. 353 00:17:03,790 --> 00:17:05,970 I'm not going to say any more in front of these people. 354 00:17:07,170 --> 00:17:08,170 Clear the shop, Reg. 355 00:17:09,589 --> 00:17:10,950 You too, please, Mrs Bloss. 356 00:17:11,390 --> 00:17:13,130 But this is Maison Bloss. 357 00:17:13,569 --> 00:17:14,569 It's my shop. 358 00:17:14,910 --> 00:17:16,650 Would you like me to pass your name to the Home Secretary? 359 00:17:23,530 --> 00:17:24,630 Where did you get the money, Phoebe? 360 00:17:26,450 --> 00:17:27,470 From you, Reg. 361 00:17:27,750 --> 00:17:31,650 Eh? This morning, after you cashed up that fibre for me. 362 00:17:32,270 --> 00:17:33,350 Here's the rest of it. 363 00:17:37,190 --> 00:17:38,190 It's all fake. 364 00:17:38,490 --> 00:17:39,710 Me, a spy? 365 00:17:41,030 --> 00:17:43,470 Oh, you think you know someone, Reg? 366 00:17:45,470 --> 00:17:47,470 You're not a spy, all right? 367 00:17:48,310 --> 00:17:49,830 Now, just think. 368 00:17:50,390 --> 00:17:52,310 Where did you get this money from? 369 00:17:52,880 --> 00:17:53,880 My mini. 370 00:17:55,440 --> 00:17:57,560 She wouldn't collaborate with the Germans, would she? 371 00:17:57,880 --> 00:18:01,300 If not, it's about the only nationality she hasn't collaborated with. 372 00:18:01,660 --> 00:18:03,760 Owen, she got the money off of him. 373 00:18:05,320 --> 00:18:06,420 Now, that's interesting. 374 00:18:06,760 --> 00:18:08,640 Why was he giving her money? 375 00:18:09,020 --> 00:18:10,240 I didn't like to ask. 376 00:18:19,860 --> 00:18:20,860 What's this, then? 377 00:18:21,460 --> 00:18:22,460 Visa. 378 00:18:24,399 --> 00:18:28,400 Er... Yeah, it stands for... Very Important Security Article. 379 00:18:28,900 --> 00:18:29,900 I see. 380 00:18:30,160 --> 00:18:33,300 Look, it don't seem very British going through a chap's personal and private 381 00:18:33,300 --> 00:18:34,940 positions when he might not even be there. 382 00:18:35,180 --> 00:18:36,920 He's a suspected Nazi spy. 383 00:18:37,220 --> 00:18:39,960 Yes, but we'll be armed and he shoots us all. 384 00:18:40,160 --> 00:18:41,960 Then he'll be a known Nazi spy. 385 00:18:42,740 --> 00:18:45,720 Shouldn't we confront him with it first? Give him a chance to clear his name? 386 00:18:45,940 --> 00:18:48,600 What do you think he's going to say? It's ein a fair cop, mein Herr. 387 00:18:49,260 --> 00:18:51,200 He was a spy. He lies for a living. 388 00:19:10,760 --> 00:19:12,900 Looks like he's trying to invent germ warfare. 389 00:19:13,400 --> 00:19:15,140 What is it we're looking for exactly? 390 00:19:15,760 --> 00:19:18,140 I'm not sure. Let's just have a look round and see what turns up. 391 00:19:18,360 --> 00:19:19,360 Right. 392 00:19:25,080 --> 00:19:27,180 Look at this. 393 00:19:28,260 --> 00:19:29,360 Oh, my word. 394 00:19:30,380 --> 00:19:33,580 Gary, I'm surprised at you leering at mucky magazines. 395 00:19:34,120 --> 00:19:38,440 Mucky? It's just a few grainy photographs of some bare -breasted 396 00:19:40,910 --> 00:19:42,330 All right, Reg, you can look now. 397 00:19:42,810 --> 00:19:44,670 Sorry. Look at these. 398 00:19:47,450 --> 00:19:48,450 More forged notes. 399 00:19:50,070 --> 00:19:51,850 Looks like he's left in a hurry, doesn't it? 400 00:19:52,590 --> 00:19:53,590 Look. 401 00:19:57,430 --> 00:19:59,550 Photographs of the local anti -aircraft batteries. 402 00:20:01,170 --> 00:20:03,410 With their exact locations written on the back. 403 00:20:06,930 --> 00:20:09,770 Reg, isn't this you posing in front of this one? 404 00:20:10,470 --> 00:20:13,850 What? He said he wanted a picture of a real -life London bobby for his mum. 405 00:20:14,230 --> 00:20:17,150 I thought you couldn't stand him. I was trying to keep an eye on him and my 406 00:20:17,150 --> 00:20:18,150 mini. 407 00:20:18,270 --> 00:20:20,770 You'd better destroy that photograph, Reg. You think I should? 408 00:20:21,210 --> 00:20:22,470 Well, which headline would you prefer? 409 00:20:22,970 --> 00:20:27,090 Brave constable helps smash Nazi spy ring or ex -constable turned lavatory 410 00:20:27,090 --> 00:20:28,910 attendant is stupidest man in the universe? 411 00:20:30,370 --> 00:20:33,310 Well... Have you noticed all Owen's clothes have gone? 412 00:20:33,750 --> 00:20:34,930 Yeah, he's scarpered, hasn't he? 413 00:20:35,570 --> 00:20:38,390 Well, let's just look around for a clue. Anything that might tell us where he's 414 00:20:38,390 --> 00:20:39,390 gone. 415 00:20:40,590 --> 00:20:43,910 Oh, what a waste. Look, he's thrown away a perfectly good notebook. 416 00:20:45,130 --> 00:20:46,130 Reg, give me that notebook. 417 00:20:46,370 --> 00:20:48,550 Oh, waste not, want not, eh? 418 00:20:51,410 --> 00:20:53,670 Have you got a pencil, Reg? Yeah, of course I have. 419 00:20:54,910 --> 00:20:55,910 You want some? 420 00:20:59,550 --> 00:21:02,590 Vic, 1655. 421 00:21:04,870 --> 00:21:06,990 You're not an intelligence for nothing, are you, Gary? 422 00:21:07,510 --> 00:21:08,510 What's it mean, though? 423 00:21:08,750 --> 00:21:10,710 Now, this is obviously Owen's contact. 424 00:21:11,270 --> 00:21:16,730 We need to start looking for a chap called Vic, aged between 16 and 55. 425 00:21:17,710 --> 00:21:22,250 Reg, don't you think it's more likely that Vic is short for Victoria and 16 426 00:21:22,250 --> 00:21:24,030 is the time of the train he's going to catch? 427 00:21:24,290 --> 00:21:26,210 Yes, this is also a possibility. 428 00:21:26,750 --> 00:21:29,710 Well, that gives us 40 minutes to get down there. Come on. 429 00:21:54,860 --> 00:21:56,880 It would be a nightmare trying to find our own all here. 430 00:21:57,940 --> 00:22:01,380 Is that something that never changes, is it? The standards of the service on the 431 00:22:01,380 --> 00:22:02,380 railways is disgusting. 432 00:22:02,700 --> 00:22:07,560 Surely a little discomfort is a small price to pay if it means that other 433 00:22:07,560 --> 00:22:10,760 are free to transport vital water supplies around the country. 434 00:22:10,960 --> 00:22:14,000 I, for one, think the railways do a marvellous job. 435 00:22:14,400 --> 00:22:20,100 The railway and its workers are much admired by everyone who travels on them. 436 00:22:21,040 --> 00:22:22,860 This truly is a magical time. 437 00:22:23,680 --> 00:22:25,200 I think perhaps we should split up. 438 00:22:25,540 --> 00:22:28,720 I'll search the carriages down that way. You search the carriages down that way, 439 00:22:28,760 --> 00:22:31,780 Kerry. That's a useful suggestion, Reg. What about me? 440 00:22:32,140 --> 00:22:35,300 I think you should stay here. There's a sort of go -between in case he slips 441 00:22:35,300 --> 00:22:36,300 past me or Reg. 442 00:22:36,320 --> 00:22:37,320 Right, then. 443 00:22:37,780 --> 00:22:41,820 Yes, well, on second thoughts. She'll come to no harm with these lads. I trust 444 00:22:41,820 --> 00:22:43,380 good old British Tommy with my life. 445 00:22:43,640 --> 00:22:46,720 Did you say life or wife? I wouldn't trust a pope with my wife. 446 00:22:47,120 --> 00:22:49,740 Just take care, OK? I'll be all right. Yeah. 447 00:22:50,160 --> 00:22:51,380 Mind if I make another suggestion? 448 00:22:51,800 --> 00:22:55,700 It'll help speed up the search if we shout out telegram for Mr Owen Jones. 449 00:22:55,980 --> 00:22:58,920 When Owen says, here, boyo, we'll nab him. 450 00:22:59,500 --> 00:23:03,440 No, Reg, for that to work, Owen would have to be unremittingly and 451 00:23:03,440 --> 00:23:04,440 dead. 452 00:23:04,660 --> 00:23:10,380 Um, when we played hide -and -seek at Christmas, that's how the kids caught 453 00:23:13,600 --> 00:23:14,600 I'll see you later. 454 00:23:15,580 --> 00:23:16,580 Sorry. 455 00:23:17,240 --> 00:23:19,140 Sorry, can I just... Thank you. 456 00:23:19,960 --> 00:23:20,960 Thanks very much. 457 00:23:23,340 --> 00:23:25,280 Excuse me, can I just... Thank you. 458 00:23:25,500 --> 00:23:26,500 Thank you very much. 459 00:23:31,920 --> 00:23:32,920 Sorry. 460 00:23:34,660 --> 00:23:39,340 Thank you very much. 461 00:23:42,500 --> 00:23:44,900 I'm sorry, sir, you can't go any further. That's my car's van. 462 00:23:45,380 --> 00:23:46,380 Oh, I see. 463 00:23:46,460 --> 00:23:49,080 Are you certain no -one else has gone through there? Certainly not, sir. Only 464 00:23:49,080 --> 00:23:51,980 animals, luggage and pregnant ladies are allowed in my guardsman. 465 00:23:52,620 --> 00:23:53,620 All right, thanks. 466 00:23:58,100 --> 00:23:59,140 Did you learn that song? 467 00:23:59,960 --> 00:24:03,160 You heard a Welshman sing it. Where did he go? Did you let him into that 468 00:24:03,160 --> 00:24:05,860 guardsman? Don't lie to me or I'll pass your name to the Home Secretary. 469 00:24:06,860 --> 00:24:07,860 Who are you, then? 470 00:24:08,960 --> 00:24:09,960 Secret Service. 471 00:24:10,300 --> 00:24:12,260 Oh, well, he said he was feeling queasy. 472 00:24:13,260 --> 00:24:16,820 I want you to go down the train, find a police constable dead man, and bring him 473 00:24:16,820 --> 00:24:18,080 right here, okay? Right there. 474 00:24:19,240 --> 00:24:21,280 Well, by the way, how much did he pay you? 475 00:24:21,640 --> 00:24:22,640 Five quid. 476 00:24:22,880 --> 00:24:24,240 Yeah, well, don't spend it. It's fake. 477 00:24:29,800 --> 00:24:30,800 Hello, 478 00:24:32,460 --> 00:24:33,460 Gary. 479 00:24:35,320 --> 00:24:36,320 Oh, dear. 480 00:24:36,740 --> 00:24:38,360 I take it the game's up, then, is it? 481 00:24:40,400 --> 00:24:42,020 Oh, well, that ain't necessarily so. 482 00:24:43,360 --> 00:24:46,600 Now, I like you, Gary, boy, and I don't want to shoot you, but make no mistake 483 00:24:46,600 --> 00:24:47,860 about it, I will if I have to. 484 00:24:48,200 --> 00:24:49,200 It won't do you any good. 485 00:24:49,580 --> 00:24:51,400 The guard's gone to fetch Reg Deadman. 486 00:24:52,080 --> 00:24:53,080 Oh, no. 487 00:24:54,860 --> 00:24:57,640 Yes, well, I know that doesn't scare you, but there are soldiers on this 488 00:24:57,820 --> 00:24:59,480 You'll have them waiting for you at the next station. 489 00:25:00,680 --> 00:25:04,380 You'd be better off giving yourself up now, Owen, or whatever your real name 490 00:25:04,560 --> 00:25:05,880 Well, of course Owen is my real name. 491 00:25:06,380 --> 00:25:09,600 It doesn't sound very German. Well, why should it? I'm Valleys Born and Bred. 492 00:25:09,800 --> 00:25:11,320 So why are you spying for the Nazis? 493 00:25:11,720 --> 00:25:12,720 Money, boy. 494 00:25:13,370 --> 00:25:17,030 And don't look at me like that. I've had enough of patriotism and sacrifice in 495 00:25:17,030 --> 00:25:17,669 the last lot. 496 00:25:17,670 --> 00:25:20,410 Three years up to my neck in Muck and Burridge. And for what? 497 00:25:20,770 --> 00:25:22,110 A land for three heroes. 498 00:25:23,690 --> 00:25:25,770 Poverty and unemployment, that's what I came home to. 499 00:25:26,970 --> 00:25:30,010 Not much reward for having your knackers shut off, was it? 500 00:25:31,470 --> 00:25:32,470 Yes. 501 00:25:33,330 --> 00:25:34,330 No. 502 00:25:35,190 --> 00:25:36,330 All bloody three. 503 00:25:37,770 --> 00:25:39,170 I can see why you'd be bitter. 504 00:25:39,670 --> 00:25:40,670 Yeah, sure. 505 00:25:41,170 --> 00:25:42,170 You come by here. 506 00:25:45,740 --> 00:25:46,840 I'll tie your legs up in this. 507 00:25:48,600 --> 00:25:50,380 Gary? You all right in here, son? 508 00:25:50,700 --> 00:25:52,080 Tell Dorothy to stay out there. 509 00:25:52,420 --> 00:25:54,120 Stay out there, Reg. Right you are. 510 00:25:54,560 --> 00:25:55,800 And keep away from the door. 511 00:25:56,000 --> 00:25:57,000 Beg your pardon? 512 00:25:57,680 --> 00:25:58,680 What? 513 00:25:59,640 --> 00:26:00,640 Blimey, it's him. 514 00:26:00,720 --> 00:26:02,580 Well done, Reg. He's not cold. 515 00:26:02,840 --> 00:26:03,840 Gary, are you all right? 516 00:26:04,000 --> 00:26:05,000 Yeah, thanks to Reg. 517 00:26:06,420 --> 00:26:07,920 Congratulations, Constable Dedman. 518 00:26:08,240 --> 00:26:09,680 I think you've caught a naughty spy. 519 00:26:09,980 --> 00:26:11,080 Thanks very much, sir. 520 00:26:11,340 --> 00:26:12,340 Oh, Reg. 521 00:26:12,520 --> 00:26:13,720 Oh, by the way. 522 00:26:14,090 --> 00:26:15,950 You know you were worried about Owen and your mini? 523 00:26:16,170 --> 00:26:17,170 No need. 524 00:26:17,350 --> 00:26:18,350 Nothing happened. 525 00:26:25,070 --> 00:26:27,130 Sort of makes you understand why he did it, doesn't it? 526 00:26:27,470 --> 00:26:28,510 No, I'm sorry. 527 00:26:30,010 --> 00:26:33,430 Losing your penis is no excuse for betraying your country. 528 00:26:38,310 --> 00:26:39,370 That was great! 529 00:26:40,090 --> 00:26:41,970 You've got a real knack for telling stories. 530 00:26:42,410 --> 00:26:44,960 You made the... Characters come alive like you really knew them. 531 00:26:45,560 --> 00:26:49,340 And that Reg Deadman wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed, was he? No, he isn't. 532 00:26:49,820 --> 00:26:53,160 Er, wasn't. Oh, hold on. I've got to get a pen and paper and write this down. 533 00:27:00,900 --> 00:27:02,600 Look, I'm really sorry, mate. No, no. 534 00:27:02,800 --> 00:27:04,040 I overreacted. 535 00:27:04,500 --> 00:27:08,360 You're only half an hour late and it's not every day you capture a nasty spy. 536 00:27:09,120 --> 00:27:12,460 This is because Stella's getting me down. Yeah, I know. Look, I'll just tell 537 00:27:12,460 --> 00:27:14,420 everyone. We're going to have that drink and a chat, OK? Great. 538 00:27:16,440 --> 00:27:18,480 It's wrong. We're just going to go out for a quick drink. OK. 539 00:27:18,720 --> 00:27:19,720 Where do you want to go? 540 00:27:20,280 --> 00:27:24,020 Anglers. Great. Oh, hold on, Gary. Just before you go, what was the name of that 541 00:27:24,020 --> 00:27:25,200 pub that Phoebe works in? 542 00:27:25,460 --> 00:27:26,460 Royal Oak. 543 00:27:27,580 --> 00:27:28,580 Oh, God, it's over. 544 00:27:29,180 --> 00:27:30,180 No? 545 00:27:31,020 --> 00:27:32,940 Well, I thought it was about time. 546 00:27:33,440 --> 00:27:34,440 What? 547 00:27:34,740 --> 00:27:36,500 Come on, I thought you wanted a chat about Stella. 548 00:27:36,760 --> 00:27:38,300 To hell with that. What have you done? 549 00:27:40,580 --> 00:27:45,040 You know, from the way you talked about her in that story, I got the impression 550 00:27:45,040 --> 00:27:47,300 there was something about that Phoebe that turned you on. 551 00:27:51,580 --> 00:27:55,180 Next time we make love, would you like me to pretend to be her? 552 00:27:58,800 --> 00:27:59,800 No. 553 00:28:00,340 --> 00:28:01,340 Oh, go on. 554 00:28:01,920 --> 00:28:02,920 You can be Reg. 555 00:28:08,620 --> 00:28:11,240 Sleep will banish sorrow. 556 00:28:11,480 --> 00:28:14,720 Good night, sweetheart, 557 00:28:15,600 --> 00:28:18,300 till we meet tomorrow.