1
00:03:36,882 --> 00:03:38,175
Colonel Sandurz?

2
00:03:38,300 --> 00:03:40,219
What is it, Sgt Ricco?

3
00:03:42,263 --> 00:03:43,816
You told me to let
you know the moment

4
00:03:43,840 --> 00:03:45,266
Planet Druidia
was in sight, sir.

5
00:03:46,350 --> 00:03:48,728
- So?
- Planet Druidia is in sight, sir.

6
00:03:49,770 --> 00:03:51,147
You're really a Spaceball.

7
00:03:51,981 --> 00:03:54,525
- You know that, don't you?
- Thanks, sir.

8
00:03:54,650 --> 00:03:55,764
Have you notified Lord Helmet?

9
00:03:55,788 --> 00:03:57,653
Yes, sir. I took the
liberty. He's on his way.

10
00:03:58,279 --> 00:04:00,406
Make way for Dark Helmet!

11
00:04:00,531 --> 00:04:03,451
All rise in the presence
of Dark Helmet.

12
00:04:52,458 --> 00:04:54,126
I can't breathe in this thing.

13
00:04:55,669 --> 00:04:57,597
We're approaching
Planet Druidia, sir.

14
00:04:57,621 --> 00:04:58,255
Good.

15
00:04:59,048 --> 00:05:01,842
I'll call Spaceball City
and notify President Skroob immediately.

16
00:05:01,967 --> 00:05:05,012
I already called him, sir.
He knows everything.

17
00:05:07,181 --> 00:05:08,432
What?

18
00:05:08,557 --> 00:05:10,976
You went over my helmet?

19
00:05:11,101 --> 00:05:13,938
Well, not exactly over, sir.
Uh, m-m-more to the side.

20
00:05:14,063 --> 00:05:16,482
I'll always call you first.
It'll never happen again.

21
00:05:16,607 --> 00:05:17,983
Never ever!

22
00:05:19,735 --> 00:05:21,403
Oh, shit!

23
00:05:21,529 --> 00:05:24,657
No, no, no, no!
No, no, no! Please! Please!

24
00:05:24,782 --> 00:05:26,992
<i>Please!
No! No! No, not that!</i>

25
00:05:28,536 --> 00:05:30,287
Yes, that.

26
00:05:49,348 --> 00:05:51,225
- Sandurz!
- Sir.

27
00:05:51,350 --> 00:05:53,435
I don't see Planet Druidia.
Where is it?

28
00:05:53,561 --> 00:05:55,113
We don't have
visual contact yet, sir,

29
00:05:55,137 --> 00:05:56,647
but we have it on
the radar screen.

30
00:05:56,772 --> 00:05:59,191
- Shall I punch it up for you?
- Uh, never mind. I'll do it myself.

31
00:05:59,316 --> 00:06:00,442
Very good, sir.

32
00:06:04,154 --> 00:06:05,155
What's the matter
with this thing?

33
00:06:05,179 --> 00:06:06,365
What's all that
churning and bubbling?

34
00:06:06,490 --> 00:06:07,992
You call that a radar screen?

35
00:06:08,117 --> 00:06:10,619
No, sir, we call it Mr Coffee.

36
00:06:10,744 --> 00:06:12,705
Care for some?

37
00:06:13,539 --> 00:06:14,915
Yes!

38
00:06:15,040 --> 00:06:17,459
I always have coffee when I watch radar.
You know that.

39
00:06:17,585 --> 00:06:19,128
- Of course I do, sir.
- Everybody knows that!

40
00:06:19,253 --> 00:06:20,880
Of course we do, sir.

41
00:06:22,756 --> 00:06:26,343
Now that I have my coffee,
I'm ready to watch radar.

42
00:06:26,468 --> 00:06:28,262
Where is it?

43
00:06:28,387 --> 00:06:29,889
Right here, sir.

44
00:06:30,014 --> 00:06:31,265
Switch to teleview.

45
00:06:32,641 --> 00:06:34,602
There it is.
Planet Druidia.

46
00:06:34,727 --> 00:06:37,980
And underneath the air shield,
10,000 years of fresh air.

47
00:06:38,647 --> 00:06:41,025
- We must get through that air shield.
- We will, sir.

48
00:06:41,150 --> 00:06:42,651
Once we kidnap the princess,

49
00:06:42,776 --> 00:06:44,662
we can force her
father, King Roland, to

50
00:06:44,686 --> 00:06:46,572
give us the combination
to the air shield,

51
00:06:46,697 --> 00:06:51,035
thereby destroying Planet Druidia
and saving Planet Spaceball.

52
00:06:51,160 --> 00:06:52,995
Everybody got that?

53
00:06:53,787 --> 00:06:55,581
Good.
When will the princess be married”?

54
00:06:55,706 --> 00:06:57,249
Within the hour, sir.

55
00:06:57,374 --> 00:06:59,585
Well, I hope
it's a long ceremony,

56
00:06:59,710 --> 00:07:02,087
cos it's gonna
be a short honeymoon.

57
00:07:09,720 --> 00:07:10,804
Hot!

58
00:07:10,930 --> 00:07:12,348
Too hot!

59
00:07:28,948 --> 00:07:32,368
Oh, if only your mother were alive
to see this day.

60
00:07:32,493 --> 00:07:34,411
- Is everyone ready?
- Yes, Your Majesty.

61
00:07:34,536 --> 00:07:37,122
- No! Where's my droid of honour?
- Oh, dear, yes.

62
00:07:37,247 --> 00:07:39,875
Where's Dot? Dot?

63
00:07:40,000 --> 00:07:41,961
Dot Matrix!

64
00:07:42,086 --> 00:07:43,963
Oh, thank God, dear!

65
00:07:44,880 --> 00:07:46,048
Where've you been?

66
00:07:46,173 --> 00:07:48,926
Here I am. I'm sorry.
I had to make a pit stop.

67
00:07:49,051 --> 00:07:51,720
I'm so excited,
... I couldn't hold my oil.

68
00:07:51,845 --> 00:07:54,723
All right, people.
It's magic time!

69
00:07:54,848 --> 00:07:57,518
All right, everyone,
starting on the left foot.

70
00:07:57,643 --> 00:08:00,854
- Daddy, that's your right foot.
- It's too late. Keep going.

71
00:08:14,451 --> 00:08:15,536
Daddy.

72
00:08:17,329 --> 00:08:18,831
Must | go through with this?

73
00:08:18,956 --> 00:08:21,709
I'm sorry, my dear.
You have to.

74
00:08:31,385 --> 00:08:32,428
But, Daddy...

75
00:08:34,555 --> 00:08:35,973
I don't love him.

76
00:08:36,098 --> 00:08:39,560
I'm sorry, Vespa.
He's the last prince left in the galaxy.

77
00:08:50,320 --> 00:08:51,864
Dearly beloved,

78
00:08:51,989 --> 00:08:55,242
we are gathered here
on this most joyous occasion

79
00:08:55,367 --> 00:08:59,079
to witness Princess Vespa,
daughter of King Roland,

80
00:08:59,204 --> 00:09:04,001
going right past the altar,
heading down the ramp, and out the door!

81
00:09:04,460 --> 00:09:07,421
Stop her!
Someone stop her! Stop her!

82
00:09:08,172 --> 00:09:10,883
Hey, wait!
You forgot to get married!

83
00:09:11,008 --> 00:09:12,885
Will you stop?

84
00:09:13,010 --> 00:09:14,595
What are you doing?

85
00:09:14,720 --> 00:09:16,930
No questions, Dot.
Get in.

86
00:09:27,149 --> 00:09:29,860
What is she doing?
Where is she going?

87
00:09:34,239 --> 00:09:37,785
Come back!

88
00:09:57,930 --> 00:10:00,224
♪ Oh, yeah ♪

89
00:10:05,896 --> 00:10:07,940
♪ You ♪

90
00:10:08,065 --> 00:10:11,485
♪ You got a nasty reputation ♪

91
00:10:11,610 --> 00:10:15,030
♪ We're in a sticky situation ♪

92
00:10:15,155 --> 00:10:17,991
♪ It's down to me and you ♪

93
00:10:18,700 --> 00:10:21,370
♪ So, tell me, is it true? ♪

94
00:10:22,246 --> 00:10:24,706
♪ They say there
ain't nobody better... ♪

95
00:10:35,008 --> 00:10:36,552
Barf.

96
00:10:39,680 --> 00:10:41,849
Barf!

97
00:10:43,267 --> 00:10:45,936
- Barf!
- ♪ And playing to win ♪

98
00:10:47,521 --> 00:10:49,022
♪ Raise your hands ♪

99
00:10:49,148 --> 00:10:51,275
♪ When you wanna let it go... ♪

100
00:10:51,400 --> 00:10:52,526
Barf.

101
00:10:52,651 --> 00:10:54,987
Always when I'm eating.

102
00:10:59,658 --> 00:11:01,618
Barf!

103
00:11:03,662 --> 00:11:05,789
- What can I do you for, boss?
- Where you been?

104
00:11:05,914 --> 00:11:08,000
- Grabbing myself a snack. You want some?
- No!

105
00:11:08,125 --> 00:11:11,837
- A little hair of the dog?
- No! Listen, answer that thing for me.

106
00:11:11,962 --> 00:11:13,547
- Will you watch that?
- Oh, sorry.

107
00:11:13,672 --> 00:11:16,258
I'll just throw on our audio here.
That way they won't see you.

108
00:11:18,010 --> 00:11:21,346
- Yello!
- 'Hello, Lone Starr.'

109
00:11:21,471 --> 00:11:23,223
Sorry, wrong switch.

110
00:11:23,348 --> 00:11:25,517
Hello, Vinnie.
What do you want?

111
00:11:25,642 --> 00:11:27,603
No, no, no, no, no, no.

112
00:11:27,728 --> 00:11:29,438
It's not what I want.

113
00:11:29,563 --> 00:11:32,191
It's what he wants.

114
00:11:35,277 --> 00:11:37,696
Pizza the Hutt!

115
00:11:37,821 --> 00:11:41,033
Well, if it isn't Lone Starr

116
00:11:41,158 --> 00:11:43,744
and his sidekick, Puke.

117
00:11:44,411 --> 00:11:45,704
That's Barf.

118
00:11:45,829 --> 00:11:48,123
Barf, Puke, whatever.

119
00:11:48,916 --> 00:11:50,417
Where's my money?

120
00:11:50,542 --> 00:11:53,128
Don't worry, Pizza.
You'll have it by next week.

121
00:11:53,253 --> 00:11:55,797
No. No.
I gotta have it by tomorrow.

122
00:11:56,506 --> 00:11:59,593
A hundred thousand space bucks?
By tomorrow?

123
00:11:59,718 --> 00:12:02,179
A hundred thousand?

124
00:12:02,304 --> 00:12:03,597
No way!

125
00:12:03,722 --> 00:12:07,476
You forgot late charges,
which brings it up to, uh...

126
00:12:07,601 --> 00:12:09,561
one million space bucks!

127
00:12:09,686 --> 00:12:13,065
A million?
That's unfair!

128
00:12:13,190 --> 00:12:15,317
Unfair to the pay or,

129
00:12:15,442 --> 00:12:17,653
but not to the payee.

130
00:12:20,322 --> 00:12:24,326
But you're gonna pay it, or else...

131
00:12:24,451 --> 00:12:26,620
Or else what?

132
00:12:26,745 --> 00:12:28,956
Tell him, Vinnie.

133
00:12:30,916 --> 00:12:35,754
Or else Pizza is gonna
send out for you.

134
00:12:42,928 --> 00:12:44,554
You're delicious.

135
00:12:44,680 --> 00:12:45,973
Ciao, boys.

136
00:12:53,063 --> 00:12:55,023
♪ I slept in your arms ♪

137
00:12:55,148 --> 00:12:59,861
♪ Content to go on dreaming ♪

138
00:13:01,113 --> 00:13:04,866
♪ A nightmare too real to imagine ♪

139
00:13:05,409 --> 00:13:08,245
♪ Losing you ♪

140
00:13:10,956 --> 00:13:12,791
Can we talk?

141
00:13:12,916 --> 00:13:15,961
OK. We all know
Prince Valium is a pill,

142
00:13:16,086 --> 00:13:17,879
but you could've married him
for your father's sake,

143
00:13:18,005 --> 00:13:20,841
and then had a headache
for the next 25 years.

144
00:13:23,510 --> 00:13:25,554
Will you turn that thing off?

145
00:13:28,932 --> 00:13:30,851
What?

146
00:13:30,976 --> 00:13:32,853
What is it?

147
00:13:32,978 --> 00:13:36,231
I was saying, do you realise
what you've done?

148
00:13:36,356 --> 00:13:38,692
Yes! And I'm glad.

149
00:13:38,817 --> 00:13:41,820
Glad, glad, glad, glad, glad.

150
00:13:43,697 --> 00:13:45,490
I wonder if she's glad.

151
00:13:53,707 --> 00:13:55,167
Don't be ridiculous.

152
00:13:55,292 --> 00:13:57,586
As President of Planet Spaceball,

153
00:13:57,711 --> 00:13:59,921
I can assure both you
and your viewers

154
00:14:00,047 --> 00:14:03,633
that there's absolutely
no air shortage whatsoever.

155
00:14:03,759 --> 00:14:07,220
Yes, of course.
I've heard the same rumour myself.

156
00:14:07,346 --> 00:14:10,057
Yes, thanks for calling
and not reversing the charges.

157
00:14:10,182 --> 00:14:11,808
Yes, bye.

158
00:14:12,476 --> 00:14:14,436
Shithead.

159
00:14:30,118 --> 00:14:32,579
'President Skroob.'

160
00:14:32,704 --> 00:14:35,082
-Yes?
- 'This is central control.

161
00:14:35,207 --> 00:14:37,250
'Spaceball Commanderette Zircon
speaking, sir.'

162
00:14:37,376 --> 00:14:38,877
Yes, what is it,
Commanderette?

163
00:14:39,002 --> 00:14:40,784
'Lord Helmet has
just notified us

164
00:14:40,808 --> 00:14:42,589
that Princess Vespa is in sight,

165
00:14:42,714 --> 00:14:45,967
- 'and Spaceball One is closing in on her.'
- Good. Good.

166
00:14:46,093 --> 00:14:48,041
'We have both ships
coming up on the

167
00:14:48,065 --> 00:14:50,013
teledar, sir, if you
wish to observe.'

168
00:14:50,138 --> 00:14:51,556
I'll be down immediately.

169
00:14:51,681 --> 00:14:54,768
'Should I have Snotty
beam you down, sir?'

170
00:14:54,893 --> 00:14:57,813
I don't know about that beaming stuff.
Is it safe?

171
00:14:57,938 --> 00:15:01,691
'Oh, yes, sir.
Snotty beamed me twice last night.

172
00:15:01,817 --> 00:15:04,152
'It was wonderful.'

173
00:15:04,277 --> 00:15:06,068
All right. I'll
take a shot at it.

174
00:15:06,092 --> 00:15:08,156
What the hell, it
works on Star Trek.

175
00:15:12,619 --> 00:15:14,496
'Snotty,

176
00:15:14,621 --> 00:15:16,748
- 'beam him down.'
- Yes, sir. Immediately, sir.

177
00:15:30,971 --> 00:15:33,306
Great beasties!
What's happened to his head?

178
00:15:33,432 --> 00:15:35,225
It's on backwards!

179
00:15:35,350 --> 00:15:37,644
This is terrible!
Do something!

180
00:15:37,769 --> 00:15:38,362
I'm sorry, sir.

181
00:15:38,386 --> 00:15:40,188
There must have been a
micro-converter malfunction.

182
00:15:43,483 --> 00:15:46,445
Why didn't somebody tell me
my ass was so big?

183
00:15:49,239 --> 00:15:51,032
Hold on, sir.
We'll try to reverse the beam.

184
00:15:52,325 --> 00:15:54,786
It could be the interlocking
system.

185
00:15:58,457 --> 00:16:01,042
Lock 1. Lock 2. Lock 3.

186
00:16:01,168 --> 00:16:02,419
Loch Lomond!

187
00:16:13,346 --> 00:16:15,599
'Are you all right,
Mr President?”

188
00:16:15,724 --> 00:16:17,684
Fine. Fine.
No thanks to you!!

189
00:16:17,809 --> 00:16:19,102
'We'll beam you back, sir.'

190
00:16:19,227 --> 00:16:21,813
Forget it. Forget it.
No more beaming.

191
00:16:21,938 --> 00:16:23,190
This time I'm gonna walk.

192
00:16:27,611 --> 00:16:31,698
- President Skroob! Salute!
- Hail, Skroob!

193
00:16:33,658 --> 00:16:36,328
Hello, President Skroob.

194
00:16:37,370 --> 00:16:39,706
- Hello, Charlene.
- I'm Marlene.

195
00:16:39,831 --> 00:16:42,667
- Hello, Marlene.
- I'm Charlene.

196
00:16:42,792 --> 00:16:44,878
Chew your gum.

197
00:16:45,003 --> 00:16:47,214
- Where's the princess?
- Right there, sir,

198
00:16:47,339 --> 00:16:49,883
on the left side of the screen,
approaching Spaceball One

199
00:16:50,008 --> 00:16:52,511
at 1,500 light leagues per minute.

200
00:16:52,636 --> 00:16:55,263
Good. Good.
She's almost in our grasp.

201
00:16:55,388 --> 00:16:58,350
Tell Dark Helmet he must
take the princess alive.

202
00:17:05,982 --> 00:17:08,443
Princess Vespa's spaceship
within range, sir.

203
00:17:08,568 --> 00:17:09,986
Good.

204
00:17:10,111 --> 00:17:13,073
Fire a warning shot across her nose.

205
00:17:15,909 --> 00:17:18,787
- What's going on?
- It's either the 4th of July,

206
00:17:18,912 --> 00:17:20,956
or someone's trying to kill us!

207
00:17:24,209 --> 00:17:26,962
Hey, I don't have
to put up with this.

208
00:17:27,087 --> 00:17:28,630
I'm rich.

209
00:17:29,631 --> 00:17:30,715
What are you doing?

210
00:17:30,840 --> 00:17:32,801
I'm calling my father.

211
00:17:32,926 --> 00:17:35,887
1-800-Druidia.

212
00:17:38,848 --> 00:17:41,601
Careful, you idiot!
I said across her nose, not up it!

213
00:17:43,186 --> 00:17:45,313
Sorry, sir.
Doing my best.

214
00:17:46,231 --> 00:17:48,775
- Who made that man a gunner?
- I did, sir.

215
00:17:48,900 --> 00:17:50,652
He's my cousin.

216
00:17:51,152 --> 00:17:53,196
- Who is he?
- He's an Asshole, sir.

217
00:17:53,321 --> 00:17:55,031
I know that.
What's his name?

218
00:17:55,156 --> 00:17:58,326
That is his name, sir.
Asshole. Major Asshole.

219
00:17:58,451 --> 00:17:59,995
- And his cousin?
- He's an Asshole, too, sir.

220
00:18:00,120 --> 00:18:02,247
Gunner's mate, first class,
Phillip Asshole.

221
00:18:02,372 --> 00:18:04,874
How many assholes
we got on this ship anyhow?

222
00:18:05,000 --> 00:18:06,793
Yo!

223
00:18:09,462 --> 00:18:11,756
I knew it.
I'm surrounded by assholes.

224
00:18:13,758 --> 00:18:15,844
Keep firing, assholes!

225
00:18:17,762 --> 00:18:19,681
Hurry, Daddy. Hurry!

226
00:18:19,806 --> 00:18:22,309
There are laser blasts
all around us!

227
00:18:22,434 --> 00:18:24,144
I'm scared.

228
00:18:25,270 --> 00:18:27,022
'King Roland to Lone Starr.

229
00:18:27,147 --> 00:18:29,858
'King Roland to Lone Starr.
Are you there?

230
00:18:30,358 --> 00:18:32,101
'Lone Starr, you've
got to help me.

231
00:18:32,125 --> 00:18:33,403
Please save my daughter.

232
00:18:33,528 --> 00:18:35,405
'She's being attacked by Spaceballs!'

233
00:18:35,530 --> 00:18:37,949
Spaceballs? Forget it.
Too dangerous.

234
00:18:38,074 --> 00:18:41,828
Besides, I'm already numero uno
on Dark Helmet's hit list.

235
00:18:41,953 --> 00:18:45,040
Look, Your Highness,
it's not that we're afraid. Far from it.

236
00:18:45,165 --> 00:18:48,335
It's just that we got this thing
about death. It's not us.

237
00:18:48,460 --> 00:18:51,087
'Please, you must!
You're the only ones that can save her!

238
00:18:51,212 --> 00:18:55,091
'I'll give you anything!
Did you hear me? Anything.'

239
00:18:55,216 --> 00:18:57,552
- Anything?
- 'Yes, anything.'

240
00:18:58,803 --> 00:19:01,097
OK. We'll do it for...

241
00:19:01,222 --> 00:19:03,433
- a million.
- 'A million?'

242
00:19:03,558 --> 00:19:04,902
Whoa, you're
starting to fade here.

243
00:19:04,926 --> 00:19:06,269
We're losing picture,
Your Highness.

244
00:19:06,394 --> 00:19:09,272
'All right, all right, I'll pay it.
Only find her, save her.'

245
00:19:09,773 --> 00:19:11,816
All right, King.
You just made a deal.

246
00:19:11,941 --> 00:19:14,402
One princess
for one million space bucks.

247
00:19:14,527 --> 00:19:15,528
What's she driving?

248
00:19:15,654 --> 00:19:19,449
'A brand-new white Mercedes,
2001 S.E.L. Limited edition.

249
00:19:19,574 --> 00:19:21,326
'Moon roof, all-leather interior.

250
00:19:21,451 --> 00:19:23,912
'I got it at a very good price.
I paid cash.

251
00:19:24,037 --> 00:19:26,122
'My cousin, Prince Murray,
has a dealership in the valley.

252
00:19:26,247 --> 00:19:28,958
- 'He was very nice to me.'
- We get the idea.

253
00:19:29,084 --> 00:19:31,920
- Where was she last seen?
- 'She was just passing Jupiter 2.'

254
00:19:32,379 --> 00:19:36,633
- We'll find her.
- 'Please bring her back safely.

255
00:19:36,758 --> 00:19:39,928
'And if it's at all possible,
try to save the car"

256
00:19:42,180 --> 00:19:45,225
One million space bucks!
We'll be able to pay off Pizza the Hutt!

257
00:19:45,350 --> 00:19:49,771
Give me paw!

258
00:19:53,441 --> 00:19:55,610
What's happening?

259
00:19:56,820 --> 00:19:58,947
What's that glow?

260
00:19:59,072 --> 00:20:02,242
- We're not moving.
- Oh, we're moving all right.

261
00:20:02,367 --> 00:20:04,411
Backwards.

262
00:20:08,665 --> 00:20:11,042
Look, there's our princess.
She's got company.

263
00:20:11,167 --> 00:20:13,253
Oh, no. Spaceballs!

264
00:20:13,378 --> 00:20:15,338
And they've already got her
in their magnetic beam.

265
00:20:15,463 --> 00:20:16,748
Oh, well, we're too
late. What a shame.

266
00:20:16,772 --> 00:20:18,466
I'll throw her in reverse.
We'll get out of here.

267
00:20:18,591 --> 00:20:20,844
Barf. No! Bad.

268
00:20:20,969 --> 00:20:23,763
Oh, what are we doing
risking our lives for a runaway princess?

269
00:20:23,888 --> 00:20:25,476
I know we need
the money, but...

270
00:20:25,500 --> 00:20:28,017
Listen, we're not just
doing this for money.

271
00:20:30,395 --> 00:20:32,564
We're doing it for a shitload of money.

272
00:20:33,481 --> 00:20:36,359
Oh, you're right.
And when you're right, you're right.

273
00:20:36,484 --> 00:20:38,027
And you, you're always right.

274
00:20:38,153 --> 00:20:39,946
OK, we save her. But how?

275
00:20:40,071 --> 00:20:42,157
The minute we move in there,
they're gonna spot us on their radar.

276
00:20:44,534 --> 00:20:46,828
Not if we jam it.

277
00:20:46,953 --> 00:20:48,913
You're right.

278
00:20:49,038 --> 00:20:52,000
- Down scope.
- Down scope.

279
00:20:57,130 --> 00:21:01,885
Radar about to be jammed.

280
00:21:26,075 --> 00:21:28,203
Shit!

281
00:21:33,875 --> 00:21:35,293
-'Sir.
- What is it?

282
00:21:35,418 --> 00:21:37,962
'Can I talk to you
for a minute, please, sir?'

283
00:21:42,217 --> 00:21:44,219
- Well?
- 'I'm having trouble with the radar, sir.'

284
00:21:44,344 --> 00:21:46,888
You don't need that, Private.
We're right here. Now, what is it?

285
00:21:47,013 --> 00:21:48,973
'I'm having trouble with the radar, sir.'

286
00:21:49,724 --> 00:21:50,767
Now what is it?

287
00:21:50,892 --> 00:21:52,435
- I'm having trouble with the radar, sir.
- What's wrong with it?

288
00:21:52,560 --> 00:21:54,896
I've lost the bleeps, I've lost the sweeps,
and I've lost the creeps.

289
00:21:55,021 --> 00:21:56,105
- The what... and the what?
- The what?

290
00:21:56,231 --> 00:21:59,526
You know. The bleeps.

291
00:22:00,944 --> 00:22:03,029
The sweeps.

292
00:22:04,572 --> 00:22:07,033
And the creeps.

293
00:22:07,826 --> 00:22:09,661
That's not all he's lost.

294
00:22:09,786 --> 00:22:12,705
Sir. The radar, sir.
It appears to be...

295
00:22:14,624 --> 00:22:16,334
...jammed.

296
00:22:16,459 --> 00:22:18,336
Jammed!

297
00:22:22,423 --> 00:22:23,716
Raspberry.

298
00:22:25,593 --> 00:22:30,473
There's only one man who would dare
give me the raspberry.

299
00:22:31,349 --> 00:22:33,393
Lone Starr!

300
00:23:00,670 --> 00:23:02,297
What was that?

301
00:23:02,422 --> 00:23:04,966
Never mind that. What was that?

302
00:23:07,385 --> 00:23:08,469
Hi.

303
00:23:08,595 --> 00:23:10,930
- Who are you?
- Barf.

304
00:23:11,055 --> 00:23:13,349
Not in here, Mister.
This is a Mercedes.

305
00:23:13,474 --> 00:23:16,436
- No, that's my name. Barf.
- Barf?

306
00:23:16,895 --> 00:23:18,229
What are you?

307
00:23:18,354 --> 00:23:21,149
I'm a mawg -
half man, half dog.

308
00:23:21,274 --> 00:23:23,443
I'm my own best friend.

309
00:23:23,568 --> 00:23:24,777
What do you want?

310
00:23:24,903 --> 00:23:26,779
Your father hired Captain Lone Starr
and me to save you.

311
00:23:26,905 --> 00:23:28,698
Come on, we got to hop up this ladder
and get out of here.

312
00:23:28,823 --> 00:23:31,284
Good. Quick. Hurry, darling.
Follow the dog.

313
00:23:31,409 --> 00:23:32,952
Mawg. I'm a mawg.

314
00:23:33,077 --> 00:23:35,288
Wait. What about
my matched luggage?

315
00:23:40,919 --> 00:23:43,254
Hey, stop looking
up my can.

316
00:23:43,379 --> 00:23:45,006
Sorry.

317
00:23:53,640 --> 00:23:55,266
Checking in?

318
00:23:55,391 --> 00:23:57,477
What the hell is all that?

319
00:23:59,687 --> 00:24:02,835
It's Her Royal Highness's
matched luggage!

320
00:24:02,859 --> 00:24:03,900
What?

321
00:24:04,025 --> 00:24:06,486
Her Royal Highness's
matched luggage.

322
00:24:07,070 --> 00:24:08,863
Matched luggage, huh?

323
00:24:08,988 --> 00:24:11,532
What's she think this is,
a princess cruise?

324
00:24:11,658 --> 00:24:13,785
Well, she wouldn't go without it.

325
00:24:13,910 --> 00:24:15,787
Oh, yeah?

326
00:24:19,457 --> 00:24:21,793
Now, hear this.
The minute we get out of here,

327
00:24:21,918 --> 00:24:25,380
the first thing we do
is dump the matched luggage.

328
00:24:26,381 --> 00:24:28,716
Who is that?

329
00:24:28,841 --> 00:24:31,761
Now you hear this,
whoever you are.

330
00:24:31,886 --> 00:24:34,389
You will not touch that luggage.

331
00:24:34,514 --> 00:24:37,308
And furthermore,
I want this pigsty cleaned up.

332
00:24:37,433 --> 00:24:40,603
I will not be rescued in such filth.

333
00:24:40,728 --> 00:24:44,107
Listen. On this ship,
I don't take orders, I give 'em.

334
00:24:44,232 --> 00:24:46,985
'This is my dreamboat, sweetheart.'

335
00:24:47,110 --> 00:24:48,361
"Sweetheart"?

336
00:24:50,780 --> 00:24:53,074
How dare you speak to me
that way?

337
00:24:53,199 --> 00:24:56,452
"You will address me in the proper manner
as Your Royal Highness.'

338
00:24:56,577 --> 00:24:58,663
I am Princess Vespa,

339
00:24:58,788 --> 00:25:02,458
daughter of Roland,
King of the Druids.

340
00:25:04,585 --> 00:25:06,504
That's all we needed.

341
00:25:06,629 --> 00:25:09,340
A druish princess.

342
00:25:11,718 --> 00:25:15,013
Funny.
She doesn't look druish.

343
00:25:51,007 --> 00:25:54,385
Now we will show her
who is in charge of this galaxy.

344
00:25:55,470 --> 00:25:59,140
Hold it.
I'll handle this personally.

345
00:26:00,641 --> 00:26:02,643
Jawohl,
Lord Helmet!

346
00:26:05,688 --> 00:26:07,857
So, Princess Vespa,

347
00:26:07,982 --> 00:26:09,493
you thought you could outwit

348
00:26:09,517 --> 00:26:11,736
the imperious forces
of Planet Spaceball.

349
00:26:12,278 --> 00:26:13,863
Well, you were wrong.

350
00:26:14,447 --> 00:26:16,199
You are now our prisoner.

351
00:26:16,324 --> 00:26:19,202
And you will be held hostage
until such time

352
00:26:19,327 --> 00:26:25,374
as all of the air is transferred
from your planet to ours.

353
00:26:33,674 --> 00:26:34,759
She's not in there.

354
00:26:36,594 --> 00:26:38,012
'Radar repaired, sir.

355
00:26:38,137 --> 00:26:41,432
'We're picking up the outline
of a... Winnebago.'

356
00:26:41,557 --> 00:26:43,351
Winnebago?

357
00:26:43,476 --> 00:26:45,228
Lone Starr.

358
00:26:46,395 --> 00:26:48,147
Lone Starr.

359
00:26:53,569 --> 00:26:56,239
Here comes
the bad year blimp.

360
00:26:56,739 --> 00:26:58,241
We'd better
get out of here in a hurry.

361
00:26:58,366 --> 00:27:02,036
- Switch to secret hyper-jets.
- Switching to secret hyper-jets.

362
00:27:02,161 --> 00:27:05,456
Buckle up back there,
we're going into hyperactive.

363
00:27:13,256 --> 00:27:14,674
We're closing in on 'em, sir.

364
00:27:14,799 --> 00:27:16,634
In less than a minute,
Lone Starr will be ours.

365
00:27:17,009 --> 00:27:19,595
Good. Prepare to attack.

366
00:27:19,720 --> 00:27:21,097
Prepare to attack.

367
00:27:21,222 --> 00:27:23,516
On the count of three.

368
00:27:23,641 --> 00:27:25,226
One...

369
00:27:25,351 --> 00:27:26,769
Two...

370
00:27:27,478 --> 00:27:28,604
<i>Late!</i>

371
00:27:28,729 --> 00:27:30,940
- What happened? Where are they?
- I don't know, sir.

372
00:27:31,065 --> 00:27:32,650
They must have hyper-jets
on that thing.

373
00:27:32,775 --> 00:27:34,735
And what have we got
on this thing, a Cuisinart?

374
00:27:34,861 --> 00:27:35,903
No, sir.

375
00:27:36,028 --> 00:27:38,114
- Well, find 'em, catch them!
- Yes, sir.

376
00:27:38,239 --> 00:27:39,907
Prepare ship for light speed.

377
00:27:40,032 --> 00:27:42,618
- No, no, no, light speed is too slow.
- Light speed too slow?

378
00:27:42,743 --> 00:27:46,038
Yes. We're gonna have to go
right to ludicrous speed.

379
00:27:46,164 --> 00:27:48,207
Ludicrous speed?

380
00:27:48,332 --> 00:27:49,759
Sir, we've never
gone that fast before.

381
00:27:49,783 --> 00:27:51,210
I don't know if this
ship can take it.

382
00:27:51,335 --> 00:27:54,630
What's the matter,
Colonel Sandurz? Chicken?

383
00:27:56,340 --> 00:27:57,800
Prepare ship...

384
00:27:58,634 --> 00:28:01,262
Prepare ship for ludicrous speed.

385
00:28:01,387 --> 00:28:02,722
Fasten all seat belts.

386
00:28:03,139 --> 00:28:04,807
Seal all entrances and exits.

387
00:28:04,932 --> 00:28:06,642
Close all shops in the mall.

388
00:28:06,767 --> 00:28:08,436
Cancel the 3-ring circus.

389
00:28:08,561 --> 00:28:09,979
Secure all animals in the zoo...

390
00:28:10,104 --> 00:28:12,815
Give me that,
you petty excuse for an officer.

391
00:28:14,066 --> 00:28:15,860
Now hear this.

392
00:28:15,985 --> 00:28:18,696
- Ludicrous speed!
- Sir, hadn't you better buckle up?

393
00:28:18,821 --> 00:28:20,406
Buckle this.

394
00:28:20,531 --> 00:28:23,409
Ludicrous speed! Go!

395
00:28:45,848 --> 00:28:49,060
What have I done?

396
00:28:49,810 --> 00:28:54,190
My brains are going into my feet.

397
00:29:05,368 --> 00:29:08,246
What the hell was that?

398
00:29:08,371 --> 00:29:10,414
Spaceball One.

399
00:29:11,249 --> 00:29:13,417
They've gone to plaid.

400
00:29:15,044 --> 00:29:16,879
We passed them.

401
00:29:17,004 --> 00:29:18,839
Stop this thing.

402
00:29:18,965 --> 00:29:21,968
We can't stop.
It's too dangerous.

403
00:29:22,093 --> 00:29:24,178
We've got to slow down first.

404
00:29:25,179 --> 00:29:28,391
Bullshit!
Just stop this thing!

405
00:29:28,516 --> 00:29:31,978
I order you. Stop...!

406
00:29:47,660 --> 00:29:50,288
Here, sir.
Here. Let me help you, sir.

407
00:29:52,164 --> 00:29:53,207
Are you all right, sir?

408
00:29:53,708 --> 00:29:55,751
Fine.
How have you been?

409
00:29:55,876 --> 00:29:57,420
- Fine, sir.
- Good.

410
00:29:57,545 --> 00:29:59,839
- Good thing you were wearing that helmet.
- Yeah.

411
00:29:59,964 --> 00:30:02,008
What shall we do now, sir?

412
00:30:02,133 --> 00:30:05,303
- Well, are we stopped?
- We're stopped, sir.

413
00:30:05,428 --> 00:30:07,430
Good.

414
00:30:07,555 --> 00:30:09,557
Why don't we take
a five-minute break?

415
00:30:09,682 --> 00:30:11,767
Very good, sir.

416
00:30:11,892 --> 00:30:14,186
Smoke if you got 'em.

417
00:30:17,023 --> 00:30:19,734
- Take her out of hyperactive.
- Taking her out of hyperactive.

418
00:30:22,028 --> 00:30:24,613
Congrats, boss. We did it.

419
00:30:24,739 --> 00:30:26,699
They must have overshot us
by a week and a half.

420
00:30:26,824 --> 00:30:28,492
OK, let's set a course for Druidia.

421
00:30:28,617 --> 00:30:30,578
Setting a course for Drui...

422
00:30:30,703 --> 00:30:32,288
- What's that?
- I don't know.

423
00:30:32,413 --> 00:30:33,956
I don't know.
We're losing power!

424
00:30:34,081 --> 00:30:35,624
- Why?
- Cos we're out of gas!

425
00:30:35,750 --> 00:30:37,001
Must've burned it up
in hyperactive.

426
00:30:37,126 --> 00:30:39,503
I told you we should have put
more than five bucks' worth in!

427
00:30:39,628 --> 00:30:41,380
OK. We'll have to set her down.

428
00:30:41,505 --> 00:30:44,425
Prepare for an emergency landing.
Quick! Give me a reading!

429
00:30:44,550 --> 00:30:46,260
Our Father, who art in Heaven,
hallowed be Thy name.

430
00:30:46,385 --> 00:30:48,763
- Thy kingdom come...
- Will you stop that?

431
00:30:48,888 --> 00:30:51,682
Keep your seat belts fastened back there.
You OK, Princess?

432
00:30:54,143 --> 00:30:57,271
No, you idiot!
Where'd you learn how to fly?

433
00:30:57,396 --> 00:30:59,648
OK. Eagle 5 coming in.

434
00:31:20,378 --> 00:31:22,922
Left! Go left!
Right! I mean right!

435
00:31:23,047 --> 00:31:24,048
Pull up! Pull up!

436
00:31:35,601 --> 00:31:37,037
Where are you going?

437
00:31:37,061 --> 00:31:40,523
I am going to tell
him off once and for all.

438
00:31:40,648 --> 00:31:43,818
W-w-wait. We'll need him
to get us out of here.

439
00:31:43,943 --> 00:31:45,569
Called me an idiot?

440
00:31:45,694 --> 00:31:48,656
I'm going back there
and explain a few things to her.

441
00:31:48,781 --> 00:31:53,244
Besides, he's got a sexy voice.
He might be cute.

442
00:31:53,369 --> 00:31:55,162
Wait, wait,
you haven't seen what she looks like.

443
00:31:55,287 --> 00:31:56,065
I know what she looks like.

444
00:31:56,089 --> 00:31:57,540
If you've seen one princess,
you've seen them all.

445
00:31:57,665 --> 00:32:01,085
Cute? I know these space bums,
they're all alike.

446
00:32:01,210 --> 00:32:02,545
Fat, ugly...

447
00:32:02,670 --> 00:32:03,879
Buck-toothed, knock-kneed...

448
00:32:04,004 --> 00:32:05,506
...beer-swilling pigs!

449
00:32:05,631 --> 00:32:07,174
...horse-faced space dogs!

450
00:32:07,299 --> 00:32:08,467
Yeah, well, normally I'd...

451
00:32:08,592 --> 00:32:10,928
Oh! That's gonna leave a mark.

452
00:32:11,053 --> 00:32:12,721
Now listen, you...

453
00:32:14,557 --> 00:32:17,448
You listen. On this
ship, you're to refer to me

454
00:32:17,472 --> 00:32:19,353
as "idiot", not "you Captain".

455
00:32:20,104 --> 00:32:21,689
I mean...
You know what I mean.

456
00:32:21,814 --> 00:32:23,441
And you will not call me "you".

457
00:32:23,941 --> 00:32:26,152
You will never
address me as "you".

458
00:32:26,277 --> 00:32:28,821
You will call me
"Your Royal Highness"!

459
00:32:29,196 --> 00:32:31,449
You are a royal pain in the...

460
00:32:31,574 --> 00:32:33,451
- Whoa! Hold it. Time!
- What?

461
00:32:33,576 --> 00:32:35,244
May I make a small suggestion?

462
00:32:35,369 --> 00:32:37,913
Any minute now, the Spaceballs
are gonna make a major U-turn,

463
00:32:38,038 --> 00:32:40,332
head back this way,
and make us all dead.

464
00:32:40,458 --> 00:32:42,251
He's right. Let's go.

465
00:32:42,376 --> 00:32:44,462
Wait. My things.

466
00:32:44,587 --> 00:32:47,423
Now listen, you Royal...

467
00:32:47,548 --> 00:32:48,716
...Highness.

468
00:32:48,841 --> 00:32:52,428
Take only what you need
to survive.

469
00:33:12,615 --> 00:33:16,827
Please slow down.
I'm getting sand up my gears.

470
00:33:19,788 --> 00:33:22,917
Gee, I hope
she didn't forget anything.

471
00:33:27,505 --> 00:33:30,758
All right, wait a minute, Barf.
Put it down.

472
00:33:31,884 --> 00:33:34,470
What the hell's in this thing?

473
00:33:38,766 --> 00:33:40,184
What's this?

474
00:33:40,309 --> 00:33:42,937
I said, take only
what you need to survive.

475
00:33:43,062 --> 00:33:45,898
It's my industrial-strength hair dryer.

476
00:33:46,023 --> 00:33:48,317
And I can't live without it!

477
00:33:49,735 --> 00:33:52,321
OK, Princess, that's it.

478
00:33:52,446 --> 00:33:54,073
The fairy tale is over.

479
00:33:54,615 --> 00:33:56,575
Welcome to real life.

480
00:33:56,700 --> 00:33:59,203
You want this hot air machine,
you carry it.

481
00:34:00,788 --> 00:34:02,790
You pick that up.

482
00:34:03,707 --> 00:34:05,834
You pick that up.

483
00:34:05,960 --> 00:34:09,088
How dare you,
you insolent peasant?

484
00:34:09,213 --> 00:34:12,341
Nobody talks to me that way.
Nobody!

485
00:34:12,466 --> 00:34:14,051
Nobody!

486
00:34:14,176 --> 00:34:16,095
Well, what have we got here?

487
00:34:16,220 --> 00:34:17,763
Will you look at her?

488
00:34:17,888 --> 00:34:21,016
Those flashing eyes, those flushed cheeks,
those trembling lips.

489
00:34:21,892 --> 00:34:23,477
You know something, Princess?

490
00:34:23,978 --> 00:34:26,188
You are ugly when you're angry.

491
00:34:26,313 --> 00:34:28,857
That's it.

492
00:34:28,983 --> 00:34:30,609
You and your dog are...

493
00:34:30,734 --> 00:34:34,363
Please, please, please, please.
Total humans, droids, if I may?

494
00:34:34,488 --> 00:34:35,781
It's going to be very dark soon,

495
00:34:35,906 --> 00:34:37,866
so I suggest we find
a place to camp for the night.

496
00:34:37,992 --> 00:34:39,743
Come, darling.

497
00:34:45,874 --> 00:34:47,626
See? It's lighter.

498
00:34:47,751 --> 00:34:50,504
Oh, yeah.
This is the best.

499
00:34:51,505 --> 00:34:53,632
I could've carried
two or three of these.

500
00:34:56,343 --> 00:34:58,304
Have you found them yet?

501
00:34:58,429 --> 00:35:01,056
No, Lord Helmet.
They're still not on the scanner.

502
00:35:01,181 --> 00:35:03,183
Well, keep looking for them.

503
00:35:12,443 --> 00:35:14,862
Pardon me, sir. I have an idea.

504
00:35:14,987 --> 00:35:18,490
Corporal, get me the video cassette
of "Spaceballs: The Movie".

505
00:35:18,616 --> 00:35:19,825
Yes, sir.

506
00:35:23,245 --> 00:35:24,639
"The Producers",
"Twelve Chairs",

507
00:35:24,663 --> 00:35:26,540
"Blazing Saddles",
"Young Frankenstein"...

508
00:35:26,665 --> 00:35:29,084
Colonel Sandurz,
may I speak with you, please?

509
00:35:29,209 --> 00:35:30,461
Yes, sir.

510
00:35:30,586 --> 00:35:32,671
How can there be a cassette
of "Spaceballs: The Movie"?

511
00:35:32,796 --> 00:35:35,174
- We're still in the middle of making it.
- Well, that's true, sir.

512
00:35:35,299 --> 00:35:37,676
But, there's been a new breakthrough
in home video marketing.

513
00:35:37,801 --> 00:35:40,554
- There has?
- Yes. Instant cassettes.

514
00:35:40,679 --> 00:35:43,724
They're out in stores
before the movie is finished.

515
00:35:43,849 --> 00:35:46,143
- Nah.
- Here it is, sir!

516
00:35:46,727 --> 00:35:48,437
"Spaceballs”.

517
00:35:48,562 --> 00:35:50,356
Good work, Corporal.
Punch it up.

518
00:35:54,902 --> 00:35:56,654
That's much too early.
Prepare to fast-forward.

519
00:35:56,779 --> 00:35:58,197
- Preparing to fast-forward.
- Fast-forward!

520
00:35:58,322 --> 00:35:59,448
Fast-forwarding, sir.

521
00:36:18,550 --> 00:36:20,594
No, no, no, go past this.
Past this part.

522
00:36:21,345 --> 00:36:24,390
In fact, never play this again.

523
00:36:26,767 --> 00:36:28,519
Try here. Stop.

524
00:36:39,488 --> 00:36:40,989
What the hell am I looking at?

525
00:36:41,115 --> 00:36:43,450
- When does this happen in the movie?
- Now.

526
00:36:43,575 --> 00:36:44,910
You're looking at now, sir.

527
00:36:45,035 --> 00:36:47,329
Everything that happens now
is happening now.

528
00:36:47,454 --> 00:36:49,123
- What happened to then?
- We passed then.

529
00:36:49,248 --> 00:36:51,417
- When?
- Just now. We're at now, now.

530
00:36:51,542 --> 00:36:52,751
- Go back to then.
- When?

531
00:36:52,876 --> 00:36:53,711
- Now.
- Now?

532
00:36:53,836 --> 00:36:54,670
- Now!
- I can't.

533
00:36:54,795 --> 00:36:55,629
- Why?
- We missed it.

534
00:36:55,754 --> 00:36:57,256
- When?
- Just now.

535
00:36:57,381 --> 00:36:59,007
When will then be now?

536
00:36:59,133 --> 00:37:00,509
Soon.

537
00:37:01,135 --> 00:37:02,136
How soon?

538
00:37:02,261 --> 00:37:03,220
- Sir!
- What?

539
00:37:03,345 --> 00:37:04,346
We've identified their location!

540
00:37:04,471 --> 00:37:05,681
- Where?
- It's the moon of Vega.

541
00:37:05,806 --> 00:37:07,725
Good work. Set a course
and prepare for our arrival.

542
00:37:07,850 --> 00:37:09,101
- When?
- 1900 hours, sir.

543
00:37:09,226 --> 00:37:11,145
By high noon tomorrow,
they will be our prisoners.

544
00:37:11,270 --> 00:37:13,439
Who?

545
00:37:30,622 --> 00:37:32,624
No, thank you.
I'm perfectly all right.

546
00:37:32,750 --> 00:37:34,752
Take it, it's freezing.

547
00:37:34,877 --> 00:37:36,628
If you insist.

548
00:37:42,134 --> 00:37:45,095
Won't you be cold?

549
00:37:45,220 --> 00:37:48,098
No, cold never bothers me.

550
00:37:53,103 --> 00:37:55,939
I can't seem to find Druidia.

551
00:37:56,064 --> 00:37:57,566
It's right there.

552
00:37:57,691 --> 00:37:58,817
Where?

553
00:37:58,942 --> 00:37:59,805
It's right there.

554
00:37:59,829 --> 00:38:02,029
It's that bright blue
one right there. See?

555
00:38:03,363 --> 00:38:07,493
Oh, yeah.
But it's so far a...way.

556
00:38:09,119 --> 00:38:11,205
Don't worry,
I'll get you there.

557
00:38:12,456 --> 00:38:14,792
- Which one's yours?
- Who knows?

558
00:38:14,917 --> 00:38:16,668
- You don't know where you're from?
- Not really.

559
00:38:16,794 --> 00:38:19,046
I was found on the doorstep
of a monastery.

560
00:38:19,171 --> 00:38:20,881
A monastery? Where?

561
00:38:21,006 --> 00:38:23,634
Somewhere in the Ford Galaxy.

562
00:38:23,759 --> 00:38:26,220
Well, didn't the monks tell you
who your parents were?

563
00:38:26,345 --> 00:38:29,097
They couldn't.
They took a vow of silence.

564
00:38:29,223 --> 00:38:32,059
All I got was this.
It was around my neck.

565
00:38:32,184 --> 00:38:33,560
- What is it?
- I don't know.

566
00:38:33,685 --> 00:38:35,813
I've taken it to every wise man
in the universe,

567
00:38:35,938 --> 00:38:38,565
and nobody could tell me
what it means.

568
00:38:39,650 --> 00:38:41,151
It's beautiful.

569
00:38:42,820 --> 00:38:44,279
You know, I...

570
00:38:46,990 --> 00:38:48,659
It's beautiful.

571
00:38:53,080 --> 00:38:55,874
So, how come you ran away
from your wedding?

572
00:38:56,959 --> 00:39:01,129
Well, if you must know,
I wasn't in love with the groom.

573
00:39:01,255 --> 00:39:03,215
Why were you gonna marry him?

574
00:39:03,340 --> 00:39:07,553
Because I'm a princess,
and I have to marry a prince.

575
00:39:07,678 --> 00:39:11,723
And he doesn't do it for you, huh?

576
00:39:11,849 --> 00:39:14,893
No, he doesn't do it for me.

577
00:39:18,897 --> 00:39:20,816
I really must go back.

578
00:39:22,192 --> 00:39:24,611
I shouldn't have run away.

579
00:39:24,736 --> 00:39:30,701
I realise now that love is one luxury
a princess cannot afford.

580
00:39:30,826 --> 00:39:32,828
You're probably right.

581
00:39:32,953 --> 00:39:36,874
I know now that I must learn
to live without love.

582
00:39:36,999 --> 00:39:38,584
I guess so.

583
00:39:38,709 --> 00:39:40,544
Besides,
love isn't that important.

584
00:39:40,669 --> 00:39:42,671
Nah, it never was.

585
00:39:42,796 --> 00:39:46,633
I could be perfectly happy
the rest of my life without...

586
00:39:47,467 --> 00:39:49,011
...love.

587
00:39:49,136 --> 00:39:51,305
Sure you could.

588
00:39:52,681 --> 00:39:54,933
Without physical contact.

589
00:39:55,726 --> 00:39:57,394
Yeah.

590
00:39:57,519 --> 00:39:59,771
Without being held.

591
00:39:59,897 --> 00:40:01,273
Yeah.

592
00:40:02,691 --> 00:40:04,026
Or kissed.

593
00:40:11,658 --> 00:40:13,744
Abandon ship! Abandon ship!

594
00:40:13,869 --> 00:40:16,788
Women and mawgs first!

595
00:40:16,914 --> 00:40:18,874
We'll have none of that, Mister.

596
00:40:18,999 --> 00:40:21,043
How far did he get? What did he touch?
What did he touch?

597
00:40:21,168 --> 00:40:22,586
Nothing happened!

598
00:40:22,711 --> 00:40:24,296
What the hell was that noise?

599
00:40:24,421 --> 00:40:25,881
That was my virgin alarm.

600
00:40:26,006 --> 00:40:28,759
It's programmed to go off
before you do.

601
00:40:28,884 --> 00:40:30,552
You get back to bed, Miss.

602
00:40:30,677 --> 00:40:32,262
And as for you, sex fiend...

603
00:40:32,387 --> 00:40:34,681
All right. All right.
Let's all just get some sleep.

604
00:40:34,806 --> 00:40:36,934
We gotta get moving before dawn.

605
00:40:37,059 --> 00:40:39,937
- Why so early?
- Because we're in the middle of a desert,

606
00:40:40,062 --> 00:40:41,993
and we aren't gonna get very far

607
00:40:42,017 --> 00:40:44,191
once that blazing
sun gets overhead.

608
00:40:48,737 --> 00:40:50,572
Nice dissolve.

609
00:40:59,915 --> 00:41:02,042
Water! Water!

610
00:41:02,960 --> 00:41:05,379
Water!

611
00:41:12,636 --> 00:41:14,429
<i>Oil. 9l.</i>

612
00:41:16,473 --> 00:41:19,184
Room service. Room service.

613
00:41:24,856 --> 00:41:27,067
Chief, that's it.

614
00:41:29,027 --> 00:41:30,362
I can't...

615
00:41:30,487 --> 00:41:32,364
I can't go any further.

616
00:41:33,490 --> 00:41:34,658
I can't go any further.

617
00:41:34,783 --> 00:41:37,536
Come on, Barf, old buddy.

618
00:41:37,661 --> 00:41:40,163
- Just one more dune to go.
- No!

619
00:41:40,288 --> 00:41:42,582
You said that three dunes ago.

620
00:41:42,708 --> 00:41:44,459
I got no more left.

621
00:41:45,877 --> 00:41:48,296
Oh, waiter.
Check, please.

622
00:41:51,133 --> 00:41:52,426
Must go on.

623
00:41:53,051 --> 00:41:54,469
Must go on.

624
00:41:56,054 --> 00:41:57,597
Must go on.

625
00:41:59,099 --> 00:42:00,851
Who am I kidding?

626
00:42:26,501 --> 00:42:28,378
Dink, dink!
Dink, dink, dink...

627
00:42:38,055 --> 00:42:40,932
Dink, dink, dink. Dink, dink, dink.
Dink, dink... dink.

628
00:42:46,605 --> 00:42:48,106
Dink! Dink!
Dink, dink, dink...

629
00:42:48,231 --> 00:42:49,733
Dink, dink, dink! Dink-dink!

630
00:42:50,442 --> 00:42:52,235
Dink, dink, dink.

631
00:42:53,320 --> 00:42:55,781
- Dink. Dink-dink.
- Dink.

632
00:42:57,991 --> 00:43:00,202
Dink! Dink, dink-dink! Dink!

633
00:43:00,327 --> 00:43:01,244
- Dink-dink!
- Dink-dink!

634
00:43:01,369 --> 00:43:03,288
Thanks, little guy.

635
00:43:03,413 --> 00:43:04,915
Dink-dink.

636
00:43:05,040 --> 00:43:07,042
Thank you.

637
00:43:07,167 --> 00:43:09,294
Dink, dink-dink.

638
00:43:09,419 --> 00:43:10,587
Did I miss something?

639
00:43:11,755 --> 00:43:13,757
When did we get to Disneyland?

640
00:43:31,942 --> 00:43:33,944
I don't see them, Sandurz.

641
00:43:34,069 --> 00:43:36,321
I've sent the troops on ahead
to vector 78, sir.

642
00:43:36,446 --> 00:43:39,241
- Good, let's get moving.
- Yes, sir. Driver, prepare to move out.

643
00:43:39,366 --> 00:43:41,827
What are you preparing?
You're always preparing. Just go.

644
00:43:41,952 --> 00:43:43,161
- Just go.
- Yes, sir.

645
00:43:43,286 --> 00:43:45,330
Sir, shouldn't you sit down?

646
00:44:02,389 --> 00:44:04,432
- Dink-dink! Dink-dink!
- What are they saying?

647
00:44:04,850 --> 00:44:06,893
Well, it's obvious
they want us to go with them.

648
00:44:17,571 --> 00:44:19,114
What is this place?

649
00:44:19,239 --> 00:44:21,700
It looks like the temple of doom.

650
00:44:21,825 --> 00:44:24,202
Well, it sure ain't Temple Beth Israel.

651
00:44:24,327 --> 00:44:26,788
Come on.
I think we'd better follow 'em.

652
00:44:39,092 --> 00:44:41,469
I think we woke it up.

653
00:44:42,512 --> 00:44:44,514
Goodbye, folks!
Let me know how it turns out.

654
00:44:44,639 --> 00:44:45,765
Come back here, Dot!

655
00:44:45,891 --> 00:44:48,059
- Come on. We gotta keep going.
- We need you.

656
00:44:54,900 --> 00:44:56,776
What's gonna happen now?

657
00:44:56,902 --> 00:44:59,821
- Don't ask. Maybe it won't.
- But what if it does?

658
00:44:59,946 --> 00:45:02,157
I don't know about you,
but I'm all for leaving.

659
00:45:02,282 --> 00:45:05,243
I say we get out of here right now,
or it won't be good.

660
00:45:05,368 --> 00:45:07,996
Silence!

661
00:45:08,121 --> 00:45:11,333
Who dares enter the sacred
and awesome presence

662
00:45:11,458 --> 00:45:14,502
of the everlasting
know-it-all, Yogurt?

663
00:45:16,171 --> 00:45:18,089
Yogurt?

664
00:45:27,474 --> 00:45:28,642
You heard of me?

665
00:45:28,767 --> 00:45:32,145
Heard of you?
Who hasn't heard of Yogurt?

666
00:45:32,270 --> 00:45:33,855
Yogurt, the wise.

667
00:45:33,980 --> 00:45:35,857
Yogurt, the all-powerful.

668
00:45:35,982 --> 00:45:37,234
Yogurt, the magnificent.

669
00:45:37,734 --> 00:45:41,863
Please, please, don't make a fuss.
I'm just plain Yogurt.

670
00:45:41,988 --> 00:45:44,032
- But you're the one...
- Yes.

671
00:45:44,157 --> 00:45:47,285
I am the keeper of a greater magic,

672
00:45:47,410 --> 00:45:50,747
A power known
throughout the universe as the...

673
00:45:50,872 --> 00:45:54,251
- The force?
- No. The Schwartz.

674
00:45:54,376 --> 00:45:56,670
The Schwartz!

675
00:45:56,795 --> 00:45:58,296
Yes!

676
00:45:58,880 --> 00:46:00,590
The Schwartz.

677
00:46:04,010 --> 00:46:06,554
But, Yogurt, what is this place?

678
00:46:06,680 --> 00:46:08,306
What is it that you do here?

679
00:46:08,431 --> 00:46:10,016
Merchandising.

680
00:46:10,141 --> 00:46:11,893
Merchandising? What's that?

681
00:46:12,018 --> 00:46:14,396
Merchandising.
Come, I'll show you.

682
00:46:14,521 --> 00:46:17,232
Open up the store.

683
00:46:20,151 --> 00:46:21,820
<i>Come!</i>

684
00:46:21,945 --> 00:46:23,780
Walk this way.
Take a look.

685
00:46:23,905 --> 00:46:27,367
We put the picture's name
on everything!

686
00:46:27,492 --> 00:46:30,120
Merchandising, merchandising!

687
00:46:30,245 --> 00:46:32,956
Where the real money
from the movie is made.

688
00:46:33,081 --> 00:46:35,000
Spaceballs, the T-shirt.

689
00:46:35,125 --> 00:46:36,918
Spaceballs, the colouring book.

690
00:46:37,043 --> 00:46:38,962
Spaceballs, the lunch box.

691
00:46:39,087 --> 00:46:41,339
Spaceballs, the breakfast cereal.

692
00:46:41,464 --> 00:46:44,384
Spaceballs, the flamethrower.

693
00:46:44,509 --> 00:46:46,720
The kids love this one.

694
00:46:46,845 --> 00:46:48,263
Last, but not least...

695
00:46:48,847 --> 00:46:51,141
...Spaceballs, the doll. Me.

696
00:46:52,684 --> 00:46:54,769
'May the Schwartz be with you.'

697
00:46:57,439 --> 00:46:59,316
Adorable.

698
00:46:59,441 --> 00:47:02,027
♪ Hot together ♪

699
00:47:02,777 --> 00:47:05,071
♪ Hot, so hot together ♪

700
00:47:05,196 --> 00:47:06,906
♪ Baby, we could be hot... ♪

701
00:47:14,039 --> 00:47:15,332
<i>'President Skroob!</i>

702
00:47:15,457 --> 00:47:16,583
What is it?

703
00:47:16,708 --> 00:47:18,918
'I have an urgent message
from Lord Helmet.

704
00:47:19,044 --> 00:47:20,920
- 'He's lost the princess.'
- Where?

705
00:47:21,046 --> 00:47:22,672
'Somewhere in the sands of Vega.'

706
00:47:22,797 --> 00:47:24,841
Tell them to comb the desert,
do you hear me?

707
00:47:24,966 --> 00:47:26,593
Comb the desert!

708
00:47:26,718 --> 00:47:28,595
'Yes, sir.'

709
00:47:33,808 --> 00:47:36,019
- Sir?
- 'What?'

710
00:47:37,562 --> 00:47:39,147
Are we being too literal?

711
00:47:39,272 --> 00:47:40,774
'No, you fool.
We're following orders.

712
00:47:40,899 --> 00:47:43,109
'We were told to comb the desert,
so we're combing it.'

713
00:47:44,611 --> 00:47:45,695
Found anything yet?

714
00:47:47,113 --> 00:47:49,240
Nothing yet, sir.

715
00:47:50,825 --> 00:47:52,577
How about you?

716
00:47:53,370 --> 00:47:55,163
Not a thing, sir.

717
00:47:57,874 --> 00:47:59,501
What about you guys?

718
00:48:00,168 --> 00:48:02,045
We ain't found shit!

719
00:48:05,298 --> 00:48:07,350
It's a big mystery.
None of the wise men

720
00:48:07,374 --> 00:48:08,843
could tell me what it means.

721
00:48:08,968 --> 00:48:10,637
Wise men, pshaw!

722
00:48:11,179 --> 00:48:13,264
Wise guys, you mean.
What do they know?

723
00:48:13,390 --> 00:48:15,266
Here, let me take a look.

724
00:48:24,484 --> 00:48:25,652
You can read it!

725
00:48:25,777 --> 00:48:27,737
No, I was just clearing my throat.

726
00:48:27,862 --> 00:48:29,489
Here, let me take a...

727
00:48:31,991 --> 00:48:35,745
Oh, yes.
Yes, yes, of course!

728
00:48:35,870 --> 00:48:37,455
- You understand it?
- Yes.

729
00:48:37,580 --> 00:48:40,125
- What's it say?
- I cannot tell you that now.

730
00:48:40,250 --> 00:48:42,961
It shall be revealed to you
at the proper time.

731
00:48:43,628 --> 00:48:45,171
Great.

732
00:48:45,296 --> 00:48:46,869
Come on, don't be disappointed.

733
00:48:46,893 --> 00:48:48,466
Back to your Schwartz training!

734
00:48:48,591 --> 00:48:50,135
Here, take the ring.

735
00:48:50,260 --> 00:48:52,178
Point it at that big statue.

736
00:48:52,303 --> 00:48:54,222
OK. But I still don't understand

737
00:48:54,347 --> 00:48:57,434
how I'm gonna lift that big statue
with this little ring.

738
00:48:57,559 --> 00:49:01,896
Never underestimate
the power of the Schwartz!

739
00:49:02,021 --> 00:49:04,732
Come on, concentrate!
Here we go!

740
00:49:06,109 --> 00:49:07,152
Concentrate.

741
00:49:20,790 --> 00:49:23,501
Lone Starr, you're doing it!

742
00:49:23,626 --> 00:49:25,295
You're doing it!

743
00:49:25,420 --> 00:49:27,088
I can't believe it!

744
00:49:27,213 --> 00:49:30,133
- The Schwartz, it's working!
- Yes! Yes!

745
00:49:30,258 --> 00:49:32,802
Hey, boss,
how'd you do that?

746
00:49:37,348 --> 00:49:40,018
Give me the ring.
Give me the ring, quick.

747
00:49:49,360 --> 00:49:51,988
Sorry, Barf.

748
00:49:57,994 --> 00:49:59,704
Keep searching.

749
00:50:01,664 --> 00:50:03,750
It's no use, sir.
We've searched everywhere.

750
00:50:03,875 --> 00:50:08,379
Wait! I feel the presence of...
the Schwartz!

751
00:50:08,505 --> 00:50:10,340
- The Schwartz?
- Yes.

752
00:50:10,465 --> 00:50:12,592
It's coming from somewhere...

753
00:50:13,134 --> 00:50:15,678
...down there.

754
00:50:18,139 --> 00:50:21,392
You're right, sir.
There's a secret entrance here.

755
00:50:21,518 --> 00:50:24,979
And look at this insignia.
It's a "Y".

756
00:50:25,104 --> 00:50:26,606
Yogurt!

757
00:50:26,731 --> 00:50:29,609
Yogurt! I hate yogurt!

758
00:50:29,734 --> 00:50:31,569
Even with strawberries!

759
00:50:31,694 --> 00:50:33,082
I'll call for the
attack squad, sir.

760
00:50:33,106 --> 00:50:34,614
No, no, no, we
can't go in there.

761
00:50:34,739 --> 00:50:37,408
Yogurt has the Schwartz.
It's far too powerful.

762
00:50:37,534 --> 00:50:40,078
But, sir, your ring.
Don't you have the Schwartz, too?

763
00:50:40,203 --> 00:50:42,247
No, he got the upside.
I got the downside.

764
00:50:42,372 --> 00:50:43,831
See, there's two sides
to every Schwartz.

765
00:50:43,957 --> 00:50:45,917
Then how are we gonna
go in there and get her?

766
00:50:48,086 --> 00:50:50,547
We will not go in there.

767
00:50:50,672 --> 00:50:53,800
She will come out to us.

768
00:51:05,228 --> 00:51:06,688
Vespa.

769
00:51:07,021 --> 00:51:11,192
Vespa, my child.
Where are you?

770
00:51:11,317 --> 00:51:12,694
Daddy?

771
00:51:12,819 --> 00:51:16,948
Vespa, it's your father,
King Roland.

772
00:51:17,073 --> 00:51:18,575
Come to me.

773
00:51:18,700 --> 00:51:20,118
Daddy?

774
00:51:20,243 --> 00:51:23,246
I hear you. I hear you.
Where are you?

775
00:51:23,371 --> 00:51:25,456
Follow my voice.

776
00:51:26,207 --> 00:51:27,834
Come to me.

777
00:51:28,835 --> 00:51:31,212
Come to me.

778
00:51:33,840 --> 00:51:35,508
Vespa, where are you going?

779
00:51:35,633 --> 00:51:38,636
Vespa, come to me.

780
00:51:42,599 --> 00:51:45,435
Daddy. Is it really you?

781
00:51:45,560 --> 00:51:47,103
Yes, my dear.

782
00:51:47,895 --> 00:51:50,231
I guarantee it.

783
00:51:50,356 --> 00:51:51,941
Would I lie?

784
00:51:54,277 --> 00:51:56,487
Daddy.

785
00:51:56,613 --> 00:51:59,324
No, Vespa, don't! Ves...

786
00:52:01,743 --> 00:52:03,786
Fooled you!

787
00:52:06,873 --> 00:52:09,542
Take them both aboard,
and put the princess in my quarters.

788
00:52:09,667 --> 00:52:11,252
Yes, sir.

789
00:52:11,377 --> 00:52:13,171
Now she is mine.

790
00:52:13,296 --> 00:52:14,881
What's the matter?
What are they saying?

791
00:52:15,006 --> 00:52:16,799
They've taken the princess.

792
00:52:26,559 --> 00:52:28,394
Spaceballs. Too late.

793
00:52:28,519 --> 00:52:30,855
Don't worry, boss.
We'll get her back.

794
00:52:31,773 --> 00:52:33,191
Yeah.

795
00:52:34,984 --> 00:52:37,487
- Thanks for the gas, Yogurt.
- You're welcome.

796
00:52:37,612 --> 00:52:39,030
And herel

797
00:52:39,155 --> 00:52:41,115
Just in case you get hungry.

798
00:52:41,949 --> 00:52:43,743
- A fortune cookie?
- Yes!

799
00:52:43,868 --> 00:52:47,789
Remember,
open it before you eat it.

800
00:52:47,914 --> 00:52:50,166
Thanks.
Well, we better get going.

801
00:52:50,291 --> 00:52:53,086
I wonder, will we ever
see each other again?

802
00:52:53,211 --> 00:52:54,504
Who knows?

803
00:52:54,629 --> 00:52:57,507
God willing, we'll all meet again
in "Spaceballs 2:

804
00:52:57,632 --> 00:52:59,384
"The Search For More Money".

805
00:53:00,259 --> 00:53:01,969
Goodbye, Lone Starr.

806
00:53:02,095 --> 00:53:04,138
Goodbye, Yogurt.

807
00:53:04,263 --> 00:53:05,682
The ring of the Schwartz!

808
00:53:06,933 --> 00:53:10,311
- No, no, I can't take this.
- Take it, take it.

809
00:53:10,436 --> 00:53:13,022
You might need it.

810
00:53:13,147 --> 00:53:15,817
Thanks.
I'll never forget you.

811
00:53:17,235 --> 00:53:18,903
- Wish me luck.
- Dink!

812
00:53:41,384 --> 00:53:43,386
So, Princess Vespa,

813
00:53:43,511 --> 00:53:46,931
at last I have you in my clutches

814
00:53:47,056 --> 00:53:50,977
to have my way with you
the way I want to.

815
00:53:51,102 --> 00:53:53,771
No! No, please! Leave me alone.

816
00:53:53,896 --> 00:53:55,231
No, you are mine.

817
00:53:55,356 --> 00:53:57,984
- Not so fast, Helmet.
- Lone Starr.

818
00:53:58,109 --> 00:54:00,778
Yes, it's me.
I'm here to save my girlfriend.

819
00:54:00,903 --> 00:54:02,071
Hi, honey.

820
00:54:02,196 --> 00:54:04,449
Now you are going to die.

821
00:54:06,993 --> 00:54:08,369
Hey, what'd you do to my friend?

822
00:54:08,494 --> 00:54:10,580
The same thing
I'm going to do to you, big boy.

823
00:54:11,873 --> 00:54:13,875
And you, too.

824
00:54:14,000 --> 00:54:17,962
Now, Princess Vespa,
at last we are alone.

825
00:54:18,087 --> 00:54:19,073
Oh! No, I hate you,

826
00:54:19,097 --> 00:54:21,132
I hate you, I hate
you. Leave me alone!

827
00:54:21,257 --> 00:54:23,885
Yet I find you strangely attractive.

828
00:54:24,010 --> 00:54:25,386
Of course you do.

829
00:54:25,511 --> 00:54:29,515
Druish princesses are often attracted
to money and power.

830
00:54:29,640 --> 00:54:32,518
And I have both,
and you know it.

831
00:54:32,643 --> 00:54:34,395
- Oh, leave me alonel!
- No, kiss me!

832
00:54:34,520 --> 00:54:36,606
No! No! Yes! No!

833
00:54:36,731 --> 00:54:39,525
- No!
- Yes! No! Yes...

834
00:54:43,154 --> 00:54:45,573
Your helmet is so big.

835
00:54:46,324 --> 00:54:47,825
- Lord Helmet.
- What?

836
00:54:47,950 --> 00:54:49,202
You're needed on the bridge, sir!

837
00:54:49,327 --> 00:54:51,537
Knock on my door.
Knock next time!

838
00:54:51,662 --> 00:54:52,914
Yes, sir.

839
00:54:53,039 --> 00:54:54,415
- Did you see anything?
- No, sir.

840
00:54:54,540 --> 00:54:56,125
I didn't see you playing
with your dolls, again.

841
00:54:56,250 --> 00:54:57,794
Good.

842
00:55:16,229 --> 00:55:17,897
'President Skroob.'

843
00:55:18,022 --> 00:55:19,816
I told you never to call me
on this wall.

844
00:55:19,941 --> 00:55:21,692
This is an unlisted wall.

845
00:55:21,818 --> 00:55:23,653
'Sorry, sir,
but it's very important.

846
00:55:23,778 --> 00:55:25,905
'The princess has just been brought
to your office,

847
00:55:26,030 --> 00:55:28,407
'and Lord Helmet and Colonel Sandurz
are awaiting you there.'

848
00:55:28,533 --> 00:55:30,868
All right, all right.
Tell them I'll be right there.

849
00:55:31,244 --> 00:55:32,537
<i>Yes</i>

850
00:55:44,257 --> 00:55:46,676
Helmet, you fiend!
What's going on?

851
00:55:46,801 --> 00:55:48,636
What are you doing
to my daughter?

852
00:55:48,761 --> 00:55:50,304
Permit me to introduce

853
00:55:50,429 --> 00:55:54,392
the brilliant young plastic surgeon,
Dr Phillip Schlotkin.

854
00:55:54,517 --> 00:55:56,322
The greatest nose job man

855
00:55:56,346 --> 00:55:59,313
in the entire universe
and Beverly Hills.

856
00:55:59,438 --> 00:56:00,523
Your Highness.

857
00:56:00,648 --> 00:56:02,191
Nose job?
I don't understand.

858
00:56:02,316 --> 00:56:03,743
She's already had a nose job.

859
00:56:03,767 --> 00:56:05,194
It was her sweet-16 present.

860
00:56:05,319 --> 00:56:06,988
No, it's not what you think.

861
00:56:07,113 --> 00:56:08,906
It's much, much worse.

862
00:56:09,031 --> 00:56:12,535
If you do not give me
the combination to the air shield,

863
00:56:12,660 --> 00:56:14,912
Dr Schlotkin
will give your daughter back...

864
00:56:15,746 --> 00:56:17,957
...her old nose.

865
00:56:18,082 --> 00:56:20,751
No...!

866
00:56:22,545 --> 00:56:23,963
Where did you get that?

867
00:56:24,380 --> 00:56:26,841
All right, I'll tell! I'll tell!

868
00:56:26,966 --> 00:56:30,386
- No, daddy, no, you mustn't!
- You're right, my dear.

869
00:56:30,511 --> 00:56:32,179
I'll miss your new nose.

870
00:56:32,305 --> 00:56:34,849
But I will not tell him the combination,
no matter what.

871
00:56:35,433 --> 00:56:36,851
Very well.

872
00:56:36,976 --> 00:56:39,270
Dr Schlotkin, do your worst.

873
00:56:39,395 --> 00:56:41,480
My pleasure.

874
00:56:44,358 --> 00:56:46,527
No! Wait, wait!

875
00:56:47,278 --> 00:56:49,780
I'll tell. I'll tell.

876
00:56:50,281 --> 00:56:52,408
I knew it would work.

877
00:56:52,533 --> 00:56:55,161
All right, give it to me.

878
00:56:55,870 --> 00:56:57,663
The combination is:

879
00:56:59,832 --> 00:57:00,750
1.

880
00:57:00,875 --> 00:57:01,751
-1.
-1.

881
00:57:01,876 --> 00:57:02,668
2.

882
00:57:02,793 --> 00:57:03,961
- 2.
-2.

883
00:57:04,086 --> 00:57:04,795
3.

884
00:57:04,921 --> 00:57:06,047
- 3.
-3.

885
00:57:06,172 --> 00:57:06,881
<i>A.</i>

886
00:57:07,006 --> 00:57:08,257
- 4.
_ 4.

887
00:57:09,425 --> 00:57:10,259
5.

888
00:57:10,384 --> 00:57:11,844
- 5.
-5.

889
00:57:12,511 --> 00:57:17,308
So, the combination is 1-2-3-4-5.

890
00:57:18,017 --> 00:57:20,686
That's the stupidest combination
I ever heard in my life!

891
00:57:20,811 --> 00:57:22,980
That's the kind of thing
an idiot would have on his luggage!

892
00:57:23,105 --> 00:57:24,523
Thank you, Your Highness.

893
00:57:25,816 --> 00:57:28,069
- What did you do?
- I turned off the wall.

894
00:57:28,194 --> 00:57:29,433
No, you turned
off the whole movie.

895
00:57:29,457 --> 00:57:30,696
I must have pressed
the wrong button.

896
00:57:30,821 --> 00:57:32,281
Well, put it back on!
Put the movie back on!

897
00:57:32,305 --> 00:57:33,115
Yes, sir. Yes, sir.

898
00:57:33,240 --> 00:57:35,117
You gotta get that thing fixed.

899
00:57:35,242 --> 00:57:37,578
We're back!
And we have the combination!

900
00:57:37,703 --> 00:57:39,538
- Schlotkin!
- What?

901
00:57:39,664 --> 00:57:40,665
We're done with you.

902
00:57:40,790 --> 00:57:43,250
Go back to the golf course,
and work on your putts.

903
00:57:43,376 --> 00:57:45,419
Let's go, Arnold.
Come, Gretchen.

904
00:57:45,544 --> 00:57:47,880
Of course, you know
I'll still have to bill you for this.

905
00:57:52,510 --> 00:57:54,679
I bet she gives great helmet.

906
00:57:57,765 --> 00:57:59,475
Well, did it work?
Where's the king?

907
00:57:59,600 --> 00:58:01,644
- It worked, sir. We have the combination.
- Great!

908
00:58:01,769 --> 00:58:05,898
Now we can take every last breath
of fresh air from Planet Druidia.

909
00:58:06,023 --> 00:58:09,068
- What's the combination?
- 1-2-3-4-5.

910
00:58:09,193 --> 00:58:11,445
- 1-2-3-4-57
- Yes.

911
00:58:11,570 --> 00:58:12,491
That's amazing.

912
00:58:12,515 --> 00:58:15,241
I've got the same
combination on my luggage.

913
00:58:15,366 --> 00:58:17,994
Prepare Spaceball One
for immediate departure.

914
00:58:18,119 --> 00:58:19,161
Yes, sir.

915
00:58:19,286 --> 00:58:21,914
And change the combination
on my luggage.

916
00:58:22,832 --> 00:58:24,000
Argh!

917
00:58:28,629 --> 00:58:31,632
There it is.
Spaceball City, straight ahead.

918
00:58:31,757 --> 00:58:34,427
Good, I'm taking her in.

919
00:58:36,679 --> 00:58:39,015
Hey, what the hell is that thing?

920
00:58:39,140 --> 00:58:41,183
It looks like a Winnebago with wings.

921
00:58:41,308 --> 00:58:42,518
Jeez!

922
00:58:42,643 --> 00:58:45,062
Hey, you can't park here!

923
00:58:45,187 --> 00:58:48,190
Yeah, can't you guys read?
"No parking."

924
00:58:52,737 --> 00:58:54,447
That son of a...

925
00:58:57,825 --> 00:58:59,660
All right, hands up.

926
00:58:59,785 --> 00:59:02,246
You're under arrest for illegal parking.

927
00:59:02,371 --> 00:59:03,789
Yeah!

928
00:59:26,520 --> 00:59:31,067
'Warden Miller,
Warden Miller, you're wanted in V-17.

929
00:59:31,192 --> 00:59:35,863
'Attention. Attention.
Section "C" scanners, report.'

930
00:59:37,031 --> 00:59:38,157
Nah!

931
00:59:41,911 --> 00:59:43,621
She's gotta be in one of these cells.

932
00:59:43,746 --> 00:59:45,414
Yeah, but which one?

933
00:59:47,541 --> 00:59:49,085
- No.
- No.

934
00:59:49,210 --> 00:59:52,254
♪ Nobody knows ♪

935
00:59:52,379 --> 00:59:54,840
- It's coming from here.
- That can't be her.

936
00:59:54,965 --> 00:59:57,051
♪ The trouble I've seen ♪

937
00:59:58,094 --> 01:00:04,517
♪ Nobody knows but Jesus... ♪

938
01:00:05,184 --> 01:00:06,727
It's her.

939
01:00:07,436 --> 01:00:11,482
♪ Nobody knows ♪

940
01:00:11,607 --> 01:00:14,360
♪ The trouble I've seen... ♪

941
01:00:14,485 --> 01:00:15,528
She's a bass.

942
01:00:15,653 --> 01:00:19,990
♪ Glory hallelujah ♪

943
01:00:25,412 --> 01:00:26,622
What do you want?

944
01:00:27,248 --> 01:00:28,958
It's me.

945
01:00:29,083 --> 01:00:30,417
It's us.

946
01:00:30,543 --> 01:00:32,753
Lone Starr.
How did you find us?

947
01:00:32,878 --> 01:00:34,964
No time to talk. Come on.

948
01:00:35,089 --> 01:00:36,173
We gotta move.

949
01:00:36,298 --> 01:00:37,758
Barf! How'd you do it?

950
01:00:40,427 --> 01:00:42,138
Come on.

951
01:00:59,530 --> 01:01:01,615
Those are the guys
that stole our uniforms!

952
01:01:01,740 --> 01:01:03,284
And beat the shit out of us, too!

953
01:01:08,622 --> 01:01:11,167
Oh-oh! We got company.

954
01:01:15,296 --> 01:01:17,006
Watch out!

955
01:01:19,675 --> 01:01:22,303
- Damnit! That's our only way out.
- We're trapped.

956
01:01:22,428 --> 01:01:23,929
Oh, I hate these movies.

957
01:01:27,933 --> 01:01:30,477
- I'm out of ammo!
- Get back! I'll hold them off.

958
01:01:31,896 --> 01:01:33,022
I got an ideal

959
01:01:34,106 --> 01:01:35,691
What are you doing?

960
01:01:35,816 --> 01:01:38,944
What's he doing?

961
01:01:47,620 --> 01:01:48,829
Argh!

962
01:01:49,663 --> 01:01:50,831
Good work!

963
01:01:50,956 --> 01:01:52,499
Ugh, more ping-pongs!
Run for it!

964
01:01:52,625 --> 01:01:54,710
Let's go!

965
01:01:57,922 --> 01:01:59,757
It's closing!

966
01:02:01,217 --> 01:02:02,676
The door's closing!

967
01:02:03,219 --> 01:02:04,637
Go for broke!

968
01:02:13,062 --> 01:02:15,689
Don't move or you're dead.
Stand up!

969
01:02:15,814 --> 01:02:17,691
Captain, we've got them.

970
01:02:21,445 --> 01:02:24,323
Spectacular stunt, my friends,

971
01:02:24,448 --> 01:02:26,492
but all for naught!

972
01:02:26,617 --> 01:02:28,786
Turn around, please.

973
01:02:28,911 --> 01:02:31,288
Ah, what a pity.

974
01:02:31,413 --> 01:02:33,540
What a pity!

975
01:02:33,666 --> 01:02:35,000
So, Princess,

976
01:02:35,125 --> 01:02:38,128
you thought you could outwit
the imperious force of...

977
01:02:41,298 --> 01:02:43,217
You idiots!

978
01:02:43,342 --> 01:02:44,593
These are not them.

979
01:02:44,718 --> 01:02:47,263
You've captured
their stunt doubles.

980
01:02:47,721 --> 01:02:51,016
Search the area. Find them!

981
01:02:51,141 --> 01:02:53,310
Find them!

982
01:02:53,435 --> 01:02:55,854
Hurry up. Get aboard.
I'll hold them off.

983
01:02:59,650 --> 01:03:02,236
- Open the door!
- I can't, it's fused.

984
01:03:02,361 --> 01:03:04,029
- What about this one?
- It's locked.

985
01:03:04,154 --> 01:03:05,155
Where are the keys?

986
01:03:05,281 --> 01:03:06,991
- Inside.
- Oh, great!

987
01:03:07,116 --> 01:03:08,826
Duck!

988
01:03:10,953 --> 01:03:12,746
Here, you hold them off.
I'll get the door.

989
01:03:13,289 --> 01:03:15,666
I ain't shooting this thing.
I hate guns.

990
01:03:17,001 --> 01:03:18,168
Argh!

991
01:03:18,294 --> 01:03:20,921
My hair.
He shot my hair!

992
01:03:22,047 --> 01:03:24,591
You son of a bitch!

993
01:03:35,019 --> 01:03:37,438
Holy shit!

994
01:03:41,692 --> 01:03:43,193
How was that?

995
01:03:43,319 --> 01:03:44,737
Not bad.

996
01:03:44,862 --> 01:03:46,155
Not bad for a girl.

997
01:03:46,280 --> 01:03:48,532
Hey, that was pretty good
for Rambo!

998
01:03:48,657 --> 01:03:50,284
Let's blow this joint.

999
01:04:02,338 --> 01:04:05,174
President Skroob! Salute!

1000
01:04:05,924 --> 01:04:07,885
Hail, Skroob.

1001
01:04:08,802 --> 01:04:09,840
The ship is too big.

1002
01:04:09,864 --> 01:04:11,638
If I walk, the
movie will be over.

1003
01:04:11,764 --> 01:04:14,099
- Sir.
- Yes? Oh!

1004
01:04:14,224 --> 01:04:17,186
Never have that damn thing down
in front of me.

1005
01:04:17,311 --> 01:04:18,825
How do I know you're
not making faces

1006
01:04:18,849 --> 01:04:19,855
at me under that thing?

1007
01:04:19,980 --> 01:04:21,482
- President Skroob.
- Yes?

1008
01:04:21,607 --> 01:04:23,567
There it is, Planet Druidia.

1009
01:04:23,692 --> 01:04:25,903
Ah! Planet Druidia.

1010
01:04:26,028 --> 01:04:28,822
And ten thousand years of fresh air.

1011
01:04:28,947 --> 01:04:30,908
The way he runs things,
it won't last a hundred.

1012
01:04:31,367 --> 01:04:32,095
What?

1013
01:04:32,119 --> 01:04:34,328
Preparing ship for
metamorphosis, sir.

1014
01:04:34,453 --> 01:04:35,996
Good. Get on with it.

1015
01:04:36,121 --> 01:04:37,790
Ready, Kafka?

1016
01:04:44,129 --> 01:04:45,506
Look, it's Spaceball One.

1017
01:04:47,591 --> 01:04:50,594
- They've reached the air shield.
- And it's opening.

1018
01:04:54,681 --> 01:04:56,683
The ship's too big.
They'll never get through.

1019
01:04:56,809 --> 01:04:58,299
How are they
gonna get the air out?

1020
01:04:58,323 --> 01:04:59,812
I don't see any
hoses or anything.

1021
01:05:05,234 --> 01:05:06,735
What's happening?

1022
01:05:09,613 --> 01:05:10,739
The ship...

1023
01:05:11,281 --> 01:05:12,408
Changing!

1024
01:05:26,171 --> 01:05:28,298
Oh, my gosh!

1025
01:05:28,424 --> 01:05:30,801
It's not just a spaceship.

1026
01:05:30,926 --> 01:05:32,970
It's a transformer.

1027
01:05:43,105 --> 01:05:45,023
It's changing into...

1028
01:05:45,149 --> 01:05:47,067
...a gigantic...

1029
01:05:47,192 --> 01:05:48,402
...maid...

1030
01:05:48,861 --> 01:05:50,821
...with a vacuum cleaner.

1031
01:05:52,072 --> 01:05:54,992
So, that's how
they're gonna get the air out.

1032
01:06:16,388 --> 01:06:18,182
Metamorphosis completed, sir.

1033
01:06:18,307 --> 01:06:20,726
Spaceball One has now become...

1034
01:06:25,147 --> 01:06:26,440
...Megamaid.

1035
01:06:26,940 --> 01:06:28,108
Good!

1036
01:06:28,233 --> 01:06:29,318
Remarkable!

1037
01:06:29,443 --> 01:06:33,655
Now, commence operation
vacu-suck.

1038
01:06:40,078 --> 01:06:43,457
Suck. Suck. Suck!

1039
01:06:57,179 --> 01:07:00,057
Goodbye, little Vespa.

1040
01:07:01,558 --> 01:07:06,396
My little baby Vespa.

1041
01:07:13,320 --> 01:07:15,113
The air bag, it's almost full.

1042
01:07:15,239 --> 01:07:16,281
What do we do?

1043
01:07:20,160 --> 01:07:21,495
We've gotta act fast.

1044
01:07:21,620 --> 01:07:23,276
Step one: We reverse the vacuum

1045
01:07:23,300 --> 01:07:25,332
and blow the air
back onto the planet.

1046
01:07:25,457 --> 01:07:27,042
Step 2:

1047
01:07:27,167 --> 01:07:28,961
We destroy that thing.

1048
01:07:29,086 --> 01:07:30,837
But isn't that dangerous?

1049
01:07:30,963 --> 01:07:32,130
Extremely.

1050
01:07:32,256 --> 01:07:36,093
Plus, I don't know
how the hell we're gonna do it.

1051
01:07:37,052 --> 01:07:39,621
What about that
ring Yogurt gave you?

1052
01:07:39,645 --> 01:07:41,139
Oh, yeah. But...

1053
01:07:41,265 --> 01:07:43,058
Come on, boss. Give it a shot!

1054
01:07:43,183 --> 01:07:45,978
OK. Here goes nothing.

1055
01:07:54,945 --> 01:07:56,697
Look at that.

1056
01:07:58,156 --> 01:08:00,242
It's... It's working.

1057
01:08:01,660 --> 01:08:03,579
Come on, Schwartz!

1058
01:08:03,704 --> 01:08:07,249
Come on, Schwartz!
Come on, Schwartz!

1059
01:08:12,629 --> 01:08:14,214
Helmet, what's going on?

1060
01:08:14,339 --> 01:08:15,882
Sandurz, what's going on?

1061
01:08:16,008 --> 01:08:17,801
It's Megamaid.

1062
01:08:17,926 --> 01:08:20,095
She's gone from suck to blow.

1063
01:08:20,220 --> 01:08:23,140
What? They're getting all their air back.
Do something.

1064
01:08:23,265 --> 01:08:24,725
Do something!

1065
01:08:24,850 --> 01:08:26,226
Do something!

1066
01:08:42,200 --> 01:08:43,785
I'm breathing.

1067
01:08:44,953 --> 01:08:46,663
Air.

1068
01:08:48,165 --> 01:08:49,875
Air!

1069
01:08:58,008 --> 01:09:00,302
- Dim the lights.
- Dimming the lights.

1070
01:09:01,178 --> 01:09:03,805
- Go to infrared.
- Going to infrared.

1071
01:09:03,930 --> 01:09:05,974
- Pray to God.
- Praying to God.

1072
01:09:14,941 --> 01:09:17,486
Be careful. Careful.

1073
01:09:24,951 --> 01:09:27,996
- What are you doing?
- Scanning.

1074
01:09:35,087 --> 01:09:37,180
There's gotta be a
self-destruct mechanism

1075
01:09:37,204 --> 01:09:39,091
somewhere in the
central brain area.

1076
01:09:43,679 --> 01:09:46,431
- I think we just found it.
- Where?

1077
01:09:46,556 --> 01:09:48,600
Watch.

1078
01:09:52,479 --> 01:09:55,440
Bingo! There it is.

1079
01:09:56,024 --> 01:09:57,401
It's right below us.

1080
01:09:58,527 --> 01:10:01,863
- Put her in hover, Barf.
- Putting her in hover.

1081
01:10:02,489 --> 01:10:05,992
- I'm going down there.
- He's going down there.

1082
01:10:06,118 --> 01:10:07,619
I wouldn't.

1083
01:10:49,327 --> 01:10:51,580
What the hell are you doing?

1084
01:10:52,456 --> 01:10:54,916
The Vulcan neck pinch?

1085
01:10:55,041 --> 01:10:57,794
No, no, no, stupid.
You got it much too high.

1086
01:10:57,919 --> 01:11:00,672
It's down here
where the shoulder meets the neck.

1087
01:11:00,797 --> 01:11:03,467
- Like this?
- Yeah.

1088
01:11:05,886 --> 01:11:06,887
Thanks.

1089
01:11:12,809 --> 01:11:14,770
'Hand print identification, please.

1090
01:11:15,729 --> 01:11:18,398
'Hand print identification, please.

1091
01:11:19,024 --> 01:11:21,359
'Hand print identification, please.

1092
01:11:21,943 --> 01:11:24,613
'Hand print...'

1093
01:11:26,198 --> 01:11:27,699
Thanks again.

1094
01:11:35,582 --> 01:11:36,917
Is that you, Mylar?

1095
01:11:48,136 --> 01:11:50,314
Who are you? What
are you doing with that?

1096
01:11:50,338 --> 01:11:51,056
This!

1097
01:11:56,937 --> 01:11:58,688
Sweet dreams.

1098
01:12:15,997 --> 01:12:19,751
- Not so fast, Lone Starr.
- Helmet!

1099
01:12:20,502 --> 01:12:25,257
So... at last we meet for the first time
for the last time.

1100
01:12:26,675 --> 01:12:27,509
Yeah!

1101
01:12:27,634 --> 01:12:29,638
Before you die,
there is something

1102
01:12:29,662 --> 01:12:31,972
you should know
about us, Lone Starr.

1103
01:12:33,014 --> 01:12:34,140
What?

1104
01:12:34,266 --> 01:12:37,596
I am your father's
brother's nephew's

1105
01:12:37,620 --> 01:12:40,021
cousin's former roommate.

1106
01:12:42,858 --> 01:12:44,276
What's that make us?

1107
01:12:44,734 --> 01:12:46,862
Absolutely nothing!

1108
01:12:46,987 --> 01:12:49,906
Which is what you are about
to become.

1109
01:12:50,782 --> 01:12:52,784
Prepare to die.

1110
01:13:00,166 --> 01:13:01,960
You have the ring,

1111
01:13:02,085 --> 01:13:05,255
and I see your Schwartz
is as big as mine.

1112
01:13:07,257 --> 01:13:10,969
Now let's see how well you handle it.

1113
01:13:33,033 --> 01:13:35,785
Um, he did it.

1114
01:13:35,911 --> 01:13:37,162
What?

1115
01:13:53,637 --> 01:13:54,930
Shit!

1116
01:13:55,055 --> 01:13:57,849
I hate it when
I get my Schwartz twisted.

1117
01:13:57,974 --> 01:14:01,144
OK. Maybe
if I put my leg up on yours,

1118
01:14:01,269 --> 01:14:03,146
you know,
we could scoot apart, like...

1119
01:14:03,271 --> 01:14:05,690
Good. Yeah, on 3.
1, 2, 3, go!

1120
01:14:48,358 --> 01:14:52,320
So, Lone Starr...
Yogurt has taught you well.

1121
01:14:53,613 --> 01:14:56,783
If there's one thing I despise,
it is a fair fight.

1122
01:14:57,325 --> 01:14:59,452
But if I must, then I must.

1123
01:14:59,577 --> 01:15:02,122
May the best man win.

1124
01:15:02,247 --> 01:15:03,289
Put her there.

1125
01:15:07,669 --> 01:15:09,338
The ring! I can't believe

1126
01:15:09,362 --> 01:15:12,173
you fell for the oldest
trick in the book.

1127
01:15:12,298 --> 01:15:13,508
What a goof!

1128
01:15:13,967 --> 01:15:16,720
What's with you, man?
Come on.

1129
01:15:16,845 --> 01:15:17,486
You know what?

1130
01:15:17,510 --> 01:15:19,222
Here, let me give
it back to you. Oh!

1131
01:15:19,347 --> 01:15:21,599
Oh, look at that!
You fell for that, too.

1132
01:15:21,725 --> 01:15:23,560
I can't believe it, man.

1133
01:15:25,895 --> 01:15:30,817
So, Lone Starr, now you see
that evil will always triumph

1134
01:15:30,942 --> 01:15:33,153
because good is dumb.

1135
01:15:42,537 --> 01:15:44,539
Very impressive, Lone Starr.

1136
01:15:45,165 --> 01:15:48,084
Too bad this isn't
the wide world of sports.

1137
01:15:49,002 --> 01:15:52,380
'Use the Schwartz, Lone Starr.
Use the Schwartz.'

1138
01:15:52,505 --> 01:15:54,591
I can't. I lost the ring.

1139
01:15:54,716 --> 01:15:57,594
'Forget the ring.
The ring is bupkis.

1140
01:15:57,719 --> 01:16:00,346
'I found it in a cracker jack box.

1141
01:16:00,472 --> 01:16:04,142
"The Schwartz is in you,
Lone Starr. It's in you.'

1142
01:16:04,267 --> 01:16:06,478
All right. I'll try.

1143
01:16:06,603 --> 01:16:09,606
Say goodbye
to your two best friends,

1144
01:16:09,731 --> 01:16:12,484
and I don't mean your pals
in the Winnebago.

1145
01:16:21,409 --> 01:16:24,120
'Thank you for pressing
the self-destruct button.

1146
01:16:24,245 --> 01:16:27,040
"This ship will self-destruct
in three minutes.'

1147
01:16:32,087 --> 01:16:33,630
What's going on?

1148
01:16:33,755 --> 01:16:35,548
Where the hell are we?
Paris?

1149
01:16:35,673 --> 01:16:37,550
'Thank you for pressing
the self-destruct button.

1150
01:16:38,009 --> 01:16:39,989
"This ship will self-destruct

1151
01:16:40,013 --> 01:16:42,680
in exactly two minutes
and 45 seconds.'

1152
01:16:42,806 --> 01:16:45,016
You've got to stop it.
Is there any way to stop it?

1153
01:16:45,141 --> 01:16:47,268
I can't.
It's irreversible.

1154
01:16:47,393 --> 01:16:48,978
Like my raincoat.

1155
01:16:49,104 --> 01:16:52,023
Attention, this is Colonel Sandurz
in forward command.

1156
01:16:52,148 --> 01:16:53,942
Abandon ship! Abandon ship!

1157
01:16:54,067 --> 01:16:56,194
All personnel proceed to escape pods.

1158
01:16:56,653 --> 01:16:59,364
Close down the circus.
Evacuate the zoo.

1159
01:16:59,489 --> 01:17:01,741
The self-destruct mechanism
has been activated.

1160
01:17:01,866 --> 01:17:03,409
Abandon ship.

1161
01:17:04,077 --> 01:17:06,538
Sandurz!
Sandurz, you gotta help me.

1162
01:17:06,663 --> 01:17:08,153
I don't know what to do.

1163
01:17:08,177 --> 01:17:10,667
I can't make decisions.
I'm a president!

1164
01:17:10,792 --> 01:17:12,502
'This is
your two-minute warning.

1165
01:17:12,627 --> 01:17:15,588
"This ship will self-destruct
in exactly two minutes.'

1166
01:17:15,713 --> 01:17:18,800
Launch all escape pods
as soon as they are filled.

1167
01:17:18,925 --> 01:17:20,844
What's happening?
Where is he?

1168
01:17:20,969 --> 01:17:22,887
♪ Spaceballs ♪

1169
01:17:23,596 --> 01:17:25,348
♪ Watch out... ♪

1170
01:17:27,642 --> 01:17:29,394
- Where is he?
- Here.

1171
01:17:29,519 --> 01:17:30,495
We've got a minute and forty

1172
01:17:30,519 --> 01:17:31,813
before the end of
the world. Hang on.

1173
01:17:32,397 --> 01:17:34,607
♪ Spaceballs... ♪

1174
01:17:36,693 --> 01:17:37,902
- Full throttle.
- Full throttle.

1175
01:17:38,027 --> 01:17:39,445
- Go to hyper-jets!
- Going to hyper-jets.

1176
01:17:41,614 --> 01:17:45,785
♪ If you're living in a bubble
and you haven't got a care... ♪

1177
01:17:45,910 --> 01:17:47,579
Hey, get out of there.
Where do you think you're going?

1178
01:17:47,704 --> 01:17:49,164
Pizza to go!

1179
01:17:49,289 --> 01:17:51,321
♪ Then you're
gonna be in trouble ♪

1180
01:17:51,345 --> 01:17:53,376
♪ cos we're gonna steal
your air ♪

1181
01:17:56,379 --> 01:17:58,423
♪ Cos what you got
is what we need ♪

1182
01:17:58,548 --> 01:18:00,466
♪ And all we do
is dirty deeds ♪

1183
01:18:00,592 --> 01:18:02,343
♪ We're the Spaceballs! ♪

1184
01:18:04,262 --> 01:18:06,931
♪ We're the Spaceballs... ♪

1185
01:18:11,269 --> 01:18:13,396
- That's my escape pod.
- Who are you?

1186
01:18:13,521 --> 01:18:16,941
I'm the bearded lady.
What are you, one of the freaks?

1187
01:18:19,402 --> 01:18:21,487
Hey, come back!
That's my pod!

1188
01:18:21,613 --> 01:18:22,655
No!

1189
01:18:26,075 --> 01:18:29,037
Come back,
you fat, bearded bitch!

1190
01:18:29,996 --> 01:18:32,832
One pod left.
And three of us.

1191
01:18:32,957 --> 01:18:34,334
And I'm the president.

1192
01:18:34,459 --> 01:18:36,544
Well, boys,
it's a very lovely ship.

1193
01:18:36,669 --> 01:18:39,047
I think you should go
down with it.

1194
01:18:39,172 --> 01:18:40,840
Goodbye!

1195
01:18:43,885 --> 01:18:46,095
What's the matter with this seat belt?

1196
01:18:53,853 --> 01:18:55,563
♪ Spaceballs... ♪

1197
01:18:55,688 --> 01:18:58,233
"This ship will self-destruct
in twenty seconds.

1198
01:18:58,358 --> 01:19:01,194
"This is your last chance
to push the cancellation button.'

1199
01:19:01,319 --> 01:19:04,405
Cancellation button? Hurry!

1200
01:19:05,114 --> 01:19:07,158
♪ Spaceballs... ♪

1201
01:19:11,412 --> 01:19:14,249
- Where is it? Where is it?
- It's gotta be here.

1202
01:19:14,374 --> 01:19:16,042
- Out of order?
- Fuck!

1203
01:19:16,167 --> 01:19:17,835
Even in the future nothing works.

1204
01:19:17,961 --> 01:19:21,172
"This ship will self-destruct
in exactly ten seconds.'

1205
01:19:22,632 --> 01:19:23,925
'Counting down.

1206
01:19:24,050 --> 01:19:26,135
'Ten. Nine.

1207
01:19:26,261 --> 01:19:28,054
'Eight. Six.'

1208
01:19:28,179 --> 01:19:30,390
Six? What happened to seven?

1209
01:19:30,515 --> 01:19:32,225
'Just kidding.'

1210
01:19:32,350 --> 01:19:34,477
There's the other end.
Faster!

1211
01:19:34,602 --> 01:19:37,730
'Six. Five. Four.

1212
01:19:37,855 --> 01:19:41,150
"Three. Two. One.

1213
01:19:41,276 --> 01:19:42,735
'Have a nice day.'

1214
01:19:42,860 --> 01:19:44,946
Thank you.

1215
01:19:54,998 --> 01:19:56,916
We did it!

1216
01:20:03,381 --> 01:20:05,508
We all did it.

1217
01:20:23,818 --> 01:20:26,294
'So, I guess you might call that

1218
01:20:26,318 --> 01:20:28,406
a case of man bites droid?"

1219
01:20:31,367 --> 01:20:32,785
'On a sadder note,

1220
01:20:32,910 --> 01:20:36,539
'Pizza the Hutt,
famed half-man, half-pizza,

1221
01:20:36,664 --> 01:20:38,810
"was found dead earlier today,

1222
01:20:38,834 --> 01:20:41,627
in the back seat of
his stretched limo.

1223
01:20:41,753 --> 01:20:45,340
'Evidently, the notorious gangster
became locked in his car

1224
01:20:45,465 --> 01:20:48,384
'and ate himself to death.

1225
01:20:48,509 --> 01:20:54,724
'Coming up, Pongo's review
of Rocky 5,000. Pongo?'

1226
01:20:54,849 --> 01:20:56,184
'Whoever said
when you've seen...'

1227
01:20:56,309 --> 01:20:58,644
Did you hear that?
Pizza kicked the bucket.

1228
01:20:58,770 --> 01:21:00,855
Now we don't have
to pay him the million.

1229
01:21:00,879 --> 01:21:02,440
We can keep it for ourselves.

1230
01:21:03,316 --> 01:21:04,776
Yeah.

1231
01:21:22,585 --> 01:21:25,922
- Daddy! Oh, Daddy!
- Oh, Vespa, my darling.

1232
01:21:26,047 --> 01:21:27,799
I thought I'd never see you again.

1233
01:21:27,924 --> 01:21:29,842
Oh, my sweet little daughter.

1234
01:21:29,967 --> 01:21:32,136
I'm so happy
that you're home and safe.

1235
01:21:32,720 --> 01:21:34,985
And, little Vespa,
here's someone else

1236
01:21:35,009 --> 01:21:36,474
who's happy to see you.

1237
01:21:39,143 --> 01:21:43,106
Oh, hello.
Where have you been?

1238
01:21:58,746 --> 01:22:00,331
Thanks, hon.

1239
01:22:04,836 --> 01:22:07,964
J Hello, baby

1240
01:22:10,925 --> 01:22:14,387
-J Yeah, yeah...
- Hiya, Big Stuff.

1241
01:22:14,512 --> 01:22:15,805
Hi, Dream.

1242
01:22:16,264 --> 01:22:17,473
What will you have?

1243
01:22:17,598 --> 01:22:20,101
We just got a couple minutes
while we're gassing up. What's ready?

1244
01:22:20,226 --> 01:22:22,478
I can give you the space soup,
or the space special.

1245
01:22:22,603 --> 01:22:25,731
- I'll have the soup.
- OK.

1246
01:22:25,857 --> 01:22:28,693
I'll have the cleavage... uh, special.

1247
01:22:29,610 --> 01:22:32,697
OK, one special and one soup.

1248
01:22:35,867 --> 01:22:37,869
- Ready to order?
- Hi, yes.

1249
01:22:37,994 --> 01:22:40,455
- We'll both have the lunafish.
- Oh, anything to drink?

1250
01:22:40,580 --> 01:22:43,166
Hey, hey. Watch where
you're sticking that thing.

1251
01:22:45,001 --> 01:22:47,089
Look, it's got a mind
of its own, sweetheart.

1252
01:22:47,113 --> 01:22:48,963
I can't do a thing
with it.

1253
01:22:54,427 --> 01:22:56,804
- What?
- So, we were lost.

1254
01:22:56,929 --> 01:22:58,473
None of us knew where we were.

1255
01:22:58,598 --> 01:23:02,768
And then Harry began
feeling around on all the trees.

1256
01:23:02,894 --> 01:23:06,689
Then he said,
"I got it. We on Pluto."

1257
01:23:06,814 --> 01:23:08,524
And we say,
"Harry, how can you tell?"

1258
01:23:08,941 --> 01:23:11,652
He said,
"From the bark, you dummies."

1259
01:23:11,777 --> 01:23:14,405
From the bark.

1260
01:23:17,700 --> 01:23:19,076
Is he all right?

1261
01:23:19,202 --> 01:23:21,537
Oh, yeah, yeah.
The guy digs me.

1262
01:23:21,662 --> 01:23:24,040
- Hey, what's wrong with this guy?
- I don't know.

1263
01:23:27,210 --> 01:23:28,336
Bring him some water!

1264
01:23:28,461 --> 01:23:29,962
Water, my ass!

1265
01:23:30,087 --> 01:23:32,340
Bring this guy some Pepto-Bismol!

1266
01:23:32,465 --> 01:23:35,968
Waitress! Waitress! What did he order?

1267
01:23:36,093 --> 01:23:39,430
- Oh, he had the special.
- The sp... That's what I ordered!

1268
01:23:39,555 --> 01:23:42,225
- Change my order to the soup.
- Good move.

1269
01:23:50,566 --> 01:23:52,443
Oh, no.

1270
01:23:52,568 --> 01:23:54,529
Not again!

1271
01:24:05,957 --> 01:24:08,292
♪ Hello, my baby,
hello, my honey ♪

1272
01:24:08,417 --> 01:24:10,253
♪ Hello, my ragtime gal ♪

1273
01:24:10,378 --> 01:24:12,880
♪ Send me a kiss by wire ♪

1274
01:24:13,005 --> 01:24:15,132
♪ Baby, my heart's on fire ♪

1275
01:24:15,258 --> 01:24:17,760
♪ If you refuse me,
honey, you'll lose me ♪

1276
01:24:17,885 --> 01:24:20,763
♪ Then you'll be left alone,
oh, baby, telephone ♪

1277
01:24:20,888 --> 01:24:24,183
♪ And tell me I'm your own ♪

1278
01:24:27,019 --> 01:24:29,188
Check, please.

1279
01:24:39,115 --> 01:24:41,617
Five minutes to magic time.

1280
01:24:41,742 --> 01:24:44,912
Are you all right, my dear?
You look a little flighty.

1281
01:24:45,037 --> 01:24:48,791
Don't worry about me, Father.
I'm completely over him.

1282
01:24:48,916 --> 01:24:51,544
Didn't even stay
for the wedding.

1283
01:24:51,669 --> 01:24:54,005
Just grabbed
his million space bucks and ran.

1284
01:24:54,505 --> 01:24:55,923
He didn't take the million.

1285
01:24:57,008 --> 01:24:58,801
- He didn't?
- No.

1286
01:24:59,343 --> 01:25:03,139
He just took 248 space bucks
for lunch, gas, and tolls.

1287
01:25:13,566 --> 01:25:15,526
I still can't believe
you turned down the money.

1288
01:25:15,651 --> 01:25:18,298
At least we could have
stayed for the wedding feast.

1289
01:25:18,322 --> 01:25:19,196
I'm starving!

1290
01:25:19,322 --> 01:25:22,241
- Have you got anything to eat?
- Nah.

1291
01:25:22,366 --> 01:25:25,870
Oh, wait a minute.
Yogurt gave me that fortune cookie.

1292
01:25:25,995 --> 01:25:28,289
- Here, chow down.
- Wow, thanks.

1293
01:25:28,414 --> 01:25:30,082
- I'll split it with you.
- No.

1294
01:25:30,207 --> 01:25:31,959
OK.

1295
01:25:35,171 --> 01:25:37,590
- Yogurt!
- Hello, boys.

1296
01:25:37,715 --> 01:25:41,260
Well, you opened your fortune cookie,
so here's your fortune.

1297
01:25:41,385 --> 01:25:45,264
Lone Starr, you know that medallion
that you wear around your neck,

1298
01:25:45,389 --> 01:25:48,517
but you don't know what it means?
Well, here's what it means.

1299
01:25:49,060 --> 01:25:50,895
It's a royal birth certificate.

1300
01:25:51,020 --> 01:25:53,773
Yes! Your father was a king.

1301
01:25:53,898 --> 01:25:55,441
Your mother was a queen.

1302
01:25:55,566 --> 01:25:59,111
Which makes you a certified prince.

1303
01:25:59,236 --> 01:26:01,781
Hey, I'm a prince!

1304
01:26:01,906 --> 01:26:04,075
I'm a prince, which means...

1305
01:26:04,200 --> 01:26:05,742
Which means, if you hurry,

1306
01:26:05,766 --> 01:26:08,204
there could be a
princess in your future.

1307
01:26:08,329 --> 01:26:09,777
Now if you want
to get back there

1308
01:26:09,801 --> 01:26:11,248
before she marries
Sleeping Beauty,

1309
01:26:11,374 --> 01:26:14,543
there's a special can of fuel
in your glove compartment.

1310
01:26:14,669 --> 01:26:16,671
- Good luck, boys.
- Bye, Yogurt.

1311
01:26:16,796 --> 01:26:19,632
And, Yogurt... thanks.

1312
01:26:19,757 --> 01:26:21,175
You're welcome.

1313
01:26:21,300 --> 01:26:25,471
And may the Schwartz be with you!

1314
01:26:28,349 --> 01:26:30,351
Oh, what a world, what a world...

1315
01:26:30,476 --> 01:26:34,522
- Barf, open that glove compartment.
- You got it, Your Highness.

1316
01:26:37,942 --> 01:26:40,653
Wow! Liquid Schwartz!

1317
01:26:40,778 --> 01:26:43,030
- Quick, pour it in the emergency tank.
- Right.

1318
01:26:47,201 --> 01:26:48,994
Look at that.

1319
01:26:50,246 --> 01:26:51,414
<i>Done!</i>

1320
01:26:51,539 --> 01:26:54,166
Hang on, Barf-o,
we're gonna make space tracks.

1321
01:27:47,136 --> 01:27:50,931
Dear me, what are those things
coming out of her nose?

1322
01:27:52,141 --> 01:27:56,353
Hey, hey. Watch my Helmet.

1323
01:27:57,354 --> 01:27:59,315
Spaceballs?

1324
01:27:59,440 --> 01:28:02,401
Oh, shit!
There goes the planet.

1325
01:28:05,237 --> 01:28:06,864
Dearly beloved,

1326
01:28:06,989 --> 01:28:12,036
we are gathered here together,
again...

1327
01:28:12,161 --> 01:28:13,954
Why didn't you tell me
he didn't take the money?

1328
01:28:14,079 --> 01:28:15,581
I didn't think it was important.

1329
01:28:16,165 --> 01:28:17,625
May I continue, please?

1330
01:28:17,750 --> 01:28:20,294
Besides,
he asked me not to tell you.

1331
01:28:21,170 --> 01:28:22,797
Thank you.

1332
01:28:22,922 --> 01:28:28,093
...to join Princess Vespa
and Princess Valium...

1333
01:28:29,178 --> 01:28:30,888
I'm sorry, it's the hair.

1334
01:28:31,639 --> 01:28:35,893
...Prince Valium
in the bonds of holy matrimony.

1335
01:28:36,018 --> 01:28:37,520
I see it all now.

1336
01:28:37,937 --> 01:28:39,313
Don't you see? He loves me!!

1337
01:28:39,438 --> 01:28:41,690
Excuse me. I'm trying
to conduct a wedding here,

1338
01:28:41,816 --> 01:28:43,818
which has nothing to do with love.
Please be quiet.

1339
01:28:43,943 --> 01:28:45,402
- I'm sorry.
- I'm sorry.

1340
01:28:45,528 --> 01:28:46,570
I'm sorry, too.

1341
01:28:46,695 --> 01:28:49,573
- Don't be sorry. Be quiet!
- I'm sorry!

1342
01:28:52,660 --> 01:28:54,986
...to join Princess Vespa

1343
01:28:55,010 --> 01:28:58,833
and Prince Valium
in the bonds of holy...

1344
01:28:58,958 --> 01:29:01,001
<i>..o!</i>

1345
01:29:05,214 --> 01:29:07,091
...uh, matrimony.

1346
01:29:07,216 --> 01:29:10,094
That's him! I know it's him.
He's come back.

1347
01:29:10,219 --> 01:29:11,730
That's it! I'm gonna
take no more chances

1348
01:29:11,754 --> 01:29:12,847
but to make a short version.

1349
01:29:13,389 --> 01:29:15,182
Prince Valium,
do you take Princess Vespa

1350
01:29:15,307 --> 01:29:17,351
to be your lawfully wedded wife?

1351
01:29:17,476 --> 01:29:18,671
Princess Vespa, do
you take Prince Valium

1352
01:29:18,695 --> 01:29:19,770
to be your lawfully
wedded husband?

1353
01:29:19,895 --> 01:29:23,649
Uh, well, I... I suppose.

1354
01:29:23,774 --> 01:29:25,568
Well... Oh, I don't know.

1355
01:29:25,693 --> 01:29:27,987
- No! She doesn't!
- What?

1356
01:29:33,284 --> 01:29:34,785
Who the hell are you?

1357
01:29:35,286 --> 01:29:36,745
Prince Lone Starr.

1358
01:29:37,288 --> 01:29:39,540
- Prince?
- I just found out.

1359
01:29:39,665 --> 01:29:43,544
That's what this says.
I'm an honest-to-God prince.

1360
01:29:43,669 --> 01:29:45,129
Will you marry me?

1361
01:29:45,754 --> 01:29:47,673
Well, let me think about it.

1362
01:29:48,924 --> 01:29:49,925
Yes.

1363
01:29:50,050 --> 01:29:51,302
I'm sick of this.

1364
01:29:51,427 --> 01:29:52,936
I don't give a damn who it is,

1365
01:29:52,960 --> 01:29:54,722
but I'm gonna marry
somebody today!

1366
01:29:54,847 --> 01:29:56,557
- Who are you?
- I'm the best man.

1367
01:29:56,682 --> 01:29:57,933
- What's your name?
- Barf.

1368
01:29:58,058 --> 01:30:00,311
- Your full name.
- Barfolomew.

1369
01:30:00,936 --> 01:30:02,104
Are you the one that's getting married?

1370
01:30:02,229 --> 01:30:04,523
- No.
- Then get over there!

1371
01:30:04,648 --> 01:30:08,235
OK, here we go.
The short, short version.

1372
01:30:08,360 --> 01:30:10,321
- Do you?
- Yes.

1373
01:30:10,446 --> 01:30:11,572
- Do you?
- Yes!

1374
01:30:11,697 --> 01:30:13,073
Good. You're married.
Kiss her.

1375
01:30:14,575 --> 01:30:17,286
- I love you.
- I love you.

1376
01:30:28,339 --> 01:30:31,133
Well... goodbye, virgin alarm.

1377
01:32:27,332 --> 01:32:29,668
"Spaceballs"

1378
01:32:48,103 --> 01:32:50,198
♪ If you're living in a bubble ♪

1379
01:32:50,222 --> 01:32:52,316
♪ and you haven't got a care ♪

1380
01:32:55,694 --> 01:32:57,601
♪ Well, you're
gonna be in trouble ♪

1381
01:32:57,625 --> 01:32:59,531
♪ cos we're gonna steal your air ♪

1382
01:33:02,993 --> 01:33:05,053
♪ Cos what you
got is what we need, ♪

1383
01:33:05,077 --> 01:33:06,955
♪ and all we do is dirty deeds ♪

1384
01:33:07,081 --> 01:33:09,708
♪ We're the Spaceballs ♪

1385
01:33:09,833 --> 01:33:13,253
♪ Watch out!
We're the Spaceballs ♪

1386
01:33:14,546 --> 01:33:16,381
♪ We're the masters of space ♪

1387
01:33:16,507 --> 01:33:18,300
♪ Hey, don't mess around ♪

1388
01:33:18,425 --> 01:33:20,427
♪ With the Spaceballs ♪

1389
01:33:29,770 --> 01:33:32,004
♪ Going cruising in a spaceship, ♪

1390
01:33:32,028 --> 01:33:33,982
♪ we're so good at being bad ♪

1391
01:33:37,319 --> 01:33:41,532
♪ We'll destroy your little planet
if you ever get us mad ♪

1392
01:33:44,618 --> 01:33:46,692
♪ We're mothers of the galaxy, ♪

1393
01:33:46,716 --> 01:33:48,789
♪ you better scatter
when you see ♪

1394
01:33:48,914 --> 01:33:51,375
♪ The Spaceballs! ♪

1395
01:33:51,500 --> 01:33:54,962
♪ Watch out!
We're the Spaceballs ♪

1396
01:33:56,004 --> 01:33:57,881
♪ We're the masters of space ♪

1397
01:33:58,006 --> 01:34:00,092
♪ Say what?
Don't mess around ♪

1398
01:34:00,217 --> 01:34:02,719
♪ With the Spaceballs ♪

1399
01:34:02,845 --> 01:34:04,429
♪ Watch out! ♪

1400
01:34:33,125 --> 01:34:35,711
♪ We're mothers of the galaxy ♪

1401
01:34:35,836 --> 01:34:40,549
♪ We're gonna take
the air you breathe ♪

1402
01:34:40,674 --> 01:34:44,178
♪ Oh, Spaceballs! ♪

1403
01:34:44,303 --> 01:34:45,345
♪ Watch out! ♪

1404
01:34:45,470 --> 01:34:48,223
♪ We're the Spaceballs ♪

1405
01:34:48,765 --> 01:34:51,643
♪ We're the masters of space ♪

1406
01:34:51,768 --> 01:34:55,189
♪ Don't mess around
with the Spaceballs ♪

1407
01:34:55,314 --> 01:34:56,732
<i>♪ Duck! Watch out! ♪</i>

1408
01:34:56,857 --> 01:34:59,151
♪ We're the Spaceballs ♪

1409
01:35:00,569 --> 01:35:03,071
♪ We're the masters of space ♪

1410
01:35:03,197 --> 01:35:06,825
♪ Don't mess around
with the Spaceballs ♪

1411
01:35:06,950 --> 01:35:07,951
♪ Watch out! ♪

1412
01:35:08,076 --> 01:35:10,579
♪ We've got a bossin'
little ship ♪

1413
01:35:11,622 --> 01:35:13,874
♪ So you better watch
your lip ♪

1414
01:35:15,500 --> 01:35:18,378
♪ Cos we're the Spaceballs ♪

1415
01:35:18,503 --> 01:35:19,546
♪ Watch out! ♪

1416
01:35:19,671 --> 01:35:22,007
♪ You may think
that you are bad ♪

1417
01:35:23,300 --> 01:35:26,178
♪ But believe
you can be had ♪

1418
01:35:26,970 --> 01:35:29,681
♪ By the Spaceballs ♪

1419
01:35:29,806 --> 01:35:30,849
♪ Watch out! ♪

1420
01:35:30,974 --> 01:35:33,393
♪ We're the Spaceballs ♪

1421
01:35:33,518 --> 01:35:34,686
♪ Watch out! ♪

1422
01:35:34,811 --> 01:35:37,356
♪ We're the Spaceballs ♪

1423
01:35:37,898 --> 01:35:40,901
♪ We're the masters of space ♪

1424
01:35:41,026 --> 01:35:44,821
♪ Don't mess around
with the Spaceballs ♪

1425
01:35:46,406 --> 01:35:48,533
♪ We're so bad and mean ♪

1426
01:35:49,743 --> 01:35:52,621
♪ We make nightmares
out of dreams ♪

1427
01:35:53,538 --> 01:35:56,333
♪ We're the Spaceballs ♪

1428
01:35:57,292 --> 01:36:00,170
♪ We're the Spaceballs ♪

1429
01:36:01,546 --> 01:36:03,507
♪ You better
Watch out! ♪