1 00:00:00,065 --> 00:00:02,229 I want to know what's going on with the huge woman, 2 00:00:02,264 --> 00:00:03,731 and I want to know what the deal is 3 00:00:03,766 --> 00:00:05,066 - with the red witch lady. - Yes. 4 00:00:05,100 --> 00:00:06,267 Yes. Yes. 5 00:00:06,301 --> 00:00:07,569 I would too. 6 00:00:07,603 --> 00:00:09,103 You know what I'm saying? 7 00:00:09,137 --> 00:00:10,471 Straight out. 8 00:00:10,505 --> 00:00:12,006 No, but I mean, like, have you? 9 00:00:12,041 --> 00:00:14,479 Have you-- have you ever slept with a black guy? 10 00:00:14,497 --> 00:00:17,044 No, but I really want to. 11 00:00:17,079 --> 00:00:18,712 Me too! 12 00:00:18,746 --> 00:00:20,981 Apparently, it is, like, 13 00:00:21,015 --> 00:00:24,085 a whole other thing than sleeping with white men. 14 00:00:24,119 --> 00:00:25,219 Oh, no, no. 15 00:00:25,253 --> 00:00:26,387 I heard they're supposed to be, like, 16 00:00:26,421 --> 00:00:28,155 way better at it or something. 17 00:00:28,190 --> 00:00:30,958 Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I heard that too. 18 00:00:30,992 --> 00:00:32,460 I wonder if it's 'cause they have, 19 00:00:32,494 --> 00:00:34,761 like-- like, better rhythm, you know? 20 00:00:34,796 --> 00:00:36,730 Right, 'cause they're really good dancers. 21 00:00:36,764 --> 00:00:41,902 I mean, apparently, they have, like, bigger-- 22 00:00:41,936 --> 00:00:44,304 Oh, way bigger penises, right? 23 00:00:44,338 --> 00:00:45,438 Yeah. 24 00:00:45,473 --> 00:00:47,140 I guess that's because of Africa? 25 00:00:47,174 --> 00:00:49,442 Yeah, like, I feel like they're just-- 26 00:00:49,477 --> 00:00:51,211 they're, like, really with you in the moment. 27 00:00:51,245 --> 00:00:52,312 Hmm. 28 00:00:52,346 --> 00:00:53,513 Like, if they're gonna be with you, 29 00:00:53,547 --> 00:00:54,747 they're in the here and now. 30 00:00:54,781 --> 00:00:57,016 Exactly. Exactly. 31 00:00:57,050 --> 00:01:00,220 Because they know that they basically have no future. 32 00:01:00,254 --> 00:01:01,421 I know. 33 00:01:01,455 --> 00:01:02,589 - Think about it. - It's so sad. 34 00:01:02,623 --> 00:01:05,291 Think about it! 35 00:01:05,326 --> 00:01:07,426 I do feel like they treat their women with just, like, 36 00:01:07,460 --> 00:01:10,129 a little bit more compassion, though. 37 00:01:10,163 --> 00:01:11,597 Yeah, like, respect and stuff. 38 00:01:11,632 --> 00:01:15,367 Oh, because their dads were never around! 39 00:01:15,401 --> 00:01:19,438 Oh, right, and they also have a lot of time on their hands 40 00:01:19,472 --> 00:01:22,108 'cause even if they have kids, they never go visit them. 41 00:01:22,142 --> 00:01:24,443 Oh, please. Totally. Baby daddy? 42 00:01:24,477 --> 00:01:25,810 - That's a thing. - Oh. 43 00:01:25,845 --> 00:01:28,747 That's in the dictionary now because of black people. 44 00:01:28,781 --> 00:01:31,517 See? Ser-i-ou-sly. 45 00:01:31,551 --> 00:01:36,188 Apparently, black guys just know how to please white women. 46 00:01:36,222 --> 00:01:38,290 Right? Just, like, way more than white men. 47 00:01:38,324 --> 00:01:41,392 Oh, well, it's probably in their blood 48 00:01:41,426 --> 00:01:43,161 'cause they're used to pleasing their white masters. 49 00:01:43,195 --> 00:01:44,896 Whaaat? 50 00:01:44,930 --> 00:01:46,164 - Okay. Okay. - Yeah! 51 00:01:46,198 --> 00:01:47,331 - Law of the jungle, right? - Totally. 52 00:01:47,366 --> 00:01:49,367 I am so desperate to find out for myself. 53 00:01:49,401 --> 00:01:51,569 Me too. 54 00:01:51,603 --> 00:01:53,838 - Right? 55 00:01:53,873 --> 00:01:57,107 - Okay, um, I'm gonna go to the bathroom... 56 00:01:57,142 --> 00:01:58,576 Okay. 57 00:01:58,610 --> 00:01:59,943 And I swear to you, 58 00:01:59,978 --> 00:02:02,180 if there is a black guy back there, I'm gonna blow him. 59 00:02:02,214 --> 00:02:04,748 Get it! 60 00:02:09,888 --> 00:02:13,423 So, unrelated, I now have to go to the bathroom, 61 00:02:13,457 --> 00:02:16,226 uh, because I've been drinking coffee all day. 62 00:02:16,260 --> 00:02:19,329 So I will be back in a little while. 63 00:02:19,363 --> 00:02:20,664 Well, you know what? Let-- Let me go first. 64 00:02:20,699 --> 00:02:25,335 I'll be about 30 seconds. 65 00:02:28,372 --> 00:02:31,708 Ooh, ow. I hit my penis there. 66 00:02:31,742 --> 00:02:33,510 I'm sorry. I don't have any money, sir. 67 00:02:33,544 --> 00:02:35,712 Okay. 68 00:02:51,339 --> 00:02:55,020 Sync and corrections by dwigt www.addic7ed.com 69 00:03:01,171 --> 00:03:02,671 Hey! 70 00:03:06,443 --> 00:03:08,777 Thank you so much. I am Keegan-Michael Key. 71 00:03:08,811 --> 00:03:10,579 - I'm Jordan Peele. - And we are Key and Peele. 72 00:03:10,613 --> 00:03:11,647 Yes. 73 00:03:11,681 --> 00:03:13,049 Thank you for coming out tonight. 74 00:03:13,083 --> 00:03:14,316 Thank you. 75 00:03:14,351 --> 00:03:16,585 So this is a little-known fact. 76 00:03:16,619 --> 00:03:19,454 Keegan's wife is a dialect coach. 77 00:03:19,488 --> 00:03:20,989 Yes, it's a source of ambivalence for me 78 00:03:21,024 --> 00:03:22,558 because I want her to have her job 79 00:03:22,592 --> 00:03:23,759 and I want her to thrive, 80 00:03:23,793 --> 00:03:24,993 but there's just a bunch of British people 81 00:03:25,028 --> 00:03:26,294 just coming through my house, 82 00:03:26,328 --> 00:03:28,196 learning American accents and taking all our jobs. 83 00:03:28,630 --> 00:03:30,265 So I'm just standing in the living room, 84 00:03:30,299 --> 00:03:31,433 and these dudes are walking about like, "Cheerio." 85 00:03:31,467 --> 00:03:33,468 "Yeah, [bleep] you." 86 00:03:33,502 --> 00:03:35,670 - Tea bag. - Right. 87 00:03:35,704 --> 00:03:37,137 But all right, I want to-- I'm gonna throw you 88 00:03:37,172 --> 00:03:39,373 through a little bit of a wheel of accents. 89 00:03:39,407 --> 00:03:40,741 - Just give you a little test. - The wheel of accents. 90 00:03:40,776 --> 00:03:43,611 Italian! 91 00:03:43,645 --> 00:03:44,745 Oh, Italian. 92 00:03:44,780 --> 00:03:46,347 It's the-- is the one for me to do. 93 00:03:46,381 --> 00:03:47,548 Yeah. German! 94 00:03:47,583 --> 00:03:51,285 The German is very exact. 95 00:03:51,319 --> 00:03:53,120 - Cockney. - Cockney's, like, down here, 96 00:03:53,154 --> 00:03:54,488 and it's with the back of your "froat." 97 00:03:54,522 --> 00:03:55,722 Yeah. You know what I mean? 98 00:03:55,756 --> 00:03:57,691 You guys must have some crazy role-play sex. 99 00:03:57,725 --> 00:04:00,294 We do. Yeah. 100 00:04:00,328 --> 00:04:01,795 Just give me an Australian. 101 00:04:01,829 --> 00:04:03,130 All right, I can do it. 102 00:04:03,164 --> 00:04:04,398 Yes, yes. 103 00:04:04,432 --> 00:04:06,000 I can go Jamaican as well. 104 00:04:06,034 --> 00:04:07,534 Oh, that's even better! That's even better! 105 00:04:07,568 --> 00:04:09,669 I can be a Jamaican. Okay. 106 00:04:10,905 --> 00:04:12,405 Where do you want me from? Oh, there it is. 107 00:04:12,439 --> 00:04:13,874 Where do you want me to be from? 108 00:04:13,908 --> 00:04:15,742 - Oh, anywhere but you. - Okay. 109 00:04:15,776 --> 00:04:18,512 Just anywhere-- 110 00:04:18,546 --> 00:04:21,114 Can-- Can you do two black guys at a time? 111 00:04:21,148 --> 00:04:22,516 Can you just give me two? 112 00:04:25,986 --> 00:04:28,221 You sold me out, son. 113 00:04:28,255 --> 00:04:31,124 Now you gonna end up with a bullet in your head for it. 114 00:04:31,158 --> 00:04:34,427 You can't play me, mother[bleep]. 115 00:04:34,461 --> 00:04:37,897 I'm the mother[bleep] that plays mother[bleep]s, 116 00:04:37,931 --> 00:04:40,366 Mother[bleep]. 117 00:04:40,401 --> 00:04:43,101 Cut. 118 00:04:44,270 --> 00:04:45,538 All right, everybody, let's get reset. 119 00:04:45,572 --> 00:04:47,740 We're going again. 120 00:04:47,774 --> 00:04:48,974 Nigel, that's great. 121 00:04:49,009 --> 00:04:50,475 Oh, grea-- smashing. 122 00:04:50,510 --> 00:04:51,877 Thank you so much. Yeah. 123 00:04:51,912 --> 00:04:54,613 Top-- Well, it's been an absolute honor and-- 124 00:04:54,648 --> 00:04:56,649 and what a great opportunity to be here 125 00:04:56,683 --> 00:04:58,716 and be able to play an American tough. 126 00:04:58,751 --> 00:04:59,984 Well, I'm just so glad 127 00:05:00,019 --> 00:05:01,386 that we got you out of that BBC commitment 128 00:05:01,421 --> 00:05:02,421 so you could play with us, so. 129 00:05:02,455 --> 00:05:04,356 Cheers, mate. Cheers, cheers. 130 00:05:04,390 --> 00:05:05,623 Antoine, listen. 131 00:05:05,658 --> 00:05:06,891 I'm just not buying that you're someone 132 00:05:06,926 --> 00:05:10,362 that was born and raised on the streets of Brooklyn. 133 00:05:10,396 --> 00:05:13,698 That's weird, 'cause, uh, I actually was born and raised 134 00:05:13,732 --> 00:05:15,066 on the streets of Brooklyn. 135 00:05:15,100 --> 00:05:16,333 Oh. 136 00:05:16,368 --> 00:05:17,835 Oh. 137 00:05:17,870 --> 00:05:19,336 I was in a gang and everything. 138 00:05:19,371 --> 00:05:21,973 Most of this stuff actually happened to me. 139 00:05:22,007 --> 00:05:24,075 Wow. Okay. Well, that's-- that's-- 140 00:05:24,109 --> 00:05:26,510 that's great for us, 'cause I want you to use it. 141 00:05:26,545 --> 00:05:27,712 Okay? 142 00:05:27,746 --> 00:05:29,080 It's a good first take. Let's just, uh-- 143 00:05:29,114 --> 00:05:30,414 - Mm-hmm. - Let's get going it. 144 00:05:30,449 --> 00:05:31,582 Let's get-- Let's get going. 145 00:05:31,616 --> 00:05:33,217 Thank you, Jim. 146 00:05:33,251 --> 00:05:37,955 Scene five, take two. 147 00:05:37,989 --> 00:05:41,758 - And action. - You sold me out, son. 148 00:05:41,793 --> 00:05:44,661 Now you gonna end up with a bullet in your head for it. 149 00:05:44,696 --> 00:05:49,532 You can't play me, mother[bleep]. 150 00:05:49,567 --> 00:05:53,070 I'm the mother[bleep] that plays mother[bleep]s, 151 00:05:53,104 --> 00:05:55,338 Mother[bleep]. 152 00:05:58,175 --> 00:05:59,843 Cut. Cut. 153 00:05:59,877 --> 00:06:01,745 Okay. 154 00:06:01,779 --> 00:06:03,146 Uh, Nigel. That was great. 155 00:06:03,180 --> 00:06:04,447 - Oh. - Brilliant. 156 00:06:04,482 --> 00:06:07,417 Just, the way you move, especially when you talk. 157 00:06:07,451 --> 00:06:09,586 I just really see this character coming to life before my eyes. 158 00:06:09,620 --> 00:06:10,853 - Cheers, mate. - It's fabulous. 159 00:06:10,887 --> 00:06:12,422 - Cheers. - It's fabulous. 160 00:06:12,456 --> 00:06:14,557 Antoine, your performance, um, 161 00:06:14,592 --> 00:06:17,594 It's just not quite there yet, okay? 162 00:06:17,628 --> 00:06:19,829 I-I really need to see you 163 00:06:19,863 --> 00:06:22,498 make more of a transformation, okay? 164 00:06:22,532 --> 00:06:25,701 Like-- like Nigel, here. 165 00:06:25,736 --> 00:06:28,303 - That dude's British, so. - Yeah. 166 00:06:28,338 --> 00:06:30,640 Antoine, if I might jump in with a bit of advice? 167 00:06:30,674 --> 00:06:32,608 - I don't think I need that. - No, no, no. 168 00:06:32,643 --> 00:06:33,843 Look. Hear him out. 169 00:06:33,877 --> 00:06:36,411 Maybe you might want to try 170 00:06:36,446 --> 00:06:38,113 thinking of something in the material 171 00:06:38,148 --> 00:06:39,381 that's similar to something 172 00:06:39,415 --> 00:06:40,682 that's happened in your real life. 173 00:06:40,716 --> 00:06:43,285 - Hmm. - For me, for instance, 174 00:06:43,319 --> 00:06:45,554 I like to think of when me mum wanted me 175 00:06:45,588 --> 00:06:48,290 to attend prep school in Leeds to become a barrister, 176 00:06:48,324 --> 00:06:50,292 but I wanted to study the theater at Oxford. 177 00:06:50,326 --> 00:06:51,693 Thank God. 178 00:06:51,727 --> 00:06:53,227 And so that was a conundrum, really, for me. 179 00:06:54,563 --> 00:06:56,064 I'm gonna stop you right-- right there, 180 00:06:56,098 --> 00:06:59,367 'cause this is just confusing me, right? 181 00:06:59,401 --> 00:07:02,403 Like, I don't need that, 'cause I am from the streets. 182 00:07:02,437 --> 00:07:05,173 I was in a gang. 183 00:07:05,207 --> 00:07:08,609 They told me to kill my cousin. 184 00:07:10,186 --> 00:07:13,013 That might be a bit spot-on, no? 185 00:07:13,048 --> 00:07:14,649 Yeah. That's a bit spot-on. 186 00:07:14,683 --> 00:07:18,486 Do you have any stories that involve your mum? 187 00:07:18,520 --> 00:07:20,154 What's a mum? 188 00:07:20,189 --> 00:07:21,855 Oh, dear. 189 00:07:21,890 --> 00:07:23,658 Scene five, take three. 190 00:07:23,692 --> 00:07:25,526 Okay. 191 00:07:25,561 --> 00:07:28,162 Antoine, remember. You're a gangster! 192 00:07:28,196 --> 00:07:32,099 Okay? Betrayal, the streets. 193 00:07:32,133 --> 00:07:33,967 Okay? Nigel, you're perfect. 194 00:07:34,002 --> 00:07:36,870 Antoine, transform, and action! 195 00:07:36,905 --> 00:07:39,606 You sold me out, son. 196 00:07:39,640 --> 00:07:43,543 Now you gonna get a bullet up in your head for it. 197 00:07:43,578 --> 00:07:47,514 You can't play me, mother[bleep]. 198 00:07:47,548 --> 00:07:50,950 I'm the mother[bleep] that plays mother[bleep]s, 199 00:07:50,984 --> 00:07:52,352 Mother[bleep]. 200 00:07:52,386 --> 00:07:54,688 He's boring to watch. 201 00:07:54,722 --> 00:07:56,456 Cut. 202 00:07:57,858 --> 00:08:00,593 Oh, that does not sound good. 203 00:08:00,627 --> 00:08:01,861 Thank you. 204 00:08:01,895 --> 00:08:05,865 Antoine, I do not feel like you have found 205 00:08:05,899 --> 00:08:08,267 the emotional core of this character. 206 00:08:08,301 --> 00:08:09,902 Man, [bleep] this! 207 00:08:09,937 --> 00:08:12,571 Nobody is more real than me. Okay? 208 00:08:12,606 --> 00:08:15,341 I come from the streets, and nobody's gonna tell me 209 00:08:15,375 --> 00:08:17,042 what the streets is like-- nobody! 210 00:08:17,076 --> 00:08:20,178 You understand? 211 00:08:20,213 --> 00:08:22,548 That's a great speech. I just wish that I believed it. 212 00:08:22,582 --> 00:08:24,683 - You want to give it a shot? - Sure. I'll have a go. 213 00:08:24,718 --> 00:08:26,485 Man, [bleep] this. 214 00:08:26,519 --> 00:08:28,254 - I'm as real as it gets. - Yes. 215 00:08:28,288 --> 00:08:29,988 This [bleep] streets is for real. 216 00:08:30,022 --> 00:08:31,323 I'm up in there, man. 217 00:08:31,358 --> 00:08:33,225 - You are. - I'm [bleep] from the-- 218 00:08:33,259 --> 00:08:36,128 from the [bleep]-- from the earth from these streets. 219 00:08:36,162 --> 00:08:37,796 - from the eart-- - S-Something to that effect. 220 00:08:37,830 --> 00:08:39,264 That is-- No, but I am so with-- 221 00:08:39,298 --> 00:08:40,766 I am with you when you say that, 222 00:08:40,800 --> 00:08:42,868 even when you're saying the wrong words. 223 00:08:42,902 --> 00:08:45,637 I just wish you could do that! 224 00:08:45,671 --> 00:08:47,005 You know what? 225 00:08:47,039 --> 00:08:49,607 Goodness. 226 00:08:51,610 --> 00:08:54,712 Okay, that hurts, but I don't feel that it comes 227 00:08:54,747 --> 00:08:57,649 from the right emotional place for the character. 228 00:08:57,683 --> 00:08:58,949 All right? Here. Give it a shot. 229 00:08:58,984 --> 00:09:01,218 Give me-- Watch. Watch. 230 00:09:02,721 --> 00:09:04,855 That's-- That's great. 231 00:09:04,890 --> 00:09:06,891 - I feel that in here... - Thank you. 232 00:09:06,925 --> 00:09:08,225 - And in here, in my heart. 233 00:09:08,260 --> 00:09:09,459 That's very gracious of you to say that. 234 00:09:09,494 --> 00:09:10,594 Try that again. 235 00:09:11,997 --> 00:09:13,964 I just-- I don't-- 236 00:09:13,999 --> 00:09:15,866 I don't believe you. 237 00:09:20,830 --> 00:09:22,532 You guys are familiar with vanity videos, right? 238 00:09:22,566 --> 00:09:24,767 People who, like, spend all of their money-- 239 00:09:24,801 --> 00:09:26,835 all of their money-- to make a video 240 00:09:26,870 --> 00:09:29,004 in the hopes that someone-- I don't know who-- 241 00:09:29,039 --> 00:09:31,306 is gonna discover them on the Internet and go, 242 00:09:31,340 --> 00:09:33,241 - "This guy's got the goods!" - Yeah! 243 00:09:33,276 --> 00:09:35,044 Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. "I'm gonna make you famous!" 244 00:09:35,078 --> 00:09:36,545 "You got raw talent," and it's always-- 245 00:09:36,580 --> 00:09:38,747 it's always some kind of, like-- 246 00:09:38,782 --> 00:09:40,783 some convoluted plot that's like... 247 00:09:40,817 --> 00:09:42,551 - Yeah. - Part one of a ten-part series. 248 00:09:42,586 --> 00:09:43,986 It's never gonna get finished. 249 00:09:44,020 --> 00:09:46,288 And it's always, like-- 250 00:09:46,322 --> 00:09:48,523 It always looks something like Game of Thrones. 251 00:09:48,558 --> 00:09:49,591 - Yes. - Always. 252 00:09:49,625 --> 00:09:50,892 It's got, like... 253 00:09:50,926 --> 00:09:52,427 - It's just always... - Wizards with orbs. 254 00:09:52,462 --> 00:09:53,562 Wizards in it and orbs. 255 00:09:53,596 --> 00:09:54,862 These homemade videos. 256 00:09:54,897 --> 00:09:57,399 It's always like this fantasy, glam, like... 257 00:09:57,433 --> 00:09:58,800 It's just-- like, they're weird. 258 00:09:58,834 --> 00:10:01,002 - Steampunk [bleep]. - Yeah. 259 00:10:01,036 --> 00:10:03,004 Do we have any-- any steampunks here today? 260 00:10:03,038 --> 00:10:04,939 - Yeah! - Yeah! 261 00:10:04,974 --> 00:10:08,109 You don't have your, uh, umbrella with you today, sir. 262 00:10:09,678 --> 00:10:11,212 There's not a lot of black steampunks out there. 263 00:10:11,246 --> 00:10:12,614 - No. - Not a lot of-- 264 00:10:12,648 --> 00:10:14,315 Ah, dudes talking about, "Hey, man." 265 00:10:14,349 --> 00:10:15,650 Yeah. 266 00:10:15,684 --> 00:10:17,151 "I'm just representing Jules Verne 267 00:10:17,185 --> 00:10:19,920 "in the mother[bleep]." 268 00:10:26,995 --> 00:10:29,796 ♪ There's a light 269 00:10:29,831 --> 00:10:31,665 ♪ And it shines within the darkness ♪ 270 00:10:31,699 --> 00:10:35,201 ♪ Of the sands of time, The sands of time ♪ 271 00:10:35,236 --> 00:10:37,870 ♪ There's a fight 272 00:10:37,905 --> 00:10:41,274 ♪ But the battle to be won is with the man inside ♪ 273 00:10:41,308 --> 00:10:43,443 ♪ The man inside 274 00:10:43,477 --> 00:10:47,313 ♪ No valley, no ocean 275 00:10:47,348 --> 00:10:51,183 ♪ Can stop my devotion 276 00:10:52,886 --> 00:10:56,822 ♪ Nothing will keep me from getting to you ♪ 277 00:10:56,857 --> 00:11:00,259 ♪ Flying high, to the limit ♪ 278 00:11:00,293 --> 00:11:01,594 ♪ Never wondering 279 00:11:01,628 --> 00:11:04,830 ♪ How I touch the sky, Touch the sky ♪ 280 00:11:04,865 --> 00:11:07,599 ♪ Like a dream 281 00:11:07,633 --> 00:11:09,268 ♪ You can never tell the lies ♪ 282 00:11:09,302 --> 00:11:11,703 ♪ From what's exactly as it seems ♪ 283 00:11:11,737 --> 00:11:14,173 ♪ In the rhythm, I believe 284 00:11:14,207 --> 00:11:18,777 ♪ Is the power of wings 285 00:11:18,811 --> 00:11:21,080 ♪ There's a fire 286 00:11:22,582 --> 00:11:24,983 ♪ And it burns the deepest fathoms of the Seven Seas ♪ 287 00:11:25,017 --> 00:11:26,918 ♪ The Seven Seas 288 00:11:26,953 --> 00:11:29,487 ♪ True desire 289 00:11:29,521 --> 00:11:31,155 ♪ Let the music in your heart 290 00:11:31,190 --> 00:11:33,692 ♪ Give way to the things that you believe ♪ 291 00:11:33,726 --> 00:11:34,960 ♪ Anything you can achieve 292 00:11:34,994 --> 00:11:38,196 ♪ Flying high, to the limit ♪ 293 00:11:38,230 --> 00:11:39,397 ♪ Never wondering 294 00:11:39,431 --> 00:11:42,967 ♪ How I kiss the clouds 295 00:11:43,001 --> 00:11:44,268 ♪ Like a dream 296 00:11:45,737 --> 00:11:47,371 ♪ You can never tell the lies ♪ 297 00:11:47,406 --> 00:11:49,807 ♪ From what's exactly as it seems ♪ 298 00:11:49,841 --> 00:11:52,076 ♪ In the rhythm, I believe ♪ 299 00:11:52,111 --> 00:11:58,082 ♪ Is the power of wings 300 00:11:58,116 --> 00:12:01,485 ♪ Anything is achievable 301 00:12:01,519 --> 00:12:04,822 ♪ Don't let nobody tear you down ♪ 302 00:12:04,856 --> 00:12:06,090 ♪ Sexually 303 00:12:06,124 --> 00:12:08,993 ♪ Just take flight, it's believable ♪ 304 00:12:09,027 --> 00:12:14,897 ♪ If you first learn to stand your ground ♪ 305 00:12:14,932 --> 00:12:18,235 ♪ Flying high, to the limit ♪ 306 00:12:18,269 --> 00:12:19,302 ♪ Never wondering 307 00:12:19,337 --> 00:12:22,905 ♪ How I touch the sky 308 00:12:22,940 --> 00:12:25,842 ♪ Like a dream 309 00:12:25,876 --> 00:12:27,477 ♪ You can never tell the lies ♪ 310 00:12:27,512 --> 00:12:32,548 ♪ From what's exactly as it seems ♪ 311 00:12:32,582 --> 00:12:36,218 ♪ Within the rhythms, I believe ♪ 312 00:12:36,253 --> 00:12:38,420 ♪ Is the power 313 00:12:38,455 --> 00:12:40,123 ♪ of wings 314 00:12:46,196 --> 00:12:48,064 Don't stop pulling. Never stop. 315 00:12:48,098 --> 00:12:49,332 Keep on pulling. 316 00:12:49,366 --> 00:12:50,666 Don't stop walking. 317 00:12:50,700 --> 00:12:53,502 Keep on walking. Don't stop walking. 318 00:12:53,536 --> 00:12:55,637 Oh, my God. Jahar, my friend. 319 00:12:55,672 --> 00:12:57,073 Yes, Rajim? 320 00:12:57,199 --> 00:13:01,195 We are a long way from h-h-h-home. 321 00:13:04,246 --> 00:13:06,381 Every American woman is more infidel 322 00:13:06,415 --> 00:13:08,083 - than the last, my friend. - You're telling me. 323 00:13:08,117 --> 00:13:09,518 You're telling me, my good friend, yes. 324 00:13:09,552 --> 00:13:11,587 Oh, there's a 9:00. 9:00. Here she comes. 325 00:13:13,389 --> 00:13:16,091 - Mm-blip. - Shabloim! 326 00:13:16,125 --> 00:13:17,258 Okay. 327 00:13:17,293 --> 00:13:19,060 Come on. Full-frontal face. 328 00:13:19,095 --> 00:13:22,063 - Only in America, baby. - Only, only, only. 329 00:13:22,098 --> 00:13:23,764 - Only in America, huh? - Come on, grab it. 330 00:13:23,799 --> 00:13:24,966 - What did you see? - I want to grab-- 331 00:13:25,001 --> 00:13:26,468 - What? - I'm grabbing it. 332 00:13:26,502 --> 00:13:29,304 This is yours, and then that is yours. 333 00:13:29,338 --> 00:13:30,872 What did you see? What did you see? 334 00:13:30,906 --> 00:13:32,240 - I'll tell you what I saw. - What? 335 00:13:32,274 --> 00:13:33,608 - I got to see her forearms. - You got? 336 00:13:33,642 --> 00:13:35,377 - A little bit of the thigh. - Yes. Oh, I saw this. 337 00:13:35,411 --> 00:13:37,077 And I definitely got some ankle knot. 338 00:13:37,112 --> 00:13:38,846 - You got ankle knot? - Oh, I got ankle knot. 339 00:13:38,881 --> 00:13:42,316 Oh, the w-w-whole baba ghanoush, huh? 340 00:13:42,350 --> 00:13:43,651 You're telling me. 341 00:13:43,685 --> 00:13:45,319 It's like we've got the X-ray visions. 342 00:13:45,353 --> 00:13:47,187 We are Superman. We are Superman, huh? 343 00:13:47,222 --> 00:13:48,422 Oh! Shh. Here we go. 344 00:13:48,456 --> 00:13:50,190 Here we go. Here we go. 345 00:13:50,225 --> 00:13:51,792 Here we go, yeah. 346 00:13:53,895 --> 00:13:56,596 H-h-h-holy tabbouleh. 347 00:13:56,631 --> 00:13:58,432 Would you look at the leg elbows on that one? 348 00:13:58,466 --> 00:14:00,467 - Mm-hmm. - Whoo! 349 00:14:00,501 --> 00:14:02,335 I'll tell you what. Ho, ho, ho! 350 00:14:02,369 --> 00:14:03,703 Ho, ho, ho! 351 00:14:03,738 --> 00:14:08,041 What I wouldn't do for six seconds with her. 352 00:14:08,075 --> 00:14:10,043 Yes, you would! Yes, you would! 353 00:14:10,077 --> 00:14:11,311 What would you do? 354 00:14:11,345 --> 00:14:12,511 I'm going to show you right now. 355 00:14:12,546 --> 00:14:13,546 You're gonna show me? 356 00:14:13,580 --> 00:14:15,114 Spot me! You got to spot me. 357 00:14:15,149 --> 00:14:16,349 Yes, I am here. I am here. 358 00:14:16,383 --> 00:14:17,550 Let me tell you what I would do right now. 359 00:14:17,584 --> 00:14:19,919 I would pump her full of iron, you know, 360 00:14:19,954 --> 00:14:21,620 and then I would lift her to the ceiling. 361 00:14:21,655 --> 00:14:23,256 - I'm her. - Lift her to the ceiling. 362 00:14:23,290 --> 00:14:24,390 - I'm her. - Working the body. 363 00:14:24,425 --> 00:14:25,658 Working the body. Working the body. 364 00:14:25,692 --> 00:14:26,959 - Working the body. - Do it the head. 365 00:14:26,993 --> 00:14:28,661 - Give it to the head. - Get the head, get the head. 366 00:14:28,695 --> 00:14:30,028 - And you give it to the head. - Ho! Ho! Belly button. 367 00:14:30,063 --> 00:14:32,397 - Belly button. - We got belly button. 368 00:14:32,432 --> 00:14:34,500 - Dude, we got belly button. - Oh, my-- Oh, my God. 369 00:14:42,875 --> 00:14:44,509 That's belly button, my friend. 370 00:14:44,543 --> 00:14:46,044 I couldn't believe we saw the belly button. 371 00:14:46,079 --> 00:14:47,545 I've never seen the belly button on a woman before. 372 00:14:47,580 --> 00:14:49,348 I thought it was a myth. 373 00:14:49,382 --> 00:14:51,616 Yes, it's like the butthole of the belly. 374 00:14:51,650 --> 00:14:52,617 - Mm. - Mm. 375 00:14:52,651 --> 00:14:54,552 Dig this. 376 00:14:54,587 --> 00:14:56,888 Oh, what I wouldn't do for a-- give me the-- 377 00:14:56,922 --> 00:14:58,190 - Show me. - Give me the ball. 378 00:14:58,224 --> 00:14:59,524 - Show me, show me. - Give me the ball. 379 00:14:59,558 --> 00:15:00,558 - Show me, show me. - I'm gonna show you right now. 380 00:15:00,593 --> 00:15:02,026 I'm gonna show it to you right now. 381 00:15:02,060 --> 00:15:04,161 - What you do? I'm ready. - I get in here. 382 00:15:04,196 --> 00:15:05,262 - I'm ready. - And then like this and go-- 383 00:15:05,297 --> 00:15:06,464 Ho! Come on, it feel good. 384 00:15:06,499 --> 00:15:07,632 I get over here and then I get in there. 385 00:15:07,666 --> 00:15:08,766 - Oh, yeah! - Grab the hair. 386 00:15:08,801 --> 00:15:10,034 I get into it. I get into it! 387 00:15:10,068 --> 00:15:11,536 - Hold the hair. - Hold the hair. 388 00:15:11,570 --> 00:15:13,437 Come on, switch. Switch positions. 389 00:15:13,472 --> 00:15:14,806 - Let's do it. - I'm gonna grab your hands. 390 00:15:14,840 --> 00:15:17,041 - Lock 'em on. - ♪ I will show you the world 391 00:15:17,075 --> 00:15:18,609 ♪ Shining, shimmering, splendid ♪ 392 00:15:18,643 --> 00:15:20,144 ♪ Don't you dare close your eyes ♪ 393 00:15:20,178 --> 00:15:21,645 Yes, princess, yes. 394 00:15:21,679 --> 00:15:24,815 Ah. Ooh. Infidels. 395 00:15:24,849 --> 00:15:27,584 Homosexual American devils. 396 00:15:27,619 --> 00:15:29,253 Give them the whistle of disapproval. 397 00:15:29,287 --> 00:15:30,888 I will right now. 398 00:15:32,423 --> 00:15:33,991 - That is my boy. - That should teach them. 399 00:15:34,025 --> 00:15:35,559 That is my boy, huh? 400 00:15:38,171 --> 00:15:39,571 Pawn shops are an interesting place. 401 00:15:39,605 --> 00:15:41,439 Anybody who's ever-- here's ever been to a pawn shop? 402 00:15:44,044 --> 00:15:49,281 That is a motley crew of-- of items. 403 00:15:49,315 --> 00:15:50,649 Yes. 404 00:15:50,683 --> 00:15:52,450 I mean, what do I want when I walk into a pawn shop? 405 00:15:52,485 --> 00:15:55,654 I'll take that dartboard, that spittoon, 406 00:15:56,623 --> 00:15:58,523 and that African mask, if you know... 407 00:16:00,393 --> 00:16:01,993 The, like, saddest ones are also in, like, Vegas 408 00:16:02,027 --> 00:16:03,761 'cause you know that's where, like, people are like, 409 00:16:03,796 --> 00:16:06,130 "Hey, man, I'm gonna be right back for this. 410 00:16:06,165 --> 00:16:07,598 - Real-- I swear to God." - "Okay, yeah." 411 00:16:07,632 --> 00:16:09,000 "I'll be right back. How much can you give me for it?" 412 00:16:09,034 --> 00:16:10,334 - "$5 for this saxophone." - "All right. 413 00:16:10,368 --> 00:16:11,869 "I'll be back. I'm gonna-- I'm gonna-- 414 00:16:11,904 --> 00:16:14,072 "I'm gonna triple my money real quick, let's do it." 415 00:16:14,106 --> 00:16:15,339 "Just go over there and they'll give you $5." 416 00:16:15,373 --> 00:16:16,540 "All right." 417 00:16:16,575 --> 00:16:17,742 That's, like, the number for everything 418 00:16:17,776 --> 00:16:20,078 is, like-- "This is an actual samurai sword. 419 00:16:20,112 --> 00:16:21,512 - "You know." - $5. 420 00:16:21,546 --> 00:16:23,214 "$5." 421 00:16:23,248 --> 00:16:26,049 "And this is an unexploded atomic bomb." 422 00:16:26,084 --> 00:16:27,318 - Yeah. - "$5." 423 00:16:28,486 --> 00:16:30,153 "This is a briefcase with $1,000 in it." 424 00:16:30,188 --> 00:16:31,488 "$5." 425 00:16:31,523 --> 00:16:34,525 "$5? How is that possible?" 426 00:16:50,975 --> 00:16:52,876 Hey, man. How you doing? 427 00:16:52,910 --> 00:16:54,344 You guys got bow and arrows? 428 00:16:54,378 --> 00:16:57,780 Yeah. 429 00:16:57,814 --> 00:16:59,081 Oh, yeah. Oh, that's it. 430 00:16:59,116 --> 00:17:00,383 Yeah, there it is. There. 431 00:17:00,417 --> 00:17:01,551 That'll do it. That's gonna do it. 432 00:17:01,585 --> 00:17:02,785 Yup. Where are the arrows at? 433 00:17:04,655 --> 00:17:06,289 Yeah. You got-- you guys got M80s? 434 00:17:06,323 --> 00:17:08,124 We don't carry fireworks. 435 00:17:08,158 --> 00:17:09,425 Damn! You have, uh-- 436 00:17:09,460 --> 00:17:10,993 You have something else that's explosive 437 00:17:11,027 --> 00:17:13,095 that I could tape to the end of an arrow? 438 00:17:14,497 --> 00:17:16,632 - We have shotgun shells, but... - Uh-huh. Ooh. 439 00:17:16,666 --> 00:17:17,967 I feel I have to ask, 440 00:17:18,001 --> 00:17:19,501 are you planning to attach those to arrows 441 00:17:19,535 --> 00:17:21,036 and use them as a weapon? 442 00:17:21,071 --> 00:17:22,138 What? No. What? 443 00:17:22,172 --> 00:17:23,372 Are you crazy? 444 00:17:23,406 --> 00:17:24,539 You think that would work though? 445 00:17:24,574 --> 00:17:26,708 What-- What-- What if I shot explosive arrows 446 00:17:26,743 --> 00:17:28,577 through a window to break 'em open? 447 00:17:28,611 --> 00:17:30,579 Sir, I feel like I have to ask you 448 00:17:30,613 --> 00:17:32,814 what you're planning to use these for. 449 00:17:32,848 --> 00:17:34,082 Oh, no, I'm not planning to do anything. 450 00:17:34,116 --> 00:17:35,584 I'm just-- this is just Christmas shopping. 451 00:17:35,618 --> 00:17:36,685 I'm getting a-- You got zip lines? 452 00:17:36,719 --> 00:17:37,986 Nope. 453 00:17:38,020 --> 00:17:39,154 But you got, like, hooks and anchors and cables? 454 00:17:39,188 --> 00:17:40,455 We got some of those things, 455 00:17:40,490 --> 00:17:44,058 but I do not recommend manufacturing your own zip line. 456 00:17:44,093 --> 00:17:46,161 Oh, I'm not doing that. No. 457 00:17:46,195 --> 00:17:47,561 Let's say somebody was manufacturing 458 00:17:47,596 --> 00:17:49,097 - their own zip line. - Mm-hmm. 459 00:17:49,131 --> 00:17:50,298 You think if they had busted some windows open 460 00:17:50,332 --> 00:17:51,532 on a building somehow, 461 00:17:51,566 --> 00:17:54,035 Then fired the zip line off a bow and arrow, 462 00:17:54,069 --> 00:17:55,970 and it attached to the wall of said building, 463 00:17:56,005 --> 00:17:58,239 that they could just ride the zip line into the building? 464 00:17:58,274 --> 00:18:00,008 I have no idea. 465 00:18:00,042 --> 00:18:02,243 Sir, whatever you are planning on doing, 466 00:18:02,278 --> 00:18:03,744 please don't do it. 467 00:18:03,779 --> 00:18:05,179 I'm not-- I'm not-- I'm not doing anything. 468 00:18:05,213 --> 00:18:06,547 I'm just doing some Christmas shopping, 469 00:18:06,581 --> 00:18:07,682 trying to get it out of the way. 470 00:18:07,716 --> 00:18:09,016 You know, bow and arrows for my nephew. 471 00:18:09,050 --> 00:18:11,652 The zip line's for my... grandmother. 472 00:18:11,687 --> 00:18:13,354 Et cetera and whatnot. You know what I'm saying there? 473 00:18:13,388 --> 00:18:14,822 It's nothing. No big deal. 474 00:18:14,856 --> 00:18:16,290 Speaking of other things, do you guys have 475 00:18:16,325 --> 00:18:20,527 just the, uh, top half of a knight in armor? 476 00:18:20,561 --> 00:18:22,896 First of all, it's called a suit of armor. 477 00:18:22,931 --> 00:18:24,497 Oh, yup, that's it. That's right. 478 00:18:24,532 --> 00:18:26,300 - That's what I meant to say. - We have one but it's sold... 479 00:18:26,334 --> 00:18:27,901 - Oh! - As a complete set. 480 00:18:27,936 --> 00:18:29,069 - Yup. Yup. - Yup. 481 00:18:29,103 --> 00:18:30,304 Yeah, but the person it's for, 482 00:18:30,338 --> 00:18:31,404 they only need the-- they don't need the-- 483 00:18:31,439 --> 00:18:32,605 they just need the top half. 484 00:18:32,640 --> 00:18:33,874 - they don't need the legs. - Mm-hmm. 485 00:18:33,908 --> 00:18:35,508 Well, what if somebody was shooting at you and-- 486 00:18:35,543 --> 00:18:37,143 what are the chances you think they'd try to shoot your legs? 487 00:18:37,177 --> 00:18:39,278 I feel like I have to tell you 488 00:18:39,313 --> 00:18:42,482 that a suit of armor will not deflect bullets. 489 00:18:42,516 --> 00:18:46,152 I'll take my chances-- with Christmas. 490 00:18:46,186 --> 00:18:48,555 Which brings me, uh, to my next question. 491 00:18:48,589 --> 00:18:50,724 Do you guys have roller skates? 492 00:18:50,758 --> 00:18:53,159 - I think we have a pair around. - Uh-huh. 493 00:18:53,193 --> 00:18:54,626 Let me ask you a question. 494 00:18:54,661 --> 00:18:55,928 How fast do you think you'd have to be going on roller skates 495 00:18:55,963 --> 00:18:57,429 to get past a couple of armed guards 496 00:18:57,464 --> 00:18:59,832 and still be going fast enough to smash through a safe door? 497 00:18:59,867 --> 00:19:02,001 - One of those big bank safes? - No! 498 00:19:02,035 --> 00:19:03,669 I don-- I don't know. Yeah. 499 00:19:03,703 --> 00:19:06,505 Yeah? Uh... 500 00:19:06,539 --> 00:19:08,241 Hey, you guys got one of those, you know, just one 501 00:19:08,275 --> 00:19:10,676 of those big bags with a dollar sign on the side of it? 502 00:19:10,710 --> 00:19:11,844 Okay. 503 00:19:11,878 --> 00:19:13,879 Yeah? 504 00:19:13,913 --> 00:19:16,181 You're gonna shoot arrows with shotgun shells attached to 'em 505 00:19:16,215 --> 00:19:18,049 to a bank window to blow out the glass. 506 00:19:18,084 --> 00:19:20,386 then you're gonna shoot a zip line through that window 507 00:19:20,420 --> 00:19:22,488 and you're gonna slide on into the hallway. 508 00:19:22,522 --> 00:19:24,256 You're gonna be wearing roller skates 509 00:19:24,290 --> 00:19:26,358 so you can just skate on past the armed guards, 510 00:19:26,392 --> 00:19:28,626 who will be shooting at you, and you're gonna hope 511 00:19:28,660 --> 00:19:30,095 that they both won't hit your legs, 512 00:19:30,129 --> 00:19:32,197 and, if they are aiming at your torso, 513 00:19:32,231 --> 00:19:34,432 the suit of medieval armor will deflect the bullets. 514 00:19:34,466 --> 00:19:36,701 then you're gonna hope to gather enough speed 515 00:19:36,735 --> 00:19:38,403 to burst through the big bank vault 516 00:19:38,437 --> 00:19:39,704 at the end of the hallway 517 00:19:39,738 --> 00:19:41,039 where you're gonna collect the money 518 00:19:41,073 --> 00:19:45,710 in a cartoon money bag. 519 00:19:45,744 --> 00:19:47,311 Well, no. 520 00:19:47,345 --> 00:19:48,780 I'm just an uncle who's buying some [bleep] for Christmas 521 00:19:48,814 --> 00:19:50,381 And I, uh, think I'll take my business elsewhere. 522 00:19:50,416 --> 00:19:51,816 Merry Christmas. 523 00:19:51,850 --> 00:19:53,518 It's April. 524 00:20:01,159 --> 00:20:02,959 Welcome to Metta World News. 525 00:20:02,993 --> 00:20:06,863 Our top story, a professional athlete should never post online 526 00:20:06,897 --> 00:20:09,299 looking for people to live-action role play 527 00:20:09,333 --> 00:20:10,633 Hunger Games with them. 528 00:20:10,668 --> 00:20:15,471 I'm sorry, Jerod, Cailey, and Zach. 529 00:20:15,505 --> 00:20:17,640 Well, that wraps up Metta World News 530 00:20:17,675 --> 00:20:19,976 For this Wednesday, August Microwave Wood Chipper. 531 00:20:20,010 --> 00:20:21,945 I'm Metta World Peace. 532 00:20:21,979 --> 00:20:23,713 Good night. 533 00:20:25,182 --> 00:20:26,716 Look at this one here. Huh? 534 00:20:26,750 --> 00:20:30,453 - Look at this one here, huh? - Beautiful lady. 535 00:20:30,487 --> 00:20:32,621 What I wouldn't do to her. 536 00:20:32,655 --> 00:20:34,890 You can see full chin cleavage on this one, huh? 537 00:20:34,924 --> 00:20:36,358 Yeah, yeah. 538 00:20:36,393 --> 00:20:37,593 Good night, everybody. 539 00:20:37,627 --> 00:20:39,128 - Have a good one. - Good night. 540 00:20:53,876 --> 00:20:56,845 ♪ I'm gonna do my one line here ♪ 541 00:20:56,879 --> 00:20:58,880 Oh, yeah. 542 00:21:00,173 --> 00:21:03,368 Sync and corrections by dwigt www.addic7ed.com